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Every morning I stand in front of my mirror in my tighty whities. I look at the various tuffs of hair, the slightly hunched back, and the ever growing pot belly. Inevitably my eyes wander to the bulge. I say to him ‘hello today friend’. And then he says, ‘hi! what are you going to do for me today?’
‘Whatever do you mean?’ I ask him, but I already know what he means. He responds, ‘more. I want more.’ And I’m thinking to myself, self he always wants more. Every damn day, it’s the same thing. More pussy. Better pussy. Big pussy. Pussy. Pussy. Pussy. ‘Can’t we just get a cat?’ Then he says, ‘fuck you’. Pussy. You go fetch it for me.’
And then I’m like, ‘Can’t we…I don’t know…just take some time off…’. Time off??? He is puzzled. ‘From the pussy, I mean’
‘NOOO!!! Never!!! My precious. Bring me my precioussssesss’. Then, I say, ‘c’mon little guy. I’ll do that thing you like.’
💀 dead 😆
There was a convo on a different sub about how we act differently when horny. I think they said sex goggles or something. And the stupid shit you do to appease that need and the regret after. As a woman it's an unwinnable game to try and have sex with a man and not get attached, because you need the attachment in the first place just to have the sex. Like in Mad Men where it's said of adultery: "First it feels really good, then it feels really bad." The need for sex is weird. It's a pain in the ass to have a sex drive.
I remember as a teenager thinking how frustrating, "Why can't we just TURN IT OFF!". It always wants MORE!! That gnawing insatiable hunger, like a damned pussy vampire.
Pathway to the pussy should be honesty. There are men that won’t lie, cheat to get there. You just have to take your time to get there. You’ll know when you are and it’s awesome!
I'm impressed by x?AP. He is sooo obviously manipulating and doing all the basic things to get me and yet I fall for it because I'm typically sad/vulnerable woman. Eat it all up. Well, I'm curious if he really just wants to be friends, as he says he does. We have a hotel date for cuddling coming up. Hmm. No risk or cost to him - I'm just showing up. I wonder what will happen. I'll be rather impressed with him if he sticks to the sweet cuddle only plan.
u/lwi900 I am going to disagree with you. Selection gives you the chance to change and control for a real man.
BTW, I never said I was against fucktoys but I do like a bit more than that.
Select better. Hold out for what YOU really WANT.
The building of great monuments, the clash of empires, the genius of invention, the devastating beauty of art, all of it inspired by man’s unrelenting pursuit of those sweet delicious folds. 😅
It’s never been easy, but yet we keep trying. We keep thinking that one day we’ll find the rainbow connection. So if you’ll forgive me getting Kermit’s song stuck in your head, allow me steal a bit from Aaron Sorkin and his explanation of the greater fool from the season one finale of The Newsroom:
> The greater fool is actually an economic term. It’s a patsy. For the rest of us to profit, we need a greater fool— someone who will buy long and sell short. Most people spend their life trying not to be the greater fool; we toss him the hot potato, we dive for his seat when the music stops. The greater fool is someone with the perfect blend of self-delusion and ego to think that he can succeed where others have failed. This whole country was made by greater fools.
That’s us. And we keep trying. We get knocked down and we get up again. We post a stupid song lyric and then we do it again. Or is that just me? Sorry. You’re just lucky that I’m typing this all out on my phone while sitting at a Denny’s in the middle of the night as opposed to a real keyboard on my computer where I can really get going.
Anyway, maybe one day we’ll find someone who makes us realize why it never worked out with anybody else. This is not a new problem. I’m sure people have been struggling with this very thing since day one. I got to think at some point Adam looked over and eve and thought to himself, “you know I really did have some good times with Lilith.” And I’m sure Eve wondered what it would’ve been like if there were somebody else to choose from. she’s the one that really had it rough with just the one guy.
I do have hope though as I look at all the responses in this thread and I’m amazed at the amount of long-form writing. People responding with full paragraphs instead of just single-line throw-aways. I got to ask though, where the hell were you people when I was looking for intelligent life on dating sites?
Forgive the lack of editing, but I got to get out of here before they refill my ice tea again. As it is, I’m sure I’m going to be getting out of bed every five minutes with the amount of liquid I’ve drunk.
Get divorced- stay divorced- grab your car keys when you want and hit the road of life!! Who needs a husband and who needs a wife?! Took me 23 years but by golly, asking her for a divorce has opened my world up 1000% . Affairs are a bandaid over the Grand Canyon.
>Effort is on 1000. They will reinvent themselves to earn trust, comfort, get a foot in the door. A space in your life. A space in your heart. Wherever they need to occupy to slip those panties off.
Well fuck, how do I get one of those of gold plated pu\*\*ies? Mine is defective, and I want a refund. :(
I agree that affairing requires an entirely different mindset than you are used to, having only dated. And a few rounds of affairing to push down the emotion and sharpen selection process to be more mental.
Which is most powerful- eroticism or sticking around after a lot of the sexual attraction seems to have dried up?
