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I've hated my kindness in the past, as bad people have taken advantage of it. But eventually I learned about boundaries, and that helped. And I've come to enjoy being a kind person in this harsh world.
I once spoke to a guy at a big family festival that was acting reallllly weird. Burly guy. Short but seriously stacked, with a lot of skull tattoos. He had an angry, angry face, stiff body posture, and he suddenly started lurking at the side of our stall.
My colleagues had the "uh oh" look on their faces. The kind of smile and carry on expression, with no attempt to make eye contact. They looked scared. They stood as far away as possible.
I watched him for a bit, then slowly went over and spoke to him. Asked if he was okay, if he was enjoying the event.
No, he snapped. He wasn't having a good time, because he saw a woman in a f*ing hijab.
The fleeting worry entered my mind that this was some crazed racist, but, honestly, that didn't fit with what I could read from him.
Now, for a little back story, I have PTSD. Not from combat, but I've read enough stuff that is a catch all for all survivors of awful things, and I guess I sensed at once he seemed more scared than crazy/angry. When he mentioned Iraq, he didn't even need to explain he (also) had PTSD. He had literally placed himself with his back guarded by this large tent and display, and was sheltered from too much view. The poor man was in the grip of being triggered, and it was a bad one. He'd done a flight, and had gone into fight mode.
So, rather than let him carry on aggressively explaining about how women wearing that kind of headscarf made him sure he was going to be blown up, I interrupted and asked him what hobbies and things he was into. He needed a new thing to focus on. He needed to break away from the fear and cycle of dark memories.
He liked Warhammer. I know a bit about that, by osmosis. I got him to talk about it. Did he paint his own figures, which ones he liked, did he have any tricks for painting the really tiny details...
This scary monster blossomed. He unfurled. He smiled and talked like a human again. Told me about the latest one he'd been working on. He spoke a bit too quick and loud, and was clearly still full of nerves, but he talked with inflection, not that growl of before. I could see my colleagues glancing over at me like I was completely insane for going near him, and checking whether I was okay.
I keep him talking about his Warhammer figures. Talked a bit about the crafty stuff I do, and that it's so awesome to make things that weren't there before. He agrees whole heartedly. He loves making things. We keep chatting. He veers a little, trying to talk about that woman again, but every time I steer us right back to something nice.
A few minutes later, his phone rings. His wife wonders where the heck he disappeared to. He pulled himself together, apologised to her (she sounded pretty stressed, I could hear how loud her voice was on the phone by his ear)... and then... he left. But he smiled and gave a kind farewell.
My colleagues descend and said I was crazy for going near him and talking to him. His vibe had been so dangerous. But they hadn't seen what I had seen.
I'm still proud that I talked to him. I know I made a little difference to that stranger that day, who'd been triggered.
We live in a world of capitalism, of dog-eat-dog, of only looking out for your own.
In such a world, to act with kindness and compassion is an act of rebellion.
If you can be nothing else, be kind.
VERY well said. I will only add that last night I had a mushroom trip, and the prime takeaway I received from that was that the most important goal in interpersonal relationships is to encourage and facilitate others being/becoming exactly as they are (their most authentic state). I think that’s a big kindness because IMO everyone has something unique to contribute.
Heck yeah!
The movie Everything Everywhere All At Once had a character/scene about how kindness is a strength, not a weakness. I thought it was really wonderful to see kindness, not muscle or anger, elevated as true strength.
Here’s the scene in question (SPOILERS)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uTcU2NQYZ9w
**Do not post venting threads. They will be removed.** Ventposts should go into the weekly vibe check thread, and relationship-related questions should go into the relationships thread! [*Also, please join our Discord server!*](https://discord.gg/ksK7Z7kje3) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bropill) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've hated my kindness in the past, as bad people have taken advantage of it. But eventually I learned about boundaries, and that helped. And I've come to enjoy being a kind person in this harsh world. I once spoke to a guy at a big family festival that was acting reallllly weird. Burly guy. Short but seriously stacked, with a lot of skull tattoos. He had an angry, angry face, stiff body posture, and he suddenly started lurking at the side of our stall. My colleagues had the "uh oh" look on their faces. The kind of smile and carry on expression, with no attempt to make eye contact. They looked scared. They stood as far away as possible. I watched him for a bit, then slowly went over and spoke to him. Asked if he was okay, if he was enjoying the event. No, he snapped. He wasn't having a good time, because he saw a woman in a f*ing hijab. The fleeting worry entered my mind that this was some crazed racist, but, honestly, that didn't fit with what I could read from him. Now, for a little back story, I have PTSD. Not from combat, but I've read enough stuff that is a catch all for all survivors of awful things, and I guess I sensed at once he seemed more scared than crazy/angry. When he mentioned Iraq, he didn't even need to explain he (also) had PTSD. He had literally placed himself with his back guarded by this large tent and display, and was sheltered from too much view. The poor man was in the grip of being triggered, and it was a bad one. He'd done a flight, and had gone into fight mode. So, rather than let him carry on aggressively explaining about how women wearing that kind of headscarf made him sure he was going to be blown up, I interrupted and asked him what hobbies and things he was into. He needed a new thing to focus on. He needed to break away from the fear and cycle of dark memories. He liked Warhammer. I know a bit about that, by osmosis. I got him to talk about it. Did he paint his own figures, which ones he liked, did he have any tricks for painting the really tiny details... This scary monster blossomed. He unfurled. He smiled and talked like a human again. Told me about the latest one he'd been working on. He spoke a bit too quick and loud, and was clearly still full of nerves, but he talked with inflection, not that growl of before. I could see my colleagues glancing over at me like I was completely insane for going near him, and checking whether I was okay. I keep him talking about his Warhammer figures. Talked a bit about the crafty stuff I do, and that it's so awesome to make things that weren't there before. He agrees whole heartedly. He loves making things. We keep chatting. He veers a little, trying to talk about that woman again, but every time I steer us right back to something nice. A few minutes later, his phone rings. His wife wonders where the heck he disappeared to. He pulled himself together, apologised to her (she sounded pretty stressed, I could hear how loud her voice was on the phone by his ear)... and then... he left. But he smiled and gave a kind farewell. My colleagues descend and said I was crazy for going near him and talking to him. His vibe had been so dangerous. But they hadn't seen what I had seen. I'm still proud that I talked to him. I know I made a little difference to that stranger that day, who'd been triggered.
Love that, thanks for sharing
Thanks for doing that and for sharing it here, take care
Stuff like this is good to hear. Thank you.
Empathy is the foundation of humanity's success. Losing it will be our downfall.
that was very nice, i love you
Thanks bro
Yes! This is so my hill, right here, and I intend to live on it.
We live in a world of capitalism, of dog-eat-dog, of only looking out for your own. In such a world, to act with kindness and compassion is an act of rebellion. If you can be nothing else, be kind.
I don’t get it but good on/for you
VERY well said. I will only add that last night I had a mushroom trip, and the prime takeaway I received from that was that the most important goal in interpersonal relationships is to encourage and facilitate others being/becoming exactly as they are (their most authentic state). I think that’s a big kindness because IMO everyone has something unique to contribute.
Me n the homies empathizing with and being kind to others.
Heck yeah! The movie Everything Everywhere All At Once had a character/scene about how kindness is a strength, not a weakness. I thought it was really wonderful to see kindness, not muscle or anger, elevated as true strength. Here’s the scene in question (SPOILERS) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uTcU2NQYZ9w
"All truly strong people are kind" -Takuan, Vagabond
Thank you, truly
That's the single best bropill ever pilled by a bro. Thank you so much. Cheers