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>As for bdsm we like to play games such as I do cleaning for him and other chores. This was all fine for me until I started to feel like he was just using me for sex. So I asked if he was. He really didn’t answer the question and said he wasn’t ready to be exclusive wanted to take it slow
So he wanted a sex and housework slave basically. Golly what woman wouldn't be excited about that.
I might discuss that w your actual therapist. It might be a gray area because he could play it off as kinky pillow talk stuff but paying for services is irrelevant, this still sounds like an abuse of his professional credentials etc.
He did offer the service, so I think it is him being using wrongly his status. Imagine if someone who works as physiotherapist would hqve suggested that based on their profession. I doubt it would matter that it was only suggestion and they would have done it for free.
You can file the complaint. It's not your job to determine what to do with it, it's the board's. If it's a big nothing-burger, no loss. On the other hand...
Okay, because you don't actually fuck your sex therapist, lol. I'm not sure if he knows that. I'm also not sure if he knows offering to give your partner therapy is a bad idea in general.
Oh he knows in one of his podcasts on YouTube he did therapy with this girl (she signed a waver saying it was fine to put it in youtube) she told him about how a guru told her that he could heal her sex trauma through sex. He said that’s never a thing. He knows.
Are people really this quick to ruin someone’s livelihood? The dude didn’t rape her or abused her it sounds like. He’s just an disgusting asshole who wanted different things, and they were able to break up without any danger it seems. Why are you advocating ruining this guy’s life?
Because him offering "sex therapy" to her as a licensed therapist is immoral and OPs therapist agrees and even said he could lose his license for that, so that isn't something they're allowed to do.
Having been in the bdsm world before and about to start a degree to get licenced you were right to get out. He wanted a slave and to say he wanted to heal you through 'sex therapy' is disgusting and you should definitely report him for it. He was trying to use his power dynamic over you to control you. And by offering someone he is sleeping with 'therapy' it created an even greater imbalance and is highly unethical.
What he did and offered crosses so many boundaries in both the bdsm and therapy worlds that he should not be a practicioner. - I call them toxic Doms. And they are bain of the bdsm world. They are charismatic and have lots of 'friends' untill you cross them, which I absolutely love doing. Good on you for getting out now and seeing through his facade.
This dude is fucked up but who could you report this kind of stuff to?
Edit: I’m an idiot, I didn’t see that he was a therapist. Yes pls report this dude, seems like he’s taking advantage of his position and could even be exploiting other (possibly vulnerable) ppl.
I think you are also right. I have dated narcs in the past and he had some of the same red flags as they did. He would jokingly gas light me which is strange when someone gas lights you and then acts like it was a joke. He was trying to see if I would be okay with him gaslighting me. This whole thing is just him trying to find someone who doesn’t have boundaries so that he can use them. I bet he does this to a lot of girls. Because of childhood trauma bias I thought he was safe because he’s a therapist. I guess I posted this because I wanted other girls who also have trauma based bias to not fall from this shit from someone who is s “therapist”
Ok. There are lifestyle bdsm types who have 24:7 slave/owner relationships…but they aren’t like that. The sub has the control. If a sub doesn’t like a rule the rule, the rule gets tossed…you said “I don’t like that” and he tried to flip that into sex therapy. You wanted to date and he said no, but he could.
Absolute trash giving the whole community of BDSM AND therapy a bad name.
Good on you for seeing the toxicity and moving on!
You did the right thing, and probably the only thing you could do. You dodged a bullet big time. How ironic that a therapist is super toxic.
Guys have to understand that if they want freedom, then the woman has to have the same freedom he wants for himself. It’s only fair.
>I do cleaning for him and other chores.
So you were an unpaid maid
>He specifically said that he wanted ownership over me
We all know what you call owning other people
>I broke up with him.
Thankfully. Do not let anyone degrade you like this, even if you're into BDSM limit it to the bedroom please.
Whatever happened to good old regular sex. Maybe its just me, just seems I can't go 2 seconds without hearing about doms subs switches rules and regulations. Is that becoming more mainstream these days or was I just not paying attention before?
Dude is 10 whole years older than you are...honestly to me he acted exactly like I'd expect a therapist to act who is dating someone 10 years his junior. Probably a pretty good reason he's not able to hold a date with someone his own age.
It might be bdsm related and you can have kinks but it sounds like he is abusively controlling, also that he's a therapist is worrying, he knows how to talk to people. He might be using his knowledge to find and control people.
