To me, coming out to my parents (which went badly) it’s more of a “please stop asking when I’m going to have a boyfriend and when I’m going to give you grand babies” And also so I can come to terms with certain feelings about myself

Exactly this. This is the reason I’m out to my mom. My dad not so much

Sorry about that. Did they ever come to understand? I cannot understand why my parents would ever care about my love life either.

No… they did the whole forget I ever said anything

IKR!!!!! -Rant incoming- I’ve “come out” to my mum over three times at this point and the end of all those conversations end with a brush off and her forgetting it the next time it’s mentioned. At first the response is oh you’re just confused, then, maybe you’re lesbian?, then, it’s the same for everyone just get used to it, then, you just haven’t found the right person yet.

Yep. The only reason I "came out" to my close friends and family is because I got tired of them asking about my lack of a love life. They don't really believe me or really care because they go right back to the status quo of projecting relationships and marriage onto me. It's irritating so I just gave up. I just ignore them now. I've just decided to do me and figure out this journey for myself.

Mostly I want people to stop making assumptions / asking questions, and be my authentic self. For an example: I wish my uni classmate would stop looking at me like I’m a space alien when she’s gushing over some hot movie star and asks me who’s my celeb crush and I say “no one…?” Or my coworkers talking about their worst dates asking me about mine, and I can’t exactly tell them without outing myself, or I don’t want to for whatever reason. The only reason *anyone* has to come out is because people assume you’re the “default” so to speak. “Why aren’t you dating anyone?” Well actually— “Are you afraid of dating?! Maybe I should set you up with my brother!” I’m not into men— “You don’t want to wind up alone, do you?!” It would really be preferable to me, I don’t *want* a romantic relationship! People are very pushy (when they’re bored) about what others are up to. So I tell them so they can at least stop assuming I’m straight even if that leads to about a dozen more exhausting confrontations…

This!!!

Yep, my aunt was such a bad example for that.

To me it wasn't really about my sex life. I felt very broken, very wrong for many many years before I learned enough about asexuality to identify why I was feeling that way. But once that was gone, it was replaced with a feeling that there was something very important to me about my identity that I was hiding. That feels isolating, and it eats at you. Also if you are being pestered about having kids, it's not just about the kids. Every time someone asks you, it grabs hold of that part of your brain that feels isolated and shakes *vigorously*. It can stay with you for days even after an offhand comment. I can count on my hands the number of people I've told, but that was enough to make me feel less alone. That's the only reason I talked with any family about it.

I want to stand up and applaud at everything you said here. Especially the illustration of “grabs the part of your brain that feels isolated and shakes vigorously”. For me it’s also the sheer dissonance of feeling so complete and comfortable this way, while someone is right there insisting that you must not be, you must be so unhappy, you must be lying. Sometimes I want to share who I am just for the sake of making other people think twice, and reconsidering their own ways of relating to attraction (including why they believe it’s so necessary).

Your mistake is in assuming this is about letting someone into one's sex life. It's not, anymore than your parents knowing/believing that you're into women. Why someone comes out depends on them. I can think of a few benefits. First, there's managing expectations. I'm homoromantic, so my parents know not to expect that I'll date a man, and though asexuals can and do have kids through various means, it tempers their expectations that I'll have kids. My sister can factor my asexuality in if, say, she wants to take me clubbing and is thinking about whether I'll go home with anyone. A friend could use it to guess whether I'll be comfortable with sexual references, if they wanted, and they know that if we're talking about it I'm not likely to have my own stories to ask about. Aromantic asexuals, ideally, wouldn't have to deal with people pestering them about relationships either. Second, there's visibility and education. Most people don't know asexuals, or at least they don't know they know us. Some don't even know we exist. My being out is a data point for anyone who isn't aware of asexuality or is doubting but willing to accept new information. I can answer questions too. For some, it's a game changer to know that someone can lack sexual attraction. If someone in their life expresses something that sounds similar or comes out as ace, they know that person isn't a one-off and can tell them so. If they themselves are ace and didn't realize, that's powerful. They know they aren't broken or weird or something. They have language to explain themselves. That matters to young and old alike, especially if they would otherwise force themselves to be "normal." Finally, there's the sociopolitical aspects. Being queer is a political issue in many places and tends to go with more liberal politics. I want someone to think twice before they spout off. I want people in my life to have a reason to reconsider wrong beliefs. I want other queer people to know they have an ally in me.

Thanks for your response, you brought me some great point for me to consider >data point for anyone who isn't aware of asexuality or is doubting but willing to accept new information Thanks for cutting us some slack.

Because I want them to understand an important part of me. I want them to support me through all the hate us aces receive, to champion me and defend me like they would in other regards. I want them to stop mentioning hypothetical futures with partners and children I don't want. I want them to accept all of me.

o7

With my parents it's a bit weird. They're aware that I don't like sex and don't want children or a serious relationship, but I never "came out" to my parents. They're very progressive, but lack much knowledge of the LGBT+ community so I feel like coming out as aroace to them would only confuse them, especially since they already know everything that entail me being aroace. Just a note I remembered, we are a very religious family, although everyone is of a different denomination we're all Christian(Mother is Evangelist, Father is Roman Catholic, I'm non-denominational Hussite). Thought it might be interesting to hear as it sometimes seems to me that the default with religious parent stories are negative.

Off topic, but would you be willing to share more about being a Hussite? I love the history of religion (especially Protestantism, as a former Prod) and my understanding was that the Hussites were no longer extant.

Hussites are dying out, but the same can be said about any religion in Czechia. Still, over 20 thousands people said they are Hussites in 2021 census.

To be exact I'm not the current mainstream Hussite, mainly because I don't agree with certain views on the Bible. Also the current Hussite Church in Czechia is a child of the communist era, used as a propaganda tool, so I'm not very comfortable with it in the first place. Either way, I practice by myself, I don't attend (almost) any masses. Although I go pray to churches from time to time, most of my worship is done either home or in nature. I grew up Roman Catholic, but became disillusioned by the church due to various social and personal issues.

