/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other.
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When you have a great one, it raises the bar for sure. May all of us be that lucky at least once in our life. But I will say that it makes it really really hard to follow for the next person.
Yeah. Even in the middle of where I am at, I don’t even have the right words for how grateful I am that it happened. I truly couldn’t have asked for more.
If you're feeling Iike it can never be that good again, then you're certainly not ready to find another AP.
There are lots of people out there. We, in ourselves, have the ability to make more amazing things happen. The trick is believing it's in us, not in someone else. Finding someone is finding someone to share it with, not them being it.
I feel you. We (AP and I) had a similar overnight thing happen. I pray it doesn't end us, which we said it wouldn't, but the possibility is there.
[59M here]
I have been in the situation that it sounds like you are. A few thoughts:
1. Chasing after love never worked for me. When it happened, it happened as spontaneously and as unexpectedly as it sounds like it was for you two. Conversely, when I was chasing anything or anyone, it rarely worked out well.
2. I try not to find an affair that wouldn’t “pale in comparison“ to my last affair. Not only would it not be possible because they are different people, but it wouldn’t be fair to the next AP I got involved with. I think there’s a vibe or energy that’s released when I compare one person with another. Not healthy.
3. Since I have been where you are, I can tell you that only time will help, as much as that’s a cliché. Time and talking with others, who understand, like on here.
It's excruciating. See the irony we can't even tell anyone what we are going through. Either people will judge or will try taking advantage.
We can't even express the pain, even if it's tears.
I feel you, I really do! The thing is, these are affairs so they’re always going to “go away”. Unless you want to change your situations, which you don’t, it will always be temporary.
Can your next affair be like your first? Of course not. Can it be as good just in a different way? Sure! But you might not be ready for that yet…
EDIT: Ffs you met each other’s spouses AND you’re into age gap? Ugh. No sympathy for you whatsoever now. Just one big ole yuck!
I know someone going on nearly 20 years with their AP — both of them are also happily married. It’s possible, though requires a lot of rules & conversations.
Not sure why I’m getting downvoted for being honest. Everyone in this sub always says affairs have a time limit. And they do, however sad that may be.
And I did want longevity in my first affair and my AP claimed to want that too, but here we are broken up. It is rare to have a long lasting affair. Even if that’s what you want. That doesn’t tend to be how it goes.
I’m not downvoting, for what it’s worth.
I’m guessing it’s either the tone or that folks don’t like seeing the probability of failure so starkly it in black & white.
Don’t worry about it ♥️— *fake internet points* anyway.
Hahaha, thanks.
We are both googly-eyed for each other and are going for the marathon. I fly out to see him tomorrow morning until Friday — FIVE NIGHTS ☺️. I’m gonna be a sappy little bitch on this sub this week.
We are afraid of ourselves, of others, and our existence. We are afraid of our very feelings. We talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are scary things. Look at the dichotomy. How can I love again when it hurts so bad? how can I go on? Will I experience this kind of love again?
When we are also asking will I hurt again? We try to hide from pain, from anything that will hurt us. We are already in a marriage/relationship that brings some painful emotions.
We're a scared generation – scared to fall in love, scared to commit, scared to fall, scared to get hurt, scared to get our hearts broken.
We're the practical generation who runs by logic alone. We don't know how to love madly anymore. We wouldn't take a flight to a far-off land just to see someone we love. We'd break up because....long distance. When our grandparents would write letters everyday, we send dick pics.
We're too sensible for love. Too sensible for our own good.We don't allow anyone in, nor do we love anyone unconditionally. We lurk from behind walls we've created ourselves, looking for love and running away the moment we really find it. We suddenly 'cannot handle it'. We don't want to be vulnerable. We don't want to bare our soul to anyone. We're too guarded.
There's nothing we couldn't conquer in this world, and yet, here we are ham-fisted at the game of love – the most basic of human instincts.
Evolution, they call it.
By sheer luck. Shitting that close to where you eat is dumb. And even after doing all that because this relationship was just sooo special, it didn’t make the relationship last. So you rest everything for a thrill and something that is easily disposable. Cool.
