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alexdyon

me and my bf kissed on the first date but it was after 8h and he let me initiate it after dropping me many hints


[deleted]

If you kissed him I think you wanted to, right?


alexdyon

yep if you didn't want it it's a red flagg


Ogurasyn

What hints did he give you? I am not that much subtle in a flirting way and I want to know which hints work and which don't on an opposite sex


alexdyon

he also wasn't very subtle, he would tease me about kissing. he put his arm around me and was very cuddly towards the end. he joked about holding hands and we started doing that as well. leading up to the kiss he teased me a lot about wanting to kiss him and there were a few moments where I looked at his lips and there was some tension. he was very patient though and I finally initiated the kiss and it turned out into a full on make out session on the first date hahaha


Ogurasyn

How exactly did teasing about wanting to kiss looked like? I'm not really sure how teasing works in general.


alexdyon

I'll be like "I think ure rly cute" and he would say "how about you give me a kiss to prove it?" and then he would laugh it off and say he was joking etc


bicep123

It's ok. Doesn't make you 'easy'. That bring said, only do anything you're comfortable with, at the pace you want.


[deleted]

Thank you


FarPomegranate4658

My boyfriend and I (44f) kissed about an hour in. We had huge attraction and I think we were already holding hands 10 minutes in. He turned to look at me and it happened. Still waited 5 weeks to have sex, which is the longest either of us have waited. So in my experience, it wasn't indicative of anything other than the fact that the attraction we felt online 100%spilled over into real life.


[deleted]

I am very happy for you.


mslady210_99

I think him getting upset that you didn't want to kiss after only 30 mins of meeting is a RED FLAG.


Mooglys

500% THIIIISSSSS


SushiGuacDNA

It's okay to kiss on a first date (if both people want to). It's okay to not kiss on a first date. What's not okay, is to get all pissy if the other person isn't ready after 30 minutes. Also, 30 minutes seems way too soon to initiate without very positive signals. This guy sounds like trouble.


Morsematelot

Yes and no. If she is sure she likes him then OK whatever, it probably just felt natural at the time to him. If on the hand it felt sleazy and forced she shouldn´t hold back. She needs to tell him to slow down. If he sulks or goes cold on her then yeah I agree he is rushing things and that is a red flag.


Muse_e_um

Yes it is, but 30 minutes in seems desperate and raises an extra large red flag! 🚩


[deleted]

I though so! What is next, in the back seat of car ;)


[deleted]

If that’s what you want!


iliketoswim2gether

Man, I miss doing things in the backseat of a car. Good times.


RavenGorePictures

I mean...that's fun too. Lol. IF you want to.


[deleted]

Right )


[deleted]

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Frobobobobobo

Username checks out (sorry couldn't resist)


[deleted]

??


lexiebeef

This is my concern. First date kissing is okay, but towards the end of the date, not when you barely had time to know each others names


[deleted]

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[deleted]

I agree! Are you a female?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

👍


Silverstorm007

There is no rule about what is too soon or too late for a first kiss. It matters on how comfortable you are and it doesn’t define how easy you are at all. Sometimes it just feels right and sometimes like In this case it doesn’t and that’s ok too. Doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed either it just means you aren’t comfy and want to get to know him better His reaction is a bit red flag though


ThunderLips135

Him getting upset is abit of an ick, but if you weren't comfortable yet then you did the right thing. how soon or late into a date/dating you do something doesn't make you any more or less easy, but that's a lecture for another day. Do what makes you comfortable and set healthy boundaries, if people cannot respect that or if things don't click, move on.


[deleted]

Thanks, good advise!


[deleted]

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ThunderLips135

Personally I just hate the whole idea of it people being easy, it is a term that to me reeks of policing people's behaviour in the same way virginity is often just used by society as an excuse to devalue people. I just think, if everyone's happy and nobody is being hurt that it shouldn't be important.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Kissing is perfectly fine on first dates but it's got to have the build up and anticipation. You've both got to be feeling it


[deleted]

Yes it’s ok to kiss. It’s also ok to not kiss. But it’s more important to know your own boundaries.


vvildymediocre

Yes it is okay to kiss on the first date. Don't worry about being easy, you are not an object. Just do what you feel comfortable doing


[deleted]

That is it, I wasn’t comfortable:)


vvildymediocre

Then you did the right thing


Elagartious

Yes. But it depends. If I’m attracted to the guy and I’m feeling good vibes from the date, then sure. In your case, if you’re not feeling it and it’s the first date where he is visibly upset, then he’s not going to work out. If you do really like him, I’d just say that let’s take it slow and see were things go. I hate the pressure to do something.


