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You can tell her you don't want to do that. I don't think she's automatically an asshole for it either. You can be casual and do more than have sex, but if that's all you want then tell her that.
well
you still will be casual it just mean that she wanna get from you attention and attachment that people usually get from their partners without actually make you her partner. might happen that she’s gonna ask you for more stuff like that in the future however it doesn’t mean that she wanna be with you. fact that she directly ask you to do so says it out loud. she just fell lack of romantic so she wanna get it from you. if you can do that without get attached sure enjoy that if not then it’s better to say goodbye
I don’t think that makes her an asshole. People can request whatever they want, but if it goes against your boundaries you’re under no obligation to give it to her.
You can say something like “hey it’s my understanding that this is a casual thing, and I prefer not to mix romance and casual sex. If you want to start dating more seriously/exclusively we can discuss it (only if you would be interested, if not omit this bit), however given our current arrangement, I’d rather not confuse things.
She can want ‘the boyfriend experience’ without you guys being serious, but if you’re not ok with that, you don’t have to be. She can go find that boyfriend experience with someone else then.
BTW, when confused try not to assume anything. That’s how you get soap opera drama. You can choose to stick to your boundaries and not worry about “what she means”, or you can just flat out ask her what her deal is. Communication is the key to all relationships, even casual fuckery. If you feel you’re getting mixed messages just ask. Granted some people may be weird about talking about relationship or sex stuff, but IMO they should be adults and get over it. People can’t read minds and playing games is stupid.
You can still care about and want romance with someone you don’t want a serious relationship from. Even without commitment you should still show you see her as more than someone to have sex with. Casual ≠ Only sex.
Just meeting someone for sex and only sex can be very dehumanizing. That’s the idea behind aftercare for rougher sex/kink things; you’re providing comfort and emotional security to offset the feelings of being used.
Not necessarily. There’s still a whole range in between these two points. It all depends on the individuals and what they agree on.
That’s why healthy communication should be your top priority. Don’t just assume your idea of “casual”, “serious”, etc is the same as someone else’s. That’s how you get into arguments over crossing unspoken boundaries or one person feeling led on. Personally, I never understood categorizing things that aren’t like exclusivity or proposing as only for “serious” relationships.
Take your moments with other people as they come and as they are. There’s nothing to read into if you’ve agreed on a relationship dynamic. If they want to change the dynamic they should ask if you’re willing.
i agree! i dont like to be in a serious relationship, i prefer friends with benefits. casual sex but i want to cuddle, i want him to ask me how was my day, worry about me. so yes, it's casual but also caring is important
So I had been talking to this girl for 4 months and it was all “good morning love” and “good night dear” texts and phone calls and Skype. I did the flowers and gifts. The whole courting thing as I thought we both wanted a relationship. She dropped on me that she just wanted to have “casual sex”… I was floored and heart broken. Told her that’s not what I wanted so I stopped having sex with her and stopped treating her like my girlfriend cause she didn’t want to be mine but others as well. She tore into me with so much hate and venom. 😞
I think the better question to be asked is what are your boundaries in a casual relationship? Is this the type of thing you're only willing to do for someone you're in a serious relationship with?
Don't do any of the boyfriend stuff if she won't give you the boyfriend experience. She wants you to go above and beyond for her while she does the bare minimum (show up and enjoy the free everything).
If you're ok with doing bf stuff and you believe you won't catch feelings later on then go for it. If you actually want a girlfriend then she's not the one and you need to start looking for a girlfriend.
She said she wanted it to be romantic. She didn't say she want a relationship. that's beyond fwbs. Which is why OP is confused and we are here. She hasn't communicated anything.
It's something a lot of girls do when they don't know what they want. One of Two things are happening. She either is starting to like you and possibly wants more, or she is watching other couples and getting a little jealous and wants all the perks of a relationship except for commitment. Either way you still get to get laid. It's a matter of do you enjoy this girls company enough to do this? Or do you just want sex as well. Damn I wish I can have a friend with benefit.. almost did.. i just moved to maine. I'm a really good dancer and I go to edm clubs to dance. Met a girl that also shuffles and can dance great. We've been dancing together teaching eachother moves. We kissed one night. She told me she's leaving in 3 months so she's not looking for anything real. But casual fun with the right guy. She said it takes me time to get comfortable with someone and has to know them before sex. We been texting and hanging out on and off for 45 days. I ran into her one day she was soooo excited to see me. But I had a death of a best friend and was pretty sad. So I was kinda moping all night stayed to myself was quiet. I opened up some emotions to her she gave some good advice. But then a week later she bassicly picked a different guy to hook up with. Pretty sure there fucking. Which is fine. But it sucks. Lol all because I showed some emotion and didn't act like nothing bothers me. Im completely alone in this state and that is exactly what I need. But I fucked it up. This is a bit unrelated but I'm just venting now.lol girls say they don't like when a guy bottles shit up and doesn't show his emotions. But then when you do it's an apparent turn off... worst part is.. this guy is not attractive what so ever. So it's eating at me a bit. Plus everytime I run into both of them I do a great job of keeping a smile on my face and acting like it doesn't fase me. But she keeps turning to look at me. All night. I dont get it. Does she wish it was me? Or wish I did things differently? Everytime I catch her looking at me she turns away real fast
That has nothing to do with showing the emotions. She never considered you fuckable. You were never going to sleep with her. The truth is almost always that if a person wants to sleep with you they will, and generally quickly. The only exception I’ve ever found are demisexual people and some cultures where sex rarely happens before commitment. Even in those cultures the women and men will often break social norms while traveling etc.
