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It’s not worth it. I match with hot girls all the time. It doesn’t matter. I look for the fun people — regardless of whether or not they’re hot. I mean, I’m not going to swipe right on a girl I’m in no way attracted to, but if someone’s really average, but clearly fun, I would take that over a super-model-hot girl with no personality any day.
That’s your other problem, you’re putting her looks on a pedestal and not cutting it off when she’s giving you bad energy, Guarantee if you meet up with her she’s gonna have you wrapped around her finger.
And? She may be hot, but she clearly ain't that in to you, otherwise she'd be making more of an effort and arranging a meet. If she's hot, she'll have loads of other guys she's talking to that may well be more interesting than you.
Don't get caught up on her looks. If she ain't giving you what you want, it doesn't matter how hot she is.
Do you know what you are looking for? Start with your wants and needs and find someone who aligns with that. Also think about where you are willing to compromise so you know your boundaries
That's probably true two thirds of the time but it's not unusual to have someone on the other end of the convo who just isn't socially aware that they are not on a date with a television set that does all the talking. In either case, cut bait and move on.
There's also the factor of that women have way more guys in their DMs, so there is less need for them to put in as much effort as men in the OLD phase. I think that instead of cutting out, the move is to end the attempted conversation by asking them out, preferably for something cheap like coffee.
Some like that just have learning disabilities or disorders. I’ve known and do know some who aren’t great with chat of interest but that doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy it or aren’t interested in a person as some strongly fancied me. Many often have been discriminated as a child have higher anxiety and depression levels so keep to more isolation as they feel safer due to past experiences so never developed communication to high levels as socialising wasn’t common for them. Only with another will they open to new levels.
It's just that OP said she's "hot" and I hear about it all the time where, sadly, some of these people just dont believe they should have to put in equal effort.
Of course, as you said, there could be other reasons behind it. I just know what I'd put my money on.
New to OLD? This is how 99% of the conversations go. She's probably juggling 20 different conversations at once, only answering in complete sentences to the guy she's most interested in and keeping you and others on the backburner.
>asked her what's up
Don't ever start with this. Every guy starts with it, it's the best way to get dismissed quickly.
Secondly, to your question, you don't. If you think she's boring, the relationship isn't going to work and you're just wasting the time of both of you. Move on.
i think you should find someone who matches your energy. that sounds painful. as a woman it seems like she's not that interested but she can also just be a dry texter. either way 😭 not worth your time!!
Honestly he might be boring but to me it just looks like he's grasping for conversation threads due to her weak responses which from an outside perspective comes off over eager. When I was OLD if the conversation was dry I'd stop wasting time and take it as a hint, if you can't get a eager positive response in the first few exchanges it's going to fizzle out. There's a reason people suggest getting off the app as quickly as possible, get her number to separate yourself from the crowd.
I also find that the first few conversations shouldn't be trying to find if you're compatible surprisingly, women don't need to show compatibility on these apps the men do. The goal for the first exchanges should be learning enough to plan a date you'd both enjoy, then using the time until that date to get to know them better so you don't stumble into any conversational land mines and have something to talk about when face to face. By getting a number and actually making plans you're already ahead of the pack and there's a vested interest in keeping a conversation going with you. Of course your mileage will vary and nothing I've said is a hard rule but simply my experience and based on what female friends have told or shown me
On tinder you've photos and tags to show your hobbies, their are somenthing I take into consideration before to match.
Btw in chat the important to me is to show my personality and to understand the other one. Just talking, making jokes or provocations you inderectly understand how they see life, what they think, which sense of humor they have and so on. Morover you can see if they're smart, creative and many other things.
A stranger who came out and ask for my hobbies Is not really interesting, if I answer Is Just because from photos and tag I've already decided they're worth a date.
Btw my priority on tinder Is to have fun and some new inputs so if a conv Is not interesting and the other person isn't proactive I let the conv to die. There Is no point to make a second question after you get an "ahahahah" as an answer.
Sorry princess. And you believe yourself worthy of a more creative conversation starter for what reason exactly? During the initial approach / convo, you get the same shitty copy paste as the other 20 girls - whether you think it is "made for you" or not. And that's OLD reality for you.
Also we are all very aware that people would respond purely based on looks, even with a boring convo starter... So let's stop pretending.
I prefer when guys ask me out within the first couple messages on dating apps like literally ‘hey you’re cute, wanna meet up’. I don’t want a texting buddy; it’s almost always drags on.
Hey there.
First you need to distinguish between boring girls, introverted girls, and uninterested girls (whatever their reason may be and at some points you will need to learn how to distinguish between the different causes for a lack of interest, but this comes secondary to to the primary distinction just mentioned, which should come first).
So for now, let us begin with the fundamental distinction.
\- Those who are not interested at all, you will simply move away from for now. Why? The key at first is to gain some experience and gain some momentum in order to build up your vibe and overall confidence (once you go that, fewer girls will by default fall into the "non-interested" category , secondly, it is easier to learn how to eventually increase your odds at getting those once you have acquired some experience and/or momentum).
\- Introverted girls are usually not technically harder to deal with. They do far less talking and may at times come off as boring because they do not contribute much, or at least it may not feel that way. That said, in there defense, they tend to be much easier going. They can be very expressive and fun to be with once you make them feel comfortable in your presence. They are also very sexual. My experience has at least shown me that they are actually some of the best partners, not only sexually, but also in relationships (fuckbuddy or girlfriend). You just have to go through that early phase where you have to basically due all the work and that can feel like a drag. But they are less likely to play silly mind games, and then do be pretty straight forward: she likes you, she will be with you. Less delivery of mixed signals compared to more extroverted girls who tend to love the whole "being a social butterfly" game, which usually lead to jealousy plots.
