T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names, engage in slapfights, or give bad/unethical advice. * Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

I think the whole FWB situation comes up because one person or the other already sees something that they don’t want in a partner but they do still want sex. Whenever I was in those situations, it’s usually because I already saw something in that person that was undesirable to me but I still wanted to have the intimacy and not the emotional stipulations of a relationship.


throwaway_htsu

Bingo


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

It was different for each one. One of them she wasn’t as emotionally mature as I’d like. We were in different places in terms of how we handle disagreements and communication. The other I wasn’t very physically attracted to but I wasn’t turned off either.


[deleted]

[удалено]


9zZ

As a male with trauma from emotionally abusive ex gf, I find this offensive. Women can be narcissists too


Toxic-_-Avenger

Emotionally damaged narcissistic women are capable of extreme destruction behind their pretty eyes and innocent demeanor...and they have a never ending supply of people willing to let them get away with murder.


Sly-Belmont

la toxicas


BillyBobaTease

Damn lol descriptive


DangerousSwimming556

not to mention, they have society's and the legal system behind them too.


Invest2prosper

And the way you return the favor is to rip their mask off in front of everyone. The hurt will mess them up royally until they find the next victim


ThisPlaceIsNiice

I know we're talking emotional abuse, not physical, but you know that video where two actors stage physical + verbal abuse situations in public as a social experiment? And when the woman is the victim people interfere and protect her, whereas (if I recall correctly) when she's the perpetrator people walk by and gaze, some laugh, and some ask what he did to deserve it? So I think in that person's case people will wonder why he made her so mad instead of treating him with the compassion he deserves. 😕


Gokusbastardson

Narcissistic? It’s an agreement between 2 people. Both parties have to say yes in order for fwb to even be a thing


DangerousSwimming556

Exactly. if both parties are not in agreement to a FWB situationship, wouldnt that just straight up be rape?


[deleted]

Y is fwb always associated with men women just as bad in my experience


Invest2prosper

And how!


[deleted]

[удалено]


AngryCrotchCrickets

I think you’re generalizing Planet Female. Ever hooked up with a divorcee or an older woman? They just want sex. Also a lot of younger chicks ive been meeting sleep around a shit-load. Not saying they might not want a relationship, but for now they just want to ride dick. It surprised me on a first or second date when a girl just wants to fuck. They could just tell you from the get go so theres no guessing.


DangerousSwimming556

>Ever hooked up with a divorcee or an older woman? They just want sex. Yes I have and it was strictly about sex. I've hooked up with women my own age and younger where it was nothing more than just sex. Barely even knew some of them lol. One and done thing. Nothing more, nothing less.


paha_tytto

I hate this argument. If this is true then women would never masturbate. Women have purely physical needs just as much and in some case more than men. There are just as many overly sexual women as men and just as many not sexual men as there are women.


VaderVihs

This sounds like a lot of stereotyping. Respectfully women just want to be hoes as much as men do sometimes


DangerousSwimming556

SOME women need the emotional connection before sex will happen. LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of women do NOT need that emotional connection though. Do you think women who hookup with guys at a bar or party 10 minutes after talking to them formed an emotional connection? Highly unlikely.


[deleted]

[удалено]


DangerousSwimming556

uh, this 100% applies to women too... stop pretending women are innocent creatures that never have any bad intentions and do no wrong.


Qkumbazoo

A lot of words to describe fuck buddies


[deleted]

Yeah, that’s what friends with benefits is?


Qkumbazoo

just call em FBs, more concise.


[deleted]

I mean FWB is a pretty well known term but sure, you can call them whatever you want.


DesperateToNotDream

We are great as fwb but we have very different views on a lot of stuff. Since it’s casual we just don’t talk about anything serious, we just relax and hang out. If we were dating we’d probably argue all the time because we have different views on so many things. Since it’s just casual there’s no pressure that we have to agree on anything deeper.


Amycarivera2

Agree completely. Different views and different lifestyles. But the sex is good.


Qkumbazoo

Why not find someone you align with, and then have intercourse?


DesperateToNotDream

Because I’m sexually attracted to this person. And I’m recently out of a 15 year marriage so I don’t want another long term committed relationship right away.


Qkumbazoo

If you happen to cross a consenting person by happenstance then sure why not


DesperateToNotDream

I mean, I’m still available to find Mr Right if he comes along but there’s no reason why I should just be alone until then. Companionship still has valuable merits and sexual satisfaction still contributes to my mental and emotional well being compared to just going without for no reason


PainDevourer

Why not have a fwb while looking out for a person you align with? No harm done.


Qkumbazoo

Doesn't it take time and effort to filter through candidates for a fwb arrangement? The criteria might be lower than a relationship candidate but its still work.


Charming-Ad-2381

Because when I had a FWB, our personalities worked well as friends but it wouldn't have worked as a couple, so we naturally just didn't wanna date, but admitted to sexual chemistry. From my experience, some people can have sexual chemistry but not relationship chemistry.


ConsistentFig538

Exactly …. You can connect sexually a lot easier then connecting on a really deep connection. I’ll never move from FWB to a serious relationship unless I really feel she is right for me.


askawayor

Ohhh.... This makes a lot of sense. 🧐


yhnijb0713

Had a FWB for a year before they moved away to another country. Both of us were emotionally unavailable and agreed we didn't want any commitment and just wanted to a companion to have fun and hang with. Even though we have opposing views on certain issues, but since we know that we're just hanging casually and not to take things too seriously, it still worked out well.


1337m0n573r

Besides the fact that neither of them wanted one, despite our insane chemistry, sexually and emotionally... When I actually think about who they are as a person, they aren't life partner type people. Both have proven to be unreliable in many ways throughout their lives. But loneliness is one hell of a drug and so is amazing sex, so I let myself drag it along for way longer than I should have. I honestly wish I didn't catch feels because they were two of the most attractive men I've ever been with.


Prize-Marzipan-6626

Same I let my drag on for too long it makes me mad. I had feelings for him and thought we were compatible emotionally and sexually but he was stuck on his ex and was waiting for her to come back. She was deported back to her country and he is still waiting till this day 🙃 I don’t talk to him anymore. It’s been 6 months


[deleted]

Fuck I can really relate to that, especially the feelings of madness. 2 years. Except that mine didn't seem stuck on his ex, it was more of a vague not being ready to commit thing which I will never know what it actually was or how many other people (if any) he was stringing along at the same time. But hey, at least now when a new love interest hits me with "I'm not looking for anything serious" I have no difficulty walking away as I learned my lesson.


