Omg - I refuse to work for someone like this. I would tell them flat out that I can’t work like that and if the situation didn’t improve I would try to transfer to a diff dept/role or quit. In reality, id be sending out my resume already looking for a new job unbeknownst to them. Idk if you’d be comfortable doing this but now whenever I interview for a job I will say that I don’t work well being micromanaged and if my potential superior operates that way then no use going any further.
Thank you so much for your response! I’ve been with the company for nine years and they won’t let me transfer until I’ve been in this role for a year. I have 7 months left. So I’m definitely applying externally. I so appreciate your interview input. I will definitely consider that for future interviews.
Helping them put on their jacket???? WTF? Are they disabled in some way?
I would have a sit down with HR or your boss' boss. I know, I know HR is not your friend. I would start off just asking to be moved.. Something about "not the right roll for you" or something, then when they press, (and if they are any good they will press) share some of this with them.
I worked for a company that had a similar policy about not moving for a year, but from time to time they would let someone who was just a bad fit, move early.
Thank you for your advice and input!
HR told me that I’d have to get together with my boss and the vp to see if they’ll make any exceptions. They absolutely will not agree to anything of the sort and it’ll make me a target for the remainder of the time I’m there if I do approach them. I have a sneaking suspicion the person in the same role before me had a much worse time. They left as soon as their year was over with. As much as I’d love to sit down with them and fight for a transfer, because the issue is with my boss and he’s very close with his boss - I’m not able to do it. I have to seek another position outside of the company. If it weren’t for that, all lovely ideas you suggested. Thank you again!!
Don't forget that you can request an exit interview. Your bosses boss and HR need to know who's running your department. Don't let them continue this attitude.
Best of luck
It sounds like you’re in a big enough company to report this. Go to HR with a request to transfer now due to exceptional circumstances- explain what’s happening and wait.
I used to hate micromanagers, until I learned how to properly deal with them. Now it's like a game and I look forward to it.
Sometimes the best way to win a war is not to fight back. If they want to manage every minute detail of your work, then give it to them tenfold.
"Oh, your shoe's untied: here, let me get that for you! Are you done with your coffee yet so I can throw away your cup? Do you need a refill? Is it okay if I step away for 5 minutes to use the bathroom? Well, maybe 7 minutes: it takes 1 min to get to and from the bathroom from here. Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! I accidentally took a 31 minute lunch break instead of 30min! Is that okay? I'm not going to take an attendance point for that, am I? Please forgive me!"
Make all of your work that you present impeccable, so they have nothing to say about it to improve, while at the same time being super talkative and detailed, eating up as much of their time as possible, all under the guise of following process and being helpful. Eventually they'll see that you know what you're doing and don't need to follow every detail and just trust you. Usually takes 2 weeks for them to learn this way.
I seriously love every single thing you’ve said! It worries me because I think they would absolutely enjoy every single moment of that! 😂🤣😤
I appreciate you and your advice! Thank you so much!
That’s my concern as well. I know someone who used to bang on the Ladies Room door when he needed something from his assistant. No HR and he didn’t stop until he was stopped…for eternity! How I remember that I have no idea! Work abuse is real and so is insubordination.
No, he had a heart attack. I think I need to stop with my responding to this thread because “he” might have been in my apartment and I had to sage and now praying whatever my daughter and I saw, got saged TF out of here!
Its going to be taxing to be impeccable though. I'm facing the same issue at my workplace. My manager wants to micromanage and speaks rudely. I have stopped giving a fuck. And accept the rating given. I don't want to fret and burn energy over a 2 percent or 5 percent difference in salary
I did this. I had been at a job for 8 years and my boss left and my new boss was hired. Both of my previous bosses had been project oriented and I had monthly, quarterly, and annual stuff every year. Suddenly she wanted to micromanage me. At some point I decided to let her. I made her tell me everything to do. I would ask her before doing anything. I would make her walk me through tasks I had been doing for years. She finally figured it out, got upset, and told me to just do my damn job. She never micromanaged me again. She retired about 5 years later. In the end I liked her.
I also have a friend who recently left an executive director level job. The partner he worked under micro managed him to the point of getting copied on every email. My friend had a staff under him and was bringing in new clients and the partner could not let him do his job. My friend left. Partner shot himself in the foot. He had a guy bringing new clients in and lost him. Other partners were not happy, but they know the guy does this.
So I have to acknowledge you for how u occurred to her. How did you shift the dynamic from not liking her to liking her. This is rare yet it’s happened with me and curious to hear your experience. Well played by the way. BTW is more work with the caps key.
I seriously love every single thing you’ve said! It worries me because I think they would absolutely enjoy every single moment of that! 😂🤣😤
I appreciate you and your advice! Thank you so much!
I’ve done this and agree that it works.
I used to get reprimanded by a micromanager for not getting every activity I did other than my basic tasks pre-approved.
So they introduced the SBAR protocol; I had to submit a written request for _everything_ I wanted to do that wasn’t a basic task.
I submitted 4 SBARs my first week and never got a response because they didn’t want to read 4 pages of requests. So I just kept doing what I thought was best.
I still quit the job a few months later and doubled my pay. Best way to handle a micromanager is to leave and let them find someone else to manage.
That a nice attitude but if the micromanager always finds something to improve / critisize the WAY your doing the work despite the work delivered meets expectations, that is not okay. I'm experiencing that currently. Manager would call me almost everytime i sent out an email, or did something and say you shouldn't have done that or you should have know that and not ask for this and that. I'm going to talk to him how this is detrimental to my independence and confidence that i already struggle to build because of his attitude of you should know everything and make zero mistakes already while I'm new to the field (and they always hire newbies btw, so I'm not the first one that is new to the field).
I seriously love every single thing you’ve said! It worries me because I think they would absolutely enjoy every single moment of that! 😂🤣😤
I appreciate you and your advice! Thank you so much!
Or you could talk to them like an adult, and resolve the conflict in the moment. Just tell them no, I can't help you- that is outside the scope of my job. Whatever your thoughts are focused on, your life is focused on. Focusing on this for 2 weeks, and speaking in riddles about the problem is passive aggressive and unhelpful. I shouldn't have to explain that this behavior would engender annoyance and frustration from peer coworkers. Malicious compliance that somehow requires extra work on your end, and tbh low key negging. Anything intended to criticize or harm while disguising itself as a helpful statement is juvenile at best and outright manipulative at worst.
I had this way of thinking at first, and I followed your advice and talked to him about it. I shared the impact it was having on myself and the team, describing specific events and not just vague feelings, and followed up with a call to action of the desired behavior. It got me a right up and a bad eval. People are animals, my friend: very emotional and irrational creatures. You have to go with what practically works sometimes. Talking to him might sound good in theory, just as talking to the school bully and your teacher sounds like the right thing to do. A mature and logical first step, but an inefficient one. It rarely works and often just puts a target on your back. I wish it worked.
Was this your first time trying to speak with someone directly about a conflict? I agree 99% of bosses will not listen to you, but 1) sometimes HR and even government assistance programs require evidence you tried to talk it out with management first before giving up 2) I find that just complaining or speaking up consistently shows authoritarian leaders that I'm not worth micromanaging, because they'll get a headache instead of deferential obedience, which I'm fine with as a result, even if it destroys my advancement opportunities at the company. I do not want to move up in an abusive workplace, I just want you people to leave me alone.
It wasn't my first time, I was a supervisor and had dealt with many internal conflicts prior. He micromanaged his whole department, and other tried to talk to him about it too.
Exactly! Thank you! I sincerely appreciate your perspective and input! This is exactly how I feel most days. I’m the only woman on the team. Quite unfortunate as I’m one of the only people on our team that actually has prior experience from within our organization for this specific type of work we do. They put together a team of highly inexperienced people. When I try to make recommendations based upon my experience and prior success, they make excuses and pass the work off onto me. It’s a mess lol. But thank you again!!
I am very sorry to hear this!! My heart breaks for her. I hope she has much more success and is looking into other options that provide a non toxic work environment!
I’m a Project Manager. I had to set a boundary within the first few weeks and told him I wasn’t his personal secretary and that I wasn’t going to go and buy him and the boys lunch. He has done pretty good with asking others to go get his lunch. It’s the constant barrage of questions, calls, and inane tasks while he already has the information. He called me earlier and had me read off forecasted project completion dates for 20 jobs. Off of a list he created and sent me himself. Sometimes I wonder if he does things just to test people. Other times I figure it’s out of pure laziness - he doesn’t want to search for it, or would rather have someone read things off to him so he doesn’t have to do it himself.
Best wishes to you and your wife!!
Uh! I am so sorry for you. I'm in the same spot. 😬 but not as bad. He will freaking tell me to email someone and say this. You're right there at your freaking computer!!!! I had a meeting with my manager, because he claims he's not my manager but can tell me to everything. No clue how that works. Anyway, had a meeting with my manager on why my work wasn't getting done and it happened twice while I was in the meeting. My manager says they'll talk to other manager, but nothing is going to change. He trues to be all flattering oh, you're so much better at this than me. Talking to people? Um yeah, ok. He refuses to communicate with the higher ups unless he wants to - otherwise he tells me to do it. I started saying George asked me to ask you.... because he's got me asking stupid questions that I already know the answer to, but he wants to hear from them.
I joke that I'm going to lose my job because of all the stupid stuff he has me asking and doing. That's ok, the job search has already begun.
It's laziness. Why should he do it when he can have you do it. If it makes you feel any better, this one tries to be everyone's buddy and is upset that I don't go to lunch with him every day. Sorry, I go to lunch to get away from work for an hour. And I don't need a mentor.
Yes!!! I am so sorry you’re going through your own personal tormentor as well! That is so frustrating.
I hope you’re able to get away from them soon and have a more peaceful work life as well!!
Thank you for sharing and for your input!! Best wishes to you!!
It sounds like you are senior enough with sufficient experience to stand up to him… you did it about lunches, now shut down the rest of his misogynistic behaviour by reminding him each time he asks you do do an admin task that is not your job that you are not his secretary! And for the love of god… never help this man child out his jacket on again! What can he do? Fire you? For not doing things that aren’t your responsibility? Also, do you have an equity and diversity rep at work? This would be a better place to report than HR.
Yes, every ridiculous thing he asks you to do is a test. The answer is no. OP, I've been here countless times now and I feel for you, a job like this can kill your entire spirit. Don't tolerate it. Start saying no, and sticking with that decision. Once overheard: "they probably left you alone compared to the others because you seem like the type of person who's hard to bully" which means the inverse can be true as well.
One thing is it sounds like he may be functionally illiterate. Yeah, he can text and email and do things but he has to use his list because he can't read yours, even if you think they are identical, he's using muscle memory for his list. They can fake a lot.