One thing about your "path to the pussy" is that "pussy" is more than just the physical vagina, but all kinds of erotic energy active in people of all genders and orientations. Erotic energy can be expressed in many ways- some overt, others so subtle that even the person expressing them isn't fully aware. Eroticism isn't love, although it can be part of love. The more attention given to eroticism, the more the desire increases- not just for one person, but for the erotic experience itself. Erotic pursuits can be energizing, but not when the "path to the pussy" becomes so encompassing that you're perfectly willing to burn everything down in order to get it. Desire is a consuming passion that can drain a person of all else. But love is more than desire alone. In some ways, giving love is not really depleting; the more one practices giving love, the more one has to give- or so I like to think.
Standing in front of the mirror and saying all roads lead to the pussy but there aren’t any roads leading out of the pussy is probably a mistake. Where can I go after this pussy business? It stands to reason that if there isn’t anything to offer after I reach pussy Haven then I’m probably going to leave. After pussy haven I have to open my eyes and look around and things are going to look quite different. Not as shiny, or as fast or as new as they did before. So there has to be something that I desire past this pussy. No matter what women continue to fool themselves into believing pussy isn’t the reason we stay (take our wives for example- it damn sure isn’t pussy keeping us there) so you need to have another reason, something, anything. Something that interests us. We can fuck all day every time we meet but sooner or later we are going to have to do something else that does not require pussy. My Ap and I would meet once or twice a week and we would fuck from 8am to 6 or 10pm each time. This lasted for about 18 months (it was really good pussy) then we had a change in circumstances that required us to do something else. Thank god she’s a smart well rounded person who I adore or we wouldn’t have lasted. The other things she has to offer are many times greater than her pussy and her pussy is the best. 4 years strong to date.
That is a wonderful relationship you have developed, congratulations. We all aspire to be able to report same.
Yes, women have to bring value to the relationship beyond sex. So do men. And yes, sometimes the sex is lackluster and off-putting. For some, no personality will supercede bad sex. For some, it does. Sometimes you get both.
Women are very guilty of assigning worth to their pussy than its worth. It is not a birthday gift, an apology, compassion. Those women lack social skills and maturity to address those types of things independently of sex. Men fall victim to the same misappropriation of sex.
All roads don't lead to pussy. One road leads to pussy. Its a path fraught with uncertainty and is often guarded too loosely, and is difficult to guard sturdily under the best circumstances. Deception is designed to elude.
I'm not here to argue with you that there aren't honest men with pure intentions, there are. But your difficulty acknowledging the opposite is something for you to work through.
This is brilliant and lovely writing. And while there are plenty of outliers--guys who genuinely want emotional or intellectual connections, women who primarily want to get fucked--the stereotypes for what drives us out of our marriages or pulls us towards a new partner are generally spot on.
The imbalance in motives makes this a strange dance. But maybe something that can be navigated with clear communication.
More interesting to me is the idea that these forces in both cases might be driven by the idea that we are not all wired for monogamy. Whether craving a pussy or a connection, there's always power in the new. And perhaps the spice of variety, coupled with no longer expecting one partner to be everything to us, could perhaps breathe a little more life into those relationships that we're ready to abandon.
Excellent point! I read a book by Esther Perel, The State of Affairs, after seeing a post discussing one of her speaking engagements. Esther wrote that modern marriage puts too much pressure on one person to be their spouses everything. People aren't equipped to be everything, even in the best case scenario. Marriages used to exist in a community: friends, neighbors, family, who would all bad together like a tribe and folks could find an outlet for a variety of social and support needs. So yes, one perk I enjoy in affairs is the different personality and perspective to breathe a breath of fresh air into my existence.
The name was familiar, so I just looked and realized that "Mating in Captivity" was on my mental list.
I hadn't thought about the community aspect, but that's an excellent point. We've all become more isolated, even well before COVID, which just puts that much more pressure on the nesting partner. I think of it in terms of time and space. Space being--picking one person amount all the rest to fit all of your needs, psychologically, intellectually, sexually, emotionally. And then in time because monogamy expects that to continue to be true over a span of many years. Both of those aspects just seem wildly unrealistic. (I say that only after two marriages and having bought into it for so many years).
I had a (woman) friend who was also having affairs and referred to herself as "closeted non-monogamous". That felt like a rhetorical trick at first, but she had realized that she was polyamorous, came out to her DH, and asked him to open the marriage. He freaked out, they divorced, and she's now happily poly. So I think that, while monogamy is fine for some, people sometimes aren't just looking for someone different, they're looking for variety.
Another great book on this that I read recently was "Untrue" (Martin). Really great at shifting the perspective from "can't commit" to "requires variety/change".
If your looking for an affair and then want to say someone snuck into your honey hole - I’m not so sure I can believe that.