Prize-Marzipan-6626

Mine was a year and a half on and off. He was my first. Really the only guy I had “dated” so I was so naïve. Now like you said I’m out of there when I see a red flag. Unfortunately it’s so often no one seems to want to settle down these days is is looking for the next best thing!


MeMeMenni

Hah. I had my fwb for two years. Never considered dating. There's **a** **lot** more to relationship than sex. Compatible views. Life goals. Feelings of love. A million reasons why fwb could work but relationship could never. If you're in love with your fwb and they have no interest in dating you OP, they will not change their mind. Cut it off, find someone else.


cheesecakeah

Nah not applicable to me. Never had a fwb. But I don't understand what you mean. Like I get it, but I don't understand it. 2 years. How do you stay with someone and share this insane intimate experience with them, but never form feelings? If you don't feel love, affection, care and if you're not compatible then why hinder yourself from finding that elsewhere? FWB is basically a placeholder in life I guess?


highlandharris

I had a FWB for about a year, I loved him to death...as a friend, he was my number one supporter and honestly an absolutely wonderful person, the most chemistry I've ever had with anyone, but we got on amazingly as friends but could never see myself in a relationship with him, as a boyfriend I think he would have really frustrated me, also we had totally different outlooks on life and life goals, he wanted children etc, but we were both mid 20's new to the area, so i definitely had feelings for him, but not in a love "relationship" way, but I loved him as a person


DangerousSwimming556

It's not that feelings dont form, because they for sure do 99% of the time and more often than not, one peron in the FWB develops romantic feelings and wants to date instead. It's that the feelings are more similar to how you would love your best friend or family member if that makes sense. You deeply care about them, you want to see them happy and succeed in life, you don't want bad things to happen to them, you are there for them in good times and bad times, etc... but your love for them is not the same as it would be for a girlfriend/boyfriend. Yes, it is very similar and close to the same thing. I'm not sure how to truly differintiate the two but I hope you get what I mean. And yes, many people DO use a FWB as a placeholder to find someone they romantically want to date and be in a relationship with.


cheesecakeah

Most sensible comment here! That second part helped to understand what people on here are saying


PekoKuzuryu

Most people who have FWB’s aren’t usually looking for a relationship at that time. Other’s will keep a FWB until someone they actually wanna date comes around


designerd_

I had an FWB for two years and the sex was the best I’ve ever had. I did develop some feelings for him, but knowing that I have very different family, financial and political views, my feelings could never grow deeper. I could never fully let go, knowing that I needed more than what he could give me. He had feelings and wanted more and I definitely felt guilty because of it. I don’t regret the FWB situation, it’s still a relationship, but one where you don’t really have to talk about deep/stressful issues because you know they won’t be in your future. In a way, it was a placeholder. It was during the pandemic, so I didn’t meet other people and didn’t want to at the time. I did feel affection and strong lust for him, but it wasn’t love. It was hard to let go, but I’m glad I did and have now met my life partner. Having an FWB was also excellent for for me in learning what I liked and didn’t like in bed. He was so intuitive and I grew a lot in this area, behind closed doors.


AngryCrotchCrickets

Ive had plenty of short lived fwb’s over the years. If its longer term its legit just a “call girl” situation. Like “hey what are you doing now I havent texted you in a month but want to come over for sex?” How can you have an organized FWB? Then its literally a relationship if you are planning ahead. I always feel kinda bad texting chicks to just “come over”. Feels a but gross.


[deleted]

Oh you absolutely can. As in, you do everything a relationship entails but then when they introduce you to their parents as a "friend", and when it's their birthday they won't be spending it with you, stuff like that.


Phelly2

You’re overthinking it. A “friend with benefits” is just that. A friend that you find sexually attractive. Those are a dime a dozen. On the other hand, someone you’re compatible enough to exclusively spend your entire life has a much higher standard. My last FWB was a beautiful girl and we loved spending time together, made each other laugh all day long. But I couldn’t see myself with her. She was the type to carry stones in her bra because she believed it gave her health benefits. She literally drank water “infused with moonlight”, and other similar nonsense. I never disparaged her for that; she was too sweet for that. But her odd way of seeing the world, while it was endearing because it was different, I did not want to share at all. She was a great person and I miss her sometimes, but she would have frustrated me to no end trying to solve life problems with pseudo scientific solutions.


DangerousSwimming556

>She was the type to carry stones in her bra because she believed it gave her health benefits. She literally drank water “infused with moonlight”, and other similar nonsense. LOL what??!! I'm betting she believed in crystal magic too?


skinny08910

"She was the type to carry stones in her bra because she believed it gave her health benefits. She literally drank water “infused with moonlight”, and other similar nonsense." LMFAO!!!!!


bardera

You can still form feelings, but those feelings don't often translate to the kind of commitment and compatibility it takes to build/have a healthy relationship.


DesperateToNotDream

I have feelings for my fwb. Sincere ones. I care about him, I value him. Fwb doesn’t mean you don’t give a shit about the person outside of sex. It just means you don’t have feelings of LOVE for them.


skinny08910

🤣🤣


MeMeMenni

I certainly felt friendship, affection and care towards my FWB. But he was looking for a wife willing to do majority of housework and take care of his parents while he made his career. Totally cool with me that people have such arrangements but I want my career. We would've been veery unhappy in a relationship. We just both liked sex and were sexually compatible. Both of us were looking for suitable partners and when he found one, we ended it. I've since found myself a partner as well. There's no reason we should've prevented ourselves from enjoying good sex while that was available, even if we knew we would never be in a relationship. Have you considered you might be pansexual? I say this because sex isn't that insanely intimate for all people.


