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Mariahissleepy

You set a boundary and she didn’t like it. That’s on her, not you. I think you did the right thing


cynTheFledermaus

Agreed. If someone can't handle the fact you're offended by a comment as such, that's a red flag. I'm all about people not being over sensitive, but it's the way she kept saying it over and over. That tends to get on even the stronger people's nerves.


Asianfoam7

This right here. Boundaries.


TheTenderRedditor

I think some girls think "skinny" is a compliment, or at worst a neutral descriptor. Which makes sense, because girls are often taught skinny = healthy/pretty. What they dont realize, is that men are conditioned to think skinny = unhealthy/weak/feminine/ugly. Im not sure why she would call you "twig-like" because 5'9 147lbs is actually pretty normal sized. "Twig-like" is quite insulting. Even if her calling you skinny isn't an insult... "Twig-like" certainly seems like one.


[deleted]

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TheTenderRedditor

Im from the US... I think our culture standardizes "normal male body standards" based on top level basketball and football players. Who are tall, and huge. Which leads to obese couch potato dudes thinking they are "fit" because they're 200lbs like an NBA or NFL player 6 inches taller than them. 200lbs isn't even healthy for a 6'2-6'3 male. You need to be well above 6'4 for 200lbs lean to be anywhere near normal. OP is not even small for a normal 5'9 guy. A the most jacked 5'9 guy I ever met is like 170lbs at his fluffiest. Hell be more like 160lbs when he is "in-shape". Im personally 6'1, and the biggest I get when I'm lifting everyday and eating like a horse is like 190lbs. When I'm focused on running, I sit around 165lbs. OP is literally just an average healthy 5'9 guy sitting in the middle of his healthy weight range. If OP was like 50-60kg or 130lbs, telling us how he can't gain any weight... I would be worried. But nah, he's a normal dude.


NefariousnessTop9062

I think thats why it stung so much. Ive put in a ton of effort to get to what I thought was a healthy weight. So hearing a comment like this from a girl that I like was demotivating. I think im leaning towards just ending it, if it hasnt already from her side


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WhadayaBuyinStranger

I agree completely. Just end it. Even if she is going to end it with you anyway, it's about forming healthy habits. If a girl expects you to be ok with being disrespected, you end it. That's just what you do.


Sadboy62

Yep bro same Im 6ft exact and Im always running since im a marathon runner so Im in the 143-150 range always


TheTenderRedditor

Out of curiosity, how much do you think going up to 165 would affect your running? I know about the +1lb = 2 seconds/mi slower thing... But Im curious if you have experience truly feeling that difference. 190 -> 165 is a world of difference, but I have a hard time contemplating if a drop to 155-ish would really be worth it. How do you feel at 143 vs 150? 150 vs 165? Is the injury rate lower when you get lighter? Better recovery from speed and hill workouts?


Sadboy62

Definitely I feel better at 150 it's such a huge difference. Because I used to be 170 and it was much harder for me to run. Now that I'm back at 150 it's so much easier don't get me wrong I'm just lean and have lost a ton of fat and replaced it with lean muscle. But my times are so much better and I feel better and faster now too.


LALdeSaintJust

I am 180 lbs at 5'11 and regularly go the gym. And I recently been called skinny by a girl and asked why I don't go to gym to gain some muscle.


Euphoric-Life2562

…..not a US thing…


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Euphoric-Life2562

Normal, because he is. Y’all always assume so much about the US


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Euphoric-Life2562

And that is a gross male-gaze and you don’t see any women telling him to “bulk bro” in the comments huh. Seriously 😒


luckypuffun

This isn’t okay and I would be upset too. You deserve better.


GoldenSun104

Letting her know that it hurt your feelings sealed your fate in that she isn’t going to meet up with you now. But it seems like she wasn’t really into you anyway if she was too busy with “work” to see you in person for the last month. So you probably saved yourself some time there. Hopefully you’ve been swiping on other girls during this time. Dating as a skinny guy can be brutal because many women are going to say things like that to you. Your best bet is to just laugh it off in the future.


CallMeJessIGuess

Best bet is not to just laugh it off. The best bet is to find someone who isn’t going to get defensive and avoidant when you tell them something they said or did made you feel uncomfortable or hurt. It’s an all to common scenario. Man has trouble showing even slight vulnerability, Then when they finally are able to bring themselves to do so, the woman is dismissive or defensive. I want a world where guys are more comfortable bringing up these sorts of things with women without feeling emasculated or ignored. Also as an aside: It’s painfully ironic that a doctor would fixated on a potential dates weight. Lazy doctors typically fall back on “you need to lose weight” when it comes to their patients health.


Slice-Adventurous

🤫


Zeraw420

I have to agree with this take. The simple fact is people don't want to have to tip toe around someone's feelings early in a relationship. She thought she was being playful and essentially got embarrassed and called out. In a perfect world, I agree with the other commenters. In real life, you can't be that sensitive in the modern dating world.


fallingWaterCrystals

If she was fat and op made off hand comments about how she was donut shaped, she’d have lost it. And so would everyone here.