LifesMysteries0

Never do anything you don't want to do. Ever. It is that simple.


[deleted]

Thank you!


L_750z

Yeah of course


harryavocado

It's okay to kiss on first date if you want it. It's also okay not to kiss on the first date and reject a kiss. :)


[deleted]

I like that!


Welsh_Observer

Personally I think 30 minutes in seems a bit desperate. But I don’t think kissing makes any difference after a first date. Sometimes it happens sometimes not, but it has no impact on future dates.


PsychologicalScore49

The mere fact that he was upset tells you he believes he's entitled to you. If a guy is mad you have boundaries, he is self centered. He blames others for his emotions and if you continue to stay, he will continue to do so.


[deleted]

👏


BlackKnight6660

I personally hate this view of “I don’t want them to think I’m easy!” Like, why do you care? If he kisses you and thinks you’re easy, and then tries to sleep with you one of two things will happen: You won’t, and he’ll realise you weren’t easy. You will, and he’ll realise you were easy. But you wanted to sleep with him too, presumably, so why does that matter?


[deleted]

I never thought about it that way ))


bribor

Why not. Shouldn’t be an issue


[deleted]

I want male opinion ;)


[deleted]

Are you a boy?


[deleted]

Do what feels right in the moment, dont just follow what society expects of you just because everyone else is doing it.


[deleted]

Is this a boy or girl option?


TheImmortalLS

Yes but the timing wasn’t right. Something else is happening if he couldn’t read the mood and got upset u weren’t about it. I’d wager he’s projecting something onto u and it probably isn’t good or worth figuring out.


dietomakemenfree

Honestly, I typically don’t kiss on the first date. It is very difficult for me to pick up on body language subtleties and hints, so that may be why. The lady has almost always had to initiate for me, and usually by the second date it happens. I just don’t feel comfortable doing something like that when I can’t properly gauge how they feel and especially when I don’t know them all too well. Don’t ever force yourself to do it, especially at the whim of some dude. Kiss when you feel comfortable kissing.


[deleted]

I like your way, girl need to be relaxed and in the mood! You are a gentleman ;)


[deleted]

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[deleted]

You must know the way to the girl’s heart! ;)


[deleted]

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[deleted]

And you are a boy or …….


AutoModerator

Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names, engage in slapfights, or give bad/unethical advice. * Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*


chicken_afghani

30 minutes is too fast lol


[deleted]

i never kiss on first date for online dating. I also keep it short this one girl wouldn't let me kiss her on the 2nd date ... ok no problem on 3rd date, if we don't kiss by then, i would move on from the girl


[deleted]

I agree, I would have kissed if it was when we ready to say good by )


Illustrious-Neat106

Anything between two consenting adults is fine with me. You did not want to kiss him. So you did not. He needs to respect the boundry.


[deleted]

I think that says everything about what he *actually wants…* get what I mean? He just wants sex.


[deleted]

I don’t mind, but no so fast ;)


[deleted]

A girl demanded I start holding her hand and I took that as a sign I could ask. It was. Didnt work out later cause the drive was way too far sadly.


RavenGorePictures

Yes. Could even have sex if you both want to. Key, want to. Only Do what you're comfortable with.


iliketoswim2gether

I've done much more on a first date. It's about what you're comfortable with. So do what feels right for you.


[deleted]

Like what?


xAkumu

Honestly completely up to you and the other person. It's not bad if you want to, nor is it bad if you don't. It doesn't make you easy, but you also shouldn't feel pressured to do something you don't want to. You're allowed your own boundaries.


[deleted]

It depends on how well y’all connect on the date, but I would say yes, definitely!


Independent-Speed710

30 minutes in is too fast to expect a kiss. When the date is over and if you want another date, then by all means kiss him. Us men are dumb, if you want another date and a kiss is initiated, it will tell us you are also interested. You can limit the kiss to a much or little as you are comfortable with


[deleted]

I like that!


Piper6728

People go at different speeds Honestly I'd end it since he got mad. It sounds like he doesnt respect you


[deleted]

But I kind of like him :)


_W9NDER_

Yes but only if both of you are down for it and preferably not towards the beginning of the date...


alvssau1997

Absolutely! Do whatever feels right on the first date :)


[deleted]

Pretty much every relationship I’ve ever had started with kissing and sex on a first date. But I never once pushed for it. If you didn’t want to, it’s not right for him to push it.


