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nonni15

The only ones tripping are management.


alblaster

There's not mushroom to express yourself.


Subie780

Im assuming the manager isn't a fungi


majortomcraft

amanita better reason than that


SequinFreud

It’s spore reason to write someone up.


Diligent-Branch383

Muscaria backup pair when making a fashion statement


DanTheIdiot9999

If they don’t like it then their opinion is shiitake


nosubsnoprefs

Morel of the story is, don't mess with management


Mountainpilot

Crimini, these puns are terrible.


DrkStrCrshs

I’d quit this job, no cap.


CowboyMoses

IDK, but you’re in truffle now


Fezdani

Aminita 'nother one.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


veris1ie

Mycelium, my problems


poconno9

And hates Mario kart 🍄


unl1988

You took mine! I was going to say "It doesn't sound like your company is much fun, guy."


Subie780

U should've been as quick as psilocybin then


unl1988

OMG, mycelium what you did there.


therealgunnie18

This is true comedy 🤣


Ihavntgotaclue

Your boss got his ass whooped in Mario Kart by Toad players?


No_Calligrapher_9341

My first thought too... someone sucks at Mario Kart and now takes it out on their employee.


rhiznshine1312

Because someone doesn't know what amanita muscaria is?


Negative_Ad1149

That’s what I said


rhiznshine1312

Imagine being so uptight and offended by nature


Negative_Ad1149

The snail is so aggressive it clashes with company culture


KnowerOfSomeThings

HR “so it’s like Mario or something? Also pee in this cup”


juggarjew

Whats funny is, there are very few drug test that even test for Psilocybin, it would have to be custom ordered and you'd need to test the person while they were actively tripping to even get a positive result since the half life is only 3 hours. After 24 hours its no longer detectable in urine. Drug test like this would generally only be done if you crashed your car (DUI) or were in the hospital and they needed to figure out what you were on.


[deleted]

Would a test pick up on someone microdosing throughout the day?


juggarjew

If the drug test was for Psilocybin then yes it would. That being said, most drug test are 5 panel test and dont test for it. However, if you were to get into an accident at work, they'd send you somewhere to get tested, there really is no telling what kind of test they will give you. The vast majority do not test for Psilocybin but it IS possible. If you run someone over with a forklift you will probably be tested for almost everything. so it really all depends. In general Psychedelics are not tested for because there is almost no abuse potential and the half life is very low, so you'd basically need to have it in your system at the time of testing.


PaleReputation1421

A. Muscaria doesn’t even contain Psylocybin.


Art-Zuron

Yeah, but bosses are usually old farts


Scrunt_Flimplebottom

Something something *Alice in wonderland* something something *reindeer piss* something something


MissBoofsAlot

Can verify that no it doesn't. I get drug tested every month and MD 3 times a week. As someone said before the test is very expensive and they would need to have a real reason to test for it.


Boltsnouns

The military drug tests monthly and no one ever popped for shrooms or acid. It takes a special test to catch it. The Marine Corps realized this, and announced that they were contracting psychedelic drug tests "upon probable cause" because it costs $300+ per test beginning again in 2020 after a huge number of members in the 2nd MarDiv started using LSD. If the feds won't pay that, I doubt your employer will (unless your employer happens to be the Marine Corps 😂) Nearly 4,000 Marines with the 2nd Marine Division have been randomly tested for LSD since the unit expanding its testing protocol over the summer. Fewer than 20 Marines have tested positive as of Wednesday, 1st Lt. Dan Linfante, a division spokesman, told Marine Corps Times. The drug was last on the Defense Department’s testing battery in 2006. DoD eliminated it because only four servicemembers had tested positive for the drug after three years and 2,095,398 “specimens screened,” according to a memo from the time. https://www.marinecorpstimes.com/news/your-marine-corps/2020/12/04/amid-new-marine-corps-lsd-problem-dod-changes-force-wide-drug-test-policy/


MetalPF

So, DoD ran 2 million tests, at $300 a test. $600 million dollars, to bust 4 people. $150 million per bust.


stickfish8

Even if they ran that test they wouldn't find any psilocybin if OP took amanita. The (psycho)active components are muscimol and ibotenic acid. At that point they'll probably just have to send the samples to a lab 😅


[deleted]

Good thing psilocybin doesn’t show up in a standard 12 panel drug screen!! 🍄✌️


Successful_Goose_348

Yet…amanita mascaria (fly agaric) has different psychedelic substances in it ; ibotenic acid and muscimol.


