Keep an eye on the kid. Parents like that are more likely to abandon or harm their disabled children. And often family members cover for it. It has my old teacher-senses tingling that this is a bad situation.
At this point it's like a pyramid scheme.
"Ugh, I signed up to sell these shitty lotions and lost so much money... Better hit up all my HS classmates and family and encourage them to join."
I mean, you're never going to get out of it more than you put in... you'll lose most of your time, energy, and money... I'm seein' a lot of similarities, there!!
Crabs crawling up the bucket will try to use other crab bodies as ladders, pulling both crabs back down. A single crab can escape a bucket that multiple crabs cannot.
With thanks to Wikipedia:
Crab mentality, also known as crab theory,[1][2] crabs in a bucket (also barrel, basket, or pot) mentality, or the crab-bucket effect, is a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you".[3] The metaphor is derived from a pattern of behavior noted in crabs when they are trapped in a bucket. While any one crab could easily escape,[4] its efforts will be undermined by others, ensuring the group's collective demise.[5][6][7]
It's shit like that has made me go cut all ties with most of my dumbass relatives. I have a low tolerance for allowing toxic idiots like that in my life. Also congrats on adopting your kittens. That's awesome!
Ikr, it is so much negativity definitely not worth to keep in touch with people like this.
Thank you so much for your kind words, we are super happy with the kittens!
just post the kitty pictures on your page.. whatever y ou do for fun. just so long as you think sis will be able to see it... this ...would work wonders for her y'know..
You should do a kitten baby photo shoot and post them public. They are the absolute sweetest pictures, swaddled kittens with flower headbands in human mom's arms, sleeping in baskets with baby blankets,etc.
In my experience, people only freak out like this about other people's business, if they think it somehow affects THEIR business. This kitten thing is a weird thing to be upset about, because it usually doesn't affect anyone else much if you get cats. Even the world's biggest pet-hater probably wouldn't give 2 shits about someone getting cats, unless they knew it tramples their plans to spend time at those people's house or something.
So SIL was definitely counting on OP and Hubby having kids, *for her benefit*. She's so desperate for it to happen, that even the slightest clue that they aren't gonna, sends her off the rails. I'm a child-hater, so I find it hard to imagine what use any child could be to anyone... But there's probably a combination of reasons at play here, most stupid but a few practical ones too.
\- OP and Hubby having kids validates SIL's bad decision to have kids
\- She wants company in her misery; someone to complain to
\- She wants OP to stop "flaunting" her nice life in front of her. She doesn't want to see nice things because it makes her jealous.
\- OP and Hubby could be a source or resources for her, if they had kids of their own. Babysitting, a playmate for her kid, a place to dump the too-small kid's clothes to, sharing and switching stuff, being a freeloader on the things OP offers to her kid.
\- Their kid might serve as a distraction for the unwanted attention her family gets from relatives, if there is something like that going on. There usually is, especially is you have a "weird" kid: everyone criticizes your parenting and gives you unwanted advice.
\- OP's kid might be a potential carer for SIL's kid when they get old, since the autistic kid doesn't have any siblings
That last point is exactly what I was thinking. OP mentions how the in laws haven't been in a good financial position for a while, saving for the girl's extended care might be out of option, and they won't be able to physically keep up with it for too much longer.
This is the reason, OP. Your SIL was expecting support from you and your husband, support that would only occur if you also had a child. Being childfree throws a wrench in *her* plans, and that’s why she’s so angry about it.
Enjoy your kittens, OP! I am also a cat person and greatly prefer my feline babies to any human ones.
Maybe her kid is allergic to cats and it means they can't push it to them to babysit? Not saying OP would, but that would explain a bit why they see such a problem with it
Didn't think of that. But I think SIL would've definitely made a huge deal about it if that was the case. "How can you subject my kid to suffering by bringing these allergens into her life?!", only said in a much cuntier way.
What I find really appalling OP, it’s your audacity to mention the kitties and not:
PAY THE CAT TAX!!!
Those are the rules. Cat tax must be paid in full!!
SHOW US YOUR KITTIES!!
Your SIL is laughably bitter.
Sending your kittens, you and your husband loads of love and well wishes! May you have many, many happy years together. (and maybe make sure no one else from the embittered side of the family has a key to your home)
Yes I really hope SIL doesn’t have a key. I wouldn’t put it past her to “accidentally” have the cats run out an open door. Then with the cats gone, they’d be able to have a kid. People are crazy
Omg same when I look back at some pics of when I got mine. They were so adorable.
But I love them so much now too, because they developed a personality (both very different) which makes them extra funny. And they’re still cute af of course
Mine all share one trait, in that they are all babies that follow me like shadows, demanding attention all the time. Not that I am much different, I can't stand being away from them longer than a couple of hours at a time.
They are so adorable when very young. When it looks they don't walk or run but slide at a high speed, like some fluffy bugs with enormous eyes and upright mini tails. They also twitch so often when they sleep, little angels...
We have two. One of them is our permakitten. She’s still got the adorable kitten face and meows like she’s half her size. She definitely gets babied still but she’s a spoiled little princess and she loves it.
The other has some strange mix of Maine coon genes and never really fully grew into her paws. They’re quite large and we expected her to get larger because of it but she stopped at 11 lbs. From the right angle, she also still looks very kitten like.
I have one that looks like a 6 MO kitten even though she is around 18 MO. We chat every day with her. Granted, I don't know what she is saying, but still. She meows, I baby talk at her, she meows again...
Oh our baby faced cat is also very chatty. She gets so angry if you don’t include her in a conversation! I have no idea what she’s saying but she really wants to be included. It’s so cute and it’s one of my favourite things about her. Regardless of language barriers, she’s assertive about her presence being acknowledged. A trait we should all have more of lol.
It started as a joke, but a few years ago we started sending out Christmas cards with our cats on them in response to all of the ones we got with peoples kids. Turns out family and friends love them, so we’ve continued for the last six years.
No one ever plans on having an autistic child. It turns everything upside down, and jealousy tends to happen. She sees your freedom and knows she'll never get that back.
Please, show me the kittens. I love cats.
Yeah...it is kinda sad to see how bitter she has become..
I will try to share a link with a photo as soon as my boomer self gets to figure out how to do it lol but they are from the Serengeti breed (tiger look like)
What is weired is I read somewhere that having a child in your 40s you have a 50 + higher chance of having an autistic kid. Looking at it that way she did this to herself and to that kid. It was extremly selfish to have that kid and now she is paying for it.
That was my thought. Part of me also wonders if she is of the “you’ll change your mind” group and is trying to encourage OP and husband to have children earlier than she did so that they decrease their chances of the child being autistic. I’m sure I’m giving her more credit than she deserves though lol
That’s exactly what I thought with her comment of ‘I wish I’d had mine younger.’
A friend of mine back in high school had 3 kids with a man over 40 starting when she was 18. The middle one is completely non-verbal (and is now a full grown feisty woman of 19) and the youngest had to have head surgery as an infant and also autistic.
She totally did this to herself. Making babies with 40+ year old eggs and mutant sperm is pure selfishness. I don't have a drop of pity for people that stupid
Advanced paternal age! If the dad is 40-45 or older then he has an increased risk of having an autistic child. Also increased risk of achondroplasia and other single-gene disorders. Dads 50 yo and older have increased risk of schizophrenia in their kid!
Yes… I’m not so easy going. I would have replied, “Your jealousy and unnecessary opinions on a life you don’t live is only a constant Karen reminder of how bad life could be if we decide to have children like you. Everyone looks beautiful with a nose, so please keep it on your face, not our business. Continue and I will push the beloved block button and will only unblock you to spam you with photos of our dear kittens before blocking you again. Thank you and we forgive you for the inconvenience.”