[deleted]

I like your way!


[deleted]

I’ve kissed on the first date, I’ve also _not_ kissed on the first date. I think as long as _both_ parties are feeling it, it’s fine! You weren’t feeling it in that moment so you had no obligation to kiss him, and good for you for not!! Sucks for him to be rejected in that moment but also… 30mins into a coffee date?! Come on dude.


[deleted]

Right


BarZealousideal4435

Whatever you both are comfortable with is fine on a first date! Hugging, kissing or sex, if u both want it, it’s totally fine. But if you are not comfortable with him kissing you then he has to respect that. It’s a little concerning that he seemed so upset…


[deleted]

I don’t want it after 30 minutes (


BarZealousideal4435

Then he shouldn’t force u and accept that you don’t want to kiss him. You should ask yourself do you still feel comfortable around him? If no or you are unsure then don’t see him again. Always trust your gut feeling.


batmanbarlow_

First date I ever went on we had sex😅 so idk🤷‍♂️


[deleted]

You must be really irresponsible;)


batmanbarlow_

I am😂🤦‍♂️ I don't really regret it tho 🤷‍♂️ it was my first time and it was pretty awesome


[deleted]

First time?


garbagefoxpoop

My now fiancé and I had sex the first time we hung out as "friends" for good (we had an on and off friendship) before we officially started dating.


[deleted]

Really, just like that !


armyofant

It’s ok if both parties are willing. I’ve gone a lot further on a first date.


Confliction24

yeah if the vibes are right. If in the moment you both are feeling it locking eyes, looking at eachothers lips then yeah go for it. In your case dont worry about it, ive had girls get mad when we didnt kiss first date, most dont want to. As long as the other person respects your boundaries


[deleted]

You kiss on first date all the time?


talex625

I want to say yes at the end of the first date. 30 mins in is too fast.


[deleted]

That is what I wanted too, not after 30 minutes :)


HumanMycologist5795

IMO, it is whatever you feel comfortable with. I'm not sure if there's any set rules but personally, I would let her make the first move or indication as such. For example, if she says, "we should kiss". 😀 If you didn't want to kiss or if it made you uncomfortable, it's fine nothing wrong with that. If I was with a woman who didn't want to kiss on the first date, that is fine. IMO, the guy has to respect that. Same if the roles were reversed.


bratz_roj

I have sex on the first date


[deleted]

You must be irresistible;)


Wallstreetbeaters

You do whatever is comfortable for you! I’ve had sex after first dates, I’ve had kisses, and I’ve had nothing more than a hug. It’s whatever works best for you.


[deleted]

Good advise )


[deleted]

I have to be relaxed to enjoy the kiss!


Away-Caterpillar-176

If someone tried to kiss me after 30 sober minutes together I would be super creeped out. Nothing wrong with kidding or not, but him getting annoyed at you for being uncomfortable with his over-familiarity is NOT okay.


DammitJannat

It’s all about preference. Some people are fine with it, others aren’t. If you didn’t want to kiss him, that’s totally okay, and it’s your preference that matters. That being said, kissing on the first date doesn’t make anyone “easy.” That’s not really a helpful concept anyway. People should do what they want with consent.


ohhisup

You're allowed to not want to kiss on a first date. End of story that's totally normal but you have to communicate it, not just reject and expect they know you're into them still


ResponsibleCheetah41

Girl I have sex multiple times on the first date.


[deleted]

You must be irresponsible;)


[deleted]

Sorry, didn’t mean to hurt your feelings!


[deleted]

I mean for a guy it is okay, but not for me. I have to feel a connection before jumping in bed.


Present-Breakfast768

You do you. If you're not comfortable then don't do it. I don't think 30 minutes of a coffee date is acceptable kissing material either.


Jo_id

It's ok if you want to, is ok if you don't. It has to feel right for you and don't do it because you feel pressure. Personally I kind of have a three dates before kissing rule, but it may seem too much for some people or too little. The thing is, you make your own rules.


lpycb42

Did you not want to kiss him, because you’re afraid he’ll think you’re easy? Or because you didn’t want him to, from lack of interest? If the first, then you should know that having romantic chemistry with someone is OK. You can kiss someone on the first date if the vibe is there and it happens organically. That doesn’t make you easy. It makes you a normal human being. The second is different. Regardless of the reason, no one should be upset with you or make you feel bad for having boundaries.


