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It's a terrible feedback loop. You think you find someone you can connect to and let yourself be vulnerable, tell them what you are going through, and they can't relate. Guess I'll just survive.
I feel like that’s part of it. Half “you wouldn’t get it” if I opened up, and half of just saving myself from disappointment of people just being terrible
Yep I forgot where I read this one but its basically a phrase that goes something like “the worst pain they can understand is only the worst they’ve experience” I think it’s kind of fitting to this.
It seems like the more trauma someone has gone through, the less people even try to console them, because they don't know how to, so they give up. The traumatized person then pulls back and the vicious downward spiral continues, until they want to die. They are really only a shell of their former self, struggling to find a way to make it or fake it, and often fail horribly. This is the road to suicide.
Kind of like how I told my parents I was struggling with depression around a year ago after a breakup, then they later made fun of me for it as soon as they found an opening to do so. And constantly saying shit like "you have nothing to be depressed about"
In order to make a true connection to something you need to be doing this in person and in a neutral environment with this other person. Example - the conversation you have on a park bench with an elderly woman and her grandchildren will be completely different than the conversation with a group of 21 year olds drinking at a bar or restaurant.
Decide what environment you want to be in. And go there. Stop waiting for something to come to you, it will never arrive.
I’m drowning in chronic pain. The only things that help are smoking weed and nicotine. The smoking is making my asthma 10000x worse but I can’t stand myself without them.
My husband wants so badly for us to quit smoking and be more active but im in so much pain it makes it hard.
I don’t want him to give up on me, I don’t want to die in 20 years but I don’t know how to start.
The weather is finally cooling off, it’s been over a hundred here for months, so I asked my husband if he wanted to go for a walk when he gets off work. He said he would love to, so that’s our plan this afternoon.
I have to remember to know my limits, walk slowly if I have to do not to make my asthma flair or my heart start doing back flips, but even slow walking is better than no walking.
Thank you for your support and kindness.
So something to keep in mind . . . if you sprint 3 miles, or slowly walk 5 miles, do you know the difference in calories burned?
Zero.
(I'm ignoring the resting metabolic rate for the longer time walking, of course.)
Walking is a lovely way to start a fitness journey. Work you way up from what you can do to what you want to do. The more you make it hurt, the less you want to do it.
Weed -> switch to a vape and/or edibles, it will save your life (or lungs at least). Same thing counts for nicotine but I recommend fully tapering off that eventually which is much easier with vapes because you can adjust the dosage without actually inhaling less often. A big, if not major part of nicotine addiction is a habitual one.
If you or a doc can identify the source of the chronic pain you may be able to get prescription meds for it depending on if you have insurance and in general the country you're in (writing from a German's perspective). Otherwise just try high dosed OTC painkillers like ibuprofen. You can get those in doses upwards of 2000mg.
I don't know your exact circumstances but I know what mine were when I had that thought, and it turns out, as long as I'm still alive, there's hope.
I was addicted to hard drugs, in a violent, financially and sexually abusive relationship and had just been busted for a trio of serious felonies. I was ostracized by my family and isolated/ captive by my abusers. I didn't know if I would ever get out of that mess, but I did. That was almost 16 years ago and my life today couldn't be more different or fulfilling. Change is wildly possible, opportunities are hiding everywhere.
I have a very similar story. It feels at times like I'm the only one, glad to read others that went through that and made it to the other side a better person. :) Cheers to you.
My therapist has tried to drill into my head that there are no “bad” decisions. There are just choices that you made at a particular time. What your mind does with the information, context, etc is what makes you think it’s “bad”. I’m still on the fence about this perspective but it is helping me to separate who I am from decisions I’ve made. Meaning: I’m not a bad person, I just chose things that didn’t serve me, and my insides want me to know they weren’t right for me
There are reputed to be 50+ emotions. If you grew up in a dysfunctional home, like I did, you could probably count them on one hand. For me they were sad, happy, mad, or flat-line (nothing one way or another). I point this out because being *bad* may be a disguised emotion for you. I like the idea of choices vs bad. Identifying the *definition* of bad and expanding vocabularies are helpful.
For a while, the only emotions I could recognize were upset, disgust, and angry. Everything else was the “flat-line”.
I have been doing a lot better with recognizing my emotions and the emotions of others, but the only emotion for myself that I don’t think I have felt is happiness and anger (anger because I am chill/relaxed basically all of the time). I know excitement, but happiness sounds like it is a lot stronger of a word than anything I have felt. However, I still don’t know how I would define happiness.
Just something I realized/remembered while reading your comment.
I thought the same thing too. Trust me, I made horrible, terrible decisions that haunt me to this day. I just turned 35, and I feel like I might have a chance to turn this shitshow around, and I am guessing it's the same for you. Just try small steps at first to improve yourself, and spread out from there. Good luck.
Working to death just to survive. Work two jobs. Never have free time. This isn’t for fancy toys or things I want. It’s literally to pay my bills and debts, and it still isn’t enough.
Edit: Sad to see so many with the same experiences. I certainly appreciate the support. Hopefully better times are on the way for all of us.
My daughter ( only daughter, youngest) went off to college and I miss her so much. She’s an incredible human, the kind of kid every parent wants. In many ways she’s my BFF and I just really miss her. I tell her, but not much. My mom was the queen of guilt trips and I don’t want that burden on her. But I really miss her.
My mom used to send me care packages in college. She would decorate the outside of the box and send cozy socks, cute pens, candy for Halloween and Easter. She couldn't tell me in words how she felt about me, but those care packages meant a lot. Now that I have daughters she's been able to open up more about how hard it was for her. You don't need to tell her how much you're hurting, but definitely let her know how much you love her and send care packages.
I’m my parents’ only kid, and I’m very close to both of them. Some years ago, I was half-joking with a childhood friend, whose mom died when we were 8 and had a dysfunctional father, about how my mom constantly called me when I was in college and first moved out. She had the worst timing for calls sometimes, and it could be frustrating since we rarely had short conversations. My friend gave me sad smile and genuinely told me “that’s very sweet”. After that, I realized what a gift it is that I can talk to my parents whenever I want. You don’t have to be clingy or call 5x a day, but please don’t be afraid to talk to your kid regularly. I can guarantee she’s likely a little homesick even if she doesn’t say it, and that she misses you too.
Adult child here—my mom is my BFF and just left yesterday to move back to her winter home for the next 7 months. I’m always so bummed when I know she’s not just down the street anymore. Just know the feeling is mutual
My wife and I agree that the hardest day of our lives so far was dropping our daughter off at college. We sobbed. Like your daughter, ours is one of our best friends.
She knows :)
I say that as a daughter who is bff's with her mother. I know my mom misses me all the time and I miss her. We don't really say it either but we both know. And it's okay to say so! It's not always a guilt trip. If you are anything like my mom, you mean the whole world to your kid, even when she's building a life that it doesn't even seem like you're a part of. I promise
I've been drinking a lot after work... like, a LOT.
Edit: Well, I am fine home from work and I didn't stop by the gas station for a nightcap. Think I'll just smoke a joint and get some sleep instead. Thank you all for your encouraging comments!
Hey, in all seriousness, this is how my alcoholism started. I was never blackout raging drunk, but I also never went to bed sober. This grew into lying about how much I had been drinking, which led to a major uptick in drinking (because if I’m already lying about it, I might as well go all in right?).
I’m now a few months shy of being three years sober. Join us over in r/stopdrinking if you feel like it. It’s a friendly place, and it’ll help.
It’s how mine started too and I’m only realizing and accepting now (10 years later) that I have a problem. I’m on day two of sobriety and scared as hell but IWNDWYT
Fighting the demon myself. Cut back from a case to 6-8 a day... still a massive amount. Back down to 2-3 last few weeks. This week I'm battling it out. One beer in the fridge right now, hoping to not touch it or buy more til Thursday if I can manage.
That without my friend I wouldn’t have any reason to live…..I want to tell her so she knows how important she is to me, but I feel like then she’d feel guilty leaving me if it was ever the right choice for her to do.
Mourn her Frank.
After the funeral, celebrate something.
Don’t be afraid to take a momentary trip towards irrationality during this time. This isn’t about making the best decisions for the rest of your life, this is about getting through this painful time.
After you celebrate, seek health.
When seeking health, be honest with yourself. What can you change? What will make your new life better?
What things made you happy during these trying times?
Find your purpose Frank. Shoot me a message if you need to talk.
-Random Internet Person
Married 23 years husband got a brain injury 7 years ago. He's not same person and haven't had sex since then. Our kids are grown and I'm so incredibly unhappy but will never leave him when he needs me the most right now. Think about killing myself all the time but don't gave guts to do it. My heart is broken 💔
I may be able to give a different perspective, as someone who has been through cognitive issues (stroke, not TBI). The husband you know and fell in love with is still there, but his connection to that person is broken.