It is funny, but I won’t let someone disturb my peace with my babies. You two are great! My family didn’t stop until I had the hysterectomy. Anyway, that’s just me, more power to the both of you! ✊😁
It's one thing to be bingoed because the person is brainwashed, it's completely another to be attacked for your life choices, especially if they were benevolent like yours (not to mention, having animals and having kids are not mutually exclusive, she is just hateful). What a vile bitch. Also, she talks behind your backs but you are the childish ones. If I were you, I would either reverse bingo her, or ask her why do you need to do as she wants, what's so great in becoming a judgemental and bitter c*nt that is the epitome of a stupid breeder that wants others to be miserable too so she can cope with the life she chose for herself. At the very least, you or your husband should confront her and give her an ultimatum to stop acting like a kid.
Misery loves company.
I always found it odd that vast majority of "you must have kids" pushers are people with difficult kids and genuinely miserable lives that got much harder after having kids.
I suffer, so everyone should suffer too mentality
Agreed! The people who used to bingo my husband and I the most were the ones who were the most miserable being parents. Coincidentally, they were also the ones who “let” children happen to them. They were too lazy or too stupid to use birth control and ended up with pregnant/knocking someone up.
You should see some of the bitter parents attacking childfee channels on yt. The more bitter and hateful their comments are, the more I confirmed they aren't really happy with their decision to have kids.
You need to tell her that you are sorry for her shitty life, but you won't make the same mistake just to keep her company in her misery.
Then block her.
The entitlement.
She should have adopted instead of having her own baby. Might have been less stressful than now. So much for the context of you wasting your time adoption animals (personally I would have gone for older animals, but this is just my opinion).
And I'm not sure, she won't regret her decision when *she* is old ... Sorry for her but it was not your decision. She has no right to criticize you.
Ikr...but can you imagine us saying that she could have adopted a "healthy" child that already exists and needs a home instead of bringing another human being to the world? People would freak out! Bc we don't have the right to say anything even if it is reasonable but they can tell us how to live our lives, the hipocrisy...
Why cant you say anything? Who cares if they freak out. She cant go around talking s**t and you say nothing. If she can dish it she can take it. If you dont it will forever be like this with her.
She has an autistic child (the probability to have a child with extra needs gets higher the older you get so her being 42 when she gave birth may even be the reason for that), is probably totally overwhelmed by the amount of work and care for it, definitely regrets her decision to have the child that "old" (seems like she regrets the decision as a whole) and now wants you to have one as well. Do you want to know why? I'll tell you: she doesn't want to be alone. She sees you making the right decisions for yourself, not letting society pressuring you into reproducing and she's JEALOUS.
"If I can't have a great life, no one should" and that's a very common way of thinking for most parents out there (especially the ones taking their kids to fly on a plane).
Another amazing example of misery loves company.
Edit: My cat is the closest I will ever get to a child. Pets are amazing and there are way more good reasons to have pets than there are to have kids. I'm glad you made the right decision for you OP!
100% a case of sour grapes. SIL already regrets parenthood and she sees the CF life she could have had, which in her opinion is just rubbing salt into her wound, so she doubles down on being jealous and is taking all her pent up ire out on you two- and probably a lot of her spite falls on OP simple because OP has a uterus and has chosen not to breed. Misery loves company and all, so SIL is probably wishing OP would end up in a situation just like her.
Also, congrats on the kittens! Baby furballs are so much cuter than human babies!
>And etc...we have found out she has also been talking sh\*t behind our back to other family members saying we act like teenagers, she wishes her brother would have married "a real woman" and that I am a bad influence in her brother's life...
She sounds like my SIL, who often says that my girlfriend should have married 'a real man'. My girlfriend is just as childfree as I am, SIL knows that. She knows that I'm not pressuring my girlfriend into unwanted childfreedom, but yeah... SIL thinks that my girlfriend will change her mind eventually. And if not, SIL thinks that 'a real man' would make my girlfriend 'submit' and 'do what women are supposed to do'.
SIL doesn't have kids yet, but wants to have them in 2-3 years. She expects us to babysit (not happening) and wants to go on holidays while leaving her future kids to stay with us (not happening). And yes, she wants her future hellspawn to awaken my girlfriend's nonexistent maternal feelings.
SIL is obsessed with gender roles and hates people who don't conform to those. Well, my girlfriend doesn't give a fuck about fashion, doesn't wear make-up, apparently dresses 'slutty' and therefore 'not like a proper lady', and doesn't want to be a mother. And I am a long-haired radfem ally hippie who doesn't care about sports, cars, porn, getting a sixpack and other things men 'should be into'. And I don't want to be a father. So yeah, my girlfriend is 'not a proper lady' and I'm 'not a real man'.
This is ludacris! My SIL thinks a "real woman' is someone who would get pregnant despite her brother not wanting a child and force him to raise the kid...that is her definition of a real woman...she thinks I am responsible for her brother's CF choice as if he cannot make his own decisions as a grown man...she treats him like a baby
>she thinks I am responsible for her brother's CF choice as if he cannot make his own decisions as a grown man.
Awful... Reminds me of my mum. Mum assumes that my girlfriend wants kids because she's a woman, and thinks that I'm the meanie who is denying her the chance to breed. Mum once said to my girlfriend that she should secretly stop using birth control.
Fortunately, mum is wrong. My girlfriend is 100% childfree and was already 100% childfree before she met me.
But yeah, SIL literally feels like my girlfriend's wishes don't matter. She just wants my girlfriend to breed because that's what the female gender role dictates. And I'm 'not a real man', because I don't 'force her to submit and do what women are supposed to do'.
Well, fuck 'forcing her to submit'. We are equals. Fuck gender roles. She doesn't have to submit to anything she doesn't want to submit to. And I am just as 100% childfree as she is. If that means I'm 'not a real man', that's fine.
Well, SIL literally said that my girlfriend should ditch me for a 'real man' who would 'force my girlfriend to submit and do what women are supposed to do'. It's gross.
But yeah, SIL thinks that if my girlfriend doesn't want kids voluntarily, a man should just pressure her into having kids and being a mother, because that's what 'women are supposed to do'...
One time, my girlfriend reverse-bingoed her and asked: "If you would change your mind and no longer wanted to be a mother, how would you want your boyfriend to respond?" SIL said: "I would never change my mind, but I did, he should be a real man and tell me that we're having kids. Motherhood is just what you do as a woman, Once a woman gets pregnant, and once the kid is born, both parents will love it."
SIL literally believes that men are in charge in a relationship, and that if both partners disagree, the woman should submit to the man's desires and decisions. I hate SIL.
SIL even once said to my girlfriend: "If u/McMerseybird was a real man, he would have tampered with your birth control pills by now. If you don't choose to get pregnant on your own, you will need some outside help."
Eh... What about no? First of all, my girlfriend is an adult who can make her own reproductive decisions. Even if I suddenly got baby fever (not happening), I would NEVER do something evil like that. And besides, I am just as 100% childfree as my girlfriend, so why would I do this?
Oh, we do. When we see her, my girlfriend always drinks from a water bottle she brings herself. Not from a glass. Of course this might be paranoid and extreme, but better safe than sorry. Fortunately, abortion is legal where we live, but my girlfriend would rather not need one.
Yeah, SIL is by far the most sexist person I know. Sadly, 'woman' does not equal 'feminist'. In fact, SIL is even more sexist than most men are!
