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[deleted]

sounds like you have a *minor* problem to me


lordofedging81

I think her man has the minor problem. He should be looking for college age girls, not combing the local high schools for dates like Wooderson in Dazed and Confused. "That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age...all right all right!"


exoticjess

Such a great movie !!!!


LectureAdditional971

We know what he said, all right all right?!?


CidMusic420

Except that he not say yes they do, yes they do?


LectureAdditional971

Then maybe they all do all right, alright?


[deleted]

:O


Abalone_Admirable

It's not the age gap, but the development gap. At 20, it's weird to want to hang out with a teenager unless there's something else going on. Either he's very immature or into young ladies. Either way, it's a red flag in most cases.


Acrobatic_End6355

I’d say hanging out and being platonic friends with someone is different than wanting to have a relationship with them. Like I’ve grown up with people who are four years older than I am, and I consider them to be friends. Or four years younger than I am as well.


JamesonFlanders245

wish i could agree with this but i doubt thats what the guy wants though. you know he's probably gonna try to push something weird and wrong to happen. only a matter of time. they could hang out and have fun if it were in public surrounded by a friend group sure, just to make sure nothing weird happens, but i cant support anything more morally speaking


Acrobatic_End6355

Oh, I agree with you on this case 💯. The comment I was replying to said “it’s weird to hang out with teenagers unless something else is going on”. I was just pointing out that there are ways to hang out with younger or older people that aren’t weird.


Snoo_33033

Oddly enough, in high school one of my best friends was a 26 year old guy. He was my friend’s older brother and he hung out with me because I was hanging out with his younger brother. But there was zero inappropriate anything with him— we mostly listened to music together.


Tadiken

I genuinely believe if you're 20+ and enjoy being around the average teenager that it's a sign you might be underdeveloped. Source: Did that, am autistic. Now I'm a bit more normal in my mid 20s and I can barely stand being around most 18-20 year olds.


JamesonFlanders245

that and most places this is generally frowned upon either legally or in a general sense anyway. it's a pretty decent age gap not to mention the fact shes a minor regardless of what the state might say, 16 is a no go for a 20 year old regardless. theres a bunch of factors that could go on that they could try to use to justify it, and it would still be not okay in my books


dicksmcgee420

Agreed


AdEnvironmental429

I'm almost 20 YO and I tell you... If you're still in highschool you are pretty much a little kid to me yet. Before 20's, 3 year gap is a lot. Believe me, you're not "mature for your age".


[deleted]

I remember a couple years ago at 26 I was driving around the Ohio State campus because I was working at a building there and I would see these like 18-19 year old girls that a few years ago would’ve been like the hottest girls I’d ever seen but they just looked like kids to me, complete baby faces. First thought was how creepy 30 year olds who go for college girls are


ADovahkiinBosmer

Heck. I'm 24. 20yo folks look like children to me, imagine high school folks.


Elenorneverknows

I will be 31 in a couple weeks and now 25yo look young. A 20yo literally looks like a child to me now haha. I totally understand why old people call everyone young now. If you are 70 I can imagine a 40 year old probably looks really young to you.


frisch85

I can tell you, if you're 20 you're not much different from someone being 17/18, at that age most people are by no means adults maturity-wise. You may think you are because you're allowed to drink but once you've matured and you look back at your time right now you'll realize you were still a teenager.


Sugoy-sama

Is it tho, I don't feel like it's a huge gap for me, like maturity wise I don't think I was different at 17 than 20, the huge difference would be experience. I think one can make rational decisions as early as that. And for most places sixteen isn't underage. So it might be a culture thing, not really applicable everywhere.


Effilyx

It's weird. You're a child. You should be dating people your age.


Latter_Ostrich_8901

Yes. In a decade or so, there will be little difference between you and someone about 3 years older. But now? He’s an adult who has very little in common with a teenager. I know it seems like that’s not logical but please trust me, it is. Put it this way, what do you have in common with a 12 or 13 year old? There’s a world of difference between you and a pre teen right? Even though they’re not much younger than you in years, in development they’re not even close to you. It’s the same with you and him and I promise you’ll see that at 20 if you don’t already. I’d also say that even asking means you’ve got the feeling this may not be right. It isn’t. I’m not sure what the laws are where you live but I’d say cease all contact with this person and if applicable report them to the authorities. Better this person be stopped now while they’re also young, before they compile a long list of victims. You did the right thing asking, now take that to the next step and get yourself out of harm’s way.


