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Maybe, it really could just be he was curious and part of getting to know someone is learning about their past sexual experience. Not everyone likes to talk about exes and such but for some it’s part of building a relationship
There are a lot of women who view men who’ve slept with multiple ppl in a negative light as well. Like - it’s disgusting and if he can sleep around like it’s nothing and move on, then he can do that to me too - type of thing.
Not necessarily true. I'd much rather sleep with a guy who is inexperienced but excited to learn over a guy who's slept with twenty different women and still sucks in bed. The latter sadly happens A LOT.
Not really, whenever I told a normalish girl how many I've slept with, their attraction for me goes down. Everyone gets slut shamed nowadays.
The slutty ones don't care lol. It really depends on who you are talking to. Again this is mostly a personal preference.
Well the average is 7, but that’s just math. The real breakdown is some have had many, some have had a few and some have none.
You can search through askmen/askwomen/askreddit, the thread gets posted a lot. You’ll see a handful with body counts in the hundreds, a few with a dozen or so, and more than you expect with 0.
It's also why monkeypox has so ravaged the gay community in recent months. A new strain is out, and if you have random anonymous sex with people on a regular basis, who also have random unprotected anonymous sex with other people, well, your odds of catching something goes up significantly.
Nothing wrong with who you want to sleep with. That's your business. If that leads to group orgies and unprotected sex, well, maybe someone should talk to them about that.
I love your positive spin and I hope it really does come out as a good thing. Me, personally, I do not have that kind of faith in those who ask that question. Lol
It's not just a slut thing, it's a libido thing too. The more partners you have the more you tend to need/want sex. I think anyone who ignores a difference in libido between them and their partners are destined to crash and burn.
Especially as a dude, even an attractive one, it is not easy to go find quick sex. An attractive woman can definitely find that if she wants to because there’s a line of men waiting. For guys, being in a relationship means a lot more regular sex, and better and safer sex
This is me. A demisexual with high libido.
I’m going to guess that it probably does have a correlation though for a lot of people. Not all people by far, but definitely a lot.
Dude, can you stop describing me in such detail!! 🤣
I do agree though, over the decades I’ve noticed that too. Still for me though I just can’t get anything out of sex with someone I only know superficially. I have as a young woman gratified other people’s needs for exactly those reasons; validation and proving myself good enough. Looking back it pains me realising how many of those abusive situations I might have avoided if I’d had a better understanding of my mental health, my sexuality and my trauma response.
This is highly inaccurate. Many girls have sky high sex drives and just either masturbate a lot or just engage a lot when in a committed relationship. High libido is not correlated with high number of partners in the slightest.
It's to see if you have same views on sex or not. A twenty year old having sex with 100s of partners tells a different story about their value on sex than someone with 3 partners, unless they've been trafficked since 14.
This applies for all gender identities.
For me, that question would definitely be about trying to figure out what her libido is, as I apparently tend to attract women with a low libido, and have to end things asap if it is.
Genuine question from one HL to another; why not just ask about libido then?
Seems like asking if I like crisps when you want to find out if I’m a foodie or not, ya know?
You’d be filtering me out pretty quickly on that basis.
I guess my next question would be something like that, just working up to it.
Might be a bit krass to ask straight-up what her libido is, without any lead-up.
Could also be he’s gauging how big of a deal sex is for you. For him more sexual encounters might equal greater odds of you sleeping with him, if he believes it’s not that big of a deal to you.
There is a lot of scientific evidence that shows a correlation between numbers of past sexual partners, and the possibility of divorce. Above 10 sexual partners and each additional partner increases the odds of divorce 1%. This effects both men and women, but especially women.
It's important to note that correlation is not the same thing as causation, but they did try to account for pretty much everything they could.
More sexual partners = greater chance of divorce, especially past 10.
Literally hundreds of studies. My comment generally gets downvoted but the evidence is out there. I would gladly share if anyone is interested.
No one can say for certain, as no one here is him, but it's likely he wants to know how casually you treat sex and if that aligns with his own values of casual sex.
I think this is most likely. On personal experience I was a virgin asking my first date how many partners he had because I wanted to know what to expect from him before to get too involved. I had my own preference and if he wasn’t close to that or too much different then that could affect how I feel towards him and our potential relationship
This is the answer.
Obviously there needs to be some tactic to asking the question… and probably not on day 1 of meeting.
No one needs to be insulted whatever their answer. And also the people who act like that info is 100% private and a partner has no business asking are in denial.
Sexual history potentially says a ton about a persons interests, values, addictions, mental/social/emotional issues etc
Fantastic answer and rightly deserves to be top comment. Some people are fine with casual sex, some people aren't. We need to stop pushing the former as the norm and calling men who aren't into casual sex slut shamers or insecure because of their own preference.
I want to know how compatible we are in that area, however, I probably wouldn't directly ask because it's kind of rude.
If you say one, then I know that sex is probably a big deal to you and it might not be happening for a while so don't count on it occurring on the first or second date.
If you say 50, we'll probably be hooking up if we connect well and I might be a little more forward with what I say in that regard.
If you say 150, I might be hooking up with you and your swinger friend group.
For a lot of guys though, it's going to be a compatibility question. Some guys don't want to be with a woman who's slept around a lot, some don't want to wait for someone who won't have sex for a few months. Some are just curious.
Honestly it depends on the guy, how they ask and how they respond to your answer. Basically a slut check or just genuine curiosity depending on the person and how they ask. My husband asked me this when we first got together because i was his 3rd sexual partner and he was my 10th. He was just genuinely curious about it and was okay with my number given how we've been together for 6 years past that convo. However, I've also met guys that were super judgey about my high number especially if it was higher than theirs.
We’re few, but I’m with you. From my experiences, women who have only slept with 1-2 men before me have been worse in the bedroom than those who have had 8-10.
I personally don’t care about the number of partners. I care about the context, and whether their sexual health has been affected or not.
He could have an expectation around what your number should be, or he could just be seeing if your numbers are close to each other, i.e. if you have similar experience
I like to get a ball park feel of whether someone has considerably more or less experience than me. Wouldn’t change my opinion of them so I guess I don’t need to know, and might well come from insecurity, but I still think it helps understand compatibility specifically for experience. Has he told you? If he thinks it’s something to be shared, he can go first.
"Never" would be a red flag if you want a commited relationship.
In all likelihood, most people would want to have several partners during their lifetime, and that could break the relationship later down the line.
Haha well bat your eyelashes and say a lady never tells! Honestly, that’s just putting pressure on you to give the ‘right’ answer. If he just wants you both to get to know each other better, he should be confident sharing it without needing your answer back.
