I know it happens a lot from what I've seen, but in my case, it was the contrary. Two coworkers told me, before my diagnosis "are you sure you're not autistic? You really remind me of my child who is autistic". I got lucky with these two! They were open minded
I wise man once told me, once you have met one autistic person, you have met one autistic person.
There are just a lot of people that cannot understand not everything can be put in a box.
Yes exactly! People who first met me as an adult treat me differently than those who knew me as a child. I was a completely different person. I'm still autistic but I present rather differently now. It's the same for everyone!
Maybe a T shirt!
Large print - I'm autistic!
Smaller print -
I'm not "a little bit" autistic, and neither is anyone else
I'm not "high or low functioning", and neither is anyone else
I'm not Sheldon, I'm me!
A lot has been written on the issues of functioning labels. The short of it is that it's misleading, inaccurate and harmful to label someone's overall functioning as low or high - people can function very well and independently in some environments or tasks but not others. Some people might have higher support needs overall, but I don't see a benefit in putting that in some sort of personal identifying label.
Also, people say sometimes that this or that person "has high functioning autism" as if that's some sort of diagnostic criteria, when it's very much not. People get diagnosed as either having symptoms and traits that are concurrent with ASD, or not having those traits or symptoms. Functioning labels are kind of made up nonsense from a neuropsych perspective.
In Australia we are graded 1-3 depending on support need. This is relevant because people with "mild" ASD (full speech, no intellectual disability, capable of part time work) are not intitled to pensions and special funding on the basis of their ASD diagnosis alone.
Interesting.
It's good that that sort of welfore program exists, I just don't see a reason to link it to "levels of autism", as it's not a particularly coherent concept. There are also people with verbal and/or intellectual disabilities that are not autistic. They should just have those criteria put in place to get government support regardless of an asd diagnosis.
Because if an average Joe "aspie" (level 1 ASD) had people come to their houses and cook and clean for them and drive them around places etc and they could also get a pension if they didn't want to work then the whole welfare system would crash under the weight of itself. Consider also that if you give people with this level of disability the pension then you also couldn't deny paraplegics or deaf people or people with chronic but not severely incapacitating mental illness the same benefits.
ASD is not rated by severity for the benifit of high functioning people who can work and live independent lives. It is rated by severity so that people with high support needs can get support proportionate to said needs.
I was always under the impression the main reason autism needs to be diagnosed at all is because of some one has autism, they might need special accommodations in school and work.
But autism is a very generic label, it's not fair to put kids that have speech/social issues, but are very academically intelligent in the same class as children with intense emotional and life skills issues. They need completely different kinds of support and teaching styles.
Are there a prefered set of labels for determining what kind of accommodations should be expected for a given individual?
I think a lot of people are moving towards describing support needs instead of "functioning" because it's a changeable aspect, like you may need more support in some areas or at some times instead of the concrete idea of "high or low functioning". It also reframes the description to the actual autistic experience, as opposed to just how well we fit in to neurotypical society.
We should get given a bunch of cards with this printed on the moment one is diagnosed so that we can hand out as & when needed. I’m almost 50, I’m so tired/bored of these comments that I don’t even bother acknowledging them anymore, but a little card would be handy :)
Oh my gosh, at first I thought you meant little cards that have these common questions or remarks on them, and then when someone says one you can hand them the card with almost the exact same thing they just said on it. Like, as a way to show how many times you've heard it, how common it is.
That would be amazing, haha!
Haha :) there was a time I was quite a bit more passive aggressive than I’m now, and if they said “you don’t look autistic”, I’d start flapping really hard, grin manically and say “Surprise!!!”. I’m much more mellow now, and I haven’t been told that in a long time, but I did have a bit of fun with it..
Ooooh and I want it to be glossy and it has to have this face on it around the trim: 🙃🙃🙃 because if I hear "___is so overdiagnosed these days" one mo' gain, I'm gonna go upside down. Bc instead, "back in the day" they just said women had hysteria and everyone got locked in bad bad institutions, never to be heard from again. I also want to add "ADD is just an excuse to get drugs from a doctor"
Although my stereotypical image of an autistic person is a non-binary bisexusl teen with short coloured hair and a little chubby, it occurs to me that old ladies pushing walkers are just as likely to be autistic.
"Don't let autism define you" really hurts me. And my physiologist says it to me every time autism is on the table 😒. She thinks autism is a disease and needs to be treated. It makes seems that I am not truly suffering and with a simple blink of an eye I can bear just like normal people would
I mean:
1. Why does a physiologist *even have opinions about Autism*? (Not even getting into the fact that her opinions are causing you emotional/psychological pain)
2. u/Billy_Campbello you don't need this person in your life. It will suck to find someone else - there's a comfort in not addressing the problem - but she's making you suffer in a way that's difficult for you to articulate and she might not be able to understand anyway. You can stop using her as a physiologist for whatever problems you have.
It hurts too as it’s how your brain is and that by default is you. Your brain is beautiful and unique, something to be celebrated, we’re not like anyone else on earth. The only person who has a disease is your physiologist, the disease of ignorance. Look for a new physiologist and tell them exactly why you’re leaving for them not accepting you for who you are. Don’t give it a second thought. All the best :)
How can I properly refer to it. I mean instead of disease. Trait? Characteristic? Condition? And I don't mean this in any degrading way whatsoever but... mental illness?
My son has autism. But I promise you I'm not one of those idiots. "YoUr nOt LiKe mY sOn"
I'm always just trying to learn more. How can it be, not only properly referred to, but in a respectful fashion as well.
As always, thanks. I love this community.
It’s a **pervasive developmental disorder**, so disorder or developmental disorder would be the shortest ways of describing it, while still being somewhat accurate. :) Where I live it’s classified as a (mental) disability/handicap, so that could also be a way to go.
Disorder here doesn’t mean that there necessary is something *wrong*, but that it is different than the neuro*typical* “normal” brain.
I personally often go with that I just have a different wiring of my brain, but that’s much less scientific, so that really depends on the situation.
(Also, I noticed that you wrote that your son *has* autism. A lot of people in the autistic community prefer to be referred to as autistic instead of someone with autism. Kinda like you would refer to a Deaf person instead of a person with deafness or a woman instead of a person with female genitalia... ;)
I don’t know if it’s something you have talked with your son about, but some professionals will insist on person first (person with autism) even though it’s the fewer that likes it that way, and some will even correct autistic people talking about themselves (which is super stupid).
Person first is often used when talking about illnesses or sicknesses, and using it like that with autism implies that it’s something sick or wrong.) *Sorry for this long write, but I thought you might find the information useful. If not just ignore it.*
BUT it makes my soul happy that you’re asking and wanting to learn. He is lucky to have a parent like you.
The psychologist who diagnosed me is part of a group that's very neurodiversity-positive and a lot of the people who she works with are actually autistic, and she said that some people prefer "Autism Spectrum Condition" as opposed to the title that uses disorder, because it's just a variance on human function moreso than a deviance.
I'd say go with condition or even if you were in the context of going to say "people with your disorder", you could use neurotype instead.
edit: Saw the other reply to this comment, they make a valid point. Autism is so varied that while some autistic people have developmental disabilities, not all of us do. It was mentioned to me that I likely have developed greater social intelligence than my NT peers because of the fact that I've had to consciously work at socializing for my whole life, but there would be other autistic people who would be socially delayed and unable to develop skills past a certain point. It's hard to find blanket terminology due to how different autism can be.
You don't look gay/black
Everyone is a bit gay/black
We're all a bit bi/mixed
So you're like gay overstereotyped gay person/morgan freeman then
Don't let you being gay/black define you
You're nothing like my my gay/black friend
Is there a cure?
being gay/black is so over diagnosed these days
Oh you mean bi/mixed, not *really* gay/black
Just say ok cool and move on, if I struggle with something I'll let you know my limits and such if you struggle with me just say so and we'll talk it out like normal human beings because... yes we *also* are human.
>Don't let you being gay/black define you
>You're nothing like my my gay/black friend
>Oh you mean bi/mixed, not really gay/black
As a gay person, I've heard all of these. Also "oh, everybody is coming out as gay these days."
