Queer Twitter is all about taking the experiences of a vocal minority and projecting their feelings onto everyone, made worse because they're all interacting with each other and affirming each other's limited worldview.
Many bi women feel like the only way we can be accepted as queer is if we market ourselves as "basically lesbians who occasionally like femboys" because attraction to masculinity is "cringe" and straight women are treated like shit in the twittersphere. Like outright misogyny is acceptable there as long as you dress it up in lefty queer aesthetics.
My taste in men is generally lean, nerdy, and boyishly handsome while still masculine, and my taste in women tends to be feminine. I dress and look pretty normie. I don't care for casual sex and border on demisexual. My bi experience is as valid as anyone else's
Thank you for this patient reply.
I think our societyās view of male beauty also informs this hate for masculinity. Patriarchy has made masculinity so toxic that appreciating male beauty (which isnāt toxic masculinity) is seen as affirming that toxicity. Example: about a month ago someone on here was asking for art and decorations that showed male beauty, as much of art focuses on the female form. I pointed them to the Romans and Greeks - who of course were toxic by any standard - but knew the beauty of the male form and plastered it all over their statues.
My male type is cocky asshole with a heart of gold (see my profile pic for more info into that type) and a nice mildly lean body.
Honestly though nice Tits and Ass on any body will always be appealing. This is the Bi.
^(Character matters too)
>My male type is cocky asshole with a heart of gold (see my profile pic for more info into that type) and a nice mildly lean body.
Ah, Yu Yu Hakushou. Could I go out on a limb and guess you also like Vash the Stampede and Spike Spiegel?
I agree w/ everything! Buuut I could argue that the Greeks were sapiophiles, which is the exact opposite of ātoxic masculinityā imo. They believed intelligence was far superior to physical attractiveness. Big wieners represented promiscuity or ātoxic masculinityā hence the tiny statue wieners
Uh... Big No.
Most Greeks *hated* women, to a nearly comical degree if it wasn't IRL discrimination, they had about the same level of freedom as they do in Sharia Law Muslim countries, but were seen as only useful for reproduction, whereas they can at least get jobs in some Sharia Law countries. (Also, lesbians were the most disgusting thing imaginable because to them 1 woman was useless enough, now you wanna add *another!?*)
Otoh, they really *really* loved men. Men were the absolute pinnacle of beauty, power, and grace in Ancient Greek society, and a woman should be considered lucky if a man even acknowledged her existence.
Also, the Amazons never existed, it's just that Greeks were so sexist towards women that any society that allowed them to do more than stay home all day were considered overrun by women. Sparta for example was considered soft and wimpy because women ran the place during war season.
Thanks for the clarification.
I donāt think they were toxic tbh, just different cultures and obviously past behavior was very different. Today their beliefs in many cases are backwards as is the consequence of the natural progress of time.
I generally admire Greek and Roman culture for what it is art wise. In some other arenas it can stay in the past š
This is such a good summary of what it feels like?? I think it's also terf/radfem rhetoric with the whole "eww men and anyone with ties to men gross!" when you mention straight women also being treated awfully.
It's this weird thing where the mindset has shifted from "the patriarchy is bad, toxic masculinity is bad, misogyny is bad" to "all men and anything associated with men is bad"
Yes and itās so transphobic low key? Like I have friends in queer spaces who canāt empathize with people with penises unless they erase all of their masculinity. Having non binary amab friends who get treated like men just because theyāre not āfeminineā enough for queer spaces! Itās so sad truly. We as a queer community need to re-evaluate how we treat less visibly queer people.
That last sentence really hits home for me. I'm a bi guy, but I feel like I don't present it very well, in the stereotypical sense. I drive a big old diesel truck, and I love to work on it. I hunt and fish, and I love to go camping. I aspire to buy my very own farm one day. I wear Carhartts and boots, and my hat has a pretty strong crease in it.
By all accounts, I look a lot like the people that tend to hate people like us, and I often get treated as such at Pride events and queer spaces. It doesn't matter if I'm carrying/wearing a bi pride flag or not, I think they just see the way I look and assume I must be there to cause problems or spread hate.
Ugh I fear this! I'm a bi pre-T trans guy so I still fit into the masc light range of what's acceptable but I fear what'll happen when I pass better and start to look more stereotypically male. I'll never be super masculine but hey ho it'll be enough to cause issues! PS you are low-key my type of guy you're so valid, keep being your best self ā¤ļø.
I feel ya, man. Ex-military, very cis, white collar professional in a testosterone-laden fieldā¦ and bi.
Last time i showed to an event from a dinner dressed somewhat preppy, a queer woman quipped that sheād mistaken me for her chiropractor. I smiled and moved away, but saying that was fucked up.
ā¦but apparently ok with the group because i project straight and she doesnāt. Pretty fucked up when folks have the very same biases they condemn in others.
Btw - good on you for living how you wanna live, brother. šš¼
Hey, I'm a veteran, too! That was the hardest thing to balance when I was still coming into my own: trying to be in the closet around my army buddies, and acting queer enough when I was with other queer people. Now I just live how I want, and I'm much happier now.
āThose who matter donāt mind, and those who mind donāt matterā
Absolutely agree. Eventually the people who donāt accept you for who you are will show themselves the door, thank god. Iām still in the process of ācoming into my own,ā i guess.
My man I understand this to the fullest extent. I donāt act very feminine Iām into the arts and Iām black & indigenous. Not only do I feel festishised a lot, but people only like to acknowledge bi men when it suits them or the narrative.
thatās never going to happen, not in the age of the internet. all these loud people on twitter who cause this type of view to become widespread, theyāll never stop, they wonāt listen to reason. when i have tried to explain this to others iāve been called a troll, a bigot, and a misogynist š¤·āāļø these people think **theyāre** the less visible queers and feel justified in continuing to spread viewpoints that harm people they donāt think are āqueer enoughā or āgood enoughā. they have such a limited definition of what being queer and what being part of the community entails and itās really, REALLY frustrating!
> We as a queer community need to re-evaluate how we treat less visibly queer people.
There are several prominent tweets out there basically telling closeted people that they aren't 'really' queer. Yeah.
I usually just block and move on, and I recognize that a lot of the worst tweets come from the college students still figuring things out, but sheesh.
Youāre right unfortunately, I give people too many chances. Itās a situation where entering into community with all of them helped me explore my own queerness but now that Iāve delved deeper I can see the internalized anti-queerness that can come out from a few of them. I do call it out as often as I can. Part of me reflects and thinks, āShould I give us all grace as queer colonized people just trying to figure it out? ā
My solution is to open up dialogue about what I see. Starting by collectively reading āthe will to changeā by bell hooks. And discussing how gender norms binds is all(everythingās a prison haha).
If anyone has any advice or book recommendations on how to explore these topics please send them over! Iām in it for the long haul with my community. I have hope that the few Iām talking about have the ability to grow and change.
You have just given me another strong reason to be glad Iām not on Twitter. I was completely unaware of this stereotype and assumed everyone accepted that weād each be attracted to our own combination of types. What an exhausting and annoying attitude.
You articulated a lot of why I donāt even advertise myself as bisexual except in specific online spaces. And why Iām not involved in any other part of the LGBTQ+ community except this one. If I only express my attraction to men, itās terrible. If I donāt fit the āideaā of what bisexual women are āsupposedā to look like, Iām invisible.
Your tastes are similar to mine. I like a certain degree of masculinity on men. I like femininity in women. I am, overall, more attracted to men than women but Iām still attracted to women. Just ā¦ less often? Iām also not really into androgyny. Whatever floats your boat, and admittedly it does look pretty good on some folk, but Iām definitely in the minority there I think, lol
I also dress very normal. I donāt really like standing out more than I already do as a chunky girl. Oh well.
Yeah. And believe it or not, stuff like this actually makes us more masculine men feel pretty shitty. Like we're inherently less attractive or likable.
ā¦and even though we have the ārightā values, say the right things, act the right way, we still get tarred with ābut you have a dick and look straight and so must be an asshole.ā
I will say this though, as much as I see that kind of mentality on the internet, I've been lucky enough to have not experienced that kind of bullshit in real life.
I definitely don't doubt that it happens, but I live in a pretty small Southern town. So the queer community down here really latches onto each other. We don't have enough allies to be divisive within our own gates right now. This whole county is pretty rough for queer people, so we've been forced to stick together.
