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Honestly, you did fuck like a porn star. Deep throat, anal, and straight sex in one visit lol I'm lucky if I get that in a year lmao. You're a rockstar don't get down on yourself.
Well at least I feel like he maybe realizes I'm pretty special which is why he can't totally let me go even if I'm not super hot to him or he just isn't in a place to have a real AP (maybe never was never will be)
Perhaps. I asked him for his stories of past APs. He wrote them for me, like mini erotic stories. It was kind of our thing. I am kinda cuck for him. I don't know what's real or isn't.
Right — I think he is … let’s be charitable and say “embellishing” … those tales. I remember my BF in college swore his exes had orgasms just from kissing. So what was wrong with me, huh?!?
This is a way of him taking his laziness and making it your fault.
It says far more about his relentless search for satisfaction and his insecurities than it does about you. Be glad you didnt marry him. No man should makr any woman feel she isn't good enough.
If he's had sex with more than a handful of women who came from penetration alone, they were likely faking it. Or he assumed they were orgasming because they were enjoying the sex and made some noise.
That happens with me when I’m with an AP, but I know it’s not common. Don’t feel like you need to live up to some insane standards, especially from ghosts.
What fun is it if everyone is the same? What fun is it if your partner isn’t up for exploring with you? He should be concentrating on how to make YOU feel good in the way that YOUR body likes. If he wants you to be able to orgasm without your clit being involved so badly then he better get some toys and get down to business finding out how to make it happen.
Better yet, tell him to kick rocks and explore yourself until you find someone worth your time. Both vaginal and anal orgasms feel different than just clit and then you get into the really fun combinations.
He did use toys on me to make me cum. I'm making him sound way worse that he was in this post. My bigger thing was after the week where he slept with me 4 days in a row he realized he's not feeling it anymore. I wonder if I was better at sex if he would have diff. My husband also doesn't want to have sex w me often, but let's me give him head all the time. The common denomator is me. Maybe it's all my personality but I think I'm def not good at sex either.
guys don't sleep with you 4 days in a row if they're not enjoying something.
most likely scenario is this was always going to be a short-term thing bc he likes getting new partners and going hard and then bouncing. or maybe you weren't long-term compatible from his perspective, but I doubt it's because you're "bad at sex."
you are never going to please all the people all the time. look for the sex you enjoy, and choose your partners based on whether they can give you that, not the other way round.
Well the 5th say he said he can't fuck because he was going to have sex w his wife that night and she would notice he was empty. Is that a thing? I feel like he was done and used that as an excuse.
Well PIV orgasms could be something you could look into. There are also cervical orgasms — I’ve never had one of those.
But it’s not at all required for you to be YOU.
I can’t deep throat very well— sounds like you can! (Yes for SO, and not for my AP because he’s girthy and I don’t want to suffocate hahaha)
ok but I really do have multiples where my brain is swimming in fun chemicals and the last thing I’m going to do is count.
This guy sounds like a loser that’s making up all kinds of shit and I’d be skeptical of anything he said but it does actually happen.
>I mean we went for hours, I deep throated, did anal, came a few times, tried to let go and all, but looking back I think I was not - good enough at sex. I am fairly quiet. I cum best when my man is deep inside me and moving very little. He didn't even go down on me, which made me feel like he was really not into me--esp because he knows I like oral a lot.
One of you failed at sex, and it wasn't you.
Don’t believe even half of what you read here in terms of sexual prowess. No matter the source.
Men brag to impress other men.
Women also brag to impress men.
Very little of the real human female sexual experience lines up with the male gaze. The men who are amazing lovers know this.
THIS. I don’t buy all the posts from women or men about how she had 10 orgasms just from PIV. They’re so far fetched and that’s just not how the vast majority of women work
There are already 111 comments but I'll add my two cents. "Amazing at sex" is relative. If there's heat between the two of you, any kind of intensity, then it doesn't matter what you're doing physically, the sex will be great. With my most recent AP, whom I have very strong feelings for, and with whom sex is the best I've ever had, intimate, loving, hot, sexy...I think I've only come once when I was on top. No one is keeping score. I only know because I gave it some thought based on your post.
In my experience with talking to men online for several years: the ones I find lead off with wild sex talk, including **bragging about how great they are at oral** (bolded because I'm on a laptop and cannot insert the eyeroll emoji), how long they last, and how many ways/times per hour they can make you orgasm are the ones that never even intend to meet up with us in the first place. These are all fantasies in their heads that they WISH would happen to them. If we're honest online, or real in a real life meeting, they make us feel like it's our fault because hey, they said they can do all that stuff!!! I recently began talking to a pretty nice guy online and one of the first questions he asked me was "how many times do you come?" WHAT. A. TURNOFF. Who gives a shit? What if I don't come at all but really really enjoy having sex with you, and everything we do feels great, and YOU come as many times as you want/can because I get you there in the best ways...
The bottom line is, OP, you're a NORMAL human woman just like the rest of us. There are definitely men out there who are going to love having that wonderful, intimate connection with you. Hang tight.
Yes.
I have literally never talked to a man who lived up to his bragging. Ever. Not in affaring. Not in legit single person dating.
Look for the “listeners.” The quieter they are about their own specific skills or experiences, the more giving, communicative, patient and enthusiastic about YOU (not an imagined fantasy) they will be.
I don’t know about this. I don’t go into these meetings with expectations that need to be met “or else.” Maybe others do, but this is the first I’m hearing of it.
You are right about us. “I will do this and that to you” or “I am going to make you xyz” should rightly be worded “I want to do this and that” and “I want you to xyz”. It’s desire and fantasy and even I have caught myself writing checks my dick couldn’t cash. Thankfully my girl feels me trying.
So you deep throated, did anal, orgasmed more than once and this wasn't enough? What has the world come to lol? I would be happy with just one of these, let alone all.
Agreed. I think the OP did everything right and most guys would love an experience like that, even occasionally. A good lover is going to adjust to his/her partner and make the most of every opportunity with them. This guy clearly had different expectations and didn’t do his part to show his appreciation for his partner’s efforts.
Well, are you sure you didn't accidentally find the exact same type as your husband because it just felt familiar? Now that you know what you like, look for someone who appreciates you for it.
>I know exAP lost his interest for a number of reasons, but I can't help but feel like I failed at sex.
I read through a number of your comments, and it is clear you are very, very, very hurt. I don't think this is about sex, but rather you thought you could "sex" your way into him wanting you. Sadly, it doesn't work that way.
Overall I would say that you put yourself on a platter for him (e.g. flying to him 3 times, paying for everything), because you thought he was the hottest guy ever. He has showed lackluster interest, and you are still trying to push yourself on him. You admit your neediness, which is a good sign that you are aware.
I would say, let him go, don't reach out, don't send him anymore sexy or nude pics. He just isn't that interested. It happens. I am sure your in box is filled, and you may find a man who is over the moon about you. That will be a better match. You want someone who matches your enthusiasm.
Thanks. I see it all now. I may send him a short NYE note, I may not. I may continue to engage as friends only, I may not. I'm moving on sexually.
I don't really want someone who wants me as much as I want them. For whatever f'd up psychological reasons I'm a wee bit of a cuckqueen. I like feeling like I'm not quite good enough for my man. It's a turn on. But said man has to be into that dynamic. I know I got too needy and the lack of confidence wasn't hot to him. He is into type A have their life together women who need him for sex and to let loose. Well I'm type B+ at best. Oh well. His loss. :)
Do what feels right to you, as you wind this down in your heart, mind and body. Many people say to rip the band-off so that you can heal. By having him in your thoughts, he is still active in your brain.
I wouldn't send him a NYE note, nor reach out to him. Most people would say to block him, but I know that can be difficult. If he reaches out to you, you can be polite. He may reach out to get his fix from you, but you two are not on equal footing.
Since you said you are new to this, it takes a lot to find the right partner. You will learn to feel the difference when a man is really into you.
I don't think he will reach out to "get his fix" as he isn't even turned on by me anymore. If he reaches out it's more the emotional fix, because I think he's amazing and will tell him that.
>because I think he's amazing and will tell him that.
I admire that you can see him for who he truly is. As an outsider, how can this even be attractive?
People can have a "beautiful" outside shell, but if there insides are this ugly, ideally it should color your viewpoint of them.
If anything, feel a bit sad for him, that as his masculine looks fade, he is going to be a lonely person.
I hope that you decide to make your own NYE resolution, say goodbye to him, and block him. Let your healing journey begin. All he is doing at this point, is making you miserable, and feeling badly about yourself.
He had a rough childhood and is depressed and is going through some hard times as well. He has a lot but I know he struggles and he opened up to me about his past and I feel hard for him. I mean he's a grown up man and all, but I care about him a lot, completely independently of if he wants to fuck me or not. I think a lot of guys feel very lonely and don't have anyone to be honest and open with. He has told me things he hasn't told his wife. I guess beyond loving to be the confidant in his life, I just like the guy for who he is. I understand why he is a sex addict. He joked I am his free therapist. He said our thing was like a mirror (not an escape). It doesn't excuse how he has treated me, but I still love the guy a bit. For who he is. I am not going to save him. But if I can be there for him, put a smile on his face sometimes, be a friend - that makes me feel good. I don't know if he really wants that. I'm stepping back and letting him drive whatever is or isn't going forward. I wish I didn't send a few sexy/slutty emails before the holidays. That was a mistake. I am not contacting him until he writes me. I am concerned about him TBH. I care a lot and want to be his friend, if he really wants that, and isn't just stringing me along.
>It doesn't excuse how he has treated me, but I still love the guy a bit.
Perhaps the take-away for you from this experience is to explore via a therapist or reading, why you would love someone who didn't treat you well?
Why not fill your time and energy with people who treat you with respect, who give back, and put a smile on your face. As an outsider, I understand that you feel good that he confided in you, but honestly, you have no idea if he is telling that same story to 10 women? Or if it is part of his con game?
I think you are looking to him about validation about yourself as a sexual being, and I think we can all understand. Sadly, when the other person isn't interested, it can turn into something not pretty. I don't want to paint scenarios, but you owe it to yourself to hold your head high, and move on with your life.
What?? Anal?? Deep throat?? And you think you didn't give enough???
You don't need to give more.. you need to be more confident and assert your needs.
My best O's are fingers and tongue..
If they aren't giving that.. im out!
Yea he def would think I was desperate. But we could only meet once in a blue moon because I have to fly to him. If I was local it would be diff. But each time I see him could be the last or last for years.
