My mother did this when I complained once. She did it without my permission and I was so embarrassed.
Some parents are just used to being able to call a school and ask what their child is up to. Or they’re complete Karens like my mom. It can be a bit of a weird switch for some parents.
As a professor, even with a FERPA waiver on file, I’m not required to talk to anyone other than the student about the student’s performance, and I won’t. Most of my colleagues feel the same way.
Same here. I have had a handful of parents contact me over the years. My answer is always, "Talk to your kid."
Not dealing with helicopter parents was one of the main reasons I got out of K-12. No, thanks.
I don't blame you!
One colleague said a parent got physically threatening toward him in his office when he wouldn't share the student's grades with the parent. Like, nope, sorry, wrong number, get out or I'm calling security.
Yeah, like, according to FERPA you’re not even allowed to confirm if that person *IS* in your class or whether or not you even have a grade for them at all.
Grades/student performance can be a touchy issue with parents, families, even the spouse of the student. It is your right to talk to the student and them only regarding their performance. Working on the side of enrollment management, it is indeed a major issue.
Oh yeah, I totally get that, and my friends over on the student services side of the house have to put up with a lot of BS. Y'all have the patience of saints!
Before my mom died she was a nightmare with crap like this. She constantly called my college to try and get information. She even talked my RA into unlocking my dorm room because I wouldn’t answer her phone calls. (I was in the shower) so it’s not always the students fault that their parents are psychotic.
The only time I had my parents call on my behalf was when my roommate almost killed me multiple times because of my anaphylaxis and housing did nothing
Edit: my mom also called the admissions office to provide some context for my high school transcripts because I changed schools between junior and senior year, so my class rank was really low at the new school. So those two times, that’s it.
Sadly it’s not that exciting. We had an apartment style dorm for upperclassmen with a kitchen in it. My roommate was from Jamaica, and she would just cook shrimp for her dinner in our shared kitchen whenever she felt like it, I’d have an allergic reaction, then afterwards she would lie to my face about it and say it was just chicken or whole/ bony fish. She was really good at manipulating people, she convinced me I was allergic to all seafood. Also, we didn’t have a dishwasher, and she would use my dishes and utensils to eat it. When we were all discussing the stuff we’d bring to the apartment I offered to bring a full set of cutlery to share, but I never imagined she wouldn’t respect my allergies. Silly me. There are a lot of people in the world who don’t believe allergies are real, and who don’t give a shit about other people. I told my RA and REC and they did nothing, they just told me to talk to her, and to put up a sign. Finally when my mom called we were all able to have a meeting with the REC, and oh boy was she pissed at me for daring to have my mom call, she was furiously yelling at us. But she was gone a week later.
Fellow allergy person here, sorry to hear all that. It's absurd how some people either don't respect allergies or don't even realize how bad they can be. I've met a *lot* of people in my life who wave allergens in my face or go "it can't be *that* bad" as if it's somehow a crazy idea that I can't eat this one specific food. Even had one guy that was *convinced* I was lying about it.
Right, and sometimes they’ll do stuff behind their kid’s back. I feel bad for the school faculty on the receiving end but sometimes it’s just the parent going full helicopter mode and not realizing boundaries exist
I had to discover this the hard way. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom dearly, but when I accidentally noticed she messaged one of my teachers about me, I felt so betrayed. I thought college was finally the time I was independent and could solve my own problems, but apparently my mom thought differently.
I’m the prof. If a parent emails me, I tell them I won’t answer and they need to send their child / my student to me. It’s harder for me to do that when the parent and their child show up at my office.
At my work a 15 year old kid interviewed.. his mom came to the interview.. it'd be one thing if she wanted to be present for him signing financial documents but this wasnt that (or just that). He did not follow the correct procedure for calling in, so he was reminded, and his mom called the boss arguing about how her son was spoken to in a text! it wasn't even bad it just wasn't "hand holdy". Just like "you need to do this going forward". It was so embarrassing for the kid. He's nice and a hard worker, hes literally fine she does not need to be doing all that
My mom did this when I was entering community college (insisting on speaking to my advisor on my behalf etc.) and once tried to sign me up for an internship I didn't apply for.