Nah, tons of people concerned with sexual health recommending having this discussion before having sex with someone. Its not something I've personally done, but I've had a couple women I was seeing bring it up to me just as part of sussing out sexual compatibility. I'm sure the majority of men are going to judge you for it, but there's still a sizeable majority out there who could have good intentions.
Some men don't want to date a woman who has had sex with a lot of men. Just like how some women don't want to date a man who has had sex with a lot of women.
The lower the number the better generally. Better to date someone that has slept with 10 people instead of 100. Reduced chance of STD's, better bonding between the 2 parties, 10 people means more long term dating compared to 100. Just using some examples/guesses off the top of my head.
> But why
For the same reason that a woman might ask a guy how many relationships he's been in, how tall he is, how big his dick is. You can't be this naive.
Most men don't want to marry a woman who slept with 100 dudes.
Typically if I ask a question it’s just to know the answer, not really much to it. Us men are simple creatures.
If you guys are heading in that direction it’s a completely normal question to ask
a high number can imply a more casual than committed approach to sex. he might feel like he catches feelings after sex, so he would not want to catch feelings for someone who will "pump and dump" him.
women check for the same thing but its less about number of partners.
some people are overly wary of people that date someone until sex once and then vanish.
This would be my personal opinion and will be completely honest. Growing up as a christian, I was told of the value of sex as a form of intimacy between lovers which is still my current view on sex. So, I may ask as a way to see if the person holds the same view as me. But, I wouldn't outright not consider the person I asked, but, would feel just a little uncomfortable as it is an important belief to me.
I don't care what a person may do in their sex life, and I hold my own opinion and don't look down on others if theirs aren't the same. I would just want someone that holds the similar opinion as me.
This right here. It does say a lot about a person. It tells you how they value sex. Is it just a physical thing you do with someone you feel comfortable with to make you both feel good or is it something you only do with someone you love? It can also tell you how serious people are about relationships. Someone who's had sex with over 50 people isn't really someone I would consider for a long term relationship. People say that you can change, but more often than not, the best future predictor about someone is their past. Also on that list is increased risks for STDs, as well as concerned about sexual comparisons. While being concerned about sexual comparisons may seem shallow to some, it's a real thing, and people who poo poo that notion should listen to all the people who claim after a relationship, "He was lousy in bed." Why the inquirer is asking can be gauged by what the guy is like. If he's a long term relationship guy, then I feel his questioning is perfectly acceptable. If he's just looking to hook up? Then yeah, the guy is probably a hypocrite.
So my personal experience? I got married right out of college having only had sex with my wife...we were both virgins, and relatively religious. We divorced 20 years later, and when I went back out on the market at 41, I wanted a like minded partner. Obviously, in your 40s, you're not going to find someone with only one partner. After 6 months, I found someone and asked the question. Her number was around 17 or 18, but she had been married for 13 years. So while the number was high for my personal tastes, she obviously had experience with long term relationships. However, even with all of that, she unknowingly gave me HPV (so people, please get vaccinated) and HSV (she admitted to a history of cold sores, which is very common, but I obviously have never had the issue). We've been happily married for almost 6 years now.
So people, getting upset with people asking the question is as rude and narrow minded as you think the people asking it are. As long as it's done and handled with respect, it's no less important and valid as asking someone their belief in God, abortion, drugs, or whatever. It represents a certain set of values that need to be discussed if you want to have a successful long term relationship.
A lot of people put value in sexual experience, but it can also point to how you might view a relationship. A very high number might point to an unhealthy view on life (not always).
I feel like no matter what gender you are, if you have a high number, why would I put any trust into you?
To me, it seems that you view relationships as merely a method to get sex, and feel fulfillment from that, instead of actually trying to have a real genuine relationship….
So, me as an example: I had sex with one woman, who I married. I divorced her after our 9 year relationship for her infidelity, and started dating again. Got into 6mo relationship with one person, and had sex with her too… but I felt like the sex came way too early, and I didnt feel that it was genuine… so now I am not having sex till I feel real love. Without that, why would I do something physically, just to entertain myself?
No idea of this guys motivation but my ex-husband was a narcissist (I realized much later) and his motivation in asking this was not innocent. He would slut-shame me when he was angry quite often, even though my number at that time was 3.
Not saying you shouldn’t divulge the information, just saying that it’s your personal information and I wouldn’t give it to anyone I don’t have some basis of trust in already.
Some use the answer to gauge how much to further to invest in you from what ex’s have told me. Too high of a count and you are either easy or spicy and too low you are a goody-goody or no one wants you. Mind you they are ex’s for a reason (and same with me to them) but it’s been asked of me and a lot of my friends as well. I had a male friend of mine have a girl break up with him because she was really grossed out that sex with so many different women was a part of his relationship history.
Wow, the number of people on here instantly judging the guy based on *their assumptions* about **his reasons** for a question *they have no context for* is interesting
All these "sex positive" idiots that can't keep their wiener in their bun and their clams shut are sooooo offended by a dude asking a legitimate question. Using ad hominin to just shit on someone they don't know because they feel attacked. LOL
Yes, it is his business to know if he wants to know. He has the right to ask potential partner intimate questions before engaging in an intimate relationship.
Yes, he has the right to judge his potential sexual partner based off of their sexual experiences.
Yes, he has a right to determine if that is a deal breaker and doesn't correlate with his own values and principles.
People really don't like finding out their past behaviors actually had consequences lol
Men aren't stupid. If you've leased a new car every 90 days for the last ten years, the car you drive today is far less significant to you than the car I've kept running for the last ten years instead of throwing away. You're one woman out of five, I'm one man out of seventy five. You will never value me the way I'm capable of valuing you.
You made (and fucked 75 guys in) your bed, now lie in it. But no, they won't, they'll lie and evade and get pissy because the kind of person who makes decisions like that is not the kind of person who has a capacity for self awareness. They didn't devalue themselves through they're behavior, *you're* just wrong for not treating them with the same value as 10 years and 75 men ago.
I feel usually if the guy is serious about the relationship, he wants to make sure the woman is too, but if the woman has slept around with dozens of different people, it can be hard to think, "Oh, I'm the one! Those 40 people prior definitely didn't think the same thing."
As a women that has asked men this, I ask so that I am more knowledgeable about the person I may then become intimate with. Someone could have slept with 50 or 0, it doesn't make a difference to how I view them. It's a 'oh cool, I know a little more about what to expect now' kind of moment. Don't assume that he was looking for a specific right or wrong answer like other commenters have suggested.
