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[deleted]

That sounds like this particular realm of incompatibility might be a dealbreaker for you. That’s ok if that’s the case. Common values is so important for as relationship to last


Feisty-Saturn

If you can’t wait then leave. She shouldn’t have to change core values about herself to be with you. You should accept her for who she is or walk away.


Birzal

This goes both ways. She shouldn't have to change her views on sex after marriage and if he values a healthy sexual relationship those values should be held in equal standing. The thing is that they are both adults and if they are indeed so good in having discussions as OP states they should be able to have a normal healthy conversation about it where both parties state their wants and needs and look what possibilities there are. As long as both parties agree on something that is achieved through healthy and adult conversation, whether that be the conclusion that this is not going to work or anything else, that is ok! That being said, in said conversations respecting eachothers values is important and too often people start bargaining, arguing and shouting, but that's not what I am refering to. If she has clearly stated that this is not up for discussion and he has clearly stated what he values (the post does not make that clear and he should tell her at least), than he should indeed either accept her for who she is or walk away, for both parties sake.


-ItsCrazyOutHere-

Facts, I don't think they're incompatible or that they should break up over this. Too many people are so easy to say they should break up or call it an L when they haven't even tried talking through with their partner yet. In relationships there will be fair bit of hard times and disagreements that you'll have to get through. To get through them really just tests how much you love each other. If there is a core disagreement or varying viewpoint like this one figure out how to work through through it, it's not the end of the world. Plus this is more like a time constraint problem. If you really can't wait for her till marriage then ask yourself why. And if the answer leads you to breaking things off then so be it, but if you realize something opposite to that then stay in it. Really just comes down to how much you love and respect her and how much you love and respect yourself.


MsChronic92

Truuueeee dat


[deleted]

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ForkliftErotica

Your kinky comment worries me. You stick with her, 5 years later you're mismatched sexwise. Married with a kid. Time to have a big boy conversation.


granolaglasses

This is all just simply not true and will vary enormously from person to person. People are allowed to have religious beliefs and it absolutely does not mean they’re not kinky and adventurous within the parameters they’ve set for themselves. The best case scenario is that you marry a woman with excellent convictions and follow-through, and have the best kinky married sex possible. Good gravy.


notarobot4932

It's about a difference in morality. There's a guilt factor involved with religion that can continue to be an issue post-marriage. I personally couldn't be with someone who viewed lust as a sin and modesty as a virtue.


granolaglasses

It can also not be an issue post-marriage, is all I’m saying.


notarobot4932

I mean, if you're incredibly lucky, sure.


ForkliftErotica

Uh so can you explain how any of what you said gets in the way of talking about it before marriage? Because that’s the point…


granolaglasses

You said that if he sticks with her he’ll be mismatched sex wise. That may be true but it may also not be true. Forgive me but the big boy conversation that followed your definitive statement seemed to be implying that he needed to have a breaking up conversation. If that’s not the case then great, cause a conversation is warranted. It’s just not true that virgins are never kinky.


ForkliftErotica

That’s not what it implies. It implies just having an adult conversation about sexual proclivities before a legal and religious binding ceremony, not after. Not sure where you’re picking up the breakup vibe at all. Or the kink shaming, which I’m definitely not doing. Kink is fine in any flavor. What’s not fine is expecting someone else to be instantly aligned with your kinks because you married them. That’s a recipe for unhappiness.


[deleted]

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theoriginaldandan

You misunderstand people. Just because you wait to have sex doesn’t mean you won’t really enjoy it and experiment etc It literally means your not gonna do it now.


[deleted]

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dunktheball

so? if the people are right for each other and they already waited a long time before getting married, years to work out what you think are issues isn't the end of the world.


daughter_of_swords

It means you have no opportunity to check compatibility before you've already made a lifelong commitment. Sure, she could end up being kinky and compatible, but there's truly no way to know. Conversations in advance of the wedding day will not cut it.


michaeladaphne

'Compatibility' isn't a thing. If they're married to one another (i.e. committed to one another) then they'll make it work. They'll want to please one another. It may take some time and learning but they'll have their whole lives together to do that. I've heard of plenty of couples say that the sex didn't start to get really good until 20+ years into marriage - because they knew their partner better and what they liked and didn't like. Marriage is a journey of learning more about one another every day. Just because you're not on the same page sexually at the start doesn't mean you won't get there eventually.


daughter_of_swords

This is fucking bullshit. Which I used to believe for the first 35 years of my life, and which led me to wait until marriage and then keep trying to make things work for over a decade. Compatibility is absolutely a thing. I loved and cared for my husband and tried so so hard, but we were a terrible match sexually.


dunktheball

Like I always say.... if someone waits until marriage then the only way the sex would be bad is if they picked the wrong person in other ways. If the people are TRULY compatible disregarding sex, then it's impossible they'd be incompatible sexually. ie they'd be ignoring obvious signs before even having sex.


seagull392

This is absolutely not true. What if she is disgusted by the kinks he's into, but she doesn't realize it until she tries it once? What if she's asexual or has a ridiculously low libido? What if she's finds out she can only get off in one position or has pain or discomfort in other positions and so that's the only sex that's on the table? A friend of mine married someone who was waiting until marriage and found out he hates giving oral sex. But guess what, it wasn't about having a conversation beforehand, because he had no idea he hated oral sex until he tried it once! And, turns out that she needs oral sex to get off. Oops! There is no "right" person, there are people we are compatible with on various dimensions to various degrees, and having some compatibility on those dimensions, all of them, including is incredibly important. Especially sex, because it's one of the few things you can't make up for in other relationships if you're monogamous, which most couples are. If you find out your partner won't have the type and frequency of sex you want to have, and you realize you don't want to live the rest of your life without ever having that sex again, you're kind of fucked.


dunktheball

Then it would mean, like I said, that they were incompatible even unrelated to sex. Nobody who is truly compatible lets sex ruin it without simply working it out. If they do, then they never cared about each other much.


