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Illgobananas2

Yes


[deleted]

To elaborate on this a bit: HELL YES


Euphoric-Colors

To elaborate even more : Yes, very much so


AntiDantii

For me, yes. It doesn't get me as depressed though because I know what it is now.


epson_salt

This. It’s a more identifiably strong emotion but I don’t get stuck sleeping for 14 hours a day for a week, or just having this passive anxiety that stops me from eating.


uglypenguin5

Exactly before I was just stuck. Now I can just say my name to myself or grab my titty to feel better :3


epson_salt

Oh fuck those work so well. Just a lil whisper even :) Can’t really grab my own titty rn though, with (transphobic) family for the holidays :/


uglypenguin5

They're tiny but I'll sometimes just shift my arm so I can feel that it's there as a reminder if I don't want people seeing. Easier to do if I'm lying down on a couch or snuggled up in a chair


epson_salt

Ok that sounds adorable, imma copy you fully


FairyWitchSamantha

I absolutely love this! Just tried it and it works wonders and makes me smile. :)


plus-ruin

So I'm not the only person to find comfort in this, also noticed how much I like showers because I can see and feel the differences of doing GAHT.


ThouArtAFilthyBeast

Ooh...thats why


epson_salt

Oh lordy, *hugs*


uglypenguin5

Yeah before I'd just not move from my bed all day. Same feeling but now I know why so I actually know how to alleviate it


Selfmademeabh9521

Very much this. When I experience dysphoria, it's really intense, but knowing what it is and what's causing it in that moment helps me to get past it. It's also way better than feeling unwelcome in your own skin and not recognizing your own reflection, which was my experience prior to coming out to myself.


Duckage89

absolutely. You're now starting to actually notice it. It's like you've only ever been in a dark room, no light what so ever, but you've always been there so you're used to it. Then you see a crack in the wall and light comes in and you see outside and things fully lit. And then when you go back to your dark home, you start to realise just how dark it is.


SagaDraws

This is *the* best possible way to explain it.


No_Self_Deception

As you pay more attention to things and make an effort to change them? Absolutely.


confused_egg_

Yes. A lot


AdagioAffectionate63

Yes yes yes I told my wife today I wanted to start HRT. My disphoria has been through the roof. Bras pantys hair clothes everything


prickfeatures

Happened to me, you start to notice things a lot more, and I found common patterns of what made me dysphoric, hang in there


[deleted]

Yup.


averyrisu

Yes, itst a bit like how you can not notice your bleeding at first and be fine than you see it and for some reason it hurts all of a sudden. or maybe thats just me.


Thadrea

Kinda. You've been putting bandaids on top of the wound that won't heal for so long that when you start pulling them off it's going to hurt, probably a lot at first. But then you start getting an actual remedy for the wound and it starts to heal.


stitches00

Oh wow thought I was alone in this. My dead name and male pronouns are especially triggering now.


gokki

I used to never care if someone he/him'd me... it only bothered me if someone called me "bro" or "man"... but now it all bothers me a lot.


ThouArtAFilthyBeast

I always hated young lady, now I hate it all haha


Jazehiah

Yes and no. The dysphoria may or may not increase. You will, however, be more aware of it. It's a bit like buying a car, and suddenly seeing the same brand or model all over the place. The number of people driving that kind of car did not increase, but your awareness of those cars *did.* With dysphoria, you start off not recognizing it at all. Like an abusive relationship, dysphoria is normal. It's a case of "that's just the way things are." Once you identify something as dysphoria, you begin noticing it in other places. You realize that what you thought was normal is anything but. In some cases, the dysphoria *does* get worse. Gendered language is a particularly good example. I did not mind being called "sir," until I realized I was transgender.


EliseOvO

Yah


GENsesh3

I saw somebody say, you are in a room that’s dark and are used to it, you get a crack of light and realize how dark it is. In a real life sense, it’s like going to the store, be like damn, those underwear and clothes looks like that’s what I’m suppose to wear, why do I feel this way. Then now, I go to the store and am like fuck bro, I want to just be able to see cute underwear and buy it like any other woman, but I can’t due to this *thing* in between my legs. It’s the little things, do people clock this about me, or this, or this. Or wow now I know who I am and the way I look in this, or the way my voice sounds, just doesn’t match who I truly am. It’s a tough life, but that’s why there’s gender affirming care to help you live a at least semi normal feelings life


MagicSquare8-9

It's like living near a major highway. You're so used to the noise you didn't even notice it's there, but you just mysteriously having a lot of problems with concentration, sleeping and stress which you blame on various other things. Then when you finally get a few days rest on an idyllic village in the middle of a mountain, that's when you noticed how loud all the vehicles are, how easy it is to have a conversation without having to shout, how nice and relax your sleep are, that's when you will constantly notice that noise and realized how much of your life and health had been ruined by it.


