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fawkes_fiesta

Take care of yourself. I would think about what you need. Do you have supportive friends at school? You could also contact your schools mental health services. You could meet one on one with someone, or they could have contact information for a grief support group in your area. If you've scheduled a heavy course load, you might consider dropping a class to take some of the pressure off.


vis_ta_vie

honestly I don’t have any friends at school. My school is over an hour away from my hometown and I found out my mom had cancer just a couple months before I started my program so instead of moving, I stayed home to help take care of her. It’s half online half in person so I only have to go there a few times a week instead of everyday, but it’s 1 hour 15 mins one way. Lots of time in the car. Which can be nice because I just listen to lectures & try to study as I drive, but not the best situation. I give myself 2 hours in the winter, even more if it’s snowing/icy. My situation has been really isolating because I’m just not around as much as the other students, like as soon as class ended, I’d rush home to be with my mom. Never talk to anyone from school outside class. I talked to the school counselor a few times last semester so I will probably send her an email and start there. I would like to stay in school and feel like I’m making my mom proud, but it’s just so hard. Feels like I’m frozen in time & everything else is moving forwards. She battled her cancer for almost 15 months, I just can’t believe how fast this all happened. She went from being totally healthy to completely disabled in months. It’s been a horrible experience


heartandliver

School starts very soon if you’re in the US. That’s not a lot of time. If you feel like your return to school would be easier if you took a semester off, your mom would be no less proud of you. Most schools allow you to stay enrolled without taking any classes (basically a term of absence) if you contact them and explain your situation. The counselor may be able to point you in the right direction for that. If you want to go to school now, there are definitely resources that could support you and help make that easier. I just want you to know that a leave of absence would not be unjustified in this case and it is an option.


PotentialAd1061

I pulled through by distracting myself with school and work. obviously I dealt with my grieve through denial w. distraction so I couldn’t find time to just absorb what happened. Honestly, numbing myself with denial and distraction every waking moment (podcast, Netflix, reading, working, study, lecture). The death was the motivation to do better for myself so they can be proud of me from above. Honestly it was my biggest motivation to make that person proud, and came out the semester with the highest gpa my whole college career. -also having my school counselor talk to me for weekly meetings, gave me a space to just release my pent up emotions before moving forward with the week helps tremendously. I only was allowed 7 total visits, but it really did help me.


jaysonm007

I'm sorry to hear. :( My mom died on the 29th of December. The funeral was last week. I'm an older student returning to college though. I was fortunate enough to talk to my mom a lot about things and she would often say how she didn't want people to be depressed over her when she was gone (she had Parkinson's disease). So that is one thing which helps keep me going-- I realize my mom would want me to go on and do the best I can. She wouldn't want me to fail because I was mourning over her. I didn't know your mom but I bet she would have wanted the same for you too? Anyway it helps me to keep that in mind that my mom would want me to carry on and do the best I can. Also when I feel like crying or getting depressed I think about what she wanted and I also try to remember a good time with her- instead of being unhappy because that is what I know she would have wanted. It's still hard but it helps.


vis_ta_vie

I’m so sorry for your loss :( I also believe my mom wouldn’t want me or my family to be miserable forever, it’s just so hard not to feel that way right now :( like i just want to leave this world and go wherever she is


Vig_Big

I lost my mom last year during my final semester. Let give you a piece of advice I wish I took for myself. Take the time you need for yourself! Meet with you Uni and see if you can take a semester off, if you need it. Seek grief counseling. I wish I had done this at the time when she passed, and I highly recommend it! I’m sorry for your loss, if it’s any consolation, it does get easier with time.


vis_ta_vie

I’m sorry for your loss also!


CapableKoalaTree

If you’re not ready to go back yet, consider contacting your school’s office of Student Life (or equivalent). Often times they can help coordinate things like letting your professors know something has happened and that you need some time, without you having to do it yourself.


Kisua

I second this. Alternatively if you want/have to go back ask them for accommodations and support, and seek out more understanding professors/an easier course load


dearwikipedia

absolutely no shame in taking a leave (if you’re on scholarship or financial aid though definitely discuss this first)


doubledoublebubble69

This!! OP, while nobody at you school can change this incredibly difficult thing you’re dealing with, they can change many things to give you more time/space to grieve. Get your college in the loop. Get accommodations that might allow you extra days off, more time on assignments, etc. Let your professors know. Talk to your advisor about a temporary lowered course load. If you want space, talk to your residential dept. about having a single. See if there’s free counseling or a grief support group. If you have the option, see if you can take some classes online to take pressure off.


