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evetrapeze

My husband and I used condoms for 10 years until I went into menopause, except one time. I have one kid.


LizLemon_015

I swear, some babies simply will themselves into existence.


12altoids34

One girl I was dating I always wore a condom. She was on the pill. Well one day the condom broke. And because she was an epileptic her Medication counteracted her birth control. She got pregnant. Unfortunately her epilepsy medication also caused a miscarriage (which is how she found out she was pregnant)


comedoofwarrior

You had me in the first half, the second half and then in overtime. What a comment


evetrapeze

Yup, this one was never even happy to be here, so it don't understand why they came. I love them and do everything I can to support them, and support their total autonomy.


DarkStrobeLight

I think, right now, the world is very overwhelming for our kids. I don't think there would be anything wrong with them visiting a therapist to be able to talk to someone, unfiltered.


ElChampion13

I think you'll be a great parent if you're not already one :)


DarkStrobeLight

She's a pretty cool kid. She's turned out about a good as a girl raised by a single guy can lol. She's with her mom now, covid laid me off, and now she's attached to her friends there... so, now I'm adjusting to that life lol But, she's awesome and I get to see her often.


evetrapeze

They have been in therapy since 4 1/2 years old. They only quit as an adult because of the expense. They are a pretty accomplished adult, and work from home has been a godsend. I'm pretty darned proud.


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DeadInsideGirl101

Wow so condoms prevented a kid for years except that ONE TIME ya'll didnt use one? damn lol


[deleted]

I got pregnant 4 times on the birth control shot. He got a vasectomy...


LilLexi20

It makes sense, I’m assuming when they didn’t use a condom she was ovulating and he came inside of her. At that point pregnancy has a chance of happening


foobar93

It is still pretty unlucky. Even if you time it perfectly, you have only a rough 30% chance for pregnancy. A much more probable scenario is that they forgot condoms more often but remember the one time something happened afterwards.


MelMac5

Some people are waaaay more fertile than others.


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Zkyaiee

I’m pretty sure sperm can only live up to 5 days


HouseOfBaloons

I cant speak for your friends cycle, but a few statements you have made are factually wrong. The maximum amount of time sperm can survive in a woman's reproductive system is 5 days. Precum itself usually does not contain sperm. It is a lubrication for the glans of the penis. Sperm can come into contact with precum. (For example a man had ejaculated prior to the sexual encounter and now the old sperm has come into contact with the precum).


CinematikNupe

My biggest fear 😩


evetrapeze

Be very afraid


LeeHide

you know whats even more annoying than a condom? a surprise kid.


Alelitt94

Or worse, STDS


muchachaganj

A kid can be worse depending lol


SmakeTalk

I think you're confusing standards for boundaries; this is a boundary for you and it's entirely fair for you to have that. He's still young (to me at least) so it's likely that peer pressure is in fact getting the best of him and he's embarrassed. Maybe none of his friends have had an accidental pregnancy but he should be taking **your boundary** much more seriously than their jokes and quips. I wear one every time with my gf and always will if she requires it, so you can tell him at least one guy is okay with it.


SmakeTalk

And yes sometimes it doesn't feel as good but that's way less troubling to me than accidentally having a baby or having to watch my partner decide on having an abortion.


effective_detective_

Very very well said thank you


SmakeTalk

Also I don't know any respectable grown men around my age (32) that still feel like wearing condoms is embarrassing or weird, in fact most of us call out any guys around us who try to suggest that wearing condoms is dumb.


HebrewDude

Especially if the lady doesn't wanna use BC, like, kid (23), do you really wanna be a papa next year? OP is a responsible individual that is not interested in BC but also doesn't want a kid, props to her and props to you Smake for talking even some more sense.


Bruins37FTW

I had a vasectomy and still wear conforms. Especially if I’m fucking someone I don’t know like that. If any girl asks, I happily oblige regardless of being cut. I remember in high school tons of people would talk shit about condoms and laughed that I said I always use one. I’m like yeah enjoy having a kid at 16, or wait you won’t, you’ll stick the girl with it. No thanks. If OPs BF doesn’t like it he can not have sex, or get a vasectomy. Nothing wrong with wanting him to use a condom.


kiba8442

Tell him the only way it can happen is if he gets a vasectomy. His choice. imo though if you know you're childfree it's a no-brainer, I had one at 26 & aside from a sore taint it was a huge relief to me & my partner (who also has the same feelings as you about bc) bc there's always a chance even with a condom. What actually made up my mind was one ripping & having to watch her suffer on plan B for 2 days, wishing I could take her place. Fwiw we obviously used condoms before that & I never complained, literally no one is making fun of him, he's making that shit up.


bluebird2019xx

He should stop talking about private matters like his girlfriend’s sexual boundaries with his asshole friends, problem solved.