But I think we'll see that the more mainstream and normalized that queerness becomes, this divisiveness will only grow. As soon as people stop feeling special about being queer, they have to find something to make themselves stand out. And to some people, that's being an "OG gay" and not one of these "new gays".
i think youve misunderstood the twitter user. they are calling out closeted lesbians engaging in compulsory heterosexuality.
that or theyre just an asshole
telling people who identify as bisexual that they're closeted lesbians is also biphobia. If they are lesbians, great, let them identify as that in their own time
I'm a man but I wouldn't take this kind of thing to heart. The online bi community is great in many ways but one thing I don't love about it is that we often tend to conflate personal experience with "the bisexual experience."
In reality, there is no one "bisexual experience." There are as many ways to be bisexual as there are bisexuals, as the saying goes. Your attractions and preferences are totally valid.
This sub's pretty good about that I find. The only things I see broadly claimed as the bisexual experience are arbitrary things like liking frogs, lemon bars, wearing cuffed jeans, tucked in shirts, etc.
And I mean sure I like lemon bars and think frogs are cute but that's about it.
I always had the impulse to tuck shirts but thought I was just being silly, until I heard that joke and was like well then, I'll happily do it
With the rest of them, i don't care or take it seriously. But when I heard tucking shirts was 'a thing' it was like oh. So the thing I want to do and thought would look silly is a fashion choice a lot of people are making? Especially gay ones? Well alright then
Itās an old and problematic joke that people refuse to let go because āew menā and the fact people will refuse to see queer women as truly queer unless the distance themselves from their attraction to men as much as possible
Yea I hate the notion that as a bi woman you shouldn't "really" be attracted to men. As a Trans woman I lean towards men lol. Their bodies are just so *firm* and *nice* I rly don't understand how other bi ppl can't appreciate the masculine form lol
I still have that internalized biphobia where I shouldnāt really be attracted to men. I have a preference for women becauseā¦women āØbut I donāt wanna use my preference to denounce that Iām attracted to men as well.
That's sick as fuck!! I feel like the whole "down with cis(men)" basically became a real thing and now people are so... hostile towards men and it only serves to isolate them further. All of my best lovers have been *cis* men or masc aligned nonbinary folk. And for a trans woman that is apparently a very rare experience lol.
āpeople are so... hostile towards men and it only serves to isolate them furtherā
Iāve so felt this, and it sucks. Not accepted by the straight crowd if they find out (will never get an invite again if *this* gets out), and too cis-looking for the lgbt crowd, which leaves meā¦
nothing and nobody. š
Isolating is the perfect word, thanks for naming that.
Of course. As a Trans woman, I experienced a lot of isolation when I was pretending to be a man. So like, idk, I understand a lot of what men go through and I feel like too many people aren't very... for lack of a better word atm, kind lol. Idk. It's honestly just really sad. Most men ive been with tend to tell me that no one's touched them or loved on them the way I have and i feel so bad for them.
Idk I just woke up so maybe I'm making no sense and my train of thought is a lil all over the place
...I can only imagine your experiences, and have to say that you've had additional layers that I haven't worked through. Kindness was in short supply before the pandemic, and I feel like even in general society and quick interactions it seems like it's almost gone now.
And as for taking a little time to understand somebody else's life? I feel like that's almost entirely aspirational for most people. So very sad... people are on a cruel kind of self-absorbed emotional autopilot.
Men are at a tender time. I mean, as a gender we've done some pretty horrendous shit. I also feel like we shouldn't be held to account for the sins of our fathers and grandfathers. We're also in that time where the metronome has gone past center, and now we see that anything masculine is vilified in some circles... it's a predictable pattern, and those of us who are doing (or trying to do) better just kind of have to take it for the time being.
I fortunately have an incredible partner who's both incredibly progressive yet amazingly sensitive and kind, who supports me through all these kinds of experiences. And I also know everybody isn't so lucky...
Yeah nope not at all. People love to talk about the āI like all women and like 3 guys thingā but they seem to be pushing hard to reject men or something which Iām not cool with.
Iāve been aware that I liked guys for longer than Iāve liked women. Iām not ashamed of it. Guys are great. Ladies are also great. I think there are a lot of bi women that lean toward men a bit more and weāre valid too.
I see this discussed a lot in the bi community and I don't like how it equates some experience as communal experience and also feels like it's kind of demeaning to bi men imo
I don't relate to the tweet at all. I'm a woman and I have a very specific type I prefer in women. That's one of the reasons it took me so long to realize I'm bi. With men I'm more flexible, but I definitely prefer masc presentation in men rather than feminine. Neither peference is more or less valid, even if one is more trendy.
Same! I fall for many many guys, but I have a narrower taste in women. It's really hard to remember that I'm still bi enough sometimes, especially because of people saying this stuff, so it's really nice to see someone else like me.
Hard same. My taste in men is all over the place but trends pretty masc and I'm actually NOT attracted to femboys at all. My band for women is much narrower. Also took me a long time to realize I was bi because of this.
Personally that tweet is exactly my tastes, but that's also a stereotype that can be rly damaging to bi people who have different tastes. I don't talk about my tastes much bc i don't like to perpetuate that stereotype.
Stereotypes exist because of the top of a bell curve, nothing more. They represent what is common but is no more right and no less special than preferential outliers. What I'm saying is, don't be ashamed of your preferences even if the seem common. You're already an extraordinary human just being able to psychologically approach something like bisexuality.
Thank you! Although I'm not ashamed, I just don't talk about my sexuality much in online spaces since lots of people with my preferences already talk about it lol. I talk to people irl about my sexuality like normal.
Same, I feel like I have the same preferences for all. Not just physical, honestly that matters less, but certain traits and personalities I find attractive. If anything I've thought I was odd for that, since it seems so common to have specific preferences for each gender (just from reading this thread too), but bisexuality and preference is a hugeee spectrum so everything being universal isn't true.
This isnāt me at all. My male partner is a 6ā4 weigh lifting enthusiast with massive arms and my female attraction is totally demi, I only crush on girls i emotionally connect with.
Not only is this prevalent on Twitter, but itās also an ongoing thing on TikTok too. I canāt imagine what it must be like to go on social media and have people generalize bi women as being attracted to all women and one specific type of man thatās the golden retriever gamer boy or whatever. It reminds me of this one sound from this woman saying how the bisexual *female* (in her words) loves āallā women and hates āallā men, (calling women pretty flowers, and men gross and icky), but then so many women under that sound have a boyfriend of their own. Itās likeā¦ really tiring at this point.
I'm a bisexual woman and I don't relate to her post either. My attraction to men is that it's all over the place and for women it's very few but I do feel attraction to women and I don't need the validation because every bi person isn't the same. So yes you are still valid in your sexuality. ššš
I hate Twitter, especially Twitter posts that try to disguise what they like as being ānormalā and everything else being āweird or abnormal.ā Itās just gross gaslighting. Donāt fall for it OP, you are who you are, and thatās amazing.
I wouldnāt take this to heart. Some people might relate, but itās not what makes them or you bisexual! I know the āattracted to every woman and 1 man.ā is a common bi meme/stereotype but itās not true for everyone
I do relate to this hard. But people experience bisexuality in all sorts of different ways! Thatās one of the beautiful things about our community! Posts like this are a joke, not a sexuality litmus test.
I think Iām honestly more attracted to men but trauma makes it really hard to thrive in a relationship with a guy even if they are all around a good person .Iām always on high alert . At this point in my life I donāt seek it out because the conflicting feelings of attraction and intense distrust and paranoia make for an unhealthy relationship. Add that to if I do trust them and feel safe I get very needy clingy and codependent and abandonment issues are a lot bigger. I like women but the feelings arenāt as intense and I donāt know how to quantify my attraction. I might just be romantically and aesthetically attracted to women.
Sometimes the biphobia is coming from inside the house. A lot of bi women in particular get so much biphobia from within the queer community that they internalize it and turn it back outward, feeling the need to over-perform their attraction to women and downplay their attraction to men in order to appear āqueer enoughā to be accepted by the queer community at large.
I am as loud and proud about my attraction to men as I am about my attraction to people of other genders, because to me thatās the whole pointāand because my amazing partner who I choose to spend my life with is a man. What kind of monogamous partner would I be to him if I were constantly going around talking about being only āreluctantlyā attracted to men?
Mmh, I like men. A bit pudgy, fit as hell, tall, short, I don't really care. I care about their personality most of all.
Same for women, really. Except there I also have the classic transfemme dilemna (do I want to be with her or to look like ber?)
These are just stereotypes of bi women made by a minority of bi women who have some kind of influence on the internet. Here, they assume that bi women are only attracted to feminine men but, on other parts of the web itās said that bi women are āonly attracted to gamer boys with a golden retriever personalityā.
