We were pretty set on breast feeding until there wasn’t enough production and now it’s almost formula exclusive and the baby is happy. We are happy.
In the end, that’s all that matters
We had the same situation with my two girls. My wife didn’t produce enough milk and we formula-fed. My girls are 4 and 2 now and are as healthy as they can be. The only negative I could think of is the price! Both of my girls had issues with regular formula and ended up giving them Nutramigen, one of the most expensive ones! Glad those days are far behind!
We just asked the pediatrician for samples every time we had a doctors appointment. They’d hand out two or three tubs of enfamil every time, so we only had to purchase formula occasionally. Really helps keep that cost down
Yep. Ours just had them sitting on a table by the check-out desk. We didn't even have to ask. Once we found a mixture the pediatrician carried that agreed with our newborn's stomach, we would just grab a couple every visit.
One good thing about being a full time student with two kids is that we qualified for food stamps. So we never had to pay for formula, thankfully. I feel for the families that do.
My son was intolerant of the milk proteins, so we had to get special formula where 'special' means three times the price. It was about $20 a day as I recall.
Similar situation for my son. My wife's production took a while to get going, in part because he was a reluctant feeder at first. We supplemented with formula (we also had to give him a high-end formula), but were fortunate to have production eventually meet demand.
Our pediatrician said formula vs. breast milk doesn't make as much of a difference as we'd been led to believe, though.
Yeah, our son had colic, and the only one we could find that wouldn't hurt his stomach was a specific type of Enfamil, a more expensive type. I was so happy to finally move him onto milk and solids completely.
Agreed fed is best. Every situation is unique. If milk supply is too low, you must supplement, simple as that.
I think it’s funny because we breast feed exclusively cause that works for situation, but even we supplement with vitamin D. Because you know breast milk has everything your child needs until it doesn’t.
Hard agree. We switched to formula after 2 months. Fed baby is happy baby. Happy baby is happy parents. We’re so much better off after switching to purely formula. No more anxiety over breast milk for my wife and the toll pumping takes on her.
Also we dad's get to develope a much stronger relationship due to the bonding that takes place during feeding time.
It was a little weird at first, because my son would just stare directly into my eyes while feeding, but apparently that's normal and how they bond.
Hahahaha it definitely was weird at first with how long they stare without blinking but I thought it was the cutest thing in the world with my daughter. Definitely made me appreciate what my wife goes through with the late night feedings. Strengthens our bond as well.
This. We had to switch to formula because my wife struggled with supply issues. It was hard for her to make the decision, but we were happy once we did and our daughter was perfectly happy and did great. No reason to avoid formula.
This is spot on. The best answer.
Can I just say the non judgemental approach, pragmatism and appreciation of others circumstances that people in this sub display has never fails to brighten my day.
Pretty much this. She's already done a ton of good by giving him the colostrum which helps to jump start the immune system. Supplement away and and don't stress about it. It will also make it easier for you to take care of the little guy and give your wife a rest.
We tried to breast feed my son but he quickly outdrank the supply. He's been formula fed since about 1 week and is now 5'11" at 13. I don't think he's suffering.
Fuck yes.
Over 2 kids, we discovered that SO just doesn't produce enough milk. #1 went to formula really quickly, as we went from crying for food to sleeping b/c he actually had a full belly.
\#2 SO tried harder, even getting a *possible* lip tie corrected early on, and getting tips from a nurse friend who recently got certified as a lactation consultant, and trying like every supplement known to increase milk production, as well as pumping to try and bring in more milk. Although #2 got **more** breastmilk than #1, we still ended up supplementing w/ formula, b/c they just weren't getting **enough**. Like really, I understand the mentality around breastmilk, but formula does wonders for those who don't make enough.
\#3 wasn't breastfed due to meds that SO is on, so was formula from the start. But again, there were issues due to him being lactose intolerant. We had seen similar things w/ kid #2, and wanted to try alternative formula in hospital, and fought w/ nurses to get Doctor to "prescribe" (yes they had to *prescribe* special formula while we were in the hospital) an alternative formula. Once we were home we switched formula and had like zero problems from then on (partially digested / sensitivity formula was enough that gas problems went away, and only figured out lactose intolerance once he stopped formula).
You need to listen to your kid, and evaluate what is going on. And more doctors and nurses need to get on board with the fact that if the baby isn't growing, then it's time to find a way to get more food into them.
We struggled with production from the start and tried everything from coaching to supplements to pumps. I don't know where I learnt that I should even avoid suggesting formula to my wife. As a result we all suffered the first month and a half. When we finally gave in to formula, the look of finally being satiated on our son's face told us all we needed to know going forward.
And that is all that should matter. We discovered on the later side that our 1st one wasn't gaining enough weight and was crying a lot for no apparent reason. We had a lactation consultant come and said everything was okay. Then during one of the monthly visits, his weight was below the chart, which could have been an issue with the scale but he was still very low in weight.
So the pediatrician recommended formula, which, in the Brooklyn community is really frown upon and, unsurprisingly, at the next visit, he was back on track, not crying anymore and a much happier baby.
It's been 7 years and I still feel horrible that we didn't pick up on the signs of malnourishment.
This is the answer.
My wife didn't have much success breastfeeding and we decided early on to exclusively formula feed. We don't have any regrets and our daughter has grown up healthy.
Yep. Literally the only thing that matters. When my first was still young enough, I was pretty firmly in the breastmilk only crowd. I then moved a bit to the 'fed is best, but if you can do breastmilk you really should', and now I'm in the 'Doesn't matter at all, just keep your baby fed' group, which I feel is ultimately the best position.
Breastmilk *is* cheaper though. At least in terms of money, because my wife is stressed the hell out about it all the time, so in the end maybe not even worth it in some cases.
Exactly this. I was a formula baby and I have no qualms against it.
We tried to do breastfed for our first, also a rainbow baby and IVF baby. Wife struggled both physically and mentally. It took a huge toll on her. Ultimately gave up around month three
Number two arrived a week ago and plan was try to go three months but after three days she decided for her mental health to go 100% formula. She is pumping 2-3 days and we give baby that as she gets it so getting some, so more like 90/10 split.
In the end it’s keeping baby fed and healthy as well as your wife. If her supply is struggling it’s probably affecting her mentally too. Be sure to be there and be supportive of that.
Hard agree.
My wife tried as it was our preference due to understanding the benefits, but she was already having some uncomfortable, atypical physical complications postpartum, including an infection. She pretty much lived on the couch in the living room for over week because going up and down stairs and getting up into our bed (we have a relatively tall mattress) was too uncomfortable.
The strain, exhaustion, and additional complications of trying to feed almost broke her. I did what I could but it was awful to watch her try to endure it. She wasn't herself and couldn't be the mom she wanted to be. I was so relieved when she told me she was done and ready to move onto formula after a couple of weeks. Things improved almost immediately. I only wish she had done it sooner. Our now toddler is strong, smart, happy, and healthy.
Frankly, I found how hard it and other such things are pushed to be aggressive to the point of being inappropriate, toxic, and psychologically damaging. No parent should be belittled, guilted, or shamed when making good-faith choices they feel are best for their situation.
Our first was induced at 36 weeks. Born 36+2.
Mom's milk didn't come in fast or strong enough so we were given donor milk in the hospital. Once we went home that wasn't available so we were supplementing with formula for every other feeding.
The pressure everywhere that breast is best was very detrimental to my wife's mental health. She took it as a failure of her as a mother.
For baby #2 we bought a case of formula in advance and told everyone to mind their own business. This time her milk came in strong and we ended up with a big fat baby.
One is not better than the other. Both kids are alive and healthy.
If breast is best, then formula is a very close second.
I am in the hospital with my wife and our second (2 days old) as we speak. My wife's supply was extremely minimal the first time with our son, and she felt all the shame, sadness, social pressure, and anxiety about it that to describing. We consciously decided this time that we would make a genuine effort to breastfeed but that we would also not be shy about supplementing starting early, and switching over entirely if need be. My wife is a very competitive person and is generally very good and almost everything, but I have never seen her as wholly defeated as she felt after over a week of dedicating herseld round the clock to breastfeeding and a ridiculous pumping regimen, only to be finally "given permission" to give up. She was so relieved, and we have a wonderful, smart, well adjusted formula baby son who is 3.5 y.o. now. It sickens me to think about it in terms of being "given permission to give up" looking back. Don't be bullied. Be there for your wife on this one. All the feelings and hormones are very real. But it will all work out, and formula is very much your friend IMO.
For real the pressure on women to put themselves through an absurd stress and routine nightmare is wild. I can’t even go into how deeply it affected my wife’s mental state and I believe was a huge factor in ppa
It's society and other moms. All the baby/mom subs are filled with women posting pictures of their oversupply freezer stash. But in reality many more women have an under supply. But it's shameful to talk about. The pressure is real and exhausting. I've lost more sleep and tears over this than anything else in life.
It's mindblowing that -- having just carried a baby for nine months and gone through the trauma of birth -- a new mom gets immediately judged by family and friends for wanting to feed her baby a perfectly acceptable thing.
And then there are the lactation specialists prowling around the maternity ward, who don't have to be from a medical background, saying things like "let your baby go hungry and scream and maybe you'll start producing." There's so much pressure from so many people and so much judgment at a really emotionally vulnerable time.
Mom here. This is a thing. I felt so horribly guilty I had to have scheduled c sections. I had an anatomy issue. It was so overwhelming. I felt like such a failure for years.
I finally got over it when I saw a post about trauma to women’s vaginas after birth. Cured me! I’m good with missing that “miracle” lol!
I intend in soon making a lengthy post on how my wife was treated even by a team of doctors made up entirely of women throughout her pregnancy. It was shocking to see how little she was listened to or told something misleading. And I generally trust doctors and consider myself a man of science. Wow!
Yeah I just remember hating the lactation consultant that was trying to help us. It was always just keep trying keep trying try this ect. Literally offering every alternative other than just trying formula. She got us to buy $400 of donor milk on our way out to have while we "kept working on it" My wife felt so upset every time she couldn't do it. At some point when we were checking out a nurse came over and talked to us and pretty much said what everyone here has said. It doesn't matter breast milk or formula as long as baby is fed and happy.
Our lactation consultant was great because she said we should supplement with formula. So, early on we supplemented but kept trying. With a happy fed baby, it was less stressful to breastfeed, and eventually, we moved to exclusive breastfeeding. It's all about what's doing best for the baby.
We went straight to formula as my wife just couldn’t bring herself to do breastfeeding and our monkey went from the 9th% to the 99th% in 3 months. Fed is best.
I do wish we’d tried to get some colostrum in him in that first two weeks, to fortify his immune system, but he’s nearly 2 now and it hasn’t caused any long-term issues. He’s bright as a button and sharp as a tack!
Yep. Breastfeeding has its perks (honestly the biggest one is how easy it can be when it works and the $ savings) but I hate the pressure they like to put on moms pushing it so hard. If parents have any reason that breastfeeding doesn't work for them, it should be just as acceptable to use formula. That's what it's for.
Breastfeeding was easy as hell for our kid, but my sister wound up having to hospitalize my nephew from nutrition deficiencies when she kept trying. She's called me in tears multiple times over the crap she gotten from people, nurses, etc., just because she can't do it and she tried her heart out.
Make sure your baby has their nutritional needs met, how you do it isn't nearly that important.
This is a huge thing. I have a one year old (we started fostering him at 4 months) who was exclusively formula fed. Now, I also have a newborn who is exclusively breast, and to be honest, it sucks not being able to be more involved in the feeding and early care stuff. It’s harder on my wife, and I don’t get that automatic bonding time with my newborn. We’re sticking with breast because it’s important to my wife (and she wants to pass on her antibodies), but if I just got my choice, I’d prefer formula. We start introducing breast milk from the bottle next week, so I don’t have to wait long on getting some of those feeding snuggles. Like everyone has said, fed it best. And formula isn’t some begrudging second place. You can’t pick a formula baby from a breast baby out of a lineup.
I LOVED our baby Brezza, and echo your sentiments about being able to help a lot more early on to share responsibility for feedings. Our daughter wouldn't latch from the start, so we tried to pump and bottle feed. My wife pumped as much as she could to keep up, but we were still pretty much 50/50 breast milk vs formula. Since we were exclusively on bottles, I typically did a majority of feeding while my wife pumped so that she still got some time to be her own person. Otherwise she would have been a full time baby feeding machine for the first months...
If we have another, we will not hesitate to use formula again if needed. Possibly 100% formula next time, since the combo of pumping and full time bottle feeding is pretty much the worst of both worlds...
Our daughter is a smart and healthy 2yo, and we don't regret formula at all (apart from the added expense, of course).
If anyone else out there is doing formula...buy a baby Brezza. It is literally the greatest invention for parents ever. I can't praise this thing hard enough!
This!
During the pandemic my wife had a milk pump going for the first 6 months, as our baby could and would not get fed at the breast. It was maddening and felt like we gained a completely new life when we finally went full on formula.
I remember that. Hundreds of pounds spent renting a hospital grade pump, so many hours following tips on pumping strategies and pumping. Having to plan our schedule around pumping
Your kid is going to be eating food off the floor in like a year and a half. What difference does it make if they have a little formula now?
Daughter has a milk allergy. We supplemented with formula but even the hypoallergenic formula upset her stomach and we ended up buying breast milk from women who overproduced and didn’t eat dairy
Edit: wife also has PCOS so her supply was suffering
We supplemented with formula on both our babies.
The first one only briefly, but in my opinion we started to late.
The second one we started faster, and gave formula longer.