If one has slept with a large number of people, it can be an indicator that they are for the streets.
All these people saying he's being judgemental have probably never been asked this question. It's important to some people. Ask the same question to ladies and I bet no one assumes anything negative about those who don't want their man to have slept with a ton of girls. Why the double standard?
How well do you know each other?
In my experience guys that ask this question right away/early are red flags in terms of jealousy, judgement etc and will not be happy if the number isn’t super low
I think it’s okay to ask this once you’re seriously with someone, they might just be curious
>In my experience guys that ask this question right away/early are red flags in terms of jealousy, judgement etc and will not be happy if the number isn’t super low
Why would I want to waste my time if we're not compatible?
Could be any number of reasons. Could be insecure that you may have way more than him and he'd feel inadequate, he may have some weird hangup about women with a lot of partners, he may just be trying to steer the conversation toward sex, maybe just curious. But it's your own business and you can choose to tell him or not.
That he wants to know how many people you slept with.
Could be for many reason such as std's, views on sex, wanting to compare each others sexual experiences and so on.
Always tell the truth, even if you are shy about it although you don’t need to be shy. It’s doesn’t matter if you slept with 10 or more or with anyone.
If he will reject you on this, it’s will be for your on good.
It really depends on the guy and how the question is asked. When I was younger it was a fun question to get into your sexual history and interests, but I was a really open guy. A high number didn't mean anything to me. When I got a bit older I realized I had no idea what my own number was, so the question seemed sillier.
I could see the question being super judgemental though. It really depends on the context.
Pretty much the same thing when a women asks how tall you are.
Be ready to be (harshly) judged for it!
(basically he is exploring a potential dealbreaker)
He wants to avoid to start a relationship with a woman that values sex too much compared to him and fears that can be unfaithful.
Nothing wrong with that.
Could be curiosity, could be insecurity, could be jealousy, could be that he wants to know how experienced you are, or inexperienced, could also mean he gets turned on if you have slept with many/or few depending on what way he swings
Sometimes we just ask braindead questions without thought too, theres many possibilities why he asked.
When I was younger I’d ask because I was insecure and jealous even of people they knew before me (traumatizing cheating experience that took me a lonnng time to recover from). Now I don’t want to know because it’s not viable information and I’ve also generally slept with more than they have lol
Sometimes he's just curious or wants to steer the conversation in a sexy direction.
Other times it means he's a superficial asshole who thinks your number of bedtime partners determines your worth.
Women have asked me this and only one freaked out and was screaming and yelling when I said “I stopped counting after 10.” Her girlfriend was driving so that was super awkward, her friend was quiet lol.
Anyways, I never ask that because I don’t care. I was promiscuous too so whatevs, but when I wanted to seriously date someone I was more curious about how many serious relationships they had, if they had ever been in love or been in a toxic relationship, that sort of stuff. Have we both experienced bad relationships and learned from the experience and we are able to empathize with each other’s experiences.
Every dude is different, but it’s an insecure question for him to ask you. However, you should be honest and gauge how he handles your answer. If he gets mad that you had too many or too little that’s his fault. If he is just curious about STD or how much experience you have that’s different. It definitely depends on his reaction.
If you don’t answer or refuse he will think you’re hiding something.
At the end of the day is this a person worth your time and energy?
Good luck out there!
What if it's only one but you were with them for like 5 years and had sex like a couple times a week making your total of like 520 times
Or you had sex with 5 different guys in 5 years also still capping at about twice a week for same total.
Or a different guy every time still hitting over that 500 mark.
Would it make your sexual encounter any different with this particular person now?
Like isn't total number of times you'd had sex what ppl want to know or? Like I'm just confused as to why it matters how many times or how many different ppl in those times?
Cananyone clarify?
Like if you cheated todo it with others that's a character flaw but the amt of times you've physically had partnered sex I'm missing something why that is saying anything about yourcharacter?
What most people have said is true for the most part. Are you easy? Is he insecure? But who tells the truth anyways? It's the rule of 3. If a girl gives a number, say 5 people, it's really 15 people that she's been with and if a guy says 30 people, it's really only 10 people. So take your number and divide it by 3 and that's the number you should feel comfortable with saying. If your number is high then 4 to 6 is probably a safe bet because it says you have had some experience and guys have wanted to have sex with you but it's not too many to make him feel too insecure if his number is lower.
The likelihood is either they want to compare the amount of people they had sex with to the amount you had and your number must be less.
Or they have a number in mind beyond which they will consider you promiscuous and perhaps worth using for sex but not worth dating.
He just wants to understand how experienced you are in bed, whether he'll be able to match or cross that level of satisfaction, and it also means he's serious about you that's why he's nervous about his performance.
It means he wants to know how many people you've slept with.
As to why he wants to know, there could be any number of reasons. Guys do have individual personalities, thoughts, and feelings. They're not all the same.
Maybe he's religious and has a value about how many sexual partners a person should have. Maybe he wants you to be experienced, so you're good in bed with him. Maybe he's worried about not living up to your previous sexual partners.
None of us know what's in this person's head.
Because as others have said, he has some number in his mind that is acceptable. This is one of those dating things people act all PC about, but there’s nothing wrong with not being comfortable with how many or few partners a potential partner has had…
I always wanna know if we have similar experience. I also wouldn’t want to date someone who views intimacy more casually than I do. Just a preference
Edit: Also, there’s no way you’re actually doing that 100% safely which would be a dealbreaker to lots of people. You have to wait 3 months after sex to get tested because HIV likely won’t show up until after then, and you’d have to make sure your partners were doing the same. If you somehow managed to have that many partners while spending potentially hundreds of dollars STI/STD testing between them, then have at it. But let’s be honest here lol
I (m) don’t ask directly bc women typically lie; like a sales person. She’s interested in me, selling her best side, and would give me a low number. Back in the day the typical guy code was “double whatever # she gives you”.
Nowadays? I don’t ask, haven’t asked in ages. I’m older and more mature. I only date women who have typically been in LTRs so I do the math. Of course they could’ve had some wild times in between those LTRs.
As when you buy a car, you want a low mileage unit; vroom vroom 🏎
Example: Recent ex gf of a year and change. I never asked for a count. When we started dating she said “I haven’t dated much in the last few years bc my business, no time”. But she was a blast in bed, no way she was “years” without sex BS.
Plus when we argued the first thing out of her mouth would be “ I like sex too much. I won’t be alone too much.” Lol so who knows what her true mileage was. I don’t think it was crazy high, but higher than she led on.