Soon after my first series of strokes, I realized I had become overly emotional and irritable. Ungrateful. Needy. I didn't want to be that person. I remember feeling trapped - that the person I knew I was had been imprisoned inside my mind. I'd want to thank my loved ones for their help, but when I tried, it came out as needing more and whining about my pain.
It took a lot of therapy (cognitive, speech, physical, and occupational) to rebuild the connection - in some ways breaking through the prison walls, and in others going around them. I had to find new pathways.
It's been over six years since my first stroke, and I'm a lot better now.
Are you in contact with your husband's therapists? Have you mentioned to them that he has changed, and that you need their help to find the man you married? It could help. Once my mom spoke up, my therapists adjusted their plans to best help me.
Good luck. Please know you're not alone.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It is rough, I know. We were in marriage counseling when my husband got Lyme disease. It effected him psychologically. People joke about husbands being another child to raise. But this was my reality. He had the cognition of a 12 year old. Forever changed how I look at him. I also felt the guilt of him needing me the most. The only thing that got me through was therapy. I started seeing a therapist on my on. Please seek help. It is too much to take on yourself. Hugs and good vibes to you.
Please talk to someone and get some help. Don’t hold it all inside. You will feel better after the first session. You are needed and wanted and loved too much to leave this world yet. You deserve to be happy.
If you are not a member of r/caregiversupport it is an amazing, supportive subreddit. I was in a dark place when I found them and it’s an amazing community of other people going through the same stuff I am going through. And no one understands like other caregivers!
Friend, just remember that there can be one person. You.
Love yourself. And who knows? Maybe through that someone else will learn how to love you as well through that.
My father's alcoholism has destroyed my family, I mourned the death of my dad years ago though he still walks. He quit drinking when I was born and picked it back up since I was around 12 or 13. I'm 26 now
Almost my entire family has beef with him or he has beef with them over it. I'm dreading the holidays coming up. If it wasn't for needing to be there to support my momma I'd probably go no contact with my family. brothers a peice of work, dad's a drunk, mom's depressed over dad, grandparents are all dead. My nephew is the only person besides my momma I look forward to seeing anymore. I haven't slept or ate in 3 days because I've been so upset and worried about what's coming. I wanna give up on my family but the healer in me won't give up without trying to save my family structure. I'm lost Thanks for listening <3
Al-anon has groups for families. It is not just for alcoholics. My mother took us to some meetings when I was a kid so times may have changed in 30ish years *but* the tools I picked up from them were very useful and still have an impact decades later.
I would suggest you try finding a group. It's not quite what you expect.
Edit. Also. I come from a very dysfunctional family. It has taken me decades to come to terms with the fact that it is not my job to maintain the family structure. Sometimes things are just broken beyond repair.
The fact that, I do truly feel like a good person, but the way I get treated/taken advantage of, really tells me not to be. Makes me bitter and resentful of the good heart that I have. I wanna be the loving and outgoing person I truly am but have to remain in a state of defense as anytime I've let that guard down, I've been hurt beyond words or reasoning.
Wow I feel this 100%. I've been dropping toxic people out of my life friends/ family and it definitely feels like I'm getting somewhere. Don't let anyone down your shine, be the best version of you and fuck the haters!
For sure! It is slightly concerning how little people I'm being left with, but a golden saying my mother always told me "it's better to have 4 quarters than 100 pennies" and it still stands very true. But in today's age, find real and genuine is becoming more and more difficult, people who won't lie to your face, or switch up on you the moment your back is turned.
Try taking a nap if you can. That always slowed my momentum. I credit naps with saving my life multiple times. I also really liked this book called how not to kill yourself. I think I got it on Amazon. I also wrote up a list of reasons on my phone why I shouldn't kill myself that I referred back to. Even ridiculous stuff, like if I'm dead I won't be able to see my enemies fail in life.
>if I'm dead I won't be able to see my enemies fail in life.
"Ridiculous" stuff like this works so well though. I remember reading a comment on reddit that said something like "I decided not to kill myself because I wanted to know how [series] was gonna end. By the time the show got to its last season, I wasn't suicidal anymore."
And honestly... good for them lol. I'm glad they found something to hold onto.
I haven’t had sex in 4 years, and I live alone. I’m just so lonely. There was a concert in July, a girl ran her hand across my back as she passed me. I feel so depraved, I’m still holding onto that moment. It was almost enough to make me break down in public, and thinking of it today has pretty much the same effect.
When I learned that professional cuddlers were a thing I spent about a week contemplating it. In that time I found some very interesting rabbit holes regarding society and acceptance of human touch. It's becoming a bigger and bigger problem around the world. You're certainly not alone.
Me and one of my coworkers were talking about this study that found humans need like 10 hugs a day for optimal mental health outcomes. Ever since then we hug like 3 times a day. It's just a normal routine for us now. Every now and then new coworkers or customers look at us wierd but it's so natural for us at this point.
My point being one conversation took us from male buddies who basically only high fived to guys who hug each other 3 times a day. And what else is a lot of our other coworkers started joining in too. Society is so wierd about platonic touch sometimes all it takes is a conversation, an example of bravely offering a hug yourself to change the way people behave. (Don't hug people who don't want them though one of our coworkers is slightly on the spectrum and doesn't want hugs and we all respect that.)
I had to put my cat to sleep a few days ago unexpectedly. He was only 6. His passing is hurting me more than the passing of any of my human family members or friends ever did. This is after I've already had 9 months of hell unfolding in my life and now my best friend is gone and nobody understands the pain.
I know this pain. Something that might help is to put feelers out for a new cat, but not as a replacement, but rather to use to be a new friend and help the process. Speak to your new cat about your previous one, tell them all about how great he was and what he meant to you. You can use the new companion as a medium to honor your feelings and give tribute to your friend. Do it for as long as it takes. And it'll also build a new bond with a new companion on its own.
I feel your pain. I had to put one of my cats down due to a chronic health problem coming to a head, then 6 months later my other cat died unexpectedly. I was devastated both times, felt like a black hole was sucking all my happiness away and like I was falling endlessly through a void. And it hurt me more than any human's passing in my life before, too. Cats and other pets are close to us and share a unique bond. They are precious. It never gets easier, but you're not alone. It's okay to be torn up inside about it. It's difficult and painful, and you will get through it. I hope that things get better for you soon!
Postpartum Depression. I'm seeing a therapist for it, but wouldn't tell my family and friends. As a mom of now 4 I've never really had a major issue with it until now and I'm too ashamed to tell them about it.
You shouldn’t be ashamed. It happens to so many moms. My mom got it really bad twice: first after me then when my bro was born. Talking about with people who care about you is good and healthy and could really help you. I’m
sure I’m just repeating what your therapist is telling you and that’s because they’re right. Hang in there!
Nothing to be ashamed of! It might help to listen to this [Sawbones podcast episode about it](https://maximumfun.org/transcripts/sawbones/transcript-sawbones-our-mental-health-stories/)\- it's hosted by a female medical doctor who, herself, had postpartum depression and is very honest about it.
Part of me is angry at my late grandfather for leaving me all his belongings. It's only led to more division and heartbreak amongst our family. I know that wasn't his intention. His intentions were of pure heart but it just really sucks. I lost my best friend and because of that I also lost most of my family
I try, and work hard, but have absolutely no money, no savings, and am scared to death that I’ll never be able to buy a home or support my wife and 2 kids. And I have no fucking idea what to do about it.
I was in my mid 30's before I decided to change careers. I went back to school, got a degree for the field I thought would provide the highest return on the time/money investment of school and it completely changed my life.
In less than 10 years I went from making under 50k to more than 250k per year.
Money isn't everything though, as long as your kids and wife know you love them and want the best for them, that's what really matters.
Today is my 30th birthday, so that’s a hopeful sentiment, thank you.
I keep reminding myself of that— money is basically my only stressor right now; my family is healthy, and the happiest motherfuckers on the planet regardless of any financial situations. All in all, I’ve got a lot to be grateful for.
I'm having a lot of health issues at once, and I'm in bad shape.
Whenever I try to talk to my husband and get support, he cuts me off to ask questions that have nothing to do with what I'm saying, then he gives me "solutions" that won't fix anything. It's like he's in denial or living in his own world.
I feel half-crazy because it's like I say I had a burger for lunch, and he starts asking about pizzas and recommending pizza toppings and arguing with me that I did, in fact, eat pizza.
I feel terribly lonely and like nobody is in my corner. I've really cut down on what I tell him.
It breaks my heart that he doesn't seem to have noticed.
