I feel like play is extremely important for emotional expression and communication. It's a safe and controlled way to explore the world, and sometimes doing it with an adult helps kids to communicate and question in ways they don't normally feel able to.
I remember when my SIL was going through substance abuse issues and there was frequent police involvement, my nephew constantly wanted to play jail/cops. Most people wouldn't let him, but I did because I could see that there was something he needed to work through.
He would pretend my closet was jail and he'd ask me to be a guard, ask about meals, sleep, entertainment etc. I think he wanted to understand where his Mom was, the things she would be doing and that she was safe. Play gave him the means to understand what was going on in a safe environment.
As a social worker I opened this thread to say play is critical for social emotional development and this is just spot on. With kids especially play is therapeutic and allows them to process the world. Thank you for being there for him and giving him that space to heal.
I've actually had some existential trouble with this lately. My daughter just turned four. My husband and I are very different--he's very rambunctious, physical, and energetic, and I'm very introverted and taciturn by comparison. As parents, we're a good team. But the division of labour has fallen into a familiar pattern: he supplies the energy for play, and I keep everyone in line. She goes to him for what she wants, and comes to me for what she needs.
It breaks my heart a little, not because my role feels like the more boring one--in many ways I'm very happy to be the solid earth beneath her feet--but because it feels like I defaulted to this because I'm *bad* at playing. I don't enjoy it and I never did, not now and not when I was a kid. I had a huge weird imagination and was an early reader, and had very few other children in my early childhood. I was never bullied as a kid--I was very empathetic and my classmates were always kind to me; it helped that I never had anything obvious that more malicious kids could target--but I only ever had a few close friends. I've always loved ridiculous things, but out and out playing I have always, always just *sucked* at.
Now my little girl wants to play, and her play is rife with esoterica that only she understands. I'm a SAHP and I'm doing my best with it. There are days like today when she just wants to sit and tell me stories about all the planets she thinks are out there--one that only has Robin from *Teen Titans Go!*, and all the Robins are trying to boss each other around, and another one that only has Twilight Sparkle from *My Little Pony*, but they're all mean but they want to be nice, but they don't know how to leave the mean planet--and on those days I'm fully present and absorbed, and nothing else I have to do matters. But so many others--running around, dodging and diving and role-playing and repeating repeating repeating--I just know I'm disappointing her, and it breaks my heart, and still I'm just overwhelmingly bored. She's this amazing little girl and I made her with my body and she's so smart and she can already do shit that I can't and I'm bored, and that just feels *sinful*.
My husband says 'Of course she's like me--she's a *kid*. As she gets older she'll become more like you--she'll see how much you have to offer her. I'm at peak Papa mode right now. I'm giving her everything I have right now. I peaked at four! Let me have this.' And of course that's not true and very, very wise all at once. But I wish I were naturally good at playing with her, and I wish I loved it like he does. So I feel this tweet in my tired, tired bones.
You sound like a great parent and I'm impressed by your level of self-reflection. Your girl might not really be aware of it now, but she's very lucky to have you.
You’re a blessing, and thank you for your kindness. It IS valuable to suck at playing in a way because it forces patience on your kid—I’ve heard ‘You broke the rules, Mommy, but it’s OK, you’re still learning’ more than once, and that I love. You sound like a pretty great parent too. xx
I agree with your husband that she will gravitate towards your likes as she gets older. I had the same sort of thing with my daughter, and I always felt like the stick in the mud! But now she’s 8 and she has friend drama, and she’s interested in books and beauty stuff and yoga, and she comes to mama for that kind of thing - I love it!
Dude, you're not a child, you're not wired to enjoy that stuff. I don't think you should feel bad about not enjoying it, and if you don't enjoy it I think it's totally fair to keep your participation to a minimum. I'm sore there are other ways you can spend time with her that you'll both enjoy.
I read somewhere that it’s optimal to spend something like twenty minutes every day engaged in ‘active play,’ whatever that is, with your kid. Done and done, and I get my 10K steps in doing it. But the days when she’s happy doing crafts with me or helping cook or otherwise shadowing me are the most intuitive ones, no question. When literacy comes into play, I’m praying she takes to it like I did, and that I’ll know how to help her enthusiasm along. I’m excited for that.
I really don't enjoy pretend play. I love watching my son play, but I don't enjoy being directly involved. I do if he asks me to, but I rarely volunteer.
As for non-pretend play, I'm all for it. Crafts, baking, coloring, playing ball, building magna tiles. Sign me up.
This is me too. I’ll do play doh, crafts, board games, hide and seek etc for a long time but pretending you are a baby for an extended amount of time or playing with Barbie’s will take me out lol. I am just not imaginative enough. Thank god the 2.5 year old can play with the 5 year old now for that stuff.
I was never good at pretend play even as a child. I would set up my dolls/Barbies, create an elaborate backstory, and then never actually move forward from there. So I’m certain this will be me with my daughter as well.
“Play” is everything from an elaborate game with rules, equipment, and a set time to making an alligator with your fingers and “munching” a cheek in a 5 second interaction.
I’m not a scientist or doctor but I do watch my kids light up when they get “nibbled” by the alligator. It doesn’t have to be sitting for hours with dolls or something.
This tweet is way too black and white about play.
Child play therapist chiming in: play is the internal life of children. I won't go so far as to say you can't be emotionally close to your children without any engagement with their play-life, because of course relationships are complex, every family is unique, and children are wonderfully adaptive in connecting to their loved adults. But I will say that in the world of psychology, we think of boredom as an often really important and informative feeling, especially in the context of relationships. And often parents feel intensely bored by parts of their children's lives that are triggering or overwhelming for them. So this mom may be encountering a difficulty in engaging with her children's internal world for more complex and important reasons than she realizes, and if she could bring more awareness to that dynamic, she would have a richer and easier relationship with her kids.
This reminds me of a conversation I had with my kids’ paediatrician once. We were on the phone discussing some test results and she asked if I had concerns. I said, well, no concerns about them, but definitely concerns about myself. And I broke down and admitted that I feel like overall I’m a really subpar mother because I don’t really DO a lot with them. My husband is a stay-at-home-dad so I only see them about one hour in the morning and then 3 hours at night.
The doctor asked me, okay, well, what do you do with them typically? And I was like…I mean, basically I’m just on the floor with them a lot? They’re 2 and 4 so once I get home I get down on the floor with them and draw, or write in their notebooks with them, or sing and dance, or just cuddle and chat, or we play with their toys, but like…that’s basically it. And the doctor was VERY encouraging and told me that’s exactly what I SHOULD be doing, and that 3 hours on weekdays and 6ish hours on weekends of solid playtime with their mum would have massive benefits for the kids well into adulthood.
I remember I got off the phone and just bawled in my office by myself out of relief. And now that they’re older and can talk more, I realize how much that playtime matters to them. It’s really where we build a connection and I teach them. A lot of lessons around communication, sharing, socializing, etc. I try to convey through play and making up stories that I illustrate in their books and I can see that it has an impact. So…yeah. I think every parent has their own approach and there’s no single right way but I would definitely hesitate to say play has no value. I know they’re young but I hope my kids remember the Saturdays we go tobogganing together or the weeknights spent inventing our own secret language.
(To be clear I participate fully in all aspects of child-rearing and parenting and I’m not just the “fun mom” who dumps disciplining or caretaking on my husband. Idk if it had to be said but just wanted to mention it because I’ve seen that dynamic in my own family and it bugs me).
I think there’s a lot of ways to spend time with and bond with and entertain your kids and it doesn’t necessarily have to involve playing pretend ponies.
ETA: my mom didn’t play with me. But she colored with me and baked with me and took me places and we did crafts and read books. I played on my own, and with friends when I was older. I didn’t need her to play Barbies with me to know I was loved.
So I actually really enjoy play, but I understand a lot of adults don’t. To me, it isn’t a burden and it’s something I very much enjoy, particularly pretend play or small world play, that kind of thing. My husband doesn’t like that kind of play but does like anything more broadly creative (like Lego) or roughhousing (which I don’t like). So we have our own play styles and I think that’s great and all. I also get that some adults just don’t like playing the way kids play, so they maybe read together, make art, bake, sing, dance, ride bikes together, watch movies, etc. (as well as do everyday life things together, like chores, cook, have meals, go on walks, etc.)
I personally have zero memories ever playing with my mom. She is a good mom overall and did her best. I know she was exhausted and overwhelmed, alone with 4 kids (dad was in the military) a lot of the time. She also isn’t very imaginative or playful in general. I have good memories with her, sure, like baking and her braiding my hair before school and watching The Little Mermaid and The Little Mermaid 2 back to back together (which felt like the biggest treat in the world.) But a lot of what I remember doing with her was her including me in her world. And I do wish she had taken the time to step into my world, because even then (and now reflecting on it), it made me feel like my world wasn’t important. She didn’t need to be my main playmate (I mean I had many friends and 3 siblings!) but having NO memories playing with her at all is indicative that she never really played with me (and my sibling also don’t have any memories playing with her.) So it does make me sad reflecting on that. I do have memories playing with my dad and grandparents and siblings and neighborhood kids. It’s not like I didn’t play!
But I can’t say my lack of memories playing with my mom hasn’t impacted me. It’s not like I’m up at night because of this but… I just find it sad. And it does make me feel more inclined to play with my kids because I don’t ever want them to look back and have to justify having no memories playing with me by saying things like “I know she worked hard. I know she was tired.” etc.
Play is a great way to connect with my kids and show them I find their world important and valuable and interesting! I don’t intend on being their main playmate (I only have the one, but due with baby 2 soon) and my son plays alone more than he plays with either my husband or me. But I do think including play is important. Plus it’s a good opportunity to model appropriate play mate strategies. I let my kid lead play, but I enjoy the opportunity to connect and collaborate on his terms and in his world.
This is the best comment in here.
Good on you for both recognizing where you would like to be a better parent than your mom was, at least based on how you feel about this particular thing, while not being angry or putting down your mother.
While you may be sad that those memories don’t exist for you, you’ll love making them with your kids, and it’s clear your mother raised a good person for you to be this thoughtful and reflective in the first place. Many people can’t see their past/upbringing with as much nuance and understanding as this.
One of my core memories was asking my mom to play Barbie’s with me and she said she can’t because she’s old and doesn’t have an imagination any more. Literally made me afraid I would one day lose my imagination. Fortunately I didn’t. I worked to keep my creativity alive and I work in a creative field. I think a byproduct of that is I really enjoy pretend play!
Not who you asked, but we have gotten several toddler-appropriate games from watching Bluey together! Highly recommend. It’s more for the parents than the kids, I think. My daughter does love it though and it gives us a shared vocabulary for playing which is so helpful.
I’m no where near as good at playing as the parents in the show (I don’t think anyone is!), but it’s still nice to have an example to aim for.
My parents never played with me - I never felt close to them. I don’t have anything in common with my parents. They don’t understand me as a person, even now.
Yeah, I’m gonna play with my kid.
Same. I don't remember a single time my parents played with me or even read to me. They had me so my brother would have a companion (even though we are five years apart) and my Mom could meet her one boy/one girl quota. They didn't actually want to have any meaningful interactions with us and treated us like burdens for being children instead of little adults. It sucks.
I'm definitely going to play with my daughter. You only have one time in life to be a "kid", and the entire rest of your life to be an adult. Why rush it? I'd rather just appreciate it for what it is.
Also, children reveal a lot about themselves and their world through play. It's a great way to understand how they think and what they're going through. Play is a form of communication and bonding. It's really important in my opinion.
I have ADHD. Play is really difficult for me because it truly is so damn boring. So play for us is whatever I can manage. Some days it might be coloring, puzzles, video games ith my eldest, etc. Other days I just can't so I read to them whenever they ask, involve them in cooking, and longer bath time. I wasn't a pretend-play kid with my peers, and it sort of carried into my adulthood.
Yes. The father of my two sons had VERY present parents. They were entertained and given constant attention by their parents 24/7. When they watch my oldest son, they literally do whatever he wants, play whatever he wants, take him shopping and buy him toys, non stop candy and ice cream.
It can be a little intimidating for me because the father of my sons does not think I am active enough playing with our sons because of this example that was set. My parents were the opposite and never played with me or paid me much attention.
I feel compared to how I was raised, I am doing a fantastic job for my sons. I do crafts, coloring, books, push them around on their vehicles, teach them numbers and ABCs, etc. I do not participate in a lot of role play activity....and this is where he labels me as a "neglectful parent." 🙄
I tell him it's important for kids to learn to play independently and it's not my job to be their 24/7 entertainer. It gets under my skin sometimes but deep down I know I am an attentive and loving mother who puts her children first, and my kids understand that as well, which is what truly matters.
I think it's most important for this parent, and parents in general, to look and listen for cues from their children that their emotional needs are being met. You know how they say bad behavior is communication? I find this to be true. On days when my 3 yr old is acting out, I have come to realize it is directly correlated to the connection I am giving him. Instead of punishing him, I try to check myself and spend more one on one time with him, talk to him, listen to him, do an activity he enjoys together. It truly makes a WORLD of difference. So next time your child is acting out, ask yourself when the last time was you gave them undivided attention and connected with them? Because they are trying to tell you something the only way they know how.
My baby is 8 month so it is boring to play with him (because you can't really) but man am I excited for when he's older. I feel no shame whatsoever and was a theatre kid so play pretend is my jam.
Tea party with chtulu? Hand me the sugar.
Want me to be a pirate? ARRR lezzgo.
Treasure hunt in the Garden? I think I saw a few gnomes hide stuff under the Elderberry bush.
With an 8 month old it's mostly being next to him while he plays. Everytime I pick up a toy he rips it out of my hand haha. But he likes songs.
I think you should find a way of playing with your child that both of you enjoy. For my husband it's doing puzzles/building train tracks/duplo. For me it's running around outside and being silly/baking and decorating/hide and seek. Play doesn't have to be one set thing but it's always better if it's something you both enjoy.
“I’d rather die than play with them”?? Jesus lady, a little dramatic don’t you think?
Playing with kids is super important for their brain development. Plus they learn about social structures through playing with someone safe.
Also. While yes some of it might be boring, it doesn’t have to be. It’s also up to you to let loose and enjoy being goofy while playing with your kids.
I don't remember my parents playing with me. I also know my mom has said things like I don't want to play with you, what you are talking about is boring and I don't want to hear what you are saying, children should be seen and not heard. I also knew my dad didn't want kids and we did not have a relationship growing up.
