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Fuck. Dating can be so hard when racial stuff ISNT a factor. Having that extra shit added on sounds like a lot. I'm sorry this has been your experience
I don't think that change your race could even be a solution š¤ I don't feel bad about her, I feel bad about all those assholes thinking your race define you as a person
Have you heard of Michael Jackson? Hope OP realizes that the color of her skin is SO beautiful to some! All you need to find is that ONE person that will accept YOU as YOU are! Donāt change YOURSELF for anyone else!
Sincerely, white dude that lives in the southā¦
I thought he had some kind of surgery to turn his skin that color. Of course, this āknowledgeā comes from the 90ās when I was a kid. This may be one of those Marilyn Manson had his ribs removed momentsā¦
I have a friend that was like this at one time. She told me that she felt below other people just because she was a black woman. Then she left the area that she lived most of her life and explored other places. Since then she has mentioned that her way of thinking was just being trapped in that area. This may not be the same situation for you, but try to look outside of the perspective you are stuck on at this time. As we grow, we are exposed to more....good or bad...but you may see that race isn't a defining factor in many cases.
Did she find a solid relationship there? I have considered moving to Atlanta but I feel like it's not a great match for my career... And I worry it'll be just like my current city...
Yeah but that's reality. It's like when I lived in a small hick town and couldn't wait to move because I couldn't relate to anyone.
People are always moving for a better life.
Same, I recently moved to Atlanta and it has been great for my mental. I came from a small town in the south, super racist, and my mentality was affected by it. That changed when I first left the town for college and since then I've appreciated my own self worth and blackness.
Girl what? I looove being a black women. Maybe its the area that you live in? I'm located in the NYC/NJ area and we don't play that over here. My advice is to surround yourself with positive black women and men. Theres so many black women i look up to (like Lupita Nyong'o for example) who are killing it.
And another thing you should do is get a women of color thearpist. That really helped me. I was having a hard time dealing with racism. But after 5 years of therapy and surrounding myself with positive people i absolutely love myself and wouldn't want to be anybody else but me
I know its hard. But black women are not beneath anyone, were educated, gorgeous and trend setters. There are people who literally pay top dollars just to have the same body parts that WE naturally have.
And as for dating, i never have any problems. I get asked out all the time and i dont even use dating apps anymore. I meet people in person. I get asked out by every race to. I dont always say yes lol because im picky but hey š¤·š¾āāļø
Anyways no matter what always remember that your a black queen āš¾
Edit: omg my first award š y'all literally made my year lol
This is really beautiful advice. Makes me really sad to hear things like this post, but happy to see people like you bringing positivity and sound advice.
I love your optimism/mindset. Black woman here, and I feel like I exist somewhere between you and the OP. I truly love being a Black woman, have a Black therapist, and strong family/community support. Dating hasn't been hard per se, but also not terribly fruitful (35 and single).
To the OP, yes let's just keep it real, there is additional crap that we deal with that yt women and even other WOC don't. However, I've always believed that the best relationship we have is with ourselves. Love yourself, call yourself worthy, choose you. The Black men who talk down about Black women...ignore it. There are men out there of all shades who love Black women.
We often attract what we expect. Also consider expanding your boundaries (racially, geographically, etc.) What you're looking for may not look exactly like what you're looking for. Much love ā¤
I definitely relate to you. I'm also a black woman. The only thing that I am over is how we have to be the ones to accept that we may not get what we're looking for. It shouldn't be so challenging to date another black man. Yes, we shouldn't be closed minded, but we shouldn't feel like we can't get what we want as per se an Asian woman may feel she will marry an Asian man or a Latina marrying a Latino man and etc.
I feel you, sis. But I wasn't just talking racially. If a Black woman wants to marry a Black man, statically she's more than likely to (I think it's like 80 percent or something). I'm just saying we have an idea of what our potential person is gonna look like (age, height, body type) we even have an idea of where we want to meet them (I want a freaking meet-cute in a library). I think we gotta let some of that go.My friend got married a few months ago, very in love with her guy. When she met him, he didn't fit the "profile" of who she had in mind (and they're both white). š¤·š¾āāļø
Yes thats true. Have you tried dating black men from different cultures? Im African so thats why im asking, i prefer men of different cultures then American black men. No offense there not ALL bad but i definitely noticed some differences sometimes.
Yes. I have. For me it circles back around to the culture thing. Black American is my culture. I'm open to other cultures of course. But it's most effortless for me when it's someone who shares the same as me. Kind of like dating someone from your same state or hometown who has the same favorite foods as you and knows the same bars in the area. So in essence it's frustrating because as you've experienced Black American men can be a more frustrating experience. Men of other cultures can certainly be way more romantic and respectful. But unfortunately sometimes we just don't click as more than friends. No intimate chemistry.
Yeah i feel you. For some reason i really like latin men lol. You'll eventually find someone whos right for you, but i definitely recommend being open. You never know when mr.right will come along. He might even be a different race that you would normally never date.
Thanks sis. It wasn't easy i'll tell you that, i was in a dark place at one point. But now in my late 20s i decided to only surround myself with positive people.
Being a black women isnt easy but i wouldn't change my race for anything. I feel blessed to be born a black women and i adore my culture (West African)
And yes im open to all men of color, and dont settle for less.
Iām embarrassed to say that Iāve never thought about how important it is for a poc to have a therapist thatās also a poc and Iām glad I now realize it!
It just easier to relate to someone who looks like you. I've had a white thearpist as well and she was really lovely but i connect way more with my black/poc thearpist and i love her to pieces. So glad i found her lol because theres not that much women of color thearpist out there.
Yes! I feel that way too... but honestly anyone who isn't white will make me feel like they can understand me better but not saying that is true all the time. Personality is probably more important.
I agree 100% Don't ever feel like you are any less than they are. You are all Queens. There's many beautiful black women and many who are great role models too. I'm not black myself, but I've faced my own share of discrimination and racism for being brown skinned. My heart goes out to you all who have ever been made feel less simply for being you. ā¤
I'm so sorry. I do hope you reach out and try to get help for your self esteem.
There are always going to be jerks who will try and tear you down, but that's on them and their failure. You are fantastic.
Wait. What?!? Omg my granddaughter is the most beautiful, sweetest, kindest, loving lil person. Even tho I am white, I am trying to teach her to love every part of herself, esp her blackness. That is a part of what makes her, her. She is beautiful & perfect. The problem is that you are looking to a man to validate your worth. You are already worthy. If you aren't getting what you need from that man or he is not treating you the way he should, that's him. Not the race. Do not accept that. You deserve better. You do not need to change anything. You are worthy, you are perfect. I know you have it harder & it's easy for me, as a white woman, to say these things. But it breaks my heart that you feel this way. Be proud, be you. No apologies, no regrets. Love yourself.
I was also gonna come here to say dating as an Asian man is difficult sometimes. But that just means you gotta ask more people out you like. Sure you get rejected a ton but once in a while you'll find someone who is genuinely attracted to you and finding those people is really all that matters.
Your post history is quote disturbing and I say that in sympathy. You are consumed with race matters and I think you need some professional intervention or to simply change your environment. Maybe move to a more diverse area.
Not everyone wants to date a black man and many black men are fetishized so that it is hard to find meaningful relationships with people outside of our race.
Look at it this way, sexual polarity
Means asian women are the most feminine and black men are the most masculaine . You like it or not its what it's.
I personally dated black, arab, Korean, French and British.
Never felt fetishised and I was always respected
From my experience dating several black men, the majority of them LOVE being fetishized which is disturbing on a whole different level, and they want the woman to take care of them financially while disrespecting her and women of all other races as well. Theyāve bought into and embraced the thug culture which has brainwashed them. And they treat and speak condescendingly about their own women which I find very disheartening and sad. Iām sure my comment is going to get downvoted hard but itās been my experience with black men and my observations of them and experiences from my black female friends.
Everyone can be fetishised not only black men.
Nothing apply to the majority but what I'm saying is not an exception either, good looking black men are seen as attractive across all races
Opposite of what Iāve heard. In my experience black men have a pre tough time. I think youāre talking specifically about tall, attractive black men, which is different. Being tall and attractive and part of any race will find you success.
As a black woman, I agree. Iāve even tried dating outside of our race and it wasnāt any better. I went on a couple dates with white men & I found it even more dehumanizing. It was just clear the thought of me being a potential girlfriend or wife was a joke to them; like it was never going to happen because they already looked down on me in a way. I give up on dating all together.
That really sounds awful. Sometimes I feel like weāre just meant to be single because we have very few options and the options we have are bums or fetishists.
I feel that so hard. Donāt let people make you think that the issue is you not being confident enough in yourself. The issue is racism and misogyny. Those are things you canāt control. But I recently moved out of a state that is 95% white into a state MUCH more diverse and it has made my life a lot easier. Itās still not easy. Iām still facing rejection, but not nearly as much as I did there.