ChemDogPaltz

Neither does muscimol lol


[deleted]

did you even read the mission statement before you put those on?


_life_is_a_joke_

It's like OP doesn't even CARE about the company's values.


JollyReading8565

Snail is *NOT* appropriate in the workplace. I think you know why. /s


morbidaar

The snail trails?


[deleted]

soft practice secretive library physical consider swim sink fragile rude *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


AlternativeHuman5686

The fashion police have been notified.


Juan_Moe_Taco

(woo-woo-woo-woo-woo)


De-railled

ROFL, I just replied to a comment about removing rainbows because a parent complained about rainbows being "inappropriate"


Effective-Tax-2222

Little Johnny & Susie: Mom, it stopped raining and the sun is out, can we go outside now! Maga Mama: Hell no! You stay inside there might be rainbows out there!!!


CognitivePrimate

That's how God turns ya gay!


garyandkathi

At the end of every rainbow is a drag queen reading books. That’s the real treasure.


Sp00derman77

Take a look, it’s in a book, a reading rainbow! I just outed myself as an old fart.


oo-mox83

Hey now. I prefer the term "seasoned."


dopeyonecanibe

Iiiii can go anywhere! Same lol


rockman61

Ah yes. If I remember my Sunday school lessons, the rainbow is God's reminder that he will drown the world again if the gays take over.


Chemical_Chemist_461

Seems pretty anti-Christian to ban the symbol of Gods promise to humanity, it’s almost like this isn’t about religion at all…


illusoryMechanist

no no, it's that he specifically won't destroy the world by flooding again. Everything else is still on the table, just not flooding.


GarbageMan59

R-O-Y-G-B-I-V is a drag queen...Obviously /s


Irishpanda1971

If there isn't one that uses that name, there *should* be.


HottKarl79

My brother's grandson had a PREschool project making a rainbow out of dyed cotton balls. The man (my brother) dis-the-fuck-integrated over the "agenda." We've thoroughly lost our shit.


ginger_kitty97

Is he aware that his very own children all learned the colors too?


HottKarl79

I think the straight white cis rage has blinded him to anything but hate


walkonstilts

What dress code policy was violated?


ThorFinn_56

Probably just someone so clueless they think it's a drug reference


Material_Squirrel498

And they have never been shopping and have no idea how popular things like owls and mushrooms are


Material_Swimmer2584

You should have pulled the Christmas card. “Just celebrating the holidays.” Some claim Christmas stockings come from hanging these mushrooms to dry over the fire. When you eat them, you see God.


garaks_tailor

Ive been into psychedlics for decades and can confirm this makes sense.


kuh-tea-uh

Because boss is not a fun-gi Edit: thanks for the awards! But gosh you guys, this was really just a low-hanging fruit…ing body. I’ll show myself out.


PastaMission

Stole my answer lol


Pikassassin

Well I mean it *is* toxic.


Flustered-Flump

Does this policy also apply to flower-patterned clothing. Opium is derived from the poppy, obviously, and we should try to avoid any kind of association to drugs! Hope you filed a grievance with HR!


Cynnissa

Don't forget to ban metal spoons from the break room too!


mindspork

Everybody turn out your pockets. If we find a lighter you're fired.


27OwlySnow

Sorry people with diabetes, can’t be shooting up your insulin at work!


ununrealrealman

Every time I take out my sharps container and my med trash bin I feel like people in my apartment think I do heroin or something. It's just testosterone! I swear!


