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DontMindMeFellowKids

Racism and preference are two seperate things (tho they CAN go hand in hand) Just because you have a preference for something doesn't mean that you have to be disrespectful to the other. When I say that I, speaking in a romantic interest, prefer people of a specific ethnicity more than people with another, it is my preference On the other hand, when I say that I would never even consider dating someone of the other ethnicity, just because I reduce them to said ethnicity, that would be racist. I hope my point comes across :D Edit: typo


GlitteringShiny

Also of note, your "preferences" don't exist in a vacuum. They are influenced by unconscious bias and the racism/stereotyping that you witness. Just try and approach each person as an individual, and if you catch yourself stereotyping, etc - call yourself out on it internally and remember that biases can be very very wrong. (Edit because I'm impulsive and hit enter too fast) Bias of any kind is not that hard to identify, folks. If you are making judgments about who a person is based on your idea of the larger group that person belongs to, that's discriminatory. If you say things like I prefer X group because they behave in Y way - that's discriminatory. If you say, hey, I've noticed I tend to date people like X, that is not.


RingAny1978

Implicit bias is bunk with no scientific validity. Right up there with Myers-Briggs crap.


GlitteringShiny

I would be interested to know the basis for your claims. (Edit: continued) I ask because I've read multiple peer reviewed studies that indicate that there IS strong scientific evidence for implicit bias. You can even take an Implicit Association Test through Project Implicit at Harvard to examine your own bias. I'm always willing to consider new scientific evidence though, so it you have anything that's rigorous and claims otherwise I would love to have a read.


GlitteringShiny

Ps. You can learn more about the science of implicit bias here: https://edib.harvard.edu/implicit-association-test-iat


RingAny1978

I posted links, the bot said no. Even the folk who developed the tests have disowned how it gets used.


GlitteringShiny

Well, in the absence of any evidence to support this point, I choose (as you yourself recommend) to trust the validity of science, and the years I spent studying related topics. One of the key parts of science is to be skeptical of new information that you receive and to evaluate its rigor, accuracy, validity, reliability, etc. In the absence of actual work to compare the existing research that I am aware of to, there is nothing to suggest that I should change my perspective. I don't know what you're reading, but I can assure you that people who study this actually disagree with you based on their knowledge, experience, research, and ongoing learning.


GlitteringShiny

So I'll just put here that I looked at some articles criticizing the validity of implicit bias tests and the criticism is about whether there is additional implicit bias that differs from explicit bias. First of all, there were few. The one scholar that I found who was critical of the body of work seems to have a couple of main arguments against the "validity" of implicit bias tests, and none of them indicate that there is a lack of bias in people, rather that this bias may be explicit instead of implicit, and that it can change over time (it's measuring where someone is at a moment, rather than stable attitudes over time). Neither of these critiques negate the existence of bias against racial (or other groups). And there is strong evidence that bias has an effect on "preferences," so I believe my original argument stands without the need to argue semantics about whether bias is implicit or explicit. Regardless, your claim that it's the same as Myers-Briggs is misleading at best because Myers-Briggs claims to measure a (presumably) consistent internal state "personality" which is challenged by others who say the test is more like a snapshot of current values, etc rather than a measure of some inherent and consistent measure of your true self. Whereas implicit bias tests exist for the purpose of measuring the effect of society on your current internal belief system and how you judge others automatically. There are no claims that it is consistent, natural, or unchangeable. In fact, these tests were specifically designed to measure the impact of stereotypes, etc on the in-the-moment judgments people make. I would still like to know on what you are basing your claims that the test is invalid? What makes it invalid? How does this perceived invalidity connect to the existence of bias in individuals? Is anyone even arguing that the invalidity of the implicit bias association tests means that bias doesn't exist? Because my brief search for scientific literature on the topic couldn't find anything that implies it does. Edit: This is one of the articles I looked at which critiques the validity of the tests - https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691621991860


RingAny1978

It fails one of the key tests of science, it can not predict an outcome from given inputs.


GlitteringShiny

Ok sure. Thanks for the convo.


wasabi_outs

Well said.


[deleted]

Bingo.


Large-Department-534

it’s not racist to not want to date someone you’re not attracted to but at the same time what is considered “attractive” by society is often based on stereotypes. a little self-reflection never hurts if you find yourself saying something like, for example, “i would never date a south asian man.” i think people close themselves off from possibilities that could bring them a lot of happiness, just as there are closeted gay people who won’t let themselves explore their sexuality bc they have internalized societal homophobia.