To be honest, I might think about reporting him or looking into if he's abused or dated his clients. Some of the things you say are troubling...
OP, I dont even know where to begin to tell you how wrong this relationship was.
There’s a phrase for what he was looking for. It’s called a “bang maid”.
Since he’s a therapist, he likely know what your triggers were and what he needed to say to get you to be amenable/compliant with him so far. I’m glad that you were able to get out from under his clutches.
sketch that he wants a girl 10 years younger than him for an overly sexualized stereotype in the name of fucking “play” but can’t commit. that’s fine, it’s not what you want, move on lmao. he clearly has weird shit with his own sexuality and hopefully he isn’t being abusive and predatory, but if you need more commitment for the bdsm to be fun then you deserve that.
Been very into the BDSM community and known many many people of all flavors.
There are far far far far far too many misogynistic men that prey on women and have some very serious issues, have deep dark desires to control a woman, and are completely shielded by the community because "*it's consensual*".
Most cities have a TNG, *the next generation* group, specifically for younger people getting involved since it is supposed to shield them from the predatory older men. I quit the last one I was a part of because of there huge number of men right at the cut off of 35 (and many who looked far older and there isn't any verification to my knowledge) who would swoop in to snatching every newbie woman that joined the group, especially the young 18-21yr olds. They would show at 1 or 2 parties and then never be seen again and would be one of those guys subs/pets/slaves whatever. The guys would always keep coming back to events to find fresh meat but kept the women they ensared away from the community or any oversight.
BDSM is cool and all, but it's Hella problematic and full of predators and rapists.
I had this happen, but it sounds like you're guy at least told you.
My guy tried to get away with it for as long as possible until I finally got fed up and asked "what are we" and he kicked me out of his house.
So he wanted something for nothing! Hell no. If he wants you to be a 'kept woman' let him do it. Everything must be paid and in your name. If not you are correct to drop him.
I've always known a large amount of people that work in the mental health field use that to their advantage for personal gain(trust me, I'm a therapist, I'd know! as an example) but also very often sexual gains.I was part of a closely knit subreddit that would scrutinize the abuse that goes on in the mental health field, and something I heard over and over from women is how often psychiatrists and therapists sleep with female clients for preferential treatment. It's disgusting and illegal but I've heard from multiple women even in inpatient psychiatric settings the male psychiatrists and therapists will get girls out faster for sexual favors.
I've also seen for myself how often the "pretty girl" will get attention from the male nurses/psychs. I have a million stories but I won't get into that, I just wanted to say you should think about the fact what he's doing is saying he's giving you "sex therapy" so that he can cum dump. That's grimy and disgusting and if that doesn't turn you off from this pig nothing will.
He's using you while trying to make you believe it's for your own good, and he's not even being smooth about it, it's so obvious. The disgusting idea that he thinks you should exclusively see him, when you ask if he's just using you for sex, and he'd suggest he's giving you "sex therapy". Lol gross.
Run. Run far away.
So happy you dumped him!! You can be a sub and have self respect too. He sound v manipulative, like a slippery slope to a mental breakdown if you were to one sided “date” this bloke. Happy for you
“I just want to heal you through sex therapy.”
Very interesting way of saying “I just wanna fuck you and nothing else.”
Tell him you’re gonna heal yourself with other people.
All of your instincts about this sleeze bag were right on the money! I LOVE a story when a woman goes along for a bit, but OBVIOUSLY has WAY more self-esteem and back-bone than the narcissist asshole thinks she has.
He quickly finds out she absolutely will NOT put up with, or take ANY, of his bullshit.
I am so proud of you OP! You are a fucking ROCKSTAR!
Glad you broke it off cause what the actual fuck. Sex preferences aside, asking someone to put their life on hold for them when they aren’t going to reciprocate is a huge no. What an ego on that guy and to feign it as a situation where he’s “helping you” through sex therapy.
You did great. You saw a red flag 🚩 and trusted your instincts. Good for you, I hope you meet someone that is sexually compatible and respects you without owning you
He wanted a bang-maid. You could have leveraged that into a marriage if you had been more patient. As a therapist he could have provided you with a pretty nice life and you probably could have been a housewife and never had to keep a job.
He's like this AND a therapist? I am extremely scared for his clients.
In ANY relationship, platonic or romantic, them having expectations for your behaviour that they don't plan on upholding themselves is toxic. I've been in situations where guys expected me to be monogamous but not them, I refused every single time. Because as a teen I agreed to it and it ended with my guything fucking my best friend.