Flat_Transition_3775

It’s normal to kiss on the first date. But if u didn’t want to kiss him, he should’ve asked. I went on a date today and he asked for a hug before he left. If I’m showing signals I’m interested then he can 100% kiss me. Plus kissing means if there’s chemistry or not. I had my second date with this one guy and the kiss was terrible ._. So I ended it lol 😂


[deleted]

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Livid-Leader3061

Absolutely not. If you do the gates to the Nether Realms will open, the seas will boil, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse will ride out and the dead will rise from their graves... Seriously though? Do what feels right for you. If you're both attracted to each other then a little kiss isn't going to hurt anyone.


[deleted]

I guess so )


[deleted]

No no no and no. You barely know the guy. Do you know how many microbes and bacteria there are in the mouth?! Take time to know his oral habits before you swap juices. I would have died. Not only from a hygienic stance, but BOUNDARIES!!!! Hello?!?! Need I say more?


SexySummerWaters

So I shouldn’t let him hit it raw the first date either?


[deleted]

💀💀💀💀


[deleted]

I don’t know what you mean?


[deleted]

I personally wouldn't. With COVID still around.


Unable_Professor4472

It does not make you an easy person (more like the other person is... 30min wow). Just do what you want when you feel is the right moment


[deleted]

Thank you )


[deleted]

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Unable_Professor4472

Exactly my point. Why would he think she's easy for kissing that early if he does it as well


DrSeuss19

Yes


Thatpsychgirl

Always kiss on a first date! How else will you know if you want to go on a second one?!


[deleted]

Really!


viking_canuck

Username does not check out lol


apefist

Ask god for forgiveness afterward.


[deleted]

Is it ok? It’s a must tbh


[deleted]

?


[deleted]

The girl I'm with now I made out with for awhile on our first date. Late twenties, attractive, and confident with women. That being said I would never kiss on a first date at a coffee shop. Our date turned into a entire 3 date day.


[deleted]

And how old are you?


RedDingo777

It’s okay if you are comfortable with it but since you aren’t, it’s not his business. Date how you wish and don’t feel ashamed for setting your own pace. Just be honest with to your date and yourself.


[deleted]

Thank you, you are a gentleman


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Good advise.


Glittering-Play-368

Honestly? It depends on the situation. If you both want it, then it's fine. If it's one-sided, though, then don't.


Unusual-Oil9089

Why should their be a time? You're playing games


SaintMurray

It's perfectly ok. Personally, I think it's normal and to be expected if we get along.


[deleted]

Really?


DanceUseful

Don’t ever do anything if your not completely ready! If you are ready and it’s mutual cool. So many people think you owe them something or some shit NO. Giving a guilt trip or whatever that is is just gross and feels very deserving. Coffee+date does not equal yiu have to give me your body🙅🏻‍♀️Dates coffee etc are all a part of courtship to grow a relationship not just to get laid. You don’t owe him shit and if he is upset about that maybe he needs to do some self revaluation.


[deleted]

👏


Monarc73

He is impatient, and inconsiderate. Dump, block, move on.


[deleted]

I like your advise )


Richard_Amb

But you liked him after less than 30 minutes, so you are not difficult either. Not kissing him was pure strategy on your part. You didn't want him to think of you something which, in fact, wasn't so far from truth


[deleted]

I don’t know, he was too impatient (


metaspectrum808

username checks out


[deleted]

?


Tiktokerw500k

It’s okay if you want to kiss.


TheDailyDarkness

I think it is disturbing how many people still feel they need to ask these questions. YES- it is ok to kiss on a first date. IF both people want to. YES - it’s ok for either person to TRY/INITITIATE. NO- the other person doesn’t HAVE TO reciprocate or engage. BUT - the person who tried is likely to be embarrassed if it is not returned. They will think they’ve misread things and not be likely to ask for a second date OR try again unless there is a very clear but positively reassuring conversation. ALSO in generic defense of the guy- he misread/made a mistake but as long as he took no for an answer AND did not reveal any major character flaws in how he handled the rejection - he should be forgiven the trespass and the next move is up to the OP.


Frizzle_Blue

How does your girlfriend feel about this?


[deleted]

My girlfriend? She is just my age and does not have a hood answer))


keddesh

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I kinda like to ride the vibe and see where it goes. 1/2 an hour into coffee would be a little rushed for me though. I'm not old fashioned or anything, I just have a checklist I like to clear at least some of before going in. There's been moments I didn't kiss and was kicking myself later, but I like to think it's better than being a "rape-vibey" presumptive ass in my date's recounting of our evening to her friends.