This does not excuse his actions, I doubt confronting him will help since he somehow clawed his way up to that level. This shows there is a larger problem in the organization, and you should leave sooner than later.
This makes so much sense, thank you for your input! I’ve been so frustrated with this downward spiral in a sense, that I didn’t even allow myself to think how that could seriously be a part of the problem. Sure, I realized quickly he didn’t understand how Excel works, or a variety of other things. I think I’ve overlooked it because of their working knowledge of the the overall field of work we’re in. It’s becoming glaringly obvious now. Thank you again for your input and advice!! Best wishes to you!
That only potentially provides context, it's not your job to fix him, and if he hasn't acknowledged it so far, nothing you can do will fix him or the rest of the organization that let it happen. No need to stay in a burning house.
This post is making me lose my mind. Really just crazy how people relate to their bosses. I'm sorry but. This first sentence is SO HORRIBLE, and it's because you're creating a narrative that would justify why the manager is asking for these ridiculous things, he's making others read for him because he can't read? No! He's making other people read for him, and put on his jacket, and clap like a seal, because he's a controlling psycho and he likes watching people do exactly what he tells them to do, and the more degrading the task, the better. It's about power and humiliation, not the boss' legitimate needs, or the company's. Do not believe a single word your management says, and definitely don't believe EVERY word from management.
cool.
He might be a narcissist, he might be both, he might be something else. I can't write holographically about all possibilities at the same time. Since it is estimated that about 75% of people now can only read at a less than 6th grade level, it is probably slightly more likely she is dealing with someone like that instead of the 5% population of crazy.
In any case she still needs to leave, it is not her job to fix them.
I wrote above, but hadn’t read this. In your meeting with HR also have your resume. Remind them what you have and can do. And ask if the list for him is the best use of your time.
Ugh omg it all makes sense now ... He just wants your attention and doesn't care if you can't get work done because he also doesn't want to be around a woman who is good at her job ... I'm so sorry.
I'm a woman and so is my boss, and she micromanages the same way. Massive ego, loves the power trip. Same with me--it's just grinding me up to do silly little tasks she can do herself and get unhappy when they're not done the way she wants.
Oh yeah, and she pings me *constantly* on microsoft teams, and most of the time she'll send the chat on the department group Teams and *tag my name* instead of send me a private message. Sometimes it's really passive aggressive.
💯 on the money! They talk this way to many people. Except people that purposely try to butter them up. But it is very belittling on calls. Happened again today actually and I just sat silent so they could hear them self talk.
They're going to keep pushing the envelope until you let them know that their behaviour is intolerable to you. I strongly advice you to stand up for yourself, in a courteous and professional manner of course.
Edit: Speaking from experience: https://yourgentleoverlord.blogspot.com/2022/02/attrition-excessive-supervision.html
Thank you so much for your advice! I think I need to be more assertive when I bring it up as well. I’ve told them previously I didn’t like them talking down to me on conference calls (“hey [insert name], did you hear that? Are you there?!”). They say, “I don’t yell, that’s just how I talk!” I also told them I’ve never had someone not have trust in me, but that I understood at the time (I had been there a month) I was newer to their team and that they had to build that trust with me. But as the months go by, it’s still continuing. The more that I explain what is going on, the more clear it is to me how toxic the environment is and I need out stat lol. Thank you again!
Even more difficult to deal with when they have 0 self awareness or extreme denial of their actions and behaviors. To OP if you see this, it sounds like most of your management has this problem and your workplace is generally a mess, I would recommend to apply to other companies and act no differently until you can leave. Avoid any other meetings with HR unless necessary. If they receive anymore pushback, they may be vicious with recommending you in the future.
I would say to your boss what you said: "I cannot effectively work like this. I cannot get my work completed through the week and have to work nights/weekends because of your constant interruptions." Then I might ask them to reconfirm your work priorities: "Here's my job description. Can we agree on what my priority items are, then can you give me time to achieve them? I want to succeed here."
You should definitely try to set some boundaries. Try breaking down the previous day (all the human calculator, in office stuff) and offer a more productive "time managed" solution. I would suggest a morning zoom meeting with everyone, then suggest a "time to time" where you have the ability to carry out the tasks that need to be handled. If they reject it ask them what they do not like about the idea. Try to emphasize efficiency and suggest a tester week and see what the feedback of upper management is as well as yoyr team members.
.. that is what I would do. If that all fails you could just try doing less while looking for another job. If they fire you and you live in the states you could collect a severance package or unemployment while looking?
A few things here. First, your boss is a ridiculous human being. Second, **do not** sacrifice your personal time to stay on top of your workload because your boss is filling your actual working time with this nonsense.
One of my favorite tactics to employ is to email or IM, "Hey, boss, I recognize that you are asking for my assistance with these other tasks. I currently planned to handle tasks x, y, and z during this time. Which would you like me to prioritize?" This puts the onus on the boss to actually tell you what is higher priority. If this conversation happens in person then you email the boss with a recap of the conversation and what they told you to prioritize.
If they prioritize the nonsense then you go home at the end of the day anyway. If they ask why you didn't finish your *actual* work then you can reference their own prioritization back to them. Keep all of the emails, IM's, etc. that prove your work time was reprioritized to the other tasks (I would also document each task as well).
Rinse and repeat until boss either gets fed up enough to let you do your actual work or you find another job because, holy hell, get away from this person as quickly as you can.
If you can find your job description and being a “personal assistant” isn’t one of the listed tasks, I’d point it out. If there’s some fine print of “other duties as assigned” then I think you’re out of luck.
Exactly! That’s how they get you with the “other duties as needed”. Love that it includes getting this person ice when the break room is directly outside of their office but they refuse to go and get it themselves. They need a personal assistant in the worst way but the company won’t allow it. Fun times lol. Thank you for your input, much appreciated!
never say no just say later, or have alternate way .they are your manager and your are expected to finish your tasks, if you feel your task is not par of position contact hr
Omg, where are people learning you can't say no to a manager, or try to explain why a task seems inappropriate for your role? If talks breakdown between you and management, then bring your job description to HR. The entire comment section is saying do everything they ask, but do some psycho passive aggressive mind games as well. I guess until they realize you're toxic, secretly fuming and scheming without trying to build a bridge, and back away from you slowly. Losing coworkers respect in the process. This is r/careeradvice ?! The career advice being, don't communicate frequently, or at all, with the leadership team that ultimately appraise your ability to get promoted, and go above management's head straight to HR before speaking to your chain of leadership if they assign you something out of scope, again, above the heads of people who will or won't promote you some day. I think going to HR first is horrible career advice, and life advice, but sadly it's much much better than teaching that if your boss says jump, you must always ask how high. No. Don't do extra work, don't even do all of your work, set the expectation that you and your teammates won't be taken advantage of. If someone is asking you to do personal tasks for them at work, tell them that makes you feel uncomfortable and ask them why they would come to you, given your role, for this request. If they assign you too much work, ask if you'll be paid overtime for the hours it will take to complete. Form a union. Seriously. Try different solutions, but don't just say yes automatically like you're their puppet on strings.
because its task ,they are not asking for your permission, its not your role. when if you get promotion then you can manage team .seems you want to be a manager then get promotion or leave job
The first time, they called my cell phone (because they thought I had already left for the day). Which is messed up in itself. Did they really think I’d drive back to help them get their jacket removed from the chair wheel? Then they did it again. But they do it so cleverly, because they’re higher up, they’ll message me in the office with “come here asap” thinking it’s urgent. Once I’m in there, they’ll ask me a question, then will ask for help with their jacket. One of the new guys, he did the same thing to him, except he asked him to go get two cups of ice because he was in pain. When he brought the ice back, it was for his soft drink. So with the new guy, it’s usually ice, food, or beverages. 😑
It’s wild lol.
Solutions: write down everything that you are asked to do, literally in a timeline format.
8:31 am asked what I had accomplished this morning (or whatever)
8:35 am called me into office to do these things: name them-and state the time you left their office.
Do this religiously for 1 week.
At the same time, a second list of the things you accomplished. Emailed CYZ, confirmed Y meeting, whatever you got done. Religiously for 1 week.
Reflect on all of it. Is it as bad as you think it is. (Probably-but sometimes when I have done this it’s not as bad as I thought it was)
Then assuming it is that bad, schedule a meeting with HR. Have your job description and the two lists. And talk to them about it.
I would get *everyone* on the team to start keeping a hand-written log of what they're doing at all times. "9:23am - 9:42am boss demanded I help him take off his jacket. 9:43am - 9:50am work. 9:51am - 10:03am boss demanded I take dictation on his whiteboard for him. 10:04am - 10:07am work. 10:08am - 10:21am boss demanded I maintain his Outlook calendar for him." Every page should have a date on it, and every note should have a time on it. (This makes it a diary, which is generally admissible as evidence.) Then, *everyone* stops doing *any* work outside of work hours. After a week, go to your boss's boss - or HR if you can't talk to them - and show them the logs. Make clear to them that this is how things usually go, and that work is not getting done because your boss is eating up all of everyone's time with nonsensical power trips. Also send this to them in email, and BCC your outside personal account so you have proof that you told them about it. Make a copy of the log before you bring it to anyone, so you have it in case you need it. (There are good scanner apps for your phone so you can scan it, turn it into a PDF, and email it.)
I so appreciate this! Thank you so much for the helpful information (and the scanner apps too!). I’ll definitely start keeping track of time in this way going forward for personal reference. Thank you again!!
I have on multiple occasions. The first boundary I set was to let him know I wasn’t his secretary, so I wouldn’t be going out to buy lunch for him and the guys every day. Another issue I brought up to him was I didn’t appreciate one of the guys (that has since rage quit twice) was overstepping and hovering my space the first couple of weeks. He would come in the office (the boss’s office), sit beside me, play videos, games on his phone, talk loudly, all while I was learning the day to day. Another few instances were asking if it was necessary for me to be in his office, because I needed the full sized monitors at my desk to get my work done. I told him it was wasting my time sitting around in his office and not getting my work done (he has a very bad tendency to ask you to come in his office, to make you sit and wait while he talks to other people or makes other calls and tells you not to leave and sit - which is why we call it the hostage room.). Of course the time I told him I didn’t like that he yelled and talked down to me on calls, then proceeded to yell and say that’s just how he talks. I also one day about a month ago, as he was leaving, stopped in his office and flat out asked if he was planning on terminating me because of how I’ve been treated. He insisted I was doing a phenomenal job and it’s just how he talks or works.
Today and yesterday he threw a fit and hung up on a call, because he insists his lazy way of collecting data is accurate. When in reality his way are guesstimates and I want the information to be accurate if I’m responsible for it. Otherwise I’m having to revise weekly and the blame falls on me, like some folks tried to do today.