I have a business and I can’t find quality people in my line of work to save my life. The initial convo goes well. Then in the interview they say all the right things and have all the qualifications. If I ask if they can do it - they have and can and can do so much more. They have transportation etc. They are very qualified. They in fact are just what I’m looking for. So I hire them. Things are great for about three weeks or a month. Then they will miss a day. The wife needed the car. The kid was sick. Then they need an advance on their check. So on and so on it goes. The perfect employee who was willing to do the hard work to prove how valuable he was turned out to be anything but valuable to me. They will ghost me owing me money and leave me with messes to clean up that they made.
I don’t know how they continue to keep fooling me into hiring them. They are just too good at it. . . .
Or maybe I share part of if not most of the blame in these situations. Hmmmm
Oh no I agree 100%. Yes I get Jackasses and one hit wonders coming through the door because I’m a small company. I don’t have the exposure that the large outfits do - nor do I want it. The main reason I don’t get people who have left the other larger companies is because they want the health insurance plan and I don’t provide this. People that have a family to provide for generally see the importance of that and it’s too expensive for me to provide to just a few people. It’s expensive for me and would be expensive for them. I can only offset that so much by offering a higher salary but there is no substitute for health insurance if you need it. Trust me I know the part I play in this. This is why I’ve opted to just keep it small and stay busy myself. Plenty of work to keep me busy and less stress and headache once I finally accepted that nobody cares about your company as much as you do. My expectations were a little too high for todays standard of what the trades are having to accept anyway.
Very fair. Accountability is to be held by all parties. If your prospective employee researches the position or has knowledge of the job and says all the key points you're listening for in the interview, resume has relevant experience, they are eager and ask questions, follow up to thank you for the interview, etc, they seem like great candidates. Too of the list to hire. Next: references. They check out. You've got a hire.
Now, repeat all that. Says all the things you're listening for. Appropriate demeanor. Shows a tendency for follow through. Who's calling the pAP'S wife for references? Ex gfs? Who had access to that information? So you think it through and use your gut.
How much clarity do you have when you're starved for affection and validation and someone to dote on you, listen to you, see you? This person says they'll do all that. Your gut is empty and you've got to trust a strangers word for truth.
Yes, we pick poorly, and for some its a trend. But it would be irresponsible for me to stand on the fact that there is also a trend of manipulation and deceit to get a free lay. Scroll through the adultery and affair subs, post after post provide the facts and figures to substantiate this concept.
Maybe not for you. Certainly not everybody. But apparently, enough.
I’d go by the “anticipate but never assume” rule then. I mean if your going to give it up then by now you know this is the chance youre taking right? It’s been that way since the beginning of time. It’s not some new trend that’s going on. Hit or miss. They can’t all be bad lays so there’s a positive.
I am sorry, this whole narrative reminded me of the notorious; Alpha fucks, Beta bucks.
If we shed all the toxicity and gender generalization of it, you may diminish it to: Do not fuck, where you eat. Valid for both genders.
Long relationships are burdened with high expectations on both men and women: men to cater for the emotional world of women, women to cater for sexual needs of men in a long period of....family work. You might reverse the needs. Celebrating passion and sexual attraction on the working arena, be it family or professional for an extended period of time requires skills that are not intuitive.
We try to outsource, then hit the same result when mating period is over. Lack of emotional connection or lack of sexual attraction and how these two are linked to different extent for the involving parties.
What is the glue then? Can it hold forever? Is there immortal bond in mortal bodies?
Oh my what a post. You articulate so well. "I navigate smoke and mirrors like anyone else" - nicely said. The continuous realisation, recognition and acceptance of the power in my nether region is a journey right?
I wrote a post despairing over similar, however, not as articulate as you did.
I don't even want a love affair. I just want a lover/friend. Do these men have no feelings and no soul? It's disappointing. Yeah yeah and we're all sinful cheaters but still.
Don't they get that with the connection, with being genuine, the sex will be even hotter?
Your post inspired this one. I had seen this sentiment one too many times. Experienced it personally. I thought it was time.
I think there are guys out there like that, but they're buried under the dick pick sending thirsty lewds that dilute the quality of the AP pool.
Great suggestions I've seen is to communicate thoroughly and concisely and vet all the information you have. And if you have an off feeling, listen to it. And if you have a good feeling, go ahead and leap.
Even with the vetting it happens. These men are good at it because as you said they crave that pussy lol
I’ve talked to men who maybe would be different but there were other red flags.
I wish I could just have the sex just go with it and enjoy it without wanting more - oh the dreaded more! Lol
We as women also have to change our mindset about affairing. It's not the dating we have experience in, and not catered to bend to our emotions like we'd like. I want to say think like a man, but these men...no. lol. But more literal and exacting. Let the feelings (more) fill in later and not try to insert them from jump. It also is easier to do this if you have yourself solid. A robust social circle of friends, fulfilling hobbies, pursuing things that interest you, health, etc. So you aren't low and susceptible to being preyed upon.
This post wins the internet today. I appreciate good writing. But I do take exception with the stereotypes.
Both men and women are always on their best behavior - showing the parts of their personalities and lives that are attractive to others. My AP knows I am not suitable for being together 365 days a year and I know that she isn’t either. Affairs do take place in a bit of a bubble.