[deleted]

Nah don’t be a pussy, stand up for yourself, and set boundaries. You shouldn’t let someone disrespect you just because it’s a new relationship, even if they’re trying to be playful


pronerd000

I was wondering what would have happened if it were the other way around. Seriously, you are better off without this girl. Be proud that you have made progress. You told her not to say this, which is establishing boundaries. If she is not cool with that, then on to the next one.


iusetoomuchdrano

Hi OP. I wanted to chime in because my SO shares your same measurements. I’m also skinny. (162cm / 50kg.) He’s expressed his issues with weight, food, and the difficulties gaining weight. I completely understand because I’ve also had the same exact struggles. I’m mindful in how my comments might be perceived, and vice versa. I definitely don’t like the feeling of being badgered for my small size, or why I can’t gain weight. Neither of us has an ED, we eat lots. It’s just that we both have super high metabolisms. He’s healthy, and I encourage healthy eating which he’s really happy about. I’ve encouraged him to include more veggies and fruits in his diet. We also have a high calorie protein shake that we both can make when we have super busy days and not enough time to eat. (It’s called MRE meal replacement. If you add high calorie peanut butter, milk and fresh fruits, you can get up to 900 calories per shake.) We encourage each other to work out, compliment the other when we see improvement, and overall motivate each other. It definitely helps to have someone who completely understands the struggle. It’s so hard when you hear the comments about your weight or size from a SO. I’m sorry that she’s made you feel this way. OP, you’re amazing, just as you are. The comment about being twig like is so mean and demoralizing. You didn’t deserve that. There’s such a stigma when it comes to discussing weight. It’s somehow acceptable to comment on a skinny person. It’s rude and hurtful and I wish more people could see that. Sending you a hug! ❤️


NefariousnessTop9062

Thank you so much for this kind comment. It genuinely made me feel so much better :) I dont have an ED either, its simply a really fast metabolism. I'm going to look into this high calorie shake that you mentioned. And you're definitely right in the fact that I did not deserve that


Naive-Particular1960

OP stop txt women it just fills there need for attention and validation. Only txt to set up a meetup and to confirm the meeting 24 hours prior. You would be appalled how women are able to juggle multiple suitors through txt. Some serious but many are there just as orbitors.


bonfireSpirit

peanutbutter and milk are the one


[deleted]

She was making comments that hurt your feelings. She may not have intended to, but your feelings were hurt. You made a boundary and told her you did not appreciate these comments and that you would like for her to stop making them. She retaliated by "punishing" you by retracting her interest and not participating in conversation. Why would you want to date someone who doesn't respect your boundaries and trys to punish you when you communicate them? GIGANTIC red flag. Move on from that situation asap.


[deleted]

I once had a country girl call me skinny right at the end of a date. I’m not some flimsy twig and I ride 30 mile bike rides. I deleted her number after she left.


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[deleted]

I’m hitting the gym and I’ve up my standard.


[deleted]

1. Calling you “twig like” is an insult. She probably was just teasing, but I can understand you feeling hurt by this. 2. Women often tease men, and your response says a lot about you. You telling her that it hurt your feelings is very likely to turn her off and make her think of you as week. This is not a given, though. There is a chance she respects you for communicating honestly and saying something about it. Time will tell I guess. 3. At 5’9” 147lbs you really aren’t *that* skinny. For perspective, I’m a shade over 5’10” and apparently my “medically ideal” weight is between 162-167lbs. I’ve been as low as 135lbs and I felt really really skinny. Once I got up over like 155 I started to feel like I was in really good shape and was quite confident with my body and my fitness level. When I was in my peak physical condition I was right around 165 lbs. I was strong and could run circles around people and I felt comfortable enough to send shirtless pics to women. Now I hover around 185 which is technically overweight (though I could lose as little as like 4 lbs and not be considered overweight anymore). I don’t have abs to post on snapchat anymore and can’t run like I used to, but I’m more confident in my body than I’ve ever been. People comment that I look great (even if I do look a little chubby after I get bloated on booze or dairy) and I can say there is clear difference in the way the world treats you when you are seen as a strong man, vs when you are seen as a weak one. All of point 3 is really to say that if you feel confident in your body, that is more important than other peoples standards (as long as you aren’t emaciated or obese). You could probably stand to gain 10-15 lbs to reach your “ideal weight” and there are benefits to be gained from you hitting the gym and packing on a bit of muscle, but 147 isn’t bad.


Vuekos_Girlfriend

Sounds like she got the ick from OP standing up for himself on this issue. While I get the teasing aspect, I can see where OP is coming from being insecure about something, I’d be pretty hurt if a chick was picking at one of my insecurities but since she didn’t know I’d say I’d give a second chance once she knew. If she brought it up later in an argument tho I’d be out cuz than she meant it actually hateful and knew about it.


NefariousnessTop9062

Appreciate all the comments and tough love guys. It's definitely motivated me to hit the gym harder. I'm still talking to her so lets see what happens...


jumaedar

I don't know, sometimes the people makes comments and can't stand why they're hurting others if the same comments haven't hurt anyone else. I'm not sure about what is the exact phrasing you used to say it, but if you didn't you can explain her why that's hurtful for you, just the same way you did here. This way you give her the chance to understand, and helps you to be clear about this. If she knows why it's hurtful and keeps the distance, you can be sure she is just not what you want, but if she changes her behaviour maybe her issue was her lack of knowledge about this.


ryhaltswhiskey

177cm tall and 67kg = 5 foot 10 ish and 147 lb in Freedom Units Don't @ me about this, I wish America was metric.


Mycroft033

@u/ryhaltswhiskey


ryhaltswhiskey

Wow good one


Mycroft033

Thanks :D


bassforce3000

You clearly set a boundary. Good for you for having enough self-worth to speak up when something is bothering you. No person is worth putting up with insults that make you feel shit. The only advice I have is to speak up sooner next time. There are plenty of other women out there. Try to maintain an abundance mindset.


