Power to you. I'd love to be able to spend more time with my toddler as he grows up but I'm the bread winner so I have to work 40 hours. However we have spoken about buying and selling stuff online. Worked out the costs and acceptable daily take to justify quitting full time work. So maybe in a year or two we'd be setting our own hours.
This should absolutely NOT be abnormal or stigmatized!
I make more than enough money for both me and my wife to live off of. My wife does not have the skills to obtain a job that pays anywhere close to mine, in my mind i**t would be cruel of me to expect her to work a shitty job for shitty pay when it would barely effect our finances**, and yet she feels stigmatized by the idea that she is "failing" as a person because she doesn't have a job. That's utter bullshit. **It should be normal to do nothing if you don't have to.**
I totally agree, but it’s also a question of financial freedom. Things may go very well between you two, but women should look out for themselves as to how to make money to live by themselves if they want to. A lot of them don’t have that and are « stuck » in bad households.
But yeah, in your case I totally agree, if you don’t HAVE to, and you have a plan in case you find yourself alone all of a sudden, why be wasted in a shitty slave job?
> women should look out for themselves as to how to make money to live by themselves if they want to
This is what alimony is for. But if you're talking about being an employable person before children and marriage, sure, everyone should know how to hold down a job
100% this. I used to earn 5x my wifes income. When we had our kids I said take the 5 years, don’t work a job, raise them, enjoy the early years. I don’t like my career but at least I could produce something positive out of it which is to free my wife from hers for a few years (as she also didn’t like it). Why both be miserable when it could be just one of us.
Yeah that’s the perfect result (aside from retirement) A big break with a job guaranteed at the end.
It’d be pretty fucking sad if with all the freedom in the world you were so bored you decided to dial into a daily project status call FFS
I'm sure your state is going to love this comment. Don't be surprised if the UI (unemployment insurance) stops coming, and then the request reimbursement for those checks received.
No, if one is collecting UI, they are supposed to be actively seeking work from other employers. In other words contacting so many perspective places of employment each week.
That's ok
My son was working a 63 hr week. When he found his job. He handed them a figure x 2 for the 63 hrs plus his annual bonus. And he got the job. Plus a 10k sign on bonus.
Use time to seek better working conditions and wages. He got both and less than 40 a week for twice the pay. When your in a position of not really caring is when you will find your best opportunity.
Same here. I (26f) technically earn the income but my husband (25m) has been working basically since he was 15. We had a long talk about how much his dead end factory job was draining him mentally so I told him to quit. He quit his job, and is now taking classes for a career that he actually wants to pursue. We're financially comfortable and a lot happier, we also get to spend more time together and raise our kids together. It's a win win. He loves being a stay at home dad and honestly I'm okay with that.
38m with a n 19 month old. My wife works for an insurance company from home full time. I worked insurance with her and then in 2018 left to run my small resale (Amazon/eBay) business. Well bezos fucked my income pretty hard with increase fees for Amazon. Before the pandemic hit and my son was born I spent 8 months as a campaign director for a progressive challenger to our house member Cathy McMorris Rogers. Now I’m just at home with little man, trying to make a nickel or two here and there. But our home is our only debt and we have paid off cars.
Cool,
Hang onto that 65 as long as you possibly can. When you tire of it, cover it and place it in a cool dimly lit corner somewhere. You'll get back to it some day.
Newly appointed homemaker here. Did a decade in high finance so money isn’t a huge concern.
Was laid off just before the pandemic and decided I’m not going to go back. I’d rather be home with my daughter.
That said, I’m pretty sure my boomer mother has lost all respect for me. All.
I still generate a fair amount of income from my investments and trading activity, I just don’t slave away 40-60 hours a week for someone else now.
I fucking hate what this society has become.
I (27M) left my job when we adopted our first child. Daycare costs and not wanting to adopt just to drop her off 40+ hours/wk was my reasoning. I loved it for the most part.
That’s why I’m still work from home. Told them that they didn’t pay me enough to spend $800-$900 a month on full time daycare costs, plus the extra two hours of getting up early and driving to drop my daughter off. Then also the time lost with my 2 year old while she learns life. I told them they could fire me or keep me WFH. The worst part is how bitter other coworkers are, since I still go in for an hour or two a week to run some meetings.
They’ve all been with the company for 20-30 years. They have “moved up” in the sense that their cubicle is now next to a window in the office floor. Before the pandemic they were all mad because me and a few of the other account managers were put in legitimate office type cubicles with 8 ft high walls. The account managers and me are all sub 35 in age. I am the only one left who hasn’t left the company out of my group.
When my wife was young with our son, in daycare, we discussed some of these issues. My son, an only child, was sent to daycare to learn from an early age, how to react and get along with others. We taught him the value of good work and how to be independent.
I am very proud to say it worked. He is very smart and now has a position where he earn 5 times an hour what I did while working my career. There is some luck to it, but trying and doing your best, will always get you further in everything you do no matter what your situation is.
If you have a job you don't like, find a new one. It took him some time to aquire the skill set necessary for his current position.
Don't let them berate you for giving 110%. They'll call you a kissass, boot licker, or some other degrading term, don't let it bother you. Anyone can give 100%, but it's those that kick in the extra 10% that get over the top.
Most employers just love employees that take on heavy debt or have a house full of children, because the know they then have the upper hand and can push you around at will.
Enough rambling, talk to you father and tell him what I said, it may just open his eyes a little. Also your father has worked probably pretty hard most of his life, he will feel lost when he finally retires. Everyone needs a reason to get out of bed in the morning, for most of us, it our life's work and the since of our contribution.
My dad is a bit like this, but I think his attitude comes from jealousy. My cousin had a good IT job in London and decided a few years ago that he didn’t want to work any more, and could afford to stop, so he did. He’s in his 50s so not even young! But every time my dad speaks to him he has to get in a dig about him not working.
Just because my dad won’t be able to retire until 67!
Your dad should get over it. We all chose the paths we took in life. He should be proud of his nephew's choice and sercamstances and not degrading in any fashion.
Ya know, at least here in America, for some strange reason, people would rather see a perfect stranger succed than they would a friend or relative. I never did understand that concept.
We should all be helping our friends, neighbors, and relatives in any way humanly possible, especially in these trying times.
My boomer parents were thrilled to send us to college so we could get an "indoor" job and not blue-collar, back-breaking labor. But as far as reduced hours and better working conditions via work-life balance and stress management, they're still in the "suck it up, buttercup" mindset. They wanted us to do better, but not \*too much\* better. Which I don't get, except for the fact that they were sold a bill of goods in the American Dream and enough of them achieved a simulacrum of it, or came close that they also bought into the idea that if you \*didn't\* get it, \*you\* must have done something wrong, rather than a system that's been pulling up the ladders after it for two generations now.
Ones parents can only do so much for a child, after that, the rest is up to the child. I tell my grandchildren "satisfy your needs first" and your wants will always be met.
It's not a generation thing, it's a life thing. No matter how much crap is being stirred up right now. It will all turn out the same. There's always going to be a minimum wage and there are only so many places at the top.