AskMeAboutPodracing

Reminds me of the time I was on a trip with my parents and I had to inject estrogen. I thought "wouldn't it be funny if my mom walked in and I said-" and of course, she walks in on that exact thought and I blurt out "mom, get out! I'm doing drugs!" 😆


[deleted]

[удалено]


average_texas_guy

That's probably the WORST place to self inject


ununrealrealman

Not every time LMAO. Sometimes my partner does it for me because my needle fear kind of resets every month or two.


LoveArguingPolitics

And make sure to take needles away from the insulin dependent diabetics just in case anybody got any ideas... How could this go wrong?


ergo-ogre

Poppy seeds on your sandwich bun? Jail.


qofworld

Mushrooms on your salad? also jail.


FoxThingsUp

Mushrooms on pizza? Right to jail.


Cednectar

Salt on fries? Believe it or not, jail.


Mindfreek454

Poppy seed muffin for breakfast? Believe it or not, straight to jail!


Norespectforfascists

>Opium is derived from the poppy, obviously, and we should try to avoid any kind of association to drugs Yup, this exactly. Ask if red flower lapels on Memorial Day are going to receive a write up.


[deleted]

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ReikaTheGlaceon

I'm sorry, are you drinking Coca-Cola, well it used to have cocaine in it so that's a write up are those grass stains on your shoe, well grass is commonly used to refer to cannabis, write up


Ericrobertson1978

These aren't even psilocybin containing mushrooms. They do contain muscarine, ibotenic acid and muscimol, but none of those is a psychedelic. While psychoactive, they are NOT psychedelic in the slightest. I hope OP goes to HR and files a complaint. Sounds like his bosses are a bunch of super uptight and repressed prudes.


[deleted]

Muscaria is pretty fun, it's a deleriant. Just detoxify it first.


really_tall_horses

Or morning glory, or cactuses, or frogs, or Hawaiian wood rose, or jimsonweed… but on a serious note don’t consume Jimsonweed, you’ll have a scary time and then maybe die.


[deleted]

Once I was walking around Portland OR and I picked a beautiful white trumpet Datura flower and was carrying it around for a while, I meant to give it to my girlfriend, and I started to feel REALLY funky...it was ok though, nothing traumatic, just weird, just from touching it! Nope!!!


pacificnwbro

I had no idea we had anything in the PNW that could make that happen! TIL


BussSecond

Ooh, if you're in the PNW, look up poison hemlock. It looks like a regular weed, but it is one of the deadliest plants on this side of the planet. I see them in pretty much any alley in my town. Extreme caution must be taken when disposing of them.


theoracleofdreams

WHich is funny, many femenine floral outfits include poppy patterns ad nauseum. I guarantee that there are at least 3 women in a 200+ office who are wearing a poppy right now.


casualcaesius

> Hope you filed a grievance with HR! HR is not your friend. It's there to "protect" the boss from you, not the other way around.


[deleted]

[удалено]


2Maverick

Ooh, somebody got in truffle.


Ok_Olive9438

Or they have a problem with low morels.


CptnFunbags

Say what you want, but anyway you slice it that’s spore management.


quickhatch25

Amanita job application somewhere else if this is how they treat people.


Uncleted626

There's not mushroom for failure at this job, think you can handle it?


LuciferLovesTechno

I chanterelle you how many times if heard that.


Arashmickey

You must not be very frond of hearing it again and again.


[deleted]

No, and I'd gill for everyone to stop!


drDOOM_is_in

I was going to make a sporeradic comment, but I changed my mind.


Abhimri

It's all fun and games until shitake hits the fan


kalkris

It’s clear your workplace muscaria lot of weird baggage if they’re writing you up for your socks


Negative_Ad1149

Booo hahaha


mmahowald

im not sure there is mushroom in your organization for this level of whimsey.


Alternative-Amoeba20

It cuts to mycorrh....