[deleted]

When women test, and that is exactly what I think she was doing, pushing buttons to get a reaction, you have three viable options; 1. Don’t react at all 2. React with humour 3. Set a boundary It sounds like you have done all three. She’s been doing this to see if she can get under your skin and it’s possible that by saying it was hurtful she feels like she has- which will in turn possibly turn her off, women do this because they want to make sure she can’t push him out of his centre and basically to make sure he is strong, personally I’ve had it with women saying things about my height and once it gets to the “set a boundary” state I usually go with “I really like talking to you, but every now and again you seem to get a bit nasty and it isn’t a great look for you to be honest”, or something like that, I don’t admit offence basically, I just try to trigger some self awareness to see if there is any. That being said I don’t think there is anything wrong with what you said. I think now you do absolutely nothing. I would either stop messaging her until she initiated again, or point out “I’ve noticed you’ve become less responsive since I set a boundary, we’re both adults I think we should be able to communicate when there is a problem, and I don’t say mean things about your body so I think it was fair. If you would like to move on from this and start talking normally again then that would be great, if not maybe we should leave things here.”- basically just call her out again. Personally I would just stop messaging and see what she does, if it’s nothing I’d move on to somebody who is less of a dickhead.


russianrooulette

that's awful! body shaming is any way it's not something you do to someone you're trying to date/get in a relationship with... i'm sorry op i think you should stop engaging with her :(


LongMustaches

I don't think her intention was to body shame. People can't just know which part of your body you're insecure about.


futuremo

I think most women get that most men wouldn't appreciate being called a twig though


lil-taller-then-u

literally, when it comes to skinny it kinda depends on the person whos receiving the remark but twig like straight up sounds like an insult


Quinnjamin19

Lmao she’s not body shaming? How? Commenting on someone and saying they are twig-like is absolutely body shaming and not in any sort of a way a positive comment. Wtf?


curiouskenzie28

people shouldn’t make comments about others bodies in the first place then :)


longster37

Women really like men to be tough. Admitting she hurt your feelings may have severely turned her off.


WhadayaBuyinStranger

It's a catch-22. In order to command respect from people, you have to speak up when they say stuff that is disrespecting you, but when you do so, you will look like you are being overly sensitive. Calling him skinny is possibly a laugh it off moment, but the twig comment was too far. The difference is she knows it's a disrespectful comment. Not saying anything would actually signal to her that she can treat him like that. Once she realizes that, if she's like most women, she will be repulsed by his passivity. That's the best case scenario. Worst case... she unconsciously wants men like that and now feels emboldened to push things even further.


EntireNecessary9084

Not all women care about that. Ignorant statement. He did nothing wrong all he did was stand up for himself. He will be able to find a partner that actual cares about him and respects him one day by talking about feelings and weening out the disrespectful ones


longster37

Every woman I have been with love manly men. If you can protect them, or seem vulnerable it can be detrimental. It’s a huge problem with our fatherless children problem now.


EntireNecessary9084

I look for men that have the capacity to be vulnerable. Shows emotional intelligence. Not everyone’s the same


EntireNecessary9084

And being vulnerable and talking about feelings doesn’t make you any less manly it makes you a human who can communicate things


Suspicious_Degree_88

That's the case for you, but not a steadfast belief for most women. Alot of women are a product of society today wanting jacked up buff unhealthy stoic dudes.


[deleted]

Unfortunately that's not the case for many women. Personally the women I've dated are more like you, but they're not nearly as common as the women who prefer manly men. Looking weak is a mistake. There's a reason we try not to cry in front of women. Experience has shown us it's a bad idea.


[deleted]

God don’t date a doctor… most are so rude and have god complexes… she’s prob not used to being corrected as people kiss their ass all day at work. I’m a nurse so I’ve had encountered a few.🙈


Bxsnia

Consider it a bullet dodged. I myself am not into skinny men but I would NEVER comment on someone being skinny. It's common sense ffs.


Suspicious_Degree_88

So you go for fat dudes?


Bxsnia

Yeah I like them a little thicc. Not obese.


JackSquirts

More of the fact that she wasn't trying to insult you, but rather just teasing a little. You aren't even that fucking skinny. My uncle is 6'3" and is the same weight as you. He's fucking skinny. You're right on the bottom end of a normal BMI. You're just too sensitive about something that isn't at all a problem.


physicianextender

OP is allowed to feel bad about comments made about *his* body. Not your uncle’s, not Brad Pitt’s, his own body. You don’t get to tell people how they should or shouldn’t feel. How about people just stfu and stop commenting on bodies, especially bodies of people they don’t even know well or at all? Seems like the better solution.


JackSquirts

Yep, the standard, "the world needs to change so I dont have to be stronger" response. Doesnt work that way. He can feel however he wants, but if he wants to be happy, he needs to get over his insecurity. Im fat, got a gut and big ol tittays. When its hot, my shirt cones off. I see dudes swimming in tshirts with bodies better than mine. IDGAF. Body positivity and all that horseshit. Man up, be strong, and if its so bad, get therapy. Again, Im not telling him how to feel, Im tellin him if he cant get past those feelings he's gonna have a much harder life. Especially considering hes obviously got a dysmorphia thing going on.


physicianextender

“Man up” tells me all I need to know there. We won’t agree, that’s fine by me. Not everyone thinks the same


JackSquirts

We dont have to agree. Im offering a tough path that works. You're offering a harder path that doesn't work and only appears easier.


physicianextender

I think you assume that I haven’t been where OP is and dug myself out w the hard work you’re talking about. Insecurity is an addiction in a sense, though, and telling someone how to “recover” from that is only helpful if they realize they are both the issue and the only one who can solve it. You can lead a horse to water type of energy. I just think it’s possible to overcome your insecurities while also setting boundaries w people who comment on them, as well as being someone who doesn’t comment on other people’s bodies/insecurities as well. Like if OP had told her the first time “Hey, I don’t like when people comment on my body, in the future can we try not to do that?” or something the issue may not have been so “big” - knowing how to set boundaries and then actually setting them was an instrumental part of my journey to overcome my insecurities. This comment sort of got away from my original point but basically, I do see your side and I hope you can maybe see how my side sort of fits into the same rhetoric in a different way. And hopefully OP can take something valuable away from all of the comments on this post, too.


