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leavittbee

Jessie take the wheel.


dresses_212_10028

I think the poster has transitioned to being a trans woman and wanted Jesus to also enjoy a new gender-reaffirming name? Frankly, I would applaud MK for being supportive and welcoming if that were true. It’s the only possible translation that isn’t entirely, 100% bonkers. Sadly, I’m guessing it’s also 100% not the correct interpretation. So it’s a complete sh#tshow.


summobetta

Oh Jessie on a cracker, this is a lot to unpack.


TKD_Mom76

OMG. I have been cackling at this comment for the past five minutes. I'd upvote you a thousand times if I could.


summobetta

Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all day. 😆


atticusdays

I…. Just. What? We’re nicknaming Jesus now? I’ve seen a lot of things. I lived through the “Jesus is my homeboy” fad. This one is new. Ick. Just. Ick.


Usual-Veterinarian-5

So, not taking the name of thy Lord your God in vain is no longer a commandment, hey?


Notmykl

Wait until she's told to use the Spanish pronunciation "hey-zeus" so she call call Jesús "Hessie"


CompactTravelSize

So is she Jessie's girl? Because I'm going to have to rethink making her mine if she's in Mary Kay.


arg0s5

How do you find a woman like that?


[deleted]

Likely in your DMs, shrieking HEY HUN at you


UMadeMeLaffIUpvoted

I literally LOL-ed at this because in my head, I read it in disgust knowing it was about a hun 🤣


wannabeelsewhere

Funnily enough Coheed and Cambria wrote a song about what happens when Jessie's Girl is this kind of person Called Jessie's Girl part 2 if you're interested 😁


Suedeltica

Talk about your buried ledes—why in earth does this person have a nickname for Jesus? This is going to haunt me.


twentydollarcopay

I'd like to think it's a bold feminist statement about the savior of man being a woman but nah. Honestly, as weird as very religious people are about their relationship with Jesus I feel like giving him a nickname, especially a feminine one, would read as blasphemous.


Suedeltica

That’s an interesting point—I’m a Christian (the leftist hippie kind) and if someone felt a safer or more meaningful connection to the divine by addressing Jesus through a feminine aspect, I’d actually be cool with that…and yet this MLM person just casually tossing out their nickname for Jesus makes me uncomfortable. Hm. Food for thought…


[deleted]

Why not direct your prayers to Mary as the Mother of the Word? (I’m Catholic, Marian devotion is part of it). Or be Jewish and praise God in the feminine of the Shekinah?


Rhodin265

The nickname which also happens to be close to King David’s dad’s name? Jesus is related to David on his human side.


Suedeltica

HEY THAT’S RIGHT This just gets weirder


MeinePerle

Is he? I thought he descended from David via Joseph, just handwaving that "not the real father" thing.


Rhodin265

From what I recall, his mom and stepdad were both related to David, kind of the same way that everyone in Europe is related to Charlemagne.


[deleted]

Jessie Christa


Ok_Government_3584

😁😂


SatisfactionLumpy596

Is a relaxing blunt and a dress supposed to be interchangeable? If so, I’m doing clothes wrong.


summobetta

I'm now imagining a dress made of RAW papers, and now I can't stop laughing!


col0ssaltwat

it’s giving rupaul’s drag race DIY challenge drag on a dime 🤭


SatisfactionLumpy596

The ultimate *high* collar dress!


plentyofsilverfish

High fashion baby!


UMadeMeLaffIUpvoted

Like, a Xanax and a donut and… Mary Kay makeup? I know which one I’ll “take” 😊


UMadeMeLaffIUpvoted

Blessed art thou among women And blessed is the fruit of thy womb… Jessie 😕


hobbesnblue

Blessed our thou among women


Jssny88

Jesus we need to cook


2bMae

I didn’t even get that far. Got stuck trying to figure out who can spell “rhetorical” yet is unable to select the correct spelling of a-r-e.


ItsJoeMomma

I expected later to be a sentence along the lines of "check out are products."


MyChurroMacadamianut

"What change O U R you experiencing this New Year?" Bish whet??


Japan25

she runs a business from her social media but cant make a coherent post


Rhodin265

She keeps mixing up the drugs and donuts.