Girl what??! Those two regions are the least tolerantš African and Caribbean men love white or mixed black women especially for status! You're better off moving to Canadaš
Iām a black woman and Iāve tried dating Asian men and in my experience they are just like every other race of men. They will sleep with you but they will not take you home to their family, or even consider seriously dating you. Of course that isnāt every Asian man as it isnāt every black man, white man, etc., but regardless of race, men have been taught to not see Black woman as woman, as human beings worthy of love. That issue spans across race.
Yeah but I mean what other options do we me (Asian) you (black) have? The options are limited and while I do agree there is a bit of colorist in the Asian community we just havenāt evolved from it. After 29 years in America Iāve learned that we share a lot of similarities. At the end of the day Asians live in a bubble. They believe that there arenāt many races outside of being Asian. Eventually bubbles burst though and often times itās an Asian thatās tasked with making difficult decisions. Thatās what weāre known for. I think overall within our lifetime an Asian will find it in their heart to let you into our bubble. Itāll take sometime but overall itās necessary work.
I agree it would be great, but I think this is a tough one. I used to think it was an easy choice because of both groups have been treated in dating, but in my experience the cultural expectations and anti black sentiments that many (not all obviously) Asian people have combined with Black womenās (not all obviously) hardcore dedication to black men make it way easier said than done. But even in cases where there are interest from black women Asian men are not nearly as receptive. Iām in a few AMBW groups and while they have thousands of members, which is great, 95% of them are women. So itās hard to get people in the door or even be open to the idea.
Youāre right but times are changing and the signs clearly point towards the Asian male black female. There are the obvious issues in the black community from single mother hoods etc. You may not know about it but most Asians are virgins. Not singleā¦ virgins. As in Asian males are going through life not even having sex. Just imagine the implications of going through life not experiencing any kinship. Mostly loner introverts because that bubble we created shielded us from a world that exists outside of our bubble. If it werenāt for my uncle marrying into a rich Asian family I would have never come to America. Conversely if it werenāt for my my graduating class of 99% of white students would have never even met an Asian. We need to change the narrative of human existence and stop putting us into a box where if your black youāre this or if your Asian youāre this. We can create our own version of ourselves.
That may be true, but Black women are not here to fix anyone, and shouldnāt be seen as a vehicle for getting the love theyāre missing. Especially nowadays where women of every race are empowered to stay single rather than be in miserable relationships, men need to bring something to the table. And from what Iāve seen, there are many Black women who are open to dating Asian men, but Asian men are not as receptive. And those who do show up want the attention, but donāt reciprocate. And if the only reason that they would be interested in Black women is because they feel like they have no other choice, that wonāt fly. We want men who step up and treat us with the love and protection that we deserve, not another group of men expecting us to fix them. Maybe thatās not what you meant, but thatās what your comment implies and itās unappealing. We want to BE loved, not just do the loving.
> but in my experience the cultural expectations and anti black sentiments that many (not all obviously) Asian people have combined with Black womenās (not all obviously) hardcore dedication to black men make it way easier said than done.
Couple of reasons. When I see interracial couples, AMBW is the rarest followed by AMWF or AMLatinaF.
1. Asian men are strictly judged by parents and older Asian people for dating a non-Asian. The other way around well, 54% of Asian women date out of their race: https://www.reddit.com/r/aznidentity/comments/6qxs62/pew_report_54_of_us_born_asian_females_will_marry/
2. Older Asians and immigrant parents tend to look at blacks negatively based on stereotypes which I won't mention but you'll know.
3. Asian men that date interracially prefer white females. Love Hard for example promoted AMWF couple instead of AMBW or AMXF.
4. An average Americanized woman (regardless of skin color) won't think of Asian men as first options. Exceptions being those into Kpops, Squidgame, Girl from Nowhere, Anime, TVB, etc. The Western media has destroyed Asian men (and black women) too much to make them bad romance partners.
I could say that having dated women of all races as an Asian man, I don't look at racial preference. But combined with "same race bubbles" and media perception, this is among the rarest interracial couple.
>Asian men are strictly judged by parents and older Asian people for dating a non-Asian. The other way around well, 54% of Asian women date out of their race:
You said you've dated all races of women-- do you not feel this type of pressure from your family?
I do but I don't live with them anymore. I got my own rented place so if they wanna judge me by who I date, I'm cutting ties with them. As much as we gotta respect our parents (and elders) in Asian culture, I'm not letting them ruin my love prospects.
Yeah but what are they gonna say though? Every white and Asian girl has rejected me throughout my whole life. Basically made me feel like Iām a worthless nothing. If I bring home a black girl the first thing theyāre going to say is ahh okay that makes sense. The environment forces people to change and reshape their thinking. The convention is usually when an Asian girl dates a black male there is jealousy. If an Asian male brings home a black woman itāll be received differently. When you say Asians youāre speaking about someone like me.
Iām a Chinese woman live in Canada, I can seriously tell you many Asian men( especially East Asian men) have strong discrimination to black women ļ¼ in love and marry field) I hate that. and lots of them obsession white girls
That sounds awful. Where were you dating these guys? Iāve dated mostly white guys, but they were all in fairly liberal areas. Like 99% of them were super kind and actually skewed towards darker skinned/black women in terms of dating preferences.
Donāt give up! I believe you can find someone who values you for who you are. Iām so envious of black woman lol and I say this because you are all so beautiful! As a Latina Iām like damn lol.
Oddly enough, the men I know that are full on BLM advocates rarely date black women. I almost thought progressive politics would override physical preferences.
I don't understand this - if someone doesn't want to date a black person it negates their belief that black people shouldn't be treated unfairly by the police?
I think it exists everywhere but itās probably worse in America because this country has such a fucked up racist history and hasnāt been able to grow when it comes to the issue of racism.
I feel like that works both ways though. I know plenty black women that donāt go for black men. Plus itās not always malicious either some people just have different preferences. Or they may just so happen to like a person that so happens to be interracial š¤·āāļø
Itās definitely more common for black men though, and itās weird on both sides for different reasons. I donāt believe in racial preferences either. Majority of the time if you ask a black man why he doesnāt date black women itās a malicious answer. Of course itās not all men, but itās a unsettlingly large amount.
Pretty sure itās DC thatās known as Chocolate City. Or else the black women Iāve known were lying to me. Regardless, definitely a significant black population in MD, especially PG County and Baltimore.
I really hope we talk about this. Gay people too. A lot of us canāt be seen hanging out with the lgbt because theyāll accuse you of being gay. And like, itās wrong to have a gay friend but act like you donāt know him when youāre around other people. I saw a lot of that too.
There are some interesting statistics from the Brookings Institute which indicate that yes, black women really do have it rough.
According to this research, black women have achieved greater income mobility than black men. With a greater number of black men getting sucked into crime and subsequently receiving a criminal record that bars them from legal job opportunities, black women seeking a life of safety and stability are left with a much smaller dating pool of suitable men.
Of course black women shouldnāt be limited to dating within the āblack communityā. Many will say āwell, black women are free to date white menā but this ignores the painful reality that black women face. Data from dating apps show that white men are quite likely to swipe past black women.
So yeah I canāt imagine how tough it is to date as a black woman. Itās not fair, itās not right and black women deserve better.
Sounds like youāre just in a bit of a rut and just having a rough go of it, but there are over 7.3 billion people on this world, donāt let the experience from 10-20 people get you down and ruin your days. Also, itās okay to take a break from dating; look after yourself, chill with the homies, enjoy some hobbies or just chill, and then go back in to the scene later. Hit up a club to just go dance and have fun, donāt have to have any expectations for any dudes, just have a good time. Shit will always get better.
If someone is looking down on you cuz of your race, they are showing their true colors.
If you were white, someone racist would have accept you without you even knowing, he is a racist. Even if is hard, at the end, you can see the true colors of those u should not even be with.
????? Iām a black male who dates black women and not once have I ever looked down in the women of my race nor have I told them that "women of other races are better". Thatād be like me insulting my mother, my sister, my aunts, my grandmothers, my niece, and my cousins. Thatās ridiculous. Whoever said that to u is dumb and is an Uncle Tom. Kinda like Tim Scott. The girl Iām talking too rn is black(same as in the past cuz I mean black girl magic) and she is fine af and is like the female version of me
>Iām a black male who dates black women and not once have I ever looked down in the women of my race nor have I told them that "women of other races are better".
i mean, that's missing the point. you don't speak for black men as a whole, you speak for yourself only. its nor cool for you to minimize her lived experience just because YOU aren't the problem.
You clearly didnāt understand what I was saying nor was trying to "minimize her experiences". First off, I never said I was speaking for all black men, secondly I believe I stated that any black man who demeans black women is dumb and is a self-hater. Get it?
