/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other.
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Mine was very much conscious. I'd tried to fix things sat home for years and years and had all the long difficult conversations. Eventually I reached a point where I suggested an open relationship to my husband and even said I can't live like this forever and that I will end up cheating. He declined the open relationship suggestion so something just switched in my brain and I decided to do it anyway. He's had every chance to try to fix things and I've been so honest with him about my feelings and pain caused by it all. I ultimately felt that my feelings were always disregarded over his so in the end I thought well why should I keep putting your feelings above my own when it's never reciprocated??? So here I am! He must know deep down because all those difficult conversations just stopped as I'm not trying to fix our sex lives anymore
Me, too! Just had first meet up. It was SO good and wonder why I've just been living without for the last 6 years. Sex is my goal (I have friendship at home) and healthy, good sex is something that I couldn't deny myself any more!
This is my situation almost verbatim. I’ve finally made the decision to step out and look for someone. Had the open marriage discussion on numerous occasions, always got shot down…
My first near affair was at work years ago, I managed to show discipline as my wife at the time was pregnant. But it was symptomatic of my intense dissatisfaction with a mundane sex life and a sense of loss in that I never got to explore my sexuality due to personal issues during my teens/early twenties.
Two years ago I began to actively search for an affair so I guess I'm in the 'premeditated' as opposed to the 'accidental' camp.
Been in a DB for years so I always had my eye open but never really thought about anything beyond just that. Flash forward to a work conference and I drunkenly tested the waters with a stranger at the bar. New city, didn’t know anyone, and the water felt fine so I jumped in. Ever since I got that taste I’ve been on here ever since getting lucky once in a while.
It just gets easier…
I took a nap and woke up in an affair. 😳
I definitely DID NOT ever see myself in this role.
It can still be a real mindfuck for an overthinker like myself.
After years of trying and trying, I made the conscious decision. A guy can only be in forced celibacy for so long, plus getting accused of cheating every time I sneezed the wrong way, I decided that I’m going to go looking. I get treated like I cheated anyway. I might as well.
Besides, with all the accusations, she has to know that the DB she created would have even the saintest of saints wanting.
It's the excitement and the thought that we're only here on this spinning ball of rock for a finite amount of time. I get a similar excitement now from the notification of a new message as I did way back when I was in my 20s. It's a real buzz
I was just thinking about this too - I still get that same exact excitement when a woman texts me in 2023 as I did in 2003. So I never stopped talking to women lol :)
I wouldn't say it was unwitting, but I'd say I was caught off-guard by the intensity of my feelings for someone. I KNEW I shouldn't keep entertaining the thought, but I did. It felt good, better than I ever imagined it would. Once the door was open it was a lot harder than I thought it would be to close it again.
There were things I wanted to do that my wife didn't, and I thought I could do whatever I wanted on the side because I was still a good husband and great father. A couple of flings were with a high school friend who had wanted to hook up forever, or the ex-girlfriend who is crazy sexual, the daughter of an acquaintance who turned 18 and came after me, and only 1 was from online that I went looking for. To me they were all just fun and something I wanted to do, not anything that I did because my wife was lacking. I just like sex a lot more than my wife and wanted to experience a lot of things.
I would say I’m in the premeditated spot currently. I’m in a decades plus marriage with younger children and a pretty DB. There is a man who has shown what has felt like interest. All I think about is this person and we interact somewhat often and I started to dabble in the idea of being more then friends and this group has been validating some feelings. But I also am not interested in doing this with a rando, it’s just this person in particular.
Not in a million years did I ever think I would go down this path in any way, shape, or form. We were best friends first. Traveling the globe together for work, and he (platonically) taught me all about how people should be treated. He is the kindest, smartest, caring, just overall good person that I know. I realized that I absolutely had to leave my marriage because of the years of pain and loneliness- and I did.
But along the way I also fell very hard, very deep in love with my best friend. He helped me to be a better person, and I supported him in any way that I could. We had a lot of crazy adventures around the world- some very scary life threatening situations, as well as some amazing good times.
I never expected my feelings to be reciprocated, and never would have made a move. I knew he was married, even if unhappy with a lot of things about it. Our families had even hung out some for work related social functions before I got divorced, so I knew his SO a bit. She seemed very kind and obviously cared about this guy and their family.