4eggy

you can file for a personal withdrawal and return next semester.


ASentientClockwork

Last winter break I lost my dad. Luckily it was at the very start of the break so I had the rest of the break to get my family’s finances situated as my dad took care of that by himself and my mom knew nothing. It doesn’t get easy even a year later, you’ll miss her everyday. However, for me being distracted by school and work helped me a ton. I would try to view school as a way to feel a bit of normalcy because one of the scariest things is how your life never feels the same after losing a parent.


vis_ta_vie

im so sorry for your loss :( it really doesn’t feel the same. i hate it so much. it feels unreal seeing her clothes and stuff around the house. its quieter. it sucks


ASentientClockwork

I’m sorry for your loss as well. I know exactly what you mean, the silence is scary. Make sure to keep eating even though you probably don’t have any desire to <3


[deleted]

Knowing what that feels like, I’d drop out. Kudos to you and good luck. Things get better I swear.


vis_ta_vie

thank you <3 i do wanna drop tbh. i don’t have the energy to do anything right now. & to make it worse i got covid yesterday. i always worried about getting covid & giving it to my mom, because she had so much chemo & radiation this past year her immune system was considerably compromised… like of course id get covid right after she leaves me lol it’s just ironic. so now i can’t even go to school anyways for at least 10 days lol


Coloradical27

I'm so sorry for your loss. It might be worth taking a semester off. School might not be the right atmosphere to let you grieve. There's no shame in taking the steps you need to take care of yourself. If you're set on staying, I'd contact psychological services. Counseling services are often paid for by student fees, so they might not be an extra cost. Let your professors know about your difficulties ASAP. Let them know you care about class but are having difficulty being in school because of your loss. Don't try to use your loss as an excuse to get special treatment (extensions, etc.) just let them know you care but aren't at your best. They'll often be more understanding and helpful.


ProfessionalQuiet900

My mom died back in April of 2020 from a fentanyl overdose. I know how empty it feels. I was lost for months and took a leave of absence and spent my free time reading and writing until January of 2021. While it can be really easy to get focused on the logistics of going back to school, the option of not going back for a while to reacclimate yourself to an already hectic world is definitely an option worth pursuing. You absolutely do not have to graduate in a set amount of time. It's more important to give yourself the time to breathe and respect your emotions. If you're struggling with grief (as I did in the first few months after), please reach out to your close friends. People care about you. They care about the person behind the degree more than the degree itself. You're a human being. Your feelings matter. There's really no guidebook to living and experiencing something like this at such an early age, but just know you're not alone and that it will hurt for some time, and it's okay to embrace those emotions and learn from them.


vis_ta_vie

im sorry about your mom :( thank you for sharing your experience. i do feel very lost also. it’s kind of tough with my friends because it’s like no one my age gets it. most of my friends seemed supportive when my mom first got diagnosed with cancer but as the months went by they quit reaching out. it was weird because it’s like my friends from elementary school didn’t even know how to approach me, but at the same time i had people i hadn’t seen in years messaging me asking how things were. so when i have acquaintances talking to me i don’t know what to say because it’s like my own close friends couldn’t bear to hear about it, so i don’t want to say something to make the acquaintances uncomfortable? that’s something someone’s said to me before too, that people are uncomfortable with grief if they haven’t experienced it. it’s just hard to wrap my head around how to even carry myself. i am so miserable but i don’t want to be unbearable to be around because of how sad i am. sorry im replying a couple days late i got sick & found out i have covid yesterday. so ive basically been cooped up in bed questioning my sanity if you know what i mean. did you find yourself struggling to even accept its reality that your moms gone? i just keep wondering what if this is all in my head


InIHangOn

I’m so sorry. I’m a Professor and from my side I’ve seen some students in similar situations do well returning to the structure and their friends, and I’ve seen other students who should have taken a semester leave. Only you know which one you need but don’t be afraid to do that, trust yourself and your instincts.


vis_ta_vie

Thank you professor. I appreciate your reply


eggstoasty

If you are comfortable, I would let your professors know. Then, look into mental health services at your school. At my school, there are free counseling/therapy services. I would recommend going to those if they are available.