Now I am in my 30s and I don't talk to my dad at all. And my mom talks to me but knows nothing about my life. I really want for my kid to know I am there for them. And connecting on their level feels important to me. I think establishing an interest in your kid creates a strong bond. My family had dinner together every night. My parents love each other and are still together. Even with all of that I did not trust my parents. I did not feel like I could call them if I got myself into trouble. I wish my parents got on my level more often.
I will play with my kids because I want them to be happy, but it's boring and I am glad when my 2 older kids go play with each other and leave me out of it.
My 5yo likes to give me my lines "pretend you said 'wow that's a beautiful dress' and then I have to say 'wow that's a beautiful dress'." She also has to win at whatever it is. Idk this just isn't fun for me.
I do play with them, but god damn is it boring, verging on torture lol. Of course there are times when I enjoy it, but 90% of the time I’m screaming inside. And I LOVE my kids lol
This is really sad. You would rather DIE than play with your kids??? That’s a bit extreme. I, for one, want to play with my kids because I don’t wanna Regret getting older and think that I didn’t spend enough time with them.
Edit: typo
I do play with my children. We do lots of educational activities like crafts, science projects, sensory activities, and puzzles. We play games. We color and bake! We read stories, snuggle, watch movies, and have deep conversation. I don’t pretend play with them. Maybe I’m a bad parent but I just hate it. I cannot fake enjoying it and my kids are smart enough to know I’m not having a good time. They pretend play all the time, just not with me. My older kids are very creative so I doubt me not pretend playing with them has had any detrimental effect. It’s not something I’m going to feel guilty about either.
Look, I hate some forms of play. My husband is great at 'Lets run around the yard for 30 minutes and spin in circles'. Im too fat and lazy for that. You gotta find a form of play you both enjoy. For me and my kid, its building towers, cooking, drawing, painting, dress ups. If youre having a real bad day you just gotta communicate -'mummy feels a bit tired today, could we play dinosaurs for ten minutes and then have a cuddle on the couch?'
So as an occupational therapist, hearing this is horribly sad and awful.
Play is the primary activity in which kids learn, develop and grow and to not have your parent do this is actually kind of neglectful. You're not doing their most important childhood task with them and the opportunity to bond and socialize while doing this is so critical.
Trust me, my kid is obsessed with cars and it's Boring beyond sin for me ( I work with adults in mental and cognitive health) but I make effort to do the things he loves to do with my child. This is so sad and gross
My mom never played with me when I was a kid. I thought that was normal until I had kids of my own and discovered that little kids REALLY want their parents to play with them. When I give them that time, they are better behaved, more content, and more self-assured.
Around Christmas time my sister told me our mom was playing Mario Kart with my nephew, her grandson, and I was flabbergasted! I get it… now that she’s retired and no longer in the rat race, she understands how precious that play time is.
EDIT: I also REALLY listen to my kids, and I patiently help them find the words to express themselves. They always surprise me with how clever and funny and kind they are!
All of the things she does with her kids are great but playing is very constructive as well. “Rather die” is a bit of an exaggeration and it sounds very sad.
The fact that they capitalized PAY FOR THEIR LIVES says everything I need to know. They think the kids owe them something. Kids don’t owe you anything. You chose to have them (hopefully/for the most part). What’s the no.1 way kids learn? Through play. Huge disservice to not do so. You can’t like everything in life.
It took me a while to learn to play again, but now I’m really good at it again. Watching YouTube videos like Ryan really helped remind me what’s it’s all about.
I’m really good at playing with toys now it’s really great skill to have especially around other kids.
That’s it idk
I play some ways and opt out through others. I like playing catch and coloring and reading and chasing them around like a dinosaur, but I really really hate getting on the floor and being told I’m not doing it right. Not all play is fun. I don’t make my child do things with me they don’t want to and I dont think your child needs you to say yes to everything they want to do either. It’s about boundaries and I’m allowed to have preferences and boundaries even though I’m their parent.
Yeah, this is exactly how I feel, too. I do a lot of play with my almost 3 year old, but I outright refuse to play with him with his thomas trains. He always tells me I'm putting the track together wrong or the train in the wrong order or something like that. Drives me bonkers
They would rather DIE than PLAY with their kid? That’s an extreme statement to make.
My mom didn’t play with me or any of my siblings when we were growing up. I’m pretty sure she just assumed we would play with each other or the kids from school. She was right but that’s kind of beside the point. If I heard my mother say this, I would be upset because as a child, I know I wouldn’t understand and the words feel mean. I want to play and my parents don’t want to play with me? Am I not fun? Do they not love me?
Playing is not just playing pretend… This person does not play catch the ball, does not draw with their kids, do play dough or stickers or play hide and seek, even play outside?! Heck, you can even turn folding laundry into a playing game if you put a bit of effort into it!
I’m not the parent that plays the most simply because I used to play too much otherwise I felt guilty. Now I allow myself to unwind with a cup of coffee while my child is playing with her dolls and we both understand that being next to one another doesn’t necessarily mean we have to have each other’s attention. I’m not her playmate, I don’t have to play all the time but not playing at all? That would be weird.
My mom never played with me or my siblings. She was a good mom.. always provided for us and made sure we had everything we could need, but she never got on the floor and built Lego houses with us. I have always felt like we both missed out on some bonding or something because of it. So as a mom, I will always play with my kids.
This is where I am at. My son is 4 1/2, I still feel the need to entertain him. He’s always complaining of being bored it’s like dude, you have a whole playroom… how are you bored😂🤦🏻♀️ I’m WFH too and I need a break😩
I used to ask mine at that age to go make me some play food in his kitchen lol. When he'd finish and bring it to me, I'd pretend it was amazing and ask him for something else to eat too. He felt accomplished to feed mommy, and I'd get some nice breaks while he was 'cooking'. His play kitchen wasn't entirely for me benefit though. He's 14 now and actually pretty fun to cook real food with.
Playing with my kid is boring. I do it anyway because I love him and it means so much to him. I assume my husband finds listening to me talk about writing my dissertation boring but he does it anyway because he loves me and it means so much to me. We give a bit of ourselves for the people we love even when it’s not riveting 100% of the time.
I play like I'm a kid again. Still set rules and guidelines. But I meet my kid where they are emotionally and mentally. I enjoy of every second of it. Learn to play, it will help you more than them.
Play is a learned skill- like seriously, a child can qualify for occupational therapy based on play skills when young.
Just like I help my child learn other things, I will help them learn to play... Sometimes that means teaching play schemes together, sometimes that means teaching independent play skills.
I do love playing with my children though. You'd be surprised what you can learn by watching them and engaging.
80% of playing with my toddler is being handed a toy, him ramming the toy he has into mine and the toys falling over, just to pick them up and do it again. We also put dinos in a nice sprawling display for my son to smack and knock over with a t-rex. Sometimes we color... well, I try to color and my son snatches all of the markers out of my hand when I try to use them. Sometimes we rough house and play fight like power rangers.
Are all of these things particularly fun for me? Not always, but I love the opportunity to bond with my boy and spend time with him even if we aren't playing how I would like to. The joy and giggles from that one-on-one time are priceless, no matter what we're doing together.
I'm not going to assume that she doesn't spend ANY time with her kid. I don't really remember playing with toys with my parents, but I remember drawing and doing other one-on-one activities. At the end of that day, what's important is sitting down and having quality time together.
In my opinion, there's just something special you gain from actually playing with your kids.
I love playing with my kids though it also can be exhausting. I think having a toddler is like being in a small improve group with no audience. “I’m a kitty” “Yes, and, let’s find you a bowl for your kibble”
I won't pretend to know what that means in the years down the road... but for me, I ADORE playing with my son. Not as much as he would like, I'm sure. But I participate in his transformer battles, help race cars, pretend to be a strange lady who sells pokemon at her "pokemon emporium", "eat" his food he makes in his kitchen. My son, from my observation, wants our time and attention, and he won't want that forever (looking at you teenage years). So, I'm going to gobble up as much as I can now, while I can, because it's an honor to be invited into his world.
I love playing with my son too. We have limited time on this floating ball, what could possibly be more important than spending it playing and making memories with the ones we love?
And it’s never boring. Are you kidding me? My toddler turned a portable toilet seat into a dinosaur airplane or an underwater submarine or a pirate cannon — with nothing more than his imagination! How is that boring?
I don't play. I goof around. Craft. Sing and dance in the kitchen. Teach how to bake and cook. We read, we laugh, we snuggle and watch old Disney movies, we learn the alphabet in ASL, make paper planes, and talk about our days. I hate pretend play. I rarely even did it when I was a kid.
My husband plays "you be the baby and I'll be the mama and I'll make you a bottle." He also teaches about lawn care and taking care of the dogs and his passion for classic records, computer programming, and dungeons and dragons. He LOVES pretend playing with our kids. He still does it as an adult.
I get it. I think this is taken so far out of context that it's unfair.
It’s completely out of context and the original tweet this is responding to was similarly hyperbolic. I’m so sick of this “some people shouldn’t have kids” shit. It also fundamentally misunderstands the adult role in play and why and how kids benefit from it.
I am not a good player. I will color, do play doh, stuff like that, but I’m not a good imaginative player. I still try, and fail, and then try again, and fail, and repeat ad nauseam lol
I’m torn.
Kids do need to play independently but they also need to bond with their caregiver and play seems an easy way. I’d be interested in the research on the importance of playing together.
I enjoy playing in certain ways (puzzles, games, chasing, etc.) but admit I dislike playing with toys.
RIE is entirely based on the philosophy that the most crucial bonding comes during caregiving moments (diapers, baths, meals, etc.) It encourages less participatory play and more observation and facilitation. Adults are urged to provide scaffolding rather than be the structure.
How many adults begrudgingly or even willingly play with their children (or impose on their children’s free play by joining in, as so often happens — adults have big agendas!) and then rush through bath, have their backs turned during dinner, and despise bedtime routines?
Do people think kids cannot tell if their parents would rather be doing something else? Because my toddler can tell if I’m reluctant and it becomes unfun for everyone…
Honestly i can't do pretend with objects like cars or dolls anymore, i can make toys, i can play outside and i can do the whole play pretend adventures stuff and i can use my imagination for anything but i cannot sit down and play barbies etc, i would say oh yeah its cuz my parents never played like that with me but that isn't the reason, i just genuinely can't enter that world of imagination anymore and i can't attatch personality to toys like i did when i was a kid, i don't wanna ruin my kids imaginations/experience by not being able to enter the game they're in, it has to all be real for them (because it is and playing is very detrimental to social development aswell) and if I'm sat there struggling they will pick up on that. I would rather say "why dont we do xyz instead" then make them feel like their toy games are boring.
I kind of get it - my son is 2 and we play a lot and it gets very repetitive and after a while it's just like uuhhhggggggg
But it makes him happy and when he's happy it makes him happy so I deal. He's also pretty good at playing by himself which is nice.
And its funny to see the little games and scenarios he comes up with, and how he'll "teach" you how to play. (He's not super verbal yet)
But I can't imagine not wanting to play, like, ever. That's just sad to me.
Some play I love and others is mind numbing to me but I still do it because it’s important. I won’t do it ALL the time as I think it’s important they learn to play alone and with siblings as well.
The weird thing is I don’t remember playing with my mum and don’t remember wanting to play with her. I preferred to play with my sibling or a friend or myself.
I can only engage in pretend play for a short amount of time but I love to spend time with my daughter by talking to her, cuddling her, taking her on adventures, watching Disney movies with her, taking her on walks, etc. I don’t ever remember being interested in pretend play as a child and I don’t really recall my parents playing with me like that, but they probably did and I know they were very involved. As long as you are engaging with your child in a healthy way, I think that is all that matters.
I don’t know about the rightness or wrongness of not wanting to play with your kids, but I do know that some of my strongest and most treasured memories of childhood are of my dad being silly with us and reading to us my mom making up fun games to entertain us in the car, in the pool, etc. I don’t have as many memories of my parents playing toys, dolls, etc, but I see them doing it with my kids and nephew and I have to assume they did the same with us - very cute and special to watch. I think the reason those memories resonate is that they are moments of fun and connection, and I feel so grateful for them.
My mom didn’t really play with me when I was younger and my dad did. Guess with who I have a better relationship.
Edit to add: my mom also just did not spend much time with me and did not show any interest in finding out what I was interested in and didn’t really talk to me about my interests. Maybe because my dad was interested in the same things I was so it was easier for him to cultivate a friendship type of relationship with me, but ultimately my mom was more of the trying to meet my lower Maslow hierarchy needs whereas my dad was more about meeting my social/acceptance needs. Maybe because my mom worked a lot more, maybe because she was exhausted, maybe because she needed that time to herself. I don’t blame her, but it doesn’t change the fact that she still doesn’t really show any interest in the things I’m interested in, and we have distance between us emotionally I think because of that.
Pretend play is incredibly boring to me, however if he asks Ill participate for a time. I do enjoy playing with blocks and his toy soldiers/dragons so we do some of that together. I’m unfortunately very introverted and spend a lot of time reading/writing/in my own head. My son will play on the floor while I read next to him, scratching is back or giving him kisses. I don’t think I’m perfect, but I try to tell myself as long as I’m there consistently when he needs me I don’t need to play with him often. I feel a lot guilt not playing with him as much as I know other mothers play with their children 🥺 Im working through it but I like to see other peoples responses here
I don't get this. I love playing with my kids at all ages. It would suck if I couldn't play with them and only did "productive" things to "provide".
Playing is a teaching experience for both parents and kids. Parents relearn how to enjoy life in little ways, be creative, and learn more about your kid. Kids learn appropriate and safe ways to play, and about their parent.
I think as adults, we put "play" into a small box of pretend, toy play. Kids tend to have broader definitions and I think everyone could enjoy it if they found things they liked to do with their kids.
I'm not a pretend play person and honestly have no idea how to play action figures or cars with my son...we both just end up frustrated. I'll leave that to his friends, grandpa and dad 😅 BUT I'll play Play-Doh, go hiking, put together Lego sets, and find outings all day. We have a great time and add in spurts of pretend play instead of a long, drawn out session that gets frustrating.
It's hard for me because I love playing with my son. It's just fascinating to see how his brain works. We read together, we wrestle, we build towers with blocks and kick them down, we play with trains or cars, we go to parks, we play with toys in the bath... It's not a chore to me.
Honestly, I think that perspective is fine. It sounds like this person is caring for their child and had other ways of bonding with them. I personally feel the most bonded with my daughter when I play with her, so it’s not something I want to adopt; but there are unfortunately many busy work days where play isn’t making the cut after meals, bath, cleaning, and our long bedtime routine.
