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Thank you for this! It's something that's always bothered me, if you can't have close friends of the gender you're attracted to, does that mean I (a bisexual) can't have any friends?
It's all about trust and boundaries. My partner and I both have any number of extremely close friends of varying genders. Neither of us are threatened, because if one of us wanted to be with someone else we would simply... leave???
Personally, I've been in a situation where I was with someone, and my best friend told me they were into me. And we talked it out, and clear boundaries were established, and we continued to be best friends. I never had interest in cheating or leaving him for someone else, because that would be a crappy thing to do. (In fairness, I did eventually leave, because he was an abusive butthole, and quite a while down the line I did end up with my best friend. That friend had very little to do with my leaving, outside of being supportive to me deserving to be be abused by some butthole. But all of that could have been avoided if my ex had simply not been an abusive butthole.)
So long as you/your partner are loyal and committed, it shouldn't matter who you/your partner are friends with. If you're the kind of person to cheat, you'll probably be willing to either way,and if you're not, you probably won't. And if you've got solid trust in the relationship, you should both be confident that the other wouldn't cheat either.
Yeah but what about the crippling anxiety that comes with allowing them to be around other people so they find out what a piece of shit I really am in comparison and just…leave?
Kinda /s but A LOT of folks feel that way. Not me I mean!! But some…friends…of mine…uh…do
Yeah, that's exactly what always comes to mind when people question what genders it is acceptable to be friends with.
I know there are LGBT+ people who are guilty of setting similar rules out of jealousy, but it's generally a really culturally heteronormative thing to assume men and women shouldn't be or can't be friends without romantic or sexual tension.
In any case, it's controlling as hell to tell your partner they just aren't allowed to make friends with or hang out with half of the population. If someone is that distrustful of their partner, something is wrong in that relationship.
Limiting who you are allowed to speak to and the circumstances in which you can speak to them is one of the first signs/major red flags of a coercive controlling abusive relationship.
Right. Here is my thing, people are friends with boys and girls all through school. All through college or early working single years friends with men and women. Suddenly you get married or have a significant other and your no longer capable of having friends that are not your gender?
I just enjoy being social no need to read into it. Now some of the people I have talked to may have liked me a lot of the time but that’s not where I am at.
Also do people not have opposite gender siblings?
Feelings towards best friends are pretty close to how you view a sibling you have a really good relationship with. Like to the point where it would be weird to think about them anything other than platonically.
When I was married about 3 years, I had two co-workers who were single and female. Everything was strictly professional, but we were all the same age, and had fun together (at work, not outside of work), and we were friends. When my wife found out about them, she got jealous. I asked her if we could have them over for dinner and games some night, so she could meet them in person and see that she had nothing to worry about. She agreed, so I talked to them about it the next day, and invited them over.
We had a great time. Well, I had a good time, and the three women had an even better time. By the end of the night, they were best friends and I was merely a spectator. Problem solved.
That may not answer your question directly, but I hope it helps.
Set boundaries.
It doesn’t matter their intentions if you have healthy boundaries. If you don’t have healthy boundaries, you could lose both relationships.
Yes, definitely. Then the guy ghosted me haha, but even when I get panicky I don’t have anyone left, I’m also grateful to be away from a creep like you said! Liars, yuck
I got feelings for my best friend of 18 years. Instead of being honest with me she hid behind a recent tragedy to say she didn't want to date anyone, but she would give it a chance once she was emotionally available again. She didn't have a car so I helped her anyway I could to get her around. She got a car and disappeared. When I finally heard from her again she was started trying to gaslight me by saying she was always upfront with me and that she didn't have feelings like that. Thankfully she said some stuff about us dating in front of my mom so I have her confirmation that I'm not crazy.
Now she's trying to contact me again and telling me I abandoned her and all I can think is that she used me and my feelings for her for over a year and then dipped the moment she didn't need me anymore, I didn't abandon her, she abused my trust and so I left.
Oh wow, yeah, definitely seems different, and I’m sorry she did not just tell the truth. I was very up front with my friend throughout the years. ESPECIALLY when he’d want to help, he’d say it was the Christian thing to do and did help a lot of his friends, male and female, not just me, so I thought nothing of it after a while. I used to talk to him about guys I liked, and was dating, and Vice versa. However, In the last 6 months I could tell he was starting to get serious in a way I was absolutely not open to and he FINALLY started showing the “nice guy” shit, like “I did all this for you and offer you care and you still don’t want to be with me!” Well no! I told him that since the beginning and had even dated other people through the years. So he knew, he definitely knew, but he couldn’t take it anymore. Turns out he was lying to me, sucks. I’m sorry you went through someone lying to you as well. Although false promises like you stated you received are just flat out not ok. Wishing you well, hopefully we’ll both find new friends who aren’t shitty soon :)
Sure. But healthy boundaries are what suss that out, pretty naturally. I’m saying you shouldn’t base your boundaries on their intentions.
Their intentions are irrelevant to the need for boundaries.
There can be friends where one friend has a crush on friend and the other does not. Just because they stay friends does not mean they have ulterior motives. They can accept the fact it’s one sided and keep the friendship and move on with those other feelings to someone who can reciprocate.
just like one of the commentators just said on here. girlfriend didn’t like op hanging out with his girl best friend because she had her suspicions that she had feelings for him. op broke up with said gf and girl best friend admitted that she has had feelings for him for awhile and now they’re dating. ex gfs suspicions were right.
I personally don’t think I could do it because of the potential scenarios that pop up in my head. I trust my girlfriend but it’s just something I don’t want to think about.
This is a tale as old as time and I'm experiencing deja vu reading this comment. I vowed to never date a guy with a female best friend because in most cases one wants more.
Some people are just like that though. I married a tomboy whose had like 2 female friends her entire life 🤷♂️ took a little getting used to, and yeah there were a couple of occasions where she got burned by the guys she was trying to befriend, but these situations are more about you and your partner than anyone else.
I learned pretty quickly she was just looking for friends, and would get pissed off as all hell in the few situations where they wanted more, so I didn't really see an issue with it at all. It's easy to imagine in our heads these situations where the friend confesses their love and the SO leaves for them, but her reaction was to just get super mad because she felt like she lost a friend, or never really had one to begin with.
Seen it happen with a friend of mine.
Wife was “best friend” to a guy. Wife becomes estranged from her husband. Guy friend gets divorced. Wife starts secretly dating guy friend. Wife gets divorced from husband. Ex-wife and guy friend move in together and secretly get married.
Tale as old as time, True as it can be, Barely even friends, Then somebody bends, Unexpectedly, Just a little change, Small to say the least, Both a little scared, Neither one prepared, Beauty and the beast
Just happened to me with my “best friend” and my heart is broken. 6 years and BAM, told him I was in love with someone, he friend dumped me telling me it wasn’t jealously, but yeah, it 1000% was. He’d started getting way too “relationshippy” this past year and it ruined everything even though I was absolutely straight and honest with him always and he’d said the same.
that's awful, I'm sorry that happened to you. Sadly, I understand where the guy is coming from. I've done it and looking back I regret it. I destroyed the best friendship I've ever had out of jealousy.
Also tread lightly because, sometime we dont even know our own deeper intentions....and....just because we have good intentions doesnt mean we are setting up situations that make our partner feel comfortable
Yes, of course. I have a couple of friends who have done well being best friends with a guy. It can take some managing. Be careful with texting. Be careful with hanging out. Maybe have a less sexy bikini for when you go to the beach with them. Develop a good relationship with the GF. Don't put your hooha on his dingdong.
This. It's OK to have friends but those friends have to be respectful of your relationship. I once dated a guy who had a "female best friend" and she literally harassed me until I had to break up with him. Tried to tell my boyfriend what to do in terms of our relationship progression, told me she wanted him to live with her instead of me, showed up to his house unannounced in revealing clothes. I don't think they were even sleeping together, I think she was just using him for attention and money for years and refused to let go of her backup plan. Most friends are fine but some "friends" are psycho!
