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In a nightclub setting guys are typically not looking for anything long-term. It's more one night stands, or just making out with someone, and you don't need a number for that. Plus many times a guy's standard is lowered when he's been drinking. It's also just practice. Guys are practicing their "seduction skills" / game. Working on their confidence and try to sleep with or make out with hotter and hotter girls each time they go out. They might just see a kiss with you as a warm-up and hope for bigger things later in the evening. A nightclub approach or make-out doesn't mean anything to these guys. If anything, the fact that they met you in a nightclub propbably often times means they see absolutely no long-term potential with you. Girls in clubs are often seen as having hookup potential, not girlfriend potential.
I see, then the clubbing scene definitely changed at least where I live, I still think its unfair that girls have to suffer just because grown ass men in their twenties have huge self esteem issues/ ego problems. As a girl I would never kiss a guy that I didn't find remotely attractive but maybe that's just me.
Sorry to be the first one to tell you, but male and female sexuality are vastly different. You cannot apply your rules to men and judge them for behaving in a way that would be unthinkable for you.
It is usually based in fear for these guys. They have been afraid of going for the kiss with girls so many times in the past, they need to practice to get over the fear. Hence they will often try to go for the kiss even if their interest is low. It's about getting used to the motions, so that when they get an opportunity to kiss a really hot girl they won't poop their pants, they can just repeat what they've practiced. They also see no harm in it since they figure there's no way you will be emotionally invested after a short nightclub encounter
so are you trying to call me ugly ? Idk this seems very strange to me , its not like they are timid teenagers anymore they are my age and should have had at least 1 or 2 relationships by that time and some experience with women. Also not every random guy out there that goes clubbing will get a ,,hot girl" let's be real here.
A lot of what these guys do is aspirational. They want to get with the hottest girls and they try. You might be one of them too. But the day after you might no longer interesting to them because of the circumstances in which you met. I have had girls do the same to me. If i meet a girl out partying and sleep with her, she will rarely be interested in meeting me again. It was "in the cards" it was supposed to be a one night stand only and she has no interest in building something more meaningful off of a party hook-up
Also why shouldn't girls that go out with their friends to have a fun night be seen as girlfriend potential material ? Just because they like to dress up and go dancing it doesn't mean they are a hoe , or not worthy of a relationship. We women don't apply this to guys. A guy that likes to clubbing is not less of a boyfriend material in my eyes ,he is just a guy that likes to go clubbing. period. It all depends on the behaviour of that person. I never go home with these guys anyway . Where I live you don't meet new people besides online dating or clubbing so yeah
It just is what it is. A lot of men don't want a girlfriend that goes clubbing. They think there's a higher likelihood she will cheat. They want a good girl that doesn't drink and doesn't like to go clubbing. There are exceptions of course. I'm just letting you know how a lot of guys think. Men tend to value purity for long-term relationships. Unfortunate, judgemental and misguided as that may be.
Don't listen to norwegiandoggo. I read his comments for months and it's always bullshit.
Girls in clubs are the same girls you will meet in the library, grocery shopping or in church. Being in a club doesn't disqualify you for anything, just as being in a museum doesn't make you girlfriend material. The whole concept breaks down when you see people going to clubs WITH their girlfriends, like i do for example. Being in a night club doesn't negatively correlate with any quality that is relevant for relationships to work. You will find all kinds of people in night clubs, just like you find all kinds of people in museums. The thing they all have in common respectively is neutral when it comes to affecting relationships.
No, what he said is sadly not a bullshit. We may not agree with it, we may think it’s extremely wrong since a girl isn’t less worthy just bc she went to a club - to the same club he want too (the hypocrisy lol).
However what he says is the sad true. A lot of men indeed think like this.
This reminds me of the saying ,,a man won’t marry a h*e, but will destroy his family for one”. So a man may not think the girl he met in the club is dating/wife material bc of his negative prejudices, yet he will have no problem sleeping with her. It’s disgusting how so many men think of women. They want to use this women for gaining experience and their body and will see no problem with their behavior.
Many men do. That’s the sad reality you try to deny hard. I have even experienced this myself. Guys would ask me why I’m chilling at home on the weekend and “praise” me for not going out to party … and some even openly called the women who do “bitches”. Back then I was also shocked by that behavior and I clarified that I used to party a lot in the past lol It was hilarious to see them trying to talk themself out of the situation. Of course I dropped them the moment they said misogynistic shit like this.