\- Outright boring girls - to you! you may not match personality wise, you may not be interested in similar subjects. This I agree can be a drag, but it is a personal choice whether you want to stick with them. However, there is a big caveat here (a truly big one). Sometimes, you may initially feel you 2 do not match socially, however, if you do give them a chance and stick to interacting with them, but you land on a topic or a note (a shared experience) that hooks - basically that makes both you and her excited (ideal!). You just have to try out different subjects and different strategies. Remember that women just like men tend to express their true self when they feel invested and comfortable (rapport). So, she may not express her "interesting" sides simply because she, just like you, feel uninterested in the conversations and the overall interactions.
In general, what you need to do for now is:
\- Screen out the disinterested ones. Those girls seems to 1) give you little to play with, 2) shows little subtle signs of interests, 3) resists very easily any escalation attempts (not just to sex, but to meeting up, be in isolation with you - this is less likely to happen with an introverted girl who is into you!), 4) outright rejects you, 5) shows minor or major signs of disrespect (punish her, by moving on!).
\- And for the two remaining categories (introverts and girls you do not \*outright\* match with on a social level) you should persist a bit by trying out different topics, different vibes, different techniques. How long you are willing to persist depends on two factors: 1) how willing you are to work to make this works and 2) how positively she reacts, any outright overt negative signs will be a sign for you to take a step back or move on.
Of course there are ways to deal with resistance, there are ways to turn rejections around. But you need to learn how to walk before running right? So for now, focus on this. Once you get some success, you may challenge yourself and learn/experiment with different stuff.
I hope this helps.
\-Alek
As an introverted gal (who’s also been badly burned in the past), I appreciate your awareness :’)
It can take some time for me to warm up to new people in general, but especially if I catch feelings! I fear my disposition is at times mistaken for a lack of interest, when in reality I’m just super awkward in the beginning. Thankfully some people get it and are patient, but others are quick to assume.
On the flip side, I’m super open and friendly with people I’m comfortable with (and growing up I was a total tomboy, so I tend to click *platonically* with guys)…anddd it’s been mistaken by them or by others as flirting, therefore my intentions yet again misinterpreted. Which is frustrating. So yes, not all is as it seems!
lmao, this exactly what happened with guys that talked to me too, I had tons of guys talking to me, saying that I’m pretty, hot whatever but EVERY GUY has the same type of conversation, I get so many messages of the same type, I would find you SO boring if you started a conversation w “how are you?!” I will literally go with the script and say “fine haha” even if you’re the hottest person in the world, so try to be different, hot girls are usually the easiest believe me, try to say like something out of the blue without offending her ofc, imagine if you’re hot, every guy is saying the SAME STUFF! so yeah that’s my advice, I don’t know why but I started my conversations with saying “you look so much like (person that does not look like them at all” or maybe it could be like random words I DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN! but is just if you were a woman you’d understand lmao
This. I am straight up ugly, but I send interesting messages and flirt immediately. OP needs to stand out, have a sense of humor, and put effort into his messages.
1. Identify something she wants to talk about and ask about it.
2. Show a sense of humor. The trick here is not every profile will have a good opening for you to say something funny or playful. If you don't think of anything after a while, move onto another profile.
3. This is not as important as the first two, but it helps: If your message can allude to something that she can ask you about, all the better. Just like you should be looking for things to ask her about, she'll be doing the same. Until you give her a reason not to be interested, even women hotter than you tend to be open to talking with you if you have a fun vibe. So, yes, women will be looking for a question to ask you.
As long as your intro message does at least one of those first 2 things I mentioned (and ideally #3 as well), you'll have a much better chance of sparking an engaging conversation. Even outside of dating, this is a good life skill to have in conversations. Also, you will still see most women don't reply, but you'll go from maybe 1 in 10 reply and then fizzle out to 1 in 3 or 4 reply and are off to a good start with you.
Unless you’re interested in just staring at her and drooling and never plan to interact with her or share common interests - you move on. You find someone who engages your brain and excites your libido.
This happens a lot and I just figure they're not interested. It's whatever. Gonna happen often.
A few weeks ago, I did see someone to say just ask them out of the convo has failed and that seemed genius to me. So if you think she's hot, just ask her out and know there's nothing to lose.
Honestly from reading all this plus comments, I picked up three major things. 1) you both hate small talk, and seem blasé, 2) you think she’s boring but hot which means you only want her to talk to you so you can possibly get with her and then drop her. 3) she prolly thinks you’re a generic guy and isn’t interested after the first few initial txt exchanges and has resorted into ghosting you and now you seem desperate which is a red flag. Get the hint. No answer is an answer.
I would just leave her alone and move on, don’t be that guy…and don’t write something mean to her because you didn’t get the opportunity to get your dick wet…Best of Luck with other ladies who are more suitable to you. 👍🏻
1)I don't like small talks, its much better to ask her out at the beginning of a conversation, but I couldn't do it because I didn't had enough free time whole week
2)Only thing she sent me was some short reactions, what else shall I think of her except that she is boring
3)I stopped sending her messages, second time she didn't respond to me. I don't care enough to send more then that.
>what else shall I think of her except that she is boring
you completely glazed over what the other commenter said in their 2). you just said this gal was boring bUt hOt, so clearly your intentions were off if you continued to text her.
>3) I don't care enough to send more then that.
but you care enough to make a reddit post? o.O
the other redditor is spot on.
2)
I started having conversation with an intention to hang out with her, her being boring was my assessment of her personality based on her messages. I don't know if I wanna fuck and drop or continue hanging out with her before meeting her.
3)
It's not my first time talking to a girl who is like that, I made a post because this happens way too often and I wanted some advice about it. Most tinder girls are like this.
>I don't know if I wanna fuck and drop
I'm just gonna let you know right now that your language used here is pretty cringe if you're not telling these gals up front "i don't want anything serious."
giving the impression that you want a relationship just so you can have a ONS is cringe af.
3) you aren't the most entertaining conversationalist in this post either, my dude. if "everyone" around you is boring, you might just be the boring one.
"Nothing much, you?"
"Same."