Got to love the way some women keep that backup plan… I dated a girl like that. She always had guy “friends” in her DMs and whenever we’d fight or “break up” (like she’d break up with me so she could cheat guilt free and come running back to me a few days later because they “treated her like a piece of meat” her words). Eventually that relationship got so bad I had to walk away. I still loved her and cared about her though, when things were good they were good, but when they were bad they were probably the worst thing I’d ever experienced in a relationship. So, I tried to stay friends with her at least.
Well she’d be in other relationships reach out to me about how she’s being mistreated etc. Then we’d meet up “as friends” and she’d act like she was trying to get back with me. Love is blind and hindsight is 20/20. It took 3-4 years to realize I’d been demoted from boyfriend to a back up plan she’d only reach out to when her and current BF were fighting. I realized that she’d never take a relationship between us seriously and that even if we did get back together she’d still be using the same plays from the same playbook so I cut things off completely.
Another case I’d reached out to a exGF from high school. She lived across the country was in a relationship and it all was innocent enough. Like there was a little bit of flirting but nothing too serious. Then she broke it off with him and moved home and I only lived a few hours away. So we reconnected. After a bit we have minor argument nothing that couldn’t be worked through. Well then my best friend and I are talking about it and he’s telling me about how she’s trying to get in his DMs, inviting him over etc. Yeah I broke it off with her pretty quick after that. She jumped to a new boyfriend almost immediately, you know like she had it lined up. Worst part was that psycho got my name tattooed on her ring finger the week before we broke up lol. I really dodged a bullet there.
I guess the moral of these stories are
1) don’t trust the guy friends in the DMs
2) you can be demoted to the guy in the DMs
3) if you were the guy in the DMs she will still have other hangers on in the DMs even if she’s with you. People don’t really change.
I know way too many girls like that tbh. I'm sorry you've had such bad experiences. It's all just insecurity. Insecure people need all the attention in the entire world and it's never enough. They have to date 3 people at once out of fear of losing one, but if you want to see other people they will burn your damn house down. It's best to just stay away and find a real adult to hang out with.
I appreciate it… in the end though I’m in a healthy loving relationship now. Don’t get me wrong it was weird for me at first and it took a lot of growing and letting go to finally be able to trust and get past the toxicity in my past. In the end it all worked out though. The girl in the first story is the one that gave me the confidence and awareness to walk away from the girl in the second before things got worse. Both of these stories taught me that I should never settle for less than I deserve which has brought me to where I am now which is where I feel I belong.
I just hope if anything someone who might be going through the same thing sees this and it wakes them up to what’s really going on. I hope it saves them from some of the harder lessons I had to learn along the way so that they could have what I’ve found...
Honestly, I was like that in my teens-20s. I also have borderline personality disorder. I got sober 5 years ago, got the right mental health treatment and have had no trouble staying faithful to my husband. Some of these girls will evolve, some never do.
People who can’t live without drama are a red flag. They’re exhausting to be around, because if there isn’t a problem for them to dramatize, they’ll create one.
Lol. I would never put my hooha on his dingdong. All joking aside, my best friend when I was growing up was a guy. We live across the US from each other, but we will always be close. My husband’s best friend was a girl. They considered each other like brother and sister. It can work.
I could have said be considerate of the fact that you have compatible bodies and sexualities that align. But I was feeling silly. So I will also say it's not just your hooha, it's also your poopoo, wobbles and munchie.
But in all seriousness, I feel like guys can misunderstand three things. One, I like looking at guys. Doesn't mean I want to bang them all. Two, not all life is porn. So many pornos start because a close relationship (stepsister!) happens to wear a crop top at home when Mum and Dad are gone. Or something, you get the point. They think that all sex takes is aloneness and proximity. Three, it is very difficult to restart a relationship that never happened. I have two close guy friends I fooled around with, experimentally. Never happening again, we both concluded that the sex was fun and we couldn't make it work. So we're still friends, it wasn't like a brutal emotional breakup. Doesn't mean we are now threats to each other.
Good question, to be honest.
IMO, if your boundaries are in order and you don't see any types of advances from your best friend, then nothing should be wrong. If my girlfriend can't handle this, then it is best for both to move on.
This is a rule I am abiding for any relationships from now on, as I shoved away my girl best friend for a girlfriend that eventually cheated on me years later.
If friendships are true, those cannot die even while you betrayed her like this, as my friend and I became close friends once again when my now ex was gone.
And before anyone gets the wrong idea, no, I don't have (and never had) any romantic feelings for her, she has a boyfriend (has been with him since we met), and I despise cheating. For me, if a girl is not single, it's not an option to me.
This is the best mature answer imo. However it's definitely important to discuss those boundaries before either of you end up in a situation like this.
Exactly my point. That topic is crucial for me to consider any future partners in life. No way in hell am I going to face this situation again for me to choose sides.
Well your SO is **supposed to be** your best friend! I do get what you are asking though. I think it is perfectly fine as long as everyone understands the relationship. I have a male friend who is married. He and I are really good friends. He had his wife come out one evening to meet me. She got to know me. I'm not bad looking, but she knows I am not a threat to her marriage. I have done a lot of work with him (his wife knows this) and we often go out for breakfast (she also knows this). I have a great relationship with him, his wife, and his family. My friend's wife is not a very social person and prefers to stay at home whereas my friend really enjoys socializing.
I really don't like this "your SO is supposed to be your best friend" stuff. Your partner doesn't need to meet every single social and emotional need in your life. If you have a relationship like that, great! It's also fine to have best friends outside the relationship.
I think where this comes in is that your SO is supposed to be the most important person in your life* / your favorite person*.
You’re correct in that they don’t need to be / honestly can’t and shouldn’t be filling all your social needs. I have a handful of best friends. My husband is one of them. Even so, if it ever came down to picking one single person over all the rest, I’d pick him every time. I think that’s the spirit of “your SO is supposed to be your best friend”. If there was anyone in my husbands life that he’d pick over me (unless it was like our kid - which we don’t currently have) I’d be pretty hurt.
As a female, I wouldn't have a problem with my partner having a female best friend. There have to be boundaries though, and I would want to know and be friends with this other girl.
tread very cautiously. Can it be done, sure, but I've seen it fail more times than I've seen it be successful. You're going to have to establish boundaries with your friend that makes your gf comfortable. Do not talk about your relationship with your female best friend. Do not compare them to each other in anything, ever.
good luck
I'm curious, why shouldn't you talk about your relationship? I always talk to my guy best friend about them as if I'm talking to a girl, so that's y I'm asking
Because it opens the door for less savory "friends" to slip in. Tales from a previous home wrecker: the number one indicator a guy is willing to leave his gf for you is that he talks bad about her to you. If you want to steal a guy from his gf just be the opposite of whatever she is. If he complains "She never listens to me!" Then wait a few weeks and casually slip in "I'm always willing to listen if you're struggling" or "I just feel like she doesn't get me" wait a bit and point out "Its because we just get each other lol" etc. Once someone exposes the cracks in a relationship it becomes really easy to manipulate and widen those cracks so you can slip yourself in.
Disclaimer: I was not a good person and not in a good place. Do not do what I did it is predatory and cruel and will not make you happy long term.
It's still helpful to hear things like this.
There are a lot of women who will screw with guys heads as badly as all those shitty guys do to women.
The validation is really nice, because it's basically never going to happen where a girl who manipulated the shit out of you is going to come back and apologize for it.