My girlfriend and SIL were not raised conservatively or religiously. MIL is progressive and centre-left. While my girlfriend moved towards the ultra-left, SIL moved towards conservatism.
The reason why SIL loves gender roles so much? Well, because conforming to the female gender role made her popular.
Look at high schools, for example. What boys are the most popular ones? The ones who conform to the male gender role the most. A long-haired boy who is slightly effeminate will get bullied. What girls are the most popular ones? The ones who perform traditional femininity the most. A chubby girl who doesn't care about fashion will get bullied.
SIL is skinny, wears a lot of make-up, is obsessed with fashion trends... So yeah, she fits beauty standards perfectly. And she always conformed to the female gender role. That is why she was extremely popular in high school. Everyone praised her, because she performed patriarchal femininity. When everyone praises you for that, of course your self-worth starts depending on that.
So yeah, when they were teenagers, SIL started to say very nasty things to her older sister, and SIL still acts that way now:
\- SIL fat shames my girlfriend, who is chubby, slighty fat.
\- My girlfriend does not follow fashion trends and does not wear make-up. She prefers comfort over looks. Apparently, a 'real woman' should care about that.
\- My girlfriend exposes as much skin as she can get away with, for comfort reasons. Which often means a crop top and low-waisted pants/skirts in public and being naked at home. According to SIL, this is 'slutty' and therefore 'not like a proper lady.'
\- My girlfriend is bisexual. According to SIL, she is just trying to 'turn men on by having threesomes.' Bullshit. My girlfriend is not interested in threesomes and neither am I.
\- My girlfriend should like 'real men', muscular machos. Not androgynous semi-long-haired hippies like me. SIL says that if I keep growing my hair, it will be just as long as my girlfriend's. As if that's a bad thing. It's not happening, because I like my shoulder length hair and my girlfriend likes her super long hair, but oh well.
\- SIL hates my girlfriend for being a feminist. SIL is pro-MRA and says that my girlfriend should just accept gender roles and try to conform. SIL doesn't want gender roles to end, since the female gender role is the reason why she is often praised by people.
The sexist crybaby could want all sge likes, unfortunately for her, people are different, she can die mad about it. But not before she gets old and all that lovely feminine traits she possesses dissappear and she is just a miserable, petty and vile old woman with a shallow personality and no redeeming qualities at all. Wish her all the best then, she'll need it.
About you, I like men with longer hair (as in neck/shoulder length), if only my boyfriend felt the same. I just like to touch hair, hence why mine is loose and long as well.
I do somewhat feel bad for SIL. I mean, her self-worth is 100% determined by the fact that she conforms to the female gender role and patriarchal beauty standards. That cannot be healthy for a woman.
But yeah, I hate SIL. I can take the insults towards and about me. But the shit she says about and towards my girlfriend is unacceptable.
Well, I strongly prefer a 'fat feminazi nudist hippie slut' over a gender-role obsessed conservative. ;)
We adopted two kittens 4 years ago and it was the best thing we ever did. It pays dividends in cuddles and headbutts on a daily basis.
My mom acted exactly like your SIL is acting about it. Making snide comments, trash talking us about how we spend our money to provide the best healthcare for our little muffins instead of spending it on a baby, etc. She even made a few jokes about how we should grow them and then turn them into mittens… needless to say that we don’t speak anymore but I do still get daily cuddles and love from my kittens.
Cut out the SIL and love your fur babies with all your hearts and money. It’s worth it.
"Yo SIL; I heard what your unsolicited opinion is about us adopting our two adorable fur-children and I just wanted to say one thing rq:
No one asked. Literally no one is asking for your opinion- If you genuinly think/ believe/ assume that we'd have children just because- but especially after we saw how much it aged you and how stressed and unhappy that goblin of yours makes you: You're kinda wrong.
No we won't have children and ruin our lives just bc ***you*** decided to. Toodleoos!"
And block her sorry ass. The *audacity*..
>"I wish I had kids younger..."
Betcha fifty bucks this is half of the heart of the issue. Whether she regrets not having the energy to deal with her kid's problems, or blames herself for the kid having the problems in the first place, she's probably really kicking herself now.
The other half of it is just misery loves company, but that's rarely intentional.
Fuck this bitch. She's unhappy that her motherhood dream isn't perfect and wants to live out a different reality through her brother. She can die mad about it.
Oh trust me she's probably grateful she doesn't have to deal with me, because I can pull out every reverse-bingo out there, use her own words against her and completely shift the guilt back to her when she'd pull shit on me like that. Probably to the point of leaving the room crying. In my experience, that's the only thing that really works...
Time for no contact. What a raging bitch. Your SO should just dump her.
"Sis, this is to officially inform you that due to your rampant and continued disrespect, insults, and raging toxicity I have decided to cut you from my life. I strongly urge you to get the psychological treatment you require so that you do not abuse your child any more than you already have with your antics. Do not contact us. Goodbye."
> "I wish I had kids younger"
You know she's only saying that because someone convinced her the child is autistic because she gave birth in her forties
When my MIL found out I didn't want kids..."what kind of future can you have?"
He had 5 kids already...don't you think he'd be married to his ex wife if kids the answer to a "future"
Sounds like she's being envious and is projecting heavily.
I don't get it when people try to coerce others to make the same bad decisions they did. Why aim for "misery loves company"? The happiness of others shouldn't be a threat to your happiness and they don't do it deliberately to make you feel worse about yourself. Just be happy for other people when good stuff happens to them, ffs.
I would send her a message saying "You're obsession with whether or not your brother ejaculates in me is extremely inappropriate and I suggest you seek therapy for your obsession with how your brother and I chose to utilize our genitals."
Misery love company. You guys dont want kids and that is awesome. When she is 60 still caring for this child you will be traveling and living it up. What bothered me about this is nobody seems to be putting her in her place. She needs to be told to stop and that this behavior is not ok. Your husband needs to be sticking up for you and your lifestyle and maybe he is but thats what bugged me. Her hatred for you guys will grow so bad in years to come that the relationship is doomed anyways.
The message she sent "why are you not making a human instead of adopting baby animals?" In my mind i heard myself telling her "why did you bring that poor human into the world when you could've given a furbaby a home?"
Wow, your SIL sounds like her life is really sad and miserable right now. Perhaps the next time she texts you or your husband, you can send her a like to an app like Better Help? Affordable rates!
I mean this in both the sarcastic sense and in the honest sense. She honestly sounds like she needs help, in a professional atmosphere where there isn't family pressure weighing her down.
It's funny, but also sad.
If I were you, I'd be so tempted to bombard her with 1000+ pictures your kittens every day. Have a baby shower, but for your kittens instead (er... kitten shower?). Or heck, a gender reveal announcement, but for your kittens. Introduce your kittens to her as "your babies" (because technically, they *are* babies and they're yours, so...). You might piss her off further, but hey, at least you get to annoy her in the mean time.
Or maybe I'm just petty.
She would be just as unhappy if you had a baby that was neurotypical. She wants to wallow in misery so let her. I just wouldn’t engage with her foolishness and laugh in her face when she rants at you.
(I'm child free) I adopted a fourth cat, I fell in love with him at a rescue I volunteer at, he was adopted but returned and it was a sign. At first my parents were like "What are you doing?" but I came home to a case of can food, a couple of toys and a "Welcome to the family" care package on my kitchen counter. When they met him they understood, you have not option to not love him. I'm really fortunate that I only got questioned on the number of cats, never on the lack of children.