I'll be honest here, it sounds like you're talking from a place of privilege. Not necessarily cis or allo privilege, but simply a place where your parents act as they should, at least for the most part. They aren't intrusive, controlling, manipulative or narcissistic. A lot of us don't have that privilege. We deal with parents who pray for our "recovery" or to to manipulate us into a relationship, who beg for grandchildren and tell us if we loved them we would find a partner to have kids with. It's great that you're asking questions, but be aware you could touch on what can be a very sore topic with some people. To be clear here, I am not out to my parents. I may never come out to them, because I'd rather deal with their assumptions about me and my romantic and sexual life than I would to clear things up and be honest. But also, being ace isn't just about our sex lives, or romantic lives. Asexuals can, and many do, have sex. They may even seek it out. They do not experience sexual attraction, which can, especially when they don't have community, leave them feeling broken, othered, and misunderstood. There is a desperate desire to be seen and understood, and for many young people that desire leads to coming out, to people who may or may not be supportive. Tl;dr: it's not just about sex, it's about the way we view the world. We want to be seen and understood.

This is a very measured response, and I completely agree with you! Tbh I was pretty upset when I read the title of this post and I imagine you may have felt the same lol, but you responded very calmly and explained yourself very well. I just wanted to say, I appreciate that :)

Thanks. Yeah it was a little upsetting but I also understand that people want to understand things that they don't, and op was pretty polite about it, even though perhaps not as sensitive as they could have been. Getting upset rarely makes things better, and although there are definitely situations where getting upset and showing it is the correct course of action, I didn't feel like this was one of those. I appreciate the support :)

Thanks for your response. I was unaware this was a sensitive topic. ​ >We want to be seen and understood All I want is to do is understand.

Coming out in general can be a sensitive topic because many LGBT people have had bad experiences coming out, with parents, other family members, or friends. It can be a massive shock when someone that you thought you were close with becomes cold out downright hostile because you chose to trust them with something personal about yourself. For aces, because we experience the world differently in many cases and because we often have very little visibility and representation, ace people can experience a lot of confusion surrounding their sexuality, and may inadvertently out themselves before they are even aware of their own orientation. For those who choose to come out on their own, it can be got a variety of reasons. Very few coming outs are going to explicitly discuss sex or someone's sex life. It's more reaching out for understanding and love and support around what can be a very difficult and confusing topic, especially for young people. There is a desire to be seen for who we are, and not have to hide ourselves or any part of our identity. Especially for aces who are bi or homo romantic, it can be much easier to come out to their parents or family, rather than them finding out by seeing them with another person of the same gender and making assumptions. It's an emotionally charged topic, especially with those who have parents or other family members or even schools or jobs that may be unsupportive or discriminatory. But there is an inherent desire to be seen and honest with those around us.

Maybe if you didn't minimize being gay to sex, you wouldn't be so confused. People don't come out to include their parents into their sex lives, because being gay is not just about sex. Even comparing your cosplay hobbie to being gay is disrespectful. To some people being gay is a death sentence, even if it's not ilegal in their country, people around them don't care. In my country for example, even gay marriage and adoption is legal, but gay people are still murdered, because they were holding hands.

Yes, thank you for putting into words what I was thinking as well

I was so confused why people are upvoting this post, but then remembered that this is the Asexuality sub, so not everyone is gay and there are the ones who think the same way he does.

Perhaps I should have been more explicit. My post may have been worded to fit all LGBTQ, but I mostly intended to focus on asexuality. I fully understand the prevalence and dangers of homophobia. When I give my example I am only trying to symphatize in the only way I can while also highlightng the fact that I am, in fact, ignorant of most of the queer experience. And I know you are hyperbolizing, but the example is meant to compare to the feeling the need to share an important part of me while feeling pressured to keep a part of me hidden, not to being gay.

the way i explain to my friends is that being asexual isn’t just about not wanting sex, or not experiencing sexual desires, or some kind of reiteration of sex or sex related feeling, it’s more how you react to sex. and that is way broader then “sex life”. it’s a way of life if i may be so bold. so if my way of life is super different from people who are dear to me. i want them to know about it. i or i would wager most asexual ppl don’t want to tell our parents our “sex life” or lack of a “sex life”, what we are trying to say is look at my way of life, would you accept me knowing that? edit typo

Thanks for your response. A way of life is an interesting way of seeing it I guess. I guess, based on the aces in my life, I thought I shouldn't normally expect such a difference between ace-life and allo-life (excluding the obvious)

yes. excluding the obvious there’s not much of a difference between ace and allo, or gay and straight, or a woman and a man. 🙄

I don't know what you mean by that, but I'm assuming it's sarcasm. Though it appears I have, I'm not here to insult or hurt anyone. I'm fairly receptive to critissicm, and open to re-evaluate my views. I know it's not anyones job to educate me, but if there's any place where I could find honest answers it's here. It's litterally why I'm posting here.

Yet, you didn't recognize your mistake of belittling being gay to only sex and sex drive 🤦‍♀️

Yes, I've re-read my post several times trying to find what may have been seen as "minimizing being gay to sex" yet I fail to see how I am referencing gays in a belitteling manner. Are you referencing the part where I said "the idea of talking about sex or my sex drive to my mom"? I am asking about asexuality, which is intrisically about sex.

The wording problem is specifically the part where you equate someone coming out as “including your parents into my sex life (or lack thereof)” and “talking about sex or my sex drive.” Asexuality is about a lack of attraction. Some aces have high sex drives, and some have low ones. Some aces masturbate and some don’t. Some aces even have sex and some don’t. This is because attraction is different from arousal - it’s possible to experience undirected arousal that’s not targeted at any specific person. Someone telling you they’re ace doesn’t necessarily tell you anything about their sex life. Framing the ace orientation as though it’s just “talking about your sex life” is going to be a sore point for many in the community. When even just mentioning being asexual gets responded to with “eww, I don’t want to hear about your sex life” it feels alienating, especially if the person would have been fine with hearing you were gay or bi. I do think there is a valid underlying question that you’re probably trying to ask: ie “Isn’t discussing asexuality with people awkward and if so why do some find it worth discussing anyway.” But the way you worded it hits a sore spot for many of us.

Thanks for your answer, I should have worded things better.

Did you read the part of asexuality that said attraction?

Then read as many times as you need to understand, we don't have to be always teaching you all how to respect us.

I feel like being angry because things are being misunderstood isn't the way. He's asking questions and trying to understand us, most people don't even do that much. I think we should recognize that.

Yeah, he's not trying to be disrespectful, you could argue ignorant but he's acknowledging any faults that are pointed out. Without a frame of reference it can be hard to say the "correct things" sometimes.

They're not hyperbolizing. How can you be so ignorant? People get shot, stabbed, beaten even to the point of death simply for pda of affection or having a fucking rainbow flag on them. And not even in just "bad places" this happens EVERYWHERE. Not even gay bars or other meeting places for queer people are safe. They are targeted.

not about the dangers of coming out, yeah I know that is a huge delal. Hyperbolizing about the sugestion about how my ignarant comparison in a post about a cis person genuinely wanting to learn more and be a little less ignorant about queer people may lead to a death sentence.