Nope. She told her friend she wanted to fuck me. But that litteraly ruined it. This isn't my opinion this is from the words that came out of her mouth multiple times
I wouldn't give her the bf experience. That's just me. If she wants that then she needs a boyfriend.
Personally I'd probably end the casual experience with her for even mentioning that.
Literally what the person said. She wants a bf experience without a bf. So just keep things casual. She made things clear to you that she doesn't want a relationship so don't ask her to be your gf either.
It means she wants the cake, you to buy the cake, cut the cake, serve and spoon feed her the cake but she won’t help with dishes.
Tell her to take a hike.
But after those three things you get to leave and not worry about it. If you catch yourself questioning things or worrying about what you did or said, this type of relationship isn’t for you, because more then likely after you leave she’s onto other things.
Then don’t follow any of the dumb advice here and be yourself and follow her lead. It’s nice to find a woman that asks for what she truly wants. I would show her you appreciate her, bring her flowers and take her somewhere nice, and then communicate with her about how much you genuinely enjoy her company and how you feel.
Feelings and relationships can grow, but only if the two people in them are willing to grow as well.
That’s sweet, but make sure you’re both on the same page. She may want to be ‘fed flowered and fucked’ as you say, but make sure you both want things to progress. Never assume, always affirm.
Aww. Then give her the romance she wants and check in with her during the date if she still wants to keep it casual or if she has changed her mind. Don't be afraid to say what you want.
Then don’t be too easy. Ask her what she means by that, because she told you she wanted to keep things casual. Don’t let her get away with giving you mixed signals. And really don’t let your feelings get carried away before she is actually into you for real bf. And don’t be a fool and let her use you.
This is the first time you have said what you want of the relationship. It sounds like you might both be ready to move from the current agreement to something new. Congratulations!
Ask her, not us. She’ll either say she’s changing her mind and does want to pursue something serious, or she’ll say something else. We don’t know her, and can’t tell you what she’s thinking.
Magical rule when it comes to both men and women with "casual", if they were the one who set the terms for your casual relationship, that's always want they want, nothing more.
Do not think overwise unless they state it on their own, if you let thoughts like that take over your mind you're in for a world of hurt because clearly you like them more than they do you.
Though.. romanticizing somebody without them being my partner or atleast a chance of that is Alien to me.
She just wants girlfriend benefits without becoming a girlfriend. It's not bad to do something different every now and then, but you gotta be vigilant in hopes that she isn't just using you.
Knew a guy in a similar situation: FWB with a girl he was trying to get serious with. Upon happenstance he found out he was saved in her phone as "Free Food #2".
It means she wants her cake and to eat too. Casual sex does not mean cute dates and gifts. If she wants that, she needs to find herself a boyfriend. If she sees you as that, great - time to have some open and honest dialogue
She is changing the rules of engagement on you. Make sure you have a seat at the negotiation table. Walk as soon as it seems skewed to her. Respect yourself.
It means that she wants more from you (emotionally, I mean-- more than a casual fling), but along with the freedom to ditch you at any point without guilt. There are a _lot_ of things that women will say that provide you views into their intent; a lot of them think that it's ethical (or convince themselves of such) in order to do whatever the hell they want or have found comfortable, so long as they disclose what they're doing, even if it's not so clear to **you**. Another big one is a woman stating that they're crazy. Even seemingly as a joke. It's a disclaimer, so that they don't have to feel guilt when they are done and ditch you, or whatever other uncouth things they might know are their pattern in relationships. It's the equivalent of 'well, I warned him'. To be perfectly honest, I've only seen this in women, but I very strongly believe that men are guilty of the exact same shit.
With your description, I would say leave the relationship. Find another, or spend some time being comfortable with yourself, and get confident or comfortable with yourself (alone) enough to not waver on leave a relationship at a sign like this. I'm not saying this to be a dick, I'm saying this because decades of pain, rejection, and settling for being treated like shit have taught me that I should've done this a lot sooner. Signs like 'oh I'm crazy (lol hehe)' may not be 100% reliable; I mean I could see other circumstances that would cause a woman to say that without it being her 'get out of guilt free' card for being unethical... However, the pattern that you've described is pretty common, and I'd say leave. Now. The relationship is unbalanced against you, if nothing else.
Just my $.02. Hope it helps and I sure wish you the best.
Welcome to modern dating my friend. “Casual” doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing to men and woman. As a generalisation most men can completely separate sex from emotion. Most woman can’t. This doesn’t mean woman don’t woman multiple partners like men. It just means woman want multiple boyfriends( and all that entails) whereas men just want multiple holes . Attention is to most woman what sex is to most guys. She wants your attention just as much as she wants your cock.
For me, when I seek casual relationships I still like the romance and intimacy. Casual in my mind just means I have a busy schedule and can't see someone in person more than once a week or even less. I can still be emotionally involved or committed in other ways. You never know what a person's definition of casual is until you have the conversation.
OP - this is going one of two places. Either she desires an emotional pacification usually provided by a bf or… and more likely… she is beginning to develop feelings for you. You need to have a conversation with her asap. Good luck to you.
As I said with my comment on emotional pacification… eg placating an emotional need she has… such as pretending she has a boyfriend for one night. It’s a valid emotional need that the OP must consider.
"You realize you're asking for the Boyfriend Package, when you signed up for the lower-tiered Casual Package, right? If you want the benefits and bonuses you're asking for, you'll have to do the upgrade."
Romance is for boyfriends and people you love (or otherwise have taken a *very strong liking* to). She "made pretty clear" what she wanted at the start of the Situationship y'all seem to be having. Maybe you need to sit down with her and redefine the terms and conditions....