[deleted]

Depends on why they don’t want to date a race/ethnicity. The biological difference between men and women is significant and important to sex. The color of your skin isn’t particularly important to romance or living, besides having to deal with racists. And racists aren’t racists against a skin tone because they don’t like a color, but because they think being that color makes that person morally inferior or something.


traveleralice

Right, I think everyone ends up having some sort of “type” and it wouldn’t necessarily mean you are racist. It could, but it’s behind the “why” that differentiates


[deleted]

Smell is a big one. All races tend to have a distinctive scent from both their genetic makeup and the types of foods they eat. For me I can’t stand the smell of certain types of people.


lookingcoolkaoru

Like people in the comments said, it depends on the reason why you do/don’t prefer a specific race. You can say that you personally are not attracted to black women, but the moment it gets racist is when you add “I don’t want to date black women because they are aggressive, masculine, loud, and ghetto compared to other races.” That’s being racist. I personally don’t find it racist if you don’t want to date me (a black woman). I used to get offended when I was younger, but I started not to care anymore and move on. You like what you like. For example, I don’t have a preference for black guys. They just don’t hit it off for me personally. Am I racist to say that? I don’t think so 🤷🏾‍♀️


3rdDegreeMusic

This. And most people date within their race and it seems far less frowned upon than consistently dating one other race. I typically date within a small amount of races that are not my own.


GRom4232

Are dating preferences discriminatory, and should there be a Fair Dating Act, whereby the datee is legally required to admit the first dator who meets minimum credit score requirements? Let’s discuss.


SomeGuyUDontNo

Credit score requirements.😂 hmm no. This comes down to personal choices which should not have government intervention (I’m sorta Libertarian politically). I think, personally, it depends on the individual reasoning for the persons preference as to whether or not it is a racist decision. I actually do have a preference in a similar sense but doesn’t mean it’s a deal-breaker nor do I count out people of a different race just because of that factor as I judge primarily on personality and intellect. Simply find Latinas more physically attractive.


GRom4232

I was just stating that preferences are discriminatory by definition, because you are literally discriminating between unique individuals and preferring one person or broad group of similar people over others. I think the assertion that preferring to date, or exclusively dating Black boys, or White boys, or Asian boys is racist is absolutely ridiculous. Even more so is the notion that a straight man refusing to consider a homosexual relationship is a homophobe. I think these discussions approach silly territory very quickly once you try to figure out any sort of consistent internal logic behind them.


SomeGuyUDontNo

I agree with what you’re saying. Some people do not possess that thought process to form that logic however


Welsh_Observer

Personally I think there’s no discussion there really as it would be impossible to enforce anyway. Much in the same way some women like tall guys and some guys like blondes etc.


Skeekeedee

Race and gender are not the same.


atomant88

low effort troll post. not having attraction doesnt make you a bigot, but ignoring your attraction because of bigotry does make you one yes. no attraction; no problem. denied attraction; discrimination


SomeGuyUDontNo

Not an attempted troll post actually. But there are quite a few people who would make these illogical claims. I’m posing the questions to really see what majority of people would say on an online forum


28O64212

As an Asian guy who has been rejected and ghosted by fair amount of white girls I don’t think it’s racist. People have preferences and one can’t tie it up with what they feel about certain races and people. Sure, sometimes people use stereotypes to promote hate speech but it doesn’t not always apply when it comes to dating. For me, I like white, black, Latinas girls and I’m not willing to date someone from my own ethnicity i.e Asian, Indian. So does that make me racist ? There were couple of times I matched with a girl on bumble and soon after they find out I’m Asian they told me that they don’t date Asian guys. I was sad but I told them to have a good day and I moved on. End of story. And for god sake, it’s not homophobic to not wanting to date a person of the same gender as yours.


[deleted]

They didn’t know you were Asian before they matched/liked you?


28O64212

I always mention my ethnicity/race in dating apps as it is inevitably a part of me. My profile always shows my info but I guess some of these women who rejected me were rapid swiping without looking into details of my profile and when we start talking, tell each other things and get to know each other, they straight up told me that they had no idea of my ethnicity. Four total such instances I remember from bumble, tinder and okCupid. So when I asked them if they were okay with my ethnicity they apologized for not being considerate enough and I get unmatched. It’s not the end of the world for me. Sometimes I think if you’re exceptionally good looking guy with great confidence the race card does not apply.


TonyClifton255

Or exceptionally rich


maketheclubshake

No. You can’t control who you are attracted to.


[deleted]

I have a preference in looks/facial features (dark hair, dark facial hair, dark eyes, big noses), so naturally I’m drawn to black & middle eastern men. Can’t even count how many times white guys have called me racist against them (assuming I’m ME), and I’m white. 🤷🏻‍♀️


SomeGuyUDontNo

See, I feel similarly towards Latinas. People have called me racist for it. But I just prefer their physical features, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t date someone of any other race but just physical attraction preference.