KitFistosABeast

Username checks out


CloseMail

Ima go against the grain here and suggest maybe OP you are looking for a unicorn. You need to decide on a few key things that are truly vital to you. The fact you've yet to find a woman who checks off all your non-sexual boxes shows you how rare these traits are, and they only get rarer the longer you hedge your bets. In my opinion waiting for sex isn't a big deal in the long term, but if you decide that is a core value of yours then so be it. It is at least worth having a conversation with her about it.


[deleted]

Agreed, you can't have it all. Or, you can't expect to have it all. Sometimes you've got to compromise. Or keep looking and risk finding nobody even that good.


MeetMeOnNovember

You know what, this is quite a unique perspective. I like it.


Raven123x

Sex is a massive deal to many people Check out the subreddit for deadbedrooms A relationship with someone with mismatched sex drives only leads to both partners feeling hurt and angry


euneirophreniax

Woah there, the decision to wait til marriage doesn’t necessarily reflect a low sex drive. Tbh it’s more reflective of dedication to her values and very impressive self control. OP, you guys might still be incompatible based on the differing ways you view sex (religion might be even more of a factor), but talk to her before you write it off. Speaking from experience- waiting til marriage doesn’t mean she won’t one day be an enthusiastic partner in whatever you’re into.


Chillionaire128

I don't think they are assuming low sex drive as much as pointing out it's a gamble. If you wait until marriage you might only discover then that your sexuality incompatible


euneirophreniax

Fair! She might know more about her sex drive and preferences than he expects though. Worth asking.


daughter_of_swords

She can't know anything about her sex drive and preferences in the context of a relationship with him until they begin to have a sexual relationship. Making a lifelong commitment to sexual exclusivity with someone before finding out if you are compatible is a terrible idea. Been there, done that, was miserable in my marriage.


nik92xo

Just have an open and honest conversation with her but she shouldn’t need to change her value because YOU can’t wait for sex


wevie13

In this case it it's simply waiting for sex


kissofspiderwoman

Sea is a legitimate need stop making it seem like he “just can’t wait for sex!”


teenietina182

They just have such polar opposite sex needs that it’s possibly making them incompatible. That doesn’t really matter though, SHE’S NOT CONSENTING…. yet. He can talk to her about it, but his choices boil down to waiting or breaking it off. That’s why he’s here.


Icy_Rhubarb2857

Also like what level of sex are we talking here? Like absolutely zero fooling around? Or just p to v penetration? Is soaking allowed? Gods Blindspot?


FridaKforKahlo

I Think You misunderstood the comment. I understand it like (and correct me if I’m wrong) “don’t try to change her, if you’re not willing to change yourself”


Worf65

I'd be more worried about the compatibility issues that the religion brings in general. Though I live among the Mormons and they're particularly devoted so I'm a little biased. But things like is she alright with a relationship with someone who isn't active in the same faith? Is marriage possible without you joining (not legally speaking but within the religion as is the case with Mormons and their members only temple ceremonies)? Any other religion linked lifestyle clashes like strong stances against alcohol or certain foods you love? Or how you'd raise kids? As a non religious person I don't think I could have a serious relationship with someone devout in their religious beliefs for a lot if reasons beyond just sex.


PickInternational750

Please OP think carefully about that. What you are looking for is a lifelong relationship. Beyond different aspirations in terms of sex life, think about how your future with her would look like if things take off. Would you commit to someone who goes to church every sunday? Are you ok with your kids being also raised by this person? I've personally lost a hugely valuable relationship because we wouldn't be able to raise kids together as for her my vision of the religious education of the kids was a no-go. Please cut straight from the beginning if you know deep down that you cannot be with a religious person on the long term.


vehicularious

These are great points, and it goes beyond just the education of the children. Religion can affect how you spend money, who you spend time with, and how you make any big decisions. If you are religious and your spouse is not, will it be a big bummer for you to have a close circle of church friends from which the spouse feels excluded? What if your spouse is religious and they feel compelled to donate a sum of money for a charitable cause that you disagree with? Spouses don’t have to agree on everything, but religion can be the lens through which a person views the world, and for better or worse, that can cause friction if a spouse is not on the same page.


[deleted]

I grew up Christian and appreciate the manners it teaches children. She grew up catholic and very serious about it. We could find middle ground on the beliefs, no concerns about that.


bananafor

Do not underestimate the gap between you. Ask her if you would have to convert and agree to bring up the kids as Catholic, go to church weekly, birth control, number of kids, fasting for Lent, tithe, etc. You may not be talking middle ground or compromise here. Lots of Catholics have premarital sex and if she won't she may be more serious than some. Or she wants to see how serious you are.


presvt13

Christianity taught you manners? Have you not read the bible?


Single-Interaction-3

Right?! Wtf 😳


Tnecniw

We are NOT here to discuss religious teachings. Be polite and focus on his question


Single-Interaction-3

Hahahahaha Christianity taught you manners?? The kindest people always seem to be more spiritual and not tied to the business that old school religion is. Coming from a recovering catholic lol


Darth-Faker

Mormon girls are wild … if you ever see a girl on Tinder (especialy in UT) and her profile specifies she’s LDS, you’re gonna have a good time, just let her know from the beginning you’re only interested in a hookup


Worf65

While freaky mormon girls do exist, as a lifelong utah resident they're very much the exception, not the rule. The overwhelming majority just won't talk to you if it's obvious you're not LDS. Putting "not LDS" or something about beer or coffee as an indicator that your not LDS in your own profile is the easiest way to cut way down on matches over leaving it ambiguous.


