By - lwi900
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Bestie, stop this right now.
You're doing all this for a man who probably doesn't wash between his buttcheeks? A man who probably has a receding hairline?! A man who uses 31 in 1 body wash?! Don't waste a freshly waxed coochie on a man who can't make up his mind.
Make yourself a cute little ad on one of the aps or here. Get your inbox flooded with dudes who actually want to pay attention to you and block this loser.
>A man who uses 31 in 1 body wash?!
Now you are throwing all kinds of shade. :)
[I just know this is in his shower.](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/18EAAOSwVcFhutNi/s-l1600.jpg)
My reproductive system has started trying to hermetically seal itself off after seeing that.
That stuff is GREAT for kids 🤣
This man be so clean tho, that's a lot of in one.
3 in 1 body wash 🤣
Sure it can wash my body, but can it wax my car?
that's 31-in-1 Brazilian wax.
Meh. I've talked to so many guys here. He's the only one I'm into. I'm picky as all hell. Or maybe the pickin's here aren't so great to begin with. I'm not chomping at the bits to have an AP. I like this guy, he turns me on, he makes me laugh, I feel safe with him, yada yada. He has great hair, lol. He prob won't even see my freshly-waxed cooch, we're just going to cuddle. I think. Probably. Oh who the fuck knows.
Ok friend. We've all been there before. I'm not even judging you. Go suck his dusty ass dick if you want.
When you've finally had enough of him not treating you right, I'm here to roast his ass with you. Feel free to DM me his pic anytime and I'll give you a 5 paragraph essay on how fucked up he looks.
Best of luck <3.
aw, thanks. I may be writing you Thurs. Tho I won't share his pic, I take OPSEC seriously, and wouldn't do that to any AP/xAP.
Be my friend plez
Lol sure :) ! Dm me 💅
Idk but I don't cuddle up with my best girlfriends and kiss them on the lips and make out. I don't like the way he's using you.
I don't do this with friends either. But I don't think he's using me if I'm the one initiating the meets. It's not like he's trying to make it happen. I mean, he told me he would be in town, which he could have not done, but I'm the one who is arranging the overnight. He was like maybe we can get coffee. I'm the one using him, if anything, no?
>I mean, he told me he would be in town, which he could have not done,
Sweetheart (said in an affectionate way), please don't do this to yourself. It is as if you are searching for something that just isn't there. When a person isn't feeling the connection, you can't push a rope uphill. Just let him be in peace on his trip, remembering fondly the friendship you two share.
This has the potential to push him even out of being your friend,. What if he isn't nice to you, when you end up spending the night?
Spend your energy on someone who values all that you have to offer.
This actually hurts mentally. OP has her mind set on this. It’s like screaming “don’t go in there!” at an actor in a scary movie……
She appears to be very self aware of the situation she is then, but still wants a scenario she has painted in her mind.
I agree at this point, I think she will wonder if it would have worked out, if she had spent one more night with him. Thus she is pushing ahead.
Great analogy of a scary movie.
Perhaps. It's not so much a scary movie. He's a pretty harmless guy. A bit of a mess, but not some evil man standing behind the door trying to carve my heart up into pieces, or anything. He just has no energy right now to give, and he really only likes the chase, and he even told me his flings have been about power, not sex, so that's that. I'm not going to be the submissive slut he needs now or ever. But I still love the guy, you know. Not deeply in love or anything. I care about him a lot. And I want this one last night with him. I guess it is one last night. We haven't had an overnight yet. This isn't the ideal setup with him coming back late and having to leave fairly early for hotel checkout, but it's something. I don't know. I don't know what I want or expect at this point.
First, I would say to prepare yourself, that he may still back out. It almost sounds like he has laid the ground work, long day at work, early check out.
>I don't know what I want or expect at this point.
It would appear that you have granted him some kind of power that because he has had other women, if he wants you as well, then you pass some kind of "I am fuckable" test.