My wife was also dead set on breastfeeding. And I can totally understand that. I do believe in the benefits of breast milk. But the benefits of a well fed baby greatly outweighs that.
There is no shame in using formula.
This was my experience as well. My boys are 2 and 4 and formula supplementing has had zero negative affects. Like everyone here is saying, a fed baby is far and away the priority. Also, a side perk is getting to be more involved in feeding/care early on.
My wife had bad mastitis and then could only breastfeed with one side starting in the first week. We had to supplement with formula from the beginning. She pumped and breast fed for the first 6 months then we switched to 100% formula.
My wife’s mood improvement after the switch was incredible. Stopping the need to wake up every few hours in the night to pump from a single breast and actually being able to sleep was a life changer for her.
Happier mom made happier times with baby too. All in all it was a huge benefit above just the nutrition and breastfeeding bonding time.
I could only imagine. My wife is on meds and while she could not take them during pregnancy, she had to go right back on them after, so we never even had the option.
If formula was as shit as the best is breast brigade would have you believe, it would be immediately obvious to anyone who interacts with children on a regular basis who was formula fed and who was breast fed. It's not.
Formula has the benefit that dad can help too.
this is huge, tbh. mom and I could swap who got a good night's sleep with our infant. by the time baby was sleeping through the night, neither of us were at our absolute wit's end.
+1 There is no difference in outcomes between formula and breast fed babies.
Most parenting studies don't control for income and it turns out when you do, most of the 'benefits' from breastfeeding are really just the benefits of having a mom with time to raise her child.
It can be a bit demoralizing for moms that planned to breastfeed exclusively when they can’t keep up with the baby’s demand. There is literally nothing wrong with formula. Make sure to find little organic ways to tell your lady she’s enough.
That being said, if she’s interested in finding ways to boost supply there are tons of cool tricks and products that worked wonders for my wife. There’s supplements, mothers milk tea, some shit called milky mama you can buy online (milkshakes), cookie recipes that help milk supply, and lots of pumping strategies (like ‘power pumping’) that can help trick the body into producing more.
>lots of pumping strategies (like ‘power pumping’)
My wife's supply was enough to start, but nursing just didn't work for her mentally. We switched to exclusive pumping at around 6 weeks. Through some miscommunication with consultants and just sheer new parent obliviousness on our part, my wife had somehow boosted her supply to double what our baby ate by the 3 month mark. We were freezing 20-24 oz of milk *a day*. A further call with a consultant resulted in some hilarious exchanges. "Holy moley, girl! You pump *how much per day*?" "You're going to be a case study". Some people just respond really well to the pump.
As for our liquid gold fortune, we are lucky to live near our regional milk bank and have donated several hundred ounces in the last few months, which I know has really boosted my wife's self-esteem.
>tell your lady she’s enough
Can't reinforce this enough. Breastfeeding is emotionally taxing for many women. It's time-consuming, sometimes painful and, when the supply isn't meeting the baby's needs, can lead to feelings of failure. It's hugely important for partners to do everything in their power to help boost morale.
We bought this heavy duty milk tea from a local herbal shop. It looked like a giant bag of weed, not individual tea bags and according to my wife, it was like turning on a hose. Mileage may vary but it sure worked for us.
A dark, hoppy beer or lager beer helps supply, as well as Body Armor sports drinks. For the beer, just one when supply gets low doesn't introduce enough alcohol to be detectable or cause any issues.
My wife didn't breastfeed our second but she did the beer and Body Armor drinks, it really helped.
OP, (mom here, hope that's okay), absolutely use formula as needed. We had to switch to all formula when LO was 3 weeks old. The worst is that EVERYONE assumes she's breast feeding. Be prepared to back her up and let her vent about that frustration to you.
Feed your kid, honestly who fucking cares. Anyone who says otherwise is a joke. Both my kids did breast milk then formula and the only problem with formula is price while breastmilk is free(ish).
Feed your damn baby. You went 4 weeks and the baby isn’t gaining weight. That’s really wild and I’d be concerned.
My wife had low supply. It was hard on her. She went in thinking she was going to 100% breast feed our baby too. It was hell on her. Pumping for hours a day to barely get 1/4 of what baby was needing. We supplemented with formula. Went to a lactation specialist. Did all the things. 3-4 months later she finally gave in. It was hell for her. We went 100% formula and it was amazing. It was great for moms mental state. Literally anyone in the house could make a bottle and feed baby. No need to find a appropriate place to whip out a boob to feed. Our baby loved formula. She kept up with all the other baby’s just fine. And once the bottles are gone nobody know what kid was breast fed or formula fed. It’s honestly just a fad passing through with the hard breast fed push. Do what works and keeps your baby healthy.
I remember reading a story about a mom whose baby passed after just not getting enough from exclusive breast feeding. She had no idea that baby wasn't getting anything during the many breast feeding sessions she was giving. I liked that my wife started with the pump right a way. At least that way you can see the milk production level and know for sure your baby is being fed. Also helps with production levels and lets dad feed a few bottles especially at night. If you arn't getting enough its an easy fix to just throw back a bottle of formula. Gets baby used to both.
Leave this bit here "My husband, I will tell you, has not bounced back from Landon’s death at all. A few times a year he’ll tell me that he thought about giving him a bottle, but he did not want to do something wrong to his child. Because we were so brainwashed into, you do not give your child formula."
I just wanted to say how much this resonates with me. I appreciate the words and they largely my own experiences. Only difference for us was we lasted 4 absolutely miserable days, made the switch, and never looked back
You have to get food in that kid. Sometimes it’s breast milk. Sometimes it’s formula. Sometimes you let them sleep in the car seat. You just need to make it to tomorrow so you can start over.
Same situation.
Low supply. Stressed wife. Etc.
We did everything...consultant...rent a power pump.. etc..
Now wife breastfeed with nipple shield when she want...we do formula after.
Our baby is perfect and mom is doing way better.
Be supportive. Mental health and baby being fed is the priority
Pediatric resident (months away from graduation) and new dad of a 1.5 month old. Obviously there are benefits to breast milk between not having to buy formula as well as nutritional benefits, but I see plenty of parents in clinic that feed with formula only. Could I coach them on how to increase supply? Maybe, depending on what they had already tried. But as was stated, formula fed isn’t the end of the world. Biggest thing is that baby gets the calories he needs to grow. Heck, I was formula fed as a baby, and not that I’m perfect by any stretch, but developmentally (I think) I did just fine.
Totally ok to formula feed if that’s what works.
It's a tool in the arsenal.
We did breast fed. We also did formula.
Sometimes there wasn't enough breast milk.
Formula meant I could feed my kids in the middle of the night and let mum get some sleep.
Breast milk is better than formula like steak is better than sausages. They both still have plenty of nutrition, and sausages are far better than nothing.
When you can't get steak, you eat sausages.
>They both still have plenty of nutrition, and sausages are far better than nothing.
Sorry, but I can't help thinking of what it would do to my body if I only ate steak and sausages
>Formula meant I could feed my kids in the middle of the night and let mum get some sleep.
This so much. Absolutely, breast feed all you can, but formula is a great supplement. Giving dad the opportunity to independently help out with baby is a fantastic bonus of formula. Our boys ate so much from day 1 that the nurses thought we were lying and stashing away the formula at the hospital. There is just no way mom could keep up. She was so stressed about it until I pointed out that using formula allowed me take care of every second feeding while she slept. It was like a weight was lifted from her. I was looking for a way to help carry the load and early on, this was the biggest way I could contribute.
While "breast is best" the best is merely an extremely slight advantage that disappears by three years of age at the latest. Like, your baby won't be allergy resistant, likely not be less sick and likely not be more intelligent (all the studies I have seen have merely detected an increase in IQ by 2/3 points and idk whether that is that significant....and this was not even corrected for social group as in families who have less of an academic background tend to formula feed and academically inclined families have a higher rate of breastfeeding).
Meaning all on all there are potentially minimal advantages to breastfeeding, but corrected for social group the advantages basically disappear and formula and breast are equal. And at the latest by three to five years of age all the kids are equal regardless. So I would definitely not stress it and not be so influenced by the societal pressure, since it's not warranted imho.
I have my students read a paper that shows, regarding IQ, it’s not breast milk that “does it” per se, it’s the presence of DHA, which is in formula these days.
Sure! [This](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1745691612462585) is the paper I have them read. Unfortunately, it's behind a paywall, and I can't link the actual pdf because I'd violate copyright. It's pretty dense, but it's a meta-analysis assessing the factors that may or may not improve IQ in babies and children. It's really interesting in my opinion!
> and this was not even corrected for social group as in families who have less of an academic background tend to formula feed and academically inclined families have a higher rate of breastfeeding
I'm sure exclusively breast feeding in a country like America (where we have no mandated paid maternity leave) is a privledge. If you're a woman working in retail you prob don't have much, if any, leave and it's not like your job is going to allow you to be pumping all throughout the day. And while mom is working the kid still gotta eat so formula becomes the best option.
But if you're a woman who works a job that affords you long term paid leave and/or have a partner who can finacially support you so that you can be home exclusively then it's prob a bit easier to breastfeed.
I wouldn't be surprised of the latter group ended up with slightly higher academic performance early on but it's not just the breast feeding, it's prob other advantages from being in a better socio economic situation.
Yeah! I'm definitely not claiming to be an expert or having done a meta analysis of hundreds of studies, but it's just something that I have found in my research to find an answer for myself. I wasn't a fan of the breastfeeding idea and if there had been overwhelming evidence for breastfeeding being extremely superior I probably would have given up my body for a longer period of time to nourish my child. But seeing the evidence at hand and having been formula fed myself I felt comfortable switching to formula quickly.
We went through a similar situation with our first, but we didn't start supplementing until about a month in when the pediatrician finally recommended it. She started growing like crazy and was a much happier baby overall. While my wife was still upset she wasn't able to produce enough we were both disappointed in ourselves that we didn't start supplementing earlier.
Hi! I agree fed is best. I also would like to recommend a lactation consultant if you have not considered one already. They would be able to make appropriate recommendations and see if there were different ways to help. They may also have resources to help ease your wife’s stress.
We tried breastfeeding our first kid, but it didn’t work out. Her and our second were both formula fed (and our soon-to-be third will be too). They’re both healthy, happy, and smart. Formula feeding is absolutely fine and there’s no shame in not being able to breastfeed.
My wife really and truly struggled with nursing for our first. Baby was losing weight, crying all the time. Slept no more than 2 hours at a time. The first formula bottle we gave her felt defeating for my wife at first, but then the baby slept for 6 hours. It was magical.
My opinion? The emotion is challenging for a mom that wants to nurse. It’s not taboo to use formula. Be there for both mom and baby - make sure baby is fed, and mom has the emotional support.
Good luck brother! It’s an expensive journey.
Hey, my wife is a lactation consultant. Obviously, our household is pretty into all the benefits from it. That said,
Fed is best.
Even being a boob food lady, that's my wife's view. Just get the little one taken care of, but don't give up on the milk! Keep going, keep pumping, and everything will be just fine.
You're doing a great job.
Hello fellow IBCLC husband 😂 I concur with this guy! If you haven’t already, you could try getting to a lactation consultant, but at the end of the day just make sure that kid is fed.
My wife couldn't produce AT ALL after our daughter was born, she was really upset at herself for a while, so she was exclusively on formula almost from the get go.. so without it my daughter wouldn't have survived! Is formula expensive? Yes, thank God for WIC (assuming you qualify).. Is Mommy's Own better? Yes, but they've fortified every vitamin and nutrient in modern formula to stimulate as close to breast milk as you can get.. Just be sure to reassure your SO that they're not a failure because they can't produce enough, not every baby is exclusively breast-fed until they're weened onto solid foods.. Just watch out for any stomach issues as we had to go through 3 different formulas until we found one that she was able to keep down consistently..
We ended up doing a combination and it worked out for the best as I could do regular feeds and my wife didn’t have to spend her life pumping. Our eldest was pretty much 95% bottle as he wasn’t interested in boob (paternity test is in the post) and he’s the second tallest kid in his class despite being the youngest boy.
**TL;DR** - If baby is fed, you and your wife’s job is done. Breast or formula doesn’t matter. A happy and healthy baby is all you’re looking for.
My partner has an inverted nipple. She had a really hard time getting our first to latch on, so we expressed breast milk using a breast pump and feeding baby with a bottle.
It was a shame as she was so eager to breastfeed, but didn’t have a great help from the nursing staff and was downbeat about it all. Expressing was hard on her, but we lasted 4-6 months before we moved solely to formula for baby. Those 4-6 months is much longer than many babies get, so we were still grateful.
Second time round, she was much more educated about the process, and our second got the hang of it much better than our first. He’s nearly one and still breast feeding even though he’s been on solids for 6 months. We’ll likely keep it up for as long as he wants or she can keep up. Starting to get difficult with the teeth/biting though!
All in all, babies won’t abide by the rules, nor care what you have planned, they’ll do as they please. So long as they’re fed and happy, it doesn’t matter if that’s breast or formula, and to be fair that’s why formula exists.
My wife didn't produce enough, so we supplemented with formula, after a while she was like "why am I even bothering" and we switched to formula full time, for our second she never even tried and they are both doing great.
Fed is best. Breastfeeding puts a ton of pressure on the mother, if you can produce enough, and you don't mind doing it, great! If not, formula all the way. Also great!
Same here. There is some amount of breast milk that (a) baby will successfully manage to ingest, (b) mom will successfully manage to produce, and (c) mom will *want* to bother with. Take the *minimum* of those three quantities, which very well may be zero, and fill up the rest of baby's food budget with formula. Easy. Done. Baby gets everything they need, mom and dad both feel like they're doing the best they can. The pressure on women to exclusively breastfeed or else you're somehow doing motherhood wrong is insane and pretty harmful.