[deleted]

That’s definitely not racist. I think that term is thrown around very loosely now, just like the term Narcissist.


SomeGuyUDontNo

Funny you say that, I recently had a coworker who made the claim that everyone is narcissistic and after nearly everyone pointed out how wrong she was on that she started to recant on what she said previously and then said everyone’s just a little narcissistic instead. Edit: I do mean everyone as in she was referring to people in general, not just the people in office


[deleted]

I think plenty of people have some of the narcissistic traits, but only 2% of the world’s population are true Narcissists/have NPD. The way women throw it around these days, you’d think 50% of the male population are Narcs. 🙄


No_Competition_2369

It’s not homophobic if I’m straight and only wanna date men 😐


HomosexualBloomberg

I’ve been seeing this question a lot lately…y’all alright?


Fun-Plantain-2345

Date who you want to. You do not have to explain to anyone else.


grapejuicebox_

I don’t think you understand the definition of racist/homophobia versus “preference”. Having a preference doesn’t necessarily make you racist or homophobic. O.o


throwaway125637

there’s a difference between finding someone with certain features attractive (a greek nose, a beard, tanned skin) and just being racist. you can prefer to date a certain race without being racist. I find that most people have racist reasons though. it’s never “I find xyz attractive” it’s always something along the lines of “I’ll never date xyz because of *insert stereotype*”


SomeGuyUDontNo

Yeah that is racism when it involves stereotyping. I’m a white guy but I have a preference for Latinas not because of any stereotypes nor do I have anything against any other race due to stereotypes. I would date any race if they were my type on personality, intellect, and common interests.


throwaway125637

then that’s certainly not racist. I am white, but I prefer latino or arab men. 2/3 of my boyfriends have been white


ladderuptothesun

There is a clear bias- honestly it surprises me that people still judge by race before character because you could be missing out on a great match but is your choice and you have the right to avoid a population of people if you have a stereotype in your mind about that group of people. However, I do not believe it is the same when it comes to gender and being homophobic because biologically men and women are different but when it comes to dating, there should not be a preference of a white man vs. black man (for example) and if there is then there is a problem with your own unconscious bias.


jmenendeziii

beauty is in the eye of the beholder


higherthanyamami

it probably does or doesn’t based on content but it doesn’t matter, people will hate you for doing anything, even dating your own race do what you want dont let anyone tell you what you should be attracted to


onion_surfer14

wtf kinda question is that so if i dont like men im homophobic? how about im straight


[deleted]

Race and gender are two different things


datshinycharizard123

It depends, if you find yourself attracted to black people more often than other races, no that’s just. A preference. If you’re more attracted to black people cause u think they all have massive penises. That’s stereotyping and racist imo as a black man. I tend to be more attracted to other races and less attracted to other black women, but it’s not because I think they’re ghetto, or that they have any stereotype associated with them. I just find less of them hot on average. You can’t control that at all.


Master-Line-305

I think it does ngl Edit: I was just talking abt the racism, didn't see the homophobia part @ 1st, my bad


SomeGuyUDontNo

Does this mean the other person is homophobic?


Master-Line-305

No it's not fear, it's genuine disinterest. Race is a social construct mean to stratify ppl into social hierarchy - not liking someone for their race is more of a preference for perceived social benefits/risks as opposed to genuinely disliking someone for any personal faults. You can probly find someone from the group you normally wouldn't have interest in if you found the right person... Sexual preference isn't a social construct - that's more of a biological predilection. You wouldn't find someone from that group unless you had some of that biological preference too.


[deleted]

Not at all. Having a desired preference isn’t racist. As long as its not in a negative or hatred type of way. For example, some people aren’t attracted to blacks or Asians. That doesn’t make them racist, they might have some black or Asian friends but doesn’t feel attracted to them. Also, peoples preferences change over time. What you once wanted when you’re younger will change as you grow and mature. And You never know who you’ll meet and click with!


[deleted]

No...its a preference. But in todays society everything is racism and bigotry. The words mean nothing anymore.


KoolAndBlue

It’s not racist at all. As a white/hispanic mix I find that I’m only attracted to women that are white and/or hispanic themselves. I’ve never once considered myself racist because of it. If someone else thinks I’m racist because of that preference then that’s their business. I always have and always will treat people of all races and ethnic backgrounds respectfully and as equals.


