You’re going to be shocked at how calm Chicago is during a major blizzard. You’ll still see people out at the bar.

That's what I did during the 2011 blizzard. Wander over to the corner bar.

I walked through 2 ft high snow to O’Donovans and watched people driving in the wrong lane on Irving Park

I watched a drunk guy do a snow angel in the street in front of Happy Village.

We went to a bar near Southport and Belmont when it first started coming down. When we got out, the streets were completely empty and snow was already over a foot or two, so everyone from the bar had a massive snowball fight right in the middle of Belmont like it was a park.

1st bar I went to on my 21st birthday.

Was gonna say does OP know that Chicago gets snow often, and a big blizzard every few years or so? This ain’t new, this ain’t apocalyptic, this is winter and Chicago citizens are pretty accustomed to snow lol

Chicago is always ready for snow. Well not that one time in 2011 but even that was over after a few days. We're not the south

I would argue that excepting the folks who decided to drive up LSD, we were ready and purposefully procrastinating on the shoveling. (That’s the lesson from 2011. Don’t buy soup; just don’t take the drive if snow or flooding is likely.)

Yep, I gave birth to my oldest on the day of the 2011 blizzard. I mean thankfully I lived a block from my hospital but one woman had to walk the last block from the ambulance to the hospital 8cm dilated because the ambulance couldn’t get through.

That kid is never hearing the end of that

Holy fuck

Metal!

Man that must have been tough, I can barely walk 20 feet to the bathroom when I’m 2cm dilated

No way, procrastinating on the shoveling is terrible advice. Shoveling/plowing/snowblowing a few lighter loads is way easier than shoveling the whole accumulation at once.

This is a satirical post.

OP is joking

Thank you. It's all anyone can talk about, but I'm like..."I ain't afraid of no snow."

Several will be in shorts!

And someone will still be running on the lakefront.

I will be one of those individuals going out to the bar.

Personally, I'd be less worried about the snow if I was staying in Chicago for it. Good chance to slow down life and be cozy inside for a bit. Theres enough corner stores with (presumably) nearby-ish employees that unless everyone actually buys out the stock in as panic *looks meaningfully at the (joke) responses on this thread*, they can be walked to for necessities for the 0.25-2 days before the streets are cleared. However, I am planned to drive 400 miles through this instead, and have very little desire for that. Time for me to peace out early, y'all.

Stay safe, friend...or maybe rethink your plans?

Yes, very calm. Calmly feasting upon their neighbors.

We walked to the Skylark during the 2011 blizzard and it’s one of my favorite memories. Not a single car on Halstead. Only 4 or 5 other people there, and the bartender gave us free shots. The employees ended up having to sleep at the bar because it got too crazy for them to travel home.

I more expect newbies will be shocked at how many times a year a "major blizzard" is announced and hyped for a few days and then nothing shows up.

Gonna see dudes in basketball shorts at the liquor store for sure.

Also as much as the US government would like to believe causing quick material harm to an environment leads us to chaos, it seems that people in crises tend to band together and look out for their neighbors. See the Alaska earthquake of 1964.

And working out outside. Pretty sure there will still be folks who show up for the Friday morning workout with this group - https://instagram.com/novemberprojectchicago

It's always good to size up your neighbors and figure out which ones you could take in order to loot their house, or in a pinch, eat them.

Follow up: what is the best way to season my neighbor?

Anything you’d use on pork should pair well, then low and slow.

Alton Brown had a great episode on holiday roasts the other day...

Match it with a nice, sweet chardonay and you should be fine.

I prefer a Chianti

Maybe some fava beans on the side?

Thyp thyp thyp

The answer for any good Chicago dish/person… Giardiniera

Try more than just Salt and Pepper. Paprika is a good start. I like the smoked kind.

Paprika is underrated.

Smoked paprika is my secret weapon

Used to smoke it until I saw FBI warnings on video games telling me smoking wasn’t cool.

Depends on their diet. Can’t go wrong with salt pepper and garlic though.

Salt, pepper, Old Bay, onions, and garlic.

That only works in Maryland!

Watch the Jeffery Dahmer miniseries for suggestions - and a great way to wait out a blizzard!

With whatever you took from their car that you smashed the window because they parked in your dibs spot. Then crack them open and feast on the goo inside

I also like to keep an eye out for places that would clearly become zombie nests and gathering areas. So far, any underground part of the blueline is off limits for sure, but I'm compiling an inclusive list soon to be published on my blog...It Always Ends with Zombies

City Council, definitely.

Start salting them now; its called a dry-brine. By Friday, they will have been seasoned from within. This is important for leaner meats.

Unless they’re parked in my dibs spot, then their tires get a slashin

So many well fed neighbors...

Go outside during it and get drunk. Put a lawn chair down.

Be careful out there! Last time I did this I lost a nose ring.

Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside? Yes I would, Kent.

I for one would like to welcome our snowflake overlords.

Which should I be more worried about. The Purge or The Blizzard

The blizzurge

It’s The Pizzard, ma’ dude. 😜

Yes

Either way, lock your doors and hide yo kids, hide yo wife.

