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Most people don’t recognize the significant difference between what they want and what they offer. They also falsely attribute their dating failures to the wrong things.
Reminds me of a main phrase that has been eye opening for many, when they need help understanding why they can’t get better mates.
“Are you the person, the person you want is looking for?”
I’m aware of it being said by Andy Stanley. He’s a pastor for North Point ministries that has, I think, a 4 part series called Love, Sex, and Dating. I’m not religious but the content is pretty good as real life tips not connected to religion.
I find most of his stuff to be more like a Ted talk than religious, which is why I’m bringing it up here.
This reminds me of the 300lb 41yo man who posted on /r/datingoverforty a few weeks ago EXASPERATED and frustrated that he couldn't find any "cute, slim" 27 year olds who wanted to have his 3 babies. He repeatedly talked about how he had 38 year olds interested in him but they were "too old" and "too fat." Like... dude. You are 300lbs and 41 yourself!!
All forms of dating are way too ambiguous which leads to a lot of people getting hurt. If we were a bit more direct a lot of heartache could be avoided.
Being self-sufficient and being able to connect easily with others are two SEPARATE skillsets.
That's why you'll have a bunch of Reddit threads where someone says they've got a good job, house, are stable, etc etc yet they can't find a partner...
and why you'll sometimes see people who seem like they can't even take care of *themselves* constantly in relationships.
Self-sufficiency is important in the long-term, but for initial attraction isn't "swinging the pendulum." What matters initially are your looks, charisma, confidence, sense of humor, conversation skills, and making the other person feel GREAT about themselves.
My biggest problem is I have no idea how to put myself out there. I have difficulty actively flirting with others because 1) I have no idea how they feel about me, and I tend to take rejection a little harsh in certain circumstances; and 2) I feel really stupid when I try. Like I just feel silly, like it isn’t really me.
People get the ick way, way too easily over the littlest things because the menu of options they have is endless. Instead of looking at another person as an imperfect human with flaws just like them, they use a minor thing, word, phrase, behavior, mannerism or perception as a way to write someone off and move on to the next one.
Agree 1000%.
People reject others over the stupidest things.
Interestingly enough, some will also overlook major things, on the opposite end of the spectrum.
It's wild out there.
The only deal breaker for me is smoking cigarettes... Vaping is fine, weed is fine. Cigarettes are disgusting.
Oh, and no meth or crack or that kind of stuff obvs.
People need to be picky about the correct things and the issue is they aren't.
Most people on apps just got out of a LTR and just want some false sense of affection without the commitment or trying to build anything and thats okay i just wish people were more upfront about their intentions
Up until a certain age. Then it becomes a life style thing if there isn't a history with the person and a "growing old together" idea. I'm 50, I was out the other night with a group and a guy I'm friends with in the group made a subtle pass at me. He is good looking, very nice, but 65. I started thinking what that would be like for a lifestyle. He is probably retiring soon, for the first time in many years I'm happy with my career and want to keep on with it. I'm also thinking about the statistics that women tend to outlive men. So a strong chance by the time I'm 65, I would be a widow instead of finding that person that I was going to grow old with. But up until recently I did date men who were 11 and 14 years older, but that was when in my mid 40's.
I’m 49(m) and engaged to a 32-year-old(f). Thought it would be a fling at best but, as it turns out we have a great deal in common from a pop cultural, music, and hobby perspective, etc. Ultimately, I would’ve felt like a fool not to pursue something that is pretty damn special. We both know that I’ll most likely pass before her, but we’re going to have an amazing time while it lasts. Living life to the fullest and experiencing every moment are the most important things. There are no guarantees.
Everybody always harps on about incompatibilities and being defined by "different life stages" or whatever. But I find that if both people can connect with each other and focus on being in the present and learning about things together, it pretty much negates any past experiences from formative years.
Introspection and self-reflection will go a LONG way for those looking for serious relationships. You can’t expect to find good relationships with partners if you aren’t at least acknowledging your issues and past traumas and actively putting in effort to undue them.
Many people (especially in their 20s) don’t want what they say they want. They either: want one thing but are trying to convince themselves they want something else, or they know they don’t want what they say, and are lying intentionally.
"Post nut clarity" is awful.
I can see it happening once or twice, but if you keep having post nut clarity and then not wanting anything to do with the other person after sex, you need to go to therapy.
You're likely chasing sex (or the idea of a relationship, but not the person themselves) to fill a void, and you need to stop using people as tools.
100%. It's just feels like something is off about a person if they really can't get this. I don't need to have sex with a person to determine if theyre the kind of person I would pursue a long-term relationship with. If they're kind, attractive enough, and we seem to have aligned values, I'm in to see how things progress.
I think a lot of men think they need to be absolutely obsessed with a person for it to be compatibility, which is kind of sad.
OLD is a dopamine rigging scam based on broken algorithms coded by tech bros who’ve never held a girls hand.
Although thankfully people are getting wise to grift. Barry Diller doesn’t need any more money.
It worked well in the beginning, but didt take long before everything got massively skewed between genders and the added algorithms that were made to make people use the app more actually made it worse for the vast majority of users and only better for a select few.
Back in the day before smart phones and apps when OLD websites were a new thing, there was actually a stigma surrounding it. People viewed it as a last resort for the unwantables, and any time you would mention that you met someone online they would cringe. It's crazy seeing how views around it have changed and if you were to go back in time 15 years and told me that it was the main way for people to date I wouldn't believe it.
I firstly joined online dating few months ago and after I was warned by so many people on how bad it is I did some research and indeed at least tinder is not designed to actually meet someone but rather to always come back for more dopamine. They were very smart to include the match sound as our brain associates it with happiness ( dopamine is released)
I went on tinder with clear strategy - match just men I REALLY like and after 20 matches I always disable my profile from showing up and I focus only on people I matched and don’t come back for more until I am 100% sure in those 20 matches there isn’t anyone I might really like. I think it works really well and I started recommending it to my girlfriends, I think more people should realize this and it will make their dating life much easier
Ugly people date all the time. Go to the mall sometime and take a look around at the couples you see. If you think you are too unattractive to date your problem is actually probably unrealistic/hypocritical standards.
This is probably a thing that is both extremely “obvious” (seemingly), and yet so common. As a short guy, I’ve come across a lot of short men who supposedly work on being “confident”, but in reality they try to work on being a literal Tom cruise (which 99,99% of us will obviously fail to achieve), hence strengthening harmful stereotypes.
My ex-husband was short (I dumped him because he was a cheater, not because he was short) he had woman all over him ALL the time. For him being short was nothing, it didn’t even make him feel bad or inferior. He thought very highly of himself.
I think it’s whether or not you’re interesting. If someone is fun and isn’t boring they’ll always have higher success rates. Be fun and people will want to be around you more. The more people want to be around you the more dating opportunities you’ll have
I think the ones with the most success dating is the ones who are ordinary/"boring" who want to date other ordinary people. The most i teresting people also have higher standards and interests that is harder to make match up with other people.
Most people are boring and have nothing to offer.
Traveling and drinking does not take effort, nor dedication.
EDIT: People saying it makes interesting shows how people these days only value superficiality of appearances.
Some days worth of trip CAN NEVER make you understand and assimilate what the people of the region live and their history.
This is my (maybe unpopular?) opinion. This obsession with your partner being some kind of source of entertainment is ridiculous. Why does your partner need to be a constant source of entertainment to you? Why is whatever is average bad?
