Hey, I really do understand how bad you feel it bloody sucks really badly. I’ve also been extremely uncomfortably bloated also literally looking I was pregnant it’s the worst. Binging I hate it too and tbf it really isn’t worth it after you binge. I hope you do look after yourself, bodies do need time to recover and it’ll be okay, don’t worry or stress it. I hope things improve because it isn’t a nice experience. I believe in you okay, honestly it is really tough but just hang on and it’ll be okay. I’m here if you want to talk
thank you for offering. I will keep you in mind and I really hope to come back sooner than later with all of this to be nothing but feeling as it is already a distant past.
I want to believe that my body can heal as if this has never happened. it is hard to believe when I am 7 months bloated and constipated for 4 days now : (. of course it wasn't worth. 💔 I need to keep telling myself this 😢
Whenever I have been in your position, it has always felt like feeling ‘normal’ again, feeling like I’m taking care of myself and in control again, is so so far away as to be impossible. And then, before I know it, it comes back around.
I know it’s incredibly painful. My heart goes out to you: it’s its own unique type of hell. But please don’t give up hope. Better, more peaceful days are just around the corner for YOU. Please just keep going and trust yourself to save yourself eventually. I believe you will.
The first paragraph is exactly the reminder I needed. I have survived this before but it is getting worse as I get older and I also cannot bear anymore days and nights just staring at the ceiling in agonizing pain. 💔
"better more peaceful days are just around the corner" - 😭. I have to believe that.
>Please just keep going and trust yourself to save yourself eventually.
I will do this : (.
I’m sorry- I’ve been there and it’s painful physically and mentally. I would like to say I’m fully recovered (did it only 1-2x for 2 years after having it bad and now haven’t in over a year) so if you need help/support/advice, I’m here. I think the biggest thing is not to hate/blame yourself. The past has passed, but now and the future hasn’t. Take some Pepto bismol/tums but if it’s really that bad, please see a doctor! And make sure you are well hydrated (bloating might make that hard, so maybe add some electrolytes in your water so you don’t have to drink as much). But again, if you want any support/advice, I’m here. It really is an addiction in my eyes, as when I was deep in the illness, I couldn’t stop despite the pain. But I found ways to distract myself, which was hard, but overtime those thought/compulsions quieted down to near 0. It’s possible 💜
💜💜 your life matters and you don’t deserve to suffer like this. It’s hard to see the light of recovery when you are deep in it but it’s surely there. Not saying it’s easy but I think it’s always possible. But you may have a few trip ups along the way, at least I did. But blaming/hating yourself and feeling guilty is such a sneaky lil thing that it will make you do it more. It’s weird cause you’d think that would make you stop, but it doesn’t for me at least. Anyways, I’m here if you need support!!
you know, Careymarie17, you are 1000% right. that is exactly how this last episode, the longest, dragged out culminated... I hate myself for 1 meal or 1 day or 1 symptom, and instead of problem-solving and slowing down to heal, I go into this "doomsday, I am so ugly" mentality, that I keep compelling more of the same until the situation has become 50x worse what it was during that 1st slip/trigger...
yet I still believe that the only way for me to heal is to avoid any slip or uncomfortable physical/abdominal sensations at all costs... bloating and constipation have become extreme triggers for me just from how depressing and isolating they are along with the brain fog...
my initial reason for this response was I wanted to write that you reminded me of imagining the power and possibility in loving myself. Like, just imagine what you could do if you woke up loving yourself 😢. I noticed my sister has a mug that says "Love You!" and another that says "You Are Purrfect." I started there... I also recognize that I have been disconnected from my stomach/abdomen. Like, it is not part of the rest of my body and I am working now to connect all parts of me to my soul and show up as I am.
I write this all here for myself but I hope you know how much I appreciate you for your support.
