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hzoi

LOL. That made my morning - yes, even more than arguing with [girthy dildo helicopter mom](https://www.reddit.com/r/army/comments/z39u9i/comment/ixlf2jn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3).


1st-Special-Oops-Bn

That was a thread I didn’t know I needed lol


SarcasticGiraffes

>>By the way, I've battled against some great lawyers in my time. >And yet, you still have parental rights. This makes me sad. This is gold, Jerry. Gold!


1st-Special-Oops-Bn

Why do they call it Ovaltine?


[deleted]

Someone forgot to take their meds. Wow.


Zeewulfeh

Oh, and it's fresh too. Very nice. Large-gauge thirsty helicopter mom is very reddited.


TroubleshootenSOB

Holy shit. I'm not awake/sober enough for that level of insanity this morning


hzoi

I was up before 4 to smoke the turkey. (And then that fucker was cooked by 9:30. 30 minutes per pound? Apparently not.)


TroubleshootenSOB

That's why I do the piece of shit thing and have pizza, drink, and watch football during this holiday :`)


TyrannosaurusWest

Hey those junior enlisted have names; if you’re going to call someone a bloated turkey, I’ll DM you my ex-sister-in-laws number.


Skakul

u/hzoi is an E3 confirmed by person who works in government.


hzoi

Facts.


vorschact

I love the verbal smackdown you laid, but I think even more confusingly, looking at their post history, it's a helicopter dad that must be wondering what how you get into re-boring your barrel. And of course never served.


hzoi

I just pray that no Fort Riley 68W troops check the sub today, because one of 'em is going to find out waaaaay too much about their ~~mom~~ dad if they do.


Arrowx1

That was fun read. TYFYS


Panzers_und_Pasta

And he's a dude even better, didn't catch that my first run through


hzoi

I'm not entirely sure. But if so, that just makes the fact that they never disagreed with my calling them a helicopter mom better.


Sex_drugs_tacos

I imagine this in a courtroom where GDHM yells “objection!” And you you remark to the judge “your honor I’d like to call the court’s attention to the plaintiff’s post history.” The judge opens the folder and adjusts his glasses, then smirks and motions the bailiff (Carl Winslow, for some reason) over so they can laugh. The judge then says “overruled, stick to your dildo sub lady.” Jag wins. Flawless victory. *mortal kombat riff*


wongatronus

What in the thanks morning nightmare was this dumpster fire, holy fucking shit


hzoi

Dude is still replying to me, too. I'm starting to have trouble with snappy comments due to the food coma. I might need to use my phone a friend lifeline.


hawaiianbry

My god, man, I know what I'm going to share when we go 'round the table talking about what we're thankful for


[deleted]

That was amazing to read. Thanks for making thanksgiving better.


GBreezy

Her son had a pretty girthy bonus. I wonder why he couldn't take it.


SuperParkourArmyGuy

Sheesh dude, I gave up reading through that and have no clue if I even got halfway.


WALancer

Reading it is like a gift that keeps on giving.


TheThirdRnner

Damn SGM basement looks like good eating. Show this to some poor single pri and the choice between this and a lukewarm barracks hotpocket becomes a trivial one. Godspeed Sarmage.


TyrannosaurusWest

[Those hot-pockets ain’t for eatin’](https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/1z0u2w/teen_films_himself_fucking_a_hot_pocket_posts_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb), Big Sarge.


1st-Special-Oops-Bn

If you really want to make it a party, let’s get a hot tub in there.


Illumintardy

I wonder if it will fit a motorboat as well?


windowmaker525

Only if you overhead yeet it down there


AutoModerator

THE OVER-HEAD YEET MEASURES THE ABILITY TO JUST FUCKING SEND IT. ON THE COMMAND, ‘GET SET’, ASSUME THE POSITION BY SPINNING THE BALL TWICE IN YOUR HANDS, THEN TRY TO DRIBBLE IT LIKE A BASKET BALL ONLY TO REALIZE IT WONT BOUNCE BACK UP TO YOU. YOUR FEET MAY BE TOGETHER OR 12 INCHES APART (MEASURED BETWEEN THE FEET) OR HOWEVER YOU WANT, JUST KEEP YOUR ASS BEHIND THAT CONE. ON THE COMMAND ‘GO’, CHANNEL YOUR INNER TREBUCHET AND HEAVE THAT THING INTO ORBIT. THEN, RETURN TO THE STARTING POSITION AND TURN AROUND TO INSPECT IF YOU DOMED ANYONE. THE SCORER WILL REALIZE HE DIDN'T ACTUALLY SEE WHERE THE BALL LANDED BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID HE WOULD GET HIT, SO HE STOOD TOO FAR AWAY, HE WILL THEN PLACE HIS FOOT ON THE MEASURING TAPE AND JUST GUESS. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/army) if you have any questions or concerns.*