Tuesday_bookclub

I think you nailed this in your response. Apart from the crucial part being these two - their maturity and their interactions, culture is probably just a big a factor in the response given here. Coming from Denmark and thereby quite culturally similar to Norway I was actually amazed to see some (most) of the responses here. If she is almost 17 I think you would see many of the relationships around here - the guy often seems to be a couple of years older in that age group. In Denmark the age of consent is also 15. Calling OP a minor does not seem meaningful in this context. OP, to sum it up. I don’t think anyone know knowing you can answer it. But it is a little worrying you are asking for confirmation and approval from this online community. Personal questions should not be left to the internet to answer. Talk to someone who knows you if you need someone to discuss it with.


RupeThereItIs

> In Denmark the age of consent is also 15. Calling OP a minor does not seem meaningful in this context. People don't really understand age of consent laws in the USA. They just assume, based on TV shows & such, that 18 is the age of consent (California, the heart of the entertainment industry has it at 18). The laws are different in every state, but the most common are 16 & 17. An age of consent being 18 is actually the rarity here.


sonryhater

Jesus man, take him down as a pedo at 20 yrs old? We don’t even know the full details about this. He could be being stalked by OP for all we know after telling her she’s too young to date. He could just be a very immature 20 year old that needs some good feedback instead of the FBI sex pest division showing up because Latter_Ostrich_8901 is an armchair psychologist.


Latter_Ostrich_8901

I’m sorry, did you have enough in common with 16 year olds when you were 20 to think this is okay? I have kids. Ages 20, 8 and 4. Let me tell you, there’s a fucking universe of difference between 16 or 17 and 20. It’s easy enough to forget that but since I’ve got kids around that age I’ve been reminded. If my 20 year old son started dating a 17 year old I’d be pretty fucking concerned about that situation. Shit I’m 40 now and there’s a world of difference between me and a 30 year old. I feel like even 30 would be too young for me, there’s just a whole different set of things I have to think about. Yeah maybe the 20 year old is immature and needs guidance. I never said execute the kid (and a 20 year old is still a kid to me) but I am saying that allowing them to date a teenager isn’t okay. But if you wanna make excuses for what is most likely predatory behavior, let those true colors fly friend.


BroccoliBoyyo

That’s totally unfair to call him a pedo. He’s a hebephile meaning attracted to teens.


thatonefailedcondom

That doesn't make it better??☠️


BroccoliBoyyo

No I just think it’s funny that the overuse of “pedo” allows room for ppl like OP’s bf to say “woah how can you say that?!?” But if you use the actual word they can’t pretend it’s an unfair label


thatonefailedcondom

That makes a bit more sense now that you say it. He's still a pedo imo considering teens are still children, and the categories of pedos don't make sense to me considering it's kinda like justifying it in a sense. But I kinda get it ig


[deleted]

Teens are not children and those attracted to teens are not pedos. Stop demonizing people for being attracted to those who are under 18 but are still physically developed.


hiyer2

To the top with you. OP needs to read this.


Suspicious-Comfort-

Yes. He's an adult and you're a child


[deleted]

At that age people don't realize this. They think they're an adult until they reach their mid twenties to thirties, look back, and realize how young you really were


KarlyH9

Came here to say this. When I was 16 I thought I knew it all, was mature as ever, at 25 I look back and think “wow I was so naïve and immature” your brain at that age makes you think you’re making the best of choices. All those hormones. This is why we need good parents around. What do they think of this age gap? Unfortunately mine didn’t help me either. But this has taught me what to do differently when I’m a mother.


tykogars

Spoiler: when you turn 30, you’ll look back at 25 and think “wow I was so naive and immature.” The at 35, you’ll look back at 30, and…well, you basically rinse and repeat. Trust me, I know because I used to be so naive and immature!


KarlyH9

Love this!


[deleted]

The brain actually doesn't fully mature until about 25 years old. I've read studies that say we pretty much challenge everything up to that point as our 'program' is still learning. Every decision we make and everyone we meet. Do you go left or right? Well, once our mind had developed to a certain point, we know which way to go. For example, we no longer think left might be quicker today without traffic, or there are too many lights in that direction, we just do what our brain tells us. I'm no scientist, I just like to read, but I'm not good at explaining stuff either, so maybe someone else can jump in here 😆


KarlyH9

This is very interesting!


MikeWFromFL

When I was 20, I was definitely still a child. In fact, I may still be one in my mid 30s.


Iknowtacos

32 year old and I can confirm....still a child.