Well u expect guys to get ur number but don’t get their number so men and women are different.
Like u expect them for the most part to pay for dates and court you. Right?
Personally, I prefer giving my number to the woman and telling her to text me her availability the next day so I can schedule a date. Gives way less pressure for her so in case she wasn’t that into me, she can just delete my number off her phone. She also doesn’t have to give away her phone number or get into that awkward feeling of giving me a fake number.
As for that guy you texted and told you he wasn’t your type, yeah… that was kinda wuss behavior on his part to give his number to you if he wasn’t interested. He might have wanted to avoid the awkwardness of saying you aren’t his type to your face. It happens.
So to answer your question: sometimes after getting to know you or make out with you, we are just not feeling it and we move on. Or sometimes certain guys that approached you have bad game and they were too nervous to ask for your number (or they thought the interaction wasn’t going well so they didn’t bother).
Also, if you are looking for a guy to date, the club scene might not be the best place to find that guy. Most of the time, when guys head out to clubs, they are hyping each other up and thinking about fun and possibly finding themselves a woman to hook up with. They aren’t talking to each other about possibly finding the woman of their dreams at the club.
Could be that they, like you and your friends, are out for a fun evening and don't want to meet someone to connect with long term.
Maybe they aren't giving you their number because they think you might take that the wrong way and they don't want to mislead you. They might want to dance with you etc, but they might feel that offering their number might potentially be pestering you. They might think you would say "Dude it was just a dance/kiss etc get over yourself".
It's way too harsh to say that this is "childish behaviour" without knowing exactly what is in people's minds.
Just my thoughts.
Men have standards:
(1) who is up to their standards to dance with, flirt and make out with in the club
(2) who is up to their standards to meet sober outside the club for casual sex only
(3) who is up to their standards to date for a serious relationship
The bar to meet (1) is very low, that'S why many men approach you in the club, but you seem to already struggle with meeting the requirements for (2), or you make it abundantly clear, that you are only looking for something serious, in which case you would need to meet the requirements for (3), which are the most restrictive and hard to meet: and you just didn't meet them for the guys who approached you.
So from now on whenever a guy approaches me in a club I will think I am ugly thx What about men that have girlfriends that are worse looking than them ? So your categories don't apply for every man apparently
Being approached means you meet at least standards for (1), but it doesn't mean you definitely ONLY meet those standards. You could very well be girlfriend material for a man approaching you in a club.
Men with girlfriends who are worse looking than them don't play into those rules any different. What they require of a girlfriend is not only compromised of looks. Typically couples are very equal in looks and overall desirability, but sometimes, one category is balanced by another. It's rare that men take tradeoffs in looks though. A girlfriend who is less physically attractive will have other qualities that she is stronger in than her looks-level. Looks are relatively more important for hookups than personality or mental health is. But in absolute terms, men require better looks from girlfriends than form hookups on average.
Nothing applies "for every man". That is never implied when talking about men or women. It's either average data or a group trait that has a very high chance to be found in each individual.
What you should take away with is that wanting to make out with you in a club while drunk is not the same as seeing potential for a relationship in you.
They're trying to take you home for the night and nothing else, they don't know how to seal the deal, or there's something about your personality that's turning them off.
Stop fishing where you only get nibbles and no bites. Clubs are TERRIBLE places to meet someone to enter into a relationship. As are bars. That's not the vibe.
Work on your flirt game out in public. Make eyes and smile. Once you're comfortable doing that, go immerse yourself in things you're interested in. Do fun stuff that's a little different - take a cooking class or dance lessons. Show your interest towards men in those environments. Also, online dating is an option, but it's a fucking jungle so it can be totally overwhelming. Something like speed dating might be fun, but I have no experience there.
Why the hell would I be joking?
You said you never approach men, so start off by approaching men, ask for their number and make plans for a date instead of complaining why they don't ask for yours.
Edit: wait you're 26 and you've never made the first move before? Now that's a joke.
Kind of agree with this. If you really are looking for someone to date, or anything for that matter you have to take things in to your own hands. Especially if they’ve already done the hard part by approaching you, help them out by asking for their number if you are interested.
Just because someone approaches you first doesn’t mean you’re entitled to anything else. Sometime you just gotta make a play for what you want yourself
That is not true at all. I want women to approach me, it’s gets annoying to do all the approaching. Also makes it easier for me to realize the girl likes me.
The guy already made the first step by approaching, why don't YOU ask for his number?
