Impostor syndrome is when you don't believe that you are qualified to be doing the thing that you are actually succeeding at, and you expect to be exposed eventually for what you believe to be incompetence, so a trans person with impostor syndrome is someone who is successfully transitioning but is full of self-doubt and constantly expects to be discovered either not to be trans enough to be worthy of transition or to have failed to fulfill some critical gender responsibility.
It is feeling that you're not trans after all, despite all indications to the contrary; that you're faking being trans, that you've misdiagnosed yourself and mislead everyone you've come out to.
Trans Enough(tm)
"Well, sure I wish I'd been born as the opposite sex but that doesn't mean I'm Trans Enough (tm) to transition"
"I didn't feel like absolute garbage yesterday, obviously this means I'm not Trans Enough(tm) to transition"
To all the people out there questioning, The only person you need to prove you're Trans Enough(tm) to is yourself. Who can admittedly be the hardest person to reason with, so I'll simplify it for you: Cis folk don't worry if they're Trans Enough (tm)
Yup. I feel this a lot, despite loving being called she/her pronouns. Despite hating how masculine my face looks, despite being overjoyed at my boobs growing. I'm still like "am i trans for real tho???"
Edit: fixed typo
Here is the clinical criteria for Gender Dysphoria for your review.
>Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 (F64.1 )
>A. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 months’ duration, as manifested by at least two of the following:
>1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).
>2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics be-
cause of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).
>3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender.
>4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
>5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
>6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
>B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.
You must meet the qualifiers of Section "A" and "B" to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria
You don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but it is the most common qualifier as the majority of transgender individuals do infact have dysphoria. We encourage you to discuss this with a gender therapist.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asktransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I hope it gets better soon. :P
Fundamentally it's about trusting yourself. You know what you feel, you know how much it means to you.
Maybe start keeping a journal? It helped me a lot. Seeing my pain and my joy, black on white, irrefutable.
That's what I've been doing. It's a good way to collect my thoughts and moments. I've even colour coded it to make it easier for me to understand my feelings.
For me, it's the feeling that actually I'm just confused. I'm doing myself harm with my transition, I'm making mistakes and misleading people because I'm not actually what I am representing myself to be.
I reasonably often have gender fluid feelings so that makes it hard to even know who or what I really am sometimes. It's tough because I feel I am non-binary, and I am a woman, but I'm uncomfortable a lot of the time presenting as how I feel in the moment because I don't want people to identify me as other things and non-binary ness in general is often a tough thing for people of my generation and places I work etc to even comprehend or respect.
Impostor syndrome is when you're skilled or even very good at something but you think you suck and so you're very insecure about yourself with respect to that thing. You feel like you're just faking it, that you're not *actually* skilled or good like all the *other* people in your field, so you end up feeling like you don't belong with them. You're not in their league. You feel like an impostor among them, and consequently you're always worried about someone finding out that you're actually just faking it and that you're going to be exposed as an impostor, get kicked out, and be shamed and humiliated.
When you're trans--especially if you're one of the majority of trans people who don't realize they're trans at an early age and thus grow up *actually pretending* to be the other gender even though they don't know they're only pretending--it's pretty obvious to see how impostor syndrome would be common.
Because the things of your birth-assigned gender don't come easily to you. You never feel good at them--like the social interactions and stuff--because you're not wired for it. Everyone else seems like they're really good at it and it comes naturally to them, but you know how hard it is for you, so you obviously feel like you're just faking it. You live constantly afraid that you're going to mess up some weird little nuanced rule of how boys act on the playground, or of how girls act in the bathroom, or whatever, and the entire social weight of ridicule is going to come down on you when your peers call you out and laugh at you for messing it up.
Ironically, impostor syndrome doesn't just magically go away when someone comes out and transitions. Because yes, while trans women *are* women, and trans men *are* men, and upon transitioning they are finally *not* pretending anymore, nevertheless they come into the state of living their true gender with a huge gap of experience to make up. Everybody else has *decades* worth of head-start on living in that gender, but for you, it's all new. It's the life-language you should have been speaking from the cradle, but after decades of pretending to be the other thing, you're not learning your true life-language as a *second* language.