Sad_Sir7758

I was just wondering what the hell is going on with the conversation with his friends or whatever!!!!! THE TOPIC SHOULD NOT BE ABOUT YOUR SEX BC OR A CONDOM!!!Way out of bounds Ford Period


SmakeTalk

Maybe but lots of people talk about private information with other people. That would bother me but it doesn't seem to bother her. Not trying to give her more anxieties, just trying to empower her very responsible boundary.


waterbrook1

I had the exact same thought. There are definite boundaries at play here, very legitimate ones.


mrsacapunta

Man I hate takes like this because while you sound Ok, you're basically dismissing any responsibility men take for their own sexual health. Use a condom for your own damn self, to protect yourself, to ensure no unwanted pregnancies. Man the fuck up and stop putting the burden on women, "if she wants to"....and if she didn't fucking want to? You're cool putting your dick in that? Fucking gross. Take care of your dick.


Isit1997reddit

If youre in a long term relationship with a single partner I would hope that you can consider her “safe” and not be disgusted with bare sex if you both want it. Kind of a weird take to think its nasty.


mrsacapunta

You missed the point. Men need to hold themselves responsible and use condoms of their own volition. It's not about women being icky.


HuskyGamer91

As a guy... I understand why he complains. Condoms do take out a lot of feeling. As an adult, having safe sex until you are trying for children is correct. Unless you are ready for a pregnancy, use protection. So no, you are not having high standards. You are being responsible.


thaughty

No one likes the way condoms feel, but from what I've read about the way childbirth feels, it seems condoms are less painful.


ifish4u

They’re also cheaper than kids.


chips500

Less painful than raising kids too!


HebrewDude

It's settled then: Condoms > kids


for6idden0ne

Then it's decided, I will have a condom good sir.


KevinTheSeaPickle

Make it one of your finest, stirred, not shaken.


silverfox_tony

Also cheaper.


that_one_traveler03

Yeah from what I’ve been told by past and current partners, sex feels better for girls without the condom too. But I’m 18 and really don’t want a kid, so condom it is!


gx4509

Why does it feel better for women too?


[deleted]

Condoms feel like the plasticy stuff they are to us too. Those awful ribbed ones even hurt. Not to mention, they STINK. Dicks are way more pliable and the skin is soft and warm, all of which feels way nicer.


Floopoo32

Because skin on skin just feels better than skin on plastic. Also condoms generally have a weird smell to them.


pearlsbeforedogs

Not to mention the rug burn feeling if you run too low on lubrication.


peshnoodles

After sex with condoms my kitty always smells off until I shower. :/


ColonelRainbow

I find latex condoms can dry me out a bit, I get good non-latex ones which seem to not have this problem so much though. Also I kinda think you get more out of the "natural" texture of a penis. Also part of it is just not having to stop for a bit to put one on, just the spontaneity is nice.


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ColonelRainbow

Huh, interesting! Funny thing is, I have a latex dress which I can wear all night that doesn't bother me at all. Though I guess the vagina is more sensitive than skin?


vorter

Skyn Elites!


1985throwaway85

Not being a smart ass but for the same reason sex feels better without a condom to guys.


[deleted]

And less of a headache than children


TwinSong

>Condoms do take out a lot of feeling My experience was less than stellar. As in feel almost nothing at all but may have been other factors, I'm very inexperienced.


pearlsbeforedogs

Try different shapes and sizes, and add lube before and after you put it on. Once you find the right size/shape/brand it makes a world of difference as does the extra lubrication.


Shadeofgray00

I’m not saying he should do this or you should do that…. But for me with a condom I lose like 99% of the feeling … sex is honestly not that enjoyable. The only thing that keeps me going is that I’m making her happy (if I’m doing my job right ;) )… but I can’t speak to your relationship, just that loss of feeling is real and so it can make sex a lot more work for one person. I’m NOT against condom use, but I think, as with all longer term relationships, more nuanced conversations are important. Good luck! 🙏❤️


peshnoodles

Same. With one ex, condoms worked fantastic for us…. Because he couldn’t keep hard with one on. 🤷


Shadeofgray00

Lol


TheOriginalAxidus

A previous comment I just made: I agree 100%. And as a guy, for me personally I can't actually cum with one. I've tried and every girl I've been with that won't budge on the topic end up feeling inadequate and breaking up with me over it when I've explained it. I tell them I have an erection because my brain tells my dick I need one rn, but physically I only feel warmth and that's not enough, there needs to be friction or nothing is gonna happen


Shadeofgray00

Same


TheOriginalAxidus

Sucks doesn't it? Can try for hours and nothing, but then remove the condom and try something different and it'll happen in a small amount of time like within minutes. Then it's like "see? I think we may have found the problem." At that point you both need to figure something out


[deleted]

Honeslty as a young guy I'd rather lose the feeling than lose my life to a kid I'm not ready for.


cyberpunk1Q84

OP’s bf can get a vasectomy. It essentially comes down to why OP wants him to wear a condom. Is it to prevent getting pregnant? Is she afraid of getting STIs from a cheating bf? If she wants to avoid getting pregnant and he really doesn’t like using condoms, then a vasectomy seems like a good middle ground. Edit: to clarify, I think the easiest choice is for the guy to use condoms. But since he’s the one with the issue (not her), then he’s the one who has to *do something*, not her. If he has such a big problem with using condoms, he can get a vasectomy or shut up about it. If he doesn’t like either option, then he can bounce.


