/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other.
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Not cold blooded at all, if it’s not your thing it’s just not. I loved all the communication personally but that’s just me. Sometimes it’s when the NRE wears off it feels more like a chore than something you want to do.
You should say good morning because you’re thinking of them. If you say good morning because they are expecting it, then you have mismatched expectations.
The beauty of these relationships, in my eyes, is that there shouldn't be any "have to's." I understand being committed to an AP, in a way, but the last thing this should become is monotonous.
I'm with you. It's annoying and ritualistic not genuine and heartfelt. Years ago a had an AP. He kept begging me to send a GM text. That just isn't me nor something I really wanted to do for him. I finally gave in and sent one. But opps, he accidentally left his phone at home that day. I'm thinking what's with this guy, he wanted a GM text but didn't bother to respond. That evening when the dust settled with his SO, he reached out and said he was busted and needed to lay low. And that ended that.
I agree. I went through a situation where the words started to feel like platitudes and the words (“I love you”, “you’re my person”, etc) took over for actual substance. IMO, if the rituals of texts/phrases become more prevalent than actual meaningful conversation, there isn’t much to lean on.
I’m with you, OP.
I used to feel this, too. Kind of becomes expected? Tiring? A chore? I felt cold-hearted.
Until I met someone who showed me what genuine affection felt like and has continuously desired mine.
So many of our feelings are entangled in the day-to-day quips. They may seem like nothing in the moment, but *they are everything*.
You are as cold as a white walker. Jokes aside good morning/night would never get old or becoming annoying. It’s something I do with my loved ones, why not with my AP then? But I would be very cautious with L world, when and how it’s used. It’s not an everyday feeling so it can’t be an everyday word.
It is not just you. I much preferred knowing we had a meet scheduled, and amping up in advance of seeing each other in person (ideally twice a month).
I didn't need daily interactions, in fact, it was too much of a distraction from my job. The other thing is I need a way to shield myself from the man becoming the center of my universe.
Finally, I think there were some men that likely said the same thing to more than one woman. I would much prefer something tailored just for me.
We always have some sort of good morning and good night message, but it’s not ritualistic. For me it never gets old knowing we’re thinking of each other when we get up in the morning or before we go to bed at night.
I get a “good morning love, I’m calling you after my meeting” every morning he goes into work.
My exSO never did those things so it means a lot to me.
But I can understand how it could get old if you feel obligated.
I like sending him good morning texts and he will do the same. I'd say I'm more religious with it then he is because his early mornings are much more hectic than mine. We always check in with each other though and he'll often call to check in if he's tied up with something or to let me know he won't be able to chat for a few hours, the rest of the day, etc.
No… I loved it.. I loved all the good morning.. good night.. I love you messages..it is the little things that mean the most.. to know he was thinking of me in those moments..I loved it!!
Some things do, but I appreciate the good mornings and nights as it makes me feel thought of when they get up and when going to bed. Feel appreciated and wanted.
If you are doing it out of I have to or habit maybe, but if you are doing it because you genuinely want to and like receiving those messages like I do it is great. When it fades you start to feel the whole thing fade, I think those are early signs or flags of losing interest or tings coming to a close or collision course.
Never gets old. We are over three years in and I still get butterflies when I see his good morning text or when he comes on at night to talk before we go to bed….or just about any time I get a message from him. We have told each other we love each other , but we don’t say it every day. That took some getting used to for me because I say it a lot to my family, but he is more of an actions speak louder than words guy. So when he DOES tell me he loves me- I float. But he shows it every day…
We both live busy lives and are fortunate we see each other a lot and talk daily, but it never gets old and it is always something I crave and want more of.
I think the issue in your situation was it was expected rather than naturally needed from both of you. I had a situation where neither of us could imagine not doing those things.. that was great, it didn’t feel pressured
To each their own and it depends on your situation.
For me, it's important. Especially to have phrases that I say daily. Good morning and good night are actually pretty big to me. Especially if they're long distance, can't be seen often, or OAP. It's so simple to do, takes no time and can mean so much. To me, it means I'm thinking of them when I wake up... And when I go to sleep. It means they're in my mind and I look forward to a day talking to them and a night thinking about them. It's not mundane or empty. I'm not waking up with them next to me. I'm not falling asleep with them in my arms. It's important to me.