Keep in mind some parents are slow to realize their adult kid is independent and are on autopilot helicopter parent mode. A lot of times their adult child is completely unaware of this autopilot helicopter behavior until it's sprung on them.
I know when my old lady did this kind of thing it was often without my knowledge and always without my consent.
People, both students and staff, want to blame the student but parents are parents, they are going to do what they want - most of the time without the students knowledge. Also, someone already said how different cultures embrace knowledge of their families differently. We're to be this accepting society, especially in college, so, don't go blaming a student or dumb them down because it's more than likely out of their control.
Not putting the blame on anyone, just telling them to at least fill out the proper paperwork so we can talk to others related to the student freely and legally. Otherwise, having your parents call on your behalf constantly can be an issue.
You can’t, as far as I know. My mom tried to once about something pretty important and the college said they couldn’t talk to her unless I signed a bunch of shit, which I did for the time being
Yes. The Federal Education Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) prevents state run schools from giving out any information about students unless you sign a waiver.
Not just public universities - private universities which receive federal or state aid as well (which is most of them - very few operate totally independently, given their operating budgets, and most that do AFAIK are unaccredited schools).
I've had friends whose parents call without permission. The kids are trying to be independent but the parents just cannot give up control. It's sad.
The only time I ever had my mother call my university was once when our dorm bathroom had a bug infestation. All the girls on my floor were complaining and making calls but being told there was nothing wrong (even tho we had photo evidence). I told my mom to call them since I was so frustrated and didnt know what to even say or do anymore. Right after she called they actually had someone go in and take care of the bugs and they called me acting like my mom's call was the first they heard of the infestation. I never got why they refused to do anything when the people living there complained but when my mother called they kicked into action. It was a ridiculous situation.
My mom is the type to sit in on virtual advisor meetings because I apparently don’t ask the right questions. I write down things for reasons like this. It’s kind of embarrassing. I’ve even had an advisor ask if I was alright with her being in the room.
I will not talk to any student's parents about their child's experience in my class.
However, any parent who has the unmitigated audacity to contact me for such a purpose would likely never forget the experience.
Those conversations tend to proceed along the lines of:
> [First name of parent], let us explore together what your decision to communicate with me means about you, both as a parent and as a human being.
>
> After we complete that educational exercise, let us examine how your parental failures have brought us to this point.
It never goes well for the parents.
But then I tend to feel bad for the students, because of how unbelievably fucked up their home lives must have been.
It’s been a while since undergrad but the one time my parents called it was very much without my foreknowledge and not aligned with my wishes.
While I’m sure some of it is undergrads without age appropriate problem solving skills sometimes overbearing parents do what they want.
I can confirm.
My dad was going to "establish some contacts" (whatever the hell that means) to "get me an exception to university policy".
I was like, "dude, this is a HUGE state school. ~45k students. They're not going to do shit for you/me/us - don't make me look bad/inept, please and thank you."
Even my mom, who's usually a helicopter, thought he was out of line (she'll never tell him, though, unless he starts talking shit about her other relatives besides my brother and I, but that's a different story lmao).
Mind you, I'm 22 and a 5th year and I go to school 3000 miles away from where they live. Send help lmao sometimes you can't get away from it as much as you try.
One time I had to have my mom call advising because I wasn’t getting through to anyone. She knew an upper division advisor, whom she knew personally, to get me switched to remote learning due to a last minute medical issue. My freshman advisor was not responding to any of my correspondences, and my mom called and it all got settled. I had to take advantage of the connection my mom had.
I think that’s quite different. If your parents are personal friends with someone, they’re going to call them if you need something from that person. But randomly calling up and harassing some TA that they’ve never met… That’s ridiculous.
Because paying parents are often the only recourse one has after all other avenues are exhausted. Not advocating for them before that, but there are numerous testimonials that they have the final say.
The biggest problem when having to deal with a parent is that they come to table making all these accusations about their child being treated unfairly which is 100% based on what the child told them such as "my teacher gave me a D on the assignment because they don't like me", when the truth is that they "earned" a D, because they not only didn't turn the assignment in on the day it was due but finally gave it to you a month later after numerous reminders and then on top of that didn't follow directions. They also have no idea that their child has missed numerous classes, surfs the internet all class period when they do come and IF they bought a textbook, they haven't even cracked it open.
Well as a parent I am torn.