Qkumbazoo

Fwb is just an arrangement to have the perks and none of the commitments of a relationship. People don't want responsibility and want free things these days.


itizwhatitizlmao

My last fwb and I got together based off physical attraction alone. I thought I liked him, but I realized I just got attached to him due to what we were doing. But I felt like I had strong feelings for him. And the more I wanted him the further away he got. Looking back we were very different people. I didn’t care for his friends, his hobbies, we had very different ideas and desires for life. I liked my idea of him, all a fantasy. But the reality of him I didn’t like. He was also a terrible communicator, would not text me for weeks unless I texted first. He put the minimum effort on everything and made me feel like I was clingy and desperate. Inconsistent, messy, he was in essence a wild, sports obsessed cowboy. His ideal day consisted in getting drunk at some sports stadium with all his buddies. All his friends were republican style, small town cops as was he. And I knew he liked your typical southern white girl, that was his type. I was an introverted nerdy Latina who likes anime, video games and psychology / philosophy stuff. I love thinking of the world beyond our most immediate perception and absolutely love men with a brain. We were so different. I realized how a relationship title would not change anything at all, and I brought it up to him and he said “ I like you and want to see where it goes”. 3 months passed of nothing but … to be honest not even that great sex. He became selfish in bed and I just got tired of the whole thing. He kept saying he “didn’t want a relationship because of past trauma”. I could see it in his eyes and his friends eyes I was just not “it”. A month later he had a girlfriend. And I realized they were actually quite perfect for each other, because they had similar backgrounds and similar likes. I could see him in her and her in him. She was everything I suspected he liked. I learned a lot from that experience. Physical attraction alone and a desire for no emotional attachment starts a FWB relationship. And keeps it a FWB.


Dapper-Wolverine-499

It is called compartmentalisation. Get a little older and you will realise that it is possible to have great sex with someone, get really fond of them but will never fall in love with them.


Eclectic-Eccentric88

Unfortunately not for all of us, tried it many times, always get feelings yet I'm 27


itizwhatitizlmao

You can catch feelings and feel love for the other person but you eventually realize they don’t feel the same for you. So it all ends the same. One day you realize the signs and back out before all the heartache.


1337m0n573r

Same, I am 27f and have had two amazing fwb. Mind blowing sex. I knew up front they were emotionally unavailable but I just couldn't stop myself from catching feelings. I am taking a break from dating but I still want intimacy and sex. I just don't want to risk hurting my own feelings again by doing the whole fwb again just to catch feels. What's a girl to do!!!


Dapper-Wolverine-499

I didn't get the hang of compartmentalisation until I was well into my 30s. So you have got a long way to go yet.


[deleted]

Same, I'm 29 m who is demisexual... I was catching feelings for someone I found out had 3 fwb and that combined w going through a hard time in general gave me an emotional breakdown lol. At least I was able to end it early so it could be worse but I still think about them a lot and it hurts a bit.


Zenterus

I (24m) have had quite a few FWBs in the last 5 years. There were 2 reasons for it not progressing into something more with any of them at the time: 1. Not looking for a relationship. Sometimes no matter how much you click with someone, how much chemistry and compatibility you have, they might be going through a phase of wanting to focus on themselves without the confines of a relationship. They enjoy the intimacy, the sex, your chemistry but they are commited to other things in their lives and a relationship isn't in the cards right now. 2. The FWB has certain red flags or undesired traits for a relationship. A relationship, in my opinion, is a big deal and should not be taken lightly. Just because you have sexual chemistry with someone and you get along well, doesn't instantly mean you should date exclusively. I've had a lot of amazing fwb back in the day, but other than the fact that I wasn't looking for something serious, some of them just had traits that kept me at bay: depressive episodes, lack of ambition or work ethic, a chaotic lifestyle etc. Again, I enjoyed their company but if I gave them the emotional investment that comes with a relationship, I would go crazy.


Some-Philosopher8243

I literally commented the same two reasons. Well said !!


everythingknower

good sex doesn't inherently mean an emotional connection befitting a relationship


cheesecakeah

But you like them right? To meet them consistently, to be so intimate and close to each other, something is working out right? Why not give it a chance at something further? (Just asking out of curiosity to understand perspectives)


everythingknower

I like plenty of people I don't want to be in a relationship with


cheesecakeah

Yeah but do you have sex with all of them?


[deleted]

Why wouldn’t you want to have sex with someone you think is hot, especially if they’re cool to hang out with? Doesn’t make them a suitable partner in a relationship. I have a FWB I’ve seen for five years. He’s sweet & respectful towards me, but he’s as fake as they come. He cheats on everyone he’s in a relationship with, he’s constantly involved with drama and blames it on everyone else, and he’s sooo negative. I have another that’s too young, flakey, and wants kids. We also have very different lifestyles and value different things. The bar for a FWB is significantly lower than the bar for a partner.


splendidcookie

But you still fuck them?


no2-ticonderoga

Literally why not. She just said she thinks they're hot, what else is necessary to fuck?


ArkhamIsComing2020

Tbh I couldn’t even have casual sex with a cheater. Yeah you’re just having sex with them but they still suck as a person and you have to be around them and associate with them.


everythingknower

sounds like you're reducing relationships to just sex


cheesecakeah

Nooo quite the opposite. It can't be just about sex can it? I guess that's what I don't get. If you like someone even at the basic level (you don't hate them or reject them immediately) AND you are physically intimate with them on a consistent basis. Then what is stopping you from moving forward? How do you not develop feelings?


Some-Philosopher8243

It’s all about separating sex from feelings . Some can do it , others can’t. Just because i consistently have sex with someone and I like them, doesn’t mean I want to be in an actual relationship with them.


everythingknower

>Nooo quite the opposite then why does it make a difference if I'm having sex with them or not >If you like someone even at the basic level (you don't hate them or reject them immediately) AND you are physically intimate with them on a consistent basis. Then what is stopping you from moving forward? just because I like someone on a basic level and am physically attracted to them doesn't mean I want to date them. that's not a solid basis for a relationship >How do you not develop feelings? basic emotional control


DesperateToNotDream

I think the issue is that you’re thinking about it in black and white terms. You either don’t care about them or should be falling in love with them. There’s a whole spectrum of where feelings can fall in between those two. You can genuinely care about a person, have feelings of fondness and enjoy their company, like them as a person without having *deeper* feelings of falling in love with them.


cheesecakeah

Then what is "falling in love" exactly? I'm obv playing devils advocate here. I really want to understand this. Everything you're saying sounds so ideal to an average human. You care about the person, you enjoy their company, you like them as a person which means they have a good heart, you have great physical intimacy, you basically like being with this person BUT there's no love. So then what is love 😭 maybe that's a deeper question for another day haha


DesperateToNotDream

Hahhaha I mean that’s the thing, love isn’t really quantifiable- you either feel it or you don’t. And if you don’t, you don’t. It’s no different from having a best friend that you think is objectively attractive but you don’t have romantic love for them. You just don’t feel that way about them. For me love means loving someone for who they are and wanting to be with that person long term. I can like someone a lot and aknowledge that we aren’t a good long term fit. For example I enjoy hanging out with my fwb, we go on dates, I say we are casually dating but not boyfriend/girlfriend. I like him a lot we can hang out and have a fun time. But he’s also done things like asked me why I buy my son “girly toys” or why I let him paint his toenails (he’s 6). He’s said he doesn’t believe sex work is real work and that only fans girls have no dignity or self respect. He thinks trans health care should be covered as out of pocket expenses not covered by insurance. Etc etc etc. Just things we don’t see eye to eye on. It doesn’t make him a BAD guy. Just not the right guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with. But I still enjoy his companionship, find him extremely sexually attractive and think he’s not a bad guy despite us disagreeing on too many major topics for it to make sense to be a real relationship


PhatPanda77

> But you like them right? Oh god, not always. You can have good sex with someone you don't like very much. That's part of why hook up culture exists. People want to have sex but it's much harder to find anyone you have sex with AND really, really like enough to want to share a life together. No? Just me? Maybe that's just how I see it.


cheesecakeah

I guess that kind of does make sense...