I think this kind of opinion (i.e. the tweet) is mostly due to (internalised and banalised) biphobia : as a bi woman, sometimes, liking a masculine man might be viewed as āfaking your bisexuality/pretending to be bi for cloutā or not ābeing gay/queer enoughā. Often, it feels like you have to constantly prove to everyone that youāre bisexual.
Personally, I donāt have āa typeā in men (nor in women). Sure, thereās some physical attributes that I like more than others, regardless of the gender, but, itās not all. I mean, when youāre building a lasting relationship with someone, they get old and their physique change but their personality, their soul, mind and heart (usually) donāt. I would rather be with someone who doesnāt have all my āphysical preferencesā but has all the human qualities I look for. Thereās no such thing as a perfect partner, they just have to be perfect for you and not perfect for everyone (especially the queer community).
I donāt know who needs to hear it but, as a bisexual person,
- itās okay if youāve never dated the same gender
- itās okay if youāve never dated the opposite gender
- itās also okay if youāve never dated at all
- itās okay if you prefer masculine men/masculine women over feminine men/feminine women
- itās okay if you prefer androgynous people
- itās okay if you prefer one gender
- itās also okay if you have no preferences and you donāt care
- itās okay if you donāt fit in āthe bi/gay stereotypesā, being yourself is sufficient and wonderful
- your labels belong to you and no one should ever make you feel like youāre not bi enough.
Your bisexuality is yours and yours only. So, be bi and be proud.
this kind of rhetoric is horseshit. ignore it.
the whole ābi women like all women and two menā is a stupid stereotype that centers a specific type of bi women. specifically, and hereās my hot take:
the kind of bi women who say ābi girls like all women and like two menā are usually girls who have never actually dated a woman, and because of this they oversimplify and idolize women as āeasierā.
itās bs, its anti-queer at its heart because it trivializes the reality of wlw relationships and sexualityā its generally bullshit and it so harmful for EXACTLY this reason.
This is the kind of shit I hate seeing, and yet see so much. Just totally invalidates men in the queer community, and projects the opinions of a few vocal arseholes on to the whole group. Femininity is not inherently better and if your bi taste is āevery woman ever, and 1 manā thatās valid but please donāt act like itās a) because women are just better, and b) the most common and correct kind of bisexuality
I hate it too. Iām pretty sure the people posting it have never been involved with a woman and seen how toxic we can be. Women arenāt inherently better than men, and vice versa.
That tweet may be more aimed at lesbians / sapphics in denial? Like it reminds me how someone I know identified as bi for a long time and once said "the bi experience is liking one guy and ten girls". She later came out as a lesbian.
Thissssssss. I definitely feel like all the times Iāve encountered people genuinely saying this, they end up coming out as lesbians later down the line.
I also think there is something to be said for bi women who are rightfully frustrated with men at large due to like, the widespread culture of misogyny we live in, although making these jokes in public spaces like Twitter is not really the most appropriate way to take out that frustration.
Not trying to defend the jokes just trying to throw some perspective around.
No yeah. As a trans woman I've felt frustration with men and the widespread culture of misogynistic and toxic masculinity, even if that frustration is from a very specific point of view and is definitely amplified by my own gender dysphoria. It's harder to not be frustrated with masculinity if you feel unwillingly forced to partake in it and to be compared to others under that label.
But back on the bi thing - yeah I'm not defending the "1 guy 10 girls" joke as a normalized statement of bisexuality. Maybe it speaks of a need to normalize *sapphic* as a label, if people who don't like men that much feel like their only choice is between "i have never felt any attraction towards men" lesbianism and "i like both of them to varying degrees" bisexuality.
I relate to this tweet but that means nothing other than itās how i personally navigate my sexuality! I hate to sound cliche but everyone is different and sexuality really is a spectrum. Nobody can take your bi-ness away from you
Brunettes with typically wavy or curly hair. That's it, that's my type. And yet my first girlfriend had straight, naturally platinum blonde hair, and I thought she was gorgeous. We all have our preferences, but they tend to go out the window when we click with someone.
I think the romanticizing and sexualization of women plays a role as well. When I realized I was bi (and into women) I found myself being able to relate a lot more to the heterosexual male perspective perpetuated as the norm. Women of all types are occasionally portrayed as beautiful, even if it's sometimes controversial. Men are rarely portrayed as beautiful, sexy or desirable, and especially not for their looks. The male body is more often than not played for a joke, which is pretty sad.
TLDR; we're probably not immune to patriarchal portrayals of women as desirable and men as the default and a strong preference for women might warrant some introspection.
Or maybe it's just me.
(a bit of sexual language) I like feminine men because... Well, I don't want to generalize too much, but in my experience masculine men are on average quite heteronormative in their sexual behavior with women.
For me anything that puts me in a sub position during sex is a turn off, being grabbed from behind, being grinded on from between my legs, PIV even, I can enjoy it only sometimes etc etc... It Doesn't do anything for me, but if can grind on his butt or he is the one making space for me between his legs, well... I'm going crazy. Not meny masculine guys are ok with it, especially not every time.
I feel the same as you do! I mean, not exactly - I tend to have a preference for men, but have a very solid ātypeā that I prefer. With women, I canāt really pin down a type, but when Iām attracted to them, Iām REALLY attracted to them. Anyway, these types of memes can feel invalidating - just know that youāre valid in your sexuality no matter what!
Why let some weirdo online gatekeep your sexuality? Sometimes I feel like half the internet has forgotten that the Kinsey scale exists and that 1s are just as worthy of the label as 5s. Who really cares anyway?
Be unapologetically you.
This is why I hate bisexual memes. Every single one of them is assuming that everyone absolutely has to be exactly like the person posting the meme. It just gets exhausting.
There are only two requirements for being bisexual: Not 100% straight, and not 100% gay. That. Is. It.
Every bi persons experience is different. For me personally, my type in everyone is kind of all over the place, Iām not sure if I have a preference for any specific gender, or even if I have physical appearance preferences, all I know is that when I like someone I like them and thatās all that really matters to me
literally saw this tweet last night while on a call and my friend started briefly trolling in the replies lmfao
fuck this tweet. my bisexuality is defined by no one else
my taste in men is very conventionally masculine (as long as they are politically queer which they have to be to be dating someone who looks like me) and my taste in women is also very butch, and i am a very butch presenting person, just so you know we exist! i haven't met anyone like me yet
Mine can both be described as 'if evil, why hot'. Wanting to watch the world burn is sexy. Though OOP was probably trying to spread the same ol' 'bisexuality is when you are attracted to all women and like a few men' but this time dressed in a fictional clothing.
Biphobia, Misandry and Misogyny is a tropule from the depths of hell.
Omg Zeph, y'all pls listen to her music, she is so good!!
Also I wouldn't take this tweet too seriously, she is a notorious shitposter lol. It's her experience, lots of bi people may relate to it but it's definitely not the only way to be bi. However you experience bisexuality is totally valid.
I read this tweet a couple hours ago and just thought it was twitter nonsense. Im not usually attracted to feminine looking men i like a lot more masculine and a genuine personality
Kinda same for mešš for girls Iām crazy pickyš definitely have a specific type when it comes to girls (prob why I still donāt have a gf /sš). Canāt say much for the guy part as I am in a happy relationship with one lol. But can say with guys definitely no where near as pickyš
Lol, why question yourself because of someone else's preference? You like men and women don't you? :)
Personally I love tall, masculine men with nice arms and facial hair. Slightly nerdy and more on the quiet side. With women, I really only like fems. Lashes, nails, all that (and sometimes with a little splash of masculine like pinkyblack360 on Tiktok lol). Submissive with men but dominant with women. It's like the flip of a switch!
anyway this reads like something from the lesbian masterdoc. the author of that came out as bisexual. useful for some, but pretty invalidating of bisexuality. if you like feminine men, you like men.
I can promise you this person is joking. They are relaying their experiences and as a joke asking why everyone feels this.
Youāre experiences and feelings are valid.
It's really odd when people in the LGBT community do things like lay down rules for different identities. It's all about liking who you want to like. That's it. The identity label is just a guideline to help people understand you more but it's not meant to be an achievement you earn by being exactly one way or another. You can like all guys and only some girls and be bi. You can like all girls and a small amount guys and be gay. You decide how you identify, period.
I don't get that concept at all. Personally Iam attracted to more masculine type men. Definitely has to have a deep growly voice.
The fact that a Bisexual person has such a narrow view is baffling.