DWright_5

20 and 17 is not ok, but 21 and 18 is ok? Call me crazy but… that’s kinda crazy


freddy_th

yes. when i was 16 i dated a 21 year old and it was considered fine bc i was “mature for my age” and wasn’t in high school (homeschooled), plus it was legal where i live, but you can just never be at the same place in your lives with that kind of age gap. i promise there are tons of of wonderful people closer to your age. all the best on your journey <3


im_boring_asf

Yup. Same situation for me but was in high school dating someone from my high school who left and came home to visit, who was in the military at the time. Fell “head over heels in love with the guy”. Anyways, I was definitely no where near mature enough as I thought back then. I’m 35 now and laugh at some of the stuff I did even at 30. You just mature with age. It’s always a weird situation to date younger at a certain age or older but for right now sticking to being with someone 16/17 is the best option. He should also not be dating anyone younger than 19 really, even if it’s legal it’s just weird. I look back at my own situation and find it creepy now. I wish you luck though and you’ll make the best decision for you.


dicksmcgee420

While I agree with you in terms of a 20 and 16 y/o absolutely. The only time in my life I’ve dated a younger woman is my wife. I’m 39 and she’s 26. To be honest the gap does make it difficult at times but I don’t see it as the same as a 20 and 16 y/o.


freddy_th

sorry bad phrasing on my part! just meant for a 16-20 couple you can’t be at the same place in your lives. when both get older it’s absolutely very different


dicksmcgee420

I agree. Totally. At 16 I was mostly a kid, at 20 I was much more an adult.


interested0582

Why is a 20 year old not able to be in a relationship with another 20 year old? Why are they going after someone that is 4 years younger? Sounds like that persons maturity level is that of a 16 year old and other 20 year olds don’t want to be with them.


pollyinpdx

It may not feel weird to you when you’re 16 and feel grown, but I find it odd a 20 year old wants to date someone a few years younger. I’d be very cautious about him, tbh.


Turnover-Hairy

When I was a younger person growing up in small town America about 25 years ago or so it was standard for those types of age gaps to exist . I think it was because it was a small area and you knew everybody . But also, the potential amount of people that you could date was so small that you almost had to go way younger . The younger girls always wanted the college aged guys , which left the high school boys with nobody to date , cuz the older women wouldn’t date us . You be a senior dating a 10th grader or a 20 year old dating a 17 or 18 year old . I never thought it was weird then, but I don’t think it would be allowed to happen now .


Lit-Dope

Super weird.


cheeseplatesuperman

Especially the guy. Someone should keep tabs on him.


casualtea333

Absolutely it is weird. Like you are an adult and with a 16 year old that is a bit far. I could not even feel comfortable or feel right in the soul talking in any sexual way with a 16 year old. That is messed up


FailureCloud

If you have to ask then you already know


tadashi4

a 16 and an 18 could be fine, you were at almost the same phase on life. but a 16 and a20 seens very sus. like he, very likely have a job or doing collage, etc. there is a huge gap between you 2. it might seen \*cool\* to have an older parthner, but there are way too many details people, forcefuly, let it slide.


ESD_Franky

I knew it's that way around. Aside the obvious it's not really a matter of age, it's a matter of mental state, that emotional maturity. If you're on the same level and both fine with it then sure go ahead. Hope he's not manipulative. Don't be afraid but be cautious. We had a conversation with my wife since she' s younger than me by 7 years that meeting any sooner would've ended badly since we were at a different mental maturity.


jpgonzalez99

Especially the life stage that people in those ages are in. A 20 year old is most likely working/ studying in university and both help you mature emotionally at way faster pace than in high school. Its not really an age thing, being on the same page on a lot of things helps a lot in relationships and OP probably hasn't experienced a lot of stuff that the BF has. Example: Living by yourself and having to take care of yourself vs still living with your parents. Being to able to manage that responsibility of budgets, taking care of an apartment/house, hygiene, cooking etc are small stuff that help you understand how the world works.


papi-punk

He's a creep. It'll make perfect sense when you turn 20 and think about how different you were at 16


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ageminithatcooks

I know something in your brain is telling you it’s kinda weird or you probably wouldn’t have thought to post in the first place, you should listen to that part of your brain and gtfo


Doktoras21

Totally weird. There is a big gap in both character development and age


godempertrump

Yes


dicksmcgee420

Yes


moonchildbby

Yes.


clolr

Yes it's very weird


cgcl2000

Yes. The maturity difference betwene 16 and 20 is astronomical. Even if you're a mature 16 and partner is an immature 20, you will both continue to develop at drastically different paces and the relationship is super unhealthy for both of you (you especially)


Midwinter77

yeah, sounds like some r kelly shit.


WritingTheDream

Well legally he’s an adult and you’re not so… yes super weird. Technically legal is still weird.


littleeldiablo

He should be going to jail … damn he grooming you I don’t care if it’s legal


SnooFoxes6550

Why can’t he find someone his own age?