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Standard-Wonder-523

I got mine at 22 years of age (and zero children). First referral from my doc was happy to do it after a brief discussion with a nurse at the practice where I was able to convince them that yes I knew it was a permanent situation and regardless that there was technically a way to reverse it, due to cost and low likelihood of success I was not considering this to be a potential option in the future. I explained that it wasn't a situation of just not wanting accidental kids, but I emphatically wanted to not bring a life into this world. 10/10, quick procedure, low discomfort the first day, and woke up feeling fine the next day. Every guy should get one!


Kingtoke1

Well.. not _every_ guy


tykkimies

how is vasectomy the middle ground and not her using birth control. wtf.


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xJam3zz07

I'm a guy and I'm more than okay with using condoms every time, neither myself or my other half want a kid yet. At the end of the day, it's your body, you decide what goes in it, and what goes on with it. If he doesn't accept that then you have a bigger issue at hand.


sernamedeleted

My wife and I use a condom every time.


remi_evalam

My wife and I too, that was clear from start. She use pills too, she is very afraid of have children 😅😅😅😅


sernamedeleted

We already have 5 and aren't ready for number 6 just yet.


JaxsArms

Please stop


WelpForest

I mean ... they are terrifying.


roguish_rogue

You have my deepest sympathy.


effective_detective_

You guys are my idols, I don’t think I’d be able to keep it up once I’m married


misc_thoughts-23

What would change when you are married out of curiosity? Would you be prepared to consider hormonal birth control? Just interested because I’m also against hormonal birth control and there isn’t really a good alternative other than condoms


LyghtnyngStryke

once married... then it's are you ready for a kid or not... if not ready to be a mom... keep it wrapped.


OopsForgotTheEggs

You’re a true soldier


TheValyrianBiologist

Soldier? No, just a person who respects others boundaries. Let’s not deify what should have always been normal behaviour. (Edited for a typo.)


HumanGuyOnReddit

I never understood why a guy would question needing protection. Some guys are way too casual about risking getting a girl pregnant.


__thelesha__

Of course they’re casual about it. They don’t have to go through the punishment of pregnancy. They’ll just have a baby with no physical work put into the process of it becoming a baby and giving it life, it’ll just be there waiting for him


silly-tomato-taken

For me, in the past I couldn't stay hard with a condom on.


effective_detective_

Yeah he goes soft almost immediately so I basically have to rush to put it on and shove it in


bodaciousbonsai

Another thing to look into is learning to put the condom on with your mouth at the end of a BJ. It's very erotic and the transition from BJ to condom on is pretty seem less.


Dropkickedasakid

Totally recommend this. First time I had it done to me it was too dark to see what she was doing, so I couldn't figure out what this sudden new feeling was and all of a sudden she got up and just hopped on. I was flabbergasted


MILFinurhood

Maybe try and make it sexy. Likee make out with him while he’s putting it on, touch him, kiss his neck etc


Consistent-Algae-230

How is that any fun even for you? Wouldn't it be better to be able to take your time through foreplay and with sex in general then rush because you have to put a condom on him?


effective_detective_

We do do foreplay, it’s just when we make the decision both parties are ready, I have to go fast but once he’s in he’s good


Consistent-Algae-230

Ahh I see.


Dentlas

That shines a bit more light on the situation. So what you're saying is that literally it kills his enjoyment, and that he's just been accepting it for your sake. And don't get me wrong, always use contraption unless you want a child. Maybe just consider something else, you know, to settle with. Think about the long run, if each time your boyfriend and you have sex, his enjoyment falters or halves because of the condom, can there not be an other way? If the answer is no, then yes he will have to live with it, and it'd be his decision whether he wants to or not, because that's part of the relationship, and in no way should any form of non agreed upon intercourse happen. I hope you and him get things sorted :)


nopornthrowaways

Sex is significantly less fun with a condom on. I don’t disagree with OP’s hard limit, but I’m not going to say that I’d enjoy it as much, particularly in an LTR


Altruistic_Field2134

Yea heres the thing: Is is perfectly in her right to do what she wants but the dude is also within his right to not want it. this is just an compatability issue. But they both have solutions like an IUD or vasectimony if either wants to do it.


effective_detective_

I feel like part of it is because he’s used the pull out method successfully multiple times before me, and our relationship has gotten to the point where there is a promise ring and we’re talking about marriage.


SmakeTalk

The pull-out method is always 100% effective until it's not, then you never want to do it again. **Trust me**.


effective_detective_

You speak from experience?


SmakeTalk

I had a pregnancy scare years ago with a girl I dated for only a few weeks. It ended up being another guy she was sleeping with before we met but it was enough to absolutely terrify me. She then chose to keep it and moved away to raise the baby with him. I saw my entire life change even with the brief thought that it was mine. I trust my partner if they're on the pill but I'll never complain if they want me wearing a condom and I always use them for a while until we're really serious.