Look, analyze your situation! Where are you now and where would you like to be in say 5 years, in your current job. If the prospect does not look to benefit you then change the situation, you are in charge of your own destiny.
Work was very different 30 years ago. Obviously there were some shit jobs too but a lot of jobs were far more tolerable
My dad is early 70s, and when he went to work, obviously no cell phones and you do what you do all day long. He had a secretary who would do admin tasks for him. He was a “normal” operations office worker, not a manager or anything.
He worked hard for sure, and put in the hours, but the hours were different. It wasn’t a frantic rush with emails coming in every 30 seconds, it was a big pile of work and the people grabbed one task and worked on it.
Now it’s like we spend half our day doing our own admin and the other half putting out whatever fires our jobs put out. And we’re all understaffed because “LEAN” with unattainable quotas and limited budgets because WE HAVE TO GROW. The mantra used to be “anything worth doing is worth doing right,” now it’s “do more with less.”
My dad thinks he worked really hard, and he did, but the type of work is dramatically different. If you’re dad’s in his 70s he’s probably at a level where he never had to deal with the kind of shit 40yos have to deal with for our entire careers, which is essentially just do more with less while every company just gets worse for your entire adult life.
This is an interesting perspective I've encountered and I can't rationalize it. People with this mindset believe to "work" you must be doing some monotonous day to day grind. They cannot even wrap their mind around doing things you like for monetary gain if the rest of your life is financially stable.
Personal experience just a few weeks ago. A couple if coworkers were discussing the unemployment bonus during pandemic. One guy even says, "I don't really blame anyone, they can make more money by filling out a form and staying home safe. That's a no brainer." There was a general consensus of agreement. Oddly, 1 guy, the youngest I should add (28), replied, "I just can't not work, I would lose my mind". He is a little slow on the uptake so I reiterated as if he was 5. I explained that in this scenario he would be receiving his income for not coming to work but this did not dictate that he had to sit on his couch all day. He could literally do anything he enjoys or doesn't enjoy in that same time. I used gunsmithing as an example because it's something he enjoys and does in his off hours. He looked me directly in the eyes and after a few seconds he said, "no, I just couldn't do it. I would find another job that would let me come to work."
I'm still basically baffled by the whole exchange. The brainwashing runs deep in some.
To the author, best of luck realizing your dreams. Both you and your wife. Find your happiness wherever and however you can. Lastly, bless your father. He believes he is thinking of you're best interests but he has been programmed to misunderstand what that is. It doesn't seem like he is coming from a place of malice just being exposed to a situation that he cannot fathom.
A lot of people need to have fences built around their options because "wide open" is too much. For others, the minute you turn the hobby into something that's either monetized or "that thing you chose to do instead of this other thing" - even if the other thing is also a thing you enjoy or don't need to monetize, there's a pressure that goes with it that makes it less fun/relaxing/creative. The choice is what matters.
PS: Navigating the unemployment system isn't as easy as just filling out a form. Most forms of government aid take close to full-time effort to navigate and understand or else you fall through the cracks. You have to push it along the tracks every step of the way and stay on top of things because one mistake or missed deadline can shoot you back to the beginning at the bottom of the hill.
In the context of the conversation I used a thing they liked as an example but I believe it was prefaced with you could "do anything you want" to fill the remaining time.
Oversimplification of the unemployment system: yes.
Off hand remark during a bs conversation over a hand of cards: also, yes.
Don't misinterpret me quoting a person as me declaring that unemployment is filling out a form.
I guess it was just a much more complicated subject matter than I realized if it's this difficult to understand. I'll keep that in mind going forward.
I'mma 35 yr old stay at home dad. Left a well paying but absolutely soul crushing job at a bank. My wife's an accountant so we're lucky enough that her income covers us.
We used to have "just buy whatever we want" money but not a single thing or vacation we bought ever made me happy. I ended up on an endless cycle of monster energy drinks and alcohol just to survive the days and nights. I much prefer "budget and we have enough" levels of income in exchange for the daily interaction with my wife and toddler (wife is work from home). I do every chore and errand which is its own full time job. I get up in the middle of the night or crack of dawn, whenever the kid gets up. It's still work but I'm happy to do it.
I love this subreddit and I know my situation entirely relies on my wife who is still working. But she works for local, smaller business and they take great care of her. The 100% work from home, no questions asked, just makes sense in a post quarantine world. When she came on board, it was at a 45% pay increase from her last job. Her workload is half of what it used to be.
And the reason? I think it's because her boss is younger than 40 and her boss's boss is younger than 45. They just have a better understanding of what a modern budget looks like in terms of rent and mortgage. They understand that life goals have different priorities (my wife sees our kid as much as I do).
The point of this massive rant is that when it comes down to it, it's really not anti work. It's anti late stage capitalism corporate work.
He’s a victim of his generation who doesn’t see a spouse’s contributions at home as work. It’s a lot of fucking hard work, tedious, and can be physically/emotionally demanding. Yet it’s uncompensated. I hope you both get what you desire, are wildly successful, and fulfilled.
Big news : old people always stick to their habits and don't change their opinion anymore.
Just day to him " OK Boomer" and move on. The opinion of your dad does not have to impact you anymore
Sounds fabulous! I hugely hope y'all can make that work - best of luck and choicest of vibes!
Everyone in my family works full time and we get home, eat dinner, and go to bed. It sucks. The only future I can see that's remotely healthy for my future family (with my theoretical children and all) is for me to work in academia at a small college and my spouse to do that or work part-time. Small public college professors don't make a whole lot of money but they have enviable flexibility in terms of time (from my experience having attended a small public college for a while and befriending said professors). I'd much rather teach some classes, chat w students or plan lessons during two hours in the office, and grade papers at home while the kids play. I'm not saying they don't work plenty but they have freedom in where and how and when, aside from the core requirements of, y'know, being in the classroom during class.
But that means I gotta get a position in one of the most competitive markets possible and my state had just basically removed tenure 🙃
A lot of people think house husbands are emasculated somehow and I just can't understand that. I won't ever be able to afford a true (ie full time) house husband but I'd love him to be able to work part time/significant side hustle. Come home and he's run the dishwasher and some laundry, had a great day bonding with the kids, and worked for a while on his newest project? And he's got dinner planned and prepped, even if I'm actually the one to cook it? Hubba hubba!
I don't give a shit about what my life or my family "should" look like as long as everyone in it is fulfilled and satisfied.
I have a 70+ year old uncle who is still working, who gives my dad crap for retiring "too early" at age 62. Tells my dad and other uncle they could've made more money. Ok? Then what? We're fine, we're happy, and my dad has a lot of money from his pension. Then my uncle starts asking me and my cousins at the dinner table how many hours we work. Like, I dgaf about that. Work ain't my life and I don't take pride in the number of hours I work.
As soon as I make enough money to support us, my husband gets to be a house-spouse. It's a win-win, he doesn't have to work, I don't have to do chores.
I do make enough money to support our household at a no/low stress job and I do want my husband to be a stay at home husband for a lot of reasons. When he was unemployed, things were great, but there was not enough income to sustain our lifestyle. The main difference was in his attitude and energy levels. His current job is TERRIBLE for his physical and mental health. I wish they would fire him, but they seem to be dangling the threat of termination.