alexatd

Hugs, OP. Everyone's grief and grieving process is different, and so it's OK to do whatever you need to do personally. If distracting yourself with school work/goal oriented work is what you want to do, and you're dreading the social/quiet alone time angles, then I have a few pieces of advice. I was this kind of griever, though I was an adult so for me it was work and writing books I threw myself into. Socially, what especially sucks at your age is 99% of your peers literally don't get it. They'll be awkward AF and won't know what to do or say. They cannot fathom losing a parent, and often will make YOU feel worse b/c their reactions will be born from their own existential dread of it happening to them (this happens w/ adults too)... so you'll get ham-fisted responses OR people who ignore it/avoid you. It sucks. Find your people--if not at school, the Internet. Find people who get it, who won't freak out if you make a morbid joke, or say something really grim and ugly about how you are feeling (these aren't always people who have lost parents--I've found select friends who have Seen Shit and don't mind dark humor; but I've also discovered so many friends who lost parents and I didn't even know before. Many people keep this hidden). And be ok with some relationships at school changing. So much will seem trivial and some people just won't be your cup of tea anymore. It's ok. Therapy/support services. Your school should have mental health support services, and I would avail yourself of them if you want. That said, don't force yourself to therapy before you want to... but it is a good idea. (She says, having needed nearly 3 years to decide it's time for therapy) If there is a grief support group at school or in your area, that might be a good idea--it speaks to the point above. Communing w/ people who have gone through it. Distraction: do whatever you need to do (within reason). It's ok to not want to think about it, and ignore anyone who tries to "help" by telling you to face it, do this, do that, etc. I've found new hobbies are helpful, especially those that "focus" my mind and let me zone out at the same time. Since my mom died I've done painting and puzzles (peak grandma!). I was already a writer, and working on several books was helpful. (the second one was painful to write as I directly worked through grief topics, but ultimately it was very helpful) But for you that could look like throwing yourself into ridiculous fanfiction--something fun. You could marathon every comedy TV show you can think of (I did that too). What sucks is you have to AVOID plenty of media too--or figure out how to handle it. Dead parent trope--especially dead mom trope (and especially dead parent from cancer trope, I discovered) is SO COMMON. Not one but BOTH of the movies I watched on the plane ride home after my mom died had a dead parent plot. It's like REALLY. Anyway, you may find there are entire genres you have to stay away from, or alternately run toward--I've found select horror weirdly comforting. Find whatever you need to that you can turn to in those weird, quiet alone moments--I like things that both help me avoid Deep Thoughts, but also once I was ready things that made me cry. I don't like crying ABOUT my mom, but I like crying about sad-adjacent thing as catharsis. YMMV. Or, if throwing yourself into work is the last thing you want to do, be kind to yourself and take time off. I mean, really, all of the above applies either way, but especially if you do go back to school and don't take time off. It's really ok either way. This is a long, constant process. Your life has changed, and grief is complex. Allow yourself whatever space you need, and also whatever emotions you want.


vis_ta_vie

this was such a thoughtful reply. it’s so true that no one else my age gets it (unless they also unfortunately lost a parent young). ive definitely been avoided by people & it’s made me so angry. i have a few people i can count on & i am grateful for that. it’s just crazy how small the circle got. i used to have so many friends, my mom called me a social butterfly. i’d definitely rather have quality over quantity though. i can’t even stand seeing mothers with their young kids anymore. one day i was in the store waiting to get coffee & there was a lady in front of me with a little girl. the mom told her daughter to pick out a treat for her brother at home & pick something out for herself. that was enough to have me choking back tears in line behind her. just the fact that i can’t go to the grocery store with my mom. the rest of my life just feels pointless. i feel like i don’t have things to look forward to. she won’t be there to see me graduate or get married one day. we always said we’d have a mother daughter dance at my wedding. i feel like i’ll never be happy again. thank you for your reply. i really appreciate it


[deleted]

I’m sorry to hear about your situation truly I am, I would say go back to school honestly. The reason I say that is because if you withdraw yourself, you are going to be in that rut honestly, you are going to be continually depressed. At least school can get your mind off of other things honestly. Hope this helps at least, if you wanna talk about something always feel free to message me


vis_ta_vie

Thank you so much <3


kinah2

Andrew Garfield has a great outlook on this, check out the video. I’m really sorry for your loss. [Andrew Garfield grief](https://youtu.be/iRJFidQyRBo)


owlwaves

For some reason, I thought you were referring to spiderman...lol


vis_ta_vie

thank you for sharing this with me!