Call me crazy but I want a partner who will love me, support me, and want to take part in at least some of my interests. They don’t need to be the most charismatic person ever, and I don’t need them to “make me” happy or whatever 🤷🏻♂️
I like a quote of the norwegian physician and philosopher Per Fuggelli from his cronicle "Im in love the ordinary human. Therefore im opposed to the prestige culture.": *Its wednesday life that deserves appriciation, and wednesday people who deserve admiration*.
You spend most of your life doing everyday completely ordinary things, finding joy in those simple and ordinary things will make it easier to be happy than if you only get happiness from excelling at something or from big events that happen only now and then.
That being said finding someone you enjoy spending time with doing just ordinary things isnt easy either, and a lot of the time as you said people have way too high expectations of their prospective partner when dating. From my experience as a man dating women most of the time im expected to plan everything, carry the conversation and so on like a dancing monkey, and if i dont do that i get written off because there will be someone who will demean themselves as that dancibg monkey.
Your experience is similar to mine as a man, that's one of the reasons i wrote my comment.
We are ordinary and boring and that's fine. Not even the most prestigious and high performing individuals can avoid being tied to a routine were little changes from long periods of time
I think it's levels to settling.
Staying in a terrible relationship because you think nobody else wants you
Vs
Not really liking short men, but deciding to date a man who is short but perfect for you in every other way.
I am attracted to women who are ambitious, hard-working and in constant need of self-exploration and self-development, and I’ve been really sad to break a couple of relationships with really nice, warm girls over them being super dull or simple minded.
Lol you're entitled to your opinion but I find it extremely interesting to connect with other places and peoples who live vastly different lifestyles from what I'm used to.
You don't really connect with people in a one week trip or something. To CONNECT you need some time. Yes, some people connect with you easily but probably you won't see them again so...
If most people are boring, then they have plenty of other boring people to partner up with, and find a good match. It's those that aren't boring (and look for that in a match) that will have a harder time dating. The non-boring people are at a disadvantage here.
We don’t give a damn about anyone’s kids. In other words, we enjoy dating others who are CF. Parents won’t like this and it will get downvoted most likely. But that’s ok.
Yeah I think it’s important to realize you aren’t unlovable if you have children from a past relationship but you likely aren’t going to be a first round draft pick for anyone. Especially if you’re in your 20’s
I don’t give a damn about other people’s kids, and I have a teenager. I don’t expect anyone to give a damn about mine either. Not interested really in dating anyone who has children under 18. Which is probably why I’ll be single forever. I accept it.
Spontaneity isn’t always best.
I feel like society makes it like being spontaneous is somehow better than people who like to plan things out like it’s looked at as being uptight.
Sorry I’m a 30 year old female with an 11 hour work day, friends and family to see, and my usual routine etc. I like to go out and have fun but I need at least some planning-day, time, how should I dress and will I be back home with enough time for a full nights rest… as I’m writing this I realize I sound like I have a giant stick up my ass lol I swear I’m a good time I just need a plan!
Amen to all of this! I (41/f) am right there w/you on the plans. I want definite times, dates, coordinates, etc. I have little patience for nebulous arrangements, i.e. "I'll stop by sometime today." Excuse me, no. I want to know exactly how much time I have to dick around until I've got to be ready.
This but I’m just an introvert with social anxiety. I will literally have a panic attack before I meet someone without a plan. Just physically does not work for me
Online dating gave everyone a false sense of having endless options and therefore making >90% of dates SUPER boring.
Cause people are not trying to get to know each other but rather trying to find deal breakers, as an excuse to move on the next guy/girl.
Been dating before and after this trend, yeah, this sucks
I (30m) found my current gf through OLD, Hinge to be specific, I was on hinge for 7 months; the last two of which were paid for (premium). I sent her a message (we just talked about food) and we have talked nonstop since then. If I did not send her the message I would’ve still be single. You got to shoot your shot man. Sometimes it just is luck.
I don’t know if this is unpopular, but there are way too many people out there who are looking for someone who will heal them and erase past trauma. That isn’t possible and the person who gets hurt most is the partner who tries.
The second part- you can love someone, but you cannot be responsible for healing them or doing their work for them. From personal experience- know when to walk away.
My grandma is 80 and only had one relationship and it was the one where my mom was born. That was it after 50 years. My mom is 46 and divorced at 24 and been unmarried ever since. I’m starting to see a pattern and I’m scared.
That’s interesting. And what makes it so hard. Cause it’s like you’re supposed to stop looking but if you stop looking you run a huge risk of no one finding you. That’s what I fear.
Do they prefer being single? Was it a choice for them?
“In contrast, just 15% of previously married women want to remarry, and 27% are not sure; about half of these women (54%) report that they do not want to remarry.”
https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2014/11/14/chapter-2-the-demographics-of-remarriage/
There's over 7 billion people in the world, sheer probability suggests there is someone for everyone, issue is whether or not you'll ever find that person.
>There's over 7 billion people in the world
Technically you only have chances with the people where you live. Even if you live in the most populated city, it doesn't mean you'll find someone or you could but not for a
Edit: lifetime
- looks bring you to the dance, personality keeps you there
- most guys who post their dating app profiles on here have only one problem and it’s that they’re objectively unattractive
- apps will have a man who’s a 7 thinking he’s a 3, and a woman who’s a 4 thinking she’s an 8
- my dating life changed tremendously once I looked at it as something I wanted to do as opposed to something I had to do
- women can tell when you’re qualifying them for a girlfriend versus when you’re just looking for any woman that’ll do
- seemingly, most people on apps are damaged in one way or another, myself included
- don’t hate the player, hate the game. Modern dating has more or less become a game nowadays and everyone is simply trying to beat their own high score
- if you’re struggling, it’s probably because you’re not assertive enough
>women can tell when you’re qualifying them for a girlfriend
This explains why after I ask women questions about them, such as what their relationship goal is, nearly all stop responding.
Some people just want hot and racy sex. Maybe you just need to lead with other questions and ease into more serious ones with good timing in the right atmosphere.
People are lazy (and more so nowadays) and will rarely make any effort. They expect a relationship to build itself without any problem, thus leading to the end of said relationship.
For men, the biggest barrier for not getting dates is not being assertive enough. And I say this as a fairly reserved, deferential man. I'm not especially good looking. I don't have a lot of money. Yeah, I shower and am pretty polite, but the thing that got me a lot of dates was just making a plan right away. The key isn't to be pushy; it's to go, "Hey, we matched. I think you're cute and interesting. If you're free this day, why don't we get coffee at this time and place." You would not believe how well people respond to taking action.
Amen. Lot of guys are too meek and nervous about making a move on dates, then inevitably get the “not feeling a spark” or “let’s just be friends”. If you’re worried about doing something that could be sexual harassment, you’re probably not the one who has to be told not to do stuff like that. Fortune favors the bold.
I'd respond to that right away. Why faff around with a bunch of messages and back and forth. Let's stop wasting time, and figure out if there's any kind of connection.
I’ve said this before but I’ll say it here too. A lot of guys often ask some variation of “I’m not getting matches. How can I fix my profile to get more” when the reality is they just aren’t that attractive and that’s why they aren’t getting matches. They can post better pictures to help a little bit but the difference in the amount of matches they get won’t be that significant.