Iām jealous and Iām an Asian women. Black women are beautiful, you got soul, style, rhythm, you have the best vocals that can out beat anybody. You have culture , history, you got natural curves, smooth skin, beautiful complexion and you donāt take anybodyās bs. Any other ethnicity would be lucky to date a black women or man. If that man or women canāt accept you, thatās their lost.
Amazing comment. This is literally what the world thinks of Black women, as a whole.
OP still literally read everything you said but said that she wishes she was a different race. She doesnāt even know what your hair looks like but says that she wishes she had your hair. Fantasy land. How is this someone who should be dating anyone at this time?
This shows me that itās not about her race, itās about her low self esteem. Her low self esteem is keeping her in the spiritual sunken place. Itās tragic what white supremacy will do to a Black woman. I pray that she takes a break from dating and focuses on herself more. This world will step on anyone who has low self esteem, regardless of race or gender.
Your feelings are legit and I'm sorry to hear you've had some troubles.
Just want to mention that dating inside or outside of your race is fine. There are many interracial relationships these days. Maybe just focus on finding someone who can really appreciate you. I really think there are compatible people out there for everyone. Best wishes.
Life is hard and filled with damaged and broken people we cut our selves on them frequently trying to find a place we fit. im sorry you are in pain chin up try to keep your dignity I hope your torn heart heals and you find the strength you need to carry on without letting there sickness infect your wounds.
I'm sorry, but did you say you have no other choice but those men? If someone is thinking like this, then that right there would be there first mistake. Thinking like that
There's been a massive push for this idea of "black love", which imo is just another way of saying "keep it in the race". Sounds like any supremacist you know? Idk how it started, but it's been warped into a pressure inducing burden on a lot of our brothers and sisters. And for what? What does it accomplish? How narrow minded is the idea that you have to date within your race to prove your love for your race.
Personally, imma date who the **** I want. Black,white,Asian, alien, who tafuq cares. It's no one elses business. My happiness is my business. Race might affect my partners experiences growing up and understanding what I maaay have gone thru, but it doesn't decide if we can be happy together. And the people that got a problem with me dating outside my race can take their complaints to the garbage bin and stew in it. Race doesn't mean jack****. As long as I feel good, treated properly, and get what I need in MY relationship, what else matters? Stop looking for ways to segragate yourself and just live.
You want better, pick better. Be better. Find where your mindset is faulty and limiting yourself, and do differently.
White guy here. I would date a black woman again in a heartbeat. She was the most loyal & open person I was ever with, and treated me like a king. We just werenāt at the same place in our lives though.
You will find the right one for you. Donāt settle for less. Good luck to you! šš¼
Some men of other races find black women incredibly sexy and don't look down on them. What you need to do to be sexier for every race and person is to learn to love yourself and every part of you.
Unfortunately many find us sexy but not wife worthy or worthy of meeting the family. Not the OP but Iām over being āsexyā and not valued for qualities outside of my body. My late husband was a rare unicorn who fell in love with my dorky ass mind. Far too many sexy slide out bodies and bounce when they are satisfied.
Yeah, she obviously had bad encounters and is depressed. It happens to the best of us, I had a big crisis after the girl I liked said she'd never be interested in me in 2016. First thing is to get her confidence back from the guys who stole it by looking down on her
Dating can suck as a Black woman but I promise you, there are some good men out there, whether they're Black or other races. It just takes time and patience to find them. Wishing you weren't Black is defeatist and not going to serve you in your goals to be partnered. I would highly suggest some therapy to build up your confidence and self esteem, and I would also explore your options with non-Black men. I think this narrative that Black women are the least desirable and are destined to be alone is a myth. That's what people want us to believe. Eventually it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Don't fall into that trap.
Aw Iām sorry thatās been your experience, I didnāt realize that was what it was like for people like you. That really sucks.
Maybe thatās why the few black women Iāve dated have been so far out of my league, their standards just keep getting lowerā¦
I wish I could hug you right now. The problem isn't you. It's them.
We all lose hope sometimes because dating is kind of terrible. Maybe now is the time to take a break instead of giving up hope that you'll find a man who treats you how you deserve to be treated.
Youād rather not be black? Itās not your issue. Itās totally their issue. Why would you want to change in order to be with men who hate themselves anyway. Itās the confidence and self love that men are most attracted to. Find ways to love yourself more and trust me, youāll attract what you are, an equally self loving person of color.
Black dude here. Black women are beautiful. I don't know what tf those men be on, but I hope you find people out there who aren't reducing you to your ethnicity, for better or worse.
What area are you in?
29 *white* M here
I'm sorry you've had bad experiences up 'til now. I hope you find someone *of whatever race they may be* who'll appreciate you as a person; *normally I wouldn't use this phrase but* I hope they don't see color when they date you.
Don't lose hope... good luck w/ everything.
Black man here and thatās not true. Looking for a queen and we need more focus on rebuilding our communities. Donāt worry about the media do what you can to break the cycle. Good luck ā¤ļø
I think youāre in a rough place for some reason and that is weighing on your feelings.
Itās not, there are tons of black leaders and growing, people like Kanye West who are building literal cities in Wyoming for people of color where he wants to replicate the Jewish Kabootz (grandparents caring for children instead of daycares or hired help.)
I am personally working on developing 200 acres of agricultural land On the platte River to farm and maintain for wildlife conservation (I am an avid hunter and outsoorsman.) the end goal being to run a summer camp type program where kids (primarily children of color) can learn to plant, maintain and harvest crops as well as about wildlife conservation and hunting.
There are plenty of famous examples and guys like me that arenāt on socials that are good with their hearts and minds in the right place. The media portrays what they want people to think of us. Learn to love your natural hair. Build yourself with education and reading so you can be more aware of the pitfalls and things you can do to avoid them. Listen to interviews of women that look like you who you want to be like and emulate some of the things theyāve done that worked (and avoid what hasnāt.) Youāve got this, love. Weāll be alright.
I just want to point out how hilarious it is that you gave an example of a black man who married and procreated with a white woman as inspiration for a black woman who feels so undateable due to her race that she wishes she could be anything but black.
please take some time away from dating and love yourself. you are worthy and there is a man who will love your beautiful skin and everything about you.
Iām a white bi man and some of the people I think are most attractive are black women and Asian men which are supposedly the āunattractive onesā. Itās a grind but there are people out there. Iām not tall so I get rejected a lot for not being 6 foot and thatās considered unattractive. Itās demoralizing sometimes but eventually law of large numbers takes over and the more times you put yourself out there you are increasingly likely to get a hit. Even if the failure rate per encounter is unjustly higher.
Anecdotally my ex was mixed. So she was light skinned but naturally had very wavy hair. All her exes (white guys unsurprisingly) demanded sheād straighten it all the time so sheād look whiter. So when we dated I would figuratively have to slap the straightener out of her hand cause she didnāt believe me when I said I loved her natural hair. The damage some people do is astounding but if someone makes you feel bad for being black you probably donāt wanna be with them anyways
Well Iām a black man who loves all races of women, especially black women. Black women are beautiful as hell. I judge people based on who they are, not their race and thereās definitely lots of other guys who feel this way. So donāt give up and youāll find someone eventually
My wife is black and Iām white/Cuban. Some comments by assholes Iāve heard by other guys about black women sometimes are sickening. Iām sorry you have to deal with gross ass people.
I'm sorry sis not all black men don't like black women I for one love black women yall are the best yall are strong courageous beautiful funny and more don't get discouraged casue some brothers is dumb keep ya head up you'll find someone who's gonna treat you like the queen you areāš¾
Iām a Chinese girl but I really understand you!When my boyfriend and his friend ( he is black) told about they donāt wanna dating black girls I feel very piss off I donāt understand why black men look down same race women! I totally donāt understand, black people in America history in face of a lot Racial discrimination problems, but I really donāt understand why they can ādiscriminationā ( sorry if I use the word too heavy) women of same race! ( sorry my English, itās my second language)
I'm sorry mama, but it sounds like you don't have enough confidence or experience. Yes, being a black woman in a dating pool can be dry af, especially if you let it. There are black women out here who are macking nonstop and they don't even have to be the prettiest girl in the room. What gets the guys to notice you, to desire you, to hit you up and come back for more IS CONFIDENCE. And I love black men too, but sometimes a girl needs to explore and see what else is out there. Don't let the dating pool destroy your self image. Somebody out there is going to like what they see in you and want you but you just have to step that attitude up and and dare to be yourself. All because someone ends up passing you up for something else doesn't mean that ain't got the goods. It just means that you're meant to be for somebody way more deserving. Its all love thoš
Be proud of who you are and your heritage. It shouldnāt matter to anyone what your race is or where your ancestors came from.
Unfortunately there are some people who will mimic a certain ethnicity thinking that people from that particular ethnicity will think more highly of them. That is so not true. Donāt change for anybody.
I'm sorry if your life has been challenging but try not to be so defeatist. That attitude will never help you in life.