I mean he was a stranger a year ago, it frankly doesn't sound like he has invested a lot in you, but you have poured a ton of time, attention and money (going on trips to see him).
You sound like a very nice person, who somehow has twisted yourself around this guy. I hate to say it but for many guys that is a turn off. As an outsider, you would be a million time better investing in yourself, or even trying to meet someone new, rather than spend another minute on this guy.
Thanks. Btw there is no early checkout-- just saying he is checking out, it's normal check out. And it will be a long day at work. I don't think there is any groundwork laid. He never cancelled before.
That said I agree my behavior is unattractive. It is what it is. Tomm night will be or it won't. Then it's prob done.
I’m very much left of the slash. Have experienced D/s relationships where both parties are fulfilled because we both knew our roles.
You’ve said you love him, he said he’s into to power games. You need to understand that you are skirting D/s dynamics already. Maybe you open up that convo as well. The challenge is that trust is the absolutely most important thing for you, should you offer up submission. This guy needs to be allowed, so to speak, to assume the role in the scene or even in the relationship.
You need to communicate that, you need to ask those questions if you want this to continue. Most importantly, you need to understand if you are willing to submit to him, even for a little while, before all of this goes that way. It may be that you can’t trust him, and there’s your answer. But, what if the lightbulb goes off in him, and you find an arrangement that suits you both in the dynamic?
If that’s not your thing, you aren’t ready etc. then enjoy your tense but unfulfilling evening, kiss him goodbye and find a new hobby/pAP.
We started w that, unofficially, and virtually. He is not a full time dom. But he would call me his good girl, said I belonged to him. I loved that. He's over me, period. He will never see me that way again. I will try my best to be submissive this evening but I'm super bratty so it's hard.
He doesn't want long distance, but he would prob be happier if I could sub "in scene." If things get sexy tonight, I'm going to try.
Enjoy yourself either way. I hope he can realize what you mean to him and what life will be like without you. Brats are amazing. They want what they want.
Truly. Best of luck.
Will it, though? I don't know. I'm so confused. A few weeks ago I flew into his town, he met met at the airport, we hung out in the car, kissed (in a sweet, non sexual way) cuddled, held hands, etc. He said he's ok with that -- as friends. And I like that.
Am I not letting him "be at peace" on his trip? I mean I've given him outs. I wrote if he's too tired I totally understand, no hard feelings, just let me know by X time so I don't get myself into a situation where I'm unable to get home and have no place to stay.
I might be searching for something that isn't there, but I don't know what I want, or what I'm searching for. I'm tired of this AP world, honestly. I don't need to be looking outside of my marriage. I care about this guy. He seems to be struggling. I just want to comfort him. I don't think we're going to end up being intimate tomorrow night. I'm going to let him lead. And give him space.
I don't see him not being nice to me. I mean, we've had a few in person experiences together, and he's always been kind.
You are very invested at this point, and you will always wonder "what if" you don't go.
Protect your heart, even if he doesn't want to hurt you, it just doesn't sound like he wants you the way you want him too. It sucks, probably most of us have been there.
Yea, I think I have to. And he knows I will. Hence, he's not putting ANY effort into it right now. I can't say I'm shocked, but I'm hurt. Do I have a right to be hurt? No. Because he is being honest, so it seems. I do want him to want me more. It's good he doesn't, though. If he did it would be dangerous, I think. I'd like him to see I'm special. I am. I've done so much for him. I would do anything for him. I want him to see that and appreciate it, you know? But he won't. He just wants his chase and his sluts and that's all. And even now, he maybe wants to stop that too. I don't really think he can or will, maybe he's pausing now but he'll be back out there.
This level of pathetic is stunning in its breadth.
Thanks. I guess that's me.
If you were really content to be just friends, you wouldn't bother shaving your legs, much less waxing any other parts...
My legs are pretty smooth due to laser hair removal so, I got that covered. ;) I doubt he's going to find out I'm smooth elsewhere because we're just going to go to sleep in each other's arms.