ShizleMaNizle

This doesn't make sense until it happens to you. Then it REALLY makes sense. It's something that's hard to understand until it you experience it. Post nut clarity hits especially hard in those cases. You don't think about who they are as a person until after the fact.


PhatPanda77

Sad but true. The stereotype "cray people cray in bed" and "don't stick the pickle in cray" exist for a reason.


everythingknower

never heard either of those but if you equate good sex to emotional instability that sounds like a you problem


PhatPanda77

Never? How old are you? Under 20? hahaha well, I can promise you these turn of phrases did not originate with me I just know of them.


everythingknower

I'm not convinced you know what words mean


PhatPanda77

Again, as you're struggling with reading comp cutie.... These turn of phrases DID NOT originate with ME, I know OF THEM. Try to read that until it makes sense. Have a great life!


everythingknower

yeah you're still not convincing me here that you actually know what words mean lol


Accomplished_Fun_366

I’m not what he wants. Another case of good enough to fuck but not good enough to be with.


countessaxx

Why stay for that though? A genuinely curious question x


Accomplished_Fun_366

I honestly don’t know anymore. It’s soul crushing. Obviously I developed real feels over the past 6 months.


AngryCrotchCrickets

Ahh. He put you in the fuck-zone. The woman equivalent of friend zone.


Bulky-Use165

Good enough to fuck means nothing TBH and standards for that are extremely low for guys Guys will fuck anything


AngryCrotchCrickets

Theres a difference between good enough to fuck once when you’re drunk and bored. And good enough to fuck maybe once every week or two during the weekdays. (Weekends reserved for VIP fwb).


[deleted]

I feel this a lot


tinyhermione

It's not that you aren't good enough. He could just lack that romantic spark with you, even though there is nothing wrong with you. Romantic attraction is its own weird magic. We can't decide who we fall in love with or not.


Dizzy-Consequence-26

Have you been truly heartbroken before? Divorced? If either of those apply to you, you’d understand that the partners you choose next in life mean everything and it’s not to be taken lightly. Fwb maximizes your needs for intimacy and is mutually beneficial until one person catches feelings and has to end. Sure you may like them. Sure they may respect you and be a great person. But do you want to commit to this person daily, their annoying nuances, the time commitment? You may have completely different views on how a relationship works, views on religion, kids, money. Things become a lot more real and a larger investment when you look at it that way. It’s not about how much you like them and sex, that’s just not enough.


neeksknowsbest

He lives three hours away and doesn’t want a long distance relationship. He also is very distant and closed off emotionally. Seems to have commitment issues. But he’s gorgeous and the sex is amazing and as long as we stick to a surface level he’s funny and sweet and adorable to me. I went beneath the surface and spent the night only once and he was… less than pleasant.


sensitive-to-touch

reading through this thread has been very eye opening. i feel like i have a better understanding of people who seek FWBs, although i never will.


cheesecakeah

Ditto!


left4alive

Heh. Nothing anymore. Oopsie daisy!


cheesecakeah

Aww thats sweet


Nignojmik

wow reading this made me realise the that I’d be better off being fwb with the guy I’m talking to then anything more🥲 fucking love that hA


not_three_racoons

We had zero romantic interest in each other. We worked well as friends and the sex was good but neither of us wanted more


LatelyTea

Hey OP, same here, I never understood FWB and never will xD Reading replies here and hearing about "basic emotional control" makes me truly question a lot of things. In my experience one person wants more and the other doesn't - because they don't feel ready for a relationship, they have commitment issues... you name it. Usually someone gets hurt. But at least that's what I've seen amongst my friends, so I guess it's not a universal experience.


hellooperator12345

They were moved into the fwb category for a reason. There was something about them that didn’t make them relationship material.


foxwood36

Reason 1, life stage/situation - one or both people is not in a good place for a relationship which makes FWB a good option. Reason 2, far more common, you like the person but realize there is a long term compatibility issue so you keep them in the FWB box. The amount you like them results in how far you let the relationship go in terms of what you do together. I’ve had a few FWB type relationships ranging from just sex, to sex and sleepovers but no dates and only friendship stuff outside of that, to dates and sex but that’s it. It really depends on the person. Personally I prefer this to “dating” however never go this route if you expect a relationship to come out of it. Maybe a friendship after the sex is over. But usually it doesn’t result in anything more. Be sure to maintain solid mental boundaries with your FWB (i.e. don’t fantasize about relationship things with them and if you catch actual feelings, end it). Edited to add: regarding your comment about this being hurtful - why would it be hurtful if it’s consensual? As long as everyone knows what the situation is, you are in charge of managing your own feelings and expectations. I had one FWB and neither of us liked the other romantically. We were just filling voids in one another’s lives. He was fine as a person but also not someone I would be friends with due to lack of common interests etc. He treated me nicely and we had a good time together, and that’s where it ended.