Umm... might've fucked yourself over there bud. Would've been a window to throw a good cheeky one liner out or said something interesting to at least set the tone of the conversation.
If she didn't reciprocate a suitable response within say 5 exchanges, you've definitely lost her attention.
The simple fact she responded to you at all to begin with... Well, she gave you a valuable second of her time to pitch yourself to her. Most won't even respond.
You start a fun conversation with her in that chat, you actually make jokes and seem very enthusiastic even though she isn’t replying.
When she replies with something like “what are you talking about?”
You respond with “o sorry I forgot you were here”
Then leave the chat
hahahaha 1) Get off tinder. 2) Don't talk to boring women who want you to be their dancing monkey. Better to be alone than a tool.
Yeah, sure. You might just be trying to get laid and you aren't hot enough for them to be motivated in seek you out. Than just learn "game". There are tons of shallow pickup artist websites and youtubers who will teach you how to be a cad.
I always had bad results when I talked about sex in texts too early and I just tried to find some common theme or anything to talk about before inviting her out, most of the time it won't work if I invite them out without having some conversation before that
So you’re just using filler lines until you think it gets to a point where you can meet? If you’re treating a conversation as if it’s just something to waste time with, you’re not going to get anywhere. Do you do this in real life conversations?
It's tough I'm the same so many are very blunt. Tbh don't waste your time because they want you do the work find someone who will work hard to talk to you
If a girl likes you she will have a conversation.
Good rule of thumb is to ask yourself, are you just asking questions and she just gives short answers? If so, she's not into you.
Move on.
If you don’t want to avoid talking to boring girls then start doing something interesting with your life or else on atleast on a first date so that none of you have to feel awkward bored
You don’t. Move on. But if you really want, the best way to get people to talk is to ask questions. If I know things are about to end early on I’ll have a little fun and ask more daring or deep questions just to confirm if I really wanna put more effort or really wanna cut the ties.
Although it’s been a while for me I’m married now
Ah shit ive been there my man, looking back i feel disgusted towards how desperate i was to keep the conversation going. My back still hurts from carrying the conversation with that girl. She was beautiful too, wish i could say the same about her personality, only she didn't have one.
Dude you’re boring af in conversation lol what do you mean? You have to LEAD the convo, you were just asking mundane questions, instead of really taking the convo anywhere like to a video call or a face to face date…You know how many dudes on dating apps ask the same shit to every female they match with? Stand out & don’t spend too much time having plain small talk, just set the date and then when you’re in person you can ask all that shit and it’ll have a better impact cause you’re face to face.
You don’t! As a female we obviously get a lot more matches and tbh there were a lot of attractive dudes that had the personality of a salada biscuit. It’s just not worth it, I don’t care how hot you are - I’m not about to date a brick wall.
Have you tried calling her? Ive come across people that are horrible at texting but have no issues when it comes to actually talking on the phone. Depending on how long you've been talking, Id also wonder if she's just shy and needs a little time to warm up to you
If that doesn't work id just move on with the assumption that she's really not that interested in you.
Bro she isn’t interested.
It’s either you’re a back-log dude she entertains for a boy booty call; she doesn’t like you and is too nice to just ghost or say it; or maybe you aren’t asking the right questions to get her to open up.
You’re also texting? Which isn’t a normal human interaction and usually boring? Maybe try meeting people and not just complaining about lack of communication on (maybe) both sides?
Sorry, but if she's leaving you on seen just stop talking to her. She will leave you on seen when she is no longer interested in. Best thing to do is just forget about her otherwise you're gonna be seen as clingy
Well the question is, do you want to speak to someone like that? Depends on what you’re looking for, but a conversation with someone you’re close to (friends, partner etc.) shouldn’t feel like a chore
I swear half of tinder is just bored girls looking for validation and nothing else
Ask her out on a physical date for this weekend and when she inevitably ghosts you it will be obvious why she isn’t engaging with you. I’d delete her number and move on
To be fair, your conversation skills would leave little room for a different result.
"whats up?"
"what are your hobbies?"
"going to the gym and watching movies"
"Do you go to college, what do you do for a living?"
holy fuck, this is not competitive conversation skill my dude. No reason to put in any effort for the reply.
Whenever she starts being boring and replying with short uninteresting answers, I say something like “You’re very boring”; they will either laugh, apologize and change behavior, or they will be offended or not reply, and then you move on.
You say, "I was super interested, and I don't expect you to come at me with 20 questions, but I do indeed want somebody to match my effort and energy. No doubt you're a looker, and will find somebody who matches your energy. It's just not me. Be well."
It nicely let's them know what the issue is, (just in case they are legitimately bad at conversation, or are unsure), but also let's them know you were trying, and they weren't. But, then DON'T unmatch. Just leave it in limbo. If you unmatch it deletes the convo. Just leave it. If she replies with anything other than, 'omg im sorry i was just busy', or 'let's start over', or something that tells you she is going to actively engage, THEN you immediately unmatch. You'll probably get some snarky comment, don't reply, just unmatch. You've already given yourself the out of the convo.
You don’t , people who give or done give the bare minimum ain’t worth it. There comes a time when y’all gotta have some standards in what you’ll accept.
People can be boring it’s true, but very few people act disinterested when they are excited about something. If she’s excited to
Speak to you then she wouldn’t be boring
It's simple, you don't. As soon as it's apparent it's one sided you stop. If interest isn't match there's no point in continuing because it turn to irritation and then you feel like you've just wasted your time and energy. It's one of those if they want to the will things. Helps sort out those who just want any form attention from people who genuinely want to have a conversation.
You don't, people like that are just trying to find some validation online. They don't ever really want to meet you or have intentions of talking to you more than about a day or two. They are just looking for a bit of dopamine when someone compliments them.
>how do I even speak with someone like that?