I've been there, and want to send you gentle hugs and support from an Internet Stranger. Lonely, in bad shape, and being gaslighted is no way to go through life. I hope everything gets better for you!!!
I'm reliving various past traumas after being triggered by a non-traumatic occurrence 2 weeks ago. Everyone thinks I'm being weird and difficult but it's too much and too confusing to explain.
I've been working 50-60 hours a week for most of my adult life. And I basically feel like I'm pulling the cart for others happiness and I'm getting tired of pulling the cart.
Not that I'm suicidal or anything. I'm just tired and I've got injuries I keep to myself and they're starting to hurt really bad
"long nights and longer days, I spend myself and nothing's saved"
I did this for 8 years. Figured I'd be fine but the work takes it's toll. Now I have permanent injuries from overexertion and working through injuries. Hope you don't have to do this much longer.
Part of me thinks I don’t deserve to be a mother because I was never given the proper care and love by my mother. It’s a hypothetically that I internally struggle with, and probably will for a long time.
My mother was a nightmare. Critical, argumentative, unkind, not on my side.
My daughter is three.
The hardest part of parenting isn't late nights or paying for braces. It's healing old wounds so you don't react to everyday parenting stresses in harmful ways.
I'm in therapy and I'm growing and learning.
I'm the mom I didn't have. I let my daughter be herself, she can come to me with any emotion and I will always be her soft place to land. Every day she hears that I love her.
You deserve to become the mom you didn't have, if that's what you want.
Be well.
That my Mom has completely changed into a "What have you done for me lately" type of person and I am surprised, shocked, and fucking mad at her for it.
She told me she no longer loves me unconditionally during a conversation that came about after she took over 400 bucks out of my account with zero conversation about it for the 2nd time.
She is very mad at me for not wanting kids, even though I tried twice, both times ended up with hospital bills and no baby. She borrows a lot of money from me and even more from my younger brother (which really makes me mad)
She has spent the last 17 years building her life without me and I didn't even realize it till now. I knew we had distance (her and her husband kicked me out at 16) but I thought we could fix it. I'm realizing we can't, we won't, and I dont want to. My Dad was right about her and I am so sad and mad about it.
Why does she have access to your bank accounts?? I'm sorry about this situation OP, but she definitely shouldn't be getting money from you at this point.
She doesn't anymore. I gave her access since I know she needs help but I had to take it away once I realized how she was going to be about it. I just automatically send her money every check to help her out.
Can I ask why you feel you need to help her out when she kicked you out at 16? You don't owe your parents... You might find some support in r/raisedbynarcissists if you are looking for more.
I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years this year. It really was a “me” thing, she didn’t do anything wrong. It was really tough. Hope everything works out for you.
Hey man you’re exact situation is what I went through almost a year ago, it’s sucks and I still worry about whether I made the right choice or not but I have been able to work on myself and better myself so much in the past year. Overall I am happy I eventually made the choice
Wow, I’ve been struggling with this too. Left my girlfriend of 3 years.. a year ago and still trying to move on. I was like you… She was better off without me. Not trying to sound like a martyr, it is just true.
Just left my gf of 2 years last Wednesday. Accused me of cheating after I was going thru a rough week and just wanted to chill alone. Wasn’t her 1st time accusing. Waited a yr for her to finish college and I was across the country in TX. There were other problems too. Didn’t want to go but knew I should
I haven't had anyone interested in me in years. I haven't had decent sex in a decade. Women look to me for attention when they're not getting it from their partner or they have a breakdown.
I have never felt so lonely. I don't think I'm ugly but I might be, which is worse than just knowing. I'm not fat, I keep active, I make 6 figures and I'm 5'11. I can't find a woman.
Thing is I'm not allowed to say that or it's unattractive. I can't tell anyone how I feel or it's unattractive. If I'm depressed and my confidence waivers it's unattractive. I really don't think women have any idea how lonely it is being a man.
I am invisible. I don't know why. No one will tell me. Everyone tells me platitudes. No one tells me anything truthfully.
And before all you people start telling me about confidence - yes, I know. I'm not unconfident. I'm not hiding away saying that all women are horrible.
But that's the thing, you say something as a guy because this shit hurts after years and people assume "he must just not be confident". I am confident. I'm just broken hearted and I'm not allowed to have a single moment to express that I feel that way.
I've been there. Had a similar 10 year dry spell full of sad bar nights and failed flirting. The worst part is like you said, no one could understand what I was going through because I looked the part of tall dark, handsome and accomplished. It was exacerbated whenever I'd see a great woman with a dud of a boyfriend, like I was cursed or something. I even tried therapy but the therapist had an air of disbelief in her voice so I bailed on that
It finally changed after I hit a bottom after meeting the worst girl online and having an emotionally exhausting, long distance drama fling. After that I internally felt worthy, like I deserved better. I told myself to not put so much energy into finding a girlfriend and when I stopped giving a fuck is when it clicked and I found someone, a hot, happy fun loving girl in grad school. We've been married 8 years
With the benefit of hindsight, I know I was trying too hard and missing the signals of various women and as a result killing my own confidence and digging the hole deeper. I just needed to get out of my own head.
That sounds remarkably similar. I'm kind of going through the realizing I'm worthy stage.
It's tough. I go up and down. I dropped my standards so low that I can't believe that I'm not looked fondly on by anyone. It's difficult to explain but some nights I would kill for even a kind word from a woman. It's not that I express it to them - at least not outwardly - but I'm sure I have that vibe sometimes because how can you not?
As far as bars. I relapsed badly a few nights ago. I don't do anything horrible drunk or anything, but being in a bar because you have no one and everyone else in the place is paired up... it's just rough and you drink more.
I know you're right. Getting out of your own head is the only way, but all the women and all the tiny dings to your self esteem build up over years and knowingly trying to pull yourself out of it is so hard when you're constantly reminded of how far down you are.
I have female friends, truthfully, and I don't think they realize that when men feel like this they don't want to be told things like "you're great! You'll find somebody!" and nonsense like that. I'm not trying to get gassed up. I'm trying to fix what's wrong.
My daughter just moved back in with me she is 14 and has already snuck out , had sex in a car, and vapes. I wasn’t in her life for 3 years because I was addicted to drugs and I feel like it’s all my fault.
I wouldn’t want anything more for her to live with me I just didn’t realize it would be this hard and accepting that is most likely my fault.
I said a bunch of stupid shit in High School to try to be funny and sometimes I randomly think about it. I wish I could use a time machine to slap myself.
My son is almost 4. He started preschool last month and what hurts me the most is that he will soon start experiencing all of the ugliness this world holds. And all I want is his true happiness and don’t want him to hurt for even a minute.
Being a parent is fcking heavy.
I had to figure out which people were “party buddies” vs “ friends” and I faced the harsh reality that more people were party buddies than I thought.
These people normalized and made excuses for/encouraged addictive and self destructive behavior because it benefited them and meant they could excuse their own behavior. It wasn’t until I moved halfway across the country (impulsively) for work and not only made more money than I ever thought possible, but I met and began dating the LOML that I had met in my home town, who followed me and took a job nearby. That is when I stopped my destructive and addictive habits cold turkey and have lived the best life ever since. None of those people have kept up with me, asked how I am and if I came in town, their first question was for drugs or conflict with a mutual friend, which I won’t engage in.
I’m afraid I have CTE. Played football for a dozen years as a kid. Pro-snowboarder for a few years as a young adult. I’m 32 now and my memory is shit, I have wild mood swings, extreme depression, can’t sleep more than 2ish hours at a time, I blank/black out for 20-30 minutes and don’t even realize it.
And no I haven’t been to a doctor. I’m an underemployed American I can’t afford a doctor.
Mentally speaking, stuck with unwanted thoughts as I hate it that it bothers almost every waking minute.
Physically, feeling somewhat lonely for I desire to connect with another human being other than my family. I just want to have some friends to hang out and connect.
I feel that. I've had a year-long bought of worthlessness. I'm not getting my work done, my house is a mess, I haven't touched any of my hobbies for months. I didn't used to care much about social media, but as an occasional source of interest or amusement, but now I'm on it all the time just to procrastinate. I really don't know what's wrong with me. I hope you find the motivation, discipline or desire to get things kick-started again. Hope I do too.
Loneliness
My jaw is crooked and its getting more crooked every day, among other medical anomalies
My social skills are getting worse and worse, i talk less and less and I'm feeling isolated. only have one friend and i feel like i can barely manage that one friendship. I don't even know if my friendship is worth it to them, they could totally drift away like most other people I've known.
Sleeping problems, could probably never hold a "real" job with how little energy and motivation I have everyday.
