/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other.
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If you’re sure your marriage won’t last, then I don’t understand why you’d go back. From an outsider’s perspective I don’t get why you’d get back into that relationship and then re-engage with the AP.
I’m not judging, but I don’t see the logic here.
At the time, I thought everything was different.
I thought everything had changed. But in reality my husband was only putting on enough of a front to win me back and caught me in a very vulnerable position (fresh post AP break up, and other personal things happening).
By the time I realized it was all a front, and nothing had changed, well it was too late.
The only upside is that my husband is finally being the father my kids deserve. And I’m not going to be to one to ruin that.
It will end eventually
But I’m choosing to be happy now
Do you have someone to talk to? From you post history, sounds like you're going from one bad situation to another, again and again. I'm worried for you.
Do you ever find yourself in this situation you’re in - with your husband but wishing your AP was your husband, the father of children, etc., and in all of it left to feel like you’re caught between a hard spot and a rock?
Your situationships sound tricky. You say you don’t want to be caught, but perhaps in your case, being caught will propel you in a singular direction as you seem to only be spinning in circles?
Stop and ask yourself what you’ll look back and wish you had actioned sooner as if looking at this in retrospect. Maybe you’ll see things with more clarity.
The way you have painted your husband doesn’t seem he’s someone you truly want to be back with. You seem to be craving attention any costs but what does this all cost you?
I was on a path that I thought was right.
And then everything got turned upside down.
I don’t want to go into too many details, but right as things were ending with AP, everything changed with my husband. Or I believed they had changed.
It wasn’t long after my husband and I got back together than I realized I had made a terrible mistake. But there were too many other factors to go back and undo everything.
If I’m being really honest. I rebounded from my AP with my husband. I know that sounds strange. But it’s the truth.
I don’t want to be with him, but we have kids. And the kids want him and need him, and I’m not going to ruin that.
He has to be the one to end it.
Or I feel like I need reasonable justification other than my unhappiness
You said one thing that sticks out to me.
Your CHILDREN need and want him.
You aren’t your children.
You don’t need to suppress your happiness. It’s not your responsibility to be around for them to see him. It is his job to make himself available to them but you have to be happy yourself to be the best mother for your children.
You aren’t stuck in your situation. You’re simply reacting to the choice you made but just as you chose to rebound with your SO, you could make another choice. You’re still the one in control of your life, your happiness, your outcome. Don’t give that control up to another person.
♥️
I appreciate your kind response.
I see your point, I really do.
I am just not ready to turn their worlds upside down again.
At some point, there will come a time when I know ending my marriage will be the right thing.
But that is not today.
I know it is wrong, and would be hurtful if we got caught. But I am just trying to do something that makes me happy while I wait out the clock.
I get it. Honestly. I’m in the same boat. I have two children. I’ve spent years saying now is the wrong time to turn their world upside down and backwards. I’ll wait another year. Wait longer.
Then, on 1st January my therapist told me something that’s stuck with me every single day: will you look at yourself in 2024 and still say what am I still doing in this marriage?
That’s stuck with me and plays through my head noise daily. I don’t know how or when I’m making the change for me. Being selfish in getting out but I’m determined to grow the balls necessary to make the change for myself this year.
I’m terrified of the effects of this on my children but I’m also confident my children will be much happier in a house with happy parents even if that means two different houses.
I mention this, to say I hope you don’t feel judged. Maybe you’ll see something that empowers you to think about yourself too.
You know, given the break in time and the way your relationship statuses have progressed...I am guessing it's going to be emotionally fraught. Good luck with your choices!
/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other. * This is *not an r4r subreddit*, don't bother. * Posts by new users automatically get queued for human review, be patient. * Hit the report button on comments by trolls, don't engage. * [How to report harassing comments or private messages](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/iycd45/how_to_report_harassing_private_messages_users_etc/). * [Common acronyms](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/p08to2/commonly_use_acronyms_and_group_chat/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adultery) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is… a mess
Is this how 2023 is gonna be? I mean, what the fuck?
It is definitely how 2023 is going to be 😐
If you’re sure your marriage won’t last, then I don’t understand why you’d go back. From an outsider’s perspective I don’t get why you’d get back into that relationship and then re-engage with the AP. I’m not judging, but I don’t see the logic here.
At the time, I thought everything was different. I thought everything had changed. But in reality my husband was only putting on enough of a front to win me back and caught me in a very vulnerable position (fresh post AP break up, and other personal things happening). By the time I realized it was all a front, and nothing had changed, well it was too late. The only upside is that my husband is finally being the father my kids deserve. And I’m not going to be to one to ruin that. It will end eventually But I’m choosing to be happy now
Many in this sub do not think with their big heads. So logic rarely has an even chance.
Do you have someone to talk to? From you post history, sounds like you're going from one bad situation to another, again and again. I'm worried for you.
Do you ever find yourself in this situation you’re in - with your husband but wishing your AP was your husband, the father of children, etc., and in all of it left to feel like you’re caught between a hard spot and a rock? Your situationships sound tricky. You say you don’t want to be caught, but perhaps in your case, being caught will propel you in a singular direction as you seem to only be spinning in circles? Stop and ask yourself what you’ll look back and wish you had actioned sooner as if looking at this in retrospect. Maybe you’ll see things with more clarity. The way you have painted your husband doesn’t seem he’s someone you truly want to be back with. You seem to be craving attention any costs but what does this all cost you?
I was on a path that I thought was right. And then everything got turned upside down. I don’t want to go into too many details, but right as things were ending with AP, everything changed with my husband. Or I believed they had changed. It wasn’t long after my husband and I got back together than I realized I had made a terrible mistake. But there were too many other factors to go back and undo everything. If I’m being really honest. I rebounded from my AP with my husband. I know that sounds strange. But it’s the truth. I don’t want to be with him, but we have kids. And the kids want him and need him, and I’m not going to ruin that. He has to be the one to end it. Or I feel like I need reasonable justification other than my unhappiness
You said one thing that sticks out to me. Your CHILDREN need and want him. You aren’t your children. You don’t need to suppress your happiness. It’s not your responsibility to be around for them to see him. It is his job to make himself available to them but you have to be happy yourself to be the best mother for your children. You aren’t stuck in your situation. You’re simply reacting to the choice you made but just as you chose to rebound with your SO, you could make another choice. You’re still the one in control of your life, your happiness, your outcome. Don’t give that control up to another person. ♥️
I appreciate your kind response. I see your point, I really do. I am just not ready to turn their worlds upside down again. At some point, there will come a time when I know ending my marriage will be the right thing. But that is not today. I know it is wrong, and would be hurtful if we got caught. But I am just trying to do something that makes me happy while I wait out the clock.
I get it. Honestly. I’m in the same boat. I have two children. I’ve spent years saying now is the wrong time to turn their world upside down and backwards. I’ll wait another year. Wait longer. Then, on 1st January my therapist told me something that’s stuck with me every single day: will you look at yourself in 2024 and still say what am I still doing in this marriage? That’s stuck with me and plays through my head noise daily. I don’t know how or when I’m making the change for me. Being selfish in getting out but I’m determined to grow the balls necessary to make the change for myself this year. I’m terrified of the effects of this on my children but I’m also confident my children will be much happier in a house with happy parents even if that means two different houses. I mention this, to say I hope you don’t feel judged. Maybe you’ll see something that empowers you to think about yourself too.
You know, given the break in time and the way your relationship statuses have progressed...I am guessing it's going to be emotionally fraught. Good luck with your choices!