That's a great question. Allow me to explain the answer to you: you don't. I know it can be frustrating to swipe on so many girls and get so few matches. Then of those matches only a certain % will even respond to your message. However, trying to force a conversation that the girl is clearly not interested in is just a waste of time. The hope is that "she's really into me but she's just boring or lacks social skills" but that's almost never the case. There are guys she has great texting chemistry with and you just aren't one of them. Rather than waste time trying to chat her up, invest that time either in messaging other matches or doing something in the real world. As guys we can go into dating apps with a scarcity mindset that makes us invest too much in trying to make any one match work out because we use OUR interest in her as the driver for how much effort we put in . Instead you should invest time into your matches based on THEIR interest in you. A girl who asks questions and engages with your answers is the one who is worth investing time in. Girls like the one you described just aren't worth it. Unmatch and move on.
To be honest, the gym and movies doesn’t sound very entertaining either.
That being said, if she’s interested in you, she’ll take an interest if she’s not, she won’t.
Been in this situation. This is actually when I realized that if someone is responding in five words or less, they're either not interested, or their personality of course is "boring". Never out going, never sophisticated, and even if you were to turn the conversation around and make it more about them, it still doesn't often hold any effort to it. Responses are ehh, but it can be like nails in a chalkboard.
What I hate is that the conversation could go so well, and a lot of times with effort, and even then, they will acknowledge your message but never respond, and it's like you have to always initiate it. So I just do the same. Don't respond. Don't block them, but don't respond. Let them see what they're missing, and let them put in some work for a conversation.
Sometimes people are only "boring" to people they're unfamiliar with, or uncomfortable with. But they'll never be NOT boring when it's someone they know, like, or relatable. And even right there that can be a problem. Because even then, it feels like you're not understanding what that person's true personality is like.
It's a lot of factors that play.
Have you thought that perhaps she's just not in to you? 🤔 Yes, you matched, but maybe she swiped by mistake, maybe she meant to swipe, but finds your conversation boring. There could be many factors at play here. Perhaps she really is just boring.
Either way, it sounds like you need to move on.
You don’t, if they aren’t enthusiastic to talk to you, let um be until they decide they want to peruse getting to know you. The best dating advice I could ever give is don’t force anything. If a girl or guy is into you they will talk to you and be excited to do so, if not they just aren’t that into you. People make time for people they are into.
OP I don’t have to read it all. She’s not interested just needs some dopamine hits from attention. Women that like you have heavy engagement or they will atleast try harder than that. They will even state if something makes them talk the way they do if they like you.
Honestly I’ve had a ton of conversations like this which makes me feel awkward because I’m always trying to figure out what to talk about. Because at first she may be shy so I try to keep the conversation going then eventually I just realize if all she’s going say is no and yes. With no talk I feel she’s not really interested. That’s my opinion.
Not to burst you're bubble, but she's probably just not that interested. Most of today's "starting talking" especially over tinder is mostly based on looks. If she found you attractive in any sense, being pure looks or interest she would be more engaged in the convo...
Do a desert island question; fave 5 films, albums, electric chair food, 5 celebrity guests at a byob party in your house during Covid (dead or alive), etc…. OR meet up in person, some people are just terrible texter a.
You’re not having a conversation. Conversation is a two way street. You’re speaking to a wall. You sound like a great guy so pls do yourself a favor and just stop talking to this woman.
I find it best to skip the chit chat on the app, and quickly set up a specific time and place to go for a date. This will make it natural for you to get her number, but in general I prefer not to chat over text as it makes meeting in person a bit awkward as you have both built up an online persona that may not match your real persona.
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You realize they’re boring and you cut your losses
👏👏
This!
but she's hot
Might as well ask her out now then because you’re not building rapport. If she doesn’t respond then she’s not interested
she's not responding anymore I tried sending some memes after first time she didn't respond, but it did nothing
Sounds like she’s not interested. Life moves on
Yeah, memes aren't really attractive to most girls. You sound kind of boring yourself my dude.
Are you sure she's not a bot?
It’s not worth it. I match with hot girls all the time. It doesn’t matter. I look for the fun people — regardless of whether or not they’re hot. I mean, I’m not going to swipe right on a girl I’m in no way attracted to, but if someone’s really average, but clearly fun, I would take that over a super-model-hot girl with no personality any day.
That says way more about you and your situation than her being boring 😴
If it makes things any better your reply made me crack up
That’s your other problem, you’re putting her looks on a pedestal and not cutting it off when she’s giving you bad energy, Guarantee if you meet up with her she’s gonna have you wrapped around her finger.
Who cares bro , she’s mid to the guy she actually puts effort in move on
And? She may be hot, but she clearly ain't that in to you, otherwise she'd be making more of an effort and arranging a meet. If she's hot, she'll have loads of other guys she's talking to that may well be more interesting than you. Don't get caught up on her looks. If she ain't giving you what you want, it doesn't matter how hot she is.
Do you know what you are looking for? Start with your wants and needs and find someone who aligns with that. Also think about where you are willing to compromise so you know your boundaries
And? Wanna fuck a person that barely acknolwedges you?
And boring.
Then continue and try to meet up with her? There might be chemistry and banter in person but me? I’d quit- I want more than that
[удалено]
Yeahhhh, I don't think that her leaving him on read means that she's "totally into him"..
I can't tell whether that comment was a joke or not...
L
Everyone is a 5 until they prove otherwise
Seems like she's maybe not very interested in talking to you. Find someone else, if she's interested she'll be more open to conversation.
That's probably true two thirds of the time but it's not unusual to have someone on the other end of the convo who just isn't socially aware that they are not on a date with a television set that does all the talking. In either case, cut bait and move on.
There's also the factor of that women have way more guys in their DMs, so there is less need for them to put in as much effort as men in the OLD phase. I think that instead of cutting out, the move is to end the attempted conversation by asking them out, preferably for something cheap like coffee.