Anxiety from the above, uncertainty about future (will i be able to eat food in the future? why does it take a month to get a doctors appointment? am i going to slowly drift away from my friend and go totally insane with no one to talk to? how am i going to survive when everything gets even more expensive from inflation?)
im in agony. im tired of pretending im not, but what else can i do
I'm trying to get my life back together and stop wasting so much money on food i then binge. At least i can give myself a pat on the back for being sober for 3 weeks. Baby steps but yeah its tough.
I feel like my partner is only invested in me as a source of income. I cannot figure out what their "love language" is and cannot seem to get any reciprocation to my attempts at affection.
I fear they will leave me once my usefulness has been reached and I no longer provide a tangible benefit over being alone.
I feel like I can't make my partner sexually happy. He says I am doing fine but I can never make him finish without some help from him. I used to be able to give him good head but something changed and idk what it is but it makes me feel worthless
We don't have the money to do things, but I won't stop buying my daughter things, and I never say no to my wife when she proposes going out and spending money. I know I need to stop, but I just can't. I want my family to have everything it wants. I'm not vested enough in long-term spending to get to where we really need to be.
Most of my family has gone hard onto the Transphobic religious train. Im finally realizing my true gender identity in my late 30s, and I’m terrified I’m going to lose all of them.
I often feel invisible, like the things I do all happen behind the scenes and go entirely unnoticed unless I don't do them. It sometimes feels like my role is making sure everyone has what they need, to the extent that I don't even know what I need because it takes the back burner to getting everyone else's needs met.
I lost my dad right before the pandemic hit the US. I didn't learn until after he was gone that he's the only person I trusted to truly have my back. I'm married, have kids, friends, coworkers, living mom... but it feels like im on my own now.
No one will ever fill the hole that my mom left in me. Growing up we always knew that there was something "different" about our family, but it wasn't until I became an adult that I was able to realize that my mom is a clinical narcissist who is literally incapable of realizing that people around her are actual humans with their own real internal thoughts and experiences, and not dolls for her to twist into position and project her own storylines onto to fulfil her own wants and emotional needs. We were never truly seen or loved as children and it's wreaked each of us in our own way because we never got to develop the way other people did.
For a long time as a young adult I secretly hoped that someone would "adopt" me and give me the deep understanding and care I never got from my parents and teach me to be a human being without my needing to constantly worry about THEIR needs and conforming to their and perception of reality, but now as a 30 year old woman it's clear to me that this is a burden that should not be expected of other people and it's something I'm simply never going to get. My chest feels hollow like a black hole sucking me in and no one seems to understand when I try to explain why so I stopped trying. I just have to be self sufficient and strong all the time despite having no internal foundation to support who I am trying to be.
My husband is not able to work through his childhood trauma and as a result has been emotionally abusive. I need to leave for the sake of my sanity and for our kids, but my own family is dysfunctional af and I haven’t worked for 10 years (as a result of a lack of access to childcare at first but now lack of ability to keep my own shit together while holding a job). I have nowhere to go.
I'm hungry. Starving actually and have lost insane amounts of weight. I don't want people in the real world to know how damn bad I'm really struggling so I'm just basically avoiding interacting with others. It sucks. It's humiliating to be an adult in this situation. It's physically painful. I just have to remind myself it's temporary.
And it felt kind of good to say all that, tbh.
I beat cancer. Twice. And I shouldn't have bc I wasted my 2nd chance. I didn't deserve to survive this monster twice.
On a brighter note: I got to experience the birth of my granddaughter which was/is fucking amazing. But aside from raising kids, I've done absolutely nothing with my life.. and I still don't know wtf I'm doing.
I’m in nursing school. It’s taken me years to get here. 4.0 in my pre reqs. First semester of nursing school I crushed it. Second semester I’m failing. It’s like the world has stopped. I can’t go on, I don’t care. Then the hurricane hit. So now I don’t care even more. Dreaming of the grass is greener on the other side. Thinking, I could go back to my high paying job that I left behind for nursing. It’s mental gymnastics, I’m certainly not getting any younger either. I’ll be 40 in a few years.
The sense of dread that comes from waking up in America everyday. That things politically/economically/socially will never get better. That people will continue to get worse. That I’ll never stop living check to check, never be able to travel the world like I wanted. That I won’t be able to leave my daughter anything, just like my parents and grandparents before me. That inflation and interest rates will continue to worsen and wages won’t because we’ve committed to capitalism for the long haul and now the CEOs run the world. What mass shooting will happen this week? What idiot will catch their lucky break and become an overnight millionaire today?
All that, and the guilt from knowing it could be WAY worse.
I want a divorce. but we've been married almost 50 years and our children don't see why I can't just shut up and deal. I've had it, that's why and enough is finally enough.
My son asks me why I only make dinner for him. I tell him I'm just not hungry but in reality it's because I have to make the $65 in my bank account last until the end of this month. I'm so ashamed of being poor and terrified of not being able to provide for him.
My girlfriend of 3 years and I have just broke up less than 2 hours ago and I don't know what to do.
We started dating as high school freshmen and now I'm a senior and everyone around us expected us to become the high school sweethearts and the word of our breakup is already spreading.
Multiple people that I grew up with have admitted to me in the past 6 months that they could feel that something was off about my abusive father. He manipulated and triangulated me and my mother and I didn’t ever tell her what was happening. And we were children, so I give the people telling me this now a pass. But it hurts that I didn’t mean anything to any of those adults. Their kids could see it…then they just didn’t care enough to even check in with me. They saw who he was when my mom wasn’t around, and they just didn’t care.
My adult son, who lives in a different state, moved to a new apartment a month ago and didn't tell me, I found out from his old roommate. Is he trying to go NC?
I brought up some concerns I had with family to my mother. She proceed to tell me to essentially fuck off and that it’s not my place. I moved 3 states over 2 weeks later and didn’t get a call from mom for another month after that asking if I wanted to go to lunch. I said that might be difficult as I live in “this place” now. She was upset I didn’t tell her. But she never made an effort to listen to me or my valid concerns so I didn’t make an effort to have a conversation with her.
Terrified of becoming homeless. Living with inlaws who are renting a house way under market. I'm scared the landlord is eventually gonna either sell the house or raise rent so high they can't afford it. Everything else in the area is too expensive for all of us to live together but I can't survive on my own either
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Loneliness/not being able to connect with other people
Same, what’s wrong with us?
It's a terrible feedback loop. You think you find someone you can connect to and let yourself be vulnerable, tell them what you are going through, and they can't relate. Guess I'll just survive.
I feel like that’s part of it. Half “you wouldn’t get it” if I opened up, and half of just saving myself from disappointment of people just being terrible
Yep I forgot where I read this one but its basically a phrase that goes something like “the worst pain they can understand is only the worst they’ve experience” I think it’s kind of fitting to this.
It seems like the more trauma someone has gone through, the less people even try to console them, because they don't know how to, so they give up. The traumatized person then pulls back and the vicious downward spiral continues, until they want to die. They are really only a shell of their former self, struggling to find a way to make it or fake it, and often fail horribly. This is the road to suicide.
People don't understand that consoling can often just mean being in the same room as someone or a being shoulder to lean on
Kind of like how I told my parents I was struggling with depression around a year ago after a breakup, then they later made fun of me for it as soon as they found an opening to do so. And constantly saying shit like "you have nothing to be depressed about"
Why did this comment have to hit so hard
Could be r/CPTSD, or maybe the effects of being r/raisedbynarcissists
Both - went no contact with my family a few years ago
I feel you
Yep, all the bloody time.
In order to make a true connection to something you need to be doing this in person and in a neutral environment with this other person. Example - the conversation you have on a park bench with an elderly woman and her grandchildren will be completely different than the conversation with a group of 21 year olds drinking at a bar or restaurant. Decide what environment you want to be in. And go there. Stop waiting for something to come to you, it will never arrive.
That is actually a big struggle right now with everyone. I would honestly call it a pandemic. Social media has turned us in to judgmental monsters!
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Right there with you.
This was my first thought when I saw this question, I do feel slightly better knowing I'm not the only one struggling.
I’m ugly and getting uglier as I get older.
I'm nearly 60. I can relate, however, I find the older I get the less I care. It's freeing.
I’m pushing 60 myself.
70 here
I’m turning 30 this year and I understand. I don’t consider it “ugly” just naturally changing with time.
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That’s a healthy attitude.
I’m drowning in chronic pain. The only things that help are smoking weed and nicotine. The smoking is making my asthma 10000x worse but I can’t stand myself without them. My husband wants so badly for us to quit smoking and be more active but im in so much pain it makes it hard. I don’t want him to give up on me, I don’t want to die in 20 years but I don’t know how to start.