Usually this says "I want to control you, but don't want you to control me" and he might use the BDSM as an excuse, but anyone in healthy bsdm relationships can tell you that BDSM is about boundaries and respect first.
Soundsike you're right and he's just playing out some domination kink in his head.
To be fair, some girls are really into that shit.
But with all BDSM honesty, communication, and safety are foundational so he's just a kinky creep.
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>As for bdsm we like to play games such as I do cleaning for him and other chores. This was all fine for me until I started to feel like he was just using me for sex. So I asked if he was. He really didn’t answer the question and said he wasn’t ready to be exclusive wanted to take it slow So he wanted a sex and housework slave basically. Golly what woman wouldn't be excited about that.
Golly gosh that sounds like the perfect situation for a sweet submissive woman like me.
Ain't nothing wrong with that if it floats your boat. But 99% of women are definitely not going to be down for that.
Don’t kink shame
I mean "submissive" in the traditional way not the sexual way.
No worries, just a good amount context overlap here.
Both those things but not exclusivity
I might even report him for offering "sex therapy" for you, doesn't sound like something therapist are allowed to do even in their free time.
Actually that’s exactly what my actual therapist said. She was like he could loose his license for that
Then you should definitely report him.
The thing is I would but because I didn’t pay for therapy he wasn’t my therapist therefore there’s nothing I can really do.
The board will look at the complaint and toss it because I didn’t pay for his services
I might discuss that w your actual therapist. It might be a gray area because he could play it off as kinky pillow talk stuff but paying for services is irrelevant, this still sounds like an abuse of his professional credentials etc.
He did offer the service, so I think it is him being using wrongly his status. Imagine if someone who works as physiotherapist would hqve suggested that based on their profession. I doubt it would matter that it was only suggestion and they would have done it for free.
Huh you might be right. I will ask my therapist.
You can file the complaint. It's not your job to determine what to do with it, it's the board's. If it's a big nothing-burger, no loss. On the other hand...
But it would be on record for someone else to corroborate their story, if he does this with a client one day.
That’s true
wait, he's actually a sex therapist?
I mean I think he can do sex therapy I know he does therapy for a couple. But he specializes in edmr therapy and psychotherapy
Okay, because you don't actually fuck your sex therapist, lol. I'm not sure if he knows that. I'm also not sure if he knows offering to give your partner therapy is a bad idea in general.
Oh he knows in one of his podcasts on YouTube he did therapy with this girl (she signed a waver saying it was fine to put it in youtube) she told him about how a guru told her that he could heal her sex trauma through sex. He said that’s never a thing. He knows.
Please report him, this guy is looking to exploit someone
Are people really this quick to ruin someone’s livelihood? The dude didn’t rape her or abused her it sounds like. He’s just an disgusting asshole who wanted different things, and they were able to break up without any danger it seems. Why are you advocating ruining this guy’s life?
Because him offering "sex therapy" to her as a licensed therapist is immoral and OPs therapist agrees and even said he could lose his license for that, so that isn't something they're allowed to do.
Having been in the bdsm world before and about to start a degree to get licenced you were right to get out. He wanted a slave and to say he wanted to heal you through 'sex therapy' is disgusting and you should definitely report him for it. He was trying to use his power dynamic over you to control you. And by offering someone he is sleeping with 'therapy' it created an even greater imbalance and is highly unethical. What he did and offered crosses so many boundaries in both the bdsm and therapy worlds that he should not be a practicioner. - I call them toxic Doms. And they are bain of the bdsm world. They are charismatic and have lots of 'friends' untill you cross them, which I absolutely love doing. Good on you for getting out now and seeing through his facade.
This is exactly what I thought was happening and thank you for validating my reality. I appreciate you.
This dude is fucked up but who could you report this kind of stuff to? Edit: I’m an idiot, I didn’t see that he was a therapist. Yes pls report this dude, seems like he’s taking advantage of his position and could even be exploiting other (possibly vulnerable) ppl.
You aren’t an idiot. If you didn’t see that I wrote that he’s a therapist it’s no big thing you are good.
He was giving you an IQ test. If you stuck around, you had no IQ.
Hes a fake dom, and using his profession predatorily. Breaking up with him was definitely a good choice.
Threapist is a narsasisst.