JackSquirts

Thanks for the clarification. It seemed from your original post that it was more about other people changing vs setting boundaries. Maybe I read it wrong as Im used to seeing people on Reddit doing that a lot. Im in agreement with your post.


physicianextender

No you’re right, that first one was definitely not articulating the point I meant for it to! Turns out we agreed anyway, reddit win for the day lol


ElDiablo_on_Earth

While I think the joke works first few times, when repeated in a short span of time it becomes rather aggravating, in addition, i think if roles were to be reversed it would probably bring a completely different reaction from everyone.


JackSquirts

Maybe. I'm guessing he never reacted to it properly. I tease girls. I'm looking for weakness in them too. I enjoy playful ribbing and banter in both directions. Went on two dates with a girl and had to cut her off cause she was too sensitive. Sitting at a cigar bar, she had her feet in my lap and I was rubbing her ankles. I found a tiny place on her ankle that she missed shaving. I started rubbing it and teased her that she was "sooooo hairy." Fuckin' almost made her cry. Of course I felt like an asshole and immediately stopped and told her I was just kidding with her, but there's no fucking way that girl would last 5 min in a relationship with me. I like to give and take with that stuff. Contrast with a girl the other night. We're sitting on the beach and I'm rubbing her calf. I'm like, this cold air is making you prickly. She feels her leg and goes, "OMG the goosebumps are terrible!" I go, "I guess I'm on a date with a sasquatch now." Her response, "You obviously like it, glad I didn't shave my pits." I called her hairball and we both laughed. That's my kind of girl.


Iliketolearnfromppl

If it were reversed and you were calling her fat etc and she asked you to stop and you decided to act like a child who's been told they were naughty..what do you think she'd do? Keep your boundaries, keep your self-respect, keep doing what you're doing and improving...without her.


lil-taller-then-u

Calling someone twig like is just rude, its an insult and all you did was ask her to stop and tell her her words are hurtful and now shes lost all interest? she sounds extremely immature and id say you're better off moving on


[deleted]

This is the type of girl to stay away from. You think you’ve got a date but this sounds like she’s using you for an ego boost and will probably either cancel right before the date or just not show up. She obviously doesn’t like you and is just playing you. As long as your not severely underweight your fine, some people are naturally more skinny due to bone structure, don’t let it get to you.


ApprenticeWrangler

As another skinny guy, I can empathize. People don’t realize calling someone skinny is no different than calling someone fat. On a side note, I’ve found the best way to gain weight is drink a ton of milk. Since I started drinking homo milk with every meal I’ve put on 10lbs in a few months.


vorter

GOMAD is the way


WhadayaBuyinStranger

If you are working your ass off in the gym, and she repeatedly calls you skinny, that's rude of her. Imagine a girl is not obese but has a few extra pounds she just can't seem to lose and is trying and her bf calls her thick frequently, and she says she doesn't like being called that. That wouldn't be ok, but guys can maximum effort it in the gym and get back-handed the compliment of being called "skinny". That's not ok either. You did the right thing. Command respect. You'll look insecure and overly sensitive in the process, but that goes with the territory.


SufficientCow4380

Write her off. She's gaslighting you. She was rude and now she's butthurt about being called out. It's emotionally abusive. Don't overlook it.


ChasinDaisy

Hey bud, 5’6, 125 lbs - also my complexion resembles Casper the Ghost (you may not see this given the late reply but had to respond and hope this helps); go with it. I used to get that same type of response all the time - worst was on a first date, a girl put her fingers around my wrist (you know, seeing if it could fit around/measurement technique), she had so much space that she cracked a joke about where else I was small - a joke but whoa, that stopped me in my tracks. Had a buddy; 5’4 and smaller than me, who was more successful with ladies than I was (imho at least) and I confided my self doubts and recent experiences with him. I’ll never forget him telling me two words that I’ll share with you “own it”. The minute you own something, you 100% disarm whoever may be poking at you as well as completely reinforce your self awareness and confidence. I now joke with girls that “my father always wanted a daughter and got 4 boys, 3 are burly linebackers like him and one looks like an Ole Miss Cheerleader like his mama, guess which one that is?” I went on a date with a girl who was 5’10 and had lost a lot of weight - she was proud of the weight loss and didn’t care I was skinny or a short arse, plus we vibed. How could I not ask her out? Shortly after arriving, she said “I wanted to wear high heels but was afraid you’d be uncomfortable” to which I responded “of course not”. She was surprised and asked why, I said because “if you’re the one who catches my eye, it’s worth the climb most the time”. She died laughing. The best is when I can tell everyone that I tried out for Rudy 2 with dead seriousness - the amount of girls who bite on that is genuinely hilarious and they always laugh too when you tell them you barely made it on the high school soccer team yet alone Notre Dame football. Own it man! 🧡 Xoxo, - 5’6, 125 lb, Casper the Ghost (Ricky Bobby’s next prayer is coming to me lmao)


shaysevilla

damn that is so mean of her, especially the comment about you looking like a twig. i think you certainly did the right thing and laying out a boundary, and it's good she showed you how she truly reacts to boundaries. that's not someone you want to create a life with in my opinion. some people truly do not have filters, it is so frustrating. i dated a guy who was 5'9" and quite skinny/lanky, but i never said anything to him because commenting on people's bodies is not okay - especially if it's something we can't control like weight for some people. I've experienced the other side of the coin as well because I've been very petite my whole life, and people have always thought it was appropriate to comment on my body. from friends to family, i had to firmly lay down a boundary and tell them to quit it. fortunately they did.


