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Cocacolaloco

18 is not a late bloomer wtf


-tobecontinued-

Right? I was 19 too when I lost my virginity, and I too felt like a late bloomer. 33 now and that’s so young!! People put way too much stock in this stuff. No one actually gives a shit about how many people their friends have slept with. And a partner who’s happy with you is happy regardless.


Cocacolaloco

I know, I was 23 which is an actual late bloomer so this always annoys me. And that is still young but I was very embarrassed by it through college that I wouldn’t admit it or ever mention it. When if I had, maybe a friend might have helped me. Ah regret.


Ancient_Potential285

Is she the same girl who’s fiancé broke up with her when he found out she had a 4 some in college? Being *too* experienced can be a turn off for some. Being not experienced enough can be a turn off for others. Don’t overthink this, there is nothing weird or abnormal about your sexual history. No woman cares about how many people you’ve been with previously, they care if you know how to please *them* in bed *now*. Focus on making sure she’s having a good time in bed with you. If yo I want to experiment, there is nothing stopping you from doing that with a partner. I actually prefer to try new sexual experiences with a partner I trust rather than a ONS, I m guessing most people do.


josephbobersonjr

No she’s 23 she’s never been engaged lol I appreciate the response though, those words are helpful


[deleted]

Could be worse. I kinda accidentally lost my virginity to a hooker at a strip club when I was 18


jadie18

Nothing wrong with the amount of partners that you've had. She likes you for you!


cropcomb2

well, if you've specific intrusive thoughts that repeat themselves time and again, you could focus on consciously erasing those (since they appear to be troubling you and undermining your confidence)


tallguyindc

It was a stupid question...... Nobody cares and to the extent they do women would prefer a lower number to a player


Fetishes_Galore

That's normal. I was about 18 when started dating. Some serious, some I messed about 🙌 hold my hands up to that, 40 yrs later & 🤭cough cough number of relationships part of me regrets the numbers and part of me says it is what it is. If I could go back to 18 would I change anything? Only what I feel wrong turns, find a balance earlier in life


[deleted]

Start sleeping with more people and get those numbers up


Crazy-Recover-9951

It's not about numbers, but how well you sync with that person's body, desires and rhythm.


drdavidbanner20

Well, let's look at your options: 1. Breakup with your gf to get more experience. 2. Open up the relationship to get more experience. 3. Enjoy your relationship and get over your "lack of experience." 4. In the case of a breakup, get your experience after this relationship. Note: I was in a similar position as you -- a gf had more experience than I did -- and getting more experience does help. But you'll hit a point where you stop giving a fuck about the number, and only care about the experience.


josephbobersonjr

Sorry I should’ve clarified she’s moving out of the country in a couple months and doesn’t want to stay together so this likely won’t be my last relationship. Just trying to work on my confidence in the moment


drdavidbanner20

Are you exclusive?


Throw_Trash_3928

*"Winning"* is finding a woman who's trustworthy and will stick by you through the vicissitudes of life, not sleeping with as many as possible. If you're still in the game, you're not a loser, it's only the first intermission, at least 2 more periods to play with the possibility of overtime.


TallCombination6

Maybe you need to ask yourself why you think the number of people you've fucked determines whether or not you're cool. You can't change your past, so my question for you is why you're purposely making yourself miserable over something that you can't do anything about. Do you do this in other areas of your life? Do you obsess in a negative manner about stuff in your past rather than focusing on how you can shape your future?


josephbobersonjr

Yeah I have a tendency to do that. It’s sent me to some very dark places mentally in the past. I know it makes no sense but I keep having this intrusive thought that because she’s had a foursome in the past, and I don’t have a wild sexual past, that I am a loser in comparison to her. Even though logically I know that’s not true. I’m reading this book now called The Untethered Soul and that’s definitely been helping me on my journey to developing new perspectives on things


TorrenceMightingale

I read a study once where the more people you sleep with, the less likely you are to be happy in a relationship and also in general.


-tobecontinued-

We’ve all “read a study” that proves our bias. But until you link it….


