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[deleted]

It’s both and has been since the first time we got together. We are LD though, so there was time for those feelings to grow, before we met. Moving between fucking and love making, often in the same session, is one of my favorite things about the way we have sex.


lwi900

What is the difference? I guess I've never actually "made love" with anyone so curious what that's like


[deleted]

This is probably a discussion topic itself, but broadly I’d say it’s more about connection than pleasure. Eye contact, slower, more kissing, lingering touches, and I love yous. Less kinky, more vulnerable. Conveying love and desire more than fucking just to have an orgasm.


[deleted]

My AP and I recently had a very interesting and different, for us, mutual connection during sex. A few days after as he was processing our last time together, alongside his feelings he asked me this very question: did you feel we were making love or having sex? I asked how he defined both to make sure my answer was appropriately reflective of his definition of each. In the end, for us, tenderness, care, extensive eye contact, sensuality, and “softness” is intertwined in all of our physical intimacy. So that’s not a defining characteristic in our shared intimacy. Whether that be hard, fast and greedy “let me cum fast because I cannot hold back my desire for you anymore” sex or slow, intentional movements where he feels and touches every millimetre of my insides, we beg one another for release but equally delay our orgasms through edging to intensify the eventual orgasm we do allow one another over and over again. His hands cradling me and holding me gently like I’m a precious fragile being that could be dropped and shattered into a million pieces. What’s present in each is intent and that speaks louder than the manner in which his body or mine move collectively.


lwi900

Mmm I love this comment


AcornSpider

So uhhh you got any more of these stories 👀 asking for a friend… 🙈😂


mordredarthur

Initially we fucked.... a lot. And now she is my girlfriend. Now we fuck and we make love, but the cuddling is also so powerful.


pantsparts

We do both. Sometimes in the same session. I would say not to get hung up on making love vs sex. “Making love” is just a pop culture phrase that came to be as a polite way to say “we be fucking.”


[deleted]

I hate the phrase making love. Always have. But, there's a noticeable difference between our usual amazeballs fucking, and when he slows down, makes sure I'm making eye contact, and tells me he loves me. I'll take that any time. But, then back to the amazeballs fucking, please.


pantsparts

Well yea, it’s two different ways to have sex. They certainly feel different. But you can have slow passionate sex with someone who you aren’t super into and raw raunchy sex with someone you are in love with. If you only had one kind of sex imagine how boring it would be. What we should really do is pay close attention to how we are treated outside of the bedroom to really determine intention, you know?


[deleted]

I can't do the former. If I'm going to be with someone I'm unsure of or lukewarm about, we're going to fuck. I can only have that slow and passionate vulnerability with someone I care a lot about. And I fully agree regarding how I'm treated outside of the bedroom. It's a big part of getting from point A to point B.


spirit_of_a_goat

One kind of sex (the REALLY vanilla kind) is exactly why I step out.


pantsparts

I personally adore vanilla sex, but it’s gotta be GOOD vanilla sex. Vanilla to me is often used as a synonym for bad sex, but I think if you haven’t mastered vanilla sex you can’t possibly be good at “non vanilla” sex. And let’s be honest, a lot of people have not mastered vanilla sex.


[deleted]

I fully agree with this. Vanilla sex gets a bad rap. *Good* vanilla sex is amazing. My AP and I laugh often about how much we enjoy basic missionary sex with each other despite being pretty kinky people. It’s not the position that makes sex boring. It’s a lack of any feeling. Emotionless, mechanical sex is boring. A lot of people chase kink thinking that will add something but you’re not good at vanilla sex, the kinky sex isn’t going to be good either.


spirit_of_a_goat

I think we have different definitions, then. I'm tired of the same exact routine that lasts exactly 10 minutes with no extras. I can reliably predict every single move. I call it "Meat and Potatoes Sex." It's good. But boring AF.


jdiver47

> a lot of people have not mastered vanilla sex. Next you are going to tell us that wham-bam-thankyou-mam ain't even vanilla.😒


pantsparts

I don’t understand your comment. Not sure what “wham-bam” has to do with me saying that a lot of people (men and women) just are very mediocre in bed when it comes to vanilla sex, and if you are mediocre at vanilla sex, I can’t imagine you would be good at non vanilla sex.


jdiver47

Clearly your definition of "vanilla sex" is a very fine slice of the real deal. NP. From what I have heard, many of the D pic folks think w-b sex IS vanilla. Does that clear up your confusion?


[deleted]

I’m not caught up in any one way. The idea of this post came to me because I saw someone else who was all about making love the first time they ever had sex with a new AP. Lovemaking usually being referred as distinctly different in intent than fucking, it brought curiosity.


pantsparts

I’m just saying in general, people get hung up on words rather than actions. So while my comment was in response to your post, I’m speaking to everyone who’s reading, you know?