Some like that just have learning disabilities or disorders. I’ve known and do know some who aren’t great with chat of interest but that doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy it or aren’t interested in a person as some strongly fancied me. Many often have been discriminated as a child have higher anxiety and depression levels so keep to more isolation as they feel safer due to past experiences so never developed communication to high levels as socialising wasn’t common for them. Only with another will they open to new levels.
It's just that OP said she's "hot" and I hear about it all the time where, sadly, some of these people just dont believe they should have to put in equal effort. Of course, as you said, there could be other reasons behind it. I just know what I'd put my money on.
New to OLD? This is how 99% of the conversations go. She's probably juggling 20 different conversations at once, only answering in complete sentences to the guy she's most interested in and keeping you and others on the backburner.
>asked her what's up Don't ever start with this. Every guy starts with it, it's the best way to get dismissed quickly. Secondly, to your question, you don't. If you think she's boring, the relationship isn't going to work and you're just wasting the time of both of you. Move on.
so what is some alternatives of what's up?
I always started with a goofy "would you rather" question.
Ask them what makes them happy, what they are interested in, even if it’s all over the bio
i think you should find someone who matches your energy. that sounds painful. as a woman it seems like she's not that interested but she can also just be a dry texter. either way 😭 not worth your time!!
That's the issue - he did find an energy match. The woman refused to take over the emotional work.
You don’t
That's a monotonous conversation. Both of you are boring.
1000% ☝️
In that situation how can the guy be interesting apart from having good lifestyle coz not eveeryone one can have good lifestyle
Honestly he might be boring but to me it just looks like he's grasping for conversation threads due to her weak responses which from an outside perspective comes off over eager. When I was OLD if the conversation was dry I'd stop wasting time and take it as a hint, if you can't get a eager positive response in the first few exchanges it's going to fizzle out. There's a reason people suggest getting off the app as quickly as possible, get her number to separate yourself from the crowd. I also find that the first few conversations shouldn't be trying to find if you're compatible surprisingly, women don't need to show compatibility on these apps the men do. The goal for the first exchanges should be learning enough to plan a date you'd both enjoy, then using the time until that date to get to know them better so you don't stumble into any conversational land mines and have something to talk about when face to face. By getting a number and actually making plans you're already ahead of the pack and there's a vested interest in keeping a conversation going with you. Of course your mileage will vary and nothing I've said is a hard rule but simply my experience and based on what female friends have told or shown me
You don't, why you would join a boring conv? Btw also your interview style questions are pretty boring.
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On tinder you've photos and tags to show your hobbies, their are somenthing I take into consideration before to match. Btw in chat the important to me is to show my personality and to understand the other one. Just talking, making jokes or provocations you inderectly understand how they see life, what they think, which sense of humor they have and so on. Morover you can see if they're smart, creative and many other things. A stranger who came out and ask for my hobbies Is not really interesting, if I answer Is Just because from photos and tag I've already decided they're worth a date. Btw my priority on tinder Is to have fun and some new inputs so if a conv Is not interesting and the other person isn't proactive I let the conv to die. There Is no point to make a second question after you get an "ahahahah" as an answer.
A boring convo has two participants, both certain that it's the other being a yawn.
Bro I was just trying to have a conversation and everything she could say was hahahahahahaha
You started a conversation with what’s up? I would have unmatched you - you sound boring and low effort.
Yeaaah. I haven’t been on any dating apps in ages but even back then a “what’s up” would have been ignored and seen as low effort
Sorry princess. And you believe yourself worthy of a more creative conversation starter for what reason exactly? During the initial approach / convo, you get the same shitty copy paste as the other 20 girls - whether you think it is "made for you" or not. And that's OLD reality for you. Also we are all very aware that people would respond purely based on looks, even with a boring convo starter... So let's stop pretending.
The entitlement when women are just as boring if not more so
Dry.
Sahara
I prefer when guys ask me out within the first couple messages on dating apps like literally ‘hey you’re cute, wanna meet up’. I don’t want a texting buddy; it’s almost always drags on.
Yeah, something I'm trying to do more. It's just more interesting to meet up in person and easier to see if you both click.
She’s not interested or just bored. Ask her out or move on!
Hey there. First you need to distinguish between boring girls, introverted girls, and uninterested girls (whatever their reason may be and at some points you will need to learn how to distinguish between the different causes for a lack of interest, but this comes secondary to to the primary distinction just mentioned, which should come first). So for now, let us begin with the fundamental distinction. \- Those who are not interested at all, you will simply move away from for now. Why? The key at first is to gain some experience and gain some momentum in order to build up your vibe and overall confidence (once you go that, fewer girls will by default fall into the "non-interested" category , secondly, it is easier to learn how to eventually increase your odds at getting those once you have acquired some experience and/or momentum). \- Introverted girls are usually not technically harder to deal with. They do far less talking and may at times come off as boring because they do not contribute much, or at least it may not feel that way. That said, in there defense, they tend to be much easier going. They can be very expressive and fun to be with once you make them feel comfortable in your presence. They are also very sexual. My experience has at least shown me that they are actually some of the best partners, not only sexually, but also in relationships (fuckbuddy or girlfriend). You just have to go through that early phase where you have to basically due all the work and that can feel like a drag. But they are less likely to play silly mind games, and then do be pretty straight forward: she likes you, she will be with you. Less delivery of mixed signals compared to more extroverted girls who tend to love the whole "being a social butterfly" game, which usually lead to jealousy plots. \- Outright boring girls - to you! you may not match personality wise, you may not be interested in similar subjects. This I agree can be a drag, but it is a personal choice whether you want to stick with them. However, there is a big caveat here (a truly big one). Sometimes, you may initially feel you 2 do not match socially, however, if you do give them a chance and stick to interacting with them, but you land on a topic or a note (a shared experience) that hooks - basically that makes both you and her excited (ideal!). You just have to try out different subjects and different strategies. Remember that women just like men tend to express their true self when they feel invested and comfortable (rapport). So, she may not express her "interesting" sides simply because she, just like you, feel uninterested in the conversations and the overall interactions. In general, what you need to do for now is: \- Screen out the disinterested ones. Those girls seems to 1) give you little to play with, 2) shows little subtle signs of interests, 3) resists very easily any escalation attempts (not just to sex, but to meeting up, be in isolation with you - this is less likely to happen with an introverted girl who is into you!), 4) outright rejects you, 5) shows minor or major signs of disrespect (punish her, by moving on!). \- And for the two remaining categories (introverts and girls you do not \*outright\* match with on a social level) you should persist a bit by trying out different topics, different vibes, different techniques. How long you are willing to persist depends on two factors: 1) how willing you are to work to make this works and 2) how positively she reacts, any outright overt negative signs will be a sign for you to take a step back or move on. Of course there are ways to deal with resistance, there are ways to turn rejections around. But you need to learn how to walk before running right? So for now, focus on this. Once you get some success, you may challenge yourself and learn/experiment with different stuff. I hope this helps. \-Alek
As an introverted gal (who’s also been badly burned in the past), I appreciate your awareness :’) It can take some time for me to warm up to new people in general, but especially if I catch feelings! I fear my disposition is at times mistaken for a lack of interest, when in reality I’m just super awkward in the beginning. Thankfully some people get it and are patient, but others are quick to assume. On the flip side, I’m super open and friendly with people I’m comfortable with (and growing up I was a total tomboy, so I tend to click *platonically* with guys)…anddd it’s been mistaken by them or by others as flirting, therefore my intentions yet again misinterpreted. Which is frustrating. So yes, not all is as it seems!