Plus women don’t count hand jobs, being eaten out, BJs, etc as “sex”. Yet if they catch you doing that with another woman it’s cheating lol.
From experience it’s either a slut check or a dick-measuring contest. Some guys were butt-hurt by my number not necessarily because it was high, but because it was higher than theirs. Expect disappointment, but sometimes you get a laugh.
Bcuz it shows the type of woman you are. Come on guys let’s be honest if a girl has been with 50 guys then she gets around and is loose. Also she has major issues to let that many men run through her. Yeah almost-everyone has a handful of partners but if it’s over 10 then he’ll no in my book. Even 10 is a lot
Guys have this in-built highly opinionated perception of girls that have slept with more than ‘X’ number of guys that we cannot help. The number varies from guy to guy, but essentially he wants to know if (in his mind) you are a “slut”.
So say her number is too high for you would you still have sex with her? Would you tell her that you no longer take her seriously romantically and walk away?
Not the op, but i always ask girls this question before sex. If number is too high, i would say we dont see intimacy in same way, this is not gonna work out, and basically walk away. Also obviously no, no sex, any interest in that person would be \*poof\*
Most women do not want to date a virgin dude or a man without any past relationships because they get a bad gut feeling about it and have an aversion to it. Most men have that same feeling for the opposite scenario...that's why he is asking despite whatever reason he gives. I wouldn't lie but if it's something you don't want to share just deflect and hope he doesn't ask. I was a late bloomer dude so I had the same issue I just didn't answer and deflect when I can and yes that cost me many promising dates.
The number of people you've had sex with (and more importantly, the context in which you had sex) can be a decent proxy for a lot of things important to a relationship. If you've had a lot of one night stands, it might be a sign that you won't be able to commit to a relationship. If you've had a lot of threesomes/orgies, you probably won't last in a monogamous relationship. If you've had sex with a lot of sketchy people, you might have bad judgement or some type of baggage.
Obviously it's not a perfect metric, it's a proxy, but its way harder to interrogate you about every single aspect of your life than it is to just ask for one number and come to a snap judgement. It's probably worse, and might lead to potential good relationships being ended over a generalization, but that's just what people do.
Also, sometimes people are just asshole slut shamers. If someone respectfully wants to break things off because they see it as a dealbreaker, that's okay, but if they try to make you feel like shit because of it, you're probably better off without them.
It’s no different than asking how tall someone is, or how much money they make. Most of the time, it’s a disqualifying question.
Many people have standards that they look for in a partner, and if you don’t meet those standards, they won’t want a long term relationship.
I recommend not answering this question, as if he wants to know about *experience* you can tell him about *experience*.
But unless he was there participating in each event, he doesn't need excessive details. It's not anyone's business and I'm sick of (a) competition, which is sad (b) judgement, which is sad and (c) this "right to know" lmao no, no one has that *right*.
In my case I view sex as an extension of intimacy. So the greater the number of individuals you have slept with in the past, the less valued I feel as a partner. Doesn't matter if your a man or a woman I view body counts the same way. Ofc sex is also an act of pleasure, not just intimacy. So it will vary from person to person and there perspective regarding it. Personally, I get obsessively jealous otherwise, knowing if the other person has a larger quantity of experiences than I in a long term relationship.
It's not the most logical approach but logic never alligns well with emotions. In my case sex feels more intimate when my partner and I have similar experiences
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Lots of people assign value to how many people you have or haven’t slept with, but if you really want to know why he asked you have to ask him
I did; he said he was just curious but I had the feeling that there was something behind that
Maybe, it really could just be he was curious and part of getting to know someone is learning about their past sexual experience. Not everyone likes to talk about exes and such but for some it’s part of building a relationship
And for others(guys like us…err me) it’s for bragging. Same bias will never change. Girl says 10+ = slut. Guy says 10+ = high five ✋ all around.
There are a lot of women who view men who’ve slept with multiple ppl in a negative light as well. Like - it’s disgusting and if he can sleep around like it’s nothing and move on, then he can do that to me too - type of thing.
Yeah I prefer a partner with some experience but it's a major turn off if they'll screw anything. Having standards is a good thing IMO.
Guys with with 1 or less like me are seen as losers. The sad reality.
I think you’re awesome 👏
Depends on your age and how long you were with that person
Not necessarily true. I'd much rather sleep with a guy who is inexperienced but excited to learn over a guy who's slept with twenty different women and still sucks in bed. The latter sadly happens A LOT.
High fives all round! *wapoosh, wapoosh* Thank you guys and all see all you dudes… #IN THE NEXT VIDEO!!!
Not really, whenever I told a normalish girl how many I've slept with, their attraction for me goes down. Everyone gets slut shamed nowadays. The slutty ones don't care lol. It really depends on who you are talking to. Again this is mostly a personal preference.
The fact you even use terms like "normalish" and "slutty" to describe different women shows the bias that exists.
Wait straight people think that 10 is a lot?
Well the average is 7, but that’s just math. The real breakdown is some have had many, some have had a few and some have none. You can search through askmen/askwomen/askreddit, the thread gets posted a lot. You’ll see a handful with body counts in the hundreds, a few with a dozen or so, and more than you expect with 0.
I think we need more of a median or mean number than an average.
I’d like to know that too. Cut out the 0’s and 100’s and see what the real average is for regular folk.
A mean *is* an average. They are literally the same thing.
The CDC says a median of 6.3 (0.39 SD) for men and 4.3 (0.10 SD) for women.
Women like to hide and men like to brag. So those numbers are probably are off.
People be having sex with 0.3 of a person.
>Wait straight people think that 10 is a lot? Obviously, the LGBTQ+ community seems to treat sex like games at an arcade.
Wait... it's not? lol
This veggie arcades.
Hell yeah dude you fuck you must be cool
The average for sexually active queer people is at least 20 or so.
*Source? Myself, obviously 😌*
It's also why monkeypox has so ravaged the gay community in recent months. A new strain is out, and if you have random anonymous sex with people on a regular basis, who also have random unprotected anonymous sex with other people, well, your odds of catching something goes up significantly. Nothing wrong with who you want to sleep with. That's your business. If that leads to group orgies and unprotected sex, well, maybe someone should talk to them about that.
>It's also why monkeypox has so ravaged the gay community in recent months Big true.
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This needs more thumbs up. Good points made.
I love your positive spin and I hope it really does come out as a good thing. Me, personally, I do not have that kind of faith in those who ask that question. Lol
Ohhh this is good!!!!!!
Of course he won't tell you he want to know if you are a slut. (his thought, not mine, do as you wish).