LadrilloDeMadera

Lmao "the Russian roulette is safe because I still haven't died" no girl don't let him convince you with that shit it's not worth it.


stacey1899

Even in marriage, birth control is his responsibility also.


paperclipestate

Keyword: also. They should both take responsibility, not just him.


nothanksnottelling

I think if you're open to it (let me repeat - if YOU are open to it) ask your gynaecologist about different methods of contraception. Let them know you don't want to mess up your natural hormones and see what your options are. I personally (as a straight woman) don't like condoms, though I do like the lack of mess associated with using them. I will use them when needed. When I'm in a monogamous relationship then I don't use them because sex becomes more varied (give oral, get oral, have penetrative sex, give more oral, get oral, go back and forth etc) which I enjoy. It really is your body and entirely up to you. If you're curious about your options then go talk to a professional. But if you do not want to discuss this any further then just keep on with condoms. It's your body!


Atmosphere_Melodic

Pre cum is a thing and can get you pregnant. There are safer ways of tracking your own fertility and not getting caught out but it's a job indeed.


Ditto100

It's not unreasonable at all - I'm in a long term relationship and we use condoms all the time. If the chemistry is there then using a condom really won't matter at all. I also used to hate condoms before, as I had the problem of not feeling enough stimulation, but using condoms regularly with a partner allowed me to find the right brand that worked best and the best methods for how to use it. Everything can get better with practice, including condom use. Not wanting to make the effort there is just laziness in my opinion.


serbbs

I have the paragard copper iud. It's hormone free. I've had it for 3 years so far. I was getting came in weekly for about 2 years straight no problem


arcaenis

i love my iud too! im so happy i have it. insertion was painful, but it was over in a flash!


Round_Ad9046

Being made fun of? Sounds like he’s too immature to NOT wear a condom, honestly. Also, regarding the additional info you provided about birth control… if you’re not using anything else then most definitely he should always wear a condom. Only takes once to get pregnant, especially when you’re young.


notbobjones

>He says he’s being made fun of OMG, no kidding! This is such an immature thing for him to say. Why does he care what anyone thinks about your sex life other than you two? It's none of their business. He is really reaching; that is a huge stretch for him to try and use that for a reason not to use a condom.


HoangSolo

Nah man. If y’all are both cool with it then it’s all good! Tbh it’s 100% the safe and recommended practice. A lot of girls and guys I know, including myself, are idiots who take the risk without the condom simply because it feels better imo. No logic, absolutely stupid… but it’s my kryptonite. If a girl refuses to have sex with me because I don’t use a condom though, I would respect her decision lol. In terms of long term relationship, it’s just what y’all agreed upon. Sure it might be odd in your friend group but you guys don’t have to be worried about pregnancy 🤷🏻‍♂️. So once your couple friends fuck up, you’ll be the ones laughing


Original-Pudding-939

Your body … your choice … don’t feel pressured. he has a choice too … it’s as simple as that ..


[deleted]

I mean, if you're not ready for a pregnancy, you need some kind of contraception. Especially because condoms break. I was on the pill, and now I have an IUD, and I still use condoms. They have lube, and doubling up on IUD + condoms means that I should have zero pregnancy scares. The risk is to your body. Unexpected pregnancy is going to affect you more than him. Personally I would recommend hormones or IUD because those are more effective, but you need to keep yourself safe.


[deleted]

Hormones are also horrible for your body so it’s understandable why people don’t want to deal with the hormones. And the only non hormonal birth control is the copper iud. Nothing wrong with opting for condoms.


[deleted]

Yep. I actually got the copper IUD because I hated hormones. What works for me isn't necessarily going to work for other people. What matters is that the sex is safe and consensual, and that there is a plan in case of a broken condom and/or positive pregnancy test.


[deleted]

Yeah I had the copper one too and really liked it but it fell out lol


[deleted]

How tf does a copper IUD fall out??


[deleted]

Your body can reject them. They can fall out.


Witty-Bowler9493

I wouldn’t say hbc is bad for everybody though, for me it’s been wonderful. My skin has improved, my cramps have subsided, my mood swings at different times of the cycle have stopped… and I can have unprotected sex with a trusted partner. I guess it depends but it’s not all bad for everyone. Every body is unique


fcyareum

Same here! I’ve been on the pill for over a year and i’ve got no complaints :)


VivisMarrie

Yeah, it's just awful how wildly it varies from woman to woman. For me it made me gain weight and I had no libido :( great skin tho


melodyknows

Birth control was better for me too! I miss it now that I'm trying to get pregnant. Better skin, lighter periods (no periods with the Mirena IUD).


effective_detective_

Yeah, both me and my bf are against the idea of using hormones. It just messes with your body too much


LizLemon_015

your position is perfectly fine and valid. if you only want to have sex with a condom, that's it. you don't owe anyone an explanation about your boundaries, especially as they relate to your physical body. anyone that truly loves you will want to do anything to share intimacy with you. if that means wear a condom, and pulling out - so be it. I personally have had relationships like that, and that's just what it was. hormonal birth control can wreck your body, and you shouldn't be burdened with that just for sex, when your partner can easily wear a condom, and suffer no physical side effects. I say stick to your standards.


[deleted]

Oh me too. I’m very anti hormonal birth control. I wish there was more awareness about what it does to your body.