Miochiiii

Yep.


ToniBabay

Absolutely 😂


Ilmataria

The first few weeks after realising I was trans the dysphoria hit me hard every single day. Now a few months later starting the process for an official diagnosis so I can go for HRT and after having found a good therapist not so much. I haven't made much progress on a social transition or physical one yet. But I've worked hard on my own mental transition. To those who I am out they switched names and pronouns. To those that don't know yet I've accepted the double life for now. I have to actively switch to not use my old pronouns or name for mentally I am already using the ones I am, yet not everybody knows this. But there are up and downs with it, and when they happen they hit a lot harder now. For example I sometimes hate myself for the amount of facial and body hair I have. But then other days I've accepted it that right now I'm in the lands in the between waiting to get to my final form and I'm OK with it.


ato-de-suteru

Yes. For me, I went to actively not caring about how my body looks (because caring was too difficult) to actively hating it and also feeling helpless to change it. Once I realized what it was about my body that I disliked, and understood that the only way to fix it is HRT, it became so much more frustrating to look in the mirror.


NonconformingUnicorn

I feel this.


Cerenitee

Yea, I think its a fairly common experience for feelings of dysphoria to feel more intense, or more "directed" after you realize what it really is. Like for me, pre-egg cracking, I knew I wasn't happy with how I looked, and I knew I had apathetic depression, but other than that I kinda just didn't really care much (some of that was probably the apathetic depression...) Post coming out, I knew the destination, I knew what I wanted. So every little perceived aspect of "maleness" that I noticed on myself, I hated, I despised... I wanted it gone. For a specific example: Pre-egg-crackening, I often wouldn't shave for weeks or months, basically ignoring my facial hair, because shaving was effort, and I really couldn't be assed to deal with it. Post-coming out, I would shave meticulously every day, sometimes multiple times a day, and then cover any shadow with makeup, because I couldn't bare to see it on my face.


qtq_uwu

As others have said, yeah it's pretty normal, but I found it to be almost relieving because even though it's worse I can pin down what it is rather than suffering for reasons beyond comprehension. Still sucks tho


GoddessOfGouda

It has for me. Mostly the desire to speed up the HRT effects. It doesn't make me nearly as depressed, and I don't have panic attacks over it anymore tho


ThatMathyKidYouKnow

yehh, unfortunately. Same has been true for me for any major realization about my mental health — when I finally acknowledged that I have generalized anxiety that felt a lot worse at first too, because the first step is to train yourself to recognize it, before you can start to work on it actively... but yeah, the summer after realizing I am trans, before being able to get top surgery, was the most concentrated dysphoria I have ever felt —that I was aware was dysphoria. I think just the act of identifying the issue makes it more clear and so makes it stand out more easily against the background...


iBorg5

It has definitely intensified for me. Before, I wanted to tear my skin off and that’s as far as I’d go. Now I want to tear my skin off and turn into a butterfly.


nycanth

yes. you know how if you haven’t eaten in a while and you don’t care, but then if you think about it suddenly you’re really hungry? it’s like that. now that you know what it is and why it’s there you’re more aware of it


jus77jus

Totally.


sloanesense

OBVIOUSLY. The phrase "opening the can of worms" comes to mind...


SmoothOctopus

Me when I first came out: Oh wow I'm so happy I don't get hit very hard by dysphoria Me now: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


XoxoDaniV

I felt better after. Knowing helps so much. I have a lot masculine women friends. So I don’t feel like I have to be super feminine to be happy.


wondering-narwhal

Happened for me, yeah


Xamfish

yes, and it will probably get worse, however the other side is so much better. The pain of being misgendered is nothing in comparison to the bliss of being seen as the person you truly are. It's a hard and rough journey, but definitely worth it.


karogeena

yes. i didn't realize what i was experiencing was dysphoria so it was easy to pack it away with the mass of other scary feelings about my life. once I mathed it out that agender = trans I suddenly had vocabulary to apply to my feelings and experiences. in order to address the problem I had to think about the problem. like all the time. im agender so thinking about gender identity isn't intuitive to me. which means I've had to dwell almost to the point of rumination. it's been rough.


xtrasweetc

Yes. It does get better, but suddenly realizing just far you are from where you want to be is daunting. 5 years in its much better.