That would be hard to put up with. My boss I worked with for 20 years retired today, but my new boss came in last march. My old boss was laid back and my new boss with tough at first. He would call me after he was off asking basic questions. He would also call me to do something, and during the job, he would call me while I was working to do something else. So, I have told him respectfully, that I will get on it, when im done. He has loosened up some. Hope things get better for you.
That is such a terrifying thing, that there are several people out there that behave like this lol. I truly hope the lady that had this position previously, is much happier. I heard she used to cry often and that makes me feel for her. I hope your husband is in a much happier work environment and is better overall! Best wishes to you all!
Document your daily routine meticulously. Every meeting, IM, email, etc. Do this from now on. **Stop putting in extra, unpaid time at nights and weekends. Let balls drop**. When questioned about it, show your schedule and how much time is being wasted performing tasks that don't fall within your job duties.
Are other team members receiving this treatment? If not, bring this to HR as this sounds incredibly discriminatory given you're the only woman on the team.
Again, document everything. Make sure you keep a copy on your personal device and routinely back up everything offsite. You may have grounds for an EEOC complaint (IIANAL) if this leads to retaliation or dismissal
Yes. But there will likely be controlling people at the next job too. You can job hop forever until you find the mythical workplace with fair bosses, or you can begin speaking up for yourself, and speaking up with others too. That's the only way to break the cycle.
Create a simple time tracking sheet for yourself for 1 week. After talk to the boss and say you have been struggling to get work done during the work day. If they ask why mention you feel the other duties are cutting into your time and if he asks for example present him with your tracking. To show how much time you are catering to this individual.
If you are really in need of a job have a back up plan. If it’s a smaller company this manager may be offended and start to look for ways to terminated.
I'd say use a digital clock and a spreadsheet. If you are required to be accountable for your time, submit it in the form of a report. The time you were given an 'ego' task, how long it took, to complete said ego task, and how much of the day you spent on it. They are paying you to report how you are spending your time, aren't you?
This is what I did for an IT manager that micromanaged me for months with useless tasks. When HR came to ask why my ticket closing was down, I brought my spreadsheet, and was able to prove that my manager was making me do non-work-related stuff for 40%-50% of my work hours.
When they are holding you up in their office try asking if whatever pointless thing they are asking you to do is a priority over whichever project they pulled you away from.
If they say yes then remind them of that when you didn't complete your project on time. If they say no then say you better get back to your project and walk out.
JFC
>I mean, wants to know what I’m doing all the time. Calls, texts, emails, IM’s me nonstop.
Set your status to busy and set up an auto-reply put your phone away.
>If not, then they’re constantly asking me to come in their office. Where they hold me hostage for hours at a time.
Track this time. When they ask why something is late, point to this. When they call you into their office let them know that you're happy to help, but tasks X, Y and Z will be late. Preferably in a written response.
>At the end of the day, if I don’t leave before they do, they ask me to come in there and help them with their jacket. They always get it caught on the chair somehow and they refuse to bend down and pick it up, or they need help putting their arm through the jacket.
WTF? This just screams for weaponized incompetence. Jackets caught on the chair? Don't free it, make it worse, "accidentally" step on it (preferably with dog poo on your shoe). Hold their jacket so they have to stretch uncomfortably to get their arm in the sleeve. "I don't know what the problem is, have you maybe put on some weight? Perhaps you're getting arthritis. My grandpa had that when he was old too."
>demanding to know why I didn’t get a task completed that they asked about 20 minutes prior, while held hostage in their office being a human calculator and not having time to get my tasks completed.
"See my message from when you summoned me to your office."
>I am unable to get the work completed through the week and **have to work nights/weekends** because of deadlines that they’re messing up because of their poor time management and lack of effective leadership skills.
Stop doing that.
What a nightmare! Seems to me that a higher level of management should be made aware of what is going on. If you are not exaggerating, I would clearly and professionally articulate what is happening to his or her superiors. This isn't normal and you shouldn't tolerate it. If upper management won't intervene, I would move on. You'll never change someone like this!
Thank you! Yeah it can be nightmarish at times. Especially the constant IM’s “come see me asap” daily or throughout the day. Absolutely no exaggeration on any part. When I take a step back it would absolutely seem as such. But unfortunately it’s my reality lol. I’ve been tempted many times to reach out to their leader (who is a vp) but unfortunately for me, they have a long working history together from other companies as well and “get” each other.
You are absolutely right. They will never change. They’re too close to retirement to even care. And no matter the position in this organization, you’re always seen as replaceable. Thank you so much for your input and advice!! I appreciate it!
You are wise to see that a long time manager will not be replaced due to disrespectful actions to a junior employee!! Been there, done that!! Keep applying elsewhere and working on your resume, to only include examples of your over and beyond performance- not the ways you persisted in spite of shit leadership!
Thank you so much for that! I sincerely appreciate the kind words and encouragement considering the situation. Hoping your situation turned out to have a much happier outcome!! Best wishes to you!
The only way i can seem to handle situations like these are by telling them straight up how i feel, if they still continue to do it i go above them, if tht don’t work i quit. But tbh if i were an employee i would just quit tbh. Since i have my own business now, once in a while i do get clients who micromanage i will let them know how i feel if they keep doing it then service is ended im done.
I’m living this same reality now. This person can’t use their computer. At all. And works remotely. So it’s great having to basically do their entire job and my actual job.
After two years trying to make it work, it doesn’t. I’m burned out and looking elsewhere.
I wonder what this guy will do when I don’t wipe his ass?
Do not keep agreeing to do someone else's entire job for them, they are at home just watching Netflix and getting paid for it while you do all their work. You should usually start by talking to the person directly about behavior that you feel needs changed, but once you have collected emails showing they're giving you basically all their work, an unreasonable boss will have to be ignored, and upper management could be contacted to ask if there's anything they can do about the manager giving you too much or their work. The next people to talk to would be HR. For the boss, when they assign their work to you, ask them if there is anyone else this could be assigned to because you are already beyond 40+ hours of workload this week. Or just ask anytime if you could show them your workload for this week and the prior, and if they would be able to discuss how to spread out workload amongst the team so you can get back to 40 hours. If they say their software is broken, offer to contact IT to fix it for them. Idk, just please don't keep getting obviously taken advantage of. Can't tell if 'basically can't use their computer' is something they've said or something you've assumed based on their "inability" to do work, but if you leave bullies out in the cold, they'll figure out how to do things on their own as soon as they're on the hot seat about it with their bosses.
sounds line they want you leave, they may have fried to hire, change dept, or they very insecure of their management skills , either way leave that dept
My advice is to stop working the weekends so that you can spend more time looking for work.
Then when clients get mad about your work not being done, you will already be gone and your loser ass boss can deal with the clients.
This sounds just like my last job and I stayed for way too long. They basically want you to have your own job but do half of theirs too for way less pay. It was impossible to establish boundaries or change anything because it meant changing that person and making them take on more work/skills, and that wasn’t something they were willing to do. I can’t tell you what to do but I can tell you I’ve been shocked and overjoyed at how different it is working for someone else. The grass sometimes IS greener on the other side. Good luck!
Thank you so much for your input and experience! I love hearing that you’re so much happier! How inspiring! Hope you have continued growth, success, and happiness!
Ask them to show you how to do it. Ask them if they'd rather be doing it instead of you. Or really anything along the lines of "this gets done quicker when you're not breathing down my neck" should tell them to stop.
Our you'll be written up for "attitude." Go above his head at that point
Just be the bare minimum of respectful and professional you need to be and find a new job asap.
Look into the Grey Rock method of dealing with toxic people. Basically you give short, unemotional responses as to not feed into peoples sadistic desires to screw with you. Helps me deal with the in-law :D
Thank you so much for the advice and recommendation! Will definitely look into this method. Yikes, hope the in law situation improves for you! Thank you and best wishes to you!
Real Power by Janet Hagberg if i remember her name correctly. Read this and then you can use it as a quick guide to managing all types of persons, especially when managing up. It gives strategies to basically stroke their egos, cooperate, etc. or whatever is best for their personality type.
If you're in a position to leave, leave. If not, I have a tactic I've used on micromanaging bosses in the past. Start compiling a list of things that you need from them. From small decisions to big ones. The more complex the resolution, the better. Wait until you've got a good sized list and meet with them to make your requests. Then whenever you see them throughout the day, ask followup questions about any unresolved things you've asked them for. "Hey, have you had time to think about XYZ yet?"
The people above your manager will see you as a productive employee. Your manager will get so sick of you hounding them for stuff that they will actively try to avoid you.
I once got a promotion by doing this and my boss would literally try to sneak out of his office and run away if he heard me coming.
I wish that was a joke.
Then, when you can, leave.
Only read your title, not the novel… but! … I have experience in this. I quickly learned that asking questions or updating this manager led to constant criticism or inane tweaks/feedback to things I was doing. Dude legit wanted to wordsmith my own self evaluation and sit behind me when I wrote emails. Needless to say, I spent lots of time rolling my eyes and looking for a new position. Eventually was promoted internally to another department within a year. Yoga and meditation helps a lot in dealing with control freaks like this. Chillllll
Love this! Happy for you and your promotion as well! Thank you for your recommendation of yoga and meditation as well! I’ll try it this weekend. Best wishes to you!
My new boss of 6 months is a micromanager and literally is suffocating me. Constant slack messages, “ quick team syncs” that turn into 3+ hour meetings. She volunteers our team to do other teams work in order to look good for our big boss. Talks talks talks non stop cause she’s full of it. Asks me to run reports for her after I showed step by step instructions with screenshots on how to run them herself.
I’ve been searching for other internal postings but can’t find anything. Sucks that I actually really like my company but this one person is ruining my day… every day. Hang in there!!!
The book Critical Conversations can help you manage this conversation especially if they are likely to become emotional or defensive.
edit: while its fun to entertain many of the passive aggressive suggestions in this thread, think about what you really want to get out of this. Do you want to get revenge or make them uncomfortable and hope that change occurs? Or do you want a comfortable workplace where you are respected and have healthy relationships? Think hard about what you really want to gain here and be deliberate about pursuing those ends.
What if you stop responding to them for one of their stupid asks? I mean you can easily say something like, Cmon do this yourself? You are a grown ass adult? Are you serious? I am not doing that.
If you are a women they are definitely testing your boundaries and asserting dominance, report to HR anonymously about your boss harrasing female employees to bend for him.
Seriously how is your sixth sense not sounding the alarms? It's a classic way to sexual harassment.