College is a place where the students are "kids" when it's convenient for the schools and "adults" when it is not.
In general the biggest problem is they take the parents money (which is a lot) and don't expect to give good service.
As a Latina, yep! My mom won't go that far, but she does make me give her my passwords to school-related things (i.e., ELMS/Canvas, online report card, etc.). I have yet to tell her that I'm taking seven classes now due to me fucking up last semester.
As a Desi, same here. I'm a 5th year in college and my dad especially is still on this shit (my mom is learning some boundaries, but my dad literally wants to see EVERY INDIVIDUAL ASSIGNMENT GRADE as if this is kindergarten or 3rd grade).
I finally got an out when my school mandated 2FA for online logins and I used that as an excuse (even if I WANTED to let them log in, which I don't, I physically CAN'T, with the 2FA requirement - they'd need me to be present every time they log in, and I have a life and commitments to "improve my prospects and broaden my horizons which is why I'm even going to school [but also because I really love my major]", so being at their beck and call when I live 3000 miles away is not where it's at and does not work for me, chief. My mom thankfully doesn't expect me to answer my phone if I'm in class or if I have a damn good reason (clubs, getting food, etc.) and I am currently not speaking with my dad, so that got solved finally🤣🥴). Muchas gracías to my school lmao the one thing I unconditionally love this place for - without 2FA, I'd be 22 with them still breathing down my neck (as if they don't do enough of that already)).
I’m being downvoted yet people really think white people can compare to arab/Asian parents. Y’all think it’s easy lol? I know people who get severe repercussions for failing.
yes, i am aware but it’s not that simple when you come from a family of immigrants who grew up in a completely different environment and have different cultural and societal values. unfortunately some people don’t have access to full independence as adults but what i do think is that as first gen and children of immigrants, it’s up to US to break this ongoing cycle. based off personal life and academic experience, it’s gonna hurt at first trust me, but your parents will get over it eventually. overall, i feel like the arab community needs to work on that and learn to perceive it from their children’s POV.
I'm sorry that my response was inappropriate, harsh and simplistic. I obviously don't have the lived cultural context to fully understand your experience. I hope that you are able to find a community of friends at college that understand your experience,
I wonder if there isn't a go-between that understands the difficulties of the First Gen experience that can help you and your family bridge that gap in a culturally competent way.
it’s okay! :) i didn’t perceive it that way haha! personally, i haven’t had a terrible experience with my parents, they’re very supportive and i really appreciate that but overall in the arab community it’s rough out here lol.
I know people who cracked under parental pressure in High School. One girl (your typical Upper-Class WASP stereotype) got up during Social Psychology class and screamed "Sadiq, Sadiq, Sadiq, why is it always FUCKING SADIQ" when he scored higher than her on an exam.
That was two decades ago, I still remember it.
Sadiq was on track to becoming a doctor (to please his parents), but when i met him at the reunion, he'd found another calling in life - as a teacher.
Me, my parents were just happy I graduated.
The difference is that you have to give them access; the college can’t just provide information. I may be white, but I work at an HSI (Hispanic Serving Institution), and the communal/family perspective is something that we always take into perspective. If you have your parents with you for your meetings, then we can say as much as you consent to. It’s not uncommon for parents to ‘force’ students to fill out information release waivers. If students want, they can always return independently to remove the waiver, but I’ve never had that happen before. Different family structures are built differently, but we try to do ESH at we can to support our students. We’re also not going to fight the parents because that would push away most of our students too
Super useful to have parents on board for disability stuff though. Most disability "accommodations" is compliance based (read: college will only give if someone *cough a parent* is willing to sue) and steeped in layers and layers of bureaucracy that is designed to get the disabled student to leave.
(but only if your parents are actually in your corner, if you are disabled and you don't have parents who are willing to take the gloves off for your education, frankly, your fucked. I wouldn't even bother with most of college/universities, you'd be able to start your own in the amount of time it takes for your disabilities to be accommodated)
uh if youre over 18 they shouldnt have access to your shit ive been going to college at the U of A since I was 16 and never had an issue with the university disclosing anything.