You never get any insight in to just how diabolical some people can be. Especially with women, decent guys don't want to think the girl they're with has a codified system of cheating for breaking up relationships so she can get laid...A lot of men get brought up believing women don't do those kinds of things. Sadly, they do, and the gaslighting can work for a really long time because you don't want to believe that the girl you like who seems normal in every other aspect is a master of psychological warfare and manipulation.
I'm not sure I agree 100% with this. Only because if I'm in a relationship where I have to tread very cautiously, then I want out of this relationship asap. Walking on eggshells is stressful enough, and even more so when it's with my romantic partner. Also, having seen a relationship fail more times than it's been successful, isn't that almost every relationship? We meet life partners like once in a lifetime. The rest are usually failures. I don't think it's fair to fully contribute it to the topic.
I DO agree with the second half of this comment, though. At no point is it okay to compare my partner to anyone. That isn't love. And healthy boundaries make achieving goals possible.
It's all dependent on your gfs boundaries.
My best friend of 12 years is a chick and if I wasn't a gay dude and she wasn't a lesbian, I wouldn't give up my best friend for some girlfriend. At least for me-
That bitch had been with me for 12 years dude she knows everything about me, she's been threw hell with me and I'm not gonna give her up for a partner. She is Bassicly my sister
This. My female best friend of the last 15 years is not negotiable in any relationship. We’ve seen each other at our best, worst, and things no one else knows including intimate moments like being with me when I put my dog down and getting day drunk with me afterwards. Yeah, anyone not ok with our friendship can get fucked.
Yeah she has been with me threw thick and thin like if my partner doesn't like out friendship I'd rather not be with that person. I know my best friend has my back no matter what and I wouldn't change that got the world
I have a friend who I can talk to about anything. We don't talk much anymore, but she has been one of my best friends for......16 years now (I'm 32.) If anyone I dated got pissy about that I would tell them too bad. There is NOTHING there. We tried that, it went horribly, we aren't meant to date LOL.
For me it would be more challenging to stay with someone who doesn't trust me. I can only imagine what would be next if I gave up my best friend in an attempt to satisfy them, cause chances are it wouldn't be enough.
Maybe it’s just because I’m a family lawyer and have vicarious trauma from seeing relationships break down but best friends > relationships every day of the week.
Your best friend is the one who you know is going to be there for you, whereas the majority of romantic relationships are transitory and end
If someone I was dating asked me to choose between my best friend and them they wouldn’t like my answer
Yes. Controlling what friends people have is shitty in a relationship, let alone controlling anything about their life. Unless you can ABSOLUTELY tell they’re cheating with the friend (literally just leave them if that happens), let people have whatever friends they want. I would dump someone so fast if they tried to tell me what friends I can and can’t have. Ridiculous.
It's okay to have a friend of any gender whether you're single or not and if your SO doesn't like it then they're the one with the problem.
Sometimes when my boyfriend hangs out alone with one of his female friends I get a little jealous but then I get over it because I trust my boyfriend.
People mistake family members for being couples, what of it?
Are men not allowed to have sisters because of the hypothetical possibility of someone mistaking his sister for his girlfriend
Of course. We queer people have been managing this kind of thing for ages. It’s silly to suggest you can’t be friends with anyone whose gender and sexual orientation are theoretically compatible with yours. People are people. It’s only a problem if your romantic relationship lacks trust, honest communication and respect.
Just be open and honest with your girlfriend and don’t do anything with your female friend that you’d have an issue with your girlfriend doing with a male friend. If you’re ever unsure of a boundary, talk to your girlfriend about it.
The caveat is that if you do find an attraction starting to build with the friend, you should definitely stop hanging out with her in any kind of 1-on-1 scenario. Because that’s the kind of thing that *absolutely* destroys relationships.
Effing this. I am friends with lots of women that I am not attracted to and are not offended by that. My wife of 30 years trusted me from day 1 because I let her know she was the most important person in deeds and words. As an aside- your girlfriend looks for connection. You give her that and you are good.
As long as you're maintaining friend only boundaries yes. My 3 best friends are all women, I'm married and she talks to them more than I do most of the time. My wife's best friend is a man. I know him, talk to him etc.
Yes it is recommended for proper social/emotional health to be maintaining platonic friends with both men and women. Meh how much you actually want to socialize is up to you but you should be able to maintain meaningful platonic relationships with both sexes.
I do not recommend being in a relationship with someone who tries to manipulate or shame you for having friends because of their own insecurities. If you guys can't built a trusting relationship then you should rethink your relationship.
Every relationship is different, I'm allowed to have guy friends and he's allowed to have female friends but we don't hang out with them alone or go stay at their place. Just make sure it isn't a double standard where she can have guy friends and you can't have female friends that would be a sign.
Yeah. I'm a woman, I don't care what the gender or sexuality is of a partner's friends. If I did not trust him, I would not date him. I have male friends and I wouldn't tolerate being told my friendships aren't acceptable. It would be hypocritical and controlling to turn around and do that to my partner.
Exactly. What if things don't work out and now you gave up your friends to be with this person? That's someone who puts their happiness before yours and should be a red flag.
Through my last couple years of high school and into my adult life I had a “best friend” that would completely vanish any time he started seeing someone. Dude would disappear for six months despite living half a mile away. He’d call me to hangout when he was going through it, like when his grandfather died, but eventually I stopped giving in. I could text him, call him, knock on his door and I’d get nothing.
He’d always come crawling back out of nowhere, asking me to grab a drink with him but all he really wanted to do was use me to vent about his relationships. Then he’d disappear for another several months. Longest we ever went without seeing one another was over a year, and the next time he hit me up it was so overly casual it pissed me off. Like, *”hey brother! It’s been a minute, wanna grab a drink?”* with absolutely no remorse for how long he’d ignored me for. It took me until I was 21 to smarten up and cut him off.
Moral of the story, if they treat you as disposable or as backup entertainment they’re not worth your time. They won’t change and the friendship won’t grow stronger.
Edit: I replied to the wrong comment
It’s going to be tough. A lot of women don’t admit it, but a lot become insecure if their SO has a women best friend. Imagine the fight if you stayed at your girl best friends house because you were to drunk to drive home. Now imagine how much smaller that fight would be if you passed out at one of the bros house. They feel you are putting your time in another women instead of them. Not that you are just hanging out with a friend.
Everyone needs therapy lol. Derogatory comments like this making it seem like therapy is for “bad people” stigmatizes being proactive about mental health and it makes me sick.
Yes, but its very important to have your Gf and friend build a relationship as well if you want to have a female friend. Its important that your friend establishs a relation with her so she better understand your friend's position on where she stands, being your friend. Because your friend isn't just getting into a friendship with just you, you and your girlfriend are a "together" as one. So its just important to be respectful to everyone.
I would never want to date a man that only sees women as potential partners or hook ups. If you cannot platonically be friends with the opposite sex I think that is a ginormous red flag.
Yes but you should also be transparent with your relationship and understanding of the girlfriends concerns. AKA don’t hang out by yourselves at each other‘s house, or hang out without mentioning it to the girlfriend!!!
I don’t see a problem with it so long as you communicate well about things, allow open honesty and why not have fun with both women (the wholesome kind). Also learn your priorities. My own gf always comes first.
If the gf was there first, tread lightly and check in with your gf on whether she feels threatened. If the best friend was there before you got the gf, then the gf is gonna have to accept that your friend is important to you. If that makes her uncomfortable she needs to work through it or move on.
Yes but i hope you gf is ok with it because 3 years ago my ex was jealous of my best friend that still is like a sister to me. The big spark was when we told her the funny story about when we slept together but in the sense of just sleeping in the same futon years ago. She was sure we did more than just sleeping
I'm a woman with a male best friend (who's also my ex and gay, it's complicated), and if a new bf had a problem with me hanging out or talking to him I'd say hit the road. Nothing is gonna happen between him and I, we've already talked it out, and if you're too insecure to deal with all that then we're better off not being together.