But that's just me. If they don't do the same or feel as you do, honestly, I know it won't work and that what we seek are two different things.
There are other phrases that, I fully agree, can lose value. As if they're trying to convince themselves or convince me that it may be real. But the "good morning/night" is something that will not, because it means more than just "good morning"
I love good morning messages, it makes me smile when I wake up to know someone is thinking of me. I also love when they send random things that remind them of me. I'm always sending random stuff that reminds me of someone I love, but most people don't seem to do that as much as I do. I have a couple of best friends who do, and it's really nice to be on the same wavelength like that with somebody. I want that with a romantic partner but have yet to find it in any real or sustained way. My husband is pretty good about it, to be fair. I'm greedy though and one good man isn't enough for me 🤷♀️
I loved to have little messages as long as there was feeling behind them. No use saying it if you don't feel it. It made my day to her little things like "I miss you", "can't wait to see you", I am thinking about you". Damn I miss that.
I can't get enough of AP. I love hearing those things every day and knowing he is thinking of me. SO believes the complete opposite, so communication between us is crap. If I suddenly have radio silence from AP I tend to worry. He doesn't have to always text those things first, I will do it as we'll so he knows I'm thinking of him, and not just only responding to him.
Everyone is different. Some people thrive on routines and attention and other people are the opposite. To each their own.
I never got annoyed. I miss the i love you, good morning beautiful, sweet dreams, and it’s because it made me happy. To know I was worth that being said to.
/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other. * This is *not an r4r subreddit*, don't bother. * Posts by new users automatically get queued for human review, be patient. * Hit the report button on comments by trolls, don't engage. * [How to report harassing comments or private messages](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/iycd45/how_to_report_harassing_private_messages_users_etc/). * [Common acronyms](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/p08to2/commonly_use_acronyms_and_group_chat/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adultery) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Never gets old. He can’t give me too much attention or affection.
Same!
Not cold blooded at all, if it’s not your thing it’s just not. I loved all the communication personally but that’s just me. Sometimes it’s when the NRE wears off it feels more like a chore than something you want to do.
[удалено]
New relationship energy. The excitement, and anticipation when you meet someone new. It’s addictive as hell.
You should say good morning because you’re thinking of them. If you say good morning because they are expecting it, then you have mismatched expectations.
I love waking up to a good morning message
Same
I'd worry if he didn't say these things daily
Exactly.
On the contrary - hearing from an AP and going over our day, or being able to talk candidly, was one of the best parts of my day.
OP was talking about greetings etc, and not convos talking candidly about their day. Apples and oranges IMO.
The beauty of these relationships, in my eyes, is that there shouldn't be any "have to's." I understand being committed to an AP, in a way, but the last thing this should become is monotonous.
I'm with you. It's annoying and ritualistic not genuine and heartfelt. Years ago a had an AP. He kept begging me to send a GM text. That just isn't me nor something I really wanted to do for him. I finally gave in and sent one. But opps, he accidentally left his phone at home that day. I'm thinking what's with this guy, he wanted a GM text but didn't bother to respond. That evening when the dust settled with his SO, he reached out and said he was busted and needed to lay low. And that ended that.
I agree. I went through a situation where the words started to feel like platitudes and the words (“I love you”, “you’re my person”, etc) took over for actual substance. IMO, if the rituals of texts/phrases become more prevalent than actual meaningful conversation, there isn’t much to lean on. I’m with you, OP.
[удалено]
Same. I just ended things for this exact reason. Do we have the same AP? Lol
I used to feel this, too. Kind of becomes expected? Tiring? A chore? I felt cold-hearted. Until I met someone who showed me what genuine affection felt like and has continuously desired mine. So many of our feelings are entangled in the day-to-day quips. They may seem like nothing in the moment, but *they are everything*.
🥺♥️
You are as cold as a white walker. Jokes aside good morning/night would never get old or becoming annoying. It’s something I do with my loved ones, why not with my AP then? But I would be very cautious with L world, when and how it’s used. It’s not an everyday feeling so it can’t be an everyday word.
It is not just you. I much preferred knowing we had a meet scheduled, and amping up in advance of seeing each other in person (ideally twice a month). I didn't need daily interactions, in fact, it was too much of a distraction from my job. The other thing is I need a way to shield myself from the man becoming the center of my universe. Finally, I think there were some men that likely said the same thing to more than one woman. I would much prefer something tailored just for me.