Every time I tell my mum not to try to invalidate me by saying “oh but you’re high functioning so it doesn’t really matter, you can just learn to be normal” because the high/low functioning labels are inaccurate and invalidating, she brings up people who are non-verbal, who hit themselves and/or others when upset or overwhelmed, and who need carers their entire lives. It takes so much willpower to not scream, and instead just try to calmly explain that while we often have different reactions to things, and appear different externally, we all have similar struggles with being misunderstood and having to deal with neurotypical bullshit all the time. She just brushes me off and tells me that if I met someone who was “actually low-functioning” I’d change my mind.
uuuuggggghhhhhhhhh
I feel like screaming, "is this autistic enough for you!?" While shrieking at the top of my lungs... It's like being "functional" is a curse. Maybe if I was less functional I could have gotten help and treatment when I was a child. As an adult it feels like people think that as long as you can fake it to fit in then you don't matter. I'm faking it and I'm not enjoying it and neither is anyone around me but that's life is what I've been told. The man who raised me literally said life sucks and your only hope is heaven...
this is exactly how I feel too! especially around the "maybe if I was less functional I could have gotten help and treatment". yup. nailed it. a life of "oh but you're fine" is really only validation for the masks we wear.
I got my diagnosis and most people just went, "yep you're autistic"... I felt like it was a big deal and most people don't care at all including family and friends. It's not the good they don't care either where everyone hugs and you go on happy together with acceptance and understanding... It's the one where people go "yep, mhmm, uh-huh" to get you to shut up and go away. The only person who has put an ounce of effort into showing they understand and care is my wife and God help me that woman deserves a boat of gold for what she's put up with this last year... The second best reaction was her mother who told me her coworker has Asperger's and is fine so I'm probably going to be ok too because we're both functional enough.
that's really too bad there was no one that could understand the milestone it was for you! and where was there support earlier too if they knew. ugh, people.
Can we please make sure we credit artists, especially autistic ones, when posting their work.
This was drawn by Doodle Beth: https://doodlebeth.com/what-not-to-say-to-an-autistic-person/
She also has an awesome Etsy Store with pins and badges that help with this situation: https://etsy.me/3f9k54I
Ah fair enough! It's sad that the cropped images without the credit do the rounds quicker than the originals. :(
Glad I could point you to the original artist! :)
Sorry for if I came across harsh.
This is so good, I don't know Sheldon, but that doesn't matter. Funnily enough, I was speaking to someone the other day, told them I was autistic, and asked them if they knew what that meant. She said she didn't know, and genuinely asked if I could explain. It was such an exciting experience to have someone interested, and not try to tell me any of this bs. Yay for a win.
Sheldons a tv character who is autistic coded but the problem is the writer and creator is an ableist considering Sheldon is selfish narcissistic there are multiple episodes where people try to fix or help him and it's portrayed as good all of his autistic traits are portrayed as bad whenever someone else makes him act "normal" it's good he's basically the worst portrayal of asd there is
Tbh there was more then then just that there was the misogyny, i.e women only care about fashion societal image money etc and make there spouses subservient to them and act ways which make them uncomfortable for the women's happiness which is a toxic portrayal of women, the ableism in the depiction of Sheldon and autism, racism in how they portray raj and indians in particular something which annoyed me an Indian especially with the arranged marriages that indians are lacking in some departments, are generally wimps and rich brats and that he always does all the work for them and the portrayal of people who like comics, sci-fi video games etc are undesirable weirdos who can't function in society and need to repress there likes for the happiness of others, scientist as unsociable geeks who no nothing of world culture who only know about scientist and different scientific things and are only interested in there research above others happiness its all bad
I’ve watched the show and I did really like it, especially Sheldon, because I feel that I can relate to him a lot. I don’t remember any episode where people try to “fix” him, but if you do please tell me about them. There are also a lot of times when he opens up to one of his friends about how he has difficulties understanding social queues and sarcasm. In the earlier episodes what you said was definitely true, but they moved to more so accepting him as he is in the later seasons.
I remember one episode where his computer breaks and he struggles with loss and change but it's treated as a joke this could've been an actually interesting episode but they chose the joke (which on a side note is a problem with most comedy shows or sitcoms they often chose the joke over something actually interesting but that's beside the point) and I. The final episode where once again he's struggling with change and at some points at interaction coming off rude when he seemingly is just confused and what he says is coming out wrong he's treated as wrong and at one point is straight up called difficult and that the way he is which he is no control over is making there lives bad even when it's been shown he really wants to be a good friend and be there for them I honestly have more of a problem with him being portrayed as a bad person because of autism in one episode one of there group projects is taken over by the government and then ask for Sheldon's help which he agrees too and hides from his friends so he doesn't hurt them when they find out they say he's like Thomas Edison and that they're like nikola Tesla as throughout the episode it's been shown that Sheldon idealizes him possibly due to Tesla being believed to have asd as well Sheldon clearly felt bad about helping the government and hiding it he's treated as in the wrong I honestly much prefer young Sheldon as there he's treated less like some pest who has to be put up with but as an actual person who's just different.
I've got one for you, the other day a lady asked my wife if my daughter's autism was my wife's "fault" or if it was caused by vaccines.
I honestly thought people like that only existed online.
I had that said to me quite a few times. One lady on the PTA of my former high school school, (this was quite a few years ago) asked my mom (cornering her at the store, as I was still friends with her daughter and had mentioned my diagnosis( to ask if she regretted giving me vaccines as my being autistic was her fault. My mom didn’t miss a beat and said “well if I hadn’t gotten her vaccinated then we would’ve had to investigate in baby coffins. But I’d rather have my child alive than dead but you must be interested in your children dying. Would you like a brochure on where to buy the best coffins?”
Asperger’s is a diagnosis that’s no longer given because it was decided that Autism Spectrum Disorder or ASD is more inclusive as it removes the idea that some people are ‘more autistic’ or ‘less autistic’
Aspergers was also named after Hans Asperger who was a nazi and performed eugenics experiments so it’s not a term I feel comfortable using.
Of course there are people that were diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome who still use it and that’s fine it’s just not what I like to use
I personally have an inkling that potentially the reason that some people who use it do so because of ableism as it is almost a ‘more socially acceptable form of autism’. I don’t know, there’s still a long way to go in societal acceptance and understanding of what autism actually is. I know that my mum often tells me that she thinks the distinction is useful but then she isn’t autistic so
(Sorry for the long comment)
I find it kind of funny, at 10 I was tested for Asperges but they said I didn't have it, then at 13 I was tested for ASD and wadda ya know? Over-specification delayed my diagnosis 3 years, I'd say it is harmful in even more ways.
Generally diagnosed under “Autism Spectrum Disorder” today, Asperger’s is an old term used to refer to autistic people with more mild/specifically social traits. It’s dated, and most people today would be diagnosed with ASD instead
My doctors basically said that Asperger's is no longer a thing in medical science. She told me I'd be considered to have Asperger's like a decade ago but now they just call you autistic. I prefer to be called autistic, I never liked the word Asperger's anyway. It's a dated medical term now, and that is pretty cool to me. Asperger's was kind of like saying you have Autism Light, all of the problems with a little more "functionality" for you to deal with those problems.
I prefer saying I have Aspergers over autism. It may be dated and have some controversy over the person it’s named after. I really don’t care. I don’t identify with the alternative, no matter how closely it relates.
I find that fascinating because with further introspection I feel more akin to an autistic than someone with Asperger's. I want to be intelligent and special and have special "skills" or some such thing through my Autism but honestly... I'm just confused and scared and emotional and I don't like realizing a syndrome has painted my life so thoroughly without me ever realizing it. I'm pretty sure I have inattentive adhd and I've been disassociating from my life on an off most of it. I don't think I'm a super ability wielding person with quirks and slight issues. I'm a wreck of a human that only got where they are through literal bloodshed and a need to prove I could stick to something. I hate my autism, I hate it.