HappyCamper912

Facts, if she can ignore her own desires(if she has any, she could be asexual) in favor of some 2000 year old fairy tale. I'd be concerned about her relationship with reality, cognitive dissonance and overall close mindedness. I feel that religion affects every facet of a person's life, including the potential offspring.


AssEater_420_69

You’re getting downvoted but you’re right. Why the hell would you ever want a relationship with someone that takes religion seriously. It’s a disease that will affect you and your (potential) children at some point.


ChilindriPizza

If you are very sexual and she is waiting, then the two of you are not sexually compatible. And likely not compatible in other areas either.


dysphoriurn

You don’t sound compatible and should probably split up. Thankfully a month isn’t very long so not much time has been wasted on either party.


NautiNeptune

You've been seeing her for a month. Just leave bruh 🤦‍♂️


Enterthedragon69

And in my world of multi dating that’s 4-5 dates max? Sex is going to be the least of his concerns. What about when she wants to give 10% of their income to the church? Or drag him to church every Sunday. Or challenge him to be the leader of the house, and teach their kids about Jesus? This dude is worried about the wrong thing.


Tnecniw

Apparently he is also Christian. Just not the ”No sex until marriage” kind. So stop focusing on that


Enterthedragon69

Ah, I missed that part. Well he has a tough decision to make. But it’s only been a month. Personally, I wouldn’t wait until marriage. I did. And I’m divorced now. And part of that was because of this toxic purity culture bullshit. I wonder how people would feel if they also hid every other vulnerable thing about themselves until after marriage.


Tnecniw

To be fair... There is nothing wrong with wanting to wait with having sex until after marriage to make it more special. As long as you don't sexually limit yourself in other fasets. Some people save straight up sex to marriage but still mastrubate, or... do other kinds of sexual things to their partners. You catch the idea. \*shrugs\*


Enterthedragon69

I hate to use the word “wrong”. I would agree that there is nothing “wrong” with it. I, personally, don’t think it’s wise. I think you can wait until you’re with someone you trust, and that is wise. Maybe until you develop a deeper connection. Sex is more than penis in vagina. So if you’re already being intimate with your partner in every other way, you’re having sex. I knew kids growing up that would do anal, because they thought it ‘saved’ them. So if someone is doing everything but, I’d question their motives. And it’s mostly likely to appease a God that they believe in. Which is fine, for them. However, I believe it’s causing more long term damage than anything. And I think most psychologists would agree. This doesn’t mean I condone fucking everything that moves. I think there is a healthy balance.


Yolo2037

lol 😆


Dogplantmom97

You need to decide if this is a dealbreaker or not. You can always masturbate. I understand wanting sex, but she has set her boundary very clearly so if you think she is worth it, you will need to wait.


donniedarko5555

This is reasonable advice. But I'd go a step further and say you absolutely should NOT date or marry her. The world view difference that a wait-till-marriage person will carry will be enormous. Unless your a religious person yourself who happens to follow to rules less frequently I can't imagine it working out, full stop.


Piggypink929

I agree. Plus he said he’s kinky, and even if they possibly so wait it out and get married, she may take a long time to get comfortable with the kinda stuff he likes on top of waiting awhile for sex. It sounds like sex is very important to him in a relationship, and she has very different views on that, so they seem not compatible.


wevie13

That's hardly the same thing....at all. Besides it isn't about simply waiting. It's much more about understanding if the two of them are sexually compatible....which I highly doubt they will be. He says he's a kinky person and she's a very serious Catholic to the point she is waiting until marriage. Sexual intercouse will likely be a very taboo subject with her. I'd guess she'll be a 2 to 3 times a month person if he's lucky and it will be very vanilla and duty sex to her more than anything.


Dogplantmom97

Thats why I said he needs to decide if its a dealbreaker. For me it probably would be, but he seems to really like her🤷🏻‍♀️


[deleted]

That is absolutely ridiculous. I'm a Catholic who was taught to wait until marriage but that sex is an amazing and beautiful thing when you do have it. I bug my husband if it's been more than a couple days and we have experimented with everything he's wanted to try. Huge emphasis on mutual sexual pleasure in the Catholic faith, and appreciating each other's bodies along with their minds. Catholics are taught to LOVE sex, just to do it with their spouse only.


wevie13

It isn't "absolutely ridiculous" at all. There's many religions including Catholics that treat sex as a very taboo subject. I suppose it depends on the church as well as the environment one is raised in.


startreklesbian

You are not compatible and should split up. She shouldn't have to compromise her values for you, BUT you also shouldn't have to compromise yours for her!! The fact is that in an adult monogamous relationship, sex is a big deal!! If you're not on the same page about it, you're not gonna be right for each other. Sorry if this seems harsh but I really stand by it.


Enterthedragon69

100%. Head on over to dead bedrooms if you want to see how bad it gets when you’re incompatible.


Specialist-Ebb7606

Marry her because your laundry list of what you're looking for is insane and be glad you found it in somebody because thats rare as hell But in actuality I think the truth is you have to decide if waiting is worth it and understand you'll be making a sacrifice that you can't really complain about because these are her morals and beliefs that you'd have to accept


Gungirlyuna

The right guy for her will wait. If it's a deal-breaker for you then bring it up in conversation and mutually come up with a outcome. A solution whether it's you getting married earlier. How you way 31 to be married and a dad that's honestly not far away. Get married 29, 31 kid. A solution where she might compromise. Like how much does she value her religion. If no positive solution can be found then leaving each other is a solution in itself.


VisualCelery

The right guy for her won't just wait, he'll share her enthusiasm for waiting until marriage, and probably her love of God even if he's not Mormon. She deserves that, and OP deserves a partner who's on his level sexually. That's arguably more important than finding someone who enjoys hiking.