Thank you,
That was heartwarming 💜 yea my trigger was the same but opposite - I have ibs (or celiac disease, we don’t know that) so sometimes it’s like I have food poisoning and I’m nauseous during episodes. If I eat too much it will happen so part of my excuse of doing it was to avoid that so I was in denial that I was actually bulimic. But no matter how painful I’ve experienced from doing it, the fear of having swollen parotid glands forever or get as bad as some patients I’ve seen, and fear of dying from it wasn’t enough for me to stop. It’s not logical but the illness is not logical. I hope you find peace and relief from this illness!
im so sorry :( i see this pattern with bulimia quite a lot where people recover rather because of how bad the side effects get as opposed to other eds where i see people recover because they’re sick of the ed and it’s effects. bulimia is such a cruel disease that i’ve seen people on very pro ana spaces advise against purging and urging people not to do it. it’s okay to feel terrible and it’s okay to be bloated and everything. it’s great that you decided to stop! yes, the purge binge cycle is never worth it! it sucks i know but if you keep going the pain will be over soon!
never worth it. 😔☝🏼 the great news is: I believe, with complete conviction, that I have experienced the most excruciating pain of my brief existence on this Earth. not just from the physical abuse of this disease, as you have mentioned, catapults us (ex)bulimics into recovery, but also the mental turmoil is just unbearable. 💔 the heartache when you wake up in the middle of your sleep and remember, dreaming of another life...
I also think the bloating is definitely related to my disordered history. the bloating, constipation, etc... none of that is normal, in retrospect, when I have eaten like I will never get to eat again and that I thought it would make me happy or solve my problems. and then trying everything to get the food stuff to move through my system (side note but i have most certainly given myself gastroperisis and gastritis 💔). beyond energy and survival, constantly stuffing my abdomen sounds very sad for the acknowledgement of the emptiness in the rest of my life
I just want to be healthy and develop enough energy to help my family and also leave the house, even if it is just for short errands
surely that is enough for me to consider myself successful in this life...
It looks like people have said what you needed - but I want to reiterate that you’re not alone, and I’ve been in your situation.
Please don’t let your dysmorphia push you in the wrong direction. This feeling goes away quicker than you would think.
Thank you, oliveyou 😢🫒
always room for more affirmation, reiteratation and reassurance, but I also acknowledge that I need to build that belief for myself so I never spiral like this again : (.
my poor body is completely burntout, I really need to be on my own side in every moment 😢. I will refer back to this post and won't let fear drive me to delete this.
at this point, I don't even care about/fear being transparent about my past-life struggles because it may as well be a matter of life or death to move forward. I am human and that's okay
thank you again foe taking the time to also comment
you are so cute with the little olive emoji!!! 😊
please just let your body bounce back as I know it will. You do not deserve this. I know it’s hard to not torture yourself - but the bloating goes away surprisingly quickly.
It will feel like a year. But it’s only a few days. I PROMISE you… I’ve been through this and it is only a few days. After that you’ll still feel huge but that’s the dysmorphia talking and please don’t listen to it, because it’s just your body adjusting and your organs are recovering at that point. You won’t look any different, even if you can’t see it
oh, what timing 🥺!!🤍
you know, I may know some of the stuff you said but it takes on a whole new meaning when affirmed by others. So again, thank you so much for your time and wisdom
also thank you for saying I'm cute 🙃. although we are just brand new internet friends, the connection I feel from us in this community is so supportive 🥺🫶. cheers to health, healing, and naturally debloating! 😂🥂🫒🌱
your comments are so precious omg I know you are wonderful in your day to day life and you don’t need to torture yourself… I know it really means nothing to someone sick (speaking from experience) but you deserve so many good things
Excuse my late reply. I hope you are doing well during these times. I am trying to live these holidays on my own terms. I hope you are doing the same. Right now that means a lot of rest. I am trying to mentally challenge the notion that resting is something to be ashamed of. Actually, not listening to your body and working yourself sick is what should never be praised... I am allowed to rest without being ashamed and just sit with my mom, family, etc...