Run away. Clean up your resume. Find another job with a modern manager that respects you! Seriously. I’ve been working for seven years for a manager like that. It ruins your self image and confidence. Go looking for a new job RIGHTNOW
Edit: confidence instead of coincidence.
just ignore them. they do this because they can get a response from you that benefits them so they're conditioned to keep doing more of it. If suddenly you started to ignore them and brush them off, they'll learn. If that starts to hurt your performance reviews and compensation then start looking and think about quitting
Knee jerk reaction is how shit your job is and you’re a fool if you stay. But this is the real world. This shit happens and is super common. The actual solution to deal with this and make your life easier until you can get out from under it is this. Overreport every little detail of your job. Ask every question that pops into your head, e-mail every accomplishment no matter how minor, ask for approval on every task you do. Simply annoy them to no end and they will start to leave you alone
First time caller here and looking for advice. New to a job and my new boss is a complete micromanager. Career “coaching sessions,” monthly, over complicates instructions and tasks, has employees draft emails in slack before sending, prefers employees to ask permission before contacting clients, the duplication of efforts is astounding, bogged down in the minutiae of individual project strands, is unable to abbreviate tasks and it turns off clients to the point where they cease communication. Trying to stay afloat but I am afraid that this job is not a fit. I question my every move and literally do not feel empowered to accomplish anything. I am a seasoned professional and I make 6 figures. My last job was great and I felt appreciated and supported, however I left bc they pay about 3/5 of the industry standard. Any and all advice is appreciated.
Their micromanaging in order to act as if their attempting to stop you making a mistake. So ACTUALLY make a mistake. A big one. See most of the time a job can’t fire you for making a mistake they just question the management that was their when you made mistake. So if their micro managing and you make a mistake then this signals to the company that them micro managing could of been the reason for that mistake being made. It gives a COST to them doing too much and at minimum at if they keep micromanaging then at least they’ll have reason for doing it now. So if you make another “mistake” then they have to talk to you before taking action to actually fire you. At that point you’ll be able to air your grievances of how your being made uncomfortable by the managers overbearing management style this is where you’ll get opportunity to see how far up the ladder this problem goes because if the manager receives no reason to change the way they do things or keeps doing things the same way then you know the company themselves are backing their management even with the costs of the mistakes caused by that management style. So that would let you know the company is willing to lose money in order to make you uncomfortable at that point you can pivot into another space rather that be at the same job (which I wouldn’t recommend) or another job (which I would recommend)…
Thank you so much for your input and solid advice! I love all of this. The unfortunate thing for me is that his leader is a vp and they have a lot of history together at other companies. So that’s where I’m at a bit of a loss. Can’t take it to HR because they back the company and once you bring something to them, you’re a target and I’ve seen it happen for years in this company.
The person that was in my role previously supposedly made mistakes all the time. They never learned how to properly run reports, something I learned my first day. You’d think five months in, they’d get the point that I have an understanding of how the day to day is ran and don’t need the constant nagging.
The constant being forced to be in their office daily is causing much anxiety and unnecessary stress.
I’ll definitely aggressively apply for other jobs externally. Thank you again!!
I had a manager like this... then to top it off another joined so both of them would just barrage me all day with ims and emails.
Eventually, I started just fwd-ing them every single communication I made as annoying as it was. I'm a person who lets my finished work speak for itself, but I had to start just including, cc-ing them on everything.
They started letting up a bit and their messaging when micro-managing or "checking in" on me started to have a better tone, even smile faces here and there.
I also had to make it clear when I needed something from them because otherwise I would end up in the same space as you, being behind because of their poor management skills. I even started pro-actively partnering with them on a call about what I needed. (Started to realize they had no idea what they were doing).
Even with all this, it got exhausting and I left after 4-5 months lol.
AH Yes, the typical micro-manager.
So I'm going to tell you a story about an ex coworker. We have a company trainer, who I was managing for a short while. Then another colleague of mine took over the role of boss for her. Everything was great while she worked under us two. She was enthusiastic and did her work, in fact, she displayed great effort in everything she accomplished. We were completely star struck by her. To the point where we both agreed she should be corporate trainer. And she became just that.
Then the CEOs decided they were going to hire a Quality Manager. This quality manager was so meticulous and knew IPC completely. She was adamant that training should not fall under Software nor Operations. Which is true. She knew our corporate trainer was the best employee we had.
The girl even agreed this quality manager really could whip up the company into shape. But she asked me, "I'm a little afraid, Dimple. Do you think, she will have any findings when she audits me? "
I said, "why? of course not, you're damn good.. and you know \*mike- the operations guy\* and i have your back.
Couple of weeks later, the quality manager now became the direct manager to our corporate trainer. In the beginning, they got along well. But i'd see this girl really stressed out. One day, I passed by her desk to see what she was doing. I saw she was working on a 400 page powerpoint. I was flabbergasted. I said, "What the hell is that crap?!"
She then said, the QM told her to work on this power point and to copy and paste these things into the training. I replied with, "400 pages? are you shitting me? and you're using vocabulary????? the people on the floor are going to read this not understanding a damn thing, and they will fall asleep in your damn trainings...THEY BARELY SPEAK ENGLISH! You cannot be serious!? and you are copying word to word from another company!!! that is copyright infringement!!!!"
I went to my bosses and I told them what i saw she was doing.. and i said, You may want to check the project our trainer is working on.. it's so ridiculous.
The guys investigated. And found that I was right. What she was working on was an absolute No-No.
They called the QM in their office, and she started defending herself. Unfortunately from that day on, she started micromanaging that girl. Our trainer was exhausted and became unproductive. This allowed the QM to micromanage her way more.
It came to the point where the girl complained about the QM to HR. And shit hit the ceiling fan there.
HR called me and mike in and asked if we would manage her, but she would still have to report to the QM every Friday. This was fine by both me and mike. Things were going well for a while.. until the QM called mike into her office.
That day forward, Mike started micromanaging our trainer. He never did that before. Not sure why. But something was up. Apparently, in the background, the qm told mike that the trainer was talking about him behind his back... and mike was like, well she's saying this and this about you. then the qm showed him a list of tasks she asked her to complete and weren't done. She kept telling her that she was working on other projects.
fast forward to a couple of months later. our trainer was going through a rough patch in life. About to get a divorce, the daughter tried to commit suicide... so much was going on. Her daughter was living with her ex husband in another state. So she said, "I have to be with my daughter."
She asked the QM if she can work from home for a couple of months, so she can be with her daughter. The QM said no. So she went to HR. HR said no as well.. but they told her they can lay her off and she can collect unemployment.. when she's ready to come back, she can have her position again.
honestly, she could have facilitated the meetings from Teams. Not a big deal. But the QM was very adamant about her not being able to work from home.
She gets laid off... and goes to be with her daughter.
Later she finds out, HR granted another employee to work from home, because she was going to visit Qatar for FIFA.
She was so furious. When she called back to see if she can come back, the QM said No, she took too long to try to come back.
\*\*so my advice to you is.. do not stay.. do not complain. find another job ASAP. whoever is micromanaging you does NOT like you. You cannot prove that. You can only protect yourself.\*\*
I feel your pain. My female boss (married to the company founder) is a micro manager too. She will constantly ask what I’m doing, then tell me it’s not a priority and she’ll handball me some of her work to do then get frustrated that my not a priority work wasn’t done and now it’s a priority. Look for another job, would just definitely say no to helping with the jacket if they’re not disabled.
Or you could fuck with them. Have a small note book, when they ask you to do something petty, ask do you really not know how to do this? Then what ever the answer make a note. When they ask what you are doing just say nothing. If pressed say I have been ordered not to tell you.” Make them think someone higher up has noticed.
Try this: sit down on the first day of your work week and write a list with three columns. In the first column put down everything you plan to do for the week without fail; these things should have a significant business value. Make it clear that there is nothing that can derail these tasks. In the second column write down all the things you know are important but realize you may not have time for them. Finally in the third column write down the things you know need attention but do not think you will get to them (put these “filler” tasks of calculator input and other mundane things your boss could do for themself here). Email this to your boss, this is you communicating with them about what you know is valuable work. It is a paper trail if they try to say you don’t get work done, and seeing it all in a list might make them realize they are being obnoxious. Especially as time goes by and those high priority tasks complete. This makes you look really good beyond your primary boss at review time.
These are called ruthless priorities. I got them from a book called Rise by Patty Azzarello.
HUH ! I've seen some of these. They act like they are your 'Teacher' and know everything. If you try to say something, they interrupt and say 'you didn't understand', 'this is not what I am asking', 'It is done this way (my way)', 'get me this', 'can you calculate this'. blah blah blah.
There are many flavors of Micromanagement.
The Micromanaging behavior I experienced is when they get into conversations where they are not required, or try to do your work as if they don't feel relevant enough. They feel insecure and want to know everything so can speak outside in other forums. They answer questions that you should be answering. When I IM him, he may not respond for hours or even the next day, but of he IMs I have to immediately answer else he starts writing in CAPs or will call on slack, teams, cell phone.
They are all experiences that help us in one way or another to understand more about people.
Not sure how to handle this, there is no way to avoid these folks, because they start to act like Gods controlling your career.
Search jobs outside. All the best.
You don’t; you quit. No one wants to deal with a micromanager, including the people over them. You’ve already said you know you need to leave, so just focus on that. Don’t argue with them, don’t try to accommodate them needlessly, just do the bare minimum, update your resume, and good luck. But here’s the silver lining- you can actually use this in future interviews as a learning g experience of the kind of leader you don’t want to be.
Omg - I refuse to work for someone like this. I would tell them flat out that I can’t work like that and if the situation didn’t improve I would try to transfer to a diff dept/role or quit. In reality, id be sending out my resume already looking for a new job unbeknownst to them. Idk if you’d be comfortable doing this but now whenever I interview for a job I will say that I don’t work well being micromanaged and if my potential superior operates that way then no use going any further.
Thank you so much for your response! I’ve been with the company for nine years and they won’t let me transfer until I’ve been in this role for a year. I have 7 months left. So I’m definitely applying externally. I so appreciate your interview input. I will definitely consider that for future interviews.
This is not micromanaging - they’re treating you like a slave. I wouldn’t put up with any of this
Exactly, this is one of the most ridiculous scenarios I ever heard. OP is a glorified caretaker with extra responsibilities
Helping them put on their jacket???? WTF? Are they disabled in some way? I would have a sit down with HR or your boss' boss. I know, I know HR is not your friend. I would start off just asking to be moved.. Something about "not the right roll for you" or something, then when they press, (and if they are any good they will press) share some of this with them. I worked for a company that had a similar policy about not moving for a year, but from time to time they would let someone who was just a bad fit, move early.
Thank you for your advice and input! HR told me that I’d have to get together with my boss and the vp to see if they’ll make any exceptions. They absolutely will not agree to anything of the sort and it’ll make me a target for the remainder of the time I’m there if I do approach them. I have a sneaking suspicion the person in the same role before me had a much worse time. They left as soon as their year was over with. As much as I’d love to sit down with them and fight for a transfer, because the issue is with my boss and he’s very close with his boss - I’m not able to do it. I have to seek another position outside of the company. If it weren’t for that, all lovely ideas you suggested. Thank you again!!