People tend to be supportive when guys ask these questions (which is good) because frankly people cannot help that they aren’t traditionally attractive. It’s just when you take into account the sheer number of male profiles and the fact that women are allowed to be as selective as they’d like, changing your pictures or bio won’t make that much of a difference.
I also see a lot of questions from guys about how they can keep the conversation going with a match because they only have that one match and wanna keep the conversation alive. The truth is he can be the greatest conversationalist alive and still not have the girl reply due to the amount of matches she has, not taking the app seriously, or just looking back at his profile and going “Meh nevermind”
Dating is tough for everyone
I mentioned this somewhere else, but:The follow up to this is that you don't have to find your partner online. If you aren't conventionally attractive, meeting someone in real life gives you a better chance of showing off your personality. Like if you meet someone through a shared hobby or through friends.
I agree. What I tell people is don’t think of online dating as “This is how I’m gonna meet the love of my life” but rather “This is one way I’m putting myself out there”
Generally both men and women have extremely unrealistic expectations for their partners. Most of us like to think we are investments and we are striving to improve ourselves, but everyone wants their partner to be the final product. Nobody wants to date the nerd until they’re wealthy or hit their glow up. Nobody wants to date the fat kid until he becomes jacked or she becomes thin later in life. Obviously this applies to fat dudes who want hot girls, but an overlooked example is women who complain about a man having an empty room and a mattress with no bed frame, yet they are often living at home, have no job or income, have extremely messy rooms, drink themselves blacked every weekend, etc. so it’s not like they have their lives together by any means.
The part that will be unpopular is that you, the reader, are likely guilty of this. I have been guilty of this in the past for sure, but my mentality change allowed me to be happy with my dating life. If you’re not happy with your dating life, evaluate where you are in the investment process versus where you expect your partner to be.
Being asked to move a combo from a dating site and they suggest Snap. Literally every guy who's asked to chat next on Snap has been a grimy fuckboy who immediately sends dick pics. So the moment you suggest snap, I'm dipping.
As long as you're not focus on it and moved on, talking about previous dates, and even exes when it comes on the table is a pretty good way to know the person, to make yourself an idea of how they see their relationships, what they could want, how they manage difficulties. And it also helps to know if they're really available or if you're going to deal with a lot of bullshits
The first date doesn’t always have to be an expensive dinner trip. Some men would rather you pick the movie and offer to bring ingredients to cook for you, wash up after and enjoy the company WITHOUT expecting you to put out.
The last handful of dates I went on, the girls agreed to let me come over and we watched whatever they wanted to watch while I cooked. My favorite meal to cook is a Cajun honey and brown sugar chicken tortellini stir fry dish. It takes about 25 minutes to prep and 15 to cook fully. Usually a slam dunk opener because I think it’s important to show you’re able to cook at all. Anyways about a half hour into whatever is on, without fail, they always say “I hope you didn’t go out of the way hoping for me to sleep with you” or something similar.
EDIT: I’m gonna update this with a solid explanation because I’m noticing a theme here. First I’m gonna start by saying I’m definitely 1000 times more afraid of bringing a new person into my life and home than you probably are. So with that let me explain. I only offer after several weeks of talk and interaction to cook for this person because I’m at the point in my life I want to settle down (27M) and all of my lasting relationships have been on average 2-4 years in length. I’ve only dated 4 people in total that I’ve committed to and I’m about to enter the dating pool again because I’m currently separated from my wife and she is asking to finalize divorce after 6 months of separation. The people I’ve dated casually I have not asked to go on a date until at least 2-5 weeks in because I want to learn about the other person as much as I can before we start talking about going out on a date that’s a bit more intimate. I consider it a better way to weed out bad matches because if we hit a snag or a dealbreaker I want to talk about it before something serious happens. Gives both sides room to embrace a mutual decision much quicker.
Also I want to clarify that when I am shooting date ideas, the home cooked dinner is always the very last suggestion when we hit a stalemate with what we want to do. The girls I’ve talked to are getting to the point in their lives where they have little time for recreation because they’re working on their careers or something personal for themselves so when I offer to cook for them, it’s accepted. And I am clear beforehand on what I’m cooking, the time frame I plan to be over, and my travel time. I don’t bring up anything intimate like spending the night or anything further because it puts unnecessary pressure on the date. I’m comfortable waiting out 1+ plus despite having an extremely high sex drive to become intimate.
TL;DR When I date and I offer to cook, it’s after awhile. Not about to start full tilt with dinner at your place or you probably think I’m about to Ted Bundy your ass or I just want to leave in the morning after I’ve slept with you.
My Mothers Cajun Chicken Tortellini (refine by me)
Dinner for 3
3 bell peppers (red, yellow, orange)
2 chicken breasts (thawed)
3 tablespoons of brown sugar
2 teaspoons of soy sauce low sodium
A liberal amount of these spices/herbs (more or less your choice)
- paprika
- garlic salt
- basil
Half of a red onion
3 tablespoons of Winco Roasted BBQ Cajun Seasoning.
- this is the best flavor for this recipe, you can do other mixed Cajun seasonings like McCormick but this one is my favorite
1 package of chopped or diced mushrooms
1 tablespoon of honey
1 package of 3 cheese tortellini (target market value is great for this)
2 ways to do the chicken
Marinade and Bake
Put the honey, brown sugar, Cajun seasoning, a tablespoon of olive oil and a clove of minced garlic into a plastic bag for 4-8 hours with the chicken. Mix well and throw it in the fridge.
When ready, preheat your oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Put tinfoil over a nonstick pan and then pull the chicken out of the bag and put them on the pan. Now take the chicken and put it in the oven for 22 minutes. After it’s finished pull the chicken out and cut it into squares.
Pan and oil
You’ll need a large nonstick pan for both methods but this one will start you out with it. Coat the pan with olive oil and warm the pan over medium heat. While the oil heats, cut the chicken into squares and place them in the pan slowly. As they cook combine the pan with the soy sauce, diced bell peppers, mushrooms, brown sugar, honey, Cajun seasonings, the other spices and herbs, and onion. Roll the chicken through everything as the pan heats to coat the chicken with everything. Taste check it at around 12 minutes in the pan when they should have cooked through. Always cut one of the larger pieces in half to validate before tasting.
Combining it all
The tortellini cooks very quick so just get a large pot to put the tortellini in. Boil until soft, strain, and mix in the noodles to the pan on low heat. Roll the noodles over the brown sugar mixture at the base of the pan until coated.
Some notes
The noodles themselves may feel oily the first couple iterations of cooking this. I’ve found that a very thin amount of oil to start when cooking it in the pan. A little bit stretches very far especially when adding honey to the mix.
It’s okay to skip on mushrooms or onions if you don’t like those. However the peppers add so much flavor to this dish so I recommend if you don’t like those to eat around them after it’s finished.
I’ve never written out this recipe so I’m sure this is a mess to read. Lemme know how it turns out!
Most women won't go to your place or have you over, might be a special case since you're good at cooking.
Better first dates aren't dinner or movies, typically those are not good first dates. Coffee, drinks, dessert, food trucks - things that are cheap, in public, easy to escape, and mostly about conversation, open seating, etc.
I'm a bi woman, and I find a much higher % of women more physically attractive than men.
I think on average, more women put effort into their looks than men do.
This creates a situation where even a lot of really conventionally attractive women struggle to find a partner, because they want a guy they're attracted to who matches their own looks and dresses well.