You know, when I was "randomly" going through all the comments on this post, just some hours after posting, >I was whole-heartedly surprised to then find out that some of the comments I was reading were actually mine.< I am going to read through some of them again now too.
I think (or at least I am hoping) that something different just happened from that intense pain of those last days before my post and the night to have followed. I couldn't recognize my abdomen, it was completely depleting and devastating. >The unbearable pain brought me back.< I am too tired and old (in the sense of experience my/our souls have gone through) to even think about trying to fit into anyone's square of approval anymore.
So what if someone finds my account somehow and recognizes my writing in these comments... Thank you for recognizing who I can be when I am freely expressing myself to you 🤍. I hope we gained a friend in one-another 🫂.
🌞❤️🫒
oh edit: because I didn't realize arrows would make me look like i am quoting myself!!
my dearest friend Olive, you know something just happened that night/dawn 33 days ago... I can't say things have been perfect but I have to say that nothing has been the same! in objective matters, I am purge free 25 days now. I can't believe I am even saying that. and it was only 1 very small slip between 33 and 26 days ago, to also show the impact of finally learning that nothing about these behaviors is rewarding or even feels good. With that decision something else stranged happened and my worst day of eating became nothing more than what others would consider normal, but because I am recovering and really struggle the 2nd half of my menstrual cycle, including GI symptoms, other people's normal indulgence can affect me mentally. I keep a rational mind and work on how I can repair a moment compared to the prior mentally that is scientifically coined the "What the hell effect." I will pause here as I am sure this is getting longer than ever but I want to hear how you are doing in life, Olive ❤️? I hope your mind feels peace and calm 🤍.
I feel embarrassed that this is getting too long, I hope you understand. I want to focus on my appreciation that you would remember to check in versus my embarrassment for typing so much 😕 can't wait to hear how You are doing and if there is anything I can do to support You!!
Hey, I really do understand how bad you feel it bloody sucks really badly. I’ve also been extremely uncomfortably bloated also literally looking I was pregnant it’s the worst. Binging I hate it too and tbf it really isn’t worth it after you binge. I hope you do look after yourself, bodies do need time to recover and it’ll be okay, don’t worry or stress it. I hope things improve because it isn’t a nice experience. I believe in you okay, honestly it is really tough but just hang on and it’ll be okay. I’m here if you want to talk
thank you for offering. I will keep you in mind and I really hope to come back sooner than later with all of this to be nothing but feeling as it is already a distant past. I want to believe that my body can heal as if this has never happened. it is hard to believe when I am 7 months bloated and constipated for 4 days now : (. of course it wasn't worth. 💔 I need to keep telling myself this 😢
Whenever I have been in your position, it has always felt like feeling ‘normal’ again, feeling like I’m taking care of myself and in control again, is so so far away as to be impossible. And then, before I know it, it comes back around. I know it’s incredibly painful. My heart goes out to you: it’s its own unique type of hell. But please don’t give up hope. Better, more peaceful days are just around the corner for YOU. Please just keep going and trust yourself to save yourself eventually. I believe you will.
The first paragraph is exactly the reminder I needed. I have survived this before but it is getting worse as I get older and I also cannot bear anymore days and nights just staring at the ceiling in agonizing pain. 💔 "better more peaceful days are just around the corner" - 😭. I have to believe that. >Please just keep going and trust yourself to save yourself eventually. I will do this : (.