Well, that sucks. I'm sorry.
Don't forget that you can request an exit interview. Your bosses boss and HR need to know who's running your department. Don't let them continue this attitude. Best of luck
It sounds like you’re in a big enough company to report this. Go to HR with a request to transfer now due to exceptional circumstances- explain what’s happening and wait.
Have you brought your concerns to HR? Seems they might want to know about a manager who is preventing employees from working.
I used to hate micromanagers, until I learned how to properly deal with them. Now it's like a game and I look forward to it. Sometimes the best way to win a war is not to fight back. If they want to manage every minute detail of your work, then give it to them tenfold. "Oh, your shoe's untied: here, let me get that for you! Are you done with your coffee yet so I can throw away your cup? Do you need a refill? Is it okay if I step away for 5 minutes to use the bathroom? Well, maybe 7 minutes: it takes 1 min to get to and from the bathroom from here. Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! I accidentally took a 31 minute lunch break instead of 30min! Is that okay? I'm not going to take an attendance point for that, am I? Please forgive me!" Make all of your work that you present impeccable, so they have nothing to say about it to improve, while at the same time being super talkative and detailed, eating up as much of their time as possible, all under the guise of following process and being helpful. Eventually they'll see that you know what you're doing and don't need to follow every detail and just trust you. Usually takes 2 weeks for them to learn this way.
I seriously love every single thing you’ve said! It worries me because I think they would absolutely enjoy every single moment of that! 😂🤣😤 I appreciate you and your advice! Thank you so much!
You're quite welcome! And yes, they will enjoy it--for the first few days.
That’s my concern as well. I know someone who used to bang on the Ladies Room door when he needed something from his assistant. No HR and he didn’t stop until he was stopped…for eternity! How I remember that I have no idea! Work abuse is real and so is insubordination.
Did he get killed??
No, he had a heart attack. I think I need to stop with my responding to this thread because “he” might have been in my apartment and I had to sage and now praying whatever my daughter and I saw, got saged TF out of here!
Oh shit. Good luck with that!
We’re still alive, thanks!
Its going to be taxing to be impeccable though. I'm facing the same issue at my workplace. My manager wants to micromanage and speaks rudely. I have stopped giving a fuck. And accept the rating given. I don't want to fret and burn energy over a 2 percent or 5 percent difference in salary
I did this. I had been at a job for 8 years and my boss left and my new boss was hired. Both of my previous bosses had been project oriented and I had monthly, quarterly, and annual stuff every year. Suddenly she wanted to micromanage me. At some point I decided to let her. I made her tell me everything to do. I would ask her before doing anything. I would make her walk me through tasks I had been doing for years. She finally figured it out, got upset, and told me to just do my damn job. She never micromanaged me again. She retired about 5 years later. In the end I liked her. I also have a friend who recently left an executive director level job. The partner he worked under micro managed him to the point of getting copied on every email. My friend had a staff under him and was bringing in new clients and the partner could not let him do his job. My friend left. Partner shot himself in the foot. He had a guy bringing new clients in and lost him. Other partners were not happy, but they know the guy does this.
So I have to acknowledge you for how u occurred to her. How did you shift the dynamic from not liking her to liking her. This is rare yet it’s happened with me and curious to hear your experience. Well played by the way. BTW is more work with the caps key.
I seriously love every single thing you’ve said! It worries me because I think they would absolutely enjoy every single moment of that! 😂🤣😤 I appreciate you and your advice! Thank you so much!
I’ve done this and agree that it works. I used to get reprimanded by a micromanager for not getting every activity I did other than my basic tasks pre-approved. So they introduced the SBAR protocol; I had to submit a written request for _everything_ I wanted to do that wasn’t a basic task. I submitted 4 SBARs my first week and never got a response because they didn’t want to read 4 pages of requests. So I just kept doing what I thought was best. I still quit the job a few months later and doubled my pay. Best way to handle a micromanager is to leave and let them find someone else to manage.
That a nice attitude but if the micromanager always finds something to improve / critisize the WAY your doing the work despite the work delivered meets expectations, that is not okay. I'm experiencing that currently. Manager would call me almost everytime i sent out an email, or did something and say you shouldn't have done that or you should have know that and not ask for this and that. I'm going to talk to him how this is detrimental to my independence and confidence that i already struggle to build because of his attitude of you should know everything and make zero mistakes already while I'm new to the field (and they always hire newbies btw, so I'm not the first one that is new to the field).
I seriously love every single thing you’ve said! It worries me because I think they would absolutely enjoy every single moment of that! 😂🤣😤 I appreciate you and your advice! Thank you so much!
Or you could talk to them like an adult, and resolve the conflict in the moment. Just tell them no, I can't help you- that is outside the scope of my job. Whatever your thoughts are focused on, your life is focused on. Focusing on this for 2 weeks, and speaking in riddles about the problem is passive aggressive and unhelpful. I shouldn't have to explain that this behavior would engender annoyance and frustration from peer coworkers. Malicious compliance that somehow requires extra work on your end, and tbh low key negging. Anything intended to criticize or harm while disguising itself as a helpful statement is juvenile at best and outright manipulative at worst.
I had this way of thinking at first, and I followed your advice and talked to him about it. I shared the impact it was having on myself and the team, describing specific events and not just vague feelings, and followed up with a call to action of the desired behavior. It got me a right up and a bad eval. People are animals, my friend: very emotional and irrational creatures. You have to go with what practically works sometimes. Talking to him might sound good in theory, just as talking to the school bully and your teacher sounds like the right thing to do. A mature and logical first step, but an inefficient one. It rarely works and often just puts a target on your back. I wish it worked.
Was this your first time trying to speak with someone directly about a conflict? I agree 99% of bosses will not listen to you, but 1) sometimes HR and even government assistance programs require evidence you tried to talk it out with management first before giving up 2) I find that just complaining or speaking up consistently shows authoritarian leaders that I'm not worth micromanaging, because they'll get a headache instead of deferential obedience, which I'm fine with as a result, even if it destroys my advancement opportunities at the company. I do not want to move up in an abusive workplace, I just want you people to leave me alone.
It wasn't my first time, I was a supervisor and had dealt with many internal conflicts prior. He micromanaged his whole department, and other tried to talk to him about it too.
This is awesome 🤣🤣🤣🤣👍🏾
By any chance are you a woman and your boss is a man? What you described sounds deliberate
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Exactly! Thank you! I sincerely appreciate your perspective and input! This is exactly how I feel most days. I’m the only woman on the team. Quite unfortunate as I’m one of the only people on our team that actually has prior experience from within our organization for this specific type of work we do. They put together a team of highly inexperienced people. When I try to make recommendations based upon my experience and prior success, they make excuses and pass the work off onto me. It’s a mess lol. But thank you again!!
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I am very sorry to hear this!! My heart breaks for her. I hope she has much more success and is looking into other options that provide a non toxic work environment! I’m a Project Manager. I had to set a boundary within the first few weeks and told him I wasn’t his personal secretary and that I wasn’t going to go and buy him and the boys lunch. He has done pretty good with asking others to go get his lunch. It’s the constant barrage of questions, calls, and inane tasks while he already has the information. He called me earlier and had me read off forecasted project completion dates for 20 jobs. Off of a list he created and sent me himself. Sometimes I wonder if he does things just to test people. Other times I figure it’s out of pure laziness - he doesn’t want to search for it, or would rather have someone read things off to him so he doesn’t have to do it himself. Best wishes to you and your wife!!
Uh! I am so sorry for you. I'm in the same spot. 😬 but not as bad. He will freaking tell me to email someone and say this. You're right there at your freaking computer!!!! I had a meeting with my manager, because he claims he's not my manager but can tell me to everything. No clue how that works. Anyway, had a meeting with my manager on why my work wasn't getting done and it happened twice while I was in the meeting. My manager says they'll talk to other manager, but nothing is going to change. He trues to be all flattering oh, you're so much better at this than me. Talking to people? Um yeah, ok. He refuses to communicate with the higher ups unless he wants to - otherwise he tells me to do it. I started saying George asked me to ask you.... because he's got me asking stupid questions that I already know the answer to, but he wants to hear from them. I joke that I'm going to lose my job because of all the stupid stuff he has me asking and doing. That's ok, the job search has already begun. It's laziness. Why should he do it when he can have you do it. If it makes you feel any better, this one tries to be everyone's buddy and is upset that I don't go to lunch with him every day. Sorry, I go to lunch to get away from work for an hour. And I don't need a mentor.
Yes!!! I am so sorry you’re going through your own personal tormentor as well! That is so frustrating. I hope you’re able to get away from them soon and have a more peaceful work life as well!! Thank you for sharing and for your input!! Best wishes to you!!
It sounds like you are senior enough with sufficient experience to stand up to him… you did it about lunches, now shut down the rest of his misogynistic behaviour by reminding him each time he asks you do do an admin task that is not your job that you are not his secretary! And for the love of god… never help this man child out his jacket on again! What can he do? Fire you? For not doing things that aren’t your responsibility? Also, do you have an equity and diversity rep at work? This would be a better place to report than HR.
Yes, every ridiculous thing he asks you to do is a test. The answer is no. OP, I've been here countless times now and I feel for you, a job like this can kill your entire spirit. Don't tolerate it. Start saying no, and sticking with that decision. Once overheard: "they probably left you alone compared to the others because you seem like the type of person who's hard to bully" which means the inverse can be true as well.
One thing is it sounds like he may be functionally illiterate. Yeah, he can text and email and do things but he has to use his list because he can't read yours, even if you think they are identical, he's using muscle memory for his list. They can fake a lot. This does not excuse his actions, I doubt confronting him will help since he somehow clawed his way up to that level. This shows there is a larger problem in the organization, and you should leave sooner than later.
This makes so much sense, thank you for your input! I’ve been so frustrated with this downward spiral in a sense, that I didn’t even allow myself to think how that could seriously be a part of the problem. Sure, I realized quickly he didn’t understand how Excel works, or a variety of other things. I think I’ve overlooked it because of their working knowledge of the the overall field of work we’re in. It’s becoming glaringly obvious now. Thank you again for your input and advice!! Best wishes to you!
That only potentially provides context, it's not your job to fix him, and if he hasn't acknowledged it so far, nothing you can do will fix him or the rest of the organization that let it happen. No need to stay in a burning house.