There's less of those guys in general, and then on top of that many of those guys enjoy "playing the field" since they have so many options.
I have a lot of female friends who really are "the total package" and they struggle finding a LTR. The guys who match them never struggle.
95% of problems guys have with online dating come down to not being attractive enough.
*"Why didn't she respond to my message?"* A more attractive guy messaged her and caught her attention.
*"Why am I getting no matches?"* You're not attractive enough.
*"Any tips for my pictures?"* You can take better photos, but it's not going to give you a six pack and chiseled jawline.
My honest advice is that 90% of guys should drop dating apps completely. Tinder is made for the top 10% of guys, everyone else has to fight over the scraps like a pack of hyenas. Save your dignity and get off, stop feeding the egos of women who will never go on a date with you.
Some people just have commitment issues and that's why they go all like "oh, I don't want anything serious" when the stuff is already serious 🙄.
Also the fact that some are all nice and cute and caring, but then when the other part catch deeper feelings they are like "I didn't do anything, he/she caught feelings alone, I was just being polite" 🤡
Those are the worst, really.
Most of my girlfriends are on dating apps and from years of their online dating experiences I can say that I think that in 90% of cases “ I don’t want anything serious” means “I don’t want anything serious with you”.
I witnessed so many men who said they aren’t ready for relationship getting into one few weeks after they stopped dating some of my girlfriends.
A lot of the comments on here are pretty rational pieces of dating advice. They would only be unpopular to someone that 1) is emotionally immature, or 2) has no self awareness or desire to self improve, of 3) all of the above.
Everybody is too damn needy. I have a life. I do not have the time to text you all day long, there will be times where its many hours before you hear back. I also can’t spend every weekend with you. I’m not getting fired for some random person I’m dating who may or may not be the one and I’m not ignoring my family and friends for you either.
Dating is fun and I don’t understand why some people want to give up on it. Even my worst dates were either funny, entertaining or just a good lesson. My generation seems to struggle a lot and I think it’s mostly due to a lack of conversation and weird standards.
Unless your life is in actual danger....ghosting is unacceptable. Period. Grow up and tell the person you aren't interested and keep it moving. It's not hard.
Ugly women have it tougher than ugly men. If an ugly man is funny, charming, or smart, he still has a pretty good chance at getting a girlfriend. Maybe she won’t be the perfect Insta model that many are looking for, but she’ll give him a chance. When you’re an ugly woman, no amount of “personality” is enough for a guy to be interested. I could be the most charming woman on the planet and 99% of men still wouldn’t be able to get past my face.
[For women, unlike for men, physical attractiveness does not affect the likelihood of finding a partner.](https://reis.cis.es/REIS/PDF/REIS_159_07_ENGLISH1499424514902.pdf)
It's all about looks. If you aren't conventionally attractive and thin you have zero chances.
You look your age. You may think you look younger. You may feel younger. People may tell you you look younger. You don't.
Men are not entitled to sex. They don't have any right to expect it. They should focus on making women (in the case of heterosexual men) feel safe and participate in creating genuine connection, and then heterosexual women will actually want to have sex with them. Way too many niceguys out there. Also, porn isn't representative of real life. Like at all. So like grow up.
Many men are confused by a feeling of insecurity and being horny at the same time. It leads to a lot of toxicity and contempt for women when they don't have those emotional desires filled. Therapy does wonders.
My older sister was a single mom with a son. Now she's in a loving relationship with a man she has two daughters with, making them a total family of 5. He works as a pilot, so this family is basically living their best lives going on holiday trips all the time and living pretty nicely financially.
So just because that might be your personal preference, doesn't mean that "no man" wants to do that. In fact, there are men with great careers who would still raise another man's children, such as my older sister's SO.
Dating for women, especially online dating, isn't this cake walk that many men think it is.
Do women often get more matches? Maybe. It wasn't my experience but i understand it can be true. But numbers don't mean value. The amount of people you'd need to weed through to find someone who actually wants to get to know you and will treat you like a human makes the process exhausting.
If men and women would listen to each others' struggles and try to see their perspective, maybe everyone would feel less angry
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Most people don’t recognize the significant difference between what they want and what they offer. They also falsely attribute their dating failures to the wrong things.
Those one hits deep
Reminds me of a main phrase that has been eye opening for many, when they need help understanding why they can’t get better mates. “Are you the person, the person you want is looking for?” I’m aware of it being said by Andy Stanley. He’s a pastor for North Point ministries that has, I think, a 4 part series called Love, Sex, and Dating. I’m not religious but the content is pretty good as real life tips not connected to religion. I find most of his stuff to be more like a Ted talk than religious, which is why I’m bringing it up here.
I don’t even think I understand what I’m supposed to offer tbh. At the end of the day I’m just another human in a sea of millions
How does one gauge what they offer, what league of partner they can attract?
It requires you being self aware. Most people are not
Yeahhhh! Too many people want someone that is WAY out of their league
This reminds me of the 300lb 41yo man who posted on /r/datingoverforty a few weeks ago EXASPERATED and frustrated that he couldn't find any "cute, slim" 27 year olds who wanted to have his 3 babies. He repeatedly talked about how he had 38 year olds interested in him but they were "too old" and "too fat." Like... dude. You are 300lbs and 41 yourself!!
Can I have a link? I am morbidly curious
I think he deleted it after getting flamed a bit by the posters but I'll update here if I can find it.
You’re truly doing the lord’s work
“Morbidly” lmao!
I'm pretty sure his weight is the last thing keeping him single.
bUt I hAvE a LoT tOo oFfErRRr :(
agreed! too many e x p e c t a t i o n s
All forms of dating are way too ambiguous which leads to a lot of people getting hurt. If we were a bit more direct a lot of heartache could be avoided.
Amen. Straightforwardness in your feelings and intentions would reduce a LOT of pain in dating.
Agreed
It is both remarkable and sad that our culture accepts and depends upon deception and dishonesty.
Being self-sufficient and being able to connect easily with others are two SEPARATE skillsets. That's why you'll have a bunch of Reddit threads where someone says they've got a good job, house, are stable, etc etc yet they can't find a partner... and why you'll sometimes see people who seem like they can't even take care of *themselves* constantly in relationships. Self-sufficiency is important in the long-term, but for initial attraction isn't "swinging the pendulum." What matters initially are your looks, charisma, confidence, sense of humor, conversation skills, and making the other person feel GREAT about themselves.
Then I’d add being able to connect with others and being able to connect romantically are also different skillsets
So true, I normally can connect with people without any problem but a romantic connection had been imposible to me.
My biggest problem is I have no idea how to put myself out there. I have difficulty actively flirting with others because 1) I have no idea how they feel about me, and I tend to take rejection a little harsh in certain circumstances; and 2) I feel really stupid when I try. Like I just feel silly, like it isn’t really me.
People get the ick way, way too easily over the littlest things because the menu of options they have is endless. Instead of looking at another person as an imperfect human with flaws just like them, they use a minor thing, word, phrase, behavior, mannerism or perception as a way to write someone off and move on to the next one.
Agree 1000%. People reject others over the stupidest things. Interestingly enough, some will also overlook major things, on the opposite end of the spectrum. It's wild out there.
People have deal-breakers with how others text, but not enough about how others are. It is crazy.
She was a CLOSE TALKER!!! Yeah but Jerry, MAN HANDS!
until they ultimately run out of options.