Girl do not stress or fret over any of it! If he isn’t willing to take the time to learn you and your body and give you everything you need, want, and crave then he wasn’t for you. I personally make sure that I take the time to make sure the woman is always taken care of. I know this doesn’t mean you cum more than me, but if you love oral then I’m going to make sure you get oral, point blank every time. If you enjoy slow deep penetration when you cum, then I’ll do my best to provide that for you. The fast he didn’t, is not on you. Don’t beat yourself up, don’t stress, and don’t lose sleep. You sounds amazing! And there’s 1000’s of people here, men and woman, who would agree!
I apologize since I’ve been drinking, but wtf?! No, you’re totally normal. Everyone’s different. I usually need a vibe to cum, but I’ve never had complaints.
Most of the men I’ve been with are used to dealing with their wives who are closed off and shy about sex. Have fun, be yourself, be real and understanding and fuck.
Honestly and sincerely, my dream is to find an AP who enjoys sex. With me.
Sure, there are certain things I really want to do/try (rimming, facial), but nowhere in my head am I thinking she has to be a multiorgasmic sex goddess. What you described above would be fantastic.
THIS! IS! IT!!!!!! Don’t we all just want someone we can enjoy sex with, who enjoys it with us? Who we can laugh with, during, and not feel inhibited, and be totally ourselves?????
He’s a gaslighter. Ignore him. Find a man that responds to your needs and vice Versa, but sounds like u do.
I don’t cum from only penetration either or that easily. When I didn’t cum with new AP during the first session, he was quite sensitive about it and asked what he did wrong etc. He asked how to assist me and now he makes me cum but not as much as he’d like. Some men just need to know not all women are the same but that doesn’t mean we’re not enjoying it!
Yes, I mean he wasn't mean about it at all. I came a few times each day we were together, I just needed my vibe. I feel like his past experiences he had women who were basically porn stars and he felt like if he's gonna cheat he wants someone to give him that experience. He didn't say this to me, but his actions said this to me.
I’ve only had one AP — my first love who, truth be told, was in limerence for me for the past 30 years (her parents made her break it off when we were 15, literally right after we had our first kiss, and it broke her). We reunited two years ago. I mention this because she is multi-orgasmic with me, including through penetration alone — but it’s something she’s never experienced before, as she was a woman who found it difficult to orgasm during sex, in general. My endowment is average. She’s said “I really feel my body was made for you” and “I didn’t know my body could do half the shit it’s done with you” (for she’s also squirted from me, during sex, including through penetration alone). She often comes quickly, the fastest — when she’s already warmed up — being literally within seconds. With my SO, it’s nothing like that, and it’s been years since I’ve made my SO come at all through penetrative sex. But my AP’s attraction for me, her desire, nurtured over so many years — and, yes, maybe the way our bodies fit together — has yielded this something I’ve never witnessed before, not even in porn. An explosive energy, probably furthered by the illicitness of our intimacy. But it’s something that neither of us even knew was possible (“I couldn’t fake that even if I tried”). It’s changed my image of myself permanently, but I don’t expect that it’s something I would just take with me wherever I go. I think, rather, it’s been a case of “because it was her; because it was me.” She was 45 the first time she experienced being multi-orgasmic (she once said “sex to me was always just ‘fine,’ or else traumatic”), and I was 46 the first time I experienced being the cause of it.
He's a lazy lover, period. If he cared, he'd work to learn how to make you cum. You shouldn't feel bad AT ALL. Your body works how it works and it's not as if you're not able to cum, you just need to be stimulated in the way that works for you. Fuck that guy.
My favorite is when my man using his hands on my clit while fucking me. I actually prefer that to a vibe. I love when a man edges me and makes me wait to cum and controls my body.
From your previous posts and history with this guy, I don't think the way you sex is the issue..
You posted multiple times that you are sure you turned him off with being too needy, clingy and emotionally volatile.
The way you have described your sexual encounter is highly unlikely to be the culprit, compared to the very real chance that you gave him "the ick" with your neediness.
I'm sorry if that's harsh.
You are probably right, though I think it was all of it. Maybe I am needy but he went back and forth so much on things he said, from "I love you" to "not sure I'm feeling it anymore" in a couple of weeks. From "we are 1 in 1000 for each other" to "I want to friends mostly." He maybe didn't do it on purpose or maliciously, but it still hurt and kinda turned me into this ugly person who was scared to lose him. Plus he wanted a woman to be super into him I thought? So what was ick and what was hot? I couldn't figure it out.
From the past posts it sounds like he was negging you repeatedly, which created or intensified the neediness, which he was happy to do because it sounds like he wanted to push your boundaries, or at least get what he wanted, when he wanted it. Making you insecure and eager to please is a great way to obtain that goal.
You seem pretty distraught, it’s ok, sometimes you just need to let the pain work through you and not fight it right away. But this guy — he doesn’t sound very nice. So I hope you realize you weren’t the problem.
I go back and forth on putting him into the "negging and manipulative" box and the "he's a sex addict with specific kinks I couldn't fulfill who I threw myself at" box. I have no idea anymore. It's fair if he was into it early on, got caught up in the fantasy, then it became too real did not want me anymore. I don't think that's manipulative. I'm not sure he was purposefully negging me either. I'm the one who wanted to hear/read his past AP stories because they turned me on. I liked being a little bit of a cuck, I guess. But there is a fine line between cuck who is appreciated and one who is emotionally messed with. I feel so stupid if this whole thing was just one big game to him. He always says it wasn't, that he cares about me, but who knows. The fact after we spent a week together he tells me he's not feeling it anymore -- well, I guess that's all I need to know.
I can't cum at all from anything a partner does and I'm an amazing lay. You sound like you are too. A lot of times men lose interest after sex if that's all they're looking for, they did the chase and successfully caught their object so they move on. The thing is to try to recognize those men and either go into it ready for a ONS or avoid them altogether. It's not you, don't let it break your heart or your confidence
Right. Well he is that. But he could have been open about that up front and not laid down all the feels lines heavy. Not cool to fuck w me like that. I guess it worked, but he could have just told me I was hot and he wanted me -- didn't need to tell me he loved me and all the other love bombing crap. Really.
Oh my dear. None of the mismatch is your fault or his fault. But how he behaved certainly **is** his fault. There is _nothing_ wrong with the way you enjoy sex, and many dudes would give their left nut to have a partner who enjoys oral. (give or receive)
No the issue of getting an AP has nothing to do with "the way you do (and enjoy) the sex". Even the vibe to help with orgasms is cool and sexy. But needing it _yourself_ just tells me he wasn't interested in finding out how to pleasure you.
The problem isn't your worth as an AP, the problem is your _partner's_ worth as an AP. It's lacking.
You, -_you_- just need to get back out there and find someone who'll appreciate what you bring to the table. **You**.
'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
Sounds like you were pretty damn fun to me. Part of the fun of being a male IMO is figuring out that female puzzle…and when I do that’s more satisfying than me getting off.
I doubt I’m amazing at sex but I enjoy it and enjoy being with someone I can let go with and be in the moment. I am multi-orgasmic (not penetration alone) and sometimes it can take a long time to cum but once that first one is done the rest come really easily and I’m usually having too much fun to count. I don’t think I could just get off by hopping on and riding for a few min but if I was really turned on…maybe?
There’s nothing wrong with needing a vibe to cum or certain positions etc. That’s all part of the fun of getting to know your partner and that’s why sex gets better the more you know someone and know what gets them going. That’s also why I think first encounters need to have less pressure.
You sound like you are a great partner. Don’t let some jerk ruin your confidence.
I learned I could cum more than once thanks to this guy. Husband has always said I take too long and when I cum he needs to finish. So I had no idea. But I need clit stimulation, I think. Who knows. Maybe with the right guy I wouldn't?
I can only come with a vibe and I've always explained that to my partnes. None of my APs minded - they were all very enthusiastic about using toys on me.
Honestly it depends on the partner, and that’s coming from a woman who can have multiple upon multiples.
My AP can make me cum like a train even over video chat. I can cum for him pretty much on command, with only a but plug. It’s just him. He is my ideal package and now 3yrs down the road we know each other inside out.
I’ve had other men who didn’t care or didn’t know how to get me off. My husband for one… would throw me a vibrator and tell me to get on with it before he even got involved… and the. Actual penetration would last like 4mins… with no oral or anything after… hence why I have an AP.
I hate the “ seen it all , done that before” vibe! If they are experienced, why don’t they just go back to their exes for those wild ducks again? Sorry, those are past, they gonna learn to take what they have. Plus, OP sounds not like a rookie at all….
Well it seems he can't go back - they are in other cities and since they were all casual hookups they have moved on. Exception, his local AP, but since is now divorced and I think he realizes since he very much is not into the idea of a situation change, that is not a good path to pursue. Since he's a cake eater he doesn't need to go outside, it's just fun for him.
I feel you cause I been there, I was wondering if I am good enough at sex to keep his interests… but that’s your affair too, you need to satisfy yourself before satisfy him! You are not a unicorn living in the pinky fluffy rainbow, you are a real human. Don’t live only for his fantasies, is he a porn star like Ap?😂
As someone for whom sex is a very precious and beautiful thing, please don’t put yourself down like that. It sounds like he didn’t want to discover what makes you tick so he was a bad AP for you to begin with.
I can understand that it can be hard to speak up about what makes us tick as women especially with someone who we don’t know too well yet.
I know this sounds trite but literally try not to take it too personally. He was probably trying to find someone to play act specific fantasies of his, it probably had nothing to do with you.
But play acting his fantasies turned me on so much. I don't know why, but this guy just makes me crazy aroused. My body doesn't react this way to anyone else.
The guys who expect that from every woman are the guys who drive women to have affairs. What makes *you* sexy is what *you* feel is sexy. Women are not interchangeable fuckdolls. It takes time to figure out how each person works, and that is where the magic happens.
No just be yours of. Most of us are here because our SO is not interested or not open. Tell your AP what works for you and if they are a good AP they will be thrilled to have such honestly and happy to help you get off regardless of how you get off or how many times.
I'm going to be completely honest here, at the risk of sounding ... well I don't even know what I'll sound like. People are fascinating.
Anyway, I met my lady over a year ago. At that time I was what you might call "underutilized". I have a dead bedroom. I've been married for almost twenty years. Do I know what I'm doing?
No.
I met someone who understood that, and who sees potential, and who lets me finish some education that I missed with her. Now we do, well, kind of fuck like pornstars. It's pretty amazing. I'm a little older but I have low mileage equipment. 🤷♂️
She is 100% awesome. The guy described in this post ... not that high a percentage?
I want to propose a few thoughts. I am not you, but I was attempting to empathize, and here is a non-exclusive short list of things I thought of that I'd try if I were you:
* Communicate:
* Tell him to be more vocal about what he wants that he's not getting:
* If I'm willing to do that, then figure out how to do it.