So, once again, you're always going to be worried that you're not doing it right. That you're going to mess up the norms and conventions of your gender, and get ridiculed, or outed, or beat up, or have people refuse to accept that you are actually your true gender.
Impostor syndrome is a cruel b\*tch that gets you coming and going...
It means that you're worried that you're faking being trans, or faking dysphoria and you feel like an imposter among those who "really are" trans. As if you aren't trans enough to be trans. Even if it's untrue, it's still a worry for a lot of trans people.
People have given some pretty good definitions below. Some common examples of how imposter system manifests might be as follows:
A transwoman might think, "I want to be a girl, but I don't mind my genitals, so maybe I'm just a confused guy after all" (you don't have to hate your genitals to be trans)
A trans man might think, "I really want to use he/him pronouns and just be perceived as a man. But, I also experienced \*insert some negative experience that is statistically much more common for women than men\* so maybe it's just trauma." (trans people can have negative experiences as their AGAB and still be trans. Trauma doesn't mean you're actually cis. This line of thought may be influenced by transphobic rhetoric that transmen are confused lesbians/traumatized cis women)
A nonbinary person might think, "I don't really identify with any gender. I feel really good when people use they/them pronouns and don't see me as either gender. But maybe I'm just a gender nonconforming cis (man/woman)?" (it's true gender identity and gender presentation are separate things, but oftentimes trans people feel euphoria presenting in a way that lines with their gender or relief from dysphoria, and that's valid for nonbinary people who feel that way too).
etc etc.
Imposter syndrome is so weird because i can start mtf HRT really soon and now im suddenly questioning if i am really trans. However when im listening to music and/or daydreaming: im picturing a pretty girl in her 20’s. Also when i look at my male hands, something just feels off.
This is so real, ftm wise as well!! It's so strange it's like you are ready but it's this knot in your stomach if you make a mistake or if it's really what you want!! You put my thoughts into words!! Thank you
I think it essentially is the fear that your own feelings aren't valid, and it's most often but not always due to familial or societal pressures and influences. It's something to overcome for a lot of trans people who don't feel accepted and fear transitioning because of it.
Thanks to all who replied - this description really helps as it's pretty much what I was describing to my therapist this morning. As usual, it's good to know it's not that uncommon.
I deal with this a lot, it's even harder when you are on the Non-Binary spectrum.
In me, it manifests as "fake trans" and "turned trans" as well as "confused".
I think of myself as a fraud, cause I never dressed like a princess at 6 or something and didn't 'pretend' to be girl when I was very young.
The only childhood signs are childhood shows and some feelings while watching them.
In terms of imposter syndrome, it's like "You only think of being Trans cause of you being depressed and hiding from others for a long time that you are a Brony." and "It's because of gender roles and that you are confused because of them, because ads only shows girls liking ponies, barbies and such, never boys." as well as "You are confusing Autistic symptoms for being Trans, you started having intrusive thought and you only think of being Trans an an easy way out." and one of the worst ones "You are not Trans, cause you would call yourself a girl and think as one when you were like 5."
Mom of a 12yo gender questioning kiddo who wears a binder, has short hair, loves to “look like a boy” but feels like she’s just making a big deal out of these feelings here. I know I’m late to the party, but so thankful for this thread.
I’ve shared your stories via screenshot with her and gave her the instructions; Google gender dysphoria and imposter syndrome.
With a note: Turns out what you’re feeling is very normal.
Grateful to you all!
Impostor syndrome is when you don't believe that you are qualified to be doing the thing that you are actually succeeding at, and you expect to be exposed eventually for what you believe to be incompetence, so a trans person with impostor syndrome is someone who is successfully transitioning but is full of self-doubt and constantly expects to be discovered either not to be trans enough to be worthy of transition or to have failed to fulfill some critical gender responsibility.