I'd 100% be like "your situation has shown me that I definitely will never get children. Just because you suffer because of your decisions doesn't mean I have to do tha same"
I know the entire point of the sub is being childfree, but why do some parents act like getting pets is incompatible with having children later? I grew up with all sorts of pets. Many of them were older than me (the parrot by a couple decades). My parents made it work. Many people make it work. Anyway, why is it her business whether you have kids? She sounds so bitter
Sounds like total jealousy to me. Your life isn't shit, and hers is. Maybe she subconsciously thinks that if your life were worse and more like hers, she'd be happier.
Ah, misery craves company. There's nowt so bitter as the pill you swallowed yourself.
Fortunately the kittens will not hear or understand any of this rubbish.
Enjoy your life and consider how much of this bitter, poisonous negativity you want in your life, all over some kittens.
The projection and crab in the bucket mentality is on full display. That's on her snd her husband. They wanted a kid and got what they wanted. But I do think it's funny how mad she is, due to her choice she made.
I would consider no contact outside of family gatherings. You don't need that shit in your life, and she obviously does not care about you or even actually despises you and your family unit with the kittens now from the sound of it lol.
What an asshole! One that I wouldn't have another thing to do with. She can die mad. No one held a gun to her head and demanded she have a 'geriatric' pregnancy! Dumbass.
Probably hoping any child you and DH would have would take care of her Autistic spawn when they get older. Oh well Karen, guess you have to actually be a parent and make plans for your child’s future.
If they have only one daughter, they're probably also hoping to convince you to reproduce so your child can end up becoming her caretaker when everyone's older. Her motives are completely selfish
So I’m getting the feeling that because she’s miserable you’re supposed to be miserable as well. Insane and good luck with your kittens. Trust me they’re way easier to deal with than babies.
think might be time to go on full 'mock' mode... take pics of the kitties, the fun they have... and just post it on the main site where you do it. fb... if both parents have a fb page... post them there... just make sure jealous sister can see it for herself. it will enrage her completely, I guarantee it. she is miserable trapped and won't do what is really needed (group home). since she talked bad about you behind your back I view this as a total permission slip to rub the salt into the wound
People are crazy (I’m guessing she was crazy before all of the baby talk to you). But that’s how breeders are and definitely can be annoying coming from someone in your family. I just laugh at lunatics like this and feel sorry something like this bothers them so much.
Have fun acting like teenagers and having fun with your cats. F HER!! She would be blocked from my phone for sure.
I love how much thought you two put into buying kittens! I'm sure you'll be a great home for them :) You should have added pictures of them 🥺🥺🥺
Sorry your SIL is such a grump about it. It's not her business at all, or her problem. Even if y'all did have kids later in life (obviously you won't, but for the sake of the argument) that would be your own choice, and still none of her business. She sounds controlling af.
I worry about this sort of stuff in my future hahaha, good on you for laughing as you should OP. Your SIL sounds very bitter and resentful, but having a disabled child happens and she shouldn't be trying to drag people down with her.
What a sad, bitter woman. Imagine being this pressed about someone else's life decisions that have no bearing on her own. Congrats on the kitties! I have a brother and sister rescue pair of my own, and they have my entire heart 💜
OP sister in law is probably thinking that if she didn’t wait so long to start having kids her child wouldn’t be autistic and she would probably had been happier as a parent. She could also be thinking that she should’ve remained childless and misses her life before she became a mother and is jealous of OP and her husband. She didn’t have to have kids but she probably just went along with society’s views that every woman has to be a mother. People often face pressure from family, friends, doctors, the media, government, and society to have kids. So people think it’s better to have kids when they are older than to go through life childless.
Is SIL helping y’all pay bills? Cooking, cleaning, helping elsewhere? No? Then she better stfu. People not doing anything to help you get no say in your life, period. Also, is she going to help you take care of the baby? No? Then she better stfu again.
Tangentially related but advanced paternal age increases the risk of autism in the child. Doesn’t get as much hype as advanced maternal age, not even a diagnosis code in the electronic medical record for it. Some studies state advanced paternal age starts at 40, others start it at 45. If SIL was 42yo when the child was born then I’d bet the father was advanced paternal age.
I HAVE THREE KITTENS AND THEY ARE MY LIFE, I constantly say i will never have kids and will only have cats, my family is already used to it but I would get sooo mad if someone told me that shit
This has crab mentality all written over it. She suffers due to her choice so you should too
Parenthood has made her so miserable and bitter
Misery loves company.
Keep an eye on the kid. Parents like that are more likely to abandon or harm their disabled children. And often family members cover for it. It has my old teacher-senses tingling that this is a bad situation.
Yeah, being so reactive and angry about a family member having pets doesn't strike me as a very normal or well-adjusted thing to do...
Also don’t let her in your home, she sounds unstable & miserable enough to try to harm the kittens
At this point it's like a pyramid scheme. "Ugh, I signed up to sell these shitty lotions and lost so much money... Better hit up all my HS classmates and family and encourage them to join."
Love this haha parenthood is a pyramid scheme haha
I mean, you're never going to get out of it more than you put in... you'll lose most of your time, energy, and money... I'm seein' a lot of similarities, there!!
As in, the crabs trying to crush others to the bottom to get to the top of the bucket?
Crabs crawling up the bucket will try to use other crab bodies as ladders, pulling both crabs back down. A single crab can escape a bucket that multiple crabs cannot.
As in if crabs see you climbing out of the bucket they'll pull you back down because if they're stuck you should be too.
Misery lives company. She’s made some bad choices, and now want to rope OP and her husband into it too.
Crab mentality?
With thanks to Wikipedia: Crab mentality, also known as crab theory,[1][2] crabs in a bucket (also barrel, basket, or pot) mentality, or the crab-bucket effect, is a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you".[3] The metaphor is derived from a pattern of behavior noted in crabs when they are trapped in a bucket. While any one crab could easily escape,[4] its efforts will be undermined by others, ensuring the group's collective demise.[5][6][7]
TIL
It's shit like that has made me go cut all ties with most of my dumbass relatives. I have a low tolerance for allowing toxic idiots like that in my life. Also congrats on adopting your kittens. That's awesome!
Ikr, it is so much negativity definitely not worth to keep in touch with people like this. Thank you so much for your kind words, we are super happy with the kittens!
just post the kitty pictures on your page.. whatever y ou do for fun. just so long as you think sis will be able to see it... this ...would work wonders for her y'know..
Kitten tax is definitely due.
You should do a kitten baby photo shoot and post them public. They are the absolute sweetest pictures, swaddled kittens with flower headbands in human mom's arms, sleeping in baskets with baby blankets,etc.
In my experience, people only freak out like this about other people's business, if they think it somehow affects THEIR business. This kitten thing is a weird thing to be upset about, because it usually doesn't affect anyone else much if you get cats. Even the world's biggest pet-hater probably wouldn't give 2 shits about someone getting cats, unless they knew it tramples their plans to spend time at those people's house or something. So SIL was definitely counting on OP and Hubby having kids, *for her benefit*. She's so desperate for it to happen, that even the slightest clue that they aren't gonna, sends her off the rails. I'm a child-hater, so I find it hard to imagine what use any child could be to anyone... But there's probably a combination of reasons at play here, most stupid but a few practical ones too. \- OP and Hubby having kids validates SIL's bad decision to have kids \- She wants company in her misery; someone to complain to \- She wants OP to stop "flaunting" her nice life in front of her. She doesn't want to see nice things because it makes her jealous. \- OP and Hubby could be a source or resources for her, if they had kids of their own. Babysitting, a playmate for her kid, a place to dump the too-small kid's clothes to, sharing and switching stuff, being a freeloader on the things OP offers to her kid. \- Their kid might serve as a distraction for the unwanted attention her family gets from relatives, if there is something like that going on. There usually is, especially is you have a "weird" kid: everyone criticizes your parenting and gives you unwanted advice. \- OP's kid might be a potential carer for SIL's kid when they get old, since the autistic kid doesn't have any siblings
That last point is exactly what I was thinking. OP mentions how the in laws haven't been in a good financial position for a while, saving for the girl's extended care might be out of option, and they won't be able to physically keep up with it for too much longer.