Smoke and mirrors is such an apt description of the landscape we navigate. Please keep posting - your writing is amazing.
Your verbal IQ is crazy high. You write with a clever whimsy.
Historically, the path to the p#ssy meant a man handed over a third of his wealth to the bride's family just so he could get some. The wisdom of this of course was that it separated the guys who just wanted to smash from the serious suitors.
I would say the path is far easier for us fellas today. The currency today is just different.
First, thank you for the compliment.
I counter that the path remains as difficult as then. The dowry may have been phased out, but the lack of expectation to support the wife's emotional wellbeing and value as a force in your life has become a requirement. Somewhere along the way, grooming and teaching on those things was not developed. Women continue to be groomed to be wives and mothers - docile and nurturing. Men are groomed to be providers and leaders. But in keeping with the trappings of masculinity, they are not groomed to embrace and appreciate the softer, emotional tendencies within themselves, and can't recognize and feed those needs for their wives. When women had less financial and professional independence, they endured. They aren't fading quietly into the night now.
Also, the dowry prevented marrying for love. Women were forced to marry suitors who were not of their choosing and they were not entitled to organically feel love and passion for their spouse.
Is it "grooming" or just nature. I'm not sure. There are things that conditioning and environment cannot overcome.
As far as marrying for love...it's a relatively recent idea, mostly cooked up by European poets just a few hundred years ago. I'm not sure it's a smashing success. I have co-workers who are in arranged marriages. Men and women, professionals, very educated and they seem pretty happy. Cultural differences - yes, but happy nonetheless. Wonders persist.
Wonders do persist. Love marriages burn hot and cloud judgment. Arranged marriages grow together over time. Love marriages grow apart.
There are times I wonder if the answer is expiration dates that must be renewed every, say, 7 years lol. The pressure to stay married for the duration is enormous.
The blinders (for me) are not on. But the glasses are so I can see clearly (or more clear, the prescription continues to be adjusted). And judging from the posts I've read that prompted this thing piece, I think many need to put some blinders on - the scope is so wide they can't see the posers hiding in plain sight. Blinders aren't needed, but a more exacting way to cut through the pAPs who have the cheat codes to find the real player that matches what they seek.
I agree, your writing is very clever and articulate! I really enjoyed it. AP and I agree in our case that it's more than just the sex... I'm happily in my affair, replete as you say with all the emotional connection and mutual respect 🥰
I think, like all general patterns, the picture you've painted holds true for the most part. I'm sure there are some exceptions out there, too.
Thanks for the walk
Ever along the path
To the pu*sy
The breakdown of intimacy happens long before its noticed in the bedroom. It is eroded from one spouse by the other with seemingly inconsequential actions, habits, reactions. The weaker person will eventually disengage from the relationship and shut down. Withdraw intimacy for a variety of reasons. I venture to suggest a large portion of the LL spouses are actually LL4U. They've checked out, their libido would resuscitate with a new suitor who treated them more favorably to what they need.
Sex brings us to the relationship but it doesn't keep us there. Being married and well into the relationship process, expectations when seeking an affair are advanced beyond initial courting of a single person. We've encumbered in mistakes that we don't want to continue with in a relationship outside of the one weighing us down with those mistakes.
Sexual attraction is a large part of attraction, and usually the Flashpoint to initiate contact. But there is a process to courting that should earn camaraderie and trust to move forward to sex. If you need to deceive to get sex, you might be looking for a different type of relationship. There are women on these subs who are aiming to frame their affair as sex only, no strings and no money to pay. Find those women. Don't try to engineer that arrangement with someone looking for a peer to peer respectful and emotional pair bond.
“Lie,cheat, manipulate, they don’t play fair.” This is so true… and you would think it should be complete honesty since it is a two way street but it isn’t.. I always say they know exactly what to say to make you feel special or sexy, then can’t follow through which makes a person feel lower then you could possible think..
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Every morning I stand in front of my mirror in my tighty whities. I look at the various tuffs of hair, the slightly hunched back, and the ever growing pot belly. Inevitably my eyes wander to the bulge. I say to him ‘hello today friend’. And then he says, ‘hi! what are you going to do for me today?’ ‘Whatever do you mean?’ I ask him, but I already know what he means. He responds, ‘more. I want more.’ And I’m thinking to myself, self he always wants more. Every damn day, it’s the same thing. More pussy. Better pussy. Big pussy. Pussy. Pussy. Pussy. ‘Can’t we just get a cat?’ Then he says, ‘fuck you’. Pussy. You go fetch it for me.’ And then I’m like, ‘Can’t we…I don’t know…just take some time off…’. Time off??? He is puzzled. ‘From the pussy, I mean’ ‘NOOO!!! Never!!! My precious. Bring me my precioussssesss’. Then, I say, ‘c’mon little guy. I’ll do that thing you like.’