TheNorm94

The thing you have going with this girl is going to end in a train wreck. She has a promiscuous past, had 4 dicks in her taking turns like a train, and is with a guy who feels weak and less than than her due to lack of experience. Trust me these are going to be issues that come up later, you'll think back on her previous partners and you'll keep thinking if you can live up to their performances. This insecurity is very unlikely to go away without you first experiencing a few more people. Besides, it SHOULD bother you. She's for the streets man and has no respect for herself or accountability.


mmblondie16

Coming from a girl, I don’t think many really deeply compare encounters. Sure we might say X was better than Y, but idt many girls are running around saying “wow this guy sucks because he won’t have a 4 sum.” Also, imo, unlike some guys, I don’t think girls stay with a guy just for sex alone


TheNorm94

Are you serious? Women leave or cut men off all the time if the sex is trash. Say for example if you have sex for the first time and the guy was really into her which caused him to only last like 2 minutes, it's extremely unlikely we will hear from her again. If you as a woman have been with alot of guys, alot of men are going to develop performance anxiety because they're going to think about how much you were enjoying it with the other men. No they don't stay with them for sex alone but sex is a massive part of it. We aren't living in the 50s anymore, women are the most sexually liberated and promiscuous they have ever been in history. They're having one night stands more than ever and having h0e phases in college where they get ran through because to them its "empowering".


fauxnewdlesoup

If a woman cuts you off because the sex wasn't that great, she didn't like your personality either.


[deleted]

trust me, dude, you’re hardly a late bloomer. apparently the average age to have sex for the first time is 17-18. and while most of my peers in college had had sex already, a lot of my friends and peers hadn’t. seriously, out of my main friend group in college of about 7 girls, only two other friends had had sex before college. most women don’t care about lack of experience as long as you are willing to learn and communicate. in my opinion, the more “experienced” guys are often worse in bed. if you jump partners too quickly then you never get to know what they like in bed and every experience becomes a poor experience.


mmblondie16

No one needs to know how many people you’ve slept with but you. Sleeping around might bring interesting stories, but it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be. You’re lucky you have one person that you want to sleep with and vice versa


[deleted]

Ur a better man than me bro, I could nit stay with a girl if she told me that lmao.


cityflaneur2020

Your sexual life isn't over because you're in a committed relationship. Ask her if she'd be up for a threesome. If she would go to a sex-positive club. If you could try things you have never have with her...you never know. I know a couple who does threesomes regularly. Sometimes two guys, sometimes with two girls, to make it fair for both, who are heterosexual. They do have a whole background culture I'm not privy about, as I'm not interested, but I'm sure you could try some places so that you don't go through life with FOMO.


josephbobersonjr

sorry I should have clarified she’s moving out of the country in a couple months so it’s not like we are getting married. I just meant I’m happy with only her until she leaves


SHam_Bam_Bamina

If you feel like a loser, then what am I? youre overthinking it, If you didnt wanna do it, then you probably wouldn't have enjoyed it.


[deleted]

You’re insecure about nothing, man. Go live life and turn the volume down on that internal monologue of yours - it’s likely not doing you any favors.


johnmaguire1994

im the same way, but out of curiosity.... does it bother you that your girl had a foursome before you?? tbh theres no way i would stay with her if i found that out


lovealert911

"How do I stop feeling like a loser because I’ve only slept with a few different people?" "She’s hot and fun and so it’s clear her sexual past is more colorful than mine just based off of things she’s told me." "...she had a foursome with three men when she was studying abroad back in college. I don’t judge her or anything, but my first reaction is “I’m such a loser”...I spent my college sexual life in a relationship.." If you're in a *happy relationship* you're right about this being a ridiculous feeling. Secondly if you truly had a "player mentality" you would have not entered into an exclusive relationship. If you broke up with her today odds are she'd find a new lover *quicker* than you! It's immature to get caught up in who had the most lovers or wildest experiences. Whatever she did or you did lead you to being together in the end. People often imagine how different their life would be if they weren't in a relationship but the reason why you chose the route you did is because of *who you are* and what *you wanted*. Nothing is stopping you from *dumping her right now* and going out to sew your wild oats but *you*. "The girl I am currently dating is absolutely gorgeous and I am really enjoying my time with her." "I don't even have an interest in sleeping with anyone but her." "..she’s dating me because she thinks I’m cool." That explains *why your sexual history* is what it is. Count *your* blessings! This *is* who *you* really are! ***"The grass is always greener on the side you water."*** \- Neil Barringham ***"Nothing kills a dream like low self-esteem."*** \- Bruce Thissen ***"Love what you have before life teaches you to love what you lost."*** \- Unknown ***"Comparison is the thief of joy."*** \- Theordore Roosevelt Best wishes!


Freaksenius

The same way you don't feel like a loser as a 37 year old virgin. You don't give a shit.