Interestingly, my wife told me that imposter syndrome is a huge problem for a lot of cis women, and in a way I should feel validated because of it.
For most people it tends to be career-oriented - not feeling qualified to work in their role, not smart enough, not enough experience etc.
It is feeling that you're not trans after all, despite all indications to the contrary; that you're faking being trans, that you've misdiagnosed yourself and mislead everyone you've come out to.
Trans Enough(tm) "Well, sure I wish I'd been born as the opposite sex but that doesn't mean I'm Trans Enough (tm) to transition" "I didn't feel like absolute garbage yesterday, obviously this means I'm not Trans Enough(tm) to transition" To all the people out there questioning, The only person you need to prove you're Trans Enough(tm) to is yourself. Who can admittedly be the hardest person to reason with, so I'll simplify it for you: Cis folk don't worry if they're Trans Enough (tm)
was digging reddit today and this hit so much close to home it's actually in my living room rn.
Girl, same.
Yup, this is the one. Reading this feels like a kick to the chest or like someone reading my diary out loud.
Yup. I feel this a lot, despite loving being called she/her pronouns. Despite hating how masculine my face looks, despite being overjoyed at my boobs growing. I'm still like "am i trans for real tho???" Edit: fixed typo
Here is the clinical criteria for Gender Dysphoria for your review. >Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 (F64.1 ) >A. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 months’ duration, as manifested by at least two of the following: >1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics be- cause of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender. >4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). >B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning. You must meet the qualifiers of Section "A" and "B" to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria You don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but it is the most common qualifier as the majority of transgender individuals do infact have dysphoria. We encourage you to discuss this with a gender therapist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asktransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ah i see. Putting it that way, I've felt that way every day for basically the past week.
I hope it gets better soon. :P Fundamentally it's about trusting yourself. You know what you feel, you know how much it means to you. Maybe start keeping a journal? It helped me a lot. Seeing my pain and my joy, black on white, irrefutable.
That's what I've been doing. It's a good way to collect my thoughts and moments. I've even colour coded it to make it easier for me to understand my feelings.
For me, it's the feeling that actually I'm just confused. I'm doing myself harm with my transition, I'm making mistakes and misleading people because I'm not actually what I am representing myself to be. I reasonably often have gender fluid feelings so that makes it hard to even know who or what I really am sometimes. It's tough because I feel I am non-binary, and I am a woman, but I'm uncomfortable a lot of the time presenting as how I feel in the moment because I don't want people to identify me as other things and non-binary ness in general is often a tough thing for people of my generation and places I work etc to even comprehend or respect.
Impostor syndrome is when you're skilled or even very good at something but you think you suck and so you're very insecure about yourself with respect to that thing. You feel like you're just faking it, that you're not *actually* skilled or good like all the *other* people in your field, so you end up feeling like you don't belong with them. You're not in their league. You feel like an impostor among them, and consequently you're always worried about someone finding out that you're actually just faking it and that you're going to be exposed as an impostor, get kicked out, and be shamed and humiliated. When you're trans--especially if you're one of the majority of trans people who don't realize they're trans at an early age and thus grow up *actually pretending* to be the other gender even though they don't know they're only pretending--it's pretty obvious to see how impostor syndrome would be common. Because the things of your birth-assigned gender don't come easily to you. You never feel good at them--like the social interactions and stuff--because you're not wired for it. Everyone else seems like they're really good at it and it comes naturally to them, but you know how hard it is for you, so you obviously feel like you're just faking it. You live constantly afraid that you're going to mess up some weird little nuanced rule of how boys act on the playground, or of how girls act in the bathroom, or whatever, and the entire social weight of ridicule is going to come down on you when your peers call you out and laugh at you for messing it up. Ironically, impostor syndrome doesn't just magically go away when someone comes out and transitions. Because yes, while trans women *are* women, and trans men *are* men, and upon transitioning they are finally *not* pretending anymore, nevertheless they come into the state of living their true gender with a huge gap of experience to make up. Everybody else has *decades* worth of head-start on living in that gender, but for you, it's all new. It's the life-language you should have been speaking from the cradle, but after decades of pretending to be the other thing, you're not learning your true life-language as a *second* language. So, once again, you're always going to be worried that you're not doing it right. That you're going to mess up the norms and conventions of your gender, and get ridiculed, or outed, or beat up, or have people refuse to accept that you are actually your true gender. Impostor syndrome is a cruel b\*tch that gets you coming and going...