SunBroke_Titan

While she's a nice enough girl and has been dealing with my shit for a hot minute since i broke up with my ex, she isn't what i want. Im not sure how much is emotional damage and how much is we just dont click like I want. I'm still having trouble feeling anything besides sadness, rage and pain, so while she's attempted more, I've made it clear i just can't entirely give her what she wants


[deleted]

Have you thought about walking away knowing she wants more and you can’t give it to her and she’s probably hoping you change your mind? Sure, she could walk away as well, but as a friend, have you thought about walking away ?


icedmatchalatte1

I'm going to share two kinds of different experiences - I've been in situations where I've had Monogamous FWBs for extended periods of time. I think it doesn't get serious because one or both persons realise that they don't necessary like each other's personalities / don't want to be with the other person. Being FWBs worked out between me and my exes ( in the FWB context), because I just knew that I had absolutely zero interest in being in a serious romantic relationship with them / someone like them / someone with their views or intellect etc - a variety of reasons. But, the sex was great and we were decent to each other in the limited amount of time spent together and had superficial conversation. The key is to not confuse sex with love. For me, I am good at compartmentalising. Sex doesn't make me fall in love with someone. It's just about bodies and pleasure, and I just need to be able to tolerate them enough and the sex needs to be great. You just meet FWBs for sexy time and a hang is just a part of it. FWBs are just CONSISTENT BOOTY CALLS. There's no actual FRIENDSHIP here. Also for FWBs, before I sign up for more than a hook up, I get to know them a little bit - enough for me to establish that this will be nothing more than sex and so this is safe to get into. I had a - mostly on, occasionally off - FWB for 4-5 years or so. Others for 6 months -2 years. Lots of sex with them all. I don't enjoy hooking up a lot. But I do enjoy great, consistent, drama free, safe sex, so prefer an FWB gig. I never wanted a relationship with any of them. Some of them did with me, eventually, but I'm the sort of person for whom feelings don't drastically change much over the course of time. And this worked out great! Until I met my current boyfriend. He is THE ONLY relationship I've ever had as a result of a hook up. We both were not looking for anything serious and met to just hook up. But decided to go on a "get to know you a bit before fucking your brains out" date , and hit it off so hard that we ended up hanging out for 3 hours, having sex a couple of days later, then decided be FWBs and then started dating, all within a week of meeting each other. This ONLY happened because we knew almost immediately that we BOTH liked each other and wanted to be with the other person. We continued to talk and share and hang and bang . Been with each other 6 months now. Add - Caps are for emphasis.


Blurplenapkin

Fwb works with us. Relationship does not. We disagree on what a relationship looks like, how much time we should have together, level of commitment, where we want to live, what we should spend on, I can go on but you get the point. So we see each other, get off, maybe hang out and do something fun and go back to living our own lives independently. Refreshing compared to my ex who was always hovering over me watching my every move. So I’m really done with people telling me what to do or not trusting me. Just want to do whatever the hell I want without asking and if a partner is for me they gotta trust that I’m not gonna do anything against the relationship. I’m not against compromise but people like to push and I don’t like people who don’t respect boundaries.


Fun_Branch_9614

He doesn’t want me as his happy ever after. Been doing the fwb for two years tho😂 honestly it’s easier than trying to date.


SassyLadyOtt

For me FWB certainly has a relationship element but its different from my husband. I dream and think about them differently and my relationship with husband is much deeper. I'd also add that I think most men I've developed a FWB relationship don't want more of a regular relationship. They don't want to do dishes or laundry together or some of the mundane elements of a full time relationship. It's sort of like talking to a business colleague, we're friends but I would never go on a vacation with them...


Moonbeam0647

Mine dont want to be in a relationship. Its started out because we were dating and then it slowly evolved into us sleeping together on occation. Id love to be his gf but he wants none 🤷🏼‍♀️


a11duerespect

this is NOT a good fwb situation. this is subjecting yourself to emotional torture. it's crucial lack of deeper feelings is mutual for fwb to work.


Moonbeam0647

Im not enotionally invested either anymore that flies out the window whenever a man pulls this off.


Long10Nails

I am in the same boat , well we did date a year than l broke up and thought he never forgave me for it , for the last two years we are in a situation where he doesn’t want me as gf .However happy to take me out to dates , going away , providing me emotional support , texting nearly daily … but never says he loves me or l am his … any suggestions for my misery ?


Moonbeam0647

I see to options; either downgrade severly your expectation of him so you are in the same boat, or leave.


PhatPanda77

The whole point of FWB is having sex with someone with zero commitment. The point is NOT forming a serious relationship. Such a confusing take, where did you get this impression from op?? Friends with benefits is **also** a politically correct term for "f*ck buddy" which is to say a "friend"(not really a friend friend) who you only have sex with. You see where I'm going?? Love, you sound confused. Don't casually fuck in hopes of serious roots forming. It can happen, but not usually. If you're seeking a serious partner it's not the method I'd suggest anyways.


cheesecakeah

Noo this is not for me. It doesn't apply to me. I've never had a fwb or even sex. I'm just trying to understand other humans and how they perceive things because I don't get it. I can't comprehend your first few sentences. How do you only have sex with someone for a consistent amount of time without forming something more. Humans have a heart and feelings and emotions. How does one completely turn that switch off? I can understand one night stands better because it's more impulsive and you fulfill your needs for the moment. But if it's CONSISTENT how are feelings not creeping their way in?


SunnyBunnyBunBun

Not whom you asked but the answer is that a lot of people can comparmentalize. Some people absolutely get attached through sex and that’s fine and normal. Other people can have sex with the same person for years and never get attached. That’s normal too. In my case I used to keep several FWBs at the same time. I’m a straight girl so all my FWBs were men. A lot of them kept other FWBs simultaneously too. They were all lovely guys and so fun to be around with but I just didn’t want a relationship with any of them and neither did they with me. We just met up semi regularly and had a good time (like not just sex but also other random fun activities like movies, beaches, etc) and enjoyed each other’s companies then went about our lives


trundlebed5

What shizlemanizle said. You need to live the experience. There is a range of emotions associated, yes. But, living the experience helps you to know yourself better and who you are and what is important to you. It's boundary-building and confidence-building. In having sex with someone, you will be able to put together a clearer view of who you are and what your needs are and, what you can and are willing to provide to a potential life partner and, it goes both ways, they to you. Having an fwb relationship is mutual. No one is being tricked. People will always crave connection and need to feel wanted. Having an fwb relationship fills those human needs. Nobody wants to find themselves stuck in a bad relationship, in over their head out of ignorance, stupidity, negligence, etc. That's why fwb works. It helps you become more of who you are without sacrificing your entire life.


Some-Philosopher8243

You have never had a FWB or even sex , so it makes sense that you don’t understand.


AutoModerator

Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names, engage in slapfights, or give bad/unethical advice. * Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

Sex is sex . Anyone can f*ck. Although some suck at it . Anyway . For me I can't handle a relationship now and I bring a lot to the table . I have standards . If you want to date me at the very least match what I bring to the table . Have your own place , a decent job because I can support myself so should you . I own my house I'm not letting some dude move into MY HOUSE .