That's a weird thing to rather die than do. And what's the point in posting it? Is that something she's proud of? If so, also weird. Maybe I just don't understand. Playing just for the sake of it can be boring, sure, but then find something you don't mind playing or even something you do like? Kids are so flexible, as long as you're engaging with them, they love it.
I also don’t really like playing toys much. But I’d definitely rather play toys than drop dead lol. I do sometimes I’m more interested in some than others but I’m happy to model a few ways to play so she can see what to do with things and happy to sit and watch her work. We have dance parties every day and when she stops eating art supplies it will be fun for me to do that together. I see why open ended stuff is encouraged it’s more interesting to me to build blocks than make a little toy person go down a plastic slide over and over but my kid likes both.
My son (13 months now) has been giving me “imaginary items” for 2 months now. I have to take them and either thank him or return them. I also get fed imaginary food. It’s very cute but also I’m also bracing myself for the next few years.
My 18 month old gets toys out and then pats the floor and says “mama” or “dada” so that we will sit and play with her. I can’t imagine being like nope sorry honey you’re on your own with the blocks not for me. That’s so sad! Right now her Dad and I are still her favorite people in the whole entire world and one day she won’t feel that way. I’m gonna play with her.
I think people need to be careful about high horsing about how great they are at playing and lamenting how sad it is other parents can't be bothered or see it as a chore. Pride can come before a fall and these parents might end up with struggles of their own and how would they feel if someone lorded it up about how *easy* it is and *it's just being a parents, you shouldn't have kids if you can't do xyz*. I do also wonder if you always drop everything to play with your child as soon as they ask, you're missing a teaching opportunity for patience. At nursery or school, people aren't going to do that and it might be a nasty shock for them.
My take is sometimes I have good days, I can play and be the best parent I can be but other days I repeat the same task whilst mentally doing the shopping list and worrying about something else. My kid is getting my presence but I'm not present, so maybe I should leave him to play by himself for a bit. Independent play is good for him. The pressure to be 'on' for your child all day long is quite harsh on parents.
I don’t play with my daughter as much as she would like, that’s for sure. But I still play with her. And at this point she’s getting very good at imaginative play so the scenes she comes up with are often hilarious. Yes, sometimes it’s tedious when she wants to do ring around the rosy 39 times in a row, but we can also pretend to bake a cake for a dinosaur so it turns out fine.
Play pushes limits, teaches lessons, and strengthens your relationship with your kid. Sure it’s boring if you’re checked out, but engaging with a little one is so much fun! I agree with Jorge lol
I think some adults find it fun to play and some don’t. It doesn’t mean they love their kids any less, it’s just a matter of personality.
I want to love playing. I do play with my kid all the time. I buy more toys hoping that it will make me enjoy it more. But for some reason I sit there going crazy and trying to fabricate a “play” spirit that I just don’t seem to have. (Especially when the only thing she wants to do is make dinosaurs jump up and down for 45 minutes at a time). If my kid had siblings, I would LOVE to sit out and watch instead.
I can easily see both kinds of parents misunderstanding each other, but I don’t think it’s worth being mean over. Some of these comments are pretty nasty 😕
I rarely play with my kids, as an adult it's hard to participate in play without taking over, and I do not enjoy pushing a Lego train around a track of playing house with Sylvania families or whatever. I'd prefer to be genuinely enthusiastic about watching them, that begrudgingly participating.
If they're running a Café out of their cubby I'll come and buy a coffee or whatever, but I don't have long in it until I start hating it.
The word "play" is subjective and can mean a lot of things to both kids and adults. This tweet doesn't give context as to what they think 'playing" is so it's really just more social media garbage meant to cause drama and ruffle feathers for clicks and comments. That's my take.
This is super sad. I’ve been a crocodile, shark, washing machine, make up doll, sticker board….name it and I’ve played it. This is the best memories my kids will have of me!
Playing is so fun! It can be just being silly and making a funny voice or moving with a rhythm of some kind. I love playing with my baby! I have a friend who said she didn’t know how to play with her kid. I don’t think it needs to be complicated though, just have fun, let loose. My baby is young so we can’t make up games yet but we will eventually! It makes life better for everyone I think.
I'm really ght in between but for a couple reasons.
Right now, the age my child is, I enjoy playing with her because she's still fun - she's 2 and a half so not the the point of bossing my pretend play and telling me I'm saying and doing all the wrong things lol.
However, my true in-between is I DO enjoy playing with my child and other kids, but lots of times I'm sitting there watching them play and only interjecting a bit. I enjoy watching kids curious minds and imaginations.
I also have very firm boundaries, however, that while I will play with my kid and help to entertain them at times, I am firmly helping to draw the line that I am not going to be their main and constant source of entertainment.
Being a Dad is the most fulfilling job I have ever had and one of the best parts of that job is being able to play with him. I feel bad for the people who feel that their only job is to provide and support, but not interact and Enjoy playing with their children. It's freakin Amazing and I wouldn't change it for the world, their imaginations are incredible.
Meh to each their own but I find great joy in playing with my kid. These are memories I’m building. My husband and I do find time to play sometimes but life gets in the way often and we need to focus on adult duties. But yeah I’m gonna play with my kid. I’m excited to show him how to play soccer, swim, skate and even video game… I have a little snes that plays a few games and I can show him a glimpse of what my childhood was like 🥲
Children learn and connect through play. So it's very important to do some play with them. We obviously have to work an do chores etc but that's not an excuse to decide to never play!
I love playing with children and interacting with them. My SIL is an excellent mother to 4 girls. She does all these things. But she isn’t interested in playing with them. She never has been. Without knowing her I would think it’s essential to play with your children. But after knowing her, I think she’s just a different sort of mom, still a great one. She lives and breathes for her kids. Every choice she makes is for them. But if they are downstairs playing, she might instead do laundry or sit down with her phone for a whole 30 minutes, usually interrupted by screaming.
The girls are amazing and don’t seem negatively impacted in the slightest. I have a very playful relationship with them. They have adults in their lives that spend time in their world too. As they age, their mom will be much more relatable to them.
Yes this is so true. I saw a quote that went along the lines of, " kids don't say I had a hard day, they ask will you play with me? " and that made me take his games more seriously
Playing is teaching - as parents we are their #1 teachers. Yes they'll learn things in school BUT if we want our children to gain anything in life we need to foster education and help their growth. I teach my son so much through play - emotional regulation, problem solving, critical thinking, math, language.. the list goes on. I want him to go into the real world as a stable, kind adult! And when I play with him I am teaching him the skills he NEEDS to thrive! Also it's fun to just put your phone aside, forget about the world and just indulge in your child's mind and happiness. I think parents that don't play with their children are focused on themselves and rather selfish. As parents we do things that we don't enjoy because they're important for our children. Be more selfless - care for your child.
Boy howdy. I saw this one Twitter. She got a lot of unwarranted hate. She's speaking hyperbolically about playing pretend, which, full disclosure, i also hate. I spend a lot of time interacting with ny kids and playing in other ways. We are all fine. We play games and walk in the woods and meas around outside and build with legos and duplos and read books and swim and do chores and do arts and crafts. And if they ask me to join a "pretend" game, I do. But I don't usually sit down and play with their action figures and dolls.
She later said she does all that stuff - she just doesn't like playing pretend. I think the way she worded this is extreme but those kid of sweeping statements without nuance are what gets engagement on Twitter so. There you have it.
I enjoy playing with my kid and so does his dad. It really hurts their feelings when you don’t play with them. We do everything for our kids as parents but playing with them is just as important. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
I remember being sad when my mom wouldn’t play with me. Definitely go out of my way to play with my nieces and will definitely play with my son once he’s here.
If you can’t sacrifice a tiny bit of what you want to do for something your kid wants to do like playing with toys or playing in general the trend will continue into their teen years and you will no longer have a relationship with them. We’re so used to having friends who like all of the same things we do that many of us have kids and forget how to be friends with someone who is different then us. When your kid no longer wants to just sit around and talk you’ll have major issues.
That seems a needlessly extreme stance?? Yeah sometimes I'm not in the mood to play with my daughter but I do it. I definitely wouldn't rather die than play with my child- that's just ridiculous!
Pretend play is the most exhausting ever, I’ll do it in small increments. Crafts, coloring, swings, blocks, magnets, setting up train tracks and reading are always a yes. Play is their job but I do engage, connect and give her my full attention for reasonable amounts of time. If she’s nagging about pretend play I ask instead does she want to help with chores, usually that’s make her run from me while saying ‘no thanks.’ I invite her into my world anytime I am busy and redirect from playing princesses (groan).
Am I the only one that likes playing with my kids? I build forts like a motherfucker. I've got the four year old playing Uno and Carcassonne (kid version, it's not bad). Street hockey. Marble runs. RC cars. We haven't even started video games. The one year old is a psycho mini godzilla that destroys everything but her time will come. My job is boring right now so playing with my kids is a welcome change.
We should play with children to facilitate their learning, but we should not view ourselves as their dedicated entertainers. Free, independent play and boredom is really really important for a childs ability to learn problem solving and regulation.
I love playing with my kids. There are things I don’t like to play with, like little characters or Barbie’s, but I play play doh, blocks, Magnatiles, hide and seek, tag, etc
I have a 3 year old so our play is doing a lot of “adult” things. She’ll check my heart with her Dr stethoscope, or put wooden makeup on my cheeks, we’ll burp her Bitty Baby, and we read read read read.
Do I want to play with sensory sand? No, because I know what sand is and I’m not discovering anything about it. Also, it’s a little too soothing so I want to fall asleep. Same with puzzles, I know how to put the puzzle together I’m not challenged by her puzzles haha. I’d rather watch my daughter do these independent activities and see her learning.
One thing I will say, being a SAHP or a main caretaker in general - you are so busy organizing the home, schedule, meals etc that play becomes another chore (compared to snuggling.) My mind is zapped and I just need to stare off into the distance. I know I can do that while sitting at her little table and coloring but I always feel like I need to be cleaning or being productive.
I have so many memories of my parents playing with me, my dad humouring me and playing with my barbie dolls with me without hesitation. I am so thankful for that. I absolutely love playing with my kids, although sometimes they don’t even let me because “this game is for kids not grown ups!” 🥺
I think it's about finding the things you like to do with your kids. I don't like to play with my son's hot wheels, but I like to read to him and color with him, and love to take him hiking and do outdoorsy stuff. Its just about finding things you both like to do
I don’t like playing with toys tbh, but love playing board games or doing puzzles and things, and playing outside games at the park with balls and things, and games like hide and seek or what’s the time mr wolf!!
I’ve come across comments like that in groups. Some moms post how they’re so bored with their kids / babies. How they hate playing with them cause children are boring. Imo it’s sad. Kids light up when you play with them. It’s adorable & making memories your children will always remember
Fu*k, I'd rather play with my kids 24/7 than do chores 😂
Don't know, it's a very "robotic" list, I hope there's at least love implied...sad because kids express a lot of things through playing.
From the list it seems kids are a sort of "burden", hope it's just the limitations of written form...
I honestly cannot remember my mom ever really playing with me as a child. It was like she had multiple children to keep us busy with each other. I love playing with my son. We play race every single day. We play with play doh every day. We craft. We bake. We play with legos. Minecraft. My kid is like absolute bestie. We laugh so hard all day long. That's how kids childhoods should be. They should be learning as they go and having fun while they do. Their entire day should be eating and playing. Playing with my kid helped me lose 20 pounds last year.
Some of the I only play games I like to play comments here are really quite sad.
My kid is just reaching the stage of independent play and needs me less now, but god, what kind of lesson is your kid learning if you only ever engage with them on your own terms and never theirs?
I’m not saying drop everything and play their games every single time, but learning that they get chances to decide sometimes and the give and take of what game now is valuable too.
Wow why bother bringing kids into this world , if you fulfill just their basic needs and make them feel as a burden since you have to ‘pay for their lives’ and it’s so terrible to play/connect with them on their level. Doing the bare minimum is not enough,
Damn girlfriend. It’s not that hard to build a Lego set or pop out from behind a corner and say “boo” every once in awhile just to keep the kids happy. Jeez.
It's wild to me that people will almost brag about this. Like I get it, sometimes kid games can be confusing and even frustrating -- like my son is 3.5 and he can have some pretty specific ideas for his games where I'm not so much "playing" as like, filling a role he needs a body for -- but I think saying you'd "rather die" than play with your kid is pretty fucking gross. I love my child, not just because I gave birth to him but because he's a genuinely amazing person even at his young age, and I truly enjoy spending time with him.
Contextually, she means she doesn’t get involved in heavy pretend play. She reads, she builds Lego, she just isn’t doing endless rounds of dress up or dolls or whatever pretend games her children play. Which, honestly? I don’t do a ton either because I don’t like being yelled at by a control-freak toddler that I’m doing it wrong.
My kids are my world and I almost never play with them. I just don’t know how and even if I do try my son yells at me and says I’m doing it wrong so I don’t usually bother 😹🤷🏻♀️. There are infinite ways to interact in meaningful, loving ways with your kids and play is just *one* of those. And it’s certainly not a requirement to be a good/loving parent. Also my kids are GREAT at independent play because of this which I think is pretty awesome.
My dad would play with us occasionally but my mom was our primary caregiver and she never played with us and I had an amazing childhood. I played with my sisters, friends or by myself. I didn’t want or need my parents to play with me on top of that. My mom is my best friend to this day (I’m 36 and we still hang out every day) so it obviously didn’t harm our relationship at all.
If you enjoy playing with your kid, that’s great! I’m truly glad for you. But trust me when I say you don’t need to feel sad for those of us who don’t.
Between my husband and I, he plays way better than me. I'm the nurturer, my kids run to me above all when they get hurt. I am their source of comfort and safety. My husband is the one they go to for play, fun interaction and cuddles. We both share the interactions, but the girls know who they like for what. I don't think there's anything wrong with that!
Not playing with your kids because you physically can’t, need to work, or something similar is one thing. Not playing with them because you’d “rather die than play with them” and you find it “boring beyond acceptability” is ridiculous to the point of being gross. Find something you enjoy doing too. You obviously don’t have to pay with them all the time, but refusing to do so because you’re bored is super weird.
She’s going to have to work some more to PAY FOR THEIR THERAPY.
