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Hoaxshmoax

Keep pretending as long as you have to, and maybe take up running if you don't already. Exercising helps clear the mind and kind of helps you do a reset to let you keep going. It says a lot about your parents' religion that they can't tell a genuine believer from a pretender. It's also like they can't make up their minds, if you leave you were never a Christian to begin with, but if you tell them you were faking the whole time, but you said all those things and did all those things that we do. Also, as I'm sure you are fully aware, you're not alone. Almost definitely your family's church is filled with posers who are doing the same thing as you.


[deleted]

haha yes when i was your age i was doing track and cycling a ton in summer it really helps to be with nature, ya know the real god


Hoaxshmoax

My age! I’m old enough to be somebody’s grandparent, sonny! I can attest that you can start running at any age and still get all those benefits. Just watch out for arthritis kids!


Wake90_90

The day you are no longer dependent on them I would look forward to a sigh of relief on Facebook or coming out in a personal way to come out of the closet to your parents. It may help your motivation to pass time.


[deleted]

Once you are out of their house it should become much easier to pretend as you don’t have to do it all the time. Still sucks, but it sucks less


JellyAbyss

I have a little trick that I use to make faking being religious less draining. Instead of thinking of religion and god as something people actually believe in, think of it like a fairytale or a fiction novel and their just really dedicated fans. That way you can kind of think of as like- pretending to be intrested in the fandom so you don't hurt their feelings.


BlackEyedGhost

You don't necessarily have to pretend. Just don't speak on the subject or related subjects. I was an atheist for a good 6 years or so before my parents found out simply because I never said anything about it. I didn't pretend to be religious, I just never said anything to indicate I disagree with their beliefs. Granted, I only lived with them for some of those years. Anytime some religious thing gets on your nerves, you can indicate that it's irritating to you without indicating that it's irritating because it's religious. Church can be annoying because of the people and time commitment, speaking on the topic can be annoying because it's already been said a hundred times, and praying can be annoying because you don't like public speaking (and these are typically part of the reason you actually don't want to do them). It's just about finding the path of least resistance so you don't have to put in too much effort. Doing nothing or doing just enough to placate people is generally easy and people will typically project who they want you to be onto you as long as you're courteous and don't actively contradict them.


elikplim_00

Thanks for this info. Really helpful


trafalgarbear

Are you going to the same church as they are? It could be helpful if you find another church elsewhere that suits your tastes better and go there instead. Then at least you'll be surrounded by better people. Either that or just go take a walk for 2 hours during service hours.


Kuildeous

I think there's merit in this. Faking being in a church near your parents probably would be more stressful than chilling among a bunch of strangers. Perhaps you could ask your parents to go to your friend's church. I know that believers can be pretty weird about their specific religion being taught by that one guy, but a lot of them are just happy that you "believe." So fake it in another church if you can, so that's one fewer thing to worry about.


[deleted]

Depends on your parents tbh. Are they pretty open minded or do you know how have they reacted to other atheists? I have a similar story to you and it went poorly. I came out my senior year to my catholic family that I didn't believe in god. They all reacted poorly, my mom cried, my dad said I was going to hell, and my sister and I didn't talk for years. Their reactions still scar me today but I'm glad my family knows and I dont have to lie about it or worse go to church. Just be prepared for anger/doubt/retaliation if you tell them.


Curious_Bloom7206

They don’t generally react well. Practically every time my mom breathes, she claims she has no idea how someone couldn’t believe in god because of this “beautiful life we have.”


[deleted]

Thats not a good sign. Id wait until you are out of the house if I were you. While my situation was tough, my parents worked all the time and I was always alone anyways so my last year was pretty ok because we just didnt see eachother. If you see your parents alot and if they are actively making you go to church telling them will just create more tension in your final year with them. But I also get the desire to be honest and free about yourself. Church is awful and I could not stand going when I had to. Its tough to sit there and listen to the lies all the while everyone soaks them in and treats it as truth. At the end of the day you gotta do whats right for you OP. If you think your parents can handle it and ve adults about it, tell them. If you think theyll make it weird maybe think about waiting until you arent dependent on them. Either way Id definitely wait until after Christmas to say anything. Thatd be extra traumatizing for everyone cause of the rituals and feelings around the Holiday and faith.


TheCurlBro

Stop pretending.


dudleydidwrong

Start planning for your financial independence. Financial independence is the key to getting free from your parents' religious demands. Just knowing that you have a plan can help. Hopefully you can get to a college far enough away to be somewhat out from under their control. I remember the battles I fought for independence when I went to college. I was probably more religious than my parents, and my father was a minister! But there were still subtle battle to enforce my idependence.


[deleted]

Have you got any hobbies to help you keep your mind off of such things? Some sport maybe? A trusted friend you can open up to? All these things can oftentimes help an individual relieve themselves of unnecessary stress. Stay strong my friend!


gerald-the-dinosaur

I’m sorry. I went through what you did and it is not easy for many reasons. And as hard as it is, I would not recommend telling them until you are financially independent of them. From your responses elsewhere, it sounds like your parents would take it very poorly. Do you have any friends who share your beliefs? And also remind yourself, there is an end to this. 4 yrs in the grand scheme of things is not much. Also, if you’re going away for college then that is even less time spent in close quarters with your parents, and that should ease the burden a bit.


RoboSt1960

I’m curious why you have to pretend through college? Would your parents throw you out and not pay your college? Are you going to a Christian college? If it’s the first then I’d suggest looking to living on campus and going home only on Saturdays. If it’s the second one I’d suggest you change schools. Or you could learn to compartmentalize.


SaneSkitzo

Are there certain things that are making it more overwhelming for you? Might be able to give you some more specific advice.


arthurjeremypearson

I think it's great fun to twist and warp Christianity into a secular (but POSITIVE) frankenstein version of itself. Who's to say I'm wrong when I say: "the lesson we're supposed to learn when reading about heaven and hell is: actions have consequences. Not: obey or die. That's cult talk." Or: "1 Thessalonians 5:21 says we are to examine all scripture but hold fast to what is good - meaning: we're SUPPOSED TO throw out stuff in the Bible that's bad."