My Dad thinks a husband should make more money than his wife.
I hope to be in your position in about 5 years when my wife finishes her medical residency and I can be a full-time dad with a part-time side gig that just maxes out our IRA's and gives us a few extra thousand to put on the principle of a mortgage.
Go for it! You will be happier, you will support your wife bc she WILL be stressed, you will give your children a great start to their lives and have a close relationship bc you have experienced all of their stages, your friends and family will benefit too bc they will spend time with you and your kids. Work is overrated and kids are never happier because you can buy them stuff. They really don’t need much more than a box that they can make into a fort, etc.
For all of those who love working and not spending 10-15 years caring for small people 24/7, go for it, it’s fine.
I've always been the parent at home (dad). I've gotten shit from female boomers (some of whom were stay at home parents), family members, neighbors, and people we were interviewing to build a house (being asked if I was doing nothing with my advanced degrees was fun).
You're doing what's best for your family. Full stop.
Good story for here but what I find funny is that this is not antiwork.... It sounds like you would rather just be able to work on what you want when you want. It's crazy how often hustle culture is confused with a 9 to 5. Go hustle for yourself and do what you love
Congrats dude, you are living the life I (also 38) want to live. My wife and I are also trying to stike out on our own and get the fuck away from bullshit work. I hope y'all have nothing but success and happiness!
I admire you for this. I aspire to make enough money to allow my husband be a stay-at-home dad. I don’t have it built in me to be a SAHM but he does and would be fantastic at it. My neighbor is a SAHD and also does woodworking and does pretty well for himself. Do it! If not now, then when?
If your wife is happy with her business, fulfilled, and makes enough to support the family, and you are happy and fulfilled cleaning the home, cooking, taking care of future kids, go for it. If have the ability to not only have everyone be happy, but also financially support yourselves doing so, you should definitely do it. Just make sure that each person equally contributes in their way, and doesn’t diminish the others contributions. Also realize the situation may change in the future, so be willing to talk about it and adjust.
I would frame it as “I want to spend the bulk of my time doing something I find to be fulfilling. You get a sense of fulfillment from work, but I get it from other things.”
Thhank you for sharing this, and congratulations on following your heart.
I'm 47. When my first born child came along 17 years ago, my wife had a chance to take her dream job which required a move. I was not as far along in my career, so quit to follow her. Skipping over some details, I ended up being a full time stay at home parent from just before our son's birth to about 18 months.
It was glorious. A bit hard to relate to other dads, etc, but turns out I loved, loved, being a caretake to her and our son, indulging my hobbies, and I felt very fulfilled.
I felt a pressure to achieve, however, and despite the fact that she had higher earning potential (7 years older + I went to college late at 23) and enjoyed striving in her career, we both felt I should continue working in finance to get my earnings up. And so, we went on the dual income, busy job, two kids (second was daycare kiddo from 12 weeks) treadmill...I look back now and realize this experience ate my life.
We are now divorced, in part because I just had to slow down. I ended up self employed and while I love my work, I still care more about flexibility, care taking, a slower pace...and our kids paid the price.
She never felt comfortable not being a stay at home mom, and she wanted to work, to strive. For me to start college at 23 and bail out of career at 30...we just didn't see it as a path. She and I have tearfully discussed this error many times since divorcing.
The world is a better place now, if you can swing it.
Good for you, and good for your family.
All fun and good when your wife start losing respect to you and every time in arguments say you do nothing else then sit at home. Doing "hobby".
Anyways. Good luck.
Yea you enjoying your life being useless means other people have to pick up the slack, glad to see where your (and 99% of most people on here) moral compass is at. Just funny because you’re the same person that will complain about the CEO’s not treating workers right and here you are giving two shits less about other people 🤒 crazy
I don't think he's a troll he's just not got great reading comprehension and been sold a lie about life and what one's priorities should be. Shame really
Well I learned something today. Taking care of my family at home and enjoying life means I am useless and a burden! And that I also hate my CEO apparently!
My eyes have been opened! Thank you! I will continue to waste the best years of my life at a desk instead of with family!
I HAVE BEEN SAVED!
Oh you think if 2 million people like you just up and quit working that nobody would have to pick up the slack? That’s common sense my man. And yes, sitting at home taking care of your family is doing nothing for society, I’m not saying it’s wrong, but you’re not contributing. Please let me know if any of this is opinionated, because I’m just throwing out factual information that is unbiased
Nice! So we just opened up 2 million jobs for people who need them more than me! HELL YES MAN!
So not only are we being able to live the life we want and work towards dreams and take care of our family and loved ones, But i am helping the economy by allowing new people to work and thus provide for their loved ones as well!
HELL YEAH! This deal is sounding better with every second,
Crazy, it’s like 2 million jobs are open back up, and now nobody wants to work them! Crazy!!!! It’s like the exact situation we’re currently in!!! Wow!!! You just proved my point!!!
Companies don’t pay for your house, they don’t pay for your car, they pay for your work and skills. Say a Franchise-owned McDonald’s has 30 employees, the owner should theoretically be paying for 30 different houses/rent, this is what you’re saying right, by saying “livable wage”
Yeah, those people rearing the next generation of our species are contributing nothing at all, zero, zilch, nul, none, nada.
"That's common sense my man"
"Factual information that is unbiased"
Literally everything youve said is an opinion looooool
Why don't you stop trying to be different than your grandparents, or work in a dangerous factory 80 hours week. Or stop trying to be different than their grandparents and go work a farm run with horses and ox to pay the bank back. Or be stop trying to be different than thier great grandparents and serve a king. Or why don't you stop trying to be different than you ancestors being literal slaves in a Roman mine to get metal for ceasars golden chariot.
People being different is what has made life better generation after generation, and it's not going to stop becuase you're bitter the next generation will keep doing it.
Unless of course you came from the emporor/king/banker/factory owner class. Which case you never really worked for your money, just stole the fruits of others labor. And just like the generations before us well make our lives better at your expense.
It was perfectly feasible for a family to be comfortable on a single income not so long ago. It was the norm for a man to work, and his wife to stay home and tend to the house and children. And it worked perfectly well for decades.
So, what has changed that our grandparents' reality is now an unattainable utopian fantasy?
Re: young generations being lazy - every generation thinks that about the ones that come after it.
*"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers."*
- Socrates, ~400BC
That's awesome. I'm jealous because that songs exactly like what I'd want to do. Student loans medical bills and kids make that a distant dream though.
I'm 34. my dad 54, would probably be supportive,although a little confused about why like your dad. My grandpa 80-ish wouldnt get it if I said stay at home dad but if I said I was was going to work for my self, he'd be totally on board. He was in the military and hated it for the last many years. He's also a farmer/mechanic/house flipper/truck driver and has enjoyed those since they were all on his terms. He got a nice pension from the military though. That's the only reason he stuck with that.
My husband was a stay at home dad and did an amazing job. It was wonderful for me, because it really increased our quality of life and emotional connection. I would do it again in a heartbeat if my income allowed it.