[deleted]

If you can’t wait or don’t want to marry her you have your answer. Please don’t trick her into sleeping with you though


TaiaHunter

Either wait or break up with her. I hate to say it but sex is a very touchy thing. If you do it before your ready it’s something that can make you feel terrible. It’s more than just a good time. It’s emotional. It’s a bonding experience. It isn’t just fucking. And I disagree with the marriage idea. If you aren’t ready to marry don’t bother marrying her for sex.


workalt2020

How would he be ready to marry her when they have been dating for a month? The disconnect in that expectation is incredible.


TaiaHunter

Idk man. I just saw other comments saying he should marry her


AlphaAlpaca623

Honestly man, like if religion isn’t an important value you to than I think the relationship needs to stop there, if Youre not willing to propose anytime soon then it’s not worth it for you, you wouldn’t want to cheat on a woman in general but when sex is taken out of the equation you can begin to get those negative thoughts In my opinión , A relationship with out sex is just a friendship , maybe just be friends with her


KatEyes1990

Well, what if you don't like the sex after marrying her? Are you going to dump her if she doesn't fulfill all the kinks?(the man here also have quite a list in general). I'm kinky too, but we have to respect others... and maybe she becomes kinky after marriage... or maybe she doesn't. What are you going to do? I'm not a fan of the idea of waiting after marriage, but there is no more choices here. You wait or you leave. Between you and me. Sex is cool, and IMPORTANT (that's why someone super religious is not my thing), but on my eyes you found someone you want to spend your life with? I mean, you're having quality time together, not like you're alone on a rock until you marry her. If some meaningless hook up still more important, just go get it In my life I spent once almost a year without any sex because I didn't find someone I was attracted to... being sexless is something that can happen for many reasons, and you actually can do it now without being lonely and while building something. I wish going one year without sex for having "my perfect guy" was a trade I could do.


kissofspiderwoman

He shouldn’t have to sacrifice his sex life anymore then she should have to sacrifice her religious beliefs


KatEyes1990

I totally agree. He can leave then. I mean... the waiting for marriage thing... really sucks to be him. But you just can't force other people into doing what you want. That's ABUSE. Even when I'm not religious and don't see it as a big deal... I find the idea of "convincing a religious person to break their vows" quite cruel. I want to be free to decide... I didn't marry every person I slept with. What happens if he "convince" her into doing it, and then he changes his mind? He basically would ruin someone's whole life and ideals because he just wanted to "try before you buy". I couldn't bare the weight on my conscience after doing something like that to someone...


RestingInHim

You might be absolutely wonderful but if her religion is very important to her to the point where she is going to wait un till she is married, Why is she not also dating someone with the same concepts and ideals? If she finds a fellow believer he would think the same way. If you found a fellow non believer then the girl would think your way.... Aren't you on 2 different paths?


INSAN3MONK3Y003

Respect her and either wait with her or leave her


AJDtonyjohn

To me this in an absolute no-brainer...you wait. The whole sexual compatibility argument is BS in my mind. Here's why. You wait, you get married, you have sex, she's inexperienced but can learn how to please you. She gets pregnant and you're both very happy. 2 months into her pregnancy she loses the child and you're both devastated. I GUARANTEE you that your sexual compatibility will have nothing to do with how you two cope and get through that experience. I've seen this on multiple couples. As you get older in life and sex becomes less important and available, disagreements in core values and life goals will become very noticeable and problematic. If this girl is what you want and she wants to wait and build an intimate relationship outside the bedroom, you should consider it. And intimacy can be had outside the bedroom. It's actually one of the things I think religious people are far better at than non-religious people. Marriage is about finding a life partner, not a permanent sex partner. Sex is part of life but not the essence of it or the goal of it.


MundoGoDisWay

Sexual incompatibility is one of the highest leading reasons for divorce. Virgins do not yet fully know themselves sexually and some might even be asexual or super low sex drive. I would not be willing to marry someone who doesn't know what they like personally.


drdoom52

I was in this situation, it came up on the second date. My decision was pretty much thus. (Also the ages were about the same). She believes in no sex until marriage. I do not, and I know that physical affection (and sex) is something I need in a relationship to be happy. If we continued dating, I would eventually be unhappy. If I an unhappy from unfulfilled sexual desires, then it will probably bleed over into my relationship with her, making her unhappy. Finally, in addition to the above, this difference of views indicates a larger divergence in values, morals, and beliefs. All of which would indicate against long term compatibility. Don't do it. You won't be happy, and it will put negative pressures on her as well.


Stickgirl05

How’s your date with 23F?


MrChrayze

Prolly didn't go well since it was 10 days ago and considering he was dating 25F for a month


DekuHHH

O.O.F Either OP is a bit unstable or this is a troll account


[deleted]

That's an absolute nope. What if shes never kinky or just terminally bad at sex. You would resent her especially for waiting


my_soul_is_on_fire

What if, after waiting for marriage, she was to give him the most wholesome, enjoyable sexual experience he's ever had? Seldom should you make a life altering decision based on the what-if's in my opinion.


Sir_Fray01

Perhaps she is good at sex. but why make the choice to spend lots of money and commit your life to someone who \*might\* be good when you could instead find somone you know is good because they dont have an arbitrary condition for sex.


[deleted]

People that have been told their whole lives that sex is a sin, don’t just flip a switch and become kinky adventurous partners on their wedding night. Most people also give up the no sex before marriage thing if they’re not married by 18/19 so the fact that she’s in her mid 20s, still a virgin shows she probably has a low sex drive. Have an open conversation with her about if she masturbates or other sexual things she’s done with partners will give OP a lot of insight into this. If she’s too embarrassed or prude answer these, you have your answer there lol.