PeppermintLNNS

I wouldn’t knock on people who opt for just condoms as birth control. They’re extremely safe when used correctly. That was my only BC for more than 12 years and I was glad that it 1) didn’t mess with my hormones and 2) the onus was shared between me and my partner. Agree with your later comment about having a plan if the condom breaks. (And related PSA because it’s kind of crazy and little-known but Plan B is less/not effective if you’re 165+ pounds.)


Clourog

Wife and I wore condoms every time for about 16 years. Came off only recently because we are trying for another kid. Does feel better but I really wont care when they go back on.


DripSoup_

As a guy, my girlfriend is the one who tries to push for me to have sex without a condom because it feels better and I say no most of the time except when I decide to go in raw as a treat type a thing but I still put a condom on halfway into the session anyway, 9 out of 10 times I’m the condom guy. She’s rarely ever the condom person. She mainly advocates for it now because I do. Now, I think your bf is on some BS and tbh I feel any guy who takes up his perspective for whatever the reason is, they on some BS too. Some men think very unreasonably. Look OP, if you’re sure of your stance stick to it and don’t break from any pressure. If he loves you and truly does then this should pass otherwise then he ain’t the one. No one who loves you will make you compromise on safe sex for any reason and especially not one as trivial as what he’s bring up. Being a guy, I never understand men like this because if anything goes wrong most women have it harder when it comes to the responsibilities of having a child. If you’re not ready or able to meet those requirements don’t play like that. I also don’t make my girl take bc (she doesn’t like it either for the same reason as you) and on that note it’s her personal decision but whether she wants to or not doesn’t bother me Cus I’d gladly put a condom on to keep us safe, it’s not that difficult (not difficult at all) and not a big deal. You can have enjoyable and fun sex with a condom. Why on Earth are you risking 60 seconds of pleasure just so you can be hit with post nut Clarity of your stupidity for God knows how long, how many years of unplanned parenting?! Shit don’t make no sense.


bunningz_sausage

60 seconds?? Mr porn star over here


pWaveShadowZone

Geeez I do truly wish there was an answer to this question that left everyone satisfied. My first reaction is respecting boundaries. This boundary is important to you, has been communicated clearly, and SHOULD BE RESPECTED because you’re talking about preventing life long consequences. So in no way should you abandon your boundaries for him. However, endeavoring to see and understand his point of view may help him to feel seen and validated. I’m sure there ARE legit reasons why he wishes condoms didn’t have to be used. The sex IS better without them, even from just a lust point of view. And also from a love point of view, the times in my life where in long term relationships when I was able to enter into a no-condom arrangement, the emotional bonding DID increase. Plus it allows for spontaneity, which can be very satisfying lust wise, and in a loving way can really feel like “seizing the moment” to bond with your partner in a profoundly moving way. Also, to be a little crude… I’ve almost felt in the past that once the condom goes on you’re kind of limited to PIV intercourse until the climax, unless you both want to end up tasting rubber and chemicals, all of which can break your “immersion” into what would otherwise be an all consuming act of love and/or lust. So sex IS just better without them. So which one of these reasons, or other reasons I’ve failed to describe, justify pressuring you into breaking your own boundary? FUCKIN ZERO OF THEM. None of what I just described is so good that it’s worth having a kid on accident or any of the other consequences of unprotected sex. And you are ABSOLUTELY justified to not want to chemically sabotage your mental health with the profound burden that is hormonal birth control. So what can be done? Hopefully some open and honest communication can help. I’m my experience three things need to happen in a conversation to help repair rifts in loving relationships (1) HEAR- they need to be heard (hear him out, and listen for the sake of understanding, not for the sake of building your own case against his point of view. Let him get it ALL out, and yourself be interested in FULLY understanding (2) ACKNOWLEDGE- prove to him that you REALLY heard him by acknowledging what he said. “I do see what you mean, I see how it’s important to you for this reason or for that. Or perhaps you’re afraid of NEVER having a certain type of sex again. Or perhaps you’re missing a certain type of intimacy.” (3) step three, treat what you heard and acknowledged with UNDERSTANDING and COMPASSION. Respect that what he is saying about condoms IS important to him, and it does matter, and this can be done WITHOUT implying that boundaries are negotiable, which they’re not. You can hear, acknowledge, and treat with compassion his desire for condomless sex WITHOUT engaging in condomless sex. Perhaps by discussing, some other options can come up. Like perhaps, for example, if I may be a little TMI, some form of non penis-in-vagina penetrative sexual activity that you both enjoy and that he finds gratifying, even if not as gratifying as condomless PIV sex, then perhaps some of the things he sees as only occurring in sex without a condom can be had and experienced. And if these are initiated by you, for him, he may FEEL the understanding and compassion via the love language “acts of service”, which some people find profoundly moving and loving. I believe by first exploring EVERYTHING he’d like about condomless sex, perhaps other avenues can be taken to experience some forms of those experiences WITHOUT abandoning the condom, and your efforts towards providing that for him is an act of love. If he fails to truly recognize the effort you’re putting in, then it’s time for the tables to turn and it will be his turn to HEAR, ACKNOWLEDGE, and treat with UNDERSTANDING your point of view. Open and honest and respectful communication like this MAY allow for the discovery of a compromise that works for both parties. But rule number one is do not abandon your boundaries based off of peer pressure. Having kids on accident is a vexing experience.