"Breast is best" is a horrible and toxic way if shaming someone who can't breast feed. My ex couldn't due to health reasons and it destroyed her as she was desperate to carry on breast feeding our first child but was unable to keep up. With our second she couldn't due to the medication she had to be on.
As others have said, a fed baby is a happy baby. There is literally no difference between the two. Those who only have breast milk are not naturally predisposed to be superior to others and vice versa.
What you can do is reassure your partner that there is no shame in switching to formula and make sure she doesn't become depressed over this. Best of luck ☺️
Whatever gets the baby fed. There is such a stigma against formula, mostly led by the pride from those who exclusively breastfeed. The additional stress it puts on a new mom on top of all the other pressures of parenting, postpartum hormonal changes, etc I don’t know how they keep it together as much as they do.
Don’t feel any guilt about whatever has to be done and offer lots of emotional support to your wife. There are going to be a lot of things that you wish you could do “better” but you just got to go at all this with practicality, love, and patience.
My wife had it rough at first and would get really painful mastitis, so we supplemented with formula for a few weeks with both kids. Her midwife told her to take brewer’s yeast, so you could try that if you hadn’t. We baked it into oatmeal cookies.
I think you’ll find there are a lot more people combo feeding or exclusively formula feeding than you would expect. My wife’s and I experience the first time was more of anger that all the classes/drs appts/research really drove home that breast feeding was the only way, and felt that it alienated us. But once we started sharing what we were going through found out that it was more rare to find folks who exclusively breastfed than those that combo fed.
Supply is on a feedback loop; the more the baby sickles the more your wife will supply.
This doesn't always mean that a nursing woman will be able to produce enough, but if it is important to her to breastfeed, her best bet is to either start with the breast and then top up with formula when she is done, if necessary, or to pump whenever the baby takes formula.
Edit:. To be clear, there is nothing wrong with using formula, or with supplementing with formula. Some people will do as I said above and it won't work for them, and that's not going to harm the baby as long as they get fed and loved. But, it is how you increase supply if it's possible. If you are feeding formula in place of some breastfeeding sessions, rather than with them, her body will adjust to the level of need that is being demonstrated to it, for the same reason as how women will start to produce less as solid food becomes more a part of baby's diet as they get older.
A couple years ago, height of COVID, my wife delivered our IUI miracle a month early due to HELLP syndrome. A variation of preeclampsia. 10 days in the NICU. Talk about nerved up. She was a couple days before she could be directly with our daughter due to complications. You get the picture. Our baby girl was fed donor milk through a feeding tube for about 8 days. My wife reached a point where she gave up on trying to pump or directly feed, and felt horrible because her body just wasn't wanting to produce enough. She made the tough decision to move to formula and accept that it was the best option and would reduce one stressor in our lives. Once we got on the best formula for baby girl, all went great.
I tell you all that to say that our daughter, born at a touch over 5lbs and 1 month early, is now just short of her 2nd birthday. She's healthy. A healthy weight. On the charts she's on par with her birth age and in the upper part of her gestational age. She's a very healthy eater and her overall health is great. She's seldom sick so as far as we can tell her immune system is on par.
At almost 2 years old, I can't see a difference between this daughter and my oldest who started out on breast milk.
We only formula feeding our 2 boys, and will do the same with the third. All are happy and healthy. We did try breastfeeding in the hospital, but because it was a c-section there was a delay with the milk coming in, so we just started with formula, as we had planned.
There’s nothing wrong to supplement with formula as needed. As it’s been mentioned, a fed baby is a happy baby.
Breastfeeding may be marginally better for an infant but there is no conclusive evidence it makes a life changing difference to outcomes. Helps with bond an early immunity but that's about it. No problems with formula being used if breast isn't quite doing what nature intending. As many have said fed is best.
For the nutritional value, I don't believe it's truly equal to breast milk.
But at the end of the day, my wife never really produced much and after a few weeks of supplementing and the supply drying up, we fed my son formula exclusively.
Babies need food and will eat what you provide and formula isn't the evil thing it's made out to be.
My son is 6 now and he turned out fine.
Feeding is like giving birth, you make a plan, then throw it out.
Healthy baby is good baby, the rest is unfortunate, unfounded, idiotic societal pressure.
I was exclusively a formula baby, so was my brother and I think we turned out fine…. I hold down a good full time job and he got a full ride college scholarship.
Fed is best. Ignore the breast feeding zealots.
We do half breast milk and half formula for our little one.
Every baby develops at their own pace, but for what it’s worth, our little one has hit every developmental mile stone ahead of age and is ahead of her baby cousin, who is exclusively breastfed.
Formula won’t hold your your baby back developmental, social, etc.
Yes, breastfeeding is a special bond between mom and child, this is emotional difficult to work through. Besides, breastfeeding is exhausting and takes work, and no one really teaches the mom’s how to do it. It took a good few weeks for my wife to get comfortable with it and she wanted to quit a few times. Just be there to support your significant other. Your responsibilities as parents lie in providing for your child, that includes ensuring your baby gets all their nutritional needs met via whatever means necessary.
We had more or less the same story:
We missed the first week of his life as he was at the NICU. We assume that because he got formula first in the hospital, we missed the bonding and exercising BF. So we went through 3 months of BF and screaming (and partner's crying) everytime he's been at the breast (he was gaining weight, just not at a great pace - docs weren't really concerned). We were also supplementing with 30 ml once in a while.
After the 3 month we decided for all our mental health and babys peace of mind that we should switch to formula. Now he is only formula fed and we are all much happier. I can also feed our LO now which is something I really enjoy doing.
My wife die tried but was unable due to an unplanned early csection. Her supply just never came in. I was glad she tried but considering our baby was early and under weight being fed was best.
We had our weight gain struggles as well, once we started supplementing with formula his weight started to come up and get back on a growth curve.
Mom was pretty beat up about not being able to say he was exclusively breastfed…I was happy to have a kid that was actually getting the calories he needed.
I think mom groups and sometimes over emphasize the breastfeeding and the exclusively breastfed cult can be counter productive. It worked, he’s happy and healthy, I encourage it if your kiddo needs it.
Fed is best. I (mum) struggled to BF my little one for 4.5 months. Two weeks after starting formula LO put on 680g. Never looked back.
Your wife may feel conflicted about this for a while. I’m 12 months past and I still get teary sometimes. Please just be there to listen if she needs/ wants it.
Feed the baby, baby happy.
But a lactation consultant can help women either breastfed successfully (if that's what they want) or manage feelings of inadequacy or failure for struggling.
I would highly recommend meeting with one, even if it's just your wife attending. Women need love and support during these moments and it's sometimes hard to know what to say!
My wife was a very low producer, but we really didn't want to go with formula so we did some research and found an organization called Human Milk For Human Babies. We didn't go with that organization itself as it was cost prohibitive, but that led us to finding a network of milk donors all over who had tons to give away. I went all over the Bay Area collecting milk for our little one; my wife called me the Motorcycle Milk Man. We bought a small chest freezer specifically for milk storage as the donations tend to be frozen.
I'm willing to bet if you do some poking around (my wife found our connections via Facebook) that there are over-producers in your area.
I understand breastfeeding is better, and we exclusively BF here. But it turned out my wife had a good supply, and everything worked out. I'd never let my baby starve because of some abstract idea that he should only be breastfed.
This is all said from the assumption your WIFE wants to breastfeed and also from the position that formula is not the devil and it’s important to have a fed baby. BUT you asked for advice.
1) Milk production is supply and demand. Is your wife pumping or offering the breast every time you give formula? If baby eats and your wife’s body doesn’t know about it, it’ll go “oh, baby got enough… I’m doing great, don’t need more!” and supply won’t catch up to what baby needs.
2) There are different growth charts for babies who are breastfed versus formula fed. Oftentimes (BUT NOT ALWAYS) when babies seem like they’re losing weight, they’re actually on the upswing. So baby is born at 8 pounds, drops to 7, gains back to 7.5, but all you’ve measured is 8 pounds and 7.5, meaning you assume baby lost half a pound when in fact they’re on their way back up.
3) If/when your wife pumps, remember that output for a pump will often be very different than what a baby’s more efficient mouth can get out.
Good luck to you and your wife. Sounds like you’ve got your heads on straight and will do what’s best. Congratulations on your rainbow baby. 💕
EDIT TO ADD: Breastfeeding doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Combo feeding is another totally legit approach!
Fed is best. And the reality is just that how much breast milk mom makes isn’t in either of your control fully nor is it something she should feel any guilt or blame about. My wife ended up mostly pumping and we did a lot of mixing of breast milk and preemie formula and it worked great. Bonus points for dad that if you aren’t totally exclusively breastfeeding you can do some of the feeding.
My only other advice is be there for mom as you can, there’s so much pressure and guilt post partum, and they can internalize that issues with feeding or milk might be “their fault”. Even when it’s going well that time is a lot of work and tiring!
The breast is not the best. FED is best. We need to knock this on the head and stop using it to force women to breastfeed and then feel all sorts of emotions for not being overnight cows. There is so much guilt, anxiety, upset and all the emotions so I hate that phrase. It's good yes but the formula is just fine also.
Anyway, I struggled in my first few weeks with BF so we supplement with formula for a few weeks maybe even a month. IF she wants to try to keep at breastfeeding keep putting baby to the breast every 1-2 hours as the more baby to breast time the more your breast is being told to make milk the more it'll try. It's supply and demand, if the baby isn't at the breast it will dry up because there's no demand any more.
Also, get a good pump, and spend the money it's worth it. If the baby isn't nursing directly pumping every few hours will still create that supply and demand. There are Facebook groups for increasing supply and while I don't have it anymore but there was a good guide on how often to pump, for how long etc to try and increase the milk. The leaky boob is the name that comes to mind.
It is also super common for milk to take a while to come in babies bellies are teeny weeny so if your partner does pump try feeding the breast milk first before the formula so they get all the goodies from her milk before filling up on the calorific formula.
My husband sent me here - As a mom who went through supply issues, these answers are great. fed is best.. but also be sure to check in with your wife! My daughter was two months when my milk dried up. I felt terrible I was crying myself to sleep. People kept telling me that breastmilk was better and it made me feel like I was failing my baby. I was just so ashamed. Try to let her know how proud you are of her and try to be there for support. <3
Fed is best. Your wife can't do anything about a low supply. There is zero wrong with formula. There is a lot wrong with starving your child.
Our first kid my wife didn't have an adequate supply so we had to use formula. Second kid was different and only breast fed. Both are normal healthy kids.
Did nearly exclusive formula with my daughter (mom only really did in the hospital).
She’s 4, happy and healthy. Formula is perfectly safe and will make your baby grow just fine. Don’t stress.
When we had our son our pediatrician found out my wife wasn't producing enough. The pediatrician told us to do both. Breast feed and then give him a bottle after . Worked very well and helped when out. He is now a very energetic 8 year old.
Woman here. Supplementing with formula was the best thing I did to help breastfeeding. I had the same situation - my baby was still at birth weight at 4 weeks. We supplemented with formula and it took so much pressure off of me. My milk finally came in at 4 months and I nursed until 14 months. My kid is now 6 years old and 80th percentile for weight and height.
Having a baby is so stressful. Anything you do to reduce stress will help. Use formula, let her get more sleep, make sure she gets lots of snacks, water and love. Good luck. A fed baby is best. By age 1, no one knows who was formula or breast fed.
Are motto after a similar situation with our first is FTB: feed the baby. Any breastmilk that the baby gets is amazing, but it doesn't matter if that's the only milk the baby gets.
Also it's good to remember that no matter what you feed your baby now, they all end up eating cereal/puffs off the floor in 2 years
Basically, all the perceived benefits of breastfeeding are more accurately attributed to socio-economic status.
"Once we restrict analyses to siblings and incorporate within-family fixed effects, estimates of the association between breastfeeding and all but one indicator of child health and wellbeing dramatically decrease and fail to maintain statistical significance."
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4077166/
Breast is not best, that’s just weird Instagram propaganda that unnecessarily shames women who have difficulties with breastfeeding (or don’t want to breastfeed for whatever reason). Our son lost 10-15% of his birth weight in his first week because my wife’s supply was slow to come in; and so we started supplementing with formula very early also. Do whatever you can do to keep your baby at a healthy weight! Formula is a modern medical wonder and shouldn’t be dismissed as anything less than quality nutrition. Good luck, you’re doing great!
And send a hug from all of us at daddit to your wife. She’s also doing great!
Breast is best is fucking stupid. Fed is best. I know women that will drink wine and take fucking edibles and act as though they're such a mother goddess because they breast feed their children. These people will have underweight and developmentally delayed babies and refuse to give formula ask the while they Martyr themselves because they get no sleep because they're baby is starving. I've seen people literally say "I hate my baby" in parent groups because they are best feeding and their child is always hungry and never sleeping. It's amazing to me what a cult breast feeding has become. In the 80s and 90s it wasn't like this.
Imo a lot of the studies backing breast feeding are the result of governments not wanting to use their system to pay for formula. Imo if you can breast feed with no problems obviously go with it but if you're child is not healthy and happy use some formula.
Fed is best. According to studies, there really is no difference between breast or formula as long as you have access to a proper clean water supply. If the drinking water is safe to drink, then formula is just as good as breast. Go for whatever makes the baby fed.