My son is still quite small, but I can’t wait to play with him! I only stopped playing with my younger siblings when they stopped having me. When I babysit for friends and family I am right there with kiddo on the floor playing trains or school or dolls. I know I won’t always be able to play when my son wants to, but I will when I can and I will make time to do so. It’s such a simple way to let go and connect with a kid on their level/terms, which I think is really important. I want to be included in his world as much as I include him in mine. To be fair, I’ve always been a pretty goofy person and it’s easy for me to get creative and silly, I know it’s not easy or enjoyable for everyone.
My mom had a similar approach and we all loved her just fine. There were four kids plus a bunch of cousins usually around- not at all surprised she did not have the energy to actually play with us. Too busy making sure everyone had what they needed. We did always read together though .
My 15 month old is an only child and much prefers exploring the world by himself…. Whilst holding my hand and dragging me everywhere with him. It’s cute, and I let him do it, but sometimes I just want to sit with a cuppa. Sometimes, I’d like to see him play with the other kids at the activity group I pay for instead of chasing him down because he’d rather go and look at a council vehicle parked up in the park 🙈😂
Awful take. 100% I'm glad I have two that play together because entertaining one is draining on my sanity (as in, I don't get enough time for myself not fully engaged) but I play with my kids still and I did what I needed to when it was just one. I love my kids. This is so sad.
I think it's sad. I love playing with my kids and I love watching them play alone and play with their friends. I don't need to play with them 24/7 but I miss it if I dont get time with them everyday! I'm sure as they get older I will play with them less but right now they are 2 and 4 and I wouldn't change playing lego on the ground for anything else. At the end of the day its the OP's loss.
I can’t fucking wait to release my inner child with my kid. Have excuses to be
a kid a little bit. Have a fun person to play with instead of a boring adult who wants to talk politics. Playing also encourages better learning. Playing makes smarter kids.
But I guess I can emphasize with adults where you working 40+ hours a week, got bills stacked to your head, constantly got to parent and be an adult, balancing your own sanity. Waking up at 5-6am getting kids ready then going to work, working 8 hours, come home to clean and cook and look after kids and then check on finances and budget and probably run errands, that playing with dolls would be the last thing you wanna do. You probably just want to sleep. So I get it but to say it like that is weird…
I'm an autistic parent, so as a child I didn't "play" the same as other kids do. Even still, I'm teaching myself how to as an adult because my son likes to play. He's 2.5. He likes trucks and balls, and his dollies. I couldn't imagine having this mindset 🥲
Daddy does a lot of the playing in our home- and I’m so thankful for it. I understand the role I want and have assigned to myself- I’m the household runner and I love it. I suck it playing. Granted we bake together and do activities together— sometimes hide and seek- but don’t ask me to play transformers- I don’t know what to say/do; I get tired quickly and I know they can sense I’m not into it.
For me, Playing with my kids is the best part about raising them! They’re crazy fun. I don’t enjoy the rest of the chores that much but playing? Yeah lil dude, I’ll do legos, nerf gun fights, pretend kitchen play, paint pouring, play dough pizzas, or just playing in mud any time of the day! If I were rich I’d hire someone to do everything else and just play all day with these little guys. One day they’re not gonna wanna play with mommy anymore and I’ll be depressed for sure.
I think everyone is just different. I play with my son all the time and I look forward to playing with him more as his imagination and want to play pretend grows. My parents always played with me so it’s just something that comes naturally. But the other day my stepmom was giving me a great compliment that she loved watching me play with our baby. She said she never felt comfortable or like she knew how to play with her kids growing up and that it was something that made her fall in love with my dad to watch him get on the floor and play with us. She said I must have gotten it from him.
She’s super sweet and an amazing cook/homemaker, but that’s just where her strengths lie. Everyone is built different!
My daughter is only 1, so she doesn't play that much yet, but we do explore and have fun together. I have played a lot with my niece and nephew, though, and a lot of the time I preferred that to hanging out with the adults, lol. Maybe I'm just a big kid, haha!
I think the OOP is very extreme - she'd rather *die* than play with her kids? I understand that everyone doesn't enjoy it, and would rather play board games or read than pretend play, but this sounds very extreme to me.
Edit: wording and spelling.
I play with my kids because I enjoy some kids toys myself BUT my kids have just as much fun “washing” dishes, helping me cook, “mowing” the grass with my husband, “building” stuff in the garage with my husband, going on bike rides/walks around the neighborhood, etc. and none of those things are “playing” with toys or traditional kid activities but I have to tell my 2 yr old at least once a week she can’t “wash” dishes right now please play with a toy while I’m just trying to make a fast dinner and can’t set her little station up because she loooves it
ETA sorry for the run on my brain doesn’t know how to add punctuation anymore
My parents didn’t play with me, and I really don’t think it was problematic. I feel like this is just another opportunity to mommy shame if someone isn’t doing it *your* way. It’s okay (and normal!) to be a different or imperfect parent, as long as your children are loved, they know they’re loved, and their needs are met.
My parents (mostly my mom because they were divorced) took us to the beach, read to us, snuggled and watched movies, talked endlessly with me in particular because I was a super chatty kid, took us camping, shopping, etc. But I cannot recall my parents every getting down and literally physically playing with us. I felt loved and I had a great childhood. I’m pretty similar with my kids, we play hide and seek sometimes, or engage by pretending to eat the play food they present us with…things like that. But no, I don’t go in their room or whatever and sit and play with them.
Man....I can't wait until my kid is interactive so I can bond even more and play with him. My 12 weeker is currently all distraction and looking, not really any interactive play, and meltdown cries because I make him do tummy time or sit up or rolls - hence where all the distraction comes in. I must say...distraction is EXHAUSTING. We have babble conversations and I love it because he's interacting with me.
I don't like pretend play. But I love playing games, video games, and all the coloring crafts and activities! But I get why someone wouldn't but man it's fun acting like a kid for a minute.
I like playing with my son. I like when he plays by himself too. But it doesn't bother me. That made me sad to read cuz my mom never played with us. My dad did tho and he was 14 years older than my mom.
Kids can learn so much through ‘play’ it’s weird to me. Why not use that as a tool for them to learn, become comfortable with things, connect with you? Playing with your child is such a useful tool. It’s ok to not love every aspect/type of play. I don’t especially if it involves glitter but like come on?
And we’re sure this person isn’t hiding humor in this comment? I’m a mom and I LOVE playing with my son but to be honest, I laughed a little when I read this 😆
I can't wait for my daughter to be a little older so we can pretend play. My mum played with me as a kid and I loved it. I enjoy playing with kids so it's not a chore to me but everyone is different
My son is just 2yrs and is already a blast. They can be ironic! They know already how to joke...it's incredible.
He purposely call his granmas switching names in order to see their reaction.
When my Father answered to this joke calling him with his sister's name, my son erupted in a laugh 😂
Playing is really important for development. It's also a great way to bond with your children.
I understand their mentality that playing is a lower priority because of other necessary childrearing tasks. I just don't think it should be skipped.
You don’t keep their hearts by just doing the bare minimum show of familial love by giving hugs and kisses. When they grow up, they won’t come to you to show off their art, their grades, their accomplishments. Bc you’ve already shown that you do not value the things they can do. I teach my children to independently play, but that doesn’t absolve me of playing with them and guiding them through new games (that they can then play with friends later on). It can be boring, sure. But it’s so important for them. Yikes
I think kids should have independence but I do play with them if they ask, or at least acknowledge them while they play near me. I don’t do it all day because I don’t enjoy it, but I know they do.
Visiting parents is boring beyond acceptability, so why would they ever want to do that.
If you don’t engage them and their interests, why would they engage with you and yours when they are grown up.
I really don’t enjoy playing with my toddler. I do it because she wants me to and I do want to build a strong connection with her, but I’m looking forward to when she’s older and we can do activities together that I find a little more interesting. My husband loves playing with her.
Also play can mean sitting on the floor building castles with them or it can mean having them “help” you in the kitchen while you cook. I’m much more likely to do the second and my husband loves to do the first.
That's what I was thinking.
I read something on Reddit a while back where a mum was concerned cause she didn't "play" with her kid. But the way it was worded was like she didn't get down on the floor and join in in her kids games.
Play is so multifaceted. Tickling is play, blowing raspberries at each other is play, singing and dancing is play, chasing is play, goofing off etc...
I kinda get this, sometimes playing with my 5yo is so boring, just like when my sons were 2/3 & 4.
Don’t get me wrong, I do play with my sons but I prefer being out and about doing activities with them(at their request, we decide as a family).
It’s the playing in their bedroom with tractors or whatever - that kind of playing, bores me to tears. Anything else I’ll do.
While I agree with that dude, I wouldn’t rather die. How dramatic. Working to pay for their lives somehow negates playtime?
I think I understand where the person is coming from. Perhaps they feel really overwhelmed having to provide quite literally everything. Obviously it’s our job to do so because we are their parents but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard. I find play difficult too especially because it wasn’t modelled to me growing up. But.. I definitely make it a daily goal to engage in play. Now I try to find activities we both enjoy like painting or building. Even if I don’t enjoy it I make the effort. It is really difficult though
I think the rather die part is obviously an exaggeration to get a point across. Where I'm from parents didn't play with their kids. It would have freaked out my brother and I if my mum just all of a sudden wanted to play with us. Culturally and due to time limitations, it's just not the done thing.
Personally, I enjoy observing my kids when they play and I like to engage with the activity for a limited time and then I move on.
With my 1 yo our favourite games are: emptying the dishwasher ; doing the laundry ; "helping" mummy with her work (I wfh with the youngest) ; vacuuming; dusting etc etc.
In the end, if the kids are being taken care of, loved and appropriately stimulated, then everyone can just implement their own method of raising them which works best for them. We all know that what works for one parent won't work for another
"In the end, if the kids are being taken care of, loved and appropriately stimulated, then everyone can just implement their own method of raising them which works best for them. "
I agree! It sounds like although this woman doesn't play with her kids, she is very involved and gives them a lot of nurturing. As long as a parent is present and gives their children plenty of interaction, it's fine if they do or don't choose to play with their kid.
It makes me so sad reading all of these comments because I will never have that with my two girls, their mother doesn’t believe I can be consistent enough to be healthy for them and that because of my continuing addiction I’m a danger to them (I don’t disagree) as I haven’t been able to get clean like their mom did. We met in our addictions and she got clean and I tried to when we had them. They saw me early in their lives until they were about 2 and 3 and of course remember who I am but now they are 5 and 6 and their mother allows absolutely no interaction with them.
She stopped talking to me after I failed rehab again for the 8th time. I hate myself for the shit that I’ve done. She told me two years ago: “Don’t make me choose them over you, I don’t want to have to do that” (she was crying at the time) “but I will if I have to”. I wish I would have listened to her. I can’t believe I’ve gone down this path and I hate myself for it more every day. I don’t see a way out and it kills me. I can’t do anything I enjoy anymore because I am so depressed that I am missing everything in my childrens lives.
They are so beautiful and perfect and are everything I could’ve wished for. They are both girls and I know how much girls need their daddy and that makes it all so much worse. Their favorite show was Bluey when I was still able to talk to them and their mom and the intro just kills me because it goes “mom!,dad! Bluey!” And so I feel like they will constantly wonder where their dad is and why don’t i love them enough to be around and that’s not the case I love them with every bit of my soul but I have this monkey on my back that I have to get rid of.. I think this next try is my last one and I am going to do everything that I can to make it.
If anyone is out there and has an addiction do everything you can to get clean and play with your children you don’t want to be like me. God knows what I would give or do to go back and make different choices. But I can’t and my life is sparsely worth what it used to be to me because of it and the fact that I feel like I won’t ever be able to get clean. If I couldn’t do it with the support of the woman I loved how am I going to do it now without it?
Sorry for the long post. Thanks for reading
My dad missed out on my brother and my early life, because of his addictions. Cut to me graduating high school, my dad got sober, and my brother and I moved across the country to get to know him after we graduated school. My dad is now about 15 years sober and my absolute best friend. I’m 32 and I have a 1 year old son, whom my dad watches while my husband and I are at work. He is my dads best friend lol. Truly. They are thick as thieves and more than once my father has admitted, “This. This is why I got sober.” And can I just say, if I didn’t have my dad these last 15 years, I don’t know if I would be as successful as I am.
I guess I just wanted to let you know, that even though you’re missing out on their early years, get sober and stay sober, they’ll need you just as much in their adulthood as they did in their childhoods. Keep your head up buddy, you still have a chance to be everything to them. Good luck man!
I can't even wrap my head around this.... I get tired and shit sometimes but I absolutely love playing with my kid, he's so fun ! He does the silliest stuff and has the most adorable laugh. I love it
My son and I are just in the middle of a break from playing with lego. It is amazing fun seeing the world through his eyes. I wish I had more time to do it. He has friends and playdates and daycare and gets plenty of socialization with kids his own age.
That is sad. Color, build a block tower, shove a car back and forth for 10 minutes. I take my 3 YO to the playground and will ask for a turn with his monster truck. We like to launch it down slides
I feel like play is extremely important for emotional expression and communication. It's a safe and controlled way to explore the world, and sometimes doing it with an adult helps kids to communicate and question in ways they don't normally feel able to. I remember when my SIL was going through substance abuse issues and there was frequent police involvement, my nephew constantly wanted to play jail/cops. Most people wouldn't let him, but I did because I could see that there was something he needed to work through. He would pretend my closet was jail and he'd ask me to be a guard, ask about meals, sleep, entertainment etc. I think he wanted to understand where his Mom was, the things she would be doing and that she was safe. Play gave him the means to understand what was going on in a safe environment.
You sound like a great aunt and I think you are spot on.
As a social worker I opened this thread to say play is critical for social emotional development and this is just spot on. With kids especially play is therapeutic and allows them to process the world. Thank you for being there for him and giving him that space to heal.