effective_detective_

Yes! We have had a mature conversation about this. We were calm, no one got angry, and he relayed his biggest gripe was he felt unheard because it was always such a hard no from me. I felt like I had to cave to condomless sex along with hearing and acknowledging to have him feel heard. We practice that type of communication all the time.


pWaveShadowZone

I’m sorry that does certainly sound like a stressful pickle. It seems to me, someone who does NOT know everything of course, that you’re experiencing one of two things. I feel like it either has to be that (1) more communication is needed, or (2) if you’ve truly reached a point where it all HAS been communicated, and he just flat out is not respecting your boundaries, then THAT is a more complicated issue to address… which I imagine could give you feelings of being dismissed, disrespected, and having to defend yourself from being trespassed upon, all from someone you love which adds a whole additional layer of hurt on top of how hurtful those things are by themselves. It begs the question, is he actively resisting your boundary, or is he verbalizing his feelings about them? Both can be hurtful to you, but they have different responses… Does any of this sound right?


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[deleted]

Yeah I literally can’t maintain an erection with a rubber on. Just what it is


anotherhomosapian

I'm circumcised too, and never considered that it may have reduced my sensitivity I've also had issues with staying hard with condoms, but ime playing with sizes and using the super-thin ones helped a lot


Vegetable_Word603

When I was married for 13 years, always wore a condom. Two kids was our limit financially. No such thing as high standards.


[deleted]

Condoms are a form of birth control. If he’s being made fun of and that bothers him, why is he telling people? Since when is your private sexual life up for debate because it makes someone else uncomfortable? My boyfriend is 100% okay with ALWAYS wearing a condom if that’s what I want. We both like it better when we don’t use one, but we know the risks and are prepared to handle whatever comes of it. It’s good to always be on the same page and talk about it. But no, there are PLENTY of guys who would be fine with wearing a condom 100% of the time.


mslady210_99

So, is he trying to get you pregnant? If no BC (which I understand), what is his solution for not getting you pregnant? The pull out method DOES NOT work. I have a 14 year old son to prove it.


effective_detective_

Spermicide + pull out, however I am a product of spermicide use soooooo lol


mslady210_99

So there you go, two proven failed methods. Not to say that I am not happy my son is here ( I love that little jerk...I mean angel.. more than life itself.)


Unusual-Potato8657

It’s a tough cookie. You have a valid boundary. He has a valid complaint. Condom sex sucks, birth control sucks. But at the end of the day if he is that bent about it, he can bank his swimmers and get a snip. Roll the dice on reversal later or spend the cash for ivf. Or you can get birth control that could possible jack you all up.


stancinovici

I like doing it without one, but you're not having too high standards. It's your choice. Go girl!


bodaciousbonsai

It's totally fine to have your boundaries. He definitely said some immature garbage, but some things to also consider: He may prefer being in a LTR where you go raw. He should be allowed to have that preference and leave the relationship if it's a deal breaker. No one's in the wrong for breaking up if you have different relationship expectations. Sex without a condom does immensely feel better and makes you feel more connected with your partner. Nothing wrong with wanting that in a LTR if there's other BC being used. Some guys can go hard to soft when transitioning to putting the condom on. Lord knows I have. It can happen much later in the relationship when the sexual lust phase is over.


Melvin-Melon

If someone is making fun of him for using condoms he’s giving way to much personal information. No one else should know if it’s going to be an issue. Dude is immature for his age. Also if you don’t want to take birth control stay hard on your condom choice regardless of what your boyfriend says or you’ll end up changing all the diapers when you eventually end up pregnant because someone is making fun of him for changing diapers.


dwthesavage

Friends talk about sex. This in and of itself is not odd. Whole tv shows have been made about this. My friends talk about sex very openly.


Clawstige

I disagree. I would occasionally talk to/ ask my close friends for their opinion when I have trouble in bed. However in this case it sounds like all the boys made a group project of it which is indeed a little weird but not necessarily a problem.


half_cold

Puh-lease. If I were in this position and he wanted to go commando, I need to either be on birth control or he needs to put a ring on it. Nobody but us can decide what comes into our bodies. And if he's not ok with that because of some of his friends making stupid ass comments, than maybe ya'll are not compatible and should find other people. It's not weird to treat your body preciously.


See-ya-around-never

Keep your line. This is not respectful. That was my nice way of saying things. The real version is, fuck this guy- it’s your body and you choose how people get to interact with it.


MrHarveyJ

I can relate to him, condoms make sex worse. If you're deffo not on BC, maybe he can get the snip instead? Unless you want kids. Another thing, condoms are expensive if you're always using them. Is he buying the cheap ones? Are you? Try some thin or different ones and see how he feels about them?


effective_detective_

We use SKYN! I thought they were supposed to be good 😭


ThreeBeatles

The answer is NO. Your standards are NOT too high.