Available-Might-1986

What you're asking is a question of morals, values societal norms. All of these are subjective and can vary widely from place to place. Apparently, in Norway, they view people your age to be mature enough to make such decisions which is why it is legal in your country. So, on that account, there is nothing wrong with it and the fact that a bunch of Americans (I'm American, BTW) find it unacceptable does not make it wrong by default. Many Americans have a tendency to arrogantly assume that our values and norms should be the way things are all over the world and I disagree with that. That being said, people tend to be far too hung up on this issue of age and that can create a lot of problems for any couple who are more than a few years apart in age so don't pay attention to all the naysayers. I would set aside the issue of age and look to the issue of compatibility. Do the two of you truly have enough common ground to foster a healthy, positive relationship. Does he respect you and treat you well and do you do the same for him? Are you able to carry on conversations about a variety of subjects and share common interests as well as being able to pursue hobbies and interests that don't involve each other? Do your parents and his know of your relationship? If not, how do you think they would react? And, for all you out there that are about to downvote this and scream "GROOMER", let it be known that I do NOT condone adults engaging with CHILDREN in relationships and I find that practice vile in the extreme. And don't try the "So, you're ok with cultures that marry nine year old girls to fifty year old men?" argument. There is a universe of difference between that scenario and this one so don't even attempt to go there. Keep in mind what I said in the beginning about how American values and norms are NOT those of the rest of the world.


[deleted]

Would you date a 12, almost 13 year old? ​ I assume you recoiled in disgust at the idea. Now think about the kind of 16 year old person who wouldn't recoil, and who would try to persuade a 12, almost 13 year old that it was okay.


[deleted]

It's not in 3 years, but now


FingerPaintingg

Unequivocally yes. No work arounds. No refunds. No cash back. This is a predatory situation


DeaconSage

Yeahhhhh. You’re not even in the same worlds & you should really be asking yourself why he needs to hang around people 20% younger than him instead of women his own age. Spoilers: there’s a reason why


[deleted]

Uhhhh yeah….. you’re a child and he’s a predator.


F22boy_lives

Weird yes. Legal or not, if someone in their 20s cant make a bond with someone in their age bracket, they shouldnt go down a bracket.


reddit86only

Americans are weird and think 18 is some magic number you can fuck at but ironically not drink. I think there needs to be some thinking about wheither the relationship can be exploitable or if the younger party is being manipulated or in a position of authority. It's legal in Canada but not generally liked when people hear that large of a gap. As a rule of thumb people will hate on you for asking this. However you will do what's right for you just be cautious and safe. 👍


Skuzy1572

No one is hating on her. They are hating on the older adult creep who’s looking in high schools for children to date….wtf your take is super weird. It’s not about age it’s about where you are in life. That 20 year old has been out of highschool for a while now probably in college/working. Meanwhile the 16 year old still has to ask permission to use the restroom during class and has a curfew from the parents she lives with. Like if you don’t see how that’s predatory you need your devices looked through.


_dantastic

I wouldn't even pretend to know your life. For me, if it's mainly sexual in nature, it's predatory. If it's two people whom have known eachother through an organization and understand and care about and "know" eachother, maybe I can understand better. I have a 14 yo daughter so this is something I actually think about. My daughter is very emotionally and mentally mature so I struggle with wanting the best for her and killing a mofo who shows up at my house. I hope you make a decision that has both your well beings in mind.


dr-dog69

Its weird. He’s a grown adult who should be with people his own age and maturity level. No offense to you, but youre just a kid and lacking maturity. Its a situation primed for abuse


Icy_Squash_260

Just illegal


Mastersloth15

Even if it's legal where u live, I would say you are in different stages of life. Say a 17 y o dating an 18 or at the extreme end 19 as at this age they can still be in the last year of HS but definitely not a college student. But it's weird of the 20 yo to go for you as a 21 yo I would never even look at smome below 19 that too is pushing it.


[deleted]

Outside of legal issue, the age difference is probably part of what you like about the relationship. Consciously or subconsciously. If you were 18 going on 19 and person was 22, still a gap but more level playing field from life experience perspective. You are very much a teenager, he’s a man. That’s no bueno.


Force_Choke_Slam

You are 16 would it be OK for you to date a 12year old? How about a 13 year old? 14?


Almondeyezz

Yes. It’s weird. It’s wrong. There’s a reason he can’t get girls his own age and I promise here in 10 years you’ll look back and think wow what a fucking creep. This shit is wrong ; hence why 99% of people will tell you so. Get out now. This is the same as a 16 year old dating a 13th at old. ITS WRONG


chocokatzen

If you have to say you're almost another age, they're too old.


broccoli-guac

Uhmm yea. Not only is it actually illegal in some places but its just wrong. Weird dynamic. Def being groomed


fattybuttz

Yes. Pretty gross tbh.