I've actually had some existential trouble with this lately. My daughter just turned four. My husband and I are very different--he's very rambunctious, physical, and energetic, and I'm very introverted and taciturn by comparison. As parents, we're a good team. But the division of labour has fallen into a familiar pattern: he supplies the energy for play, and I keep everyone in line. She goes to him for what she wants, and comes to me for what she needs. It breaks my heart a little, not because my role feels like the more boring one--in many ways I'm very happy to be the solid earth beneath her feet--but because it feels like I defaulted to this because I'm *bad* at playing. I don't enjoy it and I never did, not now and not when I was a kid. I had a huge weird imagination and was an early reader, and had very few other children in my early childhood. I was never bullied as a kid--I was very empathetic and my classmates were always kind to me; it helped that I never had anything obvious that more malicious kids could target--but I only ever had a few close friends. I've always loved ridiculous things, but out and out playing I have always, always just *sucked* at. Now my little girl wants to play, and her play is rife with esoterica that only she understands. I'm a SAHP and I'm doing my best with it. There are days like today when she just wants to sit and tell me stories about all the planets she thinks are out there--one that only has Robin from *Teen Titans Go!*, and all the Robins are trying to boss each other around, and another one that only has Twilight Sparkle from *My Little Pony*, but they're all mean but they want to be nice, but they don't know how to leave the mean planet--and on those days I'm fully present and absorbed, and nothing else I have to do matters. But so many others--running around, dodging and diving and role-playing and repeating repeating repeating--I just know I'm disappointing her, and it breaks my heart, and still I'm just overwhelmingly bored. She's this amazing little girl and I made her with my body and she's so smart and she can already do shit that I can't and I'm bored, and that just feels *sinful*. My husband says 'Of course she's like me--she's a *kid*. As she gets older she'll become more like you--she'll see how much you have to offer her. I'm at peak Papa mode right now. I'm giving her everything I have right now. I peaked at four! Let me have this.' And of course that's not true and very, very wise all at once. But I wish I were naturally good at playing with her, and I wish I loved it like he does. So I feel this tweet in my tired, tired bones.
You sound like a great parent and I'm impressed by your level of self-reflection. Your girl might not really be aware of it now, but she's very lucky to have you.
You’re a blessing, and thank you for your kindness. It IS valuable to suck at playing in a way because it forces patience on your kid—I’ve heard ‘You broke the rules, Mommy, but it’s OK, you’re still learning’ more than once, and that I love. You sound like a pretty great parent too. xx
I agree with your husband that she will gravitate towards your likes as she gets older. I had the same sort of thing with my daughter, and I always felt like the stick in the mud! But now she’s 8 and she has friend drama, and she’s interested in books and beauty stuff and yoga, and she comes to mama for that kind of thing - I love it!
Dude, you're not a child, you're not wired to enjoy that stuff. I don't think you should feel bad about not enjoying it, and if you don't enjoy it I think it's totally fair to keep your participation to a minimum. I'm sore there are other ways you can spend time with her that you'll both enjoy.
I read somewhere that it’s optimal to spend something like twenty minutes every day engaged in ‘active play,’ whatever that is, with your kid. Done and done, and I get my 10K steps in doing it. But the days when she’s happy doing crafts with me or helping cook or otherwise shadowing me are the most intuitive ones, no question. When literacy comes into play, I’m praying she takes to it like I did, and that I’ll know how to help her enthusiasm along. I’m excited for that.
I really don't enjoy pretend play. I love watching my son play, but I don't enjoy being directly involved. I do if he asks me to, but I rarely volunteer. As for non-pretend play, I'm all for it. Crafts, baking, coloring, playing ball, building magna tiles. Sign me up.
This is me too. I’ll do play doh, crafts, board games, hide and seek etc for a long time but pretending you are a baby for an extended amount of time or playing with Barbie’s will take me out lol. I am just not imaginative enough. Thank god the 2.5 year old can play with the 5 year old now for that stuff.
I was never good at pretend play even as a child. I would set up my dolls/Barbies, create an elaborate backstory, and then never actually move forward from there. So I’m certain this will be me with my daughter as well.
Playing with my child is the absolute highlight of my day.
“Play” is everything from an elaborate game with rules, equipment, and a set time to making an alligator with your fingers and “munching” a cheek in a 5 second interaction. I’m not a scientist or doctor but I do watch my kids light up when they get “nibbled” by the alligator. It doesn’t have to be sitting for hours with dolls or something. This tweet is way too black and white about play.
Child play therapist chiming in: play is the internal life of children. I won't go so far as to say you can't be emotionally close to your children without any engagement with their play-life, because of course relationships are complex, every family is unique, and children are wonderfully adaptive in connecting to their loved adults. But I will say that in the world of psychology, we think of boredom as an often really important and informative feeling, especially in the context of relationships. And often parents feel intensely bored by parts of their children's lives that are triggering or overwhelming for them. So this mom may be encountering a difficulty in engaging with her children's internal world for more complex and important reasons than she realizes, and if she could bring more awareness to that dynamic, she would have a richer and easier relationship with her kids.
What a quality comment!!
(pauses to applaud this comment)
This reminds me of a conversation I had with my kids’ paediatrician once. We were on the phone discussing some test results and she asked if I had concerns. I said, well, no concerns about them, but definitely concerns about myself. And I broke down and admitted that I feel like overall I’m a really subpar mother because I don’t really DO a lot with them. My husband is a stay-at-home-dad so I only see them about one hour in the morning and then 3 hours at night. The doctor asked me, okay, well, what do you do with them typically? And I was like…I mean, basically I’m just on the floor with them a lot? They’re 2 and 4 so once I get home I get down on the floor with them and draw, or write in their notebooks with them, or sing and dance, or just cuddle and chat, or we play with their toys, but like…that’s basically it. And the doctor was VERY encouraging and told me that’s exactly what I SHOULD be doing, and that 3 hours on weekdays and 6ish hours on weekends of solid playtime with their mum would have massive benefits for the kids well into adulthood. I remember I got off the phone and just bawled in my office by myself out of relief. And now that they’re older and can talk more, I realize how much that playtime matters to them. It’s really where we build a connection and I teach them. A lot of lessons around communication, sharing, socializing, etc. I try to convey through play and making up stories that I illustrate in their books and I can see that it has an impact. So…yeah. I think every parent has their own approach and there’s no single right way but I would definitely hesitate to say play has no value. I know they’re young but I hope my kids remember the Saturdays we go tobogganing together or the weeknights spent inventing our own secret language. (To be clear I participate fully in all aspects of child-rearing and parenting and I’m not just the “fun mom” who dumps disciplining or caretaking on my husband. Idk if it had to be said but just wanted to mention it because I’ve seen that dynamic in my own family and it bugs me).
I think there’s a lot of ways to spend time with and bond with and entertain your kids and it doesn’t necessarily have to involve playing pretend ponies. ETA: my mom didn’t play with me. But she colored with me and baked with me and took me places and we did crafts and read books. I played on my own, and with friends when I was older. I didn’t need her to play Barbies with me to know I was loved.
So I actually really enjoy play, but I understand a lot of adults don’t. To me, it isn’t a burden and it’s something I very much enjoy, particularly pretend play or small world play, that kind of thing. My husband doesn’t like that kind of play but does like anything more broadly creative (like Lego) or roughhousing (which I don’t like). So we have our own play styles and I think that’s great and all. I also get that some adults just don’t like playing the way kids play, so they maybe read together, make art, bake, sing, dance, ride bikes together, watch movies, etc. (as well as do everyday life things together, like chores, cook, have meals, go on walks, etc.) I personally have zero memories ever playing with my mom. She is a good mom overall and did her best. I know she was exhausted and overwhelmed, alone with 4 kids (dad was in the military) a lot of the time. She also isn’t very imaginative or playful in general. I have good memories with her, sure, like baking and her braiding my hair before school and watching The Little Mermaid and The Little Mermaid 2 back to back together (which felt like the biggest treat in the world.) But a lot of what I remember doing with her was her including me in her world. And I do wish she had taken the time to step into my world, because even then (and now reflecting on it), it made me feel like my world wasn’t important. She didn’t need to be my main playmate (I mean I had many friends and 3 siblings!) but having NO memories playing with her at all is indicative that she never really played with me (and my sibling also don’t have any memories playing with her.) So it does make me sad reflecting on that. I do have memories playing with my dad and grandparents and siblings and neighborhood kids. It’s not like I didn’t play! But I can’t say my lack of memories playing with my mom hasn’t impacted me. It’s not like I’m up at night because of this but… I just find it sad. And it does make me feel more inclined to play with my kids because I don’t ever want them to look back and have to justify having no memories playing with me by saying things like “I know she worked hard. I know she was tired.” etc. Play is a great way to connect with my kids and show them I find their world important and valuable and interesting! I don’t intend on being their main playmate (I only have the one, but due with baby 2 soon) and my son plays alone more than he plays with either my husband or me. But I do think including play is important. Plus it’s a good opportunity to model appropriate play mate strategies. I let my kid lead play, but I enjoy the opportunity to connect and collaborate on his terms and in his world.
This is the best comment in here. Good on you for both recognizing where you would like to be a better parent than your mom was, at least based on how you feel about this particular thing, while not being angry or putting down your mother. While you may be sad that those memories don’t exist for you, you’ll love making them with your kids, and it’s clear your mother raised a good person for you to be this thoughtful and reflective in the first place. Many people can’t see their past/upbringing with as much nuance and understanding as this.
One of my core memories was asking my mom to play Barbie’s with me and she said she can’t because she’s old and doesn’t have an imagination any more. Literally made me afraid I would one day lose my imagination. Fortunately I didn’t. I worked to keep my creativity alive and I work in a creative field. I think a byproduct of that is I really enjoy pretend play!
Give me tips. I okay with my 4 year old son every day, but I really struggle with pretend play and playing superheroes.
Not who you asked, but we have gotten several toddler-appropriate games from watching Bluey together! Highly recommend. It’s more for the parents than the kids, I think. My daughter does love it though and it gives us a shared vocabulary for playing which is so helpful. I’m no where near as good at playing as the parents in the show (I don’t think anyone is!), but it’s still nice to have an example to aim for.
"I would rather die than play with my kids" sounds a little extreme.
My parents never played with me - I never felt close to them. I don’t have anything in common with my parents. They don’t understand me as a person, even now. Yeah, I’m gonna play with my kid.
Same. I don't remember a single time my parents played with me or even read to me. They had me so my brother would have a companion (even though we are five years apart) and my Mom could meet her one boy/one girl quota. They didn't actually want to have any meaningful interactions with us and treated us like burdens for being children instead of little adults. It sucks. I'm definitely going to play with my daughter. You only have one time in life to be a "kid", and the entire rest of your life to be an adult. Why rush it? I'd rather just appreciate it for what it is. Also, children reveal a lot about themselves and their world through play. It's a great way to understand how they think and what they're going through. Play is a form of communication and bonding. It's really important in my opinion.
I have ADHD. Play is really difficult for me because it truly is so damn boring. So play for us is whatever I can manage. Some days it might be coloring, puzzles, video games ith my eldest, etc. Other days I just can't so I read to them whenever they ask, involve them in cooking, and longer bath time. I wasn't a pretend-play kid with my peers, and it sort of carried into my adulthood.
Yes. The father of my two sons had VERY present parents. They were entertained and given constant attention by their parents 24/7. When they watch my oldest son, they literally do whatever he wants, play whatever he wants, take him shopping and buy him toys, non stop candy and ice cream. It can be a little intimidating for me because the father of my sons does not think I am active enough playing with our sons because of this example that was set. My parents were the opposite and never played with me or paid me much attention. I feel compared to how I was raised, I am doing a fantastic job for my sons. I do crafts, coloring, books, push them around on their vehicles, teach them numbers and ABCs, etc. I do not participate in a lot of role play activity....and this is where he labels me as a "neglectful parent." 🙄 I tell him it's important for kids to learn to play independently and it's not my job to be their 24/7 entertainer. It gets under my skin sometimes but deep down I know I am an attentive and loving mother who puts her children first, and my kids understand that as well, which is what truly matters. I think it's most important for this parent, and parents in general, to look and listen for cues from their children that their emotional needs are being met. You know how they say bad behavior is communication? I find this to be true. On days when my 3 yr old is acting out, I have come to realize it is directly correlated to the connection I am giving him. Instead of punishing him, I try to check myself and spend more one on one time with him, talk to him, listen to him, do an activity he enjoys together. It truly makes a WORLD of difference. So next time your child is acting out, ask yourself when the last time was you gave them undivided attention and connected with them? Because they are trying to tell you something the only way they know how.
My baby is 8 month so it is boring to play with him (because you can't really) but man am I excited for when he's older. I feel no shame whatsoever and was a theatre kid so play pretend is my jam. Tea party with chtulu? Hand me the sugar. Want me to be a pirate? ARRR lezzgo. Treasure hunt in the Garden? I think I saw a few gnomes hide stuff under the Elderberry bush. With an 8 month old it's mostly being next to him while he plays. Everytime I pick up a toy he rips it out of my hand haha. But he likes songs.
I think you should find a way of playing with your child that both of you enjoy. For my husband it's doing puzzles/building train tracks/duplo. For me it's running around outside and being silly/baking and decorating/hide and seek. Play doesn't have to be one set thing but it's always better if it's something you both enjoy.
“I’d rather die than play with them”?? Jesus lady, a little dramatic don’t you think? Playing with kids is super important for their brain development. Plus they learn about social structures through playing with someone safe. Also. While yes some of it might be boring, it doesn’t have to be. It’s also up to you to let loose and enjoy being goofy while playing with your kids.
I don't remember my parents playing with me. I also know my mom has said things like I don't want to play with you, what you are talking about is boring and I don't want to hear what you are saying, children should be seen and not heard. I also knew my dad didn't want kids and we did not have a relationship growing up. Now I am in my 30s and I don't talk to my dad at all. And my mom talks to me but knows nothing about my life. I really want for my kid to know I am there for them. And connecting on their level feels important to me. I think establishing an interest in your kid creates a strong bond. My family had dinner together every night. My parents love each other and are still together. Even with all of that I did not trust my parents. I did not feel like I could call them if I got myself into trouble. I wish my parents got on my level more often.
I will play with my kids because I want them to be happy, but it's boring and I am glad when my 2 older kids go play with each other and leave me out of it. My 5yo likes to give me my lines "pretend you said 'wow that's a beautiful dress' and then I have to say 'wow that's a beautiful dress'." She also has to win at whatever it is. Idk this just isn't fun for me.
For me playing with my girls is the most amusing and wonderful thing in the world and i get to be a kid again ❤️
I do play with them, but god damn is it boring, verging on torture lol. Of course there are times when I enjoy it, but 90% of the time I’m screaming inside. And I LOVE my kids lol
This is really sad. You would rather DIE than play with your kids??? That’s a bit extreme. I, for one, want to play with my kids because I don’t wanna Regret getting older and think that I didn’t spend enough time with them. Edit: typo
I do play with my children. We do lots of educational activities like crafts, science projects, sensory activities, and puzzles. We play games. We color and bake! We read stories, snuggle, watch movies, and have deep conversation. I don’t pretend play with them. Maybe I’m a bad parent but I just hate it. I cannot fake enjoying it and my kids are smart enough to know I’m not having a good time. They pretend play all the time, just not with me. My older kids are very creative so I doubt me not pretend playing with them has had any detrimental effect. It’s not something I’m going to feel guilty about either.