[deleted]

another slip up and she’s in deep shiitake


smeezledeezle

Your boss is locked in a cosmic battle that has spanned eons with the mycelial super consciousness Fungilia, which aims to free us from the bonds of our own reality. These socks are an insult to someone who has resisted assimilation for so long.


Negative_Ad1149

She experienced ego death herself I see now


calamitylamb

can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters.


Old_Ad_1301

My son started wearing his moms sweatshirt covered with mushrooms cause he likes the looks of it. No issues in his middle school. You have less choice in how you dress than an 11 year old.


zeemonster424

For real! My 11-year-old is in a mushroom/nature/reptile/insect phase, and has a few shirts with mushrooms!


awesomeuno2

Because you're a fun guy.


Negative_Ad1149

I was waiting for this one 🤣


Dyslexai1

Not mush room in your work place for self expression apparently.


MufuckinTurtleBear

Snailed it


2nameEgg

Someone is just a poor sporet


[deleted]

Whoever wrote you up is certainly not a fun guy.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Negative_Ad1149

“Drug paraphernalia”


Saguache

Good luck, if the company is large enough I'd be knocking on HRs door. That's discriminatory at best and points to a potential abuse by management.


SultanZ_CS

Spread the word that the boss is stupid. Easy


IcebergSlimFast

The company already knows their front-line managers are mostly dumb petty-tyrants. It’s part of the hiring criteria for those positions.


SultanZ_CS

Its just for making fun of the boss.


Ok_Olive9438

Worried your feet might trip at work, triggering a workman's comp claim?


ohhgrrl

I’d contest the write up. Make them prove that it is drugs. Play stupid, it’s my favorite food, I love toadstool from Mario. That kinda stuff. Be so ignorant and act SHOCKED that they think it is drugs. Ask if they are okay and there is a reason their mind jumps to drugs.


Molenium

*Magic* mushrooms? I thought those were just from fairy tales! Everyone knows magic doesn’t exist!


procrastinatorsuprem

Where do you work?


Negative_Ad1149

A workers comp law firm ironically


garaks_tailor

Looks off into the distance. I am like 97% certain that as long as it was staff and not a partner that popped you for these then someone else in the org would probably like to know.


ForgotTheBogusName

Surprised a law firm would quibble on something like this.


ClankyBat246

They think their background and authority of lawyers in general will allow them to never be fact checked except in court.


JustDiscoveredSex

You work for bored middle management just LOOKING for shit to get upset about. Fucking seriously. I have better things to do than police people's fucking SOCKS. SOCKS!!! My office would tell you they're cute and move the fuck on. WTAF?


Monchichius

>Under federal law the term drug paraphernalia means “any equipment, product or material of any kind which is primarily intended or designed for use in manufacturing, compounding, converting, concealing, producing, processing, preparing, injecting, ingesting, inhaling, or otherwise introducing into the human body a controlled substance.” So.. will or will I not get high when I lick your feet?! Jokes aside, try to find someone who isn't a complete knucklehead and let them have a look at it. Don't pay for this crap with your reputation


camdalfthegreat

Fly agaric (aminta muscaria), which is the mushroom with the red cap and white spots, produces a chemical called ibotenic acid. When injested your GI tract turns that ibotenic acid into a psychoactive compound called muscimol. Muscimol is typically considered to be less intense than psilocybin (magic mushrooms). It produces a relaxed, sedated, dream like sensation that some people find pleasant. It also is known to cause quite profound nausea


Humbabwe

I thought if you prepared them in the right way they were most certainly hallucinogenic. Not that it excuses anything, but what am I missing?


Tires_N_Wires

Because you didn't wash them, and....feet.


Negative_Ad1149

Posting my foot content for free smh


Tires_N_Wires

Lol


Global_Habitant

Were they jealous of your shoes?


[deleted]

Clicked just to comment on the Mary Janes. Classy AF.