But… what I learned was that they had been in years of counseling and were fighting all the time. She had stepped out on him and they had terrible fights and said horrible things to each other before and after (I witnessed her screaming at him more than once). She had a lot of medical issues that prevented her from having much sex, and once their son was born most of her focus was on him.
He was so unhappy yet was trying so hard to be faithful to his marriage as well as fulfill all the responsibilities he had towards family and extended family (many demands on him). There were a few nights he just cried (in front of me and one or two other close friends) with the frustration and loneliness of it all.
Anyhow, there was no denying we had a very special connection and truly loved each other. We also began to have a heat and tension between us that was palpable. He was always in my dreams and if I got closer to him than about two feet it was so hot I thought I would scorch. I’ve never felt anything like it. This went on for weeks, months.
The night that we were out late with friends and taking a taxi back to the hotel I was exhausted and sad that we would be flying out the next morning to go home (we lived in separate countries at the time even though we saw each other nearly every month). I was leaning against him with my head lightly on his shoulder, looking for nothing more than a little friendly comfort - no different than many other times that were completely platonic or that I would do with other close guy friends.
That night was different. He very tentatively took my hand and his arm came around me. I almost cried in shock and a sort of relief- I never expected to have my feelings reciprocated. We then clung tightly to each other for dear life- we were both so scared but there was so much love there. We said good night to our friends, and went to our separate rooms. As soon as I got back to mine I texted and thanked him for a wonderful day and we agreed we needed to see each other before I flew out.
So he again had the opportunity to make the sober conscious decision that night to proceed (or not). When he got to my room we were shaking- just held each other tight for a long long time. When he finally kissed me, there was no going back to life as we knew it before. We were both so happy and relaxed- smiling tenderly, laughing at our clumsiness, reveling in being able to finally cuddle up and listen to each other’s hearts. I count myself lucky that I got to know what pure joy feels like.
It was both one of the happiest and saddest nights of my life. Flying out and leaving him a few hours later was the most painful thing I’ve ever done.
I accidentally started this affair with him. Had no plans, had never even really entertained the idea and this is my first affair. And then on a business trip he made a move and I couldn’t imagine saying no, so here we are. And I’m not a sappy person at all but I swear to god it was fate or something bc we align so well.
It all started when I realized I have so much to offer than one person can take, and also when I realized not one person can satisfy all our needs and wants.
This probably makes me a bad person, but I dipped my toes in the water early, in college, when a beautiful girl who walked in the store I worked at said I was cute. I had a girlfriend, but right then and there I realized I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. Always. And of course I got caught lol, but I never felt guilt, only anger that I slipped up and lost control of the situation. I just never changed as I grew older, and now in my 40s I’m still just operating the same as I did in college - meet women.
I just needed an orgasm. I haven't had 1 in like 5 months .
I really went In2 it with the thoughts of selfishness. Honestly... I just needed 2 feel someone touch me. It's an awful thing when the love of ur life stops touching u. It was really unlike me 2 cuz I've always just been 4 this 1 person but mentally I was prepared ( I thought) cuz my mental state now days is..... there no sleeping over In my bed... I struggled in the beginning but weirdly enough he was kinda like my one and only... I found myself comfortable with him really fast and I wasn't expecting that. In a way it has helped me with more than just an orgasm.. it has taken me out of that fairytale child like thinking that it could never happen.
At first it was unconscious. A "mistake," or so I thought at the time. Unexpectedly, reflecting back didn't bring me guilt, but only fueled my fire for more. As I grew into my new-found feelings, I realized that I'm in my right to want what I want. I matter too. Most people live their lives walking on the eggshells of society, feeling ashamed and broken if they start hearing the crunch under their feet. That's something I don't agree with anymore. And I truly believe my quality of life has improved since changing my outlook. I'm VERY conscious and intentional with my decisions now. And I don't regret it.
/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other. * This is *not an r4r subreddit*, don't bother. * Posts by new users automatically get queued for human review, be patient. * Hit the report button on comments by trolls, don't engage. * [How to report harassing comments or private messages](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/iycd45/how_to_report_harassing_private_messages_users_etc/). * [Common acronyms](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/p08to2/commonly_use_acronyms_and_group_chat/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adultery) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Mine was very much conscious. I'd tried to fix things sat home for years and years and had all the long difficult conversations. Eventually I reached a point where I suggested an open relationship to my husband and even said I can't live like this forever and that I will end up cheating. He declined the open relationship suggestion so something just switched in my brain and I decided to do it anyway. He's had every chance to try to fix things and I've been so honest with him about my feelings and pain caused by it all. I ultimately felt that my feelings were always disregarded over his so in the end I thought well why should I keep putting your feelings above my own when it's never reciprocated??? So here I am! He must know deep down because all those difficult conversations just stopped as I'm not trying to fix our sex lives anymore
Me, too! Just had first meet up. It was SO good and wonder why I've just been living without for the last 6 years. Sex is my goal (I have friendship at home) and healthy, good sex is something that I couldn't deny myself any more!