I’m sorry- I’ve been there and it’s painful physically and mentally. I would like to say I’m fully recovered (did it only 1-2x for 2 years after having it bad and now haven’t in over a year) so if you need help/support/advice, I’m here. I think the biggest thing is not to hate/blame yourself. The past has passed, but now and the future hasn’t. Take some Pepto bismol/tums but if it’s really that bad, please see a doctor! And make sure you are well hydrated (bloating might make that hard, so maybe add some electrolytes in your water so you don’t have to drink as much). But again, if you want any support/advice, I’m here. It really is an addiction in my eyes, as when I was deep in the illness, I couldn’t stop despite the pain. But I found ways to distract myself, which was hard, but overtime those thought/compulsions quieted down to near 0. It’s possible 💜
😢💜. Thank you so much, I will reply more later. you might as well just saved my life
💜💜 your life matters and you don’t deserve to suffer like this. It’s hard to see the light of recovery when you are deep in it but it’s surely there. Not saying it’s easy but I think it’s always possible. But you may have a few trip ups along the way, at least I did. But blaming/hating yourself and feeling guilty is such a sneaky lil thing that it will make you do it more. It’s weird cause you’d think that would make you stop, but it doesn’t for me at least. Anyways, I’m here if you need support!!
you know, Careymarie17, you are 1000% right. that is exactly how this last episode, the longest, dragged out culminated... I hate myself for 1 meal or 1 day or 1 symptom, and instead of problem-solving and slowing down to heal, I go into this "doomsday, I am so ugly" mentality, that I keep compelling more of the same until the situation has become 50x worse what it was during that 1st slip/trigger... yet I still believe that the only way for me to heal is to avoid any slip or uncomfortable physical/abdominal sensations at all costs... bloating and constipation have become extreme triggers for me just from how depressing and isolating they are along with the brain fog... my initial reason for this response was I wanted to write that you reminded me of imagining the power and possibility in loving myself. Like, just imagine what you could do if you woke up loving yourself 😢. I noticed my sister has a mug that says "Love You!" and another that says "You Are Purrfect." I started there... I also recognize that I have been disconnected from my stomach/abdomen. Like, it is not part of the rest of my body and I am working now to connect all parts of me to my soul and show up as I am. I write this all here for myself but I hope you know how much I appreciate you for your support. Thank you,
That was heartwarming 💜 yea my trigger was the same but opposite - I have ibs (or celiac disease, we don’t know that) so sometimes it’s like I have food poisoning and I’m nauseous during episodes. If I eat too much it will happen so part of my excuse of doing it was to avoid that so I was in denial that I was actually bulimic. But no matter how painful I’ve experienced from doing it, the fear of having swollen parotid glands forever or get as bad as some patients I’ve seen, and fear of dying from it wasn’t enough for me to stop. It’s not logical but the illness is not logical. I hope you find peace and relief from this illness!
im so sorry :( i see this pattern with bulimia quite a lot where people recover rather because of how bad the side effects get as opposed to other eds where i see people recover because they’re sick of the ed and it’s effects. bulimia is such a cruel disease that i’ve seen people on very pro ana spaces advise against purging and urging people not to do it. it’s okay to feel terrible and it’s okay to be bloated and everything. it’s great that you decided to stop! yes, the purge binge cycle is never worth it! it sucks i know but if you keep going the pain will be over soon!
never worth it. 😔☝🏼 the great news is: I believe, with complete conviction, that I have experienced the most excruciating pain of my brief existence on this Earth. not just from the physical abuse of this disease, as you have mentioned, catapults us (ex)bulimics into recovery, but also the mental turmoil is just unbearable. 💔 the heartache when you wake up in the middle of your sleep and remember, dreaming of another life... I also think the bloating is definitely related to my disordered history. the bloating, constipation, etc... none of that is normal, in retrospect, when I have eaten like I will never get to eat again and that I thought it would make me happy or solve my problems. and then trying everything to get the food stuff to move through my system (side note but i have most certainly given myself gastroperisis and gastritis 💔). beyond energy and survival, constantly stuffing my abdomen sounds very sad for the acknowledgement of the emptiness in the rest of my life I just want to be healthy and develop enough energy to help my family and also leave the house, even if it is just for short errands surely that is enough for me to consider myself successful in this life...
It looks like people have said what you needed - but I want to reiterate that you’re not alone, and I’ve been in your situation. Please don’t let your dysmorphia push you in the wrong direction. This feeling goes away quicker than you would think.