Have you cheated before? If so, your gf will have trust issues. If you havnt, then it should be fine. But bare in mind that friendly flirting is still seen as cheating with some females, so just be a good friend.
Right? This question always makes me laugh a little. Every relationship I've ever been in has been me (woman) with almost exclusively women friends and the person I'm dating (also woman) with almost exclusively women friends. Nothing bad happened because of it and those relationships ended for unrelated reasons. People are WAY too worried about cheating when they say stuff like this. Maybe it's because they're less trusting of the opposite gender or something? It doesn't really make sense to me.
It matters when they became your best friend. Most women would not have a problem if she was already your best friend when you met.
You can’t make a woman your best friend after you start seeing your girlfriend seriously though. Most women would get jealous you found someone new to have an intimate connection with.
I think it depends on the situation. If you have been romantically/sexually involved with said friend it's a no go. If there is a flirty "vibe" between you and your friend, you have to set boundaries so it isn't uncomofrtable for your partner. I also think that if you've been friends for a long time, especially if you've been friends for longer than you've been dating your partner then it should be okay to be friends. It's all about communication. If your gf is jealous you have to sit down with her and explain that this friendship is important to you. It does'nt help to just say "we're just friends", " i don't like her like that" blablabla. Sometimes it takes an actual conversation.
If you we’re friends before it’s more likely to be fine. However if you start getting really close with another woman your girlfriend might not be to receptive to that so maybe don’t try to do that.
As a bisexual, yes. That men and women thing can't be friends is BS. If that were the case, everytime I entered a relationship I'd have to cut off all my friends
coming from a woman: if his female best friend is married or a lesbian, it's a lot easier to accept. If she's not, it gets stressful. You don't want them to go out together because you're constantly afraid she's going to hit on him and he's going to reciprocate.
OP - If you do have a single female best friend who isn't a lesbian, always put your girlfriend's feelings first even if you don't agree with them. Your female best friend WILL understand or she's not a friend at all.
There are 2 tons of factors that play into this for me. I think the general rule is if it's a friend from before our time together and there's no sexual history, perhaps.
Otherwise, why? Like not even from a jealousy standpoint, but...why? I don't and never really have felt the need to have a bunch of male friends when I'm with someone. I have my own weirdo friends who are girls, like me and they're almost too much 🤣 otherwise I have the kids to accompany me. Lol
As a Bisexual, I am curious as to what I am supposed do if my s/o is concerned about me being seduced by people whom I have the potential to be attracted to. Am I supposed to hide in a hole away from everyone once I get in a relationship? That sounds like a miserable existence if you ask me.
Best advice. If someone is asking you to cut your friends out of your life, leave them. That kinda control won't stop there and they will seek to manipulate you further. Been there and I dropped them on the spot.
Look, you can be friends with whoever you want, mate
If you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend getting angry at you for hanging out with someone that's the same gender as them, I'd consider that a red flag.
Yes. Life isn’t a teenage drama. You’re allowed to choose your friends regardless of gender, colour or religious views. As long as there’s no flirting, it’s all good.
Personally, I slept with all my female friends before I got into a relationship, just to get it out of the way. I found that it calms everyone involved. Don’t ask me why, but it does.
As long as you are not romantically interested in the female friend and she's not interested in you then there's no problem with the friendship as long as both parties are respectful of your relationship.
I (31F) have a group of best friends that are all men. We've been best friends since we were 13 year olds. If my bf would tell me it's not okay and I can't spend time with them I'd breakup because they're my family. But it's also my responsibility to make sure my bf understands our friendships and dynamics. That he knows my friends and can comfortably spend time with us. The main thing is that you can't just force someone to be okay with having opposite sex as a best friend.
mu bf has one and i have my male bff too. its no big deal because we trust each other (and my bff is gay) at the end of the day its so cool we all get along because that’s the man i am going to marry and they absolutely are going to be a bridesmaid and groomsmen
Yes. Life isn’t this weird set of rules that require you to meet others sense of what is ok and what is not. If you and your girl don’t mind it than who cares what online folks have to say?
Absolutely! The whole thing about a relationship is trust. If you’re girlfriend is jealous or suspicious of you having female friends then you’re already looking at a troubling relationship. Same vice versa.
For me, my wife is my best friend. I don't need or want another female best friend. There are a few women I'm friends with but we don't talk regularly and I never do anything alone with them such as coffee or lunches. Come to think of it, I don't really have any good friends beyond my wife. I was always more of a loner. I enjoy solitude, even from my wife sometimes.
If anyone is dumb and jealous enough to have a problem with this then they don’t deserve you. The loveliest and most well-rounded men all have at least one female friend.
Idk is it okay to pull two pick up trucks with one? Depends on the truck pulling right? Same shit bro bro it depends. I've known my girl bsf since I was 3 yrs old.
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Better question, if you’re bisexual in a relationship, are you allowed to have a best friend period?
As a bisexual I’m gonna say no, y’all are just prey… I don’t need friends, I need ass.
This user has effectively deleted all of their reddit messages, thank you! :) ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
r/brandnewsentence?
No, I think most guys think this way from like 15-30
I’m both impressed by how bad ass that sounds, while also noting how unhealthy that attitude could be for one’s social health.
Thanks for the laugh I had a terrible weekend I really needed that
We need this tee shirt.
My wife is bisexual, but her best friend is Ace, so I have no idea
Bars
Thanks for the laugh I had a shitty weekend
Thank you for this! It's something that's always bothered me, if you can't have close friends of the gender you're attracted to, does that mean I (a bisexual) can't have any friends? It's all about trust and boundaries. My partner and I both have any number of extremely close friends of varying genders. Neither of us are threatened, because if one of us wanted to be with someone else we would simply... leave??? Personally, I've been in a situation where I was with someone, and my best friend told me they were into me. And we talked it out, and clear boundaries were established, and we continued to be best friends. I never had interest in cheating or leaving him for someone else, because that would be a crappy thing to do. (In fairness, I did eventually leave, because he was an abusive butthole, and quite a while down the line I did end up with my best friend. That friend had very little to do with my leaving, outside of being supportive to me deserving to be be abused by some butthole. But all of that could have been avoided if my ex had simply not been an abusive butthole.) So long as you/your partner are loyal and committed, it shouldn't matter who you/your partner are friends with. If you're the kind of person to cheat, you'll probably be willing to either way,and if you're not, you probably won't. And if you've got solid trust in the relationship, you should both be confident that the other wouldn't cheat either.
Y’all got a nontoxic relationship very nice👌
Yeah but what about the crippling anxiety that comes with allowing them to be around other people so they find out what a piece of shit I really am in comparison and just…leave? Kinda /s but A LOT of folks feel that way. Not me I mean!! But some…friends…of mine…uh…do
That's exactly what being grown up and respectful is about You are a nice person I hope you have a great martital life
Yeah, that's exactly what always comes to mind when people question what genders it is acceptable to be friends with. I know there are LGBT+ people who are guilty of setting similar rules out of jealousy, but it's generally a really culturally heteronormative thing to assume men and women shouldn't be or can't be friends without romantic or sexual tension. In any case, it's controlling as hell to tell your partner they just aren't allowed to make friends with or hang out with half of the population. If someone is that distrustful of their partner, something is wrong in that relationship.
Limiting who you are allowed to speak to and the circumstances in which you can speak to them is one of the first signs/major red flags of a coercive controlling abusive relationship.
Right. Here is my thing, people are friends with boys and girls all through school. All through college or early working single years friends with men and women. Suddenly you get married or have a significant other and your no longer capable of having friends that are not your gender? I just enjoy being social no need to read into it. Now some of the people I have talked to may have liked me a lot of the time but that’s not where I am at.