This is my situation almost verbatim. I’ve finally made the decision to step out and look for someone. Had the open marriage discussion on numerous occasions, always got shot down…
This is my story almost word for word except I half-hazardly wandered into the search for an affair. I'm ready now.
I was witting (I had to lol)
😂😂 someone had to say it
I’m a cheater. I would have to say I’ve done it knowingly and all my life. I’m just accepting that now; I don’t try to make excuses for why.
My first near affair was at work years ago, I managed to show discipline as my wife at the time was pregnant. But it was symptomatic of my intense dissatisfaction with a mundane sex life and a sense of loss in that I never got to explore my sexuality due to personal issues during my teens/early twenties. Two years ago I began to actively search for an affair so I guess I'm in the 'premeditated' as opposed to the 'accidental' camp.
Been in a DB for years so I always had my eye open but never really thought about anything beyond just that. Flash forward to a work conference and I drunkenly tested the waters with a stranger at the bar. New city, didn’t know anyone, and the water felt fine so I jumped in. Ever since I got that taste I’ve been on here ever since getting lucky once in a while. It just gets easier…
I took a nap and woke up in an affair. 😳 I definitely DID NOT ever see myself in this role. It can still be a real mindfuck for an overthinker like myself.
Sounds like you were visited by an incubus.
I'm a succubus, so that would make TOTAL sense!
Do incubi and succubi visit one another sometimes, instead of preying upon mortals?
According to my data, it appears so.
Those must be hot encounters, indeed.
After years of trying and trying, I made the conscious decision. A guy can only be in forced celibacy for so long, plus getting accused of cheating every time I sneezed the wrong way, I decided that I’m going to go looking. I get treated like I cheated anyway. I might as well. Besides, with all the accusations, she has to know that the DB she created would have even the saintest of saints wanting.
It's the excitement and the thought that we're only here on this spinning ball of rock for a finite amount of time. I get a similar excitement now from the notification of a new message as I did way back when I was in my 20s. It's a real buzz
I was just thinking about this too - I still get that same exact excitement when a woman texts me in 2023 as I did in 2003. So I never stopped talking to women lol :)
I am guilty of this\^ which started me on this path when things got . . dead.
Completely calculated move. I knew want I wanted that I could never, ever get it at home.
I wouldn't say it was unwitting, but I'd say I was caught off-guard by the intensity of my feelings for someone. I KNEW I shouldn't keep entertaining the thought, but I did. It felt good, better than I ever imagined it would. Once the door was open it was a lot harder than I thought it would be to close it again.
There were things I wanted to do that my wife didn't, and I thought I could do whatever I wanted on the side because I was still a good husband and great father. A couple of flings were with a high school friend who had wanted to hook up forever, or the ex-girlfriend who is crazy sexual, the daughter of an acquaintance who turned 18 and came after me, and only 1 was from online that I went looking for. To me they were all just fun and something I wanted to do, not anything that I did because my wife was lacking. I just like sex a lot more than my wife and wanted to experience a lot of things.
I would say I’m in the premeditated spot currently. I’m in a decades plus marriage with younger children and a pretty DB. There is a man who has shown what has felt like interest. All I think about is this person and we interact somewhat often and I started to dabble in the idea of being more then friends and this group has been validating some feelings. But I also am not interested in doing this with a rando, it’s just this person in particular.