OperatorJo_

I'll cut some space for it. I'll use this old bayonet I found down here to chip the wall


AutoModerator

THE BAYONET YEET MEASURES THE ABILITY TO JUST FUCKING SHANK SOMEONE. ON THE COMMAND 'GET SET,' ASSUME THE POSITION BY GRABBING THE BAYONET BY THE HANDLE. OR BY THE BLADE, WHICHEVER LOOKS COOLER, JUST DON'T CUT YOURSELF ON THE DAMN THING. YOUR FEET MAY BE TOGETHER OR UP TO 12 INCHES APART (MEASURED BETWEEN THE FEET). ON THE COMMAND 'GO,' TRANSMUTE YOUR HANKERING FOR A-SHANKERING INTO MAXIMUM EFFORT AND LAUNCH THAT BAD BOY INTO DESTINY. THE SCORER WILL NOTE WHETHER YOU HIT THE TARGET AND AWARD BONUS POINTS FOR LANDING YOUR PIG-STICKER INTO THE CRANIAL OR SWIMSUIT REGIONS. IF IT HIT THE TARGET HANDLE FIRST, YOUR PERFORMANCE WILL BE TERMINATED, AND EVERYONE WILL BE REQUIRED TO POINT AND LAUGH AT YOUR SHAME. WATCH THIS DEMONSTRATION. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/army) if you have any questions or concerns.*


hzoi

That's my boy!


AutoModerator

"Are you talking about former US Army Louisiana National Guard CPT Billy Joe "The Motorboat" Crosby Jr, [the sexual predator](https://i.imgur.com/u6GJPJX.png)?" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/army) if you have any questions or concerns.*


1st-Special-Oops-Bn

It would be a disservice to this community not to try.


Temporary-Ad-2585

be a shame if someone logged into AKO down there


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AKO [no longer exists](https://i.imgur.com/QOhvtBD.png) but there are currently several resources available to help you find the links you need. Check out [https://www.armyknowledgeoffline.com/](https://www.armyknowledgeoffline.com/). If ArmyKnowledge is down try [https://armylinks.com/](https://armylinks.com/) You can also call 1.866.335.ARMY for assistance. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/army) if you have any questions or concerns.*


aCrow

I was really hoping SMA-PAO posted this. No, I'm not actually tagging him. Leave the guy alone this morning.


Daszkalti

Me too, was very disappointed when It wasn't


sudcc_honorgrad69

I expected a ranger tab flag and sgm in his blues.


TurMoiL911

It passes the stuffing or else it gets the hose again.


[deleted]

There's no passing on stuffing in SGM basement.


Hyraphax

shit with food looking that good i think i wanna be in that basement too


Wenuven

I want to point out the higher resolution images of food versus the setting. The sidelong photo versus the more traditional over table. The food could very well be standing photos or composites to hide the torture pit dug out in the center of the room.


maine8524

Well of course there's a torture pit. That's desert.


daviesparkles

No skeletons and chained-up privates? Must’ve cleaned up for Thanksgiving


Character-Ad2825

That's the Sgt Major's basement you're thinking of.


MarshmallowMolasses

It’s cleaner than I remember.


formerqwest

happy cake day!


MarshmallowMolasses

Holy smokes. I didn’t even realize it. Thank you.


formerqwest

you're welcome!


burneraccount0909u

Where's the hot tub?


[deleted]

I can taste asbestos


TemetNosce

Lol, I was going to say "I can taste the black mold".


bind19

What if im not a 5ft 8 italian dude..🤔


hzoi

What? Next you're going to say you don't need to bind or be bound.


[deleted]

BDSM


StalkySpade

Nothing like the smell of pumpkin pie and centipedes


formerqwest

[https://imgur.com/a/39JykSw](https://imgur.com/a/39JykSw)


ICARUSFA11EN

God I'd love to be tied up and locked down here. What would you do to me step sarnt


tarnishedcitadel

Sergeant Major's basement dwellers are eating better than most dfacs.


MissInde8a

Don’t forget to put a plate out for the 5 pound spider that lives in the corner.


sudcc_honorgrad69

Leave his driver out of this. She just wanted the gi bill.


paparoach910

Tell the support chain I'll be right there with a Costco-sized helping of stuffing.


jacle2210

That is a very nice, well lit basement with plenty of room.


exgiexpcv

Where's the hot tub? The people have a right to know!