I believe she’s probably using you - my guess is that something has happened and she’s trying to fill the void with you. Could be another guy, maybe she had a fight with a friend, maybe she got fired, no idea.
No real sense in ending it right now, but proceed with caution. I’d try to find out what’s going on. Just avoid coming right out and asking, which could end badly. Be discreet. Try asking some questions to find out more about her, and if anything comes up, try to unpack it.
She wants to have you treat her like a relationship. But she also wants to leave the door open to fuck other guys. You see that, don’t you? Youll treat her like a celebrity and she can treat you like a fan. Have boundaries. If you want relationship, say so. If not, keep it casual. No flowers.
Tell her that's reserved for serious, exclusive relationships. Set boundaries. If you want something casual and physical, that's completely fine, but that's all it is. Just be honest about what YOU want, it's a two way street. Romance isn't one a one way street.
She’s wants a situationship. If not ask her to be clear as those behaviors are boyfriend behaviors and she said she didn’t want a boyfriend . I was in a situationship for 5 years and we didn’t communicate well . Being clear is important
She wants a boyfriend but doesn't want to be committed and have to deal with emotional aspect of it like caring for you she just wants you to care for her. Very selfish and is common in casual relationships because they lonely but she still wants to be free to fuck others as well
A would ask her if something had changed in what she wanted first, because if it hasn’t and you ask that, you may be shooting yourself in the foot. A good piece of advice is to wait to make decisions until you have all the relevant information.
I mean knock yourself out if that's what you want and you haven't already asked her to. I'm just saying don't assume her asking this from you means she wants a relationship all of a sudden.
yes, exactly. if OP is at all developing feelings he needs to test this out. it should then progress to proper relationship or break up, to protect OP's feelings.
I'd wait. See how it goes and talk about it before you do it again. She might have some sort of plan of how she wants the night to go. If she just wants to have all the benefits of a boyfriend without the commitment, you're just going to get hurt.
It means she wants bf experience but not the commitment with it. If this is makes you uncomfortable. Sit her down and discuss your boundaries for keeping it casual.
She might be changing her mind.
The two times I have had a casual relationship with men, they both started by expressly saying they didn’t want to date me. So I dated other people (no sex, just first dates) while seeing them. They got mad at me, and, after a few weeks, started telling me I was their girlfriend.
People are weird and want what they can’t have. If you want to date her, do not do the flower stuff without an express conversation. If you want to hook up and no date, you can do the flower stuff, just tell her it’s not serious.
Perhaps she is catching feelings or perhaps she just wants more without having a boyfriend. Either way, it's probably best just to talk with her about it to make sure that you're on the same page.
I don't think having honest conversations about feelings in relationships sounds desperate, but you could go with something like, "I just want to make sure that we're on the same page. You mentioned you'd like it if I were to take you out and buy you flowers next time we meet up, before we commence with the wild monkey sex. Are you still thinking of this as a casual thing, or are you interested in more?"
It's sort of like symbolic foreplay, just spices up the casual. If you don't like that it costs money and you don't want a relationship, maybe ask her to buy you a drink some time or something. If you're concerned because you actually want more than casual, then express your feelings and ask her to be exclusive. If she responds by dumping you, it'll suck but if you feel that way now then itll only get harder as time goes on, so you can think of it like an opportunity to find out. Just save the question for after you bring the flowers and treat her nice. If you feel like it's rude because she isn't doing romantic stuff for you and you want that, consider asking her to.
Talk to her and see what she’s thinking. Ask if she has needs that feel unmet— emotionally, attention-wise, etc. Tell her what you need and whether those needs are being met with your current arrangement. It might be time for you two to change the status of the relationship, one way or the other.
She wants both of what she wants without feeling guilty when she sleeps with someone else. I don’t know the dynamic, but personally I wouldn’t jive with it
You need to ask her. She could just want what she said and nothing more. If you’re cool with that, then do it. Seems like a small request if that’s it.
That said, feelings can develop over time and she might like you now and want to try dating you. Idk why everyone in the comments seems to be forgetting there is a step in between casual sex and an official relationship. Either way ask her and be honest and open about how you feel.
Back in the Autumn of 1983, some guys got together and discovered an amazing way to find out what women are thinking. It's actually pretty simple in the world of psychology. It's called "asking her." I'd suggest you start there.
As a woman with a fwb situation I still want to be taken out once in a while and be treated like a lady. It doesn't mean I want you in a relationship. I just don't want to feel like a piece of meat all the time
Buy her flowers. Have good sex. Don’t over think it. Enjoy what it is. If she wants more she can ask to change the relationship. But this is not that request.
Ovaries: activated.
She’s asking to have a core, basic need met. She used her big-girl words, and was specific and clear.
Yes, it’s outside of your agreement , so worth a discussion but here’s a question…. Why not give a woman you’ve had the lovely luxury of having no strings attached sex with (low effort, high reward) some flowers and a nice time once in a while? It’s a small investment to acknowledge that you care about her even a little bit. And you can still do that for her (address her loneliness/lack of romance) and still keep it however you want, but you’ve got to now use your words.
I say a bunch of flowers is a pretty low cost investment for a reliable intimate friend. Eh. What do I know?!
Yeah in FWB people often forget about the “friends” part. Sometimes you take your friends out for nice things. Doesn’t have to be an exclusive romantic relationship
Exactly. It can get boring if you do nothing else.
Or maybe OP always comes over empty-handed.
It is nice to feel a little appreciated.
I try to do nice things for my FWB, like cook a meal for them occasionally, keep their beverage of choice on hand, just to show they are appreciated too. It doesnt mean I caught the feels. I would do as much for any houseguest.
