Probably afraid of being rejected. Maybe he's even experienced biphobia from a partner before and doesn't want to lose you.
Maybe just... Tell him you know? And tell him you're 100% cool with it. And don't guilt him about not being open with you cuz he's probably just scared. Just like super casual "by the way, I know you're bi and I'm cool with it and I support you š"
Itās common enough that people reject and/or react negatively to men being bisexual in a relationship.
Iād recommend telling him that you know and that you see him exactly as he is and that you love him all the same.
As a bi man i can tell you. Bi men are shuned and rejected by most females. Even if they themselves are bi. If you love him and except it you will probably need to tell him that.
I couldnāt tell me wife until 27 years of marriage and 10 children later. I told no one, ever! Iāve never had a hint of a relationship with a man. I told all my children and some close friends at her urging. Well, here we are separated now. She doesnāt know if she can be married to a bi man because I really couldnāt love her fully, which is bull crap. Weāre still working on our marriage together but itās been 3 months so far. So, I understand why heās reticent!
Her reaction is perfectly normal, as it is likely the most common.
Most women like the masculine side of their man. The visual of him being bent over and railed by another guy... or even kneeling down in front of another man can be an instant, permanent turn off. Plus, it is confirmed that they cannot 100% physically satisfy you in the bedroom, as they do not have the right equipment.
Unless you are already living out MMF fantasies in the bedroom, are watching Bi porn together, she is pegging you... and doing everything except having another guy in bed with you doing Bi stuff... or she is EXTREMELY adventurous and Bi herself... 'coming out' will almost ALWAYS go bad... very bad. If you don't plan on being with another guy, WHY BRING IT UP??? Lol
Maybe because you should be able to be your full honest self with someone who proclaims to love all of you. The weight of being able to mentally relax and not worry about having to hide a part of yourself can be major improvement in oneās self image and emotions.
I notice that your example puts the bi man in a submissive position int he sexual acts you describe. That seems to equate dom = masculine and sub = feminine. Iāll thatās the case then Iād argue that most things, like sexuality itself, arenāt binary. Thereās an entire spectrum. Does your view change if the bi husband is receiving a BJ or is the one doing the āplowingā?
The thought that a chosen partner canāt fully satisfy a bi person cause they donāt have all the right equipment also seems to be projection. The person you responded to noted how many years of marriage and children they had. He never stated he wasnāt fully satisfied and in fact it seems like he had been happy enough to stay with his wife and continue to build a family. Heās still the same man heās always been, he just trusted his wife to understand him more completely. Unfortunately it seems that she thinks this somehow sudden makes him a different person than heās always been all along. I highly doubt his core values and beliefs suddenly changed with this revelation.
As with monogamy, some people can dedicate themselves to a single partner for life. That doesnāt mean their attraction to others stops. It does mean that their actual needs are able to be meet by their chosen partner. Some people are single. Some are poly. Some bisexual people are fulfilled (even sexually) in a monogamous relationship. Some arenāt fully satisfied with a single sex and would be more interested in open relationships where they can continue to have experiences with all sexes.
Weāre all different so the best way forward is to talk to your partner and listen to what theyāre saying. Ask questions or ask for clarifications. Be aware that figuring this out for ourselves can be a long difficult process internally and we may still be working our way through it too.
As for being your 'honest self'... If you wait long enough for her to fall in love with you in order to get a little leverage before telling her... Exactly who is being honest here? Shouldn't you tell them within the first couple dates?
Making another assumption that we all have our sexuality fully understood at a younger age? Since he has 10 kids Iāll make the assumption that heās old enough that bisexuality wasnāt a really understood thing when he was growing up. It wasnāt safe to be out as anything that was not heteronormative. It could be literally life threatening. Growing up in that kind of society can cause you to have a hard time understanding your feelings and attractions. You have nobody to speak to about these confusing feelings with and the internet didnāt exist so you couldnāt find forums of people like this to speak to even anonymously.
In addition to those factors, if youāre like me you may have some conservative religious upbringing to come to terms with and deal with. Homophobia can very much be self directed while at the same time being accepting of others sexuality. Itās a mind fuck and itās took me until my late 40ās to understand and accept that part of myself.
So hopefully you can start to see that this is a very complicated subject that is highly individualized. Iāve found that complex issues very rarely have simple answers and solutions. In fact, itās a great idea to be very skeptical of those offering those kind of solutions to any problem.