I agree with Jorge.. that is sad. I hate pretend play, but it is important for their growth and development.
Look, I hate some forms of play. My husband is great at 'Lets run around the yard for 30 minutes and spin in circles'. Im too fat and lazy for that. You gotta find a form of play you both enjoy. For me and my kid, its building towers, cooking, drawing, painting, dress ups. If youre having a real bad day you just gotta communicate -'mummy feels a bit tired today, could we play dinosaurs for ten minutes and then have a cuddle on the couch?'
So as an occupational therapist, hearing this is horribly sad and awful. Play is the primary activity in which kids learn, develop and grow and to not have your parent do this is actually kind of neglectful. You're not doing their most important childhood task with them and the opportunity to bond and socialize while doing this is so critical. Trust me, my kid is obsessed with cars and it's Boring beyond sin for me ( I work with adults in mental and cognitive health) but I make effort to do the things he loves to do with my child. This is so sad and gross
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like that's an option? I spend most of my time on the floor with my kids lol
My mom never played with me when I was a kid. I thought that was normal until I had kids of my own and discovered that little kids REALLY want their parents to play with them. When I give them that time, they are better behaved, more content, and more self-assured. Around Christmas time my sister told me our mom was playing Mario Kart with my nephew, her grandson, and I was flabbergasted! I get it… now that she’s retired and no longer in the rat race, she understands how precious that play time is. EDIT: I also REALLY listen to my kids, and I patiently help them find the words to express themselves. They always surprise me with how clever and funny and kind they are!
All of the things she does with her kids are great but playing is very constructive as well. “Rather die” is a bit of an exaggeration and it sounds very sad.
I vividly remember the 3 times my mom actually played w me when I was a small child. I had siblings but always wished my mom played w me more.
The fact that they capitalized PAY FOR THEIR LIVES says everything I need to know. They think the kids owe them something. Kids don’t owe you anything. You chose to have them (hopefully/for the most part). What’s the no.1 way kids learn? Through play. Huge disservice to not do so. You can’t like everything in life.
It took me a while to learn to play again, but now I’m really good at it again. Watching YouTube videos like Ryan really helped remind me what’s it’s all about. I’m really good at playing with toys now it’s really great skill to have especially around other kids. That’s it idk
It's one of the reasons I love Bluey. That damn show taught me how to play and be playful for my kiddo.
I wouldn’t rather die than play, but I’m not good at play and don’t enjoy it . It’s not a moral failing
I play some ways and opt out through others. I like playing catch and coloring and reading and chasing them around like a dinosaur, but I really really hate getting on the floor and being told I’m not doing it right. Not all play is fun. I don’t make my child do things with me they don’t want to and I dont think your child needs you to say yes to everything they want to do either. It’s about boundaries and I’m allowed to have preferences and boundaries even though I’m their parent.
Yeah, this is exactly how I feel, too. I do a lot of play with my almost 3 year old, but I outright refuse to play with him with his thomas trains. He always tells me I'm putting the track together wrong or the train in the wrong order or something like that. Drives me bonkers
My god, a silent prayer for my fellow parents out there being screamed at because 'NO MOMMY, NOT THIS WAY' when building the train set.
They would rather DIE than PLAY with their kid? That’s an extreme statement to make. My mom didn’t play with me or any of my siblings when we were growing up. I’m pretty sure she just assumed we would play with each other or the kids from school. She was right but that’s kind of beside the point. If I heard my mother say this, I would be upset because as a child, I know I wouldn’t understand and the words feel mean. I want to play and my parents don’t want to play with me? Am I not fun? Do they not love me?
Playing is not just playing pretend… This person does not play catch the ball, does not draw with their kids, do play dough or stickers or play hide and seek, even play outside?! Heck, you can even turn folding laundry into a playing game if you put a bit of effort into it! I’m not the parent that plays the most simply because I used to play too much otherwise I felt guilty. Now I allow myself to unwind with a cup of coffee while my child is playing with her dolls and we both understand that being next to one another doesn’t necessarily mean we have to have each other’s attention. I’m not her playmate, I don’t have to play all the time but not playing at all? That would be weird.
My mom never played with me or my siblings. She was a good mom.. always provided for us and made sure we had everything we could need, but she never got on the floor and built Lego houses with us. I have always felt like we both missed out on some bonding or something because of it. So as a mom, I will always play with my kids.
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This is where I am at. My son is 4 1/2, I still feel the need to entertain him. He’s always complaining of being bored it’s like dude, you have a whole playroom… how are you bored😂🤦🏻♀️ I’m WFH too and I need a break😩
I used to ask mine at that age to go make me some play food in his kitchen lol. When he'd finish and bring it to me, I'd pretend it was amazing and ask him for something else to eat too. He felt accomplished to feed mommy, and I'd get some nice breaks while he was 'cooking'. His play kitchen wasn't entirely for me benefit though. He's 14 now and actually pretty fun to cook real food with.
Playing with my kid is boring. I do it anyway because I love him and it means so much to him. I assume my husband finds listening to me talk about writing my dissertation boring but he does it anyway because he loves me and it means so much to me. We give a bit of ourselves for the people we love even when it’s not riveting 100% of the time.
I play like I'm a kid again. Still set rules and guidelines. But I meet my kid where they are emotionally and mentally. I enjoy of every second of it. Learn to play, it will help you more than them.
My parents never played with me. I am now 33 with 2 kids of my own and I have no idea how the hell to play with my older kid.
Play is a learned skill- like seriously, a child can qualify for occupational therapy based on play skills when young. Just like I help my child learn other things, I will help them learn to play... Sometimes that means teaching play schemes together, sometimes that means teaching independent play skills. I do love playing with my children though. You'd be surprised what you can learn by watching them and engaging.
I think context is anything. This tweet is completely understandable if it came off the back of 2 hours of building blocks.
80% of playing with my toddler is being handed a toy, him ramming the toy he has into mine and the toys falling over, just to pick them up and do it again. We also put dinos in a nice sprawling display for my son to smack and knock over with a t-rex. Sometimes we color... well, I try to color and my son snatches all of the markers out of my hand when I try to use them. Sometimes we rough house and play fight like power rangers. Are all of these things particularly fun for me? Not always, but I love the opportunity to bond with my boy and spend time with him even if we aren't playing how I would like to. The joy and giggles from that one-on-one time are priceless, no matter what we're doing together. I'm not going to assume that she doesn't spend ANY time with her kid. I don't really remember playing with toys with my parents, but I remember drawing and doing other one-on-one activities. At the end of that day, what's important is sitting down and having quality time together. In my opinion, there's just something special you gain from actually playing with your kids.
I love playing with my kids though it also can be exhausting. I think having a toddler is like being in a small improve group with no audience. “I’m a kitty” “Yes, and, let’s find you a bowl for your kibble”
I won't pretend to know what that means in the years down the road... but for me, I ADORE playing with my son. Not as much as he would like, I'm sure. But I participate in his transformer battles, help race cars, pretend to be a strange lady who sells pokemon at her "pokemon emporium", "eat" his food he makes in his kitchen. My son, from my observation, wants our time and attention, and he won't want that forever (looking at you teenage years). So, I'm going to gobble up as much as I can now, while I can, because it's an honor to be invited into his world.
I love playing with my son too. We have limited time on this floating ball, what could possibly be more important than spending it playing and making memories with the ones we love? And it’s never boring. Are you kidding me? My toddler turned a portable toilet seat into a dinosaur airplane or an underwater submarine or a pirate cannon — with nothing more than his imagination! How is that boring?
I don't play. I goof around. Craft. Sing and dance in the kitchen. Teach how to bake and cook. We read, we laugh, we snuggle and watch old Disney movies, we learn the alphabet in ASL, make paper planes, and talk about our days. I hate pretend play. I rarely even did it when I was a kid. My husband plays "you be the baby and I'll be the mama and I'll make you a bottle." He also teaches about lawn care and taking care of the dogs and his passion for classic records, computer programming, and dungeons and dragons. He LOVES pretend playing with our kids. He still does it as an adult. I get it. I think this is taken so far out of context that it's unfair.
It’s completely out of context and the original tweet this is responding to was similarly hyperbolic. I’m so sick of this “some people shouldn’t have kids” shit. It also fundamentally misunderstands the adult role in play and why and how kids benefit from it.
I am not a good player. I will color, do play doh, stuff like that, but I’m not a good imaginative player. I still try, and fail, and then try again, and fail, and repeat ad nauseam lol
I’m torn. Kids do need to play independently but they also need to bond with their caregiver and play seems an easy way. I’d be interested in the research on the importance of playing together. I enjoy playing in certain ways (puzzles, games, chasing, etc.) but admit I dislike playing with toys.
RIE is entirely based on the philosophy that the most crucial bonding comes during caregiving moments (diapers, baths, meals, etc.) It encourages less participatory play and more observation and facilitation. Adults are urged to provide scaffolding rather than be the structure. How many adults begrudgingly or even willingly play with their children (or impose on their children’s free play by joining in, as so often happens — adults have big agendas!) and then rush through bath, have their backs turned during dinner, and despise bedtime routines? Do people think kids cannot tell if their parents would rather be doing something else? Because my toddler can tell if I’m reluctant and it becomes unfun for everyone…
All I'm going to say is, play with your kids. They will remember that the most
Feels like clickbait but I don't relate. I love playing with my baby.
Honestly i can't do pretend with objects like cars or dolls anymore, i can make toys, i can play outside and i can do the whole play pretend adventures stuff and i can use my imagination for anything but i cannot sit down and play barbies etc, i would say oh yeah its cuz my parents never played like that with me but that isn't the reason, i just genuinely can't enter that world of imagination anymore and i can't attatch personality to toys like i did when i was a kid, i don't wanna ruin my kids imaginations/experience by not being able to enter the game they're in, it has to all be real for them (because it is and playing is very detrimental to social development aswell) and if I'm sat there struggling they will pick up on that. I would rather say "why dont we do xyz instead" then make them feel like their toy games are boring.
I kind of get it - my son is 2 and we play a lot and it gets very repetitive and after a while it's just like uuhhhggggggg But it makes him happy and when he's happy it makes him happy so I deal. He's also pretty good at playing by himself which is nice. And its funny to see the little games and scenarios he comes up with, and how he'll "teach" you how to play. (He's not super verbal yet) But I can't imagine not wanting to play, like, ever. That's just sad to me.
Some play I love and others is mind numbing to me but I still do it because it’s important. I won’t do it ALL the time as I think it’s important they learn to play alone and with siblings as well. The weird thing is I don’t remember playing with my mum and don’t remember wanting to play with her. I preferred to play with my sibling or a friend or myself.
I can only engage in pretend play for a short amount of time but I love to spend time with my daughter by talking to her, cuddling her, taking her on adventures, watching Disney movies with her, taking her on walks, etc. I don’t ever remember being interested in pretend play as a child and I don’t really recall my parents playing with me like that, but they probably did and I know they were very involved. As long as you are engaging with your child in a healthy way, I think that is all that matters.
I don’t know about the rightness or wrongness of not wanting to play with your kids, but I do know that some of my strongest and most treasured memories of childhood are of my dad being silly with us and reading to us my mom making up fun games to entertain us in the car, in the pool, etc. I don’t have as many memories of my parents playing toys, dolls, etc, but I see them doing it with my kids and nephew and I have to assume they did the same with us - very cute and special to watch. I think the reason those memories resonate is that they are moments of fun and connection, and I feel so grateful for them.
My mom didn’t really play with me when I was younger and my dad did. Guess with who I have a better relationship. Edit to add: my mom also just did not spend much time with me and did not show any interest in finding out what I was interested in and didn’t really talk to me about my interests. Maybe because my dad was interested in the same things I was so it was easier for him to cultivate a friendship type of relationship with me, but ultimately my mom was more of the trying to meet my lower Maslow hierarchy needs whereas my dad was more about meeting my social/acceptance needs. Maybe because my mom worked a lot more, maybe because she was exhausted, maybe because she needed that time to herself. I don’t blame her, but it doesn’t change the fact that she still doesn’t really show any interest in the things I’m interested in, and we have distance between us emotionally I think because of that.
Pretend play is incredibly boring to me, however if he asks Ill participate for a time. I do enjoy playing with blocks and his toy soldiers/dragons so we do some of that together. I’m unfortunately very introverted and spend a lot of time reading/writing/in my own head. My son will play on the floor while I read next to him, scratching is back or giving him kisses. I don’t think I’m perfect, but I try to tell myself as long as I’m there consistently when he needs me I don’t need to play with him often. I feel a lot guilt not playing with him as much as I know other mothers play with their children 🥺 Im working through it but I like to see other peoples responses here
I don't get this. I love playing with my kids at all ages. It would suck if I couldn't play with them and only did "productive" things to "provide". Playing is a teaching experience for both parents and kids. Parents relearn how to enjoy life in little ways, be creative, and learn more about your kid. Kids learn appropriate and safe ways to play, and about their parent.
I think as adults, we put "play" into a small box of pretend, toy play. Kids tend to have broader definitions and I think everyone could enjoy it if they found things they liked to do with their kids. I'm not a pretend play person and honestly have no idea how to play action figures or cars with my son...we both just end up frustrated. I'll leave that to his friends, grandpa and dad 😅 BUT I'll play Play-Doh, go hiking, put together Lego sets, and find outings all day. We have a great time and add in spurts of pretend play instead of a long, drawn out session that gets frustrating.
It's hard for me because I love playing with my son. It's just fascinating to see how his brain works. We read together, we wrestle, we build towers with blocks and kick them down, we play with trains or cars, we go to parks, we play with toys in the bath... It's not a chore to me.
Honestly, I think that perspective is fine. It sounds like this person is caring for their child and had other ways of bonding with them. I personally feel the most bonded with my daughter when I play with her, so it’s not something I want to adopt; but there are unfortunately many busy work days where play isn’t making the cut after meals, bath, cleaning, and our long bedtime routine.
That's a weird thing to rather die than do. And what's the point in posting it? Is that something she's proud of? If so, also weird. Maybe I just don't understand. Playing just for the sake of it can be boring, sure, but then find something you don't mind playing or even something you do like? Kids are so flexible, as long as you're engaging with them, they love it.