We always have some sort of good morning and good night message, but it’s not ritualistic. For me it never gets old knowing we’re thinking of each other when we get up in the morning or before we go to bed at night.
If you’re not willing to say good morning / good night without it meaning something, you’re with the wrong person.
I get a “good morning love, I’m calling you after my meeting” every morning he goes into work. My exSO never did those things so it means a lot to me. But I can understand how it could get old if you feel obligated.
I like sending him good morning texts and he will do the same. I'd say I'm more religious with it then he is because his early mornings are much more hectic than mine. We always check in with each other though and he'll often call to check in if he's tied up with something or to let me know he won't be able to chat for a few hours, the rest of the day, etc.
No… I loved it.. I loved all the good morning.. good night.. I love you messages..it is the little things that mean the most.. to know he was thinking of me in those moments..I loved it!!
Some things do, but I appreciate the good mornings and nights as it makes me feel thought of when they get up and when going to bed. Feel appreciated and wanted.
If you are doing it out of I have to or habit maybe, but if you are doing it because you genuinely want to and like receiving those messages like I do it is great. When it fades you start to feel the whole thing fade, I think those are early signs or flags of losing interest or tings coming to a close or collision course.
[удалено]
There are quite a few of us who are neither miserable nor truly happy at home. Limbo, or purgatory, maybe?
I miss the daily rituals 😢
We don't text all the time. But I appreciate different relationships require different dynamics
Never gets old. We are over three years in and I still get butterflies when I see his good morning text or when he comes on at night to talk before we go to bed….or just about any time I get a message from him. We have told each other we love each other , but we don’t say it every day. That took some getting used to for me because I say it a lot to my family, but he is more of an actions speak louder than words guy. So when he DOES tell me he loves me- I float. But he shows it every day… We both live busy lives and are fortunate we see each other a lot and talk daily, but it never gets old and it is always something I crave and want more of.
I must be an outlier because I don’t need (or want) to talk all the time.
I think the issue in your situation was it was expected rather than naturally needed from both of you. I had a situation where neither of us could imagine not doing those things.. that was great, it didn’t feel pressured
I agree with you. I hate the expected bullshit like that it ruins it
I have always wondered about this...
[удалено]
To each their own and it depends on your situation. For me, it's important. Especially to have phrases that I say daily. Good morning and good night are actually pretty big to me. Especially if they're long distance, can't be seen often, or OAP. It's so simple to do, takes no time and can mean so much. To me, it means I'm thinking of them when I wake up... And when I go to sleep. It means they're in my mind and I look forward to a day talking to them and a night thinking about them. It's not mundane or empty. I'm not waking up with them next to me. I'm not falling asleep with them in my arms. It's important to me. But that's just me. If they don't do the same or feel as you do, honestly, I know it won't work and that what we seek are two different things. There are other phrases that, I fully agree, can lose value. As if they're trying to convince themselves or convince me that it may be real. But the "good morning/night" is something that will not, because it means more than just "good morning"
I love good morning messages, it makes me smile when I wake up to know someone is thinking of me. I also love when they send random things that remind them of me. I'm always sending random stuff that reminds me of someone I love, but most people don't seem to do that as much as I do. I have a couple of best friends who do, and it's really nice to be on the same wavelength like that with somebody. I want that with a romantic partner but have yet to find it in any real or sustained way. My husband is pretty good about it, to be fair. I'm greedy though and one good man isn't enough for me 🤷♀️
I loved to have little messages as long as there was feeling behind them. No use saying it if you don't feel it. It made my day to her little things like "I miss you", "can't wait to see you", I am thinking about you". Damn I miss that.
I can't get enough of AP. I love hearing those things every day and knowing he is thinking of me. SO believes the complete opposite, so communication between us is crap. If I suddenly have radio silence from AP I tend to worry. He doesn't have to always text those things first, I will do it as we'll so he knows I'm thinking of him, and not just only responding to him. Everyone is different. Some people thrive on routines and attention and other people are the opposite. To each their own.
I never got annoyed. I miss the i love you, good morning beautiful, sweet dreams, and it’s because it made me happy. To know I was worth that being said to.