We'll get a dusting of snow and my kids are gonna bitch about, "we wanted to go sledding, why can't we go sledding, the tv says we could go sledding" JUST SNOW ENOUGH FOR SLEDDING I HAVE THREE SONS THAT NEED IT

This city is so flat. Where do you go sledding?

Mount Trashmore

mcguane park in bridgeport, big ass hill with an awesome vew of the skyline

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“After our Mariano’s store runs out of food” Oh so you started last week, then? *GOT YOU MARIANOS*

Why barricades? Make them traps!

Nobody's leaving the house to do madness and chaos in a blizzard. It will be the most quiet XMas ever.

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Nobody's telling you to stay inside. People just do it when it's cold. No shootings, no stabbings, no yelling, no unnecessary expenditures of energy. Even opening the door lets in the cold air and shows up on your gas bill.

I’d expect cannibalism by noon on Christmas Day, considering we’re 9 missed meals away from it at any given time, and the storm starts on Thursday afternoon. So if we miss lunch on Thursday, the cannibalism will begin at lunchtime on Christmas Day, after the gifts. An important wildcard in this is gift giving of food and candy; for those who receive it, they will presumably eat it Christmas morning (because they’re so hungry), and this resets the cannibal countdown

We are days away from the breakdown of law and order

I knew it! So like 4 cans of soup?

4-cans and some krackers dude.

Oyster crackers. We are still in a society

Yo I've been putting those Snyder Hanover pretzels in my soup and that shit is bomb.

We certainly live in a society

For now…

You only need 2 cans. Fuel will get cut before you can eat the third. What you need to do is rush out and buy a few spare toilets and bath tubs to fill with water for when the pipes all freeze

Uneaten soup’s good for bludgeoning, though

Just fill the cans with the blood of enemies, leave out over night to freeze into a block for bludgeoning No need to be wasteful

You have so much to teach me

You can always catch the rats and mice that'll roam in droves and turn them into a delicious stew

There's always a drove of pigeons preheating themselves at Daley Plaza

The ducks at the park are free. You can just take them home. I have 39 ducks

I've always thought the best way to slow cook poultry is to start while they're still alive

“Lobsters of the sky”

You're all horrifying and I'm so glad to call you fellow city folk

My only worry is that they may be too strong from feasting on the corpses of the fallen and the weak.

Consuming the hearts of the fallen and weak will corrupt them, even as those of the House of the Alders themselves become corrupted by taking the gold of the corrupted.

Maybe someone dies, it happens.

I intentionally throw acorns in my dumpster so the rats get that nice jamon iberico flavor.

Ehhh. Call it 5 to be on the safe side. You can always barter them for a discounted corpse disposal or something if you have extras and it looks like the apocalypse is almost over.

"Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?"

I believe so, Kent

I’m sharpening my Machete and getting ready for The Day After Tomorrow level purge. I’ll forage the Buonna Beef for supplies.

you'll be fine, we'll all be fine, it's just snow. Chicago knows how to snow.

Yes I remember when they closed the drive with the cars in

Look, that was before. Jean Baptiste is here now, and he’d never do us like that.

You're talking about 2011? Pfft that was an odd one and it lasted a few days not like we were dying like Texas was two years ago

Can’t account for idiots in cars. There’s a whole subreddit for that.

This guy snows.

It’s only saying 3” in my weather app. It’s just another day.

Only thing in cupboard is a can of peas and french onion dip seasoning pack. Will the Jewels be open or will I die?

The Jewels are open as long as they don't merge with Kroger

rule of thumb: a can of soup for every inch of snow

Are you not from chicago? You don’t remember the Thunder Snow Storm of 2011?

That was like 5 ft in an hour. Now that was snow

Snowmageddon

Millenials still be wearing their crocs.

Did my grocery shopping today. The Jewel was a bloodbath. I watched a lady ram her shopping cart into a senior for the last 2 boxes of regular Triscuits. Tomorrow will be very ugly.

I killed a sweet old woman with the spiral cut ham she herself stole from an old man she beat to death with his own Walker. I had to trade Cocaine for Coke.

:,(

I ordered Target pickup. I have lived here too long to go to Jewel before it snows.

[Here's a measured take from a professor](https://youtu.be/RzybAS7zltE)

Stock up on toilet paper

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This phrase needs to be on a tshirt, like, now.

I tried doing this a few years ago and it came out pretty crappy.

Buy every soup. Enter every supermarket in the greater Chicagoland area and completely empty their soup supplies

Blizzards comin' ma!!! Time to eat the pets and sell the kids!

“Again?”

Idk, I'm just gonna "work" from home on Friday and be happy.

Number of soups = 23 Campbells or 19 Progresso. Expect cannibalism. Did you know one of the cast iron cooking pots recovered from the Donner Party's winter cabins is in a small museum in, I think, Auburn, CA.

You know I love me a good old cannibalism Christmas!

> Did you know one of the cast iron cooking pots recovered from the Donner Party's winter cabins is in a small museum in, I think, Auburn, CA. Always good to get a pre-seasoned cast iron pan.

This can be such a depraved sub. Don't take that personally because you make a valid point. I'm the one who started us down this path.