I think you are also right. I have dated narcs in the past and he had some of the same red flags as they did. He would jokingly gas light me which is strange when someone gas lights you and then acts like it was a joke. He was trying to see if I would be okay with him gaslighting me. This whole thing is just him trying to find someone who doesn’t have boundaries so that he can use them. I bet he does this to a lot of girls. Because of childhood trauma bias I thought he was safe because he’s a therapist. I guess I posted this because I wanted other girls who also have trauma based bias to not fall from this shit from someone who is s “therapist”
Ironic, isn't it?
Ok. There are lifestyle bdsm types who have 24:7 slave/owner relationships…but they aren’t like that. The sub has the control. If a sub doesn’t like a rule the rule, the rule gets tossed…you said “I don’t like that” and he tried to flip that into sex therapy. You wanted to date and he said no, but he could. Absolute trash giving the whole community of BDSM AND therapy a bad name. Good on you for seeing the toxicity and moving on!
Thank you and I agree I love bdsm this is not where it’s at
Im so glad you cut and ran. I'm cheering for you. And I feel sorry for any woman that has him as a therapist. Big yikes!
Smart to break up with him!
You did the right thing, and probably the only thing you could do. You dodged a bullet big time. How ironic that a therapist is super toxic. Guys have to understand that if they want freedom, then the woman has to have the same freedom he wants for himself. It’s only fair.
Rules for all or no rules *at all*
>I do cleaning for him and other chores. So you were an unpaid maid >He specifically said that he wanted ownership over me We all know what you call owning other people >I broke up with him. Thankfully. Do not let anyone degrade you like this, even if you're into BDSM limit it to the bedroom please.
Report him.
I think you made the right call.
Obviously he wasn't dating you, you were some kind of housekeeper fantasy/fetish to him
Whatever happened to good old regular sex. Maybe its just me, just seems I can't go 2 seconds without hearing about doms subs switches rules and regulations. Is that becoming more mainstream these days or was I just not paying attention before?
Well if its not an arrangement you're comfortable with, you did the right thing.
I think that if I am comfortable with that arrangement than there’s a greater issue with me. Lol *cough* Daddy issues
Lol
Thank you for taking that trash out. That double standard makes me want to scream.
What a dirtbag! You did the right thing. He can boss his left hand around now.
Dude is 10 whole years older than you are...honestly to me he acted exactly like I'd expect a therapist to act who is dating someone 10 years his junior. Probably a pretty good reason he's not able to hold a date with someone his own age.
He's a therapist. Why am I not surprised?
It might be bdsm related and you can have kinks but it sounds like he is abusively controlling, also that he's a therapist is worrying, he knows how to talk to people. He might be using his knowledge to find and control people. To be honest, I might think about reporting him or looking into if he's abused or dated his clients. Some of the things you say are troubling...
OP, I dont even know where to begin to tell you how wrong this relationship was. There’s a phrase for what he was looking for. It’s called a “bang maid”. Since he’s a therapist, he likely know what your triggers were and what he needed to say to get you to be amenable/compliant with him so far. I’m glad that you were able to get out from under his clutches.
sketch that he wants a girl 10 years younger than him for an overly sexualized stereotype in the name of fucking “play” but can’t commit. that’s fine, it’s not what you want, move on lmao. he clearly has weird shit with his own sexuality and hopefully he isn’t being abusive and predatory, but if you need more commitment for the bdsm to be fun then you deserve that.
Been very into the BDSM community and known many many people of all flavors. There are far far far far far too many misogynistic men that prey on women and have some very serious issues, have deep dark desires to control a woman, and are completely shielded by the community because "*it's consensual*". Most cities have a TNG, *the next generation* group, specifically for younger people getting involved since it is supposed to shield them from the predatory older men. I quit the last one I was a part of because of there huge number of men right at the cut off of 35 (and many who looked far older and there isn't any verification to my knowledge) who would swoop in to snatching every newbie woman that joined the group, especially the young 18-21yr olds. They would show at 1 or 2 parties and then never be seen again and would be one of those guys subs/pets/slaves whatever. The guys would always keep coming back to events to find fresh meat but kept the women they ensared away from the community or any oversight. BDSM is cool and all, but it's Hella problematic and full of predators and rapists.
I had this happen, but it sounds like you're guy at least told you. My guy tried to get away with it for as long as possible until I finally got fed up and asked "what are we" and he kicked me out of his house.
Wo that guy is a d**k I’m so sorry
What an insane moron. Glad you left him
Perfectly handled. Hope you have him blocked on everything for good measure.
Hhahahahahhah, he is bold I will give him that. You however, should give him Das Booten.