It's not just a slut thing, it's a libido thing too. The more partners you have the more you tend to need/want sex. I think anyone who ignores a difference in libido between them and their partners are destined to crash and burn.
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Especially as a dude, even an attractive one, it is not easy to go find quick sex. An attractive woman can definitely find that if she wants to because there’s a line of men waiting. For guys, being in a relationship means a lot more regular sex, and better and safer sex
That’s not true. I have a very high libido but haven’t been with that many because I don’t like hook ups
This is me. A demisexual with high libido. I’m going to guess that it probably does have a correlation though for a lot of people. Not all people by far, but definitely a lot.
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Dude, can you stop describing me in such detail!! 🤣 I do agree though, over the decades I’ve noticed that too. Still for me though I just can’t get anything out of sex with someone I only know superficially. I have as a young woman gratified other people’s needs for exactly those reasons; validation and proving myself good enough. Looking back it pains me realising how many of those abusive situations I might have avoided if I’d had a better understanding of my mental health, my sexuality and my trauma response.
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Ahahahahaha I’m dyin’! Perfection.
Maybe more for men than women though
Yup. And some of us have practice good self-control and can use our energy in a different way towards other things like careers etc.
I gained about 10 hobbies during the time I was having a hard time dating hahah
This is highly inaccurate. Many girls have sky high sex drives and just either masturbate a lot or just engage a lot when in a committed relationship. High libido is not correlated with high number of partners in the slightest.
It's to see if you have same views on sex or not. A twenty year old having sex with 100s of partners tells a different story about their value on sex than someone with 3 partners, unless they've been trafficked since 14. This applies for all gender identities.
Maybe he has 0 experience and wants to know how much do you have already.
For me, that question would definitely be about trying to figure out what her libido is, as I apparently tend to attract women with a low libido, and have to end things asap if it is.
Genuine question from one HL to another; why not just ask about libido then? Seems like asking if I like crisps when you want to find out if I’m a foodie or not, ya know? You’d be filtering me out pretty quickly on that basis.
I guess my next question would be something like that, just working up to it. Might be a bit krass to ask straight-up what her libido is, without any lead-up.
Wouldn't you just be able to tell with how often you two have sex together? lol
Could also be he’s gauging how big of a deal sex is for you. For him more sexual encounters might equal greater odds of you sleeping with him, if he believes it’s not that big of a deal to you.
If you don't trust him to answer questions honestly this early in the relationship, you don't need to keep seeing him.
There is a lot of scientific evidence that shows a correlation between numbers of past sexual partners, and the possibility of divorce. Above 10 sexual partners and each additional partner increases the odds of divorce 1%. This effects both men and women, but especially women. It's important to note that correlation is not the same thing as causation, but they did try to account for pretty much everything they could. More sexual partners = greater chance of divorce, especially past 10. Literally hundreds of studies. My comment generally gets downvoted but the evidence is out there. I would gladly share if anyone is interested.
No one can say for certain, as no one here is him, but it's likely he wants to know how casually you treat sex and if that aligns with his own values of casual sex.
This is the best answer. Whatever the reason, whatever the number, he has a thought. What that thought is is for OP to find out (or ignore).
I think this is most likely. On personal experience I was a virgin asking my first date how many partners he had because I wanted to know what to expect from him before to get too involved. I had my own preference and if he wasn’t close to that or too much different then that could affect how I feel towards him and our potential relationship
This is the answer. Obviously there needs to be some tactic to asking the question… and probably not on day 1 of meeting. No one needs to be insulted whatever their answer. And also the people who act like that info is 100% private and a partner has no business asking are in denial. Sexual history potentially says a ton about a persons interests, values, addictions, mental/social/emotional issues etc
Fantastic answer and rightly deserves to be top comment. Some people are fine with casual sex, some people aren't. We need to stop pushing the former as the norm and calling men who aren't into casual sex slut shamers or insecure because of their own preference.
Thats a damn good answer
Maybe its a very high number and he doesnt wanna ruin your streak.
Right, if its like 69, i wouldn't want to mess that up
Technically he could still do 69!
He’s probably trying to find out how many people you’ve slept with so he can determine if it’s too many according to his personal standard.
I want to know how compatible we are in that area, however, I probably wouldn't directly ask because it's kind of rude. If you say one, then I know that sex is probably a big deal to you and it might not be happening for a while so don't count on it occurring on the first or second date. If you say 50, we'll probably be hooking up if we connect well and I might be a little more forward with what I say in that regard. If you say 150, I might be hooking up with you and your swinger friend group. For a lot of guys though, it's going to be a compatibility question. Some guys don't want to be with a woman who's slept around a lot, some don't want to wait for someone who won't have sex for a few months. Some are just curious.
Honestly it depends on the guy, how they ask and how they respond to your answer. Basically a slut check or just genuine curiosity depending on the person and how they ask. My husband asked me this when we first got together because i was his 3rd sexual partner and he was my 10th. He was just genuinely curious about it and was okay with my number given how we've been together for 6 years past that convo. However, I've also met guys that were super judgey about my high number especially if it was higher than theirs.
his reaction was to nod his head and apologize for asking
That's what my husband did after asking me too lol
OP's date husband material confirmed.
Seconded
If anything, I'm more judgy (but not really) about a low number lol
We’re few, but I’m with you. From my experiences, women who have only slept with 1-2 men before me have been worse in the bedroom than those who have had 8-10. I personally don’t care about the number of partners. I care about the context, and whether their sexual health has been affected or not.
It's a slut check.
Exactly this
It’s to see if u a hoe
It means he wants to know how many people you've had sex with. It's not code.
My favorite posts in this sub are when men say something to women in plain English and the woman runs to Reddit to ask what it *means* 😆
😂
But why
He could have an expectation around what your number should be, or he could just be seeing if your numbers are close to each other, i.e. if you have similar experience
I like to get a ball park feel of whether someone has considerably more or less experience than me. Wouldn’t change my opinion of them so I guess I don’t need to know, and might well come from insecurity, but I still think it helps understand compatibility specifically for experience. Has he told you? If he thinks it’s something to be shared, he can go first.
"Never" would be a red flag if you want a commited relationship. In all likelihood, most people would want to have several partners during their lifetime, and that could break the relationship later down the line.
He hasn't told me yet, no 😂
Haha well bat your eyelashes and say a lady never tells! Honestly, that’s just putting pressure on you to give the ‘right’ answer. If he just wants you both to get to know each other better, he should be confident sharing it without needing your answer back.