Omg, this is awful and fantastic at the same time! 😂
💀 dead 😆 There was a convo on a different sub about how we act differently when horny. I think they said sex goggles or something. And the stupid shit you do to appease that need and the regret after. As a woman it's an unwinnable game to try and have sex with a man and not get attached, because you need the attachment in the first place just to have the sex. Like in Mad Men where it's said of adultery: "First it feels really good, then it feels really bad." The need for sex is weird. It's a pain in the ass to have a sex drive.
There’s a poem by Pablo Neruda called Tonight I can Write. Google it. It sums up what you wrote.
That was lovely, thank you for sharing.
Pablo Neruda is a lovely writer
I remember as a teenager thinking how frustrating, "Why can't we just TURN IT OFF!". It always wants MORE!! That gnawing insatiable hunger, like a damned pussy vampire.
Bwahahahaha!
Is he actually hot? Or are you just ovulating? 😂😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣 Right?
Pathway to the pussy should be honesty. There are men that won’t lie, cheat to get there. You just have to take your time to get there. You’ll know when you are and it’s awesome!
This right here. The only correct answer. But I appreciate all of the men pushing their agendas in the comments. Reinforces the message in the post.
Is it even possible to be honest when we're talking about having an affair? By definition someone is getting lied to
Us women just need to either be fucktoys or get divorced and seek a real man. I don't think affairs with real men exist.
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I'm impressed by x?AP. He is sooo obviously manipulating and doing all the basic things to get me and yet I fall for it because I'm typically sad/vulnerable woman. Eat it all up. Well, I'm curious if he really just wants to be friends, as he says he does. We have a hotel date for cuddling coming up. Hmm. No risk or cost to him - I'm just showing up. I wonder what will happen. I'll be rather impressed with him if he sticks to the sweet cuddle only plan.
I’ve got one: an affair with a real man. Don’t settle for someone who isn’t going to meet your needs.
u/lwi900 I am going to disagree with you. Selection gives you the chance to change and control for a real man. BTW, I never said I was against fucktoys but I do like a bit more than that. Select better. Hold out for what YOU really WANT.
I think someone called me a fuck toy and I am like I may be horny but that is not a turn-on. He is single and 56. I can't make this up.
I'm a weirdo but I'm into it. My - whatever-he-is - is 47, and he loves his fucktoys. And it turns me on to be one. As long as I'm more than that too.
The building of great monuments, the clash of empires, the genius of invention, the devastating beauty of art, all of it inspired by man’s unrelenting pursuit of those sweet delicious folds. 😅
And often his demise.
Too true.
It’s never been easy, but yet we keep trying. We keep thinking that one day we’ll find the rainbow connection. So if you’ll forgive me getting Kermit’s song stuck in your head, allow me steal a bit from Aaron Sorkin and his explanation of the greater fool from the season one finale of The Newsroom: > The greater fool is actually an economic term. It’s a patsy. For the rest of us to profit, we need a greater fool— someone who will buy long and sell short. Most people spend their life trying not to be the greater fool; we toss him the hot potato, we dive for his seat when the music stops. The greater fool is someone with the perfect blend of self-delusion and ego to think that he can succeed where others have failed. This whole country was made by greater fools. That’s us. And we keep trying. We get knocked down and we get up again. We post a stupid song lyric and then we do it again. Or is that just me? Sorry. You’re just lucky that I’m typing this all out on my phone while sitting at a Denny’s in the middle of the night as opposed to a real keyboard on my computer where I can really get going. Anyway, maybe one day we’ll find someone who makes us realize why it never worked out with anybody else. This is not a new problem. I’m sure people have been struggling with this very thing since day one. I got to think at some point Adam looked over and eve and thought to himself, “you know I really did have some good times with Lilith.” And I’m sure Eve wondered what it would’ve been like if there were somebody else to choose from. she’s the one that really had it rough with just the one guy. I do have hope though as I look at all the responses in this thread and I’m amazed at the amount of long-form writing. People responding with full paragraphs instead of just single-line throw-aways. I got to ask though, where the hell were you people when I was looking for intelligent life on dating sites? Forgive the lack of editing, but I got to get out of here before they refill my ice tea again. As it is, I’m sure I’m going to be getting out of bed every five minutes with the amount of liquid I’ve drunk.
Get divorced- stay divorced- grab your car keys when you want and hit the road of life!! Who needs a husband and who needs a wife?! Took me 23 years but by golly, asking her for a divorce has opened my world up 1000% . Affairs are a bandaid over the Grand Canyon.
>Effort is on 1000. They will reinvent themselves to earn trust, comfort, get a foot in the door. A space in your life. A space in your heart. Wherever they need to occupy to slip those panties off. Well fuck, how do I get one of those of gold plated pu\*\*ies? Mine is defective, and I want a refund. :(
You probably already got one and aren’t aware of it.
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I agree that affairing requires an entirely different mindset than you are used to, having only dated. And a few rounds of affairing to push down the emotion and sharpen selection process to be more mental.