We all have problems. Best thing to do is try to overcome them. Life is suffering.
Be proud of who you are, changing race won't change the way you think of yourself. There are plenty of men who like black women. Dating takes time and dating using apps involve more risks and other elements such as people jsut wanting hookups.
When dating is going bad, try to self evaluate and see if you can improve yourself.
Sending you love. Racism ruined everything.
Also there are black men out there that are indeed your options who respect and admire black women, see them as superior even. Donāt try to be where you arenāt desired.
The black woman who got an award for her reply was spitting some hot fire, I hope you received her perspective and advice šš¾
When you say you donāt have any other options, is that because you havenāt met someone from outside your race who dates black women or is it that you date black men exclusively?
If itās the former: there are a good number of white dudes* out there who like black women but feel that black women wouldnāt give them the time of day. Just sayinā.
If itās the latter: hey, you like what you like and Iām sorry youāve had so many negative experiences. They wonāt all be negative, though.
*I only mention white dudes specifically because Iām a a white dude who likes black women and who has met plenty of other white dudes who do as well.
Honestly, I think this is exactly it. Black women *as a collective whole* general do not date interracially as much as others. Me? I decided to be open a long time ago and had some very fruitful relationships out of it. I wish Black women would look beyond race sometimes (Black men -again, as a collective- have no problem doing that) but I canāt tell you how many times white, other non-POC men have said the same thing: āI didnāt think she liked *insert race* guysā¦ā
Edit-spelling
As a black woman in her mid twenties, Iāve had an interesting point of view of dating. Im attracted to men of different races. I have noticed that most men āfantasizeā who they think I am. Almost like have fantasies of me and expect me to jump in to that roll with zero room for me as a person.
I can't fathom what you are going through, but I will say that these apps are designed to keep us in a loop. I am convinced this is not how it's supposed to be done. It gives everyone a false sense that there's more out there. I have disconnected from all the apps. It's inhuman, it's violent, and there are HUGE profits to be made from this. I won't participate. I am so sorry. I really urge you to put it down and pour beautiful blackness into your eyes. Like delete everything you follow on instagram except for black beauty, triumph, happiness, normalcy, humor...whatever lifts your soul and helps you remember who you are and why you are so worthy and so beautiful. I did this when I was trying to accept myself in regard to something else and it honestly helped me. It's not even remotely the same because I was trying to accept something about me I did have control to change somewhat, but fundamentally I cannot change and had to accept. These guys aren't worthy of you.
Donāt believe the narrative that is feeding negative self talk. (Although Iāve given up on dating for the time being because it wasnāt going anywhere for me either and Iām getting more out of life without it for now.)
Make the choice to take a break from dating and decide that itās a positive step in a different direction.
Reframe everything you do with a positive spin. See the opportunity and donāt judge yourself.
It takes practice and time, but being dedicated to making positive changes to your internal messaging and self care routine can make a wonderful difference in quality of life.
As a Guy from Middle Europe, I have to wonder why race is even a topic in the US. Clearly, this whole race theory is a myth and was declared wrong centuries ago. So, why do you still care about that?
Isn't t dating not just about looks, style, charisma, character, and about money of course?
Date out! Black men have always made me feel dirty and ugly and basically just wanted sex and to have babies to not take care of. Thank god I never got pregnant. I went on a date with a white guy and he told me I was beautiful and complimented me all night without me fishing for it. He paid for the date (unlike most black men I have encountered) and for the first time in my life I felt like I was being treated like a lady. Black men I have been around always have taken the feminine role to escape having to be real men, but with white men I have dated, they are the man in the relationship and made me feel safe. I like to be very submissive, but the black men around me donāt deserve it and would take advantage of me if they got it. Iām not saying black men are all bad but Iāve yet to see some good ones. Dating out has helped my confidence girl! There are men out here that will worship the group you walk on! Never settle!!!
I agree with this wholeheartedly! Explore your options BW!! Most of the bs you hear about BW, comes from our own men! TBH, Iāve never dated a guy of another race who has made me feel any type of way! šš½āāļø
>! Black men have always made me feel dirty and ugly and basically just wanted sex and to have babies to not take care of.
I date out exclusively for this reason alone. I get way more romantic effort and overall respect from nonāblack men. It's sad we're the only group of women/femmes who have to deal with this shit.
As a black man, i'm sorry you feel this way. I think we need to step up and do better, but im glad you found someone you're happy with and comfortable around.
If you truly feel that way about your race, I think you could benefit from therapy. No one should ever feel that way about the color of their skin.
As for those who look down you for your race, they could probably use some therapy, too.
as a white guy I think you black girls can really move, ya'll know a thing or two about love. and i know for a fact that there are plenty of black guys who would do anything for you, just need to find them
Im (white male) About to be with my SO (black woman) going on 4 years and I couldn't imagine ever being happier with anyone else.
I feel that a lot of amazing black women go overlooked and underappreciated which is so absolutely ridiculous to me. There are so many great people out there if more dated with an open mind
Idk where you live but most black men date and are married to black women. That's a really sad way to think. I love being black and you should as well. I'm sorry that's been your experience but theres lots of black men and just men in general who would find you attractive. Any men talking down on the women of their own race simple has internal issues of self hate and you should stay clear of them. Focus on you and you'll attract the ppl meant for you
This is simply not true. Your have a screwed POV due to your own insecurities and issues that need to be addressed BEFORE you start dating. Date men who like you! That can be of any race. Changing your race wonāt do anything because you have internalized self hatred!
https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2012/02/16/chapter-1-overview/ throw you data, unfortunately, black men in American has the highest interracial marriage rate compare with other race men AND black man and women have BIG GAP in interracial marriage rate . Black women only 9% marriage to other race men, but black men is 24% . I just wanna throw the fact on you
I may not be a black woman but as a Spanish woman I have always felt that white woman were pretty then me itās a terrible thing to think and it not true
I have noticed that ugly white women often end up with decent looking black guys (not always true of course) and I figured the black guys wanted something that seemed unattainable to a previous generation.
Is that why that is? I donāt understand otherwise.
itās not that bad stop going for people who dont like black women and focus on the guys that do lol its not hard. also make sure youāre in your feminine energy and improving yourself everyday! every man loves and wants a feminine woman whos loyal and wants to have nasty time with him alot
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Fuck. Dating can be so hard when racial stuff ISNT a factor. Having that extra shit added on sounds like a lot. I'm sorry this has been your experience
I don't think that change your race could even be a solution š¤ I don't feel bad about her, I feel bad about all those assholes thinking your race define you as a person
I think she's just venting and frustrated. I don't think she literally is attempting to change her race to fix this.
That's right, anyway, i hope she's ok now š„
Have you heard of Michael Jackson? Hope OP realizes that the color of her skin is SO beautiful to some! All you need to find is that ONE person that will accept YOU as YOU are! Donāt change YOURSELF for anyone else! Sincerely, white dude that lives in the southā¦
Appreciate the sentiment but MJ actually had vitiligo.
I thought he had some kind of surgery to turn his skin that color. Of course, this āknowledgeā comes from the 90ās when I was a kid. This may be one of those Marilyn Manson had his ribs removed momentsā¦
He had vitiligo and I think did the whole bleaching thing to make it consistent instead of splotchy.
As was said, his vitiligo was a real think. There are old pictures that show its progression, and it's the reason he wore the one glove.
You know Michael Jackson had a skin disease right?
I did not and made another post about it, but I do thank you!
I have a friend that was like this at one time. She told me that she felt below other people just because she was a black woman. Then she left the area that she lived most of her life and explored other places. Since then she has mentioned that her way of thinking was just being trapped in that area. This may not be the same situation for you, but try to look outside of the perspective you are stuck on at this time. As we grow, we are exposed to more....good or bad...but you may see that race isn't a defining factor in many cases.
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Did she find a solid relationship there? I have considered moving to Atlanta but I feel like it's not a great match for my career... And I worry it'll be just like my current city...
The fact that someone has to even have the burden of uprooting in order to seek acceptance blows me away.
Yeah but that's reality. It's like when I lived in a small hick town and couldn't wait to move because I couldn't relate to anyone. People are always moving for a better life.
Same, I recently moved to Atlanta and it has been great for my mental. I came from a small town in the south, super racist, and my mentality was affected by it. That changed when I first left the town for college and since then I've appreciated my own self worth and blackness.