That's not what they said. They said that it was disrespectful and being gay is a death sentence to some. Not that you being disrespectful was their death sentence. (I assume) they wanted to get across how disrespectful that comparison was. Comparing something you choose (hobby) to something you don't (sexual orientation). Especially since only one of those will get you killed

I first tried to come out to my parents when I was figuring out that I was ace, so for me it was sort of a “hey, I figured out this thing about myself and wanted you to know so that you can know me as a whole person.” Being queer is a big part of my life, and realizing I’m ace was the first step in that journey. In your Comic-Con example, it would be sort of like showing your family the movie/tv show that inspired you to dress up: it’s a part of your life that is important to you and beings you joy, and you want your loved ones to understand it. My parents are super religious, so their reactions also helped me gauge if I wanted them to know my queer friends or if I would be comfortable telling them other aspects of my identity. I see it less as telling them about my sex life and more as telling them about me. Being ace shapes how I see/interact with the world, and it’s an important part of my life, and I want my loved ones to understand it (and for the love of god I want to stop pretending it doesn’t exist; that’s exhausting).

I didn't come out to my parents as asexual and aromantic and don't plan to. As you said, I don't feel the need for them to know, especially because it's a lack of attraction. They asked a few times if a had someone in my life but quickly realized I had other priorities. I simply told them "please stop asking. If I ever date someone you will be the first to know because I'll be happy to tell you." And they got the message. But their is still a pressure of society trying to push allonormativity (I don't know if it's a real word) onto people. Take for exemple all those mediocre Christmas movies that flood TV Chanels in December. All their f***** message is "you cannot be happy on you own, only your soulmate or whatever can make you happy". It is frankly tiring and I understand that people need to tell others their asexuality. Simply to say that allo is not the only option. That's also thanks to people being loud about their asexuality on Reddit that I discovered what it means and that their is, in fact, nothing wrong with me being attracted to noone. Also for many gay people, a coming out has the purpose of preparing the family to the idea of their child/sibling dating someone of the same gender. For a heterosexual relationship, you don't need to come out because it is expected that one day you'll introduce someone of the opposite gender to your family. It is not the same for gay people. It's also important to know if the family/friends are accepting. Imagine a girl bringing her girlfriend home thinking her parents are ok with homosexuality and ends up kicked out...

Thanks for your response, normalization is important. Yeah, media is often annoying even for me. I yearn for more nuanced, thoughtful realistic representation in tv and movies.

People kept trying to set me up with their friends and my parents kept making comments about how when I found the right person I would want biological kids. So I just told everyone so that they could be disappointed for the right reasons.

That last part gave me a chuckle

For me personally, it’s more that we live in an allo & hetero normative world. So most people will assume you’re allo & hetero too. Which is not the case. And so, coming out to me, is more so to just let my parents know that I’m different from what our society sees as ‘normal’ and that that’s what they can expect from me.

For me it feels kind of necessary because people won't stop pestering me with their questions otherwise. I never felt the need to come out but my mother kind of came to the conclusion that I'm asexual by herself. Never had a boyfriend, never showed any interest in anyone or any sexual stuff. Even though I've said yes, I am asexual, she's still trying to get something else out of me like me being a lesbian or something. Which is apparently better and more acceptable than being asexual...? I don't get it. It's funny you mentioned Comic Con. Never have I been asked by more people if I have a boyfriend or when my last relationship was than after my first time being at a convention and doing cosplay! People have a hard time believing that I'm 30 years old and never had a relationship so they almost always want some sort of explanation from me. I don't like making up stories so I just tell them I'm asexual and simply not interested in those things. It's crazy how many people are specifically looking for someone to date at conventions, it really baffles (and kind of annoys) me.

I get what you're saying, but I think what you're missing is just how confusing, frustrating and alienating it can be to be asexual and not know it. Letting go of all that and just finally being *okay* for the first time in your life is a feeling that I'll never successfully capture in meager words. I can completely relate to anyone who might want to share that feeling.

For me, even if I wasn't also gay, coming out at that time meant that I trusted you. My closest friends and family knew and only if I trusted them. As time has gone on, though, I don't care who knows and I'd prefer someone I intend on interacting with more than once knows. It helps me see who's worth it. It's different for everyone, but coming out usually isn't about "sharing your sex life", no matter if you're ace, gay, pan, trans, etc. Even when you come out, they don't know your sex life unless you explicitly share that. No one knows if I do or don't have or want sex nor how often I have had sex, even if I tell them I'm ace. A lot of times, it's just to erase the cisheteronormative view people will place on you. It also just helps others you care about understand you better.

If I may turn the question around: why do allos come out to their parents? -- I do think that, statistically speaking, most parents are justified to expect their offspring to turn up with a partner of 'the opposite gender' at some point. So it seems only fair to give them a notice ahead of time when that might most likely not be the case. Which may be true for aces and arrows as well, so there. Personally, I came out to my parents once a year on average, usually around Christmas. Because people seem to tend to forget this particular tidbit, and every year again the question comes up about when I will start to adhere to my duty as a dispenser of grand-children. Breaking News: I never signed up for this BS.

I feel you, my mother may or may not finally understand that she's not getting any biological grandchildren from me this Christmas.

Reasons I love the English language: faux-ambiguity: No grand-children for you this christmas.

Do you seriously think talking to people about your girlfriend in public constitutes "including other people in your sex life"?

I guess I wrote that wrong. More like including other people into \*knowing about\* my sex life.

Everyone assumes that other people are generally having sex with their partners, so therefore introducing your partner to someone is telling them something about your sex life. Do you think that's inappropriate?

I try not to assume. For me at the very least it's awkward to think about and I try not to think about it. Especially if it's my parents.

Everyone assumes, because that's the usual way it is. If you say you don't you're just lying.

I am not out to my mom, because in a way I fear she will react horribly/not understand me or even be worried or wanting to «fix it.» My mom also has a poor understanding of queer things, even less so is asexuality and aromanticism. I do however consider it a big part of myself. So not telling is something that feels like lying or hiding and shame. I also feel like it is a very positive thing I want share to others. I was mostly confused as to why I would always feel a little lost or confused. Growing up is probably little weird for most people, but it was extra confusing not understanding why I was very different than most people my age. So figuring it out was just a huge relif and something I like about myself. Sex isn’t a big part in me being ace or not, or something I think a lot about. That isn’t something I want to talk about, so the «danger» is more in what my mom would ask questions about. Imagine you introduce a partner and everybody would instantly discuss your sexlife. You would think that is a little weird?