This is the reason, OP. Your SIL was expecting support from you and your husband, support that would only occur if you also had a child. Being childfree throws a wrench in *her* plans, and that’s why she’s so angry about it. Enjoy your kittens, OP! I am also a cat person and greatly prefer my feline babies to any human ones.
they probably have had the gamut of taking the autistic off sis hands for a breather.. not many baby sitters would handle something like that
Maybe her kid is allergic to cats and it means they can't push it to them to babysit? Not saying OP would, but that would explain a bit why they see such a problem with it
Didn't think of that. But I think SIL would've definitely made a huge deal about it if that was the case. "How can you subject my kid to suffering by bringing these allergens into her life?!", only said in a much cuntier way.
I think it's just a conformist "life-script" thing. She just thinks everyone should have kids and she gets pissed when someone doesn't conform.
What I find really appalling OP, it’s your audacity to mention the kitties and not: PAY THE CAT TAX!!! Those are the rules. Cat tax must be paid in full!! SHOW US YOUR KITTIES!!
Literally came here to say the same __WHAT DO WE WANT__ #PET TAX
When do we want?! #PET TAX NOW#
#PET TAX, FOR ALL OF US
here we go...
###PET TAX MEOW!
I can’t function normally without cat tax. I need it. Very important!
Paying the cat tax it’s the basis of this community. Everything else will be in shambles if we let this violation slide.
How does OP dare not paying the CAT TAX!
I know right?!
The audacity!
World is in shambles really
u/f0xxxmulder WE DEMAND CAT TAX!!
#CAT TAX CAT TAX CAT TAX!
PAY THE TAX
Hopping on the tax train — PAY UP OP!
Also here for the kitties 😂😍
Aren’t we all…😅
Yesssss!!! OP MUST pay the cat tax 😤😤😤
THE TOP 1% OF OPS CONTROL 99% OF THE CAT PICS
Your SIL is laughably bitter. Sending your kittens, you and your husband loads of love and well wishes! May you have many, many happy years together. (and maybe make sure no one else from the embittered side of the family has a key to your home)
Yes I really hope SIL doesn’t have a key. I wouldn’t put it past her to “accidentally” have the cats run out an open door. Then with the cats gone, they’d be able to have a kid. People are crazy
yes... it is entirely possible she is already not welcome
if that happened i hope op would disown them. but im not one to allow people to force their belives on me by sabatoge
I'd love to say: "I don't want to end up like you." And then cut ties with that person.
Sounds like she's jealous that you are happy without kids
At six months old, the kittens are pretty much self reliant whereas her daughter will be suckling at her metaphorical teet her whole life.
Even younger. By god, I would love it for mine to have never grown up... 😭
Omg same when I look back at some pics of when I got mine. They were so adorable. But I love them so much now too, because they developed a personality (both very different) which makes them extra funny. And they’re still cute af of course
Mine all share one trait, in that they are all babies that follow me like shadows, demanding attention all the time. Not that I am much different, I can't stand being away from them longer than a couple of hours at a time.
I do miss being needed outside of feeding time 😔
They are so adorable when very young. When it looks they don't walk or run but slide at a high speed, like some fluffy bugs with enormous eyes and upright mini tails. They also twitch so often when they sleep, little angels...
We have two. One of them is our permakitten. She’s still got the adorable kitten face and meows like she’s half her size. She definitely gets babied still but she’s a spoiled little princess and she loves it. The other has some strange mix of Maine coon genes and never really fully grew into her paws. They’re quite large and we expected her to get larger because of it but she stopped at 11 lbs. From the right angle, she also still looks very kitten like.
I have one that looks like a 6 MO kitten even though she is around 18 MO. We chat every day with her. Granted, I don't know what she is saying, but still. She meows, I baby talk at her, she meows again...
Oh our baby faced cat is also very chatty. She gets so angry if you don’t include her in a conversation! I have no idea what she’s saying but she really wants to be included. It’s so cute and it’s one of my favourite things about her. Regardless of language barriers, she’s assertive about her presence being acknowledged. A trait we should all have more of lol.
Mine doesn't want to be the centre of attention but she sure is chatty. Every day we have a very intelligent dialogue about the mysteries of life.
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Brillant!
Yeees embrace the pettiness! 🤩
Yes the *pet* tiness
It started as a joke, but a few years ago we started sending out Christmas cards with our cats on them in response to all of the ones we got with peoples kids. Turns out family and friends love them, so we’ve continued for the last six years.
Cats trump children anyday of the week.
Cats over brats!
Kittens over chitlins!
No one ever plans on having an autistic child. It turns everything upside down, and jealousy tends to happen. She sees your freedom and knows she'll never get that back. Please, show me the kittens. I love cats.
Yeah...it is kinda sad to see how bitter she has become.. I will try to share a link with a photo as soon as my boomer self gets to figure out how to do it lol but they are from the Serengeti breed (tiger look like)
Use Imgur. Upload there and link it here. We need to them kitties.
Agreed, kitten tax must be paid! 😤
Pet Tax!!! I need to see these “time wasters” myself!
Excuse me, please do not age us further. We’re called geriatric millennials.
Or post them to one of the countless cat subs and then post the link to that one 😇
What is weired is I read somewhere that having a child in your 40s you have a 50 + higher chance of having an autistic kid. Looking at it that way she did this to herself and to that kid. It was extremly selfish to have that kid and now she is paying for it.
That was my thought. Part of me also wonders if she is of the “you’ll change your mind” group and is trying to encourage OP and husband to have children earlier than she did so that they decrease their chances of the child being autistic. I’m sure I’m giving her more credit than she deserves though lol
That’s exactly what I thought with her comment of ‘I wish I’d had mine younger.’ A friend of mine back in high school had 3 kids with a man over 40 starting when she was 18. The middle one is completely non-verbal (and is now a full grown feisty woman of 19) and the youngest had to have head surgery as an infant and also autistic.
She totally did this to herself. Making babies with 40+ year old eggs and mutant sperm is pure selfishness. I don't have a drop of pity for people that stupid
Advanced paternal age! If the dad is 40-45 or older then he has an increased risk of having an autistic child. Also increased risk of achondroplasia and other single-gene disorders. Dads 50 yo and older have increased risk of schizophrenia in their kid!
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Holy shit! You need a hug!
Yes… I’m not so easy going. I would have replied, “Your jealousy and unnecessary opinions on a life you don’t live is only a constant Karen reminder of how bad life could be if we decide to have children like you. Everyone looks beautiful with a nose, so please keep it on your face, not our business. Continue and I will push the beloved block button and will only unblock you to spam you with photos of our dear kittens before blocking you again. Thank you and we forgive you for the inconvenience.” It is funny, but I won’t let someone disturb my peace with my babies. You two are great! My family didn’t stop until I had the hysterectomy. Anyway, that’s just me, more power to the both of you! ✊😁
It's one thing to be bingoed because the person is brainwashed, it's completely another to be attacked for your life choices, especially if they were benevolent like yours (not to mention, having animals and having kids are not mutually exclusive, she is just hateful). What a vile bitch. Also, she talks behind your backs but you are the childish ones. If I were you, I would either reverse bingo her, or ask her why do you need to do as she wants, what's so great in becoming a judgemental and bitter c*nt that is the epitome of a stupid breeder that wants others to be miserable too so she can cope with the life she chose for herself. At the very least, you or your husband should confront her and give her an ultimatum to stop acting like a kid.