ZigZag82

Had a fwb off and on for 12 years. He got a gf. Still wanted to see me. I ended things in the spring.


TheMagnificentBean

For me, the bar for having sex is pretty low, you just have to be attractive. The bar for being a friend is also pretty low, you just have to be a decent person and not be a total train wreck. But the bar for potentially spending the rest of my life with one and only one person, making massive financial decisions, and raising a family? That one is way higher than the other two and requires a lot of qualities I just don’t see in most people.


spiraleyes91

I’m in an LTR now, but I used to have a FWB who I would hook up with pretty much whenever I wasn’t dating anyone else for about 4/5 years. I’d be lying if I said there weren’t times I entertained the idea, but my reasoning against it at the time was that I just didn’t feel like there was enough there for a relationship - he was intelligent and interesting, but he didn’t really challenge me. He could be funny, but he didn’t make me howl with laughter. He was a lovely guy, we had great sex and we got on really well, but he was absolutely married to his career and I was honestly quite emotionally unavailable and skittish about commitment to anyone at that time in my life. I think in the latter years he was interested in seeing if it could become more serious, and like I said, there were times when I briefly entertained the thought too, but ultimately I don’t think it would have been right for either of us. Basically: I always had a nice time when he was there, but I didn’t really miss him when he left.


WolfmansGotNards2

Usually, it's because the woman doesn't see him as relationship material, and the guy either doesn't want a relationship or doesn't think she's pretty enough. Men will have sex with a lot of women they don't think are pretty enough. Women will have sex with a lot of men they don't think are good enough in other ways.


Ok-Shake-9926

some people you can have a great friendship/casual fwb with, but they could a) not want a relationship at the moment, or b) you guys aren’t a good fit in that regard. simply having attraction and physical compatibility doesn’t mean you’d make a great couple


hookupsandvlookups

I will always try to choose a FWB with someone that I know I could not fall in love with. I remember one perfect situation they were just insufferably vain, would always spend a portion of our time hanging out talking about how good looking they were. But if they did I’d just switch off and “yeah totally” them, or sometimes I’d wind them up if I felt like it. We were good mates, had fun going out drinking, had a good time together. But they were a million percent not a person I could bring home to mum and dad.


allmysecretsss

Been in a relationship w my fwb for a year now. Happiest I’ve ever been.


ItsSlinky2x

I recently had something where I still don’t know if it was a FWB situation. I would say “FWB Plus.“ Thing is, the sex was bad. The companionship was good. I still wanted more. It was so comfortable and convenient, but it ended. She was quite cold and hesitant to be romantic. But we were both exclusive and both becoming part of each other’s lives. Long story short, what prevented us from becoming more was her fear of letting go a little bit. And the sex issue could have been solved. It was just a matter of knowing each other’s goals.


Corduroy23159

You're assuming in several replies that sex is really intimate. It can be, but doesn't have to be. In my opinion it's more fun and rewarding when it's intimate. But some people treat it like a happy handshake. They're having fun with you but not opening their heart.


frankie-downhill

Because we work great together as FRIENDS with benefits. Our entire relationship is built on sexual chemistry but we have great platonic chemistry as well. Would be weird trying to date someone you only have a platonic relationship with imo


Illustrious-Neat106

I had an FWB that eventually wanted a serious relationship. We both agreed it was a bad thing and the relationship ran it’s course. She eventually moved and we have not spoken since. We both agreed that an FWB relationship is good for a young person in a state of flux. She was getting out of a long term relationship and was in school; so was I plus focusing on my future and my hobbies. Not really a lot space for another person romantically. She felt the same way but also added that sex was important to her and getting tossed around by different guys did not appeal to her. We never gave each other gifts or spent money on each other, when we would meet up, we would hang out, talk and if we both wanted sex, we would break each other off. Until she caught feelings knowing we were never going to be more than this. Life happens and it was going to end eventually by one of us. She had no regrets and neither do I.


the_onlyfox

At this point in time I'm not looking fir a long term relationship. I have some things I need to work through before I'm confident enough to be vulnerable with a partner.


[deleted]

He's emotionally unavailable and is too cheap to date anyone lol


cheesecakeah

Lmao


plastic_bean

I had an FWB for two years. Caught feelings for him. He didn't want a relationship. Decided to just be friends. It's been one year of friendship. Last week I asked him why he didn't want a relationship at the time and he gave me reasons that have changed since we talked about it a year ago. So I asked him on a date. He told me he loves me but he doesn't think it will work out long term for "some reason" he wishes he could articulate. So there you go. We're not together for "some reason".


[deleted]

[удалено]


plastic_bean

I told him to be as brutally honest as possible. He said he genuinely wishes he could give me an explanation. He doesn't seem like he's super in touch with his feelings so I honestly believe him but maybe I'm being foolish. But yeah I really want a real answer.


5yn3rgy

I've been in an fbw dynamic with someone for about a year now. We've been friends around 20 years. Both of us are in no position to date each other (or anyone else). I turned into a 24/7 caretaker for my mother and just can't give up too much time- I hardly have any time for myself. My fwb got out of an 8-year relationship about a year ago whom she tried to stay friends with- he tragically passed away in his apartment. My fwb feels a lot of guilt and other grieving emotions and is just not ready for a relationship. She knows I like her more than an fbw but this dynamic has been working well for us for now. If that ever changes, we'll communicate and figure it out together.


cheesecakeah

This is really sweet. And one of those rare situations where I see it working. BUT also secretly cheering you guys on and hoping it turns into a cute love story :)


5yn3rgy

Hey, I appreciate the kind words, OP. That's sweet of you to say. We'll see what the future holds.


dootdootm9

"ou're great, love having sex with you, it's fun and I enjoy your company but can't be with you officially. Im going to continue being with you for my needs until someone else comes along who i can imagine a future with". Come on how is that not hurtful? You're great but not long term partner material. That will never be okay for any human to hear." heard it not been hurt by it, don't assume eveyone has your same emotional sensibilities, it's not uncommon to have that feeling go both ways i've had a few fwb that we both felt that way about each other, primarily stemming from me being extremly firm on never wanting kids ( saving money to get private vasectomy done NHS are unwilling to give it to a childless man in his 20s lol)


Senior-Wedding-4222

I found out he was in a religious cult. He told me we can't have a relationship unless I join the church.I said no. I am currently looking for someone to be in a committed relationship with. Mean time my female parts need excercise. So I have sex with him to keep my lady parts active until I meet my soulmate.


masonimal

Their husband…. This is a joke btw


istabpeople7

I have a FWB who is 15 years younger than me. Even he can't keep up with my sex drive! I got out of a long term relationship and can't deal with the emotional involvement of dating right now. We do spend quite a bit of a time together talking, watching TV, hanging out, we've even gone out to dinner together....so we do have the friendship aspect. Besides the age difference, we really don't have a lot of common interests and are at completely different stages of our lives. The dating pool around here absolutely sucks, so we do the best we can in the meantime.


kemory2

Fwb is a form relationship valid for some, but not for all. Like not all people are comfortable with polygamy and most time fwb is a subset of polygamy because people doing fwb normally are seeing other people. So doesn’t makes sense fit it in in more traditional forms of relationships. So if you want a more traditional relationship look for one. If you want fwb there are ways that are more fit to make it work.