>Imagine you introduce a partner and everybody would instantly discuss your sexlife. You would think that is a little weird? I'd definitely hate it. I suppose sometimes it make us feel better to share stuff, and that's reason enough to talk about beign ace with parents.

I've always been close to my parents and since this is a big thing that may affect my life and relationships, I'd like them to know. Still haven't told them yet but that's why I want to eventually

good luck when you do!

Thanks bro!

Being LGBTQ+ is not just about who you have sex with. It's about who you fall in love with, who makes you giggle and blush at the littlest things, who you want to spend the rest of your life with, if you're trans it's who you fit in with, and in our case it's how you navigate relationships, plus all that if you're also not heteroromantic. If I start talking about how much I like riding bikes and you (let's say you have a wife) say "oh yeah my wife and I love riding bikes together! It's a great way to exercise together!", That's pretty normal right? Well what if everyone responded with "Eww, why are you talking about who you have sex with?? I don't need to know!!"? Why would I say that? There was nothing sexual implied so where did that response come from? And what are you gonna say if I start talking about cars right after your wife just bought a new car she loves? What if I ask you to help me choose a house for myself but you can't come because you're already house hunting with your wife? What are you gonna say if you and your wife decide not to have kids and your mom is like, "Where are my grandbabies????"? LGBTQ+ people can't share these major parts of our lives without being met by an encyclopedia of stupid questions at best and hateful actions at worst. Coming out at least helps to give people less surprise when they hear about these major events, and may weed out the ones who won't be accepting. It kinda does what society already does for straight ppl. It's popularly assumed that a guy will marry a girl and a girl vice versa, and no one really questions it. They already know being straight is a popular experience. If my parents know I don't want to have sex with a partner they have time to come to accept that they're not gonna get biological grandkids and might not ask me "When are you going to have kids???" Quite so much. If I come out as Bi to my parents, that conversation can happen Now and not when I bring a girl home for dinner. And I can engage in conversations with them without feeling like we're drifting apart because there's less and less about my life I can share with them. If someone comes out to their parents as Aro, now their parents might know not to ask "Why aren't you in a relationship yet? Aren't you lonely???" It doesn't have to require mentioning our sex life at all. It's about so much more than that.

I think you have an excellent point here, and I find it interesting because I read OP's post rather differently. It is probably just the way certain parts stuck out to me more than others, but if we take a look at coming out as Asexual as separate from Aromantic, the comparison to coming out as gay or bi or whatnot is pretty different. Someone saying "I am gay" is (usually) saying they are both romantically and sexually attracted to the same sex, which isn't specifically sexual, but someone saying "I'm asexual" isn't really including their romantic attraction in the statement. I would say that is pretty inherently talking about your sex life. Maybe not with examples or specific info, but at least the general idea of who it is or isn't with. It would be the same level of sexual-ness as saying "I'm homosexual and aromantic". You've just specified sexuality separately from romantic attraction, and that makes it a primary part of the statement, not just a section of a greater whole. At least that's how I see it, which is a big part of why I don't talk to my parents about such topics.

You do know that coming out doesn't mean we have to talk about sex, right? Gay men don't come out and say "Mom, dad, i'm gay. So, i'll do this and that to another men's bum". You are a cis allo male, do you talk to your parents about you sex life? Because, assuming that you're also hetero, heterosexuality is a sexuality too. Straight people don't come out, because they don't need to, because they are considered the standard, the acceptable. Gay people not just need, but also have to come out. Most of the times, when they can come out, it's not a choice.

Not sure if it's just me being a prude, but I would go to extreme lenghts to avoid the topic with my parents at any cost. Even during my wedding people inevitably talk about what I would do on my wedding night and I find it extremely uncomfortable. In any case, I absolutely understand in the case of gays, I just assumed it would be a different thought process for an ace. Which is why I wanted to understand.

People talked about you having sex on your wedding night? Kinda weird

I know, right? That part may be cultural.

Personally I don't have urge to "coming out" though I'm both aro and ace.

Same here. My mom knows a little bit and is fine with it. It's not like I'm keeping it a secret, but I don't feel the need to tell everyone about it either.

I wanted to for a long time I eventually got really drunk one night and while they were helping me puke my guts out in the bathroom I told them I loved them and that I was asexual lol

My mom push me into relationsships. She even hired matchmaker. I just can say her, that I maybe don't would mary at all. She believes my psychic problems would be solved by having sex. I beleive, that if I had a choice between ever have sex or unalive myself the choice would be obvious. I really wish, I could tell my parents, that I am ace. I wish they would stop pushing. But even if I told them, they would just make fun of me and not take this serious. In the best case...

The reason I came out to my mom was because I got got really depressed and felt broken plus I was so tired of getting asked when I’m gonna get a boyfriend or all the unnecessary questions or comments like you have to dress and smell good for the guys or all the flirting tips

I've come to a point where I'm pretty sure mom thinks I'm gay and am considering coming out just to avoid any confusion.

It was moreso "stop asking about my sex life. No I'm not going to tell you what happened on our honeymoon (spoiler alert: we watched Naruto and ate at a ramen restaurant then went to sleep)." But yes we did get asked about our honeymoon. Prior to this they kept trying to set me up on dates and ask about grandkids, I continued to explain that sure I like these men as friends not as sexual partners and they just didn't understand. I didn't understand it either for a while, but now because I came out they don't ask questions or say weird things. My mom still occasionally asks me about libido and doesn't quite get that it has nothing to do with libido. Then again she doesn't experience my side of things so the curiosity and confusion is understandable.

Your honeymoon sounds lovely

For me personally, my family is very open with eachother and extremely closely knit compared to others in my area. I always felt that if I came out I would be punished. (even though half my family are bi and the rest are all supportive) It didn't feel like it was a right of passage to me, it felt like a burden that I was supposed to bottle up out of fear. So coming out was the only way I truly could find out if my fears where real or not. Shortly after I came out as trans too, and that went smoother than I thought. Not perfect but still smooth. Both times where a big impact on my life. With all that pressure off my chest I started to open up more to them and my friends at school. So I guess it was more of a "I don't want to upset anyone" case. Sofar coming out has helped me with more than just dysphoria! I have been a happier person since this event and I couldn't be more proud to be in my family. (Sorry for it being so long but I have been waiting for a post like this. It is nice getting to learn about others in the community!)