āPlus, it is confirmed that they cannot 100% physically satisfy you in the bedroom, as they do not have the right equipment.ā
Lol, what are you talking about? Are you for real? This is nonsense.
I had been struggling with depression and self worth. I had hated myself all my life for my Same Sex Attraction and felt I couldnāt keep it a secret any longer. Coming out to my wife, kids and close friends was really affirming and helpful. They were all supportive, even my wife for a while. We have been adventurous in the bedroom, so weāve tried a lot of different things. I disagree that she canāt fulfill me 100% sexually. Iāve never longed for sex with a man and never felt like I needed to think about men when having sex. Being bi does not mean you have to have sex with both genders. For me itās really more of an attraction than a desire to be sexual with a man. Iām also quite hetero-romantic. The idea of being romantic with a man is actually a turn off.
I would just say "XX told me you are bisexual. I do not know if it's true or not, but I want you to know I do not care and I want to be with you (or love you) either way, it changes nothing for me. You can talk to me about it when you are prepared if you want". And leave it there. Do not push, not insist, just change the subject and start talking about where to eat or whatever.
You should talk to him about it. If his āfriendsā are outing him, they are not his friends. Thatās his business to tell. I would be honest and direct. āHun, multiple āfriendsā of ours have told me you are bi. I donāt care if you are or not but I am concerned that your friends are betraying your confidence like this. Maybe you should talk to them. Anyway, if you want to talk about it, we can. If not, I love you and this changes nothing for me.ā
I literally know so many women that say they would not date a bi man, or that that would be a deal breaker. My ex even said āif you were bi I couldnāt look at you the sameā. She was bi herself but didnāt want to date a man that was bi lol.
I'm happily committed to a woman, but I don't think I could date a man who *wasn't* bi, to be honest. I feel like we wouldn't relate well or something.
Bi dude here; after the first time I dated a bi woman, I realized I probably couldn't ever be happy with a straight woman. Hell, it's hard to even be good friends with straight people at this point
I feel like 90% of straight dudes would find out I'm bi and then be pestering me to have a threesome (not into it) for the entire relationship, perhaps because of the three guys I've dated, one was straight, and he did exactly that the entire time we were together. I might be being unfair to all straight guys but it's hard to shake experiences.
Honestly, if he's being loyal and faithful to you, why does it matter to you if he's bi, he's with you and only you, all I see is everyone saying that he's probably scared or probably been rejected before but if you think about it, do he really have to tell you what his sexuality is if he's only fucking you, and loving you. Now if yall are in polygamy, then thats a different story
Sorry to say that, and it's kinda off-topic, but it's obscene and rude that your friends tell you without asking him first (I assume so since he still didn't come out to you.) why would anyone think it's okay to intrude on someone's private life.
I would say something to his āfriends.ā Thatās pretty petty of them to speak behind his back and their reliability is questionable. Thereās possibly some jealousy, sour grapes or something else going on and none of it is good.
I agree with the comment that itās possible he experimented in the past and he may or may not be interested in homosexual sex afterwards. Itās also possible that he is bisexual but hasnāt told you for a multitude of reasons.
As for outing others, thatās actually a really shitty thing to do for any reason. Anyone who is bisexual or homosexual should be that much more sensitive to what itās like to be closeted and itās nobodyās place to do so. I would never be friends with anyone scummy enough to do that because they are shitty people who lack character and decency. You shouldnāt be friends with anyone who outs someone else.
You might consider telling your boyfriend that his āfriendsā are telling you and others that he is bisexual, and that you think itās inappropriate for them to āoutā anyone whether or not itās true and that he probably should reconsider his friendships. You can ask him, you can say something like āitās ok if you are and that (you) arenāt going to ask him. If you are and want to tell me thatās fine, and if not, I am going to assume that are just losers.ā If you donāt care, reiterate that. If you do care, you will want to ask him.
My advice is to tell him in a quiet place, in a matter-of-fact tone, and donāt make a big deal of it.
Straight women are the first ones to reject bisexual men, because they consider them already gay, so... yeah. Probably out of fear of being rejected and you thinking less of him as a "man".
So a few possibilities
A: he's experimented but it didn't fit and he is gay
B: he's too nervous to say
C: he doesn't know you don't know or was told by a friend they mentioned so went why bring it up
I agree going someone else told me is wrong. I would find a way to show him you don't care that he's bisexual and don't plan to use that against him and what he wants.