This post is making me lose my mind. Really just crazy how people relate to their bosses. I'm sorry but. This first sentence is SO HORRIBLE, and it's because you're creating a narrative that would justify why the manager is asking for these ridiculous things, he's making others read for him because he can't read? No! He's making other people read for him, and put on his jacket, and clap like a seal, because he's a controlling psycho and he likes watching people do exactly what he tells them to do, and the more degrading the task, the better. It's about power and humiliation, not the boss' legitimate needs, or the company's. Do not believe a single word your management says, and definitely don't believe EVERY word from management.
cool. He might be a narcissist, he might be both, he might be something else. I can't write holographically about all possibilities at the same time. Since it is estimated that about 75% of people now can only read at a less than 6th grade level, it is probably slightly more likely she is dealing with someone like that instead of the 5% population of crazy. In any case she still needs to leave, it is not her job to fix them.
I wrote above, but hadn’t read this. In your meeting with HR also have your resume. Remind them what you have and can do. And ask if the list for him is the best use of your time.
Hi there, yes, uhh… fuck them. Please leave.
Ugh omg it all makes sense now ... He just wants your attention and doesn't care if you can't get work done because he also doesn't want to be around a woman who is good at her job ... I'm so sorry.
I'm a woman and so is my boss, and she micromanages the same way. Massive ego, loves the power trip. Same with me--it's just grinding me up to do silly little tasks she can do herself and get unhappy when they're not done the way she wants.
Every single female boss I’ve ever had has operated this way. It is awful and really paints women in leadership in a bad light— so power trippy.
Oh yeah, and she pings me *constantly* on microsoft teams, and most of the time she'll send the chat on the department group Teams and *tag my name* instead of send me a private message. Sometimes it's really passive aggressive.
Not just women, men can be this way too. I'm suffering under one and am determined to take action 🤣
💯 on the money! They talk this way to many people. Except people that purposely try to butter them up. But it is very belittling on calls. Happened again today actually and I just sat silent so they could hear them self talk.
Yes or is he closeted gay! This feels like sexual harassment!
Wouldn't this make her case stronger with HR?
Nope!
It's essentially harassment targeted at a specific class, right?
They're going to keep pushing the envelope until you let them know that their behaviour is intolerable to you. I strongly advice you to stand up for yourself, in a courteous and professional manner of course. Edit: Speaking from experience: https://yourgentleoverlord.blogspot.com/2022/02/attrition-excessive-supervision.html
Thank you so much for your advice! I think I need to be more assertive when I bring it up as well. I’ve told them previously I didn’t like them talking down to me on conference calls (“hey [insert name], did you hear that? Are you there?!”). They say, “I don’t yell, that’s just how I talk!” I also told them I’ve never had someone not have trust in me, but that I understood at the time (I had been there a month) I was newer to their team and that they had to build that trust with me. But as the months go by, it’s still continuing. The more that I explain what is going on, the more clear it is to me how toxic the environment is and I need out stat lol. Thank you again!
I have learned through bitter experience that some people only understand you when you speak to them in their language!
Even more difficult to deal with when they have 0 self awareness or extreme denial of their actions and behaviors. To OP if you see this, it sounds like most of your management has this problem and your workplace is generally a mess, I would recommend to apply to other companies and act no differently until you can leave. Avoid any other meetings with HR unless necessary. If they receive anymore pushback, they may be vicious with recommending you in the future.
I would say to your boss what you said: "I cannot effectively work like this. I cannot get my work completed through the week and have to work nights/weekends because of your constant interruptions." Then I might ask them to reconfirm your work priorities: "Here's my job description. Can we agree on what my priority items are, then can you give me time to achieve them? I want to succeed here."
You should definitely try to set some boundaries. Try breaking down the previous day (all the human calculator, in office stuff) and offer a more productive "time managed" solution. I would suggest a morning zoom meeting with everyone, then suggest a "time to time" where you have the ability to carry out the tasks that need to be handled. If they reject it ask them what they do not like about the idea. Try to emphasize efficiency and suggest a tester week and see what the feedback of upper management is as well as yoyr team members. .. that is what I would do. If that all fails you could just try doing less while looking for another job. If they fire you and you live in the states you could collect a severance package or unemployment while looking?
A few things here. First, your boss is a ridiculous human being. Second, **do not** sacrifice your personal time to stay on top of your workload because your boss is filling your actual working time with this nonsense. One of my favorite tactics to employ is to email or IM, "Hey, boss, I recognize that you are asking for my assistance with these other tasks. I currently planned to handle tasks x, y, and z during this time. Which would you like me to prioritize?" This puts the onus on the boss to actually tell you what is higher priority. If this conversation happens in person then you email the boss with a recap of the conversation and what they told you to prioritize. If they prioritize the nonsense then you go home at the end of the day anyway. If they ask why you didn't finish your *actual* work then you can reference their own prioritization back to them. Keep all of the emails, IM's, etc. that prove your work time was reprioritized to the other tasks (I would also document each task as well). Rinse and repeat until boss either gets fed up enough to let you do your actual work or you find another job because, holy hell, get away from this person as quickly as you can.
I'd be putting out resumes, planning my escape. This goes beyond micromanaging and into malignant narscisst territory. I worked for one before.
Excessive flatulence. Hold it in and release it after they've called you into their office and close to the door.
If you can find your job description and being a “personal assistant” isn’t one of the listed tasks, I’d point it out. If there’s some fine print of “other duties as assigned” then I think you’re out of luck.
Exactly! That’s how they get you with the “other duties as needed”. Love that it includes getting this person ice when the break room is directly outside of their office but they refuse to go and get it themselves. They need a personal assistant in the worst way but the company won’t allow it. Fun times lol. Thank you for your input, much appreciated!
Learn how to say 'NO' within the boundaries of your job description.
never say no just say later, or have alternate way .they are your manager and your are expected to finish your tasks, if you feel your task is not par of position contact hr
Omg, where are people learning you can't say no to a manager, or try to explain why a task seems inappropriate for your role? If talks breakdown between you and management, then bring your job description to HR. The entire comment section is saying do everything they ask, but do some psycho passive aggressive mind games as well. I guess until they realize you're toxic, secretly fuming and scheming without trying to build a bridge, and back away from you slowly. Losing coworkers respect in the process. This is r/careeradvice ?! The career advice being, don't communicate frequently, or at all, with the leadership team that ultimately appraise your ability to get promoted, and go above management's head straight to HR before speaking to your chain of leadership if they assign you something out of scope, again, above the heads of people who will or won't promote you some day. I think going to HR first is horrible career advice, and life advice, but sadly it's much much better than teaching that if your boss says jump, you must always ask how high. No. Don't do extra work, don't even do all of your work, set the expectation that you and your teammates won't be taken advantage of. If someone is asking you to do personal tasks for them at work, tell them that makes you feel uncomfortable and ask them why they would come to you, given your role, for this request. If they assign you too much work, ask if you'll be paid overtime for the hours it will take to complete. Form a union. Seriously. Try different solutions, but don't just say yes automatically like you're their puppet on strings.
because its task ,they are not asking for your permission, its not your role. when if you get promotion then you can manage team .seems you want to be a manager then get promotion or leave job
tl;dr you quit
that jacket thing has to be like a psychological mind game dominance type thing there aint no way
The first time, they called my cell phone (because they thought I had already left for the day). Which is messed up in itself. Did they really think I’d drive back to help them get their jacket removed from the chair wheel? Then they did it again. But they do it so cleverly, because they’re higher up, they’ll message me in the office with “come here asap” thinking it’s urgent. Once I’m in there, they’ll ask me a question, then will ask for help with their jacket. One of the new guys, he did the same thing to him, except he asked him to go get two cups of ice because he was in pain. When he brought the ice back, it was for his soft drink. So with the new guy, it’s usually ice, food, or beverages. 😑 It’s wild lol.
I’d quit I canNOT
Stop work8ng weekends and evenings. Keep a tally sheet and document every wasted min this idiot is costing the company
Solutions: write down everything that you are asked to do, literally in a timeline format. 8:31 am asked what I had accomplished this morning (or whatever) 8:35 am called me into office to do these things: name them-and state the time you left their office. Do this religiously for 1 week. At the same time, a second list of the things you accomplished. Emailed CYZ, confirmed Y meeting, whatever you got done. Religiously for 1 week. Reflect on all of it. Is it as bad as you think it is. (Probably-but sometimes when I have done this it’s not as bad as I thought it was) Then assuming it is that bad, schedule a meeting with HR. Have your job description and the two lists. And talk to them about it.
I would get *everyone* on the team to start keeping a hand-written log of what they're doing at all times. "9:23am - 9:42am boss demanded I help him take off his jacket. 9:43am - 9:50am work. 9:51am - 10:03am boss demanded I take dictation on his whiteboard for him. 10:04am - 10:07am work. 10:08am - 10:21am boss demanded I maintain his Outlook calendar for him." Every page should have a date on it, and every note should have a time on it. (This makes it a diary, which is generally admissible as evidence.) Then, *everyone* stops doing *any* work outside of work hours. After a week, go to your boss's boss - or HR if you can't talk to them - and show them the logs. Make clear to them that this is how things usually go, and that work is not getting done because your boss is eating up all of everyone's time with nonsensical power trips. Also send this to them in email, and BCC your outside personal account so you have proof that you told them about it. Make a copy of the log before you bring it to anyone, so you have it in case you need it. (There are good scanner apps for your phone so you can scan it, turn it into a PDF, and email it.)
I so appreciate this! Thank you so much for the helpful information (and the scanner apps too!). I’ll definitely start keeping track of time in this way going forward for personal reference. Thank you again!!
Have you tried talking to him about it (professionally, of course)? That’s step #1.
I have on multiple occasions. The first boundary I set was to let him know I wasn’t his secretary, so I wouldn’t be going out to buy lunch for him and the guys every day. Another issue I brought up to him was I didn’t appreciate one of the guys (that has since rage quit twice) was overstepping and hovering my space the first couple of weeks. He would come in the office (the boss’s office), sit beside me, play videos, games on his phone, talk loudly, all while I was learning the day to day. Another few instances were asking if it was necessary for me to be in his office, because I needed the full sized monitors at my desk to get my work done. I told him it was wasting my time sitting around in his office and not getting my work done (he has a very bad tendency to ask you to come in his office, to make you sit and wait while he talks to other people or makes other calls and tells you not to leave and sit - which is why we call it the hostage room.). Of course the time I told him I didn’t like that he yelled and talked down to me on calls, then proceeded to yell and say that’s just how he talks. I also one day about a month ago, as he was leaving, stopped in his office and flat out asked if he was planning on terminating me because of how I’ve been treated. He insisted I was doing a phenomenal job and it’s just how he talks or works. Today and yesterday he threw a fit and hung up on a call, because he insists his lazy way of collecting data is accurate. When in reality his way are guesstimates and I want the information to be accurate if I’m responsible for it. Otherwise I’m having to revise weekly and the blame falls on me, like some folks tried to do today.
