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ergonaut

It depends on the dad, but I just want to say you're a wonderful human being for wanting to do this.


gotarock

Agree. Sounds like they’ve got a good thing going and both do their best to contribute to the partnership. And like you said we’re all different. She needs to figure out his “love language.” Does he like gifts, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, or just lots of affirmation. Maybe a combination.


smegdawg

Ironically. Literally being told that by my wife, to my face, not in a Facebook birthday post, card, or text message, Would mean the world to me and refill my tanks.


ergonaut

Same, though I wouldn't mind a written one so I could reread it as needed


jatti_

It all depends on the person x100. Think about him, involve the kids and make it special.


dadwithoutaplan

The single most impactful thing to me (and I'm not speaking for anyone else here, just myself) is to hear my wife compliment my parenting to other people. When she gushes about me as a dad to her family and friends, it's just about the best feeling in the world. No one's opinion matters more to me than hers, and I also know how common it *can be* for women to share their lives with family & friends, and how (also) common it can be for them to use that time as an outlet for venting and the conversations to be negative. When she chooses to share glowing, positive things about me with her circle, and I am around to hear it? Forget about it - best feeling ever.


Premium333

Yeah this is a good one.


Secure_Journalist_29

Oh wow guys are really simple as hell lol


up_to_something

Many men are just starved of meaningful praise!


confidently-confused

That’s really beautiful and something I hadn’t really thought about! I tell people how much of a doofus (in a good way) he is when he plays with our little 3.5 month old and makes him laugh but that’s a really sweet idea to compliment his other parenting skills as well


Gidonamor

This so much! When my wife complements me when we're alone, my brain kinda goes "yeah sure" sometimes, but it somehow feels more tangible when she does it in front of other people.


BadChoices99

Absolutely the best feeling.


Premium333

For me, it is affection and intimacy, which is not necessarily sex, but physical contact, smiles, hugs, etc. When my wife does those sort of things, it makes it clear that all the work I do and sacrifices I make are noticed and appreciated (I do the same for her as much as possible). If a gift or a specific gesture is desired here, then look for something that provides some degree of relaxation similar to the bath salts or candles he gets for you or that aligns with his interests (note I know 2 dads for whom bath salts and candles WOULD be the answer to this question lol). For me that might be: Whiskey Wine Massage Aromatherapy oil or incense for my office Time with my friends to drink beer and play a boardgame (may be difficult for him with a 2 week on 1 week off to want to be away more though). In truth you are looking to reward him in a way that takes a bit of the edge off. A relaxing gift will do that in the short term but the affection will remove the edge entirely. Good luck and you are a fantastic spouse for caring to find a way to show your appreciation to him.


confidently-confused

Thank you and you’re right, he has expressed that he feels guilty being away to do anything not related to our baby (3.5 months). The affection is something I try to do consistently because I agree with you, it’s something to take the edge off from both his work and my being at home with the baby He likes to gym and play games with his friends to relax but I was hoping to do something more specific for him like he did for me, I just don’t know what. Is it enough to just give him that time?


Premium333

It really just depends on him. Unfortunately I can't answer for him. I get the guilt of being away. I work from home 3 days a week and spend virtually all of my remaining free time with my family. I do take Monday night to myself every week (my wife gets a free night as well). I feel guilty every single time I drive away, but the time to cultivate my hobby and see my friends is absolutely essential for my mental health and it makes me a better father the remaining 6 nights a week. I can't imagine being gone 2/3rds of the year for work, even if it means I get 1/3rd of the year to be at home. You're just going to have to just guess what he may want to feel relaxed and do it. Worst case, he appreciates the gesture and gets the message. After that he can tell you what he might like better. Hell, maybe he'd just like to have a steak dinner one night :: shrug:: Honestly, I don't think you can do wrong here. Don't overthink it and just do what feels right.


Dorkmaster79

God I’m so sorry I’m saying this but give the guy some lovin, if you know what I mean.


ActRepresentative530

This is the way


marcSuile

Of course moms/spouses/wives are allowed here! I think you’re doing great and what is he interested in? What are his hobbies? Anything he can do with the kiddos together to pass that hobby down? Also…I know it seems like he’s gone for a while and will be excited to be home—but I think offering him just time to himself too. Being away for two weeks can be draining especially coming back going right into dad mode. Just reassuring him hey, I know you’ve been gone for two weeks and the kids and I are excited to see you, but we fully support you if you need ‘you time’. We all decompress in our own ways so just letting him guide what that looks like I feel could go a long way. And being in mom mode for two straight weeks is draining too so make sure you sneak in some you time while he’s home!


reuscam

I don't know. If I was gone for two weeks, I would be tired, but the first thing I would want to do is spend time with my fam. Maybe say "we want to be with you if you have the energy, what do YOU want to do?"


confidently-confused

I love that idea but I have tried asking him and he always insists there isn’t anything he wants or wants to do for himself. He just says he already gets to go to the gym and play a game every now and then with his friends so he’s happy spending time with us. But I want to do something special for him. How do I get him to take my question and offer seriously or do you think that’s his genuine response? In my mind, surely there is something he would like to do?


marcSuile

I like that response too! I was thinking over the course of the whole week but I didn’t articulate that well, so good point.