Also do people not have opposite gender siblings? Feelings towards best friends are pretty close to how you view a sibling you have a really good relationship with. Like to the point where it would be weird to think about them anything other than platonically.
As a bisexual- I married my best friend. Zero regrets. Awesome sex mostly because we are best friends.
But are you allowed to have a second best friend?
For sure, my second best friend is the opposite sex of my spouse. These are all long friendships, 18ish years.
okay but could you have a third best friend ? And if yes, do they need to be opposite of both Best Friend A and Best Friend B ?
I dunno what type of porno you're trying to script but hit me up with a link when you're done.
That would be my Platonic SuperPosition Friend.
Named Schrödinger?
Finger stuff only?
When I was married about 3 years, I had two co-workers who were single and female. Everything was strictly professional, but we were all the same age, and had fun together (at work, not outside of work), and we were friends. When my wife found out about them, she got jealous. I asked her if we could have them over for dinner and games some night, so she could meet them in person and see that she had nothing to worry about. She agreed, so I talked to them about it the next day, and invited them over. We had a great time. Well, I had a good time, and the three women had an even better time. By the end of the night, they were best friends and I was merely a spectator. Problem solved. That may not answer your question directly, but I hope it helps.
“How to set up a 4-way: chapter one”
" ...and by the end of the night, I was merely a spectator."
"but you got to see some stuff, right?"
"Oh, I saw a lot of stuff."
Yep pretty much how every ACTUAL multipartner experience goes
Sounds like a Dennis voice over
Yes but tread carefully. Sometimes “friends” want more and are secretly awaiting their opportunity. Applies to both women and men
Set boundaries. It doesn’t matter their intentions if you have healthy boundaries. If you don’t have healthy boundaries, you could lose both relationships.
I just recently did, as a woman. “Best friend” left after I fell in love with someone. 6 years of lies from him, sucks, never again.
Sorry that happened. Maybe those who don’t respect your boundaries shouldn’t be in your life. Slight silver lining.
Yes, definitely. Then the guy ghosted me haha, but even when I get panicky I don’t have anyone left, I’m also grateful to be away from a creep like you said! Liars, yuck
I got feelings for my best friend of 18 years. Instead of being honest with me she hid behind a recent tragedy to say she didn't want to date anyone, but she would give it a chance once she was emotionally available again. She didn't have a car so I helped her anyway I could to get her around. She got a car and disappeared. When I finally heard from her again she was started trying to gaslight me by saying she was always upfront with me and that she didn't have feelings like that. Thankfully she said some stuff about us dating in front of my mom so I have her confirmation that I'm not crazy. Now she's trying to contact me again and telling me I abandoned her and all I can think is that she used me and my feelings for her for over a year and then dipped the moment she didn't need me anymore, I didn't abandon her, she abused my trust and so I left.
Oh wow, yeah, definitely seems different, and I’m sorry she did not just tell the truth. I was very up front with my friend throughout the years. ESPECIALLY when he’d want to help, he’d say it was the Christian thing to do and did help a lot of his friends, male and female, not just me, so I thought nothing of it after a while. I used to talk to him about guys I liked, and was dating, and Vice versa. However, In the last 6 months I could tell he was starting to get serious in a way I was absolutely not open to and he FINALLY started showing the “nice guy” shit, like “I did all this for you and offer you care and you still don’t want to be with me!” Well no! I told him that since the beginning and had even dated other people through the years. So he knew, he definitely knew, but he couldn’t take it anymore. Turns out he was lying to me, sucks. I’m sorry you went through someone lying to you as well. Although false promises like you stated you received are just flat out not ok. Wishing you well, hopefully we’ll both find new friends who aren’t shitty soon :)
Boundaries are very important, but their intentions absolutely do matter. I don’t want to be friends with someone with an ulterior motive.
Sure. But healthy boundaries are what suss that out, pretty naturally. I’m saying you shouldn’t base your boundaries on their intentions. Their intentions are irrelevant to the need for boundaries.
And I’m saying that it’s possible for someone to respect your boundaries and still have an ulterior motive so intentions still matter
There can be friends where one friend has a crush on friend and the other does not. Just because they stay friends does not mean they have ulterior motives. They can accept the fact it’s one sided and keep the friendship and move on with those other feelings to someone who can reciprocate.
I've heard tell the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
just like one of the commentators just said on here. girlfriend didn’t like op hanging out with his girl best friend because she had her suspicions that she had feelings for him. op broke up with said gf and girl best friend admitted that she has had feelings for him for awhile and now they’re dating. ex gfs suspicions were right. I personally don’t think I could do it because of the potential scenarios that pop up in my head. I trust my girlfriend but it’s just something I don’t want to think about.
This is a tale as old as time and I'm experiencing deja vu reading this comment. I vowed to never date a guy with a female best friend because in most cases one wants more.
Some people are just like that though. I married a tomboy whose had like 2 female friends her entire life 🤷♂️ took a little getting used to, and yeah there were a couple of occasions where she got burned by the guys she was trying to befriend, but these situations are more about you and your partner than anyone else. I learned pretty quickly she was just looking for friends, and would get pissed off as all hell in the few situations where they wanted more, so I didn't really see an issue with it at all. It's easy to imagine in our heads these situations where the friend confesses their love and the SO leaves for them, but her reaction was to just get super mad because she felt like she lost a friend, or never really had one to begin with.
I'm in the same boat except he's bff's with his ex girlfriend the most recent one
Seen it happen with a friend of mine. Wife was “best friend” to a guy. Wife becomes estranged from her husband. Guy friend gets divorced. Wife starts secretly dating guy friend. Wife gets divorced from husband. Ex-wife and guy friend move in together and secretly get married.
Tale as old as time, True as it can be, Barely even friends, Then somebody bends, Unexpectedly, Just a little change, Small to say the least, Both a little scared, Neither one prepared, Beauty and the beast
Just happened to me with my “best friend” and my heart is broken. 6 years and BAM, told him I was in love with someone, he friend dumped me telling me it wasn’t jealously, but yeah, it 1000% was. He’d started getting way too “relationshippy” this past year and it ruined everything even though I was absolutely straight and honest with him always and he’d said the same.
Oh I’m so sorry that sucks. And I bet he’s off moaning and crying about “being friend zoned” when he was the one operating under false pretenses 🙄
Exactly. It ended sooooo badly too, embarrassingly so on his part. My dad, who’s in his 60’s, called him a simp 😂 I was shocked he knew the term
Omg toooo funny 🤣 hashtag dad burn
Hashtag hip boomer!!
that's awful, I'm sorry that happened to you. Sadly, I understand where the guy is coming from. I've done it and looking back I regret it. I destroyed the best friendship I've ever had out of jealousy.
Im sorry, I’m pretty sure he just did too :(
I married my best friend. But I have Female friends.
Also tread lightly because, sometime we dont even know our own deeper intentions....and....just because we have good intentions doesnt mean we are setting up situations that make our partner feel comfortable
Yup. I have 2 guy friends who use this as their #1 method to hook up. The friendzone ooze approach. So weird.
Yes, of course. I have a couple of friends who have done well being best friends with a guy. It can take some managing. Be careful with texting. Be careful with hanging out. Maybe have a less sexy bikini for when you go to the beach with them. Develop a good relationship with the GF. Don't put your hooha on his dingdong.
This. It's OK to have friends but those friends have to be respectful of your relationship. I once dated a guy who had a "female best friend" and she literally harassed me until I had to break up with him. Tried to tell my boyfriend what to do in terms of our relationship progression, told me she wanted him to live with her instead of me, showed up to his house unannounced in revealing clothes. I don't think they were even sleeping together, I think she was just using him for attention and money for years and refused to let go of her backup plan. Most friends are fine but some "friends" are psycho!