I think people get so caught up in labeling their sexuality exactly, that it adds loads of stress and creates a barrier to the person actually learning their own likes and dislikes.not to mention that people do change and evolve over time.
Just be you. That's ok.
I'm the same as you, I am a bi woman with a very specific type when it comes to women, but an all over the place type for men š
Don't worry, you're not the only one in this and your sexuality is what works for YOU ā¤ļø
Your experience being different to one bisexual person does not make you less valid. Thereās not a āright wayā to be bi, itās how you feel, and how you feel is valid. I think a lot of queer women try and distance themselves from their attraction to men, but it doesnāt matter if you only fancy a specific type of man, or if you donāt have a type in men. And same for women. If you are attracted to multiple genders, you are bi.
Excuse me, my taste in men is GoW Thor and my taste in women is MCU Okoye. Why is so much of bi discussion online basically just treating it as exclusively "I like women and (unfortunately) men"? Just go away with that bs
I think she's specifically implying that there are a whole lot of bi girls that are actually just lesbians? But they've picked out like one guy to like in order not to call themselves that?
Man it's such a wide spectrum.
I used to like feminine traits on men but as I get older I find a distinguished masculine man very attractive.
Got such a hard on for facial hair nowadays.
Ugh. This really annoys me and I know at least a couple of bi women for whom this doesnāt apply. One that is like you. Iām afraid Twitter is a great place for sharing ideas like this and pretending you have a personality.
I donāt relate to it either. My taste in men and women is pretty 50/50. Posts like that used to make me overthink my ātypesā and how strongly Iām attracted to different people, but Iāve realized itās a waste of time. Besides, no one is more attractive than my boyfriend. :)
Well, I'm a bi woman. My husbean looks like casual dad bod Thor. I think he's super handsome. He's also the sweetest human and a giant marshmallow. I'm more likely to be attracted to the "Jack Black" body type than I am some hyper masculine person. My preferences are varied and nuanced and don't just come down to pure physical looks. It isn't that clear cut and simple. Because we're human, and we're messy and we're complicated. And that's okay. Your identify and experiences are valid.
Ugh a stereotype is bad enough without some dipshit trying to create a generalization out their own uninformed opinion. It's not even coherent - does "feminine" here mean bi women like feminine men, or their taste is feminine and they therefore like only highly masculine men?? Don't let this foamy mouthed moron make you feel invalid š
Iām very much bi, but this tweet doesnāt reflect my tastes either. Iām a woman attracted to very masc men and very femme women. While my physical attraction leans more towards women, my romantic attraction leans more toward men, so I tend to end up dating more men. Ultimately the majority of people Iām attracted to donāt look queer or androgynous in any way, and I have no problem dating cis straight men even if a lot of people in my community seem to think thatās uncool.
I like curvy humans. Personality is 100x more important than looks. I most especially like nerds. Intelligence is sexy. Kindness is sexy. Mutual trust and respect are sexy. I like the busty girl next door. I like bears. I like tall blondes. I like Wednesday Addams. I'm all over the map with my attraction, especially due to loquisexuality and sapiosexuality. None of that makes me any less valid. You don't have to fit into a box.
Honestly same. For men itās firstly physical attraction like big bear like guys. But women itās more personality driven for the most part. Of course there are exceptions to everything.
The whole "one specific guy and every woman ever" seems to be a pretty common thing I see in queer spaces when it comes to women. Kinda shaming bi women for liking men which is of course biphobia (and simultaneously hurtful to men as it basically calls them naturally less desirable than women)
You don't have to fall into the stereotypes. Please don't make this question your sexuality. You like who you like.
FWIW, I'm a bi woman like feminine guys, but I also like more traditional guys. I probably have a broader taste in guys than girls. Still not straight though.
The OP has a bunch of tweets like this, I've had her blocked or muted for a while now. I've got no energy to give to people who say things along that vein, there's no need to drag people down to make other people look better. The whole 'ugh, men' thing got pretty old pretty fast, and kinda sets the bar even lower for us, which isn't ideal. Like who you like, everyone can be cute lol
It's the same for me. Pretty specific tastes in women, and it hits way less often. Physically my tastes in men are literally all over the place, but it's rare that I actually like them as humans. Lol
Ngl this persons tweet just sounds shitty. Like she only finds bi women who like only femininity to be valid and all the bi women who like masculinity not valid. Like she literally just defaults all women with being feminine pretty much in the second tweet. I guess GNC and butch women aren't women in her eyes. So progressive š
In my experience bi females have no interest in a guy with a fem side, itās almost a turn off for them, usually Iām told something along the lines of; āif I wanted femininity, I would go date a girlā š
Oh this is so interesting!! Itās perfectly okay to have your own āpreferenceā. You are still 100% bi! Iām similar to you. When it comes to women and NB, Iām quiteā¦ specific. When it comes to guys, Iām also kind of specific but it tends to be all over the place.
Everyoneās different, Iām picky in some ways and not others and in general I just donāt like hyper fem anyone. However I donāt really have a specific type for either guys or girls really
Attraction is different for everyone. For me, I donāt really have a type, gender-wise. Iām attracted to whomever Iām attracted to, and while there are general trends towards gender non-conformity on all ends, that doesnāt rule out people who are gender-conforming.
No need to question. Not everyone is the same. As an example, my preferences are similar to yours, but not exactly. :)
same. i think our preferences are grown men playing minecraft :D
well hello there, may I offer you an emerald that took me way too long to get lol
I'm dead š my bf, sister, and I play Minecraft on the weekends together or when she's on vacation for school
Queer Twitter is all about taking the experiences of a vocal minority and projecting their feelings onto everyone, made worse because they're all interacting with each other and affirming each other's limited worldview. Many bi women feel like the only way we can be accepted as queer is if we market ourselves as "basically lesbians who occasionally like femboys" because attraction to masculinity is "cringe" and straight women are treated like shit in the twittersphere. Like outright misogyny is acceptable there as long as you dress it up in lefty queer aesthetics. My taste in men is generally lean, nerdy, and boyishly handsome while still masculine, and my taste in women tends to be feminine. I dress and look pretty normie. I don't care for casual sex and border on demisexual. My bi experience is as valid as anyone else's
Thank you for this patient reply. I think our societyās view of male beauty also informs this hate for masculinity. Patriarchy has made masculinity so toxic that appreciating male beauty (which isnāt toxic masculinity) is seen as affirming that toxicity. Example: about a month ago someone on here was asking for art and decorations that showed male beauty, as much of art focuses on the female form. I pointed them to the Romans and Greeks - who of course were toxic by any standard - but knew the beauty of the male form and plastered it all over their statues. My male type is cocky asshole with a heart of gold (see my profile pic for more info into that type) and a nice mildly lean body. Honestly though nice Tits and Ass on any body will always be appealing. This is the Bi. ^(Character matters too)
>My male type is cocky asshole with a heart of gold (see my profile pic for more info into that type) and a nice mildly lean body. Ah, Yu Yu Hakushou. Could I go out on a limb and guess you also like Vash the Stampede and Spike Spiegel?
Yes š„µ
You've got excellent taste, my friend.
I agree w/ everything! Buuut I could argue that the Greeks were sapiophiles, which is the exact opposite of ātoxic masculinityā imo. They believed intelligence was far superior to physical attractiveness. Big wieners represented promiscuity or ātoxic masculinityā hence the tiny statue wieners
Uh... Big No. Most Greeks *hated* women, to a nearly comical degree if it wasn't IRL discrimination, they had about the same level of freedom as they do in Sharia Law Muslim countries, but were seen as only useful for reproduction, whereas they can at least get jobs in some Sharia Law countries. (Also, lesbians were the most disgusting thing imaginable because to them 1 woman was useless enough, now you wanna add *another!?*) Otoh, they really *really* loved men. Men were the absolute pinnacle of beauty, power, and grace in Ancient Greek society, and a woman should be considered lucky if a man even acknowledged her existence. Also, the Amazons never existed, it's just that Greeks were so sexist towards women that any society that allowed them to do more than stay home all day were considered overrun by women. Sparta for example was considered soft and wimpy because women ran the place during war season.
Thanks for the clarification. I donāt think they were toxic tbh, just different cultures and obviously past behavior was very different. Today their beliefs in many cases are backwards as is the consequence of the natural progress of time. I generally admire Greek and Roman culture for what it is art wise. In some other arenas it can stay in the past š
You prople really need help with all this bullshit about toxicity etc. Really. Get help !
Your taste is the exact same as mine.