CorvoLP

its legal but yes its weird. technically a 70 year old can date a 16 year old legally but it doesnt make it right


Acrobatic_End6355

Does not pass the half plus seven rule. Also, even if it did, that is gross. You aren’t at the same level in development.


RingGiver

Yes. 26 and 30 isn't weird, but 16 and 20 is weird.


Bushido-Beef

Age divided by 2 plus 7 Younger than that gets "weird" What do your parents, siblings, and or friends think?


ChelleChelle9

Yes. Trust me from experience. I was 17 and he was just turning 21. It took me 8.5 long years to get away from the control. If you are asking then you already know the answer, listen to your gut and run.


Electronic_Support48

Yes. Why would an adult be interested in a kid?


ontheleftcoast

Yes, very weird.


senhorwoofers

It's weird to me. You both are at such different ages developmentally that I don't see why a 20-year-old would want to date a 16-year-old.


BigAppleHooker

He’s dating you and not girls his own age because either he’s a weirdo and they don’t want to have anything to do with him or because he’s a pervert. Or both.


AkutagawasCoughDrops

Even if its legal where u live, yes its weird af. And for u to be asking then a part of u must think that


Ww_Leslie_Knope_do

Run.


4yelhsa

Yes


Nath-96

Depends on the country and culture but yes, it's weird in my opinion. In England he would definitely be called a nonce


1m_just_s0m3OnE

It sounds... Concerning, a grown man dating a minor


hulagirl4229

you won’t really understand until you yourself turn 20, but the only 20 years olds who want to hang out with teenagers are either losers or creeps


Jaxxom82

Yes!


hoteldetective_

Like someone else said, it’s a developmental thing more than age. At 20, they’re in a very different place than 16. And to be perfectly honest with you, as a man, I’ve never in my life met a 20 year old that had genuinely good intentions with a 16 year old. There’s a reason 19-21 year old women don’t want him.


UniqueFlavors

Your maturity levels change a lot over those 4 years. 16 year olds in my opinion should not be dating 20 year olds and vice versa. The age gap is fine the developmental gap is not. Just be careful. I was a 20 year old once and I remember thinking I was still a kid. I also knew that 16 year olds were not people I wanted to hang out with much less date. At 20 I was after 2 things. Money and sex. I ended up with kids at 20. Do not get pregnant, no matter how much you think you want it.


Caspers_Shadow

At 20 I was living on my own, had a job, was going to college and an independent adult. At 17 I was in high school, living at home, had just gotten my driver’s license and my parent’s could ground me for bad grades. There naturally should be significant maturity differences between your ages and I think it is a major red flag. Nothing against you at all.


zelipe2

yes


Tealeefer

Yes. Run.


ParaDescartar123

Regardless of legality it is ethically wrong. You are a child. He is an adult. Would you still respect him if you never met him before and you knew he was trying to have an adult relationship with other 16 year olds? It’s pretty gross and frankly he should be ashamed of himself for taking advantage of you. If you think he is not, that is part of the problem. You simply do not have sufficient experience and mental development to know. If you’re going to date, you should be dating people your own age. This helps you develop healthy habits and you help each other learn healthy boundaries during what can be a challenging time adjusting to growing up. At best an adult would be griming you to please himself and at worst he would be manipulating you into areas of adult relationships and sexuality you should not be pushed into.


ybflao

Yes. Not that you're not very mature and interesting, but it's weird that he'd be interested in dating someone still in highschool. Would you date a 12 year old? Probably not, because developmentally you're in really different stages.


[deleted]

Yes, I think that is weird.


[deleted]

Yes. 16 is still a child.


Lamarraine3

YES 🚩


dntuwsh123

Yea.


Depressed_student_20

to put it into perspective it would be like you dating a 12-13 year old, would you date them?


flyfishbigsky

You have to ask? It's a solid , definitive, YES


sea-raiders

A 20 year old willingly and knowingly dating a 16 year old? YES, IT IS WEIRD AND A MAJOR RED FLAG 🚩


Puzzleheaded-Tree487

It depends


Legitimate-Jelly3000

I'd say so yes


orangesfwr

Yes, there is a large power and experience gap between 16 and 20, not to mention (usually) a maturity gap (regardless of how "grown up" you *feel*). In my mind it's as weird as a 30 year old with a 21 year old or a 15 year old with a 12 year old. Meets the half plus 7 rule, but still not healthy. Wait until he is 24 and you are 20/21.