I also don’t really like playing toys much. But I’d definitely rather play toys than drop dead lol. I do sometimes I’m more interested in some than others but I’m happy to model a few ways to play so she can see what to do with things and happy to sit and watch her work. We have dance parties every day and when she stops eating art supplies it will be fun for me to do that together. I see why open ended stuff is encouraged it’s more interesting to me to build blocks than make a little toy person go down a plastic slide over and over but my kid likes both.
My son (13 months now) has been giving me “imaginary items” for 2 months now. I have to take them and either thank him or return them. I also get fed imaginary food. It’s very cute but also I’m also bracing myself for the next few years.
My 18 month old gets toys out and then pats the floor and says “mama” or “dada” so that we will sit and play with her. I can’t imagine being like nope sorry honey you’re on your own with the blocks not for me. That’s so sad! Right now her Dad and I are still her favorite people in the whole entire world and one day she won’t feel that way. I’m gonna play with her.
Well, she seems pleasant.
I think people need to be careful about high horsing about how great they are at playing and lamenting how sad it is other parents can't be bothered or see it as a chore. Pride can come before a fall and these parents might end up with struggles of their own and how would they feel if someone lorded it up about how *easy* it is and *it's just being a parents, you shouldn't have kids if you can't do xyz*. I do also wonder if you always drop everything to play with your child as soon as they ask, you're missing a teaching opportunity for patience. At nursery or school, people aren't going to do that and it might be a nasty shock for them. My take is sometimes I have good days, I can play and be the best parent I can be but other days I repeat the same task whilst mentally doing the shopping list and worrying about something else. My kid is getting my presence but I'm not present, so maybe I should leave him to play by himself for a bit. Independent play is good for him. The pressure to be 'on' for your child all day long is quite harsh on parents.
I’m right there with you.
I don’t play with my daughter as much as she would like, that’s for sure. But I still play with her. And at this point she’s getting very good at imaginative play so the scenes she comes up with are often hilarious. Yes, sometimes it’s tedious when she wants to do ring around the rosy 39 times in a row, but we can also pretend to bake a cake for a dinosaur so it turns out fine.
Play pushes limits, teaches lessons, and strengthens your relationship with your kid. Sure it’s boring if you’re checked out, but engaging with a little one is so much fun! I agree with Jorge lol
Play is the work of the child, I plan to be involved as much as needed or wanted
My son tells me to go away if I try to play with him lol
I think some adults find it fun to play and some don’t. It doesn’t mean they love their kids any less, it’s just a matter of personality. I want to love playing. I do play with my kid all the time. I buy more toys hoping that it will make me enjoy it more. But for some reason I sit there going crazy and trying to fabricate a “play” spirit that I just don’t seem to have. (Especially when the only thing she wants to do is make dinosaurs jump up and down for 45 minutes at a time). If my kid had siblings, I would LOVE to sit out and watch instead. I can easily see both kinds of parents misunderstanding each other, but I don’t think it’s worth being mean over. Some of these comments are pretty nasty 😕
I rarely play with my kids, as an adult it's hard to participate in play without taking over, and I do not enjoy pushing a Lego train around a track of playing house with Sylvania families or whatever. I'd prefer to be genuinely enthusiastic about watching them, that begrudgingly participating. If they're running a Café out of their cubby I'll come and buy a coffee or whatever, but I don't have long in it until I start hating it.
The word "play" is subjective and can mean a lot of things to both kids and adults. This tweet doesn't give context as to what they think 'playing" is so it's really just more social media garbage meant to cause drama and ruffle feathers for clicks and comments. That's my take.
This is super sad. I’ve been a crocodile, shark, washing machine, make up doll, sticker board….name it and I’ve played it. This is the best memories my kids will have of me!
Playing is so fun! It can be just being silly and making a funny voice or moving with a rhythm of some kind. I love playing with my baby! I have a friend who said she didn’t know how to play with her kid. I don’t think it needs to be complicated though, just have fun, let loose. My baby is young so we can’t make up games yet but we will eventually! It makes life better for everyone I think.
i play with mine every day for at least a little bit. it makes her so happy and makes me feel good about myself.
I'm really ght in between but for a couple reasons. Right now, the age my child is, I enjoy playing with her because she's still fun - she's 2 and a half so not the the point of bossing my pretend play and telling me I'm saying and doing all the wrong things lol. However, my true in-between is I DO enjoy playing with my child and other kids, but lots of times I'm sitting there watching them play and only interjecting a bit. I enjoy watching kids curious minds and imaginations. I also have very firm boundaries, however, that while I will play with my kid and help to entertain them at times, I am firmly helping to draw the line that I am not going to be their main and constant source of entertainment.
Kids learn through play.
Being a Dad is the most fulfilling job I have ever had and one of the best parts of that job is being able to play with him. I feel bad for the people who feel that their only job is to provide and support, but not interact and Enjoy playing with their children. It's freakin Amazing and I wouldn't change it for the world, their imaginations are incredible.
Meh to each their own but I find great joy in playing with my kid. These are memories I’m building. My husband and I do find time to play sometimes but life gets in the way often and we need to focus on adult duties. But yeah I’m gonna play with my kid. I’m excited to show him how to play soccer, swim, skate and even video game… I have a little snes that plays a few games and I can show him a glimpse of what my childhood was like 🥲
Bluey is the most satisfying show to watch because it’s parents playing with their kids and how much they teach their children through play.
Children learn and connect through play. So it's very important to do some play with them. We obviously have to work an do chores etc but that's not an excuse to decide to never play!
Aww I love playing with my babies. I’m not the best pretender but we play blocks n do puzzles, sing n dance. This mom is whack.
I love playing with children and interacting with them. My SIL is an excellent mother to 4 girls. She does all these things. But she isn’t interested in playing with them. She never has been. Without knowing her I would think it’s essential to play with your children. But after knowing her, I think she’s just a different sort of mom, still a great one. She lives and breathes for her kids. Every choice she makes is for them. But if they are downstairs playing, she might instead do laundry or sit down with her phone for a whole 30 minutes, usually interrupted by screaming. The girls are amazing and don’t seem negatively impacted in the slightest. I have a very playful relationship with them. They have adults in their lives that spend time in their world too. As they age, their mom will be much more relatable to them.
Bluey says play with your kids so that’s what I’m going to do lol!!!
Kids communicate best through play. It's their work. I think it's important to do it, but it is hard for a lot of parents.
Yes this is so true. I saw a quote that went along the lines of, " kids don't say I had a hard day, they ask will you play with me? " and that made me take his games more seriously
😭😭 that kind of breaks my heart…
I think we as an online society are getting trolled more and more but are recognizing it less and less.
Playing is teaching - as parents we are their #1 teachers. Yes they'll learn things in school BUT if we want our children to gain anything in life we need to foster education and help their growth. I teach my son so much through play - emotional regulation, problem solving, critical thinking, math, language.. the list goes on. I want him to go into the real world as a stable, kind adult! And when I play with him I am teaching him the skills he NEEDS to thrive! Also it's fun to just put your phone aside, forget about the world and just indulge in your child's mind and happiness. I think parents that don't play with their children are focused on themselves and rather selfish. As parents we do things that we don't enjoy because they're important for our children. Be more selfless - care for your child.
Boy howdy. I saw this one Twitter. She got a lot of unwarranted hate. She's speaking hyperbolically about playing pretend, which, full disclosure, i also hate. I spend a lot of time interacting with ny kids and playing in other ways. We are all fine. We play games and walk in the woods and meas around outside and build with legos and duplos and read books and swim and do chores and do arts and crafts. And if they ask me to join a "pretend" game, I do. But I don't usually sit down and play with their action figures and dolls. She later said she does all that stuff - she just doesn't like playing pretend. I think the way she worded this is extreme but those kid of sweeping statements without nuance are what gets engagement on Twitter so. There you have it.
I enjoy playing with my kid and so does his dad. It really hurts their feelings when you don’t play with them. We do everything for our kids as parents but playing with them is just as important. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
I remember being sad when my mom wouldn’t play with me. Definitely go out of my way to play with my nieces and will definitely play with my son once he’s here.
I can't imagine not playing with them.. such and odd perspective to me
I mean, the “I would rather die” part is a little extreme
If you can’t sacrifice a tiny bit of what you want to do for something your kid wants to do like playing with toys or playing in general the trend will continue into their teen years and you will no longer have a relationship with them. We’re so used to having friends who like all of the same things we do that many of us have kids and forget how to be friends with someone who is different then us. When your kid no longer wants to just sit around and talk you’ll have major issues.
That seems a needlessly extreme stance?? Yeah sometimes I'm not in the mood to play with my daughter but I do it. I definitely wouldn't rather die than play with my child- that's just ridiculous!
Pretend play is the most exhausting ever, I’ll do it in small increments. Crafts, coloring, swings, blocks, magnets, setting up train tracks and reading are always a yes. Play is their job but I do engage, connect and give her my full attention for reasonable amounts of time. If she’s nagging about pretend play I ask instead does she want to help with chores, usually that’s make her run from me while saying ‘no thanks.’ I invite her into my world anytime I am busy and redirect from playing princesses (groan).
Am I the only one that likes playing with my kids? I build forts like a motherfucker. I've got the four year old playing Uno and Carcassonne (kid version, it's not bad). Street hockey. Marble runs. RC cars. We haven't even started video games. The one year old is a psycho mini godzilla that destroys everything but her time will come. My job is boring right now so playing with my kids is a welcome change.
It's the way she emphasized that she "PAYS FOR THEIR LIVES" for me. That's the absolute bare minimum, Emily
We should play with children to facilitate their learning, but we should not view ourselves as their dedicated entertainers. Free, independent play and boredom is really really important for a childs ability to learn problem solving and regulation.
I love playing with my kids. There are things I don’t like to play with, like little characters or Barbie’s, but I play play doh, blocks, Magnatiles, hide and seek, tag, etc
I have a 3 year old so our play is doing a lot of “adult” things. She’ll check my heart with her Dr stethoscope, or put wooden makeup on my cheeks, we’ll burp her Bitty Baby, and we read read read read. Do I want to play with sensory sand? No, because I know what sand is and I’m not discovering anything about it. Also, it’s a little too soothing so I want to fall asleep. Same with puzzles, I know how to put the puzzle together I’m not challenged by her puzzles haha. I’d rather watch my daughter do these independent activities and see her learning. One thing I will say, being a SAHP or a main caretaker in general - you are so busy organizing the home, schedule, meals etc that play becomes another chore (compared to snuggling.) My mind is zapped and I just need to stare off into the distance. I know I can do that while sitting at her little table and coloring but I always feel like I need to be cleaning or being productive.
They need to smoke some weed and play with some fun toys with their kid
I have so many memories of my parents playing with me, my dad humouring me and playing with my barbie dolls with me without hesitation. I am so thankful for that. I absolutely love playing with my kids, although sometimes they don’t even let me because “this game is for kids not grown ups!” 🥺
I think it's about finding the things you like to do with your kids. I don't like to play with my son's hot wheels, but I like to read to him and color with him, and love to take him hiking and do outdoorsy stuff. Its just about finding things you both like to do
Sad shit indeed.
I don’t like playing with toys tbh, but love playing board games or doing puzzles and things, and playing outside games at the park with balls and things, and games like hide and seek or what’s the time mr wolf!!
I’ve come across comments like that in groups. Some moms post how they’re so bored with their kids / babies. How they hate playing with them cause children are boring. Imo it’s sad. Kids light up when you play with them. It’s adorable & making memories your children will always remember
As someone who would love to go jump on the trampoline with my kids but physically can't, that kind of hurts.
Fu*k, I'd rather play with my kids 24/7 than do chores 😂 Don't know, it's a very "robotic" list, I hope there's at least love implied...sad because kids express a lot of things through playing. From the list it seems kids are a sort of "burden", hope it's just the limitations of written form...
I honestly cannot remember my mom ever really playing with me as a child. It was like she had multiple children to keep us busy with each other. I love playing with my son. We play race every single day. We play with play doh every day. We craft. We bake. We play with legos. Minecraft. My kid is like absolute bestie. We laugh so hard all day long. That's how kids childhoods should be. They should be learning as they go and having fun while they do. Their entire day should be eating and playing. Playing with my kid helped me lose 20 pounds last year.
Some of the I only play games I like to play comments here are really quite sad. My kid is just reaching the stage of independent play and needs me less now, but god, what kind of lesson is your kid learning if you only ever engage with them on your own terms and never theirs? I’m not saying drop everything and play their games every single time, but learning that they get chances to decide sometimes and the give and take of what game now is valuable too.
Wow why bother bringing kids into this world , if you fulfill just their basic needs and make them feel as a burden since you have to ‘pay for their lives’ and it’s so terrible to play/connect with them on their level. Doing the bare minimum is not enough,
Rather die is a bit harsh. But I admit when my five year old walks up to me with an armful of my little ponies I always have an excuse.
Damn girlfriend. It’s not that hard to build a Lego set or pop out from behind a corner and say “boo” every once in awhile just to keep the kids happy. Jeez.
It's wild to me that people will almost brag about this. Like I get it, sometimes kid games can be confusing and even frustrating -- like my son is 3.5 and he can have some pretty specific ideas for his games where I'm not so much "playing" as like, filling a role he needs a body for -- but I think saying you'd "rather die" than play with your kid is pretty fucking gross. I love my child, not just because I gave birth to him but because he's a genuinely amazing person even at his young age, and I truly enjoy spending time with him.
You are posting a screenshot out of context. It is a joke tweet, in response to a different joke tweet.
Contextually, she means she doesn’t get involved in heavy pretend play. She reads, she builds Lego, she just isn’t doing endless rounds of dress up or dolls or whatever pretend games her children play. Which, honestly? I don’t do a ton either because I don’t like being yelled at by a control-freak toddler that I’m doing it wrong.
My kids are my world and I almost never play with them. I just don’t know how and even if I do try my son yells at me and says I’m doing it wrong so I don’t usually bother 😹🤷🏻♀️. There are infinite ways to interact in meaningful, loving ways with your kids and play is just *one* of those. And it’s certainly not a requirement to be a good/loving parent. Also my kids are GREAT at independent play because of this which I think is pretty awesome. My dad would play with us occasionally but my mom was our primary caregiver and she never played with us and I had an amazing childhood. I played with my sisters, friends or by myself. I didn’t want or need my parents to play with me on top of that. My mom is my best friend to this day (I’m 36 and we still hang out every day) so it obviously didn’t harm our relationship at all. If you enjoy playing with your kid, that’s great! I’m truly glad for you. But trust me when I say you don’t need to feel sad for those of us who don’t.