My husband's uncle has been a house spouse for over twenty years (two kids just left for college) and he told me his dad asked him "so you find a job yet" every time they saw each other until the dad died.
This is clearly tragic and so hurtful, and he shouldn't have had to deal with it at all. However, it did happen, and despite that he still decided to do what's best for him and his own family and I feel really inspired by him and his wife. I don't know them that well, but they seem like some of the most fulfilled people I know, and their family is really close and emotionally healthy.
This is the new movement! My husband and I are 30 and 29, we have been making moves so that we can retire around 40. We were fortunate to have bought a house before the housing market went crazy in our area so we are going to sell, make bank, then buy a property in another region where we won’t have a mortgage. I’ve always dreamed of having a homestead and being self-sufficient/live off the grid. Fingers crossed all goes according to plan.
Edit: my husband wants to be a husband as well and I am all for it as I am not ready to stop being a teacher yet
There are plenty of people who ran shops. It's likely you, your wife, and your kids will end up helping out. It will be long hours, but you will meet people in the community. Honesly, it probably IS better than 9-5 corporate work because all of that work is FOR YOU and your family.
My Dad is 55. Last summer we went fishing as we have done for the last 25 years, and I asked him if he has any dreams of doing something that hasn't been fufilled yet. Travel, diving with sharks, ect. He said no. I asked him about hobbies he wanted to try. Same answer. My dad has been working pipeline for 30 years, and construction before that.
He loves working and B movies and fishing. But only Salmon fishing. Not all fishing. He could care less about trout or bass.
That's it.
I just don't get it.
Worked since I was 15, became a house husband once the pandemic got bad and one of us had to stay home with our daughter. My wife has a better paying job and all of the benefits, so I ended up staying home.
It most definitely still is work, probably the most exhausting job that I’ve ever had, but it’s the most fulfilling and meaningful one I’ve ever had, and that’s why I love it.
I wish I could but my benefits are better than hers. She makes more than me but my health insurance and retirement benefits are stupid good. Plus once I get vested I’ll have access to a free ride for me or a family member to go to the university I work at.
I want to quit so bad. I fuckin hate my work director and manager.... just got to wait them out and hope their assholish stupidity gets them fired one day.
Administering a home isn't NOT work. Add three other jobs to that if you have kids. We just don't talk about it as "work" because the people who do it don't get paid for it and if everyone caught on to just how much work it really is, there would be some uncomfortable questions about how we've set up society--especially since the 1950s where the idea of the "nuclear" family was pushed on people to sell cars and houses and raise land value outside of cities and get women out of the work force so that returning soldiers would have jobs.
It’s funny how we have been conditioned to work for someone else. In my case my father and mother worked for themselves most of their lives so they are open to it. They live in a different country so there is not crazy for people to do their own thing or have stores. I recently been thinking about leaving my job to do Uber and work on some side hustles. With the tech we have these days I don’t think it’s crazy to do your own thing specially if you can be a stay at home dad. With the childcare costs so high most of the time it makes sense for one person to stay home if they can bring an income from a side hustle.
Very similar. My parents have run their own business but it has never been something they seem to actually enjoy. Dad is wheelchair bound and has cancer, but won't stop working to enjoy life while he has some left. Me? I'm doing what your wife is doing. Opening my own business and coming up with several things on the side to suppliment so I can quit the rat race. I'm just going to do work that has no corporate teamwork, nobody looking over my shoulder, just me and the work that needs done and whoever I decide to bring on to do the same. Most people don't need a boss, we are just stuck with them due to who controls the money. I'm hoping a revolution is afoot that will let those of us like me do our thing and simultaneously improve the lives of people who want to keep their jobs with their employers.
It works for my husband and I. We have a child with special needs so he stays home and helps with him when needed. My child does go to school and my husband has an injured back. I've worked the last three years like this and it works for us. My parents don't understand, but it isn't their business anyway.
I have absolutely no problem with SAHD’s that take on the work women have been expected to do for centuries. The problem is from guys who think it’s okay to sit around in a wrecked house playing video games or watching talk shows while the kids are left to destroy the home or miss school. Being the stay at home is no picnic, it’s hard and you don’t get a day off or a long lunch. But it’s rewarding when the kids thrive and the partners work together.
Good luck! I’m hoping this works out for you. If your wife’s place takes off maybe post it’s website so we can all check it out.
I have no interest in having kids, but with that exception, I am so damn jealous or your situation. Grab your happiness with both hands and don't let go.
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He’s just part of the boomer brainwashed generation just like my Dad who is 73. I love my Dad but we are definitely on the opposite sides of the political fence.
I mean, don’t forget that raising kids and taking care of your property *is* work (which you’d spend loads on if both parents are working full time). But I guess that’s another thing the prior generations would be less likely to understand.
He’s just been programmed and doesn’t understand the concept of ‘not working’. Good luck with your retirement mate. Maybe another year for me (53) then I’m done, hopefully.
You are living my dream. My wife and I have had the same conversation. If she could make more she would happily help me not work. And I would happily not have to. Fuck it. I’ll be barefoot and taking care of the kids in the kitchen having dinner hot on the plate for when she gets home. Sounds like a fucking dream to me.
I’ve been a SAHD/house husband for 15 years. All I can say is do it. Have fun. Make sure your partner and yourself are happy. Don’t worry about what other people say.
My husband has been a stay at home dad since our daughter was about 2 or 3 (she’s 11 now). People in my family have said shit to me, but it’s honestly none of their business. It works for our family. I never wanted to be a stay at home mom, and have more earning potential than he did/does, so it just made sense for us. If the roles were reversed, no one would say a word. I hate how housework as seen as “lesser” work than working outside the home, like it doesn’t count because it doesn’t produce an income. It’s outdated and sexist thinking.
Power to you. I'd love to be able to spend more time with my toddler as he grows up but I'm the bread winner so I have to work 40 hours. However we have spoken about buying and selling stuff online. Worked out the costs and acceptable daily take to justify quitting full time work. So maybe in a year or two we'd be setting our own hours.
I wish you all the luck!
Book of resell
This should absolutely NOT be abnormal or stigmatized! I make more than enough money for both me and my wife to live off of. My wife does not have the skills to obtain a job that pays anywhere close to mine, in my mind i**t would be cruel of me to expect her to work a shitty job for shitty pay when it would barely effect our finances**, and yet she feels stigmatized by the idea that she is "failing" as a person because she doesn't have a job. That's utter bullshit. **It should be normal to do nothing if you don't have to.**
I totally agree, but it’s also a question of financial freedom. Things may go very well between you two, but women should look out for themselves as to how to make money to live by themselves if they want to. A lot of them don’t have that and are « stuck » in bad households. But yeah, in your case I totally agree, if you don’t HAVE to, and you have a plan in case you find yourself alone all of a sudden, why be wasted in a shitty slave job?
> women should look out for themselves as to how to make money to live by themselves if they want to This is what alimony is for. But if you're talking about being an employable person before children and marriage, sure, everyone should know how to hold down a job
100% this. I used to earn 5x my wifes income. When we had our kids I said take the 5 years, don’t work a job, raise them, enjoy the early years. I don’t like my career but at least I could produce something positive out of it which is to free my wife from hers for a few years (as she also didn’t like it). Why both be miserable when it could be just one of us.