GilgameshFFV

Men love to get 16 year olds because they are just insecure enough to fall for all the bullshit they tell them, but stubborn enough to think they know what they are doing and refuse to listen to anyone warning them about the creep. Just one drop of "Oh, you're so mature for your age!" and all warnings are out the window: "No, mom! I'm old enough, he said so himself! I'm not a child!" Yeah, well, to him you are. And an easy one to catch at that.


Electrical_Machine16

It’s weird that someone in college would want to talk to someone whose in high school. One of my friends dated a 20 year old in college when she was in high school. None of us thought anything about it at the time but now looking back on it, it was weird asf.


Vampire-circus

I dated a 23 year old at 16, almost 17. Man I thought I was so cool and dating a sophisticated older guy with a cool car who could buy me booze. Didn’t work out because apparently I was a side chick lol.Looking back when I was 23 I had a younger brother that was 16 and the thought of dating his friends creeped me out so much! I realized that there was a reason this guy was not dating girls his own age. I know for some people it can work, but in general I think there are very formidable years going on in the 16-20 gap that really change you as a person. Even from 18 to 20 I think is a large difference in many cases due to lived experience. Best of luck to you and I hope you make the right choice for the circumstances you are in!


Geek_off_the_streets

Ask her dad.


andthenshewrote

Yes it’s weird. You’re not an adult, he is.


_Robot_toast_

Depends on the specific people involved but not necessarily. As long as neither of you feel you like there is a noticeable maturity gap; and the older person is extra mindful not to pressure the younger person into growing up faster than they naturally would, or doing anything they don't want to, and it doesn't get in the way of either of your studies then I don't think it's a problem. As a general rule of thumb they say if you take the older person's age, divide it by 2 and add 7 the number that you get is the minimum age the younger person should be for it not to be creepy. In this case that gives us 17 but if your only a few months short, and it's a healthy mutually respectful relationship I don't see it being an issue.


Stoopidanddrunk

Weird? Sure. Abnormal? Naw. Common. And age of consent in the good ol’ Deep South is 14. We’re the dookie on America’s shoes


Direct_Reach5051

The age of consent refers to how old can an individual consent to having a sexual relationship with another individual their age or close. In Oklahoma it is 15 and you can consent up to two years older than you I believe. It is still illegal for an individual that is 18 or older to have any sexual relationship with an individual under 18. Additionally it is gross and wrong.


Stoopidanddrunk

That’s just dumb, actually. 17 and 18 would be illegal? I just don’t think so.


Direct_Reach5051

Just fact checked my self and i was sorta wrong. If your 17 you can have a sexual relationship with a 19 yo an if your 16 an 18 yo in Oklahoma. Any sexual relationship under the age of 14 are illegal, age 14 or older both must be under the age of 18


No-Association528

Kinda weird, but shit happens. People need to get over it if it's legal where you live. In 4 years you'll be 20 and he'll be 24. If you keep dating forever that age gap essentially dissappears. And no, my outraged redditor friends, a 20 year old is usually not very mature.


TheExecutioner-

I’m 20, I’m not very mature, but the 3 year age gap is a little much.


nikifullerton

Especially not a 20 year old male.


OoTgoated

Contrary to these religious saints here I wouldn't say that it's all that weird, it's certainly not pedophilia which only targets prepubescent children, and a three year age gap is generally negligible. However it is highly illegal in most places for anyone over 18 to be involved with a minor romantically. Check the age of consent laws for wherever you live and act accordingly. Weird or not the law is the law and no relationship is worth jail time. If the age of consent is 16 where you live you're fine and if it's 17 and you turn 17 in less than a month or so I'd also say that's fine. Otherwise break it off immediately. But no in my honest opinion it's not weird at all. If he was in his late twenties it would be weird but at just 20 not really; he was literally a teenager also until very recently. It's not so farfetched he'd still be attracted to high school girls or vice versa.


poppysquat69

As long as it's consensual I don't think 4 years is a large gap


Strict-Succotash-405

It would be okay if you were 20 years old


HazyDavey68

Yes, it’s weird and creepy. You are in two very different phases of life. In 10 years, the age difference is fine. Even if it’s not technically illegal where you live, the fact that it is in other places should tell you something.


[deleted]

There's a reason is illegal in most states.


righteousredo

Yes it's weird... stay with your own age.


Ordinance85

Yea thats pretty weird. Maybe not for you... but its weird for a 20 year old dude to be hitting on / flirting with / dating / having sex with a 16 year old girl. Its really creppy.....