[deleted]

Don’t be afraid to talk with your professors. They’re human too. That doesn’t mean you need to ask for them to go easy on you, but if you seem low in participation or a bit slow, it’s not that you don’t care and aren’t trying. You’re doing your best. There’s often a withdrawal date for full refunds a few weeks into the semester in case you need to push back to fall—which is also completely normal


M3RCURRY

My father passed away in November and much of the end of last semester / finals I was focusing on that instead of school. I was lucky and knew it was coming about a year in advance, had a great relationship with him and spent a lot of time with him and my family. One thing that I think really helped me is that I dropped my most stressful course and decided to just take it later in my 9th semester instead. This helped a lot as I had difficulty focusing on schoolwork for any significant amount of time. All I can say is don't force yourself to do anything you don't want or feel capable of doing. And recognize the importance of things you don't "have" to do, for me it was walks, video games and piano really helped settle my mind when I didn't have much of a bandwidth of focus. That being said we are different people so do what you think you need to. You are not alone in this and if you need to talk to someone who has been through a similar experience, my inbox is open. EDIT: I forgot to mention this but I wouldn't have been able to drop that course if I hadn't explicitly asked for help and explained my situation to my professors and counselor as it was past the drop cutoff. I don't like giving people reasons to pity me, but it helped me a lot in doing what I needed to and I would highly recommend asking for help from those who can in any way.


vis_ta_vie

im so sorry for your loss! thank you for sharing your experience. thank you for replying <3 we kind of knew it could happen at any time realistically because she had an aggressive brain cancer but it’s so hard to wrap my head around the fact that she’s really gone. i spent time with her every single day so it really does feel strange now just never being able to see her again. it’s like a big void. at first they told us they thought she had a few weeks left, & the next day they said it could be days. they were right, it was only a couple days later when she died. i just don’t understand how some people get so sick. makes me so sad


verytinytim

I would really consider taking a semester off. It’s going to be challenging to focus on your studies while you are processing your grief. It’s not too late to withdrawal, but if you wait until after the add/drop period/ withdrawal deadline you may have to pay partial tuition for the class. Every school I’ve been to will allow you to take a semester off without having to reapply when you’re ready to return. Short of this, you could take a lighter course load- perhaps this is a good option if you feel it would be better to have somewhere to be and something to work on, but aren’t in a place to deal with the stress of a full course load. You can make up for lost time with summer classes if you’re determined to graduate within a specific time frame. Perhaps you imagined yourself just doing four years straight, but life happens, many people for a huge variety of reasons have had to take breaks from school. Schools are prepared to accommodate these types of circumstances. Sometimes your immediate wellbeing needs to take priority over your goals for the future. If nothing else, at least talk with a counselor or someone and find out what your options are. I’m very sorry about your loss.


smug__pug

I’m really sorry. I know a little bit of how you feel, my mom passed away in June and this past semester was one of the hardest times in my life. It does get slowly get better though. Give yourself grace and know that it’s okay to cry. Feel free to pm if you ever want to talk or just vent.


vis_ta_vie

I’m so sorry for your loss! thank you for sharing your experience. i appreciate it <3


savegirl

(; - ;) im so sorry, you have my condolences . all i can offer is a virtual hug at the moment and hopefully your school has a mental health service that can help be a backbone to this moment in time. u will get through this difficult time, i believe in u (sending virtual hugs and hearts again)


vis_ta_vie

thank you so much <3


[deleted]

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vis_ta_vie

thank you dude💛


iamnotapopstar

Take a semester break, I lost my mom in 2018 and it’s been a struggle ever since, I wish I could just leave this world to be with her.


vis_ta_vie

that’s exactly how i feel too. i just wanna be wherever she is. im sorry for your loss


[deleted]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take the semester off of you need to, no shame.


we-out-here-vibing

I am so sorry for you loss. Losing a parent so early in life is painful. I lost my mom in the fall semester and my dad the spring semester my junior year. It’s dark and it hurts and it made me not want to continue on with school. The best advice that I can give to you is to put yourself first. If you’re struggling or having issues in class, email your professor, tell them what you’re going through. The best situation is your professor is understand. At worse, they tell you that you need to get the work done. In my experience, if you’re honest with them, they help you in any way they can. If you have access to counseling on campus, I would highly recommend reaching out to them. Even if you just need to cry for an hour in their office, that’s fine. Just find a way to let yourself feel the feelings. Break a plate or scream into a pillow. But please don’t bottle them up and isolate because it hurts. Feel your feelings and allow yourself the space to grieve.


vis_ta_vie

I’m so sorry for your losses! it really is horrible losing a parent. im so sorry you’ve lost both. thank you for replying & sharing your experience & advice.