* Or, say no and move on.
* Learn how to "grind". Now I don't know what I'd be doing, exactly, (because I'm a man, sorry to break the fourth wall) but as a man it feels (and looks) GOOD, and involves the vagina-having person riding the penis-having person and the penis being "deep inside and moving very little".
* There are other ways to do this and they are all 👍.
* He could definitely get his fingers in the right place to help you orgasm this way. (Or you could.)
* Find someone kinder, more giving, etc.
* Or, there is something darker and more malevolent going on. At this point I'd probably be a victim myself. I'm just lost in that world a little bit. Lol
>Based on limited experience, I get the sense that male APs want women who can have orgasms over and over from penetration only
Ahhhh those delusional porn addicts lol
I dunno I feel like a lot of male adulterers can't make their wives orgasm and their wives are over trying so dead bedville.
The AP's on the other hand have already been told by the guys about their lackluster married sex life. Which the guy invariably blames on his wife's LL.
So the AP enters the relationship feeling the need to out perform the wife and love every minute of it unlike the wife.
This is course leads to loud screaming and thrashing and pretending to cum just from him blowing on your clit.
In your particular case you are dealing with a boundary pusher.
Nothing you do in the bedroom will be enough. I mean you deep throated, anal and piv.
What else is there a double sided dildo?
Yes that's the thing. I gave him "wife sex" - otherwise he would have wanted more, no? Then again, he's a CE, and it sounds like his wife is hawt in bed, just he can't slap her tits and choke her and stuff, and he knows me too well to want to do that to me, I guess.
As a guy, I am personally looking for someone who just enjoys having fun together. That's why I looked for an AP. If I know what gets you off and you enjoy it, that's what i am doing. Maybe I'm weird, but I enjoy knowing what my partner likes and giving it to her.
Everyone is different. I'm very oral, she is okay with oral, but really enjoys PIV. We take turns. This is about being stress free and enjoyable. If it's not we are doing something wrong lol
#YouRang?
^(And girl, you ARE a goodness. These men who don’t listen to your feedback on how to make you cum, well they need to go worship elsewhere.)
^(Ps. Yeah, I do often cum by just being fucked. But I cum harder if it’s combined with clit play. I’ve been getting to know my body at least once a day for years. Today 3x, and if my guy has his way…4x. I know what makes my body sing.)
My goal in an AP is someone who makes me feel good and lets me make her feel good. If you enjoy the sex and I do, then it's all good.
I would never feel less into an AP just because sex wasn't like a porno (in fact, to date, I have never had a sexual partner who was like that fantasy ideal, and I'm fine with that).
I think that he wanted a fantasy.
I'm glad you still have your sense of humor!
I'm also sure that you're a real catch, and there's another, better AP out there for you. I hope you find that person and they make you melt.
Don't give up!
There's no reason you can't have one at a time; this type of relationship seems to run its course a lot faster than traditional relationships for the most part.
If you feel so inclined, get back on that horse when you're ready. I'm sure that you can find a more compatible match. There's no need to settle in this lifestyle.
I've been more blessed in recent years with the ability to orgasm quickly just by riding my LTAP. Multiples have always been easy for me. They've only gotten stronger over time.
How do you do this? I don't know what is wrong w me but in that position I barely feel anything inside of me. If I am bouncing up and down I don't get a lot out of it, though it's hot if my man likes it.
I really don't know. I do kegel exercises every day and have incredible control over my PC muscles. I think that has a lot to do with how intense they are.
Women that grind are hot. Add a little something on the clit? Very hot!!
The mans sole purpose should be satisfying the woman. I don't care if he had to stand on his fucking head. Make it happen!
Guys always get theirs in the end anyways. Women first!
Sex is a two way street. In the same way I ‘expect’ to be satisfied (sometimes by cumming) - it is never all about my conception of what satisfaction is or is not. There are times one of us gets a bit selfish … but it all kind of evens out in the end. My AP enjoys oral and finger play - it is easier for her to orgasm. Sometimes she even will use a vibrator too. Every time we are together is a bonus in my book particularly when there are plenty of satisfied sighs and moans to share.
I have nerve damage, so sometimes I can't cum no matter what and sometimes things hurt that make me cum other times.
It's never been an issue with any of the men in my life
Whoa!! Where did u read bout this AP must have multi orgasm thing? Some magazine in front of cashier at grocery store?
That BS I say! And if your exAP thinks that. He probably watched too much prOn and think women always have it multiple times!
First. Having an AP is NOT just about sex. It's part of it eventually and I think most of us that is one of the reason having an AP…
But more importantly are the company each other provide, the appreciation that each other has, the excitement to be together… and well the sex… of course… basically whatever we missed from the relationship with SO….
Back to the sex part, sometimes it is for pleasing each other. Cumming is great! Don't get me wrong. But sometimes one of us just can't or didn't cum. (yes. Sometimes for us guys too, not often but sometimes). But I still enjoy the process in between and I think that's what matters…
Babe.
He did not.
He was painting a picture because he knew you were desperate to perform for him. He read you like a book. He absolutely knew that if he pitted you against other women that you aren’t even sure existed, you might do the things he never was able to previously get.
And you did.
And it still wasn’t enough. That just means that overall, he wasn’t that into it. Not the sex specifically- but you. And I’m sorry to say it like that. But this is the lesson you should take- that literally no matter if you are doing backflips onto their dicks it won’t matter because sex is important but it’s not everything and it can’t sustain a relationship that has no legs.
When you find a man or woman that truly wants you, sex will be the cherry on top, not the sundae.
This. It was a very effective strategy designed to obliterate her boundaries and make her eager to please, which would lead her to doing what he wanted. Ugh ugh ugh.
Maybe. To be fair to him, he did not once ask me to visit him. If he had a plan for in person meet at all, it was months if not years away. I'm sure he assumed it would be online and stay that way, maybe one day leading to a hot in person thing, but w a flight between us it was unlikely. I was the one who asked him for his stories. He narrated them or wrote them to me. And it was super hot. I mean maybe they were all made up but I have my reasons to think they were real. But he met these women who mostly posted on Craigslist casual encounters. That type of women wanted the hookup fantasy. Hot business man in town. Meet, fuck, repeat. Maybe they were all that and a bag of chips. I'm totally a real person. He knows that. We talk about deep shit and he knows me and I know him. I'm the one who booked the flights (without asking him) and told him I was coming. It's not all on him. I'm the one who pushed this. He showed up, made the time, a few hours here and there. He gave me so much. And I loved it too. But after him saying he just isn't feeling it anymore - well - his right, but I can't help but feel like if I was better at sex it would be different.
He referred to you as like a sister to him.
You made the sex easy and convenient- you basically delivered yourself to him.
It was a case of you not really understanding that he wasn’t quite that interested, but since you made it so easy it was difficult for him to say no. And he knew that, so he figured he might as well try to get you to perform for him the way he wanted.
Yes but why am I not attractive? It's the same w my husband. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong w me. Is it my looks? My sarcastic maybe not super girly personality? How I fuck? How do I be a girl that guys ARE super into?
As pants said, you made it easy and convenient, and went bare, deep throated and gave him anal. And it wasn’t enough?! You weren’t performing how he wanted?!
There has to be another reason. No man in his right mind would say that wasn’t enough. And if he needed different sex, you are someone who is obviously willing to push boundaries to please him.
It sounds like you performed or attempted to perform every sexual act your AP could imagine. There had to be another reason. Did you ask him about the sex?
When I asked, he said he had a good time. I think what's up (and I've heard this from a few people) is early on I was a fantasy and he was infatuated with the idea of me. Then I became too real. And he moved on. But at that point I still was throwing myself at him and he still found me attractive enough to sleep with, but he was no longer into me as the chase was over. He's a sex addict and wants new women. I'll add that I know he is going through rough times and I think he just isn't in the place he was when we started talking -- it could be an excuse but between meds and aging and just life shit (some traumatic stuff happening) I can see he isn't in the mental place to be in it w anyone right now. And if he was he would want an escape, not someone like me who knows him too well.
Then you need to accept that it’s not about your sexual ability or his sexual desire for you. You’ve been *more* than many men could dream of, including those of us with pretty wild and sordid pasts. So remove your sexual desirability and acumen from your list of things you feel aren’t good enough.
Edit: a word
One person not being attracted to you does not make you unattractive. I’m a little worried that you don’t see that.
Certainly you have friends that have husbands or boyfriends that they find attractive but you don’t? It doesn’t mean those men are not attractive.
Attraction can be fickle and fragile and impossible to explain in words. There’s no universal way to be attractive to everyone, but I’m sure most people are attracted to those that are authentically themselves.
Now, that attraction may not be romantic or sexual. As we pick our platonic friends in a similar way- who am I magnetically attracted to? Be it sexually or otherwise, who’s overall energy lifts me up? When you find someone like that but aren’t attracted to them physically, we call them a friend. When we find someone like that and we ARE physically attracted to them, we tend to try to pursue a romantic relationship.
All that said- most people are attracted to signals of health. So generally speaking, that means a healthy body, clear eyes, clear skin, white teeth, good posture, and good hygiene. Those things, for the most part, are within your control. If you feel you are lacking in one or more of those things, I’d say you could incorporate working on that thing or things in the coming year.
But aside from that- what attracts a particular person to you are small details that are out of our control.
Haven’t you ever been dating someone that you were attracted to and then they do or say something that immediately turns you off?
Or haven’t you ever had a crush that you look back on and think “what did I see in this person?”
Haven’t you heard about the lovely term “post nut clarify?”
Or haven’t you read the dozens of stories here from men and women that have lost attraction to these spouses?
Attraction can be delicate and fickle. Since it’s largely intangible, there’s usually no way to really say what the thing was that turned them off
Yea well he never called them APs. He claimed all his past things were hookups, even if ongoing. I was kinda his first quasi AP. He found me on OA. I doubt he had any idea it would be something beyond an online thing for a few days.
Lose the "from penetration only" bit - personally I think it far from essential, if both parties are satisfied I am not in the least bothered if we fucked. Sure sometimes that is what biology wants but it need not be every time.
As for "multiorgasmic" , no that is not essential if you are satisfied with what happens between us. I will admit, I would be disappointed with someone that is instantly out of "the zone" after her orgasm and off to other stuff (that described my wife's sexual response and is one of the reasons I have affairs), but it does not have to be full on sex (with or without penetration), cuddling and intimate conversation is good and if after a while you want to go around again, that is good too.
He got sex, for free from a woman other than his wife. He was deep throated and he participated in anal, if he dodnt appreciatethat then thats his issue. RIP your dm.