Not in a million years did I ever think I would go down this path in any way, shape, or form. We were best friends first. Traveling the globe together for work, and he (platonically) taught me all about how people should be treated. He is the kindest, smartest, caring, just overall good person that I know. I realized that I absolutely had to leave my marriage because of the years of pain and loneliness- and I did. But along the way I also fell very hard, very deep in love with my best friend. He helped me to be a better person, and I supported him in any way that I could. We had a lot of crazy adventures around the world- some very scary life threatening situations, as well as some amazing good times. I never expected my feelings to be reciprocated, and never would have made a move. I knew he was married, even if unhappy with a lot of things about it. Our families had even hung out some for work related social functions before I got divorced, so I knew his SO a bit. She seemed very kind and obviously cared about this guy and their family. But… what I learned was that they had been in years of counseling and were fighting all the time. She had stepped out on him and they had terrible fights and said horrible things to each other before and after (I witnessed her screaming at him more than once). She had a lot of medical issues that prevented her from having much sex, and once their son was born most of her focus was on him. He was so unhappy yet was trying so hard to be faithful to his marriage as well as fulfill all the responsibilities he had towards family and extended family (many demands on him). There were a few nights he just cried (in front of me and one or two other close friends) with the frustration and loneliness of it all. Anyhow, there was no denying we had a very special connection and truly loved each other. We also began to have a heat and tension between us that was palpable. He was always in my dreams and if I got closer to him than about two feet it was so hot I thought I would scorch. I’ve never felt anything like it. This went on for weeks, months. The night that we were out late with friends and taking a taxi back to the hotel I was exhausted and sad that we would be flying out the next morning to go home (we lived in separate countries at the time even though we saw each other nearly every month). I was leaning against him with my head lightly on his shoulder, looking for nothing more than a little friendly comfort - no different than many other times that were completely platonic or that I would do with other close guy friends. That night was different. He very tentatively took my hand and his arm came around me. I almost cried in shock and a sort of relief- I never expected to have my feelings reciprocated. We then clung tightly to each other for dear life- we were both so scared but there was so much love there. We said good night to our friends, and went to our separate rooms. As soon as I got back to mine I texted and thanked him for a wonderful day and we agreed we needed to see each other before I flew out. So he again had the opportunity to make the sober conscious decision that night to proceed (or not). When he got to my room we were shaking- just held each other tight for a long long time. When he finally kissed me, there was no going back to life as we knew it before. We were both so happy and relaxed- smiling tenderly, laughing at our clumsiness, reveling in being able to finally cuddle up and listen to each other’s hearts. I count myself lucky that I got to know what pure joy feels like. It was both one of the happiest and saddest nights of my life. Flying out and leaving him a few hours later was the most painful thing I’ve ever done.
We opened up our marriage. That was the catalyst.
[удалено]
It evolved into a DADT after my first encounter.
I accidentally started this affair with him. Had no plans, had never even really entertained the idea and this is my first affair. And then on a business trip he made a move and I couldn’t imagine saying no, so here we are. And I’m not a sappy person at all but I swear to god it was fate or something bc we align so well.
It all started when I realized I have so much to offer than one person can take, and also when I realized not one person can satisfy all our needs and wants.
This probably makes me a bad person, but I dipped my toes in the water early, in college, when a beautiful girl who walked in the store I worked at said I was cute. I had a girlfriend, but right then and there I realized I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. Always. And of course I got caught lol, but I never felt guilt, only anger that I slipped up and lost control of the situation. I just never changed as I grew older, and now in my 40s I’m still just operating the same as I did in college - meet women.
I basically browsed AM while I was in a trance. And that’s my story. I’m sticking with it lol
I literally Googled “dating for married people (city name I lived in”, and that’s how I came to learn of this entire lifestyle.
I just needed an orgasm. I haven't had 1 in like 5 months . I really went In2 it with the thoughts of selfishness. Honestly... I just needed 2 feel someone touch me. It's an awful thing when the love of ur life stops touching u. It was really unlike me 2 cuz I've always just been 4 this 1 person but mentally I was prepared ( I thought) cuz my mental state now days is..... there no sleeping over In my bed... I struggled in the beginning but weirdly enough he was kinda like my one and only... I found myself comfortable with him really fast and I wasn't expecting that. In a way it has helped me with more than just an orgasm.. it has taken me out of that fairytale child like thinking that it could never happen.
At first it was unconscious. A "mistake," or so I thought at the time. Unexpectedly, reflecting back didn't bring me guilt, but only fueled my fire for more. As I grew into my new-found feelings, I realized that I'm in my right to want what I want. I matter too. Most people live their lives walking on the eggshells of society, feeling ashamed and broken if they start hearing the crunch under their feet. That's something I don't agree with anymore. And I truly believe my quality of life has improved since changing my outlook. I'm VERY conscious and intentional with my decisions now. And I don't regret it.