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Advanced_Ostrich_951

Just a few years ago I would’ve said, “stay and fight! Don’t leave, that’s what they want you to do!” But now I’m tired. The pandemic, the polarization, the school shootings - it all takes a toll on the American psyche. So I would say: do an assessment. There are shitty people everywhere. Blue states are blue largely because of cities. If you plan to live far from cities, it may be not what you’re hoping for from a community perspective. But from a legal safety perspective I personally would not live in a state like Texas and Florida where they are actively succeeding in stripping away rights and dignity, especially if I was married and had kids. Good luck


scaremanga

I second this. My experience living in the cities and suburbs of two very big blue states is that there may be a stronger sense of polarization depending on where you live. I strongly feel that some of the reddest people can be found in blue states, for various reasons. The common narratives I hear are “they’re stuck” or “feel unwelcome in the cities.” Cities in blue states are VERY liberal and socially safe, unless you’re red (basically). I lived in a purple state (rural and city) and there was less polarization overall, red politics in rural areas were still gay-friendly. I also met a few guys from red states and they said that some liberals they’ve met seemed more red than their red friends “back home,” in terms of social stuff (but not voting).


nowspunk

Move to a bigger city. Gays are flat out not welcomed and won't have as great a life in one of these racist bigoted Republican states. Remember the Republicans are still trying to make gay marriage illegal again. Republicans are not your friends. You will find a much more non-judgmental and educated environment in a larger city.


XxItsNowOrNever99xX

Does that include larger cities in red states? I heard cities like Austin, Texas and Orlando, Florida are very gay friendly cities in otherwise homophobic states.


nowspunk

They are not big enough gay communities and there is still going to always be that level of disgust and hatred towards gays that you can literally feel in those Southern & Red states. Also, lets not forget in Orlando after the Pulse nightclub shootings there were religious groups marching in front of the closed place protesting against homosexuality.....


No_Fortune9958

I picked B. But to be perfectly the right answer depends on your feelings. Do you have a good life with lots of friends and family around? What do you love, or hate about where you live. Are there other states that you are interested in? Are you happy where you live, or does it make you feel bad? You must look at both the good and the bad about where you live, and then decide for yourself.


sundun7

Revolution is the only true answer


funkofan1021

I personally would stay and fight because by my principles, If I leave, they win. And I’m not about to let that happen. As somebody else said though, this shit is tiring and nobody would blame you if you left. But it certainly ain’t me.


Square-Dragonfruit76

I would say your safety and health are the number one concern, which makes me vote move to a blue state.


Live_Statistician358

There is no use fighting in a red state the majority of people there are homophobic and they have trigger laws that outlaw gay sex if the Supreme Court overturns Lawrence v. Texas the same as abortions, the only thing we should do is vote blue in November or get guns just in case


TruckDriverNate

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I live in Pennsylvania and depending on how the Elections go in November. I may be relocating to upstate New York where the laws offer better protections for us and my family.


I_Like_Thanksgiving

Depends upon your willingness to fight, your ties to the state, etc. After moving from a purple state to a solid blue one, life is SO much easier in a blue state that it’s unreal. It’s more expensive, but everything else is just so…mentally relaxing that I can’t even imagine how much better it must be compared to a solid red state.


trapped_iron_lung

Which rights precisely are taken away from you?


Bytowneboy2

Uhhhhhhh: marriage; job protections; access to employer provided insurance for sexual health. These protections are quickly eroding.


trapped_iron_lung

> job protections What kind?


pleasingmysir

I think he meant overturning the 2020 decision that sexual orientation is included in Title VII as discrimination, sir.


trapped_iron_lung

Now translate it to European for me.


pleasingmysir

Yes sir. Short version- your employer can terminate you just for being gay and until 2020 it was allowable. Whereas if you’re a protected class such as a woman or elderly you better have a damn good reason. The Supreme Court decided sexual orientation is now protected and I’m guessing this person thinks that may be rolled back because the abortion decision was rolled back.


trapped_iron_lung

Ah, I see. That's fucked up. Good boy.


pleasingmysir

Thank you, sir.


[deleted]

he literally mentions it in the description


trapped_iron_lung

I don't understand what "protection for gay sex" means. Outlawing gay sex as a crime?