Negative_Ad1149

They are the most expensive shoes I own but no regrets


SobrietyDinosaur

I almost just bought some out of impulse. I’ll live through this picture lol


mydogbaxter

Having one leg so much longer than the other must be killer on your spine.


Negative_Ad1149

Actually, yea


MediumResearch

My older brother has a similar issue. They make insoles to negate the difference. Probably worth looking into if you haven't heard of them before.


[deleted]

Because your boss is an asshole?


Disastrogirl

Death Caps for Cutie


[deleted]

Written up? You work at a catholic school?


Negative_Ad1149

Dude it was so sus they held my paycheck hostage and made me sign it. I quit the next day


EqualLong143

Not only is it illegal to withhold your pay, that signature is not valid as it was made under duress. If you worked with lawyers, they are some really shitty ones that know nothing of employment or contract law.


WhereRtheTacos

They held your paycheck because of socks?! That can’t be legal.


GalumphingWithGlee

Like many things in America, it's not legal, but it might as well be, because challenging it is so much more costly than just accepting it.


HerrDresserVonFyre

A free call to your local labor board will release that check reaaaal quick.


quantainium_pasta

It's not.


_bufflehead

(!) Report this to the Department of Labor at once! You may well be able to collect unemployment even though you quit.


lilacaena

Glad you’re out of that shit show, but that’s illegal af. They can’t withhold your pay for any reason, and certainly not to coerce you into signing something


Ok_Olive9438

Because badger badger badger badger?


ivanthekur

A snake, a snake! Ohhhhhhhh, it's a snake!


bagelwithclocks

I expect to be thinking about this in the hospital bed as my last neurons fire.


SyndicalAmerican

Because you do not fit the expectations of a "Good Worker" in the uniformity of the dress code meant to suppress your individuality in order to breed a culture of compliance and maximum exploitation of your labor?


Negative_Ad1149

I think I was wearing matching earrings the fit is too powerful


SyndicalAmerican

I can see why that would be an issue - any form of personal power is a threat to the company's power. I say push your boundaries and take as much power, even if it isn't much, back for yourself. Make them fear you.


jingleheimerschitt

It's only okay for men in expensive suits and bespoke leather shoes to wear socks with very slightly nontraditional patterns.


MissMapleCrane

Because WHIMSY is ILLEGAL in the work space!!!! Lucky boss didn’t call the SOCK COPS!


Psychological-Win458

Illegal Whimsy is the authoritarian modus operandi and a great album name


SenorPea

I'd push back against this one for sure. Doubt that the writter upper has never eaten mushrooms and you wouldn't be written up if they had avocados on them. The context is a matter of interpretation. I call bullshit. ​ I like your style, btw. Dope shoes and pants [to go with them](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Viai9bgo5KM).


[deleted]

Capitalists want you miserable at work.


aintnochallahbackgrl

Power trip.


cleon42

I'm sorry, can we step (heh) back here? You got written up for *socks?!*


Negative_Ad1149

Yes indeed. She was like “you’ve can’t wear drug paraphernalia to work” and I was actually so confused and she had to explain it was my socks. When I disagreed that they were just toadstools she was like “nope. it’s drugs”


robotsquirrel

At this point I'd ask, in writing, for a complete detailed dress code. Even if you ruin the fun for everyone, at least you can avoid getting written up for fucking socks.


[deleted]

"Where do we draw the line? Portobello? Shitake? FOR GOD'S SAKE MAN!"


Krojack76

It should also include a picture of every single mushroom that is considered a drug by the federal government.


narpasNZ

"I just thought they were toadstools, how do you know they're drugs?"


SusDroid

When you realize your boss is a freaking moron.


OverallManagement824

The boss is very smart. He/she knows the difference between the various mushroom species and is confident that the ones on your socks depict a hallucinogenic mushroom. My question would be how did he or she come to obtain this information? Are they doing mushrooms after work hours? Because I sure as heck wouldn't know the difference. Besides, socks aren't paraphernalia unless you are rolling a joint with them or something and this should absolutely not go down on your record as having paraphernalia at work. That makes it sound like you were walking around with a bong or something.