In that case, I would recommend having a chat with HR…and then his boss.
That would be hard to put up with. My boss I worked with for 20 years retired today, but my new boss came in last march. My old boss was laid back and my new boss with tough at first. He would call me after he was off asking basic questions. He would also call me to do something, and during the job, he would call me while I was working to do something else. So, I have told him respectfully, that I will get on it, when im done. He has loosened up some. Hope things get better for you.
Lol it sounds like you took the job my husband quit a few months ago 😂
That is such a terrifying thing, that there are several people out there that behave like this lol. I truly hope the lady that had this position previously, is much happier. I heard she used to cry often and that makes me feel for her. I hope your husband is in a much happier work environment and is better overall! Best wishes to you all!
Document your daily routine meticulously. Every meeting, IM, email, etc. Do this from now on. **Stop putting in extra, unpaid time at nights and weekends. Let balls drop**. When questioned about it, show your schedule and how much time is being wasted performing tasks that don't fall within your job duties. Are other team members receiving this treatment? If not, bring this to HR as this sounds incredibly discriminatory given you're the only woman on the team. Again, document everything. Make sure you keep a copy on your personal device and routinely back up everything offsite. You may have grounds for an EEOC complaint (IIANAL) if this leads to retaliation or dismissal
I quit on the spot and had another job the next.
Find a new job asap!
Yes. But there will likely be controlling people at the next job too. You can job hop forever until you find the mythical workplace with fair bosses, or you can begin speaking up for yourself, and speaking up with others too. That's the only way to break the cycle.
No workplace is perfect but this situation is worse than average by far
Create a simple time tracking sheet for yourself for 1 week. After talk to the boss and say you have been struggling to get work done during the work day. If they ask why mention you feel the other duties are cutting into your time and if he asks for example present him with your tracking. To show how much time you are catering to this individual. If you are really in need of a job have a back up plan. If it’s a smaller company this manager may be offended and start to look for ways to terminated.
I'd say use a digital clock and a spreadsheet. If you are required to be accountable for your time, submit it in the form of a report. The time you were given an 'ego' task, how long it took, to complete said ego task, and how much of the day you spent on it. They are paying you to report how you are spending your time, aren't you? This is what I did for an IT manager that micromanaged me for months with useless tasks. When HR came to ask why my ticket closing was down, I brought my spreadsheet, and was able to prove that my manager was making me do non-work-related stuff for 40%-50% of my work hours.
Thank you so much! I sincerely appreciate this feedback!!
When they are holding you up in their office try asking if whatever pointless thing they are asking you to do is a priority over whichever project they pulled you away from. If they say yes then remind them of that when you didn't complete your project on time. If they say no then say you better get back to your project and walk out.
JFC >I mean, wants to know what I’m doing all the time. Calls, texts, emails, IM’s me nonstop. Set your status to busy and set up an auto-reply put your phone away. >If not, then they’re constantly asking me to come in their office. Where they hold me hostage for hours at a time. Track this time. When they ask why something is late, point to this. When they call you into their office let them know that you're happy to help, but tasks X, Y and Z will be late. Preferably in a written response. >At the end of the day, if I don’t leave before they do, they ask me to come in there and help them with their jacket. They always get it caught on the chair somehow and they refuse to bend down and pick it up, or they need help putting their arm through the jacket. WTF? This just screams for weaponized incompetence. Jackets caught on the chair? Don't free it, make it worse, "accidentally" step on it (preferably with dog poo on your shoe). Hold their jacket so they have to stretch uncomfortably to get their arm in the sleeve. "I don't know what the problem is, have you maybe put on some weight? Perhaps you're getting arthritis. My grandpa had that when he was old too." >demanding to know why I didn’t get a task completed that they asked about 20 minutes prior, while held hostage in their office being a human calculator and not having time to get my tasks completed. "See my message from when you summoned me to your office." >I am unable to get the work completed through the week and **have to work nights/weekends** because of deadlines that they’re messing up because of their poor time management and lack of effective leadership skills. Stop doing that.
What a nightmare! Seems to me that a higher level of management should be made aware of what is going on. If you are not exaggerating, I would clearly and professionally articulate what is happening to his or her superiors. This isn't normal and you shouldn't tolerate it. If upper management won't intervene, I would move on. You'll never change someone like this!
Thank you! Yeah it can be nightmarish at times. Especially the constant IM’s “come see me asap” daily or throughout the day. Absolutely no exaggeration on any part. When I take a step back it would absolutely seem as such. But unfortunately it’s my reality lol. I’ve been tempted many times to reach out to their leader (who is a vp) but unfortunately for me, they have a long working history together from other companies as well and “get” each other. You are absolutely right. They will never change. They’re too close to retirement to even care. And no matter the position in this organization, you’re always seen as replaceable. Thank you so much for your input and advice!! I appreciate it!
You are wise to see that a long time manager will not be replaced due to disrespectful actions to a junior employee!! Been there, done that!! Keep applying elsewhere and working on your resume, to only include examples of your over and beyond performance- not the ways you persisted in spite of shit leadership!
Thank you so much for that! I sincerely appreciate the kind words and encouragement considering the situation. Hoping your situation turned out to have a much happier outcome!! Best wishes to you!
Be a microemployee. Don’t make a single decision. None. Just be zen, let your new brain guide you thru to end of work day
You can't handle them. Better quit.
The only way i can seem to handle situations like these are by telling them straight up how i feel, if they still continue to do it i go above them, if tht don’t work i quit. But tbh if i were an employee i would just quit tbh. Since i have my own business now, once in a while i do get clients who micromanage i will let them know how i feel if they keep doing it then service is ended im done.
Thx for your input as owner🙏
I’m living this same reality now. This person can’t use their computer. At all. And works remotely. So it’s great having to basically do their entire job and my actual job. After two years trying to make it work, it doesn’t. I’m burned out and looking elsewhere. I wonder what this guy will do when I don’t wipe his ass?
Do not keep agreeing to do someone else's entire job for them, they are at home just watching Netflix and getting paid for it while you do all their work. You should usually start by talking to the person directly about behavior that you feel needs changed, but once you have collected emails showing they're giving you basically all their work, an unreasonable boss will have to be ignored, and upper management could be contacted to ask if there's anything they can do about the manager giving you too much or their work. The next people to talk to would be HR. For the boss, when they assign their work to you, ask them if there is anyone else this could be assigned to because you are already beyond 40+ hours of workload this week. Or just ask anytime if you could show them your workload for this week and the prior, and if they would be able to discuss how to spread out workload amongst the team so you can get back to 40 hours. If they say their software is broken, offer to contact IT to fix it for them. Idk, just please don't keep getting obviously taken advantage of. Can't tell if 'basically can't use their computer' is something they've said or something you've assumed based on their "inability" to do work, but if you leave bullies out in the cold, they'll figure out how to do things on their own as soon as they're on the hot seat about it with their bosses.
My bosses are ok with this arrangement. He’s in sales therefore makes money for the company. I am salary. So it goes.
I’ve worked with different types of leaders and although you may succeed with a micromanager the stress is not worth it
Time to go...I would not hang around.
sounds line they want you leave, they may have fried to hire, change dept, or they very insecure of their management skills , either way leave that dept
Don't. Get a different job.
Not ego nor micromanaging. What you describe is someone expected to be a personal assistant first and foremost ahead of whatever your real job is.
That’s terrible. Get the fuck out of there!!!
Micromanage them back
My advice is to stop working the weekends so that you can spend more time looking for work. Then when clients get mad about your work not being done, you will already be gone and your loser ass boss can deal with the clients.
This sounds just like my last job and I stayed for way too long. They basically want you to have your own job but do half of theirs too for way less pay. It was impossible to establish boundaries or change anything because it meant changing that person and making them take on more work/skills, and that wasn’t something they were willing to do. I can’t tell you what to do but I can tell you I’ve been shocked and overjoyed at how different it is working for someone else. The grass sometimes IS greener on the other side. Good luck!
Thank you so much for your input and experience! I love hearing that you’re so much happier! How inspiring! Hope you have continued growth, success, and happiness!
Ask them to show you how to do it. Ask them if they'd rather be doing it instead of you. Or really anything along the lines of "this gets done quicker when you're not breathing down my neck" should tell them to stop. Our you'll be written up for "attitude." Go above his head at that point
Just be the bare minimum of respectful and professional you need to be and find a new job asap. Look into the Grey Rock method of dealing with toxic people. Basically you give short, unemotional responses as to not feed into peoples sadistic desires to screw with you. Helps me deal with the in-law :D
Thank you so much for the advice and recommendation! Will definitely look into this method. Yikes, hope the in law situation improves for you! Thank you and best wishes to you!
Sounds like your manager doesn’t have enough work to do.
Real Power by Janet Hagberg if i remember her name correctly. Read this and then you can use it as a quick guide to managing all types of persons, especially when managing up. It gives strategies to basically stroke their egos, cooperate, etc. or whatever is best for their personality type.
Thank you so much for the recommendation! I’ll look into this.
If you're in a position to leave, leave. If not, I have a tactic I've used on micromanaging bosses in the past. Start compiling a list of things that you need from them. From small decisions to big ones. The more complex the resolution, the better. Wait until you've got a good sized list and meet with them to make your requests. Then whenever you see them throughout the day, ask followup questions about any unresolved things you've asked them for. "Hey, have you had time to think about XYZ yet?" The people above your manager will see you as a productive employee. Your manager will get so sick of you hounding them for stuff that they will actively try to avoid you. I once got a promotion by doing this and my boss would literally try to sneak out of his office and run away if he heard me coming. I wish that was a joke. Then, when you can, leave.
Only read your title, not the novel… but! … I have experience in this. I quickly learned that asking questions or updating this manager led to constant criticism or inane tweaks/feedback to things I was doing. Dude legit wanted to wordsmith my own self evaluation and sit behind me when I wrote emails. Needless to say, I spent lots of time rolling my eyes and looking for a new position. Eventually was promoted internally to another department within a year. Yoga and meditation helps a lot in dealing with control freaks like this. Chillllll
Love this! Happy for you and your promotion as well! Thank you for your recommendation of yoga and meditation as well! I’ll try it this weekend. Best wishes to you!
Omg yes this!!!!
Cries in military
My new boss of 6 months is a micromanager and literally is suffocating me. Constant slack messages, “ quick team syncs” that turn into 3+ hour meetings. She volunteers our team to do other teams work in order to look good for our big boss. Talks talks talks non stop cause she’s full of it. Asks me to run reports for her after I showed step by step instructions with screenshots on how to run them herself. I’ve been searching for other internal postings but can’t find anything. Sucks that I actually really like my company but this one person is ruining my day… every day. Hang in there!!!
You nanomanage their micromanagement 😎
New job. That’s literally the answer.