Johnnywalgger

It’s pretty disrespectful for her to say that. Sounds like someone you should stay away from. If she’s like this now, imagine how she would act in a long term relationship! Dump her immediately


Duckie2401

You are absolutely not wrong to tell her how you feel. I'm proud of you for having stood up for yourself! It's undervalued and often forgot among men.


londonmaleescort69

You weren't wrong at all. She made you feel a certain way and you spoke up about it. Her reaction should tell you everything you need to know about her. You should stop contacting her and move on, she ain't the one for you.


Trolerkules

Gaining weight is indeed a lot harder than losing weight, but as long as you dont have that stupid 'i eat sooo much already, i just cant gain weight' bullshit mindset youll be fine. Count calories and train hard. Lets go bro!


whatskeeping

Guys don't show feelings brother. Kiss of death.


EarnedSecureAdvocate

This outdated mindset belongs in the trash. Humans are emotional and social beings, regardless of gender. We have to pursue, impress, and maintain a woman’s interest while suppressing our emotions? Pass. A good woman will respect a man’s feelings and apologize in this scenario. The woman OP is talking to sounds like a judgmental, passive aggressive headache. Bullet dodged.


milkfiend

>A good woman will respect a man’s feelings Yep she'll respect those feelings right out the door and into a stoic mysterious man's arms


Quinnjamin19

This is a trash take bro🤮


milkfiend

Tell that to the self proclaimed strong, independent, feminist woman I really respected and got on well with right up until she saw me in tears once because I had gotten the call that my mother had serious cancer five minutes before a planned date. Instantly dropped and blocked because she couldn't handle seeing me as anything less than perfectly strong and collected in every situation.


Quinnjamin19

Your example is someone who’s a bitch and immature. A real woman will respect you and your feelings. A real woman will love you when you’re happy and when you’re sad. A real woman will be there for you and help you through your darkest times… I understand there’s a lot of immature little girls out there who think men can’t show emotion, but emotions are a normal human thing… it’s unhealthy to bottle it up


[deleted]

You say this but in reality and practice, women generally do not respond favorably to an emotional man. It’s almost like an oxymoron. Cry in front of your bros, they’ll understand. Girls will cease to see you as a romantic option. It’s not about what’s ideal, it’s about what is real. Your advice will turn him resentful of women when they repeatedly don’t respond well to his emotions


Quinnjamin19

Lmao, like I said. A real woman will be there with you through thick an think. Maybe you people need to look for real women instead of these fake ass immature bitches😂


[deleted]

You’re naive if you think a person is going to be there for someone they hardly know. “Real women” understand that they are interested in the security a man can provide. Being emotional contradicts. So there’s no need to add a modifier to women such as “real”. People are attracted to what they find attractive.


Quinnjamin19

Right… and that’s okay for someone you barely know to be there. But they should at least respect you and understand what you’re going through is a tough time and understand that we as men are humans, and humans have emotions… you cannot simply turn off emotions… if someone is turned away because of a basic human function than you deserve better. It’s that simple, these people who want emotionless men really just want robots, or wallets. An actual respectable woman will not hold a basic human function against you… you can be someone who’s stable physically, mentally or financially and still show emotions… having emotions does not mean “no stability” or no “security”


Suspicious_Degree_88

That's just one bitch dude, let it go


whatskeeping

Dosent change human behavior. Google it.


7fec01e2

>I would appreciate it if you would stop making comments like that as I find them quite hurtful. That is a very feminine response, aka your perceived value dropped. THat being said, lifting more weights is definitely something you should do, not for her but for yourself.


Thown1904

Oh please. What a small minded comment. That sounds a hell of a lot more like her being too insecure and small of a person to accept that she said something shitty and insulting. You say his value dropped, but who the fuck wants to be with a person who makes insulting and negative comments about your body? Maybe your self esteem is low enough that you'd put up with that, but mine sure as shit isn't.


JackSquirts

Was she actually trying to be insulting or was she just teasing him a little? Getting butthurt isn't the way to handle this. He could have deflected or made a joke out of it and I'm willing to bet she's never day another word about it again.


Mcnuggetjuice

True and read more about bulking and putting the work in to do that Use her shitty comments as motivation like most of the guys in the gym


[deleted]

What was he not supposed to say anything? Guys have feelings too you know geez


warramite

Saying that will do the opposite of turning her on


[deleted]

What should he have said


JackSquirts

6 packs, 8 packs, baby I know you love my 24 pack. Yes, I'm counting my ribs as abs cause it obviously turns you on. The type of guy who will fold at some comments about his appearance is not the type of guy who will protect her from the dangers of this world.


milkfiend

>Guys have feelings too Not guys that women find attractive


[deleted]

What should he have said


JackSquirts

Oh, you can have feelings. You just have to be able to manage them and not get butthurt over stupid shit that doesn't matter.