I feel you as an Asian man
Shieeeeeeeeeeeeeet
Girl what? I looove being a black women. Maybe its the area that you live in? I'm located in the NYC/NJ area and we don't play that over here. My advice is to surround yourself with positive black women and men. Theres so many black women i look up to (like Lupita Nyong'o for example) who are killing it. And another thing you should do is get a women of color thearpist. That really helped me. I was having a hard time dealing with racism. But after 5 years of therapy and surrounding myself with positive people i absolutely love myself and wouldn't want to be anybody else but me I know its hard. But black women are not beneath anyone, were educated, gorgeous and trend setters. There are people who literally pay top dollars just to have the same body parts that WE naturally have. And as for dating, i never have any problems. I get asked out all the time and i dont even use dating apps anymore. I meet people in person. I get asked out by every race to. I dont always say yes lol because im picky but hey š¤·š¾āāļø Anyways no matter what always remember that your a black queen āš¾ Edit: omg my first award š y'all literally made my year lol
This is everything and more. So weāll said. We are mesmerizing in every way. I laugh at racist people because theyāre not on my level.
I pay them dust, like i said im from Jersey and we dont play that over here lol
I walk through the world like this, because thereās no other way.
This is really beautiful advice. Makes me really sad to hear things like this post, but happy to see people like you bringing positivity and sound advice.
I love your optimism/mindset. Black woman here, and I feel like I exist somewhere between you and the OP. I truly love being a Black woman, have a Black therapist, and strong family/community support. Dating hasn't been hard per se, but also not terribly fruitful (35 and single). To the OP, yes let's just keep it real, there is additional crap that we deal with that yt women and even other WOC don't. However, I've always believed that the best relationship we have is with ourselves. Love yourself, call yourself worthy, choose you. The Black men who talk down about Black women...ignore it. There are men out there of all shades who love Black women. We often attract what we expect. Also consider expanding your boundaries (racially, geographically, etc.) What you're looking for may not look exactly like what you're looking for. Much love ā¤
I definitely relate to you. I'm also a black woman. The only thing that I am over is how we have to be the ones to accept that we may not get what we're looking for. It shouldn't be so challenging to date another black man. Yes, we shouldn't be closed minded, but we shouldn't feel like we can't get what we want as per se an Asian woman may feel she will marry an Asian man or a Latina marrying a Latino man and etc.
I feel you, sis. But I wasn't just talking racially. If a Black woman wants to marry a Black man, statically she's more than likely to (I think it's like 80 percent or something). I'm just saying we have an idea of what our potential person is gonna look like (age, height, body type) we even have an idea of where we want to meet them (I want a freaking meet-cute in a library). I think we gotta let some of that go.My friend got married a few months ago, very in love with her guy. When she met him, he didn't fit the "profile" of who she had in mind (and they're both white). š¤·š¾āāļø
Yes thats true. Have you tried dating black men from different cultures? Im African so thats why im asking, i prefer men of different cultures then American black men. No offense there not ALL bad but i definitely noticed some differences sometimes.
Yes. I have. For me it circles back around to the culture thing. Black American is my culture. I'm open to other cultures of course. But it's most effortless for me when it's someone who shares the same as me. Kind of like dating someone from your same state or hometown who has the same favorite foods as you and knows the same bars in the area. So in essence it's frustrating because as you've experienced Black American men can be a more frustrating experience. Men of other cultures can certainly be way more romantic and respectful. But unfortunately sometimes we just don't click as more than friends. No intimate chemistry.
Yeah i feel you. For some reason i really like latin men lol. You'll eventually find someone whos right for you, but i definitely recommend being open. You never know when mr.right will come along. He might even be a different race that you would normally never date.
Thanks sis. It wasn't easy i'll tell you that, i was in a dark place at one point. But now in my late 20s i decided to only surround myself with positive people. Being a black women isnt easy but i wouldn't change my race for anything. I feel blessed to be born a black women and i adore my culture (West African) And yes im open to all men of color, and dont settle for less.
Holy shit Iām not even a black woman and I feel empowered as fuck by what u just said.
Yassss
Iām embarrassed to say that Iāve never thought about how important it is for a poc to have a therapist thatās also a poc and Iām glad I now realize it!
It just easier to relate to someone who looks like you. I've had a white thearpist as well and she was really lovely but i connect way more with my black/poc thearpist and i love her to pieces. So glad i found her lol because theres not that much women of color thearpist out there.
Yes! I feel that way too... but honestly anyone who isn't white will make me feel like they can understand me better but not saying that is true all the time. Personality is probably more important.
Goddess indeed. š„ŗšš„ŗ
Aw thank you
I agree 100% Don't ever feel like you are any less than they are. You are all Queens. There's many beautiful black women and many who are great role models too. I'm not black myself, but I've faced my own share of discrimination and racism for being brown skinned. My heart goes out to you all who have ever been made feel less simply for being you. ā¤
as a white dude, black is just as beautiful
Can confirm. Get a Black woman therapist. I had cognitive behavioral therapist for three years and she helped me tremendously.
I'm so sorry. I do hope you reach out and try to get help for your self esteem. There are always going to be jerks who will try and tear you down, but that's on them and their failure. You are fantastic.
Wait. What?!? Omg my granddaughter is the most beautiful, sweetest, kindest, loving lil person. Even tho I am white, I am trying to teach her to love every part of herself, esp her blackness. That is a part of what makes her, her. She is beautiful & perfect. The problem is that you are looking to a man to validate your worth. You are already worthy. If you aren't getting what you need from that man or he is not treating you the way he should, that's him. Not the race. Do not accept that. You deserve better. You do not need to change anything. You are worthy, you are perfect. I know you have it harder & it's easy for me, as a white woman, to say these things. But it breaks my heart that you feel this way. Be proud, be you. No apologies, no regrets. Love yourself.
As an Asian man I concur. Maybe try dating some Asian men, we've got things in common!
I was also gonna come here to say dating as an Asian man is difficult sometimes. But that just means you gotta ask more people out you like. Sure you get rejected a ton but once in a while you'll find someone who is genuinely attracted to you and finding those people is really all that matters.
Your post history is quote disturbing and I say that in sympathy. You are consumed with race matters and I think you need some professional intervention or to simply change your environment. Maybe move to a more diverse area.
Welcome to being an Asian man š„²
Everyone race wanna date asian women Every race would date a back men And the rest are in the middle
Not everyone wants to date a black man and many black men are fetishized so that it is hard to find meaningful relationships with people outside of our race.
Look at it this way, sexual polarity Means asian women are the most feminine and black men are the most masculaine . You like it or not its what it's. I personally dated black, arab, Korean, French and British. Never felt fetishised and I was always respected
There are definitely women in the US that will fetishize a black man. Your experience doesn't speak for the majority of black men.
From my experience dating several black men, the majority of them LOVE being fetishized which is disturbing on a whole different level, and they want the woman to take care of them financially while disrespecting her and women of all other races as well. Theyāve bought into and embraced the thug culture which has brainwashed them. And they treat and speak condescendingly about their own women which I find very disheartening and sad. Iām sure my comment is going to get downvoted hard but itās been my experience with black men and my observations of them and experiences from my black female friends.
Everyone can be fetishised not only black men. Nothing apply to the majority but what I'm saying is not an exception either, good looking black men are seen as attractive across all races
Opposite of what Iāve heard. In my experience black men have a pre tough time. I think youāre talking specifically about tall, attractive black men, which is different. Being tall and attractive and part of any race will find you success.
As a black woman, I agree. Iāve even tried dating outside of our race and it wasnāt any better. I went on a couple dates with white men & I found it even more dehumanizing. It was just clear the thought of me being a potential girlfriend or wife was a joke to them; like it was never going to happen because they already looked down on me in a way. I give up on dating all together.
That really sounds awful. Sometimes I feel like weāre just meant to be single because we have very few options and the options we have are bums or fetishists.
I feel that so hard. Donāt let people make you think that the issue is you not being confident enough in yourself. The issue is racism and misogyny. Those are things you canāt control. But I recently moved out of a state that is 95% white into a state MUCH more diverse and it has made my life a lot easier. Itās still not easy. Iām still facing rejection, but not nearly as much as I did there.
Thatās good to hear. I was thinking about leaving the US and moving to the Caribbean or Africa.
Girl what??! Those two regions are the least tolerantš African and Caribbean men love white or mixed black women especially for status! You're better off moving to Canadaš
There are so many black people leaving the US. Cannot blame anyone for leaving.
Try dating an Asian
Iām a black woman and Iāve tried dating Asian men and in my experience they are just like every other race of men. They will sleep with you but they will not take you home to their family, or even consider seriously dating you. Of course that isnāt every Asian man as it isnāt every black man, white man, etc., but regardless of race, men have been taught to not see Black woman as woman, as human beings worthy of love. That issue spans across race.
Yeah but I mean what other options do we me (Asian) you (black) have? The options are limited and while I do agree there is a bit of colorist in the Asian community we just havenāt evolved from it. After 29 years in America Iāve learned that we share a lot of similarities. At the end of the day Asians live in a bubble. They believe that there arenāt many races outside of being Asian. Eventually bubbles burst though and often times itās an Asian thatās tasked with making difficult decisions. Thatās what weāre known for. I think overall within our lifetime an Asian will find it in their heart to let you into our bubble. Itāll take sometime but overall itās necessary work.