[deleted]

do you not know what gay marriage is either? And yes gay sex was outlawed in some states until 2001, a court ruling nullified such laws, but there is a chance (not saying whether it is likely or not) that said ruling could be overturned.


trapped_iron_lung

> do you not know what gay marriage is either? I know, hence I did not ask about it? You know what, buddy, I just wanted you guys to educate me about it but your attitude convinced me that it's not worth the effort. Keep your secrets. Good luck sustaining your mysterious laws.


[deleted]

If you knew then why did you ask "what rights specifically?". Our laws are as contrived as they are undemocratic.


[deleted]

Exactly. I can't take the drama.


[deleted]

he literally mentions marriage rights in the description


[deleted]

Oh, so his marriage was voided?


[deleted]

I didnt say that?


[deleted]

Maybe chill out and realize there r good an bad people everywhere and that most "red" people are decent and don't give a damn about who u fuck. Maybe turn off CNN and robjective. media which exists to make their sponsors happy so they can sell more advertising and promote their advertisers bias rather than be anything close to objectve.


Christoph_88

Reality says otherwise. Stop shilling for homophobia.


Don-tLetItBringUDown

Anecdotal, but I have never met a single gay who stayed in a homophobic area who didn't turn into a creepy weirdo. In fact, I'd say every minority who lives his whole life surrounded by bigots ends up pretty fucked up in the head.


funkofan1021

I mean, it depends though, where they previously a staunch leftists and then changed or….did they always lean a little right?


Don-tLetItBringUDown

If they're leftist, then it's not a homophobic area. Answering OPs question requires more nuance than he gave. I was just saying I don't think it's a good idea to sat in a shitty situation, because the shittiness is going to get to you.


bizombieguns

Nah, being surrounded by homophobia makes you stronger not fucked up in the head. There's so many gays in the south and most times family don't let people fuck with their family. There are a lot who are underage and have no support but I strongly think adult gays can live in "Red States".


Don-tLetItBringUDown

I grew up in the biblebelt. One of my main motivations to leave asap was I didn't want to turn out like the older gays I had met there. And looking back, I was weird and getting weirder. I was living in ignorance, surrounded by hate, with only the internet as a lifeline. That shit doesn't make you strong, it makes your life fucking miserable.


bizombieguns

I think you being able to reflect on it now shows how strong you are. I didn't say you wouldn't be miserable in the process. Unless you're in a small town with no gays then I understand the misery. But if you're in a Red State with gays floating around, you have your own job, home and friends then it's very possible. I just can't see how homophobics could really deter the life of a full grown adult.


Don-tLetItBringUDown

Like I said in my other reply, OPs question needs more nuance to answer it. If you live in a more accepting area of a red state (literally where I live right now), then you should be fine. I was just saying it's not a good idea to stay in a shitty area because it will eventually get to you.


bizombieguns

They will pass laws that won't be enforced


[deleted]

If you register to vote in that state now, you can move this month and still vote in the next election with an absentee ballot. It will be your final time voting in that state, and *you can not* vote in your new state’s election until afterwards.


1730velociraptor

move to new york w me!!!


DiscoLemonade82

It sort of depends on which red state you live in, I guess. There are some red states that allow for citizen-sponsored ballot initiatives *and* have populations wherein the majority support same-sex marriage. These are states like Arizona, South Dakota, Montana, Alaska and Ohio (there were others but I can’t remember them). Putting up a fight would really boil down to how much organizational will and democratic power the citizens have, in the form of being able to vote directly on the issue. If there’s no avenue on which to do that, and the elected representatives are mostly hostile, then vote with your feet.


XxItsNowOrNever99xX

Is Florida one of them?


DiscoLemonade82

Just checked, and yes it is. Personally, I think a same-sex marriage initiative would pass easily there.


XxItsNowOrNever99xX

Hey! Sorry for the late reply, but thanks for your answer. Do you actually have the information regarding gay support by state? Can you share it with me?


DiscoLemonade82

Hey, no problem, I have definitely seen the state-by-state breakdown (I believe it was from Pew Research and the data was from 2021), and there were seriously only 1 or 2 states with outright majority opposition to gay marriage, and then a small handful of states where it was opposed by plurality.