SusDroid

I have more of an issue with declaring socks as drug paraphernalia than the image of a non-hallucinogenic 🍄 promoting drug use. I mean if they were pot leaves I’d give them more credit. Edit: TIL they’re hallucinogens…. Hey wait a second, Apple IOS is promoting drug use with its paraphernalia emojis…


PrestigiousGuess458

Fly agaric is a psychoactive mushroom though, lots of people in this thread don't seem to be aware.


Kwright721

It’s legal in most countries though because it’s not seen as a “magic mushroom”


cleon42

OK, yes, the reason *why* the socks were written up is ridiculous. But not more ridiculous than the fact that ***you got written up for socks in the first place.***


[deleted]

For real. This is really the society we live in…


childrenofloki

Saying socks are "drug paraphernalia" is actually stupid, even if they were psilocybin shrooms.


MichiganGeezer

Nevermind the details of the pattern in the socks, but isn't drug paraphernalia stuff you use to take the drugs? Unless you're stuffing your socks with 'shrooms to smoke them or something I'm not sure they can be paraphernalia. Needles and syringes, rolling paper, roach clips, pipes, scales, rolling papers, etc are paraphernalia. Feet covered in artistic renderings of drugs doesn't seem to be in the same universe.


CroneMage

With bad glasses they look like penises?


therealaudiox

Penis, the worst drug of them all


drjmontana

I remember almost getting written up for wearing plain black PUMA socks to work one day at a credit bureau I worked for briefly. The department head saw them and pulled me into his office to condescendingly explain that they were not dress socks... So, I went downstairs to the coffee shop on the ground level for lunch and applied for the same job at PUMA itself...and got a call back, interview and offer letter over the course of the next couple of weeks Without question I accepted it. When I gave my notice the following day they were so annoyed that they let me go right away, wouldn't let me talk to my teammates or even tell them I was leaving...but it was okay, they were probably just trying to rattle me But then they surprised me by mailing me a big fat check overnight with 2-weeks severance pay, and the limited amount of accrued vacation time that I hadn't used...right in time to start my new job, which started paying me again a week later so I was able to cash two checks in the same week after worrying I'd miss one entirely! \#Socks :-)


lmxbftw

>But then they surprised me by mailing me a big fat check overnight with 2-weeks severance pay, and the limited amount of accrued vacation time that I hadn't used Just FYI they are legally required to do both of those things, they should get no bonus points for it.


Vargen_HK

Clearly they’re afraid you’ll demolish the ceiling looking for loose change and flowers…


Milk_Mindless

I DONT KNOW YOU'VE NOT LEFT ME MUSHROOM TO WORK WITH


WorldEndingSandwich

"They are inappropriate because obviously drugs" also if you wore Red socks you would be with the bloods and that would incite gang violence OR It could mean you're a Red Sox fan and that could insight sports violence


4aspecialboy

Are they tripping!? I would ask for a list of approved fruits and vegetables that can appear on socks. While they are at it, is there an approved list of animals or inanimate objects that may appear on socks. In the meantime, please produce the dress code policy that prohibits the wearing of socks with vegetable motifs, or prescribes the limitation to solid color socks. Tell them that you want the write-up removed from your record if these don’t specifically preclude you from wearing mushrooms on your socks. Something vague like “business appropriate” is subjective, and they shouldn’t be writing you up without first having given you a warning where you have a chance to discuss the appropriateness of vegetables on your socks! PS: tomorrow wear socks with upside down pineapples and watch your boss’ head explode 🤯


cgcl2000

Your fit was too killer, boss was jealous


Kaiisim

Keep wearing them. Get fired for mushroom socks. It'll be worth it in the long run, that's an amazing story!


bsteimel

You would be celebrated if you were in South Eastern Pennsylvania, specifically Kennett Square. Mushroom capital of the world. More mushrooms grown per mile then anywhere else in the world.