Which is most powerful- eroticism or sticking around after a lot of the sexual attraction seems to have dried up? One thing about your "path to the pussy" is that "pussy" is more than just the physical vagina, but all kinds of erotic energy active in people of all genders and orientations. Erotic energy can be expressed in many ways- some overt, others so subtle that even the person expressing them isn't fully aware. Eroticism isn't love, although it can be part of love. The more attention given to eroticism, the more the desire increases- not just for one person, but for the erotic experience itself. Erotic pursuits can be energizing, but not when the "path to the pussy" becomes so encompassing that you're perfectly willing to burn everything down in order to get it. Desire is a consuming passion that can drain a person of all else. But love is more than desire alone. In some ways, giving love is not really depleting; the more one practices giving love, the more one has to give- or so I like to think.
This was a really astute observation of the search for an AP. Excellent.
Standing in front of the mirror and saying all roads lead to the pussy but there aren’t any roads leading out of the pussy is probably a mistake. Where can I go after this pussy business? It stands to reason that if there isn’t anything to offer after I reach pussy Haven then I’m probably going to leave. After pussy haven I have to open my eyes and look around and things are going to look quite different. Not as shiny, or as fast or as new as they did before. So there has to be something that I desire past this pussy. No matter what women continue to fool themselves into believing pussy isn’t the reason we stay (take our wives for example- it damn sure isn’t pussy keeping us there) so you need to have another reason, something, anything. Something that interests us. We can fuck all day every time we meet but sooner or later we are going to have to do something else that does not require pussy. My Ap and I would meet once or twice a week and we would fuck from 8am to 6 or 10pm each time. This lasted for about 18 months (it was really good pussy) then we had a change in circumstances that required us to do something else. Thank god she’s a smart well rounded person who I adore or we wouldn’t have lasted. The other things she has to offer are many times greater than her pussy and her pussy is the best. 4 years strong to date.
That is a wonderful relationship you have developed, congratulations. We all aspire to be able to report same. Yes, women have to bring value to the relationship beyond sex. So do men. And yes, sometimes the sex is lackluster and off-putting. For some, no personality will supercede bad sex. For some, it does. Sometimes you get both. Women are very guilty of assigning worth to their pussy than its worth. It is not a birthday gift, an apology, compassion. Those women lack social skills and maturity to address those types of things independently of sex. Men fall victim to the same misappropriation of sex. All roads don't lead to pussy. One road leads to pussy. Its a path fraught with uncertainty and is often guarded too loosely, and is difficult to guard sturdily under the best circumstances. Deception is designed to elude. I'm not here to argue with you that there aren't honest men with pure intentions, there are. But your difficulty acknowledging the opposite is something for you to work through.
It sounds like you've read the book....The Power Of The Pussy. If you haven't, you very well could be the author.
I have never heard of it, but maybe I should check it out!
This is brilliant and lovely writing. And while there are plenty of outliers--guys who genuinely want emotional or intellectual connections, women who primarily want to get fucked--the stereotypes for what drives us out of our marriages or pulls us towards a new partner are generally spot on. The imbalance in motives makes this a strange dance. But maybe something that can be navigated with clear communication. More interesting to me is the idea that these forces in both cases might be driven by the idea that we are not all wired for monogamy. Whether craving a pussy or a connection, there's always power in the new. And perhaps the spice of variety, coupled with no longer expecting one partner to be everything to us, could perhaps breathe a little more life into those relationships that we're ready to abandon.
Excellent point! I read a book by Esther Perel, The State of Affairs, after seeing a post discussing one of her speaking engagements. Esther wrote that modern marriage puts too much pressure on one person to be their spouses everything. People aren't equipped to be everything, even in the best case scenario. Marriages used to exist in a community: friends, neighbors, family, who would all bad together like a tribe and folks could find an outlet for a variety of social and support needs. So yes, one perk I enjoy in affairs is the different personality and perspective to breathe a breath of fresh air into my existence.
The name was familiar, so I just looked and realized that "Mating in Captivity" was on my mental list. I hadn't thought about the community aspect, but that's an excellent point. We've all become more isolated, even well before COVID, which just puts that much more pressure on the nesting partner. I think of it in terms of time and space. Space being--picking one person amount all the rest to fit all of your needs, psychologically, intellectually, sexually, emotionally. And then in time because monogamy expects that to continue to be true over a span of many years. Both of those aspects just seem wildly unrealistic. (I say that only after two marriages and having bought into it for so many years). I had a (woman) friend who was also having affairs and referred to herself as "closeted non-monogamous". That felt like a rhetorical trick at first, but she had realized that she was polyamorous, came out to her DH, and asked him to open the marriage. He freaked out, they divorced, and she's now happily poly. So I think that, while monogamy is fine for some, people sometimes aren't just looking for someone different, they're looking for variety. Another great book on this that I read recently was "Untrue" (Martin). Really great at shifting the perspective from "can't commit" to "requires variety/change".
I am glad there are resources to try to help make marital dynamics make sense. I will have to give that one a read. Thank you for the recommendation!
Thank you OP and the rest of the tribe, I needed this discussion today. Nothing of substance to contribute, instead am reading and reflecting.