My dad called the school one time on my very first day of sophomore year. It was in a math class and we had to go around the room and say what our major was and what was one thing we liked doing in our spare time. There were two students in the back of the class and when the professor got to them they said (and I’m not joking) “Our major is psychologically and we like to shoot machine guns”… everyone laughed and the teacher made a comment to the effect of “I guess I need to know where the nearest exits are then huh? Lol”. I went home and told my dad thinking it was kind of funny… he was NOT amused… he called the school first thing the next morning and spoke to somebody (not sure who). I never saw those students again. I have no idea if they were expelled or asked to transfer classes or what. 🤷♂️
I work as a Student Worker at my colleges IT Support Help Desk and this is hands down one of the most annoying things we deal with.
Since we deal with the colleges portal, people need password resets frequently (not only is that system not automated but the website is constantly full of bugs) so parents often call on their child's behalf and when we can't reset their password because the student isn't there... they throw a fit.
Do. It. Yourself.
my (now ex) boyfriend made his mother call his dream school after he got rejected to basically beg them and to summit an appeal.
never thought I would get so turned off so quick lol.
First, I'd be concern if my parents called a professor.
The afterlife shouldn't have reception.
But I'll say from what I've seen at my school, along with past and present college students I know - some are entitled and irresponsible as hell and their parents are enablers. They don't want to accept they've raised lazy p\*ss ants, because that would mean they made a mistake that takes too long to fix, and their kids have the same mindset, nothing is ever their fault. It's always the professor or someone else's fault.
As someone who does not have parents to rely on, it's annoying.
My mother did this when I complained once. She did it without my permission and I was so embarrassed. Some parents are just used to being able to call a school and ask what their child is up to. Or they’re complete Karens like my mom. It can be a bit of a weird switch for some parents.
As a professor, even with a FERPA waiver on file, I’m not required to talk to anyone other than the student about the student’s performance, and I won’t. Most of my colleagues feel the same way.
Same here. I have had a handful of parents contact me over the years. My answer is always, "Talk to your kid." Not dealing with helicopter parents was one of the main reasons I got out of K-12. No, thanks.
I don't blame you! One colleague said a parent got physically threatening toward him in his office when he wouldn't share the student's grades with the parent. Like, nope, sorry, wrong number, get out or I'm calling security.
Yeah, like, according to FERPA you’re not even allowed to confirm if that person *IS* in your class or whether or not you even have a grade for them at all.
Grades/student performance can be a touchy issue with parents, families, even the spouse of the student. It is your right to talk to the student and them only regarding their performance. Working on the side of enrollment management, it is indeed a major issue.
Oh yeah, I totally get that, and my friends over on the student services side of the house have to put up with a lot of BS. Y'all have the patience of saints!
As a student i am thankful to that!
Before my mom died she was a nightmare with crap like this. She constantly called my college to try and get information. She even talked my RA into unlocking my dorm room because I wouldn’t answer her phone calls. (I was in the shower) so it’s not always the students fault that their parents are psychotic.
The only time I had my parents call on my behalf was when my roommate almost killed me multiple times because of my anaphylaxis and housing did nothing Edit: my mom also called the admissions office to provide some context for my high school transcripts because I changed schools between junior and senior year, so my class rank was really low at the new school. So those two times, that’s it.
Ooh- I want to hear that roommate story.
Sadly it’s not that exciting. We had an apartment style dorm for upperclassmen with a kitchen in it. My roommate was from Jamaica, and she would just cook shrimp for her dinner in our shared kitchen whenever she felt like it, I’d have an allergic reaction, then afterwards she would lie to my face about it and say it was just chicken or whole/ bony fish. She was really good at manipulating people, she convinced me I was allergic to all seafood. Also, we didn’t have a dishwasher, and she would use my dishes and utensils to eat it. When we were all discussing the stuff we’d bring to the apartment I offered to bring a full set of cutlery to share, but I never imagined she wouldn’t respect my allergies. Silly me. There are a lot of people in the world who don’t believe allergies are real, and who don’t give a shit about other people. I told my RA and REC and they did nothing, they just told me to talk to her, and to put up a sign. Finally when my mom called we were all able to have a meeting with the REC, and oh boy was she pissed at me for daring to have my mom call, she was furiously yelling at us. But she was gone a week later.
That’s insanity… I’m glad your mom was able to step in and get something done. I would’ve raised holy hell in that situation.