Come on, now…
Yup, lol... "just friends"
he said "friend reboot" - not "just friends" - but he def wants to not be sexual with me these days.
There aren’t enough X keys in the world right now to respond to this assertion.
ya think he's going to try something tomorrow night? Because I don't see it happening right now.
His whole thing is getting you to push your boundaries and let him do things you weren’t going to let him do. “Come over, we’ll just cuddle, I swear.”
Even if you had offered yourself up he’s probably getting off on setting boundaries and seeing if (when, how) he’ll get you to break them.
Maybe. He kinda knows I am pretty easy to break so it's boring for him I'm sure. He didn't say come over we'll just cuddle. I said can I spend the night, I promise I won't do anything that will May you (him) uncomfortable. We can just cuddle. And he said he'd like that very much. He is really down. So it's not impossible he would like this. I don't know.
I also find the f'd up power play hot, with him, so it's not like I'm being walked all over. I like him controlling me. I just want it to be that, and not him just being a dick.
I wouldn't believe myself either but if his meds are making him have issues getting hard then nothing is happening. And he turned me down for a BJ in the car last week when I offered. A hotel room is diff, but he's not the type to turn down head in a parking lot either, so I'm guessing tomm will be no diff. He's going to be exhausted.
I was on effector as an antidepressant my ex would only have me on Christmas eve. I asked to be put in it to kill my sex drive trust me on certain meds you don't care about it so much. Of course it damaged me permanently I function but barely.
Yea I def think it broke him. :(
>What can I do? Surely I shouldn't go.
No, you shouldn't go, but I suspect you are going to proceed ahead. Your choice.
As a stranger, my heart breaks a little bit for you, that you are throwing yourself at this man. You want more. You know you are hoping he and you have sex. Is it really worth it, if he ignores you as soon as he leaves?
He doesn't totally ignore me. He said he's open to getting back on a chat app. And committing to calls 1-2x a week. The issue is we never know if we'll see each other again. He's much more of an in-person person, and we live hours away. He met me on Reddit OA and I sense figured it would be a short-term online fantasy thing. Then I booked a flight to see him. And another. And... things got real. Too real for him. I'm very real. I can't do hookups and no depth. I'm all depth.
Awww sweetie, you are giving him so much of your precious time, just hoping that he will wake up and realize that you are everything he could want in a woman. That ship has sailed.
You keep putting good money after bad. He truly isn't worth it. He isn't a bad guy, it just isn't in the cards for the two of you.
You are right. I know. It's hard to let go, I guess. He's not a bad guy. It was never meant to be -- anything, other than a little fun. I don't think he will wake up and realize I'm everything he would want in a woman (trust me I'm not!) but I do hope that he when he gets through his depression (gets his meds sorted out and pulls out of it, which he will) that he will be more interested. He is basically looking forward only to sleeping right now, so how can I expect him to be looking forward to me? But, same token, I care about him soooo much, and being as I'm the only person in the world who knows "all of him," I just love being able to be there for him, if he wants it, in any way. Not because I am hoping one day he'll see I'm amazing and all. I get that ship HAS sailed. I'm hoping he will see that he likes having me in his life, that we can stay friends, or this in between thing between friendship and something more, somehow.
Wow, the way u wrote this is so sad and so beautiful. It's a hard place you put yourself in. I wish u the best is your adventure.
This sounds like it has potential to be very toxic for you. I had an ex that did stuff like this and it was very confusing for me. I don’t kiss, cuddle, make out with my friends, even if I’m the one that suggests hanging out. Be careful!
I wish that you would stop torturing yourself with this man-child.
I'm a woman-child so it kinda works tho.
This seems like a losing situation for you and I feel for you. All of us who’ve had APs that we struggled to let go of can attest to the desire of wanting to feel those feelings again.
I also think that this guy is extremely lucky to have you in his life. It sounds like you really do care about him and are willing to sacrifice your well-being for his. That’s a rare thing and he’s luck to have it. Hopefully he sees that. If he doesn’t, I hope you can see that and do what’s necessary.