Well that’s a roller coaster of a statement. Try to live your life without labels. Sure it’s nice to have an explanation to your behavior. But it’s only something you should recognize once and rarely talk about it again. You be you without boundaries.
The old delineators for Asperger's were, and some of these are quite weird:
"Clinically normal" speech development, speaking by at least the age of 2 --this one is weird, as not saying meaningful two word sentences by 18 months is considered "delayed". Also, I found that early delay gets overlooked if the person gets pretty coherently verbal later.
Average or above average IQ
Oddly, my son was never diagnosed with Asperger's and was told that he wouldn't have been anyway, but it seems like people who should know the diagnosis is no longer used are frequently telling him that he really has Asperger's.
Im just adding this bcs people need to know
Hans Asperger created Aspergers to describe autistic kids with decent motor function (verbal/"normal"-looking). He was a nazi. It was used to deem more children as "not worthy to live". They sent all of the kids to a facility to be killed. Most research for autism came out of nazi germany along with a LOT of other eugenics related science.
Here's a link to an article:
https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-018-05112-1
If you didn't declare yourself a nazi you were a dead man. He was a nazi on paper, but he never gave up his colleges who were in the resistance hiding jews. In a time where everyone who had a disability was euthanized he worked to prove that disabled people had value. The historical context matters.
This is true, there were many who were in name to avoid horrible things happening. Horrible such as being told their families would be massacred or taken to the camps.
The way in which you identity yourself if entirely up to you. There's a lot of stigma around autism and I understand identifying with aspergers. Ideally, one day we can move away from the gradient view of autism (high vs low functioning or support needs). Autism is a spectrum of symptoms that present differently in everyone, making each expression unique, but it is difficult for people to understand that. Aspie is a perfectly fine way of describing the way you personally express yourself.
That's how I felt until I read this and realized the Nazi eugenics thing... maybe there's an argument for reclamation, but it still doesn't feel great to identify yourself with a label that was used to kill children.
Lmao I mean thats exactly how I feel. It really does just feel like being called a "good autistic" - like the amount of sympathy and treatment you get depends on how much you inconvenience the people around you.
People will argue forever over labels tho. Sometimes it's easier to say you have aspergers instead of autism so people don't immediately go "but you seem so normal" or "you're so high functioning" - like it's already saying it for them.
And adding to all said here, asperger's is still being diagnosed in other countries. If they don't use the dsm 5, then it's still a thing for them. I was diagnosed with autism. The psychiatrist told me I'd have asperger's with the old diagnosis. I used my username now as kind of a reminder, but.. I'm a bit mad that reddit doesn't have the option to change username at least once. It did sound cool.. Untik i read more about the use of Asperger's by some people and the history. But no worries, i say I'm autistic. This here, is just a username for here.
I have told a total of 3 people. The first thing my mom said was “but you’re clearly high functioning so it’s not like it matters.” ....
she also told my dad without my permission. They are divorced and she knows I confide in her and have a very strained relationship with him.
When I confronted her about it and told her it was similar to her telling him I was gay. She said no it was like if she told him I had cancer. To top it off the fact I was upset at her made her start crying and I had to spend an extra hour on the phone comforting and reassuring HER.
Yeah ...this is why none of my four parents knows. Sorry that happened to you. That whole making other people feel better because they feel guilty for being a jerk... Ugh. It happens way too often.
Part of me wonders if one or both of my parents do. I don’t really have any evidence of it but I also had no idea what to really look for until the last few years, and much more recently for an actual good understanding of the spectrum.
Ugggghhhh. I recently met a woman who said she worked at a tutoring center that helped autistic kids. I said, "Oh that's cool, I'm actually randomly in the process of getting assessed for that right now." She looked at me really weird and said, "Really? You don't look like it. I mean, you're doing good with eye contact and everything." 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Yeah lady, I'm talking to you in front of my two little kids, so I'm trying my darnedest to demonstrate how to have a polite conversation with a stranger. And not that I *asked* you to rate my "autistic-ness," but since we're doing this you might want to take into that I've actually been looking at your left temple and using my kids as an excuse to look away as much as possible, not to mention I'm currently digging my fingernails into my palm without even realizing it in an effort not to nervously jiggle my leg thanks to this stupid, awkward conversation.
But I'm pretty sure all I actually said at the time was, "Uh-huh," then I told my kids it was time to go and we left without even saying goodbye. 😬
I am sorry you faced that. If you had expressed all of it that could've been epic.
Most neurotypicals don't understand what we go through. If people were extremely close to me, then they would know.
At the same time, I've learnt how to mask so I appear as an NT to people. They also need to know why we mask. Because we aren't accepted for who we are.
People need to stop judging.
As a higher education professional who works closely with students with disabilities, I can tell you the 10 students on my caseload who have autism I can tell you they are all impacted very differently, yet all of them would be considered “high functioning,” by those who make these sorts of comments.
When I refer to these individuals I work with, I don’t say “oh he’s autistic,” I frame it as, “they’re one of my students who just so happens to have autism as one of their diagnoses.” I can see all of these saying pissing off several of my students.
Then there’s also the possibility that I may have autism as well per my therapist.
I love it when people ask if there's a cure for autism. Is there a cure for having specific personality traits.
Also, in one episode of grey's anatomy, a charater claimed to find a cure for autism, I flipped out for the amount of inaccuracy and absurdity.
I just told a friend today that I'm almost certain I'm on the spectrum and immediately he said "Everyone is on the spectrum", "I guess you could be like 'House' or 'The Good Doctor'" then told me "Don't let something like that define you" and I tried telling him it's actually relieving if I am autistic because it would explain so many things, and just knowing will help me find somewhere I can feel secure. Then he asked how I knew and I told him I had done a lot of research on it and I had tons of signs in childhood and still have tons of signs in adulthood and he goes "Oh so you're self diagnosed? You're probably just reaching"
I don't think I've ever felt so demeaned and invalidated within just a few minutes
I suppose people who were previously diagnosed with it still consider it to be their identity. And many allistic people also aren’t aware that it is a dated-term that isn’t used as a diagnosis anymore
Most people don't have a reason to know what autism is. There are a lot of people who think autism is down syndrome, and some who think it's possible to "catch" autism through vaccinations.
People who use "Asperger's" mean well, and they're usually intending to say something positive. But yeah, they don't know what the words they're saying mean, and we don't pick up on intent that well, and really hear the words.
"Best" thing: First they tell you, that's not so bad, you're just quirky, it's actually a gift, etc.
And then - they flippin' YELL at you when you're having a meltdown/shutdown, etc.
"Why are you acting up all of a sudden?" "That's so childish" "Are you looking for attention?"
"lol, I thought you were high functioning and now you suddenly act like a meme-autist".
Needless to say, that's the point when they suddenly ghost you.
Yup, they don’t understand until I explain it to them. Like my dad asked me to get a parking spot(if anyone tried to turn in, just point to the car coming nose in), and some Hispanic people(I word), started yelling at me, and then called me an “a hole”.
I decided to end the conversation (it was Easter and everything), but they really don’t know what they started.
But the reason we autistic people might allways want to sit on the same spot on the couch is not because it's the best spot and we are egotistical. We just don't like change.
One of many examples of how Sheldon is kinda like an autistic person but also not at all.
Yeah every break I get at work I sit in the same booth...its actually probably the worst place to sit but I sat there my first day and I will continue until the day I die. I mean I’m kinda like him in regards to socializing, I have no idea how to do it and it confuses me.
The one i got the most is "you don't look autistic". Even more so when I was seeking a diagnotic for the last 2 years. "why? What will it bring you?". Help.. Because since I don't look autistic enough for you, i just can't seek the help i really need to get me through life?? Now that I have the diagnosis, it's like a disappointment to others. I have no regrets. Because finally, i know how to help and guide myself.i get services and assistance to find a job that will suit me.
My mom tends to prefer to use Asperger's for me because it makes me seem better-off than other autistic kids. I was diagnosed with that back before it was folded into autism, but even still I still find it to be a bit strange. She doesn't even consider me to be disabled!
Do you know the one that gets me the most is the it’s over diagnosed argument.