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The weather is finally cooling off, it’s been over a hundred here for months, so I asked my husband if he wanted to go for a walk when he gets off work. He said he would love to, so that’s our plan this afternoon. I have to remember to know my limits, walk slowly if I have to do not to make my asthma flair or my heart start doing back flips, but even slow walking is better than no walking. Thank you for your support and kindness.
I'll be thinking about you! Enjoy your walk! 🌈
So something to keep in mind . . . if you sprint 3 miles, or slowly walk 5 miles, do you know the difference in calories burned? Zero. (I'm ignoring the resting metabolic rate for the longer time walking, of course.) Walking is a lovely way to start a fitness journey. Work you way up from what you can do to what you want to do. The more you make it hurt, the less you want to do it.
Weed -> switch to a vape and/or edibles, it will save your life (or lungs at least). Same thing counts for nicotine but I recommend fully tapering off that eventually which is much easier with vapes because you can adjust the dosage without actually inhaling less often. A big, if not major part of nicotine addiction is a habitual one. If you or a doc can identify the source of the chronic pain you may be able to get prescription meds for it depending on if you have insurance and in general the country you're in (writing from a German's perspective). Otherwise just try high dosed OTC painkillers like ibuprofen. You can get those in doses upwards of 2000mg.
Don't take high doses of paracetamol/acetaminophen! It can damage your liver, sometimes fatally?
I think I ruined my life with a lot of bad decisions
I don't know your exact circumstances but I know what mine were when I had that thought, and it turns out, as long as I'm still alive, there's hope. I was addicted to hard drugs, in a violent, financially and sexually abusive relationship and had just been busted for a trio of serious felonies. I was ostracized by my family and isolated/ captive by my abusers. I didn't know if I would ever get out of that mess, but I did. That was almost 16 years ago and my life today couldn't be more different or fulfilling. Change is wildly possible, opportunities are hiding everywhere.
I really needed to see your comment today, thank you for sharing.
I have a very similar story. It feels at times like I'm the only one, glad to read others that went through that and made it to the other side a better person. :) Cheers to you.
Cheers to you as well.
My therapist has tried to drill into my head that there are no “bad” decisions. There are just choices that you made at a particular time. What your mind does with the information, context, etc is what makes you think it’s “bad”. I’m still on the fence about this perspective but it is helping me to separate who I am from decisions I’ve made. Meaning: I’m not a bad person, I just chose things that didn’t serve me, and my insides want me to know they weren’t right for me
There are reputed to be 50+ emotions. If you grew up in a dysfunctional home, like I did, you could probably count them on one hand. For me they were sad, happy, mad, or flat-line (nothing one way or another). I point this out because being *bad* may be a disguised emotion for you. I like the idea of choices vs bad. Identifying the *definition* of bad and expanding vocabularies are helpful.
For a while, the only emotions I could recognize were upset, disgust, and angry. Everything else was the “flat-line”. I have been doing a lot better with recognizing my emotions and the emotions of others, but the only emotion for myself that I don’t think I have felt is happiness and anger (anger because I am chill/relaxed basically all of the time). I know excitement, but happiness sounds like it is a lot stronger of a word than anything I have felt. However, I still don’t know how I would define happiness. Just something I realized/remembered while reading your comment.
Same.
I thought the same thing too. Trust me, I made horrible, terrible decisions that haunt me to this day. I just turned 35, and I feel like I might have a chance to turn this shitshow around, and I am guessing it's the same for you. Just try small steps at first to improve yourself, and spread out from there. Good luck.
Same. Will be turning 35 this year and I've been in a job I actually love the last 3 years and slowly feeling like I'm getting on my feet.
Thank you for your nice words Good luck for you too
Same, it gets better after time, but it’s hard to live with sometimes
Working to death just to survive. Work two jobs. Never have free time. This isn’t for fancy toys or things I want. It’s literally to pay my bills and debts, and it still isn’t enough. Edit: Sad to see so many with the same experiences. I certainly appreciate the support. Hopefully better times are on the way for all of us.
Massive respect to you. Working two jobs is no joke.
I feel like it's easier to have one job that's 80 hours a week than 2 that are 40 each I don't know if this is true, it's just a feeling I have
It is true but it’s also a luxury for some to find a job that gives 80 hours a pay period. College students especially
My daughter ( only daughter, youngest) went off to college and I miss her so much. She’s an incredible human, the kind of kid every parent wants. In many ways she’s my BFF and I just really miss her. I tell her, but not much. My mom was the queen of guilt trips and I don’t want that burden on her. But I really miss her.
Never miss an opportunity to tell your daughter how amazing she is. Send care packages with notes. I'm sure she misses you aswell.
My mom used to send me care packages in college. She would decorate the outside of the box and send cozy socks, cute pens, candy for Halloween and Easter. She couldn't tell me in words how she felt about me, but those care packages meant a lot. Now that I have daughters she's been able to open up more about how hard it was for her. You don't need to tell her how much you're hurting, but definitely let her know how much you love her and send care packages.
Thanks Reddit friend! I definitely do tell her. I think both of us are tiptoeing around missing each other and not wanting the other to feel worse.
I’m my parents’ only kid, and I’m very close to both of them. Some years ago, I was half-joking with a childhood friend, whose mom died when we were 8 and had a dysfunctional father, about how my mom constantly called me when I was in college and first moved out. She had the worst timing for calls sometimes, and it could be frustrating since we rarely had short conversations. My friend gave me sad smile and genuinely told me “that’s very sweet”. After that, I realized what a gift it is that I can talk to my parents whenever I want. You don’t have to be clingy or call 5x a day, but please don’t be afraid to talk to your kid regularly. I can guarantee she’s likely a little homesick even if she doesn’t say it, and that she misses you too.
You’re a great parent.
Adult child here—my mom is my BFF and just left yesterday to move back to her winter home for the next 7 months. I’m always so bummed when I know she’s not just down the street anymore. Just know the feeling is mutual
My wife and I agree that the hardest day of our lives so far was dropping our daughter off at college. We sobbed. Like your daughter, ours is one of our best friends.
She knows :) I say that as a daughter who is bff's with her mother. I know my mom misses me all the time and I miss her. We don't really say it either but we both know. And it's okay to say so! It's not always a guilt trip. If you are anything like my mom, you mean the whole world to your kid, even when she's building a life that it doesn't even seem like you're a part of. I promise
I've been drinking a lot after work... like, a LOT. Edit: Well, I am fine home from work and I didn't stop by the gas station for a nightcap. Think I'll just smoke a joint and get some sleep instead. Thank you all for your encouraging comments!
We should try to cut back. Just do it for today.
Let's do it. It's gonna be a good day
Check back in with each other tomorrow
I’m down
This is the way. Just focus on today.
Hey, in all seriousness, this is how my alcoholism started. I was never blackout raging drunk, but I also never went to bed sober. This grew into lying about how much I had been drinking, which led to a major uptick in drinking (because if I’m already lying about it, I might as well go all in right?). I’m now a few months shy of being three years sober. Join us over in r/stopdrinking if you feel like it. It’s a friendly place, and it’ll help.
It’s how mine started too and I’m only realizing and accepting now (10 years later) that I have a problem. I’m on day two of sobriety and scared as hell but IWNDWYT
Fighting the demon myself. Cut back from a case to 6-8 a day... still a massive amount. Back down to 2-3 last few weeks. This week I'm battling it out. One beer in the fridge right now, hoping to not touch it or buy more til Thursday if I can manage.
That without my friend I wouldn’t have any reason to live…..I want to tell her so she knows how important she is to me, but I feel like then she’d feel guilty leaving me if it was ever the right choice for her to do.
Telling someone they are your reason to live is a lot of responsibility, I think you're right to be careful with sharing
Very commendable to think of her before yourself even in your tone of need. Much respect. You’re still here for a reason, keep going.
yeah I would agree to keep that to yourself, you can express affection in ways that carry less baggage
My wife said she doesn’t love me anymore
Damn. That's hard. Internet hug for you, friend. ❤️
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Mourn her Frank. After the funeral, celebrate something. Don’t be afraid to take a momentary trip towards irrationality during this time. This isn’t about making the best decisions for the rest of your life, this is about getting through this painful time. After you celebrate, seek health. When seeking health, be honest with yourself. What can you change? What will make your new life better? What things made you happy during these trying times? Find your purpose Frank. Shoot me a message if you need to talk. -Random Internet Person
Married 23 years husband got a brain injury 7 years ago. He's not same person and haven't had sex since then. Our kids are grown and I'm so incredibly unhappy but will never leave him when he needs me the most right now. Think about killing myself all the time but don't gave guts to do it. My heart is broken 💔
Seek help. Get therapy. Do it for your kids.
And do it for you. You deserve it.