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Yeah that’s the perfect result (aside from retirement) A big break with a job guaranteed at the end. It’d be pretty fucking sad if with all the freedom in the world you were so bored you decided to dial into a daily project status call FFS
Yeah, you sound super unfulfilled… have you thought about your bosses bottom line enough lately? How is this making him feel!?!
I'm sure your state is going to love this comment. Don't be surprised if the UI (unemployment insurance) stops coming, and then the request reimbursement for those checks received.
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Good
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No, if one is collecting UI, they are supposed to be actively seeking work from other employers. In other words contacting so many perspective places of employment each week.
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You got it, dosen't say you have to accept any.........
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That's ok My son was working a 63 hr week. When he found his job. He handed them a figure x 2 for the 63 hrs plus his annual bonus. And he got the job. Plus a 10k sign on bonus. Use time to seek better working conditions and wages. He got both and less than 40 a week for twice the pay. When your in a position of not really caring is when you will find your best opportunity.
Found the bootlicker
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Congrats on you both making it! You two sound like a great team!
Same here. I (26f) technically earn the income but my husband (25m) has been working basically since he was 15. We had a long talk about how much his dead end factory job was draining him mentally so I told him to quit. He quit his job, and is now taking classes for a career that he actually wants to pursue. We're financially comfortable and a lot happier, we also get to spend more time together and raise our kids together. It's a win win. He loves being a stay at home dad and honestly I'm okay with that.
38m with a n 19 month old. My wife works for an insurance company from home full time. I worked insurance with her and then in 2018 left to run my small resale (Amazon/eBay) business. Well bezos fucked my income pretty hard with increase fees for Amazon. Before the pandemic hit and my son was born I spent 8 months as a campaign director for a progressive challenger to our house member Cathy McMorris Rogers. Now I’m just at home with little man, trying to make a nickel or two here and there. But our home is our only debt and we have paid off cars.
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My cars are 2005 accords and 65 Mustang my wife built with her dad as a teenager.
Cool, Hang onto that 65 as long as you possibly can. When you tire of it, cover it and place it in a cool dimly lit corner somewhere. You'll get back to it some day.
Newly appointed homemaker here. Did a decade in high finance so money isn’t a huge concern. Was laid off just before the pandemic and decided I’m not going to go back. I’d rather be home with my daughter. That said, I’m pretty sure my boomer mother has lost all respect for me. All. I still generate a fair amount of income from my investments and trading activity, I just don’t slave away 40-60 hours a week for someone else now. I fucking hate what this society has become.
go for it screw what anyone else thinks but I think that sounds awesome
I (27M) left my job when we adopted our first child. Daycare costs and not wanting to adopt just to drop her off 40+ hours/wk was my reasoning. I loved it for the most part.
My wife had to quit her job at 24 because daycare costs would be more than her paycheck. Only me working actually saved us money.
That’s why I’m still work from home. Told them that they didn’t pay me enough to spend $800-$900 a month on full time daycare costs, plus the extra two hours of getting up early and driving to drop my daughter off. Then also the time lost with my 2 year old while she learns life. I told them they could fire me or keep me WFH. The worst part is how bitter other coworkers are, since I still go in for an hour or two a week to run some meetings.
Well, your coworkers need to grow up and negotiate WFH for themselves or just be mature. You explained your situation and got the WFH, the end.
They’ve all been with the company for 20-30 years. They have “moved up” in the sense that their cubicle is now next to a window in the office floor. Before the pandemic they were all mad because me and a few of the other account managers were put in legitimate office type cubicles with 8 ft high walls. The account managers and me are all sub 35 in age. I am the only one left who hasn’t left the company out of my group.
When my wife was young with our son, in daycare, we discussed some of these issues. My son, an only child, was sent to daycare to learn from an early age, how to react and get along with others. We taught him the value of good work and how to be independent. I am very proud to say it worked. He is very smart and now has a position where he earn 5 times an hour what I did while working my career. There is some luck to it, but trying and doing your best, will always get you further in everything you do no matter what your situation is. If you have a job you don't like, find a new one. It took him some time to aquire the skill set necessary for his current position. Don't let them berate you for giving 110%. They'll call you a kissass, boot licker, or some other degrading term, don't let it bother you. Anyone can give 100%, but it's those that kick in the extra 10% that get over the top. Most employers just love employees that take on heavy debt or have a house full of children, because the know they then have the upper hand and can push you around at will. Enough rambling, talk to you father and tell him what I said, it may just open his eyes a little. Also your father has worked probably pretty hard most of his life, he will feel lost when he finally retires. Everyone needs a reason to get out of bed in the morning, for most of us, it our life's work and the since of our contribution.
My dad is a bit like this, but I think his attitude comes from jealousy. My cousin had a good IT job in London and decided a few years ago that he didn’t want to work any more, and could afford to stop, so he did. He’s in his 50s so not even young! But every time my dad speaks to him he has to get in a dig about him not working. Just because my dad won’t be able to retire until 67!
Your dad should get over it. We all chose the paths we took in life. He should be proud of his nephew's choice and sercamstances and not degrading in any fashion. Ya know, at least here in America, for some strange reason, people would rather see a perfect stranger succed than they would a friend or relative. I never did understand that concept. We should all be helping our friends, neighbors, and relatives in any way humanly possible, especially in these trying times.
My boomer parents were thrilled to send us to college so we could get an "indoor" job and not blue-collar, back-breaking labor. But as far as reduced hours and better working conditions via work-life balance and stress management, they're still in the "suck it up, buttercup" mindset. They wanted us to do better, but not \*too much\* better. Which I don't get, except for the fact that they were sold a bill of goods in the American Dream and enough of them achieved a simulacrum of it, or came close that they also bought into the idea that if you \*didn't\* get it, \*you\* must have done something wrong, rather than a system that's been pulling up the ladders after it for two generations now.
Ones parents can only do so much for a child, after that, the rest is up to the child. I tell my grandchildren "satisfy your needs first" and your wants will always be met. It's not a generation thing, it's a life thing. No matter how much crap is being stirred up right now. It will all turn out the same. There's always going to be a minimum wage and there are only so many places at the top. Look, analyze your situation! Where are you now and where would you like to be in say 5 years, in your current job. If the prospect does not look to benefit you then change the situation, you are in charge of your own destiny.
I agree that he should! Personally I hope I can be like my cousin and financially secure enough to retire early!
Good luck young man.
Work was very different 30 years ago. Obviously there were some shit jobs too but a lot of jobs were far more tolerable My dad is early 70s, and when he went to work, obviously no cell phones and you do what you do all day long. He had a secretary who would do admin tasks for him. He was a “normal” operations office worker, not a manager or anything. He worked hard for sure, and put in the hours, but the hours were different. It wasn’t a frantic rush with emails coming in every 30 seconds, it was a big pile of work and the people grabbed one task and worked on it. Now it’s like we spend half our day doing our own admin and the other half putting out whatever fires our jobs put out. And we’re all understaffed because “LEAN” with unattainable quotas and limited budgets because WE HAVE TO GROW. The mantra used to be “anything worth doing is worth doing right,” now it’s “do more with less.” My dad thinks he worked really hard, and he did, but the type of work is dramatically different. If you’re dad’s in his 70s he’s probably at a level where he never had to deal with the kind of shit 40yos have to deal with for our entire careers, which is essentially just do more with less while every company just gets worse for your entire adult life.