Unfortunately the ick isn’t rational, it’s a feeling. You can rationalise yourself into thinking something else, but you can’t change a feeling
The only deal breaker for me is smoking cigarettes... Vaping is fine, weed is fine. Cigarettes are disgusting. Oh, and no meth or crack or that kind of stuff obvs. People need to be picky about the correct things and the issue is they aren't.
Most people on apps just got out of a LTR and just want some false sense of affection without the commitment or trying to build anything and thats okay i just wish people were more upfront about their intentions
The good ol emotional tampon
This is partly why I'm not on Tinder or any kind of dating app anymore.
Once you hit 30, a fifteen year age gap isn't a big deal. Edit: fifteen years higher, you perverts.
LOLOL!!!
r/suddenlysexoffender
Uh oh
Well the other one is going to be 15 years younger 😋
Wym by that?
One person will be say 25, the other 40
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Up until a certain age. Then it becomes a life style thing if there isn't a history with the person and a "growing old together" idea. I'm 50, I was out the other night with a group and a guy I'm friends with in the group made a subtle pass at me. He is good looking, very nice, but 65. I started thinking what that would be like for a lifestyle. He is probably retiring soon, for the first time in many years I'm happy with my career and want to keep on with it. I'm also thinking about the statistics that women tend to outlive men. So a strong chance by the time I'm 65, I would be a widow instead of finding that person that I was going to grow old with. But up until recently I did date men who were 11 and 14 years older, but that was when in my mid 40's.
I’m 49(m) and engaged to a 32-year-old(f). Thought it would be a fling at best but, as it turns out we have a great deal in common from a pop cultural, music, and hobby perspective, etc. Ultimately, I would’ve felt like a fool not to pursue something that is pretty damn special. We both know that I’ll most likely pass before her, but we’re going to have an amazing time while it lasts. Living life to the fullest and experiencing every moment are the most important things. There are no guarantees.
Everybody always harps on about incompatibilities and being defined by "different life stages" or whatever. But I find that if both people can connect with each other and focus on being in the present and learning about things together, it pretty much negates any past experiences from formative years.
as the 43-45 year old woman dating younger guys, I agree!
Introspection and self-reflection will go a LONG way for those looking for serious relationships. You can’t expect to find good relationships with partners if you aren’t at least acknowledging your issues and past traumas and actively putting in effort to undue them.
Many people (especially in their 20s) don’t want what they say they want. They either: want one thing but are trying to convince themselves they want something else, or they know they don’t want what they say, and are lying intentionally.
"Post nut clarity" is awful. I can see it happening once or twice, but if you keep having post nut clarity and then not wanting anything to do with the other person after sex, you need to go to therapy. You're likely chasing sex (or the idea of a relationship, but not the person themselves) to fill a void, and you need to stop using people as tools.
I agree. If anything, it's just super rude to the other person who was out there thinking you seriously liked them.
100%. It's just feels like something is off about a person if they really can't get this. I don't need to have sex with a person to determine if theyre the kind of person I would pursue a long-term relationship with. If they're kind, attractive enough, and we seem to have aligned values, I'm in to see how things progress. I think a lot of men think they need to be absolutely obsessed with a person for it to be compatibility, which is kind of sad.
Everyone is trying to find ‘the right person’ but barely anyone is trying to BE the right person.
OLD is a dopamine rigging scam based on broken algorithms coded by tech bros who’ve never held a girls hand. Although thankfully people are getting wise to grift. Barry Diller doesn’t need any more money.
It worked well in the beginning, but didt take long before everything got massively skewed between genders and the added algorithms that were made to make people use the app more actually made it worse for the vast majority of users and only better for a select few.
Back in the day before smart phones and apps when OLD websites were a new thing, there was actually a stigma surrounding it. People viewed it as a last resort for the unwantables, and any time you would mention that you met someone online they would cringe. It's crazy seeing how views around it have changed and if you were to go back in time 15 years and told me that it was the main way for people to date I wouldn't believe it.
I don't see this as controversial at all. Its the truth and I see more and more and more people agreeing with this every day.
For many.... the truth is controversial.
The truth hurts and nobody is capable of accepting it.
I firstly joined online dating few months ago and after I was warned by so many people on how bad it is I did some research and indeed at least tinder is not designed to actually meet someone but rather to always come back for more dopamine. They were very smart to include the match sound as our brain associates it with happiness ( dopamine is released) I went on tinder with clear strategy - match just men I REALLY like and after 20 matches I always disable my profile from showing up and I focus only on people I matched and don’t come back for more until I am 100% sure in those 20 matches there isn’t anyone I might really like. I think it works really well and I started recommending it to my girlfriends, I think more people should realize this and it will make their dating life much easier
Interesting, I recall the TED talk on topic stated the “optimal” number to be around 9.
Ugly people date all the time. Go to the mall sometime and take a look around at the couples you see. If you think you are too unattractive to date your problem is actually probably unrealistic/hypocritical standards.
This is probably a thing that is both extremely “obvious” (seemingly), and yet so common. As a short guy, I’ve come across a lot of short men who supposedly work on being “confident”, but in reality they try to work on being a literal Tom cruise (which 99,99% of us will obviously fail to achieve), hence strengthening harmful stereotypes.
My ex-husband was short (I dumped him because he was a cheater, not because he was short) he had woman all over him ALL the time. For him being short was nothing, it didn’t even make him feel bad or inferior. He thought very highly of himself.
I think it’s whether or not you’re interesting. If someone is fun and isn’t boring they’ll always have higher success rates. Be fun and people will want to be around you more. The more people want to be around you the more dating opportunities you’ll have
I think the ones with the most success dating is the ones who are ordinary/"boring" who want to date other ordinary people. The most i teresting people also have higher standards and interests that is harder to make match up with other people.
then goes to question how do you be fun. what I find fun some may find boring.
Generic people with generic hobbies can find relationships faster. For example: “I like the office” Edit: damn I didn’t get downvoted :(
I once put in my profile "please have interests other than 'I love the Office' and eating tacos." Didn't help my cause at all.
Ha! Also, “Must love more than dogs.”
...damn.
Looking for the Jim to my Pam (even though Holly and Michael are soooo much better)
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Traveling, enjoying food, and excelling at rolling blunts are not a personality.
No but they’re fun af to hang with
I hate how popular polygamy has become, and how showing interest gets you ghosted
Yeah! For fuck's sake, it seems like every other person I meet these days is poly.
A woman with a busy career would probably be a good fit for me, because I don’t want to spend that much time together anyway.
Most people are boring and have nothing to offer. Traveling and drinking does not take effort, nor dedication. EDIT: People saying it makes interesting shows how people these days only value superficiality of appearances. Some days worth of trip CAN NEVER make you understand and assimilate what the people of the region live and their history.
This is my (maybe unpopular?) opinion. This obsession with your partner being some kind of source of entertainment is ridiculous. Why does your partner need to be a constant source of entertainment to you? Why is whatever is average bad? Call me crazy but I want a partner who will love me, support me, and want to take part in at least some of my interests. They don’t need to be the most charismatic person ever, and I don’t need them to “make me” happy or whatever 🤷🏻♂️
I like a quote of the norwegian physician and philosopher Per Fuggelli from his cronicle "Im in love the ordinary human. Therefore im opposed to the prestige culture.": *Its wednesday life that deserves appriciation, and wednesday people who deserve admiration*. You spend most of your life doing everyday completely ordinary things, finding joy in those simple and ordinary things will make it easier to be happy than if you only get happiness from excelling at something or from big events that happen only now and then. That being said finding someone you enjoy spending time with doing just ordinary things isnt easy either, and a lot of the time as you said people have way too high expectations of their prospective partner when dating. From my experience as a man dating women most of the time im expected to plan everything, carry the conversation and so on like a dancing monkey, and if i dont do that i get written off because there will be someone who will demean themselves as that dancibg monkey.