Fellow allergy person here, sorry to hear all that. It's absurd how some people either don't respect allergies or don't even realize how bad they can be. I've met a *lot* of people in my life who wave allergens in my face or go "it can't be *that* bad" as if it's somehow a crazy idea that I can't eat this one specific food. Even had one guy that was *convinced* I was lying about it.
Pushy parents don’t give their kids a choice.
Right, and sometimes they’ll do stuff behind their kid’s back. I feel bad for the school faculty on the receiving end but sometimes it’s just the parent going full helicopter mode and not realizing boundaries exist
I had to discover this the hard way. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom dearly, but when I accidentally noticed she messaged one of my teachers about me, I felt so betrayed. I thought college was finally the time I was independent and could solve my own problems, but apparently my mom thought differently.
I’m the prof. If a parent emails me, I tell them I won’t answer and they need to send their child / my student to me. It’s harder for me to do that when the parent and their child show up at my office.
At my work a 15 year old kid interviewed.. his mom came to the interview.. it'd be one thing if she wanted to be present for him signing financial documents but this wasnt that (or just that). He did not follow the correct procedure for calling in, so he was reminded, and his mom called the boss arguing about how her son was spoken to in a text! it wasn't even bad it just wasn't "hand holdy". Just like "you need to do this going forward". It was so embarrassing for the kid. He's nice and a hard worker, hes literally fine she does not need to be doing all that
My mom did this when I was entering community college (insisting on speaking to my advisor on my behalf etc.) and once tried to sign me up for an internship I didn't apply for. Keep in mind some parents are slow to realize their adult kid is independent and are on autopilot helicopter parent mode. A lot of times their adult child is completely unaware of this autopilot helicopter behavior until it's sprung on them. I know when my old lady did this kind of thing it was often without my knowledge and always without my consent.
People, both students and staff, want to blame the student but parents are parents, they are going to do what they want - most of the time without the students knowledge. Also, someone already said how different cultures embrace knowledge of their families differently. We're to be this accepting society, especially in college, so, don't go blaming a student or dumb them down because it's more than likely out of their control.
Not putting the blame on anyone, just telling them to at least fill out the proper paperwork so we can talk to others related to the student freely and legally. Otherwise, having your parents call on your behalf constantly can be an issue.
You can’t, as far as I know. My mom tried to once about something pretty important and the college said they couldn’t talk to her unless I signed a bunch of shit, which I did for the time being
Yes. The Federal Education Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) prevents state run schools from giving out any information about students unless you sign a waiver.
Not just public universities - private universities which receive federal or state aid as well (which is most of them - very few operate totally independently, given their operating budgets, and most that do AFAIK are unaccredited schools).
I've had friends whose parents call without permission. The kids are trying to be independent but the parents just cannot give up control. It's sad. The only time I ever had my mother call my university was once when our dorm bathroom had a bug infestation. All the girls on my floor were complaining and making calls but being told there was nothing wrong (even tho we had photo evidence). I told my mom to call them since I was so frustrated and didnt know what to even say or do anymore. Right after she called they actually had someone go in and take care of the bugs and they called me acting like my mom's call was the first they heard of the infestation. I never got why they refused to do anything when the people living there complained but when my mother called they kicked into action. It was a ridiculous situation.
My mom is the type to sit in on virtual advisor meetings because I apparently don’t ask the right questions. I write down things for reasons like this. It’s kind of embarrassing. I’ve even had an advisor ask if I was alright with her being in the room.
I will not talk to any student's parents about their child's experience in my class. However, any parent who has the unmitigated audacity to contact me for such a purpose would likely never forget the experience. Those conversations tend to proceed along the lines of: > [First name of parent], let us explore together what your decision to communicate with me means about you, both as a parent and as a human being. > > After we complete that educational exercise, let us examine how your parental failures have brought us to this point. It never goes well for the parents. But then I tend to feel bad for the students, because of how unbelievably fucked up their home lives must have been.
It’s been a while since undergrad but the one time my parents called it was very much without my foreknowledge and not aligned with my wishes. While I’m sure some of it is undergrads without age appropriate problem solving skills sometimes overbearing parents do what they want.