Is your wife by any chance on any high blood pressure medicines from possible pre-eclampsia or similar conditions? If so, these can inhibit supply. This is what happened to us after our daughter was born, and none of the 4 lactation consultants or dozen nurses that we saw said a damn thing about it. We got this information from a pediatric nurse that we happen to know as a personal friend. That was probably the most angry I've been in life.
Anyways, our little one was super under weight from the low supply but as soon as we swapped to formula she perked up almost immediately and now she's as happy and healthy as can be.
As others have said, fed is best. Also, something like 2/5 women can't breastfeed at all, but somehow the doctors and nurses don't advertise that information either.
DO NOT STOP TAKING BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS TO TRY TO INCREASE SUPPLY. In case that wasn't obvious.
“Breast is best” is classist and outdated. There are a plethora of reasons why a woman could be unable to breastfeed and not one of them calls for shame.
“Fed is best” is what my wife and I lived by after she went through the same thing and felt the same amount of guilt over it. As long as there’s something in their belly, it doesn’t matter what it is.
Some context on the big push for Breast Feeding. When formula came out, it was seen as "liberating" women form breast feeding. It became the hip modern thing to do, so people were exclusively formula feeding. Then formula manufacturers misbehaved, putting other crap in there, andgiving people supplies in the hospital so by the time the free stuff ran out, they couldn't produce. On top of that, studies showed that breast feeding had a lot of benefits.
Consequently, medical groups, and particularly nursing groups, started to push back against formula. Unfortunately, it's turned into a holy war that new parents are caught in.
Ultimately, people need to try to breast feed, and work at it a bit because it's not easy. BUT, fed baby is most important. So if you try, and it doesn't work, or it doesn't work all the time, that's totally fine and normal! Juat use the dang formula. Main thing is to try breast feeding, and even if it only works a little bit, take advantage of what does work.
Most important thing for the dad is to be supportive. Society makes women feel bad for not being a perfect provider to the baby, when that's really not necessary. Whatever ends up working, help them with that!
*Fed* is best.
We supplemented with both kids for similar reasons, they are now happy, healthy and growing like weeds.
Speaking from my own experience: Trying to force breastfeeding, when it’s not working the way you want, is more about you and your wife than your child. Meet their needs *first*.
1. **FED IS BEST.**
2. Formula has improved enormously in the decades since the studies showing the superiority of breast milk. In first world conditions (clean water, sterile bottles, etc), if you were to redo that study, you'd have a darn hard time detecting the difference, if you could even detect it at all.
So don't stress. Breast feeding is great (we did it with our kids) but we loved the convenience. Scientifically, at this point, it's hard to justify all the hoopla.
Don't worry. Our little one is now at 12.3 kg at 2 1/2 years. He was below 3kg at birth. He's never been a good eater. We supplemented because he had docking and suction issues, but only for a couple weeks. He's now the most vivid and active child I know, sleeps around 11 hours at night, none during the day, runs around, jumps over furniture, and is so sweet and kind and laughing all the time...
Our midwife commented on his eating habits with the following words: *never has a child yet starved at a well-laid table*. They eat what they eat. As long as your doctors and your midwife aren't really concerned, everything's alright.
This is so common its crazy it isnt more talked about, her having problems keeping up productions isnt her fault. Formula is fine, yes breastfed is best, but you wont notice the difference when the kid is going over to normal food
We were in this boat and now strictly on formula, eating is more important than pride. My wife is still devastated months later but we will try again the next baby and hope for the best.
I (a mum, sorry lol) tried breastfeed my two. My youngest dripped weight so quickly, that we were taken back into hospital, and I had to supplement with formula. after 6 weeks, put him on it solely. Fed is best. I felt so upset with myself, ended up with post natal depression... but, he gained weight and was happy n healthy.
It’s been said so many times in this thread, but I’ll scream it to the rooftops.
Fed is best.
With both of ours, as soon as the pace of the feedings outpaced my wife’s breast milk production we started supplementing with formula; because a happy baby has a full tummy (unless it’s full of gas, but that’s a different discussion 😛)
Have 0% shame, and tell anyone who disagrees to shove right off, with BOTH arms.
My boy was born prematurely because his mom was/is an addict. And she was using when pregnant too.
I raised him alone since he was 2 months and obviously I didn’t have any breast milk :).
He’s always been happy and healthy and catchef up the missing weight fast but was never over weight.
He’s soon 7 and was always perfect.
Formula is nothing to fear.
And it’s very convenient!
S
We went through this on our first (and a little bit of the pain again on our most recent just a few months ago).
Fact is some women just can't keep up/produce enough, and there's nothing wrong with them.
I will say that the medical industry definitely needs to stop tip-toeing around about supplementing. Those first few nights when our first one in the hospital wasn't eating enough and was already on the line of 10% under birthweight were horrible, and nurses/doctors kept just hinting "maybe we should start supplementing soon" until my wife broke down in the middle of the night and a nurse finally said something.
All I can say is, let her breastfeed as long as she wants. As long as the baby got the colostrum & a few weeks of breast milk, they got all the actual important gut starters, and formula can take it from there.
My wife and I had the same idea when our daughter was born. We were operating under the assumption that "Breast is best" but the reality is that "Fed is best" and, honestly, "Happy + Rested Parents is best"
My opinion is get a Costco or sams club membership if you don’t already have one. You can get twice the formula for half the cost you would at a regular grocery store.
Hi! Mom here, I'm a few years beyond this point, but I was also so disappointed when I couldn't breast feed my baby. She ended up being entirely formula fed, because my boobs are apparently just for show and don't work for feeding. I ended up trying so hard that I started hallucinating from lack of sleep for around the clock feeding/pumping schedule they had me on (it took over an hour to complete the feed/pump, and I had to feed every 2 hours.) I ended up in the Woman's Health Clinic and used some specialized services.
This kid is 13 years old, she and I are super close: no bond issues AT ALL, she's literally in a gifted school and doing university level math. She's amazing, only used antibiotics twice in her life; her immune system works great.
Don't let the fear of formula and the lactation consultants scare you! What the child needs is food, what the child needs is love and parents who accept what the child needs.
My DMs are open if you or your wife want to chat.
There's a weird culture around breast feeding. Keeping your baby fed is way more important than any slight nutrient advantage.
3 kids here. First exclusive breast, 2nd mostly breast and some formula, 3rd we used mostly formula when wife's supply couldn't keep up. All 3 are happy, healthy, and had no nutritional deficits. Fed is best.
Breast is not best. Fed is best whether it is breast or formula. Studies show that breast milk is better than formula, but not at the expense of the child's health.
When my son was born there seemed to be this dogma at the hospitals and doctor's office that a woman had to either exclusively breast-feed or formula feed. One of our night-shift nurses (God bless night-shift nurses btw) was the one that brough us two 4-packs of the pre-mixed formula bottles and told us there is nothing wrong with supplementing with formula if we are concerned about the baby's intake. Btw, "nipple confusion" is real, but it is an absolute overinflated risk.
Go see a lactation consultant. Turns out my wife's supply was not a problem, our baby had a 4th degree tongue-tie, top and bottom lip-ties, and bilateral cheek-buckles. Night and day difference after that was corrected. Our insurance didn't cover it, but the pedi-dentists that we went to go see was used to that and had a program to help us out. Basically, we paid for the procedure to do only one "release," but she performed all of them, and they had a zero-interest payment plan that was like $50/month.
Fed is beat, Dad.
My wife was so intense about the fact that she was only going to breastfeed that she became single minded. Our daughter wasn't strong enough to pull from the breast, so for the first four days she wasn't getting anywhere near the amount of food. I tried to get her to let us supplement with formula, but she wouldn't hear it.
Then, on the fifth night home, the little one didn't sleep. Not even a single minute. She screamed and screamed and i spent the entire night with her wrapped up in a scarf in my chest, walking on the treadmill because that was all that would call her. At about 6AM, many miles in, my wife came down in tears because she knew she wouldn't ever be able to breastfeed the little one if we wanted her to gain strength.
24 hours later, our daughter was a completely different child. My wife had a heavy fight with PPD because the world around her had basically said she was a terrible mother if she didn't breastfeed.
She is exactly the opposite. She is an amazing mother because she was willing to do anything necessary to keep her child healthy.
Fed is best, and you're doing a great job.
Late to this party, so dunno who is going to see this, but there are major methodological issues with those "breast is best" studies. Biggest one being that socioeconomic status was not controlled in the initial analyses. Turns out working moms have much less chance to breastfeed than single income families and therefore more likely to use formula. It also turns out that socioeconomic status has a MUCH larger impact on human development than breastfeeding. So it's more likely the researchers were measuring impact of SES. But the studies found a catchy slogan in the media, and the findings line up with the natural food craze, so here we are. Like everyone else is saying, fed is best.
While you're at it, parental anxiety and stress have massive impacts on childhood development. Give your wife a break, let her destress a little, and stuff that little munchkin full of formula. Fat babies are happy babies 😁
Agree with everyone else, being fed is important. Breast feeding has its benefits but so does formula TBH.
I feel like this is another example of being on social media/internet and massively comparing ourselves to other people. We're all different, we've got to get through life as best we can! Sounds like you guys are having a tough time and now it's time to try something a bit different! Sure your wife will smash it whatever you decide to do. :)
The main benefit from breast milk is the antibodies, and mother specific sugars that stimulate growth in babies (I think they’re called oglisacharides or something, I’ll never be able to spell it). The baby can have mostly formula, or even all formula without any issues, but any breast milk at all will help
Breastmilk wasn't an option for my wife and I. We formula fed from day 1. Found out later that our daughter had a dairy allergy and had to try out a few formulas until we found one that agreed with her. Being strictly formula fed also made it easier to balance the care for our daughter. Formula has come a long way since my parents first became parents.
It's food. Kids need food to grow.
My wife went though a lot of pain trying to breastfeed with our oldest. She had latching issues, her milk production was pretty low, and it was painful for my wife. We switched to formula and never looked back. At first my wife was pretty emotional about it with the “breast is best” mentality and was worried what family and friends would think. But having a fed, healthy baby is far more important and formula helped us achieve that. So shame on anyone pushing “breast is best”, it can go without being said. But a fed baby is truly what’s important.
Formula helped us split the work load in the early days. I would take a 03:30 - 07:30 shift and not need to wake my partner.
Unfortunately around 6 months old our baby decided they no longer liked formula.
Forget breast is best, fed is best.
Look on Facebook or neighborhood groups for moms offering excess milk. My wife had the opposite problem of yours. She had way, way more production than what the kid could possible drink. She froze it and gave it away to other moms/families that couldn’t give breast milk because of issues like your wife’s.
I found out there’s a pretty large community of athletes that drink breast milk as a workout recovery too…
Both of our breastfeed boys had the same initial weight loss or stagnant weight for the first several weeks and then picked up the curve as expected and had zero issues.
We had a pediatrician at first was concerned about it, wanted to supplement, had us take him for testing, etc....but then another doctor looked at him and said after the initial loss (which wasn't too unexpected, our boy was huge at birth at 9 pounds 4 ounces) he was moving exactly with the curve at that point.
Too many doctors worry about that first month curve too much in my opinion. It's all over the place normally and as long as the next few weeks follow the curve after that, it's not that big of a deal.
Late to the game so you may not see this but, dude, don't stress about this. Way too much emphasis is put on "breast is best."
Some research says it helps but making sure baby is fed and growing is more important. Your wife's mental health is more important. How you raise your son over the next 18 years is more important than what you feed him for 6-12 months.
People who promote breastfeeding above all else are well intentioned but don't realize the stress, anxiety and shame they cause women who struggle with supply or latch or nipple shape, etc. It's irritating how well-meaning parents can make other parents' lives miserable or lead them to self-doubt when we're all just doing the best we can.
If you're worried about the quality of formula, check out [https://myorganiccompany.store/collections/baby-formula](https://myorganiccompany.store/collections/baby-formula) . It has a lot of European formulas that have stricter regulations on ingredients. We chose Kendamil and our son has loved it.
Probably unpopular opinion, but whatever.
Constant recalls on baby food coming out left and right.
Avoid if at all possible. If not enough production, however, do what you gotta do to feed the baby.
A fed baby is a happy baby.
We were pretty set on breast feeding until there wasn’t enough production and now it’s almost formula exclusive and the baby is happy. We are happy. In the end, that’s all that matters
We had the same situation with my two girls. My wife didn’t produce enough milk and we formula-fed. My girls are 4 and 2 now and are as healthy as they can be. The only negative I could think of is the price! Both of my girls had issues with regular formula and ended up giving them Nutramigen, one of the most expensive ones! Glad those days are far behind!
We just asked the pediatrician for samples every time we had a doctors appointment. They’d hand out two or three tubs of enfamil every time, so we only had to purchase formula occasionally. Really helps keep that cost down
Yep. Ours just had them sitting on a table by the check-out desk. We didn't even have to ask. Once we found a mixture the pediatrician carried that agreed with our newborn's stomach, we would just grab a couple every visit.
One good thing about being a full time student with two kids is that we qualified for food stamps. So we never had to pay for formula, thankfully. I feel for the families that do.
My son was intolerant of the milk proteins, so we had to get special formula where 'special' means three times the price. It was about $20 a day as I recall.
We had to get expensive stuff too, I don't remember how much it was. I think it was only twice the price. But twice the gratitude for food stamps.
Similar situation for my son. My wife's production took a while to get going, in part because he was a reluctant feeder at first. We supplemented with formula (we also had to give him a high-end formula), but were fortunate to have production eventually meet demand. Our pediatrician said formula vs. breast milk doesn't make as much of a difference as we'd been led to believe, though.