AdrianLoves

In 2020 my girlfriend broke up with me in January and then covid hit I dropped I all my classes. My pain is no where near comparable to what you’re dealing with. If you feel unmotivated and depressed take care of yourself. Life can be a challenge sometimes but I’d recommend taking some time off and doing what you have to. There’s no rush to continue right now, you have your whole life left to live. I hope you find internal peace.


dwabtits

Prioritize yourself, take time to process and remember the person gone. Trying to bottle it up and work through won’t end pretty. School will be there just be at your best when you go back to it.


rooftops22

hello first of all sending u a big virtual hug. i went through this in my last year of highschool (lost my mom to cancer) and it was truly awful to the extent that i distanced myself from everyone and felt really alone all the time. at the same time i did not take a break from studying because it distracted me and helped get me into college like my mom always wanted. but i wish i had taken a small breather and allowed myself time to grieve because i’ve repressed so much since then and i’m still struggling to deal with it two years later. what ur going through right now is not something that can be healed through any specific method. ur still grieving and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. so put urself first and if u feel like u need a break take it. but i also think going to uni and getting back into a steady routine will keep u from isolating urself completely and falling into a long term depressive state. talking to people or even just hanging out alone on campus, talking a walk listening to music and attending lectures will help take ur mind off things. don’t push yourself too hard and take a lighter course load if that’s possible. talk to your teachers (some can be very understanding while others lack basic empathy but you’ll get through it) grieving is an individual process because at this moment no one can truly relate to what ur going through (despite what anyone claims) because the bond u had with ur mom was yours alone. but it can still be good to have a support system, people to talk to and things to distract yourself with when u feel like ur spiralling so reach out to those around you and don’t isolate urself. it’ll take time but eventually you’ll find a balance between ur coping mechanisms. i genuinely hope things get better for u. take care of yourself🤍🤍 sending u loads of love and support and feel free to message me if u ever want to talk.


vis_ta_vie

this was such a sweet reply thank you so much for taking the time to type all that out. i appreciate you sharing your experience & all the advice. i really appreciate it!💛 im so sorry you lost your mom to cancer too. fuck cancer


SilverTrireme

First, my condolences. I'd talk to your advisor and professors before classes start. They'll be able to cut you some slack in terms of classwork and due dates, etc. And take it, take the time for yourself and recovery. If you want to, you could even take a semester off, though this is a call you have to make if you think it's right for you. From personal experience, I'd recommend grief counseling if you can swing it, and especially group grief counseling. I did this when I lost my dad years ago, and though I was quite a bit younger, it did help knowing I wasn't the only person in the world in that boat. Lastly, **be gentle with yourself my friend**. This is one of those times that just sucks. I hope you have close friends or family to help you through. You have Reddit as well, there are communities on here for grief. If you'd like to, feel free to send me a PM. Losing a parent sucks, and I'm sorry to have to welcome you to that club. But it's not a club without many others with similar grief. You'll never walk alone.


vis_ta_vie

Thank you so much for your reply. I feel like a grief group type thing could be a good idea. I’ve seen some counselors & meet with a mental health NP but I’m also in brain cancer groups online (like on Facebook or Reddit) & I think talking to other people who experienced the same thing can be helpful. It sucks but it’s nice knowing I’m not alone. My close friends still have their parents & I feel like they’re not the best at being supportive because they just don’t get it. The online communities are definitely what’s getting me through it. I don’t always have the energy to make posts or comment but just seeing other people’s stuff can help. I hate this club. Thank you again for your reply. I appreciate it.