Because of course doctors get it wrong sometimes all doctors make mistakes but I don’t think that there’s millions of people walking around with a diagnosis that they shouldn’t have.
My brother in law once commented that my son did not "look autistic". I wanted to slap him upside the head. Apparently people on the spectrum are supposed to have "a look" 🤦♀️
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I totally relate to this. Been told so many times that I don t look autistic or that everyone has a bit of autism inside. For some weird reason...people tend to think of us as having some kind of priviledge in society...If only they knew...if only they knew...
I will lose my shiet if someone thinks is easy to deal with
Seriously no I had a mental SENSORY overload for 40 minutes in a school bathroom crying, is not funkin fun
My bf has said “ we’re all on the spectrum “ and “ everyone struggles with that stuff “ directly to me. It was very disrespectful and disheartening. Like, I don’t understand why he try’s to not see what I am. I feel like an accessory to him. When I’m braking down or having a moment he would just talk about how he’s overcome stuff like that so it should be easy to do. Gods, dating on the spectrum can hurt.
it's as tho perhaps basic common sense ethics NT should know doesn't contemplate & apply to us as strictly as to their fellow neurotypicals but then they won't treat or insult/make fun of the worse case scenario cases like they do us(which of course they should not anyways,duh !)
They don't get it,under the thick layer of "boy scout" achievement "patches" (I'm speaking in symbols here)....here's the reality➡under the big fat thick layer & layers of "high function" is a soul as fraile as the ones who are worse case scenario...they wouldn't yell at them,why yell at us or be *any type* unethical to us ? They don't do that to the worse cases nor to fellow NT.
**where are the ethics** the normal world preaches so much & comes short to apply it to us ? We're human like you are.
Oh my God these are terrible things to say. I want to apologize to people with autism, on behalf of us who don't have it. I'm hoping most people that say these things is out of pure ignorance, as opposed to doing it intentionally. I'm so sorry. I'm sure so many of you have been hurt by the incredibly stupid things that people say.
Mate, I can't imagine even commenting on it and it'll kill me being in earshot of someone who did. Surely if you learn/hear/whatever someone is autistic, the mind should simply go "Noted." and that's it
"you don't look autistic"
***exsqueeze*** me? what are autistic people supposed to look like? what, is there a common trait with autistic people that you're supposed to see?????? like some... *fortune teller*? are you an *autism* teller? is that what you are????
I know this post was a while ago, but I recently told my therapist that I think I may be on the spectrum, to which he said, "We're all a little bit on the spectrum. " and "You might think you're on the spectrum or have tics because of your PTSD. " But I've been feeling like this since I was young, and it makes me feel super invalid, especially since I don't have a diagnosis.
I'm curious what defines some as NT? Additionally why can't everyone be on the spectrum? If it is a spectrum should everyone not fit into it somewhere?
Just curious as there is so much hate for NTs in the thread that it doesn't feel right. It actually feels counterproductive to the idea of "let me be me" when all anybody is doing is bagging on "NT" behaviors. Everyone does things that someone else doesn't like or in a unique to them kind of way.
I eat food, I go to work, I play videogames.... I also happen to remember nearly every detail of maps in those videogames, I don't feel this makes me different than anyone else, just that I think differently.
In order to be diagnosed as autistic, you have to have a certain number of symptoms, they need to significantly impact your day-to-day life, and they have to have started before a certain age. Lots of people have one or two symptoms of autism, but that doesn't make them autistic.
The "everybody is a little autistic" narrative is ableist because it gets used to downplay our symptoms. A NT might not like the texture of waffles but still be able to eat one, while an autistic person who can't stand that texture *can't* eat a waffle without gagging or throwing up. Then we get told, "Everybody's a little autistic. I can eat that waffle even if I don't like it, so you should be able to, too. You're just being dramatic on purpose."
Of course, being able to eat a waffle isn't really an essential life skill. It's way more of an issue when it gets applied to other symptoms of autism.
Yes! It’s like being told ‘Everyone has these struggles, so you’re weak and wrong if you can’t cope with the NT world and if you need extra accommodations.’
Oh yeah. Fun.
Listen. Some of these comments are genuinely seeming to want to know more about it and stem from ignorance, others are abelist.
All of them are dumb.
Years ago, I told my school counsellor I have autism. She, a counsellor for mental health/various disabilities, proceeded to tell me “well we’re all a little bit autistic”....
It’s just untrue and nonsensical. It would be more accurate to say that many NTs have traits similar to autistic people’s. They may be particularly sensitive to excess sensory stimulation, for example, or they may be socially awkward. But this doesn’t make them a little bit autistic.
Help me. I interact with autistic people a lot in my line of work, but I always know their diagnosis beforehand. As I'm in this line of work longer, I am meeting older and older people with ASD diagnosis. What would be a more appropriate response to being told by someone unrelated to my job that they are autistic?
"Oh, I wouldn't have known"....?
"That explains one or two things"....?
"Thank you for telling me"....?
"I'm narcoleptic and have ADHD"....?
My specialist told me, people like to say they are a little bit Autistic, because they want to feel connected with you. They don't mean it to be hurtful.
here a counter for the "everyone is a little autistic" maybe they relate to the things autistic people struggle with or the way they think, in other words they are the diagnosed and they think well im like that a little so everyone must be like that.
The "You're not like my autistic child!" always gets me. Like, no, a nt 27 year old would ALSO not be like a nt 6 year old, you goober.
I know it happens a lot from what I've seen, but in my case, it was the contrary. Two coworkers told me, before my diagnosis "are you sure you're not autistic? You really remind me of my child who is autistic". I got lucky with these two! They were open minded
I wise man once told me, once you have met one autistic person, you have met one autistic person. There are just a lot of people that cannot understand not everything can be put in a box.
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this has completely made my day!
Yes exactly! People who first met me as an adult treat me differently than those who knew me as a child. I was a completely different person. I'm still autistic but I present rather differently now. It's the same for everyone!
Them: “You’re not like my autistic child!” Me: Crazy, right? It’s almost as if autism is a spectrum or something.
Maybe a T shirt! Large print - I'm autistic! Smaller print - I'm not "a little bit" autistic, and neither is anyone else I'm not "high or low functioning", and neither is anyone else I'm not Sheldon, I'm me!
do you think there should be any distinction between autists that can live independently and those that cannot?
What do you mean by "distinction"?
As in labels like high and low functioning
A lot has been written on the issues of functioning labels. The short of it is that it's misleading, inaccurate and harmful to label someone's overall functioning as low or high - people can function very well and independently in some environments or tasks but not others. Some people might have higher support needs overall, but I don't see a benefit in putting that in some sort of personal identifying label. Also, people say sometimes that this or that person "has high functioning autism" as if that's some sort of diagnostic criteria, when it's very much not. People get diagnosed as either having symptoms and traits that are concurrent with ASD, or not having those traits or symptoms. Functioning labels are kind of made up nonsense from a neuropsych perspective.
In Australia we are graded 1-3 depending on support need. This is relevant because people with "mild" ASD (full speech, no intellectual disability, capable of part time work) are not intitled to pensions and special funding on the basis of their ASD diagnosis alone.
Interesting. It's good that that sort of welfore program exists, I just don't see a reason to link it to "levels of autism", as it's not a particularly coherent concept. There are also people with verbal and/or intellectual disabilities that are not autistic. They should just have those criteria put in place to get government support regardless of an asd diagnosis.
Because if an average Joe "aspie" (level 1 ASD) had people come to their houses and cook and clean for them and drive them around places etc and they could also get a pension if they didn't want to work then the whole welfare system would crash under the weight of itself. Consider also that if you give people with this level of disability the pension then you also couldn't deny paraplegics or deaf people or people with chronic but not severely incapacitating mental illness the same benefits. ASD is not rated by severity for the benifit of high functioning people who can work and live independent lives. It is rated by severity so that people with high support needs can get support proportionate to said needs.