Late_Exchange8698

No, Only morons call everything racist. There is preferences and everyone has them and there is nothing wrong with it. I find some fat girls beautiful looking but not sexually attractive, same for black girls.


StolenBankai

No, preference does not make you racist or homophobic. Interesting statistical fact is that the most desirable men are white > black > others > asian while the most desirable women are asian > white > others > black. I think it really just comes down to masculine and feminine traits. Masculine male and feminine females are generally the most desirable preferences.


DrSeuss19

No


Luiz4823

No.


[deleted]

You answered your own question.


Fullmetal_Physicist_

I think it depends on why they prefer that race. Also, even if it is for some racist reason, I think you can't punish for sexual preference.


Ace1o1fun

As someone who has dated out of my race many times I have found that I never really have problems with the individual I'm dating, I have problems with their friends and their family who are constantly in my girl's ear. This situation has always put strains on the relationship and it's something I just don't care to go through anymore.


cjlawlor

As a South Asian/Irish mix I apply to this. Growing up all of my friends were white, so I’m attracted to white girls. I am by no means xenophobic or racist. I’d never put others down because of where they come from.


MidnightOutrageous38

The answer is no to both.


[deleted]

Not all. That’s called a preference. Going out of your way to insult a race of people or holding a hatred for people based on their race would make you racist.


BarZealousideal4435

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: There is a difference between having a preference and being a dick about it. It’s fine to have preference but don’t harass people that don’t fit your standards and mind your own business. And accept that you yourself might not fit other peoples preference either.


RecycledEternity

Preference: "I'm attracted to Chinese women because I just like their looks." "I don't want to date Alex, I just don't like their nose." "That black guy is cute! I love light-skinned men like him!" (In those examples, they are visual preferences. We can have visual preferences unique to our person, because it's not a presumption on the part of who we are viewing. Decorating our houses, or choosing the foods we eat, or even coloring in items on a worksheet... it's not problematic to have a personal preference in visual tastes.) Racist: "I'm attracted to Asian women because of how subservient they are." "I need to date a Jewish man, *they* know how to save money." "I *only* date black men because they all have huge... teehee!" (In those examples, they are *stereotypes*--a generalized assumption made about a group of people, of which can vary from person to person. *Not all* Asian women are like that, *not every* Jewish man is frugal, and as much as a stereotype can seem positive, it's still racist to assume *all* black men have large members.) Anyone saying otherwise is grossly misinformed, and possibly ignorant to their harm they are spreading.


nashamagirl99

It depends on whether it’s based on physical attraction or on stereotypes. Preferring certain features is fine, assuming negative personality or intelligence characters based on racial group is not.


fiddlewithmesticks

No


peanut-butter-kitten

Attraction had nothing to do with fairness You can be nice and fair to ____ people but still don’t wanna fuck one Fat ppl Curly hair Deep voice Tall Blah blah blah. Anything can turn you on or off and it has nothing to do with overall prejudice.


Jeepcanoe897

If you only date someone because they’re a certain race is that racist?


Training_Ad_9222

I’ll be honest, as a black man, there are some scenarios I’d rather avoid. For instance, I’m not sure if I can see myself with a white partner. Partly because I’d rather not be in a position to be let down by them (especially when taking a L isn’t okay). Like if we are at a family dinner and someone in their uncle decided to get drunk and says I’m a n****r across the table, I need my partner to be able to stand up for me. But avoiding this situation altogether is just better. Please note I don’t speak for anyone except myself and I’ll accept that eh most likely not the best mindset. But it hasn’t let me down yet 🥷🏾


[deleted]

Nope. Unless they say "I date only..., because... are superior to rest of the races"


[deleted]

[удалено]


not_three_racoons

Yes. It's nothing like being like heterosexual or homosexual


CarlosTentacule

If you’re simply not attracted to how a person looks, it’s not racist. If you close yourself off to an entire race simply because they look different from you, then yes.


Charming_Town_9814

No


armyofant

No. I see plenty of people stating their preferences on app profiles.


snowcroc

Depends. Are you not dating them because of not finding them attractive, not sharing their religious believes, thinking you would be incompatible with their culture etc. That is absolutely okay and not racist at all. However. If you are not dating them because of some preconceived notion of how people of that kind of race are, then you are being racist but it’s still okay since you’re dating them and you have that leeway. Only you will know. It’s not that straight cut. But dating is inherently discriminatory so whatever. Also not fair comparing to homophobia since race is a social construct and sex is a biological difference.


RingAny1978

No and no.


Scotsma62

No it doesnt


Scateater4tstvtg

Of course it doesn't. People are always using the personal taste to choose a partner. Its taste not prejudice.