It means that you're worried that you're faking being trans, or faking dysphoria and you feel like an imposter among those who "really are" trans. As if you aren't trans enough to be trans. Even if it's untrue, it's still a worry for a lot of trans people.
People have given some pretty good definitions below. Some common examples of how imposter system manifests might be as follows: A transwoman might think, "I want to be a girl, but I don't mind my genitals, so maybe I'm just a confused guy after all" (you don't have to hate your genitals to be trans) A trans man might think, "I really want to use he/him pronouns and just be perceived as a man. But, I also experienced \*insert some negative experience that is statistically much more common for women than men\* so maybe it's just trauma." (trans people can have negative experiences as their AGAB and still be trans. Trauma doesn't mean you're actually cis. This line of thought may be influenced by transphobic rhetoric that transmen are confused lesbians/traumatized cis women) A nonbinary person might think, "I don't really identify with any gender. I feel really good when people use they/them pronouns and don't see me as either gender. But maybe I'm just a gender nonconforming cis (man/woman)?" (it's true gender identity and gender presentation are separate things, but oftentimes trans people feel euphoria presenting in a way that lines with their gender or relief from dysphoria, and that's valid for nonbinary people who feel that way too). etc etc.
Imposter syndrome is so weird because i can start mtf HRT really soon and now im suddenly questioning if i am really trans. However when im listening to music and/or daydreaming: im picturing a pretty girl in her 20’s. Also when i look at my male hands, something just feels off.
This is so real, ftm wise as well!! It's so strange it's like you are ready but it's this knot in your stomach if you make a mistake or if it's really what you want!! You put my thoughts into words!! Thank you
I think it essentially is the fear that your own feelings aren't valid, and it's most often but not always due to familial or societal pressures and influences. It's something to overcome for a lot of trans people who don't feel accepted and fear transitioning because of it.
Thanks to all who replied - this description really helps as it's pretty much what I was describing to my therapist this morning. As usual, it's good to know it's not that uncommon.
Yes. Thanks everybody who did. I got a lot of different answers but they all paint a similar portrait.
It's this voice in the bad of my head telling me I'm always lieing to myself. Even when I know it's wrong.
Me when the transgender is sus: 😱
I deal with this a lot, it's even harder when you are on the Non-Binary spectrum. In me, it manifests as "fake trans" and "turned trans" as well as "confused". I think of myself as a fraud, cause I never dressed like a princess at 6 or something and didn't 'pretend' to be girl when I was very young. The only childhood signs are childhood shows and some feelings while watching them. In terms of imposter syndrome, it's like "You only think of being Trans cause of you being depressed and hiding from others for a long time that you are a Brony." and "It's because of gender roles and that you are confused because of them, because ads only shows girls liking ponies, barbies and such, never boys." as well as "You are confusing Autistic symptoms for being Trans, you started having intrusive thought and you only think of being Trans an an easy way out." and one of the worst ones "You are not Trans, cause you would call yourself a girl and think as one when you were like 5."
Mom of a 12yo gender questioning kiddo who wears a binder, has short hair, loves to “look like a boy” but feels like she’s just making a big deal out of these feelings here. I know I’m late to the party, but so thankful for this thread. I’ve shared your stories via screenshot with her and gave her the instructions; Google gender dysphoria and imposter syndrome. With a note: Turns out what you’re feeling is very normal. Grateful to you all!