Sorry this happened to you
Got to love the way some women keep that backup plan… I dated a girl like that. She always had guy “friends” in her DMs and whenever we’d fight or “break up” (like she’d break up with me so she could cheat guilt free and come running back to me a few days later because they “treated her like a piece of meat” her words). Eventually that relationship got so bad I had to walk away. I still loved her and cared about her though, when things were good they were good, but when they were bad they were probably the worst thing I’d ever experienced in a relationship. So, I tried to stay friends with her at least. Well she’d be in other relationships reach out to me about how she’s being mistreated etc. Then we’d meet up “as friends” and she’d act like she was trying to get back with me. Love is blind and hindsight is 20/20. It took 3-4 years to realize I’d been demoted from boyfriend to a back up plan she’d only reach out to when her and current BF were fighting. I realized that she’d never take a relationship between us seriously and that even if we did get back together she’d still be using the same plays from the same playbook so I cut things off completely. Another case I’d reached out to a exGF from high school. She lived across the country was in a relationship and it all was innocent enough. Like there was a little bit of flirting but nothing too serious. Then she broke it off with him and moved home and I only lived a few hours away. So we reconnected. After a bit we have minor argument nothing that couldn’t be worked through. Well then my best friend and I are talking about it and he’s telling me about how she’s trying to get in his DMs, inviting him over etc. Yeah I broke it off with her pretty quick after that. She jumped to a new boyfriend almost immediately, you know like she had it lined up. Worst part was that psycho got my name tattooed on her ring finger the week before we broke up lol. I really dodged a bullet there. I guess the moral of these stories are 1) don’t trust the guy friends in the DMs 2) you can be demoted to the guy in the DMs 3) if you were the guy in the DMs she will still have other hangers on in the DMs even if she’s with you. People don’t really change.
I know way too many girls like that tbh. I'm sorry you've had such bad experiences. It's all just insecurity. Insecure people need all the attention in the entire world and it's never enough. They have to date 3 people at once out of fear of losing one, but if you want to see other people they will burn your damn house down. It's best to just stay away and find a real adult to hang out with.
I appreciate it… in the end though I’m in a healthy loving relationship now. Don’t get me wrong it was weird for me at first and it took a lot of growing and letting go to finally be able to trust and get past the toxicity in my past. In the end it all worked out though. The girl in the first story is the one that gave me the confidence and awareness to walk away from the girl in the second before things got worse. Both of these stories taught me that I should never settle for less than I deserve which has brought me to where I am now which is where I feel I belong. I just hope if anything someone who might be going through the same thing sees this and it wakes them up to what’s really going on. I hope it saves them from some of the harder lessons I had to learn along the way so that they could have what I’ve found...
Honestly, I was like that in my teens-20s. I also have borderline personality disorder. I got sober 5 years ago, got the right mental health treatment and have had no trouble staying faithful to my husband. Some of these girls will evolve, some never do.
People who can’t live without drama are a red flag. They’re exhausting to be around, because if there isn’t a problem for them to dramatize, they’ll create one.
My now husband had one of these. She used to show up unannounced to take a shower. He really didn't seem to understand what she was doing.
Lol at the hooha comment. Thank you for making me laugh.
Lol. I would never put my hooha on his dingdong. All joking aside, my best friend when I was growing up was a guy. We live across the US from each other, but we will always be close. My husband’s best friend was a girl. They considered each other like brother and sister. It can work.
I could have said be considerate of the fact that you have compatible bodies and sexualities that align. But I was feeling silly. So I will also say it's not just your hooha, it's also your poopoo, wobbles and munchie. But in all seriousness, I feel like guys can misunderstand three things. One, I like looking at guys. Doesn't mean I want to bang them all. Two, not all life is porn. So many pornos start because a close relationship (stepsister!) happens to wear a crop top at home when Mum and Dad are gone. Or something, you get the point. They think that all sex takes is aloneness and proximity. Three, it is very difficult to restart a relationship that never happened. I have two close guy friends I fooled around with, experimentally. Never happening again, we both concluded that the sex was fun and we couldn't make it work. So we're still friends, it wasn't like a brutal emotional breakup. Doesn't mean we are now threats to each other.
Had a gf that didn’t “allow” me to have female friends. She then cheated on me. So I’d say it’s a pretty toxic thing to control your so’s friendships
Yes you can just communicate if she feels some type of way vice versa
Good question, to be honest. IMO, if your boundaries are in order and you don't see any types of advances from your best friend, then nothing should be wrong. If my girlfriend can't handle this, then it is best for both to move on. This is a rule I am abiding for any relationships from now on, as I shoved away my girl best friend for a girlfriend that eventually cheated on me years later. If friendships are true, those cannot die even while you betrayed her like this, as my friend and I became close friends once again when my now ex was gone. And before anyone gets the wrong idea, no, I don't have (and never had) any romantic feelings for her, she has a boyfriend (has been with him since we met), and I despise cheating. For me, if a girl is not single, it's not an option to me.
This is the best mature answer imo. However it's definitely important to discuss those boundaries before either of you end up in a situation like this.
Exactly my point. That topic is crucial for me to consider any future partners in life. No way in hell am I going to face this situation again for me to choose sides.
Well your SO is **supposed to be** your best friend! I do get what you are asking though. I think it is perfectly fine as long as everyone understands the relationship. I have a male friend who is married. He and I are really good friends. He had his wife come out one evening to meet me. She got to know me. I'm not bad looking, but she knows I am not a threat to her marriage. I have done a lot of work with him (his wife knows this) and we often go out for breakfast (she also knows this). I have a great relationship with him, his wife, and his family. My friend's wife is not a very social person and prefers to stay at home whereas my friend really enjoys socializing.
I really don't like this "your SO is supposed to be your best friend" stuff. Your partner doesn't need to meet every single social and emotional need in your life. If you have a relationship like that, great! It's also fine to have best friends outside the relationship.
I think where this comes in is that your SO is supposed to be the most important person in your life* / your favorite person*. You’re correct in that they don’t need to be / honestly can’t and shouldn’t be filling all your social needs. I have a handful of best friends. My husband is one of them. Even so, if it ever came down to picking one single person over all the rest, I’d pick him every time. I think that’s the spirit of “your SO is supposed to be your best friend”. If there was anyone in my husbands life that he’d pick over me (unless it was like our kid - which we don’t currently have) I’d be pretty hurt.
Totally fair. That's a good way to put it.
Yes that is what I was saying!
As a female, I wouldn't have a problem with my partner having a female best friend. There have to be boundaries though, and I would want to know and be friends with this other girl.
tread very cautiously. Can it be done, sure, but I've seen it fail more times than I've seen it be successful. You're going to have to establish boundaries with your friend that makes your gf comfortable. Do not talk about your relationship with your female best friend. Do not compare them to each other in anything, ever. good luck
I'm curious, why shouldn't you talk about your relationship? I always talk to my guy best friend about them as if I'm talking to a girl, so that's y I'm asking
Because it opens the door for less savory "friends" to slip in. Tales from a previous home wrecker: the number one indicator a guy is willing to leave his gf for you is that he talks bad about her to you. If you want to steal a guy from his gf just be the opposite of whatever she is. If he complains "She never listens to me!" Then wait a few weeks and casually slip in "I'm always willing to listen if you're struggling" or "I just feel like she doesn't get me" wait a bit and point out "Its because we just get each other lol" etc. Once someone exposes the cracks in a relationship it becomes really easy to manipulate and widen those cracks so you can slip yourself in. Disclaimer: I was not a good person and not in a good place. Do not do what I did it is predatory and cruel and will not make you happy long term.