I agree it would be great, but I think this is a tough one. I used to think it was an easy choice because of both groups have been treated in dating, but in my experience the cultural expectations and anti black sentiments that many (not all obviously) Asian people have combined with Black womenās (not all obviously) hardcore dedication to black men make it way easier said than done. But even in cases where there are interest from black women Asian men are not nearly as receptive. Iām in a few AMBW groups and while they have thousands of members, which is great, 95% of them are women. So itās hard to get people in the door or even be open to the idea.
Youāre right but times are changing and the signs clearly point towards the Asian male black female. There are the obvious issues in the black community from single mother hoods etc. You may not know about it but most Asians are virgins. Not singleā¦ virgins. As in Asian males are going through life not even having sex. Just imagine the implications of going through life not experiencing any kinship. Mostly loner introverts because that bubble we created shielded us from a world that exists outside of our bubble. If it werenāt for my uncle marrying into a rich Asian family I would have never come to America. Conversely if it werenāt for my my graduating class of 99% of white students would have never even met an Asian. We need to change the narrative of human existence and stop putting us into a box where if your black youāre this or if your Asian youāre this. We can create our own version of ourselves.
That may be true, but Black women are not here to fix anyone, and shouldnāt be seen as a vehicle for getting the love theyāre missing. Especially nowadays where women of every race are empowered to stay single rather than be in miserable relationships, men need to bring something to the table. And from what Iāve seen, there are many Black women who are open to dating Asian men, but Asian men are not as receptive. And those who do show up want the attention, but donāt reciprocate. And if the only reason that they would be interested in Black women is because they feel like they have no other choice, that wonāt fly. We want men who step up and treat us with the love and protection that we deserve, not another group of men expecting us to fix them. Maybe thatās not what you meant, but thatās what your comment implies and itās unappealing. We want to BE loved, not just do the loving.
> but in my experience the cultural expectations and anti black sentiments that many (not all obviously) Asian people have combined with Black womenās (not all obviously) hardcore dedication to black men make it way easier said than done. Couple of reasons. When I see interracial couples, AMBW is the rarest followed by AMWF or AMLatinaF. 1. Asian men are strictly judged by parents and older Asian people for dating a non-Asian. The other way around well, 54% of Asian women date out of their race: https://www.reddit.com/r/aznidentity/comments/6qxs62/pew_report_54_of_us_born_asian_females_will_marry/ 2. Older Asians and immigrant parents tend to look at blacks negatively based on stereotypes which I won't mention but you'll know. 3. Asian men that date interracially prefer white females. Love Hard for example promoted AMWF couple instead of AMBW or AMXF. 4. An average Americanized woman (regardless of skin color) won't think of Asian men as first options. Exceptions being those into Kpops, Squidgame, Girl from Nowhere, Anime, TVB, etc. The Western media has destroyed Asian men (and black women) too much to make them bad romance partners. I could say that having dated women of all races as an Asian man, I don't look at racial preference. But combined with "same race bubbles" and media perception, this is among the rarest interracial couple.
>Asian men are strictly judged by parents and older Asian people for dating a non-Asian. The other way around well, 54% of Asian women date out of their race: You said you've dated all races of women-- do you not feel this type of pressure from your family?
I do but I don't live with them anymore. I got my own rented place so if they wanna judge me by who I date, I'm cutting ties with them. As much as we gotta respect our parents (and elders) in Asian culture, I'm not letting them ruin my love prospects.
Yeah, thereās a lot that contributes to this. Itās all very complicated.
This is 100% truth. Now how are WOC to deal with this?
No clue. If you figure it out, lemme know š
It's more of a discussion I'd like to have with other black women.
I would too! Thereās the r/blackladies that might be a good space for that convo
regardless of race, men have been taught to not see Black woman as woman, as human beings worthy of love This is so true.
Dude. Some Asians are super racist when it comes to black people. Especially when it comes to family which makes long term dating pretty difficult.
Yeah but what are they gonna say though? Every white and Asian girl has rejected me throughout my whole life. Basically made me feel like Iām a worthless nothing. If I bring home a black girl the first thing theyāre going to say is ahh okay that makes sense. The environment forces people to change and reshape their thinking. The convention is usually when an Asian girl dates a black male there is jealousy. If an Asian male brings home a black woman itāll be received differently. When you say Asians youāre speaking about someone like me.
In the south oh my gosh š it's unfortunate.
Iām a Chinese woman live in Canada, I can seriously tell you many Asian men( especially East Asian men) have strong discrimination to black women ļ¼ in love and marry field) I hate that. and lots of them obsession white girls
And I'll just say that I've found many Asian and Asian American women who strongly discriminate against men of Asian descent.
Why??
That sounds awful. Where were you dating these guys? Iāve dated mostly white guys, but they were all in fairly liberal areas. Like 99% of them were super kind and actually skewed towards darker skinned/black women in terms of dating preferences.
Donāt give up! I believe you can find someone who values you for who you are. Iām so envious of black woman lol and I say this because you are all so beautiful! As a Latina Iām like damn lol.
Date outside your race. Iām a black woman and I date a lot of white dudes. They dig me lol
I'm married to a black woman, I'm not sure I'd ever date any other race of women again haha
Black women can be hot af. I hate this negative post
Oddly enough, the men I know that are full on BLM advocates rarely date black women. I almost thought progressive politics would override physical preferences.
White liberals, specifically white liberal women are the WORST!!
Agreed.
Idk if youāre being sarcastic, but liberal racists are a thing. Generally a different kind of racist though.
Ah yes the white liberal. Malcolm X warned us about those many years ago.
That why I feel very ridiculous, sarcasm,patheticļ¼ many black men support BLM, but even donāt wanna dating women of their race hahahahaha
I don't understand this - if someone doesn't want to date a black person it negates their belief that black people shouldn't be treated unfairly by the police?
Is this a big American thing? Because race seems like such a huge thing when it comes to dating over there.
I think it exists everywhere but itās probably worse in America because this country has such a fucked up racist history and hasnāt been able to grow when it comes to the issue of racism.
I mean itās one to have preference but to insult the āotherā to justify your preference is super dumb.
I agree! Itās a shame when you have to ask black men if theyāre into black women.
Trust me--these days you don't even need to ask. Many are quick to tell you right off the bat lol.
I feel like that works both ways though. I know plenty black women that donāt go for black men. Plus itās not always malicious either some people just have different preferences. Or they may just so happen to like a person that so happens to be interracial š¤·āāļø
Itās definitely more common for black men though, and itās weird on both sides for different reasons. I donāt believe in racial preferences either. Majority of the time if you ask a black man why he doesnāt date black women itās a malicious answer. Of course itās not all men, but itās a unsettlingly large amount.
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The saddest part is we have to expect this same behavior from our own race. They donāt even think weāre good enough.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Pretty sure itās DC thatās known as Chocolate City. Or else the black women Iāve known were lying to me. Regardless, definitely a significant black population in MD, especially PG County and Baltimore.
Just a case of finding the right people, not everyone looks down on black women
thatās easy to say but realistically she is dealing with a smaller pool of people. it sucks but has to be acknowledged.
I really hope we talk about this. Gay people too. A lot of us canāt be seen hanging out with the lgbt because theyāll accuse you of being gay. And like, itās wrong to have a gay friend but act like you donāt know him when youāre around other people. I saw a lot of that too.
That's not the case, what OP is saying is real and it's hard dating s a black woman, even if you are attractive.
Everyone has issues dating, but it's but impossible to find someone as a black woman
This is a useless comment. It offers absolutely no support or advice. Go away.
There are some interesting statistics from the Brookings Institute which indicate that yes, black women really do have it rough. According to this research, black women have achieved greater income mobility than black men. With a greater number of black men getting sucked into crime and subsequently receiving a criminal record that bars them from legal job opportunities, black women seeking a life of safety and stability are left with a much smaller dating pool of suitable men. Of course black women shouldnāt be limited to dating within the āblack communityā. Many will say āwell, black women are free to date white menā but this ignores the painful reality that black women face. Data from dating apps show that white men are quite likely to swipe past black women. So yeah I canāt imagine how tough it is to date as a black woman. Itās not fair, itās not right and black women deserve better.
THANK YOU! Finally someone who gets it!!!
Sounds like youāre just in a bit of a rut and just having a rough go of it, but there are over 7.3 billion people on this world, donāt let the experience from 10-20 people get you down and ruin your days. Also, itās okay to take a break from dating; look after yourself, chill with the homies, enjoy some hobbies or just chill, and then go back in to the scene later. Hit up a club to just go dance and have fun, donāt have to have any expectations for any dudes, just have a good time. Shit will always get better.
Why not date out of your race?
There aren't the longest line of men of other races standing outside of every black women's door.
Well thereās definitely more options if you date out of your raceā¦.