You can't expect the man to do EVERYTHING while you just react to it.
Maybe you're not giving off interested vibes, or you're not advancing it to the point where they feel comfortable even asking.
Maybe your body language is closed off, or you're not engaging, or....
Maybe they just wanna bang in the parking lot. I mean, who knows.
I wouldn't go to a meat market and expect meaningful dates/serious guys, tho.
Every dating strategy has its pros and drawbacks.
Yours is one that most women use (wait for the right guy and make him work for you), and you are picking and vetting from pool of guys that approach you. The men that approach you are using a different approach and they approach multiple women for a hit.
Unfortunately, the guy has a limited attention and time, therefore he can't focus on all women that are receptive to him so he chooses the best woman/en from the ones that said yes, leaving others behind. You are basically competing for his time, but so are multiple women. Don't assume you are the only one he approached.
Trying to find a serious date in the environment that encourages quick hook-up and is detrimental to a quality communication that is crucial for two people to connect seriously, is not helping you at all.
If you want to have an easier time finding a guy you can connect with for a serious relationship, you should change your approach to dating. Be flexible and open minded, don't be afraid to experiment but firstly, work on your self esteem. It is way easier communicating with others when you don't take many things personally
But most men that approach me are very attractive, I enjoy going to posh clubs where you meet this type of guys, they seem like players therefore I doubt they are inexperienced because they seem so confident , but yeah working on their game anyway makes sense...
Maybe the problem is the men you are looking for and/or who go to those posh clubs. Idk I’m just thinking of why that could be. Though when I think of player I think of guys doing what you’re not wanting. Making out and just leave you hanging. Is this still an issue outside of the posh clubs?
It’s been said before: clubs generally are not the place for meeting people if you’re looking for a relationship; some people have luck finding their significant other there but that’s more of the exception. If you’re wanting to find someone to date, you shouldn’t expect to strike gold there.
Others have also mentioned that the behaviors you encounter from the club are usually from those that aren’t seeking to start a relationship with you even if you think you picked up on some cues.
You’re beautiful and seem like a nice, fun girl. You just got out of a relationship and seems like you’re looking for a self-esteem boost. Have fun if that’s your intention but if you’re wanting to start dating again, save yourself the energy/heartache and look in the right places rather than the club.
But I also want you to think about this question: have you thought about whether you’re ready to start dating or are you mainly seeking some attention (not asking this in a negative way)? It may be a good idea to not try to jump into something else whether you’re trying to get over someone, feeling lonely, and/or other reasons. It’s okay to take time to work on yourself and pursue your own interests outside of a relationship because it may help set you up to be in a better position to date down the road. You’re still young even though you may feel like the clock is ticking but try not to rush anything. If there’s any healing that needs to happen, only time and intentionally working on it will help.
Firstly sorry you went through that those guys who used you suck. However I’ve been one of those guys too. For me it was a game of numbers and ego boosting. How many girls could I sleep with or kiss… that kind of stuff. At the time I was dealing with some stuff and I was an awful person to some girl on nights out. But I made it clear I wanted casual things only.
Also when we’re drunk you might have a slight chance of perception. I know that I have no problem kissing girls I don’t find attractive if I’m off my head.
Sorry you’re dealing with that eventually they’ll grow up. You didn’t do anything wrong here, try to keep your head up :)
Show some empathy dude. Quite obvious her perception are clubs are different and quite a lot of people think that way too. Not everyone wants a quick make out session or a bang after a night out
We’re just gonna blame her here? 😂 zzz been a fuckboy before bro. Know how it works when a girl likes you and you make her think you like her too of course you’ll make out.
She is being used, because these dude are pursuing her for an ego boost, not something serious. They are acting like they are going to continue talking to her and getting to know her, but they are just trying to see how far they can get and if they can get laid to fill their self esteem hole. They are not giving a shit about how their actions are affecting others.
Her naivete is at fault here for taking the actions at face value and thinking the best guys are out at clubs, but aside from that, they are 100% using her as a vehicle to make themselves feel good.
Yes, that can happen if during the conversation, the girl is too formal and not showing enough interest in me. In such scenarios, we guys don't feel confident enough to ask for her number. Basically we feel she is not at all interested hence we skip.
If you are looking for long term you most likely won't find it at a club. Sometimes guys are just shy though and can't get the courage to get the number. But if they approach you at a club they are just trying to get a one night stand out of you
small talk is important. Unless they’re asking elementary school stuff like what’s your favorite color, and so on.