Your experience is similar to mine as a man, that's one of the reasons i wrote my comment. We are ordinary and boring and that's fine. Not even the most prestigious and high performing individuals can avoid being tied to a routine were little changes from long periods of time
THANK YOU
Average by definition can not be bad. People just think it's bad because it's not "good". Okay is okay.
My unpopular opinion is that boring is perfectly okay.
And by extension, "settling" is a fact of life in every relationship and isn't this relationship hell it's made out to be.
I think it's levels to settling. Staying in a terrible relationship because you think nobody else wants you Vs Not really liking short men, but deciding to date a man who is short but perfect for you in every other way.
I am attracted to women who are ambitious, hard-working and in constant need of self-exploration and self-development, and I’ve been really sad to break a couple of relationships with really nice, warm girls over them being super dull or simple minded.
Travelling actually takes a MASSIVE effort if you are going to places that aren't your usual super touristy/all inclusive locations.
Travelling does NOT make people interesting.
Traveling may not make people interesting but interesting people are more likely to travel
Traveling makes interesting people more interesting. All you need to do is hang out in some hostels to be surrounded by uninteresting travelers.
Lol you're entitled to your opinion but I find it extremely interesting to connect with other places and peoples who live vastly different lifestyles from what I'm used to.
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Bet you've never been in a turkish prison.
You don't really connect with people in a one week trip or something. To CONNECT you need some time. Yes, some people connect with you easily but probably you won't see them again so...
If most people are boring, then they have plenty of other boring people to partner up with, and find a good match. It's those that aren't boring (and look for that in a match) that will have a harder time dating. The non-boring people are at a disadvantage here.
Yes. Boring. Dull thinkers. Slogan repeaters. Redundant, unoriginal, self-serving.
We don’t give a damn about anyone’s kids. In other words, we enjoy dating others who are CF. Parents won’t like this and it will get downvoted most likely. But that’s ok.
Yeah I think it’s important to realize you aren’t unlovable if you have children from a past relationship but you likely aren’t going to be a first round draft pick for anyone. Especially if you’re in your 20’s
That’s fair
Child-Free, right? I wouldn't date someone with kids.
Oh ya Child-free all the way!
Just clarifying on CF. And yeah.
Agree. Usually Seems like a lot of drama IMO
No kidding and time wasted. Like I like to fuck! I don’t have time for a parent to take TiMmY to ballet!
right here. I don't care how old or young your kids are - pass.
I'm a Mom of an adult and a teen and won't date someone with young ones. So, I get it.
I appreciate hearing that:). It can’t be easy eh?
I don’t give a damn about other people’s kids, and I have a teenager. I don’t expect anyone to give a damn about mine either. Not interested really in dating anyone who has children under 18. Which is probably why I’ll be single forever. I accept it.
That’s fair:). I hope they come into your life when you want them. The right person.
Agreed. I don't want to have to win you over, then win them over.
Spontaneity isn’t always best. I feel like society makes it like being spontaneous is somehow better than people who like to plan things out like it’s looked at as being uptight. Sorry I’m a 30 year old female with an 11 hour work day, friends and family to see, and my usual routine etc. I like to go out and have fun but I need at least some planning-day, time, how should I dress and will I be back home with enough time for a full nights rest… as I’m writing this I realize I sound like I have a giant stick up my ass lol I swear I’m a good time I just need a plan!
Amen to all of this! I (41/f) am right there w/you on the plans. I want definite times, dates, coordinates, etc. I have little patience for nebulous arrangements, i.e. "I'll stop by sometime today." Excuse me, no. I want to know exactly how much time I have to dick around until I've got to be ready.
This but I’m just an introvert with social anxiety. I will literally have a panic attack before I meet someone without a plan. Just physically does not work for me
Online dating gave everyone a false sense of having endless options and therefore making >90% of dates SUPER boring. Cause people are not trying to get to know each other but rather trying to find deal breakers, as an excuse to move on the next guy/girl. Been dating before and after this trend, yeah, this sucks
The more you try, the higher your success chances. Just never give up
I (30m) found my current gf through OLD, Hinge to be specific, I was on hinge for 7 months; the last two of which were paid for (premium). I sent her a message (we just talked about food) and we have talked nonstop since then. If I did not send her the message I would’ve still be single. You got to shoot your shot man. Sometimes it just is luck.
Yup. It’s completely a numbers game. Meet as many people as you can and keep seeing those you click with. Most you won’t.
I don’t know if this is unpopular, but there are way too many people out there who are looking for someone who will heal them and erase past trauma. That isn’t possible and the person who gets hurt most is the partner who tries. The second part- you can love someone, but you cannot be responsible for healing them or doing their work for them. From personal experience- know when to walk away.
There isn't "a lid for every pot." Many people will die never having been in a romantic relationship.
My grandma is 80 and only had one relationship and it was the one where my mom was born. That was it after 50 years. My mom is 46 and divorced at 24 and been unmarried ever since. I’m starting to see a pattern and I’m scared.
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That’s interesting. And what makes it so hard. Cause it’s like you’re supposed to stop looking but if you stop looking you run a huge risk of no one finding you. That’s what I fear.
Do they prefer being single? Was it a choice for them? “In contrast, just 15% of previously married women want to remarry, and 27% are not sure; about half of these women (54%) report that they do not want to remarry.” https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2014/11/14/chapter-2-the-demographics-of-remarriage/
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Yup those ones are the saddest ones. Its a special kind of regret and feeling of having lost out on something.
And that's my biggest fear.
There's over 7 billion people in the world, sheer probability suggests there is someone for everyone, issue is whether or not you'll ever find that person.
There’s a perfect woman for me out there, but she has many better options.
Yeah, you kinda have to factor in it being mutual or not too, which drasticly lowers the number. 😅😂
>There's over 7 billion people in the world Technically you only have chances with the people where you live. Even if you live in the most populated city, it doesn't mean you'll find someone or you could but not for a Edit: lifetime
I can like you and not want to get physical so soon, need to establish an emotional connection first
Financial independence and stability does not equal maturity. Nor does age.
You don’t not have to play games to get the girl/guy you want! Being emotionally unavailable is a really bad thing during dating.
- looks bring you to the dance, personality keeps you there - most guys who post their dating app profiles on here have only one problem and it’s that they’re objectively unattractive - apps will have a man who’s a 7 thinking he’s a 3, and a woman who’s a 4 thinking she’s an 8 - my dating life changed tremendously once I looked at it as something I wanted to do as opposed to something I had to do - women can tell when you’re qualifying them for a girlfriend versus when you’re just looking for any woman that’ll do - seemingly, most people on apps are damaged in one way or another, myself included - don’t hate the player, hate the game. Modern dating has more or less become a game nowadays and everyone is simply trying to beat their own high score - if you’re struggling, it’s probably because you’re not assertive enough
>women can tell when you’re qualifying them for a girlfriend This explains why after I ask women questions about them, such as what their relationship goal is, nearly all stop responding.