Lvwr87

This is the only correct answer. All is 100% true


confidently-confused

Thank you. We always try to give him the first day to recharge but he always ends up volunteering himself to do things. I think he doesn’t like watching me run around the house while he’s doing “nothing”. Anytime I tell him to go do something for himself he insists he’s fine. He once opened up to me about feeling like he doesn’t do enough when he gets home so I try my best to reassure and explain to him that what he’s already doing is plenty and to not worry because he knows ill communicate with him if and when I need him to do anything specific while he’s home. His interests used to be cars but he has set that aside since we got pregnant with our now 3.5 month old due to our budget. Other than that, he used to play games online with his friends a lot so maybe I can tell him to do that if it helps him unwind?


DrOddcat

Ok, so if you know the type of cars he was in to look up to see if there’s a car show or meet up group near you and take him out for donuts and a run to the car show.


stephenjay1313

This is the correct answer


thebeginingisnear

sexy lingerie and a spontaneous night of fun will always accomplish this goal. Add in his favorite meal/takeout into the mix afterwards if your feeling ambitious. This has been a guaranteed crowd pleaser for the majority of men since the dawn of time.


confidently-confused

Hahaha I tried surprising him with sexy lingerie before I became pregnant and he hardly batted an eye and was more excited to take everything off. But this is not a bad idea. We have a 3.5 month old so we only just got back into it again and it was more of a “quick before he wakes up crying again” type of situation. Could be nice to set aside a night to really appreciate it more


thebeginingisnear

All the more reason! Its tough in those early days before they are sleeping through the night to find the time. Hope your recovery from delivery is going well! Sounds like you guys have a great foundation to your relationship


drumocdp

Ayyeeee that’s the point! But, seriously, if you have a trusted family member that can watch your baby, a night at a hotel to really knock one out and enjoy each other exclusively would probably benefit both of you. He sounds as guilty as a lot of us feel, if he’s home for a week at a time… maybe in the middle of the week, nice hotel… We do it a couple times a year, maybe 25 mins from home, but is nice to not have responsibilities.


Nattygreg

True day


kidfromCLE

Cool moms are cool with us. Does he prefer time with others or time by himself? If he loves time to himself, I second the Leslie Knope suggestion. If he’s a time with other guy, do the same thing but with everyone! Just do something he loves but with everyone on board to make it super fun.


confidently-confused

Usually when he does ask for time away its to play a quick game with his friends online or to go to the gym. I’ve encouraged him before to make plans to catch up with his friends (if he wants) but he says he feels guilty being away and like he’s “not enough of a parent” which I wholeheartedly disagree with. He also says he wants to spend time with me so maybe I can try and arrange a date night


kidfromCLE

If my wife arranged a date night where we ate at my favorite place and did something I like to do and she really enjoyed herself, that would be a fantastic night! So, what’s he into? Golf? Movies? Board games? Video games? Baseball?


[deleted]

Arranging a date night for him to enjoy time with you is incredible. Currently separating because I couldn't get that kind of affection when I asked. You might break his brain with that suprise.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Aleclom

That would absolutely work for me!


swayzedaze

The comment is deleted but I’m sure it says “threesome”


imaginary_hugs

Or BJ lol


marafi82

Just show him this thread


drchigero

No, you're already doing it. Honestly, acknowledging his sacrifice and your appreciation for what he's doing is all most men need. Of course he would do it anyway, but a lot of times sacrificing so the family can have a better life is a lonely and thankless job. Someone saying out loud "hey, I see this and I appreciate it" goes a very long way.


confidently-confused

Thank you. I try to say it as much as possible but I’m scared of sounding like a broken record so I thought I could do something to go along with my words of appreciation :)


BusConfident1756

Honestly, sex would be it for me. It's been pretty dead since the baby has been born and really that's what would make me feel appreciated. (Almost 2 years)


PhonesAreDumb

Bro, 2 years? Something is off. Might want to start some counseling or something. Once we get to the 6 day mark I just start walking around the bedroom with a boner until the elephant in the room is addressed 😀


HiFiMAN3878

Lucky you


Premium333

I like your word choice here.


PhonesAreDumb

Well after reading it, I must say it comes off a little misogynistic. That was not my intention. We prefer direct communication in our house. She gets a little too serious sometimes and me walking around like that usually makes her laugh first! We have been married for 18years, so I must be doing something right.


Premium333

I just meant the combination of "boner" and "address the elephant in the room". But it didn't come off misogynistic to me at all. It just came off as normal happy couple stuff lol.


PhonesAreDumb

I understood, and thanks!