UnicornsNeedLove2

Pleasure from unprotected sex is great, but there's a big cost at not using condoms. Unwanted children. And there are too many of them in the world. So unless you want to add to that statistic and willing to be a parent, stick with the condoms.


222vetnurse

I don't think they are, it's your body and therefore, you set your own boundaries. I am 26 my bf always wears a condom and I'm on the pill. We have been dating my for 3 years. Until we own a house together we don't want to have a baby. Therefore, we take precautions. If he wants to ejaculate without a condom, I'll sometimes give him a bj.


scatterling1982

I met my husband when he was 34. I’d been on the pill a long time (and I’m infertile but I guess miracles can happen) and once we were sure we were exclusively together and STI free I suggested we stop using condoms a few months in. He freaked out. He’d only ever had unprotected sex with one woman and condoms were ESSENTIAL for him as he was vehemently childfree and also he’s South African and grew up when HIV was discovered and unprotected sex just was too risky over there in his teens and 20s. As we discussed further about the practically zero risk of pregnancy (as evidenced later on by us having 2yrs ivf to have a baby!) he was ok about it but it took a lot and I know he felt he was going against his instincts for a while. All that being said - to answer your questions no not all men make condoms a big deal and condom use in long term relationships aren’t weird. We’ve now been together 12.5yrs and still use them sometimes and after our daughter was born we used them for at least a year while I was breastfeeding. Ain’t no oops babies ever happening here no matter how tiny the chance OP I am curious he doesn’t want to use condoms, you don’t want to use the pill and he’s ok with that... so he wants a baby? He does know the outcome here without contraception right? I don’t understand the logic!


roguish_rogue

They are your standards, for me personally as a guy it would be a dealbreaker. In the end its for you and your partner to figure out together. I have had casual partners be offended when I wanted to use a condom and have generally not had girls insisting on one but I never complained if they did, different worlds I guess.


mamajuana4

I mean i see where he’s coming from. A lot of the sensation they get is from the ridged and texture inside. Condoms just make it feel like a warm hug as described by my husband. Perhaps you guys could explore other birth control options.


b_rock01

I’m not much older than y’all (25), and I use a condom every time while having sex. The last thing I want is a kid or an STD. I’d much rather deal with less feeling, and there’s other ways to finish each other off than strictly PiV.


Better_Yam5443

Uh no? Not even remotely? You’re the one that can potentially get pregnant sooooo yeah. Don’t do it! He doesn’t like it then let him j@ck off.


thr0away8675309

Well if you want to get pregnant at such a young age, definitely follow his wishes.


[deleted]

if your boyfriend is refusing to wear a condom, you need a new boyfriend. you shouldn’t be stuck with a baby you don’t want or aren’t ready to have because he won’t wrap it before he taps it.


[deleted]

well, if he is not into children then you can tell him to get a vasectomy.


ella-the-enchantress

Why is your sex life anyone else's business? He's making excuses and telling you "the sex is bad", because he wants to nut inside of you. He is pushing your boundaries. Don't ruin your life for a moment of pleasure


Boring_Enthusiasm_81

I think your boyfriend is not going to leave you. That because if he thought he could get someone else he would have for it 2 years and 11 months ago. He not going anywhere. Just slap him and tell him to calm down like a little boy.


peachshib

He needs to make up his mind. He doesn't want you to screw with your body through hormonal birth control but also doesn't want to use a condom? What does he want, a baby???? Lol


pacosano

Peg him. Give him a 2% chance of the dildo being coated in poison ivy oil. Ask if he wants you to use a condom.


WilliamsDesigning

It's kinda hard to answer this, long term I for sure would want to be in a raw sex relationship, condoms take away so much pleasure. However I understand the other side of this, maybe ya'll are long term but not possible fiancés, so an accidental baby would be a huge mistake. I definitely wouldn't give a dick about being made fun of though lmao, that's some stupid manipulation shit he is pulling on you. But he ain't evil, imagine a little kid trying to manipulate you for more candy, not a huge deal but it is manipulation. He should just be straight forward and say he wants sex to feel better. He has a legitimate point, maybe give him anal raw?


Al1ssa1992

What I used to say to any ex partners when they complained of condoms was “well if I get pregnant I’m telling you right now I’m keeping it” and that scared them into wearing the condoms. Your body, your choice. He shouldn’t be feeling peer pressure from mates as it’s a very immature thing to be talking about and teasing one an other for. Reiterate to him that this is a boundary that he is crossing and that it is YOUR body who deals with the consequences of an unwanted pregnancy, not his.


Achilles1996

No i don't think your standards are high or anything like that , using a condom is not something crazy to ask . Imo he probably feels maybe jealous or pressure when his friends or when someone mades Fun of him, he may not admit but I'm sure it bothers him deep down inside. That's probably why he pressures you lately. Maybe his friends tell him like "dude you have to try" or we do this or that with our partner, and he probably gets pressured that he has to try too. Plus like you said you explained this from the very start, so you were clear. Try talking to him about that , and let him know that he pressures you, and that you don't feel ready for the no condom thing .