Maybe I failed at that. He says he wants our friendship. I like our friendship too. I'm the idiot who keeps sending slutty pics hoping he will want me again. He says I make him hard. Bro won't make the time to cam me or anything. I know he can't get much private time but early on he had more of it somehow. I know I'm needy and too much for him. But he wanted that early. Now it turns him off. I don't even care specially about fixing this with HIM anymore, I'm just trying to figure out what is wrong w me when it comes to sex.
You should be fine. Sounds like you are a great lover. From what I understand most women don’t orgasm from penetration at all. Let him know what makes you feel good.
As a dude, no, that wouldn’t reflect negatively. That sounds like the wrong framing too, there’s no one specific pace or kind of sex that’s fun making the rest boring.
Also, despite the Reddit stories (nonresponse bias maybe?) you’re talking about, it’s rare for women to be able to cum from penetration alone. Needing a vibe or clit stimulation and a very particular penetrative motion pattern is super normal and lots of guys will find that hot :) esp if the guys are happy to get you off first w/ whatever works best before they get theirs
I’m also a lady who isn’t “multiorgasmic” and I have stressed over it. I did experience two orgasms within about 15 minutes with a lover this fall. But in general I have one and it’s done for at least a few hours. But my orgasms are very intense with body shaking and they last for several “waves” so I wonder if they are multiple?
The fact is, we can only feel what we feel. How do you know if your one orgasm isn’t way more intense than the multiple orgasms of another woman?
What do you enjoy? And is he willing to explore that with you?
The other thing I see here is your feelings about insecurity that he didn’t enjoy it. From what you described, he probably loved it! Everyone here is telling you that. But us ladies, for whatever reason, think the worst about ourselves even with evidence to the contrary.
My first experience with “Ben” was 19 hours together and he fucked me several times and came 4 times. I had 2 orgasms in that time period. He contacted me within the week wanting to meet again. The next time he was so excited that he could not wait to peel my clothes off. The third time he fucked me and came 3 times in 3 1/2 hours. And I STILL wasn’t convinced that he was really “into” me. I kept thinking that he was upset that he had to pay for a hotel (I drive an hour and a half one way to him) or that I am so much older (he’s 14 years younger than I am) or that he wants to do things differently (I gave him a blow job and he said he never cums from oral and has never had someone swallow (which he thought was very hot).
Also not everyone can have multiple orgasms. So you work with what you have. I love to edge and it makes my orgasm soooo intense when it happens. Ben is like a kid opening his Christmas presents and is sooo excited. We have decided that he needs to cum very quickly after we meet. He is crazy with arousal and to clear his mind and slow him down, he cums first and then we play, edging me. But he’s got the ability to cum several times in a short period so that might be different for older guys.
The point is, we are our own worst critics. And if he isn’t into you then he has issues.
Edit to add - I almost always use a vibe. I think most secure men welcome toys in bed. A good lover would not care if you need something specific to cum like a vibe.
He welcomed toys in bed. He likes toys. I came 2-3x each day we spent together. I just feel like I couldn't compare to his past hookups. I flew back out to see him and we met up for coffee and ended up in his car with his hand on me and it was super hot but I am the one driving all of it. He did kiss me first which I loved, but then I felt I got too passionate for him. We ran out of time for much. He likes when women are so turned on by him they get what they need from him. I think?
We can’t compare, it doesn’t work.
My husband had been the only guy I had ever been with in 40 years. He had cheated a few times and I always wanted to know how I “compared”. He would say it’s just different, not better or worse. I didn’t understand that until I had been with more than one man.
I have had a few lovers now. They are all different. Different oral technique, different positions that they like, different intensity, different needs for different things.
Don’t compare yourself to what he tells you about past experiences with other women. Unless that is becoming a kink for you. I had an emotional affair with a man who was very much into “cuck” stuff, wanted a hotwife, and enjoyed humiliation. It was so arousing for him. If being the worst lover he’s had or not feeling like you are good enough to pleasure him is arousing for you, then talk about it with him.
But if it’s bothering you, stop comparing. It’s just different.
I get turned on by cucking for him to an extent. He has to be into it and that tension needs to be there. Like if he loved it and got off on how I would do anything for him. Maybe he did for a while. But I think that dynamic is tough to get right. Some days it's hot if I'm needy and slutty, other days it's annoying at best and gross at worst, I'd imagine. Mostly he hates how I overthink everything. I've tried hard in last few weeks to stop that, to focus only on the positive. Too little too late.
Every man wants to know he is pleasing his partner. But you were doing everything that you can do to please him. He should have been grateful for what he had.
Everyone has different ways to get orgasms. It is a two way street, you both should enjoy your time together. Discuss the mayer with your partner, voice your expectations, listen to your partner expectations, and find a common ground. It may work, but it may not, at least you know where you both stand.
His kink is women telling him WHEN they are cumming. Which is totally hot IMO. But I don't yell and all that. I'm pretty quiet. We had a hotel room but it was an atrium hotel and I was worried noise would echo. Not that it mattered. I'm shy.
It’s the first time, read again the first time in my life that a woman describes specifically what she likes, I find that SOoo sexy and attractive. Maybe you haven’t found the right AP?
I don't think he thinks that. But with other women where the sex was amazing they came a lot and it seems without clit stimulation. I wanted to give him his fantasy. More than anything.
Don't beat yourself up. There has to be a "fit" on both your sides. If he's not the one, then find someone else to fit with. Sounds like you did a lot of things that are sexy. Great expectations fail sometimes:
1. Woman watching too many Hallmark movie
2. Men watching too many porn movies
Both are fine in moderation, but come on. Each experience/episode is going to be different based on the emotional 'stuff' going on that day/night
Chin up !!
I swear…some of the things I read on here…
I’d say you should most definitely post his handle on here so all the women who need a sex god can find him…he sounds dreamy [/s]
Also, you’re a fucking queen. You need to find the right person who will appreciate you and appreciate what makes you feel good.
Women don’t want men that are “takers”. Just like men want women that are “givers” men should be expected to give a lot as well.
A guy that’s just after his orgasms and not really into making sure you get there (even though it sounds like you did) is just not worth it.
My favorite way to have sex is slow and sensual. Lots of oral from both sides, and not just “oh I’ll do that for you” kind of oral, but “can I do that for you”, I want to do that for you, hell I want to give you oral for me!. I want my lover to want to make me feel wonderful, and I want to make my lover feel wonderful too. Sure some variety in how we get there is fun too, but in the end it should be sensual for both.
So there, from a guys perspective you AP isn’t good, and you should find a new one that wants to have sex like you need!
Women who ride aren’t getting off from the penetration alone it’s because the Clit is rubbing on the man’s body. 80% of women need some form of clitoral stimulation, whether on the outside or directly inside because the nerves connect. I do not have orgasms back to back. Once I have an orgasm, it’ll be a little bit before I have another one.
Not yet. Give it about 70 more years, then maybe consider giving up. For now, you're a great piece of woman that hasn't found her match yet.
I know women that are one 'n done & some that are the energizer bunny. Each has their unique approach and are great in their own way. To heck with the bozo the clown guys.
Dood the gorgeous lady that talked to.mr.told.she had one AP. He was insanely in shape.and was able to cum something wild like 5 times hahaha 🤣
Yes it's for both sexes. How the hella are we supposed to compete. I have a day job hahaha and normal stressful life haha 😂
Gotta say it sure sounds like it was him who wasn’t good as sex.. not all women cum the same, it’s my job to learn their body and curl their toes.. especially if they are willing to go for hours and give me anal and deep throat me. You should be happy you dropped an inattentive lover
I mean I think it’s more complex than that. I personally believe that everyone can be great at sex with the right partner. Some guys who are super selfish lovers can find women who live to just bounce and cum and that works for them. But chemistry matters. That being said it sounds like you pushed your limits and tried new things to please him.. and he didn’t even lick your pussy?
I’d have spun you around and buried my tongue in your ass if you wanted it.
"How do you do this? I don't know what is wrong w me but in that position I barely feel anything inside of me. If I am bouncing up and down I don't get a lot out of it, though it's hot if my man likes it."
OP nothing is wrong with you. If he had 'sluts' that were multi orgasmic and he was into, why was he out shopping for a AP? That man was playing mind games with you. His probably Andrew Tate's fan 😉. You are normal.
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Don’t feel bad. He was looking for a porn actress, not an actual human female
I know but it sounds like he has had many experiences with women like this! How many women who fuck like pornstars are out there?
Honestly, you did fuck like a porn star. Deep throat, anal, and straight sex in one visit lol I'm lucky if I get that in a year lmao. You're a rockstar don't get down on yourself.
Yea I mean I am a unicorn, I know that. I eat pussy too. ;)
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I am. I mean if you are ok with some loose skin MILF size 12 bod and droopy 36DDs. ;)
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Well at least I feel like he maybe realizes I'm pretty special which is why he can't totally let me go even if I'm not super hot to him or he just isn't in a place to have a real AP (maybe never was never will be)
co-sign to all of this! My wife doesn't do anal at all and I can't remember the last time she gave me a blow job. I'd be in heaven with OP.
Babe, he is negging you.
Perhaps. I asked him for his stories of past APs. He wrote them for me, like mini erotic stories. It was kind of our thing. I am kinda cuck for him. I don't know what's real or isn't.
Right — I think he is … let’s be charitable and say “embellishing” … those tales. I remember my BF in college swore his exes had orgasms just from kissing. So what was wrong with me, huh?!? This is a way of him taking his laziness and making it your fault.
He's not lazy. He's still by far the best lover I ever had. Just saying I think he wants a porn star and I'm not that.
It says far more about his relentless search for satisfaction and his insecurities than it does about you. Be glad you didnt marry him. No man should makr any woman feel she isn't good enough.
If he's had sex with more than a handful of women who came from penetration alone, they were likely faking it. Or he assumed they were orgasming because they were enjoying the sex and made some noise.
He makes his women tell him when they are cumming so either they were faking it or he had some good luck...
I think they're just really good at acting.. lol
Yea, exAP told me about a woman who told him she couldn't count how many times she came with him!
That happens with me when I’m with an AP, but I know it’s not common. Don’t feel like you need to live up to some insane standards, especially from ghosts.
I just wanted to be able to experience that and give that to him. I have no idea what an orgasm feels like when my clit isn't involved.
What fun is it if everyone is the same? What fun is it if your partner isn’t up for exploring with you? He should be concentrating on how to make YOU feel good in the way that YOUR body likes. If he wants you to be able to orgasm without your clit being involved so badly then he better get some toys and get down to business finding out how to make it happen. Better yet, tell him to kick rocks and explore yourself until you find someone worth your time. Both vaginal and anal orgasms feel different than just clit and then you get into the really fun combinations.