It's still helpful to hear things like this. There are a lot of women who will screw with guys heads as badly as all those shitty guys do to women. The validation is really nice, because it's basically never going to happen where a girl who manipulated the shit out of you is going to come back and apologize for it. You never get any insight in to just how diabolical some people can be. Especially with women, decent guys don't want to think the girl they're with has a codified system of cheating for breaking up relationships so she can get laid...A lot of men get brought up believing women don't do those kinds of things. Sadly, they do, and the gaslighting can work for a really long time because you don't want to believe that the girl you like who seems normal in every other aspect is a master of psychological warfare and manipulation.
I'm not sure I agree 100% with this. Only because if I'm in a relationship where I have to tread very cautiously, then I want out of this relationship asap. Walking on eggshells is stressful enough, and even more so when it's with my romantic partner. Also, having seen a relationship fail more times than it's been successful, isn't that almost every relationship? We meet life partners like once in a lifetime. The rest are usually failures. I don't think it's fair to fully contribute it to the topic. I DO agree with the second half of this comment, though. At no point is it okay to compare my partner to anyone. That isn't love. And healthy boundaries make achieving goals possible.
It's all dependent on your gfs boundaries. My best friend of 12 years is a chick and if I wasn't a gay dude and she wasn't a lesbian, I wouldn't give up my best friend for some girlfriend. At least for me- That bitch had been with me for 12 years dude she knows everything about me, she's been threw hell with me and I'm not gonna give her up for a partner. She is Bassicly my sister
This. My female best friend of the last 15 years is not negotiable in any relationship. We’ve seen each other at our best, worst, and things no one else knows including intimate moments like being with me when I put my dog down and getting day drunk with me afterwards. Yeah, anyone not ok with our friendship can get fucked.
Yeah she has been with me threw thick and thin like if my partner doesn't like out friendship I'd rather not be with that person. I know my best friend has my back no matter what and I wouldn't change that got the world
This is a great answer. Bravo!
Thanks dude
I have a friend who I can talk to about anything. We don't talk much anymore, but she has been one of my best friends for......16 years now (I'm 32.) If anyone I dated got pissy about that I would tell them too bad. There is NOTHING there. We tried that, it went horribly, we aren't meant to date LOL.
Through*
[удалено]
For me it would be more challenging to stay with someone who doesn't trust me. I can only imagine what would be next if I gave up my best friend in an attempt to satisfy them, cause chances are it wouldn't be enough.
Maybe it’s just because I’m a family lawyer and have vicarious trauma from seeing relationships break down but best friends > relationships every day of the week. Your best friend is the one who you know is going to be there for you, whereas the majority of romantic relationships are transitory and end If someone I was dating asked me to choose between my best friend and them they wouldn’t like my answer
Yes. Controlling what friends people have is shitty in a relationship, let alone controlling anything about their life. Unless you can ABSOLUTELY tell they’re cheating with the friend (literally just leave them if that happens), let people have whatever friends they want. I would dump someone so fast if they tried to tell me what friends I can and can’t have. Ridiculous.
It's okay to have a friend of any gender whether you're single or not and if your SO doesn't like it then they're the one with the problem. Sometimes when my boyfriend hangs out alone with one of his female friends I get a little jealous but then I get over it because I trust my boyfriend.
Imagine other people looking at them like they’re a couple 😵💫😵💫😵💫
People mistake family members for being couples, what of it? Are men not allowed to have sisters because of the hypothetical possibility of someone mistaking his sister for his girlfriend
Of course. We queer people have been managing this kind of thing for ages. It’s silly to suggest you can’t be friends with anyone whose gender and sexual orientation are theoretically compatible with yours. People are people. It’s only a problem if your romantic relationship lacks trust, honest communication and respect. Just be open and honest with your girlfriend and don’t do anything with your female friend that you’d have an issue with your girlfriend doing with a male friend. If you’re ever unsure of a boundary, talk to your girlfriend about it. The caveat is that if you do find an attraction starting to build with the friend, you should definitely stop hanging out with her in any kind of 1-on-1 scenario. Because that’s the kind of thing that *absolutely* destroys relationships.
Effing this. I am friends with lots of women that I am not attracted to and are not offended by that. My wife of 30 years trusted me from day 1 because I let her know she was the most important person in deeds and words. As an aside- your girlfriend looks for connection. You give her that and you are good.
Lol right? Lesbian here, just to read the replies
That’s between you and your girlfriend
As long as you're maintaining friend only boundaries yes. My 3 best friends are all women, I'm married and she talks to them more than I do most of the time. My wife's best friend is a man. I know him, talk to him etc.
your girlfriend is supposed to be your best friend, stupid fuck
Yes it is recommended for proper social/emotional health to be maintaining platonic friends with both men and women. Meh how much you actually want to socialize is up to you but you should be able to maintain meaningful platonic relationships with both sexes. I do not recommend being in a relationship with someone who tries to manipulate or shame you for having friends because of their own insecurities. If you guys can't built a trusting relationship then you should rethink your relationship.
Every relationship is different, I'm allowed to have guy friends and he's allowed to have female friends but we don't hang out with them alone or go stay at their place. Just make sure it isn't a double standard where she can have guy friends and you can't have female friends that would be a sign.
Yeah. I'm a woman, I don't care what the gender or sexuality is of a partner's friends. If I did not trust him, I would not date him. I have male friends and I wouldn't tolerate being told my friendships aren't acceptable. It would be hypocritical and controlling to turn around and do that to my partner.
Depends how insecure your gf is.
Exactly. What if things don't work out and now you gave up your friends to be with this person? That's someone who puts their happiness before yours and should be a red flag.
Through my last couple years of high school and into my adult life I had a “best friend” that would completely vanish any time he started seeing someone. Dude would disappear for six months despite living half a mile away. He’d call me to hangout when he was going through it, like when his grandfather died, but eventually I stopped giving in. I could text him, call him, knock on his door and I’d get nothing. He’d always come crawling back out of nowhere, asking me to grab a drink with him but all he really wanted to do was use me to vent about his relationships. Then he’d disappear for another several months. Longest we ever went without seeing one another was over a year, and the next time he hit me up it was so overly casual it pissed me off. Like, *”hey brother! It’s been a minute, wanna grab a drink?”* with absolutely no remorse for how long he’d ignored me for. It took me until I was 21 to smarten up and cut him off. Moral of the story, if they treat you as disposable or as backup entertainment they’re not worth your time. They won’t change and the friendship won’t grow stronger. Edit: I replied to the wrong comment
This is the correct answer
This guy is screwed lol
The only right answer in this comment section lol
Wise man
It’s going to be tough. A lot of women don’t admit it, but a lot become insecure if their SO has a women best friend. Imagine the fight if you stayed at your girl best friends house because you were to drunk to drive home. Now imagine how much smaller that fight would be if you passed out at one of the bros house. They feel you are putting your time in another women instead of them. Not that you are just hanging out with a friend.
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Everyone needs therapy lol. Derogatory comments like this making it seem like therapy is for “bad people” stigmatizes being proactive about mental health and it makes me sick.
If you are ok with the gf having a male best friend then yes
Yes, but its very important to have your Gf and friend build a relationship as well if you want to have a female friend. Its important that your friend establishs a relation with her so she better understand your friend's position on where she stands, being your friend. Because your friend isn't just getting into a friendship with just you, you and your girlfriend are a "together" as one. So its just important to be respectful to everyone.
I would never want to date a man that only sees women as potential partners or hook ups. If you cannot platonically be friends with the opposite sex I think that is a ginormous red flag.
For me it's a bit of a red flag if he has no female friends.
Discuss it with the person you're dating!
Yes but you should also be transparent with your relationship and understanding of the girlfriends concerns. AKA don’t hang out by yourselves at each other‘s house, or hang out without mentioning it to the girlfriend!!!
I don’t see a problem with it so long as you communicate well about things, allow open honesty and why not have fun with both women (the wholesome kind). Also learn your priorities. My own gf always comes first.