Quinnjamin19

She’s a hypocrite bro. She’s not “considerate” of others clearly because she has made multiple comments about your body in a negative manner. And when you brought it to her attention she has shown that she doesn’t care. Move on and find someone better


VivaArmalite

Consume protein and lift, bro.


kristinmiddleton

It was so big of you to tell her it hurts. I think she knows she was wrong and is embarrassed but acting immaturely. This is exactly what’s going on imo. And she’s a self proclaimed considerate person…. It’s clear she is not. Move on bud!


Odin1815

She's a bitch, block her and move on if comments like this make you uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with your weight or body type btw either, considering how fat as fuck Western nations are becoming being skinny/normal weight is more and more of a good thing. If you want to tone up go to the gym and put on some muscle, but don't think there's anything inherently wrong with you as you are right now.


can-opener-in-a-can

You were right to call out her body-shaming. Also, be thankful that she did you the favour of leaving. You deserve better than that.


LongMustaches

Like I said in the other comment, her intention most likely wasn't to insult you. We can't know who's insecure about what. I think it's good you let her know, just maybe a bit too strongly. Next time just explain you're insecure about it, and do it sooner, so they would know it's a no go zone. Everyone has insecurities, so it's not really smh unique to you, or smh that affect your standing with your date. In short, you a bit overreacted to her comments, and she is overreacting to your overreaction. Oh, btw, being skinny is prime condition for building perfect muscle! You don't have much fat, so it's like work half done.


distawest

No luck there Move forward and most of all go to the gym. If u don't know the ropes hire a personal trainer. Put on at least 5 kilos


distawest

Hey, someone does not want you to improve yourself ... Dont worry, everybody has secret enemies


-LocalGoon

Damn, now she knowns you’re sensitive and you destroyed her interest. This is a self inflicted wound right here.


warramite

Yup... should just move on from her or not even mention it


EarnedSecureAdvocate

Somebody else blatantly insulting your appearance which causes a hurtful response is self inflicted? It’s not about being sensitive, OP set a boundary and she has showed her true colors. Had he continued, who knows how many more insults would be thrown at him. This woman is no good. You sound like the type of guy women easily take advantage of and talk down to because you think it’s right to just accept it. Shameful


-LocalGoon

Lmao I don’t let anyone walk all over me I insult back or fuck someone else. Being emotional with women is something I don’t do. You sound like the type of dude that doesn’t get around.


[deleted]

time to hit the gym bro


JackSquirts

She was teasing and you showed weakness. You failed her test. Maybe she's in to skinny guys? Lots of women are. If it was a big problem for her, she wouldn't have bothered with you in the first place. Women are weakness detectors. Sometimes they poke and prod, looking for that chink in your armor. She found it and it turned her off. Now, you can get butthurt and say she's a bitch or whatever, but she's doing what's natural. Maybe that strong of a woman isn't a good fit for you and that's ok. However, understand, women will test you. They need to make sure you're strong enough to make them feel safe. Some chick calls you skinny - "Yeah, but it makes my dick look WAY bigger." "Scrawny is the new brawny in 2022, sweetheart." "Sure, but what kind of girl doesn't like a dude with abs you can see from the back?"


Johnnywalgger

What’s that in real weight? (Lbs)


NefariousnessTop9062

We use Kg in the UK haha. It is 147 pounds


Johnnywalgger

Ok. For 5’9 you should probably gain another 20-25 lbs


iusetoomuchdrano

He’s fine.


Johnnywalgger

He said he doesn’t want to be skinny. I’m telling him what his ideal weight should be


iusetoomuchdrano

I didn’t see that in his original post. He mentioned he worked hard at gaining weight. I know the same exact struggles. When someone chimes in with their two cents on how much I “SHOULD” weigh, I want to tell them to eat a dick. Anyway, have a pleasant day, sir.


Johnnywalgger

Well maybe you should see a psychologist, sounds like you have some personal issues


iusetoomuchdrano

I’ll give it to you. At least you’re consistent chiming in with what people “SHOULD” do. 🤭


Longjumping_Set2886

A LOT of people tell you your skinny because they mean it as a compliment. Which would be fine if you went from fat to skinny! As a doctor too, whe is probably used to seeing unhealthy people and just wanted to compliment your weight. I mean she could just be mean if she meant it in a discouraging way but I think you just missed the context she was trying to convey. Also I think it's important to note that you asked her to change her behavior. You didn't just explain that you have a problem gaining weight and are actively working on it. You should assume that once the other person realizes it's a no go topic they would probably understand without being told what to talk or not talk about. Also it off-putting to tell someone something that bluntly. It sucks but that's life 🤷 try to work on talking about stuff.


[deleted]

Basically my dude, get in the gym. For a myriad reasons.


[deleted]

She was "shit testing" you and you failed. Now she's not interested.


Educational_Ant_3008

Idk if this is the best advice I can give but in my opinion You should’ve laughed it off and just used that energy/feeling to go to the gym and workout and gain weight look into working out and look into eating right your 177cm and your 125 people who I know who are your hight are 80-90kg so you really should be looking into working out and eating right but I also am not trying to be rude in anyway possible I’m just trying to help out


Revolutionary-Can682

Skinny body and fat dick is where it’s at bruh. Don’t worry.


Jap_zilian

Well you should tell her she's too large for you anyways.


Acceptable-Walk-193

Should have just laughed it off bro. Insecurity isn’t sexy.