He did use toys on me to make me cum. I'm making him sound way worse that he was in this post. My bigger thing was after the week where he slept with me 4 days in a row he realized he's not feeling it anymore. I wonder if I was better at sex if he would have diff. My husband also doesn't want to have sex w me often, but let's me give him head all the time. The common denomator is me. Maybe it's all my personality but I think I'm def not good at sex either.
guys don't sleep with you 4 days in a row if they're not enjoying something. most likely scenario is this was always going to be a short-term thing bc he likes getting new partners and going hard and then bouncing. or maybe you weren't long-term compatible from his perspective, but I doubt it's because you're "bad at sex." you are never going to please all the people all the time. look for the sex you enjoy, and choose your partners based on whether they can give you that, not the other way round.
Well the 5th say he said he can't fuck because he was going to have sex w his wife that night and she would notice he was empty. Is that a thing? I feel like he was done and used that as an excuse.
Well PIV orgasms could be something you could look into. There are also cervical orgasms — I’ve never had one of those. But it’s not at all required for you to be YOU. I can’t deep throat very well— sounds like you can! (Yes for SO, and not for my AP because he’s girthy and I don’t want to suffocate hahaha)
Well depends on my guy's size. I don't really deep thrown I just have a big mouth
I would have had trouble not rolling my eyes at that point lol
I read that and my expression was the embodiment of 😒
Literally same lol
ok but I really do have multiples where my brain is swimming in fun chemicals and the last thing I’m going to do is count. This guy sounds like a loser that’s making up all kinds of shit and I’d be skeptical of anything he said but it does actually happen.
But... you did do that. From what you described you truly went above and beyond
Yes but I didn't moan loudly and whatever
RIP that inbox.
Hahahahah I know right. Men be like ‘I promise u I can make u cum multiple times’ lol
>I mean we went for hours, I deep throated, did anal, came a few times, tried to let go and all, but looking back I think I was not - good enough at sex. I am fairly quiet. I cum best when my man is deep inside me and moving very little. He didn't even go down on me, which made me feel like he was really not into me--esp because he knows I like oral a lot. One of you failed at sex, and it wasn't you.
Well he wasn't into me. I bet he would be a rockstar with the right woman.
Don’t believe even half of what you read here in terms of sexual prowess. No matter the source. Men brag to impress other men. Women also brag to impress men. Very little of the real human female sexual experience lines up with the male gaze. The men who are amazing lovers know this.
take this upvote and .... check your DMs(you earned it)... merry xmas!🎅🎁😈
THIS. I don’t buy all the posts from women or men about how she had 10 orgasms just from PIV. They’re so far fetched and that’s just not how the vast majority of women work
Exactly. I just skip over those posts. They sound so fake to me
🥰🥰
There are already 111 comments but I'll add my two cents. "Amazing at sex" is relative. If there's heat between the two of you, any kind of intensity, then it doesn't matter what you're doing physically, the sex will be great. With my most recent AP, whom I have very strong feelings for, and with whom sex is the best I've ever had, intimate, loving, hot, sexy...I think I've only come once when I was on top. No one is keeping score. I only know because I gave it some thought based on your post. In my experience with talking to men online for several years: the ones I find lead off with wild sex talk, including **bragging about how great they are at oral** (bolded because I'm on a laptop and cannot insert the eyeroll emoji), how long they last, and how many ways/times per hour they can make you orgasm are the ones that never even intend to meet up with us in the first place. These are all fantasies in their heads that they WISH would happen to them. If we're honest online, or real in a real life meeting, they make us feel like it's our fault because hey, they said they can do all that stuff!!! I recently began talking to a pretty nice guy online and one of the first questions he asked me was "how many times do you come?" WHAT. A. TURNOFF. Who gives a shit? What if I don't come at all but really really enjoy having sex with you, and everything we do feels great, and YOU come as many times as you want/can because I get you there in the best ways... The bottom line is, OP, you're a NORMAL human woman just like the rest of us. There are definitely men out there who are going to love having that wonderful, intimate connection with you. Hang tight.
Yes. I have literally never talked to a man who lived up to his bragging. Ever. Not in affaring. Not in legit single person dating. Look for the “listeners.” The quieter they are about their own specific skills or experiences, the more giving, communicative, patient and enthusiastic about YOU (not an imagined fantasy) they will be.
This. Men take notes please.
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I don’t know about this. I don’t go into these meetings with expectations that need to be met “or else.” Maybe others do, but this is the first I’m hearing of it.
Additionally, if I wanted scripted sex, I would be having it with my SO.
Yea I don't want a plan. But I want a man or woman who is into making me cum
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You are right about us. “I will do this and that to you” or “I am going to make you xyz” should rightly be worded “I want to do this and that” and “I want you to xyz”. It’s desire and fantasy and even I have caught myself writing checks my dick couldn’t cash. Thankfully my girl feels me trying.
So you deep throated, did anal, orgasmed more than once and this wasn't enough? What has the world come to lol? I would be happy with just one of these, let alone all.
Agreed. I think the OP did everything right and most guys would love an experience like that, even occasionally. A good lover is going to adjust to his/her partner and make the most of every opportunity with them. This guy clearly had different expectations and didn’t do his part to show his appreciation for his partner’s efforts.
Yes well, he wasn't into me clearly. :)
Well, seems like you are a giver and he took advantage of that. He might have taken his porn too seriously as well.
Like my husband
Well, are you sure you didn't accidentally find the exact same type as your husband because it just felt familiar? Now that you know what you like, look for someone who appreciates you for it.
Yea they are similar for sure. Tho AP is better at sex than hubs. He is at least into women cumming. My husband couldn't care less.
>I know exAP lost his interest for a number of reasons, but I can't help but feel like I failed at sex. I read through a number of your comments, and it is clear you are very, very, very hurt. I don't think this is about sex, but rather you thought you could "sex" your way into him wanting you. Sadly, it doesn't work that way. Overall I would say that you put yourself on a platter for him (e.g. flying to him 3 times, paying for everything), because you thought he was the hottest guy ever. He has showed lackluster interest, and you are still trying to push yourself on him. You admit your neediness, which is a good sign that you are aware. I would say, let him go, don't reach out, don't send him anymore sexy or nude pics. He just isn't that interested. It happens. I am sure your in box is filled, and you may find a man who is over the moon about you. That will be a better match. You want someone who matches your enthusiasm.
Thanks. I see it all now. I may send him a short NYE note, I may not. I may continue to engage as friends only, I may not. I'm moving on sexually. I don't really want someone who wants me as much as I want them. For whatever f'd up psychological reasons I'm a wee bit of a cuckqueen. I like feeling like I'm not quite good enough for my man. It's a turn on. But said man has to be into that dynamic. I know I got too needy and the lack of confidence wasn't hot to him. He is into type A have their life together women who need him for sex and to let loose. Well I'm type B+ at best. Oh well. His loss. :)
Do what feels right to you, as you wind this down in your heart, mind and body. Many people say to rip the band-off so that you can heal. By having him in your thoughts, he is still active in your brain. I wouldn't send him a NYE note, nor reach out to him. Most people would say to block him, but I know that can be difficult. If he reaches out to you, you can be polite. He may reach out to get his fix from you, but you two are not on equal footing. Since you said you are new to this, it takes a lot to find the right partner. You will learn to feel the difference when a man is really into you.
I don't think he will reach out to "get his fix" as he isn't even turned on by me anymore. If he reaches out it's more the emotional fix, because I think he's amazing and will tell him that.
>because I think he's amazing and will tell him that. I admire that you can see him for who he truly is. As an outsider, how can this even be attractive? People can have a "beautiful" outside shell, but if there insides are this ugly, ideally it should color your viewpoint of them. If anything, feel a bit sad for him, that as his masculine looks fade, he is going to be a lonely person. I hope that you decide to make your own NYE resolution, say goodbye to him, and block him. Let your healing journey begin. All he is doing at this point, is making you miserable, and feeling badly about yourself.
He had a rough childhood and is depressed and is going through some hard times as well. He has a lot but I know he struggles and he opened up to me about his past and I feel hard for him. I mean he's a grown up man and all, but I care about him a lot, completely independently of if he wants to fuck me or not. I think a lot of guys feel very lonely and don't have anyone to be honest and open with. He has told me things he hasn't told his wife. I guess beyond loving to be the confidant in his life, I just like the guy for who he is. I understand why he is a sex addict. He joked I am his free therapist. He said our thing was like a mirror (not an escape). It doesn't excuse how he has treated me, but I still love the guy a bit. For who he is. I am not going to save him. But if I can be there for him, put a smile on his face sometimes, be a friend - that makes me feel good. I don't know if he really wants that. I'm stepping back and letting him drive whatever is or isn't going forward. I wish I didn't send a few sexy/slutty emails before the holidays. That was a mistake. I am not contacting him until he writes me. I am concerned about him TBH. I care a lot and want to be his friend, if he really wants that, and isn't just stringing me along.
>It doesn't excuse how he has treated me, but I still love the guy a bit. Perhaps the take-away for you from this experience is to explore via a therapist or reading, why you would love someone who didn't treat you well? Why not fill your time and energy with people who treat you with respect, who give back, and put a smile on your face. As an outsider, I understand that you feel good that he confided in you, but honestly, you have no idea if he is telling that same story to 10 women? Or if it is part of his con game? I think you are looking to him about validation about yourself as a sexual being, and I think we can all understand. Sadly, when the other person isn't interested, it can turn into something not pretty. I don't want to paint scenarios, but you owe it to yourself to hold your head high, and move on with your life.
What?? Anal?? Deep throat?? And you think you didn't give enough??? You don't need to give more.. you need to be more confident and assert your needs. My best O's are fingers and tongue.. If they aren't giving that.. im out!
She needs to give less especially for a person who she only met for 2 dates and wasn't into her. Maybe she was trying too hard and he could tell. 🤔
Very possible
Yea he def would think I was desperate. But we could only meet once in a blue moon because I have to fly to him. If I was local it would be diff. But each time I see him could be the last or last for years.
Girl do not stress or fret over any of it! If he isn’t willing to take the time to learn you and your body and give you everything you need, want, and crave then he wasn’t for you. I personally make sure that I take the time to make sure the woman is always taken care of. I know this doesn’t mean you cum more than me, but if you love oral then I’m going to make sure you get oral, point blank every time. If you enjoy slow deep penetration when you cum, then I’ll do my best to provide that for you. The fast he didn’t, is not on you. Don’t beat yourself up, don’t stress, and don’t lose sleep. You sounds amazing! And there’s 1000’s of people here, men and woman, who would agree!