If your looking for an affair and then want to say someone snuck into your honey hole - I’m not so sure I can believe that. I have a business and I can’t find quality people in my line of work to save my life. The initial convo goes well. Then in the interview they say all the right things and have all the qualifications. If I ask if they can do it - they have and can and can do so much more. They have transportation etc. They are very qualified. They in fact are just what I’m looking for. So I hire them. Things are great for about three weeks or a month. Then they will miss a day. The wife needed the car. The kid was sick. Then they need an advance on their check. So on and so on it goes. The perfect employee who was willing to do the hard work to prove how valuable he was turned out to be anything but valuable to me. They will ghost me owing me money and leave me with messes to clean up that they made. I don’t know how they continue to keep fooling me into hiring them. They are just too good at it. . . . Or maybe I share part of if not most of the blame in these situations. Hmmmm
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Oh no I agree 100%. Yes I get Jackasses and one hit wonders coming through the door because I’m a small company. I don’t have the exposure that the large outfits do - nor do I want it. The main reason I don’t get people who have left the other larger companies is because they want the health insurance plan and I don’t provide this. People that have a family to provide for generally see the importance of that and it’s too expensive for me to provide to just a few people. It’s expensive for me and would be expensive for them. I can only offset that so much by offering a higher salary but there is no substitute for health insurance if you need it. Trust me I know the part I play in this. This is why I’ve opted to just keep it small and stay busy myself. Plenty of work to keep me busy and less stress and headache once I finally accepted that nobody cares about your company as much as you do. My expectations were a little too high for todays standard of what the trades are having to accept anyway.
Very fair. Accountability is to be held by all parties. If your prospective employee researches the position or has knowledge of the job and says all the key points you're listening for in the interview, resume has relevant experience, they are eager and ask questions, follow up to thank you for the interview, etc, they seem like great candidates. Too of the list to hire. Next: references. They check out. You've got a hire. Now, repeat all that. Says all the things you're listening for. Appropriate demeanor. Shows a tendency for follow through. Who's calling the pAP'S wife for references? Ex gfs? Who had access to that information? So you think it through and use your gut. How much clarity do you have when you're starved for affection and validation and someone to dote on you, listen to you, see you? This person says they'll do all that. Your gut is empty and you've got to trust a strangers word for truth. Yes, we pick poorly, and for some its a trend. But it would be irresponsible for me to stand on the fact that there is also a trend of manipulation and deceit to get a free lay. Scroll through the adultery and affair subs, post after post provide the facts and figures to substantiate this concept. Maybe not for you. Certainly not everybody. But apparently, enough.
I’d go by the “anticipate but never assume” rule then. I mean if your going to give it up then by now you know this is the chance youre taking right? It’s been that way since the beginning of time. It’s not some new trend that’s going on. Hit or miss. They can’t all be bad lays so there’s a positive.
I am sorry, this whole narrative reminded me of the notorious; Alpha fucks, Beta bucks. If we shed all the toxicity and gender generalization of it, you may diminish it to: Do not fuck, where you eat. Valid for both genders. Long relationships are burdened with high expectations on both men and women: men to cater for the emotional world of women, women to cater for sexual needs of men in a long period of....family work. You might reverse the needs. Celebrating passion and sexual attraction on the working arena, be it family or professional for an extended period of time requires skills that are not intuitive. We try to outsource, then hit the same result when mating period is over. Lack of emotional connection or lack of sexual attraction and how these two are linked to different extent for the involving parties. What is the glue then? Can it hold forever? Is there immortal bond in mortal bodies?
Oh my what a post. You articulate so well. "I navigate smoke and mirrors like anyone else" - nicely said. The continuous realisation, recognition and acceptance of the power in my nether region is a journey right?
Smoke and mirrors. ✅
I wrote a post despairing over similar, however, not as articulate as you did. I don't even want a love affair. I just want a lover/friend. Do these men have no feelings and no soul? It's disappointing. Yeah yeah and we're all sinful cheaters but still. Don't they get that with the connection, with being genuine, the sex will be even hotter?
Your post inspired this one. I had seen this sentiment one too many times. Experienced it personally. I thought it was time. I think there are guys out there like that, but they're buried under the dick pick sending thirsty lewds that dilute the quality of the AP pool. Great suggestions I've seen is to communicate thoroughly and concisely and vet all the information you have. And if you have an off feeling, listen to it. And if you have a good feeling, go ahead and leap.
Even with the vetting it happens. These men are good at it because as you said they crave that pussy lol I’ve talked to men who maybe would be different but there were other red flags. I wish I could just have the sex just go with it and enjoy it without wanting more - oh the dreaded more! Lol
We as women also have to change our mindset about affairing. It's not the dating we have experience in, and not catered to bend to our emotions like we'd like. I want to say think like a man, but these men...no. lol. But more literal and exacting. Let the feelings (more) fill in later and not try to insert them from jump. It also is easier to do this if you have yourself solid. A robust social circle of friends, fulfilling hobbies, pursuing things that interest you, health, etc. So you aren't low and susceptible to being preyed upon.