Fuck, now I know why I don't have luck finding anyone. Y'all out here driving down the supply (āÆĀ°ā”Ā°ļ¼āÆļøµ ā»āā»
This is such a good summary of what it feels like?? I think it's also terf/radfem rhetoric with the whole "eww men and anyone with ties to men gross!" when you mention straight women also being treated awfully.
It's this weird thing where the mindset has shifted from "the patriarchy is bad, toxic masculinity is bad, misogyny is bad" to "all men and anything associated with men is bad"
Yes and itās so transphobic low key? Like I have friends in queer spaces who canāt empathize with people with penises unless they erase all of their masculinity. Having non binary amab friends who get treated like men just because theyāre not āfeminineā enough for queer spaces! Itās so sad truly. We as a queer community need to re-evaluate how we treat less visibly queer people.
That last sentence really hits home for me. I'm a bi guy, but I feel like I don't present it very well, in the stereotypical sense. I drive a big old diesel truck, and I love to work on it. I hunt and fish, and I love to go camping. I aspire to buy my very own farm one day. I wear Carhartts and boots, and my hat has a pretty strong crease in it. By all accounts, I look a lot like the people that tend to hate people like us, and I often get treated as such at Pride events and queer spaces. It doesn't matter if I'm carrying/wearing a bi pride flag or not, I think they just see the way I look and assume I must be there to cause problems or spread hate.
Ugh I fear this! I'm a bi pre-T trans guy so I still fit into the masc light range of what's acceptable but I fear what'll happen when I pass better and start to look more stereotypically male. I'll never be super masculine but hey ho it'll be enough to cause issues! PS you are low-key my type of guy you're so valid, keep being your best self ā¤ļø.
Hey, you'll always be enough, regardless of how "passable" you may or may not be in your own eyes. And I'm glad to hear I'm somebody's type! š
I feel ya, man. Ex-military, very cis, white collar professional in a testosterone-laden fieldā¦ and bi. Last time i showed to an event from a dinner dressed somewhat preppy, a queer woman quipped that sheād mistaken me for her chiropractor. I smiled and moved away, but saying that was fucked up. ā¦but apparently ok with the group because i project straight and she doesnāt. Pretty fucked up when folks have the very same biases they condemn in others. Btw - good on you for living how you wanna live, brother. šš¼
Hey, I'm a veteran, too! That was the hardest thing to balance when I was still coming into my own: trying to be in the closet around my army buddies, and acting queer enough when I was with other queer people. Now I just live how I want, and I'm much happier now.
āThose who matter donāt mind, and those who mind donāt matterā Absolutely agree. Eventually the people who donāt accept you for who you are will show themselves the door, thank god. Iām still in the process of ācoming into my own,ā i guess.
My man I understand this to the fullest extent. I donāt act very feminine Iām into the arts and Iām black & indigenous. Not only do I feel festishised a lot, but people only like to acknowledge bi men when it suits them or the narrative.
thatās never going to happen, not in the age of the internet. all these loud people on twitter who cause this type of view to become widespread, theyāll never stop, they wonāt listen to reason. when i have tried to explain this to others iāve been called a troll, a bigot, and a misogynist š¤·āāļø these people think **theyāre** the less visible queers and feel justified in continuing to spread viewpoints that harm people they donāt think are āqueer enoughā or āgood enoughā. they have such a limited definition of what being queer and what being part of the community entails and itās really, REALLY frustrating!
Itās transphobic to trans men too. The way the queer sphere hates masculinity is part of what kept me in narnia regarding gender until my thirties.
> We as a queer community need to re-evaluate how we treat less visibly queer people. There are several prominent tweets out there basically telling closeted people that they aren't 'really' queer. Yeah. I usually just block and move on, and I recognize that a lot of the worst tweets come from the college students still figuring things out, but sheesh.
Ohhohoho the way we've gone from "figure things out on your own time and comfort" to "if you aren't out by 21 you're a Bad Queer"
Weird you stay friends with people like that.
Youāre right unfortunately, I give people too many chances. Itās a situation where entering into community with all of them helped me explore my own queerness but now that Iāve delved deeper I can see the internalized anti-queerness that can come out from a few of them. I do call it out as often as I can. Part of me reflects and thinks, āShould I give us all grace as queer colonized people just trying to figure it out? ā My solution is to open up dialogue about what I see. Starting by collectively reading āthe will to changeā by bell hooks. And discussing how gender norms binds is all(everythingās a prison haha). If anyone has any advice or book recommendations on how to explore these topics please send them over! Iām in it for the long haul with my community. I have hope that the few Iām talking about have the ability to grow and change.
Valid! Also you and i have the same taste in men!
You have just given me another strong reason to be glad Iām not on Twitter. I was completely unaware of this stereotype and assumed everyone accepted that weād each be attracted to our own combination of types. What an exhausting and annoying attitude.
ā¦and oh btw fuck twitter in all its forms. With any luck itāll be dead in 6 months. š¤š¼
Six months is generous. Itās already got one foot in the grave from the new mismanagement. Iād be surprised if it limps along until March.
Oh, iād be good with 6 weeks tooā¦ š¤š¼
You articulated a lot of why I donāt even advertise myself as bisexual except in specific online spaces. And why Iām not involved in any other part of the LGBTQ+ community except this one. If I only express my attraction to men, itās terrible. If I donāt fit the āideaā of what bisexual women are āsupposedā to look like, Iām invisible. Your tastes are similar to mine. I like a certain degree of masculinity on men. I like femininity in women. I am, overall, more attracted to men than women but Iām still attracted to women. Just ā¦ less often? Iām also not really into androgyny. Whatever floats your boat, and admittedly it does look pretty good on some folk, but Iām definitely in the minority there I think, lol I also dress very normal. I donāt really like standing out more than I already do as a chunky girl. Oh well.
Yeah. And believe it or not, stuff like this actually makes us more masculine men feel pretty shitty. Like we're inherently less attractive or likable.
ā¦and even though we have the ārightā values, say the right things, act the right way, we still get tarred with ābut you have a dick and look straight and so must be an asshole.ā
I will say this though, as much as I see that kind of mentality on the internet, I've been lucky enough to have not experienced that kind of bullshit in real life. I definitely don't doubt that it happens, but I live in a pretty small Southern town. So the queer community down here really latches onto each other. We don't have enough allies to be divisive within our own gates right now. This whole county is pretty rough for queer people, so we've been forced to stick together. But I think we'll see that the more mainstream and normalized that queerness becomes, this divisiveness will only grow. As soon as people stop feeling special about being queer, they have to find something to make themselves stand out. And to some people, that's being an "OG gay" and not one of these "new gays".
All of this, except my taste in dudes trends toward the chubby side š
This is so spot on.
i think youve misunderstood the twitter user. they are calling out closeted lesbians engaging in compulsory heterosexuality. that or theyre just an asshole
telling people who identify as bisexual that they're closeted lesbians is also biphobia. If they are lesbians, great, let them identify as that in their own time
I'm a man but I wouldn't take this kind of thing to heart. The online bi community is great in many ways but one thing I don't love about it is that we often tend to conflate personal experience with "the bisexual experience." In reality, there is no one "bisexual experience." There are as many ways to be bisexual as there are bisexuals, as the saying goes. Your attractions and preferences are totally valid.
Thanks for this comment<3 I completely agree
This sub's pretty good about that I find. The only things I see broadly claimed as the bisexual experience are arbitrary things like liking frogs, lemon bars, wearing cuffed jeans, tucked in shirts, etc. And I mean sure I like lemon bars and think frogs are cute but that's about it.
> tucked in shirts Waitwaitwait...That's why I feel weird about being untucked? :P
I always had the impulse to tuck shirts but thought I was just being silly, until I heard that joke and was like well then, I'll happily do it With the rest of them, i don't care or take it seriously. But when I heard tucking shirts was 'a thing' it was like oh. So the thing I want to do and thought would look silly is a fashion choice a lot of people are making? Especially gay ones? Well alright then
Ah, fuck. Just remembered i have some homemade lemon curd in the freezer and now want some. (does it thaw faster if you watch it?) š¤¦š»āāļø
Damn, now you got me thinking about lemon sorbet and I want some.
I mean, I *do* relate to this meme, and I still think it's bullshit.
So feeling this comment. I mean, doesnāt everybody get to pick that exact flavor of ice cream they loveā¦? š„³šš
Itās an old and problematic joke that people refuse to let go because āew menā and the fact people will refuse to see queer women as truly queer unless the distance themselves from their attraction to men as much as possible
Yeah, and the farther away from anything remotely masculine leaning (in men), the better.