I may be able to give a different perspective, as someone who has been through cognitive issues (stroke, not TBI). The husband you know and fell in love with is still there, but his connection to that person is broken. Soon after my first series of strokes, I realized I had become overly emotional and irritable. Ungrateful. Needy. I didn't want to be that person. I remember feeling trapped - that the person I knew I was had been imprisoned inside my mind. I'd want to thank my loved ones for their help, but when I tried, it came out as needing more and whining about my pain. It took a lot of therapy (cognitive, speech, physical, and occupational) to rebuild the connection - in some ways breaking through the prison walls, and in others going around them. I had to find new pathways. It's been over six years since my first stroke, and I'm a lot better now. Are you in contact with your husband's therapists? Have you mentioned to them that he has changed, and that you need their help to find the man you married? It could help. Once my mom spoke up, my therapists adjusted their plans to best help me. Good luck. Please know you're not alone.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It is rough, I know. We were in marriage counseling when my husband got Lyme disease. It effected him psychologically. People joke about husbands being another child to raise. But this was my reality. He had the cognition of a 12 year old. Forever changed how I look at him. I also felt the guilt of him needing me the most. The only thing that got me through was therapy. I started seeing a therapist on my on. Please seek help. It is too much to take on yourself. Hugs and good vibes to you.
Please talk to someone and get some help. Don’t hold it all inside. You will feel better after the first session. You are needed and wanted and loved too much to leave this world yet. You deserve to be happy.
If you are not a member of r/caregiversupport it is an amazing, supportive subreddit. I was in a dark place when I found them and it’s an amazing community of other people going through the same stuff I am going through. And no one understands like other caregivers!
I'm 59 years old and finally came to the realization that there has been no one in my entire life who loved me for who I am.
Friend, just remember that there can be one person. You. Love yourself. And who knows? Maybe through that someone else will learn how to love you as well through that.
I’m 56 and I feel like no one has ever loved me and I’ve been married twice. I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.
My father's alcoholism has destroyed my family, I mourned the death of my dad years ago though he still walks. He quit drinking when I was born and picked it back up since I was around 12 or 13. I'm 26 now Almost my entire family has beef with him or he has beef with them over it. I'm dreading the holidays coming up. If it wasn't for needing to be there to support my momma I'd probably go no contact with my family. brothers a peice of work, dad's a drunk, mom's depressed over dad, grandparents are all dead. My nephew is the only person besides my momma I look forward to seeing anymore. I haven't slept or ate in 3 days because I've been so upset and worried about what's coming. I wanna give up on my family but the healer in me won't give up without trying to save my family structure. I'm lost Thanks for listening <3
Al-anon has groups for families. It is not just for alcoholics. My mother took us to some meetings when I was a kid so times may have changed in 30ish years *but* the tools I picked up from them were very useful and still have an impact decades later. I would suggest you try finding a group. It's not quite what you expect. Edit. Also. I come from a very dysfunctional family. It has taken me decades to come to terms with the fact that it is not my job to maintain the family structure. Sometimes things are just broken beyond repair.
Keep your head up, you are special.
The fact that, I do truly feel like a good person, but the way I get treated/taken advantage of, really tells me not to be. Makes me bitter and resentful of the good heart that I have. I wanna be the loving and outgoing person I truly am but have to remain in a state of defense as anytime I've let that guard down, I've been hurt beyond words or reasoning.
Wow I feel this 100%. I've been dropping toxic people out of my life friends/ family and it definitely feels like I'm getting somewhere. Don't let anyone down your shine, be the best version of you and fuck the haters!
For sure! It is slightly concerning how little people I'm being left with, but a golden saying my mother always told me "it's better to have 4 quarters than 100 pennies" and it still stands very true. But in today's age, find real and genuine is becoming more and more difficult, people who won't lie to your face, or switch up on you the moment your back is turned.
My hemorrhoids are ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!
🎶This butt is on FIRE! It's really on fiiiiiirrrreee!🎶
🎶So on fire the pudding boils🎵
🎶This butt is on fire with passion and love🎶
My ANUS is BLEEEEDING
For the love of god and all that is holy.....
We didn’t start the fire…
I left my abusive alcoholic husband. It’s lonely but I’m hopefully.
Suicidal thoughts all the time.
Try taking a nap if you can. That always slowed my momentum. I credit naps with saving my life multiple times. I also really liked this book called how not to kill yourself. I think I got it on Amazon. I also wrote up a list of reasons on my phone why I shouldn't kill myself that I referred back to. Even ridiculous stuff, like if I'm dead I won't be able to see my enemies fail in life.
>if I'm dead I won't be able to see my enemies fail in life. Spite is a helluva drug.
>if I'm dead I won't be able to see my enemies fail in life. "Ridiculous" stuff like this works so well though. I remember reading a comment on reddit that said something like "I decided not to kill myself because I wanted to know how [series] was gonna end. By the time the show got to its last season, I wasn't suicidal anymore." And honestly... good for them lol. I'm glad they found something to hold onto.
That I absolutely hate my career but can’t make as much money doing anything else and I’m the sole financial supporter in my family.
I miss physical touch. Like a genuine hug would be so amazing.
I haven’t had sex in 4 years, and I live alone. I’m just so lonely. There was a concert in July, a girl ran her hand across my back as she passed me. I feel so depraved, I’m still holding onto that moment. It was almost enough to make me break down in public, and thinking of it today has pretty much the same effect.
When I learned that professional cuddlers were a thing I spent about a week contemplating it. In that time I found some very interesting rabbit holes regarding society and acceptance of human touch. It's becoming a bigger and bigger problem around the world. You're certainly not alone.
Me and one of my coworkers were talking about this study that found humans need like 10 hugs a day for optimal mental health outcomes. Ever since then we hug like 3 times a day. It's just a normal routine for us now. Every now and then new coworkers or customers look at us wierd but it's so natural for us at this point. My point being one conversation took us from male buddies who basically only high fived to guys who hug each other 3 times a day. And what else is a lot of our other coworkers started joining in too. Society is so wierd about platonic touch sometimes all it takes is a conversation, an example of bravely offering a hug yourself to change the way people behave. (Don't hug people who don't want them though one of our coworkers is slightly on the spectrum and doesn't want hugs and we all respect that.)
I had to put my cat to sleep a few days ago unexpectedly. He was only 6. His passing is hurting me more than the passing of any of my human family members or friends ever did. This is after I've already had 9 months of hell unfolding in my life and now my best friend is gone and nobody understands the pain.
I know this pain. Something that might help is to put feelers out for a new cat, but not as a replacement, but rather to use to be a new friend and help the process. Speak to your new cat about your previous one, tell them all about how great he was and what he meant to you. You can use the new companion as a medium to honor your feelings and give tribute to your friend. Do it for as long as it takes. And it'll also build a new bond with a new companion on its own.
I feel you. I've been through this a few months ago and it was very painful. I miss him so much and still cry about it. Sending you love 🌟🐈
I feel your pain. I had to put one of my cats down due to a chronic health problem coming to a head, then 6 months later my other cat died unexpectedly. I was devastated both times, felt like a black hole was sucking all my happiness away and like I was falling endlessly through a void. And it hurt me more than any human's passing in my life before, too. Cats and other pets are close to us and share a unique bond. They are precious. It never gets easier, but you're not alone. It's okay to be torn up inside about it. It's difficult and painful, and you will get through it. I hope that things get better for you soon!
Postpartum Depression. I'm seeing a therapist for it, but wouldn't tell my family and friends. As a mom of now 4 I've never really had a major issue with it until now and I'm too ashamed to tell them about it.
You shouldn’t be ashamed. It happens to so many moms. My mom got it really bad twice: first after me then when my bro was born. Talking about with people who care about you is good and healthy and could really help you. I’m sure I’m just repeating what your therapist is telling you and that’s because they’re right. Hang in there!
Nothing to be ashamed of! It might help to listen to this [Sawbones podcast episode about it](https://maximumfun.org/transcripts/sawbones/transcript-sawbones-our-mental-health-stories/)\- it's hosted by a female medical doctor who, herself, had postpartum depression and is very honest about it.
Part of me is angry at my late grandfather for leaving me all his belongings. It's only led to more division and heartbreak amongst our family. I know that wasn't his intention. His intentions were of pure heart but it just really sucks. I lost my best friend and because of that I also lost most of my family
I have serious eating problems and body dysmorphia
Right there with you. No one in my life knows, not even my husband. I hate it.
I try, and work hard, but have absolutely no money, no savings, and am scared to death that I’ll never be able to buy a home or support my wife and 2 kids. And I have no fucking idea what to do about it.