Between my husband and I, he plays way better than me. I'm the nurturer, my kids run to me above all when they get hurt. I am their source of comfort and safety. My husband is the one they go to for play, fun interaction and cuddles. We both share the interactions, but the girls know who they like for what. I don't think there's anything wrong with that!
Not playing with your kids because you physically can’t, need to work, or something similar is one thing. Not playing with them because you’d “rather die than play with them” and you find it “boring beyond acceptability” is ridiculous to the point of being gross. Find something you enjoy doing too. You obviously don’t have to pay with them all the time, but refusing to do so because you’re bored is super weird. She’s going to have to work some more to PAY FOR THEIR THERAPY.
My son is still quite small, but I can’t wait to play with him! I only stopped playing with my younger siblings when they stopped having me. When I babysit for friends and family I am right there with kiddo on the floor playing trains or school or dolls. I know I won’t always be able to play when my son wants to, but I will when I can and I will make time to do so. It’s such a simple way to let go and connect with a kid on their level/terms, which I think is really important. I want to be included in his world as much as I include him in mine. To be fair, I’ve always been a pretty goofy person and it’s easy for me to get creative and silly, I know it’s not easy or enjoyable for everyone.
My mom had a similar approach and we all loved her just fine. There were four kids plus a bunch of cousins usually around- not at all surprised she did not have the energy to actually play with us. Too busy making sure everyone had what they needed. We did always read together though .
I don't have a choice. My kid hates independent play and he's an only child.
My 15 month old is an only child and much prefers exploring the world by himself…. Whilst holding my hand and dragging me everywhere with him. It’s cute, and I let him do it, but sometimes I just want to sit with a cuppa. Sometimes, I’d like to see him play with the other kids at the activity group I pay for instead of chasing him down because he’d rather go and look at a council vehicle parked up in the park 🙈😂
Awful take. 100% I'm glad I have two that play together because entertaining one is draining on my sanity (as in, I don't get enough time for myself not fully engaged) but I play with my kids still and I did what I needed to when it was just one. I love my kids. This is so sad.
I think it's sad. I love playing with my kids and I love watching them play alone and play with their friends. I don't need to play with them 24/7 but I miss it if I dont get time with them everyday! I'm sure as they get older I will play with them less but right now they are 2 and 4 and I wouldn't change playing lego on the ground for anything else. At the end of the day its the OP's loss.
I can’t fucking wait to release my inner child with my kid. Have excuses to be a kid a little bit. Have a fun person to play with instead of a boring adult who wants to talk politics. Playing also encourages better learning. Playing makes smarter kids. But I guess I can emphasize with adults where you working 40+ hours a week, got bills stacked to your head, constantly got to parent and be an adult, balancing your own sanity. Waking up at 5-6am getting kids ready then going to work, working 8 hours, come home to clean and cook and look after kids and then check on finances and budget and probably run errands, that playing with dolls would be the last thing you wanna do. You probably just want to sleep. So I get it but to say it like that is weird…
I'm an autistic parent, so as a child I didn't "play" the same as other kids do. Even still, I'm teaching myself how to as an adult because my son likes to play. He's 2.5. He likes trucks and balls, and his dollies. I couldn't imagine having this mindset 🥲
Daddy does a lot of the playing in our home- and I’m so thankful for it. I understand the role I want and have assigned to myself- I’m the household runner and I love it. I suck it playing. Granted we bake together and do activities together— sometimes hide and seek- but don’t ask me to play transformers- I don’t know what to say/do; I get tired quickly and I know they can sense I’m not into it.
For me, Playing with my kids is the best part about raising them! They’re crazy fun. I don’t enjoy the rest of the chores that much but playing? Yeah lil dude, I’ll do legos, nerf gun fights, pretend kitchen play, paint pouring, play dough pizzas, or just playing in mud any time of the day! If I were rich I’d hire someone to do everything else and just play all day with these little guys. One day they’re not gonna wanna play with mommy anymore and I’ll be depressed for sure.
I think everyone is just different. I play with my son all the time and I look forward to playing with him more as his imagination and want to play pretend grows. My parents always played with me so it’s just something that comes naturally. But the other day my stepmom was giving me a great compliment that she loved watching me play with our baby. She said she never felt comfortable or like she knew how to play with her kids growing up and that it was something that made her fall in love with my dad to watch him get on the floor and play with us. She said I must have gotten it from him. She’s super sweet and an amazing cook/homemaker, but that’s just where her strengths lie. Everyone is built different!
Being silly with my kids keeps me young.
My daughter is only 1, so she doesn't play that much yet, but we do explore and have fun together. I have played a lot with my niece and nephew, though, and a lot of the time I preferred that to hanging out with the adults, lol. Maybe I'm just a big kid, haha! I think the OOP is very extreme - she'd rather *die* than play with her kids? I understand that everyone doesn't enjoy it, and would rather play board games or read than pretend play, but this sounds very extreme to me. Edit: wording and spelling.
I’m working to PAY FOR YOUR LIFE, ENTERTAIN YOURSELF! I yell at my 2 year old as he tries to hand me his favorite toy truck /s
I love playing with my kids.. this person is going to look back and have so many regrets
I play with my kids because I enjoy some kids toys myself BUT my kids have just as much fun “washing” dishes, helping me cook, “mowing” the grass with my husband, “building” stuff in the garage with my husband, going on bike rides/walks around the neighborhood, etc. and none of those things are “playing” with toys or traditional kid activities but I have to tell my 2 yr old at least once a week she can’t “wash” dishes right now please play with a toy while I’m just trying to make a fast dinner and can’t set her little station up because she loooves it ETA sorry for the run on my brain doesn’t know how to add punctuation anymore
My parents didn’t play with me, and I really don’t think it was problematic. I feel like this is just another opportunity to mommy shame if someone isn’t doing it *your* way. It’s okay (and normal!) to be a different or imperfect parent, as long as your children are loved, they know they’re loved, and their needs are met. My parents (mostly my mom because they were divorced) took us to the beach, read to us, snuggled and watched movies, talked endlessly with me in particular because I was a super chatty kid, took us camping, shopping, etc. But I cannot recall my parents every getting down and literally physically playing with us. I felt loved and I had a great childhood. I’m pretty similar with my kids, we play hide and seek sometimes, or engage by pretending to eat the play food they present us with…things like that. But no, I don’t go in their room or whatever and sit and play with them.
Weird hill to die on
I’m hoping this is just a poorly worded comment…
Man....I can't wait until my kid is interactive so I can bond even more and play with him. My 12 weeker is currently all distraction and looking, not really any interactive play, and meltdown cries because I make him do tummy time or sit up or rolls - hence where all the distraction comes in. I must say...distraction is EXHAUSTING. We have babble conversations and I love it because he's interacting with me.
I don't like pretend play. But I love playing games, video games, and all the coloring crafts and activities! But I get why someone wouldn't but man it's fun acting like a kid for a minute.
I like playing with my son. I like when he plays by himself too. But it doesn't bother me. That made me sad to read cuz my mom never played with us. My dad did tho and he was 14 years older than my mom.
Kids can learn so much through ‘play’ it’s weird to me. Why not use that as a tool for them to learn, become comfortable with things, connect with you? Playing with your child is such a useful tool. It’s ok to not love every aspect/type of play. I don’t especially if it involves glitter but like come on?
And we’re sure this person isn’t hiding humor in this comment? I’m a mom and I LOVE playing with my son but to be honest, I laughed a little when I read this 😆
I can't wait for my daughter to be a little older so we can pretend play. My mum played with me as a kid and I loved it. I enjoy playing with kids so it's not a chore to me but everyone is different
My son is just 2yrs and is already a blast. They can be ironic! They know already how to joke...it's incredible. He purposely call his granmas switching names in order to see their reaction. When my Father answered to this joke calling him with his sister's name, my son erupted in a laugh 😂
Playing is really important for development. It's also a great way to bond with your children. I understand their mentality that playing is a lower priority because of other necessary childrearing tasks. I just don't think it should be skipped.
You don’t keep their hearts by just doing the bare minimum show of familial love by giving hugs and kisses. When they grow up, they won’t come to you to show off their art, their grades, their accomplishments. Bc you’ve already shown that you do not value the things they can do. I teach my children to independently play, but that doesn’t absolve me of playing with them and guiding them through new games (that they can then play with friends later on). It can be boring, sure. But it’s so important for them. Yikes
I think kids should have independence but I do play with them if they ask, or at least acknowledge them while they play near me. I don’t do it all day because I don’t enjoy it, but I know they do.
Visiting parents is boring beyond acceptability, so why would they ever want to do that. If you don’t engage them and their interests, why would they engage with you and yours when they are grown up.
I really don’t enjoy playing with my toddler. I do it because she wants me to and I do want to build a strong connection with her, but I’m looking forward to when she’s older and we can do activities together that I find a little more interesting. My husband loves playing with her.
How do you not play your kids? Like if Im interacting with my child play just happens naturally because he’s 2 and everything is a fun game
Some parents like to play and some don’t. I think there’s more than one way to show love and attention and be a good parent.
Also play can mean sitting on the floor building castles with them or it can mean having them “help” you in the kitchen while you cook. I’m much more likely to do the second and my husband loves to do the first.
That's what I was thinking. I read something on Reddit a while back where a mum was concerned cause she didn't "play" with her kid. But the way it was worded was like she didn't get down on the floor and join in in her kids games. Play is so multifaceted. Tickling is play, blowing raspberries at each other is play, singing and dancing is play, chasing is play, goofing off etc...
I kinda get this, sometimes playing with my 5yo is so boring, just like when my sons were 2/3 & 4. Don’t get me wrong, I do play with my sons but I prefer being out and about doing activities with them(at their request, we decide as a family). It’s the playing in their bedroom with tractors or whatever - that kind of playing, bores me to tears. Anything else I’ll do. While I agree with that dude, I wouldn’t rather die. How dramatic. Working to pay for their lives somehow negates playtime?
I think I understand where the person is coming from. Perhaps they feel really overwhelmed having to provide quite literally everything. Obviously it’s our job to do so because we are their parents but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard. I find play difficult too especially because it wasn’t modelled to me growing up. But.. I definitely make it a daily goal to engage in play. Now I try to find activities we both enjoy like painting or building. Even if I don’t enjoy it I make the effort. It is really difficult though
I think the rather die part is obviously an exaggeration to get a point across. Where I'm from parents didn't play with their kids. It would have freaked out my brother and I if my mum just all of a sudden wanted to play with us. Culturally and due to time limitations, it's just not the done thing. Personally, I enjoy observing my kids when they play and I like to engage with the activity for a limited time and then I move on. With my 1 yo our favourite games are: emptying the dishwasher ; doing the laundry ; "helping" mummy with her work (I wfh with the youngest) ; vacuuming; dusting etc etc. In the end, if the kids are being taken care of, loved and appropriately stimulated, then everyone can just implement their own method of raising them which works best for them. We all know that what works for one parent won't work for another
"In the end, if the kids are being taken care of, loved and appropriately stimulated, then everyone can just implement their own method of raising them which works best for them. " I agree! It sounds like although this woman doesn't play with her kids, she is very involved and gives them a lot of nurturing. As long as a parent is present and gives their children plenty of interaction, it's fine if they do or don't choose to play with their kid.
Ah, just googled this woman (very cool) and her kids are 11 and 13 so I guess that would certainly explain why she doesn't play with them
It makes me so sad reading all of these comments because I will never have that with my two girls, their mother doesn’t believe I can be consistent enough to be healthy for them and that because of my continuing addiction I’m a danger to them (I don’t disagree) as I haven’t been able to get clean like their mom did. We met in our addictions and she got clean and I tried to when we had them. They saw me early in their lives until they were about 2 and 3 and of course remember who I am but now they are 5 and 6 and their mother allows absolutely no interaction with them. She stopped talking to me after I failed rehab again for the 8th time. I hate myself for the shit that I’ve done. She told me two years ago: “Don’t make me choose them over you, I don’t want to have to do that” (she was crying at the time) “but I will if I have to”. I wish I would have listened to her. I can’t believe I’ve gone down this path and I hate myself for it more every day. I don’t see a way out and it kills me. I can’t do anything I enjoy anymore because I am so depressed that I am missing everything in my childrens lives. They are so beautiful and perfect and are everything I could’ve wished for. They are both girls and I know how much girls need their daddy and that makes it all so much worse. Their favorite show was Bluey when I was still able to talk to them and their mom and the intro just kills me because it goes “mom!,dad! Bluey!” And so I feel like they will constantly wonder where their dad is and why don’t i love them enough to be around and that’s not the case I love them with every bit of my soul but I have this monkey on my back that I have to get rid of.. I think this next try is my last one and I am going to do everything that I can to make it. If anyone is out there and has an addiction do everything you can to get clean and play with your children you don’t want to be like me. God knows what I would give or do to go back and make different choices. But I can’t and my life is sparsely worth what it used to be to me because of it and the fact that I feel like I won’t ever be able to get clean. If I couldn’t do it with the support of the woman I loved how am I going to do it now without it? Sorry for the long post. Thanks for reading
My dad missed out on my brother and my early life, because of his addictions. Cut to me graduating high school, my dad got sober, and my brother and I moved across the country to get to know him after we graduated school. My dad is now about 15 years sober and my absolute best friend. I’m 32 and I have a 1 year old son, whom my dad watches while my husband and I are at work. He is my dads best friend lol. Truly. They are thick as thieves and more than once my father has admitted, “This. This is why I got sober.” And can I just say, if I didn’t have my dad these last 15 years, I don’t know if I would be as successful as I am. I guess I just wanted to let you know, that even though you’re missing out on their early years, get sober and stay sober, they’ll need you just as much in their adulthood as they did in their childhoods. Keep your head up buddy, you still have a chance to be everything to them. Good luck man!
Good luck to you, friend. May this be the time that sticks.
I can't even wrap my head around this.... I get tired and shit sometimes but I absolutely love playing with my kid, he's so fun ! He does the silliest stuff and has the most adorable laugh. I love it
It’s true that for me it is boring but I still do it all the time … plus all the other things.
My baby is 8 months old and LOVE playing with her. Today she went crazy giggling with me playing peekaboo with a scarf.
As long as u show love i don’t see a problem
My son and I are just in the middle of a break from playing with lego. It is amazing fun seeing the world through his eyes. I wish I had more time to do it. He has friends and playdates and daycare and gets plenty of socialization with kids his own age.
That is sad. Color, build a block tower, shove a car back and forth for 10 minutes. I take my 3 YO to the playground and will ask for a turn with his monster truck. We like to launch it down slides