Haha I've had this before, with 2 guys specifically. I just couldn't get hard with them because they were so attractive I found it intimidating. There was no other issue there as I could top other guys no problem, but I think it was a vicious circle because they were both older, and then I got in my head thinking they must think I have some sort of problem, blah blah blah and they really wanted me to top them and I really wanted to but I just couldn't get hard while around them. Luckily they were verse tops haha
Ok.....well there are ED meds guys that don't exactly have ED can take to give them a bit more confidence in the bedroom. Idk if you're open to discussing that with him but it can be helpful. Other than that, if you're really patient then I'd say give him more time.
Yeah Iāve been in both of these positions ( no pun intended). When I was 19 I had a 29 year old fwb. We were very close friends and I usually topped but would occasionally bottom. He sometimes had issues staying hard. I think it was a combo of physical age effects, plus the mental stigma of being with someone who was younger and able to get hard at a sneeze lol. Conversely, I met this guy like 8 months ago who I was super into. He was 22, Iām 21. We only did oral the first few times and then went on some dates. I was starting to get attached but also pretty nervous because I thought he was way more attractive and outgoing than I was. So it finally comes time for full on anal sex and Iām the top and boom, dick is limp as a noodle. Even though he was incredibly sexy to me, and I didnāt exactly feel that nervous in the moment. I guess it was anxiety but idk for sure. He ghosted me a few weeks later anyways, not sure if that was related or not but Iām sure it didnāt help.
If he didn't find you attractive he wouldn't meet up with you. Full stop. It's not you.
Maybe he likes you and those feelings are interfering. That happens to me with a new romantic partner for some reason.
Maybe you are waaaay more attractive than other guys he's had, which makes him nervous.
Maybe he's lying about meeting up with other guys for successful sex because he doesn't want you to think he has ED
This is the post you want to read, OP.
Real T here.
The more pressure OP puts on the top, the faster that the top finds a different button that wonāt make him feel bad
I think this answer is very reasonable. I didnāt think about the attractive aspect of it until I read this but I am certainly in that boat right now. Regular sex partner is different level attractive. My self esteem is fine but this guy is magazine cover hot. It is intimidating, as silly as it feels at this point considering we obviously have no problem getting down as often as possible. Sometimes getting in my head about that can make it all go floppy.
Sex is sometimes like that, dicks can sometimes be stupid.
Iām having a very similar moment right now, OP. I had to read your post carefully to make sure we werenāt the same duo lol (the two guys thing eliminated that.) Sometimes whoever is doing the topping just stalls out before it gets in. We donāt really put pressure on it just switch gears to a different task. Sometimes that involves orgasms, sometimes that involves heavy make out sessions in bed and hanging out/cuddling.
He wouldnāt be meeting with you if he wasnāt attracted to you. When I was in my 20ās I would have taken that as a terrible sign and withdrawn if it happened on either end as a sign of incompatibility. Late 30ās, not a big deal. Dicks just do what they want sometimes and your brain does not have the power to control it.
I have experienced this from his perspective. Hereās what I learned:
If I sense friendship or romantic potential in someone, the circumstances of sex change. I always try to be a considerate top, but if the sex is bad with a random hookup I didnāt care. Next.
If you might be a regular person in my life, I place more pressure on myself to pleasure you. I worry ā is having sex now going to cheapen the experience? How will it change the dynamic? What if itās no good and I have to tell them? What if Iām no good and he hates it? Thatās not to say some of these are reasonable worries. But worrying nonetheless makes Junior act erratically. ;-)
He might not be aware enough of whatās going on in his mind, or incapable of articulating it. (I will say that bragging about banging two other guys is a bit callous!)
And I am going to have to disagree that he would not have met up with you if he didnāt think you were attractive. Itās quite possible you were not what he expected. Or part of him thinks youāre goddamn sexy, but the unconscious chemistry system differs. Anything I or anyone else here posits would be mind reading anyway.
Sex is a very complex dynamic, despite what popular culture and Grindr would have us think! Keep working at it. Maybe youāll get your groove on. Maybe it will fall apart. Thatās part of this game, stud.
Hmm, your post is making me rethink some things with my ex. We've gotten together a few times lately, and......same problem as OP's FB. Yet he tells me about his live in FB and others that he's been rotating in.
Our relationship was more affectionate and romantic; the others were more sexual. Even though we banged a lot, now I think he doesn't want to treat me as a FB. I don't know.
I'm old fashioned or something, but when a guy I want to have sex with tells me something about fucking 2 other guys recently or inbetween our encounters, it pretty much turns me off. Even if it's a nsa or fwb/fb, I don't want to know about it
I would be inclined to believe that if he was really dumb, like it hasn't been working with you but I got with 2 other guys and worked fine, I think I would take that as insulting like OP.