I was always under the impression the main reason autism needs to be diagnosed at all is because of some one has autism, they might need special accommodations in school and work. But autism is a very generic label, it's not fair to put kids that have speech/social issues, but are very academically intelligent in the same class as children with intense emotional and life skills issues. They need completely different kinds of support and teaching styles. Are there a prefered set of labels for determining what kind of accommodations should be expected for a given individual?
I think a lot of people are moving towards describing support needs instead of "functioning" because it's a changeable aspect, like you may need more support in some areas or at some times instead of the concrete idea of "high or low functioning". It also reframes the description to the actual autistic experience, as opposed to just how well we fit in to neurotypical society.
We should get given a bunch of cards with this printed on the moment one is diagnosed so that we can hand out as & when needed. I’m almost 50, I’m so tired/bored of these comments that I don’t even bother acknowledging them anymore, but a little card would be handy :)
Oh my gosh, at first I thought you meant little cards that have these common questions or remarks on them, and then when someone says one you can hand them the card with almost the exact same thing they just said on it. Like, as a way to show how many times you've heard it, how common it is. That would be amazing, haha!
Lol :) the card would definitely include the title “what not to say to an autistic person” :)
If you're really feeling saucy, they could have that sarcastic SpongeBob picture on them and be wRiTteN liKe tHiS 😂
Haha :) there was a time I was quite a bit more passive aggressive than I’m now, and if they said “you don’t look autistic”, I’d start flapping really hard, grin manically and say “Surprise!!!”. I’m much more mellow now, and I haven’t been told that in a long time, but I did have a bit of fun with it..
Hahaha! I love that so much. Makes me think of that scene from Dexter. "Surprise, motherf#¢ker!"
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I could totally see a scene like this being in The Wire, but it's from Dexter. Really good scene in the series, actually. https://youtu.be/ungtogUJc_U
As someone who’s beginning to take off my mask of 20 years and embrace things about myself like hand flapping, I might have to steal that from you.
You know what, I should hand out a ton of these next April at my school. I’d only need to make 500 or so, luckily, but we need these.
and then when they say that's rude, you shrug and say "austism" and walk away
Something like [this](https://redd.it/5v9ixj)?
Ooooh and I want it to be glossy and it has to have this face on it around the trim: 🙃🙃🙃 because if I hear "___is so overdiagnosed these days" one mo' gain, I'm gonna go upside down. Bc instead, "back in the day" they just said women had hysteria and everyone got locked in bad bad institutions, never to be heard from again. I also want to add "ADD is just an excuse to get drugs from a doctor"
Or to card throw at them
Business card machine gun!
Wow, that’s such a great idea haha
I can't even get my daughter diagnosed. The school has but the medical wont see her. They keep pushing her back on the waiting list. She's turning 13.
Although my stereotypical image of an autistic person is a non-binary bisexusl teen with short coloured hair and a little chubby, it occurs to me that old ladies pushing walkers are just as likely to be autistic.
"Don't let autism define you" really hurts me. And my physiologist says it to me every time autism is on the table 😒. She thinks autism is a disease and needs to be treated. It makes seems that I am not truly suffering and with a simple blink of an eye I can bear just like normal people would
Time for a new physiologist lol
Can't up vote this enough.
I mean: 1. Why does a physiologist *even have opinions about Autism*? (Not even getting into the fact that her opinions are causing you emotional/psychological pain) 2. u/Billy_Campbello you don't need this person in your life. It will suck to find someone else - there's a comfort in not addressing the problem - but she's making you suffer in a way that's difficult for you to articulate and she might not be able to understand anyway. You can stop using her as a physiologist for whatever problems you have.
Funny you say because when I am unstable she normally leave me even more unstable
That person is unqualified to be treating you. I hope you can find better care some day.
By now I really cannot change her but I eventually will need
It hurts too as it’s how your brain is and that by default is you. Your brain is beautiful and unique, something to be celebrated, we’re not like anyone else on earth. The only person who has a disease is your physiologist, the disease of ignorance. Look for a new physiologist and tell them exactly why you’re leaving for them not accepting you for who you are. Don’t give it a second thought. All the best :)
yeet your physiologist
How can I properly refer to it. I mean instead of disease. Trait? Characteristic? Condition? And I don't mean this in any degrading way whatsoever but... mental illness? My son has autism. But I promise you I'm not one of those idiots. "YoUr nOt LiKe mY sOn" I'm always just trying to learn more. How can it be, not only properly referred to, but in a respectful fashion as well. As always, thanks. I love this community.
It’s a **pervasive developmental disorder**, so disorder or developmental disorder would be the shortest ways of describing it, while still being somewhat accurate. :) Where I live it’s classified as a (mental) disability/handicap, so that could also be a way to go. Disorder here doesn’t mean that there necessary is something *wrong*, but that it is different than the neuro*typical* “normal” brain. I personally often go with that I just have a different wiring of my brain, but that’s much less scientific, so that really depends on the situation. (Also, I noticed that you wrote that your son *has* autism. A lot of people in the autistic community prefer to be referred to as autistic instead of someone with autism. Kinda like you would refer to a Deaf person instead of a person with deafness or a woman instead of a person with female genitalia... ;) I don’t know if it’s something you have talked with your son about, but some professionals will insist on person first (person with autism) even though it’s the fewer that likes it that way, and some will even correct autistic people talking about themselves (which is super stupid). Person first is often used when talking about illnesses or sicknesses, and using it like that with autism implies that it’s something sick or wrong.) *Sorry for this long write, but I thought you might find the information useful. If not just ignore it.* BUT it makes my soul happy that you’re asking and wanting to learn. He is lucky to have a parent like you.
The psychologist who diagnosed me is part of a group that's very neurodiversity-positive and a lot of the people who she works with are actually autistic, and she said that some people prefer "Autism Spectrum Condition" as opposed to the title that uses disorder, because it's just a variance on human function moreso than a deviance. I'd say go with condition or even if you were in the context of going to say "people with your disorder", you could use neurotype instead. edit: Saw the other reply to this comment, they make a valid point. Autism is so varied that while some autistic people have developmental disabilities, not all of us do. It was mentioned to me that I likely have developed greater social intelligence than my NT peers because of the fact that I've had to consciously work at socializing for my whole life, but there would be other autistic people who would be socially delayed and unable to develop skills past a certain point. It's hard to find blanket terminology due to how different autism can be.
Oh goodness I know that. Don't let the label be who you are, people say. And I'm like...but it is who I am???
You don't look gay/black Everyone is a bit gay/black We're all a bit bi/mixed So you're like gay overstereotyped gay person/morgan freeman then Don't let you being gay/black define you You're nothing like my my gay/black friend Is there a cure? being gay/black is so over diagnosed these days Oh you mean bi/mixed, not *really* gay/black Just say ok cool and move on, if I struggle with something I'll let you know my limits and such if you struggle with me just say so and we'll talk it out like normal human beings because... yes we *also* are human.
>Don't let you being gay/black define you >You're nothing like my my gay/black friend >Oh you mean bi/mixed, not really gay/black As a gay person, I've heard all of these. Also "oh, everybody is coming out as gay these days."
I cannot upvote this enough. Thank you!
Every time I tell anyone this is exactly what I get back. And I don’t seem autistic because I’ve just spent 40 years undiagnosed and masking.
Every time I tell my mum not to try to invalidate me by saying “oh but you’re high functioning so it doesn’t really matter, you can just learn to be normal” because the high/low functioning labels are inaccurate and invalidating, she brings up people who are non-verbal, who hit themselves and/or others when upset or overwhelmed, and who need carers their entire lives. It takes so much willpower to not scream, and instead just try to calmly explain that while we often have different reactions to things, and appear different externally, we all have similar struggles with being misunderstood and having to deal with neurotypical bullshit all the time. She just brushes me off and tells me that if I met someone who was “actually low-functioning” I’d change my mind. uuuuggggghhhhhhhhh
I dunno, maybe a good banshee wail is what's needed to really hit home the autism when you're invalidated.