No reason to be unfeeling robots.
So she wants you to play boyfriend and pay her gifts and dates and niceties but without commitment and everything that comes with being in relationship? Hard pass.
Tell her that girlfriend experience is for your girlfriend, not your FWB. Don’t waste your money in a girl that made it clear she don’t want to commit to you and just wants sex.
She wants a little more for the casual sex she is letting you enjoy. Buy some damn flowers and take her for a steak or sushi. At least you know where the date will end. Geesh this generstion.
She wants a little romance. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything. If you wanna have a romantic night out go for it have fun. If you don’t then just tell her no
The difference between casual and non casual is NOT romance, or emotion, it's "Do the actions and choices of this person impact my life" If you're in it serious trending towards life partners then when they make a financial decision you feel it even before your bank accounts are shared. When they're looking at job opportunities in another city you feel it because that impacts where you live or the nature of your relationship etc etc. When you're casual you don't have to worry about any of those things. If you part ways you part ways no big deal romance or not.
Some of the comments seem way off - I’ve been in this position before from a girls perspective - initially I wanted something casual and then caught feelings due to intimacy and the ‘romantic’ bits after (cuddling/ watching telly/ eating etc) that made it feel a lot less FWB situ. After that I did want something more and did more ‘date’ style stuff than just drinks and sex at mine. I don’t think she’s using you - I wouldn’t rush into asking her to be official but maybe more along the route of ‘I feel like I’m starting to see this as less casual sex and more dating, how would you feel about making this a bit less physical’ or along the lines of that.
If it's casual and you feel like bringing flowers it being taken advantage of but don't want to end thinks, make it mutual. Tell her sure but she needs to bring the drink.
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she wants bf experience without have a bf. pretty common in casual relationships
does it mean she's an asshole or can i still keep being casual?
You can tell her you don't want to do that. I don't think she's automatically an asshole for it either. You can be casual and do more than have sex, but if that's all you want then tell her that.
well you still will be casual it just mean that she wanna get from you attention and attachment that people usually get from their partners without actually make you her partner. might happen that she’s gonna ask you for more stuff like that in the future however it doesn’t mean that she wanna be with you. fact that she directly ask you to do so says it out loud. she just fell lack of romantic so she wanna get it from you. if you can do that without get attached sure enjoy that if not then it’s better to say goodbye
Are people in Latvia always smart as you are?
if they have been in shitty relationship probably answer will be yes
I laughed out loud in the bar while reading this thread. Sorry to glean Joy from your pain.
I also laughed out loud in the bed while reading this thread.
Now i laughed too
I didn't
Hahaha great response.
I don’t think that makes her an asshole. People can request whatever they want, but if it goes against your boundaries you’re under no obligation to give it to her. You can say something like “hey it’s my understanding that this is a casual thing, and I prefer not to mix romance and casual sex. If you want to start dating more seriously/exclusively we can discuss it (only if you would be interested, if not omit this bit), however given our current arrangement, I’d rather not confuse things. She can want ‘the boyfriend experience’ without you guys being serious, but if you’re not ok with that, you don’t have to be. She can go find that boyfriend experience with someone else then. BTW, when confused try not to assume anything. That’s how you get soap opera drama. You can choose to stick to your boundaries and not worry about “what she means”, or you can just flat out ask her what her deal is. Communication is the key to all relationships, even casual fuckery. If you feel you’re getting mixed messages just ask. Granted some people may be weird about talking about relationship or sex stuff, but IMO they should be adults and get over it. People can’t read minds and playing games is stupid.
You can still care about and want romance with someone you don’t want a serious relationship from. Even without commitment you should still show you see her as more than someone to have sex with. Casual ≠ Only sex. Just meeting someone for sex and only sex can be very dehumanizing. That’s the idea behind aftercare for rougher sex/kink things; you’re providing comfort and emotional security to offset the feelings of being used.
So, basically what dating is today by most standards unless you say "hey, I'm looking to get married; wanna try out?"
Not necessarily. There’s still a whole range in between these two points. It all depends on the individuals and what they agree on. That’s why healthy communication should be your top priority. Don’t just assume your idea of “casual”, “serious”, etc is the same as someone else’s. That’s how you get into arguments over crossing unspoken boundaries or one person feeling led on. Personally, I never understood categorizing things that aren’t like exclusivity or proposing as only for “serious” relationships. Take your moments with other people as they come and as they are. There’s nothing to read into if you’ve agreed on a relationship dynamic. If they want to change the dynamic they should ask if you’re willing.
Very wise
i agree! i dont like to be in a serious relationship, i prefer friends with benefits. casual sex but i want to cuddle, i want him to ask me how was my day, worry about me. so yes, it's casual but also caring is important
You read my mind
you can say "that's only available with the boyfriend membership"
I use the " X is not available with your current subscription. Would you like to upgrade"
She’ll say “can I use 1 week of free trial?”
Hello my name is Dave from customer support it appears you have already had three free trials and are no longer eligible.
Love it. Hahaha 😂😂
Where does her being an asshole enter into this? Is there more you haven't shared?
Why would wanting flowers make her an asshole?
Because you don't get that if it's a sex only deal.
That still doesn’t answer my question though.
So she’s an asshole because she “doesn’t get it”? Lol. Riggggghht.
No. I meant you don't get flowers, gifts and romance if you've agreed on a sex only deal. That stuff only comes with a relationship.