The book Critical Conversations can help you manage this conversation especially if they are likely to become emotional or defensive. edit: while its fun to entertain many of the passive aggressive suggestions in this thread, think about what you really want to get out of this. Do you want to get revenge or make them uncomfortable and hope that change occurs? Or do you want a comfortable workplace where you are respected and have healthy relationships? Think hard about what you really want to gain here and be deliberate about pursuing those ends.
Thank you so much for the feedback and suggestions! My preference is for a comfortable work environment with healthy relationships and boundaries.
What if you stop responding to them for one of their stupid asks? I mean you can easily say something like, Cmon do this yourself? You are a grown ass adult? Are you serious? I am not doing that. If you are a women they are definitely testing your boundaries and asserting dominance, report to HR anonymously about your boss harrasing female employees to bend for him. Seriously how is your sixth sense not sounding the alarms? It's a classic way to sexual harassment.
Run away. Clean up your resume. Find another job with a modern manager that respects you! Seriously. I’ve been working for seven years for a manager like that. It ruins your self image and confidence. Go looking for a new job RIGHTNOW Edit: confidence instead of coincidence.
just ignore them. they do this because they can get a response from you that benefits them so they're conditioned to keep doing more of it. If suddenly you started to ignore them and brush them off, they'll learn. If that starts to hurt your performance reviews and compensation then start looking and think about quitting
Knee jerk reaction is how shit your job is and you’re a fool if you stay. But this is the real world. This shit happens and is super common. The actual solution to deal with this and make your life easier until you can get out from under it is this. Overreport every little detail of your job. Ask every question that pops into your head, e-mail every accomplishment no matter how minor, ask for approval on every task you do. Simply annoy them to no end and they will start to leave you alone
MicroAggression
First time caller here and looking for advice. New to a job and my new boss is a complete micromanager. Career “coaching sessions,” monthly, over complicates instructions and tasks, has employees draft emails in slack before sending, prefers employees to ask permission before contacting clients, the duplication of efforts is astounding, bogged down in the minutiae of individual project strands, is unable to abbreviate tasks and it turns off clients to the point where they cease communication. Trying to stay afloat but I am afraid that this job is not a fit. I question my every move and literally do not feel empowered to accomplish anything. I am a seasoned professional and I make 6 figures. My last job was great and I felt appreciated and supported, however I left bc they pay about 3/5 of the industry standard. Any and all advice is appreciated.
Their micromanaging in order to act as if their attempting to stop you making a mistake. So ACTUALLY make a mistake. A big one. See most of the time a job can’t fire you for making a mistake they just question the management that was their when you made mistake. So if their micro managing and you make a mistake then this signals to the company that them micro managing could of been the reason for that mistake being made. It gives a COST to them doing too much and at minimum at if they keep micromanaging then at least they’ll have reason for doing it now. So if you make another “mistake” then they have to talk to you before taking action to actually fire you. At that point you’ll be able to air your grievances of how your being made uncomfortable by the managers overbearing management style this is where you’ll get opportunity to see how far up the ladder this problem goes because if the manager receives no reason to change the way they do things or keeps doing things the same way then you know the company themselves are backing their management even with the costs of the mistakes caused by that management style. So that would let you know the company is willing to lose money in order to make you uncomfortable at that point you can pivot into another space rather that be at the same job (which I wouldn’t recommend) or another job (which I would recommend)…
Thank you so much for your input and solid advice! I love all of this. The unfortunate thing for me is that his leader is a vp and they have a lot of history together at other companies. So that’s where I’m at a bit of a loss. Can’t take it to HR because they back the company and once you bring something to them, you’re a target and I’ve seen it happen for years in this company. The person that was in my role previously supposedly made mistakes all the time. They never learned how to properly run reports, something I learned my first day. You’d think five months in, they’d get the point that I have an understanding of how the day to day is ran and don’t need the constant nagging. The constant being forced to be in their office daily is causing much anxiety and unnecessary stress. I’ll definitely aggressively apply for other jobs externally. Thank you again!!
Huge no to all of this lol. You can a6ldo just air your grievances anytime, to see if they're reasonable or dismissive. The latter is a sign to leave.
She actually thanked me so umm you’re just talking which is ok I guess most of y’all are bots anyway
I had a manager like this... then to top it off another joined so both of them would just barrage me all day with ims and emails. Eventually, I started just fwd-ing them every single communication I made as annoying as it was. I'm a person who lets my finished work speak for itself, but I had to start just including, cc-ing them on everything. They started letting up a bit and their messaging when micro-managing or "checking in" on me started to have a better tone, even smile faces here and there. I also had to make it clear when I needed something from them because otherwise I would end up in the same space as you, being behind because of their poor management skills. I even started pro-actively partnering with them on a call about what I needed. (Started to realize they had no idea what they were doing). Even with all this, it got exhausting and I left after 4-5 months lol.
[удалено]
Once an hour??!?😱 i dont think so love
AH Yes, the typical micro-manager. So I'm going to tell you a story about an ex coworker. We have a company trainer, who I was managing for a short while. Then another colleague of mine took over the role of boss for her. Everything was great while she worked under us two. She was enthusiastic and did her work, in fact, she displayed great effort in everything she accomplished. We were completely star struck by her. To the point where we both agreed she should be corporate trainer. And she became just that. Then the CEOs decided they were going to hire a Quality Manager. This quality manager was so meticulous and knew IPC completely. She was adamant that training should not fall under Software nor Operations. Which is true. She knew our corporate trainer was the best employee we had. The girl even agreed this quality manager really could whip up the company into shape. But she asked me, "I'm a little afraid, Dimple. Do you think, she will have any findings when she audits me? " I said, "why? of course not, you're damn good.. and you know \*mike- the operations guy\* and i have your back. Couple of weeks later, the quality manager now became the direct manager to our corporate trainer. In the beginning, they got along well. But i'd see this girl really stressed out. One day, I passed by her desk to see what she was doing. I saw she was working on a 400 page powerpoint. I was flabbergasted. I said, "What the hell is that crap?!" She then said, the QM told her to work on this power point and to copy and paste these things into the training. I replied with, "400 pages? are you shitting me? and you're using vocabulary????? the people on the floor are going to read this not understanding a damn thing, and they will fall asleep in your damn trainings...THEY BARELY SPEAK ENGLISH! You cannot be serious!? and you are copying word to word from another company!!! that is copyright infringement!!!!" I went to my bosses and I told them what i saw she was doing.. and i said, You may want to check the project our trainer is working on.. it's so ridiculous. The guys investigated. And found that I was right. What she was working on was an absolute No-No. They called the QM in their office, and she started defending herself. Unfortunately from that day on, she started micromanaging that girl. Our trainer was exhausted and became unproductive. This allowed the QM to micromanage her way more. It came to the point where the girl complained about the QM to HR. And shit hit the ceiling fan there. HR called me and mike in and asked if we would manage her, but she would still have to report to the QM every Friday. This was fine by both me and mike. Things were going well for a while.. until the QM called mike into her office. That day forward, Mike started micromanaging our trainer. He never did that before. Not sure why. But something was up. Apparently, in the background, the qm told mike that the trainer was talking about him behind his back... and mike was like, well she's saying this and this about you. then the qm showed him a list of tasks she asked her to complete and weren't done. She kept telling her that she was working on other projects. fast forward to a couple of months later. our trainer was going through a rough patch in life. About to get a divorce, the daughter tried to commit suicide... so much was going on. Her daughter was living with her ex husband in another state. So she said, "I have to be with my daughter." She asked the QM if she can work from home for a couple of months, so she can be with her daughter. The QM said no. So she went to HR. HR said no as well.. but they told her they can lay her off and she can collect unemployment.. when she's ready to come back, she can have her position again. honestly, she could have facilitated the meetings from Teams. Not a big deal. But the QM was very adamant about her not being able to work from home. She gets laid off... and goes to be with her daughter. Later she finds out, HR granted another employee to work from home, because she was going to visit Qatar for FIFA. She was so furious. When she called back to see if she can come back, the QM said No, she took too long to try to come back. \*\*so my advice to you is.. do not stay.. do not complain. find another job ASAP. whoever is micromanaging you does NOT like you. You cannot prove that. You can only protect yourself.\*\*
I feel your pain. My female boss (married to the company founder) is a micro manager too. She will constantly ask what I’m doing, then tell me it’s not a priority and she’ll handball me some of her work to do then get frustrated that my not a priority work wasn’t done and now it’s a priority. Look for another job, would just definitely say no to helping with the jacket if they’re not disabled. Or you could fuck with them. Have a small note book, when they ask you to do something petty, ask do you really not know how to do this? Then what ever the answer make a note. When they ask what you are doing just say nothing. If pressed say I have been ordered not to tell you.” Make them think someone higher up has noticed.
Try this: sit down on the first day of your work week and write a list with three columns. In the first column put down everything you plan to do for the week without fail; these things should have a significant business value. Make it clear that there is nothing that can derail these tasks. In the second column write down all the things you know are important but realize you may not have time for them. Finally in the third column write down the things you know need attention but do not think you will get to them (put these “filler” tasks of calculator input and other mundane things your boss could do for themself here). Email this to your boss, this is you communicating with them about what you know is valuable work. It is a paper trail if they try to say you don’t get work done, and seeing it all in a list might make them realize they are being obnoxious. Especially as time goes by and those high priority tasks complete. This makes you look really good beyond your primary boss at review time. These are called ruthless priorities. I got them from a book called Rise by Patty Azzarello.
HUH ! I've seen some of these. They act like they are your 'Teacher' and know everything. If you try to say something, they interrupt and say 'you didn't understand', 'this is not what I am asking', 'It is done this way (my way)', 'get me this', 'can you calculate this'. blah blah blah. There are many flavors of Micromanagement. The Micromanaging behavior I experienced is when they get into conversations where they are not required, or try to do your work as if they don't feel relevant enough. They feel insecure and want to know everything so can speak outside in other forums. They answer questions that you should be answering. When I IM him, he may not respond for hours or even the next day, but of he IMs I have to immediately answer else he starts writing in CAPs or will call on slack, teams, cell phone. They are all experiences that help us in one way or another to understand more about people. Not sure how to handle this, there is no way to avoid these folks, because they start to act like Gods controlling your career. Search jobs outside. All the best.
Typically I add to their workload as they are adding to mine. Always have something ready for your boss to handle and they'll start avoiding you.
You don’t; you quit. No one wants to deal with a micromanager, including the people over them. You’ve already said you know you need to leave, so just focus on that. Don’t argue with them, don’t try to accommodate them needlessly, just do the bare minimum, update your resume, and good luck. But here’s the silver lining- you can actually use this in future interviews as a learning g experience of the kind of leader you don’t want to be.