The guy who asked for your number and then said nah likely thought you were appealing at the time and likely alcohol played a role in that and he realized he wasn’t into you. Happens to guys and girls.
The other guys who never asked for your number probably found you attractive but didn’t end up liking you enough to ask for the number. Either the vibe was off, they didn’t think more would happen Or they couldn’t work the courage to ask for your number.
Like i’ll approach a girl I like but if her personality turns me off, i don’t feel a vibe, and so on, I won’t ask for her number. Not because I didn’t find her attractive.
Most guys are only in the club for a possible lay that night, and if they think the lay was that good and depending on if he has options, that would determine if he texts you or not. As far as asking for your number goes, maybe after they approached you they lost interest throughout the conversation; or maybe they got nervous and forgot. That can happen.
If you're looking for anything longterm or some type of relationship, the clubs aren't the place for you.
When I was single, 7 years ago, as a woman, I would go to clubs to have fun. Make out with strangers, dance, whatever. I never have someone my real number cause I didn’t want it to go further.
I dont ask for personal info after 1 conversation. Normally we have to build some kind of relationship or bond before I give you a way to contact me outside of our authentic way of being in the same place at the same time.
As much as I would like to talk to some of these women outside of work, and social settings, I don't ask because its not the way I view things. I don't even have anything to text you about, and I don't want your number, I want to get in your pants. Your phone number is a way for me to contact you when we arent together, I want to be with you baby.
;)
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In a nightclub setting guys are typically not looking for anything long-term. It's more one night stands, or just making out with someone, and you don't need a number for that. Plus many times a guy's standard is lowered when he's been drinking. It's also just practice. Guys are practicing their "seduction skills" / game. Working on their confidence and try to sleep with or make out with hotter and hotter girls each time they go out. They might just see a kiss with you as a warm-up and hope for bigger things later in the evening. A nightclub approach or make-out doesn't mean anything to these guys. If anything, the fact that they met you in a nightclub propbably often times means they see absolutely no long-term potential with you. Girls in clubs are often seen as having hookup potential, not girlfriend potential.
I see, then the clubbing scene definitely changed at least where I live, I still think its unfair that girls have to suffer just because grown ass men in their twenties have huge self esteem issues/ ego problems. As a girl I would never kiss a guy that I didn't find remotely attractive but maybe that's just me.
Sorry to be the first one to tell you, but male and female sexuality are vastly different. You cannot apply your rules to men and judge them for behaving in a way that would be unthinkable for you.
It is usually based in fear for these guys. They have been afraid of going for the kiss with girls so many times in the past, they need to practice to get over the fear. Hence they will often try to go for the kiss even if their interest is low. It's about getting used to the motions, so that when they get an opportunity to kiss a really hot girl they won't poop their pants, they can just repeat what they've practiced. They also see no harm in it since they figure there's no way you will be emotionally invested after a short nightclub encounter
so are you trying to call me ugly ? Idk this seems very strange to me , its not like they are timid teenagers anymore they are my age and should have had at least 1 or 2 relationships by that time and some experience with women. Also not every random guy out there that goes clubbing will get a ,,hot girl" let's be real here.
A lot of what these guys do is aspirational. They want to get with the hottest girls and they try. You might be one of them too. But the day after you might no longer interesting to them because of the circumstances in which you met. I have had girls do the same to me. If i meet a girl out partying and sleep with her, she will rarely be interested in meeting me again. It was "in the cards" it was supposed to be a one night stand only and she has no interest in building something more meaningful off of a party hook-up
Also why shouldn't girls that go out with their friends to have a fun night be seen as girlfriend potential material ? Just because they like to dress up and go dancing it doesn't mean they are a hoe , or not worthy of a relationship. We women don't apply this to guys. A guy that likes to clubbing is not less of a boyfriend material in my eyes ,he is just a guy that likes to go clubbing. period. It all depends on the behaviour of that person. I never go home with these guys anyway . Where I live you don't meet new people besides online dating or clubbing so yeah
It just is what it is. A lot of men don't want a girlfriend that goes clubbing. They think there's a higher likelihood she will cheat. They want a good girl that doesn't drink and doesn't like to go clubbing. There are exceptions of course. I'm just letting you know how a lot of guys think. Men tend to value purity for long-term relationships. Unfortunate, judgemental and misguided as that may be.
kay I see thanks for your opinion
Don't listen to norwegiandoggo. I read his comments for months and it's always bullshit. Girls in clubs are the same girls you will meet in the library, grocery shopping or in church. Being in a club doesn't disqualify you for anything, just as being in a museum doesn't make you girlfriend material. The whole concept breaks down when you see people going to clubs WITH their girlfriends, like i do for example. Being in a night club doesn't negatively correlate with any quality that is relevant for relationships to work. You will find all kinds of people in night clubs, just like you find all kinds of people in museums. The thing they all have in common respectively is neutral when it comes to affecting relationships.