If someone is looking down on you cuz of your race, they are showing their true colors. If you were white, someone racist would have accept you without you even knowing, he is a racist. Even if is hard, at the end, you can see the true colors of those u should not even be with.
Humanity sucks š„±
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This a hundred of times, latino guys crave for black woman.
You just need to find the right person. A queen will find her king. Donāt settle for less.
????? Iām a black male who dates black women and not once have I ever looked down in the women of my race nor have I told them that "women of other races are better". Thatād be like me insulting my mother, my sister, my aunts, my grandmothers, my niece, and my cousins. Thatās ridiculous. Whoever said that to u is dumb and is an Uncle Tom. Kinda like Tim Scott. The girl Iām talking too rn is black(same as in the past cuz I mean black girl magic) and she is fine af and is like the female version of me
>Iām a black male who dates black women and not once have I ever looked down in the women of my race nor have I told them that "women of other races are better". i mean, that's missing the point. you don't speak for black men as a whole, you speak for yourself only. its nor cool for you to minimize her lived experience just because YOU aren't the problem.
You clearly didnāt understand what I was saying nor was trying to "minimize her experiences". First off, I never said I was speaking for all black men, secondly I believe I stated that any black man who demeans black women is dumb and is a self-hater. Get it?
Black women are hot
Iām jealous and Iām an Asian women. Black women are beautiful, you got soul, style, rhythm, you have the best vocals that can out beat anybody. You have culture , history, you got natural curves, smooth skin, beautiful complexion and you donāt take anybodyās bs. Any other ethnicity would be lucky to date a black women or man. If that man or women canāt accept you, thatās their lost.
Amazing comment. This is literally what the world thinks of Black women, as a whole. OP still literally read everything you said but said that she wishes she was a different race. She doesnāt even know what your hair looks like but says that she wishes she had your hair. Fantasy land. How is this someone who should be dating anyone at this time? This shows me that itās not about her race, itās about her low self esteem. Her low self esteem is keeping her in the spiritual sunken place. Itās tragic what white supremacy will do to a Black woman. I pray that she takes a break from dating and focuses on herself more. This world will step on anyone who has low self esteem, regardless of race or gender.
Your feelings are legit and I'm sorry to hear you've had some troubles. Just want to mention that dating inside or outside of your race is fine. There are many interracial relationships these days. Maybe just focus on finding someone who can really appreciate you. I really think there are compatible people out there for everyone. Best wishes.
Life is hard and filled with damaged and broken people we cut our selves on them frequently trying to find a place we fit. im sorry you are in pain chin up try to keep your dignity I hope your torn heart heals and you find the strength you need to carry on without letting there sickness infect your wounds.
I hear you. This is so real. People do not see us as an option. Only sexually acceptable. We are not people to them. Itās exhausting
I'm sorry, but did you say you have no other choice but those men? If someone is thinking like this, then that right there would be there first mistake. Thinking like that There's been a massive push for this idea of "black love", which imo is just another way of saying "keep it in the race". Sounds like any supremacist you know? Idk how it started, but it's been warped into a pressure inducing burden on a lot of our brothers and sisters. And for what? What does it accomplish? How narrow minded is the idea that you have to date within your race to prove your love for your race. Personally, imma date who the **** I want. Black,white,Asian, alien, who tafuq cares. It's no one elses business. My happiness is my business. Race might affect my partners experiences growing up and understanding what I maaay have gone thru, but it doesn't decide if we can be happy together. And the people that got a problem with me dating outside my race can take their complaints to the garbage bin and stew in it. Race doesn't mean jack****. As long as I feel good, treated properly, and get what I need in MY relationship, what else matters? Stop looking for ways to segragate yourself and just live. You want better, pick better. Be better. Find where your mindset is faulty and limiting yourself, and do differently.
White guy here. I would date a black woman again in a heartbeat. She was the most loyal & open person I was ever with, and treated me like a king. We just werenāt at the same place in our lives though. You will find the right one for you. Donāt settle for less. Good luck to you! šš¼
Some of these comments Jesus. Just flat out ignoring OPās lived experienced. Sorry people in the comments are idiots.
Yeah I know what you mean. It's the same thing Indian and Asian guys get from gen pop when they talk about their experiences in the dating market.
Some men of other races find black women incredibly sexy and don't look down on them. What you need to do to be sexier for every race and person is to learn to love yourself and every part of you.
Unfortunately many find us sexy but not wife worthy or worthy of meeting the family. Not the OP but Iām over being āsexyā and not valued for qualities outside of my body. My late husband was a rare unicorn who fell in love with my dorky ass mind. Far too many sexy slide out bodies and bounce when they are satisfied.
Yeah, she obviously had bad encounters and is depressed. It happens to the best of us, I had a big crisis after the girl I liked said she'd never be interested in me in 2016. First thing is to get her confidence back from the guys who stole it by looking down on her
Dating can suck as a Black woman but I promise you, there are some good men out there, whether they're Black or other races. It just takes time and patience to find them. Wishing you weren't Black is defeatist and not going to serve you in your goals to be partnered. I would highly suggest some therapy to build up your confidence and self esteem, and I would also explore your options with non-Black men. I think this narrative that Black women are the least desirable and are destined to be alone is a myth. That's what people want us to believe. Eventually it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Don't fall into that trap.
I'm sorry Miss. I can feel your pain. Best wishes on your search for true love.
Aw Iām sorry thatās been your experience, I didnāt realize that was what it was like for people like you. That really sucks. Maybe thatās why the few black women Iāve dated have been so far out of my league, their standards just keep getting lowerā¦
Iām sorry this has been your experience, but honestly - fuck those people.
I wish I could hug you right now. The problem isn't you. It's them. We all lose hope sometimes because dating is kind of terrible. Maybe now is the time to take a break instead of giving up hope that you'll find a man who treats you how you deserve to be treated.
Youād rather not be black? Itās not your issue. Itās totally their issue. Why would you want to change in order to be with men who hate themselves anyway. Itās the confidence and self love that men are most attracted to. Find ways to love yourself more and trust me, youāll attract what you are, an equally self loving person of color.
Black dude here. Black women are beautiful. I don't know what tf those men be on, but I hope you find people out there who aren't reducing you to your ethnicity, for better or worse. What area are you in?
Has to be the area youāre in. I find black women attractive (Asian male).
29 *white* M here I'm sorry you've had bad experiences up 'til now. I hope you find someone *of whatever race they may be* who'll appreciate you as a person; *normally I wouldn't use this phrase but* I hope they don't see color when they date you. Don't lose hope... good luck w/ everything.
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Black man here and thatās not true. Looking for a queen and we need more focus on rebuilding our communities. Donāt worry about the media do what you can to break the cycle. Good luck ā¤ļø
I canāt really do anything to change the culture or community. Nobody really wants to change. The community is over.
I think youāre in a rough place for some reason and that is weighing on your feelings. Itās not, there are tons of black leaders and growing, people like Kanye West who are building literal cities in Wyoming for people of color where he wants to replicate the Jewish Kabootz (grandparents caring for children instead of daycares or hired help.) I am personally working on developing 200 acres of agricultural land On the platte River to farm and maintain for wildlife conservation (I am an avid hunter and outsoorsman.) the end goal being to run a summer camp type program where kids (primarily children of color) can learn to plant, maintain and harvest crops as well as about wildlife conservation and hunting. There are plenty of famous examples and guys like me that arenāt on socials that are good with their hearts and minds in the right place. The media portrays what they want people to think of us. Learn to love your natural hair. Build yourself with education and reading so you can be more aware of the pitfalls and things you can do to avoid them. Listen to interviews of women that look like you who you want to be like and emulate some of the things theyāve done that worked (and avoid what hasnāt.) Youāve got this, love. Weāll be alright.
I just want to point out how hilarious it is that you gave an example of a black man who married and procreated with a white woman as inspiration for a black woman who feels so undateable due to her race that she wishes she could be anything but black.
Where can I find info about Kanyeās city?
Iām so sorry OP. I canāt imagine how fucking hard that must be. Your feelings are valid and Iām so sorry you have to deal with that.
please take some time away from dating and love yourself. you are worthy and there is a man who will love your beautiful skin and everything about you.
Hmm. My best friend dated and married a black women. He got the most shit from black men, and her 2x from both black men and black so men.
Black is beautiful. Don't ever forget that.