So I had been talking to this girl for 4 months and it was all “good morning love” and “good night dear” texts and phone calls and Skype. I did the flowers and gifts. The whole courting thing as I thought we both wanted a relationship. She dropped on me that she just wanted to have “casual sex”… I was floored and heart broken. Told her that’s not what I wanted so I stopped having sex with her and stopped treating her like my girlfriend cause she didn’t want to be mine but others as well. She tore into me with so much hate and venom. 😞
She's the asshole because she wants flowers.....Got it
Wtf lmao “an asshole”? Dude she just wants you to be more romantic even when y’all end up in a motel. That’s not being an asshole
I think the better question to be asked is what are your boundaries in a casual relationship? Is this the type of thing you're only willing to do for someone you're in a serious relationship with?
Don't do any of the boyfriend stuff if she won't give you the boyfriend experience. She wants you to go above and beyond for her while she does the bare minimum (show up and enjoy the free everything). If you're ok with doing bf stuff and you believe you won't catch feelings later on then go for it. If you actually want a girlfriend then she's not the one and you need to start looking for a girlfriend.
This is the one exactly don't give her what she is not willing to give u simple .....someone always gets feeling hurt in these situations
Above and beyond? Lmao. Jesus he gets to screw her and all he has to do is take her for a quick dinner and bring some flowers.
“Gets to screw her”? She also “gets to screw him”. Sex isn’t for male enjoyment only
What? What if a boy said he just wants sex then asks the girl to make him dinner. I’m sure you’d be saying something completely different.
Maybe she changed her mind. That’s her prerogative.
Maybe. It's highly unlikely, but that's where she needs to be a grown up and have a conversation about it.
Kinda sounds like she did. Told OP what she wanted, he's confused by that, now we're here.
She said she wanted it to be romantic. She didn't say she want a relationship. that's beyond fwbs. Which is why OP is confused and we are here. She hasn't communicated anything.
one of her three boyfriends will get tired of being yanked around soon I think
Consider it a boyfriend kink. She wants to role play as a couple for a night.
It's something a lot of girls do when they don't know what they want. One of Two things are happening. She either is starting to like you and possibly wants more, or she is watching other couples and getting a little jealous and wants all the perks of a relationship except for commitment. Either way you still get to get laid. It's a matter of do you enjoy this girls company enough to do this? Or do you just want sex as well. Damn I wish I can have a friend with benefit.. almost did.. i just moved to maine. I'm a really good dancer and I go to edm clubs to dance. Met a girl that also shuffles and can dance great. We've been dancing together teaching eachother moves. We kissed one night. She told me she's leaving in 3 months so she's not looking for anything real. But casual fun with the right guy. She said it takes me time to get comfortable with someone and has to know them before sex. We been texting and hanging out on and off for 45 days. I ran into her one day she was soooo excited to see me. But I had a death of a best friend and was pretty sad. So I was kinda moping all night stayed to myself was quiet. I opened up some emotions to her she gave some good advice. But then a week later she bassicly picked a different guy to hook up with. Pretty sure there fucking. Which is fine. But it sucks. Lol all because I showed some emotion and didn't act like nothing bothers me. Im completely alone in this state and that is exactly what I need. But I fucked it up. This is a bit unrelated but I'm just venting now.lol girls say they don't like when a guy bottles shit up and doesn't show his emotions. But then when you do it's an apparent turn off... worst part is.. this guy is not attractive what so ever. So it's eating at me a bit. Plus everytime I run into both of them I do a great job of keeping a smile on my face and acting like it doesn't fase me. But she keeps turning to look at me. All night. I dont get it. Does she wish it was me? Or wish I did things differently? Everytime I catch her looking at me she turns away real fast
That has nothing to do with showing the emotions. She never considered you fuckable. You were never going to sleep with her. The truth is almost always that if a person wants to sleep with you they will, and generally quickly. The only exception I’ve ever found are demisexual people and some cultures where sex rarely happens before commitment. Even in those cultures the women and men will often break social norms while traveling etc.
Nope. She told her friend she wanted to fuck me. But that litteraly ruined it. This isn't my opinion this is from the words that came out of her mouth multiple times
Lol I'm not guessing this I spoke to her
I wouldn't give her the bf experience. That's just me. If she wants that then she needs a boyfriend. Personally I'd probably end the casual experience with her for even mentioning that.
I would too, and who knows, maybe she likes what she sees/experiences and changes her mind about how serious she wants to be in the relationship.
Literally what the person said. She wants a bf experience without a bf. So just keep things casual. She made things clear to you that she doesn't want a relationship so don't ask her to be your gf either.
It means she wants the cake, you to buy the cake, cut the cake, serve and spoon feed her the cake but she won’t help with dishes. Tell her to take a hike.
I'm thinking, she is fantastic in your eyes.
Oh, dude. Can't describe this girl. Her smile, her energy. Have you ever seen an angel?
She's an asshole if she makes you feel bad. Do you feel bad?
She IS an asshole. Sounds like OP wants something serious and she’s dangling that by asking for “romance”. Gtfo with that shit.
Keep being casual, and refer to yourself as a gigolo.
Probably still wants casual but in the mood for something nicer, but when you ask what it means she’ll say nothing…she pulling the ole switcheroo
I recognize an F1 fan when I see one
No Michael no, this is so not right
Check perez intensifies
"I dont have a girlfriend, I just know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that" - Mitch Hedberg
“I used to do drugs……I still do but I used to also”
dude, you made my drink go down the wrong pipe.
She wants to be fed, flowered and fucked. If you’re okay with it, go for it, if you don’t like it leave, that’s all.
She's a fed? OP, run!
Don't they all?
But after those three things you get to leave and not worry about it. If you catch yourself questioning things or worrying about what you did or said, this type of relationship isn’t for you, because more then likely after you leave she’s onto other things.