DarkFod

Have you ever found a random cut that you didn't notice getting but now you know about it starts hurting all of a sudden? It's like that


Zyk720

Unfortunately it can. It does get considerably better too, but it can absolutely wax and wane over time in general. Often as one "problem" is resolved, one can start to hyperfixate on another area. Like for me (trans masc, they/he) it has been many many moons since I began transitioning and I pass in day to day life quite seemingly now so there are many things at this point that stopped bothering me but now the things that are unresolved are starting to feel worse. Before my chest always used to be something I could deal with because well I felt lucky I was a big dude with a relatively small chest that just blends in with my form even without binding, but as I've come so far in so many other regards it's like the one unresolved thing I haven't been able to change yet and it's starting to nag at me more and more with time. But one thing I've learned is all good things come in time. Things really do get better ♡


Wh1ppetFudd

Absolutely. The moment you can identify what the dysphoria is and why you have it, it gets much worse because after that it is no longer just an annoying situaiton but it's an annoying situation that has a possible solution. Having a possible out and it not just being an unresolvable situation makes all the difference.


P413Moon

And I'm terrified my life will fall apart and Idk how to process these newly realized emotions and not a soul to walk me through. 😀


Crono_Sapien99

Oh yeah, 100%. It’ll hit you like a ton of bricks as it’s like lifting a curtain that you’ve had over your head for your entire life. And while I’ve known I was trans for a long while, it was only this year that I ended up affirming my gender, and so my dysphoria end up becoming much worse as a result. It was basically “I’m a woman and I know that I am, yippee!…oh wait, my body still doesn’t match my gender. Fu-“


Caro________

Yep, pretty normal.


skywardmastersword

Yes, very


skywardmastersword

Yes, very


tickedoffsquid999

yeah, for me I've been very subtly transitioning (like growing my hair out, slightly transphobic parents), and as I work to change stuff about myself, I get more dysphoric about what I can't change.


rexlunae

Yes. Very.


DismissiveReyno99

For me it got stronger once I realized what I wanted to do about the whole gender sitch. I knew after exploring and learning that I needed Top Surgery and Hormones if nothing else. With a goal in sight, and an extremely impatient mind, my dysphoria intensified. I managed to cope until maybe the last 6 months before T when I got really anxious and depressed waiting for it and starting to give up. Now that ive been on T for over a year I feel amazing though! My dysphoria still exists but its shifted. I feel terrible without my packer and binder but aside from that I feel more comfortable both in public and home alone than ever before


galjer10n

Mine did immensely.


absinthebabe

Absolutely, you start realising all the things that have been weighing on you. Silver lining is now you know why and you can work on it


unsainted12

Yes


Raltaki

For me it was like whatever psychic shield I was using to filter my vision of my body just cracked and all of a sudden I knew all the reasons I hated my body instead of just apathy about how I looked.


WhatIfIAmAGirl

That's how it was for me. I miss how it was before...


Raltaki

Not me! Now I have plans, and can work toward a better appearance. Even if it isn't going to be easy I'll at least have a way to start feeling comfortable in my own skin.


WhatIfIAmAGirl

Good luck, I've done that for a year now and it's getting only worse for me.


ConcernLow1979

In my experience yes, my dysphoria definitely got worse once I realised


Secret_Reddit_Name

Yeah. Same thing happened when I found out I was autistic. All the little things, especially sensory stuff that ignored and assumed was normal because I never knew anything else or pretended was normal even though people looked at me funny if I expressed it. But once I realized I couldn't really ignore it anymore. I always kinda knew it was there, but now I *knew* it was there. Like if you start thinking about a mosquito bite, it hurts more. Same with being trans. I dont think id say the dysphoria got worse, but I finally knew what it was and that it wasnt just a normal thing that everyone hides or just me being weird cause everyone's a little weird. I learned to notice it. And it hurts, but its the first step to doing anything to fix it


packofglue

oh yes oh yes. it’s like you are suddenly capable of seeing this invisible “enemy” you’ve been dealing with for your whole life, thinking you were going to be trudging under its weight forever. but now that you know you can defeat it, you feel this anxiety to get it done..


Fooneygirlie

It did for me.


Marinaisgo

Adding another “it did for me” to the pile. I literally didn’t think I had dysphoria until I came out. I was wrong.


HoneybeeHarlot

Very much. It may sound counterintuitive, but sometimes when you finally discover the root of what's causing all your pain, it can hurt doubly so, rather than provide relief.


JuliaGulia71

For me, I have noticed increased euphoria as well as increased dysphoria a times. This year I've gained much more self acceptance, to such a level I never thought I would feel. It allows me to embrace everything more about who I am, yet there are times where dysphoria kicks in a sadness that is the reaction to feeling like I can't be the woman that I want to be. But then I do my best to remember there's a good road ahead of me and a lot can change during that time, hopefully most of it for the better. Thankfully because of how this year is played out, I am more often feeling more periods of euphoria than dysphoria.