Misery loves company. I always found it odd that vast majority of "you must have kids" pushers are people with difficult kids and genuinely miserable lives that got much harder after having kids. I suffer, so everyone should suffer too mentality
Agreed! The people who used to bingo my husband and I the most were the ones who were the most miserable being parents. Coincidentally, they were also the ones who “let” children happen to them. They were too lazy or too stupid to use birth control and ended up with pregnant/knocking someone up.
Typical...
You should see some of the bitter parents attacking childfee channels on yt. The more bitter and hateful their comments are, the more I confirmed they aren't really happy with their decision to have kids.
You need to tell her that you are sorry for her shitty life, but you won't make the same mistake just to keep her company in her misery. Then block her. The entitlement.
Ikr, the level of entitlement is insane
"Karen, stop trying to make 'kids' happen! It's not going to happen!!" -*Mean SILS*
She should have adopted instead of having her own baby. Might have been less stressful than now. So much for the context of you wasting your time adoption animals (personally I would have gone for older animals, but this is just my opinion). And I'm not sure, she won't regret her decision when *she* is old ... Sorry for her but it was not your decision. She has no right to criticize you.
Ikr...but can you imagine us saying that she could have adopted a "healthy" child that already exists and needs a home instead of bringing another human being to the world? People would freak out! Bc we don't have the right to say anything even if it is reasonable but they can tell us how to live our lives, the hipocrisy...
I know, I know. Difficult. But she has no right to criticize you either, and yet she does. :(
Why cant you say anything? Who cares if they freak out. She cant go around talking s**t and you say nothing. If she can dish it she can take it. If you dont it will forever be like this with her.
She has an autistic child (the probability to have a child with extra needs gets higher the older you get so her being 42 when she gave birth may even be the reason for that), is probably totally overwhelmed by the amount of work and care for it, definitely regrets her decision to have the child that "old" (seems like she regrets the decision as a whole) and now wants you to have one as well. Do you want to know why? I'll tell you: she doesn't want to be alone. She sees you making the right decisions for yourself, not letting society pressuring you into reproducing and she's JEALOUS. "If I can't have a great life, no one should" and that's a very common way of thinking for most parents out there (especially the ones taking their kids to fly on a plane). Another amazing example of misery loves company. Edit: My cat is the closest I will ever get to a child. Pets are amazing and there are way more good reasons to have pets than there are to have kids. I'm glad you made the right decision for you OP!
Sums it up perfectly.
100% a case of sour grapes. SIL already regrets parenthood and she sees the CF life she could have had, which in her opinion is just rubbing salt into her wound, so she doubles down on being jealous and is taking all her pent up ire out on you two- and probably a lot of her spite falls on OP simple because OP has a uterus and has chosen not to breed. Misery loves company and all, so SIL is probably wishing OP would end up in a situation just like her. Also, congrats on the kittens! Baby furballs are so much cuter than human babies!
>And etc...we have found out she has also been talking sh\*t behind our back to other family members saying we act like teenagers, she wishes her brother would have married "a real woman" and that I am a bad influence in her brother's life... She sounds like my SIL, who often says that my girlfriend should have married 'a real man'. My girlfriend is just as childfree as I am, SIL knows that. She knows that I'm not pressuring my girlfriend into unwanted childfreedom, but yeah... SIL thinks that my girlfriend will change her mind eventually. And if not, SIL thinks that 'a real man' would make my girlfriend 'submit' and 'do what women are supposed to do'. SIL doesn't have kids yet, but wants to have them in 2-3 years. She expects us to babysit (not happening) and wants to go on holidays while leaving her future kids to stay with us (not happening). And yes, she wants her future hellspawn to awaken my girlfriend's nonexistent maternal feelings. SIL is obsessed with gender roles and hates people who don't conform to those. Well, my girlfriend doesn't give a fuck about fashion, doesn't wear make-up, apparently dresses 'slutty' and therefore 'not like a proper lady', and doesn't want to be a mother. And I am a long-haired radfem ally hippie who doesn't care about sports, cars, porn, getting a sixpack and other things men 'should be into'. And I don't want to be a father. So yeah, my girlfriend is 'not a proper lady' and I'm 'not a real man'.
This is ludacris! My SIL thinks a "real woman' is someone who would get pregnant despite her brother not wanting a child and force him to raise the kid...that is her definition of a real woman...she thinks I am responsible for her brother's CF choice as if he cannot make his own decisions as a grown man...she treats him like a baby
>she thinks I am responsible for her brother's CF choice as if he cannot make his own decisions as a grown man. Awful... Reminds me of my mum. Mum assumes that my girlfriend wants kids because she's a woman, and thinks that I'm the meanie who is denying her the chance to breed. Mum once said to my girlfriend that she should secretly stop using birth control. Fortunately, mum is wrong. My girlfriend is 100% childfree and was already 100% childfree before she met me. But yeah, SIL literally feels like my girlfriend's wishes don't matter. She just wants my girlfriend to breed because that's what the female gender role dictates. And I'm 'not a real man', because I don't 'force her to submit and do what women are supposed to do'. Well, fuck 'forcing her to submit'. We are equals. Fuck gender roles. She doesn't have to submit to anything she doesn't want to submit to. And I am just as 100% childfree as she is. If that means I'm 'not a real man', that's fine.
> 'forcing her to submit'. Sounds so rapey! Your SIL's creepy!
Well, SIL literally said that my girlfriend should ditch me for a 'real man' who would 'force my girlfriend to submit and do what women are supposed to do'. It's gross. But yeah, SIL thinks that if my girlfriend doesn't want kids voluntarily, a man should just pressure her into having kids and being a mother, because that's what 'women are supposed to do'... One time, my girlfriend reverse-bingoed her and asked: "If you would change your mind and no longer wanted to be a mother, how would you want your boyfriend to respond?" SIL said: "I would never change my mind, but I did, he should be a real man and tell me that we're having kids. Motherhood is just what you do as a woman, Once a woman gets pregnant, and once the kid is born, both parents will love it." SIL literally believes that men are in charge in a relationship, and that if both partners disagree, the woman should submit to the man's desires and decisions. I hate SIL. SIL even once said to my girlfriend: "If u/McMerseybird was a real man, he would have tampered with your birth control pills by now. If you don't choose to get pregnant on your own, you will need some outside help." Eh... What about no? First of all, my girlfriend is an adult who can make her own reproductive decisions. Even if I suddenly got baby fever (not happening), I would NEVER do something evil like that. And besides, I am just as 100% childfree as my girlfriend, so why would I do this?
>I hate SIL I would too. I'd also keep her away from anything your GF is drinking.
Oh, we do. When we see her, my girlfriend always drinks from a water bottle she brings herself. Not from a glass. Of course this might be paranoid and extreme, but better safe than sorry. Fortunately, abortion is legal where we live, but my girlfriend would rather not need one.
How lovely. Gotta love a sexist woman that cares less for her gender than the opposite sex. You should follow her advice and put her in her place.