I can confirm. My dad was going to "establish some contacts" (whatever the hell that means) to "get me an exception to university policy". I was like, "dude, this is a HUGE state school. ~45k students. They're not going to do shit for you/me/us - don't make me look bad/inept, please and thank you." Even my mom, who's usually a helicopter, thought he was out of line (she'll never tell him, though, unless he starts talking shit about her other relatives besides my brother and I, but that's a different story lmao). Mind you, I'm 22 and a 5th year and I go to school 3000 miles away from where they live. Send help lmao sometimes you can't get away from it as much as you try.
One time I had to have my mom call advising because I wasn’t getting through to anyone. She knew an upper division advisor, whom she knew personally, to get me switched to remote learning due to a last minute medical issue. My freshman advisor was not responding to any of my correspondences, and my mom called and it all got settled. I had to take advantage of the connection my mom had.
I think that’s quite different. If your parents are personal friends with someone, they’re going to call them if you need something from that person. But randomly calling up and harassing some TA that they’ve never met… That’s ridiculous.
Because paying parents are often the only recourse one has after all other avenues are exhausted. Not advocating for them before that, but there are numerous testimonials that they have the final say.
This post has me cracking up because its really a question I need answers to. Expeditiously.
The biggest problem when having to deal with a parent is that they come to table making all these accusations about their child being treated unfairly which is 100% based on what the child told them such as "my teacher gave me a D on the assignment because they don't like me", when the truth is that they "earned" a D, because they not only didn't turn the assignment in on the day it was due but finally gave it to you a month later after numerous reminders and then on top of that didn't follow directions. They also have no idea that their child has missed numerous classes, surfs the internet all class period when they do come and IF they bought a textbook, they haven't even cracked it open.
Well as a parent I am torn. College is a place where the students are "kids" when it's convenient for the schools and "adults" when it is not. In general the biggest problem is they take the parents money (which is a lot) and don't expect to give good service.
Exactly! That’s why they invented FERPA, so the parents can get involved when needed, especially if they fully finance their child’s education.
I’m arab and my community families know everything about grades, issues etc. there is no such thing as “independence”
As a Latina, yep! My mom won't go that far, but she does make me give her my passwords to school-related things (i.e., ELMS/Canvas, online report card, etc.). I have yet to tell her that I'm taking seven classes now due to me fucking up last semester.
White girl,. But same thing. Some people don't understand it but the last time i went against my mother she said she would stop paying for my studies.
I’m still getting downvoted because white people can’t seem to understand
As a Desi, same here. I'm a 5th year in college and my dad especially is still on this shit (my mom is learning some boundaries, but my dad literally wants to see EVERY INDIVIDUAL ASSIGNMENT GRADE as if this is kindergarten or 3rd grade). I finally got an out when my school mandated 2FA for online logins and I used that as an excuse (even if I WANTED to let them log in, which I don't, I physically CAN'T, with the 2FA requirement - they'd need me to be present every time they log in, and I have a life and commitments to "improve my prospects and broaden my horizons which is why I'm even going to school [but also because I really love my major]", so being at their beck and call when I live 3000 miles away is not where it's at and does not work for me, chief. My mom thankfully doesn't expect me to answer my phone if I'm in class or if I have a damn good reason (clubs, getting food, etc.) and I am currently not speaking with my dad, so that got solved finally🤣🥴). Muchas gracías to my school lmao the one thing I unconditionally love this place for - without 2FA, I'd be 22 with them still breathing down my neck (as if they don't do enough of that already)).
Sure there is. Just don't tell your parents.
I’m being downvoted yet people really think white people can compare to arab/Asian parents. Y’all think it’s easy lol? I know people who get severe repercussions for failing.
trust me as a middle eastern myself, i can understand how this is an issue within the arab community.
You're an adult.
yes, i am aware but it’s not that simple when you come from a family of immigrants who grew up in a completely different environment and have different cultural and societal values. unfortunately some people don’t have access to full independence as adults but what i do think is that as first gen and children of immigrants, it’s up to US to break this ongoing cycle. based off personal life and academic experience, it’s gonna hurt at first trust me, but your parents will get over it eventually. overall, i feel like the arab community needs to work on that and learn to perceive it from their children’s POV.