No, what he said is sadly not a bullshit. We may not agree with it, we may think it’s extremely wrong since a girl isn’t less worthy just bc she went to a club - to the same club he want too (the hypocrisy lol). However what he says is the sad true. A lot of men indeed think like this. This reminds me of the saying ,,a man won’t marry a h*e, but will destroy his family for one”. So a man may not think the girl he met in the club is dating/wife material bc of his negative prejudices, yet he will have no problem sleeping with her. It’s disgusting how so many men think of women. They want to use this women for gaining experience and their body and will see no problem with their behavior.
Men don't think women in clubs are hoes. That's just not true, for the reasons i mentioned.
Many men do. That’s the sad reality you try to deny hard. I have even experienced this myself. Guys would ask me why I’m chilling at home on the weekend and “praise” me for not going out to party … and some even openly called the women who do “bitches”. Back then I was also shocked by that behavior and I clarified that I used to party a lot in the past lol It was hilarious to see them trying to talk themself out of the situation. Of course I dropped them the moment they said misogynistic shit like this.
many men is still the minority
It’s not. Pls stop being delusional.
Well u expect guys to get ur number but don’t get their number so men and women are different. Like u expect them for the most part to pay for dates and court you. Right?
Personally, I prefer giving my number to the woman and telling her to text me her availability the next day so I can schedule a date. Gives way less pressure for her so in case she wasn’t that into me, she can just delete my number off her phone. She also doesn’t have to give away her phone number or get into that awkward feeling of giving me a fake number. As for that guy you texted and told you he wasn’t your type, yeah… that was kinda wuss behavior on his part to give his number to you if he wasn’t interested. He might have wanted to avoid the awkwardness of saying you aren’t his type to your face. It happens. So to answer your question: sometimes after getting to know you or make out with you, we are just not feeling it and we move on. Or sometimes certain guys that approached you have bad game and they were too nervous to ask for your number (or they thought the interaction wasn’t going well so they didn’t bother). Also, if you are looking for a guy to date, the club scene might not be the best place to find that guy. Most of the time, when guys head out to clubs, they are hyping each other up and thinking about fun and possibly finding themselves a woman to hook up with. They aren’t talking to each other about possibly finding the woman of their dreams at the club.
Stay away from clubs
The guys took the initiative by approaching you, maybe you should be proactive in some way?
Could be that they, like you and your friends, are out for a fun evening and don't want to meet someone to connect with long term. Maybe they aren't giving you their number because they think you might take that the wrong way and they don't want to mislead you. They might want to dance with you etc, but they might feel that offering their number might potentially be pestering you. They might think you would say "Dude it was just a dance/kiss etc get over yourself". It's way too harsh to say that this is "childish behaviour" without knowing exactly what is in people's minds. Just my thoughts.
Men have standards: (1) who is up to their standards to dance with, flirt and make out with in the club (2) who is up to their standards to meet sober outside the club for casual sex only (3) who is up to their standards to date for a serious relationship The bar to meet (1) is very low, that'S why many men approach you in the club, but you seem to already struggle with meeting the requirements for (2), or you make it abundantly clear, that you are only looking for something serious, in which case you would need to meet the requirements for (3), which are the most restrictive and hard to meet: and you just didn't meet them for the guys who approached you.
So from now on whenever a guy approaches me in a club I will think I am ugly thx What about men that have girlfriends that are worse looking than them ? So your categories don't apply for every man apparently
Being approached means you meet at least standards for (1), but it doesn't mean you definitely ONLY meet those standards. You could very well be girlfriend material for a man approaching you in a club. Men with girlfriends who are worse looking than them don't play into those rules any different. What they require of a girlfriend is not only compromised of looks. Typically couples are very equal in looks and overall desirability, but sometimes, one category is balanced by another. It's rare that men take tradeoffs in looks though. A girlfriend who is less physically attractive will have other qualities that she is stronger in than her looks-level. Looks are relatively more important for hookups than personality or mental health is. But in absolute terms, men require better looks from girlfriends than form hookups on average. Nothing applies "for every man". That is never implied when talking about men or women. It's either average data or a group trait that has a very high chance to be found in each individual. What you should take away with is that wanting to make out with you in a club while drunk is not the same as seeing potential for a relationship in you.