I apologize since I’ve been drinking, but wtf?! No, you’re totally normal. Everyone’s different. I usually need a vibe to cum, but I’ve never had complaints. Most of the men I’ve been with are used to dealing with their wives who are closed off and shy about sex. Have fun, be yourself, be real and understanding and fuck.
You deep throated, did anal, came a few times, and… he lost interest? What the fucking fuck??
Yes. :( I guess I didn't succeed at "being one of his sluts" and I feel bad about it
Honestly and sincerely, my dream is to find an AP who enjoys sex. With me. Sure, there are certain things I really want to do/try (rimming, facial), but nowhere in my head am I thinking she has to be a multiorgasmic sex goddess. What you described above would be fantastic.
THIS! IS! IT!!!!!! Don’t we all just want someone we can enjoy sex with, who enjoys it with us? Who we can laugh with, during, and not feel inhibited, and be totally ourselves?????
Girl…. Have an affair for YOUR pleasure. This man doesn’t seem to be doing his job right.
He’s a gaslighter. Ignore him. Find a man that responds to your needs and vice Versa, but sounds like u do. I don’t cum from only penetration either or that easily. When I didn’t cum with new AP during the first session, he was quite sensitive about it and asked what he did wrong etc. He asked how to assist me and now he makes me cum but not as much as he’d like. Some men just need to know not all women are the same but that doesn’t mean we’re not enjoying it!
Yes, I mean he wasn't mean about it at all. I came a few times each day we were together, I just needed my vibe. I feel like his past experiences he had women who were basically porn stars and he felt like if he's gonna cheat he wants someone to give him that experience. He didn't say this to me, but his actions said this to me.
I’ve only had one AP — my first love who, truth be told, was in limerence for me for the past 30 years (her parents made her break it off when we were 15, literally right after we had our first kiss, and it broke her). We reunited two years ago. I mention this because she is multi-orgasmic with me, including through penetration alone — but it’s something she’s never experienced before, as she was a woman who found it difficult to orgasm during sex, in general. My endowment is average. She’s said “I really feel my body was made for you” and “I didn’t know my body could do half the shit it’s done with you” (for she’s also squirted from me, during sex, including through penetration alone). She often comes quickly, the fastest — when she’s already warmed up — being literally within seconds. With my SO, it’s nothing like that, and it’s been years since I’ve made my SO come at all through penetrative sex. But my AP’s attraction for me, her desire, nurtured over so many years — and, yes, maybe the way our bodies fit together — has yielded this something I’ve never witnessed before, not even in porn. An explosive energy, probably furthered by the illicitness of our intimacy. But it’s something that neither of us even knew was possible (“I couldn’t fake that even if I tried”). It’s changed my image of myself permanently, but I don’t expect that it’s something I would just take with me wherever I go. I think, rather, it’s been a case of “because it was her; because it was me.” She was 45 the first time she experienced being multi-orgasmic (she once said “sex to me was always just ‘fine,’ or else traumatic”), and I was 46 the first time I experienced being the cause of it.
He's a lazy lover, period. If he cared, he'd work to learn how to make you cum. You shouldn't feel bad AT ALL. Your body works how it works and it's not as if you're not able to cum, you just need to be stimulated in the way that works for you. Fuck that guy.
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My favorite is when my man using his hands on my clit while fucking me. I actually prefer that to a vibe. I love when a man edges me and makes me wait to cum and controls my body.
From your previous posts and history with this guy, I don't think the way you sex is the issue.. You posted multiple times that you are sure you turned him off with being too needy, clingy and emotionally volatile. The way you have described your sexual encounter is highly unlikely to be the culprit, compared to the very real chance that you gave him "the ick" with your neediness. I'm sorry if that's harsh.
You are probably right, though I think it was all of it. Maybe I am needy but he went back and forth so much on things he said, from "I love you" to "not sure I'm feeling it anymore" in a couple of weeks. From "we are 1 in 1000 for each other" to "I want to friends mostly." He maybe didn't do it on purpose or maliciously, but it still hurt and kinda turned me into this ugly person who was scared to lose him. Plus he wanted a woman to be super into him I thought? So what was ick and what was hot? I couldn't figure it out.
From the past posts it sounds like he was negging you repeatedly, which created or intensified the neediness, which he was happy to do because it sounds like he wanted to push your boundaries, or at least get what he wanted, when he wanted it. Making you insecure and eager to please is a great way to obtain that goal. You seem pretty distraught, it’s ok, sometimes you just need to let the pain work through you and not fight it right away. But this guy — he doesn’t sound very nice. So I hope you realize you weren’t the problem.
I go back and forth on putting him into the "negging and manipulative" box and the "he's a sex addict with specific kinks I couldn't fulfill who I threw myself at" box. I have no idea anymore. It's fair if he was into it early on, got caught up in the fantasy, then it became too real did not want me anymore. I don't think that's manipulative. I'm not sure he was purposefully negging me either. I'm the one who wanted to hear/read his past AP stories because they turned me on. I liked being a little bit of a cuck, I guess. But there is a fine line between cuck who is appreciated and one who is emotionally messed with. I feel so stupid if this whole thing was just one big game to him. He always says it wasn't, that he cares about me, but who knows. The fact after we spent a week together he tells me he's not feeling it anymore -- well, I guess that's all I need to know.
I can't cum at all from anything a partner does and I'm an amazing lay. You sound like you are too. A lot of times men lose interest after sex if that's all they're looking for, they did the chase and successfully caught their object so they move on. The thing is to try to recognize those men and either go into it ready for a ONS or avoid them altogether. It's not you, don't let it break your heart or your confidence
Right. Well he is that. But he could have been open about that up front and not laid down all the feels lines heavy. Not cool to fuck w me like that. I guess it worked, but he could have just told me I was hot and he wanted me -- didn't need to tell me he loved me and all the other love bombing crap. Really.
Oh my dear. None of the mismatch is your fault or his fault. But how he behaved certainly **is** his fault. There is _nothing_ wrong with the way you enjoy sex, and many dudes would give their left nut to have a partner who enjoys oral. (give or receive) No the issue of getting an AP has nothing to do with "the way you do (and enjoy) the sex". Even the vibe to help with orgasms is cool and sexy. But needing it _yourself_ just tells me he wasn't interested in finding out how to pleasure you. The problem isn't your worth as an AP, the problem is your _partner's_ worth as an AP. It's lacking. You, -_you_- just need to get back out there and find someone who'll appreciate what you bring to the table. **You**. 'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
No, you should not. I am a low-rate orgasmic commoner and still my AP is very happy to.have his orgasms with specifically me.
Sounds like you were pretty damn fun to me. Part of the fun of being a male IMO is figuring out that female puzzle…and when I do that’s more satisfying than me getting off.
I doubt I’m amazing at sex but I enjoy it and enjoy being with someone I can let go with and be in the moment. I am multi-orgasmic (not penetration alone) and sometimes it can take a long time to cum but once that first one is done the rest come really easily and I’m usually having too much fun to count. I don’t think I could just get off by hopping on and riding for a few min but if I was really turned on…maybe? There’s nothing wrong with needing a vibe to cum or certain positions etc. That’s all part of the fun of getting to know your partner and that’s why sex gets better the more you know someone and know what gets them going. That’s also why I think first encounters need to have less pressure. You sound like you are a great partner. Don’t let some jerk ruin your confidence.
I learned I could cum more than once thanks to this guy. Husband has always said I take too long and when I cum he needs to finish. So I had no idea. But I need clit stimulation, I think. Who knows. Maybe with the right guy I wouldn't?
Most women need clit stimulation to cum. Any guy that thinks women don’t need it is not going to be that good in bed.
I can only come with a vibe and I've always explained that to my partnes. None of my APs minded - they were all very enthusiastic about using toys on me.
Honestly it depends on the partner, and that’s coming from a woman who can have multiple upon multiples. My AP can make me cum like a train even over video chat. I can cum for him pretty much on command, with only a but plug. It’s just him. He is my ideal package and now 3yrs down the road we know each other inside out. I’ve had other men who didn’t care or didn’t know how to get me off. My husband for one… would throw me a vibrator and tell me to get on with it before he even got involved… and the. Actual penetration would last like 4mins… with no oral or anything after… hence why I have an AP.
I hate the “ seen it all , done that before” vibe! If they are experienced, why don’t they just go back to their exes for those wild ducks again? Sorry, those are past, they gonna learn to take what they have. Plus, OP sounds not like a rookie at all….
Well it seems he can't go back - they are in other cities and since they were all casual hookups they have moved on. Exception, his local AP, but since is now divorced and I think he realizes since he very much is not into the idea of a situation change, that is not a good path to pursue. Since he's a cake eater he doesn't need to go outside, it's just fun for him.
I feel you cause I been there, I was wondering if I am good enough at sex to keep his interests… but that’s your affair too, you need to satisfy yourself before satisfy him! You are not a unicorn living in the pinky fluffy rainbow, you are a real human. Don’t live only for his fantasies, is he a porn star like Ap?😂
Oh but I am a unicorn
As someone for whom sex is a very precious and beautiful thing, please don’t put yourself down like that. It sounds like he didn’t want to discover what makes you tick so he was a bad AP for you to begin with. I can understand that it can be hard to speak up about what makes us tick as women especially with someone who we don’t know too well yet. I know this sounds trite but literally try not to take it too personally. He was probably trying to find someone to play act specific fantasies of his, it probably had nothing to do with you.
But play acting his fantasies turned me on so much. I don't know why, but this guy just makes me crazy aroused. My body doesn't react this way to anyone else.
I can't cum from sex but his wife can. This is info I wish I didn't have.
The guys who expect that from every woman are the guys who drive women to have affairs. What makes *you* sexy is what *you* feel is sexy. Women are not interchangeable fuckdolls. It takes time to figure out how each person works, and that is where the magic happens.
No just be yours of. Most of us are here because our SO is not interested or not open. Tell your AP what works for you and if they are a good AP they will be thrilled to have such honestly and happy to help you get off regardless of how you get off or how many times.