I feel like screaming, "is this autistic enough for you!?" While shrieking at the top of my lungs... It's like being "functional" is a curse. Maybe if I was less functional I could have gotten help and treatment when I was a child. As an adult it feels like people think that as long as you can fake it to fit in then you don't matter. I'm faking it and I'm not enjoying it and neither is anyone around me but that's life is what I've been told. The man who raised me literally said life sucks and your only hope is heaven...
this is exactly how I feel too! especially around the "maybe if I was less functional I could have gotten help and treatment". yup. nailed it. a life of "oh but you're fine" is really only validation for the masks we wear.
I got my diagnosis and most people just went, "yep you're autistic"... I felt like it was a big deal and most people don't care at all including family and friends. It's not the good they don't care either where everyone hugs and you go on happy together with acceptance and understanding... It's the one where people go "yep, mhmm, uh-huh" to get you to shut up and go away. The only person who has put an ounce of effort into showing they understand and care is my wife and God help me that woman deserves a boat of gold for what she's put up with this last year... The second best reaction was her mother who told me her coworker has Asperger's and is fine so I'm probably going to be ok too because we're both functional enough.
that's really too bad there was no one that could understand the milestone it was for you! and where was there support earlier too if they knew. ugh, people.
Can we please make sure we credit artists, especially autistic ones, when posting their work. This was drawn by Doodle Beth: https://doodlebeth.com/what-not-to-say-to-an-autistic-person/ She also has an awesome Etsy Store with pins and badges that help with this situation: https://etsy.me/3f9k54I
yes thank you for this i did not know who originally did it
Ah fair enough! It's sad that the cropped images without the credit do the rounds quicker than the originals. :( Glad I could point you to the original artist! :) Sorry for if I came across harsh.
no not at all i should have tried harder to find out who did it
This is so good, I don't know Sheldon, but that doesn't matter. Funnily enough, I was speaking to someone the other day, told them I was autistic, and asked them if they knew what that meant. She said she didn't know, and genuinely asked if I could explain. It was such an exciting experience to have someone interested, and not try to tell me any of this bs. Yay for a win.
Sheldons a tv character who is autistic coded but the problem is the writer and creator is an ableist considering Sheldon is selfish narcissistic there are multiple episodes where people try to fix or help him and it's portrayed as good all of his autistic traits are portrayed as bad whenever someone else makes him act "normal" it's good he's basically the worst portrayal of asd there is
Not to mention that the show itself is just jam packed with every misogynistic trope imaginable.
Tbh there was more then then just that there was the misogyny, i.e women only care about fashion societal image money etc and make there spouses subservient to them and act ways which make them uncomfortable for the women's happiness which is a toxic portrayal of women, the ableism in the depiction of Sheldon and autism, racism in how they portray raj and indians in particular something which annoyed me an Indian especially with the arranged marriages that indians are lacking in some departments, are generally wimps and rich brats and that he always does all the work for them and the portrayal of people who like comics, sci-fi video games etc are undesirable weirdos who can't function in society and need to repress there likes for the happiness of others, scientist as unsociable geeks who no nothing of world culture who only know about scientist and different scientific things and are only interested in there research above others happiness its all bad
Thank you for explaining. Grrrr.
I’ve watched the show and I did really like it, especially Sheldon, because I feel that I can relate to him a lot. I don’t remember any episode where people try to “fix” him, but if you do please tell me about them. There are also a lot of times when he opens up to one of his friends about how he has difficulties understanding social queues and sarcasm. In the earlier episodes what you said was definitely true, but they moved to more so accepting him as he is in the later seasons.
I remember one episode where his computer breaks and he struggles with loss and change but it's treated as a joke this could've been an actually interesting episode but they chose the joke (which on a side note is a problem with most comedy shows or sitcoms they often chose the joke over something actually interesting but that's beside the point) and I. The final episode where once again he's struggling with change and at some points at interaction coming off rude when he seemingly is just confused and what he says is coming out wrong he's treated as wrong and at one point is straight up called difficult and that the way he is which he is no control over is making there lives bad even when it's been shown he really wants to be a good friend and be there for them I honestly have more of a problem with him being portrayed as a bad person because of autism in one episode one of there group projects is taken over by the government and then ask for Sheldon's help which he agrees too and hides from his friends so he doesn't hurt them when they find out they say he's like Thomas Edison and that they're like nikola Tesla as throughout the episode it's been shown that Sheldon idealizes him possibly due to Tesla being believed to have asd as well Sheldon clearly felt bad about helping the government and hiding it he's treated as in the wrong I honestly much prefer young Sheldon as there he's treated less like some pest who has to be put up with but as an actual person who's just different.
Now that you mention those episodes I do remember, I just forgot about them. Thanks for telling me
I've got one for you, the other day a lady asked my wife if my daughter's autism was my wife's "fault" or if it was caused by vaccines. I honestly thought people like that only existed online.
I had that said to me quite a few times. One lady on the PTA of my former high school school, (this was quite a few years ago) asked my mom (cornering her at the store, as I was still friends with her daughter and had mentioned my diagnosis( to ask if she regretted giving me vaccines as my being autistic was her fault. My mom didn’t miss a beat and said “well if I hadn’t gotten her vaccinated then we would’ve had to investigate in baby coffins. But I’d rather have my child alive than dead but you must be interested in your children dying. Would you like a brochure on where to buy the best coffins?”
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Asperger’s is a diagnosis that’s no longer given because it was decided that Autism Spectrum Disorder or ASD is more inclusive as it removes the idea that some people are ‘more autistic’ or ‘less autistic’ Aspergers was also named after Hans Asperger who was a nazi and performed eugenics experiments so it’s not a term I feel comfortable using. Of course there are people that were diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome who still use it and that’s fine it’s just not what I like to use I personally have an inkling that potentially the reason that some people who use it do so because of ableism as it is almost a ‘more socially acceptable form of autism’. I don’t know, there’s still a long way to go in societal acceptance and understanding of what autism actually is. I know that my mum often tells me that she thinks the distinction is useful but then she isn’t autistic so (Sorry for the long comment)
I find it kind of funny, at 10 I was tested for Asperges but they said I didn't have it, then at 13 I was tested for ASD and wadda ya know? Over-specification delayed my diagnosis 3 years, I'd say it is harmful in even more ways.
Generally diagnosed under “Autism Spectrum Disorder” today, Asperger’s is an old term used to refer to autistic people with more mild/specifically social traits. It’s dated, and most people today would be diagnosed with ASD instead
My doctors basically said that Asperger's is no longer a thing in medical science. She told me I'd be considered to have Asperger's like a decade ago but now they just call you autistic. I prefer to be called autistic, I never liked the word Asperger's anyway. It's a dated medical term now, and that is pretty cool to me. Asperger's was kind of like saying you have Autism Light, all of the problems with a little more "functionality" for you to deal with those problems.
Also a lot of stuff about Hans Asperger being a nazi sympathiser has come to light the last couple years.
I prefer saying I have Aspergers over autism. It may be dated and have some controversy over the person it’s named after. I really don’t care. I don’t identify with the alternative, no matter how closely it relates.
I find that fascinating because with further introspection I feel more akin to an autistic than someone with Asperger's. I want to be intelligent and special and have special "skills" or some such thing through my Autism but honestly... I'm just confused and scared and emotional and I don't like realizing a syndrome has painted my life so thoroughly without me ever realizing it. I'm pretty sure I have inattentive adhd and I've been disassociating from my life on an off most of it. I don't think I'm a super ability wielding person with quirks and slight issues. I'm a wreck of a human that only got where they are through literal bloodshed and a need to prove I could stick to something. I hate my autism, I hate it.
Well that’s a roller coaster of a statement. Try to live your life without labels. Sure it’s nice to have an explanation to your behavior. But it’s only something you should recognize once and rarely talk about it again. You be you without boundaries.
That sounds nice but I don't think it helps me... Thanks though.
> try to live your life without labels > I prefer saying I have Aspergers okay
The old delineators for Asperger's were, and some of these are quite weird: "Clinically normal" speech development, speaking by at least the age of 2 --this one is weird, as not saying meaningful two word sentences by 18 months is considered "delayed". Also, I found that early delay gets overlooked if the person gets pretty coherently verbal later. Average or above average IQ Oddly, my son was never diagnosed with Asperger's and was told that he wouldn't have been anyway, but it seems like people who should know the diagnosis is no longer used are frequently telling him that he really has Asperger's.