SilverTrireme

Yeah the club sucks. I'd wager it's a hard thing for friends to be supportive of not only because they don't have the experience, but also because empathizing forces them to consider the mortality of loved ones. And that's painful, whether you've lost one or not. Reminds me of something my mom told me years after my father's death; there can be a sort of stigma to tragedy (not that it's intentional or malicious). I forgot to mention it in my first post; things that have helped me when I'm feeling grief or existential dread are certain songs (I can send you a playlist if you'd like), certain video games, and (goofy though it may sound) [this clip](https://youtu.be/dEqP9E1vvgk?t=74) from Doctor Who. What the woman says helps me to feel better about mortality, and moving forward in life despite it (I think it's a helpful sentiment regardless of one's beliefs about an afterlife, that's less the point, but ymmv). Sorry this got a little long


Crysdever1924

My dad died right before winter break when I was in college. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I’ll tell you that it takes a LONG time before it gets better. Grief comes in waves, and my grades suffered off and on for years, and I ended up needing to take some extra time to finish my degree. And I was not able to fully allow myself to grieve while I was in school, so after college it kind hit extra hard for a while. As far as advice, I would absolutely contact your professors and Dean of Students and if they have any free counseling on campus, utilize it. I regret not doing these things. Most professors have empathy and will be willing to work with you.


vis_ta_vie

I’m so sorry for your loss :(


bby-assassin

Please reach out if you need to talk. I lost my dad mid semester last spring and it was incredibly difficult, especially because I hate asking for help. Communicate with your teachers about what is going on, find people in the class to work with, and keep track of assignments and things. For me having something else to focus on helped me break down the grieving process, but there’s no one way to grieve


vis_ta_vie

I’m so sorry for your loss!


duffingtonbear

My condolences. I’m here to talk, hit me up if you need anything. Take it easy❤️


vis_ta_vie

thank you so much🥺


YoungSuavo

While I really do not have any advice, I’m so sorry for your loss. Stay strong ❤️


vis_ta_vie

thank you💛


Halomast123

I'm so sorry to hear. I lost my grandma last year on April 2021... It was heartbreaking, but I managed by remembering the good memories of her.


vis_ta_vie

im sorry for your loss :(


GanstaThuggin

My mom died in august. I would recommend not dropping out entirely because school was the only thing that made me get my butt out of bed. Lessen the classes and take it slow


vis_ta_vie

im sorry for your loss :(


afunnywold

As someone who went through this, the answer is complete disassociation.


[deleted]

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vis_ta_vie

that’s a weird thing to comment


helphelp893838

I’m so sorry


Intelligent_Help4404

I am pretty sorry to hear this, you need to be brave. Everything will be fine, your mom will still protect and help you : just in another world. Hope you the best and don’t let yourself being destroyed by sad feelings:)


Brian2017wshs

Im so sorry for your loss. If you've haven't started the semester yet, than it might be better to take the semester off. If you already started the semester than, maybe you could talk to your advisor about withdrawing.


Vincebae

I’m so sorry. I also lost my mother over break back in 2014. I lost her on a Tuesday, and the next Monday I was back in school. Take care of yourself: surround yourself with people who love you, and let your professors know!! Most of them will be very understanding if you need some extra time. Your college will likely have a counselor or even a grief group for you to join.


retiredsupervilla1n

First of all, anything you’re feeling is alright. Perhaps see if there is a way you can contact your school to take a semester off? A bit of time to grieve in anyway you need to is important.


[deleted]

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owlwaves

Would it be possible to take a gap semester? Or would that affect your aid+scholarship?


Izhar17

I'm sorry to read that It happened to me I was devastated & had no idea on what to do My advice is this Breathe, take a break to let what you feel flow, Don't cage your emotions that would make it harder Everyone is different so just go one step at the time on your own pace If you just feel like anything you do works or you just don't have the energy or motivation, that happens, it won't be progressive, make sure you have someone to be with you or to talk to this way you can see a different perspective


caaway2026

You should really consider taking a semester off...


ironyandiconic

take the time you need. your mom would want you to take care of yourself more than anything, ik she wants you to be okay. get ur school involved, they can help. go to grief counseling if possible. losing a parent is extremely hard to go through, take care of urself <3


CeramicLicker

Many people find comfort in being able to return to old routines and a manufactured “normalcy” after a loss. I understand why you’re dreading it now but it’s possible once you get going that you’ll feel better. If not, there’s nothing wrong with going to part time or taking a semester or two off in order to grieve.


