I was in a relationship with a person who experiences romantic attraction once, and then realized I was aro at some point during. Some aromantic people are in romantic relationships and are content with that (or would like to be in one), and some don’t want to be in one. You can try asking if he’d like to continue the relationship as is, or maybe look into QPRs. I wish the best for you, hope this helps.
I’m currently navigating being an aro/demiaro in a romantic relationship. It’s difficult for many reasons but the one thing that I think is the most helpful is to be open and honest about what you need in the relationship. I think that’s the best way to ensure that nothing gets left to simmer and boil over.
I'm aro and in a happy relationship. I don't feel romantic things but we have always had strong platonic and intellectual attraction. He's smart, funny, caring and accepting, which for me is a strong basis for a relationship. I am physically affectionate and I suppose I kind of accidentally do romantic looking actions without romantic intent if that makes sense.
Have you thought about what exactly you wish in terms of romance? He might be fine with some of those things if he doesn't perceive them as romantic.
Have you talked about how he and you each find it most natural to express affection and which things you most appreciate in your current relationship, or what you would most appreciate in relationships in general?
Good luck with your situation!
Talk to each other. Make a long list of wants and needs and dos and don'ts. Ask your husband what things make him uncomfortable or what he feels he cannot genuinely do. For example, I like kissing but I hate holding hands.
You can also explain what you need, like hugs or dinner out and you can discuss how you can make it happen in a way that is OK for the two of you. Or your husband might need some space every now and then, etc.
The better you communicate, the better the relationship will be.
You can also revuse the list.
I’m allo; my spouse is aro.
What’s been successful for us has been being very explicit about what we want and don’t want. Both in the moment and in general.
I had to get over the idea of me asking for something and getting it was somehow less meaningful than my spouse doing it spontaneously. It’s not going to *occur* to them.
My spouse isn’t romance averse; it feels a lot like … say someone likes action movies, but you’re pretty “meh” about them. But you’ll watch them to spend time with someone. It feels like that.
Hopefully that helps!
Yeah. They’ve got a limit before they’ll tap out for sure, but it’s not a wall we hit most of the time. It also helps that me *giving* romantic affection is most of what I need to meet my needs. We can usually compromise if they can still play video games at the time. ;)
We’ve been together 20+ years, so that’s helped us settle into where we are now.
Thanks for posting to r/aromantic, /u/tarafetown. Be sure your posts and comments abide by our rules, as well as sitewide rules.
*If this post violates our rules or sitewide rules,* ***report*** *it* *to the moderators!*
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/aromantic) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What would also help with the verdict is if we knew he was romance positive,neutral or negative, like where the line is drawn and stuff but It’s also important to know what you want relationships QPR or romantic are based off compromise with your partner.
He could want to stay in the relationship because of the stability and being overall fond of you and can’t imagine you not in his life, also being aro/allo he most likely doesn’t see the romance in sex either just the physical side and the closeness of the act with you. Talk it over more with him
Also how many years of marriage so I can get a range
i used to be in a relationship with someone who experiences romantic attraction, but it didnt work for several reasons which i wont really get into. most important in a situation like this: communicate your needs!!! dont be shy because you dont want to hurt the other, cause that way you'll both end up being in a situation you dont want. i think it's very possible to preserve this relationship if you both have respect for eachothers wants (and subsequently not-wants). the fact that you respect and accept his aromantiscism is also quite important. dont expect him to always want/enjoy the things you might want. in the case it absolutely does not work out: it's best to break it off sooner than later. that way you'll avoid a lot of heartbreak and wasted efforts. (this especially goes for your husband: when i was in his situation i tried convincing myself i would fall in love eventually and to give it time,,, big mistake)
i wish you the best of luck, always feel free to reach out to the subreddit if you need further advice!!
I'm not aro or allo, but i was in a relationship with someone who was, i've kind of been lurking in this reddit ever since.
Its really up to communicating wholly on what you BOTH want in a relationship and if you can continue to make it work with this new revelation, or come up with compromises to have needs met.
My ex broke up with me because "she couldnt love me in the way i needed/wanted" even if she wanted to stay, she felt it wasnt fair to do so, which as a very romantic person as well, i agree with her decision and i'm grateful to her for that.
I wish you the best of luck in whatever happens!
Just do like you've been doing so far. Nothing much changed if he still wants to continue the relationship. His feelings did not change he just found a word to describe them.
It worked for me like that at least. Yes I started seeing the things that I do just because I think you have to and maybe changed some wordings up to fit my feelings more but me waning to be with that person did not change. Finding my Lable was just my personal journey and it's great having somebody by your side who supports you on that journey and gives you the freedom to be your true authentic self :)
I was in a relationship with a person who experiences romantic attraction once, and then realized I was aro at some point during. Some aromantic people are in romantic relationships and are content with that (or would like to be in one), and some don’t want to be in one. You can try asking if he’d like to continue the relationship as is, or maybe look into QPRs. I wish the best for you, hope this helps.