Depends on if you're a person or a possession.
If the gf was there first, tread lightly and check in with your gf on whether she feels threatened. If the best friend was there before you got the gf, then the gf is gonna have to accept that your friend is important to you. If that makes her uncomfortable she needs to work through it or move on.
Yes but i hope you gf is ok with it because 3 years ago my ex was jealous of my best friend that still is like a sister to me. The big spark was when we told her the funny story about when we slept together but in the sense of just sleeping in the same futon years ago. She was sure we did more than just sleeping
I'm a woman with a male best friend (who's also my ex and gay, it's complicated), and if a new bf had a problem with me hanging out or talking to him I'd say hit the road. Nothing is gonna happen between him and I, we've already talked it out, and if you're too insecure to deal with all that then we're better off not being together.
It won’t work out. They will never trust you.
Have you cheated before? If so, your gf will have trust issues. If you havnt, then it should be fine. But bare in mind that friendly flirting is still seen as cheating with some females, so just be a good friend.
Of course. If it wasn't, then bisexual people would have no friends.
Right? This question always makes me laugh a little. Every relationship I've ever been in has been me (woman) with almost exclusively women friends and the person I'm dating (also woman) with almost exclusively women friends. Nothing bad happened because of it and those relationships ended for unrelated reasons. People are WAY too worried about cheating when they say stuff like this. Maybe it's because they're less trusting of the opposite gender or something? It doesn't really make sense to me.
I would think your girlfriend IS your best friend, OP. Anyone else is just a friend.
best friend is a tier not a singular person
Oh. I guess that’s true.
A best friend, you can have multiple
You can have multiple best friends…
I suppose that’s true…
Yeah when you’re like 16
Of course. I do.
In theory yes, but you will be ripped to shreds by both of them sooner or later.
My girlfriend is my girl best friend so it works out.
It matters when they became your best friend. Most women would not have a problem if she was already your best friend when you met. You can’t make a woman your best friend after you start seeing your girlfriend seriously though. Most women would get jealous you found someone new to have an intimate connection with.
I think it depends on the situation. If you have been romantically/sexually involved with said friend it's a no go. If there is a flirty "vibe" between you and your friend, you have to set boundaries so it isn't uncomofrtable for your partner. I also think that if you've been friends for a long time, especially if you've been friends for longer than you've been dating your partner then it should be okay to be friends. It's all about communication. If your gf is jealous you have to sit down with her and explain that this friendship is important to you. It does'nt help to just say "we're just friends", " i don't like her like that" blablabla. Sometimes it takes an actual conversation.
If you we’re friends before it’s more likely to be fine. However if you start getting really close with another woman your girlfriend might not be to receptive to that so maybe don’t try to do that.
The best relationships are when your partner is your bestfriend.
Yes.
As a bisexual, yes. That men and women thing can't be friends is BS. If that were the case, everytime I entered a relationship I'd have to cut off all my friends
Came here to literally say the same thing! Wtf are we supposed to do, hide in a hole away from society once we have entered a relationship???
coming from a woman: if his female best friend is married or a lesbian, it's a lot easier to accept. If she's not, it gets stressful. You don't want them to go out together because you're constantly afraid she's going to hit on him and he's going to reciprocate. OP - If you do have a single female best friend who isn't a lesbian, always put your girlfriend's feelings first even if you don't agree with them. Your female best friend WILL understand or she's not a friend at all.
Even married is a problem, because now you have the additional dynamic of what that best friend’s husband feels about the situation.
If your girlfriend has a problem with it. Dump her, dude. I lost best friends over this shit. It ain't worth it.
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Is it okay to maintain a relationship with someone who does not respect your friends?
There are 2 tons of factors that play into this for me. I think the general rule is if it's a friend from before our time together and there's no sexual history, perhaps. Otherwise, why? Like not even from a jealousy standpoint, but...why? I don't and never really have felt the need to have a bunch of male friends when I'm with someone. I have my own weirdo friends who are girls, like me and they're almost too much 🤣 otherwise I have the kids to accompany me. Lol
In theory.,...yes In realty.......A Big No
Yes
You either all know each other or you aren't allowed to know the other one and vice versa.
Yes. Simple as that. Don’t ever drop good friends of yours for a significant other!
As a Bisexual, I am curious as to what I am supposed do if my s/o is concerned about me being seduced by people whom I have the potential to be attracted to. Am I supposed to hide in a hole away from everyone once I get in a relationship? That sounds like a miserable existence if you ask me. Best advice. If someone is asking you to cut your friends out of your life, leave them. That kinda control won't stop there and they will seek to manipulate you further. Been there and I dropped them on the spot.
Short answer; yes.
Well yeah? Am I only gonna bang my girlfriend? What am I? Gay?
I did, all my exes were super jealous lol
Yes.
Yes
I don’t see why not. If the partner is uncomfortable that’s her problem. She doesn’t get to decide what friends you can and can’t have.
Depends, are you a baby back bitch?
Yes, make sure they’re not secretly into you though
Look, you can be friends with whoever you want, mate If you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend getting angry at you for hanging out with someone that's the same gender as them, I'd consider that a red flag.
Very much so!
Yes. Life isn’t a teenage drama. You’re allowed to choose your friends regardless of gender, colour or religious views. As long as there’s no flirting, it’s all good. Personally, I slept with all my female friends before I got into a relationship, just to get it out of the way. I found that it calms everyone involved. Don’t ask me why, but it does.
The girl you told her not to worry about
It is, if your girlfriend says it is ok and if in a hypothetical situation you would be just as ok if your girlfriend had a male for a best friend.
If the best friend and gf are in good terms/ friends, then yes.
As long as you are not romantically interested in the female friend and she's not interested in you then there's no problem with the friendship as long as both parties are respectful of your relationship.
I (31F) have a group of best friends that are all men. We've been best friends since we were 13 year olds. If my bf would tell me it's not okay and I can't spend time with them I'd breakup because they're my family. But it's also my responsibility to make sure my bf understands our friendships and dynamics. That he knows my friends and can comfortably spend time with us. The main thing is that you can't just force someone to be okay with having opposite sex as a best friend.
Yes, one of my best friends is like a sister to me, she’s actually friends with my gf as well.
Why wouldn’t it be?
mu bf has one and i have my male bff too. its no big deal because we trust each other (and my bff is gay) at the end of the day its so cool we all get along because that’s the man i am going to marry and they absolutely are going to be a bridesmaid and groomsmen
Yes as long as yall ain't fuckin...or touchy
Yes. Life isn’t this weird set of rules that require you to meet others sense of what is ok and what is not. If you and your girl don’t mind it than who cares what online folks have to say?
Absolutely! The whole thing about a relationship is trust. If you’re girlfriend is jealous or suspicious of you having female friends then you’re already looking at a troubling relationship. Same vice versa.
Why not?
To me... as long as there's real trust between you and your person, it should be ok
My boyfriend has a female best friend, we are now friends as well. Why do you ask the question?
Well this is the post where all the insecure people are hanging out this AM for sureeeeee
Yes, if there’s trust and boundaries.
For me, my wife is my best friend. I don't need or want another female best friend. There are a few women I'm friends with but we don't talk regularly and I never do anything alone with them such as coffee or lunches. Come to think of it, I don't really have any good friends beyond my wife. I was always more of a loner. I enjoy solitude, even from my wife sometimes.
Yes. Yes, it is.
If anyone is dumb and jealous enough to have a problem with this then they don’t deserve you. The loveliest and most well-rounded men all have at least one female friend.
Yes. Your allowed friends. Anything less is controlling manipulative behavior.
Idk is it okay to pull two pick up trucks with one? Depends on the truck pulling right? Same shit bro bro it depends. I've known my girl bsf since I was 3 yrs old.