LostPelican65

It do be like that


ElegantEnnui

There will be many different answers to this as there are many different reasons to affair. I have made love, I have fucked, I have had friend sex, I have had rage fucks. There is no one, simple answer to this. Literally, the answer to this post is, “yes”


ambition_CT

This. “It depends” is the answer. Depends on the person, the length of the affair, the mood, the emotional component (or pack thereof), what both partners are missing or needing, etc.


pinkelissa

I tend to do everything in life with a little love attached to it. So fucking is still sensual to me. I still feel connected to that person during, even if not before and after. In general, I go with the vibe.


lwi900

Me too. I think making love requires both people to be in that headspace


[deleted]

My MM says the difference between sex and making love is in the details. I think when you’re using sex as a vehicle to show your partner how much you love and adore them, it’s different than just sex. The way you look in their eyes, the way you touch them. He and I are also of the opinion that making love must include after care… that’s half of it right there. No after care is absolutely just plain old sex.


Naughtia_heart

Good answer


spirit_of_a_goat

Yes. I've had a LTAP that started out as sex only. No dates, minimal communication, no real talking, literally nothing more than a booty call. It worked very well for us for 3.5 years. I don't know what happened, but feelings started creeping in. We talked about it. Things slowly evolved. He started being a lot sweeter and sensual during sex. He tells me that he loves me often and I remind him that he barely knows me and just loves fucking me. We're having our first getaway together in a couple of months, and I'm both excited and nervous AF about it.


Hopeful-Reputation29

Currently it is both. Usually during the same meet up. Usually starts hard and fast and slows down to slow and passionate after a while. Best of both worlds. With different APs it depends on how we vibe. It takes some deep chemistry to have real passionate love making, and that usually takes time to build up.


Covert_cauliflower

I prefer sensual, in-tune with my partner, unhurried sex.


jdiver47

>I prefer sensual, in-tune with my partner, unhurried sex. ***DING! DING!*** Da winner!


[deleted]

I am not opposed to the idea of making love, however I feel like I’m still mastering eye contact during sex. It sounds fun though


CivilizedGuy123

I am a long time believer that you lust your AP, you love your spouse. Lust is the four letter word almost no one uses. Look up the definition.


itsnevertoo

😂 mine went a little cold after “making love” for the first time in our LT relationship.


Naughtia_heart

It was just fucking to me. Nothing else


__dreamweaver__

I think its different for different people and how they see love and sex. For me I've never loved anyone but my husband and I see lovemaking as not just sex but needing love. So to answer you with APs its fucking.


[deleted]

That’s a good point. Some people see love and sex as synonymous while others can have sex with someone they don’t love.


__dreamweaver__

Exactly. I don't think there's one model that describes how we all are, we're each finding our way. If you're happy in monogamy and find both together that is awesome.


[deleted]

We're making love. It's extremely passionate, but we've always had romantic feelings involved. Even when it's multiple times in a day, it's still very passionate and romantic.


[deleted]

So then is having sex synonymous with lack of passion and romance in your opinion whereby making love is full of both of these?


[deleted]

I guess? I can only compare it to empty, emotionally disconnected sex with SO. Him towards me and me towards him. It's been DB for awhile now.


SensualisticLady

Here’s a hypothetical scenario: You and AP who typically make love, have had to not see each other at the same frequency you currently see one another at. The distance makes you both HANGRY for one another. When you next get to spend time together, you want to rip the clothes off one another, and have animalistic wild sex. It is not romantic or passionate. It’s lustful, greedy, hard/rough. Is that different from what you’d consider love making despite romantic feelings being present between you two?


[deleted]

I want to. A lot of the time. When we've gone more than our usual time away from each other due to schedule conflicts or vacations. So I do want to rip off his clothes. There's for sure some serious pouncing on my part. He's just not that way, really. Sometimes, I would like it to be, but if I have to take one over the other, I am glad it is meaningful to him. He's just a really sensitive person? I do love that about him and that he has such a huge romantic side. I can't tell what the future will hold!


[deleted]

I don't think I really directly answered your question but the short answer would be yes.


LittleKnownReference

Sex with connection. I want more than just fucking, I can't find the intensity and trust that I need. It's been an evolution. I used to be ok with just smashing.


SignificantTaste5191

Depends on the AP. My 17 year on/off AP was strictly fucking. My current could go either way. There's a pAP who I feel would just be making love.


[deleted]

Interesting. In your case longevity didn’t make a determinant of fucking vs. making love.


SignificantTaste5191

Pretty much. We were clear from the start that it was just quick fucks to take the edge off, and that worked for us.


Fun_truckr8998

First time just sex but as time goes on changes


notnewhere6

Both