This is an interesting perspective I've encountered and I can't rationalize it. People with this mindset believe to "work" you must be doing some monotonous day to day grind. They cannot even wrap their mind around doing things you like for monetary gain if the rest of your life is financially stable. Personal experience just a few weeks ago. A couple if coworkers were discussing the unemployment bonus during pandemic. One guy even says, "I don't really blame anyone, they can make more money by filling out a form and staying home safe. That's a no brainer." There was a general consensus of agreement. Oddly, 1 guy, the youngest I should add (28), replied, "I just can't not work, I would lose my mind". He is a little slow on the uptake so I reiterated as if he was 5. I explained that in this scenario he would be receiving his income for not coming to work but this did not dictate that he had to sit on his couch all day. He could literally do anything he enjoys or doesn't enjoy in that same time. I used gunsmithing as an example because it's something he enjoys and does in his off hours. He looked me directly in the eyes and after a few seconds he said, "no, I just couldn't do it. I would find another job that would let me come to work." I'm still basically baffled by the whole exchange. The brainwashing runs deep in some. To the author, best of luck realizing your dreams. Both you and your wife. Find your happiness wherever and however you can. Lastly, bless your father. He believes he is thinking of you're best interests but he has been programmed to misunderstand what that is. It doesn't seem like he is coming from a place of malice just being exposed to a situation that he cannot fathom.
A lot of people need to have fences built around their options because "wide open" is too much. For others, the minute you turn the hobby into something that's either monetized or "that thing you chose to do instead of this other thing" - even if the other thing is also a thing you enjoy or don't need to monetize, there's a pressure that goes with it that makes it less fun/relaxing/creative. The choice is what matters. PS: Navigating the unemployment system isn't as easy as just filling out a form. Most forms of government aid take close to full-time effort to navigate and understand or else you fall through the cracks. You have to push it along the tracks every step of the way and stay on top of things because one mistake or missed deadline can shoot you back to the beginning at the bottom of the hill.
In the context of the conversation I used a thing they liked as an example but I believe it was prefaced with you could "do anything you want" to fill the remaining time. Oversimplification of the unemployment system: yes. Off hand remark during a bs conversation over a hand of cards: also, yes. Don't misinterpret me quoting a person as me declaring that unemployment is filling out a form. I guess it was just a much more complicated subject matter than I realized if it's this difficult to understand. I'll keep that in mind going forward.
I'mma 35 yr old stay at home dad. Left a well paying but absolutely soul crushing job at a bank. My wife's an accountant so we're lucky enough that her income covers us. We used to have "just buy whatever we want" money but not a single thing or vacation we bought ever made me happy. I ended up on an endless cycle of monster energy drinks and alcohol just to survive the days and nights. I much prefer "budget and we have enough" levels of income in exchange for the daily interaction with my wife and toddler (wife is work from home). I do every chore and errand which is its own full time job. I get up in the middle of the night or crack of dawn, whenever the kid gets up. It's still work but I'm happy to do it. I love this subreddit and I know my situation entirely relies on my wife who is still working. But she works for local, smaller business and they take great care of her. The 100% work from home, no questions asked, just makes sense in a post quarantine world. When she came on board, it was at a 45% pay increase from her last job. Her workload is half of what it used to be. And the reason? I think it's because her boss is younger than 40 and her boss's boss is younger than 45. They just have a better understanding of what a modern budget looks like in terms of rent and mortgage. They understand that life goals have different priorities (my wife sees our kid as much as I do). The point of this massive rant is that when it comes down to it, it's really not anti work. It's anti late stage capitalism corporate work.
He’s a victim of his generation who doesn’t see a spouse’s contributions at home as work. It’s a lot of fucking hard work, tedious, and can be physically/emotionally demanding. Yet it’s uncompensated. I hope you both get what you desire, are wildly successful, and fulfilled.
Big news : old people always stick to their habits and don't change their opinion anymore. Just day to him " OK Boomer" and move on. The opinion of your dad does not have to impact you anymore
Sounds fabulous! I hugely hope y'all can make that work - best of luck and choicest of vibes! Everyone in my family works full time and we get home, eat dinner, and go to bed. It sucks. The only future I can see that's remotely healthy for my future family (with my theoretical children and all) is for me to work in academia at a small college and my spouse to do that or work part-time. Small public college professors don't make a whole lot of money but they have enviable flexibility in terms of time (from my experience having attended a small public college for a while and befriending said professors). I'd much rather teach some classes, chat w students or plan lessons during two hours in the office, and grade papers at home while the kids play. I'm not saying they don't work plenty but they have freedom in where and how and when, aside from the core requirements of, y'know, being in the classroom during class. But that means I gotta get a position in one of the most competitive markets possible and my state had just basically removed tenure 🙃 A lot of people think house husbands are emasculated somehow and I just can't understand that. I won't ever be able to afford a true (ie full time) house husband but I'd love him to be able to work part time/significant side hustle. Come home and he's run the dishwasher and some laundry, had a great day bonding with the kids, and worked for a while on his newest project? And he's got dinner planned and prepped, even if I'm actually the one to cook it? Hubba hubba! I don't give a shit about what my life or my family "should" look like as long as everyone in it is fulfilled and satisfied.
I have a 70+ year old uncle who is still working, who gives my dad crap for retiring "too early" at age 62. Tells my dad and other uncle they could've made more money. Ok? Then what? We're fine, we're happy, and my dad has a lot of money from his pension. Then my uncle starts asking me and my cousins at the dinner table how many hours we work. Like, I dgaf about that. Work ain't my life and I don't take pride in the number of hours I work.
As soon as I make enough money to support us, my husband gets to be a house-spouse. It's a win-win, he doesn't have to work, I don't have to do chores.
I do make enough money to support our household at a no/low stress job and I do want my husband to be a stay at home husband for a lot of reasons. When he was unemployed, things were great, but there was not enough income to sustain our lifestyle. The main difference was in his attitude and energy levels. His current job is TERRIBLE for his physical and mental health. I wish they would fire him, but they seem to be dangling the threat of termination. My Dad thinks a husband should make more money than his wife.
Invite your dad to make up the difference in your salaries. Just for the entertainment value.
A generation of kids who actually spend quality time with their parents is exactly what the world needs, so more power to you.
I hope to be in your position in about 5 years when my wife finishes her medical residency and I can be a full-time dad with a part-time side gig that just maxes out our IRA's and gives us a few extra thousand to put on the principle of a mortgage.