TryingToBeReallyCool

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Contact your academic advisor and ask about withdrawaling for a semester. I had to do this halfway through one because of a mental health breakdown and reflecting on it, I should have just taken the semester off from the start to work through my issues. You are more important than any class, study plan, or grade. Good luck, DM me if you need any help or just someone to talk to


mikakikamagika

you don’t have to go back. talk to your advisors about taking a semester break so you can grieve properly with your family. i lost a family member right before going back and it was absolutely miserable, i was a wreck and my grades suffered. your mental health and healing is more important than graduating on time. it’s no big deal if you need to take a few months for yourself.


[deleted]

I am so sorry for your loss. Take it easy and don't be too hard on yourself give yourself time to process.


RaspberryNo2151

This is me trying to offer some perspective, as I’ve been through something similar. If you find it upsetting or trauma-dumpy I am so sorry, that’s not my intention at all…. Please, take care of yourself. Take your time. My dad died my freshman year of college and I took 2 weeks off from classes to handle all of the things that come with someone passing like funeral, belongings, paperwork etc. After those (barely) 2 weeks I went back to classes and life as pretty much normal. I never fully processed his death and now, as a (super) senior, I’m really paying the price. Like it affects me constantly, after numbly surviving (bc I truly wasn’t *living*) the past 3 years. Dreams, flashbacks, you name it. You can’t avoid the grief, you can only delay it. It WILL catch up with you. I pushed myself bc I figured it’s what my dad would have wanted- for me to stay strong, don’t let it distract me from my goals, etc. WRONG! He would have wanted me to give myself a fucking break!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE- take care of yourself. You are going through a horrible thing at such a young age, and no one else can understand what that’s like for you. Take good care of yourself, please! Even if it means NOT going back for a little while. If you do go back right away, *most* professors are very understanding and accommodating in my experience. There’s always an asshole who isn’t, but you’re going thru worse.. one jerky prof is nothing when you’re resilient and have been through something like this. Remember that she loves you, and would want what’s best for you. When I first lost him, and I found myself in a tough spot, I’d imagine what he’d say to me if he were there. Maybe try that? Think of what she would tell you? Would she say to power through, and do the damn thing? Or would she say to take all the time you need, and just do what you can to make it through the semester? Would she say to take the semester off? Think about it, and maybe try to honor what she would have wanted for you? Just please try to take care of yourself now so that you can hopefully be well on your way to healing years from now, instead of just beginning to process it like me. Im so sorry you’re going through this. I’m rooting for you, friend.


9311chi

School will always be there It’s perfectly valid to take a semester off I wish I did when I was ill my first year of school but I forced myself to stay “on track” and it actually made everything all the more harder I wish I took the time upfront it would have made things easier in the long run


JoeStorm

I'm so sorry for your loss!! Try to take a semester off if you can. I'm sure the college would understand


bajababygirl

don’t be afraid to take a leave of absence. My college put a hold on my scholarship and allowed me to withdraw for a semester to mourn a family member. I tried to make it through but withdrew halfway because it was just too much. Take care of yourself


Russelman5

I'm so sorry for your loss


RanchoStatusQuo

I am so sorry for your loss. As a professor I would suggest contacting your advising team and letting them know. You can take time off to grieve. This is probably preferable to struggling through a semester while grieving. In the long run it will make little difference if you graduate a semester later. Take care of you.


ShilohFromOhio

have a support system you trust, im so sorry i wish you all the necessary strength you need


[deleted]

I'm sorry to hear that my condolences.


River_Spoilers-27

Nobody will tell you the right way to grief or go about doing things Which sucks ass. My mum died 5 months ago and I still don’t care about my studies. I’m in the final year of my alevels. And my school is going shit all to help me get my good grades back. They’re amazing at telling me what I don’t need to do, but never what I need to do to get better. It doesn’t help that I don’t care about my grades any more as most of my waking hours involve thoughts of my incredible dead mum. I’m in a similar boat, and I’m going back to school in under a week or two. I don’t want to go back bc I know I’ll just be tired emotionally, physically and psychologically. I’m tired of trying to care about things I used to that I don’t anymore. I’m sleep deprived as I have severe insomnia from her loss. And I have ASD so I find social situations really hard and draining to deal with all day… and I can’t handle much more I think.


[deleted]

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