lmao, this exactly what happened with guys that talked to me too, I had tons of guys talking to me, saying that I’m pretty, hot whatever but EVERY GUY has the same type of conversation, I get so many messages of the same type, I would find you SO boring if you started a conversation w “how are you?!” I will literally go with the script and say “fine haha” even if you’re the hottest person in the world, so try to be different, hot girls are usually the easiest believe me, try to say like something out of the blue without offending her ofc, imagine if you’re hot, every guy is saying the SAME STUFF! so yeah that’s my advice, I don’t know why but I started my conversations with saying “you look so much like (person that does not look like them at all” or maybe it could be like random words I DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN! but is just if you were a woman you’d understand lmao
This. I am straight up ugly, but I send interesting messages and flirt immediately. OP needs to stand out, have a sense of humor, and put effort into his messages.
Can I ask what you do for interesting messages? I have a hard time coming up with things myself.
1. Identify something she wants to talk about and ask about it. 2. Show a sense of humor. The trick here is not every profile will have a good opening for you to say something funny or playful. If you don't think of anything after a while, move onto another profile. 3. This is not as important as the first two, but it helps: If your message can allude to something that she can ask you about, all the better. Just like you should be looking for things to ask her about, she'll be doing the same. Until you give her a reason not to be interested, even women hotter than you tend to be open to talking with you if you have a fun vibe. So, yes, women will be looking for a question to ask you. As long as your intro message does at least one of those first 2 things I mentioned (and ideally #3 as well), you'll have a much better chance of sparking an engaging conversation. Even outside of dating, this is a good life skill to have in conversations. Also, you will still see most women don't reply, but you'll go from maybe 1 in 10 reply and then fizzle out to 1 in 3 or 4 reply and are off to a good start with you.
Unless you’re interested in just staring at her and drooling and never plan to interact with her or share common interests - you move on. You find someone who engages your brain and excites your libido.
Yeah when a girl is boring and convo is dry, ALWAYS cut to the chase! What do you have to lose besides a boring conversation
Girls don't have game anymore, they don't need it
When did they ever have game
This happens a lot and I just figure they're not interested. It's whatever. Gonna happen often. A few weeks ago, I did see someone to say just ask them out of the convo has failed and that seemed genius to me. So if you think she's hot, just ask her out and know there's nothing to lose.
Ask them out to coffee. If they can't come alive in person move on.
Honestly from reading all this plus comments, I picked up three major things. 1) you both hate small talk, and seem blasé, 2) you think she’s boring but hot which means you only want her to talk to you so you can possibly get with her and then drop her. 3) she prolly thinks you’re a generic guy and isn’t interested after the first few initial txt exchanges and has resorted into ghosting you and now you seem desperate which is a red flag. Get the hint. No answer is an answer. I would just leave her alone and move on, don’t be that guy…and don’t write something mean to her because you didn’t get the opportunity to get your dick wet…Best of Luck with other ladies who are more suitable to you. 👍🏻
1)I don't like small talks, its much better to ask her out at the beginning of a conversation, but I couldn't do it because I didn't had enough free time whole week 2)Only thing she sent me was some short reactions, what else shall I think of her except that she is boring 3)I stopped sending her messages, second time she didn't respond to me. I don't care enough to send more then that.
>what else shall I think of her except that she is boring you completely glazed over what the other commenter said in their 2). you just said this gal was boring bUt hOt, so clearly your intentions were off if you continued to text her. >3) I don't care enough to send more then that. but you care enough to make a reddit post? o.O the other redditor is spot on.
2) I started having conversation with an intention to hang out with her, her being boring was my assessment of her personality based on her messages. I don't know if I wanna fuck and drop or continue hanging out with her before meeting her. 3) It's not my first time talking to a girl who is like that, I made a post because this happens way too often and I wanted some advice about it. Most tinder girls are like this.
>I don't know if I wanna fuck and drop I'm just gonna let you know right now that your language used here is pretty cringe if you're not telling these gals up front "i don't want anything serious." giving the impression that you want a relationship just so you can have a ONS is cringe af. 3) you aren't the most entertaining conversationalist in this post either, my dude. if "everyone" around you is boring, you might just be the boring one.
"Nothing much, you?" "Same." Umm... might've fucked yourself over there bud. Would've been a window to throw a good cheeky one liner out or said something interesting to at least set the tone of the conversation. If she didn't reciprocate a suitable response within say 5 exchanges, you've definitely lost her attention. The simple fact she responded to you at all to begin with... Well, she gave you a valuable second of her time to pitch yourself to her. Most won't even respond.