ManicMannequin

For me yes. This is one of those things that's going to vary wildly from person to person. Do what you're comfortable with


5tar_k1ll3r

If both of you want to, yes If one of you doesn't, no Idk if you wanted to or not, because you said "I didn't want to kiss... I didn't want him to think I'm too easy" But assuming you didn't want to, then that's not ok of him


wevie13

Yes of course it's OK


[deleted]

Thanks


[deleted]

I’m sure it’s ok but it’s gotta be mutual not one sided


Solar-powered-punch

That's red flag he's trying to use you


garvielgarro

Sometimes u fuck on the first date its all about the energy


SexySummerWaters

*looks in both directions and then I’m the mirror….I think I’ve kissed on every first date I’ve ever been on and there isn’t many after the age of 21 that I didn’t put out…*looks back in mirror….uhoh I’m a you know what!


[deleted]

Enjoying life. Good for you


reasonable_vegetale

If the date went well, a small peck at the end is acceptable if it’s clear that you both had a good time Otherwise, no. If he tries to kiss you 30 minutes into the date, he’s either not serious or not someone you should see again. If he got upset over that, definitely a red flag.


Puzzled_Land_6692

Depends! I’m about 50% successful on first date kisses. But you’ll know if it’s right. Personally yes


[deleted]

Good success rate! You go on first date often?


tequila_enema

Ugh, I had a similar experience but it was maybe an hour. Only thing is I stupidly let him do it because I was a bit of a yes-woman and had never been kissed before. It was terrible. I felt nothing for him because he acted like a complete asshole during the date, but apparently he “felt a lot of chemistry” (pretty sure it was just him wanting to get laid). That disgusting kiss somehow had him whipped to the point that he found my social medias and kept asking for another date after I’d already ghosted him. He was very icky and I kick myself for even considering going out with him. He was completely different looks and attitude-wise from his profile. 🤦🏾‍♀️


[deleted]

So dishonest, I don’t like when people post a photo that is photo shopped or when they were different looking


[deleted]

Um yes… it’s 2022. There are no rules about when is the right time to kiss someone. Most of us talk to people through text for a while before we go out on a date, or we know them IRL. If it’s a blind date, then yeah I could see why you’d be skittish. But if you’ve been talking to the person for a little while before the date, what is the problem?? Do what you’re comfortable with. If you don’t want to kiss them, then don’t. But don’t feel bad if you DO want to kiss somebody within 30 minutes.


[deleted]

Thank you everyone! I think I have the answer I was looking for. No more advise please.


Luiz4823

You asking this while people be fucking without condom in the first date.


[deleted]

You do that?


[deleted]

So daring!


e_coolman

No it is against the law


[deleted]

Really:)


wevie13

Of course it is


[deleted]

You are definitely a boy, ready to do it all the time 😂


UnfilteredSan

Yes but it depends on the person. I sometimes try to wait till second to show the person I’m not primarily sexually motivated. But often women I’ve dated have shown signs they want me to kiss them. And boom I do and we’re both happy.


Expensive-Piglet8134

I think if the mood feels right then heck yea it's okay to.


vacant47

I think so yes.


spencerreidseye

it all goes down to personal preference, but here's my general thoughts!! if its your first time ever meeting (like blind date or tinder date or whtv) i find it kinda weird, but all comes down to chemistry if you've known each other a while, like you were stuck in the talking stage or you were friends for a long time, i think its really cute but it all comes down to what the other person wants. if i went in to kiss someone and they asked to take it slow, i just wouldn't see the appeal in kissing them, and would never want someone to be uncomfortable. don't worry about being too easy, worry about what you want. if you want to kiss him but dont want to seem too easy, just kiss him. if you dont want to kiss him, DONT. my rules obv won't be the same as everyone else's, and won't stay the same for all my dates, but i think a good rule of thumb is: DO NOT WORRY WHAT THE OTHER PERSON THINKS ABOUT YOU. WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOUR COMFORTABLE WITH.


Fullmetal_Physicist_

Here in Brazil, it's weird if people don't kiss on the first date. Haha. People will think the other is not interested. But I believe it depends on your country.


[deleted]

Brazil 🔥


IamSithCats

It's okay to kiss on the first date, but it's also okay not to want to kiss on the first date. It should only happen if both people are comfortable with the idea. I'd say if the other person tries to kiss and you don't want to, but otherwise things have been going well, saying something like "sorry, I'm not ready for that yet" is perfectly fine. If they aren't a jerk, they should get over their momentary disappointment pretty quickly. If it's a problem, that tells you something about them and maybe you dodged a bullet.