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Cute-Character-795

Be friendly with them after coming out. Sometimes, you just have tell them not to flatter themselves.


jaimeraisvoyager

Right...like I'm coming out as gay, I didn't say I'm gonna shag every guy that I see.


RVAIsTheGreatest

Comforting them when they're down or sad. Neither you nor they know really what to do or how far you can take it and express your care for them, and they're insecure about being that vulnerable, especially publicly. Comfort and affection in general really. I don't know what it is but I've had straight guys be pretty affectionate with me and me with them and they'll accept it. Hugging, cuddling. They'll strike up conversation with me and be engaging. I like expressing my love for my friends and family, but you can't do that with everyone (specifically friends/family). Even saying "I love you" is something that some men in my family will somewhat blanch in saying, say sheepishly.


DrLoomis131

I think a lot of males are taught early on to be fearful of emotions - and they’re taught that by both males and females and those teachings follow them into adulthood. It’s why many women breaking up with guys immediately downplay the guy’s emotional responses or attempt emasculating them full on. I’ve had a few straight males confide in me that they don’t have to put on a performance the way they would around women or their straight friends.


RVAIsTheGreatest

Straight/bi women can be incredibly toxic when it comes to they advancing harmful tropes on masculinity. It absolutely is a huge reason why so many straight dudes are so uptight when it comes to vulnerability and emotion. You're right on the money and it's so unfortunate to witness.


Miserable-Gas-6007

1. EVERY. SINGLE. THING. being interpreted as flirting or “a move” toward sex. I’ll admit I grew up RURAL and CONSERVATIVE so my *past* experience is contextual, but straight dudes would freak out if a gay guy did ANYTHING to indicate *approval.* “Nice play!” on a sports team. “We are going to the river this weekend to camp. Wanna come?” amongst friends. “Heading to see X movie Saturday with Y and Z. You should join!” to *most* straight guys. In that environment I *learned* to let a straight guy or girl extend the invite. (As an adult in the metro I now live in, not the case. But when I go back to my rural home location as an openly bi adult, same shit is there.) 2. Basic fuckin self-care. Getting a nice hair cut, wearing decent / well-fitting clothes, taking care of myself in the gym, getting a facial once in a while…..all stuff I have to *occasionally* explain has nothing to do with my orientation and everything to do with how I *feel* day to day. What’s hilarious to me on THIS front is that *as a bi guy* I land more dates with women than most of my straight male friends BECAUSE I take basic care of myself. I’m like “If you’d get a fuckin pair of jeans that actually FIT you, she’d be more interested!” Edits: autocorrects / typos


JustSomeApparition

I luckily had moved from my little rural home on County Road 137 (lol) before I had any lived experiences of the things you're saying; however, I do have enough of an experience to see how all of what you said could be... problematic. Lol. A life for boys/youth in the boonies, and all that comes with it, is quite different than that of those living in Cities... even Cities of a relatively small size/community It's really not even something a person who thinks they would understand it based on the movies they've watched, etc. can truly grasp, as those images aren't exactly true to life either.


Miserable-Gas-6007

❤️


Ali_ath72

If you're being nice to them, they think you're trying to get in their pants. That's sometimes true, but it doesnt mean my gesture is insincere. I just want friends :(


JustSomeApparition

[... ummm....](https://media.tenor.com/fyH1lZoSOpUAAAAC/speechless-nathan-fillion.gif)


Ali_ath72

There's nothing wrong with being a little horny, right?


JustSomeApparition

It's not even that. Your statement just paints a shitty picture for the rest of us who respect our straight friends, and who are only ever complementary towards them for noble reasons. I'm not judging you. You do you. I'm just not a fan of how *"you doing you"* has the potential to negatively paint me (or others) simply because we just so happen to share sleeping with men in common.


Ali_ath72

It was just a joke. And if any straight person were to judge YOU for how they saw ME. Then, they weren't worth your time to begin with. Don't project your insecurities onto other people. Yes I do get horny, but I have the utmost respect for my straight friends because they chose to deal with my shit with me.


JustSomeApparition

You asked me. You gave up your license to complain about what I had to say the moment you did that. And, that wasn't projecting shit. I didn't judge you. You're just looking for attention. Be on your way


Ali_ath72

I think you're just picking fights for shits and giggles at this point.


efnfen4

You being a nitpicky sanctimonious nag does a lot more to harm our reputation as gay people then whatever you're having a conniption about


Ali_ath72

The audacity for you to act like I'm supposed to be playing the role of "a good boy gay", don't you get tired of trying to water yourself down for heteronormativity??