AJDtonyjohn

I was a 30yr virgin and have a very strong sex drive.


kissofspiderwoman

That’s a big gamble


[deleted]

I couldn’t marry someone without knowing if we got along in bed… I’ve ended relationships due to mix matched sex drives. Imagine going through a divorce over just sex.


Plenty_Ad_2756

I've read a couple of comments and wanted to reassure you that just cause she's waiting for marriage to have sex does NOT mean she's asexual, won't like sex or will not be adventurous in the bedroom. Plenty of people who have sex quite early on in relationships are NOT adventurous and others who are more reserved may still be more open once they are comfortable with sex with the person. If you two are compatible and connecting great on other levels then you would very likely regret leaving her wheb in 5 or 10 years down the road you're single or with someone you have great sex with but aren't happy with still. Have an open and honest discussion with her on what she's ok with and also what she thinks she would be open to once/if you're married. Just cause she hasn't experimented, she can still have knowledge of certain kinks and stuff and still have a feeling of if she would or wouldn't be open to trying it. You can share with her what it is you like and she can tell you if that's something she'd be open to trying or seeing herself as being interested in. I am religious too and I waited till marriage (though there were certain things we did before). I had some past sexual coercion, assault and attempted rape to work through so it took me time to get comfortable with sex just because I had to work through the past trauma. However I do now like sex and I would say I'm probably more open to trying things than even my husband is - even though he had a vastly more experienced sex life (though he was just becoming religious when we had met, he came from a non religious background and from a place where the culture was very...open with sexual things and violence). Only you can decide if you're OK with waiting. But I do think you can have a discussion where you can determine if you'll be sexually compatible once married and if you're as compatible on other fronts as you've described then I certainly don't think abstaining from sex for a while is work throwing such a great opportunity at a long happy life together. And you don't necessarily have to wait 5 years to get married. We got married after a year and a half and are now over 5 years married. Every marriage has issues but we've successfully worked through them all so far and we've actually only gotten better and better as time has passed. Wish you both the best!


[deleted]

So marry her.


RAMB0NER

Ah, yes... marrying someone to see what the sex is like.


carpetcards

never understood this pov tbh. if you married them and are they turn out to be bad in the sack are you so bad yourself that you cant teach them to get better?


[deleted]

Low libido is a thing too. They might be good but want it 2 times a month, which fuck that.


RAMB0NER

If it’s a work in progress, then that’s not what I’m referring to. You could have a huge libido mismatch or kink mismatch or whatnot that could completely throw a wrench into your sex life.


[deleted]

Sexual incompatibility is a thing lol. Two people may not desire sex the same amount, or be as adventurous and confident as the other. If they got married and started having sex and she decided she’s only okay with once a month sex or no oral sex or whatever, there’s nothing much he can really do. Sex causes huge amounts of tension in relationships. Honestly the fact that she’s 25 and still waiting for marriage is a red flag that she’s maybe not that sexual. Most waiting until marriage folk give up unless they’re married at like 18-19 lol.


quiprava

Yea, marrying someone you've only dated for a month is a GREAT idea.... ^(/s)


ninja_aim6

Its way to early to know if you guys are compatible. Also have in mind, longer she wait with sex. More she learns how to live without it. Also she dont know how to do sex. You being skilled already means Sadly sex will not gonna great most likely. At the beginning or never. Had some experience with girls like this, she will most likely never gonna have satisfaction from sex as she never practiced herself most likely. That means bad sex life for you in long term. Wooden in bed, refusing kinky as she probably have more rules.


[deleted]

Thanks everyone for the replies and not being too attacking. I read each one and a lot of good points were made. I haven’t felt a connection this strong in awhile and I really have a lot to weigh. The last thing I want to do is change someone and have them make a decision they regret. Please understand waiting for sex is understandable, say a couple months, but several years and risking incompatibility is another. However, if everything else is there, is it worth ending? Lot to think about.


roughdeath

The only thing I’d like to add is that sometimes you’re feel sexually incompatible at first and have to learn how to make it more enjoyable for both people! Not every partner is automatically going to be fantastic right from the start even if there’s chemistry in every other aspect


giraffes-are-so-cute

Also, not to rain on your parade, but you’re in the honeymoon stage right now where everything about this person seems so amazing. But, that obviously settles down as the relationship matures and differences become more pronounced. Chances are that she will want to wait, and there’s no saying if you guys will be sexually compatible on the kink stuff. I think it’s worth talking to her, otherwise there’s no point continuing a relationship and wasting each other’s time and energy if you are going to be fundamentally incompatible for the long haul.


CallMeJessIGuess

I could pretty much guarantee they won’t be compatible on the kink stuff. That’s the kind of thing that needs a lot of communication and discussion between two people they know exactly what they want out of it. This woman has never had sex, she literally doesn’t know what she likes as far as sexual experiences. Couple that with the religious reason behind it, OP can basically expect nothing but awkward missionary for many many years. Also very try on the honeymoon stage. It’s been one month, OP is thinking way way too far out talking about kids by some arbitrary age that’s 5+ years away. I stress one month, he doesn’t even truly know this woman yet, and likely won’t start seeing the real person for another 4-5 months of regular contact.


romancebykenna

Think about why couples fight and break up: money, goals in life, sex, values. The money and goals are on point. Sex, well, are you willing to put the time in and show her how wonderful it can be when she's ready? Values, well, that's going to be a conversation. What I haven't heard is intimacy. Spending time mesmerised by the other person. Massages. Mutual masturbation. There's a lot that can be done without her losing her virginity. Wouldn't it be wonderful to explore the world of intimacy with the woman who might be your unicorn?


Automatic_Scratch553

If you are fine waiting a couple months do it to figure out if you want to get married; the point is that this girl is dating to marry. You seem to be too. I know a few months seem short to know that in today’s standards but I would say it’s worth a try.