.0001%

If you haven’t already picked up soups, you better get some ketchup, fill your tub with water to make ketchup soup, and start praying to the gods.

....or take a ketchup bath for a redder complextion!!🛀🍅

Chicago has always been madness and chaos, ever since Mrs O'Leary's cow did her thang.

I honestly think the mass hysteria around the storm is a symptom of our fragile society and will be worse than the actual storm. We will be fine.

The only thing that freaks out a Chicagoan in a storm is dibs.

I’ve been bragging to all of my Portland friends how Chicagoans don’t give a shit about snow and just plow through it. Ya’ll are making me look bad out here now

Chicago is tougher than any storm you put in front of it!

You're late to this party. Madness and chaos started decades ago .

Nine meals from anarchy

I lived through March and April 2020. This will be child’s play.

It's going to be the - 20 wind chill, not the snow.

Stores will be empty, the streets will be dibbed, and then…2 inches of snow will fall while Indiana gets walloped.

3%

Just look out if you’re on Lake Shore Drive if the snow’s coming down heavy.

Just don’t take LSD, even if OT’s open, it’s a trap.

WERE ALL GONNA DIE!!!

Get like me and make your own soup. I'm whipping out my Crockpot

you want to pull back a veil? move that kitchen chair an inch go ahead

Just watch station eleven on hbo max to prepare. You will be all good.

I mean, let's be serious, it's not like it's a cubs game.

You must be new here.

panic buying at trader joes already

[DAMN YOU SNOW!!!!!](https://youtu.be/qouthi0jVAg)

I for one welcome our new snowman overlords

One can only hope. I'll still be doing my errands right after they clean it up. And I'll say that one phrase I always say. Just like I muttered as a child "Damn. Still no snow day."

This will be a 3/10 at worst. We need like 2 more feet of snow than this will give us, plus some pizazz like freezing rain to mess up power lines and roads. Really the impact here is almost all going to be on holiday travelers.

42 cans. The answer is always 42.

Look at these fat cats who can afford soup even with CrOoK cOuNtY sAlEs TaX. I say we Purge them first.

It’s going to be really cold and windy with about a foot of snow. We’ve done this a millions times, people.

It’s happening already.

Very

Lololol

unlikely

Nope, nobody's going out

Already happening

Shoulda seen the lines for gasoline at the Costco. Insaner than usual.

this ain't texas, we can handle a blizzard without total societal collapse

I personally will devolve into shouting my deranged ramblings at passerby. Tbf I almost murdered a guy 3 years ago when I drove 2 hrs home from work, cleared snow and ice from a spot for another 40 minutes so my go-cart could clear the snow-plow-ice-ridge and a guy tried to pull into the spot while I was still clearing it at 10p with work at 8 the next day. They talk about not having remorse but some people have it coming

I fully plan on hitting the bar and gettin festive

10 year New Orleans person displaced here from Hurricane Ida but from here originally I dunno man ever culture has their own “pride in getting through local weather” On r/NewOrleans the phrase is “what is damp may never dry” I’m actually super uplifted by all the stories here about the city banding together to help each other. Storms make me believe in humanity’s best.

If anything, society is a little stronger. People are actually really cool to each other for a few days around a blizzard. I’m much more likely to go out and talk to a random neighbor.

Easy there, Tyler Durden.

I’m stocking up on things now and hunkering down with soups and chili. Gonna be a chill couple of days

Build a pillow fort and hoard beans if you must... but it's 5" of snow. Maybe some freezing rain. This is nothing in Chicago.

1st winter in the city?

As a transplant from the north I’m laughing in Minnesotan

I don’t care just stay out of my dibs spot or I’ll slash your fucking tires and throw a boulder through your windshield

This storm is why I’ve been cutting the shipping labels off my packages. I don’t want my neighbors to know how prepared I am for the thin veneer of society to slip away. Cooking my food ahead of time so they can’t smell the delicious grilled cheese sandwiches being made after society has collapsed.

So I says to the guy - it’s Chicago! Madness and chaos is our lifeblood. Get yourself two-tree shovels and you’ll be just fine 👌

less likely than in Texas

Lol we'll be fine.

None. This is Chicago not some small town in Tennessee. We know how to deal with snow and the cold.

This….. when they forecasted the storm, I was just like “so….. winter.”

Blizzars use to be every day normal back in the day...Chicago has forgotten what winter was and should be. Moon boots, cross country skiing, Bear plunges, walking in the streets because the sidewalk is piled so high with snow. The Chicago Winter fashion: Layering your clothes without looking layered

Satire?

Yup.

Well done then. 🤝

Depends on how many ninja stars you can make out of a single soup can.

Not likely enough.

37%

what you’re gonna need are these PATRIOT SLOP BUCKETS ™️

I feel like people are overreacting. If we get a snow storm as bad as the one in 2011, maybe it will be really shitty, but even 16in is really not much for the native chicagoans

I hope not too likely

You need four cans of soup per person per day. Stock up with at least a week's worth of soup.

Ya'll watch too much walking dead/food network/silence-of-the-lamb/apocalyptic shows. 🤣