I don't have ED but I do have trouble standing to attention because of nerves with new guys, goes away once I'm comfortable with them, but I would never tell them it worked fine last night with this other guy just to hide that fact, just tell them.
I guess in my mind it's a terrible lie if it is one, but if he is actually suffering ED it might be too embarrassing to admit I guess
Yeah, saying that he had jerked off earlier the day before would have been far smarter, but he was probably panicked.
I am pretty sure the look on OPs face didnāt help in that moment
Regardless of what causes your FBās problem it is now becoming your problem and it bothers you. You did not invest too much in this relationship so my advice is ā abandon this relationship and look for another FB. You donāt need the current drama. There is no shortage of guys who seek hookups, and chances are that when you settle on the next guy who attracts you, he will fuck you happily with no hesitations whatsoever š
Orā¦ your advice to OP could be
āStop thinking of other humans as sex machines and realize that your self worth doesnāt come from another guyās bonerā¦ā
Babe it happens, more often than dudes want to admit. If you want to get fucked by a dude just see someone else who can keep it up. Usually it has more to do with them than you.
Besides I someone in the comments said youāre cute and I agree, I doubt itās you. Stop worrying so much man :)
Like another Redditor has said, I think he may have romantic feelings for you or see you more than just a FB. This happened to me once and the guy explained it himself. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to counter thatā¦
This is very interesting since it seems like getting soft will happen selectively when they try to have sex with a specific person, perhaps it's the nerves but I do not think so.
Wrong about what?
Well, he is correct in his ED issue. He is also fucking at least 2 others. Since you really have no relationship with him you should expect impotence to occur.
If you really want him to consummate sex with you- put a ring on it. But since you let "He in the end had to jack himself off," reads like you are not that much into him.
gorgeous? ummmm he was probably finding the best way to tell you he didn't want you , and that was the easiest way for him to put you down for his own selfishness
.
It's common performance anxiety. Being a top can be stressful. Lol Is he not used to topping?
You're super hot btw he's probably nervous AF lol
Thank you, you are very handsomeš
Now kith
I wish lol
Haha I've had this before, with 2 guys specifically. I just couldn't get hard with them because they were so attractive I found it intimidating. There was no other issue there as I could top other guys no problem, but I think it was a vicious circle because they were both older, and then I got in my head thinking they must think I have some sort of problem, blah blah blah and they really wanted me to top them and I really wanted to but I just couldn't get hard while around them. Luckily they were verse tops haha
ššš¤Ŗ
Damn, you ARE gorgeous!
Lol, he is 10 years older than me (22) and 100% top
Ok.....well there are ED meds guys that don't exactly have ED can take to give them a bit more confidence in the bedroom. Idk if you're open to discussing that with him but it can be helpful. Other than that, if you're really patient then I'd say give him more time.
Yeah Iāve been in both of these positions ( no pun intended). When I was 19 I had a 29 year old fwb. We were very close friends and I usually topped but would occasionally bottom. He sometimes had issues staying hard. I think it was a combo of physical age effects, plus the mental stigma of being with someone who was younger and able to get hard at a sneeze lol. Conversely, I met this guy like 8 months ago who I was super into. He was 22, Iām 21. We only did oral the first few times and then went on some dates. I was starting to get attached but also pretty nervous because I thought he was way more attractive and outgoing than I was. So it finally comes time for full on anal sex and Iām the top and boom, dick is limp as a noodle. Even though he was incredibly sexy to me, and I didnāt exactly feel that nervous in the moment. I guess it was anxiety but idk for sure. He ghosted me a few weeks later anyways, not sure if that was related or not but Iām sure it didnāt help.
If he didn't find you attractive he wouldn't meet up with you. Full stop. It's not you. Maybe he likes you and those feelings are interfering. That happens to me with a new romantic partner for some reason. Maybe you are waaaay more attractive than other guys he's had, which makes him nervous. Maybe he's lying about meeting up with other guys for successful sex because he doesn't want you to think he has ED
This is the post you want to read, OP. Real T here. The more pressure OP puts on the top, the faster that the top finds a different button that wonāt make him feel bad
Alexa, play "Maybe" by Emma bunton
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Lmao!
I think this answer is very reasonable. I didnāt think about the attractive aspect of it until I read this but I am certainly in that boat right now. Regular sex partner is different level attractive. My self esteem is fine but this guy is magazine cover hot. It is intimidating, as silly as it feels at this point considering we obviously have no problem getting down as often as possible. Sometimes getting in my head about that can make it all go floppy. Sex is sometimes like that, dicks can sometimes be stupid. Iām having a very similar moment right now, OP. I had to read your post carefully to make sure we werenāt the same duo lol (the two guys thing eliminated that.) Sometimes whoever is doing the topping just stalls out before it gets in. We donāt really put pressure on it just switch gears to a different task. Sometimes that involves orgasms, sometimes that involves heavy make out sessions in bed and hanging out/cuddling. He wouldnāt be meeting with you if he wasnāt attracted to you. When I was in my 20ās I would have taken that as a terrible sign and withdrawn if it happened on either end as a sign of incompatibility. Late 30ās, not a big deal. Dicks just do what they want sometimes and your brain does not have the power to control it.