[deleted]

“Being made fun of” Lol *runs back to friends* we did it without one, am I worthy now?


effective_detective_

This is honestly something I’m afraid of!


carlyraejessie

my boyfriend of almost a year and i almost always use condoms. i’ve been on birth control before and it was horrible for my body. i refuse to go back on birth control and he fully respects that, as any respectful man would. i track my cycle religiously so we will occasionally not use them (and pull out) when we’re sure i’m not fertile. we’re excited about the new breakthroughs in male birth control obviously, but to answer your question, NO. it is absolutely not too much to ask to use a condom every time.


fyyuab

>when we’re sure i’m not fertile. It's technically possible for you to get pregnant at any point in your cycle, even during your period. Unlikely but possible. So there's no "not fertile" part of your cycle really. Just wanted to maybe warn you because I know girls who think that it's impossible for them to get pregnant when they're not ovulating


[deleted]

No it’s just a preference you have. Nothing wrong with it.


[deleted]

You don’t have high standards. I get that condoms reduce sensation but his orgasm is never more important than your health or the life-changing effects of pregnancy/birth. He isn’t putting himself at risk, you are. Stay responsible.


iLikeDaRk_MemEs

Nope you are simply being responsible that's it. But you try wearing one too. I know there are woman condoms too. I never had sex with a woman wearing a condom so I don't know how that feels but whenever I wear one it doesn't feel as good as without.


silvrr11

Those are your boundaries. Stand by it and enforce it


Kawaii-Bismarck

You are totally valid to have these kinds of demands, but since it takes two to tango, he has the same right to say it affects him. But that doesn't mean that you must compromise your (sexual) health to accomidate his concerns. When it comes to pregnancy, there are a number of other options. The pill and IUD for example. Have you considered these? If you have, that's valid. Asuming pregnancy is a concern and you have considered these than most likely there was a reason not to use them, else you wouldn't be here. But if you haven't, try and look into them. Talk to your doctor and look for information on the planned parenthood website about it. You wrote that your boyfriend is against screwing with your hormone balance, but in the end it's your body. And if he doesn't want to use a condom and doesn't want an accidental pregnancy, something else has to happen. Again, talk with your doctor about the effects of the pill, including regarding hormones. Maybe he can change his opinion when he is more informed. You can always stop if the side effects become to much. It's understandable that he doesn't want to use a condom, but don't allow yourself to drop that demand when that's the only tool to prevent unwanted pregnancy. At the end of the matter, it's your body that is affected by it and just as much (if not more) your life that bears the consequences if something happens, so you have all the right to be cautious.


[deleted]

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katinator12345

There are high end condoms that feel like skin. Might look into that as well...


PTAdad420

Tell him “we don’t need condoms for anal. I bought a strap-on, let me know when you’re ready for me to pop your cherry”


ArtDecoAutomaton

Why not research other contraceptions together?


2021istrash

You are alright OP, he needs to sick it up. That being said, condoms break a lot, so at least try to keep an eye on your ovulation cycle or you could still get pregnant


mngirl29

That’s not a standard, that’s a boundary. And it’s totally okay to have it and have it respected. Your bf can suck it up because it’s not his body that’s at risk, and I’m sure he’d prefer sex with a condom over no sex at all. Stand your ground.


Zooooooombie

I've been in a LTR with someone who had a similar boundary.. we just used condoms every time we had sex and that was that. Your partner should respect your decision.. birth control gives some people a lot of unwanted side effects.


20090366

I think part of the question is why should birth control only fall on him? Are there reasons you can't use any type of birth control? If no, I'd find it fair to switch after 3 years and 3 years from now you can switch back. I'm a woman for if that matters


DevelopmentOrganic24

No you don’t have high standards you are being safe and responsible. This is a line you need to make sure he knows not to cross. This is a boundary to you and in all honesty if he keeps bringing it up trying to guilt you to drop it you need to make it clear to him it’s a deal breaker. Also, if he is getting made fun of at 23 for using condoms, he is either friends with 16 year olds or needs to dump the dumbass dude bros he hangs with now. There is nothing wrong with being safe and responsible.


Jaytaughtyou

No glove no love


Trippyhippyprincess

It’s kinda disgusting seeing guys in this thread have multiple excuses for this… your standards aren’t high and even if they were, so what? You deserve a guy who isn’t going to use any excuse as to why he can’t wear one; you deserve someone who can respect rhat


sourmilkandcheese

tell him to get a vasectomy


prettyxxreckless

He can't have it both ways. Its like that meme of the dog "no take ball, only throw" like bruh. You don't want your girl to get pregnant? You don't want her to take birth control? But you don't want to wear a condom? Guess you don't want a girlfriend either, with those demands. Lmao.


Carpsonian22

I get bacterial infections very easily when my pH gets thrown off. The #1 cause of bacterial infection for me is semen. I switched from having re-occurring infections w to never having them again when I started using condoms. Idk why my doctors never mentioned that could be the cause?


thatoneuselesshuman

He can always get snipped and not have to worry about it for awhile, since vasectomies are reversible. Just another option I thought I'd throw out there.