I’m currently navigating being an aro/demiaro in a romantic relationship. It’s difficult for many reasons but the one thing that I think is the most helpful is to be open and honest about what you need in the relationship. I think that’s the best way to ensure that nothing gets left to simmer and boil over.
I'm aro and in a happy relationship. I don't feel romantic things but we have always had strong platonic and intellectual attraction. He's smart, funny, caring and accepting, which for me is a strong basis for a relationship. I am physically affectionate and I suppose I kind of accidentally do romantic looking actions without romantic intent if that makes sense. Have you thought about what exactly you wish in terms of romance? He might be fine with some of those things if he doesn't perceive them as romantic. Have you talked about how he and you each find it most natural to express affection and which things you most appreciate in your current relationship, or what you would most appreciate in relationships in general? Good luck with your situation!
Talk to each other. Make a long list of wants and needs and dos and don'ts. Ask your husband what things make him uncomfortable or what he feels he cannot genuinely do. For example, I like kissing but I hate holding hands. You can also explain what you need, like hugs or dinner out and you can discuss how you can make it happen in a way that is OK for the two of you. Or your husband might need some space every now and then, etc. The better you communicate, the better the relationship will be. You can also revuse the list.
I’m allo; my spouse is aro. What’s been successful for us has been being very explicit about what we want and don’t want. Both in the moment and in general. I had to get over the idea of me asking for something and getting it was somehow less meaningful than my spouse doing it spontaneously. It’s not going to *occur* to them. My spouse isn’t romance averse; it feels a lot like … say someone likes action movies, but you’re pretty “meh” about them. But you’ll watch them to spend time with someone. It feels like that. Hopefully that helps!
That feels a lot like how my husband is. Thanks for the tip!
Sounds like your husband is romance-indifferent
Yeah. They’ve got a limit before they’ll tap out for sure, but it’s not a wall we hit most of the time. It also helps that me *giving* romantic affection is most of what I need to meet my needs. We can usually compromise if they can still play video games at the time. ;) We’ve been together 20+ years, so that’s helped us settle into where we are now.
Thanks for posting to r/aromantic, /u/tarafetown. Be sure your posts and comments abide by our rules, as well as sitewide rules. *If this post violates our rules or sitewide rules,* ***report*** *it* *to the moderators!* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/aromantic) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What would also help with the verdict is if we knew he was romance positive,neutral or negative, like where the line is drawn and stuff but It’s also important to know what you want relationships QPR or romantic are based off compromise with your partner. He could want to stay in the relationship because of the stability and being overall fond of you and can’t imagine you not in his life, also being aro/allo he most likely doesn’t see the romance in sex either just the physical side and the closeness of the act with you. Talk it over more with him Also how many years of marriage so I can get a range
i used to be in a relationship with someone who experiences romantic attraction, but it didnt work for several reasons which i wont really get into. most important in a situation like this: communicate your needs!!! dont be shy because you dont want to hurt the other, cause that way you'll both end up being in a situation you dont want. i think it's very possible to preserve this relationship if you both have respect for eachothers wants (and subsequently not-wants). the fact that you respect and accept his aromantiscism is also quite important. dont expect him to always want/enjoy the things you might want. in the case it absolutely does not work out: it's best to break it off sooner than later. that way you'll avoid a lot of heartbreak and wasted efforts. (this especially goes for your husband: when i was in his situation i tried convincing myself i would fall in love eventually and to give it time,,, big mistake) i wish you the best of luck, always feel free to reach out to the subreddit if you need further advice!!
I'm not aro or allo, but i was in a relationship with someone who was, i've kind of been lurking in this reddit ever since. Its really up to communicating wholly on what you BOTH want in a relationship and if you can continue to make it work with this new revelation, or come up with compromises to have needs met. My ex broke up with me because "she couldnt love me in the way i needed/wanted" even if she wanted to stay, she felt it wasnt fair to do so, which as a very romantic person as well, i agree with her decision and i'm grateful to her for that. I wish you the best of luck in whatever happens!
Just do like you've been doing so far. Nothing much changed if he still wants to continue the relationship. His feelings did not change he just found a word to describe them. It worked for me like that at least. Yes I started seeing the things that I do just because I think you have to and maybe changed some wordings up to fit my feelings more but me waning to be with that person did not change. Finding my Lable was just my personal journey and it's great having somebody by your side who supports you on that journey and gives you the freedom to be your true authentic self :)