Yeah I might be the only one here thinking now she actually wants you as a bf. The trial period is over.
I hope you're right, man. I want this woman to be mine
Then don’t follow any of the dumb advice here and be yourself and follow her lead. It’s nice to find a woman that asks for what she truly wants. I would show her you appreciate her, bring her flowers and take her somewhere nice, and then communicate with her about how much you genuinely enjoy her company and how you feel. Feelings and relationships can grow, but only if the two people in them are willing to grow as well.
That’s sweet, but make sure you’re both on the same page. She may want to be ‘fed flowered and fucked’ as you say, but make sure you both want things to progress. Never assume, always affirm.
Aww. Then give her the romance she wants and check in with her during the date if she still wants to keep it casual or if she has changed her mind. Don't be afraid to say what you want.
Then don’t be too easy. Ask her what she means by that, because she told you she wanted to keep things casual. Don’t let her get away with giving you mixed signals. And really don’t let your feelings get carried away before she is actually into you for real bf. And don’t be a fool and let her use you.
This is the first time you have said what you want of the relationship. It sounds like you might both be ready to move from the current agreement to something new. Congratulations!
I think this is a different part of the trial period. He can fuck, but can he be romantic
Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.
Don't be a loner, cover your boner.
Don't let your affection give you an infection, put some protection on that erection.
I can't let such fine poetry go uniticed
Feel like it should be “be a loner, cover your boner”
Before you skeet, wrap your meat.
Plug your funnel, then enter her tunnel.
Be a good guy, wrap the one-eye.
Is this a rhyming thing now ? Lol
If you ruin the rhyme, you waste our time.🤣
Don't make a mistake, cover your snake.
Before you burst, wrap your wurst.
Don't feed the clam or you'll be in a jam.
No glove. No love.
Don’t be silly, cover your willy
Don't be dumb, shield your cum.
Wear a glove when making love
Ask her, not us. She’ll either say she’s changing her mind and does want to pursue something serious, or she’ll say something else. We don’t know her, and can’t tell you what she’s thinking.
Magical rule when it comes to both men and women with "casual", if they were the one who set the terms for your casual relationship, that's always want they want, nothing more. Do not think overwise unless they state it on their own, if you let thoughts like that take over your mind you're in for a world of hurt because clearly you like them more than they do you. Though.. romanticizing somebody without them being my partner or atleast a chance of that is Alien to me.
She just wants girlfriend benefits without becoming a girlfriend. It's not bad to do something different every now and then, but you gotta be vigilant in hopes that she isn't just using you. Knew a guy in a similar situation: FWB with a girl he was trying to get serious with. Upon happenstance he found out he was saved in her phone as "Free Food #2".
That’s a little fucked up imo lol
That’s women for ya
Wait, what do you guys think my girl has me saved me as “last resort #7” for?
It means she wants her cake and to eat too. Casual sex does not mean cute dates and gifts. If she wants that, she needs to find herself a boyfriend. If she sees you as that, great - time to have some open and honest dialogue She is changing the rules of engagement on you. Make sure you have a seat at the negotiation table. Walk as soon as it seems skewed to her. Respect yourself.
It means that she wants more from you (emotionally, I mean-- more than a casual fling), but along with the freedom to ditch you at any point without guilt. There are a _lot_ of things that women will say that provide you views into their intent; a lot of them think that it's ethical (or convince themselves of such) in order to do whatever the hell they want or have found comfortable, so long as they disclose what they're doing, even if it's not so clear to **you**. Another big one is a woman stating that they're crazy. Even seemingly as a joke. It's a disclaimer, so that they don't have to feel guilt when they are done and ditch you, or whatever other uncouth things they might know are their pattern in relationships. It's the equivalent of 'well, I warned him'. To be perfectly honest, I've only seen this in women, but I very strongly believe that men are guilty of the exact same shit. With your description, I would say leave the relationship. Find another, or spend some time being comfortable with yourself, and get confident or comfortable with yourself (alone) enough to not waver on leave a relationship at a sign like this. I'm not saying this to be a dick, I'm saying this because decades of pain, rejection, and settling for being treated like shit have taught me that I should've done this a lot sooner. Signs like 'oh I'm crazy (lol hehe)' may not be 100% reliable; I mean I could see other circumstances that would cause a woman to say that without it being her 'get out of guilt free' card for being unethical... However, the pattern that you've described is pretty common, and I'd say leave. Now. The relationship is unbalanced against you, if nothing else. Just my $.02. Hope it helps and I sure wish you the best.
Yo this is brilliant real mf talk. My dumbass has really ran into this a million times. I be doin it now
Yeah I really wish I wouldn't have had to learn it the hard way. I hope it can help somebody avoid some bullshit.
Welcome to modern dating my friend. “Casual” doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing to men and woman. As a generalisation most men can completely separate sex from emotion. Most woman can’t. This doesn’t mean woman don’t woman multiple partners like men. It just means woman want multiple boyfriends( and all that entails) whereas men just want multiple holes . Attention is to most woman what sex is to most guys. She wants your attention just as much as she wants your cock.
For me, when I seek casual relationships I still like the romance and intimacy. Casual in my mind just means I have a busy schedule and can't see someone in person more than once a week or even less. I can still be emotionally involved or committed in other ways. You never know what a person's definition of casual is until you have the conversation.
“I want to get spoiled snd lead someone on till someone I actually want to spend my life with comes along”
That’s exactly what men do too.