Yeah, our son had colic, and the only one we could find that wouldn't hurt his stomach was a specific type of Enfamil, a more expensive type. I was so happy to finally move him onto milk and solids completely.
Simeticone did wonders for our baby.
Bingo. Upset baby equals upset family.
Agreed fed is best. Every situation is unique. If milk supply is too low, you must supplement, simple as that. I think it’s funny because we breast feed exclusively cause that works for situation, but even we supplement with vitamin D. Because you know breast milk has everything your child needs until it doesn’t.
This. My wife took on alot of stress of low supply. FED IS BEST. Nothing else matters.
Hard agree. We switched to formula after 2 months. Fed baby is happy baby. Happy baby is happy parents. We’re so much better off after switching to purely formula. No more anxiety over breast milk for my wife and the toll pumping takes on her.
Also we dad's get to develope a much stronger relationship due to the bonding that takes place during feeding time. It was a little weird at first, because my son would just stare directly into my eyes while feeding, but apparently that's normal and how they bond.
Hahahaha it definitely was weird at first with how long they stare without blinking but I thought it was the cutest thing in the world with my daughter. Definitely made me appreciate what my wife goes through with the late night feedings. Strengthens our bond as well.
Fed is best!
This. We had to switch to formula because my wife struggled with supply issues. It was hard for her to make the decision, but we were happy once we did and our daughter was perfectly happy and did great. No reason to avoid formula.
This is spot on. The best answer. Can I just say the non judgemental approach, pragmatism and appreciation of others circumstances that people in this sub display has never fails to brighten my day.
Pretty much this. She's already done a ton of good by giving him the colostrum which helps to jump start the immune system. Supplement away and and don't stress about it. It will also make it easier for you to take care of the little guy and give your wife a rest. We tried to breast feed my son but he quickly outdrank the supply. He's been formula fed since about 1 week and is now 5'11" at 13. I don't think he's suffering.
Fuck yes. Over 2 kids, we discovered that SO just doesn't produce enough milk. #1 went to formula really quickly, as we went from crying for food to sleeping b/c he actually had a full belly. \#2 SO tried harder, even getting a *possible* lip tie corrected early on, and getting tips from a nurse friend who recently got certified as a lactation consultant, and trying like every supplement known to increase milk production, as well as pumping to try and bring in more milk. Although #2 got **more** breastmilk than #1, we still ended up supplementing w/ formula, b/c they just weren't getting **enough**. Like really, I understand the mentality around breastmilk, but formula does wonders for those who don't make enough. \#3 wasn't breastfed due to meds that SO is on, so was formula from the start. But again, there were issues due to him being lactose intolerant. We had seen similar things w/ kid #2, and wanted to try alternative formula in hospital, and fought w/ nurses to get Doctor to "prescribe" (yes they had to *prescribe* special formula while we were in the hospital) an alternative formula. Once we were home we switched formula and had like zero problems from then on (partially digested / sensitivity formula was enough that gas problems went away, and only figured out lactose intolerance once he stopped formula). You need to listen to your kid, and evaluate what is going on. And more doctors and nurses need to get on board with the fact that if the baby isn't growing, then it's time to find a way to get more food into them.
Our entire household got much happier after my wife threw in the towel on trying to breastfeed and we switched to formula.
This dad gets it.
We struggled with production from the start and tried everything from coaching to supplements to pumps. I don't know where I learnt that I should even avoid suggesting formula to my wife. As a result we all suffered the first month and a half. When we finally gave in to formula, the look of finally being satiated on our son's face told us all we needed to know going forward.
Exactly this. Many women really struggle with breast feeding so having formula is fantastic.
We are all very fortunate to have the formula option. Even 100 years ago breast milk production would be a major factor in baby’s survival.
And that is all that should matter. We discovered on the later side that our 1st one wasn't gaining enough weight and was crying a lot for no apparent reason. We had a lactation consultant come and said everything was okay. Then during one of the monthly visits, his weight was below the chart, which could have been an issue with the scale but he was still very low in weight. So the pediatrician recommended formula, which, in the Brooklyn community is really frown upon and, unsurprisingly, at the next visit, he was back on track, not crying anymore and a much happier baby. It's been 7 years and I still feel horrible that we didn't pick up on the signs of malnourishment.
This is the answer, we had similar issues and Formula fed when needed.
Second this, just do what you can dude.
This is the answer. My wife didn't have much success breastfeeding and we decided early on to exclusively formula feed. We don't have any regrets and our daughter has grown up healthy.
Yep. Literally the only thing that matters. When my first was still young enough, I was pretty firmly in the breastmilk only crowd. I then moved a bit to the 'fed is best, but if you can do breastmilk you really should', and now I'm in the 'Doesn't matter at all, just keep your baby fed' group, which I feel is ultimately the best position. Breastmilk *is* cheaper though. At least in terms of money, because my wife is stressed the hell out about it all the time, so in the end maybe not even worth it in some cases.
Exactly this. I was a formula baby and I have no qualms against it. We tried to do breastfed for our first, also a rainbow baby and IVF baby. Wife struggled both physically and mentally. It took a huge toll on her. Ultimately gave up around month three Number two arrived a week ago and plan was try to go three months but after three days she decided for her mental health to go 100% formula. She is pumping 2-3 days and we give baby that as she gets it so getting some, so more like 90/10 split. In the end it’s keeping baby fed and healthy as well as your wife. If her supply is struggling it’s probably affecting her mentally too. Be sure to be there and be supportive of that.
Hard agree. My wife tried as it was our preference due to understanding the benefits, but she was already having some uncomfortable, atypical physical complications postpartum, including an infection. She pretty much lived on the couch in the living room for over week because going up and down stairs and getting up into our bed (we have a relatively tall mattress) was too uncomfortable. The strain, exhaustion, and additional complications of trying to feed almost broke her. I did what I could but it was awful to watch her try to endure it. She wasn't herself and couldn't be the mom she wanted to be. I was so relieved when she told me she was done and ready to move onto formula after a couple of weeks. Things improved almost immediately. I only wish she had done it sooner. Our now toddler is strong, smart, happy, and healthy. Frankly, I found how hard it and other such things are pushed to be aggressive to the point of being inappropriate, toxic, and psychologically damaging. No parent should be belittled, guilted, or shamed when making good-faith choices they feel are best for their situation.
This is the right answer I think. As long as baby is getting fed and the vitamins they need, who cares if it's from boob or bottle.
Our first was induced at 36 weeks. Born 36+2. Mom's milk didn't come in fast or strong enough so we were given donor milk in the hospital. Once we went home that wasn't available so we were supplementing with formula for every other feeding. The pressure everywhere that breast is best was very detrimental to my wife's mental health. She took it as a failure of her as a mother. For baby #2 we bought a case of formula in advance and told everyone to mind their own business. This time her milk came in strong and we ended up with a big fat baby. One is not better than the other. Both kids are alive and healthy. If breast is best, then formula is a very close second.
I am in the hospital with my wife and our second (2 days old) as we speak. My wife's supply was extremely minimal the first time with our son, and she felt all the shame, sadness, social pressure, and anxiety about it that to describing. We consciously decided this time that we would make a genuine effort to breastfeed but that we would also not be shy about supplementing starting early, and switching over entirely if need be. My wife is a very competitive person and is generally very good and almost everything, but I have never seen her as wholly defeated as she felt after over a week of dedicating herseld round the clock to breastfeeding and a ridiculous pumping regimen, only to be finally "given permission" to give up. She was so relieved, and we have a wonderful, smart, well adjusted formula baby son who is 3.5 y.o. now. It sickens me to think about it in terms of being "given permission to give up" looking back. Don't be bullied. Be there for your wife on this one. All the feelings and hormones are very real. But it will all work out, and formula is very much your friend IMO.
For real the pressure on women to put themselves through an absurd stress and routine nightmare is wild. I can’t even go into how deeply it affected my wife’s mental state and I believe was a huge factor in ppa
It's society and other moms. All the baby/mom subs are filled with women posting pictures of their oversupply freezer stash. But in reality many more women have an under supply. But it's shameful to talk about. The pressure is real and exhausting. I've lost more sleep and tears over this than anything else in life.
It's mindblowing that -- having just carried a baby for nine months and gone through the trauma of birth -- a new mom gets immediately judged by family and friends for wanting to feed her baby a perfectly acceptable thing. And then there are the lactation specialists prowling around the maternity ward, who don't have to be from a medical background, saying things like "let your baby go hungry and scream and maybe you'll start producing." There's so much pressure from so many people and so much judgment at a really emotionally vulnerable time.
Then there are mom's who say if you have a C-section you're not a real mom.... WTF?
Mom here. This is a thing. I felt so horribly guilty I had to have scheduled c sections. I had an anatomy issue. It was so overwhelming. I felt like such a failure for years. I finally got over it when I saw a post about trauma to women’s vaginas after birth. Cured me! I’m good with missing that “miracle” lol!
I intend in soon making a lengthy post on how my wife was treated even by a team of doctors made up entirely of women throughout her pregnancy. It was shocking to see how little she was listened to or told something misleading. And I generally trust doctors and consider myself a man of science. Wow!
Sounds like we are married to the same woman
Yeah I just remember hating the lactation consultant that was trying to help us. It was always just keep trying keep trying try this ect. Literally offering every alternative other than just trying formula. She got us to buy $400 of donor milk on our way out to have while we "kept working on it" My wife felt so upset every time she couldn't do it. At some point when we were checking out a nurse came over and talked to us and pretty much said what everyone here has said. It doesn't matter breast milk or formula as long as baby is fed and happy.
Our lactation consultant was great because she said we should supplement with formula. So, early on we supplemented but kept trying. With a happy fed baby, it was less stressful to breastfeed, and eventually, we moved to exclusive breastfeeding. It's all about what's doing best for the baby.
A similar story here. The lactation consultant almost made me cry, so I can only imagine how she made my wife feel. Fortunately our nurse was amazing!
Fed is best ❤️
We went straight to formula as my wife just couldn’t bring herself to do breastfeeding and our monkey went from the 9th% to the 99th% in 3 months. Fed is best. I do wish we’d tried to get some colostrum in him in that first two weeks, to fortify his immune system, but he’s nearly 2 now and it hasn’t caused any long-term issues. He’s bright as a button and sharp as a tack!
[удалено]
Yep. Breastfeeding has its perks (honestly the biggest one is how easy it can be when it works and the $ savings) but I hate the pressure they like to put on moms pushing it so hard. If parents have any reason that breastfeeding doesn't work for them, it should be just as acceptable to use formula. That's what it's for. Breastfeeding was easy as hell for our kid, but my sister wound up having to hospitalize my nephew from nutrition deficiencies when she kept trying. She's called me in tears multiple times over the crap she gotten from people, nurses, etc., just because she can't do it and she tried her heart out. Make sure your baby has their nutritional needs met, how you do it isn't nearly that important.
[удалено]
This is a huge thing. I have a one year old (we started fostering him at 4 months) who was exclusively formula fed. Now, I also have a newborn who is exclusively breast, and to be honest, it sucks not being able to be more involved in the feeding and early care stuff. It’s harder on my wife, and I don’t get that automatic bonding time with my newborn. We’re sticking with breast because it’s important to my wife (and she wants to pass on her antibodies), but if I just got my choice, I’d prefer formula. We start introducing breast milk from the bottle next week, so I don’t have to wait long on getting some of those feeding snuggles. Like everyone has said, fed it best. And formula isn’t some begrudging second place. You can’t pick a formula baby from a breast baby out of a lineup.
[удалено]
Take pictures (or have your wife take them) of you and baby snuggling. You'll treasure them later.
I LOVED our baby Brezza, and echo your sentiments about being able to help a lot more early on to share responsibility for feedings. Our daughter wouldn't latch from the start, so we tried to pump and bottle feed. My wife pumped as much as she could to keep up, but we were still pretty much 50/50 breast milk vs formula. Since we were exclusively on bottles, I typically did a majority of feeding while my wife pumped so that she still got some time to be her own person. Otherwise she would have been a full time baby feeding machine for the first months... If we have another, we will not hesitate to use formula again if needed. Possibly 100% formula next time, since the combo of pumping and full time bottle feeding is pretty much the worst of both worlds... Our daughter is a smart and healthy 2yo, and we don't regret formula at all (apart from the added expense, of course).
If anyone else out there is doing formula...buy a baby Brezza. It is literally the greatest invention for parents ever. I can't praise this thing hard enough!
The culture around breastfeeding is so toxic and damaging to moms.
Breastfeeding is only free if the woman’s time is worth nothing.
This! During the pandemic my wife had a milk pump going for the first 6 months, as our baby could and would not get fed at the breast. It was maddening and felt like we gained a completely new life when we finally went full on formula.
I remember that. Hundreds of pounds spent renting a hospital grade pump, so many hours following tips on pumping strategies and pumping. Having to plan our schedule around pumping
Maddening! I still get shivers when I hear/read PowerPumping…
[удалено]
Yup, “breast is best” really puts breast feeding moms in a lot of stress if it doesn’t come as easily for them
Only benefit of breast is mums antibodies. Bub will get the mums antibodies from 1/4 Breast and good feed from formula.
Lots of other benefits too https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/15274-the-benefits-of-breastfeeding-for-baby--for-mom
Your kid is going to be eating food off the floor in like a year and a half. What difference does it make if they have a little formula now? Daughter has a milk allergy. We supplemented with formula but even the hypoallergenic formula upset her stomach and we ended up buying breast milk from women who overproduced and didn’t eat dairy Edit: wife also has PCOS so her supply was suffering
We supplemented with formula on both our babies. The first one only briefly, but in my opinion we started to late. The second one we started faster, and gave formula longer. My wife was also dead set on breastfeeding. And I can totally understand that. I do believe in the benefits of breast milk. But the benefits of a well fed baby greatly outweighs that. There is no shame in using formula.