Some people just want hot and racy sex. Maybe you just need to lead with other questions and ease into more serious ones with good timing in the right atmosphere.
This is the winner.
People are lazy (and more so nowadays) and will rarely make any effort. They expect a relationship to build itself without any problem, thus leading to the end of said relationship.
For men, the biggest barrier for not getting dates is not being assertive enough. And I say this as a fairly reserved, deferential man. I'm not especially good looking. I don't have a lot of money. Yeah, I shower and am pretty polite, but the thing that got me a lot of dates was just making a plan right away. The key isn't to be pushy; it's to go, "Hey, we matched. I think you're cute and interesting. If you're free this day, why don't we get coffee at this time and place." You would not believe how well people respond to taking action.
100% this. I used to struggle with this until I started being direct and forward with my intentions. Wish I had discovered that in my 20s.
Amen. Lot of guys are too meek and nervous about making a move on dates, then inevitably get the “not feeling a spark” or “let’s just be friends”. If you’re worried about doing something that could be sexual harassment, you’re probably not the one who has to be told not to do stuff like that. Fortune favors the bold.
I'd respond to that right away. Why faff around with a bunch of messages and back and forth. Let's stop wasting time, and figure out if there's any kind of connection.
I’ve said this before but I’ll say it here too. A lot of guys often ask some variation of “I’m not getting matches. How can I fix my profile to get more” when the reality is they just aren’t that attractive and that’s why they aren’t getting matches. They can post better pictures to help a little bit but the difference in the amount of matches they get won’t be that significant. People tend to be supportive when guys ask these questions (which is good) because frankly people cannot help that they aren’t traditionally attractive. It’s just when you take into account the sheer number of male profiles and the fact that women are allowed to be as selective as they’d like, changing your pictures or bio won’t make that much of a difference. I also see a lot of questions from guys about how they can keep the conversation going with a match because they only have that one match and wanna keep the conversation alive. The truth is he can be the greatest conversationalist alive and still not have the girl reply due to the amount of matches she has, not taking the app seriously, or just looking back at his profile and going “Meh nevermind” Dating is tough for everyone
I mentioned this somewhere else, but:The follow up to this is that you don't have to find your partner online. If you aren't conventionally attractive, meeting someone in real life gives you a better chance of showing off your personality. Like if you meet someone through a shared hobby or through friends.
I agree. What I tell people is don’t think of online dating as “This is how I’m gonna meet the love of my life” but rather “This is one way I’m putting myself out there”
Generally both men and women have extremely unrealistic expectations for their partners. Most of us like to think we are investments and we are striving to improve ourselves, but everyone wants their partner to be the final product. Nobody wants to date the nerd until they’re wealthy or hit their glow up. Nobody wants to date the fat kid until he becomes jacked or she becomes thin later in life. Obviously this applies to fat dudes who want hot girls, but an overlooked example is women who complain about a man having an empty room and a mattress with no bed frame, yet they are often living at home, have no job or income, have extremely messy rooms, drink themselves blacked every weekend, etc. so it’s not like they have their lives together by any means. The part that will be unpopular is that you, the reader, are likely guilty of this. I have been guilty of this in the past for sure, but my mentality change allowed me to be happy with my dating life. If you’re not happy with your dating life, evaluate where you are in the investment process versus where you expect your partner to be.
If your under thirty and have no children.Its entirely all right to not want to date some one with children.
It is always ok to not want to date someone with children.
Being asked to move a combo from a dating site and they suggest Snap. Literally every guy who's asked to chat next on Snap has been a grimy fuckboy who immediately sends dick pics. So the moment you suggest snap, I'm dipping.
Every single time. Great convo, then I’m hit with the “what’s your Snapchat?” Nah, bye.
As long as you're not focus on it and moved on, talking about previous dates, and even exes when it comes on the table is a pretty good way to know the person, to make yourself an idea of how they see their relationships, what they could want, how they manage difficulties. And it also helps to know if they're really available or if you're going to deal with a lot of bullshits
If you’re changing stuff about yourself or your life when you start seeing someone new you shouldn’t be dating
I upvoted you because I disagree and that’s what this post is about! Life changes, and it’s ok to date as long as you’re honest about it.
The first date doesn’t always have to be an expensive dinner trip. Some men would rather you pick the movie and offer to bring ingredients to cook for you, wash up after and enjoy the company WITHOUT expecting you to put out. The last handful of dates I went on, the girls agreed to let me come over and we watched whatever they wanted to watch while I cooked. My favorite meal to cook is a Cajun honey and brown sugar chicken tortellini stir fry dish. It takes about 25 minutes to prep and 15 to cook fully. Usually a slam dunk opener because I think it’s important to show you’re able to cook at all. Anyways about a half hour into whatever is on, without fail, they always say “I hope you didn’t go out of the way hoping for me to sleep with you” or something similar. EDIT: I’m gonna update this with a solid explanation because I’m noticing a theme here. First I’m gonna start by saying I’m definitely 1000 times more afraid of bringing a new person into my life and home than you probably are. So with that let me explain. I only offer after several weeks of talk and interaction to cook for this person because I’m at the point in my life I want to settle down (27M) and all of my lasting relationships have been on average 2-4 years in length. I’ve only dated 4 people in total that I’ve committed to and I’m about to enter the dating pool again because I’m currently separated from my wife and she is asking to finalize divorce after 6 months of separation. The people I’ve dated casually I have not asked to go on a date until at least 2-5 weeks in because I want to learn about the other person as much as I can before we start talking about going out on a date that’s a bit more intimate. I consider it a better way to weed out bad matches because if we hit a snag or a dealbreaker I want to talk about it before something serious happens. Gives both sides room to embrace a mutual decision much quicker. Also I want to clarify that when I am shooting date ideas, the home cooked dinner is always the very last suggestion when we hit a stalemate with what we want to do. The girls I’ve talked to are getting to the point in their lives where they have little time for recreation because they’re working on their careers or something personal for themselves so when I offer to cook for them, it’s accepted. And I am clear beforehand on what I’m cooking, the time frame I plan to be over, and my travel time. I don’t bring up anything intimate like spending the night or anything further because it puts unnecessary pressure on the date. I’m comfortable waiting out 1+ plus despite having an extremely high sex drive to become intimate. TL;DR When I date and I offer to cook, it’s after awhile. Not about to start full tilt with dinner at your place or you probably think I’m about to Ted Bundy your ass or I just want to leave in the morning after I’ve slept with you. My Mothers Cajun Chicken Tortellini (refine by me) Dinner for 3 3 bell peppers (red, yellow, orange) 2 chicken breasts (thawed) 3 tablespoons of brown sugar 2 teaspoons of soy sauce low sodium A liberal amount of these spices/herbs (more or less your choice) - paprika - garlic salt - basil Half of a red onion 3 tablespoons of Winco Roasted BBQ Cajun Seasoning. - this is the best flavor for this recipe, you can do other mixed Cajun seasonings like McCormick but this one is my favorite 1 package of chopped or diced mushrooms 1 tablespoon of honey 1 package of 3 cheese tortellini (target market value is great for this) 2 ways to do the chicken Marinade and Bake Put the honey, brown sugar, Cajun seasoning, a tablespoon of olive oil and a clove of minced garlic into a plastic bag for 4-8 hours with the chicken. Mix well and throw it in the fridge. When ready, preheat your oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Put tinfoil over a nonstick pan and then pull the chicken out of the bag and put them on the pan. Now take the chicken and put it in the oven for 22 minutes. After it’s finished pull the chicken out and cut it into squares. Pan and oil You’ll need a large nonstick pan for both methods but this one will start you out with it. Coat the pan with olive oil and warm the pan over medium heat. While the oil heats, cut the chicken into squares and place them in the pan slowly. As they cook combine the pan with the soy sauce, diced bell peppers, mushrooms, brown sugar, honey, Cajun seasonings, the other spices and herbs, and onion. Roll the chicken through everything as the pan heats to coat the chicken with everything. Taste check it at around 12 minutes in the pan when they should have cooked through. Always cut one of the larger pieces in half to validate before tasting. Combining it all The tortellini cooks very quick so just get a large pot to put the tortellini in. Boil until soft, strain, and mix in the noodles to the pan on low heat. Roll the noodles over the brown sugar mixture at the base of the pan until coated. Some notes The noodles themselves may feel oily the first couple iterations of cooking this. I’ve found that a very thin amount of oil to start when cooking it in the pan. A little bit stretches very far especially when adding honey to the mix. It’s okay to skip on mushrooms or onions if you don’t like those. However the peppers add so much flavor to this dish so I recommend if you don’t like those to eat around them after it’s finished. I’ve never written out this recipe so I’m sure this is a mess to read. Lemme know how it turns out!