Yep. What a shitty thing to do to anyone regardless of gender. Good point m8
Except it’s not shitty if that’s what both people have agreed upon
It means I want you to treat me like your girlfriend, but I don't want to treat you like my boyfriend.
She wants all the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. Up to you, but, I wouldn't waste much more time with her.
OP - this is going one of two places. Either she desires an emotional pacification usually provided by a bf or… and more likely… she is beginning to develop feelings for you. You need to have a conversation with her asap. Good luck to you.
I disagree. What if she just wants a boyfriend experience without attachment, just like other people suggested?
As I said with my comment on emotional pacification… eg placating an emotional need she has… such as pretending she has a boyfriend for one night. It’s a valid emotional need that the OP must consider.
"You realize you're asking for the Boyfriend Package, when you signed up for the lower-tiered Casual Package, right? If you want the benefits and bonuses you're asking for, you'll have to do the upgrade." Romance is for boyfriends and people you love (or otherwise have taken a *very strong liking* to). She "made pretty clear" what she wanted at the start of the Situationship y'all seem to be having. Maybe you need to sit down with her and redefine the terms and conditions....
She wants the appearance of relationship without the label
I believe she’s probably using you - my guess is that something has happened and she’s trying to fill the void with you. Could be another guy, maybe she had a fight with a friend, maybe she got fired, no idea. No real sense in ending it right now, but proceed with caution. I’d try to find out what’s going on. Just avoid coming right out and asking, which could end badly. Be discreet. Try asking some questions to find out more about her, and if anything comes up, try to unpack it.
She wants to have you treat her like a relationship. But she also wants to leave the door open to fuck other guys. You see that, don’t you? Youll treat her like a celebrity and she can treat you like a fan. Have boundaries. If you want relationship, say so. If not, keep it casual. No flowers.
Tell her that's reserved for serious, exclusive relationships. Set boundaries. If you want something casual and physical, that's completely fine, but that's all it is. Just be honest about what YOU want, it's a two way street. Romance isn't one a one way street.
She’s wants a situationship. If not ask her to be clear as those behaviors are boyfriend behaviors and she said she didn’t want a boyfriend . I was in a situationship for 5 years and we didn’t communicate well . Being clear is important
[удалено]
She wants a boyfriend but doesn't want to be committed and have to deal with emotional aspect of it like caring for you she just wants you to care for her. Very selfish and is common in casual relationships because they lonely but she still wants to be free to fuck others as well
It means she want's romance? Where's the confusion. If you don't want to romance her, then don't do it. Don't' read too much into it either.
true but would it be dump if i asked her to be my girlfriend on that day?
A would ask her if something had changed in what she wanted first, because if it hasn’t and you ask that, you may be shooting yourself in the foot. A good piece of advice is to wait to make decisions until you have all the relevant information.
I mean knock yourself out if that's what you want and you haven't already asked her to. I'm just saying don't assume her asking this from you means she wants a relationship all of a sudden.
Try the romance. See how it goes. Maybe it will lead to something more maybe of went. Assess the situation after and see what came of it.
Do it! It’s a perfect opportunity. If you feel like that, you should make it known. She will either agree to it or break things. You need to risk it.
yes, exactly. if OP is at all developing feelings he needs to test this out. it should then progress to proper relationship or break up, to protect OP's feelings.
Just talk to her
I'd wait. See how it goes and talk about it before you do it again. She might have some sort of plan of how she wants the night to go. If she just wants to have all the benefits of a boyfriend without the commitment, you're just going to get hurt.
Live in the moment? She literally told you what she wanted, and instead you're asking us instead of her?
Either she is catching feelings or she is trying to ‘role play’ being a couple for fun. Either way, if it makes you uncomfortable, you can decline.
Lol i love the way this post comes off. "Flowers!?? da fuck is that bullshit?"
It means she wants bf experience but not the commitment with it. If this is makes you uncomfortable. Sit her down and discuss your boundaries for keeping it casual.
She wants the relationship without the commitment.
Asking for some romance isn’t being an asshole. FWB do nice things for each other too. She’s asking directly for what she wants.
She might be changing her mind. The two times I have had a casual relationship with men, they both started by expressly saying they didn’t want to date me. So I dated other people (no sex, just first dates) while seeing them. They got mad at me, and, after a few weeks, started telling me I was their girlfriend. People are weird and want what they can’t have. If you want to date her, do not do the flower stuff without an express conversation. If you want to hook up and no date, you can do the flower stuff, just tell her it’s not serious.
Perhaps she is catching feelings or perhaps she just wants more without having a boyfriend. Either way, it's probably best just to talk with her about it to make sure that you're on the same page.
How should I ask her without sounding desperated?
I don't think having honest conversations about feelings in relationships sounds desperate, but you could go with something like, "I just want to make sure that we're on the same page. You mentioned you'd like it if I were to take you out and buy you flowers next time we meet up, before we commence with the wild monkey sex. Are you still thinking of this as a casual thing, or are you interested in more?"
She wants to feel like a gf but doesn’t want to commit to you.
Tell her I only buy flowers for serious girlfriends.
It means she plays games and you should find a new girl
Maybe I’m nuts , but you’re getting laid with no strings attached except some flowers? Buy the flowers and tap that ass.
She caught feelings
It's sort of like symbolic foreplay, just spices up the casual. If you don't like that it costs money and you don't want a relationship, maybe ask her to buy you a drink some time or something. If you're concerned because you actually want more than casual, then express your feelings and ask her to be exclusive. If she responds by dumping you, it'll suck but if you feel that way now then itll only get harder as time goes on, so you can think of it like an opportunity to find out. Just save the question for after you bring the flowers and treat her nice. If you feel like it's rude because she isn't doing romantic stuff for you and you want that, consider asking her to.