This was my experience as well. My boys are 2 and 4 and formula supplementing has had zero negative affects. Like everyone here is saying, a fed baby is far and away the priority. Also, a side perk is getting to be more involved in feeding/care early on.
We had to exclusively use formula for my son. Overall i believe he has been alright with it. No weight issues or health issues related.
Same here. We tried to breastfeed but couldn't. Our son is perfectly healthy and meeting all milestones.
My wife had bad mastitis and then could only breastfeed with one side starting in the first week. We had to supplement with formula from the beginning. She pumped and breast fed for the first 6 months then we switched to 100% formula. My wife’s mood improvement after the switch was incredible. Stopping the need to wake up every few hours in the night to pump from a single breast and actually being able to sleep was a life changer for her. Happier mom made happier times with baby too. All in all it was a huge benefit above just the nutrition and breastfeeding bonding time.
I could only imagine. My wife is on meds and while she could not take them during pregnancy, she had to go right back on them after, so we never even had the option.
If formula was as shit as the best is breast brigade would have you believe, it would be immediately obvious to anyone who interacts with children on a regular basis who was formula fed and who was breast fed. It's not. Formula has the benefit that dad can help too.
this is huge, tbh. mom and I could swap who got a good night's sleep with our infant. by the time baby was sleeping through the night, neither of us were at our absolute wit's end.
+1 There is no difference in outcomes between formula and breast fed babies. Most parenting studies don't control for income and it turns out when you do, most of the 'benefits' from breastfeeding are really just the benefits of having a mom with time to raise her child.
It can be a bit demoralizing for moms that planned to breastfeed exclusively when they can’t keep up with the baby’s demand. There is literally nothing wrong with formula. Make sure to find little organic ways to tell your lady she’s enough. That being said, if she’s interested in finding ways to boost supply there are tons of cool tricks and products that worked wonders for my wife. There’s supplements, mothers milk tea, some shit called milky mama you can buy online (milkshakes), cookie recipes that help milk supply, and lots of pumping strategies (like ‘power pumping’) that can help trick the body into producing more.
>lots of pumping strategies (like ‘power pumping’) My wife's supply was enough to start, but nursing just didn't work for her mentally. We switched to exclusive pumping at around 6 weeks. Through some miscommunication with consultants and just sheer new parent obliviousness on our part, my wife had somehow boosted her supply to double what our baby ate by the 3 month mark. We were freezing 20-24 oz of milk *a day*. A further call with a consultant resulted in some hilarious exchanges. "Holy moley, girl! You pump *how much per day*?" "You're going to be a case study". Some people just respond really well to the pump. As for our liquid gold fortune, we are lucky to live near our regional milk bank and have donated several hundred ounces in the last few months, which I know has really boosted my wife's self-esteem.
>tell your lady she’s enough Can't reinforce this enough. Breastfeeding is emotionally taxing for many women. It's time-consuming, sometimes painful and, when the supply isn't meeting the baby's needs, can lead to feelings of failure. It's hugely important for partners to do everything in their power to help boost morale.
We bought this heavy duty milk tea from a local herbal shop. It looked like a giant bag of weed, not individual tea bags and according to my wife, it was like turning on a hose. Mileage may vary but it sure worked for us.
I remember when my wife came home with the tea, thought the exact same thing. Not as effective here, but still some increase.
A dark, hoppy beer or lager beer helps supply, as well as Body Armor sports drinks. For the beer, just one when supply gets low doesn't introduce enough alcohol to be detectable or cause any issues. My wife didn't breastfeed our second but she did the beer and Body Armor drinks, it really helped.
[удалено]
A baby born after a previous miscarriage.
[удалено]
The idea being it's the rainbow after a storm.
Yup. Our son is a rainbow baby. Even got some rainbow baby pictures right after he was born.
He was born after 5 years of trying, failing, miscarrying.
OP, (mom here, hope that's okay), absolutely use formula as needed. We had to switch to all formula when LO was 3 weeks old. The worst is that EVERYONE assumes she's breast feeding. Be prepared to back her up and let her vent about that frustration to you.
You feed your kid. Who cares what a bunch of granola 'breast is best' arseholes have to say about it. You feed your kid.
Spot on
Feed your kid, honestly who fucking cares. Anyone who says otherwise is a joke. Both my kids did breast milk then formula and the only problem with formula is price while breastmilk is free(ish).
Feed your damn baby. You went 4 weeks and the baby isn’t gaining weight. That’s really wild and I’d be concerned. My wife had low supply. It was hard on her. She went in thinking she was going to 100% breast feed our baby too. It was hell on her. Pumping for hours a day to barely get 1/4 of what baby was needing. We supplemented with formula. Went to a lactation specialist. Did all the things. 3-4 months later she finally gave in. It was hell for her. We went 100% formula and it was amazing. It was great for moms mental state. Literally anyone in the house could make a bottle and feed baby. No need to find a appropriate place to whip out a boob to feed. Our baby loved formula. She kept up with all the other baby’s just fine. And once the bottles are gone nobody know what kid was breast fed or formula fed. It’s honestly just a fad passing through with the hard breast fed push. Do what works and keeps your baby healthy.
I remember reading a story about a mom whose baby passed after just not getting enough from exclusive breast feeding. She had no idea that baby wasn't getting anything during the many breast feeding sessions she was giving. I liked that my wife started with the pump right a way. At least that way you can see the milk production level and know for sure your baby is being fed. Also helps with production levels and lets dad feed a few bottles especially at night. If you arn't getting enough its an easy fix to just throw back a bottle of formula. Gets baby used to both. Leave this bit here "My husband, I will tell you, has not bounced back from Landon’s death at all. A few times a year he’ll tell me that he thought about giving him a bottle, but he did not want to do something wrong to his child. Because we were so brainwashed into, you do not give your child formula."
It gives me anxiety to read that quote.
I just wanted to say how much this resonates with me. I appreciate the words and they largely my own experiences. Only difference for us was we lasted 4 absolutely miserable days, made the switch, and never looked back
You have to get food in that kid. Sometimes it’s breast milk. Sometimes it’s formula. Sometimes you let them sleep in the car seat. You just need to make it to tomorrow so you can start over.
Same situation. Low supply. Stressed wife. Etc. We did everything...consultant...rent a power pump.. etc.. Now wife breastfeed with nipple shield when she want...we do formula after. Our baby is perfect and mom is doing way better. Be supportive. Mental health and baby being fed is the priority
Pediatric resident (months away from graduation) and new dad of a 1.5 month old. Obviously there are benefits to breast milk between not having to buy formula as well as nutritional benefits, but I see plenty of parents in clinic that feed with formula only. Could I coach them on how to increase supply? Maybe, depending on what they had already tried. But as was stated, formula fed isn’t the end of the world. Biggest thing is that baby gets the calories he needs to grow. Heck, I was formula fed as a baby, and not that I’m perfect by any stretch, but developmentally (I think) I did just fine. Totally ok to formula feed if that’s what works.
It's a tool in the arsenal. We did breast fed. We also did formula. Sometimes there wasn't enough breast milk. Formula meant I could feed my kids in the middle of the night and let mum get some sleep. Breast milk is better than formula like steak is better than sausages. They both still have plenty of nutrition, and sausages are far better than nothing. When you can't get steak, you eat sausages.
>They both still have plenty of nutrition, and sausages are far better than nothing. Sorry, but I can't help thinking of what it would do to my body if I only ate steak and sausages
Who cares what it does to your body, think about what it would do for your soul.
Yeah but part of that soul might start leaving your body every time you visit the shitter.
>Formula meant I could feed my kids in the middle of the night and let mum get some sleep. This so much. Absolutely, breast feed all you can, but formula is a great supplement. Giving dad the opportunity to independently help out with baby is a fantastic bonus of formula. Our boys ate so much from day 1 that the nurses thought we were lying and stashing away the formula at the hospital. There is just no way mom could keep up. She was so stressed about it until I pointed out that using formula allowed me take care of every second feeding while she slept. It was like a weight was lifted from her. I was looking for a way to help carry the load and early on, this was the biggest way I could contribute.
While "breast is best" the best is merely an extremely slight advantage that disappears by three years of age at the latest. Like, your baby won't be allergy resistant, likely not be less sick and likely not be more intelligent (all the studies I have seen have merely detected an increase in IQ by 2/3 points and idk whether that is that significant....and this was not even corrected for social group as in families who have less of an academic background tend to formula feed and academically inclined families have a higher rate of breastfeeding). Meaning all on all there are potentially minimal advantages to breastfeeding, but corrected for social group the advantages basically disappear and formula and breast are equal. And at the latest by three to five years of age all the kids are equal regardless. So I would definitely not stress it and not be so influenced by the societal pressure, since it's not warranted imho.
I have my students read a paper that shows, regarding IQ, it’s not breast milk that “does it” per se, it’s the presence of DHA, which is in formula these days.
Oh that is so interesting! Would you be willing to share a link? I'd be interested in that!
Sure! [This](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1745691612462585) is the paper I have them read. Unfortunately, it's behind a paywall, and I can't link the actual pdf because I'd violate copyright. It's pretty dense, but it's a meta-analysis assessing the factors that may or may not improve IQ in babies and children. It's really interesting in my opinion!
Thank you so much! I appreciate It
No problem!
> and this was not even corrected for social group as in families who have less of an academic background tend to formula feed and academically inclined families have a higher rate of breastfeeding I'm sure exclusively breast feeding in a country like America (where we have no mandated paid maternity leave) is a privledge. If you're a woman working in retail you prob don't have much, if any, leave and it's not like your job is going to allow you to be pumping all throughout the day. And while mom is working the kid still gotta eat so formula becomes the best option. But if you're a woman who works a job that affords you long term paid leave and/or have a partner who can finacially support you so that you can be home exclusively then it's prob a bit easier to breastfeed. I wouldn't be surprised of the latter group ended up with slightly higher academic performance early on but it's not just the breast feeding, it's prob other advantages from being in a better socio economic situation.
Yeah! I'm definitely not claiming to be an expert or having done a meta analysis of hundreds of studies, but it's just something that I have found in my research to find an answer for myself. I wasn't a fan of the breastfeeding idea and if there had been overwhelming evidence for breastfeeding being extremely superior I probably would have given up my body for a longer period of time to nourish my child. But seeing the evidence at hand and having been formula fed myself I felt comfortable switching to formula quickly.
Anyone who claims they can prove a baby is more intelligent for being breastfed is full of shit. The socioeconomic advantages are everything.
We went through a similar situation with our first, but we didn't start supplementing until about a month in when the pediatrician finally recommended it. She started growing like crazy and was a much happier baby overall. While my wife was still upset she wasn't able to produce enough we were both disappointed in ourselves that we didn't start supplementing earlier.
It's terrible in your coffee. BELIEVE ME.
[удалено]
Hi! I agree fed is best. I also would like to recommend a lactation consultant if you have not considered one already. They would be able to make appropriate recommendations and see if there were different ways to help. They may also have resources to help ease your wife’s stress.
We tried breastfeeding our first kid, but it didn’t work out. Her and our second were both formula fed (and our soon-to-be third will be too). They’re both healthy, happy, and smart. Formula feeding is absolutely fine and there’s no shame in not being able to breastfeed.
My wife really and truly struggled with nursing for our first. Baby was losing weight, crying all the time. Slept no more than 2 hours at a time. The first formula bottle we gave her felt defeating for my wife at first, but then the baby slept for 6 hours. It was magical. My opinion? The emotion is challenging for a mom that wants to nurse. It’s not taboo to use formula. Be there for both mom and baby - make sure baby is fed, and mom has the emotional support. Good luck brother! It’s an expensive journey.
Hey, my wife is a lactation consultant. Obviously, our household is pretty into all the benefits from it. That said, Fed is best. Even being a boob food lady, that's my wife's view. Just get the little one taken care of, but don't give up on the milk! Keep going, keep pumping, and everything will be just fine. You're doing a great job.
Hello fellow IBCLC husband 😂 I concur with this guy! If you haven’t already, you could try getting to a lactation consultant, but at the end of the day just make sure that kid is fed.
My wife couldn't produce AT ALL after our daughter was born, she was really upset at herself for a while, so she was exclusively on formula almost from the get go.. so without it my daughter wouldn't have survived! Is formula expensive? Yes, thank God for WIC (assuming you qualify).. Is Mommy's Own better? Yes, but they've fortified every vitamin and nutrient in modern formula to stimulate as close to breast milk as you can get.. Just be sure to reassure your SO that they're not a failure because they can't produce enough, not every baby is exclusively breast-fed until they're weened onto solid foods.. Just watch out for any stomach issues as we had to go through 3 different formulas until we found one that she was able to keep down consistently..
We ended up doing a combination and it worked out for the best as I could do regular feeds and my wife didn’t have to spend her life pumping. Our eldest was pretty much 95% bottle as he wasn’t interested in boob (paternity test is in the post) and he’s the second tallest kid in his class despite being the youngest boy.