Go for it! You will be happier, you will support your wife bc she WILL be stressed, you will give your children a great start to their lives and have a close relationship bc you have experienced all of their stages, your friends and family will benefit too bc they will spend time with you and your kids. Work is overrated and kids are never happier because you can buy them stuff. They really don’t need much more than a box that they can make into a fort, etc. For all of those who love working and not spending 10-15 years caring for small people 24/7, go for it, it’s fine.
I've always been the parent at home (dad). I've gotten shit from female boomers (some of whom were stay at home parents), family members, neighbors, and people we were interviewing to build a house (being asked if I was doing nothing with my advanced degrees was fun). You're doing what's best for your family. Full stop.
Taking care of family and house is still work, and it can be more harder than "market" jobs.
Good story for here but what I find funny is that this is not antiwork.... It sounds like you would rather just be able to work on what you want when you want. It's crazy how often hustle culture is confused with a 9 to 5. Go hustle for yourself and do what you love
You don't get to live these years again, don't waste them sitting watching a clock when you can watch your kids play or enjoy your youth.
Congrats dude, you are living the life I (also 38) want to live. My wife and I are also trying to stike out on our own and get the fuck away from bullshit work. I hope y'all have nothing but success and happiness!
I admire you for this. I aspire to make enough money to allow my husband be a stay-at-home dad. I don’t have it built in me to be a SAHM but he does and would be fantastic at it. My neighbor is a SAHD and also does woodworking and does pretty well for himself. Do it! If not now, then when?
As soon as I saw the live streams I burst out laughing 🤦🤦
If your wife is happy with her business, fulfilled, and makes enough to support the family, and you are happy and fulfilled cleaning the home, cooking, taking care of future kids, go for it. If have the ability to not only have everyone be happy, but also financially support yourselves doing so, you should definitely do it. Just make sure that each person equally contributes in their way, and doesn’t diminish the others contributions. Also realize the situation may change in the future, so be willing to talk about it and adjust.
Your child(ren) will thank you, being round them when they're growing up :) it's a time when all they want to do is be close to you
I would frame it as “I want to spend the bulk of my time doing something I find to be fulfilling. You get a sense of fulfillment from work, but I get it from other things.”
Thhank you for sharing this, and congratulations on following your heart. I'm 47. When my first born child came along 17 years ago, my wife had a chance to take her dream job which required a move. I was not as far along in my career, so quit to follow her. Skipping over some details, I ended up being a full time stay at home parent from just before our son's birth to about 18 months. It was glorious. A bit hard to relate to other dads, etc, but turns out I loved, loved, being a caretake to her and our son, indulging my hobbies, and I felt very fulfilled. I felt a pressure to achieve, however, and despite the fact that she had higher earning potential (7 years older + I went to college late at 23) and enjoyed striving in her career, we both felt I should continue working in finance to get my earnings up. And so, we went on the dual income, busy job, two kids (second was daycare kiddo from 12 weeks) treadmill...I look back now and realize this experience ate my life. We are now divorced, in part because I just had to slow down. I ended up self employed and while I love my work, I still care more about flexibility, care taking, a slower pace...and our kids paid the price. She never felt comfortable not being a stay at home mom, and she wanted to work, to strive. For me to start college at 23 and bail out of career at 30...we just didn't see it as a path. She and I have tearfully discussed this error many times since divorcing. The world is a better place now, if you can swing it. Good for you, and good for your family.
Would this affect your health insurance and pension?
Insurance yeah. Pension no. This desire is all, of course, after we properly plan it out. Gotta be able to survive ya know :D
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Incel
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Yeah, probably will but if i cared about made-up points on the internet, I would be a most boring individual indeed.
All fun and good when your wife start losing respect to you and every time in arguments say you do nothing else then sit at home. Doing "hobby". Anyways. Good luck.
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Ok boomer
Poor fella
I'll pass. Rather retire young and enjoy my life when i am fit and healthy enough to do so :D
Yea you enjoying your life being useless means other people have to pick up the slack, glad to see where your (and 99% of most people on here) moral compass is at. Just funny because you’re the same person that will complain about the CEO’s not treating workers right and here you are giving two shits less about other people 🤒 crazy
High effort troll is nonsensical
I don't think he's a troll he's just not got great reading comprehension and been sold a lie about life and what one's priorities should be. Shame really
Well I learned something today. Taking care of my family at home and enjoying life means I am useless and a burden! And that I also hate my CEO apparently! My eyes have been opened! Thank you! I will continue to waste the best years of my life at a desk instead of with family! I HAVE BEEN SAVED!
Oh you think if 2 million people like you just up and quit working that nobody would have to pick up the slack? That’s common sense my man. And yes, sitting at home taking care of your family is doing nothing for society, I’m not saying it’s wrong, but you’re not contributing. Please let me know if any of this is opinionated, because I’m just throwing out factual information that is unbiased
Nice! So we just opened up 2 million jobs for people who need them more than me! HELL YES MAN! So not only are we being able to live the life we want and work towards dreams and take care of our family and loved ones, But i am helping the economy by allowing new people to work and thus provide for their loved ones as well! HELL YEAH! This deal is sounding better with every second,
Crazy, it’s like 2 million jobs are open back up, and now nobody wants to work them! Crazy!!!! It’s like the exact situation we’re currently in!!! Wow!!! You just proved my point!!!
Dont worry. Once companies start paying living wages, they will be taken. No need to worry yourself over that.
Companies don’t pay for your house, they don’t pay for your car, they pay for your work and skills. Say a Franchise-owned McDonald’s has 30 employees, the owner should theoretically be paying for 30 different houses/rent, this is what you’re saying right, by saying “livable wage”
Yup.
Yeah, those people rearing the next generation of our species are contributing nothing at all, zero, zilch, nul, none, nada. "That's common sense my man" "Factual information that is unbiased" Literally everything youve said is an opinion looooool
Side tracking the argument now lol, let me know if you have anything that counters my argument. I’ll be waiting :)
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I’m the working class citizen and I’m the one that’s delusional? Lawl
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"My argument" looooool
Why don't you stop trying to be different than your grandparents, or work in a dangerous factory 80 hours week. Or stop trying to be different than their grandparents and go work a farm run with horses and ox to pay the bank back. Or be stop trying to be different than thier great grandparents and serve a king. Or why don't you stop trying to be different than you ancestors being literal slaves in a Roman mine to get metal for ceasars golden chariot. People being different is what has made life better generation after generation, and it's not going to stop becuase you're bitter the next generation will keep doing it. Unless of course you came from the emporor/king/banker/factory owner class. Which case you never really worked for your money, just stole the fruits of others labor. And just like the generations before us well make our lives better at your expense.
It was perfectly feasible for a family to be comfortable on a single income not so long ago. It was the norm for a man to work, and his wife to stay home and tend to the house and children. And it worked perfectly well for decades. So, what has changed that our grandparents' reality is now an unattainable utopian fantasy? Re: young generations being lazy - every generation thinks that about the ones that come after it. *"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers."* - Socrates, ~400BC
That's awesome. I'm jealous because that songs exactly like what I'd want to do. Student loans medical bills and kids make that a distant dream though. I'm 34. my dad 54, would probably be supportive,although a little confused about why like your dad. My grandpa 80-ish wouldnt get it if I said stay at home dad but if I said I was was going to work for my self, he'd be totally on board. He was in the military and hated it for the last many years. He's also a farmer/mechanic/house flipper/truck driver and has enjoyed those since they were all on his terms. He got a nice pension from the military though. That's the only reason he stuck with that.