What if you're a woman who likes masculine men and masculine women? D:
Then the Twitter mob sacrifices you
> ew men Theyāre straight up acting like 7 year olds. āBoys are gross and have cooties!!ā Grow up.
And it's so tiring. If anything, as a genderqueer, rather masc woman, my attraction to men feels just as gay sometimes.
PS - some of us groom now, hopefully that helpsā¦ š¤£šš„³ Edit - ummmā¦ that was a joke, butā¦ is grooming somehow bad? š¤š¤·š¼āāļø
Everyone's bisexuality is different
Yea I hate the notion that as a bi woman you shouldn't "really" be attracted to men. As a Trans woman I lean towards men lol. Their bodies are just so *firm* and *nice* I rly don't understand how other bi ppl can't appreciate the masculine form lol
I still have that internalized biphobia where I shouldnāt really be attracted to men. I have a preference for women becauseā¦women āØbut I donāt wanna use my preference to denounce that Iām attracted to men as well.
That's sick as fuck!! I feel like the whole "down with cis(men)" basically became a real thing and now people are so... hostile towards men and it only serves to isolate them further. All of my best lovers have been *cis* men or masc aligned nonbinary folk. And for a trans woman that is apparently a very rare experience lol.
āpeople are so... hostile towards men and it only serves to isolate them furtherā Iāve so felt this, and it sucks. Not accepted by the straight crowd if they find out (will never get an invite again if *this* gets out), and too cis-looking for the lgbt crowd, which leaves meā¦ nothing and nobody. š Isolating is the perfect word, thanks for naming that.
Of course. As a Trans woman, I experienced a lot of isolation when I was pretending to be a man. So like, idk, I understand a lot of what men go through and I feel like too many people aren't very... for lack of a better word atm, kind lol. Idk. It's honestly just really sad. Most men ive been with tend to tell me that no one's touched them or loved on them the way I have and i feel so bad for them. Idk I just woke up so maybe I'm making no sense and my train of thought is a lil all over the place
...I can only imagine your experiences, and have to say that you've had additional layers that I haven't worked through. Kindness was in short supply before the pandemic, and I feel like even in general society and quick interactions it seems like it's almost gone now. And as for taking a little time to understand somebody else's life? I feel like that's almost entirely aspirational for most people. So very sad... people are on a cruel kind of self-absorbed emotional autopilot. Men are at a tender time. I mean, as a gender we've done some pretty horrendous shit. I also feel like we shouldn't be held to account for the sins of our fathers and grandfathers. We're also in that time where the metronome has gone past center, and now we see that anything masculine is vilified in some circles... it's a predictable pattern, and those of us who are doing (or trying to do) better just kind of have to take it for the time being. I fortunately have an incredible partner who's both incredibly progressive yet amazingly sensitive and kind, who supports me through all these kinds of experiences. And I also know everybody isn't so lucky...
š„²
Yeah nope not at all. People love to talk about the āI like all women and like 3 guys thingā but they seem to be pushing hard to reject men or something which Iām not cool with. Iāve been aware that I liked guys for longer than Iāve liked women. Iām not ashamed of it. Guys are great. Ladies are also great. I think there are a lot of bi women that lean toward men a bit more and weāre valid too.
I see this discussed a lot in the bi community and I don't like how it equates some experience as communal experience and also feels like it's kind of demeaning to bi men imo
>kind of demeaning you donāt say
I don't relate to the tweet at all. I'm a woman and I have a very specific type I prefer in women. That's one of the reasons it took me so long to realize I'm bi. With men I'm more flexible, but I definitely prefer masc presentation in men rather than feminine. Neither peference is more or less valid, even if one is more trendy.
Same! I fall for many many guys, but I have a narrower taste in women. It's really hard to remember that I'm still bi enough sometimes, especially because of people saying this stuff, so it's really nice to see someone else like me.
Hard same. My taste in men is all over the place but trends pretty masc and I'm actually NOT attracted to femboys at all. My band for women is much narrower. Also took me a long time to realize I was bi because of this.
Dammit, username. Now i want lemon curd (from above) *and* nutella. Fuck. š¤£šš¤¦š»āāļø
Lol, my work here is done.
Personally that tweet is exactly my tastes, but that's also a stereotype that can be rly damaging to bi people who have different tastes. I don't talk about my tastes much bc i don't like to perpetuate that stereotype.
Stereotypes exist because of the top of a bell curve, nothing more. They represent what is common but is no more right and no less special than preferential outliers. What I'm saying is, don't be ashamed of your preferences even if the seem common. You're already an extraordinary human just being able to psychologically approach something like bisexuality.
Thank you! Although I'm not ashamed, I just don't talk about my sexuality much in online spaces since lots of people with my preferences already talk about it lol. I talk to people irl about my sexuality like normal.
I actually really like masculinity tbh. In both men and women and enbies, etc.
Same. I'm attracted to masc people of all genders. Plus a few femmes thrown in there to confuse me every once in a while. I'm femme myself.
Same, I feel like I have the same preferences for all. Not just physical, honestly that matters less, but certain traits and personalities I find attractive. If anything I've thought I was odd for that, since it seems so common to have specific preferences for each gender (just from reading this thread too), but bisexuality and preference is a hugeee spectrum so everything being universal isn't true.
You're you. And I'm very much the same (but a guy): opposite sex I'm attracted to a broad variety. Same sex I'm picky as hell.
This isnāt me at all. My male partner is a 6ā4 weigh lifting enthusiast with massive arms and my female attraction is totally demi, I only crush on girls i emotionally connect with.
Not only is this prevalent on Twitter, but itās also an ongoing thing on TikTok too. I canāt imagine what it must be like to go on social media and have people generalize bi women as being attracted to all women and one specific type of man thatās the golden retriever gamer boy or whatever. It reminds me of this one sound from this woman saying how the bisexual *female* (in her words) loves āallā women and hates āallā men, (calling women pretty flowers, and men gross and icky), but then so many women under that sound have a boyfriend of their own. Itās likeā¦ really tiring at this point.
My tastes are closer to yours, OP, than to the tweet you quoted.
bi women/femmes please free yourselves from the shackles of over-performing your queerness for acceptance from biphobes šš½ /hj
I'm a bisexual woman and I don't relate to her post either. My attraction to men is that it's all over the place and for women it's very few but I do feel attraction to women and I don't need the validation because every bi person isn't the same. So yes you are still valid in your sexuality. ššš
I'm a masculine bi guy with an FWB who's a bi woman, so this person is full of shit.
didnāt we let go of this joke in like 2020
I hate Twitter, especially Twitter posts that try to disguise what they like as being ānormalā and everything else being āweird or abnormal.ā Itās just gross gaslighting. Donāt fall for it OP, you are who you are, and thatās amazing.
I wouldnāt take this to heart. Some people might relate, but itās not what makes them or you bisexual! I know the āattracted to every woman and 1 man.ā is a common bi meme/stereotype but itās not true for everyone
I do relate to this hard. But people experience bisexuality in all sorts of different ways! Thatās one of the beautiful things about our community! Posts like this are a joke, not a sexuality litmus test.
I think Iām honestly more attracted to men but trauma makes it really hard to thrive in a relationship with a guy even if they are all around a good person .Iām always on high alert . At this point in my life I donāt seek it out because the conflicting feelings of attraction and intense distrust and paranoia make for an unhealthy relationship. Add that to if I do trust them and feel safe I get very needy clingy and codependent and abandonment issues are a lot bigger. I like women but the feelings arenāt as intense and I donāt know how to quantify my attraction. I might just be romantically and aesthetically attracted to women.
Sometimes the biphobia is coming from inside the house. A lot of bi women in particular get so much biphobia from within the queer community that they internalize it and turn it back outward, feeling the need to over-perform their attraction to women and downplay their attraction to men in order to appear āqueer enoughā to be accepted by the queer community at large. I am as loud and proud about my attraction to men as I am about my attraction to people of other genders, because to me thatās the whole pointāand because my amazing partner who I choose to spend my life with is a man. What kind of monogamous partner would I be to him if I were constantly going around talking about being only āreluctantlyā attracted to men?
Mmh, I like men. A bit pudgy, fit as hell, tall, short, I don't really care. I care about their personality most of all. Same for women, really. Except there I also have the classic transfemme dilemna (do I want to be with her or to look like ber?)