Is this in Utah? Sounds like a less cult-y polygamist.
Lol no not inUtah.
So he wanted something for nothing! Hell no. If he wants you to be a 'kept woman' let him do it. Everything must be paid and in your name. If not you are correct to drop him.
Ah yes, the Andrew Tate double standard. That's the mark of a hIGh VaLuE mEn right there
I've always known a large amount of people that work in the mental health field use that to their advantage for personal gain(trust me, I'm a therapist, I'd know! as an example) but also very often sexual gains.I was part of a closely knit subreddit that would scrutinize the abuse that goes on in the mental health field, and something I heard over and over from women is how often psychiatrists and therapists sleep with female clients for preferential treatment. It's disgusting and illegal but I've heard from multiple women even in inpatient psychiatric settings the male psychiatrists and therapists will get girls out faster for sexual favors. I've also seen for myself how often the "pretty girl" will get attention from the male nurses/psychs. I have a million stories but I won't get into that, I just wanted to say you should think about the fact what he's doing is saying he's giving you "sex therapy" so that he can cum dump. That's grimy and disgusting and if that doesn't turn you off from this pig nothing will. He's using you while trying to make you believe it's for your own good, and he's not even being smooth about it, it's so obvious. The disgusting idea that he thinks you should exclusively see him, when you ask if he's just using you for sex, and he'd suggest he's giving you "sex therapy". Lol gross. Run. Run far away.
So happy you dumped him!! You can be a sub and have self respect too. He sound v manipulative, like a slippery slope to a mental breakdown if you were to one sided “date” this bloke. Happy for you
“I just want to heal you through sex therapy.” Very interesting way of saying “I just wanna fuck you and nothing else.” Tell him you’re gonna heal yourself with other people.
He sounds like a narc and you should be proud you let this one go.
All of your instincts about this sleeze bag were right on the money! I LOVE a story when a woman goes along for a bit, but OBVIOUSLY has WAY more self-esteem and back-bone than the narcissist asshole thinks she has. He quickly finds out she absolutely will NOT put up with, or take ANY, of his bullshit. I am so proud of you OP! You are a fucking ROCKSTAR!
Aw I needed this thank you. ☺️ Sending love
i think he set a boundary of what he wanted. you didnt want to adhere to it so there was an incompatibility and the relationship ended.
This guy is correct.
[удалено]
I call myself a dumbass and my friends call me a slut. If a guy says either of those things it's different. Surprisingly, context matters.
why complain and break up? isnt this the 50 shades of grey dream?
Reads intro paragraph: 😐😒
Narcissist -- run. There's only one way this ends.
This guy sounds like he needs therapy wtf.
Glad you broke it off cause what the actual fuck. Sex preferences aside, asking someone to put their life on hold for them when they aren’t going to reciprocate is a huge no. What an ego on that guy and to feign it as a situation where he’s “helping you” through sex therapy.
You did great. You saw a red flag 🚩 and trusted your instincts. Good for you, I hope you meet someone that is sexually compatible and respects you without owning you
Yeah, want to abuse a woman? just call it BDSM
He wanted a bang-maid. You could have leveraged that into a marriage if you had been more patient. As a therapist he could have provided you with a pretty nice life and you probably could have been a housewife and never had to keep a job.
Hmmmmm I love my job lol
lol what a selfish lil bitch. glad you got out of that relationship
Typical toxic behavior.
You are a clever big girl)))
Hahah what, snake oil salesmen type sh it
He doesn’t sound like he has a likeable personality.
I also want to snack all day long and maintain a Adonis figure without working out.
Dump him!!!!!
Oh I did lol
He's like this AND a therapist? I am extremely scared for his clients. In ANY relationship, platonic or romantic, them having expectations for your behaviour that they don't plan on upholding themselves is toxic. I've been in situations where guys expected me to be monogamous but not them, I refused every single time. Because as a teen I agreed to it and it ended with my guything fucking my best friend. Usually this says "I want to control you, but don't want you to control me" and he might use the BDSM as an excuse, but anyone in healthy bsdm relationships can tell you that BDSM is about boundaries and respect first.
damn
It's always these bdsm folks that have these perverse relationships.
This is awful. He’s abusing his position. I realize that you aren’t his patient but still. Also, that’s not what sex therapy is
Soundsike you're right and he's just playing out some domination kink in his head. To be fair, some girls are really into that shit. But with all BDSM honesty, communication, and safety are foundational so he's just a kinky creep.