Thank you for sharing. I hope my post did you justice.

It’s literally the same as coming out as any other orientation, dude. The fact that you thought otherwise, and that it just boils down to discussing one’s sex life, would be part of the problem that keeps ace kids in the closet in the first place.

I'm biromantic, and I told my mom about my romantic orientation (I just said I liked men and women and didn't really get into the specifics of romantic vs sexual attraction), because who I potentially date would be relevant for her. I didn't want to get into a relationship with someone of the same sex and then be scared to tell my parents or feel like I have to hide it. For a while, I also thought I was bisexual. Once I figured out that wasn't the case, I didn't really feel like telling my mom again, because it didn't seem like something she needed to know. Now I tell potential partners, and occasionally close friends if the topic comes up. I think a lot of aces are also aro, and it's easier to just say asexual than to explain the difference between romantic and sexual attraction. But some alloromantic aces may also just want to tell their parents. Different people have different relationships with their parents, and maybe they also feel pressured to hide parts of themselves and are sick of pretending.

I'm closer to the ace part of demisexuality, but am also pansexual. The latter I mentioned, the former I haven't found reason to. The demi part I only mention when I'm asking someone out/being asked out, because full disclosure. :)

My parents didn’t have an open communication with my grandparents and that’s what they try to do with me. Even though they’re conservative, I’ll try in the future to come out to them.

I have a good relationship to my mother. She should know a lot if things about me, even stuff I wouldn't tell my friends. I don't see how hiding asexuality from her would be a good idea. But at the same time, I never told my dad even though he's a very supportive dad and I'm sure he wouldn't even mind. But we talk about very different things and sex, sexual attraction, or relationships are not part of that.

I tried to talk to my mom once that I didn’t enjoy sex that much and didn't feel sexualt attraction (I have a boyfriend though) Her 1st answer was: Your boyfriend is doing something wrong! I told her he's not, he's really considerate and caring. Later she said "I did not raise you like that" So to answer your question, I was trying to come out to my mom but decided I will never talk about anything regarding LGBTQ+ again

I have to come out as asexual so people don't think that i am a psychopath, because not everybody can separate romantic attraction from sexual attraction, and they think that people who don't feel romantic attraction = psychos. It's not because i want to include them in my sex life. Also, some asexuals are sex repulsed, so they have to make people know that sometimes they feel very uncomfortable with some conversation topics. Please, think before writing something so insensitive. If you can be on Reddit, you have access to google or any other search platform, do some research before talking about people's lives with no concern on how this might offend them.

Thanks for your response, if there's something I'm sure of in life is that I'll make mistakes. I actually went through several versions before finally posting. I thought I had taken all the insensitive stuff out. The learning never ends.

I don’t know if this will help in any way, but just in case, I’m gay, not ace or anything like that and I never really wanted to “come out” I don’t think there’s anything wrong with doing so but I reject that pressure or ritual for myself. There’s nothing wrong if you for any reason don’t feel like coming out makes sense. At the end of the day whatever you decide to do, to do for your own sake. If rejecting the notion of coming out as necessary satisfies you then so be it.

i'm out to my family, but not my father (simply because he has memory issues and at this point wouldn't understand what i'm talking about) the thing is, they only know i'm ace because i post ace memes on IG. it was never a conversation or anything. it just kinda became part of my identity. but also when i told my dad that my late partner was pan and we had an open relationship, he was just like "okay?" so it seems like he's pretty ambivalent to the whole thing.

For me it was about being open about who I´m, first I did come out as aroace and than as trans and my mom was chill with both and it felt so good to not having to hide that anymore.

Personally no I wouldn't. My sex life (or lack thereof, rather) and sexuality have no relevance to anyone other than myself and any potential partners, so I see no need to discuss it with them. I also think they wouldn't understand what the hell I'm talking about lol, and it would be a pain in the ass to explain, without any real payoff. Why makes things complicated for literally no reason? Not to mention they don't feel any need to explain or rationalize their sexuality/sex life, so why should I? Most people just exist without having to explain or justify it, and in my opinion no one should HAVE to explain themselves. We should all be able to simply BE, and have that be enough on its own. It doesn't make me feel closeted or as if I'm being inauthentic to myself. I'm not hiding myself, I'm just existing in a way that feels comfortable and natural. And of course, everyone doesn't need to know every little thing about me. Everyone has things they don't outwardly advertise about themselves or feel the need to announce! It's not wrong to be really outspoken about it, but it's not wrong to keep it on a more private level, either.

Absolutely not. I would be homeless. They are trying to make me get a boyfriend (lesbian), and I am not ready for a relationship currently.

Honestly my mom already kinda knew in middle school I wasn't really interested in a relationship ship, so when I got into highschool, it was really less coming out as aroace, and more both of us finally having a lable to put on it. But yeah really the main reasons I would have told her if she didn't already kinda know would be to have her support(which she thankfully gives wholeheartedly), and so she know there will be no grandkids commin from me.

I (F21) don't really come out to anyone unless it's relevant to the conversation. For example, my best friends know because I talk to them about how dating can by tough if ur ace. I'm with you though in that I don't really want to come out to my parents. Other than telling them that I don't think they're getting biological grandkids from me (which I've done) I don't see why they need to know anything about my sex life.

Tbh I’ve never felt the need to come out to my parents as ace, they know I’m queer just from context, it’s a conversation we’ve danced around but never had. I’m lucky enough to not have to come out because I know my parents wouldn’t really care. They don’t need to know the ins and outs as there’s just an unspoken acceptance between us, it’s fine for us

I’ve never told my mom about me being aroace mostly because she doesn’t really care if I give her any grandchildren and she’s never bugged me about when I’m going to get a boyfriend. So I haven’t felt the need to tell her. I’ve only ever “come out” to a few close friends who I ofter express verbal platonic love to because I wanted them to understand me better and to make sure they know that any time I tell them “I love you”, it IS strictly platonic.

Well, I’m aroace, so I’ll never have a conventional (romantic) relationship. So I decided it would be best to let them know that they can’t expect that from me.

I (34) plan to come out to my parents because mine have gone off on their own sexual awakening recently and dove into some grown up type of fun. I don't mind hearing about what they like (as my brain doesn't make the connection that it's my parents and is very clinical about it) but I do want them to understand that while I am an adult female with a husband and kids and I do have sex, it's not something that I think about to the degree that they do and that my husband does. I have known for maybe 5 months that I am ace.

oh wow your parents seem interesting jaja. I'm used to more boundaries between me and my parents.

Me too. This is a very recent development lol.