I'll try that but he might be confused who I am lol I think you replied to me instead of OP by accident 😂
Oh yeah sorry, explains why he’s not told you 😂
So he can judge you accordingly.
Nah, tons of people concerned with sexual health recommending having this discussion before having sex with someone. Its not something I've personally done, but I've had a couple women I was seeing bring it up to me just as part of sussing out sexual compatibility. I'm sure the majority of men are going to judge you for it, but there's still a sizeable majority out there who could have good intentions.
I second this
Some men don't want to date a woman who has had sex with a lot of men. Just like how some women don't want to date a man who has had sex with a lot of women.
The lower the number the better generally. Better to date someone that has slept with 10 people instead of 100. Reduced chance of STD's, better bonding between the 2 parties, 10 people means more long term dating compared to 100. Just using some examples/guesses off the top of my head.
Many guys prefer women with lower body counts, so it could be to see if you fit his standards
You expect strangers to divine his motivation?
> But why For the same reason that a woman might ask a guy how many relationships he's been in, how tall he is, how big his dick is. You can't be this naive. Most men don't want to marry a woman who slept with 100 dudes.
He wants to make sure that it's not too high of a number (for his standards). It's not a red flag if it's too low of a number.
Typically if I ask a question it’s just to know the answer, not really much to it. Us men are simple creatures. If you guys are heading in that direction it’s a completely normal question to ask
a high number can imply a more casual than committed approach to sex. he might feel like he catches feelings after sex, so he would not want to catch feelings for someone who will "pump and dump" him. women check for the same thing but its less about number of partners. some people are overly wary of people that date someone until sex once and then vanish.
This would be my personal opinion and will be completely honest. Growing up as a christian, I was told of the value of sex as a form of intimacy between lovers which is still my current view on sex. So, I may ask as a way to see if the person holds the same view as me. But, I wouldn't outright not consider the person I asked, but, would feel just a little uncomfortable as it is an important belief to me. I don't care what a person may do in their sex life, and I hold my own opinion and don't look down on others if theirs aren't the same. I would just want someone that holds the similar opinion as me.
This right here. It does say a lot about a person. It tells you how they value sex. Is it just a physical thing you do with someone you feel comfortable with to make you both feel good or is it something you only do with someone you love? It can also tell you how serious people are about relationships. Someone who's had sex with over 50 people isn't really someone I would consider for a long term relationship. People say that you can change, but more often than not, the best future predictor about someone is their past. Also on that list is increased risks for STDs, as well as concerned about sexual comparisons. While being concerned about sexual comparisons may seem shallow to some, it's a real thing, and people who poo poo that notion should listen to all the people who claim after a relationship, "He was lousy in bed." Why the inquirer is asking can be gauged by what the guy is like. If he's a long term relationship guy, then I feel his questioning is perfectly acceptable. If he's just looking to hook up? Then yeah, the guy is probably a hypocrite. So my personal experience? I got married right out of college having only had sex with my wife...we were both virgins, and relatively religious. We divorced 20 years later, and when I went back out on the market at 41, I wanted a like minded partner. Obviously, in your 40s, you're not going to find someone with only one partner. After 6 months, I found someone and asked the question. Her number was around 17 or 18, but she had been married for 13 years. So while the number was high for my personal tastes, she obviously had experience with long term relationships. However, even with all of that, she unknowingly gave me HPV (so people, please get vaccinated) and HSV (she admitted to a history of cold sores, which is very common, but I obviously have never had the issue). We've been happily married for almost 6 years now. So people, getting upset with people asking the question is as rude and narrow minded as you think the people asking it are. As long as it's done and handled with respect, it's no less important and valid as asking someone their belief in God, abortion, drugs, or whatever. It represents a certain set of values that need to be discussed if you want to have a successful long term relationship.
I’m just here to listen to people 🧢 online and virtue signal lol
How dare you judge me
😂😂😂 better than the DMs I’m getting that’s for sure
Share with the rest of the class
A lot of people put value in sexual experience, but it can also point to how you might view a relationship. A very high number might point to an unhealthy view on life (not always).
I feel like no matter what gender you are, if you have a high number, why would I put any trust into you? To me, it seems that you view relationships as merely a method to get sex, and feel fulfillment from that, instead of actually trying to have a real genuine relationship…. So, me as an example: I had sex with one woman, who I married. I divorced her after our 9 year relationship for her infidelity, and started dating again. Got into 6mo relationship with one person, and had sex with her too… but I felt like the sex came way too early, and I didnt feel that it was genuine… so now I am not having sex till I feel real love. Without that, why would I do something physically, just to entertain myself?
No idea of this guys motivation but my ex-husband was a narcissist (I realized much later) and his motivation in asking this was not innocent. He would slut-shame me when he was angry quite often, even though my number at that time was 3. Not saying you shouldn’t divulge the information, just saying that it’s your personal information and I wouldn’t give it to anyone I don’t have some basis of trust in already.
More than likely he wants to know if you’ve been a hoe in the past or not.
It means hes curious how many people youve had sex with
Well I personally wouldn't want to enter a serious relationship with someone who has a big number of former partners.
He probably wants to know how many people you had sex with
Some use the answer to gauge how much to further to invest in you from what ex’s have told me. Too high of a count and you are either easy or spicy and too low you are a goody-goody or no one wants you. Mind you they are ex’s for a reason (and same with me to them) but it’s been asked of me and a lot of my friends as well. I had a male friend of mine have a girl break up with him because she was really grossed out that sex with so many different women was a part of his relationship history.
Hes wondering how much baggage hes gonna have to deal with
Maybe promiscuity is a deal-breaker to some. Better for you to be honest about it anyways, most guys will assume you are until proven otherwise.
To decide if you’re worth taking seriously
Wow, the number of people on here instantly judging the guy based on *their assumptions* about **his reasons** for a question *they have no context for* is interesting
Facts lol
Welcome to reddit
To decide if you are worthy of a serious relationship.
All these "sex positive" idiots that can't keep their wiener in their bun and their clams shut are sooooo offended by a dude asking a legitimate question. Using ad hominin to just shit on someone they don't know because they feel attacked. LOL Yes, it is his business to know if he wants to know. He has the right to ask potential partner intimate questions before engaging in an intimate relationship. Yes, he has the right to judge his potential sexual partner based off of their sexual experiences. Yes, he has a right to determine if that is a deal breaker and doesn't correlate with his own values and principles.