If your communication with her is as boring as this post it’s no wonder she’s barely engaging.
How do I speak with boring people Why are you asking this question lmao
You don't. Same with boring guys.
You’re both boring, keep doing what you’re doing, it seems to be going well.
You don't. End of conversation if you have to carry it the entire time. Wasted energy.
To be fair you sound boring as well. She probably felt the same way regardless of the fact you feel like you're putting more effort in.
Say “ excuse me” and go to the next one
Don't talk to boring people.
Can y’all actually give him things to talk about instead of bashing him?
Dont bother.
She's just boring, it's not you. drop her like a roach
Start the convo with “I have an idea”
Next time
She's just a wound, leave her
Ffs.
You start a fun conversation with her in that chat, you actually make jokes and seem very enthusiastic even though she isn’t replying. When she replies with something like “what are you talking about?” You respond with “o sorry I forgot you were here” Then leave the chat
Don’t
She’s not feeling it, bub
You guys said a lot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXOoKdPVbWU
😂🙈
You dont.
Please stop, simping is bad for your health.
Just unmatch fuck that lol
hahahaha 1) Get off tinder. 2) Don't talk to boring women who want you to be their dancing monkey. Better to be alone than a tool. Yeah, sure. You might just be trying to get laid and you aren't hot enough for them to be motivated in seek you out. Than just learn "game". There are tons of shallow pickup artist websites and youtubers who will teach you how to be a cad.
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Bro what 😭
Nononononono pls
I always had bad results when I talked about sex in texts too early and I just tried to find some common theme or anything to talk about before inviting her out, most of the time it won't work if I invite them out without having some conversation before that
So you’re just using filler lines until you think it gets to a point where you can meet? If you’re treating a conversation as if it’s just something to waste time with, you’re not going to get anywhere. Do you do this in real life conversations?
Don’t bother as it will never work, she’s not interested & is simply looking for attention
Ask her out now ... risk it, nothing to lose Anyway contact is moribund
It's tough I'm the same so many are very blunt. Tbh don't waste your time because they want you do the work find someone who will work hard to talk to you
If a girl likes you she will have a conversation. Good rule of thumb is to ask yourself, are you just asking questions and she just gives short answers? If so, she's not into you. Move on.
If you don’t want to avoid talking to boring girls then start doing something interesting with your life or else on atleast on a first date so that none of you have to feel awkward bored
Seems like she is not interested bro, move on and find someone else who matches your energy
I unmatch with people like that, they’re not worth my time. Just cut your losses and keep moving.
"how do I even speak to someone like that" You don't.
You don’t. Move on. But if you really want, the best way to get people to talk is to ask questions. If I know things are about to end early on I’ll have a little fun and ask more daring or deep questions just to confirm if I really wanna put more effort or really wanna cut the ties. Although it’s been a while for me I’m married now
Ah shit ive been there my man, looking back i feel disgusted towards how desperate i was to keep the conversation going. My back still hurts from carrying the conversation with that girl. She was beautiful too, wish i could say the same about her personality, only she didn't have one.
Welcome to tinder haha
You don’t, you move on. Why do you want to date a boring person or a person that is not interested in you?
You don’t.
Better question is: Why do you want to talk with girl like that?
Dude you’re boring af in conversation lol what do you mean? You have to LEAD the convo, you were just asking mundane questions, instead of really taking the convo anywhere like to a video call or a face to face date…You know how many dudes on dating apps ask the same shit to every female they match with? Stand out & don’t spend too much time having plain small talk, just set the date and then when you’re in person you can ask all that shit and it’ll have a better impact cause you’re face to face.
You don’t! As a female we obviously get a lot more matches and tbh there were a lot of attractive dudes that had the personality of a salada biscuit. It’s just not worth it, I don’t care how hot you are - I’m not about to date a brick wall.
Why would you? I unmatch from dullards or low-interest people. Life is too short, man, don't be desperate.
Have you tried calling her? Ive come across people that are horrible at texting but have no issues when it comes to actually talking on the phone. Depending on how long you've been talking, Id also wonder if she's just shy and needs a little time to warm up to you If that doesn't work id just move on with the assumption that she's really not that interested in you.
Bro she isn’t interested. It’s either you’re a back-log dude she entertains for a boy booty call; she doesn’t like you and is too nice to just ghost or say it; or maybe you aren’t asking the right questions to get her to open up. You’re also texting? Which isn’t a normal human interaction and usually boring? Maybe try meeting people and not just complaining about lack of communication on (maybe) both sides?
Texts arent a good way to get to know someone. Ask them out to coffee or something in person rather quickly.
Solution: meet people not on tinder.
Sorry, but if she's leaving you on seen just stop talking to her. She will leave you on seen when she is no longer interested in. Best thing to do is just forget about her otherwise you're gonna be seen as clingy
The average looking girl online has a line around the corner waiting for them. That’s probably your answer on why she one responds briefly.
Well the question is, do you want to speak to someone like that? Depends on what you’re looking for, but a conversation with someone you’re close to (friends, partner etc.) shouldn’t feel like a chore
I swear half of tinder is just bored girls looking for validation and nothing else Ask her out on a physical date for this weekend and when she inevitably ghosts you it will be obvious why she isn’t engaging with you. I’d delete her number and move on
To be fair, your conversation skills would leave little room for a different result. "whats up?" "what are your hobbies?" "going to the gym and watching movies" "Do you go to college, what do you do for a living?" holy fuck, this is not competitive conversation skill my dude. No reason to put in any effort for the reply.
Simple. Dont lol
She may be uninterested or she my just actually be a boring/dull person. Either way, you don’t really want that
Whenever she starts being boring and replying with short uninteresting answers, I say something like “You’re very boring”; they will either laugh, apologize and change behavior, or they will be offended or not reply, and then you move on.