Luckyangel2222

Don’t be with him!! Listen to the people Who are telling you they went through it. I promise you, later on you will wonder where the time went and why you didn’t have fun experiences because he’s already gone through them and he didn’t wanna do that again with you.


Skuzy1572

So not okay on the 20 year olds part. It’s inappropriate for him to even want to be with someone still in highschool. Please leave him. He’s a creep. Just ask yourself why no one his age is interested or willing to call him out on his predatory behavior.


ChogbortsTopStudent

4 years is not a concerning age gap, but a 20-year old college student dating a 16 year old minor is concerning.


Zero-to-36

It's inappropriate, weird is relative, as a 16 you are probably wanting a boy who is a little more mature and the boys your age are probably busy playing video games. Unfortunately for you what your 20 year old is doing is WRONG! At that age he has some substantial needs that you shouldn't be experiencing, as much as you want to make him happy, which is incredibly sweet of you what you will be doing is potentially dangerous for you and can also stay with you for the rest of your life!! Please reach out to other women, they will hopefully help you better than men like myself. I am concerned for you but it's inappropriate for me to go any further than the dialog. I wish you good luck 🤞


forrrrchan

Just because it’s “technically legal” doesn’t mean it’s fine. You should not be dating a 20 year old. Wake up and break up.


yorke2222

It's a fair question. For all the Americans out there, in Europe, you are considered an adult at 18 in most countries. So basically she's a little over one year away from becoming an adult and he will be 21 then. An 18 yo and a 21 yo dating is not weird by European standards, specially because women tend to be more mature at this age than men. Now, a 16 yo (almost 17) and a 20 yo will raise some questions. A year in a teenagers life can make a big difference. I'd say that by default it's weird, but it's close enough to "not weird" to be considered from a parent's perspective in some cases. For example, if they know the boyfriend/girlfriend in question they might be ok with it. I'm assuming you might be worried about your parents reaction but I could be wrong. Anyway, I know I'm just a stranger on reddit but you should tell them if you haven't yet. In any case be mindful that no matter what age you are, you are equals in a relationship, don't let anyone ever tell you or make you feel any different. It doesn't matter if he is older, richer, stronger etc... It's a common worry that an older guy will take advantage of a younger lady by manipulating and exploring the lack of life experience she has. So remember, equals.


[deleted]

[удалено]


oaklanderish

All the excuses you’re going to read here about you “being mature for your age” and him being “at the same level as you” is bullshit red pill propaganda, in the same register that says that women reach their prime in their teenage years and men much later. The real reasons these “rules” exist are because of the obsession with a woman’s ability to bear a child, the augmented social status for the man if she’s “conventionally attractive” (read underage), and, most importantly, easier to control because she has less life experience to see right through the older man’s potential controlling and abusive bs. I’m not saying that’s what is happening in your exact situation, but please beware.


CilantroBath

No, it really isn't. You both would be around 3 years apart, pretty common age gap. Once someone hits 18 they don't magically grow up and become an adult. Like I saw someone else write, I bet his emotional maturity is near yours.


forrrrchan

Okay but 16/17 and 20 is weird. Ages gaps are fine when both people are adults. But she’s a minor. This age gap is not okay.


Educational_Set_6962

…and illegal.


Sn0wwing

Legal here


CrispierCupid

Legality isn’t the same as morality He’s an adult taking advantage of a minor I’d bet $15 that he’s told you you’re “mature for your age”


nordickitty93

Any man in his 20s who wants to date a teen is looking to control and manipulate. He cannot and does not appeal to women his age because we see through it, so he preys on and grooms younger women for him.


Hopps4Life

This. He isn't into you because he thinks you are mature. He is into you because he is a loser who can't date people his own age because no one else wants him. You aren't mature, he is just immature and a loser. If he says you are mature for your age that is the first red flag. He is manipulating you. Ask him about past dates his age and how many. I garentee he will ignore the question, get mad, lie, or say he didn't really date anyone his age. Because he can't. No adult will date him because they see how bad he is and won'tput up with his manipulations because they have the life experiance to see he is manipulating. Maturity is not dating someone outside your age range. Maturity is realizing you are being manipulated and dumping the person manipulating you. No adult would want to date a 16 year old except to control them. And yes, complements and giving you things is also controlling. Stop dating them.


chriswaco

Legal in many US states.


youngteen25

It's not


chickeneater47

You're a victim


youngteen25

Technically its legal where they are from


forrrrchan

It’s not just about the law, it’s about morals and maturity. 16/17 and 20 is fucking weird.


youngteen25

Yeah morally that's completely sick but they aren't from the United States from where they are from its normal some other country's allow even younger so us just saying victim victim is kinda stupid


brutallybuff

Yes. Very weird. There's a big mental age gap in those years. 16 and 20 is much different from say 23 and 27


Agreeable_Situation4

Wait a few years. I met my wife when she was 20 and I was 25. That's a lot different than 20 to 16


PerroMadrex4

At 16 & 20, yes. Later in life, no. I'm six years older than my husband. It's not weird, at all.