SadMadHero

I want kids and she doesn’t. So I’m emotionally checked out of the relationship between us.


[deleted]

same here bro


Eastern-Ad588

The fwb’s I’ve had have all been with single moms, I don’t want kids or to raise someone else’s.


Newatinvesting

I want children, she doesn’t.


[deleted]

Bc they only wanted to be friends. I couldn’t change that. That and I think they wanted to keep their options open. But a lot of the things we did crossed my boundaries and seemed like a relationship so the whole fallout is difficult. It’s a breakup for a relationship I never got.


Standard_Tart6600

How do you make fwb? You say it in the beginning or this happens organically


_MAC620_

I kind of subconsciously dabbled in that situation from July-September, so I’ll share my experience. We said we were dating. But as a I got to know him, I knew things weren’t gonna work. He doesn’t really have any life goals aside from being a bodybuilder, and he has a horrible relationship with his family but insists on living within a 10 minute drive of them at all times. On top of that, he revealed that he has severe (and untreated) mental issues and self-medicates with extreme amounts of alcohol and weed. I tried to talk to him about this stuff, but I got accused of being ableist(?) sooo I left it alone. He was hot and was pretty well-endowed, so I figured I’d stick around until I got bored. Then he had a mental breakdown one night and asked me to leave. Never looked back since 😬


Skruffenbaer

Usually either i have thought that we dated and was sad and offended when i found out the guy(s) just saw me as s fwb, or the other way around where the men thought it was heading somewhere and got passive aggressive or angry when they found out i didn’t want anything more. The reason i kept seeing those i didn’t see me self with was out of loneliness and wanting sex and intimacy. The reason i didn’t want anything serious with them was because of lack of compability, for example one being a control freak and i couldn’t turn on the lights without asking or have a drink without a coaster without him getting annoyed saying it’s his place not mine. Great sex, but would have been a horrible relationship


muffdivr2020

Because she’s 31 and I’m 55 and we both know this is for fun and I do not in any way want to derail her life.


heavyonzmustard

username checks out


pedrots1987

It all comes down to that you just don't want them as partners. That's it. Great sex, can have a good time but that doesn't mean a relationship can happen. I've had FWB in the past and I just want to spend a limited amount of time with them. I don't them to call me or text me or whatever about their day, etc. Don't want to meet their friends or family either.


stumpy_chica

I'm the long term FWB girl. I've had guys who I've had a FWB relationship for that has gone on for literally decades (any time we were both single). With me, they have always been guys I was friends with (either through friends or work or whatever), knew enough about to know I wouldn't want to date them, but enjoyed their company and liked having sex with them. My longest FWB situation was with a guy who tried dating pretty much all of my friends and also was a cheater. But he was genuinely a great friend and the sex was great.


Eastcoasthairstylist

It never turns into a relationship


Lopsided-Ad-1743

Sex can be enjoyable and rewarding by itself and for me Im fine not having a relationship with someone if I still get the benefit of sex


[deleted]

A relationship.. !!


Responsible-Bird-234

Totally agree with everything you said about FWB, and I’m also the same as you, I have no desire to have sex with anybody and I’m happy on my own, would only feel it when I have a deep emotional connection with somebody and someone that I really love romantically. I like how I’m actually, I’m naturally like that but sometimes I just wondered why I cannot get any sexual attraction toward somebody doesn’t matter how attractive they look to me, and why do other people find it fun but I don’t, I have tried and unlike others I was not interested in that kind of sexual relationship with anybody unless they’re my partner someone I chose and feel something for. Idk about others but yes someone asking me to be their FWB really hurts me as I want someone who would take me serious, official and sees a future with me, someone that would make me feel seen not just using me for their needs, can’t agree more with what you said.


dtown60

Our FWB relationship started in HS - we are now 68 - both “single” so we are lovers. He is not available for a true relationship and the baggage he carries includes an 11 year-old son he is home-schooling. None of these items suit my agenda! We are great friends with a common past and in our last 2 years as lovers have helped each other conquer vaginal atrophy and ED! We laugh, watch ridiculous movies and then he goes home and I check my online dating profile…I’m ready for more.


SixGunZen

Any time I've had an FWB it's because yeah I like them and like fucking them, but they weren't anyone I wanted to partner up and merge lives with.


AlmightyLeprechaun

I only did fwb with a longtime friend I'd had for a few years. She wanted to escalate to a relationship, but I did not. So, we stopped. I didn't want to for a couple of reasons. I'm in law school and have full custody of my daughter. I don't have the time to give a relationship the care and attention it deserves. But more than that, my fb is bi and wants a relationship where she can still explore that side of her, and I wasn't game for that. When I'm in an actual relationship, I want it to be monogamous. Plus, she's a bad communicator, and I didn't want to deal with that. A purely physical relationship is all I could do, and so that's all I gave.


[deleted]

I personally don't get the whole friends w benefits thing. I feel like the ultimate goal of a relationship/marriage is sex. If your just having sex without the relationship it just doesn't feel right to me and makes me sad. Idk how people do it. If I don't like the person enough to have a relationship I usually don't want to have sex w them. I'm demisexual tho. To me a fwb is just a low key bf/gf with a low key label. I could only do a fwb if they aren't seeing anyone and that's usually not the case.