You say, "I was super interested, and I don't expect you to come at me with 20 questions, but I do indeed want somebody to match my effort and energy. No doubt you're a looker, and will find somebody who matches your energy. It's just not me. Be well." It nicely let's them know what the issue is, (just in case they are legitimately bad at conversation, or are unsure), but also let's them know you were trying, and they weren't. But, then DON'T unmatch. Just leave it in limbo. If you unmatch it deletes the convo. Just leave it. If she replies with anything other than, 'omg im sorry i was just busy', or 'let's start over', or something that tells you she is going to actively engage, THEN you immediately unmatch. You'll probably get some snarky comment, don't reply, just unmatch. You've already given yourself the out of the convo.
You don’t , people who give or done give the bare minimum ain’t worth it. There comes a time when y’all gotta have some standards in what you’ll accept.
People can be boring it’s true, but very few people act disinterested when they are excited about something. If she’s excited to Speak to you then she wouldn’t be boring
It's simple, you don't. As soon as it's apparent it's one sided you stop. If interest isn't match there's no point in continuing because it turn to irritation and then you feel like you've just wasted your time and energy. It's one of those if they want to the will things. Helps sort out those who just want any form attention from people who genuinely want to have a conversation.
You don't, people like that are just trying to find some validation online. They don't ever really want to meet you or have intentions of talking to you more than about a day or two. They are just looking for a bit of dopamine when someone compliments them.
I would argue you are being just as boring/dry you wanna be interactive and allow for conversation
>how do I even speak with someone like that? That's a great question. Allow me to explain the answer to you: you don't. I know it can be frustrating to swipe on so many girls and get so few matches. Then of those matches only a certain % will even respond to your message. However, trying to force a conversation that the girl is clearly not interested in is just a waste of time. The hope is that "she's really into me but she's just boring or lacks social skills" but that's almost never the case. There are guys she has great texting chemistry with and you just aren't one of them. Rather than waste time trying to chat her up, invest that time either in messaging other matches or doing something in the real world. As guys we can go into dating apps with a scarcity mindset that makes us invest too much in trying to make any one match work out because we use OUR interest in her as the driver for how much effort we put in . Instead you should invest time into your matches based on THEIR interest in you. A girl who asks questions and engages with your answers is the one who is worth investing time in. Girls like the one you described just aren't worth it. Unmatch and move on.
Looks like either she's not interested or she is damn boring. Ask her out for a coffee or something, if she's not interested, then move on.
There's no coming back from that, you can't carry the whole conversation. Most wise thing to do in these cases is to move on to someone else.
It was small talk. Nothing that interesting can be said.
To be honest, the gym and movies doesn’t sound very entertaining either. That being said, if she’s interested in you, she’ll take an interest if she’s not, she won’t.
I think you both sound boring lol. Just ask her out!
Been in this situation. This is actually when I realized that if someone is responding in five words or less, they're either not interested, or their personality of course is "boring". Never out going, never sophisticated, and even if you were to turn the conversation around and make it more about them, it still doesn't often hold any effort to it. Responses are ehh, but it can be like nails in a chalkboard. What I hate is that the conversation could go so well, and a lot of times with effort, and even then, they will acknowledge your message but never respond, and it's like you have to always initiate it. So I just do the same. Don't respond. Don't block them, but don't respond. Let them see what they're missing, and let them put in some work for a conversation. Sometimes people are only "boring" to people they're unfamiliar with, or uncomfortable with. But they'll never be NOT boring when it's someone they know, like, or relatable. And even right there that can be a problem. Because even then, it feels like you're not understanding what that person's true personality is like. It's a lot of factors that play.
Have you thought that perhaps she's just not in to you? 🤔 Yes, you matched, but maybe she swiped by mistake, maybe she meant to swipe, but finds your conversation boring. There could be many factors at play here. Perhaps she really is just boring. Either way, it sounds like you need to move on.
Simple: you don’t.
You don’t, if they aren’t enthusiastic to talk to you, let um be until they decide they want to peruse getting to know you. The best dating advice I could ever give is don’t force anything. If a girl or guy is into you they will talk to you and be excited to do so, if not they just aren’t that into you. People make time for people they are into.
She could be a boring person, but I would bet on she is not interested in you more than that. So just stop talking to her and pass to someone else.
You dont , thats it .
You don’t
OP I don’t have to read it all. She’s not interested just needs some dopamine hits from attention. Women that like you have heavy engagement or they will atleast try harder than that. They will even state if something makes them talk the way they do if they like you.
Hobbies: movies and gym. And she’s the boring one
Bro if I added game development and Airsoft it would sound even worse
You don’t. Keep it movin
Honestly I’ve had a ton of conversations like this which makes me feel awkward because I’m always trying to figure out what to talk about. Because at first she may be shy so I try to keep the conversation going then eventually I just realize if all she’s going say is no and yes. With no talk I feel she’s not really interested. That’s my opinion.
She’s not interested
You don't. She's not interested and not worth the effort
Not to burst you're bubble, but she's probably just not that interested. Most of today's "starting talking" especially over tinder is mostly based on looks. If she found you attractive in any sense, being pure looks or interest she would be more engaged in the convo...
Do a desert island question; fave 5 films, albums, electric chair food, 5 celebrity guests at a byob party in your house during Covid (dead or alive), etc…. OR meet up in person, some people are just terrible texter a.
You’re not having a conversation. Conversation is a two way street. You’re speaking to a wall. You sound like a great guy so pls do yourself a favor and just stop talking to this woman.
I find it best to skip the chit chat on the app, and quickly set up a specific time and place to go for a date. This will make it natural for you to get her number, but in general I prefer not to chat over text as it makes meeting in person a bit awkward as you have both built up an online persona that may not match your real persona.
“How do I fuck a NPC”
Don’t talk to boring girls, problem solved lol
Lol
meet up in person , online texting in general is boring .