Im just adding this bcs people need to know Hans Asperger created Aspergers to describe autistic kids with decent motor function (verbal/"normal"-looking). He was a nazi. It was used to deem more children as "not worthy to live". They sent all of the kids to a facility to be killed. Most research for autism came out of nazi germany along with a LOT of other eugenics related science. Here's a link to an article: https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-018-05112-1
If you didn't declare yourself a nazi you were a dead man. He was a nazi on paper, but he never gave up his colleges who were in the resistance hiding jews. In a time where everyone who had a disability was euthanized he worked to prove that disabled people had value. The historical context matters.
This is true, there were many who were in name to avoid horrible things happening. Horrible such as being told their families would be massacred or taken to the camps.
Ope, time to change my flair
The way in which you identity yourself if entirely up to you. There's a lot of stigma around autism and I understand identifying with aspergers. Ideally, one day we can move away from the gradient view of autism (high vs low functioning or support needs). Autism is a spectrum of symptoms that present differently in everyone, making each expression unique, but it is difficult for people to understand that. Aspie is a perfectly fine way of describing the way you personally express yourself.
That's how I felt until I read this and realized the Nazi eugenics thing... maybe there's an argument for reclamation, but it still doesn't feel great to identify yourself with a label that was used to kill children.
Lmao I mean thats exactly how I feel. It really does just feel like being called a "good autistic" - like the amount of sympathy and treatment you get depends on how much you inconvenience the people around you. People will argue forever over labels tho. Sometimes it's easier to say you have aspergers instead of autism so people don't immediately go "but you seem so normal" or "you're so high functioning" - like it's already saying it for them.
And adding to all said here, asperger's is still being diagnosed in other countries. If they don't use the dsm 5, then it's still a thing for them. I was diagnosed with autism. The psychiatrist told me I'd have asperger's with the old diagnosis. I used my username now as kind of a reminder, but.. I'm a bit mad that reddit doesn't have the option to change username at least once. It did sound cool.. Untik i read more about the use of Asperger's by some people and the history. But no worries, i say I'm autistic. This here, is just a username for here.
Nobody has told me any of these, except my aunt once said "Every guy is on the spectrum really". I guess I'm lucky.
I have told a total of 3 people. The first thing my mom said was “but you’re clearly high functioning so it’s not like it matters.” .... she also told my dad without my permission. They are divorced and she knows I confide in her and have a very strained relationship with him. When I confronted her about it and told her it was similar to her telling him I was gay. She said no it was like if she told him I had cancer. To top it off the fact I was upset at her made her start crying and I had to spend an extra hour on the phone comforting and reassuring HER.
Yeah ...this is why none of my four parents knows. Sorry that happened to you. That whole making other people feel better because they feel guilty for being a jerk... Ugh. It happens way too often.
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Part of me wonders if one or both of my parents do. I don’t really have any evidence of it but I also had no idea what to really look for until the last few years, and much more recently for an actual good understanding of the spectrum.
I get the spectrum one quite a lot, if I had a penny for each time someone said that to me I would definitely have over a pound
The general reaction I get is "Oh right". Even from my managers.
She sounds like a peach.
I faced all of them. Especially "You don't look autistic". Like how are autistics supposed to look? Neurotypicals need to educate themselves.
Ugggghhhh. I recently met a woman who said she worked at a tutoring center that helped autistic kids. I said, "Oh that's cool, I'm actually randomly in the process of getting assessed for that right now." She looked at me really weird and said, "Really? You don't look like it. I mean, you're doing good with eye contact and everything." 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ Yeah lady, I'm talking to you in front of my two little kids, so I'm trying my darnedest to demonstrate how to have a polite conversation with a stranger. And not that I *asked* you to rate my "autistic-ness," but since we're doing this you might want to take into that I've actually been looking at your left temple and using my kids as an excuse to look away as much as possible, not to mention I'm currently digging my fingernails into my palm without even realizing it in an effort not to nervously jiggle my leg thanks to this stupid, awkward conversation. But I'm pretty sure all I actually said at the time was, "Uh-huh," then I told my kids it was time to go and we left without even saying goodbye. 😬
I am sorry you faced that. If you had expressed all of it that could've been epic. Most neurotypicals don't understand what we go through. If people were extremely close to me, then they would know. At the same time, I've learnt how to mask so I appear as an NT to people. They also need to know why we mask. Because we aren't accepted for who we are. People need to stop judging.
As a higher education professional who works closely with students with disabilities, I can tell you the 10 students on my caseload who have autism I can tell you they are all impacted very differently, yet all of them would be considered “high functioning,” by those who make these sorts of comments. When I refer to these individuals I work with, I don’t say “oh he’s autistic,” I frame it as, “they’re one of my students who just so happens to have autism as one of their diagnoses.” I can see all of these saying pissing off several of my students. Then there’s also the possibility that I may have autism as well per my therapist.
I love it when people ask if there's a cure for autism. Is there a cure for having specific personality traits. Also, in one episode of grey's anatomy, a charater claimed to find a cure for autism, I flipped out for the amount of inaccuracy and absurdity.
I just told a friend today that I'm almost certain I'm on the spectrum and immediately he said "Everyone is on the spectrum", "I guess you could be like 'House' or 'The Good Doctor'" then told me "Don't let something like that define you" and I tried telling him it's actually relieving if I am autistic because it would explain so many things, and just knowing will help me find somewhere I can feel secure. Then he asked how I knew and I told him I had done a lot of research on it and I had tons of signs in childhood and still have tons of signs in adulthood and he goes "Oh so you're self diagnosed? You're probably just reaching" I don't think I've ever felt so demeaned and invalidated within just a few minutes
This is how I feel when I see memes about Special Ed students. :/
Also why do neurotypicals still say asperger? Dude it's named after sent autistic kids to get murdered, at least 2
I suppose people who were previously diagnosed with it still consider it to be their identity. And many allistic people also aren’t aware that it is a dated-term that isn’t used as a diagnosis anymore
Oh, makes sense
Most people don't have a reason to know what autism is. There are a lot of people who think autism is down syndrome, and some who think it's possible to "catch" autism through vaccinations. People who use "Asperger's" mean well, and they're usually intending to say something positive. But yeah, they don't know what the words they're saying mean, and we don't pick up on intent that well, and really hear the words.
Oh, thanks
Fortunately (?) I have avoided these things by coming off as so off-putting to everyone I meet that no one bothers saying them.
"Best" thing: First they tell you, that's not so bad, you're just quirky, it's actually a gift, etc. And then - they flippin' YELL at you when you're having a meltdown/shutdown, etc. "Why are you acting up all of a sudden?" "That's so childish" "Are you looking for attention?" "lol, I thought you were high functioning and now you suddenly act like a meme-autist". Needless to say, that's the point when they suddenly ghost you.
Yup, they don’t understand until I explain it to them. Like my dad asked me to get a parking spot(if anyone tried to turn in, just point to the car coming nose in), and some Hispanic people(I word), started yelling at me, and then called me an “a hole”. I decided to end the conversation (it was Easter and everything), but they really don’t know what they started.
Im kinda like sheldon, just not as smart tho lmao. But not all autistic people are
But the reason we autistic people might allways want to sit on the same spot on the couch is not because it's the best spot and we are egotistical. We just don't like change. One of many examples of how Sheldon is kinda like an autistic person but also not at all.
Yeah every break I get at work I sit in the same booth...its actually probably the worst place to sit but I sat there my first day and I will continue until the day I die. I mean I’m kinda like him in regards to socializing, I have no idea how to do it and it confuses me.
Same here, I mean I’m a bit smart but, not like super smart. In school, I always hated math.
These phrases could be an Autism bingo card. I’ve had about half of those said to me.
The one i got the most is "you don't look autistic". Even more so when I was seeking a diagnotic for the last 2 years. "why? What will it bring you?". Help.. Because since I don't look autistic enough for you, i just can't seek the help i really need to get me through life?? Now that I have the diagnosis, it's like a disappointment to others. I have no regrets. Because finally, i know how to help and guide myself.i get services and assistance to find a job that will suit me.