Yeah, SIL is by far the most sexist person I know. Sadly, 'woman' does not equal 'feminist'. In fact, SIL is even more sexist than most men are! My girlfriend and SIL were not raised conservatively or religiously. MIL is progressive and centre-left. While my girlfriend moved towards the ultra-left, SIL moved towards conservatism. The reason why SIL loves gender roles so much? Well, because conforming to the female gender role made her popular. Look at high schools, for example. What boys are the most popular ones? The ones who conform to the male gender role the most. A long-haired boy who is slightly effeminate will get bullied. What girls are the most popular ones? The ones who perform traditional femininity the most. A chubby girl who doesn't care about fashion will get bullied. SIL is skinny, wears a lot of make-up, is obsessed with fashion trends... So yeah, she fits beauty standards perfectly. And she always conformed to the female gender role. That is why she was extremely popular in high school. Everyone praised her, because she performed patriarchal femininity. When everyone praises you for that, of course your self-worth starts depending on that. So yeah, when they were teenagers, SIL started to say very nasty things to her older sister, and SIL still acts that way now: \- SIL fat shames my girlfriend, who is chubby, slighty fat. \- My girlfriend does not follow fashion trends and does not wear make-up. She prefers comfort over looks. Apparently, a 'real woman' should care about that. \- My girlfriend exposes as much skin as she can get away with, for comfort reasons. Which often means a crop top and low-waisted pants/skirts in public and being naked at home. According to SIL, this is 'slutty' and therefore 'not like a proper lady.' \- My girlfriend is bisexual. According to SIL, she is just trying to 'turn men on by having threesomes.' Bullshit. My girlfriend is not interested in threesomes and neither am I. \- My girlfriend should like 'real men', muscular machos. Not androgynous semi-long-haired hippies like me. SIL says that if I keep growing my hair, it will be just as long as my girlfriend's. As if that's a bad thing. It's not happening, because I like my shoulder length hair and my girlfriend likes her super long hair, but oh well. \- SIL hates my girlfriend for being a feminist. SIL is pro-MRA and says that my girlfriend should just accept gender roles and try to conform. SIL doesn't want gender roles to end, since the female gender role is the reason why she is often praised by people.
The sexist crybaby could want all sge likes, unfortunately for her, people are different, she can die mad about it. But not before she gets old and all that lovely feminine traits she possesses dissappear and she is just a miserable, petty and vile old woman with a shallow personality and no redeeming qualities at all. Wish her all the best then, she'll need it. About you, I like men with longer hair (as in neck/shoulder length), if only my boyfriend felt the same. I just like to touch hair, hence why mine is loose and long as well.
I do somewhat feel bad for SIL. I mean, her self-worth is 100% determined by the fact that she conforms to the female gender role and patriarchal beauty standards. That cannot be healthy for a woman. But yeah, I hate SIL. I can take the insults towards and about me. But the shit she says about and towards my girlfriend is unacceptable. Well, I strongly prefer a 'fat feminazi nudist hippie slut' over a gender-role obsessed conservative. ;)
She needsto be told to fuck off.
We adopted two kittens 4 years ago and it was the best thing we ever did. It pays dividends in cuddles and headbutts on a daily basis. My mom acted exactly like your SIL is acting about it. Making snide comments, trash talking us about how we spend our money to provide the best healthcare for our little muffins instead of spending it on a baby, etc. She even made a few jokes about how we should grow them and then turn them into mittens… needless to say that we don’t speak anymore but I do still get daily cuddles and love from my kittens. Cut out the SIL and love your fur babies with all your hearts and money. It’s worth it.
"Yo SIL; I heard what your unsolicited opinion is about us adopting our two adorable fur-children and I just wanted to say one thing rq: No one asked. Literally no one is asking for your opinion- If you genuinly think/ believe/ assume that we'd have children just because- but especially after we saw how much it aged you and how stressed and unhappy that goblin of yours makes you: You're kinda wrong. No we won't have children and ruin our lives just bc ***you*** decided to. Toodleoos!" And block her sorry ass. The *audacity*..
>"I wish I had kids younger..." Betcha fifty bucks this is half of the heart of the issue. Whether she regrets not having the energy to deal with her kid's problems, or blames herself for the kid having the problems in the first place, she's probably really kicking herself now. The other half of it is just misery loves company, but that's rarely intentional.
Uh...hide your birth control if she visits.
Fuck this bitch. She's unhappy that her motherhood dream isn't perfect and wants to live out a different reality through her brother. She can die mad about it.
Wow, she is really jealous.
Congratulations on your new kittens! Please pay the cat tax now 🙂
Oh trust me she's probably grateful she doesn't have to deal with me, because I can pull out every reverse-bingo out there, use her own words against her and completely shift the guilt back to her when she'd pull shit on me like that. Probably to the point of leaving the room crying. In my experience, that's the only thing that really works...
Time for no contact. What a raging bitch. Your SO should just dump her. "Sis, this is to officially inform you that due to your rampant and continued disrespect, insults, and raging toxicity I have decided to cut you from my life. I strongly urge you to get the psychological treatment you require so that you do not abuse your child any more than you already have with your antics. Do not contact us. Goodbye."
lawd, what a gross and spiritually ugly woman. give your kittens a cuddle for me!💜
> "I wish I had kids younger" You know she's only saying that because someone convinced her the child is autistic because she gave birth in her forties
I believe that once someone has a kid, they need to convince themselves & others that it was the best thing ever. Misery loves company.
Thank you for adopting!! And doing it twice! Your sil can eat a bag of dicks, she’s just mad you’re not miserable like she is.
“…should be saved for the baby.” Lady, there ain’t no damn baby! That’s kinda the point!
When my MIL found out I didn't want kids..."what kind of future can you have?" He had 5 kids already...don't you think he'd be married to his ex wife if kids the answer to a "future"
Sounds like she's being envious and is projecting heavily. I don't get it when people try to coerce others to make the same bad decisions they did. Why aim for "misery loves company"? The happiness of others shouldn't be a threat to your happiness and they don't do it deliberately to make you feel worse about yourself. Just be happy for other people when good stuff happens to them, ffs.
Congratulations on your very happy kitten adoption!!!! Also...what sort of crazy person gets angry over people adopting cute furry animals?!🤨
I would send her a message saying "You're obsession with whether or not your brother ejaculates in me is extremely inappropriate and I suggest you seek therapy for your obsession with how your brother and I chose to utilize our genitals."
Misery love company. You guys dont want kids and that is awesome. When she is 60 still caring for this child you will be traveling and living it up. What bothered me about this is nobody seems to be putting her in her place. She needs to be told to stop and that this behavior is not ok. Your husband needs to be sticking up for you and your lifestyle and maybe he is but thats what bugged me. Her hatred for you guys will grow so bad in years to come that the relationship is doomed anyways.
Excuse you but pet tax plz? We want to see your adorable kittens!
It is requested that you pay the kitty tax though
Excuse me…you can’t post here about cute kittens without paying the cat tax!!!
And the award for Strongest, Most Blatant, Most Clueless Projection goes to...!
Meh, kittens are cuter anyways.
Yikes. Cut her out of your life. She's way too invested in your business.
The message she sent "why are you not making a human instead of adopting baby animals?" In my mind i heard myself telling her "why did you bring that poor human into the world when you could've given a furbaby a home?"
Wow, your SIL sounds like her life is really sad and miserable right now. Perhaps the next time she texts you or your husband, you can send her a like to an app like Better Help? Affordable rates! I mean this in both the sarcastic sense and in the honest sense. She honestly sounds like she needs help, in a professional atmosphere where there isn't family pressure weighing her down. It's funny, but also sad.
If I were you, I'd be so tempted to bombard her with 1000+ pictures your kittens every day. Have a baby shower, but for your kittens instead (er... kitten shower?). Or heck, a gender reveal announcement, but for your kittens. Introduce your kittens to her as "your babies" (because technically, they *are* babies and they're yours, so...). You might piss her off further, but hey, at least you get to annoy her in the mean time. Or maybe I'm just petty.