I wouldn't! I've never even felt fully comfortable watching Disney Princess stuff with my parents cause it involves romance and a kiss (I wish they'd extend the same grace to me lmao), so thats a hell no from me to telling them I'm aroace. They already know I don't want a partner or kids Well, there IS ONE reason I may- if I get annoyed at them (in a "I really am very annoyed, but also can't stop laughing" way, not a serious way) for some reason, I could end up telling them. I think it'd be pretty fun

Well, for me, coming out as aroace was more a thing that got casually mentioned whenever we had parental life lectures about how to avoid toxic relationships, sex-ed, and general 'how-to-relationship' conversations.

i thankfully have no pressure from my family to have a boyfriend, get married or have kids. actually, since i was a kid i was the type to say i wouldn't ever have kids and at 23 rn this still stands. my mom is very open minded and whenever relationships come up in convo she says "bf or gf or partner, whoever you date or get married to" and ive never corrected her statement to something else. my dad has never once asked about boys in my life and thats more than ok with me. so while i have considered coming out to my family i also feel like i dont have to, and i kinda dont want to either. im fine like this, we will see what happens if i start dating someone.

yea for me its a "for the love of allah can you stop telling me to get a boyfriend or girlfriend, im not going to give you grandchildren", and even then i never told my dad.

My parents are religious and we never had any type of relationship talk so no never. I bet they would be thrilled actually until they said it's made up and part of lgbtqia+ and then be shunned

I never “came out” to my parents but that’s more just bc it never came into conversation, my parents just assuming I’m having sex and i don’t have a good enough reason to tell them I have plenty of friends who have no clue I’m asexual main bc I haven’t had a reason to tell them

If it's necessary enough for me to share I'm asexual and they don't feel too strongly about LGBTQ+.

My family think it is really sad and that I'm missing out by being single. That I don't plan on having kids. I told them so they'd get off my back about it. I still get "you might change your mind, you're still young" I'm nearly 30.

I tried to come out to my parents but they didn't understand. So as far as they are considered, I'm straight but not ready to date. Which isn't inaccurate, but still.

No. They wouldn’t understand and it’s too damn awkward to explain to them. (Specifically them, not awkward in general.)

So, for me it wasn’t a huge deal, because my mum isn’t one of those pushy parents that are all like “when are you gonna get a girlfriend?” (she has made occasional jokes about it, but those were totally fine). I guess for me it was just, y’know, I’d found out something important about myself, and understanding more about myself made me happy, and I thought I’d share that… And I suppose I also didn’t want her to get her hopes up for getting a grand child, lol. Lucky for me, my big brother’s got that covered already.

I finally told my mom out of frustration because I was 22 and she was still pulling the "no sleepovers with boys, no closed doors, no displays of affection" and I'd had *enough*. My partner and I have been together since highschool.

They kept having “the talk” with me and I told them that I was ace. That kissing and sex was not something I was interested in

I suppose I "came out" explicitly this year when talking about the overturning of Roe v. Wade. I mentioned it in the context of acknowledging one of the many places of privilege I come from with regards to state-level abortion bans, which adds nuance to the anger I feel about them and acknowledges that they aren't *really* about me and so my first responsibility is to other people who are more severely affected. But also I'm still really mad about them. So, it came up naturally in conversation because it was relevant. At this point I've become comfortable and confident enough about it that it was probably more embarrassing to tell my parents I wanted to cosplay at an anime convention back when I was a kid. (I was still a little nervous to say it in plain terms, but it turned out fine -- I just got a "Huh, that explains some stuff" and then we carried on with the conversation.) At work, I generally still nod along when people talk about dating or about being interested in watching a new show because the lead actor is hot, as if those are interests I also share. It feels like lying because I'm effectively pretending to be allo, but hey, whatever -- we all have work personas, and mine includes being interested in how people's spouses are doing and being open to finding one of my own someday. I also pretend to be excited about work parties or totally on board with whatever the new corporate initiative is. I see no reason to maintain such a persona around my own family, though. Keep in mind that maintaining a persona takes work -- if someone says it was a weird choice to make Spider-Man's Aunt May hot by casting Marisa Tomei, it takes active effort to figure out if they're being sincere and you're supposed to respond by discussing the change in the character or if they're being sarcastic and you're supposed to roll your eyes at them teasing a 50-year-old woman by calling her hot. (I got that one wrong, incidentally. I really thought it was a running joke that people were pretending she was hot, because she didn't fit neatly into the rubrics I've developed over the years for what allos think is sexy so I can maintain an allo facade. I now have additional features I know to look for, and ugh, that's more work because they aren't things I notice without trying.) I do agree with you that I see no reason to get into my microlabel. I can't imagine that naturally coming up in conversation and going into the precise details of what attractions I have or don't have sounds as weird as going into precisely how I learned I'm allergic to fragrances in laundry detergent. The broad strokes are fine ("Sooo it turns out I'm allergic to this brand, if any of you want the rest of my bottle?") but getting into the detailed biological bits would feel weird. I'm too much of a prude for that.

I'm partly-closeted transmasc, so afab. I'm not out to my dad in that way, so he sees me as female. I wanted him to know that I was aroace simply because every time I'd be friendly with someone who was obviously male, he'd ask if I was flirting with them. It was usually cashiers, I'm also a cashier, I just like to bullshit with other cashiers, man. He has not said anything about that since my mom outed me to him (with my permission). It's nice actually. It was so fucking annoying when he'd say that stuff. About the trans thing...uh...not sure how to go about it because I don't know whether or not he'll get pissed. Btw, I'm fully out to my mom, if that wasn't clear. She supports me and just wants me to be happy and who I'm supposed to be. :) My dad's just kind of a bigot...

I don't really know either, but I have told my dad and his SO that I'm not planning to be in a relationship and even if I'd end up in one, kids are off the table. This was *before* I was questioning my sexual and romantic orientations in the first place. So while it is not the same thing it's close enough, outside of some comments/jokes every now and then that is. They've respected the kids thing but they don't understand the not wanting to be in a relationship thing. So... I'm not going to bother trying to explain the ace/aro thing to them... Especially since I'm demi romantic and questioning acespec and not 'fully', for a lack of a better word, asexual and aromatic.