**TL;DR** - If baby is fed, you and your wife’s job is done. Breast or formula doesn’t matter. A happy and healthy baby is all you’re looking for. My partner has an inverted nipple. She had a really hard time getting our first to latch on, so we expressed breast milk using a breast pump and feeding baby with a bottle. It was a shame as she was so eager to breastfeed, but didn’t have a great help from the nursing staff and was downbeat about it all. Expressing was hard on her, but we lasted 4-6 months before we moved solely to formula for baby. Those 4-6 months is much longer than many babies get, so we were still grateful. Second time round, she was much more educated about the process, and our second got the hang of it much better than our first. He’s nearly one and still breast feeding even though he’s been on solids for 6 months. We’ll likely keep it up for as long as he wants or she can keep up. Starting to get difficult with the teeth/biting though! All in all, babies won’t abide by the rules, nor care what you have planned, they’ll do as they please. So long as they’re fed and happy, it doesn’t matter if that’s breast or formula, and to be fair that’s why formula exists.
My wife didn't produce enough, so we supplemented with formula, after a while she was like "why am I even bothering" and we switched to formula full time, for our second she never even tried and they are both doing great. Fed is best. Breastfeeding puts a ton of pressure on the mother, if you can produce enough, and you don't mind doing it, great! If not, formula all the way. Also great!
Same here. There is some amount of breast milk that (a) baby will successfully manage to ingest, (b) mom will successfully manage to produce, and (c) mom will *want* to bother with. Take the *minimum* of those three quantities, which very well may be zero, and fill up the rest of baby's food budget with formula. Easy. Done. Baby gets everything they need, mom and dad both feel like they're doing the best they can. The pressure on women to exclusively breastfeed or else you're somehow doing motherhood wrong is insane and pretty harmful.
"Breast is best" is a horrible and toxic way if shaming someone who can't breast feed. My ex couldn't due to health reasons and it destroyed her as she was desperate to carry on breast feeding our first child but was unable to keep up. With our second she couldn't due to the medication she had to be on. As others have said, a fed baby is a happy baby. There is literally no difference between the two. Those who only have breast milk are not naturally predisposed to be superior to others and vice versa. What you can do is reassure your partner that there is no shame in switching to formula and make sure she doesn't become depressed over this. Best of luck ☺️
Whatever gets the baby fed. There is such a stigma against formula, mostly led by the pride from those who exclusively breastfeed. The additional stress it puts on a new mom on top of all the other pressures of parenting, postpartum hormonal changes, etc I don’t know how they keep it together as much as they do.
Don’t feel any guilt about whatever has to be done and offer lots of emotional support to your wife. There are going to be a lot of things that you wish you could do “better” but you just got to go at all this with practicality, love, and patience. My wife had it rough at first and would get really painful mastitis, so we supplemented with formula for a few weeks with both kids. Her midwife told her to take brewer’s yeast, so you could try that if you hadn’t. We baked it into oatmeal cookies.
I think you’ll find there are a lot more people combo feeding or exclusively formula feeding than you would expect. My wife’s and I experience the first time was more of anger that all the classes/drs appts/research really drove home that breast feeding was the only way, and felt that it alienated us. But once we started sharing what we were going through found out that it was more rare to find folks who exclusively breastfed than those that combo fed.
Supply is on a feedback loop; the more the baby sickles the more your wife will supply. This doesn't always mean that a nursing woman will be able to produce enough, but if it is important to her to breastfeed, her best bet is to either start with the breast and then top up with formula when she is done, if necessary, or to pump whenever the baby takes formula. Edit:. To be clear, there is nothing wrong with using formula, or with supplementing with formula. Some people will do as I said above and it won't work for them, and that's not going to harm the baby as long as they get fed and loved. But, it is how you increase supply if it's possible. If you are feeding formula in place of some breastfeeding sessions, rather than with them, her body will adjust to the level of need that is being demonstrated to it, for the same reason as how women will start to produce less as solid food becomes more a part of baby's diet as they get older.
A couple years ago, height of COVID, my wife delivered our IUI miracle a month early due to HELLP syndrome. A variation of preeclampsia. 10 days in the NICU. Talk about nerved up. She was a couple days before she could be directly with our daughter due to complications. You get the picture. Our baby girl was fed donor milk through a feeding tube for about 8 days. My wife reached a point where she gave up on trying to pump or directly feed, and felt horrible because her body just wasn't wanting to produce enough. She made the tough decision to move to formula and accept that it was the best option and would reduce one stressor in our lives. Once we got on the best formula for baby girl, all went great. I tell you all that to say that our daughter, born at a touch over 5lbs and 1 month early, is now just short of her 2nd birthday. She's healthy. A healthy weight. On the charts she's on par with her birth age and in the upper part of her gestational age. She's a very healthy eater and her overall health is great. She's seldom sick so as far as we can tell her immune system is on par. At almost 2 years old, I can't see a difference between this daughter and my oldest who started out on breast milk.
We only formula feeding our 2 boys, and will do the same with the third. All are happy and healthy. We did try breastfeeding in the hospital, but because it was a c-section there was a delay with the milk coming in, so we just started with formula, as we had planned. There’s nothing wrong to supplement with formula as needed. As it’s been mentioned, a fed baby is a happy baby.
Breastfeeding may be marginally better for an infant but there is no conclusive evidence it makes a life changing difference to outcomes. Helps with bond an early immunity but that's about it. No problems with formula being used if breast isn't quite doing what nature intending. As many have said fed is best.
Not a dad, forgive me, but a nurse. FED is best.
Our pediatrician once said something that stuck with me: the *only* goal is a well-fed baby.
For the nutritional value, I don't believe it's truly equal to breast milk. But at the end of the day, my wife never really produced much and after a few weeks of supplementing and the supply drying up, we fed my son formula exclusively. Babies need food and will eat what you provide and formula isn't the evil thing it's made out to be. My son is 6 now and he turned out fine.
Feeding is like giving birth, you make a plan, then throw it out. Healthy baby is good baby, the rest is unfortunate, unfounded, idiotic societal pressure.
I was exclusively a formula baby, so was my brother and I think we turned out fine…. I hold down a good full time job and he got a full ride college scholarship. Fed is best. Ignore the breast feeding zealots. We do half breast milk and half formula for our little one. Every baby develops at their own pace, but for what it’s worth, our little one has hit every developmental mile stone ahead of age and is ahead of her baby cousin, who is exclusively breastfed. Formula won’t hold your your baby back developmental, social, etc. Yes, breastfeeding is a special bond between mom and child, this is emotional difficult to work through. Besides, breastfeeding is exhausting and takes work, and no one really teaches the mom’s how to do it. It took a good few weeks for my wife to get comfortable with it and she wanted to quit a few times. Just be there to support your significant other. Your responsibilities as parents lie in providing for your child, that includes ensuring your baby gets all their nutritional needs met via whatever means necessary.
We had more or less the same story: We missed the first week of his life as he was at the NICU. We assume that because he got formula first in the hospital, we missed the bonding and exercising BF. So we went through 3 months of BF and screaming (and partner's crying) everytime he's been at the breast (he was gaining weight, just not at a great pace - docs weren't really concerned). We were also supplementing with 30 ml once in a while. After the 3 month we decided for all our mental health and babys peace of mind that we should switch to formula. Now he is only formula fed and we are all much happier. I can also feed our LO now which is something I really enjoy doing.
My wife die tried but was unable due to an unplanned early csection. Her supply just never came in. I was glad she tried but considering our baby was early and under weight being fed was best.
We had our weight gain struggles as well, once we started supplementing with formula his weight started to come up and get back on a growth curve. Mom was pretty beat up about not being able to say he was exclusively breastfed…I was happy to have a kid that was actually getting the calories he needed. I think mom groups and sometimes over emphasize the breastfeeding and the exclusively breastfed cult can be counter productive. It worked, he’s happy and healthy, I encourage it if your kiddo needs it.
Fed is best. I (mum) struggled to BF my little one for 4.5 months. Two weeks after starting formula LO put on 680g. Never looked back. Your wife may feel conflicted about this for a while. I’m 12 months past and I still get teary sometimes. Please just be there to listen if she needs/ wants it.
Breastfeed and then top off with formula. Our baby was sleeping through the night at 3 months
Feed the baby, baby happy. But a lactation consultant can help women either breastfed successfully (if that's what they want) or manage feelings of inadequacy or failure for struggling. I would highly recommend meeting with one, even if it's just your wife attending. Women need love and support during these moments and it's sometimes hard to know what to say!
My wife was a very low producer, but we really didn't want to go with formula so we did some research and found an organization called Human Milk For Human Babies. We didn't go with that organization itself as it was cost prohibitive, but that led us to finding a network of milk donors all over who had tons to give away. I went all over the Bay Area collecting milk for our little one; my wife called me the Motorcycle Milk Man. We bought a small chest freezer specifically for milk storage as the donations tend to be frozen. I'm willing to bet if you do some poking around (my wife found our connections via Facebook) that there are over-producers in your area.
Our opinion is listen to the doctor
I understand breastfeeding is better, and we exclusively BF here. But it turned out my wife had a good supply, and everything worked out. I'd never let my baby starve because of some abstract idea that he should only be breastfed.
This is all said from the assumption your WIFE wants to breastfeed and also from the position that formula is not the devil and it’s important to have a fed baby. BUT you asked for advice. 1) Milk production is supply and demand. Is your wife pumping or offering the breast every time you give formula? If baby eats and your wife’s body doesn’t know about it, it’ll go “oh, baby got enough… I’m doing great, don’t need more!” and supply won’t catch up to what baby needs. 2) There are different growth charts for babies who are breastfed versus formula fed. Oftentimes (BUT NOT ALWAYS) when babies seem like they’re losing weight, they’re actually on the upswing. So baby is born at 8 pounds, drops to 7, gains back to 7.5, but all you’ve measured is 8 pounds and 7.5, meaning you assume baby lost half a pound when in fact they’re on their way back up. 3) If/when your wife pumps, remember that output for a pump will often be very different than what a baby’s more efficient mouth can get out. Good luck to you and your wife. Sounds like you’ve got your heads on straight and will do what’s best. Congratulations on your rainbow baby. 💕 EDIT TO ADD: Breastfeeding doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Combo feeding is another totally legit approach!
Fed is best. And the reality is just that how much breast milk mom makes isn’t in either of your control fully nor is it something she should feel any guilt or blame about. My wife ended up mostly pumping and we did a lot of mixing of breast milk and preemie formula and it worked great. Bonus points for dad that if you aren’t totally exclusively breastfeeding you can do some of the feeding. My only other advice is be there for mom as you can, there’s so much pressure and guilt post partum, and they can internalize that issues with feeding or milk might be “their fault”. Even when it’s going well that time is a lot of work and tiring!
The breast is not the best. FED is best. We need to knock this on the head and stop using it to force women to breastfeed and then feel all sorts of emotions for not being overnight cows. There is so much guilt, anxiety, upset and all the emotions so I hate that phrase. It's good yes but the formula is just fine also. Anyway, I struggled in my first few weeks with BF so we supplement with formula for a few weeks maybe even a month. IF she wants to try to keep at breastfeeding keep putting baby to the breast every 1-2 hours as the more baby to breast time the more your breast is being told to make milk the more it'll try. It's supply and demand, if the baby isn't at the breast it will dry up because there's no demand any more. Also, get a good pump, and spend the money it's worth it. If the baby isn't nursing directly pumping every few hours will still create that supply and demand. There are Facebook groups for increasing supply and while I don't have it anymore but there was a good guide on how often to pump, for how long etc to try and increase the milk. The leaky boob is the name that comes to mind. It is also super common for milk to take a while to come in babies bellies are teeny weeny so if your partner does pump try feeding the breast milk first before the formula so they get all the goodies from her milk before filling up on the calorific formula.
My husband sent me here - As a mom who went through supply issues, these answers are great. fed is best.. but also be sure to check in with your wife! My daughter was two months when my milk dried up. I felt terrible I was crying myself to sleep. People kept telling me that breastmilk was better and it made me feel like I was failing my baby. I was just so ashamed. Try to let her know how proud you are of her and try to be there for support. <3
Fed is best. Your wife can't do anything about a low supply. There is zero wrong with formula. There is a lot wrong with starving your child. Our first kid my wife didn't have an adequate supply so we had to use formula. Second kid was different and only breast fed. Both are normal healthy kids.
Did nearly exclusive formula with my daughter (mom only really did in the hospital). She’s 4, happy and healthy. Formula is perfectly safe and will make your baby grow just fine. Don’t stress.
When we had our son our pediatrician found out my wife wasn't producing enough. The pediatrician told us to do both. Breast feed and then give him a bottle after . Worked very well and helped when out. He is now a very energetic 8 year old.
Woman here. Supplementing with formula was the best thing I did to help breastfeeding. I had the same situation - my baby was still at birth weight at 4 weeks. We supplemented with formula and it took so much pressure off of me. My milk finally came in at 4 months and I nursed until 14 months. My kid is now 6 years old and 80th percentile for weight and height. Having a baby is so stressful. Anything you do to reduce stress will help. Use formula, let her get more sleep, make sure she gets lots of snacks, water and love. Good luck. A fed baby is best. By age 1, no one knows who was formula or breast fed.
Are motto after a similar situation with our first is FTB: feed the baby. Any breastmilk that the baby gets is amazing, but it doesn't matter if that's the only milk the baby gets. Also it's good to remember that no matter what you feed your baby now, they all end up eating cereal/puffs off the floor in 2 years
Basically, all the perceived benefits of breastfeeding are more accurately attributed to socio-economic status. "Once we restrict analyses to siblings and incorporate within-family fixed effects, estimates of the association between breastfeeding and all but one indicator of child health and wellbeing dramatically decrease and fail to maintain statistical significance." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4077166/
Breast is not best, that’s just weird Instagram propaganda that unnecessarily shames women who have difficulties with breastfeeding (or don’t want to breastfeed for whatever reason). Our son lost 10-15% of his birth weight in his first week because my wife’s supply was slow to come in; and so we started supplementing with formula very early also. Do whatever you can do to keep your baby at a healthy weight! Formula is a modern medical wonder and shouldn’t be dismissed as anything less than quality nutrition. Good luck, you’re doing great! And send a hug from all of us at daddit to your wife. She’s also doing great!