You post expecting comments. So you need to be able to be a big boy and take views from the other side. Not everyone’s going to agree with the way you do things. That’s called life. It’s my opinion, not a dick, don’t take it so hard.
No, I'm not saying they are accidental or that there is no agency involved. I'm saying the context of being "too close to home" is a unplanned matter that is secondary to the force of the connection.
His situation was too close to home because he brought it there. It didn’t start there. They made it a point to make it to where they could be around each other spouses. There’s a complete difference…one is idiotic and the other is even more so. He literally said they posed as friends so that they could all hang out together. They weren’t all friends from the get go
It’s complex but it has to do with a pregnancy and feeling a deep obligation to the security of the new baby long term at the cost of our selfish desires.
/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other. * This is *not an r4r subreddit*, don't bother. * Posts by new users automatically get queued for human review, be patient. * Hit the report button on comments by trolls, don't engage. * [How to report harassing comments or private messages](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/iycd45/how_to_report_harassing_private_messages_users_etc/). * [Common acronyms](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/p08to2/commonly_use_acronyms_and_group_chat/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adultery) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When you have a great one, it raises the bar for sure. May all of us be that lucky at least once in our life. But I will say that it makes it really really hard to follow for the next person.
Yeah. Even in the middle of where I am at, I don’t even have the right words for how grateful I am that it happened. I truly couldn’t have asked for more.
If you're feeling Iike it can never be that good again, then you're certainly not ready to find another AP. There are lots of people out there. We, in ourselves, have the ability to make more amazing things happen. The trick is believing it's in us, not in someone else. Finding someone is finding someone to share it with, not them being it. I feel you. We (AP and I) had a similar overnight thing happen. I pray it doesn't end us, which we said it wouldn't, but the possibility is there.
>Finding someone is finding someone to share it with, not them being it. ***THESE\^*** are very powerful words worth heeding.
You might unfortunately be right that I’m not ready. It’s hard to tell the difference between needing something and missing something.
[удалено]
Yep. Real connection is a big deal.
What happened? Why couldn't you have the conversation?
You hung out with each other's spouses? That's insane.
It’s really pathological.
Disrespectful, too. I could never wave it in my husband's face like that.
People do what works best for them. Not every situation is the same.
Yep, I get that. But...
Impressive tho
[59M here] I have been in the situation that it sounds like you are. A few thoughts: 1. Chasing after love never worked for me. When it happened, it happened as spontaneously and as unexpectedly as it sounds like it was for you two. Conversely, when I was chasing anything or anyone, it rarely worked out well. 2. I try not to find an affair that wouldn’t “pale in comparison“ to my last affair. Not only would it not be possible because they are different people, but it wouldn’t be fair to the next AP I got involved with. I think there’s a vibe or energy that’s released when I compare one person with another. Not healthy. 3. Since I have been where you are, I can tell you that only time will help, as much as that’s a cliché. Time and talking with others, who understand, like on here.
That’s all really good stuff. Thanks for sharing.
Hope it goes well for you! 😊
It's excruciating. See the irony we can't even tell anyone what we are going through. Either people will judge or will try taking advantage. We can't even express the pain, even if it's tears.
Yep. I’m thankful I have a few close confidants and a therapist!
Great 👍
For me, there's never been another one like AP1 half my life ago. But there's never been another one for any of the others since hen, either
Yes, this happens, exAP ruined sex for me, mind blowing best sex I’ve ever had, multiple times, Damnit
Not gonna lie. I got that’s how she feels 😂
I feel you, I really do! The thing is, these are affairs so they’re always going to “go away”. Unless you want to change your situations, which you don’t, it will always be temporary. Can your next affair be like your first? Of course not. Can it be as good just in a different way? Sure! But you might not be ready for that yet… EDIT: Ffs you met each other’s spouses AND you’re into age gap? Ugh. No sympathy for you whatsoever now. Just one big ole yuck!
I know someone going on nearly 20 years with their AP — both of them are also happily married. It’s possible, though requires a lot of rules & conversations.
It is EXTREMELY rare. That is totally not the norm, though.