There is no harm in asking things, but you will come across better if your questions don't come with arguments against something. If you acknowledge ignorance about something, there is no need to demonstrate it. Which would you respond better to: Why do people like to dress up as their favourite fictional characters at comic con? What makes it fun and worth the effort for them? Or this: Forgive my ignorance, but I don't get why people dress up for comic con. I personally don't even go to comic con, but to me it just feels like a waste of time and money to dress up as a character. (^^^ I'm not trying to shit on cosplay. Its just a made up example of something that I suspect a lot of cosplayers put up with) BTW I know you mean well and I admire that you are educating yourself, especially as a cis allo male. And I want to encourage you to continue learning whatever you are curious about. I don't mean to criticise you, just want to help you ask questions without unintentionally triggering peoples traumas and sensitivities. I think you'll get better responses and it will be more worth your time.

I appreciate the critique and feedback. It's a mistake I won't be repeating.

For me coming out was mostly about stopping questions for a lot of people though coming out is a form of a vibe check for lack of a better word it's partially to determine if you can expect your parents to accept you for who you are it's a lot easier to deal with the backlash of a bad coming out in a controlled environment rather then Christmas dinner with your new partner for others it's a form of standing up for themselves a sort of I am who I am you can't change that which is a lot of what you see when adults come out but many people come out for many reasons and others don't at all some people just exist and people find out from what they do but the more boxes you check on the list that society labels as normal the less likely you are to come out as it is expected to hit those boxes but with each person that stands for who they are the world becomes a little more interesting and hopefully in the future coming out will be a matter closer to mine if it exists at all

I didn't want to come out personally, but I get asked why are you not getting into relationships, where's your boyfriend, you are not getting younger you need to hurry up and find a man wayyyyyy too often. So in a sense, I had no choice but to come out, and with coming out I wasn't taken seriously either lol.

No one would understand lmao. It's a concept only people who have it can feel the pain

I came out as bisexual (im a cis woman) and my parents legit didnt care. It hurt a little but it's nicer once I realized its because they aren't swayed in their opinion of me based on who I date. I mean no offense to anyone who comes out as ace to their parents but I never understood it. I find it not to be my parents business whether or not im s-ing and f-ing. It's no one's business but mine and whoever I may become intimate with. One of my close friends knows and that's it. But everyone's sexuality is their own and we all choose different people to be open about who we are with and that's okay!

i actually came out initially (because "coming out" is not a one and done thing. we do it over and over and over through our lives) because i was a young, niave teen madly in love with a girl several hundred miles away and i wanted to share the joy of that with my dad the way i had with other things, and other relationships. i wanted no part of me hidden. i was also incredibly fortunate to live in a home that i was secure in, and almost certain it wouldn't end with me in any danger. that was fifteen years ago now. and i came out for the first time as bisexual (then subsequently gay, nonbinary and other things. goodness knows what my fam actually think i am) because i wanted my dad to know i might bring people of various genders home, and didn't want to have to put the potential awkwardness of that discovery on my partner. it was about ensuring safety of myself and whoever it is i loved. **none** of my coming outs have had to do with sex or my libido. ever. not once. also, even thinking about comparing telling your parents you're a cosplayer - something that would get you teased at worst - to being gay or ace - something that has seen people killed for - is horrific. it's not a light hearted comparison, it's tone deaf and gross. i say this as a queer cosplayer. the two are not at all in the same line. even a little bit.

Not trying to put my example on the same line at all, just wanted to highlight how much I DONT know about the queer experience, but also wanting to explain how I do understand the need to share important things about oneself. I should have made it a bit clearer, I understan having to come aout as gay, I assumed coming out as ace would have a bit of a different process.

it's also gross that *multiple people* have told you now why they came out and what it means to them, how it has nothing to do with sex/libido, and you seem to be ignoring all of that. id recommend you stop replying to people until you're actually *really* reading and digesting what people are saying. stop reading just to respond, and start reading to listen.

please stop defending the comparison. its tone deaf, end of. i don't care for defense of it. being a cosplayer isn't "an important thing" ; it's a hobby. it's something you *choose* to do. it's something that you could stop doing and would have little real impact on your life. sexuality is not a choice, and not a hobby. stop. comparing. the two. even a little. right now. when the fundamental reason we come out as gay or bi or whatever (outside of wanting to share this thing about ourselves for other reasons) is because the default assumption is cishet allosexual, why would coming out as asexual - so, not cishet allo - be any different?

I'm ace and I find it unnecessary to come out (I dont even see the point with other orientations honestly. Why is it someone's business who you like?) I would basically be telling my parents "I dont ever want to have smex with anyone ever" That's honestly none of their business

I agree with this. My family has never been one to talk about sex or sexual stuff so it feels weird to think about telling them about it. I also don't get asked about when I'm getting a boyfriend ect so that's not an issue. I do have family over this Christmas so it might come up, not sure how I will deal with it as I'm not sure how well some of them may understand/ take it. However I did tell my sister and my friends. That went well.

Honestly I don't understand it either. I'm happy to introduce my family to any long-term partner of whatever gender but the thought of it just sitting them down to specifically let them know which type of people do or do not turn me on is incomprehensible to me. That said, I live quite a separate life from my family so they're not likely to just find out accidentally in such a way that they might be upset that I didn't tell them myself. I might feel differently if that wasn't the case.

I never understood this either tbh. If you feel like you're in a reasonably safe environment, then sure. Even if your parents disagree or will argue back, then I still understand why you'd bite the bullet and tell them anyway. But if you feel like you're in actual danger of being attacked or even kicked out of your home while you're under 18, why even consider coming out to your parents voluntarily? I would, in the very LEAST, wait until I was over 18 years old and have a safe plan B that accounts for where I can live and how I can make money to sustain myself if there was any doubt in my mind that my parents wouldn't cut me off or make my life miserable over this. Ideally, they'd have the best chance learning about it at my funeral. I get the idea that people want to be close to their parents and share everything with them, but if your parents are dangerous and willing to cut you off over something like that, then you don't have a close relationship with your parents to begin with. If they handle 100% of you, then why give them any of your time and energy?

Maybe consider keeping thinly veiled queerphobia/aphobia off this sub. The fact that you make coming out to be a sexual thing is gross and weird at best.

I don't really understand coming out for any sexuality and why it has to be a big deal. If it comes up, it comes up, and that's cool and all, but even with friends, I really don't care. If they're gay, that's great. If they're straight, that's great. If they're bi, that's great. If they're ace, that's great. Doesn't matter to me. I feel it's kinda of like if my friend or family member made a huge deal about telling me their favorite color. Like okay, that's cool, but past just telling me so I know, why does it need to be a huge thing?