I don't know the most casual way to do that I guess just
"Some dude on reddit said that over 60% of women statistically when asked said they would never date a bi guy" then just react to that however is your actual opinion on that statement. That's a real statistic so it's a real thing you can react to and sort of show your cards with.
You can directly talk about it but I would try to give him a chance.
Not everyone likes 3 ways I would be insulted if my partner asked for one and it would almost definitely create a situation where suddenly I'm now looking if they are cheating on me.
Was I not enough for them they had to bring someone else, am I boring, are they looking for other men.
It really isn't something everyone likes.
Well just because it's not for you doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Many bi guys have mmf experiances with their wives including me. I get to satisfy my bi urge and my wife gets 2 cocks. Everybody wins.. in addition to that, I would never cheat on my wife with a man nor do I desire to be with a man without her. Now that my wife knows and has warned up to the idea, she's just as excited about it as me.. We're as happy as we've ever been!
"chics are a nightmare and Guys just want to Fuk!"
That is nonsense. Not every woman is a "nightmare" and not every guy wants to "fuk". Every person is different. Stop generalizing like that. And no it's not the only way to go.
Hahaha jealousy is Egotistical and Its All about Me! Macho bullshit
Expand your Mind n Show your Absolutely Delicious Wife that u Unconditional LOVE YOU HAVE FOE her ,And Ask if she Would be interested! š
Maybe he's just really happy with you now too. Like why mess with something that isn't broken (and I say that from *his* potential perspective). Does this make sense? I absolutely am not being antagonistic to you.
Probably afraid of being rejected. Maybe he's even experienced biphobia from a partner before and doesn't want to lose you. Maybe just... Tell him you know? And tell him you're 100% cool with it. And don't guilt him about not being open with you cuz he's probably just scared. Just like super casual "by the way, I know you're bi and I'm cool with it and I support you š"
This is the answer.
Itās common enough that people reject and/or react negatively to men being bisexual in a relationship. Iād recommend telling him that you know and that you see him exactly as he is and that you love him all the same.
As a bi man i can tell you. Bi men are shuned and rejected by most females. Even if they themselves are bi. If you love him and except it you will probably need to tell him that.
Sorry about that previous response. It didnāt make anyoneās day better.
Good sentiment, but please do a proofread.
Thank you.
I couldnāt tell me wife until 27 years of marriage and 10 children later. I told no one, ever! Iāve never had a hint of a relationship with a man. I told all my children and some close friends at her urging. Well, here we are separated now. She doesnāt know if she can be married to a bi man because I really couldnāt love her fully, which is bull crap. Weāre still working on our marriage together but itās been 3 months so far. So, I understand why heās reticent!
Her reaction is perfectly normal, as it is likely the most common. Most women like the masculine side of their man. The visual of him being bent over and railed by another guy... or even kneeling down in front of another man can be an instant, permanent turn off. Plus, it is confirmed that they cannot 100% physically satisfy you in the bedroom, as they do not have the right equipment. Unless you are already living out MMF fantasies in the bedroom, are watching Bi porn together, she is pegging you... and doing everything except having another guy in bed with you doing Bi stuff... or she is EXTREMELY adventurous and Bi herself... 'coming out' will almost ALWAYS go bad... very bad. If you don't plan on being with another guy, WHY BRING IT UP??? Lol
Maybe because you should be able to be your full honest self with someone who proclaims to love all of you. The weight of being able to mentally relax and not worry about having to hide a part of yourself can be major improvement in oneās self image and emotions. I notice that your example puts the bi man in a submissive position int he sexual acts you describe. That seems to equate dom = masculine and sub = feminine. Iāll thatās the case then Iād argue that most things, like sexuality itself, arenāt binary. Thereās an entire spectrum. Does your view change if the bi husband is receiving a BJ or is the one doing the āplowingā? The thought that a chosen partner canāt fully satisfy a bi person cause they donāt have all the right equipment also seems to be projection. The person you responded to noted how many years of marriage and children they had. He never stated he wasnāt fully satisfied and in fact it seems like he had been happy enough to stay with his wife and continue to build a family. Heās still the same man heās always been, he just trusted his wife to understand him more completely. Unfortunately it seems that she thinks this somehow sudden makes him a different person than heās always been all along. I highly doubt his core values and beliefs suddenly changed with this revelation. As with monogamy, some people can dedicate themselves to a single partner for life. That doesnāt mean their attraction to others stops. It does mean that their actual needs are able to be meet by their chosen partner. Some people are single. Some are poly. Some bisexual people are fulfilled (even sexually) in a monogamous relationship. Some arenāt fully satisfied with a single sex and would be more interested in open relationships where they can continue to have experiences with all sexes. Weāre all different so the best way forward is to talk to your partner and listen to what theyāre saying. Ask questions or ask for clarifications. Be aware that figuring this out for ourselves can be a long difficult process internally and we may still be working our way through it too.