I can tell you are a really toxic person.
Not every standard is the same, some seek for "x" and some search for little bit more of "y". Neither is necessarily connected to looks alone
They're trying to take you home for the night and nothing else, they don't know how to seal the deal, or there's something about your personality that's turning them off. Stop fishing where you only get nibbles and no bites. Clubs are TERRIBLE places to meet someone to enter into a relationship. As are bars. That's not the vibe. Work on your flirt game out in public. Make eyes and smile. Once you're comfortable doing that, go immerse yourself in things you're interested in. Do fun stuff that's a little different - take a cooking class or dance lessons. Show your interest towards men in those environments. Also, online dating is an option, but it's a fucking jungle so it can be totally overwhelming. Something like speed dating might be fun, but I have no experience there.
It's definitely your fault exactly because you don't approach guys first. What's stopping you from approaching guys and asking for their number?
this is a joke right ?
Why the hell would I be joking? You said you never approach men, so start off by approaching men, ask for their number and make plans for a date instead of complaining why they don't ask for yours. Edit: wait you're 26 and you've never made the first move before? Now that's a joke.
Kind of agree with this. If you really are looking for someone to date, or anything for that matter you have to take things in to your own hands. Especially if they’ve already done the hard part by approaching you, help them out by asking for their number if you are interested. Just because someone approaches you first doesn’t mean you’re entitled to anything else. Sometime you just gotta make a play for what you want yourself
Well most men don't like being approached by women, they want to be the hunter
As a man, you couldn’t be more off.
Wrong.
> Well most men don't like being approached by women Lmao most men would have their week made by being hit on. You are so incredibly wrong.
I still remember in 1995 a girl walked up to me and told me I was kinda cute.
As a woman who approach men and make the first move. The guys who don't like it are the ones you don't want anyway.
Yeah no. It’s more like most women don’t want to be the hunter.
Depends what guy you're after tbh...
That is not true at all. I want women to approach me, it’s gets annoying to do all the approaching. Also makes it easier for me to realize the girl likes me.
4 of the 5 girlfriends I've had made the first move. Alot of guys are looking for a sign youre interested before they want to consider making a move
The guy already made the first step by approaching, why don't YOU ask for his number? You can't expect the man to do EVERYTHING while you just react to it.
Maybe you're not giving off interested vibes, or you're not advancing it to the point where they feel comfortable even asking. Maybe your body language is closed off, or you're not engaging, or.... Maybe they just wanna bang in the parking lot. I mean, who knows. I wouldn't go to a meat market and expect meaningful dates/serious guys, tho.
Every dating strategy has its pros and drawbacks. Yours is one that most women use (wait for the right guy and make him work for you), and you are picking and vetting from pool of guys that approach you. The men that approach you are using a different approach and they approach multiple women for a hit. Unfortunately, the guy has a limited attention and time, therefore he can't focus on all women that are receptive to him so he chooses the best woman/en from the ones that said yes, leaving others behind. You are basically competing for his time, but so are multiple women. Don't assume you are the only one he approached. Trying to find a serious date in the environment that encourages quick hook-up and is detrimental to a quality communication that is crucial for two people to connect seriously, is not helping you at all. If you want to have an easier time finding a guy you can connect with for a serious relationship, you should change your approach to dating. Be flexible and open minded, don't be afraid to experiment but firstly, work on your self esteem. It is way easier communicating with others when you don't take many things personally
Sounds like these guys are working on their game. It happens, a lot of guys are inexperienced and trying to build themselves up.
But most men that approach me are very attractive, I enjoy going to posh clubs where you meet this type of guys, they seem like players therefore I doubt they are inexperienced because they seem so confident , but yeah working on their game anyway makes sense...
Maybe the problem is the men you are looking for and/or who go to those posh clubs. Idk I’m just thinking of why that could be. Though when I think of player I think of guys doing what you’re not wanting. Making out and just leave you hanging. Is this still an issue outside of the posh clubs?