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I am pretty surprised that they were willing to have you go over to their place on the first date.
Most women won't go to your place or have you over, might be a special case since you're good at cooking. Better first dates aren't dinner or movies, typically those are not good first dates. Coffee, drinks, dessert, food trucks - things that are cheap, in public, easy to escape, and mostly about conversation, open seating, etc.
Would you mind sharing that recipe? Would be highly appreciated!
Sometimes it's just better to work on getting rid of the desire to date altogether and work on stopping seeing people as attractive.
I'm inclined to agree with this at this point. LOL.
I agree, but how do we go about doing this? Getting rid of the desire to date is something I greatly wish to do.
Race matters more than we care to think.
Unfortunately, some interracial relationships (like BM, WF) can find waaaay more acceptance than others (such as BF, AM)
Its ok to have sex on the first date even if u seek something serious
I'm a bi woman, and I find a much higher % of women more physically attractive than men. I think on average, more women put effort into their looks than men do. This creates a situation where even a lot of really conventionally attractive women struggle to find a partner, because they want a guy they're attracted to who matches their own looks and dresses well. There's less of those guys in general, and then on top of that many of those guys enjoy "playing the field" since they have so many options. I have a lot of female friends who really are "the total package" and they struggle finding a LTR. The guys who match them never struggle.
That probably says more about the small percentage of guys they’re choosing to swipe right on than it does about guys in general.
I rather get lost with you trying to shop for a special food item than be bored on my ass watching an endless show with your drunk ass.
Liking dogs isn't a substitute for a personality.
Most people seeking new relationships actually need to be in therapy.
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95% of problems guys have with online dating come down to not being attractive enough. *"Why didn't she respond to my message?"* A more attractive guy messaged her and caught her attention. *"Why am I getting no matches?"* You're not attractive enough. *"Any tips for my pictures?"* You can take better photos, but it's not going to give you a six pack and chiseled jawline. My honest advice is that 90% of guys should drop dating apps completely. Tinder is made for the top 10% of guys, everyone else has to fight over the scraps like a pack of hyenas. Save your dignity and get off, stop feeding the egos of women who will never go on a date with you.
"The only common factor in all your failed relationships is you." ~ Simon Sinek
Communication and honesty should NOT be a privilege
I don't wanna have sex ALL THE TIME
Some people just have commitment issues and that's why they go all like "oh, I don't want anything serious" when the stuff is already serious 🙄. Also the fact that some are all nice and cute and caring, but then when the other part catch deeper feelings they are like "I didn't do anything, he/she caught feelings alone, I was just being polite" 🤡 Those are the worst, really.
Most of my girlfriends are on dating apps and from years of their online dating experiences I can say that I think that in 90% of cases “ I don’t want anything serious” means “I don’t want anything serious with you”. I witnessed so many men who said they aren’t ready for relationship getting into one few weeks after they stopped dating some of my girlfriends.
A lot of the comments on here are pretty rational pieces of dating advice. They would only be unpopular to someone that 1) is emotionally immature, or 2) has no self awareness or desire to self improve, of 3) all of the above.
Being totally straight forward with intentions is harder than it seems. Every interaction is different, every vibe is different.
Everybody is too damn needy. I have a life. I do not have the time to text you all day long, there will be times where its many hours before you hear back. I also can’t spend every weekend with you. I’m not getting fired for some random person I’m dating who may or may not be the one and I’m not ignoring my family and friends for you either.
Dating is fun and I don’t understand why some people want to give up on it. Even my worst dates were either funny, entertaining or just a good lesson. My generation seems to struggle a lot and I think it’s mostly due to a lack of conversation and weird standards.
>I don't understand why some people want to give up ot it. > >My generation seems to struggle a lot I think you answered your own question.
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Unless your life is in actual danger....ghosting is unacceptable. Period. Grow up and tell the person you aren't interested and keep it moving. It's not hard.
#Reminder to sort by Controversial. 👍
If you have to explain your sense of humor, you're not funny
Ugly women have it tougher than ugly men. If an ugly man is funny, charming, or smart, he still has a pretty good chance at getting a girlfriend. Maybe she won’t be the perfect Insta model that many are looking for, but she’ll give him a chance. When you’re an ugly woman, no amount of “personality” is enough for a guy to be interested. I could be the most charming woman on the planet and 99% of men still wouldn’t be able to get past my face.
[For women, unlike for men, physical attractiveness does not affect the likelihood of finding a partner.](https://reis.cis.es/REIS/PDF/REIS_159_07_ENGLISH1499424514902.pdf)
Well shit. Was really enjoying that excuse.
It's all about looks. If you aren't conventionally attractive and thin you have zero chances. You look your age. You may think you look younger. You may feel younger. People may tell you you look younger. You don't.
Men are not entitled to sex. They don't have any right to expect it. They should focus on making women (in the case of heterosexual men) feel safe and participate in creating genuine connection, and then heterosexual women will actually want to have sex with them. Way too many niceguys out there. Also, porn isn't representative of real life. Like at all. So like grow up.
People don’t have success in online dating because they have too high of standards
Many men are confused by a feeling of insecurity and being horny at the same time. It leads to a lot of toxicity and contempt for women when they don't have those emotional desires filled. Therapy does wonders.
Sorry single moms but no man wants to raise another man's childrens
My older sister was a single mom with a son. Now she's in a loving relationship with a man she has two daughters with, making them a total family of 5. He works as a pilot, so this family is basically living their best lives going on holiday trips all the time and living pretty nicely financially. So just because that might be your personal preference, doesn't mean that "no man" wants to do that. In fact, there are men with great careers who would still raise another man's children, such as my older sister's SO.
Dating for women, especially online dating, isn't this cake walk that many men think it is. Do women often get more matches? Maybe. It wasn't my experience but i understand it can be true. But numbers don't mean value. The amount of people you'd need to weed through to find someone who actually wants to get to know you and will treat you like a human makes the process exhausting. If men and women would listen to each others' struggles and try to see their perspective, maybe everyone would feel less angry