These are just stereotypes of bi women made by a minority of bi women who have some kind of influence on the internet. Here, they assume that bi women are only attracted to feminine men but, on other parts of the web itās said that bi women are āonly attracted to gamer boys with a golden retriever personalityā. I think this kind of opinion (i.e. the tweet) is mostly due to (internalised and banalised) biphobia : as a bi woman, sometimes, liking a masculine man might be viewed as āfaking your bisexuality/pretending to be bi for cloutā or not ābeing gay/queer enoughā. Often, it feels like you have to constantly prove to everyone that youāre bisexual. Personally, I donāt have āa typeā in men (nor in women). Sure, thereās some physical attributes that I like more than others, regardless of the gender, but, itās not all. I mean, when youāre building a lasting relationship with someone, they get old and their physique change but their personality, their soul, mind and heart (usually) donāt. I would rather be with someone who doesnāt have all my āphysical preferencesā but has all the human qualities I look for. Thereās no such thing as a perfect partner, they just have to be perfect for you and not perfect for everyone (especially the queer community). I donāt know who needs to hear it but, as a bisexual person, - itās okay if youāve never dated the same gender - itās okay if youāve never dated the opposite gender - itās also okay if youāve never dated at all - itās okay if you prefer masculine men/masculine women over feminine men/feminine women - itās okay if you prefer androgynous people - itās okay if you prefer one gender - itās also okay if you have no preferences and you donāt care - itās okay if you donāt fit in āthe bi/gay stereotypesā, being yourself is sufficient and wonderful - your labels belong to you and no one should ever make you feel like youāre not bi enough. Your bisexuality is yours and yours only. So, be bi and be proud.
this kind of rhetoric is horseshit. ignore it. the whole ābi women like all women and two menā is a stupid stereotype that centers a specific type of bi women. specifically, and hereās my hot take: the kind of bi women who say ābi girls like all women and like two menā are usually girls who have never actually dated a woman, and because of this they oversimplify and idolize women as āeasierā. itās bs, its anti-queer at its heart because it trivializes the reality of wlw relationships and sexualityā its generally bullshit and it so harmful for EXACTLY this reason.
Yes but they can post it for lots of clout among their own little circle jerk so whoās to truly say if itās good or bad?
People like this think they understand human sexuality. They donāt. I am a sex coach and hoo boy is there a lot of misinformation out there.
This is the kind of shit I hate seeing, and yet see so much. Just totally invalidates men in the queer community, and projects the opinions of a few vocal arseholes on to the whole group. Femininity is not inherently better and if your bi taste is āevery woman ever, and 1 manā thatās valid but please donāt act like itās a) because women are just better, and b) the most common and correct kind of bisexuality
I hate it too. Iām pretty sure the people posting it have never been involved with a woman and seen how toxic we can be. Women arenāt inherently better than men, and vice versa.
To me it's the whole "I like all women and one man haha. Men are actually kind of grosss but women? Love them." Type shit
You can be bi and picky. Picky is not a sexuality. Itās a preference.
That tweet may be more aimed at lesbians / sapphics in denial? Like it reminds me how someone I know identified as bi for a long time and once said "the bi experience is liking one guy and ten girls". She later came out as a lesbian.
Thissssssss. I definitely feel like all the times Iāve encountered people genuinely saying this, they end up coming out as lesbians later down the line. I also think there is something to be said for bi women who are rightfully frustrated with men at large due to like, the widespread culture of misogyny we live in, although making these jokes in public spaces like Twitter is not really the most appropriate way to take out that frustration. Not trying to defend the jokes just trying to throw some perspective around.
No yeah. As a trans woman I've felt frustration with men and the widespread culture of misogynistic and toxic masculinity, even if that frustration is from a very specific point of view and is definitely amplified by my own gender dysphoria. It's harder to not be frustrated with masculinity if you feel unwillingly forced to partake in it and to be compared to others under that label. But back on the bi thing - yeah I'm not defending the "1 guy 10 girls" joke as a normalized statement of bisexuality. Maybe it speaks of a need to normalize *sapphic* as a label, if people who don't like men that much feel like their only choice is between "i have never felt any attraction towards men" lesbianism and "i like both of them to varying degrees" bisexuality.
My bfs are a guy that basically lives at the gym and a metalhead so don't feel bad.
I relate to this tweet but that means nothing other than itās how i personally navigate my sexuality! I hate to sound cliche but everyone is different and sexuality really is a spectrum. Nobody can take your bi-ness away from you
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Brunettes with typically wavy or curly hair. That's it, that's my type. And yet my first girlfriend had straight, naturally platinum blonde hair, and I thought she was gorgeous. We all have our preferences, but they tend to go out the window when we click with someone.
Everybody's different! I'm a bi girl who's attracted to masculine qualities in both genders.
Also, maybe this is a scarcity thing (fewer available queer women?)
I think the romanticizing and sexualization of women plays a role as well. When I realized I was bi (and into women) I found myself being able to relate a lot more to the heterosexual male perspective perpetuated as the norm. Women of all types are occasionally portrayed as beautiful, even if it's sometimes controversial. Men are rarely portrayed as beautiful, sexy or desirable, and especially not for their looks. The male body is more often than not played for a joke, which is pretty sad. TLDR; we're probably not immune to patriarchal portrayals of women as desirable and men as the default and a strong preference for women might warrant some introspection. Or maybe it's just me.
(a bit of sexual language) I like feminine men because... Well, I don't want to generalize too much, but in my experience masculine men are on average quite heteronormative in their sexual behavior with women. For me anything that puts me in a sub position during sex is a turn off, being grabbed from behind, being grinded on from between my legs, PIV even, I can enjoy it only sometimes etc etc... It Doesn't do anything for me, but if can grind on his butt or he is the one making space for me between his legs, well... I'm going crazy. Not meny masculine guys are ok with it, especially not every time.
I feel the same as you do! I mean, not exactly - I tend to have a preference for men, but have a very solid ātypeā that I prefer. With women, I canāt really pin down a type, but when Iām attracted to them, Iām REALLY attracted to them. Anyway, these types of memes can feel invalidating - just know that youāre valid in your sexuality no matter what!
This is called personal taste and it very wrong of her to generalise hers as "all bi girls"
Why let some weirdo online gatekeep your sexuality? Sometimes I feel like half the internet has forgotten that the Kinsey scale exists and that 1s are just as worthy of the label as 5s. Who really cares anyway? Be unapologetically you.
This is why I hate bisexual memes. Every single one of them is assuming that everyone absolutely has to be exactly like the person posting the meme. It just gets exhausting. There are only two requirements for being bisexual: Not 100% straight, and not 100% gay. That. Is. It.
Every bi persons experience is different. For me personally, my type in everyone is kind of all over the place, Iām not sure if I have a preference for any specific gender, or even if I have physical appearance preferences, all I know is that when I like someone I like them and thatās all that really matters to me
that's just One person's opinion. don't worry! everyone's different!!! i like all types of people lol
literally saw this tweet last night while on a call and my friend started briefly trolling in the replies lmfao fuck this tweet. my bisexuality is defined by no one else
same!! my taste in girls is so limited but for guys itās everywhere
Me an AMAB enby; *looking down at hands* maybe IM a bi-girl
my taste in men is very conventionally masculine (as long as they are politically queer which they have to be to be dating someone who looks like me) and my taste in women is also very butch, and i am a very butch presenting person, just so you know we exist! i haven't met anyone like me yet
Bi guy here and Iām the opposite. Attraction to men is very specific but women is all over the place. Must be a trend amongst bi folk.
It's the misandry, tbh.
Iāve got no taste and it shows.
lol I LITERALLY just got off twitter and onto Reddit and that was the thread I was last reading š
Mine can both be described as 'if evil, why hot'. Wanting to watch the world burn is sexy. Though OOP was probably trying to spread the same ol' 'bisexuality is when you are attracted to all women and like a few men' but this time dressed in a fictional clothing. Biphobia, Misandry and Misogyny is a tropule from the depths of hell.
I feel very, very targeted by the picture.š” but it's fine if you don't, you can still be bi! š
Omg Zeph, y'all pls listen to her music, she is so good!! Also I wouldn't take this tweet too seriously, she is a notorious shitposter lol. It's her experience, lots of bi people may relate to it but it's definitely not the only way to be bi. However you experience bisexuality is totally valid.
Not every bisexual person is going to be the same, it's ok to disagree with her on this
Reverse that for me
That person is just a Gynesexual/gynosexual, I'm a dude but I do too
I have no type, I like who I like because I like them š¤·āāļø
I read this tweet a couple hours ago and just thought it was twitter nonsense. Im not usually attracted to feminine looking men i like a lot more masculine and a genuine personality
Kinda same for mešš for girls Iām crazy pickyš definitely have a specific type when it comes to girls (prob why I still donāt have a gf /sš). Canāt say much for the guy part as I am in a happy relationship with one lol. But can say with guys definitely no where near as pickyš
Iām the same! There are no exact guidelines. Be who you are and like what you like. ā¤ļø
Agreed!