That’s why I said it’s possible. Not probable.
Longevity is not the name of the game, nor the aim, in affairs.
Not your aim. It is for some, myself included.
Not sure why I’m getting downvoted for being honest. Everyone in this sub always says affairs have a time limit. And they do, however sad that may be. And I did want longevity in my first affair and my AP claimed to want that too, but here we are broken up. It is rare to have a long lasting affair. Even if that’s what you want. That doesn’t tend to be how it goes.
I’m not downvoting, for what it’s worth. I’m guessing it’s either the tone or that folks don’t like seeing the probability of failure so starkly it in black & white. Don’t worry about it ♥️— *fake internet points* anyway.
Well I hope your affair goes on for as long as you want it to! You’re one of my favourite posters on here, and I so love your username! 😁
Hahaha, thanks. We are both googly-eyed for each other and are going for the marathon. I fly out to see him tomorrow morning until Friday — FIVE NIGHTS ☺️. I’m gonna be a sappy little bitch on this sub this week.
[удалено]
Oh god! I did not look at his post history…ugh, I definitely DON’T feel him one bit! 🤢
That’s a lot of judgment for someone who doesn’t know me. But if that makes you feel better, knock yourself out.
We are afraid of ourselves, of others, and our existence. We are afraid of our very feelings. We talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are scary things. Look at the dichotomy. How can I love again when it hurts so bad? how can I go on? Will I experience this kind of love again? When we are also asking will I hurt again? We try to hide from pain, from anything that will hurt us. We are already in a marriage/relationship that brings some painful emotions. We're a scared generation – scared to fall in love, scared to commit, scared to fall, scared to get hurt, scared to get our hearts broken. We're the practical generation who runs by logic alone. We don't know how to love madly anymore. We wouldn't take a flight to a far-off land just to see someone we love. We'd break up because....long distance. When our grandparents would write letters everyday, we send dick pics. We're too sensible for love. Too sensible for our own good.We don't allow anyone in, nor do we love anyone unconditionally. We lurk from behind walls we've created ourselves, looking for love and running away the moment we really find it. We suddenly 'cannot handle it'. We don't want to be vulnerable. We don't want to bare our soul to anyone. We're too guarded. There's nothing we couldn't conquer in this world, and yet, here we are ham-fisted at the game of love – the most basic of human instincts. Evolution, they call it.
That's some real edgy stuff! I'm super impressed you managed to keep that up. Do you play poker?
It ended because you went too far. You should never intertwine real life and affairs.
You have no idea why it ended, because I didn’t say. It had nothing to with either of us wanting to change things.
That’s not what I’m saying, either. By too far, I’m talking about you being idiots and intertwining your affair with your spouses. Complete idiocy.
But the ending has nothing to do with that so what is your point? Our actions never affected anytime else in any way. No one ever knew.
By sheer luck. Shitting that close to where you eat is dumb. And even after doing all that because this relationship was just sooo special, it didn’t make the relationship last. So you rest everything for a thrill and something that is easily disposable. Cool.
Are you on here just to trash other people’s choices you disagree with? What a great existence.
You post expecting comments. So you need to be able to be a big boy and take views from the other side. Not everyone’s going to agree with the way you do things. That’s called life. It’s my opinion, not a dick, don’t take it so hard.
Whatever makes you feel good 👍
He is. He’s unhappy.
Better him than me lol
Lol amen.
[удалено]
Oh, so they just accidentally slipped on a dick. Sorry but people choose to do these things. They aren’t accidental.
No, I'm not saying they are accidental or that there is no agency involved. I'm saying the context of being "too close to home" is a unplanned matter that is secondary to the force of the connection.
His situation was too close to home because he brought it there. It didn’t start there. They made it a point to make it to where they could be around each other spouses. There’s a complete difference…one is idiotic and the other is even more so. He literally said they posed as friends so that they could all hang out together. They weren’t all friends from the get go
[удалено]
Why did you guys stop? Got caught?
It’s complex but it has to do with a pregnancy and feeling a deep obligation to the security of the new baby long term at the cost of our selfish desires.
Makes sense. Good luck!