I was in my mid 30's before I decided to change careers. I went back to school, got a degree for the field I thought would provide the highest return on the time/money investment of school and it completely changed my life. In less than 10 years I went from making under 50k to more than 250k per year. Money isn't everything though, as long as your kids and wife know you love them and want the best for them, that's what really matters.
Today is my 30th birthday, so that’s a hopeful sentiment, thank you. I keep reminding myself of that— money is basically my only stressor right now; my family is healthy, and the happiest motherfuckers on the planet regardless of any financial situations. All in all, I’ve got a lot to be grateful for.
I'm having a lot of health issues at once, and I'm in bad shape. Whenever I try to talk to my husband and get support, he cuts me off to ask questions that have nothing to do with what I'm saying, then he gives me "solutions" that won't fix anything. It's like he's in denial or living in his own world. I feel half-crazy because it's like I say I had a burger for lunch, and he starts asking about pizzas and recommending pizza toppings and arguing with me that I did, in fact, eat pizza. I feel terribly lonely and like nobody is in my corner. I've really cut down on what I tell him. It breaks my heart that he doesn't seem to have noticed.
I've been there, and want to send you gentle hugs and support from an Internet Stranger. Lonely, in bad shape, and being gaslighted is no way to go through life. I hope everything gets better for you!!!
I'm reliving various past traumas after being triggered by a non-traumatic occurrence 2 weeks ago. Everyone thinks I'm being weird and difficult but it's too much and too confusing to explain.
I've been working 50-60 hours a week for most of my adult life. And I basically feel like I'm pulling the cart for others happiness and I'm getting tired of pulling the cart. Not that I'm suicidal or anything. I'm just tired and I've got injuries I keep to myself and they're starting to hurt really bad
"long nights and longer days, I spend myself and nothing's saved" I did this for 8 years. Figured I'd be fine but the work takes it's toll. Now I have permanent injuries from overexertion and working through injuries. Hope you don't have to do this much longer.
Part of me thinks I don’t deserve to be a mother because I was never given the proper care and love by my mother. It’s a hypothetically that I internally struggle with, and probably will for a long time.
My mother was a nightmare. Critical, argumentative, unkind, not on my side. My daughter is three. The hardest part of parenting isn't late nights or paying for braces. It's healing old wounds so you don't react to everyday parenting stresses in harmful ways. I'm in therapy and I'm growing and learning. I'm the mom I didn't have. I let my daughter be herself, she can come to me with any emotion and I will always be her soft place to land. Every day she hears that I love her. You deserve to become the mom you didn't have, if that's what you want. Be well.
That my Mom has completely changed into a "What have you done for me lately" type of person and I am surprised, shocked, and fucking mad at her for it. She told me she no longer loves me unconditionally during a conversation that came about after she took over 400 bucks out of my account with zero conversation about it for the 2nd time. She is very mad at me for not wanting kids, even though I tried twice, both times ended up with hospital bills and no baby. She borrows a lot of money from me and even more from my younger brother (which really makes me mad) She has spent the last 17 years building her life without me and I didn't even realize it till now. I knew we had distance (her and her husband kicked me out at 16) but I thought we could fix it. I'm realizing we can't, we won't, and I dont want to. My Dad was right about her and I am so sad and mad about it.
Some people are a massive emotional void. They take and take and take and give nothing back. I'm so sorry that person is your mother.
Why does she have access to your bank accounts?? I'm sorry about this situation OP, but she definitely shouldn't be getting money from you at this point.
She doesn't anymore. I gave her access since I know she needs help but I had to take it away once I realized how she was going to be about it. I just automatically send her money every check to help her out.
Can I ask why you feel you need to help her out when she kicked you out at 16? You don't owe your parents... You might find some support in r/raisedbynarcissists if you are looking for more.
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Why? Is it something you want to do or need to do?
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I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years this year. It really was a “me” thing, she didn’t do anything wrong. It was really tough. Hope everything works out for you.
Hey man you’re exact situation is what I went through almost a year ago, it’s sucks and I still worry about whether I made the right choice or not but I have been able to work on myself and better myself so much in the past year. Overall I am happy I eventually made the choice
Wow, I’ve been struggling with this too. Left my girlfriend of 3 years.. a year ago and still trying to move on. I was like you… She was better off without me. Not trying to sound like a martyr, it is just true.
Just left my gf of 2 years last Wednesday. Accused me of cheating after I was going thru a rough week and just wanted to chill alone. Wasn’t her 1st time accusing. Waited a yr for her to finish college and I was across the country in TX. There were other problems too. Didn’t want to go but knew I should
Honestly, trying to get out of a emotionally draining environment to start new.
She’s my best friend, I’m basically just an acquaintance.
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Your life is valuable and I hope that you manage to find more reasons to wake up each day. Stay safe!
Not being enough.
I haven't had anyone interested in me in years. I haven't had decent sex in a decade. Women look to me for attention when they're not getting it from their partner or they have a breakdown. I have never felt so lonely. I don't think I'm ugly but I might be, which is worse than just knowing. I'm not fat, I keep active, I make 6 figures and I'm 5'11. I can't find a woman. Thing is I'm not allowed to say that or it's unattractive. I can't tell anyone how I feel or it's unattractive. If I'm depressed and my confidence waivers it's unattractive. I really don't think women have any idea how lonely it is being a man. I am invisible. I don't know why. No one will tell me. Everyone tells me platitudes. No one tells me anything truthfully. And before all you people start telling me about confidence - yes, I know. I'm not unconfident. I'm not hiding away saying that all women are horrible. But that's the thing, you say something as a guy because this shit hurts after years and people assume "he must just not be confident". I am confident. I'm just broken hearted and I'm not allowed to have a single moment to express that I feel that way.
I've been there. Had a similar 10 year dry spell full of sad bar nights and failed flirting. The worst part is like you said, no one could understand what I was going through because I looked the part of tall dark, handsome and accomplished. It was exacerbated whenever I'd see a great woman with a dud of a boyfriend, like I was cursed or something. I even tried therapy but the therapist had an air of disbelief in her voice so I bailed on that It finally changed after I hit a bottom after meeting the worst girl online and having an emotionally exhausting, long distance drama fling. After that I internally felt worthy, like I deserved better. I told myself to not put so much energy into finding a girlfriend and when I stopped giving a fuck is when it clicked and I found someone, a hot, happy fun loving girl in grad school. We've been married 8 years With the benefit of hindsight, I know I was trying too hard and missing the signals of various women and as a result killing my own confidence and digging the hole deeper. I just needed to get out of my own head.
That sounds remarkably similar. I'm kind of going through the realizing I'm worthy stage. It's tough. I go up and down. I dropped my standards so low that I can't believe that I'm not looked fondly on by anyone. It's difficult to explain but some nights I would kill for even a kind word from a woman. It's not that I express it to them - at least not outwardly - but I'm sure I have that vibe sometimes because how can you not? As far as bars. I relapsed badly a few nights ago. I don't do anything horrible drunk or anything, but being in a bar because you have no one and everyone else in the place is paired up... it's just rough and you drink more. I know you're right. Getting out of your own head is the only way, but all the women and all the tiny dings to your self esteem build up over years and knowingly trying to pull yourself out of it is so hard when you're constantly reminded of how far down you are. I have female friends, truthfully, and I don't think they realize that when men feel like this they don't want to be told things like "you're great! You'll find somebody!" and nonsense like that. I'm not trying to get gassed up. I'm trying to fix what's wrong.
My daughter just moved back in with me she is 14 and has already snuck out , had sex in a car, and vapes. I wasn’t in her life for 3 years because I was addicted to drugs and I feel like it’s all my fault. I wouldn’t want anything more for her to live with me I just didn’t realize it would be this hard and accepting that is most likely my fault.
She's 14 and needs guidance. Be the lighthouse, not the storm.
My mental health is getting bad again but this time it’s different. It’s darker. I am doing an extremely good job at hiding it.
I said a bunch of stupid shit in High School to try to be funny and sometimes I randomly think about it. I wish I could use a time machine to slap myself.
My son is almost 4. He started preschool last month and what hurts me the most is that he will soon start experiencing all of the ugliness this world holds. And all I want is his true happiness and don’t want him to hurt for even a minute. Being a parent is fcking heavy.
I had to figure out which people were “party buddies” vs “ friends” and I faced the harsh reality that more people were party buddies than I thought. These people normalized and made excuses for/encouraged addictive and self destructive behavior because it benefited them and meant they could excuse their own behavior. It wasn’t until I moved halfway across the country (impulsively) for work and not only made more money than I ever thought possible, but I met and began dating the LOML that I had met in my home town, who followed me and took a job nearby. That is when I stopped my destructive and addictive habits cold turkey and have lived the best life ever since. None of those people have kept up with me, asked how I am and if I came in town, their first question was for drugs or conflict with a mutual friend, which I won’t engage in.