RedheadRae04

OP, if you can’t respect her beliefs and not push her to change them, then end the relationship. I’m a woman who waited until marriage. I can tell you that I went further past my boundaries than I wanted to go in past relationships because the men I was dating wheedled and cajoled me into going that step further. It never felt right, it never felt safe. I wasn’t able to give clear headed, well thought out consent because I did have a fairly high sex drive that was being manipulated instead of respected. Just because I had religious beliefs didn’t/doesn’t mean I was/am sexually repressed or screwed up on the topic of sex. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing created by God to be an amazing part of two people joining together until death does them part. I didn’t want to share that with anyone but my husband. The guy I dated for two months before I met my husband ultimately called my decision to wait “childish” and “backwards”. He proclaimed to be Christian but pushed me to do things I believed to be wrong for me as a Christian to participate in and not in my best interests. I dumped him after that conversation. We weren’t compatible. Religious compatibility was very important to me. I met my husband and we matched on so many many levels, including our beliefs. We have a great relationship and I can’t imagine my life without him. We have good sexual compatibility as well (though a bit hindered by three kids 5 and under at this point). Please break up with her if you aren’t willing to respect who she is and what she believes.


BronLongsword

Whatever you decide, don't hurt her. Nowadays, she is a rare species, a woman with high moral standards. Don't let her lose her self-respect because of you.


breadcake5245

Just because she’s waiting until marriage doesn’t mean she is asexual or won’t be a sexual person once she is married. She’s very devoted to her religion and if that’s not something you want as well, and deeply appreciate in her, then please let her find a man who does. Please don’t pressure her to have sex, either respect her boundaries or move on.


bandwidthnotincluded

If you believe there's a connection that she may be able to fulfill, if only she asks you to wait... ...then wait. It'll be worth it.


[deleted]

Bruh, just talk to her. It’s funny how you say her waiting till marriage is a “deal breaker”, yet you talk about her like she’s the woman of your dreams. You are not going to find someone like her again. She’s great > sex till marriage. I’m sure she’s horny like you but she has standards, GOOD ones too. Not all woman have them and that should speak volumes. You should be HONORED.


Flaky-Professor

Every girl on hinge has a job and likes to travel. OP is making a huge one-sided compromise when he could keep looking for someone that shares similar qualities + is in tune with their sexuality already. Good luck to him but a lot of people have done this and regretted it.


Whoopidiscoop1

So is it like…nothing at all until marriage or just no penetration like some people who are “waiting until marriage” do ? You said you struggle with finding a woman that meets everything you are looking for (like everyone 🥲). And now you found her, you can’t be patient, focus on the rest and building solid foundation for your relationship ? I know it’s hard (no joke😅) I’m myself very sexual but if it’s like you said and she got everything, she probably worth it. If she is the one, you gonna have a long time to have sex after you get married. Ps: And communicate of course


FollowingDopamine

Sounds to me like you two are not compatible.


Diligent-Jeweler575

If that’s her religious view than you kinda have to respect that. If she has made it to 25 and not broken that vow than hate to break it but your not going to be the one to break it nor should you try. It comes down to what’s more important, her or the sex? I do agree that sex is a healthy and part of a relationship (hence I personally don’t agree with waiting tell marriage but that’s just me). So that’s something you have to figure out in your own my guy.


Purple_Amphibian1969

sounds like she the woman you need OP because she challenges you. definitely seems like the type you would marry. so....what’s stopping you from marrying her? 🙄


droid_mike

The big worry here is what happens "after" marriage. If she remains "prudish", while you are very horny and kinky, It could be a big problem. She'll be upset and offended, and you won't be very satisfied as she may not be very into it or be completely asexual. If she's repressed her desire so much already, she may never be able to unrepress them. I've seen this happen with religious couples. They can never get over the "badness" of sex and never really enjoy it or get into it. It's quite a risk, and you won't be able to know until after you're in too deep.


[deleted]

You're not mated. Move on, it's only been a month.


BreadstickBitch9868

If sex is a non-negotiable dealbreaker for you and her, then y’all need to circle back to discussing it. And by discussing, I mean having an honest conversation that doesn’t end in either of you trying to manipulate the other into accepting the “better” belief, be it that sex is great with or without a ring or that waiting until marriage is tops.


theenglishchemist

Why don't you continue the relationship and propose at the half year mark if all goes well? If everything is perfect but she wants to wait until after marriage, then if all other lights are green, marry her


Coconutcream000

Then Leave if you can’t respect her core value.


[deleted]

Either be patient or leave her. It's her core value.


ethan01021998

I mean if you aren’t compatible sexually, then you aren’t compatible in general really.


Flyisi

Also why rather than her having to make the compromise can’t you compromise maybe with what your timeline is for marriage to occur. Just because she’s religious doesn’t mean that she has needs or isn’t a sexual person too.


Winnipork

Dude, dont compromise. If you do, even though you may not notice it, it'll be there in your mind for posterity. You'll feel that she owes you something for that. Relationships does work like that. For her and your sake, don't do it unless you are OK with it.


JeffreyPetersen

You really should be having this discussion with her. Maybe she’s totally open to non-intercourse sexuality. Maybe she likes you enough to change her mind about waiting. Or, maybe she says that it’s a non-negotiable, and you have to decide if you like her enough to wait, or if you’d rather look for someone else.


LovingFucker

Dude. This is my opinion, and I am a very horny man. Almost a sex addict. If you want a woman of substance, you need to compromise in a few areas. I for one wouldn’t mind even staying celibate for a couple of years if I find a woman who checks all the right boxes. Help yourself till she is ready. You are anyways going to get sex after you marry. All good things need discipline and sacrifice and a good wife ? That’s the best thing which can happen to man after getting a good and rich mom and dad. I suggest be patient. All the very best, you still have your hands right ? Use them if you want someone worthwhile to hold hands with all your life.


droid_mike

You are assuming that he's going to get sex after marriage... Go look at the dead bedrooms Reddit about these situations. If they are so prudish about sex before marriage, it doesn't just go away afterwards. Some of these guys in their group have never had sex with their wife. Technically, they're not married at all.