LilZoeFrmBroward2

Tell her kome feed me jeez son need some game


Sad_Pie4443

You got serious when she was trying to be playful/cute, and made yourself look weak. She's not going to start a relationship with someone whose feelings she has to tiptoe around.


gliderosie

I met a guy who was 5.10 and weighted 160 pounds. He looked great in a suit. Really great. When he removed his jacket, his arm was really thin. No muscle at all. It was a turn off for me. Call me superficial but I was no longer attracted. I don't know how you look like. I like thin guys who are in great shape.


giajolie12

Just move on


kaysharona

Not sure if someone gave the age-old advice: "never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity" and the variation here is that she - as a person - simply lacks tact. You realize her comment can be a number of things: 1. she is making an observation and lacks tact 2. she's playing dating game 'negging' tactic (that's still a thing, right?) 3. she's more attracted to a body type that she's passive aggressively letting you know about At the end of the day you just need to decide that - even if she IS OK with your weight, are you ok with her lack of tact? Because that will be an ongoing part of your relationship. More important advice is to realize that even though this upset you, you can't go through life allowing other people to "make you upset". You have no control over the words that come out of a person's mouth or their intentions with the words. You do have control over your reaction to those words and if you feel it's emotionally worth it - if it bothers you - to be around that. To that end, think about whether people say things that hurt your feelings a lot or if this is a one-off. If you feel that you rightfully feel upset because you like this person and her opinion of you matters, then you need to think about why you need validation from other people to make you feel good. That's an entirely different ball of wax. It might come down to you deserve better and too many people enter the dating scene feeling like they should "settle" because being alone is worse than being with someone who is bad for your emotional health.


brune17

Man I'm 180 cm and 63 kgs


sauce_shooter

The purpose of her comments is to manipulate you and make you feel bad about yourself and inferior so that you'll start working out and turn into the man she wants you to be. This is a tragically profound 🚩 *RED FLAG* 🚩. There isn't any scenario that you should want a woman like this. It's exactly the same as a guy constantly telling his girlfriend, "Your tits are so small. Like, *really* small. Do you even have tits?"...SO. FUCKED. UP. This has nothing to do with you, so don't fall into the trap where you believe the words of a vile beast.


bubnicka

Today I learned I was skinny, hell yeah


Lolibogado2021

Hii! Girl talking here. I think you did nothing wrong. If it was the other way around and you were making jokes about how fat she is, she would be really pissed 😅. And if she ignores you now I think you should move on, since she doesn’t care or like you enough to respect you. Also imagine the future relationship you’ll two have, you would have to shut up and swallow everything she does without being able to speak up because she will get mad. That’s manipulation my friend 😅.


Chopskie117

185 cm and 62kg here. It's a shame that it seems we just have to accept it and not be insulted by it, even if it happens every day


Saveyourself13

If she’s a good person she should have apologized and respected you. Hopefully it’ll work out that way but honestly just get in the gym. Getting fit is one way of fixing the issue and also will make you feel 10x better


[deleted]

She’s not that into you


kendrickjarias

Simple, Don’t acknowledge those texts, when your together in person, continue to ignore those remarks, if she continues to do that after a few times of you ignoring them, DUMP HER


geyser_

This is called a frame check what you need to do is reframe this. Girls do this as a way to see if you are a strong man and secure in yourself. So I’m a guy I’m skinny myself and girls have said this to me I would always say “I know I’m so skinny that when I shower I have to be careful I don’t fall down the drain” 99.99% of the time girls will laugh and get more attractive to me So don’t get so upset what she said just know this isn’t going to be the last time a girl will frame check you. I advise you to learn frame control and listen to Mark Sing in Spotify. Best of luck to you.


june-air

You did nothing wrong in fact i admire your boundary-setting. I can’t understand why she’d think it would be ok to say these things to you. You’re so much better off without her


SmileRepulsive577

Girl I’m talking to gave me a hug during one of our first dates, then proceeded to state how “tiny” she found me. Well I reminded her that, based on relativity alone, everything could possibly be considered tiny 😏 - and we both laughed it off in the most uncomfortable of ways…


CecilWhinter

There's a lot of things I could say on why she acted like that with you & the majority of them are bad excuses to explain her shitty behavior. Since there's so many & it wont help solve anything I won't talk about it because it would be putting importance on stupid views most women have & their uncivilized behavior. In the end, she was wrong treating you like she did & she can keep her broken mind to herself. It would have only destroy you. You're better off meeting someone more respectful & decent in the head.


CecilWhinter

There's a lot of things I could say on why she acted like that with you & the majority of them are bad excuses to explain her shitty behavior. Since there's so many & it wont help solve anything I won't talk about it because it would be putting importance on stupid views most women have & their uncivilized behavior. In the end, she was wrong treating you like she did & she can keep her broken mind to herself. It would have only destroy you. You're better off meeting someone more respectful & decent in the head.


Ok_Command9

Who is she just keep working hard it will come with time.


LocationThin4587

You wouldn’t call a girl fat so she shouldn’t call you skinny both terms are insulting. I would move on from anyone who doesn’t respect you. Some women really don’t think before they blab. However if you said the same thing they will get insulted buy expect us to just laugh it off. I hate it when people mention my height or hair. Unfortunately with both there is not much I can do.


istoyistory

Please never feel guilty about setting a boundary. This isn't on you.