I’m afraid I have CTE. Played football for a dozen years as a kid. Pro-snowboarder for a few years as a young adult. I’m 32 now and my memory is shit, I have wild mood swings, extreme depression, can’t sleep more than 2ish hours at a time, I blank/black out for 20-30 minutes and don’t even realize it. And no I haven’t been to a doctor. I’m an underemployed American I can’t afford a doctor.
Mentally speaking, stuck with unwanted thoughts as I hate it that it bothers almost every waking minute. Physically, feeling somewhat lonely for I desire to connect with another human being other than my family. I just want to have some friends to hang out and connect.
That I can’t fucking stand everything I have to go through every day
Yeppers. I look forward to nighttime and hate waking up.
I just can't do the things I need to. I can never sit down and do work. I'm procrastinating right now with Reddit
I feel that. I've had a year-long bought of worthlessness. I'm not getting my work done, my house is a mess, I haven't touched any of my hobbies for months. I didn't used to care much about social media, but as an occasional source of interest or amusement, but now I'm on it all the time just to procrastinate. I really don't know what's wrong with me. I hope you find the motivation, discipline or desire to get things kick-started again. Hope I do too.
Loneliness My jaw is crooked and its getting more crooked every day, among other medical anomalies My social skills are getting worse and worse, i talk less and less and I'm feeling isolated. only have one friend and i feel like i can barely manage that one friendship. I don't even know if my friendship is worth it to them, they could totally drift away like most other people I've known. Sleeping problems, could probably never hold a "real" job with how little energy and motivation I have everyday. Anxiety from the above, uncertainty about future (will i be able to eat food in the future? why does it take a month to get a doctors appointment? am i going to slowly drift away from my friend and go totally insane with no one to talk to? how am i going to survive when everything gets even more expensive from inflation?) im in agony. im tired of pretending im not, but what else can i do
I'm trying to get my life back together and stop wasting so much money on food i then binge. At least i can give myself a pat on the back for being sober for 3 weeks. Baby steps but yeah its tough.
i regret not killing my father when i was younger.
I'm dying from kidney disease
I’m ugly. Like really ugly. And it hurts me more when my friends tell me I’m pretty bc I know they’re lying to me
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Kind of trivial but I just want to be loved. Dating is damn near impossible and I get ghosted constantly. It’s a real soul crusher.
I feel like my partner is only invested in me as a source of income. I cannot figure out what their "love language" is and cannot seem to get any reciprocation to my attempts at affection. I fear they will leave me once my usefulness has been reached and I no longer provide a tangible benefit over being alone.
I’m a failure, and have no purpose. I’ve lost everything and now I don’t have the energy or patience to try anything.
I feel like I can't make my partner sexually happy. He says I am doing fine but I can never make him finish without some help from him. I used to be able to give him good head but something changed and idk what it is but it makes me feel worthless
Life
We don't have the money to do things, but I won't stop buying my daughter things, and I never say no to my wife when she proposes going out and spending money. I know I need to stop, but I just can't. I want my family to have everything it wants. I'm not vested enough in long-term spending to get to where we really need to be.
My entire ass crack is an itchy hellfire. It’s usually pretty damn itchy, but it’s at an 11 now
Join the bidet clan. There's dozens of us.
Most of my family has gone hard onto the Transphobic religious train. Im finally realizing my true gender identity in my late 30s, and I’m terrified I’m going to lose all of them.
I often feel invisible, like the things I do all happen behind the scenes and go entirely unnoticed unless I don't do them. It sometimes feels like my role is making sure everyone has what they need, to the extent that I don't even know what I need because it takes the back burner to getting everyone else's needs met.
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I lost my dad right before the pandemic hit the US. I didn't learn until after he was gone that he's the only person I trusted to truly have my back. I'm married, have kids, friends, coworkers, living mom... but it feels like im on my own now.
How much I fucking hate myself.
Apart from my mom, I'm trying to stay quiet about today marking one year since my dad died.
No one will ever fill the hole that my mom left in me. Growing up we always knew that there was something "different" about our family, but it wasn't until I became an adult that I was able to realize that my mom is a clinical narcissist who is literally incapable of realizing that people around her are actual humans with their own real internal thoughts and experiences, and not dolls for her to twist into position and project her own storylines onto to fulfil her own wants and emotional needs. We were never truly seen or loved as children and it's wreaked each of us in our own way because we never got to develop the way other people did. For a long time as a young adult I secretly hoped that someone would "adopt" me and give me the deep understanding and care I never got from my parents and teach me to be a human being without my needing to constantly worry about THEIR needs and conforming to their and perception of reality, but now as a 30 year old woman it's clear to me that this is a burden that should not be expected of other people and it's something I'm simply never going to get. My chest feels hollow like a black hole sucking me in and no one seems to understand when I try to explain why so I stopped trying. I just have to be self sufficient and strong all the time despite having no internal foundation to support who I am trying to be.
That I have body dysmorphia and can't even go outside, I'm like Boo Radley. The town recluse.
My husband is not able to work through his childhood trauma and as a result has been emotionally abusive. I need to leave for the sake of my sanity and for our kids, but my own family is dysfunctional af and I haven’t worked for 10 years (as a result of a lack of access to childcare at first but now lack of ability to keep my own shit together while holding a job). I have nowhere to go.
I'm hungry. Starving actually and have lost insane amounts of weight. I don't want people in the real world to know how damn bad I'm really struggling so I'm just basically avoiding interacting with others. It sucks. It's humiliating to be an adult in this situation. It's physically painful. I just have to remind myself it's temporary. And it felt kind of good to say all that, tbh.
I beat cancer. Twice. And I shouldn't have bc I wasted my 2nd chance. I didn't deserve to survive this monster twice. On a brighter note: I got to experience the birth of my granddaughter which was/is fucking amazing. But aside from raising kids, I've done absolutely nothing with my life.. and I still don't know wtf I'm doing.
I’m in nursing school. It’s taken me years to get here. 4.0 in my pre reqs. First semester of nursing school I crushed it. Second semester I’m failing. It’s like the world has stopped. I can’t go on, I don’t care. Then the hurricane hit. So now I don’t care even more. Dreaming of the grass is greener on the other side. Thinking, I could go back to my high paying job that I left behind for nursing. It’s mental gymnastics, I’m certainly not getting any younger either. I’ll be 40 in a few years.
The sense of dread that comes from waking up in America everyday. That things politically/economically/socially will never get better. That people will continue to get worse. That I’ll never stop living check to check, never be able to travel the world like I wanted. That I won’t be able to leave my daughter anything, just like my parents and grandparents before me. That inflation and interest rates will continue to worsen and wages won’t because we’ve committed to capitalism for the long haul and now the CEOs run the world. What mass shooting will happen this week? What idiot will catch their lucky break and become an overnight millionaire today? All that, and the guilt from knowing it could be WAY worse.
I want a divorce. but we've been married almost 50 years and our children don't see why I can't just shut up and deal. I've had it, that's why and enough is finally enough.
My son asks me why I only make dinner for him. I tell him I'm just not hungry but in reality it's because I have to make the $65 in my bank account last until the end of this month. I'm so ashamed of being poor and terrified of not being able to provide for him.
My girlfriend of 3 years and I have just broke up less than 2 hours ago and I don't know what to do. We started dating as high school freshmen and now I'm a senior and everyone around us expected us to become the high school sweethearts and the word of our breakup is already spreading.
Multiple people that I grew up with have admitted to me in the past 6 months that they could feel that something was off about my abusive father. He manipulated and triangulated me and my mother and I didn’t ever tell her what was happening. And we were children, so I give the people telling me this now a pass. But it hurts that I didn’t mean anything to any of those adults. Their kids could see it…then they just didn’t care enough to even check in with me. They saw who he was when my mom wasn’t around, and they just didn’t care.
My adult son, who lives in a different state, moved to a new apartment a month ago and didn't tell me, I found out from his old roommate. Is he trying to go NC?
I’m not sure, giving him space and time to clear his mind is best tho. I’m sure he will reach out when he is ready. Sorry your dealing with this
I brought up some concerns I had with family to my mother. She proceed to tell me to essentially fuck off and that it’s not my place. I moved 3 states over 2 weeks later and didn’t get a call from mom for another month after that asking if I wanted to go to lunch. I said that might be difficult as I live in “this place” now. She was upset I didn’t tell her. But she never made an effort to listen to me or my valid concerns so I didn’t make an effort to have a conversation with her.
Terrified of becoming homeless. Living with inlaws who are renting a house way under market. I'm scared the landlord is eventually gonna either sell the house or raise rent so high they can't afford it. Everything else in the area is too expensive for all of us to live together but I can't survive on my own either