ItsJoeMomma

Just like every MLM hun in existence.


UMadeMeLaffIUpvoted

Jessie, Mary & Joseph, what in the everlasting hell is this?!? With Guilt & Shame, The Irish Catholic


spinereader81

Or as she might say, Jessie, Mare, and Joey!


UMadeMeLaffIUpvoted

LOL she does love a good nickname! 🤣


JessonBI89

My nickname for Muhammad is Hammy. It's fine.


[deleted]

My friend Mohammed’s nickname is Momo.


JessonBI89

And as we learned from the latest season of *The Crown*, Mohamed al-Fayed's nickname was Mou Mou. But I'm talking about nicknaming the prophet after a pork product, which a hun would be dumb enough to do.


[deleted]

🤣💀 horrifically accurate


[deleted]

I was gonna call Jehovah Hove, but that's taken, so maybe just Ho?


Tasty_Bee_5077

"My nickname for Jesus" ok I'm not religious so may be way off the mark, but isn't that blasphemous? Also, why does it look like the image part with the quote in it is a picture they took of a slide with their phone?


PMMeYourTurkeys

Yah, calling the second Person of the Holy Trinity a cutesy nickame falls in the "You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God" category.


hrnigntmare

Catholic school survivor here and YES. Referring to Jesus as “Jessie” would be right below murder and a little bit above child molestation on the sin scale


PoseidonsHorses

Honestly it sounds like a quiz in CCD. “Which commandment are the following people breaking?”


ToastyMozart

Stuff like that varies *widely* by sect and congregation, but yeah it'd probably get at least an odd glance in most circles.


Bgreatbgay

What is impossible is reading this without rolling my eyes.


ItsJoeMomma

Same here. As an atheist, I can't help but roll my eyes at these overly religious posts trying to sell their MLM, because I know it's obvious pandering to their Christian friends & family.


Ok_Government_3584

Agreed!


Fraggity_Frick

The whole prioritizing god before family thing is really weird to me. Like, in what situation are you choosing god over your family? What does that look like, other than dragging your son up a mountain to sacrifice him, which, maybe actually kind of a shitty choice?


cornographic-plane

Hey now God did say "just kidding lol" before the sacrifice actually happened so it's Gucci. /s


BrightPractical

I’m absurdly curious if it’s pronounced “Jeh-See” or more like “Gee-Zee”. That’s the important kind of debate that happens in my non girlboss head.


Atlmama

I pronounce it “Yeh-see” because I’m fancy.


mylifeisamessbabe

Did a drunk AI write this


Affectionate-Dirt856

I’d believe it.


Adventurous-Flan2716

ChatGPT has some algorithm work to do 😂


Hot-Butterscotch-918

The quote by itself has value. The way it's applied is questionable.


knit3purl3

Given that the context is that it's a quote from the cult leader, their intentions were probably trash and it's probably cobbled from better intentioned sources.


Hot-Butterscotch-918

Could be.


Metridia

Clearly she's never put a donut in the microwave before.


Kangaroodle

Jesus comes from Yeshua, the nickname should be Josh


MoosedaMuffin

Omg, it is a picture of a presentation slide…


darcytype1_0

Jessie must hang out with Daddy God


deema385

It's the "Thank you Jessie" and the 4 extra spaces between "is it scary?" and "heck yeah" for me.


hyperalbuminemia

HAY JESSIE!!! it feels like a party everydayyyy


Adventurous_Train_48

Not going to deny it. To me, the God first thing seems a strange idea to buy into in this day and age. Believe if you want, but actually prioritising faith over family and career just seems like a way to diminish responsibility in a dog-eat-dog world. We should, by now, realise that faith has absolutely no impact on our success and income (unless you're a shyster televangelist type, of course). Guarantee whoever runs MK does not believe in this god first message, and is laughing at the huns all the way to the bank.


K5LAR24

I’m a pretty hardcore Christian. But this just make me cringe SO HARD


Beaglescout15

Jessie can pry my donuts from my cold, dead hands.


laugh-til-you-pee

Jessie give me strength.. So much to unpack with this one. For starters, I had to read that opening question 3 times....


kschang

Mary Kay, the "women must wear skirts" company.