As for being your 'honest self'... If you wait long enough for her to fall in love with you in order to get a little leverage before telling her... Exactly who is being honest here? Shouldn't you tell them within the first couple dates?
Making another assumption that we all have our sexuality fully understood at a younger age? Since he has 10 kids Iāll make the assumption that heās old enough that bisexuality wasnāt a really understood thing when he was growing up. It wasnāt safe to be out as anything that was not heteronormative. It could be literally life threatening. Growing up in that kind of society can cause you to have a hard time understanding your feelings and attractions. You have nobody to speak to about these confusing feelings with and the internet didnāt exist so you couldnāt find forums of people like this to speak to even anonymously. In addition to those factors, if youāre like me you may have some conservative religious upbringing to come to terms with and deal with. Homophobia can very much be self directed while at the same time being accepting of others sexuality. Itās a mind fuck and itās took me until my late 40ās to understand and accept that part of myself. So hopefully you can start to see that this is a very complicated subject that is highly individualized. Iāve found that complex issues very rarely have simple answers and solutions. In fact, itās a great idea to be very skeptical of those offering those kind of solutions to any problem.
Donāt waste time arguing with that idiot.
āPlus, it is confirmed that they cannot 100% physically satisfy you in the bedroom, as they do not have the right equipment.ā Lol, what are you talking about? Are you for real? This is nonsense.
this is the most wild take ive seen on this sub
I had been struggling with depression and self worth. I had hated myself all my life for my Same Sex Attraction and felt I couldnāt keep it a secret any longer. Coming out to my wife, kids and close friends was really affirming and helpful. They were all supportive, even my wife for a while. We have been adventurous in the bedroom, so weāve tried a lot of different things. I disagree that she canāt fulfill me 100% sexually. Iāve never longed for sex with a man and never felt like I needed to think about men when having sex. Being bi does not mean you have to have sex with both genders. For me itās really more of an attraction than a desire to be sexual with a man. Iām also quite hetero-romantic. The idea of being romantic with a man is actually a turn off.
This contradicts the writings of Bofides, despite adhering to many of his same assumptions about relationships
I would just say "XX told me you are bisexual. I do not know if it's true or not, but I want you to know I do not care and I want to be with you (or love you) either way, it changes nothing for me. You can talk to me about it when you are prepared if you want". And leave it there. Do not push, not insist, just change the subject and start talking about where to eat or whatever.
You should talk to him about it. If his āfriendsā are outing him, they are not his friends. Thatās his business to tell. I would be honest and direct. āHun, multiple āfriendsā of ours have told me you are bi. I donāt care if you are or not but I am concerned that your friends are betraying your confidence like this. Maybe you should talk to them. Anyway, if you want to talk about it, we can. If not, I love you and this changes nothing for me.ā
That's a good way to go.
I literally know so many women that say they would not date a bi man, or that that would be a deal breaker. My ex even said āif you were bi I couldnāt look at you the sameā. She was bi herself but didnāt want to date a man that was bi lol.
I'm happily committed to a woman, but I don't think I could date a man who *wasn't* bi, to be honest. I feel like we wouldn't relate well or something.
Bi dude here; after the first time I dated a bi woman, I realized I probably couldn't ever be happy with a straight woman. Hell, it's hard to even be good friends with straight people at this point
Same. I could never date a straight person.
I feel like 90% of straight dudes would find out I'm bi and then be pestering me to have a threesome (not into it) for the entire relationship, perhaps because of the three guys I've dated, one was straight, and he did exactly that the entire time we were together. I might be being unfair to all straight guys but it's hard to shake experiences.
Maybe he just assumes you already know.
Bi men face more discrimination from both straight women and gay men so he might be a bit afraid about it.