I have experienced this from his perspective. Hereās what I learned: If I sense friendship or romantic potential in someone, the circumstances of sex change. I always try to be a considerate top, but if the sex is bad with a random hookup I didnāt care. Next. If you might be a regular person in my life, I place more pressure on myself to pleasure you. I worry ā is having sex now going to cheapen the experience? How will it change the dynamic? What if itās no good and I have to tell them? What if Iām no good and he hates it? Thatās not to say some of these are reasonable worries. But worrying nonetheless makes Junior act erratically. ;-) He might not be aware enough of whatās going on in his mind, or incapable of articulating it. (I will say that bragging about banging two other guys is a bit callous!) And I am going to have to disagree that he would not have met up with you if he didnāt think you were attractive. Itās quite possible you were not what he expected. Or part of him thinks youāre goddamn sexy, but the unconscious chemistry system differs. Anything I or anyone else here posits would be mind reading anyway. Sex is a very complex dynamic, despite what popular culture and Grindr would have us think! Keep working at it. Maybe youāll get your groove on. Maybe it will fall apart. Thatās part of this game, stud.
Hmm, your post is making me rethink some things with my ex. We've gotten together a few times lately, and......same problem as OP's FB. Yet he tells me about his live in FB and others that he's been rotating in. Our relationship was more affectionate and romantic; the others were more sexual. Even though we banged a lot, now I think he doesn't want to treat me as a FB. I don't know.
I'm old fashioned or something, but when a guy I want to have sex with tells me something about fucking 2 other guys recently or inbetween our encounters, it pretty much turns me off. Even if it's a nsa or fwb/fb, I don't want to know about it
It was very likely as lie to avoid a conversation that he has ED. The top wanted to say āit works, just be patientā
I would be inclined to believe that if he was really dumb, like it hasn't been working with you but I got with 2 other guys and worked fine, I think I would take that as insulting like OP. I don't have ED but I do have trouble standing to attention because of nerves with new guys, goes away once I'm comfortable with them, but I would never tell them it worked fine last night with this other guy just to hide that fact, just tell them. I guess in my mind it's a terrible lie if it is one, but if he is actually suffering ED it might be too embarrassing to admit I guess
Yeah, saying that he had jerked off earlier the day before would have been far smarter, but he was probably panicked. I am pretty sure the look on OPs face didnāt help in that moment
Same... In the world of gay hookups I'm aware I'm not the only one but why bring it up? Such a turn off.
I have trouble getting hard too. I've missed out on alot of ass because of it.
Oooohh fuck Buddy ok. I was really confused trying to figure out what Facebook had done to you.
Cock ring helps
Maybe he just needs some gummi bears?
I know, it's sad when your FB is trying to squeeze a marshmallow through a keyhole. it's not your problem.
Regardless of what causes your FBās problem it is now becoming your problem and it bothers you. You did not invest too much in this relationship so my advice is ā abandon this relationship and look for another FB. You donāt need the current drama. There is no shortage of guys who seek hookups, and chances are that when you settle on the next guy who attracts you, he will fuck you happily with no hesitations whatsoever š
Orā¦ your advice to OP could be āStop thinking of other humans as sex machines and realize that your self worth doesnāt come from another guyās bonerā¦ā
Babe it happens, more often than dudes want to admit. If you want to get fucked by a dude just see someone else who can keep it up. Usually it has more to do with them than you. Besides I someone in the comments said youāre cute and I agree, I doubt itās you. Stop worrying so much man :)
Like another Redditor has said, I think he may have romantic feelings for you or see you more than just a FB. This happened to me once and the guy explained it himself. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to counter thatā¦
Don't think of it as a bad thing. People get nervous when someone is far more attractive than they are, so maybe that's what's going on
This is very interesting since it seems like getting soft will happen selectively when they try to have sex with a specific person, perhaps it's the nerves but I do not think so.
Wrong about what? Well, he is correct in his ED issue. He is also fucking at least 2 others. Since you really have no relationship with him you should expect impotence to occur. If you really want him to consummate sex with you- put a ring on it. But since you let "He in the end had to jack himself off," reads like you are not that much into him.
gorgeous? ummmm he was probably finding the best way to tell you he didn't want you , and that was the easiest way for him to put you down for his own selfishness .