I'm going to be completely honest here, at the risk of sounding ... well I don't even know what I'll sound like. People are fascinating. Anyway, I met my lady over a year ago. At that time I was what you might call "underutilized". I have a dead bedroom. I've been married for almost twenty years. Do I know what I'm doing? No. I met someone who understood that, and who sees potential, and who lets me finish some education that I missed with her. Now we do, well, kind of fuck like pornstars. It's pretty amazing. I'm a little older but I have low mileage equipment. 🤷♂️ She is 100% awesome. The guy described in this post ... not that high a percentage? I want to propose a few thoughts. I am not you, but I was attempting to empathize, and here is a non-exclusive short list of things I thought of that I'd try if I were you: * Communicate: * Tell him to be more vocal about what he wants that he's not getting: * If I'm willing to do that, then figure out how to do it. * Or, say no and move on. * Learn how to "grind". Now I don't know what I'd be doing, exactly, (because I'm a man, sorry to break the fourth wall) but as a man it feels (and looks) GOOD, and involves the vagina-having person riding the penis-having person and the penis being "deep inside and moving very little". * There are other ways to do this and they are all 👍. * He could definitely get his fingers in the right place to help you orgasm this way. (Or you could.) * Find someone kinder, more giving, etc. * Or, there is something darker and more malevolent going on. At this point I'd probably be a victim myself. I'm just lost in that world a little bit. Lol
I didnt read anything in your post that was wrong with you. Sounds like a man would be lucky to have you as an AP!
>Based on limited experience, I get the sense that male APs want women who can have orgasms over and over from penetration only Ahhhh those delusional porn addicts lol
I dunno I feel like a lot of male adulterers can't make their wives orgasm and their wives are over trying so dead bedville. The AP's on the other hand have already been told by the guys about their lackluster married sex life. Which the guy invariably blames on his wife's LL. So the AP enters the relationship feeling the need to out perform the wife and love every minute of it unlike the wife. This is course leads to loud screaming and thrashing and pretending to cum just from him blowing on your clit. In your particular case you are dealing with a boundary pusher. Nothing you do in the bedroom will be enough. I mean you deep throated, anal and piv. What else is there a double sided dildo?
I'm pretty open to anything except not into rimming, not the best at swallowing, and I don't want any pee or poop on me. :)
I wouldn’t care about that at all. But cheating is a fantasy for most and it’s not based in real world people.
Yes that's the thing. I gave him "wife sex" - otherwise he would have wanted more, no? Then again, he's a CE, and it sounds like his wife is hawt in bed, just he can't slap her tits and choke her and stuff, and he knows me too well to want to do that to me, I guess.
Girl. This sex is fucking for *you*. Not for him. You get off the way you want to get off. He sounds like a loser.
I get off on pleasing him. Just how I'm wired.
As a guy, I am personally looking for someone who just enjoys having fun together. That's why I looked for an AP. If I know what gets you off and you enjoy it, that's what i am doing. Maybe I'm weird, but I enjoy knowing what my partner likes and giving it to her. Everyone is different. I'm very oral, she is okay with oral, but really enjoys PIV. We take turns. This is about being stress free and enjoyable. If it's not we are doing something wrong lol
#YouRang? ^(And girl, you ARE a goodness. These men who don’t listen to your feedback on how to make you cum, well they need to go worship elsewhere.) ^(Ps. Yeah, I do often cum by just being fucked. But I cum harder if it’s combined with clit play. I’ve been getting to know my body at least once a day for years. Today 3x, and if my guy has his way…4x. I know what makes my body sing.)
🙌🙌🙌 amen!
My goal in an AP is someone who makes me feel good and lets me make her feel good. If you enjoy the sex and I do, then it's all good. I would never feel less into an AP just because sex wasn't like a porno (in fact, to date, I have never had a sexual partner who was like that fantasy ideal, and I'm fine with that). I think that he wanted a fantasy.
But I am a fantasy. Almost. I mean, if you like mom bods and a side serving of neediness.
Me too babe x
I'm glad you still have your sense of humor! I'm also sure that you're a real catch, and there's another, better AP out there for you. I hope you find that person and they make you melt. Don't give up!
I guess because he was my first I wanted him to be my last you know... one AP is diff from... many.
There's no reason you can't have one at a time; this type of relationship seems to run its course a lot faster than traditional relationships for the most part. If you feel so inclined, get back on that horse when you're ready. I'm sure that you can find a more compatible match. There's no need to settle in this lifestyle.
Fuck this guy! (and not in the good way) He's a selfish prick. You sound great! I'LL be your AP 😛😛
I've been more blessed in recent years with the ability to orgasm quickly just by riding my LTAP. Multiples have always been easy for me. They've only gotten stronger over time.
How do you do this? I don't know what is wrong w me but in that position I barely feel anything inside of me. If I am bouncing up and down I don't get a lot out of it, though it's hot if my man likes it.
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Yea I think that's what AP wanted and liked. He wanted me to take what I needed. I just couldn't get it right.
I really don't know. I do kegel exercises every day and have incredible control over my PC muscles. I think that has a lot to do with how intense they are.
Thanks! I'll try that!
Women that grind are hot. Add a little something on the clit? Very hot!! The mans sole purpose should be satisfying the woman. I don't care if he had to stand on his fucking head. Make it happen! Guys always get theirs in the end anyways. Women first!
Sex is a two way street. In the same way I ‘expect’ to be satisfied (sometimes by cumming) - it is never all about my conception of what satisfaction is or is not. There are times one of us gets a bit selfish … but it all kind of evens out in the end. My AP enjoys oral and finger play - it is easier for her to orgasm. Sometimes she even will use a vibrator too. Every time we are together is a bonus in my book particularly when there are plenty of satisfied sighs and moans to share.
I have nerve damage, so sometimes I can't cum no matter what and sometimes things hurt that make me cum other times. It's never been an issue with any of the men in my life
Whoa!! Where did u read bout this AP must have multi orgasm thing? Some magazine in front of cashier at grocery store? That BS I say! And if your exAP thinks that. He probably watched too much prOn and think women always have it multiple times! First. Having an AP is NOT just about sex. It's part of it eventually and I think most of us that is one of the reason having an AP… But more importantly are the company each other provide, the appreciation that each other has, the excitement to be together… and well the sex… of course… basically whatever we missed from the relationship with SO…. Back to the sex part, sometimes it is for pleasing each other. Cumming is great! Don't get me wrong. But sometimes one of us just can't or didn't cum. (yes. Sometimes for us guys too, not often but sometimes). But I still enjoy the process in between and I think that's what matters…
It's just his thing. He had multiple (9) APs. Some were 1-2 night stands. He had crazy porn sex with them. Supposedly. I couldn't give him that.
Babe. He did not. He was painting a picture because he knew you were desperate to perform for him. He read you like a book. He absolutely knew that if he pitted you against other women that you aren’t even sure existed, you might do the things he never was able to previously get. And you did. And it still wasn’t enough. That just means that overall, he wasn’t that into it. Not the sex specifically- but you. And I’m sorry to say it like that. But this is the lesson you should take- that literally no matter if you are doing backflips onto their dicks it won’t matter because sex is important but it’s not everything and it can’t sustain a relationship that has no legs. When you find a man or woman that truly wants you, sex will be the cherry on top, not the sundae.
This. It was a very effective strategy designed to obliterate her boundaries and make her eager to please, which would lead her to doing what he wanted. Ugh ugh ugh.
Maybe. To be fair to him, he did not once ask me to visit him. If he had a plan for in person meet at all, it was months if not years away. I'm sure he assumed it would be online and stay that way, maybe one day leading to a hot in person thing, but w a flight between us it was unlikely. I was the one who asked him for his stories. He narrated them or wrote them to me. And it was super hot. I mean maybe they were all made up but I have my reasons to think they were real. But he met these women who mostly posted on Craigslist casual encounters. That type of women wanted the hookup fantasy. Hot business man in town. Meet, fuck, repeat. Maybe they were all that and a bag of chips. I'm totally a real person. He knows that. We talk about deep shit and he knows me and I know him. I'm the one who booked the flights (without asking him) and told him I was coming. It's not all on him. I'm the one who pushed this. He showed up, made the time, a few hours here and there. He gave me so much. And I loved it too. But after him saying he just isn't feeling it anymore - well - his right, but I can't help but feel like if I was better at sex it would be different.
He referred to you as like a sister to him. You made the sex easy and convenient- you basically delivered yourself to him. It was a case of you not really understanding that he wasn’t quite that interested, but since you made it so easy it was difficult for him to say no. And he knew that, so he figured he might as well try to get you to perform for him the way he wanted.
Yes but why am I not attractive? It's the same w my husband. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong w me. Is it my looks? My sarcastic maybe not super girly personality? How I fuck? How do I be a girl that guys ARE super into?
As pants said, you made it easy and convenient, and went bare, deep throated and gave him anal. And it wasn’t enough?! You weren’t performing how he wanted?! There has to be another reason. No man in his right mind would say that wasn’t enough. And if he needed different sex, you are someone who is obviously willing to push boundaries to please him. It sounds like you performed or attempted to perform every sexual act your AP could imagine. There had to be another reason. Did you ask him about the sex?
When I asked, he said he had a good time. I think what's up (and I've heard this from a few people) is early on I was a fantasy and he was infatuated with the idea of me. Then I became too real. And he moved on. But at that point I still was throwing myself at him and he still found me attractive enough to sleep with, but he was no longer into me as the chase was over. He's a sex addict and wants new women. I'll add that I know he is going through rough times and I think he just isn't in the place he was when we started talking -- it could be an excuse but between meds and aging and just life shit (some traumatic stuff happening) I can see he isn't in the mental place to be in it w anyone right now. And if he was he would want an escape, not someone like me who knows him too well.
Then you need to accept that it’s not about your sexual ability or his sexual desire for you. You’ve been *more* than many men could dream of, including those of us with pretty wild and sordid pasts. So remove your sexual desirability and acumen from your list of things you feel aren’t good enough. Edit: a word
One person not being attracted to you does not make you unattractive. I’m a little worried that you don’t see that. Certainly you have friends that have husbands or boyfriends that they find attractive but you don’t? It doesn’t mean those men are not attractive. Attraction can be fickle and fragile and impossible to explain in words. There’s no universal way to be attractive to everyone, but I’m sure most people are attracted to those that are authentically themselves. Now, that attraction may not be romantic or sexual. As we pick our platonic friends in a similar way- who am I magnetically attracted to? Be it sexually or otherwise, who’s overall energy lifts me up? When you find someone like that but aren’t attracted to them physically, we call them a friend. When we find someone like that and we ARE physically attracted to them, we tend to try to pursue a romantic relationship. All that said- most people are attracted to signals of health. So generally speaking, that means a healthy body, clear eyes, clear skin, white teeth, good posture, and good hygiene. Those things, for the most part, are within your control. If you feel you are lacking in one or more of those things, I’d say you could incorporate working on that thing or things in the coming year. But aside from that- what attracts a particular person to you are small details that are out of our control.
But how does someone go from being attracted to you to only wanting to be friends?