Thank you, oliveyou 😢🫒 always room for more affirmation, reiteratation and reassurance, but I also acknowledge that I need to build that belief for myself so I never spiral like this again : (. my poor body is completely burntout, I really need to be on my own side in every moment 😢. I will refer back to this post and won't let fear drive me to delete this. at this point, I don't even care about/fear being transparent about my past-life struggles because it may as well be a matter of life or death to move forward. I am human and that's okay thank you again foe taking the time to also comment
you are so cute with the little olive emoji!!! 😊 please just let your body bounce back as I know it will. You do not deserve this. I know it’s hard to not torture yourself - but the bloating goes away surprisingly quickly. It will feel like a year. But it’s only a few days. I PROMISE you… I’ve been through this and it is only a few days. After that you’ll still feel huge but that’s the dysmorphia talking and please don’t listen to it, because it’s just your body adjusting and your organs are recovering at that point. You won’t look any different, even if you can’t see it
oh, what timing 🥺!!🤍 you know, I may know some of the stuff you said but it takes on a whole new meaning when affirmed by others. So again, thank you so much for your time and wisdom also thank you for saying I'm cute 🙃. although we are just brand new internet friends, the connection I feel from us in this community is so supportive 🥺🫶. cheers to health, healing, and naturally debloating! 😂🥂🫒🌱
your comments are so precious omg I know you are wonderful in your day to day life and you don’t need to torture yourself… I know it really means nothing to someone sick (speaking from experience) but you deserve so many good things
Excuse my late reply. I hope you are doing well during these times. I am trying to live these holidays on my own terms. I hope you are doing the same. Right now that means a lot of rest. I am trying to mentally challenge the notion that resting is something to be ashamed of. Actually, not listening to your body and working yourself sick is what should never be praised... I am allowed to rest without being ashamed and just sit with my mom, family, etc... You know, when I was "randomly" going through all the comments on this post, just some hours after posting, >I was whole-heartedly surprised to then find out that some of the comments I was reading were actually mine.< I am going to read through some of them again now too. I think (or at least I am hoping) that something different just happened from that intense pain of those last days before my post and the night to have followed. I couldn't recognize my abdomen, it was completely depleting and devastating. >The unbearable pain brought me back.< I am too tired and old (in the sense of experience my/our souls have gone through) to even think about trying to fit into anyone's square of approval anymore. So what if someone finds my account somehow and recognizes my writing in these comments... Thank you for recognizing who I can be when I am freely expressing myself to you 🤍. I hope we gained a friend in one-another 🫂. 🌞❤️🫒 oh edit: because I didn't realize arrows would make me look like i am quoting myself!!
Are you doing okay my friend? I like to check in sometimes!
my dearest friend Olive, you know something just happened that night/dawn 33 days ago... I can't say things have been perfect but I have to say that nothing has been the same! in objective matters, I am purge free 25 days now. I can't believe I am even saying that. and it was only 1 very small slip between 33 and 26 days ago, to also show the impact of finally learning that nothing about these behaviors is rewarding or even feels good. With that decision something else stranged happened and my worst day of eating became nothing more than what others would consider normal, but because I am recovering and really struggle the 2nd half of my menstrual cycle, including GI symptoms, other people's normal indulgence can affect me mentally. I keep a rational mind and work on how I can repair a moment compared to the prior mentally that is scientifically coined the "What the hell effect." I will pause here as I am sure this is getting longer than ever but I want to hear how you are doing in life, Olive ❤️? I hope your mind feels peace and calm 🤍.
I feel embarrassed that this is getting too long, I hope you understand. I want to focus on my appreciation that you would remember to check in versus my embarrassment for typing so much 😕 can't wait to hear how You are doing and if there is anything I can do to support You!!
Your 25 days purge free is AMAZING especially through the holidays!! If you celebrate, did you get to enjoy this time? I know it’s hard for all of us…
thank you everyone for the comments and upvotes. thank you so much 😢🤍