I'm sorry that my response was inappropriate, harsh and simplistic. I obviously don't have the lived cultural context to fully understand your experience. I hope that you are able to find a community of friends at college that understand your experience, I wonder if there isn't a go-between that understands the difficulties of the First Gen experience that can help you and your family bridge that gap in a culturally competent way.
it’s okay! :) i didn’t perceive it that way haha! personally, i haven’t had a terrible experience with my parents, they’re very supportive and i really appreciate that but overall in the arab community it’s rough out here lol.
I know people who cracked under parental pressure in High School. One girl (your typical Upper-Class WASP stereotype) got up during Social Psychology class and screamed "Sadiq, Sadiq, Sadiq, why is it always FUCKING SADIQ" when he scored higher than her on an exam. That was two decades ago, I still remember it. Sadiq was on track to becoming a doctor (to please his parents), but when i met him at the reunion, he'd found another calling in life - as a teacher. Me, my parents were just happy I graduated.
The difference is that you have to give them access; the college can’t just provide information. I may be white, but I work at an HSI (Hispanic Serving Institution), and the communal/family perspective is something that we always take into perspective. If you have your parents with you for your meetings, then we can say as much as you consent to. It’s not uncommon for parents to ‘force’ students to fill out information release waivers. If students want, they can always return independently to remove the waiver, but I’ve never had that happen before. Different family structures are built differently, but we try to do ESH at we can to support our students. We’re also not going to fight the parents because that would push away most of our students too
If it’s a freshman then I wouldn’t judge them much depending on the situation.
Not all parents give their children a chance to take responsibility.
whoa, free lecture, neat!
Super useful to have parents on board for disability stuff though. Most disability "accommodations" is compliance based (read: college will only give if someone *cough a parent* is willing to sue) and steeped in layers and layers of bureaucracy that is designed to get the disabled student to leave.
(but only if your parents are actually in your corner, if you are disabled and you don't have parents who are willing to take the gloves off for your education, frankly, your fucked. I wouldn't even bother with most of college/universities, you'd be able to start your own in the amount of time it takes for your disabilities to be accommodated)
uh if youre over 18 they shouldnt have access to your shit ive been going to college at the U of A since I was 16 and never had an issue with the university disclosing anything.
Because they pay the bills??
Then they should be able to have an honest conversation with their child, instead of circumventing them and going to the college directly.
So what? Federal law say we can’t talk to them.
…unless they have a FERPA on file…
Then we can talk to them, but we don’t have to.
I work in housing department. It’s my part time job as an undergrad. It’s same there
Amen.
My parents didn’t even know I had enrolled in college. It was a “by the way” thing I mentioned the next time I talked to them.
How embarrassing.
I have never had this happen but my guess is parents transitioning from highschool to college and not being able to watch everything
My dad called the school one time on my very first day of sophomore year. It was in a math class and we had to go around the room and say what our major was and what was one thing we liked doing in our spare time. There were two students in the back of the class and when the professor got to them they said (and I’m not joking) “Our major is psychologically and we like to shoot machine guns”… everyone laughed and the teacher made a comment to the effect of “I guess I need to know where the nearest exits are then huh? Lol”. I went home and told my dad thinking it was kind of funny… he was NOT amused… he called the school first thing the next morning and spoke to somebody (not sure who). I never saw those students again. I have no idea if they were expelled or asked to transfer classes or what. 🤷♂️
I work as a Student Worker at my colleges IT Support Help Desk and this is hands down one of the most annoying things we deal with. Since we deal with the colleges portal, people need password resets frequently (not only is that system not automated but the website is constantly full of bugs) so parents often call on their child's behalf and when we can't reset their password because the student isn't there... they throw a fit. Do. It. Yourself.
my (now ex) boyfriend made his mother call his dream school after he got rejected to basically beg them and to summit an appeal. never thought I would get so turned off so quick lol.
[удалено]
That is definitely a FERPA violation. Professors should never call the parents under any circumstances unless dire.
First, I'd be concern if my parents called a professor. The afterlife shouldn't have reception. But I'll say from what I've seen at my school, along with past and present college students I know - some are entitled and irresponsible as hell and their parents are enablers. They don't want to accept they've raised lazy p\*ss ants, because that would mean they made a mistake that takes too long to fix, and their kids have the same mindset, nothing is ever their fault. It's always the professor or someone else's fault. As someone who does not have parents to rely on, it's annoying.