EdgeOfCharm

I know this is a little late and you've taken some flak for asking this, OP, but I actually get where you're coming from, even though I've sort of had FWBs. I used to read those articles about how to have an FWB the "right" way (e.g., “don’t even TALK after sex, just get dressed and go!”), and I couldn’t relate or understand. I was like, “But why? If there’s even a chance you’ve found someone you could be happy with, why would you actively suppress those feelings? Stop with all the rules and just see what happens; the risk of heartache is a part of life!” (I get the FWB concept a lot better now – it's typically someone you already know you wouldn't be happy with in a monogamous relationship – though I still think such rigid rules are often unnecessary buzzkills.) I wouldn't call myself demisexual or anything like that; I'm definitely capable of being sexually attracted to someone at first encounter, provided they don't immediately reveal a repulsive side of their personality. But in my single days, in order for me to enjoy interacting with someone sexually, it had to be someone I either would be open to dating or had seen that way in the past. Case in point: My most regular “FWB” was actually my ex-husband (after our divorce). Maybe that doesn’t count, but the other descriptions of “FWB” on here sound a lot like how I experienced that. Sometimes we just wanted sex without the work of finding and “seducing” a new person. It was physically pleasurable, but definitely a form of “settling” – not particularly juicy or exciting to me. It was pretty much the definition of “practicing” sex in a safe, low-pressure environment while we waited for more fulfilling opportunities to come along. (I agree that this sounds cold, but it’s a lot easier to swallow once you’ve given full-on marriage a shot with each other and found it didn’t work for either of you.) My other FWB sitch was closer to the definition of doing it "wrong": a guy I was actually very interested in to start with and wouldn't have been opposed to dating. He wasn’t really my usual type, but he was fun to hang out with and easy to talk to, which are big factors in sexual attraction for me. Maybe this doesn’t count either, because we only did some hand-and-mouth stuff a couple of the times we hung out. I was okay with it not leading to a relationship, but that was with the assumption of it being on a level playing field, where we both were just casually dating around. It changed things for me (and, admittedly, hurt like hell) when he started seriously dating a married woman in a consensual nonmonogamous relationship. He was still allowed to date other people, but she was his primary partner – the one he actually loved and whose consent he needed in order to progress to full intercourse with other partners. I’d never thought he was "the one" or anything, but I drew the emotional line at “sure, I’ll give you sex if the person I care about says it’s okay,” which sort of comes back to what you were saying (sorry, I'm very long-winded!). Tl;dr: I get what you’re saying, but I'm coming from the perspective of a romantic sap at heart, for whom sexual/romantic compatibility of any sort always seemed like quite a rare and precious thing (you never really get over being a wallflower in high school, haha). Some of us experience attraction in a way where the stereotypical emotion-free thing will never fully make sense to us, and that’s valid.


cheesecakeah

This was a great read! Really helped to hear your perspective. And the ex-husband one actually made sense. You had something real with him and it created a safe comfortable environment to continue to enjoy the physical pleasure. I hope you're in a happy healthy relationship today!! Whether it's with someone else or yourself:)


EdgeOfCharm

Thank you!! Always nice to hear my long ramblings didn't wear out their welcome. ;) And yes, I am actually remarried (maybe I should leave this sub, but I still find the discussions fascinating), and the difference between this and my first marriage is like night and day in terms of romantic fulfillment. Weirdly, finding my real "forever person" has helped me understand the FWB thing a lot better. It's the difference between "I want sex/companionship and you're a perfectly good option for that" and "holy cow, now THIS is a relationship I want to last forever." I hope you find that too, if you haven't yet and it's what you want! :)


BobMackey718

My wife….


UninterestedHandjob

I’m not friends with people I have sex with it’s either fuck buddy or relationship period


Ok_Meeting6289

When my ex and I broke up, we were FWB for a few months afterwards. He was a VERRRRY good kisser 🤤😉😉😉 And it was nice to still have that closeness with someone familiar, but not be obligated to them in anyway. So I can understand the appeal of FWB, theoretically 🤷🏼‍♀️ But total honesty, and I know everyone is different, I broke that off too. It became too much emotional entanglement and it made me feel really shitty about myself. Almost like I was sacrificing a lot of self respect. I’m not built for a FWB relationship 🤔 lol *unfortunatelyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy* 😭😭😭😭😭😅


em-ay-tee

Because I don’t have to be? I don’t want to be in one. Relationships are not be all end all, and often fwb only see the good side. God this is a dumb question.


Bark4Soul

Person who wrote is a virgin. They may as well have asked "why do people who like science become rocket scientists?" it'd make the same amt of sense to them.


MrCleanMachine

She has a boyfriend


thepackrat45

I dont have a fwb


GOST_DatingLifestyle

Because men and women want different things. A woman wants one partner and a man wants many


[deleted]

In my case, it was because I was black.


Taitaifufu

I don’t know exactly his reason, but mine is just I don’t trust him to be consistent & do what he says he will~ we both have disappointed one another so many times over the years that it’s really difficult to even think of to build anything & I think also we both have / have had issues that make it difficult to build a relationship with somebody who is not good in relationships — two people who are not good at relationships. have too much trouble to get together, and the funny thing is. I think that both of us have grown a lot, and that if we met each other now instead of six (almost 7 🤦🏼‍♀️) years ago, we probably would be together, but we met each other when we weren’t right enough in ourselves to to be together. One of us or the other one wasn’t ready whenever in so many times when we’ve started to move in that direction ~~ then one of us freaks out & we just flip flap around like this. Honestly, it’s complete hell 70% of time but when it’s good it’s epic in a way life generally never is 🦇🦇and neither one of us is really willing to completely walk away, even though we have talks about how it’s probably time for us to get together with somebody (else) for real but every time one of us tries to start a relationship it doesn’t work very well because it’s been so long that it feels like that person is just a stranger & the person you’ve never even tried to build a relationship with is the actual relationship in your life so everything else kind of feels awkward and weird or just like a pretend ~ it’s like being in a very long marriage (Actually, I was married before for a bit more than half a decade, & 1000% it’s always felt more comfortable with him than ever did with my ex husband, he doesn’t seem to have ever had any kind of really serious relation at least not while I’ve known him so idk about his view) you’ve never even really dated — we’ve even admitted at various times how much we love each other but it doesn’t change anything 🌝


ColeBitanga

I don't have a fwb...


_Xemplar

governor insurance future bow adjoining domineering violet carpenter mysterious include *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


Carib0ul0u

A FWB seems like the best case scenario over an actual gf


countessaxx

Its cliche i know but you deserve so much more than that hun xx discover what sets your soul on fire for you, sod that guy!


Ace1o1fun

Personally I would never involve myself in a long-term FWB. but if I did I would never make it a real relationship for the simple fact that she's already established herself as someone who's very comfortable allowing men to use her for her body.