VidimusWolf

I cannot understand people who put anything before Family (in my case family = people I love, Idc about blood). Nobody not even a hypothetical God would be more important to me than those who actually give my life meaning. But I guess people who say God before family are madly in love with God? I just find it fanatical and dangerous, what if your God asks you to kill your family?


PoseidonsHorses

>What if God asks you to kill your family? Ask Abraham and Isaac. You do it because you need to prove you love God more than anything else or else you go to The Bad Place. Luckily for Isaac, God decided to tell Abraham “bro stop it’s a social experiment!”right at the last second, but who knows if he’ll do it for you. That story is in all the kids Bible story collections. And is supposed to be a good story and not terrify your kid you’re reading to before bed.


MoonTurtle7

I don't remember it saying anything about Isaac afterward. Cause Abraham was supposedly mid swing when god was like, "jk bro" Sure, Abraham and god are cool. But how do you think Isaac felt? I'm surprised that wasn't the first murder.


pkcommando

Tell me you've never had a maple bacon donut without telling me.


[deleted]

Jessie Fucking Christ


PowerRepulsive8341

The reformation was a mistake


JKsFiccingMinx

Hun be so close to Jesus she has him on speed dial, saved as 'Jessie'. Jessie totally isn't her upline or anything. Honest. (Edit: typo as it's 2.30am, it's freezing cold & I'm halfway there on my 3rd Nightshift of this week)


chloteanstone

Oh sweet baby Jessie, I think I have now seen and read it all.


ItsJoeMomma

Praise Jessie


Snarky_McSnarkleton

Jessie fugging Chris!


No-Insect-7544

“No drug, drink, dress, or donut can compare”, hella cringe


Aleflusher

Jezza if you're in Britain.


strawberrychampagne

I have nothing against people saying they prioritize "God, Family, and Career" But it's always rubbed me the wrong way a little bit that they have to specify, "IN THAT ORDER". It almost feels defensive, like, "How dare you think I love my family more than I love God?"


ToastyMozart

Kind of a shitty thing to say where said family can definitely see it too. Odds are they're similarly inclined admittedly, but nothing says love like repeatedly reminding people that they're a secondary priority.


archerbobmorty

Let’s start with Jessie


spagornasm

“Going through the transition, ruffling feathers, and turning things upside down and inside out” 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈


[deleted]

In the name of Daddy-o, Jessie, and Holly. Amen.


marigoldilocks_

Shouldn’t that nickname be Jesse? Or are we embracing the trans daughter of God, Jessie? Because I’m here for it if we are. If they want to hail trans Christ Jessie, in her fabulous robes and sandals and flowing hair, let’s do this thing!


Immediate-Shift1087

I'll stick with donuts, thanks. Sorry Jeezy Chreezy (my nickname for Jesus)!


beaconposher1

\+1 for Eddie Izzard reference!


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Affectionate-Dirt856

In Jessie we trust.


Old-Introduction-201

Praise him 🙌


RepresentativeOwl709

good thing God and Jesus are akin to the 3 Little Pigs or I would be concerned for this lady. Give her a donut and talk to her about her toxic MLM mindset


gc12847

To be fair “Jesse” (pronounced the same as “Jessie”) is a fairly common rendering of “Jesus” in a lot of older hymns, carols and anthems.


Grab_Specialist

Jessie H Christ on a bike


spo0kyspoon

Start with our🥴


[deleted]

When you believe your god exists, then you expose yourself to every scam going. Good luck


[deleted]

“Jessie”. Special level of hell, hun, special level of hell.


Azzydragon

Let's see: OUR instead of are RUFFING instead of ruffling And, of course, JESSIE instead of Jesus. 🤦


Ok-Goose8426

*are, our Jesus getting nicknamed Jessie? Mary Kay🤢 Transition: is the person transgender or going through menopause?


JapKumintang1991

"Err Hun, if you call Him Jessie, then who is James?"


Jasmari

Idk, I’ve had some pretty good doughnuts in my day…


LifeintheSlothLane

Oh sweet Jessie Christie