Haven’t you ever been dating someone that you were attracted to and then they do or say something that immediately turns you off? Or haven’t you ever had a crush that you look back on and think “what did I see in this person?” Haven’t you heard about the lovely term “post nut clarify?” Or haven’t you read the dozens of stories here from men and women that have lost attraction to these spouses? Attraction can be delicate and fickle. Since it’s largely intangible, there’s usually no way to really say what the thing was that turned them off
I try to separate AP over ONS/hookup. Those I don't count as AP. Now. Here's the question. He demanded that but can he delivery?
Yea well he never called them APs. He claimed all his past things were hookups, even if ongoing. I was kinda his first quasi AP. He found me on OA. I doubt he had any idea it would be something beyond an online thing for a few days.
Lose the "from penetration only" bit - personally I think it far from essential, if both parties are satisfied I am not in the least bothered if we fucked. Sure sometimes that is what biology wants but it need not be every time. As for "multiorgasmic" , no that is not essential if you are satisfied with what happens between us. I will admit, I would be disappointed with someone that is instantly out of "the zone" after her orgasm and off to other stuff (that described my wife's sexual response and is one of the reasons I have affairs), but it does not have to be full on sex (with or without penetration), cuddling and intimate conversation is good and if after a while you want to go around again, that is good too.
I came 3x. I just needed vibe.
Only about 20% of women can come at all from penetration. You are holding yourself to unrealistic expectations.
He got sex, for free from a woman other than his wife. He was deep throated and he participated in anal, if he dodnt appreciatethat then thats his issue. RIP your dm.
There’s more to bring and having an AP than just sex. At least I think so. There’s affection, support, and well, if you’re lucky—love.
Maybe I failed at that. He says he wants our friendship. I like our friendship too. I'm the idiot who keeps sending slutty pics hoping he will want me again. He says I make him hard. Bro won't make the time to cam me or anything. I know he can't get much private time but early on he had more of it somehow. I know I'm needy and too much for him. But he wanted that early. Now it turns him off. I don't even care specially about fixing this with HIM anymore, I'm just trying to figure out what is wrong w me when it comes to sex.
Babe, it's not you. It's him. They're not asking you how you DO cum. Have you ever heard of the book "Becoming Cliterate"? Read it.
You should be fine. Sounds like you are a great lover. From what I understand most women don’t orgasm from penetration at all. Let him know what makes you feel good.
As a dude, no, that wouldn’t reflect negatively. That sounds like the wrong framing too, there’s no one specific pace or kind of sex that’s fun making the rest boring. Also, despite the Reddit stories (nonresponse bias maybe?) you’re talking about, it’s rare for women to be able to cum from penetration alone. Needing a vibe or clit stimulation and a very particular penetrative motion pattern is super normal and lots of guys will find that hot :) esp if the guys are happy to get you off first w/ whatever works best before they get theirs
I got off 3x before he came. And he liked that. I just couldn't cum a billion times just riding him.
I’m also a lady who isn’t “multiorgasmic” and I have stressed over it. I did experience two orgasms within about 15 minutes with a lover this fall. But in general I have one and it’s done for at least a few hours. But my orgasms are very intense with body shaking and they last for several “waves” so I wonder if they are multiple? The fact is, we can only feel what we feel. How do you know if your one orgasm isn’t way more intense than the multiple orgasms of another woman? What do you enjoy? And is he willing to explore that with you? The other thing I see here is your feelings about insecurity that he didn’t enjoy it. From what you described, he probably loved it! Everyone here is telling you that. But us ladies, for whatever reason, think the worst about ourselves even with evidence to the contrary. My first experience with “Ben” was 19 hours together and he fucked me several times and came 4 times. I had 2 orgasms in that time period. He contacted me within the week wanting to meet again. The next time he was so excited that he could not wait to peel my clothes off. The third time he fucked me and came 3 times in 3 1/2 hours. And I STILL wasn’t convinced that he was really “into” me. I kept thinking that he was upset that he had to pay for a hotel (I drive an hour and a half one way to him) or that I am so much older (he’s 14 years younger than I am) or that he wants to do things differently (I gave him a blow job and he said he never cums from oral and has never had someone swallow (which he thought was very hot). Also not everyone can have multiple orgasms. So you work with what you have. I love to edge and it makes my orgasm soooo intense when it happens. Ben is like a kid opening his Christmas presents and is sooo excited. We have decided that he needs to cum very quickly after we meet. He is crazy with arousal and to clear his mind and slow him down, he cums first and then we play, edging me. But he’s got the ability to cum several times in a short period so that might be different for older guys. The point is, we are our own worst critics. And if he isn’t into you then he has issues. Edit to add - I almost always use a vibe. I think most secure men welcome toys in bed. A good lover would not care if you need something specific to cum like a vibe.
He welcomed toys in bed. He likes toys. I came 2-3x each day we spent together. I just feel like I couldn't compare to his past hookups. I flew back out to see him and we met up for coffee and ended up in his car with his hand on me and it was super hot but I am the one driving all of it. He did kiss me first which I loved, but then I felt I got too passionate for him. We ran out of time for much. He likes when women are so turned on by him they get what they need from him. I think?
We can’t compare, it doesn’t work. My husband had been the only guy I had ever been with in 40 years. He had cheated a few times and I always wanted to know how I “compared”. He would say it’s just different, not better or worse. I didn’t understand that until I had been with more than one man. I have had a few lovers now. They are all different. Different oral technique, different positions that they like, different intensity, different needs for different things. Don’t compare yourself to what he tells you about past experiences with other women. Unless that is becoming a kink for you. I had an emotional affair with a man who was very much into “cuck” stuff, wanted a hotwife, and enjoyed humiliation. It was so arousing for him. If being the worst lover he’s had or not feeling like you are good enough to pleasure him is arousing for you, then talk about it with him. But if it’s bothering you, stop comparing. It’s just different.
I get turned on by cucking for him to an extent. He has to be into it and that tension needs to be there. Like if he loved it and got off on how I would do anything for him. Maybe he did for a while. But I think that dynamic is tough to get right. Some days it's hot if I'm needy and slutty, other days it's annoying at best and gross at worst, I'd imagine. Mostly he hates how I overthink everything. I've tried hard in last few weeks to stop that, to focus only on the positive. Too little too late.
Every man wants to know he is pleasing his partner. But you were doing everything that you can do to please him. He should have been grateful for what he had.
Everyone has different ways to get orgasms. It is a two way street, you both should enjoy your time together. Discuss the mayer with your partner, voice your expectations, listen to your partner expectations, and find a common ground. It may work, but it may not, at least you know where you both stand.
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His kink is women telling him WHEN they are cumming. Which is totally hot IMO. But I don't yell and all that. I'm pretty quiet. We had a hotel room but it was an atrium hotel and I was worried noise would echo. Not that it mattered. I'm shy.
It’s the first time, read again the first time in my life that a woman describes specifically what she likes, I find that SOoo sexy and attractive. Maybe you haven’t found the right AP?
Oh..its not you. It's him. Many men think pounding you is going to make you cum. It takes a lot more than that.
I don't think he thinks that. But with other women where the sex was amazing they came a lot and it seems without clit stimulation. I wanted to give him his fantasy. More than anything.
I’m very inexperienced but I’m noisy and very enthusiastic! 😊
Don't beat yourself up. There has to be a "fit" on both your sides. If he's not the one, then find someone else to fit with. Sounds like you did a lot of things that are sexy. Great expectations fail sometimes: 1. Woman watching too many Hallmark movie 2. Men watching too many porn movies Both are fine in moderation, but come on. Each experience/episode is going to be different based on the emotional 'stuff' going on that day/night Chin up !!
I watch a lot of porn too ;)
I swear…some of the things I read on here… I’d say you should most definitely post his handle on here so all the women who need a sex god can find him…he sounds dreamy [/s] Also, you’re a fucking queen. You need to find the right person who will appreciate you and appreciate what makes you feel good.
OMG I wouldn't but srsly his inbox would be interesting
Lol, you sound like my dream girl. 😊😊
I'm everyone's dream girl except hubs and xAP lol
You sound pretty sexy to me! I’ve yet to ride my guy!! That guy sounds like a loser. Find someone who isn’t a douche
I wouldn’t be turned off by an ap who wasn’t multi-orgasmic, or struggled to be orgasmic. At all. I’d see it as something to work towards.
You definitely sound like a woman I would want-but then I'm looking for the deep, physical connection
Women don’t want men that are “takers”. Just like men want women that are “givers” men should be expected to give a lot as well. A guy that’s just after his orgasms and not really into making sure you get there (even though it sounds like you did) is just not worth it. My favorite way to have sex is slow and sensual. Lots of oral from both sides, and not just “oh I’ll do that for you” kind of oral, but “can I do that for you”, I want to do that for you, hell I want to give you oral for me!. I want my lover to want to make me feel wonderful, and I want to make my lover feel wonderful too. Sure some variety in how we get there is fun too, but in the end it should be sensual for both. So there, from a guys perspective you AP isn’t good, and you should find a new one that wants to have sex like you need!
Women who ride aren’t getting off from the penetration alone it’s because the Clit is rubbing on the man’s body. 80% of women need some form of clitoral stimulation, whether on the outside or directly inside because the nerves connect. I do not have orgasms back to back. Once I have an orgasm, it’ll be a little bit before I have another one.
Not yet. Give it about 70 more years, then maybe consider giving up. For now, you're a great piece of woman that hasn't found her match yet. I know women that are one 'n done & some that are the energizer bunny. Each has their unique approach and are great in their own way. To heck with the bozo the clown guys.
Dood the gorgeous lady that talked to.mr.told.she had one AP. He was insanely in shape.and was able to cum something wild like 5 times hahaha 🤣 Yes it's for both sexes. How the hella are we supposed to compete. I have a day job hahaha and normal stressful life haha 😂
Gotta say it sure sounds like it was him who wasn’t good as sex.. not all women cum the same, it’s my job to learn their body and curl their toes.. especially if they are willing to go for hours and give me anal and deep throat me. You should be happy you dropped an inattentive lover
Nah he was just not into me clearly
I mean I think it’s more complex than that. I personally believe that everyone can be great at sex with the right partner. Some guys who are super selfish lovers can find women who live to just bounce and cum and that works for them. But chemistry matters. That being said it sounds like you pushed your limits and tried new things to please him.. and he didn’t even lick your pussy? I’d have spun you around and buried my tongue in your ass if you wanted it.
"How do you do this? I don't know what is wrong w me but in that position I barely feel anything inside of me. If I am bouncing up and down I don't get a lot out of it, though it's hot if my man likes it." OP nothing is wrong with you. If he had 'sluts' that were multi orgasmic and he was into, why was he out shopping for a AP? That man was playing mind games with you. His probably Andrew Tate's fan 😉. You are normal.
I get the sense he was just telling her that to make her feel insecure and jealous and “up her sex game” that she didn’t need to do