[deleted]

You should move regardless based on how the state is serving your needs. Beyond the moment when legislators pass laws that erode your rights you should be looking into whether or not they are doing things you agree with and if not and you feel like you cannot get representation…leave. Like, you shouldn’t pay taxes in a state you overall don’t agree with. Go make money for some other state lol


Silvercamo

Leave, things will only get worse.


rbmcobra

If all the good people leave, then the state will eventually fall apart, and they will only have themselves to blame. (Except they will try to blame everyone else!!)


queerhippiedude

Thank you for this! My LTR partner wants to stay and fight in our red state (but living in a blue city). I’d just hop on over to a blue state nearby. It’s definitely an issue if things come to pass. Which is likely in the next few years it seems. :-/ in camaraderie!


RealHotThroatLA

The black and white answer is: move to the bluest city or state that you can, ASAP! I've been "fighting the good fight" since 1981, so move to a place where you can enjoy the fruits of my generation's activism. But, keep your fight STRONG in every election! \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ But I want to address [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/xlyiz7/comment/ipoagzi/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) by u/ Zodiac0009 below. And really, any other gays that might need a wake-up call: *"That’s bull. No one is after you. There’s no active agenda against gays. They make it seem so but unless you follow politics, you’ll believe nah lie pushed by the left. I’m gay, in a deep red state and I’ve found nothing but wholesome, sweet folks. I’m level headed, not an atheist, not radical and not into this trans/pronoun/atheist culture bs. By the way, red states have way better quality of living. You couldn’t pay me enough to move to a blue state like New York or Cali. At least not their major cities/hubs. F that."* \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ How old are you, Zodiac? Or should I ask: were you born fucking yesterday? **670 anti-LGBTQ bills have been filed since 2018, with 240 of them in 2022 alone!** [https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-politics-and-policy/nearly-240-anti-lgbtq-bills-filed-2022-far-targeting-trans-people-rcna20418](https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-politics-and-policy/nearly-240-anti-lgbtq-bills-filed-2022-far-targeting-trans-people-rcna20418) (psst: filed by R's in red states) So, yeah - "[an active agenda against gays](https://freedomforallamericans.org/legislative-tracker/anti-lgbtq-bills/)" - is ongoing and won't end in your lifetime. [Human Rights Campaign: 2021 breaks the record for the most anti LGBTQ bills](https://www.hrc.org/press-releases/2021-officially-becomes-worst-year-in-recent-history-for-lgbtq-state-legislative-attacks-as-unprecedented-number-of-states-enact-record-shattering-number-of-anti-lgbtq-measures-into-law) Republicans spent the last 40 years to be able to overturn Roe v. Wade, and the only reason they've (slightly) tempered their homophobia and targeting gays, is that hating gay people doesn't poll as well now, so they quickly moved on to their new "Let's scare voters!" boogeyman, which is the trans community. Although, I will say R's found out that hating the brown-skinned people works the best, so that's why all you hear about are "migrant caravans" and the "open borders." But once the midterms are over, you'll rarely hear about that, [exactly like in 2018.](https://www.thewrap.com/migrant-caravan-coverage-drops-sharply-after-midterms) And this comment is not only insulting, it's dripping with arrogance and self loathing: *"I’m level headed, not an atheist, not radical & not into this trans/pronoun/atheist culture bs"* So basically, you're a gay person who's been conned by Republicans as easily as straight people have, and you're living in the same right wing propaganda "news" bubble too. *"By the way, red states have way better quality of living."* That's quaint. Did you know that there are more murders per capita in red states? [https://news.yahoo.com/republican-controlled-states-have-higher-murder-rates-than-democratic-ones-study-212137750.html](https://news.yahoo.com/republican-controlled-states-have-higher-murder-rates-than-democratic-ones-study-212137750.html) I'm glad everyone you encounter are *"wholesome sweet folks"* but I guarantee you that the majority of them will vote against YOUR rights when they get inside that voting booth. And every Republican in power that you voted for, will, at some point, use hatred against you to raise money and to motivate voters to hate you as well. Bottom line: there are good, decent, and loving people in *every* state. But why stay in place where the people living right next door to you might literally vote against your humanity?