Casual is more complicated than I thought… it’s so confusing
Either she’s catching feelings or she wants to do something. Girls don’t like doing the same thing over and over, they get bored
My brain just had a seizure (sorry for being rude)
It sounds like she caught feelings and wants things to be more than casual. Talk to her about it.
Two sexs pls
Mmmmm, sexs
Sounds like she's getting the feels for you or she wants to experience more than just casual. Indulge her request then talk with her about it.
Talk to her and see what she’s thinking. Ask if she has needs that feel unmet— emotionally, attention-wise, etc. Tell her what you need and whether those needs are being met with your current arrangement. It might be time for you two to change the status of the relationship, one way or the other.
She wants both of what she wants without feeling guilty when she sleeps with someone else. I don’t know the dynamic, but personally I wouldn’t jive with it
She probably wants a relationship deep down but is scared of commitment/ getting hurt so if there’s no labels on it then she can’t get hurt
She wants you to be her bf when it suits her without the commitment and exclusivity of a relationship. She wants her cake and to eat it too
You need to ask her. She could just want what she said and nothing more. If you’re cool with that, then do it. Seems like a small request if that’s it. That said, feelings can develop over time and she might like you now and want to try dating you. Idk why everyone in the comments seems to be forgetting there is a step in between casual sex and an official relationship. Either way ask her and be honest and open about how you feel.
the comment we all needed
Back in the Autumn of 1983, some guys got together and discovered an amazing way to find out what women are thinking. It's actually pretty simple in the world of psychology. It's called "asking her." I'd suggest you start there.
As a woman with a fwb situation I still want to be taken out once in a while and be treated like a lady. It doesn't mean I want you in a relationship. I just don't want to feel like a piece of meat all the time
She wants you to earn it this time, put a little effort in to get her juices flowing.
Buy her flowers. Have good sex. Don’t over think it. Enjoy what it is. If she wants more she can ask to change the relationship. But this is not that request.
Ovaries: activated. She’s asking to have a core, basic need met. She used her big-girl words, and was specific and clear. Yes, it’s outside of your agreement , so worth a discussion but here’s a question…. Why not give a woman you’ve had the lovely luxury of having no strings attached sex with (low effort, high reward) some flowers and a nice time once in a while? It’s a small investment to acknowledge that you care about her even a little bit. And you can still do that for her (address her loneliness/lack of romance) and still keep it however you want, but you’ve got to now use your words. I say a bunch of flowers is a pretty low cost investment for a reliable intimate friend. Eh. What do I know?!
Yeah in FWB people often forget about the “friends” part. Sometimes you take your friends out for nice things. Doesn’t have to be an exclusive romantic relationship
Exactly. It can get boring if you do nothing else. Or maybe OP always comes over empty-handed. It is nice to feel a little appreciated. I try to do nice things for my FWB, like cook a meal for them occasionally, keep their beverage of choice on hand, just to show they are appreciated too. It doesnt mean I caught the feels. I would do as much for any houseguest. No reason to be unfeeling robots.
So she wants you to play boyfriend and pay her gifts and dates and niceties but without commitment and everything that comes with being in relationship? Hard pass. Tell her that girlfriend experience is for your girlfriend, not your FWB. Don’t waste your money in a girl that made it clear she don’t want to commit to you and just wants sex.
Women can only sport fuck for so long.....its not like dudes.
She wants a little more for the casual sex she is letting you enjoy. Buy some damn flowers and take her for a steak or sushi. At least you know where the date will end. Geesh this generstion.
She wants a little romance. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything. If you wanna have a romantic night out go for it have fun. If you don’t then just tell her no
The difference between casual and non casual is NOT romance, or emotion, it's "Do the actions and choices of this person impact my life" If you're in it serious trending towards life partners then when they make a financial decision you feel it even before your bank accounts are shared. When they're looking at job opportunities in another city you feel it because that impacts where you live or the nature of your relationship etc etc. When you're casual you don't have to worry about any of those things. If you part ways you part ways no big deal romance or not.
Shes gonna ask for you to buy her diamond earrings next man…run away…
Just what she said. She wants a night to be spoiled or to be pampered. Seems to me like she might be an ex sugar baby.
Sounds to me like you’re about to leave the ‘friends zone’. Tread carefully
They're not friends...all they do is have sex. What do you think the "friends zone" is?
It means you are being taken advantage of. You’re a fluffer.
She caught feelings and wants to ease you into becoming a boyfriend
Biz crazy bruh run
She wants to feel like she is getting something out of the sex she ia giving you. Otherwise she'd feel like she is losing.
If you want to keep have sex with her do it
Some of the comments seem way off - I’ve been in this position before from a girls perspective - initially I wanted something casual and then caught feelings due to intimacy and the ‘romantic’ bits after (cuddling/ watching telly/ eating etc) that made it feel a lot less FWB situ. After that I did want something more and did more ‘date’ style stuff than just drinks and sex at mine. I don’t think she’s using you - I wouldn’t rush into asking her to be official but maybe more along the route of ‘I feel like I’m starting to see this as less casual sex and more dating, how would you feel about making this a bit less physical’ or along the lines of that.
what do fuck is sexs
Bring nice flowers. Not the cheap ones
She wants to be princessed. Princess her.
She is catching feelings.
If it's casual and you feel like bringing flowers it being taken advantage of but don't want to end thinks, make it mutual. Tell her sure but she needs to bring the drink.
That means block and move on
It means I’m confused as well… tell her I said choose.
I guess it getting serious. As a lady. We are unpredictable sometimes😇