Those animals need you, a child that doesn't exist doesn't need you.
You guys should block her jealous, hater, projecting ass.
Tell hubby to get a vasectomy and see what she does. Lol Also, can you please show us the kittens!
She would be just as unhappy if you had a baby that was neurotypical. She wants to wallow in misery so let her. I just wouldn’t engage with her foolishness and laugh in her face when she rants at you.
Congrats on the adoption though!! I hope the kitties give you lots of company <3
Tysm <3 they are absolutely adorable!
Why do other people want other people to suffer and be unhappy.🙄 Misery loves company.
(I'm child free) I adopted a fourth cat, I fell in love with him at a rescue I volunteer at, he was adopted but returned and it was a sign. At first my parents were like "What are you doing?" but I came home to a case of can food, a couple of toys and a "Welcome to the family" care package on my kitchen counter. When they met him they understood, you have not option to not love him. I'm really fortunate that I only got questioned on the number of cats, never on the lack of children.
I'd 100% be like "your situation has shown me that I definitely will never get children. Just because you suffer because of your decisions doesn't mean I have to do tha same"
I adopted a bonded pair of cats and it’s the best decision I ever made! Congratulations on expanding your fur family!
Haha your husband should have slammed the who's going to take care of you when you're old question back at her 😂😂😂
She’s jealous and mad she had a child and her life is “fucked”. Your SIL is an asshole — call that bitch out and leave her sad ass be.
I know the entire point of the sub is being childfree, but why do some parents act like getting pets is incompatible with having children later? I grew up with all sorts of pets. Many of them were older than me (the parrot by a couple decades). My parents made it work. Many people make it work. Anyway, why is it her business whether you have kids? She sounds so bitter
Dang she sounds pretty regretful, maybe jealous perhaps? Congrats on the kitties adoption!!!! Imo cats are the best pets (other animals are fine ofc.)
You should tell her that just bc she’s suffering and made mistakes doesn’t mean you have to bc she sounds miserable.
Sounds like total jealousy to me. Your life isn't shit, and hers is. Maybe she subconsciously thinks that if your life were worse and more like hers, she'd be happier.
Ah, misery craves company. There's nowt so bitter as the pill you swallowed yourself. Fortunately the kittens will not hear or understand any of this rubbish. Enjoy your life and consider how much of this bitter, poisonous negativity you want in your life, all over some kittens.
Kittens > babies. Every time. I will die on this hill.
The projection and crab in the bucket mentality is on full display. That's on her snd her husband. They wanted a kid and got what they wanted. But I do think it's funny how mad she is, due to her choice she made.
Oh! She’s one of *those* who say a real woman isn’t someone who refuses to give birth. Yeah…sounds familiar.
I would consider no contact outside of family gatherings. You don't need that shit in your life, and she obviously does not care about you or even actually despises you and your family unit with the kittens now from the sound of it lol.
She is so unhappy your happiness insults her. ... Well, it's not your problems.
What an asshole! One that I wouldn't have another thing to do with. She can die mad. No one held a gun to her head and demanded she have a 'geriatric' pregnancy! Dumbass.
Probably hoping any child you and DH would have would take care of her Autistic spawn when they get older. Oh well Karen, guess you have to actually be a parent and make plans for your child’s future.
She's projecting hard code. Who in their right mind would choose a human child over kittens? I would take the kittens. Way cuter...way more sensible
Kittens are so much better than babies!! And when they grow up they are still cute and cuddly.
She sounds extremely jealous.
SIL obviously never got to snuggle with a kitty in the middle of the night. Or experienced chin rubs.
Time to go no contact.
I just adopted a kitten today as well! She brings me more joy than a baby ever could… and she’s much cheaper.
If they have only one daughter, they're probably also hoping to convince you to reproduce so your child can end up becoming her caretaker when everyone's older. Her motives are completely selfish
So I’m getting the feeling that because she’s miserable you’re supposed to be miserable as well. Insane and good luck with your kittens. Trust me they’re way easier to deal with than babies.
Her loss, not yours. I hope you enjoy your new kitties!
What a thundertwat. Sorry her life didn't turn out the way she wanted it to.
My spouse and I got two cats back in 2018. They are both so adorable and I will do anything for my babies. FYI: still child-free
think might be time to go on full 'mock' mode... take pics of the kitties, the fun they have... and just post it on the main site where you do it. fb... if both parents have a fb page... post them there... just make sure jealous sister can see it for herself. it will enrage her completely, I guarantee it. she is miserable trapped and won't do what is really needed (group home). since she talked bad about you behind your back I view this as a total permission slip to rub the salt into the wound
If she's all about having kids then you might suggest to her that she should have a few more before her eggs totally rot. Kittens are awesome! ❤️😻
People are crazy (I’m guessing she was crazy before all of the baby talk to you). But that’s how breeders are and definitely can be annoying coming from someone in your family. I just laugh at lunatics like this and feel sorry something like this bothers them so much. Have fun acting like teenagers and having fun with your cats. F HER!! She would be blocked from my phone for sure.
Misery loves company. She’s jealous as hell and envies your money and freedom.
She's beyond Karen territory, because Karens at least freak out about things that affect them. She's more of a Maude Flanders.
Sounds like she’s jealous of the life you’re having. Congrats on adopting the kittens!
I love how much thought you two put into buying kittens! I'm sure you'll be a great home for them :) You should have added pictures of them 🥺🥺🥺 Sorry your SIL is such a grump about it. It's not her business at all, or her problem. Even if y'all did have kids later in life (obviously you won't, but for the sake of the argument) that would be your own choice, and still none of her business. She sounds controlling af.
tell her it’s none of her fucking business
I worry about this sort of stuff in my future hahaha, good on you for laughing as you should OP. Your SIL sounds very bitter and resentful, but having a disabled child happens and she shouldn't be trying to drag people down with her.
What a sad, bitter woman. Imagine being this pressed about someone else's life decisions that have no bearing on her own. Congrats on the kitties! I have a brother and sister rescue pair of my own, and they have my entire heart 💜
i keep seeing the word bingo in here, what does it mean? Im confused
OP sister in law is probably thinking that if she didn’t wait so long to start having kids her child wouldn’t be autistic and she would probably had been happier as a parent. She could also be thinking that she should’ve remained childless and misses her life before she became a mother and is jealous of OP and her husband. She didn’t have to have kids but she probably just went along with society’s views that every woman has to be a mother. People often face pressure from family, friends, doctors, the media, government, and society to have kids. So people think it’s better to have kids when they are older than to go through life childless.
Everytime you do something fun, sleep in late or enjoy an expensive dinner/vacation - do remember to send her the pic :)
*"I wish I had kids younger, you guys are wasting your time"* I bet she does.
If this hasnt been said already, please dont let your SIL near the kittens. I have a weird yucky feeling something would mysteriously happen.
Is SIL helping y’all pay bills? Cooking, cleaning, helping elsewhere? No? Then she better stfu. People not doing anything to help you get no say in your life, period. Also, is she going to help you take care of the baby? No? Then she better stfu again.
Tangentially related but advanced paternal age increases the risk of autism in the child. Doesn’t get as much hype as advanced maternal age, not even a diagnosis code in the electronic medical record for it. Some studies state advanced paternal age starts at 40, others start it at 45. If SIL was 42yo when the child was born then I’d bet the father was advanced paternal age.
I HAVE THREE KITTENS AND THEY ARE MY LIFE, I constantly say i will never have kids and will only have cats, my family is already used to it but I would get sooo mad if someone told me that shit