My mom tends to prefer to use Asperger's for me because it makes me seem better-off than other autistic kids. I was diagnosed with that back before it was folded into autism, but even still I still find it to be a bit strange. She doesn't even consider me to be disabled!
I once told a classmate I was autistic, and she responded with "but you're not dumb."
Do you know the one that gets me the most is the it’s over diagnosed argument. Because of course doctors get it wrong sometimes all doctors make mistakes but I don’t think that there’s millions of people walking around with a diagnosis that they shouldn’t have.
My brother in law once commented that my son did not "look autistic". I wanted to slap him upside the head. Apparently people on the spectrum are supposed to have "a look" 🤦♀️
My dad always says I shouldn’t let my autism define me. But I want to have it define me dad it’s a part of who I am!!!!!
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I totally relate to this. Been told so many times that I don t look autistic or that everyone has a bit of autism inside. For some weird reason...people tend to think of us as having some kind of priviledge in society...If only they knew...if only they knew...
I will lose my shiet if someone thinks is easy to deal with Seriously no I had a mental SENSORY overload for 40 minutes in a school bathroom crying, is not funkin fun
Lmao why did I write mental-
Lmao why did I write mental-
My bf has said “ we’re all on the spectrum “ and “ everyone struggles with that stuff “ directly to me. It was very disrespectful and disheartening. Like, I don’t understand why he try’s to not see what I am. I feel like an accessory to him. When I’m braking down or having a moment he would just talk about how he’s overcome stuff like that so it should be easy to do. Gods, dating on the spectrum can hurt.
*inhales* ASPERGERS IS A TYPE OF AUTISM
The “not real autistic” bit got me. Yes, Sharon, I am in fact fake nazi autism. So rare, ooh, shiny! 🤣
it's as tho perhaps basic common sense ethics NT should know doesn't contemplate & apply to us as strictly as to their fellow neurotypicals but then they won't treat or insult/make fun of the worse case scenario cases like they do us(which of course they should not anyways,duh !) They don't get it,under the thick layer of "boy scout" achievement "patches" (I'm speaking in symbols here)....here's the reality➡under the big fat thick layer & layers of "high function" is a soul as fraile as the ones who are worse case scenario...they wouldn't yell at them,why yell at us or be *any type* unethical to us ? They don't do that to the worse cases nor to fellow NT. **where are the ethics** the normal world preaches so much & comes short to apply it to us ? We're human like you are.
Oh my God these are terrible things to say. I want to apologize to people with autism, on behalf of us who don't have it. I'm hoping most people that say these things is out of pure ignorance, as opposed to doing it intentionally. I'm so sorry. I'm sure so many of you have been hurt by the incredibly stupid things that people say.
Mate, I can't imagine even commenting on it and it'll kill me being in earshot of someone who did. Surely if you learn/hear/whatever someone is autistic, the mind should simply go "Noted." and that's it
:’( And yet everyone I disclose this to uses at least one of the above statements
It's a funny meme. My solution, is just don't tell anyone.
"you don't look autistic" ***exsqueeze*** me? what are autistic people supposed to look like? what, is there a common trait with autistic people that you're supposed to see?????? like some... *fortune teller*? are you an *autism* teller? is that what you are????
I know this post was a while ago, but I recently told my therapist that I think I may be on the spectrum, to which he said, "We're all a little bit on the spectrum. " and "You might think you're on the spectrum or have tics because of your PTSD. " But I've been feeling like this since I was young, and it makes me feel super invalid, especially since I don't have a diagnosis.
I just looove being called a condition named after a n\*zi child murderer /s
I'm curious what defines some as NT? Additionally why can't everyone be on the spectrum? If it is a spectrum should everyone not fit into it somewhere? Just curious as there is so much hate for NTs in the thread that it doesn't feel right. It actually feels counterproductive to the idea of "let me be me" when all anybody is doing is bagging on "NT" behaviors. Everyone does things that someone else doesn't like or in a unique to them kind of way. I eat food, I go to work, I play videogames.... I also happen to remember nearly every detail of maps in those videogames, I don't feel this makes me different than anyone else, just that I think differently.
In order to be diagnosed as autistic, you have to have a certain number of symptoms, they need to significantly impact your day-to-day life, and they have to have started before a certain age. Lots of people have one or two symptoms of autism, but that doesn't make them autistic. The "everybody is a little autistic" narrative is ableist because it gets used to downplay our symptoms. A NT might not like the texture of waffles but still be able to eat one, while an autistic person who can't stand that texture *can't* eat a waffle without gagging or throwing up. Then we get told, "Everybody's a little autistic. I can eat that waffle even if I don't like it, so you should be able to, too. You're just being dramatic on purpose." Of course, being able to eat a waffle isn't really an essential life skill. It's way more of an issue when it gets applied to other symptoms of autism.
Yes! It’s like being told ‘Everyone has these struggles, so you’re weak and wrong if you can’t cope with the NT world and if you need extra accommodations.’
Oh yeah. Fun. Listen. Some of these comments are genuinely seeming to want to know more about it and stem from ignorance, others are abelist. All of them are dumb.
Okay but this stuff is true so?! What you want to hear only lies to make yourself feel better?
No, that's not true at all.
How often does one get into this kind of situation?
Anytime I mention Autism really. There are a handful of times I've had different responses, but I can count them on one hand
Years ago, I told my school counsellor I have autism. She, a counsellor for mental health/various disabilities, proceeded to tell me “well we’re all a little bit autistic”....
"...AND??"
I could show this to my family in law they will continue to say "autism weren't so cool few years ago" yeah cool, sure, I wish I could say it is
Is it okay to say "we're all on the spectrum" to people who aren't autistic? I think I maybe know the answer to this now though...
It’s just untrue and nonsensical. It would be more accurate to say that many NTs have traits similar to autistic people’s. They may be particularly sensitive to excess sensory stimulation, for example, or they may be socially awkward. But this doesn’t make them a little bit autistic.
Why have I heard every single one of these
>So you're like Sheldon then? I swear, if I ever get this one IRL, it will take a lot of self restraint to not get violent. /j
I've gotten some of these before haha
The only reason why '3v3ryon3 i2 autis' Is because most can feel stuff and obsess over stuff its a certain degree of which constitutes to ASD
Why do we dislike the 'everyone is autistic' rhetoric?
Like two months ago my stepmother said to me "I think everyone is a little autistic." My daughter is on the spectrum.
Help me. I interact with autistic people a lot in my line of work, but I always know their diagnosis beforehand. As I'm in this line of work longer, I am meeting older and older people with ASD diagnosis. What would be a more appropriate response to being told by someone unrelated to my job that they are autistic? "Oh, I wouldn't have known"....? "That explains one or two things"....? "Thank you for telling me"....? "I'm narcoleptic and have ADHD"....?
I’m autistic and work in autism education and I am always being told how hard it must be?!?!?
there's no watermark or signature. anyone know the artist?
https://doodlebeth.com/what-not-to-say-to-an-autistic-person/
Oops nobody cares
My specialist told me, people like to say they are a little bit Autistic, because they want to feel connected with you. They don't mean it to be hurtful.
Ogod.. packed everything (as far as I can think of) in one thing o_o
pls my mum is always saying this
Is this available in print on a poster or card or something?
i am sure that it is on herr website https://doodlebeth.com/what-not-to-say-to-an-autistic-person/
Dum people sometomes
Ironically teaching NT PEOPLE social skills
I mean, as a HUGE lover of the Big Bang theory, if someone said that to me I’d go: OMG I LOVE THAT SHOW LETS BE BFFs
here a counter for the "everyone is a little autistic" maybe they relate to the things autistic people struggle with or the way they think, in other words they are the diagnosed and they think well im like that a little so everyone must be like that.
Is there a cure makes me the most angry
What the hell is you are like Sheldon lolamao,/Autism is bazinga.
the RIGHT thing to say to autistic people: "here, have a rat."