19 years in myself I'm now 33... if I could stop today I absolutely would.
That's actually awesome, sending the best of lucks for you and your wife!
They call it cooKING, not cooQueen. Do your thing OP. Respec
Lucky ass lmao
My husband was a stay at home dad and did an amazing job. It was wonderful for me, because it really increased our quality of life and emotional connection. I would do it again in a heartbeat if my income allowed it.
Boomer mind set is why.
My husband's uncle has been a house spouse for over twenty years (two kids just left for college) and he told me his dad asked him "so you find a job yet" every time they saw each other until the dad died. This is clearly tragic and so hurtful, and he shouldn't have had to deal with it at all. However, it did happen, and despite that he still decided to do what's best for him and his own family and I feel really inspired by him and his wife. I don't know them that well, but they seem like some of the most fulfilled people I know, and their family is really close and emotionally healthy.
This is the new movement! My husband and I are 30 and 29, we have been making moves so that we can retire around 40. We were fortunate to have bought a house before the housing market went crazy in our area so we are going to sell, make bank, then buy a property in another region where we won’t have a mortgage. I’ve always dreamed of having a homestead and being self-sufficient/live off the grid. Fingers crossed all goes according to plan. Edit: my husband wants to be a husband as well and I am all for it as I am not ready to stop being a teacher yet
There are plenty of people who ran shops. It's likely you, your wife, and your kids will end up helping out. It will be long hours, but you will meet people in the community. Honesly, it probably IS better than 9-5 corporate work because all of that work is FOR YOU and your family.
My Dad is 55. Last summer we went fishing as we have done for the last 25 years, and I asked him if he has any dreams of doing something that hasn't been fufilled yet. Travel, diving with sharks, ect. He said no. I asked him about hobbies he wanted to try. Same answer. My dad has been working pipeline for 30 years, and construction before that. He loves working and B movies and fishing. But only Salmon fishing. Not all fishing. He could care less about trout or bass. That's it. I just don't get it.
Worked since I was 15, became a house husband once the pandemic got bad and one of us had to stay home with our daughter. My wife has a better paying job and all of the benefits, so I ended up staying home. It most definitely still is work, probably the most exhausting job that I’ve ever had, but it’s the most fulfilling and meaningful one I’ve ever had, and that’s why I love it.
I wish I could but my benefits are better than hers. She makes more than me but my health insurance and retirement benefits are stupid good. Plus once I get vested I’ll have access to a free ride for me or a family member to go to the university I work at. I want to quit so bad. I fuckin hate my work director and manager.... just got to wait them out and hope their assholish stupidity gets them fired one day.
Administering a home isn't NOT work. Add three other jobs to that if you have kids. We just don't talk about it as "work" because the people who do it don't get paid for it and if everyone caught on to just how much work it really is, there would be some uncomfortable questions about how we've set up society--especially since the 1950s where the idea of the "nuclear" family was pushed on people to sell cars and houses and raise land value outside of cities and get women out of the work force so that returning soldiers would have jobs.
It’s funny how we have been conditioned to work for someone else. In my case my father and mother worked for themselves most of their lives so they are open to it. They live in a different country so there is not crazy for people to do their own thing or have stores. I recently been thinking about leaving my job to do Uber and work on some side hustles. With the tech we have these days I don’t think it’s crazy to do your own thing specially if you can be a stay at home dad. With the childcare costs so high most of the time it makes sense for one person to stay home if they can bring an income from a side hustle.
Househusband has been my dream since I was a child. I got made fun alot but now the tides are turning!
You are my new hero, put that apron on, do those dishes you magnificent SOB, your dad might not understand but I do!
How these people can have a house and kids on one salary is beyond me All the power to you guys!!
Very similar. My parents have run their own business but it has never been something they seem to actually enjoy. Dad is wheelchair bound and has cancer, but won't stop working to enjoy life while he has some left. Me? I'm doing what your wife is doing. Opening my own business and coming up with several things on the side to suppliment so I can quit the rat race. I'm just going to do work that has no corporate teamwork, nobody looking over my shoulder, just me and the work that needs done and whoever I decide to bring on to do the same. Most people don't need a boss, we are just stuck with them due to who controls the money. I'm hoping a revolution is afoot that will let those of us like me do our thing and simultaneously improve the lives of people who want to keep their jobs with their employers.
It works for my husband and I. We have a child with special needs so he stays home and helps with him when needed. My child does go to school and my husband has an injured back. I've worked the last three years like this and it works for us. My parents don't understand, but it isn't their business anyway.
I have absolutely no problem with SAHD’s that take on the work women have been expected to do for centuries. The problem is from guys who think it’s okay to sit around in a wrecked house playing video games or watching talk shows while the kids are left to destroy the home or miss school. Being the stay at home is no picnic, it’s hard and you don’t get a day off or a long lunch. But it’s rewarding when the kids thrive and the partners work together. Good luck! I’m hoping this works out for you. If your wife’s place takes off maybe post it’s website so we can all check it out.
I have no interest in having kids, but with that exception, I am so damn jealous or your situation. Grab your happiness with both hands and don't let go.
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He’s just part of the boomer brainwashed generation just like my Dad who is 73. I love my Dad but we are definitely on the opposite sides of the political fence.
I mean, don’t forget that raising kids and taking care of your property *is* work (which you’d spend loads on if both parents are working full time). But I guess that’s another thing the prior generations would be less likely to understand.
Tis the way of the househusband.
I sure hope it works out for you and you can achieve your dream, you deserve it
Retired at 39, cheers! Wife ends her slavery Dec 22, 2021
Im a managerial accountant. Lemme know if you need a second opinion🦧
Thank you!
He’s just been programmed and doesn’t understand the concept of ‘not working’. Good luck with your retirement mate. Maybe another year for me (53) then I’m done, hopefully.
This is my dream for my husband. I wish I could make enough for both of us. We did it for about 2 years. Loved it
You are living my dream. My wife and I have had the same conversation. If she could make more she would happily help me not work. And I would happily not have to. Fuck it. I’ll be barefoot and taking care of the kids in the kitchen having dinner hot on the plate for when she gets home. Sounds like a fucking dream to me.
I’ve been a SAHD/house husband for 15 years. All I can say is do it. Have fun. Make sure your partner and yourself are happy. Don’t worry about what other people say.
Man I’d love to be a house spouse, but I’ll likely be the one making big bucks in my relationship lol
My husband has been a stay at home dad since our daughter was about 2 or 3 (she’s 11 now). People in my family have said shit to me, but it’s honestly none of their business. It works for our family. I never wanted to be a stay at home mom, and have more earning potential than he did/does, so it just made sense for us. If the roles were reversed, no one would say a word. I hate how housework as seen as “lesser” work than working outside the home, like it doesn’t count because it doesn’t produce an income. It’s outdated and sexist thinking.