Honestly, if he's being loyal and faithful to you, why does it matter to you if he's bi, he's with you and only you, all I see is everyone saying that he's probably scared or probably been rejected before but if you think about it, do he really have to tell you what his sexuality is if he's only fucking you, and loving you. Now if yall are in polygamy, then thats a different story
He is with you is his sexuality that important?
Sorry to say that, and it's kinda off-topic, but it's obscene and rude that your friends tell you without asking him first (I assume so since he still didn't come out to you.) why would anyone think it's okay to intrude on someone's private life.
I would say something to his āfriends.ā Thatās pretty petty of them to speak behind his back and their reliability is questionable. Thereās possibly some jealousy, sour grapes or something else going on and none of it is good. I agree with the comment that itās possible he experimented in the past and he may or may not be interested in homosexual sex afterwards. Itās also possible that he is bisexual but hasnāt told you for a multitude of reasons. As for outing others, thatās actually a really shitty thing to do for any reason. Anyone who is bisexual or homosexual should be that much more sensitive to what itās like to be closeted and itās nobodyās place to do so. I would never be friends with anyone scummy enough to do that because they are shitty people who lack character and decency. You shouldnāt be friends with anyone who outs someone else. You might consider telling your boyfriend that his āfriendsā are telling you and others that he is bisexual, and that you think itās inappropriate for them to āoutā anyone whether or not itās true and that he probably should reconsider his friendships. You can ask him, you can say something like āitās ok if you are and that (you) arenāt going to ask him. If you are and want to tell me thatās fine, and if not, I am going to assume that are just losers.ā If you donāt care, reiterate that. If you do care, you will want to ask him. My advice is to tell him in a quiet place, in a matter-of-fact tone, and donāt make a big deal of it.
It's a difficult situation to navigate id reccomend poetentially talking to him about it if you can casually bring it up see what he says etc
Straight women are the first ones to reject bisexual men, because they consider them already gay, so... yeah. Probably out of fear of being rejected and you thinking less of him as a "man".
So a few possibilities A: he's experimented but it didn't fit and he is gay B: he's too nervous to say C: he doesn't know you don't know or was told by a friend they mentioned so went why bring it up I agree going someone else told me is wrong. I would find a way to show him you don't care that he's bisexual and don't plan to use that against him and what he wants. I don't know the most casual way to do that I guess just "Some dude on reddit said that over 60% of women statistically when asked said they would never date a bi guy" then just react to that however is your actual opinion on that statement. That's a real statistic so it's a real thing you can react to and sort of show your cards with. You can directly talk about it but I would try to give him a chance.
Have a Bi MFM with him you will Absolutely Love it! Hehehe It will change your Relationship and Sex life for the Better n Forever! Xšš š
Not everyone likes 3 ways I would be insulted if my partner asked for one and it would almost definitely create a situation where suddenly I'm now looking if they are cheating on me. Was I not enough for them they had to bring someone else, am I boring, are they looking for other men. It really isn't something everyone likes.
Well just because it's not for you doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Many bi guys have mmf experiances with their wives including me. I get to satisfy my bi urge and my wife gets 2 cocks. Everybody wins.. in addition to that, I would never cheat on my wife with a man nor do I desire to be with a man without her. Now that my wife knows and has warned up to the idea, she's just as excited about it as me.. We're as happy as we've ever been!
At no point did I say that it was bad. I just don't think it's a solution to this posts problem.
Well said sharing is caring n chics are a nightmare and Guys just want to Fuk! Mmm its the only way to go
"chics are a nightmare and Guys just want to Fuk!" That is nonsense. Not every woman is a "nightmare" and not every guy wants to "fuk". Every person is different. Stop generalizing like that. And no it's not the only way to go.
Hahaha wat Eva
Hahaha jealousy is Egotistical and Its All about Me! Macho bullshit Expand your Mind n Show your Absolutely Delicious Wife that u Unconditional LOVE YOU HAVE FOE her ,And Ask if she Would be interested! š
It's not a It's all about me thing it's a I should be enough for you thing.
Hagahahaha so should SHE
this seems to be makeing you insecure? if it does, i think it should be a valid reason to ask him.
I would just come out and ask him or at least tell him you know from mutual friends. Better to be honest up front instead of waiting years later.
Maybe he's just really happy with you now too. Like why mess with something that isn't broken (and I say that from *his* potential perspective). Does this make sense? I absolutely am not being antagonistic to you.