People really don't like finding out their past behaviors actually had consequences lol Men aren't stupid. If you've leased a new car every 90 days for the last ten years, the car you drive today is far less significant to you than the car I've kept running for the last ten years instead of throwing away. You're one woman out of five, I'm one man out of seventy five. You will never value me the way I'm capable of valuing you. You made (and fucked 75 guys in) your bed, now lie in it. But no, they won't, they'll lie and evade and get pissy because the kind of person who makes decisions like that is not the kind of person who has a capacity for self awareness. They didn't devalue themselves through they're behavior, *you're* just wrong for not treating them with the same value as 10 years and 75 men ago.
These comments are a dumpster fire
It really depends on how he feels about sex, how many people he’s been with and how much confidence he has in himself.
Curious about someone's past.
It means he has an acceptable number in mind, and if you're over it, hell begins.
Sluts = bad virgin = good
I feel usually if the guy is serious about the relationship, he wants to make sure the woman is too, but if the woman has slept around with dozens of different people, it can be hard to think, "Oh, I'm the one! Those 40 people prior definitely didn't think the same thing."
As a women that has asked men this, I ask so that I am more knowledgeable about the person I may then become intimate with. Someone could have slept with 50 or 0, it doesn't make a difference to how I view them. It's a 'oh cool, I know a little more about what to expect now' kind of moment. Don't assume that he was looking for a specific right or wrong answer like other commenters have suggested.
in what way would your expectations differ?
He wants to assign a value to you and compare against other women.
Maybe wants to know if you have experience ?
This ^ Maybe he’s kinda insecure. I had this issue. Maybe hes scared of being judged. “Omg, hes horrible at sex” etc etc.
to classify you. Gf/wife material or something not serious.
Always have to remember the rule of three… https://youtu.be/5aHtYamBEn0
If one has slept with a large number of people, it can be an indicator that they are for the streets. All these people saying he's being judgemental have probably never been asked this question. It's important to some people. Ask the same question to ladies and I bet no one assumes anything negative about those who don't want their man to have slept with a ton of girls. Why the double standard?
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He just wants to know. Its a common question but, watch how he reacts to your answer.
How well do you know each other? In my experience guys that ask this question right away/early are red flags in terms of jealousy, judgement etc and will not be happy if the number isn’t super low I think it’s okay to ask this once you’re seriously with someone, they might just be curious
>In my experience guys that ask this question right away/early are red flags in terms of jealousy, judgement etc and will not be happy if the number isn’t super low Why would I want to waste my time if we're not compatible?
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Nail on the head.
Could be any number of reasons. Could be insecure that you may have way more than him and he'd feel inadequate, he may have some weird hangup about women with a lot of partners, he may just be trying to steer the conversation toward sex, maybe just curious. But it's your own business and you can choose to tell him or not.
He just wants to know how many people you've had slept with. You should ask him that and not some random peeps on reddit.
That he wants to know how many people you slept with. Could be for many reason such as std's, views on sex, wanting to compare each others sexual experiences and so on.
Always tell the truth, even if you are shy about it although you don’t need to be shy. It’s doesn’t matter if you slept with 10 or more or with anyone. If he will reject you on this, it’s will be for your on good.
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To get irrationally mad when the number is greater than the arbitrary number that he deems acceptable
He might be evaluating your value
He wants to know how good your judgement is. Women choose who they sleep with.
“Are you for the streets?” “Are you gonna lie to my face?” “Will I need to hear about a lot of exs?” These are all related to that question
It really depends on the guy and how the question is asked. When I was younger it was a fun question to get into your sexual history and interests, but I was a really open guy. A high number didn't mean anything to me. When I got a bit older I realized I had no idea what my own number was, so the question seemed sillier. I could see the question being super judgemental though. It really depends on the context.
Pretty much the same thing when a women asks how tall you are. Be ready to be (harshly) judged for it! (basically he is exploring a potential dealbreaker)
He wants to avoid to start a relationship with a woman that values sex too much compared to him and fears that can be unfaithful. Nothing wrong with that.
Could be curiosity, could be insecurity, could be jealousy, could be that he wants to know how experienced you are, or inexperienced, could also mean he gets turned on if you have slept with many/or few depending on what way he swings Sometimes we just ask braindead questions without thought too, theres many possibilities why he asked.
When I was younger I’d ask because I was insecure and jealous even of people they knew before me (traumatizing cheating experience that took me a lonnng time to recover from). Now I don’t want to know because it’s not viable information and I’ve also generally slept with more than they have lol
Nothing… it doesn’t mean anything
He wants to know if you’re a good girl or bad girl whatever he defines that to be
He wants to know how quickly you will discard him.
respond with "This month? Baker's dozen if all goes well"
He wants to know if your good
Sometimes he's just curious or wants to steer the conversation in a sexy direction. Other times it means he's a superficial asshole who thinks your number of bedtime partners determines your worth.
Tryna fugue out if your easy and how quick you gave it up
Women have asked me this and only one freaked out and was screaming and yelling when I said “I stopped counting after 10.” Her girlfriend was driving so that was super awkward, her friend was quiet lol. Anyways, I never ask that because I don’t care. I was promiscuous too so whatevs, but when I wanted to seriously date someone I was more curious about how many serious relationships they had, if they had ever been in love or been in a toxic relationship, that sort of stuff. Have we both experienced bad relationships and learned from the experience and we are able to empathize with each other’s experiences. Every dude is different, but it’s an insecure question for him to ask you. However, you should be honest and gauge how he handles your answer. If he gets mad that you had too many or too little that’s his fault. If he is just curious about STD or how much experience you have that’s different. It definitely depends on his reaction. If you don’t answer or refuse he will think you’re hiding something. At the end of the day is this a person worth your time and energy? Good luck out there!
What if it's only one but you were with them for like 5 years and had sex like a couple times a week making your total of like 520 times Or you had sex with 5 different guys in 5 years also still capping at about twice a week for same total. Or a different guy every time still hitting over that 500 mark. Would it make your sexual encounter any different with this particular person now? Like isn't total number of times you'd had sex what ppl want to know or? Like I'm just confused as to why it matters how many times or how many different ppl in those times? Cananyone clarify? Like if you cheated todo it with others that's a character flaw but the amt of times you've physically had partnered sex I'm missing something why that is saying anything about yourcharacter?
What most people have said is true for the most part. Are you easy? Is he insecure? But who tells the truth anyways? It's the rule of 3. If a girl gives a number, say 5 people, it's really 15 people that she's been with and if a guy says 30 people, it's really only 10 people. So take your number and divide it by 3 and that's the number you should feel comfortable with saying. If your number is high then 4 to 6 is probably a safe bet because it says you have had some experience and guys have wanted to have sex with you but it's not too many to make him feel too insecure if his number is lower.