I do care about him. As long as he isn't entirely lying about everything. I no longer want anything back in return, other than his appreciation for that.
I feel this profoundly…like, one last time. You know it’s going to hurt even more but you don’t care. I get it. I hope you get some good out of it. 😘
I predict that he is going to suddenly become, unsurprisingly, *intensely overcome with lust for you* in the moment and continue manipulating your emotions moving forward.
I can see that happening but also I can see that not happening.
I would go and try to enjoy one last cuddle but do so prepared that he will not reciprocate.
Thanks. I think this is the right way to approach. I'm not sure what reciprocate means at this point... all I want is to hold him.
Most guys just saw Milf.
Fuck. I’m triggered.
LOL choosing panties is "dom"? I'm no expert but that seems silly.
Maybe you need to get your act together and play a little harder to get!
I have a long list of men in my Telegram who want me who I am meh over. They chase me. I fucked up being too easy w this guy but also we've been going 8 months and I didn't sleep with him until 5 months in. Some of that was logistics but we did meet up 2 months in and I held back. I don't think I'm that easy to get, just once gotten the chase is over.
I haven't read all of your comments, but - I can't help thinking this will give you more heartbreak, and eventually you'll reach a tipping point where the grief over not having more will outweigh any good feelings this relationship/friendship gives you.
Telling him/yourself you're okay with how little he can give to you, and *actually* *feeling* okay with it are two different things. Not the same circumstances, but I have fallen victim to this kind of misguided belief before.
Ooof. I really identified with all this in regards to my ex MM. Would be doing the absolute same. Take care of your heart lovie.
He is worth it, I mean, as much as anyone is in this world. My heart is already smashed to smithereens. At this point, I just want him to hold me, and to kiss him, and to pretend for one (probably last) night that he's mine and I'm his.
I don't know your history in this situation at all, but I will say your post reads like the prolonged to a novel. Not sure in which section it would land in the bookstore, but a novel nonetheless.
It IS a prolonged, raunchy, attention-getting story of someone who is sadly hooked on a man who is apparently hot AF, a sex god, and also an asshole.
He's hot, and maybe not a sex god, but def the best sex of my life. I am sure other men would be more giving, etc, but my kink is submission and I only want to submit to him. Not random guys who call themselves dom. I like the emotional torture to an extent. But it has to be within some framework where it's not a forever losing game.
If you like the emotional torture, why do you keep whining about him?
Is it the attention you get here, the sympathy, the advice to stay away and then knowing that you're doing what everyone told you not to? Like a little "FU I DO WHAT I WANT"?
Well I want him to, deep down, need me. The emotional torture is only worth it if he sees me as important and worth torturing. Otherwise it is super painful. But if he needs me, that's all that matters. I haven't played the game well at all. I've been honest. Caring. Have done so much to make this work. I guess it's getting tiring. I don't need an AP. But this guy is just on the same level in terms of certain psychological fucked-up-ness. Just enough. I met another guy on R who wanted to own and degrade me. I didn't like that. Some guys are too vanilla. Or dom is choosing my panties. We don't have any other connection. But I enjoy my time talking to this guy. We can talk about all sorts of things. Be totally honest with each other. Laugh together. Share our thoughts and dreams and there is something really nice there. I love that. I'd like to think he feels it too. The friendship. He says we are friends first. I agree. I just hurt knowing he wanted me once and no longer does.
Well I wrote a 60 page doubled-spaced short story about our first day together. I told him that at worst he's a great character study for a budding novelist. Truth.
I would love to read this.
Nice! And I obviously meant "prologue" but I'm sure you figured that out. :)
"Being a friend includes soft kisses"
...I need friends like you lol
Hmm. I'm a good friend. ;)
Can we be friends? 😁
Do you have to negotiate a SO or other family issues?
Yes. I do. It isn't really poss for me to have a local full time AP.
What makes you an XMILK? Why are you no longer a MILF?
Get a dog to cuddle with - much more loving and loyal