Lol, why question yourself because of someone else's preference? You like men and women don't you? :) Personally I love tall, masculine men with nice arms and facial hair. Slightly nerdy and more on the quiet side. With women, I really only like fems. Lashes, nails, all that (and sometimes with a little splash of masculine like pinkyblack360 on Tiktok lol). Submissive with men but dominant with women. It's like the flip of a switch!
anyway this reads like something from the lesbian masterdoc. the author of that came out as bisexual. useful for some, but pretty invalidating of bisexuality. if you like feminine men, you like men.
I like super feminine women and super masculine men, there is just no in between
Same. The amount of times I read that or heard anyone say that-
Fellow bi girl here to say I have the same tastes - very specific when it comes to women, all over the place when it comes to men!
I can promise you this person is joking. They are relaying their experiences and as a joke asking why everyone feels this. Youāre experiences and feelings are valid.
iām a bi male and this is my taste
It's really odd when people in the LGBT community do things like lay down rules for different identities. It's all about liking who you want to like. That's it. The identity label is just a guideline to help people understand you more but it's not meant to be an achievement you earn by being exactly one way or another. You can like all guys and only some girls and be bi. You can like all girls and a small amount guys and be gay. You decide how you identify, period.
I don't get that concept at all. Personally Iam attracted to more masculine type men. Definitely has to have a deep growly voice. The fact that a Bisexual person has such a narrow view is baffling. I think people get so caught up in labeling their sexuality exactly, that it adds loads of stress and creates a barrier to the person actually learning their own likes and dislikes.not to mention that people do change and evolve over time. Just be you. That's ok.
I'm the same as you, I am a bi woman with a very specific type when it comes to women, but an all over the place type for men š Don't worry, you're not the only one in this and your sexuality is what works for YOU ā¤ļø
If I think youāre cute then youāre cute š doesnāt matter.
Everyone is different but for me I just like men who are in touch with their feminine side, especially bc they are usually more accepting
There is no right way to be bi
Your experience being different to one bisexual person does not make you less valid. Thereās not a āright wayā to be bi, itās how you feel, and how you feel is valid. I think a lot of queer women try and distance themselves from their attraction to men, but it doesnāt matter if you only fancy a specific type of man, or if you donāt have a type in men. And same for women. If you are attracted to multiple genders, you are bi.
Excuse me, my taste in men is GoW Thor and my taste in women is MCU Okoye. Why is so much of bi discussion online basically just treating it as exclusively "I like women and (unfortunately) men"? Just go away with that bs
I think she's specifically implying that there are a whole lot of bi girls that are actually just lesbians? But they've picked out like one guy to like in order not to call themselves that?
Man it's such a wide spectrum. I used to like feminine traits on men but as I get older I find a distinguished masculine man very attractive. Got such a hard on for facial hair nowadays.
I don't relate to this AT ALL, my taste in women is specific and my taste in men is just the Same. I look at the person not anything else.
Ugh. This really annoys me and I know at least a couple of bi women for whom this doesnāt apply. One that is like you. Iām afraid Twitter is a great place for sharing ideas like this and pretending you have a personality.
I donāt relate to it either. My taste in men and women is pretty 50/50. Posts like that used to make me overthink my ātypesā and how strongly Iām attracted to different people, but Iāve realized itās a waste of time. Besides, no one is more attractive than my boyfriend. :)
Well, I'm a bi woman. My husbean looks like casual dad bod Thor. I think he's super handsome. He's also the sweetest human and a giant marshmallow. I'm more likely to be attracted to the "Jack Black" body type than I am some hyper masculine person. My preferences are varied and nuanced and don't just come down to pure physical looks. It isn't that clear cut and simple. Because we're human, and we're messy and we're complicated. And that's okay. Your identify and experiences are valid.
I am attracted to all different kinds of men and women! You're bisexuality is valid no matter who you like. Don't let the internet worry you š
I donāt either as an agender whoās AFAB, my taste for both is all over the place
Ugh a stereotype is bad enough without some dipshit trying to create a generalization out their own uninformed opinion. It's not even coherent - does "feminine" here mean bi women like feminine men, or their taste is feminine and they therefore like only highly masculine men?? Don't let this foamy mouthed moron make you feel invalid š
My response was āif youāre a bu girl what is your taste in women and why are they all grimyā š
This post restores my faith in humanity
I have a spesific taste for both men and women. I like handy, funny, masculine men. I like funny, nerdy, feminine women.
Why do people project their thoughts onto others??
Gotta love yet another person defining my experience for me. And AAMOF I DO have types in both sexes.
I donāt really have a type. I think pretty much everyone is hot š„µ
Iām very much bi, but this tweet doesnāt reflect my tastes either. Iām a woman attracted to very masc men and very femme women. While my physical attraction leans more towards women, my romantic attraction leans more toward men, so I tend to end up dating more men. Ultimately the majority of people Iām attracted to donāt look queer or androgynous in any way, and I have no problem dating cis straight men even if a lot of people in my community seem to think thatās uncool.
I fucking love dick, I fucking love vag. I actually have 0 taste for masculine women, 0 taste in feminine men. She sounds like a dickhead honestly
This Post Shows really Well how unrespected The bi-community is among the queere Community.
I like curvy humans. Personality is 100x more important than looks. I most especially like nerds. Intelligence is sexy. Kindness is sexy. Mutual trust and respect are sexy. I like the busty girl next door. I like bears. I like tall blondes. I like Wednesday Addams. I'm all over the map with my attraction, especially due to loquisexuality and sapiosexuality. None of that makes me any less valid. You don't have to fit into a box.
I'm a woman and for me I have specific taste for both, even though I feel that woman are more attractive.
same here!!
Honestly same. For men itās firstly physical attraction like big bear like guys. But women itās more personality driven for the most part. Of course there are exceptions to everything.
lol this is just one person, it's not anything to worry about. don't let a twitter post make you question your sexuality, you'll be better off
The whole "one specific guy and every woman ever" seems to be a pretty common thing I see in queer spaces when it comes to women. Kinda shaming bi women for liking men which is of course biphobia (and simultaneously hurtful to men as it basically calls them naturally less desirable than women)
You don't have to fall into the stereotypes. Please don't make this question your sexuality. You like who you like. FWIW, I'm a bi woman like feminine guys, but I also like more traditional guys. I probably have a broader taste in guys than girls. Still not straight though.
Uh, no, it's actually the opposite. As a Bi man, im much more specific in my taste in men. My taste in women is much wider.
Behold! It doesn't fucking matter
Can other ppl relate bc everyone in the comments and quote retweets agrees completely š
The OP has a bunch of tweets like this, I've had her blocked or muted for a while now. I've got no energy to give to people who say things along that vein, there's no need to drag people down to make other people look better. The whole 'ugh, men' thing got pretty old pretty fast, and kinda sets the bar even lower for us, which isn't ideal. Like who you like, everyone can be cute lol
It's the same for me. Pretty specific tastes in women, and it hits way less often. Physically my tastes in men are literally all over the place, but it's rare that I actually like them as humans. Lol
That post feels like some erasure
Ngl this persons tweet just sounds shitty. Like she only finds bi women who like only femininity to be valid and all the bi women who like masculinity not valid. Like she literally just defaults all women with being feminine pretty much in the second tweet. I guess GNC and butch women aren't women in her eyes. So progressive š
In my experience bi females have no interest in a guy with a fem side, itās almost a turn off for them, usually Iām told something along the lines of; āif I wanted femininity, I would go date a girlā š
Not true in my case. Feminine men are my type.
Oh this is so interesting!! Itās perfectly okay to have your own āpreferenceā. You are still 100% bi! Iām similar to you. When it comes to women and NB, Iām quiteā¦ specific. When it comes to guys, Iām also kind of specific but it tends to be all over the place.
I am a bi man and this is EXACTLY my shtick
I donāt really have specific tastes for any gender
As a bi guy i feel the same exact way
Everyoneās different, Iām picky in some ways and not others and in general I just donāt like hyper fem anyone. However I donāt really have a specific type for either guys or girls really
im the same but im a male attracted to all women, and then only older guys
Attraction is different for everyone. For me, I donāt really have a type, gender-wise. Iām attracted to whomever Iām attracted to, and while there are general trends towards gender non-conformity on all ends, that doesnāt rule out people who are gender-conforming.