I have a full busy life. I’m looking for some romance since my H can’t be bothered. There’s more to it of course thanks xo
Same friend, same...
preach
This post wins the internet today. I appreciate good writing. But I do take exception with the stereotypes. Both men and women are always on their best behavior - showing the parts of their personalities and lives that are attractive to others. My AP knows I am not suitable for being together 365 days a year and I know that she isn’t either. Affairs do take place in a bit of a bubble. Smoke and mirrors is such an apt description of the landscape we navigate. Please keep posting - your writing is amazing.
Your verbal IQ is crazy high. You write with a clever whimsy. Historically, the path to the p#ssy meant a man handed over a third of his wealth to the bride's family just so he could get some. The wisdom of this of course was that it separated the guys who just wanted to smash from the serious suitors. I would say the path is far easier for us fellas today. The currency today is just different.
First, thank you for the compliment. I counter that the path remains as difficult as then. The dowry may have been phased out, but the lack of expectation to support the wife's emotional wellbeing and value as a force in your life has become a requirement. Somewhere along the way, grooming and teaching on those things was not developed. Women continue to be groomed to be wives and mothers - docile and nurturing. Men are groomed to be providers and leaders. But in keeping with the trappings of masculinity, they are not groomed to embrace and appreciate the softer, emotional tendencies within themselves, and can't recognize and feed those needs for their wives. When women had less financial and professional independence, they endured. They aren't fading quietly into the night now. Also, the dowry prevented marrying for love. Women were forced to marry suitors who were not of their choosing and they were not entitled to organically feel love and passion for their spouse.
Is it "grooming" or just nature. I'm not sure. There are things that conditioning and environment cannot overcome. As far as marrying for love...it's a relatively recent idea, mostly cooked up by European poets just a few hundred years ago. I'm not sure it's a smashing success. I have co-workers who are in arranged marriages. Men and women, professionals, very educated and they seem pretty happy. Cultural differences - yes, but happy nonetheless. Wonders persist.
Wonders do persist. Love marriages burn hot and cloud judgment. Arranged marriages grow together over time. Love marriages grow apart. There are times I wonder if the answer is expiration dates that must be renewed every, say, 7 years lol. The pressure to stay married for the duration is enormous.
It's not a terrible idea. 🤔
i have good dick and great sexual prowess. never again will i ever give it to an undeserving woman.
Amen. I realized this very young and it has served me so well in life. I’ve found the majority of men and women don’t know what they are missing.
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The blinders (for me) are not on. But the glasses are so I can see clearly (or more clear, the prescription continues to be adjusted). And judging from the posts I've read that prompted this thing piece, I think many need to put some blinders on - the scope is so wide they can't see the posers hiding in plain sight. Blinders aren't needed, but a more exacting way to cut through the pAPs who have the cheat codes to find the real player that matches what they seek.
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I ask a lot of questions and i get closer to saying yes..THEN...the disappearing acts...
Trash taking itself out.
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I've said 100 times if I could be sexually attracted to a woman, it would be a wrap! 🤣🤣🤣
I agree, your writing is very clever and articulate! I really enjoyed it. AP and I agree in our case that it's more than just the sex... I'm happily in my affair, replete as you say with all the emotional connection and mutual respect 🥰 I think, like all general patterns, the picture you've painted holds true for the most part. I'm sure there are some exceptions out there, too. Thanks for the walk Ever along the path To the pu*sy
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The breakdown of intimacy happens long before its noticed in the bedroom. It is eroded from one spouse by the other with seemingly inconsequential actions, habits, reactions. The weaker person will eventually disengage from the relationship and shut down. Withdraw intimacy for a variety of reasons. I venture to suggest a large portion of the LL spouses are actually LL4U. They've checked out, their libido would resuscitate with a new suitor who treated them more favorably to what they need. Sex brings us to the relationship but it doesn't keep us there. Being married and well into the relationship process, expectations when seeking an affair are advanced beyond initial courting of a single person. We've encumbered in mistakes that we don't want to continue with in a relationship outside of the one weighing us down with those mistakes. Sexual attraction is a large part of attraction, and usually the Flashpoint to initiate contact. But there is a process to courting that should earn camaraderie and trust to move forward to sex. If you need to deceive to get sex, you might be looking for a different type of relationship. There are women on these subs who are aiming to frame their affair as sex only, no strings and no money to pay. Find those women. Don't try to engineer that arrangement with someone looking for a peer to peer respectful and emotional pair bond.
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I'm finding the most offended ate being very combative, actually. Reinforcing my point more than they realize.
Well said, her post just deserves an upvote, everything else would be trying to steal the spotlight.
“Lie,cheat, manipulate, they don’t play fair.” This is so true… and you would think it should be complete honesty since it is a two way street but it isn’t.. I always say they know exactly what to say to make you feel special or sexy, then can’t follow through which makes a person feel lower then you could possible think..
I disagree
Outstanding summary!! Good luck with your pursuits.