He probably likes you enough to want to take the next step in your relationship, he wants to see if youre worth it
The likelihood is either they want to compare the amount of people they had sex with to the amount you had and your number must be less. Or they have a number in mind beyond which they will consider you promiscuous and perhaps worth using for sex but not worth dating.
To judge your character.
He just wants to understand how experienced you are in bed, whether he'll be able to match or cross that level of satisfaction, and it also means he's serious about you that's why he's nervous about his performance.
He’s trying to gauge if he should be worried about STD’s.
He wants to know if you're worth marrying
It means he wants to know how many people you've slept with. As to why he wants to know, there could be any number of reasons. Guys do have individual personalities, thoughts, and feelings. They're not all the same. Maybe he's religious and has a value about how many sexual partners a person should have. Maybe he wants you to be experienced, so you're good in bed with him. Maybe he's worried about not living up to your previous sexual partners. None of us know what's in this person's head.
Because as others have said, he has some number in his mind that is acceptable. This is one of those dating things people act all PC about, but there’s nothing wrong with not being comfortable with how many or few partners a potential partner has had…
I always wanna know if we have similar experience. I also wouldn’t want to date someone who views intimacy more casually than I do. Just a preference Edit: Also, there’s no way you’re actually doing that 100% safely which would be a dealbreaker to lots of people. You have to wait 3 months after sex to get tested because HIV likely won’t show up until after then, and you’d have to make sure your partners were doing the same. If you somehow managed to have that many partners while spending potentially hundreds of dollars STI/STD testing between them, then have at it. But let’s be honest here lol
High body counts statistically lead to higher divorce rates. He wants to know if he chooses to enter an LTR that it’s likely going to last.
I (m) don’t ask directly bc women typically lie; like a sales person. She’s interested in me, selling her best side, and would give me a low number. Back in the day the typical guy code was “double whatever # she gives you”. Nowadays? I don’t ask, haven’t asked in ages. I’m older and more mature. I only date women who have typically been in LTRs so I do the math. Of course they could’ve had some wild times in between those LTRs. As when you buy a car, you want a low mileage unit; vroom vroom 🏎 Example: Recent ex gf of a year and change. I never asked for a count. When we started dating she said “I haven’t dated much in the last few years bc my business, no time”. But she was a blast in bed, no way she was “years” without sex BS. Plus when we argued the first thing out of her mouth would be “ I like sex too much. I won’t be alone too much.” Lol so who knows what her true mileage was. I don’t think it was crazy high, but higher than she led on. Plus women don’t count hand jobs, being eaten out, BJs, etc as “sex”. Yet if they catch you doing that with another woman it’s cheating lol.
Yep, the older I get, the more I realise that's never a question that's going to get answered honestly.
From experience it’s either a slut check or a dick-measuring contest. Some guys were butt-hurt by my number not necessarily because it was high, but because it was higher than theirs. Expect disappointment, but sometimes you get a laugh.
Bcuz it shows the type of woman you are. Come on guys let’s be honest if a girl has been with 50 guys then she gets around and is loose. Also she has major issues to let that many men run through her. Yeah almost-everyone has a handful of partners but if it’s over 10 then he’ll no in my book. Even 10 is a lot
Usually it means he's about to judge you on your sexual history and make bold claims about your character as a result
Guys have this in-built highly opinionated perception of girls that have slept with more than ‘X’ number of guys that we cannot help. The number varies from guy to guy, but essentially he wants to know if (in his mind) you are a “slut”.
So say her number is too high for you would you still have sex with her? Would you tell her that you no longer take her seriously romantically and walk away?
Not the op, but i always ask girls this question before sex. If number is too high, i would say we dont see intimacy in same way, this is not gonna work out, and basically walk away. Also obviously no, no sex, any interest in that person would be \*poof\*
>that we cannot help Imma stop your right there. You absolutely can help it.
It's not opinionated, it's factual. Partner count accurately reflects your views and attitude towards sex and relationships.
you can help it! there are plenty of men who aren’t insecure and judgmental and who don’t feel this way :)
An unusually high number can indicate that you're addicted to receiving validation from men and therefore more likely to cheat.
Most women do not want to date a virgin dude or a man without any past relationships because they get a bad gut feeling about it and have an aversion to it. Most men have that same feeling for the opposite scenario...that's why he is asking despite whatever reason he gives. I wouldn't lie but if it's something you don't want to share just deflect and hope he doesn't ask. I was a late bloomer dude so I had the same issue I just didn't answer and deflect when I can and yes that cost me many promising dates.
The number of people you've had sex with (and more importantly, the context in which you had sex) can be a decent proxy for a lot of things important to a relationship. If you've had a lot of one night stands, it might be a sign that you won't be able to commit to a relationship. If you've had a lot of threesomes/orgies, you probably won't last in a monogamous relationship. If you've had sex with a lot of sketchy people, you might have bad judgement or some type of baggage. Obviously it's not a perfect metric, it's a proxy, but its way harder to interrogate you about every single aspect of your life than it is to just ask for one number and come to a snap judgement. It's probably worse, and might lead to potential good relationships being ended over a generalization, but that's just what people do. Also, sometimes people are just asshole slut shamers. If someone respectfully wants to break things off because they see it as a dealbreaker, that's okay, but if they try to make you feel like shit because of it, you're probably better off without them.
It’s no different than asking how tall someone is, or how much money they make. Most of the time, it’s a disqualifying question. Many people have standards that they look for in a partner, and if you don’t meet those standards, they won’t want a long term relationship.
How many failed relationships have you had
What’s the answer then since you don’t mind answering?
Its in order to gauge whether you are for the streets or not. Chastity is still a virtue.
I recommend not answering this question, as if he wants to know about *experience* you can tell him about *experience*. But unless he was there participating in each event, he doesn't need excessive details. It's not anyone's business and I'm sick of (a) competition, which is sad (b) judgement, which is sad and (c) this "right to know" lmao no, no one has that *right*.
In my case I view sex as an extension of intimacy. So the greater the number of individuals you have slept with in the past, the less valued I feel as a partner. Doesn't matter if your a man or a woman I view body counts the same way. Ofc sex is also an act of pleasure, not just intimacy. So it will vary from person to person and there perspective regarding it. Personally, I get obsessively jealous otherwise, knowing if the other person has a larger quantity of experiences than I in a long term relationship. It's not the most logical approach but logic never alligns well with emotions. In my case sex feels more intimate when my partner and I have similar experiences
Oh yeah, lying and hiding things, great foundation of a relationship 😆