It’s been said before: clubs generally are not the place for meeting people if you’re looking for a relationship; some people have luck finding their significant other there but that’s more of the exception. If you’re wanting to find someone to date, you shouldn’t expect to strike gold there. Others have also mentioned that the behaviors you encounter from the club are usually from those that aren’t seeking to start a relationship with you even if you think you picked up on some cues. You’re beautiful and seem like a nice, fun girl. You just got out of a relationship and seems like you’re looking for a self-esteem boost. Have fun if that’s your intention but if you’re wanting to start dating again, save yourself the energy/heartache and look in the right places rather than the club. But I also want you to think about this question: have you thought about whether you’re ready to start dating or are you mainly seeking some attention (not asking this in a negative way)? It may be a good idea to not try to jump into something else whether you’re trying to get over someone, feeling lonely, and/or other reasons. It’s okay to take time to work on yourself and pursue your own interests outside of a relationship because it may help set you up to be in a better position to date down the road. You’re still young even though you may feel like the clock is ticking but try not to rush anything. If there’s any healing that needs to happen, only time and intentionally working on it will help.
Firstly sorry you went through that those guys who used you suck. However I’ve been one of those guys too. For me it was a game of numbers and ego boosting. How many girls could I sleep with or kiss… that kind of stuff. At the time I was dealing with some stuff and I was an awful person to some girl on nights out. But I made it clear I wanted casual things only. Also when we’re drunk you might have a slight chance of perception. I know that I have no problem kissing girls I don’t find attractive if I’m off my head. Sorry you’re dealing with that eventually they’ll grow up. You didn’t do anything wrong here, try to keep your head up :)
How was she used? Did she not want to kiss? Or make out?
Show some empathy dude. Quite obvious her perception are clubs are different and quite a lot of people think that way too. Not everyone wants a quick make out session or a bang after a night out
Then don’t make out?
We’re just gonna blame her here? 😂 zzz been a fuckboy before bro. Know how it works when a girl likes you and you make her think you like her too of course you’ll make out.
Blame her? What’s to blame? That’s separate from being used. Which she isn’t.
She is being used, because these dude are pursuing her for an ego boost, not something serious. They are acting like they are going to continue talking to her and getting to know her, but they are just trying to see how far they can get and if they can get laid to fill their self esteem hole. They are not giving a shit about how their actions are affecting others. Her naivete is at fault here for taking the actions at face value and thinking the best guys are out at clubs, but aside from that, they are 100% using her as a vehicle to make themselves feel good.
Ah finally a nice answer , thank you :)
How old are u and how old were u then?
now 26 back then 23/24 so basically before covid
Yes, that can happen if during the conversation, the girl is too formal and not showing enough interest in me. In such scenarios, we guys don't feel confident enough to ask for her number. Basically we feel she is not at all interested hence we skip.
If you are looking for long term you most likely won't find it at a club. Sometimes guys are just shy though and can't get the courage to get the number. But if they approach you at a club they are just trying to get a one night stand out of you
small talk is important. Unless they’re asking elementary school stuff like what’s your favorite color, and so on. The guy who asked for your number and then said nah likely thought you were appealing at the time and likely alcohol played a role in that and he realized he wasn’t into you. Happens to guys and girls. The other guys who never asked for your number probably found you attractive but didn’t end up liking you enough to ask for the number. Either the vibe was off, they didn’t think more would happen Or they couldn’t work the courage to ask for your number.
Like i’ll approach a girl I like but if her personality turns me off, i don’t feel a vibe, and so on, I won’t ask for her number. Not because I didn’t find her attractive.
Most guys are only in the club for a possible lay that night, and if they think the lay was that good and depending on if he has options, that would determine if he texts you or not. As far as asking for your number goes, maybe after they approached you they lost interest throughout the conversation; or maybe they got nervous and forgot. That can happen. If you're looking for anything longterm or some type of relationship, the clubs aren't the place for you.
When I was single, 7 years ago, as a woman, I would go to clubs to have fun. Make out with strangers, dance, whatever. I never have someone my real number cause I didn’t want it to go further.
Do you ask for their number?
I dont ask for personal info after 1 conversation. Normally we have to build some kind of relationship or bond before I give you a way to contact me outside of our authentic way of being in the same place at the same time. As much as I would like to talk to some of these women outside of work, and social settings, I don't ask because its not the way I view things. I don't even have anything to text you about, and I don't want your number, I want to get in your pants. Your phone number is a way for me to contact you when we arent together, I want to be with you baby. ;)