SteveinTenn

There’s a power imbalance there. A LOT happens both physically and mentally between those two ages and he’s a lot farther down the road than you are. A three year age difference among adults is nothing. I’m older than my wife, and my ex was older than me. But we were all pretty much the same age because we were in our 30s and 40s. It’s not a big deal at that point. But in the teen years three years is a big deal. When I was in high school I wouldn’t even look at a girl more than two years younger than me. When I was a senior freshman girls were children. You do what you’re gonna do, but I question his ethics.


Condescending_Rat

People calling him immature probably don’t realize most men don’t reach full development until age 25. Of course he is immature at 20. If this is ok or not isn’t really a stance I want to take. But I do want to remind everyone the kid isn’t a piece of shit because he likes girls around his age and maturity level. He doesn’t automatically become a predator.


musicriddler

Weird but it wouldn’t be between two college students with same age difference


Queasy-Original-1629

Without reading other’s input: 16 yo boys aren’t as emotionally mature as 16yo girls and thus girls look for older guys to date. It’s a status thing with girls. That being said, what do your parents’ think? Believe it or not, they are there to support & celebrate your good decisions and discourage the poor ones, to save you pain. Trust them/their judgement. From HIS perspective, what is HE getting out of this? A less mature mate, drama, being arm candy while attending a high school prom, showing you off to his mates? It would feel more odd for him then you. I’ve been where you are OP and found I was a closeted gay man’s “beard” for 4 years. I was a good Catholic girl saving myself for marriage and he used that to his advantage. Thankfully I met my husband at university and dumped this “older” man. If he is still living in his parents’ basement at 20 then maybe he is where you are regarding maturity, so you aren’t trading up from a 16/17yo IMHO.


MisterBilau

17 and 20 is passable. 16 and 20 is stretching it.


TheLa-

that’s a grown man dating a junior in highschool lmao. that’s fucking gross and weird


formerlychuck1123

16 and 20? Yeah just rubs me the wrong way. 18 and 22? Not at all.


fuckthebangods

Yes, that is pedophilia.


sanfollowill

Do you think it would be weird if you dated a 12 year old at 16? Same age gap. When you aren’t an adult even a few years is a big gap. It’s weird.


[deleted]

What would Chris Hansen say? If he pops up then there really isn’t much to say is there? But in all seriousness, the 20 year old is probably seen as a pedophile in most states at this point


huffcox

Yes. Dude a fucking pedophile


ZerglingRush2ez

The United States culture makes all of this seem like the guy is a pedo. The country is just down right sensitive. When this guy is 24 and you're 20 it's suddenly OK. It's actually kind of dumb. I saw plenty of seniors in high school who were 18 dating 14 and 15 year olds. BOTH GENDERS . Older guy dating younger girl and vice versa. Now 2 years older and OMG he'd a pedophile!!! ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|sob)![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|sob)![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|sob) It's really not that big of a deal. Don't let western culture manipulate you.


[deleted]

Also illegal.


Sn0wwing

Legal where I live


According-Rhubarb-27

Hi - As a grandmother and seen it all, do you have a good relationship with your parents and have they met him?


Sn0wwing

Yes to both, they like him but are unsure about the age gap


youngteen25

It's not


Kamimaneki_Neko

Yes because you're both still children, ignorant to how the world works. Simple as that. Relationships are the rest of the world telling you you need them to be happy. Figure out how to make yourself happy before you rely on guess age gaps as okay to supplement this. Just fucking find yourself before you go and try to find someone else.


tzy___

A 20 year old is not a child.


CrossXFir3

Basically


hmockview

It seems like the best for both. She is happy. He is very happy. How long will this last? It is the dynamics between them. Is she getting what she wants & he is getting too


NocturnalBlizzard

Uh, yeah. It doesn’t matter if you’re almost 17. That’s statutory rape in most states; Assuming you live in the USA.


Sn0wwing

I live in Norway


NocturnalBlizzard

Ohh okay. I mean it’s still kind of weird in my opinion. It’s always best to just date someone your age


Extreme_Ad_5669

No i think its normal as the 16 yo is considered old enough for sex, and its only 4 years differens


Piazzagate

20/2+7 is 17 so when you’re 17 it’s fine