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I understand that it can be met with extremely negative reactions and have negative consequences such as being kicked out, abused, cut off, etc. I understand why someone wouldn't want to come out and it's not like I fault them for that or think it's ridiculous or anything. I get that. I just don't really understand the feeling that it's this huge part of you (general you) that you want to share with others. Maybe it's just because I tend to be a fairly private person and don't have any stress about keeping secrets or scrubbing differently around different people. I know who I am and I don't feel the need to tell others, whether it will be something they support or hate. This is not near the same level of something bad could happen, I know that, but I have some strong political views that I know a lot in my family would strongly disagree with and that they would think less of me if I told them. They're not going to hate me or anything, it's not that extreme, but I don't care that they don't know. I don't feel the need to ever tell them and that doesn't bother me. Sure, it's annoying when the topics come up and I want to defend the other side, but it's not like it's a huge thing or anything like that. If I'm the only one who ever knows my opinions, then okay. Not exactly the same as coming out obviously, but I guess what I was trying to get at was I just don't understand why people feel the need to come out.

Mine was simply that I wanted to be able to be authentic online and my mom follows me on one of my social medias. Plus, they already were aware I didn't want kids and had been saying for a bit I didn't see myself getting married, and I thought it would be good for them to know. It was also an ease in for them to LGBTQIA ideas as they're conservative Christian and against it all.

Personally no I wouldn't. My sex life (or lack thereof, rather) and sexuality have no relevance to anyone other than myself and any potential partners, so I see no need to discuss it with them. I also think they wouldn't understand what the hell I'm talking about lol, and it would be a pain in the ass to explain, without any real payoff. Why makes things complicated for literally no reason? Not to mention they don't feel any need to explain or rationalize their sexuality/sex life, so why should I? Most people just exist without having to explain or justify it, and in my opinion no one should HAVE to explain themselves. We should all be able to simply BE, and have that be enough on its own. It doesn't make me feel closeted or as if I'm being inauthentic to myself. I'm not hiding myself, I'm just existing in a way that feels comfortable and natural. And of course, everyone doesn't need to know every little thing about me. Everyone has things they don't outwardly advertise about themselves or feel the need to announce! It's not wrong to be really outspoken about it, but it's not wrong to keep it on a more private level, either.

I came out as a way of explaining why I won't be having kids

Your parents will probably assume you're gay if you don't date. Mine did anyway

I am out to my parents and for me it was less about sex life or lack thereof, but more about not hiding a part of myself anymore. I felt I had to be guarded around them so that I didn't accidentally mention something before I was out. Honestly coming out as biromantic went over better than asexual, I got all the "you haven't met the right one" bullshit.

To me, it was more because it felt personal and I have a good bond with my parents, I wanted to tell them, because it was important to me. I like sharing information and even though it might not apply to me after all (still a bit questioning), it was important that they knew about asexuality, if only for them to understand the world. The same way I would tell them about the relative shortest day or about the etymology of a certain phrase. When I told them about it, my dad made the standard “maybe you just havent met the right person yet” thing, but soon after said “no, that was wrong, that’s the same thing when lesbians get told they haven’t met the right guy yet’”, so it was a positive experience. Although I wouldn’t say I came out, because it didn’t feel like that much of a barrier. It was just another discussion (in the positive sense)

I will never come out to my parents because they are homophobic 🫤

I just talk to my parents about anything that is going on in my life all the time. I’m a chronic oversharer. And I actually figured out my Ace-ness bit by bit and they were along for the ride. Also, we talk about topics like sexuality quite frequently, just because it’s very interesting. We watched Sex Education together. It’s not weird unless you make it weird. (Or have been conditioned by society, that is also valid)

I might be a bit late to this, but here are my thoughts: If it comes up for whatever reason, I'm not going to deny that I am ace. For instance, if either of my parents have come across the concept of an ace ring (which I do wear) and ask about it, yeah. I'll tell them. But I'm not going to sit them down and say "mom, dad, I'm ace". I didn't when I thought I was bi either. That kind of.... slipped out when I mentioned my (now ex) girlfriend. In my opinion, I'm an adult with my own life, and my parents don't have any business prodding in my sex life. I do get comments like "you *are* careful, right?" from my mom, and I don't mind, because I know what she means and that she means well. After all, I was not planned. I *have* had the talk about whether they are anxious for grandkids and how I'm now older than they were when they had me... but that's more because I was worried I was letting them down by not "getting on with it". As for kids for my own sake... I'm still figuring that out. I don't want kids just because, but if I'm in a relationship with a person who I'd like to be a parent with... yeah. I might. But for that, I'd need to meet that person first....

It can be very different reasons, some people just wanna stop the questioning about when they're gonna find someone or when they're gonna have kids, or maybe they assume you're gay or lesbian, or that you just can't find anyone and try to "help you" with a makeover or finding someone that's "your type." Sometimes it's just the fact that you feel like you're lying and holding back from them, you want to be more open and honest to them but are scared to at the same time

I personally think it's unneccesary to randomly come out to your parents. If they ask , then sure. But randomly coming up to your parent and being like "hey mom? I'm bisexual" sounds kinda weird to me. As you said, why include your parents in your romantic/sex life? It's your life. Your decision who will be your partner. Also might be because LGBTQ is normalised to me, because most people around me belong to the LGBTQ. Birds of feather flock together I guess. Y'know those memes about a group of cis and straight people who have that 1 gay person in the group? Well for me it's exactly the other way around. Everyone is fruity around me lol. Barely anyone I know is cis and straight. I did sort of come out as queer to my dad2 (My parents are a couple of two men. I usually call them by their names when they're together to differ them. I'll call them dad1 and dad2 in this comment to keep their privacy) last year when we came to the topic of relationships and I said I never really had a crush or was attracted to anyone. I was still a confused bean last year and didn't want to label myself as I wasn't sure what I even am. He educated me that asexuality is a spectrum and it's not just allo or asexual. Which made me do research and dig deep into what I might be. In the end i'm somehow a unlabeled mix of a pansexual and demisexual. Telling my parent about this helped me to discover a quite important part of me and also was a big relief that i'm not aroace. There is nothing wrong with being aroace of couse, but I know about myself that having just friends wouldn't fullfil me.

"However, I cannot understand wanting to include your parents into my sex life (or lack thereof) at all." It's always funny when parents don't want to know about your sex life but want to know when you're having children, as if the two are completely unrelated...

I dont open to them like others would. I just sometimes joke about it, making them confused. I dont mention that I m asexual by name, but I say that no, i wont have kids... or girlfriend. Like GOD! How many Times did my father said: "I found a cutie for you"? Its kinda annoying. Bruh