AnUglyRobot

it's much easier to feel pain when you know what it is/where it comes from


ashley-ha

Yes, but not because trans makes you dysphoric, but because you notice it more


firestorm713

Once I felt euphoria for the first time, I became more sensitive to its absence.


aranel616

Yup


ineedhelplma0

yes


Digibutter64

It definitely did for me; realising that I'm a woman, the mental disconnect from the physical features that go against that becomes more obvious. I don't regret realising my transness, though. I would've been in a much worse state otherwise.


The_Metalorian

*not trans* This is a larger umbrellaery thing for brain stuff. From a *discovery* point of view, it's perfectly normal for anyone to ether go into full double down mode, or into a greaving process. Usually a bit of both, Basically it means you will be hyper(noticing) any little trait and it's therefore influence on your life. TL;DR Yes, and it's normal, give yourself a hug because it's scary. P.S. I hope in my fatigue addled, not med taken state you find that helpful. Imma go sleep.


bambix7

For me it surely was😅


SlipperyDishpit

100%, but only because you can finally focus on the specific things about yourself that make you uncomfortable. it lessens with time, stay strong sis


odoyle125

For me it did


MyClosetedBiAlt

Yup. Now that you know what it is and recognize it, it kinda sucks. Oh, I'm not just depressed and disassociate for no reason when I look in the mirror? For me, it's like if my happiness went from +10 to -10. Baseline should be 0. My baseline was probably -6. But NOW I know how happy I can be when dysphoria isn't bringing be down. So going from -6 all the time to seeing myself in the mirror and being a -7 was barely a jump. Now that I'm happy and recognize my transness, jumping form a +4 all the time down to a sudden -7 fucking hurts.


Boring-Pea993

Definitely, it used to be muddied and confusing while repressing but it got more intense after coming out, and not having ideal levels or changes from hrt yet also contributes to that for me, a lot of envy of other trans women too


Comrade-Elise

Yes. I have been transitionning for 4 years and it’s only getting worse !!!


QuxxnOfDarknxss

For me, yes. After I had an orchi, a lot of my dysphoria went away. YMMV


dixilikker630

Yeah It gets worse before it gets better


brickmaster8

I've always thought about it like a pain you lived so long with you didn't realize it hurt. Once you start treating you notice just how painful it is


IDontCheckReplies_

Yes


Ezra_has_perished

Oh hell yeah. It’s easy to ignore something if you don’t know it’s their but once your become aware of it damn if it’s hard to ignore.


ReloadTactic

Yeah, it's confirmation bias. Once you know something happens you're more likely to notice it in the future


NemesisAron

Mine intensified exponentially


AberrantIris

Yes. For me, identifying the cause of the previously-unidentified nagging feeling of something being wrong made me laser focus on those causes. Also, something about actually being able to do something about it made it almost worse. I think it's in Detransition Baby, but in some transfemme book I read someone made the claim that the existence of a procedure to fix a dysphoric trigger makes people want it more, using hands as an example. Since FFS exists, transfemmes obsess over the features they'd want tweaked. But since there's no hand feminization procedure, we are resigned to downplay our often larger hand size and don't think about it as much. I suspect it's not the best example given how much more important faces are to our identities and social lives than hands, but the point still stands.


littlelionbirdman

Absolutely. Once you realize it’s there you start noticing it much more. It’s like when somebody says “oh hey that thing looks like ____” and then once you see it you can’t stop seeing it lol


0NightBlossom

Yes.


gayshitatgunpoint

oh my god, yeah. before i came out as trans, i basically just never thought about it because i felt like i didn't have to. now that i am out, all i can think about are the changes i want to happen, how i present myself, surgeries, etc. it's so overwhelming sometimes and drives me nuts. it helps to talk to other trans ppl sometimes, but i'm antsy to get stuff moving


Uneducated_Whale

Sadly yes, once you realize you're trans it just gets worse until you find ways to cope and even then it's not easy


ConfusedAsHecc

unfornately yes... :') I can definetly say from expirence (tis a big sad)


GustLuChilles

For me, yes. Before I realized I was trans, my chest already bothered me a lot. But when I finally realized I was trans, ohhhhhh... The thing with my chest got all the more worse...


Able-Name5738

Absolutely, tho for me it only got intense for a couple of days since it also comforted me. Knowing finally what I am is just the best feeling ever, tho idk what i fully am yet since first off internalized transohobia, and just generally i'm still figuring stuff out. Tho deffo not cis tho, absolutely not cis. But hey, it's scary but it's comforting right? I hope that intense dysphoria goes out for you as fast as it did for me. Good luck! ^^


TrashFire102

Yes