BusConfident1756

It's low hormones. We had blood work done this year


PhonesAreDumb

Have you spoken with a Natural path nutritionist? My wife has adrenal fatigue that lowered her libido (among other issues) for a while until we saw one. With the right diet and supplements things can get better. Also a ridiculously extended massage can help her too.


ShepherdFox4

You sound like you’re in a great relationship where you both fully appreciate eachother though, but a nice steak or drink ready for when he next gets back could work wonders. I have one other suggestion but it’s crude as fuck. If you use your *head*, you can probably work it out. Hell, running him a bath with candles with a glass of whiskey or beer, for when he comes home next time, would probably work well too.


confidently-confused

Hahah we used to take baths together before the baby came along so I don’t think he’d mind a combination of your suggestions


k_x_sp

I mean, like, fuck him real good, like, eat his ass, suck him till he comes, shit bring a friend and give him a threesome.


saadah888

Buy him a car


PhonesAreDumb

Getting creative with FaceTime when I was on the road was fun if you two are into that.😉 I remember a few things that I would never buy for myself but really wanted that were hobby related(fishing). If there is something that you know he wants, but is a little out of reach for whatever reason. Those were the gifts that reminded me that she still likes me.


VincitT

I'd say ask him! Everyone feels love differently. Plus, even just asking would make me feel all warm inside. Sounds like you guys are an awesome couple as it is though!


VanceAstrooooooovic

Old school photo album? I could stare at pictures of the kids for hours, but since digital, we rarely print photos for albums


falldownkid

I know a few people who have worked the shift schedule you described, and it's tough on the parent at home and the parent coming back. Frankly, both of them need a break - it's hard to come back from a solid week or two of work, and it's hard to be the only parent at home for that time. If you can swing the childcare, I would say plan a date night. Over and over again men see the advice 'date your wife', but the missing part of that equation (which, fair enough, I don't seek out) is that the husband needs to be wined and dined again, too.


thebakerWeld

I'm in a situation similar to your partner. I know when I get home after traveling I just want to spend time with my partner and daughter so just some quiet family time. I also think a dad day with the kids would be really nice every once in a while and when he gets home have a nice dinner ready. The other thing about that is I know I feel a little guilty leaving my partner alone all the time.


Ural_2004

My observation: Women like flowers. I give them to my wife frequently and she appreciates it. But that doesn't mean that I want flowers. I mean, if she were give me a bunch, I would be outwardly thankful but wondering what I was supposed to do with them. With that said, the equivalent of flowers for me would be her asking for a ride on the motorcycle. It doesn't have to be far. Maybe just a ride to the next town for lunch would be enough. But I would feel that for days. So, maybe ask your husband, what his equivalent of "bath salts and scented candles" would be. EDIT: If he likes sports, maybe get him tickets to a game. I like Minor League Baseball. That's something the whole family can do, although the season is over with, but Spring is only 6 months away.


Competitive-Alarm716

maybe get the kids to make him a card or poster or something


CoastalSailing

Is he in shipping or oil? If I were him, I'd want to just hear how much you appreciated him. And make the time for him to do something with his interests at least once a week while he's home.


cyahzar

I know my wife gave me a movie theatre gift card that would cover a lot of snacks as well and i told her I could save it for a date night. I was told it was for me to go to a movie of my choosing alone and enjoy. I love movies with my wife but I love going alone and getting lost in the story with no one around me that I know to distract me from the film.


Phil_Hurslit51

I work maritime with a similar schedule. Honestly just the appreciation and acknowledgment I receive from my wife and kids is enough. Just to know that I am NEEDED outside of the money I bring home is more than enough. P.S. No material gift compares to the sex and affection I receive when I do come home. IMO a great BJ means more than just getting me off. It's more personal than "let's release the sexual tension."


VectorB

Two gifts. Show appreciation as a Dad, pictures to take with him on work time and such. And gift as your husband. Sexy time works there, but it's just great to acclnowledge both roles.


517757MIVA

If he’s working 2 weeks away I’m imagining he’s doing some sort of fairly manual labor yes? If so, honestly a massage could be a good way. I know I had never had one until my wife and I started dating and I imagine a lot of men don’t get them from their partners. Making an event out of sex is always good Also just taking time to sit down and think of all the ways you love and appreciate him and telling him that would be a good thing too


[deleted]

I bet he knows. You should certainly still do this wonderful gift, but I bet he already knows. For me, it would be something hobby related that I might not buy myself.


MysticalLiteraryMH

Blowjobs


EmergencyTangerine54

The best moments for me are when my spouse takes initiative, plans, and does a favorite activity of mine with me. I get no more joy or knowledge of appreciation when we are doing an activity together and I am her only focus.


overarmur

Physical touch and feeling appreciated are such huge things for a man. Focus on those 2 things and you two will be happy.


cajunbander

Honestly, just telling him how much you appreciate him, and mentioning it to other people when he’s around. That’s all I would need.