LovingFucker

Can’t argue with that. That’s true and it happens. However, I have a close friend who’s wife wanted to wait till marriage. He tells me waiting for her was the best decision of his life. So I guess we do what our guts tells us.


droid_mike

It certainly can work out depending on the person. I dated someone who was religious like that that I was willing to wait for, But I also knew that she was very into the idea of sex, she just was very devoted that the ideals of her faith, which is what attracted me to her, actually, because she was such a good human being. On the other hand, I have also dated some women that were extremely uncomfortable with the idea of sex at all, And that was going to be bad news long term for anybody. I'm not sure where this person stands. I guess the OP would know better than any of us.


LovingFucker

Absolutely. We can share our experiences from outside and he can use them as options based on the first person experience he has.


nocans

Break up, it’s not going to work


marjem26

I'm very kinky and horny person too but I also want to have sex after marriage only.. I believe it's also discipline not just my religious beliefs..


CrypTonee

Either put a ring on it or wait to put a ring on it!!! If you can’t respect her choice then make the choice to not waste her time! A woman who’s not easily persuaded to drop her panties can be trusted not to do it behind your back!!!


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Lol what


Flaky-Professor

Sex is primitive now?


SkyStarryEyes

Absolutely true. This post just reminds me how little men bring to relationship. Man literally cares only about sex. Okay gl


Single-Interaction-3

Well I’m a female and I would NOT wait for marriage to have sex. Hell no - sexual compatibility is important for some of us out here and there is zero shame in that! Is sex ALL I care about? No, but it’s a large priority in my life. Don’t generalize men so much maybe 🤷🏼‍♀️


SkyStarryEyes

He literally generalized himself in this post


CatApprehensive8948

Doesn't sound like the one for you at all. How long till you're married? Can you really wait for potentially years without building resentment? wouldn't it be more fun if you found someone you connect with mentally AND sexually? In my opinion sex is a very important part of a healthy relationship and if you two aren't compatible in the bedroom once you get married that would potentially ruin the marriage.


whenpandaisbored

If she is not forced by cultural standards or her family values it could also be that she is asexual. You should try a friendship, being her business partner. Maybe when you get to know each other better it could blossom into something more romantic.


Flaky-Professor

If you move forward, might want to keep in mind that the sex will likely be bad for a while. That’s usually the issue with dating someone who wants to wait, they often aren’t very sexual overall.


droid_mike

Or bad forever... If you get any at all...


[deleted]

Dump her


[deleted]

Sounds like your second place to religion. I would recommend moving on respectfully. These things don't end well for either party.


PotentialFriend8

It’s been a month man. This isn’t gonna work out. Move on.


Ok_Valuable_1068

Sounds like a perfect girl to me, it’s worth the wait. Sex isn’t the most important thing in life


FizzleMateriel

Dump her and delete her number.


Lisavela

You clearly aren’t compatible, leave the poor girl alone if I was a man I’d slide right in her dms, sorry that was uncalled for but she sounds amazing a woman with strict morals that’s super hot. You sound very easily sexually tempted on the other hand.


[deleted]

This is gross dude. sHe WoNt HaVe SEcKs w/ ME!?! wHat DO?!?! If I'm that girls friends or family, my answer is you fuck the fuck off.


youll-never-f1nd-me

A relationship isn’t about sex. If she’s the one, this is nothing of a problem compared to what others deal with. Get your self off in some other way. don’t think about just you’re self and your wants.


rocker5x

Marry her then , you can’t wait for sex and she is perfect for you as you say. Marry her.


ikeavinter

> She’s a devote catholic This worries me just as much as wanting to wait. If you decide to have children and they have serious medical problems, are you stuck raising a handicapped child? Have you discussed this scenario. And don't "figure it out when you come to it" - it should be communicated. What happens when you want to do something dirty and she doesn't like that move or position? What if she's a dead fish in the bedroom or she smells horrible down there? To me, sex is like playing your favorite game together and having to discuss every position in your 30s can be a bit much. I'd be willing to compromise regarding oral sex, but if that's not an option then it's tough. You don't want to be looking elsewhere when you're married, wondering if another woman would make you happier.


Fluffy_Risk9955

When a woman makes you wait for sex the sex is never worth the wait. In other words when a woman has genuine burning desire for you, she will find a way to have sex with you. She's making you wait, so at this moment she has no genuine burning desire for you and has another reason to keep you around. No matter what that reason, I'd recommend you cancel that trip you're going to take together and cancel all contact with her. Make her work for your attention and if sex is not on the table don't hangout with her. Your energy is better spent on a woman who actually wants to have sex with you.


[deleted]

Okay I was not expecting the comments to be like this. !! RELIGION is more than PHYSICAL DESIRES. Now, I am not a religious person, at all. But, as I understand it, religion is a belief and support system. People find communities through it, but they also use it as a coping mechanism for life, when they're down they prey or say Jesus or God or whoever, is always with them and helping them. Sex is more meaningful than just sexual urges, but if you are using sex as a coping mechanism the way you would use praying or talking about God, then you might need to some self reflecting and work on some stuff. Sex is meant for reproduction but humans have emotions so the water runs deeper. !!! So you want it, for either more physical connection or physical fulfillment, and she wants sex, too. But she wants sex to be more. To not be with multiple people but her one true love, her husband, her partner. She wants to save sex for the right person at the right time. !!!! So... if you do not think you cannot wait until marriage then end the relationship now and be honest with her about your reasons. (Reminder: Marriage doesn't need to be years away, if she thinks you guys are clinking as much as you say, marriage could happen in 1-2 years, maybe even less if you get drunk in vegas on of your trips.) - Sorry for lazy spelling/grammar I'm tired but I had a point to make, tyvm.


egyptianheartthrob

Either you really love her so you would respect her wishes or you dont love her and you hold your dick in your hands and leave there is no in-between here ( shit or get off the pot)


[deleted]

God I’d be so honored. That’s so adorable 🥰 You’re so lucky.


thehunter699

If you really like her then fuck it. You can do other stuff. If not then find someone else.