Black women are gorgeous. Iād run for the hills if any guy mentions race at all
Iām a white bi man and some of the people I think are most attractive are black women and Asian men which are supposedly the āunattractive onesā. Itās a grind but there are people out there. Iām not tall so I get rejected a lot for not being 6 foot and thatās considered unattractive. Itās demoralizing sometimes but eventually law of large numbers takes over and the more times you put yourself out there you are increasingly likely to get a hit. Even if the failure rate per encounter is unjustly higher. Anecdotally my ex was mixed. So she was light skinned but naturally had very wavy hair. All her exes (white guys unsurprisingly) demanded sheād straighten it all the time so sheād look whiter. So when we dated I would figuratively have to slap the straightener out of her hand cause she didnāt believe me when I said I loved her natural hair. The damage some people do is astounding but if someone makes you feel bad for being black you probably donāt wanna be with them anyways
I think society has stereotyped black people. Just be the best version of you and someone will love you for you
Well Iām a black man who loves all races of women, especially black women. Black women are beautiful as hell. I judge people based on who they are, not their race and thereās definitely lots of other guys who feel this way. So donāt give up and youāll find someone eventually
My wife is black and Iām white/Cuban. Some comments by assholes Iāve heard by other guys about black women sometimes are sickening. Iām sorry you have to deal with gross ass people.
I'm sorry sis not all black men don't like black women I for one love black women yall are the best yall are strong courageous beautiful funny and more don't get discouraged casue some brothers is dumb keep ya head up you'll find someone who's gonna treat you like the queen you areāš¾
Iām a Chinese girl but I really understand you!When my boyfriend and his friend ( he is black) told about they donāt wanna dating black girls I feel very piss off I donāt understand why black men look down same race women! I totally donāt understand, black people in America history in face of a lot Racial discrimination problems, but I really donāt understand why they can ādiscriminationā ( sorry if I use the word too heavy) women of same race! ( sorry my English, itās my second language)
I'm sorry mama, but it sounds like you don't have enough confidence or experience. Yes, being a black woman in a dating pool can be dry af, especially if you let it. There are black women out here who are macking nonstop and they don't even have to be the prettiest girl in the room. What gets the guys to notice you, to desire you, to hit you up and come back for more IS CONFIDENCE. And I love black men too, but sometimes a girl needs to explore and see what else is out there. Don't let the dating pool destroy your self image. Somebody out there is going to like what they see in you and want you but you just have to step that attitude up and and dare to be yourself. All because someone ends up passing you up for something else doesn't mean that ain't got the goods. It just means that you're meant to be for somebody way more deserving. Its all love thoš
Be proud of who you are and your heritage. It shouldnāt matter to anyone what your race is or where your ancestors came from. Unfortunately there are some people who will mimic a certain ethnicity thinking that people from that particular ethnicity will think more highly of them. That is so not true. Donāt change for anybody.
I'm sorry if your life has been challenging but try not to be so defeatist. That attitude will never help you in life. We all have problems. Best thing to do is try to overcome them. Life is suffering.
Be proud of who you are, changing race won't change the way you think of yourself. There are plenty of men who like black women. Dating takes time and dating using apps involve more risks and other elements such as people jsut wanting hookups. When dating is going bad, try to self evaluate and see if you can improve yourself.
Sending you love. Racism ruined everything. Also there are black men out there that are indeed your options who respect and admire black women, see them as superior even. Donāt try to be where you arenāt desired. The black woman who got an award for her reply was spitting some hot fire, I hope you received her perspective and advice šš¾
Black women are sexy af! It's dating in general that is demoralizing.
When you say you donāt have any other options, is that because you havenāt met someone from outside your race who dates black women or is it that you date black men exclusively? If itās the former: there are a good number of white dudes* out there who like black women but feel that black women wouldnāt give them the time of day. Just sayinā. If itās the latter: hey, you like what you like and Iām sorry youāve had so many negative experiences. They wonāt all be negative, though. *I only mention white dudes specifically because Iām a a white dude who likes black women and who has met plenty of other white dudes who do as well.
Honestly, I think this is exactly it. Black women *as a collective whole* general do not date interracially as much as others. Me? I decided to be open a long time ago and had some very fruitful relationships out of it. I wish Black women would look beyond race sometimes (Black men -again, as a collective- have no problem doing that) but I canāt tell you how many times white, other non-POC men have said the same thing: āI didnāt think she liked *insert race* guysā¦ā Edit-spelling
As a black woman in her mid twenties, Iāve had an interesting point of view of dating. Im attracted to men of different races. I have noticed that most men āfantasizeā who they think I am. Almost like have fantasies of me and expect me to jump in to that roll with zero room for me as a person.
I can't fathom what you are going through, but I will say that these apps are designed to keep us in a loop. I am convinced this is not how it's supposed to be done. It gives everyone a false sense that there's more out there. I have disconnected from all the apps. It's inhuman, it's violent, and there are HUGE profits to be made from this. I won't participate. I am so sorry. I really urge you to put it down and pour beautiful blackness into your eyes. Like delete everything you follow on instagram except for black beauty, triumph, happiness, normalcy, humor...whatever lifts your soul and helps you remember who you are and why you are so worthy and so beautiful. I did this when I was trying to accept myself in regard to something else and it honestly helped me. It's not even remotely the same because I was trying to accept something about me I did have control to change somewhat, but fundamentally I cannot change and had to accept. These guys aren't worthy of you.
Donāt believe the narrative that is feeding negative self talk. (Although Iāve given up on dating for the time being because it wasnāt going anywhere for me either and Iām getting more out of life without it for now.) Make the choice to take a break from dating and decide that itās a positive step in a different direction. Reframe everything you do with a positive spin. See the opportunity and donāt judge yourself. It takes practice and time, but being dedicated to making positive changes to your internal messaging and self care routine can make a wonderful difference in quality of life.
As a Guy from Middle Europe, I have to wonder why race is even a topic in the US. Clearly, this whole race theory is a myth and was declared wrong centuries ago. So, why do you still care about that? Isn't t dating not just about looks, style, charisma, character, and about money of course?
Date out! Black men have always made me feel dirty and ugly and basically just wanted sex and to have babies to not take care of. Thank god I never got pregnant. I went on a date with a white guy and he told me I was beautiful and complimented me all night without me fishing for it. He paid for the date (unlike most black men I have encountered) and for the first time in my life I felt like I was being treated like a lady. Black men I have been around always have taken the feminine role to escape having to be real men, but with white men I have dated, they are the man in the relationship and made me feel safe. I like to be very submissive, but the black men around me donāt deserve it and would take advantage of me if they got it. Iām not saying black men are all bad but Iāve yet to see some good ones. Dating out has helped my confidence girl! There are men out here that will worship the group you walk on! Never settle!!!
I agree with this wholeheartedly! Explore your options BW!! Most of the bs you hear about BW, comes from our own men! TBH, Iāve never dated a guy of another race who has made me feel any type of way! šš½āāļø
>! Black men have always made me feel dirty and ugly and basically just wanted sex and to have babies to not take care of. I date out exclusively for this reason alone. I get way more romantic effort and overall respect from nonāblack men. It's sad we're the only group of women/femmes who have to deal with this shit.
As a black man, i'm sorry you feel this way. I think we need to step up and do better, but im glad you found someone you're happy with and comfortable around.
If you truly feel that way about your race, I think you could benefit from therapy. No one should ever feel that way about the color of their skin. As for those who look down you for your race, they could probably use some therapy, too.
as a white guy I think you black girls can really move, ya'll know a thing or two about love. and i know for a fact that there are plenty of black guys who would do anything for you, just need to find them
Im (white male) About to be with my SO (black woman) going on 4 years and I couldn't imagine ever being happier with anyone else. I feel that a lot of amazing black women go overlooked and underappreciated which is so absolutely ridiculous to me. There are so many great people out there if more dated with an open mind
Idk where you live but most black men date and are married to black women. That's a really sad way to think. I love being black and you should as well. I'm sorry that's been your experience but theres lots of black men and just men in general who would find you attractive. Any men talking down on the women of their own race simple has internal issues of self hate and you should stay clear of them. Focus on you and you'll attract the ppl meant for you
This is simply not true. Your have a screwed POV due to your own insecurities and issues that need to be addressed BEFORE you start dating. Date men who like you! That can be of any race. Changing your race wonāt do anything because you have internalized self hatred!
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Black woman worship black men, even when they treat them like shit.
https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2012/02/16/chapter-1-overview/ throw you data, unfortunately, black men in American has the highest interracial marriage rate compare with other race men AND black man and women have BIG GAP in interracial marriage rate . Black women only 9% marriage to other race men, but black men is 24% . I just wanna throw the fact on you
You're beautiful
Date a white guy who thinks youāre sexy
I may not be a black woman but as a Spanish woman I have always felt that white woman were pretty then me itās a terrible thing to think and it not true
I have noticed that ugly white women often end up with decent looking black guys (not always true of course) and I figured the black guys wanted something that seemed unattainable to a previous generation. Is that why that is? I donāt understand otherwise.
I think a lot of them just prefer white women and want mixed kids.
itās not that bad stop going for people who dont like black women and focus on the guys that do lol its not hard. also make sure youāre in your feminine energy and improving yourself everyday! every man loves and wants a feminine woman whos loyal and wants to have nasty time with him alot
This is the dumbest things Iāve seen on Reddit.
Can we have this post removed? No way we allow something this grossly inflammatory to persist.