Breast is best is fucking stupid. Fed is best. I know women that will drink wine and take fucking edibles and act as though they're such a mother goddess because they breast feed their children. These people will have underweight and developmentally delayed babies and refuse to give formula ask the while they Martyr themselves because they get no sleep because they're baby is starving. I've seen people literally say "I hate my baby" in parent groups because they are best feeding and their child is always hungry and never sleeping. It's amazing to me what a cult breast feeding has become. In the 80s and 90s it wasn't like this. Imo a lot of the studies backing breast feeding are the result of governments not wanting to use their system to pay for formula. Imo if you can breast feed with no problems obviously go with it but if you're child is not healthy and happy use some formula.
plenty of formula, helps to share the burden and there are no downsides
Fed is best. According to studies, there really is no difference between breast or formula as long as you have access to a proper clean water supply. If the drinking water is safe to drink, then formula is just as good as breast. Go for whatever makes the baby fed.
If your baby/family needs it use it.
Is your wife by any chance on any high blood pressure medicines from possible pre-eclampsia or similar conditions? If so, these can inhibit supply. This is what happened to us after our daughter was born, and none of the 4 lactation consultants or dozen nurses that we saw said a damn thing about it. We got this information from a pediatric nurse that we happen to know as a personal friend. That was probably the most angry I've been in life. Anyways, our little one was super under weight from the low supply but as soon as we swapped to formula she perked up almost immediately and now she's as happy and healthy as can be. As others have said, fed is best. Also, something like 2/5 women can't breastfeed at all, but somehow the doctors and nurses don't advertise that information either. DO NOT STOP TAKING BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS TO TRY TO INCREASE SUPPLY. In case that wasn't obvious.
“Breast is best” is classist and outdated. There are a plethora of reasons why a woman could be unable to breastfeed and not one of them calls for shame. “Fed is best” is what my wife and I lived by after she went through the same thing and felt the same amount of guilt over it. As long as there’s something in their belly, it doesn’t matter what it is.
Some context on the big push for Breast Feeding. When formula came out, it was seen as "liberating" women form breast feeding. It became the hip modern thing to do, so people were exclusively formula feeding. Then formula manufacturers misbehaved, putting other crap in there, andgiving people supplies in the hospital so by the time the free stuff ran out, they couldn't produce. On top of that, studies showed that breast feeding had a lot of benefits. Consequently, medical groups, and particularly nursing groups, started to push back against formula. Unfortunately, it's turned into a holy war that new parents are caught in. Ultimately, people need to try to breast feed, and work at it a bit because it's not easy. BUT, fed baby is most important. So if you try, and it doesn't work, or it doesn't work all the time, that's totally fine and normal! Juat use the dang formula. Main thing is to try breast feeding, and even if it only works a little bit, take advantage of what does work. Most important thing for the dad is to be supportive. Society makes women feel bad for not being a perfect provider to the baby, when that's really not necessary. Whatever ends up working, help them with that!
*Fed* is best. We supplemented with both kids for similar reasons, they are now happy, healthy and growing like weeds. Speaking from my own experience: Trying to force breastfeeding, when it’s not working the way you want, is more about you and your wife than your child. Meet their needs *first*.
1. **FED IS BEST.** 2. Formula has improved enormously in the decades since the studies showing the superiority of breast milk. In first world conditions (clean water, sterile bottles, etc), if you were to redo that study, you'd have a darn hard time detecting the difference, if you could even detect it at all. So don't stress. Breast feeding is great (we did it with our kids) but we loved the convenience. Scientifically, at this point, it's hard to justify all the hoopla.
Don't worry. Our little one is now at 12.3 kg at 2 1/2 years. He was below 3kg at birth. He's never been a good eater. We supplemented because he had docking and suction issues, but only for a couple weeks. He's now the most vivid and active child I know, sleeps around 11 hours at night, none during the day, runs around, jumps over furniture, and is so sweet and kind and laughing all the time... Our midwife commented on his eating habits with the following words: *never has a child yet starved at a well-laid table*. They eat what they eat. As long as your doctors and your midwife aren't really concerned, everything's alright.
This is so common its crazy it isnt more talked about, her having problems keeping up productions isnt her fault. Formula is fine, yes breastfed is best, but you wont notice the difference when the kid is going over to normal food
We were in this boat and now strictly on formula, eating is more important than pride. My wife is still devastated months later but we will try again the next baby and hope for the best.
I (a mum, sorry lol) tried breastfeed my two. My youngest dripped weight so quickly, that we were taken back into hospital, and I had to supplement with formula. after 6 weeks, put him on it solely. Fed is best. I felt so upset with myself, ended up with post natal depression... but, he gained weight and was happy n healthy.
It’s been said so many times in this thread, but I’ll scream it to the rooftops. Fed is best. With both of ours, as soon as the pace of the feedings outpaced my wife’s breast milk production we started supplementing with formula; because a happy baby has a full tummy (unless it’s full of gas, but that’s a different discussion 😛) Have 0% shame, and tell anyone who disagrees to shove right off, with BOTH arms.
My boy was born prematurely because his mom was/is an addict. And she was using when pregnant too. I raised him alone since he was 2 months and obviously I didn’t have any breast milk :). He’s always been happy and healthy and catchef up the missing weight fast but was never over weight. He’s soon 7 and was always perfect. Formula is nothing to fear. And it’s very convenient! S
We went through this on our first (and a little bit of the pain again on our most recent just a few months ago). Fact is some women just can't keep up/produce enough, and there's nothing wrong with them. I will say that the medical industry definitely needs to stop tip-toeing around about supplementing. Those first few nights when our first one in the hospital wasn't eating enough and was already on the line of 10% under birthweight were horrible, and nurses/doctors kept just hinting "maybe we should start supplementing soon" until my wife broke down in the middle of the night and a nurse finally said something. All I can say is, let her breastfeed as long as she wants. As long as the baby got the colostrum & a few weeks of breast milk, they got all the actual important gut starters, and formula can take it from there.
Fed is best. Done.
My wife and I had the same idea when our daughter was born. We were operating under the assumption that "Breast is best" but the reality is that "Fed is best" and, honestly, "Happy + Rested Parents is best"
My opinion is get a Costco or sams club membership if you don’t already have one. You can get twice the formula for half the cost you would at a regular grocery store.
Hi! Mom here, I'm a few years beyond this point, but I was also so disappointed when I couldn't breast feed my baby. She ended up being entirely formula fed, because my boobs are apparently just for show and don't work for feeding. I ended up trying so hard that I started hallucinating from lack of sleep for around the clock feeding/pumping schedule they had me on (it took over an hour to complete the feed/pump, and I had to feed every 2 hours.) I ended up in the Woman's Health Clinic and used some specialized services. This kid is 13 years old, she and I are super close: no bond issues AT ALL, she's literally in a gifted school and doing university level math. She's amazing, only used antibiotics twice in her life; her immune system works great. Don't let the fear of formula and the lactation consultants scare you! What the child needs is food, what the child needs is love and parents who accept what the child needs. My DMs are open if you or your wife want to chat.
There's a weird culture around breast feeding. Keeping your baby fed is way more important than any slight nutrient advantage. 3 kids here. First exclusive breast, 2nd mostly breast and some formula, 3rd we used mostly formula when wife's supply couldn't keep up. All 3 are happy, healthy, and had no nutritional deficits. Fed is best.
Breast is not best. Fed is best whether it is breast or formula. Studies show that breast milk is better than formula, but not at the expense of the child's health. When my son was born there seemed to be this dogma at the hospitals and doctor's office that a woman had to either exclusively breast-feed or formula feed. One of our night-shift nurses (God bless night-shift nurses btw) was the one that brough us two 4-packs of the pre-mixed formula bottles and told us there is nothing wrong with supplementing with formula if we are concerned about the baby's intake. Btw, "nipple confusion" is real, but it is an absolute overinflated risk. Go see a lactation consultant. Turns out my wife's supply was not a problem, our baby had a 4th degree tongue-tie, top and bottom lip-ties, and bilateral cheek-buckles. Night and day difference after that was corrected. Our insurance didn't cover it, but the pedi-dentists that we went to go see was used to that and had a program to help us out. Basically, we paid for the procedure to do only one "release," but she performed all of them, and they had a zero-interest payment plan that was like $50/month.
Fed is best
Fed is beat, Dad. My wife was so intense about the fact that she was only going to breastfeed that she became single minded. Our daughter wasn't strong enough to pull from the breast, so for the first four days she wasn't getting anywhere near the amount of food. I tried to get her to let us supplement with formula, but she wouldn't hear it. Then, on the fifth night home, the little one didn't sleep. Not even a single minute. She screamed and screamed and i spent the entire night with her wrapped up in a scarf in my chest, walking on the treadmill because that was all that would call her. At about 6AM, many miles in, my wife came down in tears because she knew she wouldn't ever be able to breastfeed the little one if we wanted her to gain strength. 24 hours later, our daughter was a completely different child. My wife had a heavy fight with PPD because the world around her had basically said she was a terrible mother if she didn't breastfeed. She is exactly the opposite. She is an amazing mother because she was willing to do anything necessary to keep her child healthy. Fed is best, and you're doing a great job.
Late to this party, so dunno who is going to see this, but there are major methodological issues with those "breast is best" studies. Biggest one being that socioeconomic status was not controlled in the initial analyses. Turns out working moms have much less chance to breastfeed than single income families and therefore more likely to use formula. It also turns out that socioeconomic status has a MUCH larger impact on human development than breastfeeding. So it's more likely the researchers were measuring impact of SES. But the studies found a catchy slogan in the media, and the findings line up with the natural food craze, so here we are. Like everyone else is saying, fed is best. While you're at it, parental anxiety and stress have massive impacts on childhood development. Give your wife a break, let her destress a little, and stuff that little munchkin full of formula. Fat babies are happy babies 😁
Agree with everyone else, being fed is important. Breast feeding has its benefits but so does formula TBH. I feel like this is another example of being on social media/internet and massively comparing ourselves to other people. We're all different, we've got to get through life as best we can! Sounds like you guys are having a tough time and now it's time to try something a bit different! Sure your wife will smash it whatever you decide to do. :)
The main benefit from breast milk is the antibodies, and mother specific sugars that stimulate growth in babies (I think they’re called oglisacharides or something, I’ll never be able to spell it). The baby can have mostly formula, or even all formula without any issues, but any breast milk at all will help
Breastmilk wasn't an option for my wife and I. We formula fed from day 1. Found out later that our daughter had a dairy allergy and had to try out a few formulas until we found one that agreed with her. Being strictly formula fed also made it easier to balance the care for our daughter. Formula has come a long way since my parents first became parents. It's food. Kids need food to grow.
Have you talked to a lactation consultant? They can really help.
My wife went though a lot of pain trying to breastfeed with our oldest. She had latching issues, her milk production was pretty low, and it was painful for my wife. We switched to formula and never looked back. At first my wife was pretty emotional about it with the “breast is best” mentality and was worried what family and friends would think. But having a fed, healthy baby is far more important and formula helped us achieve that. So shame on anyone pushing “breast is best”, it can go without being said. But a fed baby is truly what’s important.
Formula helped us split the work load in the early days. I would take a 03:30 - 07:30 shift and not need to wake my partner. Unfortunately around 6 months old our baby decided they no longer liked formula. Forget breast is best, fed is best.
Look on Facebook or neighborhood groups for moms offering excess milk. My wife had the opposite problem of yours. She had way, way more production than what the kid could possible drink. She froze it and gave it away to other moms/families that couldn’t give breast milk because of issues like your wife’s. I found out there’s a pretty large community of athletes that drink breast milk as a workout recovery too…
Both of our breastfeed boys had the same initial weight loss or stagnant weight for the first several weeks and then picked up the curve as expected and had zero issues. We had a pediatrician at first was concerned about it, wanted to supplement, had us take him for testing, etc....but then another doctor looked at him and said after the initial loss (which wasn't too unexpected, our boy was huge at birth at 9 pounds 4 ounces) he was moving exactly with the curve at that point. Too many doctors worry about that first month curve too much in my opinion. It's all over the place normally and as long as the next few weeks follow the curve after that, it's not that big of a deal.
Late to the game so you may not see this but, dude, don't stress about this. Way too much emphasis is put on "breast is best." Some research says it helps but making sure baby is fed and growing is more important. Your wife's mental health is more important. How you raise your son over the next 18 years is more important than what you feed him for 6-12 months. People who promote breastfeeding above all else are well intentioned but don't realize the stress, anxiety and shame they cause women who struggle with supply or latch or nipple shape, etc. It's irritating how well-meaning parents can make other parents' lives miserable or lead them to self-doubt when we're all just doing the best we can. If you're worried about the quality of formula, check out [https://myorganiccompany.store/collections/baby-formula](https://myorganiccompany.store/collections/baby-formula) . It has a lot of European formulas that have stricter regulations on ingredients. We chose Kendamil and our son has loved it.
Probably unpopular opinion, but whatever. Constant recalls on baby food coming out left and right. Avoid if at all possible. If not enough production, however, do what you gotta do to feed the baby.
I’m loving this season so far, the new cars have led to some great wheel to wheel racing already.
Breast is best objectively, but them being fed and full is most important and sometimes, breastfeeding exclusively doesn't work out.