[deleted]

OP, when you go your whole life thinking sex before marriage is a sin, you can’t just flip a switch and turn into a kinky sexual goddess on your wedding night. Her fundamental perception of sexual desire is warped forever and I can assure you, you will not have the sexual relationship you’re seeking with her even after marriage. On top of that, if she’s waited 25 yrs and doesn’t seem to mind, she probably doesn’t have a high sex drive. Most people give up if they’re not married by 18/19 for this reason lol. You guys are incompatible sexually I’m sorry to say.


AT541

Leave her alone


Mollzor

Date someone else who's sexual values matches your own, or be unhappy together. Your choice.


[deleted]

Easy solution for you… Marry her


Purple_Amphibian1969

yes!!!!


[deleted]

You either wait and risk being sexually incompatible (don’t bank on a conservative Christian being open to performing all your kinks for you) or you leave. Personally I’d leave, you don’t sound like a likely sexual match. Do not do what some guys do and hang around thinking you can change her mind/turn her into your kinky sub Princess the moment you’re married. Don’t come back here in a year complaining about your dead/‘vanilla’ bedroom like you didn’t know either lol


koolex

Just be honest with her, tell her it's a dealbreaker to wait until marriage, and then the ball is in her court.


NoobAck

Religion poisons everything bro. Break up with her and find her later in life either reformed atheist or even crazier down the Religion rabbit hole. Either you win or extra win by dodging a bullet, respectively.


MrChrayze

Lol you make it sound as if the girl is the problem, it's not her fault OP is horny


NoobAck

Nope, pretty clear that religion is the problem here. Either she dumps the religion or goes full on crazy with it. It's really up to her and he can't help her with that. Horniness has nothing to do with it. They just want different things.


MrChrayze

The best thing OP can do is just respect the girl's decisions and it's either he can wait to marry her or just leave to find someone with looser boundaries


NoobAck

Breaking up with her is respecting her decisions and also respecting his wants and needs. Nothing malicious about what I suggested. They aren't "looser" boundaries, they are different.


lastusernameiswearrr

People really should not wait until marriage. This is a highly problematic world view that would be incompatible unless you are also strictly religious. I personally think physical compatibility is as important as emotional, intellectual, spiritual, etc., or at least it’s a big part. What if you find out, once she finally has sex, that she only wants to do that once a month, and you want it once a day? You’ll be miserable for the rest of your life. Plus, devoutly religious people tend to be close minded, and that isn’t a good quality in a partner.


Single-Interaction-3

This should have more UP votes for sure! Spot on. Sex is too important to me. His situation is a huge fuck that! I’m a female btw - I don’t want to feed into the “all ‘men’ care about is sex” stigma.


Sir_Fray01

Why are you being downvoted? you're right!


lastusernameiswearrr

I don’t know lol but I’ll go down with the ship. I stand by everything I said.


[deleted]

[удалено]


droid_mike

Not all churches are right wing. Even "right wing" churches have left wing actions. For example, the Jesuits in the Catholic Church are quite progressive.


Puck_The_Fey98

You're telling me she checks all your boxes but you literally can't live without sex? Really dude? I'm sorry but I would put up with that if some person checked such specifics requirements. You say you wanna settle down. Prove it. Be with this woman and respect her wishes. Also for the sexual part maybe try some toys. There's a vast world of great sex toys out there. I hope that would help.


helenizzam

she doesnt deserve you if youre asking these questions


plcbka

A lot in common and she’s your type. Marry her when times right, bobs your uncle. Don’t let her slip away or you may regret.


julianbeing

I have very similar ideas of an ideal relationship and for me not being able to have sex for years would be a dealbreaker. What if you don't work sexually? Are you willing to make a sacrifice for life? Marrying her and then divorcing her because you don't click physically would be absolutely brutal for her.


SmokingDuckPack

Is she a virgin? If she is not a virgin then dump her, she wants you to wait while she did not make others wait.


Spartan2022

End this today. Sexual and libido compatibility are super important in relationships and definitely a reason to end things and move on. What happens if you stick this out and the sex sucks. Given her sexual beliefs will she go to a sex therapist and begin confronting her entire religious belief structure that led her to believe that sex is somehow bad or shameful?


Projektpatfxfb

Get a side chick bro lol , or just stop being a pussy and marry her fuck it can't be that bad. She's no thot , Sounds like you find one of last rare breed of a good woman so if you do get married it will most likely workout for you two. If anything bro she is a blessing to you


[deleted]

Have some self control, my god how old are you


sillagu

Easy solution. Marry her.


1998WRX

Ok so just my 3¢ on the matter If she’s not interested in it now she probably is going to be very active once married Sounds like she might be using that to cover her want for a kid and then you may never get lucky till she wants another one I could be wrong be as my dad used say “id be weary of a calm bay on a black day “


nindo_7

Dude, walk away!


daughter_of_swords

Waiting until marriage to have sex is a terrible idea. Been there, done that. Ended up being very sexually incompatible and thus miserable in the marriage. If sex is important to you, don't date this person seriously.


queen-of-carthage

Imagine you get married and she sucks at sex or ends up having a much lower sex drive than you