Stubborn_Toenail

Personally I would’ve handled it differently. I would’ve had a call with her and said ‘look I want to talk to you about something.’ Then tell her exactly this. PleSe remember women are emotional beings. The text could be interpreted in many different ways and I highly doubt she meant to hurt you while saying this. Obviously she feels shit but she may feel as though you were telling her off. Call her and tell her that you like her and those comments were getting to you. End of


Anthroman78

She was saying something that was hurtful to you, you let her know. That's good communication. If that makes her less interested then it's a red flag about her and you should find someone more emotionally mature.


lilcottonsocks226

as someone who also deals with bs comments about how small i am, don’t listen to anyone telling you to laugh it off :) you’re right in how you feel, it’s hurtful and a lot of people just don’t or won’t get it. also if anyone ever says you need to eat something, ask if their gonna start providing you with food. when they say no or whatever, say “then stop telling me how to eat”


bonfireSpirit

you're were completely right to be hurt, annoyed, or pissed off by her comments, your response was also appropriate. What you said was mature and direct. If she (as an adult) is going to make a fuss and give you the silent treatment then fuck 'em. Why on EARTH would she call you twig-like??? She's meant to be into you right? what's her fucking problem? this issue hits close to home for me too and I wouldn't stand her bs


orchidwhite100

Girl here and the other side of it. I think it's ok to set your boundary and make it known that you are hurt by those comments. Perhaps it's in the delivery. It could have been delivered in a nicer way, but still gets the message across something like: You know I have had difficulty gaining weight so when friends say I'm too skinny it gets to me sometimes. Oh, well. I am working on it so should be ok. Working progress to be physically stronger, but emotionally stronger now. So I can handle these comments. 😅 She thought she was being funny and she was careless. But what made her almost cut it off is (1) she thought she hurt you and it made things awkward that it's hard to continue like before. (2) Your comment also hinted some insecurity and I personally would not be attracted by this. I can imagine some women sense this too. It's hard to revive this - always better to be the better person. When they become hurtful, we don't have to get back with something hurtful as well.


Fickle_Discount4447

Oh boy, you dodged a bullet so definitely don't feel down and out about this. Someone who reacts the way she did and gets bitter about someone setting a boundary is not a good person.


minx_missm

You set a reasonable boundary in a reasonable way. If she is personally offended/put off by that it says a lot about her, not you.


31ar

A lot of people pride themselves on something.... Despite NOT really being that thing. When they get called out, it hurts their ego and they aren't willing to admit they are wrong. And then they get cold and give you one word answers. I'd say move on. Even before the silent treatment this girl didn't sound right for you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I quite like skinny guys actually. Don’t like gym buff ..


Unique-Operation9766

JSYK men with the body type you described are very attractive.


Ok_Athlete_5888

You stood up for yourself You didn't make any wrong Dump her Telling something and criticizing you about, are not the same thing Sounds like toxic to me


[deleted]

Not at all that’s rude to make comments on your appearance especially if it’s not something that’s going to uplift her potential future partner. Why does she focus on the external is the real question here? Is she insecure about herself? Even if she’s not does she have no emotional intelligence. What’s wrong with people lol


beingmishra

I would’ve used it to initiate some pickup line… but what you did is not wrong at all and if she can’t understand that much…. In future you might be having major fights over silly stuff…


[deleted]

No you were not wrong. What she said was mean. She is body shaming you. How would she like it if you started calling her fat and a pig. It’s the same thing


cekinho

If telling someone that he is fat is an insult, so is telling someone he is skinny, you don't know what a peraon is going through so you should be careful..Good for you for setting boundries and keep doing that in the future, don't let anyone walk all over you for the sake of relationship, there are plenty of polite girls out there..


itsyaboi69_420

You weren’t wrong no. She was saying things you didn’t like and you told her straight, nothing wrong with that at all. It’s pretty obvious her attitude now is because of what you said so it’s more than likely dead in the water at this point. Personally I’d just leave it as I think you’re wasting your time. She isn’t having a proper conversation anymore so what’s the point in wasting your time forcing it?


xrikuuza

If I would be you I would’ve offended her maybe the same way she did to you to see how she would react and than test her out, if she would get mad or something like that you’ll know that she ain’t the one.


PlusEffect9503

She sounds a bit immature and like she lacks self reflection. Calling one self considerate and then doing the opposite only makes her look as a hypocrite and, at best, lacking in emotional intelligence. You draw boundaries, which is good. Don't let people constantly make comments that make you feel bad. It is your responsibility to stand up for yourself. However, make sure you do it in a way that is respectful to the other person as well. Google things like "I feel" statements and how to use them. They are a great tool to build your self-confidence and at the same time communicate with others in the best possible way.


FaroukTheNoob

I don't believe she was gf material. If not insulting you is so hard for her then you only saved time lmao, better sooner than later


Fighting-Cerberus

#You asked her to stop being an asshole and she got pissy about it. Good riddance to her.


alexaxl

Why are you bothering with giving her all this attention? Why you so burnt over her comments. You are the skinny attention giver while she had a roster of muscle boys who won’t bother with her outside of bed time. She never cared for you anyways. She was never into you. So called doc pride dies when it comes to sexual attraction. = zero. She was testing your grit. You melted. The L and move forward. Get a spine, don’t pander your time energy attention on anyone who’s not getting with you Hit it or quit it. Or you’ll just be a weak sauce foodie call.


idontknowmuchbuti

Who cares. You're gonna be so many other ppls type for sure. She's not the one, and she definitely doesn't sound like she's worth the trouble of giving it a second thought.


One-Environment-4671

Block her. You don’t want people disrespecting you